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Res Gestae Law School History and Publications

1996 Vol. 47, No. 3, October 7, 1996 University of Michigan Law School

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Recommended Citation University of Michigan Law School, "Vol. 47, No. 3, October 7, 1996" (1996). Res Gestae. Paper 6. http://repository.law.umich.edu/res_gestae/6

This Article is brought to you for free and open access by the Law School History and Publications at University of Michigan Law School Scholarship Repository. It has been accepted for inclusion in Res Gestae by an authorized administrator of University of Michigan Law School Scholarship Repository. For more information, please contact [email protected]. Vol. 47 No. 3 THE UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN LAw ScHoOL October 7, 1996 FEdERALIST SOCIETY SpONSORS AFFIRMATIVE ACTION DEbATE Future of Race-Based Classifications in Higher Education Discussed BY KEviN BRINGUEL, RG MANAGING EDITOR

On Tuesday, September 24, over one hundred students packed Room 220 to witness a debate on the future of affirmative action in higher educa­ tion. "Hopwood v. State of Texasand the Future of Racial Classifications in Law School Admissions Policies" was presented by the law school's chap­ ter of the Federalist Society for Law and Public Policy Studies. The debate featured U.M. Law Professor Roderick M. Hills and Dr. Michael S. Greve, Ex­ ecutive Director of the Center for Individual Rights in Washington, D.C. The Center, a public interest advocacy organization, was responsible for bring­ Prof. Roderick Hills takes notes as Dr. Michael S. Greve predicts ing the Hopwood case, in which the Fifth Circuit the end of race-based classifications in higher education. struck down as unconstitutional the University of Texas Law School's affirmative action admissions JOURNAL MORATORIUM ENDS policy. The students in attendance, who filled the seats Scarce Resources, Smaller Class Please see Debate, page 2 Limit Creation of New Publications BY Krus LENART AND HEATHER BVRROR JESSE JACKSON GETS RG CONTRJBUTING EDITORS DoWN WtTH THE VoTE Now that the moratorium on new journals is over, can stu­ dents safely contemplate the introduction of new journals? Since 1992, four new journals have been introduced. Despite con­ cerns over maintaining quality, increasing costs, and a limited ,k!so11 at�iPe'arfld. University budget, these journalsare thriving,expanding the op­ urn in fro owd sehede ribed.as portunities provided by the existing journals to reach a larger UmtedNations" on Monday, 23ser}tembe� as part segment of the student population. New journals could provide of hisnon�pmisan ''Get Down Mth theVote'' cam- even more opportunities for experience, but there are some con­ pus toursponsor .the National RainbowCoa- � cerns that the law school may not be able to support additional lition amiother or Jackison;w aS.� arthour late, and4tstudent .. journals. rllocal po1i:'''f tieianshad exhaustedall reasonable methodsof en:. Among the editors of the new journals as well as the Uni­ ga.g;j;ngthe crowd; audience members.we.re forced versity administration, money is a prime concern. The budget to participate in ':Tne Walle.'' Despite the delay, dictates the frequency of publication, which in turn influences students greeted Jae'ksom•s long-awaited arrival the quality of the submitted articles. According to Hardy Vieux, with ' at standin;g OM�on. + Editor-in-Chief of the Michigan Journalof Race & Law, the first 4 '4, Please see Journals, page 8 TheRes Gestae • October 7, 1996 • page 2

