Issue 1201 January 2012

Inside this issue: Winter Got You Feeling Down? - from Chaplain Ray Base Contacts 2 A good reminder when ries I've stored 1 Timothy 6:6-8 away...just for this time Officer’s Call 3 feeling a bit "down..." in my life. ESV Now there is Happiness is something Base Meeting Minutes 4 great gain in godli- you decide about ahead Old age is like a bank ness with content- SubVettes 7 of time. account. You withdraw 7 from what you've put in. ment, for we Whether I like my room Funnies 8 So, my advice to you brought nothing into or not doesn't depend on would be to deposit a lot Chaplin Ray 10 how the furniture is ar- the world, and we of happiness in the bank ranged ... it's how I ar- cannot take anything Events 11 account of memories! 8 range my mind. It's a out of the world. But Vet News 14 decision I make every Thank you for your part if we have food and USS Argonaut SS 166 18 morning when I wake in filling my Memory clothing, with these up. I have a choice; I Bank. I am still deposit- we will be content. Base Calendar 20 can spend the day in bed ing. recounting the difficulty 'Remember the five sim- I have with the parts of ple rules to be happy: my body that no longer work, or get out of bed 1. Free your heart and be thankful for the from hatred. USSVI Creed ones that do. 2. Free your mind Each day is a gift, and as from worries. To perpetuate the memory of long as my eyes open, 3. Live simply. our shipmates who gave their I'll focus on the new day lives in the pursuit of duties and all the happy memo- 4. Give more. while serving their country. 5. Expect less. That their dedication, deeds, and supreme sacrifice be a constant source of motivation USS S 36 (SS 141) January 20, 1942 toward greater accomplish- USS S 26 (SS 131) January 24, 1942 ments. Pledge loyalty and pa- Lost Boats - January triotism to the United States of USS ARGONAUT (SS 166) January 10, 1943 America and its Constitution. “Sailors, rest your oars” USS SCORPION (SS 278) January 5, 1944 USS SWORDFISH (SS 193) January 12, 1945 Page 2 Piedmont Periscope

CO’s Stateroom— Carolina Piedmont Base Commander Steve Bell

This year will be an participation is low, so These are very self- election year for USSVI. let‘s do our job to get rewarding. So if you can One of the next two is- that up. and get the opportunity, sues of the American It may be a little early, please join us. Each of Submariner will have all but please do not forget you qualifies for this, the necessary informa- that we host the annual nothing hard at all about tion. Of course once we gathering of NC Subvets it. Happy 2012 to all of get any of that, we will in May to pay tribute to Feel free to send in a sea you. I do hope that all pass it on to you. I do the lost of story or two to Moe for of you had a safe and know that the four Na- WWII. If you have been our newsletter. He can wonderful Holiday sea- tional Offices and our to one, you know what I never get too many of son. And may our base Regional Director posi- am talking about. If you these. And it is your in- have as good of a 2012 tion will be on the ballot. have not been to one, put that helped make it as we did in 2011. Not sure if any of those well, you are missing a an award winning news- There are still a few that will have more than one pretty good time in the letter, so keep it up. have not renewed their running, but we will mountains of North Parade season will start dues as I write this. I do know shortly. Also Carolina. I encourage in March and will extend hope that you send it in there may be changes to each of you to consider throughout the year. We so we do not lose any of the Constitution and By- joining us this year. It is will be letting you know you. Remember, once Laws on the ballot. As I not expensive and a the when and where for you are dropped off the write this, I do not know good time is had by all. these. Again, if you rosters at the end of what they will be, but I So mark your calendar have not participated in January, you will no am sure there will be for the weekend of 18 one of these, I encourage longer receive the some. Voting is done May 2012. you to do so, they are American Submariner. electronically and is a I am sure that soon we worth the effort. But speaking of mem- very simple process. So will be making calls for I look forward to serving bership, it is a responsi- when it comes that time, any that want to join us as your Base Com- bility of each of us to try I ask each of you to do to make some of our mander for 2012, as well to recruit new members, your homework, vote as rounds at the schools for as your Commander for whether for our base or you feel is appropriate. various and/ the NC Subvets. another. Let all of us try But please vote. Voter or flag etiquette lectures. (con‘t on Page 3) to help USSVI grow.

Carolina Piedmont Contacts Base Commander Steve Bell [email protected] 704 824 3510 Vice Commander Jack Jeffries jcckjeffries@interlink-café.com 704 –764-5211 Base Secretary Mike Hubbell [email protected] 803-628-1908 Base Treasurer Lee Hickerson [email protected] 704-573-9480 Chief of the Base Paul Myers [email protected] 704-28904650 Base Chaplin Raymond Fritz [email protected] 803 831 7235 Base Storekeeper Jeff Nieberding [email protected] 803-366-9255 Holland Club Walt Sealy [email protected] 803-327-5661 Coordinator Newsletter Editor E. Dale Moses [email protected] 704-248-7610 Issue 1201 Page 3

