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Connecticut College Digital Commons @ Connecticut College

2006-2007 Student Newspapers

3-30-2007

College Voice Vol. 31 No. 17

Connecticut College

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Recommended Citation Connecticut College, "College Voice Vol. 31 No. 17" (2007). 2006-2007. 21. https://digitalcommons.conncoll.edu/ccnews_2006_2007/21

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First Class • U.S. Postage PAID Permit #35 ~ Olee New London, CT ,PUBUSHED WEEKLY BY THE STUDENTS OF CONNECTlCUTCOLLEGE : VOLUME XXXI • NUMBER 17 FRIDAY, MARCH 30, 2007 CONNECTICUT COLLEGE, NEW LoNDON, cr SGA President Poisoned, In Stable Condition At L&M Hospital

BY RON BUSYFINGERS fling. A standing vigil has been set up outside the·entrance to Lawrence editor in chief Memorial's emergency room. Hundreds of students (mostly sen- As efforts to break Conn's long- iors) have left notes, lit candles and standing senior giving record reach- created a mountain of flowers. A es fever pitch, the drive appears to tearful Alyson Ricker '07 garbled "I have suffered a major setback. SGA can't believe somebody would do President Evan Piekara, cited by something like this. Conn is such a many as the motor behind the senior happy place and I love everybody." giving campaign, has been poi- Piekara has asked that no money be soned. He is in critical, yet stable given to mitigate his skyrocketing condition. The apparent assassina- health costs. Instead, in a show of tion was unsuccessful, yet the "face" strength and statesmanship, he has of the drive has been permanently asked that aU donations be directed marred. While Piekara's term as toward the senior class fund, in SGA President has been rife with hopes that it may better the Conn controversy -with major discontent community. among the SGA General Assembly Conspiracy theories abound, yet -there is that Piekara's one suspect has emerged above all backing of the highly publicized others. Senior Class President senior giving campaign was the Topher Bothur, for reasons of jeal- spark that ultimately led some ousy and spite, has been named by deviant to perform this act of mur- campus safety, in conjunction with derous treason. Piekara, speaking the NLPD, as the prime suspect. The from his bed in Lawrence Memorial Voice has sent investigative Hospital's intensive care unit, hurled Despite suffering third degree burns over 40% of his face, Piekara still put on his winning smile (and best suit) for the press at L & M HospitalifiNew Londolt (Web). reporters on the case, whose woi invectives at his assassins. "You all but confirms these suspicions. can't kill me!" he shouted. Piekara informed that blood work Presidential candidate Yuschenko. a full recovery, his medical staff are and positive sentiment regarding the Not only has Bothur split town, but added "I am the school. ..Ie school performed on Piekara revealed Much like Yuschenko, Piekara's still monitoring his vital signs very senior giving campaign, headed up his hall mates have informed The est moi," potentially fatal levels of dioxin, the once room-lighting face has suffered closely and confirm that his facial by upstanding individuals like The intensive care staff at same poison used in an attempt on permanent disfiguration (see photo). damage is irreparable. President Piekara, makes the assas- SEE POISONING Lawrence Memorial Hospital has the life of then-reformist Ukrainian Though Piekara is expected to make The overwhelming popularity sination attempt all the more baf- Continued on page six Fainstein Given Campus Safety Position New Plex Slated For

ElY NIGEL NEWSWORTHY to quell all fears associated with the Overhaul new hire. When contacted, Miner editor in chief gave a clear vote of confidence. He Reconstructed Dorms Will Resemble noted, "I've known Norm for six In the most shocking employee years, and have never seen him Old Plex Style redistribution of the school's recent pushed around; not by a faculty history, President Emeritus Norman member, a student, a BY MONA LISA KRONKITE Fainstein will return to Conn this trustee ... nobody. This man used to siderable attention in the design spring as a campus safety officer. lead the entire institution, and I can news editor world. Fainstein, expected to return to the tell you he knows how to take "The rooms have been made sociology department for the Fall charge. The camel on his baseball fresh and modem," said Todd 2007 semester, gave the announce- hat looks a lot more vicious when Following last summer's suc- Oldham, host of Bravo's Top ment of his career tum in a somber Norm gets hot under the collar." In a cessful renovation of the "Old Plex" Design, who visited the campus with speech. He lamented, "My time separate interview, Fainstein clari- dormitories, the administration a camera crew upon hearing of the away from students -which includes fied his qualification for the job by announced this week that complete dorms' pleasing new aesthetic. "The the years as president -has gone on putting a fresh spin on his resume. overhauls of "New Plex" dormito- colors are bold and innovative," he long enough. Direct intervention in Tired of the "unqualified" buzz, he ries Wright, Park, Lambdin and said, referring to the aforementioned the lives of students was always my lashed out at the Voice interviewer, Morrisson have been added to the accent walls, and added, "There is passion; lately, 1 have realized that saying "I lived in in the Strategic Plan. Despite their recent something very soothing about the..' access to dorms would give me '70's ... have you seen the movie The construction and modern amenities sea foam. (The color alternates with greater access to the lives of Warriors?" America's greatest resource: its edu- Miner also noted that he'd like to cated youth I It didn't take me long utilize Fainstein's academic back- to acquiesce to my calling and apply ground by creating a special role for for the campus safety position." the former president on his campus The head-turning news of this safety force. Specifically, Fainstein's change has baffled onlookers. background in urban politics should President Fainstein recently accepted a position as a campus safety otticer at Conn. Through tears, one female student come in very handy. Miner elaborat- turned her face to the sky and asked ed, "The lessons of The View from aloud, "Why Norm? He was such a tive fate has yielded myriad ques- spectacular, the lack of "street" work Below: Urban Politics and Social nice man. 1 loved his camel hat and tions and few answers. Of chief con- has raised more than a few eye- Policy, which Norman wrote in his dog. These memories are gonna cern is the swirl of gossip regarding brows. Put bluntly, people want to 1972, have been cornerstones of my be burned like my eyes when he Fainstein's aptitude for serving the know if our President Emeritus has philosophy regarding Marshall and turns his flashlight towards them, college in this new capacity. Indeed, the gumption to serve as a first Hamilton. Those dorms need a lot of and lost forever, like the SoCo-lime Fainstein's resume -given this responder to a notably rowdy stu- help, and I think Norman's vast that he will inevitably make me pour departure from the arena of scholar- dent populace. understanding of urban issues and out." ship-warrants some concern. Fainstein's new boss, Campus redevelopment can really turn things This bizarre twist of administra- While his academic credentials are Safety Chief Jim Miner, has sought around," Miner added, "Additionally, his experience at Vassar College makes him a perfect llpcoming Events An artist's readerim: Q,(asection Q,fthe pig dormitories (Web&' liaison to Abbey House." Extensive interviews with Miner These are real: revealed that the decision to hire beige as the colors chosen for Fainstein was not an easy or a clean Hamilton). I believe it would be very one. The applicant pool was deep conducive to a college student')l' Women's Lacrosse, Saturday, 3/31 and talented. "Besides," noted working environment." Miner, "he already had a job in the Bulldozing of the four buildings vs Amherst, 12:00 p.m, sociology department." Sources is expected to begin in late 2008. indicate that, despite his lack of law "It's imperative that we begin this enforcement or emergency first project as soon as possible," said response background, Fainstein won President Higdon in a recent press Just send in a "The Good News About Global the job with a great interview and by release. calling in a favor. "Yeah", admitted Though numbers are still being photo- any Warming": A talk by NPR Host Miner, "lowed him one." Given his negotiated, Conn's Budgiatary semi-corrupt hiring, Fainstein has Committee and The Board of Steve Curwood, Wednesday, 4/4 at been left to counter charges of nepo- Trustees has disclosed that the pro';:- photo will do. tism and cronyism. Fainstein clari- jected budget is expected to be 25 7:30 p.m, in Evans Hall million dollars, a figure which cou1d grow considerably considering the Please. SEE CAMPUS SAFETY significance of such a project. Continued on page six