public schools' admissions policies face white,' and that, 'really, our preferences Debate a dim future, citing three reasons. First, are minor, like [giving weight to] truro­ continued frompage 1 he said, such racial classifications are un- pet-playing."' The third reason Dr. and took up spaces standing along the constitutional. He believes that the po- Greve believes such classifications have walls and sitting on the floor, were sitions takenin their defense-including no future is that the expected benefits treated to a fascinating role-reversing the somewhat novel one in Hopwood are illusory. "What you get is not ra­ presentation. The traditionally ''liberal" that the classificationswere necessary to cial harmony and integration," he said, argument was framed in terms of fear combat segregation, for without them the "but demoralization and resentment all of judicial activism and the sanctity of U.T. law school would have only white around." Having explained why he thought " race-based classifications were IF THERE IS A dOWNWARd SHIFT IN THE doomed, Dr. Greve addressed the ques­ MINORITY REpRESENTATION IN pubLIC INSTITU-- tion of what should happen in their stead. "lf there is a downward shift in TIONS, pRIVATE INSTITUTIONS CAN piCk up THE the minority representation in public in­ SLAck, ANd I HAVE NO doubT THAT THEY WILl. " stitutions," he said,"private institutions can pick up the slack, and I have no DR. MICHAEL S. GREVE doubt that they will." He argued that the perceived need for affirmative ac­ states' rights-long the stereotypical students-each constitute, in the Su­ tion in higher education stemmed from hallmarks of "conservative" jurispru­ preme Court's parlance, an "illegitimate what amounted to state discrimination dence-while the traditionally "conser­ purpose." Second,he believes that there in the lower K through 12 grades. He vative" argument seemingly took a page is broad public support for doing away noted that in Hopwood, the University fromthe Warren Court, focusing on the with race-based classifications, at least of Texas argued that its policy was nec­ need for bold court action to protect ones that are not innocuous and well­ essary because K-12 education in Texas individual rights. masked. He stated that, "You cannot say was so poor, especially for minoritystu­ Dr. Greve spoke for the proposi­ in the same breath that 'without these dents in inner cities. This, he felt, was tion that race-based classifications in preferences our school would be all Please see Debate, page 5

INTERESTED IN CoNNECTicuT? TYLER CooPER & ALcoRN

HARTFORD NEW HAVEN STAMFORD

Counsellors at Law established in 1847 will be interviewing on the campus of the Michigan Law School on Wednesday October 16, 1996

Christopher P. McCormack, partner The Res Gestae • October 7, 1996 • page 3 The Res Gestae October 7, 1996 • page 4 Jac�on PROF. REED BEGINS 51ST contznued frompage 1 Jackson's speech was geared to­ YEAR OF TEACHING wards the need for increased voter par­ BY JASON SANDERS ticipation amongst members of Genera­ EDITOR-IN-CHIEF tion X, but also addressed the issues of character, ethics, and unity. While the The year was 1946, William Jefferson Clinton was born,World War II had arguments Jackson set forth were com­ just ended, and after practicing law for four years, John Reed went to the Univer­ pelling in classic "Jesse Jackson" form, sity of Oklahoma to teach. "I thought it would be fun,and never looked back," bronchitis and a hectic campus touring said Professor Reed. The first class he taught was made up of returning GI' s and schedule seemed to have detracted from Professor Reed was the youngest person in the room. Twenty-five years later he his usual fervency. found out the students had nicknamed him "the kid." Jackson stressed the importance of Mter 50 yearsbehind the podium, Professor Reed currently teaches only one character as a "determinate ... beyond semester a year. Otherwise, he spends his time as Editor of the Quarterly of the color and culture" which enables us to InternationalSociety of Barristers. (As expected Professor Reed denies any con­ treat each other as "whole human be­ nection between this organization and the Law School's enigmatic "Barristers" ings" working towards common goals club.) He is also the Chair of the Michigan Bar's Judicial Selection Committee of equal protection under the law, equal working to effect a change in the way judges are selected. opportunity, and equal access. He re­ In 1949, when Professor Reed came to teach at the University of Michigan, ferred to the Rodney King incident in a the school was slightly different. Hutchins Hall was 15 years old, and although positive light giving credit to the white photographer who captured the striking images. IN PROFESSOR REEd's yEARS OF TEACHING He emphasized the importance of establishing a health care plan which is HE HAS TAUGHT SUCH RISING STARS AS PRO­ responsive to the medical needs of the FESSORS I

