What is Domestic Violence? about domination, power, and control. ƒ They are often late, take frequent ƒ You seem so unhappy. Do you want Domestic violence is a pattern of If a batterer feels like they are losing breaks to check-in with their partner, to talk about it? I would like to abusive behavior that is used by one control because the victim leaves the are absent from work regularly, or listen, and I will keep it between us. intimate partner to gain dominance, relationship, they may increase their use had to quit their job because of their ƒ I overheard you and your partner power, and control over the other of violence or force. Contact your local partner arguing last night, and I was worried domestic and sexual violence program about you. Are you okay? Were you partner. It includes the use of illegal Getting Started behaviors (like physical or sexual to learn about safety planning (see hurt? The hardest part in talking about violence), and legal behaviors (like Advocate Response). ƒ What is it like for you at home? domestic violence with someone you controlling what the victim does or The following are some red flags that What does a typical day look like care about is getting started. They may playing mind games to make the victim someone may be experiencing domestic for you? want to share their story or they may think they are crazy). violence in their relationship: ƒ What happens when you and your not. If they do share, listen carefully. Do ƒ partner disagree or argue? Domestic violence affects the victim’s Mentions of “falls” or “accidents” not interrupt and do not blame. Do ƒ How does your partner handle sense of self, free will, and safety. It resulting in bruises, broken bones, or not let your facial expressions or body things when they do not get their also affects the victim’s health, financial other injures language show doubt or judgment. Your way? independence, and relationships ƒ Weighing their partner’s needs and support and belief in them may be critical with other people including their wants as far more important than to their safety and healing. Keep their ƒ Are you ever afraid of your partner? children. Living in fear is emotionally their own story private because telling others can Do they threaten you? and physically harmful and batterers ƒ Mentioning their partner’s bad put them and their children in danger. ƒ Does your partner ever follow you? (people who use domestic violence) moods, anger, or temper Do they make you report or justify Remember: If someone you care about are solely responsible for their spending time with others? ƒ Their partner has made suicidal or refuses to talk to you, they have reasons. behavior. ƒ homicidal threats or attempts Share your concerns. Remind them that Does your partner ever prevent you from doing things you want to do? Your Support Matters ƒ Being afraid of their partner or what emotional, physical, and sexual abuse are their partner might do ƒ Is your partner jealous, hard to It can be difficult to learn that someone wrong and that they deserve to be safe. ƒ Their partner criticizes or makes please, irritable, demanding, or you care about is being physically or Let them know that you will be ready to “joking” remarks that make them feel critical? emotionally abused. If someone you provide support when they need it. bad about themselves ƒ Does your partner ever push you know is a victim of domestic violence, ƒ Starting the Conversation or hit you? your support can be an important part Their partner is overly jealous, Seek out a private, quiet place to begin ƒ Does your partner ever put you of their safety and healing. “attentive”, accuses them of having affairs, controls their every move, or talking. Allow plenty of time to talk. You down, call you names, yell at you, or While leaving the relationship may makes them report or justify the time may be the first person that they have punish you in any way? seem like the answer for stopping the they spend with others told about the domestic violence. ƒ Does your partner ever make you abuse, the reality is that leaving can be ƒ Their partner ignores the children or The following might help get the have sex? Does your partner ever the most dangerous time for victims abuses them emotionally, physically, or conversation started: make you do sexual things that you and their children. Domestic violence is sexually do not like or want to do? Ways You Can Help All of these services are free and ƒ Believe them. ƒ Many people feel like calling the police confidential. Any information shared is ƒ Acknowledge the courage they can be a way to help. Before calling kept private and cannot be shared with showed in talking to you. They have the police, ask them what they want anyone outside the organization, unless: taken a risk by confiding in you. to have happen. Calling the police ƒ In limited circumstances, the ƒ Let them know that their feelings without the victim’s permission can organization is required by law to are reasonable and normal and that put the victim in more danger. disclose the information. everyone has the right to be safe ƒ Explain that domestic violence is a ƒ The victim signs an informed, written, and happy. crime and that they can contact a time-limited release allowing them to How to Support ƒ Be patient, and do not treat them sexual and domestic violence program disclose the information. to talk about options for reporting like a child or helpless victim. Visit www.kcsdv.org/find-help for the Victims and the abuse or for help in getting a ƒ Help them make plans, but let them list of Kansas sexual and domestic protection order. make the decisions and support the violence service providers and contact Survivors of decisions they make for themselves. ƒ Make sure they know they are not information. They are the expert in their alone. Many people experience Domestic Violence domestic violence and there is help situation. For 24/7 confidential support, available. ƒ Keep the information they share contact the following: with you private. Advocate Response ƒ Provide the phone number for the Kansas Crisis Hotline Kansas sexual and domestic violence local sexual and domestic violence services can provide the support, 1-888-END-ABUSE (1-888-363-2287) program or the Kansas Crisis safety, and help victims and survivors Hotline for safety planning and often need. These services are offered Kansas Sexual and Domestic information about services 24 hours per day, seven days a week. Violence Services Nearest You (see back panel). Services include crisis hotlines, crisis Visit www.kcsdv.org/find-help ƒ Offer support like driving them to intervention, personal advocacy, for the list of service providers in Kansas an appointment or being with them medical advocacy, court advocacy, law and contact information if they decide to call the hotline. enforcement advocacy, emergency ƒ They may need financial help, help accommodations, safe shelter, finding a place to live, help finding a supportive counseling, support groups, This grant is funded or partially funded by the State place to store their belongings, or General Fund for Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault as and child and youth advocacy. administered by the Kansas Governor’s Grants Program. help caring for pets. The opinions, findings, and conclusions, or recommendations expressed in this publication, program, or exhibition kcsdv.org are those of the author(s) and do not necessarily reflect The hardest part in talking about domestic violence … is getting started. the views of the Office of the Kansas Governor. facebook.com/kcsdv 6/20 twitter.com/kcsdv