Jacob, Leah, and Rachel 1

Most Outrageous Couples of the Bible 3) Jacob, Leah, and Rachel 1

Jacob, Leah, and Rachel

The Original Wimp and Witch

Jacob, the Old Testament patriarch and a man richly blessed by God, was a wimp. His wives, Leah and Rachel, were witches. Jacob was pathetically passive, and Leah and Rachel were incredibly disrespectful and controlling.

The Old Testament Workaholic

Jacob was a very driven, type A workaholic. As many men tend to do, he focused obsessively on his career. He connived with his mother, Rebekah, to get his father Isaac’s blessing (Genesis 27:1-40). He built a significant amount of wealth through hard work and deception (Genesis 30:25-43).

Jacob desperately wanted to be a success, and he achieved that goal in terms of career advancement and possessions. But, as it happens with nearly every workaholic, his marriage and his family life suffered great damage along the way to his material success. Jacob was as passive at home as he was aggressive and in control in the workplace.

So Jacob went in to Rachel also, and indeed he loved Rachel more than Leah. Genesis 29:30

Now the Lord saw that Leah was unloved, and He opened her womb. Genesis 29:31

Leah tried to get Jacob to love her. Every time she gave birth to a son, she hoped and prayed Jacob would be moved to love her. He had been tricked into marrying her (Genesis 29:1-29), he certainly could have worked at building the relationship. But he never did. He could have asked God to give him love for Leah, but nowhere in the recorded account does it say that he did. He ignored her. He did not pursue her conversationally or romantically. Leah suffered greatly.

Many husbands do what Jacob did. They choose to passively ignore their wives and withhold love from them. Actively loving your wife (Ephesians 5:25,28,33; Colossians 3:19; 1 Peter 3:7) is an essential element in leadership. Expressing your love for her daily gives her and your children security, strengthens your love for her, increases her love for you, and teaches the children valuable lessons about marital love. Love is something you do.

The Ultimate Baby-Making Competition

Genesis 30:1-24 describes a vicious, pull-no-punches competition between Leah and Rachel. Jacob’s two wives, who hated each, battled to see who could have the most babies. In Genesis 30:1-8, Rachel begins “Give me children, or I’ll die!” Jacob got angry and talked tough to Rachel, but quickly caved in to her demands. Rachel ordered Jacob to sleep with her maidservant, Bilhah. Jacob did, and two sons were born. In Genesis 30:9-13, Leah struck back at Rachel in the war of baby making. Leah, using Rachel’s playbook, had Jacob sleep with her maidservant, Zilpah. Zilpah gave birth to two sons. Leah was thrilled: “Happy am I! For women will call me happy” (Genesis 30:13)

Most Outrageous Couples of the Bible 3) Jacob, Leah, and Rachel 2

Rachel and Leah continued their competition by making a crazy deal. (Genesis 30:14-16). In return for some mandrake plants, which were considered aphrodisiacs in that day, Rachel “allowed” Leah to have sex with Jacob.

When Jacob came home from work, Leah greeted him with these lovely words: “You must come into me…for I have surely hired you” (Genesis 30:16). Jacob’s response to Leah should have been: “What, are you nuts? Who put you and Rachel in charge?” Genesis 30:16 records his response to Leah’s demand: “So he lay with her that night.” He was willing to do anything to avoid conflict and keep the peace. Amazingly, God continued to bless Jacob and Leah and Rachel despite their sinful, dysfunctional behaviour. But their home wasn’t happy. Or content. Or peaceful. Or intimate.

Why? Because of a passive husband who refused to lead and two disrespectful wives who didn’t know the meaning of submission.

You cannot do what you have not been taught. His father, Isaac, was a passive husband and parent. Jacob learned in his home that when the husband is passive the wife is a disrespectful controller. It was Isaac’s job to teach Jacob how to be a leader in the home, but he obviously didn’t get the job done. In fact, Isaac taught Jacob that the woman is the leader.

Ask Her What Her Needs Are

Stop assuming you know what your wife’s needs are. You must ask her often. This wonderful creature’s needs are varied and they do change. “The Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve.” (Matthew 20:28).

Since You Are The Man, Be the Man

Wives, be subject to your own husband, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. Ephesians 5:22-24

Husband, your first duty as communication leader is to create regular times to talk and make sure you have topics to discuss. You are responsible to sit down with your wife and schedule Couple Talk Times each week.

A Brief Prayer Take her hand and say a short prayer.

Always Include Her in Decisions Always ask your wife for input before making a significant decision. Consider your wife’s viewpoint, her wisdom, her talent and abilities, and her intuition. She’s your equal partner in the relationship, so treat her as an equal. Besides, how can you expect her to support you in a decision that she had no part in making?

It’s demanding, insulting, and a failure in servant leadership to make a decision without consulting your wife. Involve your wife in the family finances. Make financial decisions together. Major purchases, the development of a budget, investments, and tithing all require her input.

Most Outrageous Couples of the Bible 3) Jacob, Leah, and Rachel 3