XO’s Stateroom — Vice Commander Jack Jeffries I want to start by saying their continued support THANK YOU for mak- and your ideas are most ing 2011 a great year for welcome also. Carolina Piedmont. We continue on as an AWARD WINNING Better than a Flu base. The awards we re- Shot! ceived are due to an ac- Miss Beatrice, The tive membership. Our church organist, was in found this little package Commander (con‘t) retention is great and I her eighties and had on the ground. The di- I consider it a privilege and know it will continue to never been married. She rections said to place it an honor to do both of grow with new ship- was admired for her on the organ, keep it wet these jobs. I can only hope mates. sweetness and kindness and that it would prevent that I can hold up to my to all. the spread of disease. Do end of the bargain. We have a busy calendar One afternoon the pastor you know I haven't had Hope to see each of you at coming up with lots of came to call on her and the flu all winter? our next meeting. opportunities for partici- she showed him into her May God bless you all.— pation of the member- quaint sitting room. She Commander Steve ship, these will include MASSING OF THE invited him to have a seat the continuation of our COLORS while she prepared tea. rifles this year that if we entertaining the shut-ins As he sat facing her old We have been invited to have 4 people, we can do a at various locations, the Hammond organ, the participate in the Massing proper presentation. Moe presentation of ―The young minister noticed a of the Colors in (SS) said he would go Submarine Story‖ Flag cut-glass bowl sitting on Greenville SC on March again this year. We need 3 Education for schools top of it. The bowl was 4 at the Scottish Rite more ―volunteers‖.— and civic groups, the Ea- filled with water, and in Temple. Those who Howard Dachs— email gle Scout presentation, the water floated, of all want to participate should how- we also are in the proc- things, a condom! let Howard Dachs know [email protected] ess of planning our KAP When she returned with prior to Feb 1 so he can (SS)4KID(SS) program tea and scones, they be- send in the application. at Victory Junction, the Flag Trivia—Where did gan to chat. The pastor We need to let them Levine Children's Hospi- this Flag fly in our Na- tried to stifle his curiosity know if we will be Color tal as well as individual about the bowl of water Presenters or Color tion’s history? See Page visits for the very de- and its strange floater, Guard. We do have drill 11 serving persons. but soon it got the better As the Ways and Means of him and he could no Chairman I would appre- longer resist. ciate your input on how 'Miss Beatrice', he said, 'I we can raise funds for wonder if you would tell our many useful pro- me about this?',pointing jects, please don't think to the bowl. that I can do this without 'Oh, yes,' she replied, your help. I want to 'Isn't it wonderful? I was thank our members that walking through the Park live out of the area for a few months ago and I Page 4 Piedmont Periscope

Machinery One — Mike Hubbell, Base Secretary There was no ―Formal‖ meeting in December. We had a dinner prepared by the VFW and held a ―Tolling of the Boats‖ for December.

The Clan We stand between our people and war's desolation. My Clan hails from Holy Loch to the island of . Many have stood against us their all gone, we're still here. From the ice of the Arctic Circle to the blackness of the Challenger Deep. We are the Denizens of the Deep we are the Brothers of the Phin. We are Qualified, we are Shellbacks and Golden Dragons. We are Clan Polaris! - Mike

Observations On Growing Older

~Your Kids are becoming you...and you don't like them...but your grandchildren are Perfect! ~Going Out is good. Coming Home is better! ~You Forget names ...But it's OK because other people forgot theyeven knew you!!! ~You realize you're never going to be really good at anything... Especially Golf. ~The things you used to care to do, you no longer care to do, but you really do care that you don't care to do them anymore. ~You sleep better on a lounge chair with the TV blaring than in bed. It's Called "pre-sleep". ~You miss the days when everything worked with just an "ON" and "OFF" Switch. ~You tend to use more 4 letter words ..."what?"..."when?"... ? ~Now that you can afford expensive jewelry, it's not safe to wear it anywhere. ~You notice everything they sell in stores is "sleeveless"?!!! ~What used to be freckles are now liver spots. ~Everybody Whispers. ~You have 3 sizes of clothes in your closet ...2 of which you will never wear. ~But Old is good in some things: Old songs, Old movies, and best of all, OLD FRIENDS!! Issue 1201 Page 5

Texting for Seniors

Since more and more Seniors are texting and tweeting there appears to be a need for a STC (Senior Texting Code). If you qualify for Senior Discounts this is the code for you. ATD: At The Doctor's BFF: Best Friend Farted BTW: Bring The Wheelchair BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth CBM: Covered By Medicare CGU: Can't get up CUATSC: See You At The Senior Center DWI: Driving While Incontinent FWB: Friend With Beta Blockers FWIW: Forgot Where I Was FYI: Found Your Insulin GGPBL: Gotta Go Pacemaker Battery Low! GHA: Got Heartburn Again HGBM: Had Good Bowel Movement IMHO: Is My Hearing-Aid On? LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out LOL: Living On Lipitor LWO: Lawrence Welk's On OMMR: On My Massage Recliner OMSG: Oh My! Sorry Gas. ROFL... CGU: Rolling On The Floor Laughing... And Can't Get Up TTYL: Talk To You Louder WAITT: Who Am I Talking To? WTFA: Wet The Furniture Again WTP: Where's The Prunes? WWNO: Walker Wheels Need Oil GGLKI: (Gotta Go Laxative Kicking In) Page 6 Piedmont Periscope

Welcome Aboard

January Bill Widell 1/1 Don Eggleston 1/3 Gary Mitchell 1/26 Perry Blake 1/30

If your birthday was missed, please notify Jack or Dale

January Carolyn and Charles Cross 1/1 Anna and Joel Tuchfeld - 1/18 Good judgment comes from Marlene and Gary Mitchell 1/26 experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment. - Will Rogers Issue 1201 Page 7

SubVettes Happy New Year Sassy do it our way, as Frank Sisters. I hope all of you Sinatra would say. We and yours have a healthy are also collecting cou- and prosperous upcom- pons to send to our fel- ing New Year. Our meal low sisters for their over- for the January meeting seas grocery shopping. I will be our famous 'this would like for each of and that.' Don't forget you to think of 1 inex- that we have started the pensive service project new secret sister for we can do for 2012, as 2012 . I am guilty of money is tight with all of this too but we need our us. May God Bless You 10 recipes so we can get and Yours and our great our cookbook ready I country the USA.....and hope to get it together by remember CAROLINA April but I have not PIEDMONT heard from the cookbook ROCKS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! company so we may just SEE YOU SOON