Conn will launch a closed-circuit1V The Big Game WorldChampionships Readabout Brad and Angelina'slatest - station in the near future, and will also are comingup in Africa,and Connwillget adoption, 's latest master- return to being a women's college within a new footballteam in the fall. 'fum to piece, and bios of all your favoriteeditors. the nextfewyears.Page6. pages9 & 10for more information. Pages 4 & s.

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2 • MARCH 30, 2007 • THE COlLEGE VOICE a •, -., •I ,• EDITORIAL&OPINION • ;;;;;;;;;:;:==;-p=~====i The Joke Issue

This issue is a joke. No sections - unless otherwise stated - are to be taken seriously. And even then, we might not be serious. Seriously though, we hope you like it.

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r A Reminder: :The Voice appreciates honest, thoughtful student oplnion. However, if possible, please keep Letters Connecticut College. The Opinion and Editorial section to the Editor to 300 words or less. A Note: is comprised of independent student opinions. which are also not to be confused with the Connecticut College dj See below policies for additional details. the College Voice. All contenl and editorial decisions ar~ Editorials are the viewpoints of student editors, and made by student staff members. : Thank you. are not to be confused with the official opinions of

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ARTS&ENTERTAINMENT .- ,.• ' .. Good Charlotte Release The of the Year •• .. .~ ~Y C,AROLYN SEBASKY . . lack" and witb this new album, the comparison; M~ b , . I ...1 .f greats like Johnny Cash and the Rolltng Stones are not staff writer unwarranted. On March 27, 2007, Good Charlotte returned from a even tries its hand at erno 3'year break to release their newest effort Good Morning c· ,- with "Broken Hearts Parade" and "Where Would ·w.e . Reeivat. The band's last release, /The Chronicles Of Life Be?" sporting the lines, "March on to the soul /The beat- Ami Deathl in 2004 failed to live up to their fans' stan- ing of a broken heart" and "I'm anchored by the weight ~ danis, but their newest proves tbey have worked out all of my heart I'Cause it's filled with these feelings /Butd!" the kinks. Good Morning Revival is far past adequate, so keep my true thoughts locked beside my heart's black' fll< lIlat Good Charlotte may have created the "Album of box," respectfully. . the "rear." It seems that Good Charlotte can connect with Good Morning Revival provides a collection of per- variety of listeners, spanning the diverse gamut from, feetIy catchy, innovative, and essentially epic songs. diehard pop punk preteens to sullen emo girls, even to', .. .1' ~racks such as "Keep Your Hands Off My Girl" and scene boys in eyeliner. The album even has a track fo :, -VlCllms of Love" have deep titles and follow in the cur- the country fan in "A Beautiful Place." rent'ldance-pop" trend of Panic! At The , and thus .'- Any way you cut it, Good Morning Revival i5j" are.to please all. groundbreaking, monumental, and will surely be atop' . :' For Good Charlotte's darker and more gothic fans, countless "Record of the Year" lists. Even the presti- the ~and Implements the stellar vocals and strumming of gious Pitchfork Media calls it a "Triumph that far sur. scene partner 's M. Shadows and passes the likes of The Arcade Fire and Modest Mouse' 8yhyster Gates. .', .- recent efforts," (pitcbfonnedia.com). -' = There is something for everyone on Good With hype like that, this album certainly will not dis- Ghadotte's new album, but their signature profound and appoint. So go pick it up as soon as possible because thi " d·atkl!yrics reside throughout the album. "All Black" band hasn't recently gotten the popularity or support contains some of the album's best lyrical poetry, Lead they really deserve. Surely will !'pl vccaiist sings, "Take a look at my life, all your money to good use. '. 1?la~klTake a look at my clothes, all black/Like Johnny :. CJnshj.all blackILike The Rolling Stones wanna paint it Sour Patch Kids Lose Lawsuit, Go Sour-less Connecticut College's Fashion Guru Exposed! , . " 'BY STEVE BLOOM BY KENNETH STAR f ") r , ~ the first time at the beginning of sophomore year and had to compose herself for a few minutes before enter- J.l? staff writer contributing writer ing. She went down the escalators, entered Old Na~, Anika Rodriguez, thirty-seven, friends of Rodriguez's filed another and shifted through the racks for a good half an hour. haduan infatuation for Sour Patch lawsuit, claiming the company was Areti Arthur Sakellaris was born on August 10, 1982 She left with some purchases. She went to Forever 2 K'ids1tandy since childhood, Sour negligent. (don't trust her age kids! She lies just like any self- next. Conveniently she left some Barneys bags in- t6e Pattl! Kids, the best selling sour Sour Patcb Kids, formally Mars respecting fashionista who is terrified of age) in a pair of back seat of her car and quickly transferred her purchas- bandy in North America, have been a Men, were inspired by the first UFO' Prada sboes. She spent her childbood gluing artfully es. And thus, Areti began her secret life as a bargain Iongtime favorite movie snack for sightings in the Western world. placed Swarovski crystals on her ballet tutus, walking shopper. cmema lovers across the world since Originally made to represent astro- around i her mother's high heels, and brushing her long She has successfully maintained the guise as an tbe I''candy's invention in 1970. nauts, the delicious gummy product mane 1000. times a session. She perfected her pout and immaculately dressed, poised individual, but at night, While seeing an aftemoon film in turned sour as soon as Russia took took inventory on her closet once a week. One could say after she has finished her Chaucer readings, she gets oet 3004, native the lead in the Cold War. Frank she was a meticulous child, maybe even peculiar. She her handy little sewing kit and alters her Old Navy garb Rodriguez, as always, found herself Galatolie invented a sour sauce, enjoyed playing Super Nintendo in party gloves and to look like the designer creations she so greatly ntisses. ' picking through her box of Sour which is still the candy's key ingre- silently assessing the color schemes of her classmates' That is why she is obsessed with writing about high'