BY JAsoN BLANKENSHIP, RG CoNTRIBUTING EDITOR & KEviN BRINGUEL, RG MANAGING EDITOR

As most of us know, one of the started, the complaint goes, then every­ istration of transfer and L.L.M. students great joys of returning to school in the thing would be straightened out and no further complicates the process because fall is the Law School's "drop/add" pro­ one would miss any classes while try­ those students have to register during cess. While it rarely has occasion to ing to change their schedule. the orientation for first-year students, affect the lives of first-yearstudents, the Student Services DeanSue Eklund, so spaces have to be reserved for them drop/add process can be crucial to sec­ while sympathetic to the plight of the in the most popular classes. Thus, she ond- and third-years, with great power wayward schedule-changer, points out said, the drop/add period really cannot to help or hinder their ability to form that beginning the process earlier would be moved much earlier. the educational program they desire. In cause many problems. She said that in However, soon there just might be the past, some have complainedthat the the past drop/add did in fact begin be­ a chance to (hopefully) make everyone drop/add period does not begin until the fore the start of school and that many happy. Dean Eklund told the RG that first day of classes. Those students who students complained. Many did not like drastic changes are afoot for the law discover over the summer that the area the fact that they had to decide whether school's enrollment process. She said of law that seemed so fascinating when or not to take a class without having that the University is going to be com­ they registered for classes in the spring attended any sessions. She also pointed puterizing enrollment for all students, now seems less exciting that watching out some logistical restrictions on the graduate and undergraduate alike. So golf on t.v. have to madly scramble on timing of drop/add. First, the Law that the kinks can be worked out before their first day back in order to get the School's schedule of classes is normally the system is applied campus-wide, next classes they really want, for which they in a state of flux over the summer and year the Law School is slated to serve are paying so dearly. If the drop/add is only finalized a few weeks before the process took place before classes start of school. The enrollment and reg- Please see Drop/Add, p. 9 Debate cial classifications and used it as an are five Justices saying that it's an 'il­ continued frompage 2 analogy to the general public's divisive­ legitimate purpose'to have a race-based the true issue. "U.T. is saying, 'We are ness on the issue. To him, such lack of classification in order to avoid racial discriminatingagainst tens of thousands consensus signifies a strong reason why segregation," he said upon reviewing of kids in the K-12 system, and to make such classifications should survive as the Court's relevant Fourteenth Amend­ up for it we'll offer twenty-five seats in long as the political process wills it; ment jurisprudence. "Ifrace-based clas­ the Law School to applicants from that interference in public policy questions sifications are to dissipate," he con­ pool."' Dr.Greve suggested that it was is not a legitimate function of the judi­ cluded, "let it be because fifty states not an effective remedy to offer a help- ciary, he said, since that is the realm of came to that conclusion through their normal policy-making process ... Let the debates go on inthe political branch, "LET THE dEbATES GO ON IN THE poLITICAL and please, for heaven's sake, let the bRANCH, ANd pLEASE, FOR HEAVEN'S SAkE, LET courts stay out of it." THE COURTS STAY OUT OF IT. " The debate was followed by a ques­ tion-and-answer period in which stu­ - PRoF. RodERICk H1Lls dents posed tough questions, pressing Dr. Greve and Professor Hills to sharpen ing hand to only the extraordinarily the legislature. their positions. Both debaters seemed small proportion of students who get so As for legal analysis, Hills took the genuinely impressed by the quality of far as to apply to law school. "The de­ position that the federal constitution some of the questions, and the students mise of racial preferences," he con­ permits states to adopt racial classifi­ seemed equally impressed with the cluded, "will put pressure on the sys­ cations in admissions policies provided overall quality of the event. The de­ tem to truly reform itself, and I think that the classifications are not hostile bate was made possible by a grant to that this is altogether a good thing." towards minority groups, having the the Federalist Society from the John M. Professor Hills argued that race­ purpose or effect of stigmatizing them. Olin Foundation, a philanthropic insti­ based classifications in higher educa­ To him, this is the general embodiment tution that sponsors activities by a di­ tion do have a future. He described his of the proper Fourteenth Amendment verse range of non-profit organizations. own ambivalence about the use of ra- interpretation. "I don't see that there + The Res Gestae • October 7, 1996 • page 6

0 i n i o n

Editor-In-Chief" CAMPAIGN '96 Jason Sanders AN RG LIL TRA-SciENTIFIC Pou Business Manager: Mike Muczynski (Please place all results in the marked collection box on the table outside the Hutchins Hall Basement Lounge.) Managing Editor:

Kevin Bringuel 1. Are you planning to vote in November 1996? (in Ann Arbor, absentee, or otherwise) Of Counsel: (a) yes (b) no Jonathan Brennan 2. Do you consider yourself: Contributing Editors: (a) a Democrat? (b) a Republican? Jim Bailey (c) an independent voter? Jason Blankenship Heather Burror 3. Which Presidential Candidate do you favor? Mark Butler (a) Bill Clinton (b) Robert Dole Dave Camp (c) Ross Perot (d) Ralph Nader Jennifer DeTrani (e) Harry Browne (f) That Natural Law Guy Chris Grunewald (g) other (please, who?) ______Kris Lenart

Jolly Northrop 4. Which of the following applies to you? (a) I wish I had more time to spend following the campaign and Special Events Coordinator: understanding the candidates' positions. Michael Sachs (b) I've heard more than enough. I can't wait until this election is over. (c) I've heard just the right amount of information. The Res Gestae is published biweekly during (d) Election? What election? the school year by students of the University of Michigan Law School. Opinions expressed in bylined articles are those of the authors and do 5. Should Ross Perot have been in the debates? not necessarily represent the opinions of the (a) Yes (b) No (c) Don't Care editorial staff. Articles may be reprinted with­ out permission, provided that the author and the Res Gestae are credited and notified. 6. Was there any issue that was most determinative of your choice in candidates? The Res Gestae welcomes submissions. Please place all articles, columns, or opinion pieces in (please specify) ______the Res Gestae pendaflex located on the third floor of Hutchins Hall across from the faculty mailroom. All submissions must be on a 3.5" disk. Macintosh format is preferrable but IBM submissions are also accepted as well. The Res ----- Optional Contest---- Tear here------Gestae reserves the right to edit all submissions in the interest of space. 7. What's your prediction for what percentage of the vote each candidate will Mailing address: get? (closest prediction will be announced in the RG with a hearty con­ The Res Gestae gratulations) The University of Michigan Law School Hutchins Hall Ann Arbor, MI 48109 Clinton ______Phone: (313) 998-7976

Dole E-Mail: [email protected], rgadvice@ umich.edu Perot URL: http://www.law. umich.edu/pubs/rg

Yom Name ______TheRes Gestae • October 7, 1996 • page 7 Co0101entary: The Alcohol Policy BY MARK BuTLER

I find myself in a very unfamiliar so, when alcohol abuse was acceptable hoi consumption, arguably the Law position this week, defending the Law within the legal profession. The costs School may have contributed to the School's alcohol policy. Although I to clients, individual practitioners, law problem. There is no reason why it agree with brother Blankenship, that the firms and the legal community as a should continue to do so. legal consumption of alcohol by law whole is simply too great. By spon­ students is a personal decision, I find soring functions centered around alco- the reasoning behind the school's policy convincing. First, no matter what the administration claims is the primary Response: Our Own Actions purpose of the policy, it's main objec­ tive is to limit the school's potential tort BY JASON BLANKENSHIP the Law School's policy be considered liability. After sitting through first year Lawyers have a reputation for al­ effective? To be sure, the "Drink-o­ torts, and reading how the "plaintiff coholism. Each and every one of us rama" is held at a private residence, must be made whole," I need no fur­ knows the statistics, and knows about while the proposed reception would ther justification. It is the dram-shop the reputation. To help combat the take place on Law School property, but laws that have driven schools, organi­ problem, the Law School decided to which use of alcohol is more "counter­ zations and other institutions across the create an alcohol policy to help people productive to academic performance, country to draft strict alcohol policies. avoid the temptation to drink too the educational process, and commu- If, God forbid, someone has a few drinks at a function sponsored by a stu­ dent organization, which in turn is par­ WHEN THE [MICHIGAN JOURNAl OF INTERNA­ tially funded by the Law School, and he subsequently injures someone else, TIONAl LAW] CANNOT HOld A WINE ANd you can bet the plaintiff's lawyers will CHEESE RECEpTION FOR ITS NEW MEMbERS . find the deepest pockets. Any result­ ing legal expenses and judgments will bUT THE ''DRINk-0-RAMA" CAN CONTINUE IN be passed on to yours truly, and my tu­ ition is high enough. If students want FULl FORCE, HOW CAN THE LAW SCHOol's to have a party, they can just as easily organize it independently (these are al­ pOliCY bE CONSidEREd EFFECTIVE? ways much better anyway). Addition­ ally, thanks to the generous financialaid much. However, I ask you, is it the nity well being?" Is this alcohol policy policy, if anything unfortunate should Law School's place to regulate our just a case of lawyers (the administra­ happen during or after one of these behavior in this manner? I think not. tion) being afraid of liability? How events, most of us are judgment proof Aren't we able to make our own de­ many other graduate programs have an for the next ten years anyway. cisions regarding the consumption of alcohol policy? I'm not advocating that The other reasons given for the alcohol? If around 99% of the law the Law School encourage every stu­ policy's existence also bear mention. In school community is above the legal dent organization to provide kegs at all times when tuition and other expenses drinking age, then why should the functions, just that a little common are already very high, it is hard for the Law School regulate our consumption sense be used in regulating our activi­ administration to justify spending of alcoholic beverages? I am all in ties. I am all in favor of the Law School which, directly or indirectly, goes to the favor of providing training to the rep­ providing resources to deal with the purchase of alcohol. The students must resentatives of the student organiza­ problem of alcoholism in the legal pro­ also remember that the same policy is tions on how to host responsible par­ fession, including counseling andalter­ applied to administration and faculty ties, but restricting the use of student native events sponsored by student functions as well as student sponsored funds for alcohol seems to me to be groups, but it seems to me that when a events. Could this be why the faculty overly draconian. When the Michigan student organization cannot serve a few hasn't been able to agree any new fac­ Journal of International Law cannot bottles of wine to its members there is ulty candidates for the past several hold a wine and cheese reception for a serious problem. We are all reason­ years? There is alsothe pervasive prob­ its new members using funds that it able, mature adults, and we should be lem of alcohol abuse in both society at has raised, but the "Drink-o-rama" allowed to take responsibility for our large and the legal profession in particu­ can continue in full force, how can own actions. lar. Gone are the days, and rightfully The Res Gestae • October 7, 1996 • page 8