Chipotle Bean Burritos Add homemade guacamole and organic blue chips to this hearty vegetarian dish for an easy Mexican meal. Yield: 6 servings (serving size: 1 burrito) Total: 30 Minutes Ingredients: 1 tablespoon canola oil 1 garlic clove, minced 1/2 teaspoon chipotle chile powder 1/4 teaspoon salt 1/3 cup water 1 (15-ounce) can organic black beans, drained 1 (15-ounce) can organic kidney beans, drained 3 tablespoons refrigerated fresh salsa 6 (10-inch) reduced-fat flour tortillas (such as Mission) 1 cup (4 ounces) pre-shredded reduced-fat 4-cheese Mexican blend cheese 1 1/2 cups chopped plum tomato (about 3) 1 1/2 cups shredded romaine lettuce 6 tablespoons thinly sliced green onions 6 tablespoons light sour cream Preparation: Heat oil in a large nonstick skillet over medium heat. Add garlic to pan; cook 1 minute, stirring frequently. Stir in chile powder and salt; cook 30 seconds, stirring constantly. Stir in 1/3 cup water and beans; bring to a boil. Reduce heat, and simmer 10 minutes. Remove from heat; stir in salsa. Partially mash bean mixture with a fork. Warm tortillas according to package directions. Spoon about 1/3 cup bean mixture into center of each tortilla. Top each serving with about 2 1/2 tablespoons cheese, 1/4 cup tomato, 1/4 cup lettuce, 1 tablespoon onions, and 1 tablespoon sour cream; roll up. Nutritional Information: Amount per serving: • Calories: 361 • Fat: 10.3g • Saturated fat: 3.8g • Monounsaturated fat: 3.1g • Polyunsaturated fat: 2g • Protein: 16.8g • Carbohydrate: 52.2g • Fiber: 11.4g • Cholesterol: 19mg • Iron: 3.3mg • Sodium: Page 8 Piedmont Periscope

Supplied by Jack: listening to the radio. the garage this time." only under five condi- An old pastor lay dying. They heard the an- ******************** tions: He sent a message for an nouncer say, "We are The Gorilla and the "First", Bobby Lee said, Internal Revenue Service going to have 8-10 Redneck "I ain't gonna kiss her on agent and his lawyer to inches of snow today. A small zoo in Georgia the lips." The Keeper come to the hospital. You must park your car obtained a very rare spe- quickly agreed to this When they arrived, they on the even-numbered cies of gorilla. condition. were ushered up to his side of the street, so the Within a few weeks the "Second", he said, "She room. As they entered snowplow can get gorilla, a female, became must wear a 'Dale Earn- the room, the pastor held through." The wife went very difficult to handle. hardt Forever' T-Shirt." out his hands and mo- out and moved her car. Upon examination, the The keeper again readily tioned for them to sit on A week later while they veterinarian determined agreed to this condition. each side of the bed. The are eating breakfast, the the problem. The gorilla "Third", he said, "you pastor grasped their radio announcer said, was in heat. To make can't never tell no one hands, sighed content- "We are expecting 10-12 matters worse, there was about this." The keeper edly, smiled and stared inches of snow today, no male gorilla avail- again readily agreed to at the ceiling. For a time, you will need to move able. this condition. no one said anything. your car to the odd- Thinking about their "Fourth", Bobby Lee Both the IRS agent and numbered side of the problem, the Zoo Keeper said, "I want all the chil- lawyer were touched and street so the snowplow thought of Bobby Lee dren raised Southern flattered that the old man can get through." So the Walton, a redneck part- Baptist." Once again it would ask them to be wife went out and time worker responsible was agreed. with him during his final moved her car again. for cleaning the animal "And last," Bobby Lee moments. They were The next week, while cages. Bobby Lee, like said, "I'll need another also puzzled because the they were eating break- most rednecks, had little week to come up with pastor had never given fast, the radio announcer sense but possessed am- the $500.00. any indication that he said, "We are expecting ple ability to satisfy a ******************** particularly liked either 12-14 inches of snow female of any species. CELIBACY today and you must The Zoo Keeper thought one of them. Celibacy can be a choice Finally, the Lawyer park..." Then the power they might have a solu- in life, or a condition asked, Pastor, why did went off! The wife was tion. Bobby Lee was ap- imposed by circum- very upset. With a wor- proached with a proposi- you ask the two of us to stances. come here? The old pas- ried look on her face she tion. Would he be will- tor mustered all his said, "Honey, I don't ing to mate with the go- While attending a Mar- strength, and then said know what to do. Which rilla for $500.00? riage Weekend, Frank weakly, Jesus died be- side of the street am I Bobby Lee showed some and his wife Ann lis- tween two thieves, and supposed to park on?" interest, but said he tened to the instructor that's how I would like With the love and under- would have to think the declare, to go. standing in his voice that matter over carefully. ―It is essential that hus- all men who are married The following day, he ******************** bands and wives know to blondes exhibit, her announced that he would the little things that are One winter morning at husband said, "Why accept their offer, but important to each other.‖ breakfast a couple was don't you just leave it in Issue 1201 Page 9