Patch-Kids, when her stomacb began dient. Currently, Sour Patch Kids is outfits on the playground, She would never be caught fashion! She is an addiction she can't feed! J• tet-irrgrumble. Within minutes, the main sponsor for ABC Family's dead wearing purple and yen ow. She loves fur. .Areti will one day get on her feet financially and is Rodigiuez's intestines exploded and hit sbow Kyle XY. Surviving private school, where she was forced to interested in becoming the creative director for Target. spread over the crowded theater. Yesterday, JUdge Judy ruled that wear a drab uniform of plaid (ew!) and gray wool (dou- Also, if she were an ice cream flavor, she would be'" According to medical specialists, the Sour Patch Kids must end ties with ble ew!), sbe finally was allowed to flourish in college, an ice cream sundae. .erupdon occurred due to an overload their .sour ingredient. The company After a (minor) altercation with Campus Safety fresh- df SOur particles in Rodriguez's will only produce gummy bear and man year, she was told to go to anger management and ThiS Week Onlyl stomach. Although the incident is Swedish Fish gummy sugar-laced pay a hefty fine of 1 ntillion dollars, which drained her rare; <: three other cases have been snacks. In addition, the Rodriguez trust fund from her daddy .. Now even the richest, most A Super 75% Clearance Sale at Old repol¢ed since 1995. family was rewarded $400 ntillion generous dads lose patience, and she was cut off finan- ',' Upon Rodrguez's death, her cash, given in one hundred dollar cially-s-except for room and board, the car, and the $500 Navy. ·1'a.iJtilYimmediately pressed charges bills as requested. a month allowance. But you can't shop designer on that against Cadbury Schweppes. The Once a ruler in the cinema kind of budget! Contact Areti at [email protected]. ' company avoided the issue until it world, the Sour Patch Kids now find In quiet desperation, Areti, ever prideful, had to slum for more details. . ',,' resurfaced in 2006 when family and themselves out of work and hungry. it. She pulled into the parking lot of the Crystal Man for , . THE RIGHTS OF SPRING trious career as the premiere .pop "Man, Paul, who does this subur- A man with lipstick says "I'm I,