Blanks' Journals voted their entire spring break as well. C u 1 ture continued from page 1 When asked about potential new Comer question posed by potential contribu­ journals, Professor Syverud, Associate tors is often "How soon will my article Dean of the Law School and current Lyle Lovett - The Road to Ensenada be published?" If the answer to this chairman of the Journals and Symposia question is "sometime next year" the Committee felt that there were many Today, friends and neighbors, we author may choose to publish else­ additional issues that could support on­ go a little south of the Mason-Dixon line where. going discussion in new journals. How­ in our musical wanderings. Having been Some of the journals have over­ ever, due to financial, space, and time a fan of this funny looking country come budget obstacles with money sav­ constraints, and recent reductions in the singer for some time, I was as happy as ing innovations. With the exception of entering class size, new journals may a pig in, well, you know, to see he'd the Michigan Law Review, all journals not be a realistic goal. High student sup­ put out a new CD. Unfortunately, it's are published in house, in the Publica­ port and involvement is necessary to just not up to his usual standards. The and quirky, and tions Center located in the basement of maintain journalquality and ensure con­ lyrics are still intelligent the music is intricate and complicated, Hutchins Hall. The publications cen­ tinuing publication. The current student but there seems to be something miss­ ter handles all aspects of publication, body appears to be more than adequate ing. Frankly, I think he might be too from administrative tasks to typeset­ to ensure quality publication of the ex­ happy. The melancholy that permeated ting, at approximately half the cost of isting journals-MTTI.R received over such wonderful songs as "Family Re­ outside services. The Journal of Race seventy applications last year for twenty serve" and "She's Already Made Up & Law has recently taken over all as­ open staffspaces. However, the shrink­ Her Mind" from Joshua Judges Ruth pects of publishing, virtually eliminat­ ing student body of the next few years or "I Love Everybody" and ""I've Got ing their share of the burden on the may not be sufficient to support addi­ the Blues" from I Love Everybody just Publications Center. Not only has the tional journals. seems to be missing. I don't think that Despite the financial and time com­ journal saved money, but students re­ Lyle has worn out his appeal, but I do ceive valuable publishing experience. mitments involved, faculty, administra­ think that he really should have given Another journal taking innovative tion, and students alike consider the this CD a little more thought. Many of strides in publishing is the Michigan journals to be a valuable experience. the songs seem to be reprises of previ­ Telecommunications and Technology Not only have new journals given pub­ ous material. Granted, as a country Law Review (MTTI.R), which currently lishing experience to additional stu­ singer, you tend to revisit the same publishes exclusively online. MTTI.R dents, they have allowed the University themes, but I suppose I expect more may be viewed through LEXIS, and the to cover new issues, both in print, and from Lyle. There are some gems on this journal also supports a new web site in the symposiums sponsored by the CD, however. "Who Loves You Bet­ (which can be found at journals. Professor Syverud feels that ter" is a classic song about love, with www.law.umich.edu\mttlr). MTTI.R is the journals are an "integral part of the Lyle as usual on the losing end. "Pri­ published as a cooperative effort of the school," and that the new journals are a vate Conversation" is also a fineeffort, law school, business school andLEXIS. "sign of intellectual growth" at the being one of Lyle's better uptempo The journal receives financial support school. Kendall Thiessen, editor-in­ songs. But, these good moments areless frequent than I'd have hoped. Lyle is from all three sources, thus greatly re­ chief of MTTI.R, suggests that in order one of the last great