He then addressed the up carefully, and placed "Can't you remember There is great need for a men. it in his front pocket. about three months ago sarcasm font. ―Can you name and de- The frog said, 'What, are when we broke down, and Map Quest really needs to scribe your wife's favor- you nuts? Didn't you those two guys; helped start their directions on # 5. us? I think you should ite flower?‖ hear what I said? I said I'm pretty sure I know how kiss me and I will be help him, and you should to get out of my neighbor- Frank leaned over, be ashamed of yourself! your beautiful bride.' hood. touched Ann‘s arm gen- God loves drunk people tly, and whispered, He opened his pocket, too." Can we all just agree to ―Gold Medal-All- looked at the frog and ignore whatever comes af- said, 'Nah, at my age I'd The man does as he is ter Blue Ray? I don't want Purpose, isn‘t it?‖ rather have a talking told, gets dressed, and to have to restart my col- goes out into the pounding And thus began Frank's frog.' lection...again. life of celibacy… rain. With age comes wisdom. I disagree with Kay Jewel- ******************** He calls out into the dark, ers. I would bet on any ******************** "Hello, are you still given Friday or Saturday A guy is 72 years old there?" and loves to fish. He GOD LOVES DRUNK night more kisses begin was sitting in his boat PEOPLE TOO "Yes," comes back the with Miller Light than Kay. the other day when he A man and his wife were answer. How many times is it ap- heard a voice say, 'Pick awakened at 3:00 am by "Do you still need a propriate to say "What?" me up.' a loud pounding on the push?" calls out the hus- before you just nod and He looked around and door. The man gets up band. smile because you still did- couldn't see anyone. He and goes to the door n't hear or understand a where a drunken "Yes, please!" comes the thought he was dreaming reply from the dark. word they said? when he heard the voice stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking "Where are you?" asks the Even under ideal condi- say again, 'Pick me up.' tions people have trouble for a push. "Not a husband. He looked in the water locating their car keys in a chance," says the hus- "Over here on the swing and there, floating on the band, "it is 3:00 in the pocket, finding their cell set," replied the drunk. phone, and Pinning the Tail top, was a frog. morning!" ********************* on the Donkey -but I'd bet The man said, 'Are you He slams the door and everyone can find and push talking to me?' returns to bed. ADULT TRUTHS the snooze button from 3 The frog said, 'Yes, I'm "Who was that?" asked Sometimes I'll look down feet away, in about 1.7 sec- talking to you.' Pick me his wife. at my watch 3 consecutive onds, eyes closed, first up then, kiss me and I'll times and still not know time, every time. "Just some drunk guy turn into the most beauti- what time it is. The first testicular guard, ful woman you have asking for a push," he answers. Nothing sucks more than the "Cup," was used in ever seen. I'll make sure that moment during an Hockey in 1874 and the that all your friends are "Did you help him?" she argument when you real- first helmet was used in envious and jealous be- asks. ize you're wrong. 1974. That means it only cause I will be your took 100 years for men to "No, I did not, it is 3:00 I totally take back all bride!' in the morning and it is realize that their brain is those times I didn't want also important. The man looked at the pouring rain out there!" to nap when I was frog for a short time, "Well, you have a short younger. Ladies.....Quit Laughing. reached over, picked it memory," says his wife. Page 10 Piedmont Periscope

Chaplin’s Corner - Ray Fritz, Base Chaplain

To say the least, we are none-the-less. proud grandparents. Picture this; here is our This young man, who is son, who at 41 flat lined 15, was reading on in the emergency Spurgeon‘s sermons at room of Mercy Hospital 14! I like that. in Asheville a little over We believe they have a year ago, was revived Wow, it‘s past the middle been blessed mightily by after two shocks, had of January already! God which leads me to stents put in and was my thoughts for this lit- back to work as soon as Diana and I pray that all tle article – when we the doctors allowed, our shipmates and fami- surrender our lives to with no real heart dam- lies are blessed with a God, He always sur- age. Last year, after be- happy and prosperous prises us in ways we ing on 32 hour weeks New Year. cannot begin to imagine. for three years, he was laid off and then termi- As I am writing this, our Time out: I do not ad- nated from his job of son and grandson are pre- here to what is called the over 10 years because paring to fly back to ―Prosperity Gospel‖ the company had to al- Asheville, NC from Pearl which says, ―Just be- most close the engineer- Harbor, . Dakota lieve God and you will ing office where he [with his dad or mom] have loads of money worked. He now works was awarded a full- dropped on your head!‖ for a Temp agency – this expense paid trip, for That is a lie from the pit. would not look like a two, to Hawaii when he I have seen folks who blessing to many. He took first place in the turned their lives over to has diabetes with no Pearl Harbor Association God and things got a health insurance at the of Hendersonville, NC‘s whole lot worse – don‘t moment. Three manag- essay contest on Pearl know why – can‘t tell ers are trying to get him Harbor. you, but in the end I saw hired full time but have that God was faithful When they arrived they not succeeded so far – found that they had been this would not look like upgraded to a Family a blessing to many. Suite at the Marriott Wai- They have 4 sons at kiki. They now had 4 home to care for; his beds, other furniture, and th wife has an e-bay store a kitchenette, on the 15 which has helped the floor from which they family financially – but have a great view of Dia- this would not look like mond Head. Life doesn‘t a blessing to many. In get any better! I offered all of this his faith is to go with him but his strong and who knows dad won out! what more God has in store for them. But, he is Issue 1201 Page 11 in Hawaii with his son Need Supplies? Answer to the Flag Trivia: at the moment. Deadline for In all this I am re- The Supply Shack- Jeff the February The Calvert Arms/King's minded of God‘s words Nieberding Issue will be Colors has the antique gold to the people of Israel Carolina Piedmont and black diamonds of the in the Old Testament: Jackets are still available the 10th. Calvert coat of arms as the to order, several mem- field. The Calverts were the Jeremiah 29:11-14 bers have ordered theirs A drunken cowboy Lords Baltimore, lords pro- (NASB)‘For I know the already. Just let the SK named Kenny, lay prietors of the Royal Colony plans that I have for know and he'll fix you sprawled across three of Maryland. This is the you,’ declares the up with an order form. entire seats in a posh same design that is used in LORD, ‘plans for wel- USSVI vests are also Dallas theater. When the first and fourth quarters fare and not for calam- available to order thru the usher came by and of the flag of the State of ity to give you a future 12 the SK. noticed this, he whis- Maryland. and a hope. ‘Then you Patches, the SK is pered to the cowboy, The King's Colors of 1606 is will call upon Me and now able to order "Sorry, sir, but you're used as the canton, yielding a come and pray to Me, patches from BC Patch only allowed one seat." black, gold, red, white, and and I will listen to you. LLC at wholesale prices. blue flag. 13‘You will seek Me and The cowboy groaned This is usually $2 - $3 but didn't budge. The last official use of this is find Me when you less per patch than we unknown. The Third Mary- search for Me with all The usher became more 14 normally see. Let the land Regiment used the flag your heart. ‘I will be SK know what you impatient: "Sir, if you now also known as the cow- found by you,’ declares need. don't get up from there, pens flag at the battle of the LORD, ‘and I will I'm going to have to call Cowpens, S. C. in the revo- restore your fortunes the manager." lutionary war. The current and will gather you Once again, the cowboy Maryland flag was officially from all the nations and adopted in 1904. To the best from all the places just groaned. The usher marched briskly back up of my knowledge, no other where I have driven flag was used only by you,’ declares the the aisle, and in a mo- American colonial troops. LORD, ‘and I will ment he returned with bring you back to the the manager. place from where I sent Together the two of you into exile.’ them, tried repeatedly to God never changes; the move the cowboy, but same God who voiced with no success. Finally these words to the they summoned the po- lice. prophet Jeremiah is God today. His princi- The Texas Ranger sur- ples are in effect today veyed the situation just as they were then. briefly, then asked, "All He knows the plans that right mister, what's your He has for you, regard- name?" less of whether you be- Symbol of a "Kenny," moaned the lieve it or not. cowboy. Con‘t on Page 12 Bilge Rat Page 12 Piedmont Periscope