song satirist in , sending in ban white boy Mayer think he is? comfortable with my masculinity." j bootleg tapes to the late night radio Supposedly playing true bluesy rock The classic red pout a la Steve show hosted by Dr. Demento. and dating that ditzy blonde idiot? Buscemi in Billy Madison or the Penned on his accordion, a present What a joke, sbe's bardly, a foxy sweetheart look in carnation pink. 'are he received from his kindly parents lady. That kid bas no clue what it always stylish. as a child, Yankovic spoofed Top Ten means to feel the blues. And what hits "My Sharona" by the Knack and about that jersey-wearing poser MONEY IN THE BANK. "Another One Bites The Dust" by Randolph? Growing up playing in Mary-Kate's fugly look saves he Queen. "My Bologna" and "Another the cburcb? Talk about bor-ing. The billions. gaid the Salvation Anny fo One Rides The Bus" cast the spot- world needs to prepare itself. I'm l1annel and plaid, wear the sam light on Al and his uncanny ability to stringing up a couple Fenders, grow- lights for a week and get a huge bag write absurd lyrics and possess a .ing my hair out and tie-dying some to carry your life in. Ashley tends to vari~ty of voices. Tbe accordion also new threads. It's on." look like a ntillion bucks becaus.· lent to tbe novelty. Hendrix?! Damn. Things were that's what she spends on clothes, Many thougbt he was just a pass- reany coming together. but MK's got it right: you don't noed ' ing phase, but Weird AI quickly (and has reany been dying for some gui- to spend cash on pants, a ,Place .f ..I permanently) intlltrated the music tar gods to get back on the scene and your stuff, or food. a&e co-editor industry. He became a force to be a&e associate editor Hendrix would be the one to make a&e co-editor reckoned with, and no one was safe that bappen. I wondered who his SLW 'N SLIDE. ~:.."Amish Paradise," "Dare To Be from his spoofs. He intitated Although 2007 bas always signi- announcement would inspire. Well it Spring is here. Ten ways to stay You don't need to be either.a. Stupid," "Fat" and "White and Madonna's sexy writhing in his fied the year to graduate from col- was something truly strange. Jerry ahead of the Irends: drunken Englisb prince or Italian Nerdy" are all contemporary clas- video "Like a Surgeon," made Kurt lege for me, maybe it should have Garcia, the king of the Dead, and a fashionista for this one: just walk as, sics, cleverly written and performed Cobain look like a drugged-up fool also meant the year for... super special friend. MAKE ME OVER. you nOlmally would and casually by' Ihe genius that is Weird Al in "Smells Like Nirvana" and rocked comebacks. , Rage "Dude. 1ran into this guy, Tupac. Never, ever leave home without Irip yourself. Flashbulbs will flash yankovic. He is like Al Green, suave Coolio's braids harder than Coolio Against the Machine, the list goes on while jamnting at a show a couple your face. Corne on, we don't want and you'll be basking in glamour. .cnarismatic singing catchy pop in "Amish Paradise." Most recently and on. But when I started getling weeks back. Who would bave to see your natural beauty. Puh-Iease. It's the 21st century reinterpretalion ' , but weird and Jewish. With he made the brilliant video "White the cal1s, from supposed "blocked known that rappers are actually tal.. Generously flushed cheeks, loads of of the famous "Bend and Sn4P": udia coming up and no buzz and Nerdy," satirizing numbers," 1 knew this year would be ented artists! I'm pissed that I never fire engine red lipstick, and an all made famous by Elle Woods. :bpill a headliner, J propose that Chamillionaire's "Ridin' Dirty." He special. The first came from tbe one collaborated with any when I was white face is the latest in clown-chic. ~ Al headlines this year's event. fondly represents everything dorky: and only, Brad Nowell. alive in the real world. So 1 am cur- GENDER-BENDER . • Wperforming at The Bamboozle; Star Trek, Segways, a Prius, action "Hey man, just thought I would rently dreanting about the hip·hop SPANDEX. ALL SPANDEX. The Iransvestite playing the KIng . timate festival for all things figures, Star Wars, Ping Pong, and let you know that I've decided to and country worlds colliding when 1 Eddie Murphy is a God and to of Persia in 13001 had it all: gold . and "scene" and he will be braces. It also includes a hilarious reunite Sublime. The coke and hero- return. I'm thinking super jams with show off your own hot stuff, get a chains, legions of men, divine staWS, rtably sandwiched between cameo by Donny Osmond, the king in in the after-life just basn't been sick freestyles and beats. lt'l1 be the body-conscious 100% spandex leo- belly dancers, pomp and perfectly ~ Brand New and . of everything white bread. doing it for me anymore. The girls new groove of the century." tard. Get a lilac one and wear a fuch- arched brows. Keep classmales ~vious that he is confident with Weird Al is the coolest guy in are starting to hit the beaches in "Oh Jerry, well Ihave to tell you sia boa with it. It will boost your guessing by adopting the KIng's Sig- ids and concertS. show business. He has a sense of SoCal, the waves are more ready that that fusion has already hap- confidence and works well for guys nature ~ook and the girls will daace : 1,jr,i,"Ili'ustme, I have seen him live humor, abundant talent, and a hum- iban ever and that crappy Iribute pened. It's called crunk. And yeah, it and gals. up on you. *wink* . He came to the Garde bling demeanor. He is just like us: a band, Badfisb, is getting too big for sucks," Itold him. i~r during 8th grade, and I (former) col1ege student who did their own good.! thought it was time He sounded disappointed. PARK IT-THE TRAILER, PARTY LIKE IT'S 1999, ~ out to "Like a Surgeon." He wel1 in high school and loves his to hop on down to the real world and "Yeah, Nas is really right; hip- THAT IS. Yea, I just referenced Prince. engaging performer, who has parents. Who needs a pompous rock get the true dub style back in motion. hop is dead," I said. Trashy is the new classy. Fol1ow And what? Remember, whatever IOU . talent (he sounds just like he star who indulges in excess and ego Hope you can make it back to a "Wen is Phish still going? They in Britney's footsteps and wear a do, no undies! ~ on the records!) and the charis- stroking? I want someone who show!" had something special developing," cbeap blonde wig, plastic round sun- -:to win oyer any crowd, not mat- makes fun of other people and Well, that was a pleasant sur- he responded. When be beard the glasses, cut-off ntini and a ligbt top JOIN THE CLUB. critical. Floralia is an atmos- indulges by writing songs about prise. Sublime was always known truth of their break-up, he seemed without underwear and bra, natural- Divorce court is so passe and Oreos and Rocky Road! Who wants where Weird AI's catchy gems for their rowdy and not so musically bummed. "Sounds like I'm going to ly. only one couple can make adop!J thrive. Drunken kids who to listen to guitar shredding solos.? ! complex live shows. But still, who bave to stay up bere and see what 1 in third-world countries look g Britney Spears' Children ElY SOPHIE FITZGERALD boys herself, Lynne agreed that Brad ana staff writer Angelina's intervention would draw