American poets, but ducing the financial burden on the law to draw new students, Michigan needs his best subject is alienation, and he school's publication budget. to be involved in current issues and de­ should stick to that. This just isn't as In addition to the financial con­ velop a reputation to that effect. adventurous as I've come to expect cerns, the journals involve serioustime So, although the moratorium is of­ from the "Long Tall Texan." Hopefully commitments fromlarge groups of stu­ ficially over, it may not be over in ef­ Lyle will come back around on his next dents. Maintaining a journal requires fect. Space and money are just as lim­ CD. What he needs to do is go back a large staff, committed to hours of cor­ ited as they were when the moratorium and listen to ...George Jones' One responding with potential contributors, was put into effect. Everyone agrees Woman Man. that the existing journals are worth the reading submissions, editing articles, This, however, is a classic country resources they require, but arestudents and cite checking. The additional pub­ CD. George pioneered the quirky coun­ lishing responsibilities taken on by jour­ willing to put in the time and is the ad­ try song long before Lyle took a stab at nals such as the Journal of Race & Law ministration willing to put forth the it. "The King is Gone (And so are you)" require an even larger time commit­ money that is required to establish a new is one of the best songs ever written. ment. The first self-published issue of journal? This year, and the next few Who else could combine Elvis, Fred the Journal of Race & Law required a years, will give us the answer. Flintstone, and heartache like George? combined total of around 230 missed class hours, and many members de- The Res Gestae • October 7, 1996 • page 9 Reed Drop/Add 4 continued frompage 5 continued from page jobs] until their third year," said Pro­ the dean of Wayne State University, fessor Reed. He considers the new em­ as the test group for the new process. Professor Reed has spent the bulk of his phasis on job search "a necessary but Eklund told the RG that the actual time teaching the law to bright young unfortunate development. It's all part minds. In Professor Reed's years of of the professional shift to a greater HERE's youR teaching he has taught such rising stars business orientation," Professor Reed as Professors Kauper and St. Antoine. explains. "It's easy to lament but hard CHANCE TO Professor Reed has taught not only at to devise solutions." the University of Michigan, but also as Another development in the legal CHAN GE THE a visiting professor at Harvard, Yale, profession according to Professor Reed, Chicago, and San Diego. is that older practicing lawyers talk FUTURE. Although he hesitates to make any about the lack of civility in the legal pro­ generalizations comparing students at fession today. He feels that teaching has mechanism by which students would these schools, he did comment that "re­ immunized him against this malaise. enroll was not yet finalized,and so she gardless of the quality of the school, "Being around law school is good be­ welcomed student comments about the there's not a lot of distance separating cause you're around bright young registration process in general (includ­ the best at one school from the best at people who are on their way. It keeps ing, of course, that pesky drop/add). In another school. The great difference is you young. It's fun; that's why I never future issues, the RG will be examin­ that at Harvard, Yale, Michigan, and left. It's a wonderful place to be." Pro­ ing this issue, and we welcome any Chicago,the layer of excellence is much fessor Reed quotes the "First Lady of comments that you might have. Here's thicker." the Theater," Helen Hayes, who said, your chance to change the future. One of the main differences for the "To rest is to rust." Thankfully for us at Please pendaflex us, or e-mail us at students, which Professor Reed points the law school, there's no rust to be [email protected]. out, is the job search. A generation ago found on "the kid." "people didn't even talk about [getting + +