Chaplin’s Corner (continued) He was right, I was happy. "Where in tar- wrong. He came nation have you been through, I didn‘t. But he all night?" she de- blessed us with a great mands. time in Hawaii – 46 "At this fantastic new years ago! bar," he says. "The The purpose for sharing Golden Saloon. Every- this with you is this – thing there is golden. many people in the US, It's got huge golden including perhaps some doors, a golden floor, USS Grant SSBN 631, in our Base, are going the works - heck, even Pearl Harbor, HI, 1965 through some pretty se- the urinal's gold!" We did not have a lot of vere times. Don‘t give Allow me to end with a money so I decided to Bev still doesn't believe personal story that hap- up! If you don‘t believe his story, and the next sell Filter Queen vac- in God, He just might pened when I was aboard uum cleaners to make day checks the phone the USS Grant, assigned surprise you anyway. If book, finding a place some extra cash [We you do, surrender your to the Blue Crew (Plank couldn‘t afford one our- across town called the Owner). The submarine life to Him and ask Him Golden Saloon. She selves, at the time].They to lead you through – He had just been commis- were used in the Reactor calls up the place to sioned and she was just might surprise you check her husband's Compartments, at the as well. headed for Guam with time, because of the fil- story. the Gold Crew in com- tering capabilities that Well, anyway, there are "Is this the Golden Sa- mand. I was scheduled to they had. The govern- two ways that our family meet her in Guam from loon?" she asks when ment later found some has gotten to Hawaii! the bartender answers Hawaii after she arrived more expensive ones to there from Connecticut. I think I will enter the the phone. use but that‘s another Since I only had less than contest next year! What "Yes it is," bartender story. We decided we do you think? a year left on my enlist- needed a certain amount answers. ment they would fly me of money for the trip and God Bless You All in "Do you have huge to Hawaii but not Diana out I went door-to-door. magnificent and mar- golden doors?" and our first son. The first week I sold sev- However, like the gov- eral cleaners and had velous ways! "Sure do." ernment, we found that more than we had Chaplain Ray and "Do you have golden they would pay for us thought we needed. But, I Diana floors?" and our belongings to get decided we needed even "Most certainly do." to California from Con- more [greedy]. God‘s necticut. Duh! If I paid plans were not my plans. Golden Saloon "What about golden for Diana‘s flight to Ha- I did not sell one more urinals?" Les comes home com- waii, they would cover cleaner in the next two or pletely drunk one night. There's a long pause, the expenses for the re- three weeks or really He lurches through the then the woman hears turn trip to anywhere in knocking on a lot of door and is met by his the bartender yelling, the US when I was dis- doors! God said, ―You scowling wife, who is "Hey, Duke, I think I charged. have enough!‖ most definitely not got a lead on the guy Issue 1201 Page 13 that peed in your saxo- She then turned to the Fine Wine what they appear to be, I phone last night!" third man, who was A man asked a waiter have a Ferrari Maranello, BMW Z8, Mercedes ******************** contemplating his reply. to take a bottle of Mer- CL600, and a Porsche WALMART INTERVIEW "Well, out on my dad's lot to an unusually at- ranch, you step out of tractive woman sitting Turbo in my several ga- Jennifer, a manager at the house and on the alone at a table in a rages; I have beautiful Wal-Mart, had the task of wall there's a light cozy little restaurant. homes in Aspen and Mi- hiring someone to fill a switch. When you flip So the waiter took the ami, and a 10,000 acre job opening. After sort- that switch, way out Merlot to the woman ranch in Louisiana . There ing through a stack of 20 across the pasture, the and said, 'This is from is over twenty million dol- resumes, she found four light on the barn comes the gentleman who is lars in my bank account and people who were equally on in less than an in- seated over there'.... portfolio. But, not even for qualified. Jennifer de- stant. Yep, TURNING and indicated the a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut off three cided to call the four in ON A LIGHT is the sender with a nod of his inches. Just send the wine and ask them only one fastest thing I can think head. question. Their answer of." back. would determine which She stared at the wine of them would get the Jennifer was very im- coolly for a few sec- job. pressed with the third onds, not looking at the answer and thought she man, then decided to The day came and as the had found her man. "It's send a reply to him by a four sat around the con- hard to beat, the speed note. The waiter, who ference room table, Jen- of light," she said. was lingering nearby nifer asked, "What is the Turning to ol' Bubba, for a response, took the fastest thing you know note from her and con- of?" the fourth and final man, Jennifer posed the veyed it to the gentle- The first man replied, "a same question. man. THOUGHT. It just pops Bubba replied, "After The note read: 'For me into your head. There's to accept this bottle, no warning." hearin' the previous three answers, it's obvi- you need to have a "That's very good!" re- ous tah me that the fast- Mercedes in your ga- plied Jennifer. est thang known is diar- rage, a million dollars in the bank and 7 rhea." "And now you, sir?" she inches in your pants'. asked the second man. "What!??" said Jennifer, After reading the note, stunned by the response. "Hmmm... let me see... A the man decided to BLINK! It comes and "Oh sure," said Bubba. compose one of his Q: What’s wrong with this goes and you don't know "Ya see, the other day, own in return. He picture ? that it ever happened. A Ah wasn't feelin' so folded the note, handed A: If you don’t know, blink is the fastest thing I good, so Ah ran fer the it to the waiter and in- know of." then you need my Flag bathroom, but before structed him to deliver Etiquette Class — which Ah could THINK, "Excellent!" said Jenni- it to the lady. is available to any group: BLINK, or TURN ON fer. "The blink of an eye, Church, civic, 4H, Scouts, THE LIGHT, Ah had It read: that's a very popular cli- etc.—Moe(SS) ché for speed!" already shit my pants." 'Just to let you know things aren't always Page 14 Piedmont Periscope