more , .Just this week, the publicists of Brad Pitt publicity and perhaps rally Britney's fans to and-Angelina Jolie have confinned that the support her again. couple Will adopt Sean Preston and Jayden Britney Spears could not be reached for J""'!"s Federline, Britney Spears' children. comment, but her publicist only confirmed This IS stunning news as the couple recently her approval of the adoption. In light of her welcomed a Vietnamese boy, Pax, into their recent behavior, since shewas neither seen family. With Sean and Jayden, the Pitt-Jolie with an umbrella or more tattoos, one cart family will have six children, all under the assume that she is content with the new ag,,;:of five. According to their publicists, arrangement. It is unclear whether Or not the and adoption will be permanent. Britney's mother, both came to the conclu- Kevin Federline's publicist revealed, sian that the children would be in better "Federline plans on visiting his sons fre-, hands if they were to live with Brad and quently 'or as often as his revived music Angelina, career will allow. He expects that when he is the biggest artist in the world, he will not -The couple's publicist reported, "Brad have time to properly raise his children," and Angelina are overjoyed to adopt two There is some speculation that with the chil- more children. They really love the chance dren out of the picture, Spears and Federliue to rescue children from third world countries might be able to make amends and fix their or,..w,Sean and layden's case, extremely dire marriage. familial situations. Pax will also appreciate Britney Spears' publicist stated "Britney adjusting to the family along with Sean and Jayden," is simply trying to get her life back in orden When she can take care of herself properly, Kevin Federline's publicist reported that she hopes to regain custody of her children. he was initially reluctant to give up his two Spears can recuperate knowing if it takes her children. Yet, when his planned March 24th Thefolie-Pitt Family (left) and Kevin Federline with his son Sean (right) 20 years to get back on track, at least her . birthday bash in , Nevada, was beloved Sean and Jayden are in good canceled due to lack of both interest and in my life to care for my children. 1 really need to go back to dancing for real music rumored that Lynne Spears strongly encour- hands." Sean and Jaydcn are to move into sponsorship, the boys' father had a change •need to focus on my failing career and get artists ro re-establish myself. I cannot be aged Federline to give up his children. the lolie-Pitt household by the end of April. of heart. He said, "I'm not in the right place my name back in the music business. I may there for my sons and revive my career." It is Although she initially offered to care for the 'Hot Off the Press Artiste Claire Dowd: Good with her Hands BY KEVIN FEDER LINE Bt DICK CLARK via tunnel. After a publicity bonanza 'I'''' in March 2006 when a paparazzo contributing writer sold photographs of Dowd doing the . , contributing writer worm across the sidewalk of stars in Bobby Brown joins Boyz II her pipes, but now claims, after Never a fan of conventions, Hollywood, she's been disenchanted Men. being romantically linked with Claire Dowd's donn room is plas- with people wanting to make a quick . "J.1t'5 reported that various mem- Method Man, that she can't get tered with pictures of a Bengal tiger buck off her eccentricities. "The hers of Boyz Jl Men were concerned enough of that spearaminty menthol cub carrying a dead snake in its tabloid culture and the cult of about Brown's antics and disclosed taste. mouth. The pictures are the inspira- celebrity cause so' much stress and information that they had already, tion for her current project, a life- anxiety for me, I love the LA scene, unsuccessfully recruited every other Robert Downey Jr. opens long dream fulfillment of becoming but I don't want anyone to see me all member of New Edition. Beverly Hills Babies. a sculptor. "I really enjoy the con- the time. I wouldn't be exciting." '" r:.,' "I've always been good with tours of bodies and the ability to A longtime advocate of alterna- to appear in kids," Downey says. evoke different emotions-like dif- tive spiritual experiences, she finds Playgirl. ferent movements in poetry." Armed the dark, dank space invigorating. When asked about the situation, Nelly builds on his role in "The with a modem, devil-may-care atti- "It's so mysterious in there, some- West told reporters, "It was only a Longest Yard" by signing two- tude, Dowd stores her collection in times I forget who I am and that, & matter of time." ' year contract with Carolina her Fairfield, Connecticut basement. the dopest feelin'. That's when 1 Panthers, The snake is keeping with the wake up and start ehewing wads of Aerosmith to cover RUN· He quickly got on the bad side of mythological traditions that her the pink stuff." Sitting on massive DMC's "My A.D.I.D.A.s!' management when he demanded the pieces explore, and the overpower- silk-embroidered pillows she made- Said Joe Perry: "We've had a lot team come out to "E.I" before every ing sensuousness of the tiger juxta- herself, Dowd takes a sip of the rose of trouble appealing to the new game. Said head coach, John Fox, poses wen. "It's a little unexpected. tea she carried back from a hiking youth, and we figured that since it "This guy wouldn't even be in the It's sexy and well-versed in the clas- jaunt last week in Nepal. worked for those guys back in the NFL if it wasn't for Sandler's hero- sics," she explains. "Keeping my "Word. I'm cutting edge, and if. 80s with us, we might as well give it ics aga.inst those jail guards." work fresh is always a concern, and Bump-A-Bump Bump Bubble Gum through the set for Night at the you just don't get it, you're not cool a try. Plus, Steve's been working on I got really bored with plaster and Award for new talent in alternative Museum and surrounded by all these enough." I fear she will start hyper- his rhymes and he's really excited Steely Dan changes name to marble when I was about 5 or 6. art. With a lifetime supply of the gnarly creatures. So, I pulled out my ventilating as she bursts OUl laugh- about taking Run's verse," Oily Joe. That's when I started using bubble- pink gooey goodness, Dowd plans to pocket-sized disguise kit and voila! ing. With a smirk she concludes, "1 Gatta appeal to the new sex toy gum, and let me tell you, it's an tackle her dream sculpture: a true- If I don't know the hustle, then I'm want to stan a revolution in the art . _. Fat Joe looks to embark on market, you know? amazing material to work with. It's .to-life replica of a wooly mammoth. not from CT. Represent!" She world; we goua get kids back into WWEcareer. incredibly liberating to get away "Out cruising one night, I saw laughs hysterically and then paces the scene and we goua make it more He's going to have to start small Jennifer Lopez is making from the hardness classical sculpture the cop sirens in my rearview, and I the basement to regain composure. accessible and less pretentious. A lit. which is really difficult for the rap- Jennifer Mopeds. presents," I was like [expletive deleted). So, like She pulls aside a heavy purple tle humor goes a long way. AD