USS IOWA Museum: The last surviving World "completely weather- Iowa is among those War II without dependent," Kent said. who plan to be on hand a home is docked at the There are still details to for the festivities, which VETERANS NEWS Port of Richmond, where be worked out with the could also include ship by the RAQ Bulletin it is being prepared for Port of Los Angeles re- escorts by the Los Ange- its journey to the Port of garding the ship's lease. les Tall Ships and the SS Los Angeles for a new If all goes as planned, Lane Victory. Iowa resi- mission as a museum local tours could begin dents will receive special and memorial to Navy as early as 20 JUN in a courtesies. "Anyone with might. The Pacific Bat- "soft" opening, with the an Iowa driver's license tleship Center raised $8 grand opening still slated will get a general tour million to rescue the 68- for July Fourth. In Rich- for no charge," Kent year-old ship from the mond, work is proceed- said. Ghost Fleet in Suisun ing quickly to paint and It is still unclear where Bay. The 800-foot Iowa, preserve the ship's exte- the Iowa will initially be commissioned in 1943, rior, Kent said. The idea berthed, but its perma- served in World War II is to get the ship's exte- nent home has been des- and the Korean War. It rior, including the mast, ignated as Berth 87, just last sailed in 1990. The refurbished before it north of the Los Angeles ship is drawing hundreds comes to San Pedro. Maritime Museum and of tourists already in "She's going to come the fireboat station. Richmond, where the down looking fit and Fundraising is ramping vessel's exterior is un- trim," Kent told a San up on the project as well, dergoing refurbishment. Pedro Chamber of Com- with about $1 million More than 1,000 people merce committee last already invested in the showed up 10-11 DEC week. ship by the Pacific Bat- when the ship was Work on the interior will tleship Center. A $3 mil- opened for limited week- be ongoing, with new lion grant from the state end tours for the first areas opened for tours as of Iowa is expected to be time, said Robert Kent, they're finished. Once in hand by the end of president of the Pacific it's towed south, the ship this year and a $5 mil- Battleship Center, the will remain anchored six lion bank loan is in the nonprofit organization miles off the coast near works. Tours will feature that received the ship Long Beach while work- an interactive experi- donation from the Navy ers clean the hull, an op- ence, with part-time ac- last year. eration expected to take tors who will demon- Despite some "hiccups" about a week. A celebra- strate Navy life. The on the leasing negotia- tion will be scheduled to tions with the Port of bring the ship up the Los Angeles, Kent said Main Channel in the Port it appears the ship will of Los Angeles, with the arrive in San Pedro vessel carrying 1,000 to sometime from February 1,500 invited guests on- to April. The timing of board. The governor of the final tow south is ship, nicknamed "The Issue 1201 Page 15

Big Stick," served from relicradio.com/otr/ Credit Card Charita- per money. the 1940s through the stream ble Donations: Imagine 2. Use your debit card. 1980s before it was de- if you made a $10 charita- If you want to minimize commissioned. The Pa- radiospirits.com (login ble donation, but you later merchant fees but still cific Battleship Center is required) found out that some unre- use plastic, try your debit asking for $10 admission lated third party pocketed card. Thanks to recent for adults ($5 for chil- $3 of it. If you or I did that, legislation, debit card dren 12 or older) and www.otrnow.com/ it would be called theft. fees have been drastically raised $15,000 in its first otrnow/index.htm But when a bank does it, reduced. This means that weekend. The group also we call it a credit card charities will benefit is selling holiday gift radio.macinmind.com processing fee. Nonprofit from lower merchant certificates that give the organizations agree to these fees, just as businesses recipient "plank" owner- http:// fees for the same reasons have. ship status on the Iowa that businesses do: Per- radio.bobmerritt.com 3. Donate via PayPal. project. [Source: Long forming a credit card trans- PayPal processes dona- Beach Press-Telegram action is so easy (for both tions for charity by Donna Littlejohn article www.yesterdayusa.com cardholders and recipients) charging them 2.2 per- 18 Dec 2011 ++] that the fees are considered You can get links to cent – and 1.9 percent for other OTR sites by just a cost of doing busi- Old Time Radio: If nonprofits that receive searching for "streaming ness. When you charge you're an old retiree who more than $100,000 a OTR," "OTR shows," money to your credit card, enjoyed listening to ra- year. This is less than etc., or you can visit the the processing network and dio shows such as Jack standard credit card mer- Graymatters OTR your bank earn a merchant Benny, Mysterious chant fees, and you can Streaming Links at fee, also known as a swipe Traveler, Inner Sanctum, use your favorite card. http:// fee. These charges tend to Nick Carter, Phillip www.angelfire.com/mi/ consume around 3 percent 4. Look for merchant Marlowe, et al, when lifespring/page6.html of the transaction – even fee waivers. Credit card you were a kid or listen- (this site provides a list when it‗s a nonprofit ac- processors have shown ing to radio shows that of links to OTR sites). If cepting the funds. So how some recognition that were broadcast by you're interested in a do you make sure that a their merchant fees are AFRS\AFRTS while particular show or char- charity receives the most impacting charities, but you were overseas, you acter, the OTR Archives benefit from your dona- only when a major disas- can still listen to the web site is available at tion? Follow these steps… ter makes worldwide shows via the many web http://www.archive.org/ news. For example, most sites that stream Old 1. Consider other ways to details/oldtimeradio . credit card processors Time Radio (OTR) donate. Every type of do- This site has copies of waived their merchant shows. Following are a nation has its own inherent just about every OTR fees during the aftermath few of the sites that costs. For example, cash show that was ever of the 2004 Indian Ocean stream OTR shows each donations require labor to aired. The radio shows Tsunami and the recent day. (During this holi- accept and count it, secu- can be listened to while earthquakes in Haiti and day season, many of the rity to store it, and trans- you're online or Japan. sites are currently portation to deposit it in the downloaded for your streaming special nostal- bank. But a wireless bank 5. Use a card with lower MP3 player, iPhone, etc. gic holiday radio transfer is probably the merchant fees. Among [Source: Links for shows.) least expensive way for a retailers, it‗s well known Mil\Ret\Vets Milton Bell charity to accept cash, fol- that American Express article Dec 2011 ++] lowed by checks, then pa- charges higher merchant Page 16 Piedmont Periscope