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APPLY BY APRIL 23. At Quinnipiac University School of Law, you'll find everything 61{·3~·5124 you need to succeed. From a challenging yet supportive academic • Outstanding faculty 1~~v,bu,edU/Su/1)merAnlernshlp environment to faculty members who will become intellectual • Rigorous academic programs colleagues. From live-client clinics to real-world externships, • Six concentrations ., -.. Plus annual merit scholarships ranging from $3,000 to full • Extensive experiential .. tuition. For more information, visit http://la\v.quinnipiac.edu learning opportunities or call 1-800-461-1944. • Student faculty ratio 15:1 'tiII"L'- • , TH' COLLEG. VOIC' • MARCH 30, 2007. ) The College Voice Photo Contest

YOU COULD WIN $100!!!

~~,'Cv I~ ~I~~h ~eek there will be a different theme in which Conneciticut College students, faculty and staff may submit up to three digital black and ·~l.lte Images: The editorial and photography editing staff will judge and pick a weekly winner, which will be printed in The Voice each 'l~k. The Winners of each weekly cont~st will be put i.ntoa p~ol for ~he"semest~r's best" photo .cont~st, which will be judged by The Voic;e 90ft, Photography Professor Ted Hendenckson, Alumni Magazine Editor Susan Lindberg, and Slide Librarian Mark Brownstein.

HOW TO ENTER: l~,u:bmitup to 3 .(black and white only) digital photographs to [email protected]. The deadline is Wednesday by 11:59 pm. *It is pos-: sible forThe VOice to change color submissions to black and white before judging.*

Att~Ch information--name, e-mail, campus box #, and title of each photograph . .pnonat; Include a one or two sentence description of photo

*Stay Tuned For More College Voice Photo Contest Information Following Spring Break*

" Congratulations to Maia Monteagudo for winning last week's theme: "Movement."

'fthis is a photo of the sculpture outside of Cummings. When thinking about motion.• I wanted a photograph that represented my interpretation of beauty, : !omething simple. The spinning cube and the sunlight represent the beauty o( not only the Conn campus, but also the simplicity that can be found in the , little things in life." - Maia Monteagudo

• 0/• ,, 0/ Joke Issue.

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Guess the Breed

Across By Bob Klahn 1. Mutt's mate 2 3 10 11 12 13 5. Palindromic pop quartet 1:-:--+--+--1- 9. Aboveboard 14 16 14. Jai tail? f-:: ,..-+-+--+--- 17 19 15. Montgomery and Rommel 21 16. Jordan's only seaport Hint: It's not a comet. 17. Teri of "Mer Hours" 18. Hooters 19 Mint Last Issue: Rhodesian Ridgeback (Lion hunter) 20. Region of Nicaragua 23. Phone beginner 24. Phone 25. "Viva Zapata!" star 28. It may be hard to swallow 29.Yahoo 32. Juiie in "Dr. Zhivago" 33. Where to find Word Search: secondhand rows 36. West of Gotham City? 55 56 57 58 37. Real Quiet bit B WEE S H A Q B R Y X G E C Y A 38. Slave of opera 59 60 61 Y OHHRWELGLMMLKATS 39. "Romper Room" urging· r:c62;:---1-+-+-f- 63 64 G W PRE G NAN T S A X 0 K E M 43. Grable or Gable ·U Q 0 M P M R COG N U M R C F C 44. "The NannV' has three of them V C Y N WAF NEB Q A P B T A K 3. Casino game 34. Words of admiration 45. Deadly shark + N 4. Bob, Ted, Carol, or Alice 35. Haile Selassie, to some EVE L ERE T P A H C M D S M 46. Like certain teenage 5. In conflict with 40. Adds up "F FHODININQNMDOAKX turtles 6. He was a knife guy 41. _ Butler (voice of 'T REVADACMGDMGDOCL 48. "The Music Man" setting 7. Big swig Huckleberry Hound, Chilly ~.F 49. Greek salad chunks U 0 Z E F D B SUA D S N W P D 8. Marx, to Engels Willy, et al) 50. Groucho in "Duck Soup" X B CRT T SED X I G COl U Q 9. UC-San Diego site 42. Comes out of hiding 55. Priestley of "Love and D 10. One, to one 47. All-purpose truck, for short UIXYRVDCEBMECNNW Death on Long Island" 11. Hoedown honeys 48. Poker concession B F S K T I Z N DIE Z P D J A E 56. Half a Chinese circle 12. "A likely story!" 49. "To Kill a Mockingbird" Q HGWTU J Q D C L N Q 0 U 0 D 57. Levels a Luger 13. Beer barrel poker lawyer Atticus S 59. Inclined A LAC I C R B K B J MAR X J 21. Proof letters 50. Number of prime interest 60. Grimm beginning D D X 0 P C SZVBHGXEKZ 22. Unflappable 51. Voice of America oru x 61. "Chariots of Fire" finale 25. Cutting edge 52. Phyllis Diller's "husband" o A K U B M D J L K PTE V D Q V 62. Droplets 26. Unwelcome house gas 53. Neeson of "Nell" L RLZPYUJJJVOYGIYP 63. Sounds of disgust 27. Gaza Strippers 54. 1978 Village People hit 64. Film format for tall 28. He sang "Beauty And The 55. Bowe blow tales? CADAVER Beast' with Celine 58. Safe or fair follower Down CAMPUS 29. Wakayama woofer 1. Bender 30. Chair on poles CHAPTERELEVEN 2. Jack who played Jake in 31. Genesis CONDOMBROKE "Big Bad John" DOGDIED ENGAGED FIRED INJURED LAXATIVES NEEDBAILNOW PREGNANT SAFETY

:1 . 8 6 5 1 4 5 4 6 I Sudoku I i 4 9 8 8 4 5 1 I 4 3 8 6 2 6 1 8 9 3 4 '~ Fill the grid so that i 4 1 6 8 3 2 9 1 7 3 7 5 2 every row, every 5 3 6 5 3 8 2 2 4 2 9 7 6 6 8 2 8 7 9 ~:\, column and every 2 3 1 7 4 6 8 9 6 4 4 3 1 I J; 3X3 box contains 6 5 9 3 6 5 2 7 2 7 1 6 the digits 1-9. 2 7 9 1 4 5 7 8 5 2 3 i ~" ~ .", '-Ill' • j ~~.~. Easy Medium Hard \ li.",..,.- Camel Students ToDodge Balls In 2007 THB COLLBGB VOICB • MARCH 30, 2007· 9