fees than competitors to steal credit card num- Visa and MasterCard. As bers. A hotel guest in the very convincing. Ac- someone making a chari- Memphis area alerted cording to one hotel table contribution, you the BBB of the Mid- guest, the caller sounded can at least try to use the South to the scam. How- very professional. How- less costly cards to make ever, BBBs around the ever, hotels generally VETERANS NEWS sure that your chosen nation have received handle any questions by the RAQ Bulletin charity receives more of similar calls. Since travel about billing at the front your donation. If you are and hotel stays tend to desk, not over the phone. a Capital One card- increase over the holi- And they certainly holder, you can make days, the scammers may wouldn't be calling you donations to your favor- be ramping up their ef- in the middle of the ite charity without incur- forts during the holiday night. The BBB Tips to ring merchant fees. Just season. protect yourself from go to their Giving Site How the Scam Works: being victimized are: and choose from any A hotel guest receives a charity listed on the Net- phone call in the wee card or banking informa- work for Good site hours of the morning. tion over the phone to http:// The caller claims to be a someone you don't www1.networkforgood.o hotel employee who know. rg. By waiving merchant needs to get your credit fees for all charitable card number because: donations, Capital One hotel and get a call from has become the only ma- 1. The hotel encountered someone claiming to be jor card issuer to send a problem processing a hotel employee, hang 100 percent of its card- your credit card and they up the phone and call the holder‗s donations to the need to verify your num- front desk yourself. Bet- nonprofit of its choice. ber. ter yet, go down to the 2. The hotel's computer front desk. Chances are [Source: Money- the call didn't come from TalksNews Jason Steele system has crashed and the hotel. article 21 Dec 2011 ++] they need to get your credit card information Hotel Guest Phone again. family not to provide Scam: Many people 3. The hotel's system has credit card information will be traveling to see crashed and your credit over the phone during a family and friends in the card information is hotel stay. next few weeks. Scam- needed for an audit to be [Source: BBB Press Re- mers know this too, and may try to trick you into conducted shortly. lease 20 Dec 2011 ++] divulging your credit The crooks are counting card information by pos- on catching you while ing as hotel employees. you are sleeping, so you The Better Business Bu- aren't thinking clearly. reau (BBB) is warning And they might even holiday travelers to be- offer you a discount on ware of a telephone the room for the incon- phishing scam designed venience. The callers are Issue 1201 Page 17

VA Service Connec- birth certificates) jury? Was this a disease? Peters article 21 Dec 2011 tion: A chronic residual Was the veteran exposed ++] from an illness or injury (doctor & hospital re- to something? The bur- den of proof is on the Notes of Interest: that happened to the vet- ports) US Mint. The United eran while that veteran veteran to establish this Once the VA Form 21- States Mint spent a lot of was on active duty may relationship. 526, or on-line applica- money trying to convince qualify as a service- tion, is submitted, the 2) Current diagnosis. Americans to use dollar connected (SC) condi- VA will notify the vet- This is pretty straight coins vice bills. It is now tion. A veteran did not eran the application has forward. What is the ac- shutting down production. have to serve in a war or been received. The vet- tual diagnosis? The vet- The decision came after the during a period of war- eran will then be sched- eran needs to ensure they Federal Reserve told Con- time, to have a SC con- uled for a Compensation received a diagnosis by a gress earlier this year that it dition. For any medical and Pension (C&P) ex- licensed provider if they wanted to spend $650,000 condition to be service- are using a non-VA pro- amination. The VA will to build a storage facility at connected, the first thing arrange for this examina- vider and the veteran its bank in Dallas to store a veteran has to do is tion. The examination should be diagnosed by all of the surplus coins in submit their claim to the may be at a VA Hospital the appropriate disci- one place and it planned to VA for adjudication. If it or the VA Regional Of- pline. If the veteran is spend another $3 million to is the veterans first ap- fice may refer the vet- seeing a Dentist and asks transport all of the surplus plication for benefits, eran to a non-VA pro- them about a heart con- coins to the new ware- they need to complete vider. Either way, the dition, the VA may not house. VA Form 21-526. The VA will pay the veteran find the condition ser- Made in America. If VA has created an alter- for travel to their ap- vice-connected. builders of American native to submitting the pointment. Make sure 3) Medical nexus. What homes would use just 5% paper form. Veterans can you either get your travel is medical connection more American materials it actually apply on-line by pay or submit the appro- between the current di- would create 220,000 jobs. going to http:// priate paperwork for it to agnosis and the in- Take a look at this ABC www.va.gov. On that be mailed to you before service occurrence. This News report at http:// page, place the cursor leaving your appoint- is quite often the part of cdnapi.kaltura.com/ over Veteran Services. ment. After all the medi- the claim that will or index.php/kwidget/ That will cause a sub- cal information has been won‗t connect a condi- wid/0_04vzdsr5/ menus to display. Click received, and all sup- tion to service. uiconf_id/5590821 . on the link to Disability porting information has Walgreens. As of 29 DEC Compensation. The ap- Once all three elements been obtained, the VA barring a last minute ply on-line link is on this have been answered, the will adjudicate the claim. change, after 31 DEC Wal- page. If you are mailing VA adjudicator can de- Three elements must be greens will no longer be in your form and have termine the claim. If the met in order for a condi- part of TRICARE‗s phar- any of the following ma- condition was related to tion to be SC. macy network. terial, attach it to your active duty and the phy- Vet Population. As of application: 1) Evidence of in- sician finds the current SEP 2010 there were 22.7 service relationship. diagnosis is at least ―as million vets. For a break- What actually happened likely as not‖ related to tion papers (DD214 or down by war era and gen- on active duty that active duty, then the equivalent) der by state refer to http:// caused or contributed to claim may be service- www.va.gov/vetdata/ Dependency records the current medical con- connected. [Source: Vet- Veteran_Population.asp. (marriage & children's dition? Was there an in- erans Advice blog David [Source: Various 16-31Dec Page 18 Piedmont Periscope