By Matt Fava Coming Out: A Vegetarian's Story perfect school for them. Whether or teams to successful campaigns, r=---- Sports Writer By Ben Eagle not dodgeball affects actual aca- especially in relation to the recent Reactions from Michaels' team- in it," Tufts Athletic Director, DaJ demic merit, the administration here success of the men's tennis pro- Sports writer . After finally becoming fed up mates were mixed, but most players Cover, said. One could only imag:j at CC is coming to the staggering gram, Huch has proved his capabil- With the trend of falling to the bot- The Connecticut College men's felt as though they could continue to ine how they would deal with vege- realization that the numbers do mat- ities as a reputable collegiate coach, tom of the NESCAC in the majority basketball team was in for a shock play alongside him. "As far as bas- tarian meals. ter in the NESCAC, and that this is regardless of the specific task at of varsity Sports offered here at this previous week when their star ketball-wise, I'm Sure 1 could still Although, Michaels is confiden a great way to advance the reputa- hand. Connecticut ColIege, the student player and NESCAC Defensive play with him," Tyler Rebound '08, that there are others like him out tion of the college. In order to make this new varsi- Player of the Year Eric Michaels '07 body and the athletic department the team's starting power forward there, "I don't know if there are a lot, Furthermore, the level of ty sport as accessible to the college revealed a secret he had been keep- have come up with a solution. The said. "As long as he doesn't bring but there are some," Michaels said. involvement in terms of varsity ath- community as possible, it will be ing since he was a child. On one sport in which CC is sure to any of his vegetarianism on me." "But coming out is different for each letics is also sure to increase around designated a fall sport. The athletic Tuesday, surrounded by his team- dominate has now been made avail- Others were floored by the news. person. The decision is theirs and campus. Those students who previ- department, wanting to waste no mates and family at Charles B. Luce able at the varsity level - DODGE- "I've seen him eat meat before," theirs alone, and I don't think that ously were excluded from the clout time, will be initiating the program Fieldhouse, Michaels revealed that John Harding, the team's manager BALL! The belief is that this new they should be pressured or pushed of varsity athletics will now have a right away, initiating the recruiting he was, in fact, a vegetarian. "I said. Michaels had been fooling his program will improve many of the for the good of the vegetarian com- new window of opportunity to enter process this spring and starting team haven't eaten meat since Iwas five," teammates in the past by eating tofu issues previously thought to be defi- munity." into the high octane world of NCAA workouts in late August 2007. Michaels said. "And 1 don't plan on dogs and veggie burgers. "When you ciencies around the campus com- What are their reservations abou competition. The hope among those For more information about this eating it anytime soon." munity. cook them up on the grill, tofu dogs coming out? \ initiating this brilliant idea is that amazing opportunity, contact Coach Michaels. who was a basketball look exactly like hot dogs," "It's a frightening prospect. It's The varsity dodgebalI team will this elevated varsity involvement Paul Huch or the athletic depart- star at North Catholic High School, Michaels said. "No one ever knew terrifying," Michaels said. "All those be a coed program and is sure to will translate into greater Camel ment. It is up to the student body to said his mother used to pack him the difference." buffet dinners after games or on road attract more applicants to the class Pride among the student body. make this tremendous effort worth sprouts and carrots for snacks at Though the Camels seem to have trips. No one wants to be the guyl of 2012, thereby boosting the Heading the CCDT will be the while, and show just how great halftime. "J would take my plastic taken the news well, Michaels notes who orders a salad." admission prestige of the college. always versatile Paul Huch. After Connecticut College can be. So get Tupperware and eat in a dark comer that reactions across the NESCAC But now that he is out, Michaels There is no doubt in the mind of the coaching the varsity tennis teams at the throwing arms ready, remember of the locker room," Michaels said. may be mixed. "I'm not sure if intends to educate his teammates on athletic department that the new Connecticut College for four years, to stretch, and DODGEBALL. "I just didn't want anyone to see schools like Amherst, Williams, and the wonders of vegetarianism. "I'm dodgeball program will convince Huch made the addition of the me." Michaels' mother, Susan especially Tufts are ready for news going to take them down to th hundreds, or even thousands, of Men's and Women's Varsity Squash Michaels, praised her son for the like this." Michaels singled out Tufts Vegetarian Enclave and order every- high-school seniors that Conn is the teams look easy. Leading the squash role-model he has become for due to the recent suspension of start- body some stuffed red peppers. It's younger children. "He will defmite- ing point guard, Toby Seasons, who going to be great." Iy help a lot of kids feel better about had a peanut allergy. "We just could- Conn, Football themselves as they grow up." n't have team dinners without nuts , L.--- continued from page 10 future of the program. He is already hosting spring try- Final Four tenure, at Conn, so he still has four years of eligibility to outs for all the current students who want to play next realize his dream of playing tackle football. The gangly year. And the early returns are better than the coach pre- continued from page 10 final four game, the Georgetown guards in Ron Lewis and Mike senior, who boasts a bruising 6'0" 140 lb frame, is viously expected. "We had a few guys trying out for to win the national championship. Hoyas will face the State Conley Jr. as well as the best big "ready to put on the pads and protect our undefeated quarterback who could actually throw the ball twenty Not to mention the story lines that Buckeyes. Georgetown has finally man in the country, freshman Greg record." Stulen is expected to start at defensive end. yards downfield, in the airI" exclaimed Parcells. Who accompany each team heading into made it back to national prominence Oden. Many football analysts speculate at how well the knows, perhaps the Connecticut College student body the show-down in this week- after a significant lull since the mid- I don't know who is going to win Conl. 'football team will do in their first year of exis- was laden with football talent without anyone even end. Florida is looking to repeat as 90's. They are a team that arguably because the remaining teams are all tence.' They question the talent level of the team since • knowing it. Regardless, the Camels are ready to embrace champions; they returned all their features the best all-around player in so even. But what I do know is that Parcells is calling on several players who have never the first true year of football in the school's history. With key players from last year's squad. the country, Jeff Green. And then we this has been a great NCAA men's even .played football before to anchor the team. a .certain amount of luck, we just may preserve that UCLA, who plays Florida in the have Ohio State, a program that fin- basketball tournament, cinderellas However, the "Tuna" does not seem worried about the undefeated record. final four, is looking to avenge their ished the regular season as the unan- or not. loss to the Gators in last year's imous number one team in the land. B::ig Game championship game. In the other The Buckeyes feature some great continued from page 10 I games. His pedigree and resume is legendary and his fit- the size of Rhode Island. The primary object of ting nickname only ads to his mystic and brutality at continued from page 10 after toying with the idea of putting Cy Young Award winner - Chris - doh't die. The secondary object of the game is to kill , ' which his competitors quiver with fear - beware of the they have the strongest rotation (at him in the starting rotation, the Sox Carpenter - in ERA by almost an as many of the 1000 Gemsbuck, Springbuck, and small Cheetah hunter and Thulani "Aza" Arria (the powerful least on paper), as well as one of the front office was hoping Clemens entire run (Carpenter 2.83, Clemens Dyker as one possibly can. The favorite for this event one). most dominant closers in the history would retum to the site of his MLB 1.87) to go along with his 13 wins has to be Thulani Arria and his Leopard, Lukas. No matter what the results and who the victors will of the game in Mariano Rivera. origins. Instead, it appears thatjour- and 185 strikeouts. I Altho~gh, cheetahs have proven to be the more formida- be, one thing is for certain - the "Big Game" World Clemens' decision to return to neyman reliever Julain Tavarez has If Clemens can stay healthy and ble p~dator over the years of this competition, proving Championships will be riveting and exciting both for the Bronx comes at an awkward been slotted in as the Sox's fifth make 30 or more starts, there's a that their speed. agility and slyness create a clear advan- competitors and fans alike. time, indeed, as he had previously starter. and there's a chance Jon strong likelihood he will approach tageiin the open plains of the African wilderness - their Tune in to the National Geographic Channel and let been proclaiming his desire to post- Lester will replace Tavarez in the or surpass 20 wins. With such a kill quota decreases during the night (unable to kill an the wild side of Africa grip you with fear and excite- pone a decision until the season had rotation at some point in the season, great Yankees lineup providing run animal or competitor and only wounding it is an auto- ment. gotten underway. In fact, a decision Clemens broke into the major support (and the help of a strong rnatic five point penalty). Lukas on the other hand is the "Ahhh when in Rome ... " was not expected from Clemens leagues in 1984 with the Sox and bullpen and pressure being alleviat- king' of the night, racking up more kills in a single ses- "Yes Ron ... Tu'shay.i.When in Africa." until two months into the season, at has pitched every year since. Among ed by a strong supporting cast in the sion: than any other competitor in the history of the • the very least. The news of the his many MLB awards are AL MVP rotation), the AL Cy Young Award Clemens signing will come as a (1986), AL Cy Young (1986, 87, 91, winner may be coming out of, the huge disappointment to the Astros 97, 98, 0 I), and NL Cy Young AL East in 2007 for the first lime and Red Sox. both of whom had (2004), and he was named to the since Roy Halladay of the also been vying for the ace's servic- All-Century Team in 1999. Over the Blue Jays in 2003 (and it won't es. The Astros seemingly needed course of his career, the Rocket has Dice-K, Josh Beckett, or Jonathon Clemens's services the most, as pitched 4817.2 innings in 691 Papelbon, sorry my fellow Sox their only proven starter is Roy games and has compiled 4604 fans). Once the signing becomes Bolton likes The Voice. Oswalt. Newcomers Jason Jennings strikeouts, 348 wins, and a 3.10 official, the Yankees will undoubt- and Woody Williams will prove to ERA. Like a fine wine, Clemens has edly shoot up everyone's 'World be solid contributors, but are only gotten better with age (a good Series favorites' list straight to the nowhere near the same caliber play- thing considering he turns 45 this top. The only solace 1 can offer to er as Roger Clemens. The Red Sox season). In spite of sub-par run sup- Sox fans is this: we still have lhe bolstered their rotation this winter port, Clemens recorded 7 wins, 102 Wild Card. with the signing of Matsuzaka, but strikeouts, and a 2.30 ERA last sea- after deciding to move Jonathon son with the Astros in only 19 starts. Papelbon back to the closer's role In 2005, Clemens bested that year's