Lost Boats— USS Argonaut SS 166 commissioning crew of U.S.S. Wahoo. Barchet Originally named V-4, they had—nor was the went on to serve in a Argonaut was commis- submarine able to set up number of important sioned in 1928. At the an attack. While this was posts both during and time, she was the largest looked on as a missed after the war. submarine in the U.S. opportunity, it was con- Still designated as a Navy, a distinction she ceded that, in view of mine-layer upon her re- retained until the advent Argonaut's size, slow turn to Pearl Harbor, the of nuclear submarines in speed, lack of maneuver- decision was made to the 1950s. Designed as a ability, and relatively convert Argonaut into a , Argonaut was shallow test depth, Bar- transport submarine. Her 385 feet long and dis- chet acted correctly. mine handling gear was placed 2,710 tons (4,080 (This was, of course, be- removed and her mine submerged), with 4-21" fore anyone had become tubes were cut out and tubes, and two aware of the flaws in the blanked off at the after minelaying tubes aft. As Mark 14 torpedo, which bulkhead, with the re- originally configured, 60 at that time would have maining sections outside mines were carried. She been far more likely to the pressure hull pierced also carried a pair of simply inform the enemy to allow them to be free- 6"/53-calibre deck guns, of Argonaut's presence, flooding. The space for- one forward and one aft. probably resulting in her merly allocated for Argonaut was assigned loss, than do any damage mines was now filled to Pearl Harbor at the to the enemy.) with bunks, heads, mess time of the Japanese at- Contrary to some pub- facilities, and washroom. tack, but was at sea near lished reports, Barchet About 120 Marines Midway on 7 December was not relieved for could be accommodated. 1941. In company with "lack of aggression" at She was redesignated U.S.S. Trout, Argonaut the end of Argonaut's APS-1 after this conver- approached a suspected first war patrol. His ex- sion. enemy force. Mindful of ecutive officer, William Argonaut's conversion to his boat's unsuitability as Post, was sent to a staff a troop carrier was a an attack submarine, Ar- job at Pearl Harbor and concession to reality. It gonaut's captain, Lieu- Argonaut's dive officer, had already been recog- tenant Commander Richard O'Kane was nized that giant subma- Stephen Barchet, pru- temporarily moved up to rines like Argonaut, and dently elected to make a XO. Barchet then took the similar "cruiser" sub- submerged ap- the boat back to Mare marines Nautilus and proach. Island for a much- Narwhal, were impracti- The "invasion force," needed refit and mod- cal for normal opera- which proved to be a ernization. At that point, tions. Their heavy gun pair of Japanese destroy- having commanded Ar- armament, intended for ers sent off on a hit and gonaut since 1939, he commerce raiding, run mission to shell Mid- turned over the boat to lacked the centralized way, did not detect Ar- Lieutenant Commander fire control system it gonaut—though it ap- John Pierce and O'Kane would have needed to be peared at the time that left to join the pre- of any practical value Issue 1201 Page 19 against a warship. rines. Both submarines at- A wife asks her engineer Transporting raiding tacked shipping during the husband, "Could you parties and other special raid, then picked up the please go shopping for me missions appeared to be raiders after two days. and buy one carton of milk, the most practical use On 10 January 1943, Argo- and if they have eggs, get for these oversized naut attacked a five-ship 6." boats. Also, in Argo- , escorted by three A short time later the hus- naut's case, the develop- . Pierce's torpedo band comes back with 6 ment of mines that could damaged one of the escorts. cartons of milk. be laid from ordinary The others, Isokaze and torpedo tubes essentially Maikaze, attacked at once The wife asks him, "Why ended the need for spe- with a heavy depth charg- the hell did you buy 6 car- cialist mine-layer sub- ing. tons of milk?" marines. An Army Air Force He replied, "They had In August 1942 Argo- bomber, returning from a eggs." naut, under the com- raid with all bombs ex- mand of Lieutenant pended, reported seeing Commander John Argonaut's bow break sur- Pierce, transported 121 face after a Next Meeting is at members of the 2nd Ma- attack. The Japanese de- rine Raider Battalion to stroyers opened fire with VFW POST 9138 Makin Island, in the Gil- their guns, sinking Argo- berts chain. Nautilus, naut with the loss of all January 28th unlike Argonaut fitted hands. She carried a crew with only temporary of 105 at the time of her troop accomodations, loss. at VFW Post 9138 carried another 90 Ma- Bring a passing dish Dinner 1730 Meeting—Tolling of the Boats Please Remember to support VFW Post 9138 Attend their Breakfast on the 2nd Sunday of each month

USS Argonaut SS 166 Carolina Piedmont Base Calendar of Upcoming Events Sunday Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday 15 VFW Break- 16 17 18 19 20 21 fast

22 23 24 25 26 27 28 CP Base Meet- ing—1730 Dinner & Meeting 1900

29 30 31 February 1 2 3 4

5 Super Bowl 6 7 8 9 10 PP Deadline 11 Chili Cook-off PPeditor@ VFW Post 9138 caro- 3PM lina.rr.com

12 VFW Break- 13 14 15 16 17 18 CP Base Meet- fast 8 –11 AM ing—1730 Dinner & Meeting 1900

19 20 21 22 23 24 25

26 27 28 29 March 1 2 3

One way to support VFW Post 9138 is to attend their Sunday Morning Breakfast held on the second Sunday of each month from 8am to 11am— Come on out!