You like Bolton.

You like The Voice. I- I 10 • MARCH 30, 2007 • TuB COLLBGB VOICB CAMELSPORTS I- An Conn To Get Football Team In Fall '07 Clemens In Exciting By Eric DeBear A Yankee Sports Editor March As part of a momentous new development for the Connecticut Uniform? Whew! What a month of college College athletics program, Athletic A shot through the heart of Red basketball. As always the NCAA Director Fran Shields has Sox Nation, the whole AL East, and tournament has managed to meet the announced that next year will be the baseball fans worldwide: Roger standard of excitement set by its first year that Conn will field a foot- Clemens is set to be announced as ~(edecessors. And this is a fact that ball team. This announcement, the New York Yankees newest off- should not go which comes as a surprise to many season acquisition within the next over-looked students on campus who never week. by any sports thought they would see Camels As many of you know, J interned fan. With the playing a rough and tumble sport at NESN last summer, and I have incredible such as football, will undoubtedly maintained sphere of change the landscape of athletics at contact with influence that Connecticut College. But, Shields several the media has had another announcement that was friends there. ERIC DEBEAR corne to even more amazing than the creation My weekday envelop (tv, Viewpoint of a gridiron team in New London. producer, internet, radio The A.D. has lured former-Cowboys D a v i d etc), big "events" can often become Coach and Super Bowl winner Bill Trainor, over-saturated with hype. No matter Parcells to lead Conn into a new era recently how much the media plays it up at CHRIS HELMS of football. informed me the beginning of the month, March VIEWPOINT The Conn football team has been that he's Madness never fails to disappoint in the butt of many jokes by the student heard from a the end. On par for the course, this body in recent times. Perhaps this is plethora of high-ranking Boston Red year's tournament has been a memo- due to the fact that we have never Coach Parcells can miraculously to rely on a NCAA rule that allows est for a population at Conn who Sox officials that Roger Clemens has rable one already and we haven't had a football team. The numerous lure some of the nation's best talent those stndents who have not partici- was previously very lazy. Many agreed to terms on a contract with even reached the final four yet. sarcastic jokes pertaining to this lack to this tiny NESCAC school. The pated in varsity athletics to maintain male students at Conn who had once the Evil Empire and that they're just ..... Of course, there has been one of a team spawned a line of t-shirts "Big Tuna", as Parcells is referred to eligibility in terms of playing sports. settled for watching football on tele- waiting to announce the signing Atajor factor that sets this tourna- in the book store touting the football due to his large frame, is not opti- Thus, the Conn students who have vision are now able to play one of because -based ace has not ment apart from others; a noticeable team's "undefeated record". Of mistic about the talent pool that he gone four years without participat- the most popular sports in America yet completed his required physical lack of upsets in the first two rounds. course, the only reason the Camel has to choose from for the inaugural ing in varsity athletics will be able to here in New London, Connecticut Clemens's contract is rumored worth These upsets have become a staple team was undefeated is because they season in 2008. When asked about play four years of football for Coach College senior Seth Stulen is one between $22 and $26 million for the of March Madness in years past, CU]- had never played a game, hence who he had recruited, Parcells Parcells. And with the creation of example of many such students 2007 season alone and early specula- .minating in George Mason's remaining unbeaten since the col- responded with an ominous, "I got the new football team coming so late looking to play for Coach Parcells tion shows that Clemens will be improbable run to the final four last lege was created in 191 I. However, nothing." Although, this develop- in the academic year, Parcells was next year. Stulen did not participate granted a player option for the 2008 year. Part of the tournament's charm come next year, these shirts will ment does not come as a surprise to not able to recruit much new talent in varsity sports during his four year and 2009 seasons, meaning that is that almost any team has a chance have to be removed from the store Camel die-hard fans who knew that from outside the current student Clemens may plague the batters of to win a game or two, no matter how because our undefeated record may things would be rough early-on for body. SEE CONNFOOTBALL the AL East while wearing Yankee ~mall the school. But this year, there actually be in jeopardy for the first the new program. Fortunately for Parcells, this eli- pinstripes for the next three seasons. were only two significant upsets in time in 96 years. That is unless For next year, Parcells will have gibility rule has sparked great inter- Continued on page nine Clemens has been granted the ability the first round; this is a miniscule to remain with the Houston Astros number compared to past tourna- during their spring training period ments. But make no mistake about it, The Big Game World Championships: This Is Africa! and a short while into the season as the lack of "cinderellas" in the 2007 he continues assisting his son, Kobe, tournament does not mean that it has by locals simply as Balondemu, 0 in his development, but he will join been a bad month of basketball. In the chosen one. Balondemu is a ride the Yanks several weeks into the sea- fact, I think this has made it just the from the Mnsoga's in Uganda and son (apparently no later than April opposite. has been the regional bareback rid- 15th). " Like any fan of college basket- ing champion for the past 10 years. Clemens will join an already for- ball, I can appreciate when "david" With his tame yet vigorously power- midable Yankees rotation and will slays "goliath." But, where a lack of ful Rhinoceros, Randy, Balondemu most likely end up as their top upsets may have contributed to less has dazzled and entertained thou- starter. After dumping Randy excitement in round one of this sands of Big Game fans. Many Johnson and Jaret Wright (and year's tournament, itjust led to more sports pundits and legends of the acquiring a good number of solid excitement later on. While many of game feel that this will be prospects in return) earlier in the off- the weaker teams may be able to pull Balondemu's stage. A colossal battle season, the Yanks brought in Andy off one or two upsets in the opening of titans will take place on the banks Pettitte, re-signed Mike Mussina, rounds, they are generally over- of the white Zambezi, as man and and received word that Carl Pavano matched,. when they meet up with a beast struggle against all elements to was finally healthy (and it appears lop seed. However, when there are prevail as champion of the bareback that Pavano will remain the team's no cinderellas early on, this trans- riding competition. In this spor opening day starter, as Clemens will lates to higher seeds playing other there are no second places. While not join the club in time for theirfirst higher seeds as the tournament pro- crocodiles and fresh water sharks game). Nineteen-game winner gresses. In theory, this is exactly patrol the edges of the Zambezi, this Chien-Ming Wang will return, but what the NCAA is looking for when is dubbed as one of the toughest and will be sidelined early on - like they seed teams based on their per- most challenging courses eve Pettitte - with a minor injury. ith formance over the season. Even invented. Course designer Asatira the addition of Clemens - the c st though upsets are fun and exciting Bongwani said, "We know that the thing to a perennial 20 game w: !l for everyone, in most cases, the tal- course is a challenging one, and we the MLB has left (aside from fohlm ent level of a higher seeded squad know that there has been a lot 0 Santana) - the Yankees starting rota- s~rpasses that of the cinderella team. criticism amongst the Bareback tion will look something like this: Thus, as we have witnessed this Riding public - but we are confident Roger Clemens, Chien-Ming Wang, year, a lack of upsets equates to and hopeful that the death toll of last Mike Mussina, Andy Pettitte, and more "watchable" basketball and an year's event will not be reached." A Carl Pavano. overall higher level of play. last year's final round, starlet Zina If you're looking at this potential • What this tournament lacked in Shoorai and other riders were rotation and feeling a little nervous, excitement through the first round a The scene may be quiet for now, but the Big Game World Championships are ready to take the African Continent by storm this year (Web). bucked off their beasts and the grea well, so am I. The Yanks once again games, it more than made up for that White Nile became their final rest- have trumped the Boston Red Sox, By Gerald Wols excitement in the sweet sixteen and of this blabber; let's get to the real are synonymous with the ing ground. In honor of this tragedy, whose off-season signings of right- elite, eight. There was no team pres- Sports Writer story. This year's "Big' Game" World Championships are as follows ... both competitor and beast will we fielder / on-base machine J.D. Drew, ent in the sweet sixteen that was Championships will take place in Non-Carnivores Bareback a black cloth around their left sleeve, speedster shortstop Julio Lugo, and seeded lower than seven. This meant There is an old saying in the the heart of Africa on the banks of Riding: An event interchangeable or hoof. Japanese pitching maestro Daisuke that the most talented teams were English language that goes some- the great Zambezi River in Zambia. with one man - Romani Stromsen, Big Cat Hunting: The big ca Matsuzaka pale in comparison to the facing off as the madness went on thing like this: "When in Rome, do Competitors from all corners of the loosely translated as Northern hunting competition is one of most latest move by the Bronx Bombers. ~ough March. It can be argued that as the Romans do." Of course the world will travel to compete in the Warrior, was born to a Norwegian watched sporting events in Africa. If the members of the Yankees rota- six of the eight sweet sixteen games meaning of this idiom is simply 25th annual event. No other event in father Lars Stromsen, a brawny The Super Bowl, the 100 mete tion remain healthy, each starter pre- were great games; a number that has something you use when you are history challenges man's ability to woodcutter from the Northern dash, and the Indy 500 are all in the sumably has the chance [0 win J 5 or not been approached in past years. visiting another country (or find compete not against but with beast, regions of Norway and a Malawian same league as the Big Cat Hunting more games (remember hearing that And what does it all leave us yourself in uncharted territory); you to such an extreme. Throughout the princess, Tusekile Msiska. This Competition. In this event, man and about the Sox a few weeks ago with? Two of the most exciting final should behave like the people in that history of the championships there seven foot beast of a man, weighing beast challenge mere mortals and before Papelbon was moved back four match-ups in recent memory. country (or in that situation). In Ron have been many additions to the tra- in at a beefy 380 pounds, rides his the boundaries of life itself. Ten into the closer's role?). The Yankees Florida, UCLA, Georgetown, and Burgandy's case, it is something that ditional events which were featured Hippopotamus amphibius (or just teams made up of hunter and beas already boasted the most impressive Ohio State all have a legitimate shot you use unilaterally in any type of in the first ever "Big Game" World Hippo) Lucy. He is a seven time play against each other, in an arena lineup in the game; it now seems that situation or scenario - the football Championship's held in winner and will be looking to win SEE FINALFOUR team played with vigor and passion, Lumbumbashi, then Zaire. his eighth gold Big Game Medal. SEE BIG GAME SEE RIGERCLEMENS Continued on page nine "When in Rome". Anyway, enough The traditional two events which His main competitor is a man known Continued on page nine Continued 011page1I;lIe Camel Scoreboard Men's Lacrosse Men's Tennis M&W ROWing 3/28 CC 5, Tufts 9 3/29 CC 2, Tufts 7 4/7 Clark, Amherst @ Lake Quinsigamond 3/31 @ Amherst, 1:00 p.m. 3/31 @ Hamilton, 1:00 p.m. 4/14 WPI, Williams @ Lake Quinsigamond 4/4 Wesleyan, 4:30 p.m. 4/3 @ Springfield, 4:00 p.m. 4/15 Coast Guard, Thames River

, " , , Women's Lacrosse Women's Tennis Sailing 3/28 CC 9, Tufts 13 3/23 CC 7, WEC 2 3/31/4-1 Women: Joseph Duplin Trophy Intersect. @ Tufts 3/31 Amherst, 12:00 p.m. 4/7 @ Wellesley, 4:00 p.m. 3/31-4-1 Ferrarone Team Racing Intersect. @ ODU 4/4 @ Wesleyan, 6:30 p.m. ~. '1,\ 4/8 Colby, 2:00 p.m. 4/714-8 Women' President's Trophy lnters set, @ BU