F Law School Taught You How To Find Legal Precedents.

We'll Teach You How To Set A Few Of Your Own.

WE WILL BE INTERVIEWING INTERESTED SECOND-YEAR STUDENTS ON OCTOBER 14, 1996.

PRINCIPAL OFFICE: DALLAS

AUSTIN • HOUSTON • MEXICO CITY For further information about Strasburger & Price: [email protected]

UNPRECEDENTED OPPORTUNITY , •, , ,, t ,, . ••, •·!· I CAN YOU DRAW TO SAVE OUR LIFE? ARE YOU FUNNIER THAN WE LOOK? ITCHI NG TO EXPOSE GRAFT, CORRUPTION, AND THE CONTENTS OF THE LAWYER'S CLUB 11JERK CHICKEN'"?

' THE RES GESTAE IS SEEKING STUDENTS TO JOIN THIS YEAR S STAFF. NO JOURNALISTIC EXPERI­

ENCE IS NECESSARY. MINIMAL TIME COMMITMENTS. CONTACT JASON SANDERS AT 332-9521

OR SEND AN E-MAIL TO RG @ UMICH.EDU. POSITIONS AVAILABLE INCLUDE: CARTOONISTS Come brighten our pages before we start running "Mary Worth." HUMORISTS Bolster our poison pill defense against M&A by "The Docket." NEWS WRITERS Go deep under cover to expose The Man. ADVERTISING MANAGER Solicit ads from local and national advertisers. Work on layout design and copy of ads. Schmooze with firms who want to place ads. WoRLD WmE WEB CoNSULTANT Update and maintain our RG home page. ------

Hey, Third Year: thing lyric like "Meiklejohn. " Tell her Review". I'm secretly in love with someone that all social conventions are imposed We atThe Docket-er, ... The Res in my First Amendment class. Every by authoritarian genderarchy and, Gestae, feel your pain, and are dili­ time she gets called on and uses the therefore, the seating chart is part of an gently working on a book of interview word "pasties" I get chills. How do I oppressive regime. Repeat until submis­ tips. Here's a preview: go about appealing to her prurient in­ sion or restraining order. terests? /. Maintain a 3.9 g.p.a .. Sincerely, Hey Third Year: 2. Don't drool on yourself Speechless My interviews aren't going well. 3. Avoid using crayon in your writing I've spent the past three weeks lying ex­ samples. Ah, love is in the air. You've come tensively to multiple employers and I 4. When asked about your prior expe­ to the right place, because we third still haven't gottena single flyback. Am rience, the correct answer should not years know how to score. First things I a loser? involve the back seat of a car. first, what's her take on the Amend­ Sincerely, 5. Limit your use of the tenn "anal ment? If she's an absolutist, (i.e. easy) Will Work for Food leakage." Use only when necessary. then you may impress her with what we Hope this helps. like to call the First Amendment "Dance While you are a loser, it doesn't o' Flesh. " While state law prohibits us matter because you are not part of the Hey Third Year: from describing it here, you will need interview equation. In fact, students Who would win in a grudge match, to buy some leopard skin boxer shorts aren't necessary for the on-campus in­ Mike Heller or Rick Hills? and head for the gym. She should be terview and are only marginally re­ Curious patently offended in no time. quired to be present during the fly back. If she's not an absolutist you may As Susan "tough-love" Weinberg will Sad to say, Rick Hills would beat want to try something a little more tell you, "Room 200" and "fly-back" the mother-lovin' crap out of Mike subtle. Sit next to her in class and whis­ are both derived from the latin Heller. Sorry, we just call 'em the way per sweet nothings in her ear. Trysome- transriptis, which means "not on Law we see 'em. The Res Gestae • October 7, 1996 • page 11 B & B's BS

WRITE yOUR OWN DING LETTER

B & B understand that for many second and third years this is an extremely stressful time of year. Fortunately for us, we have been offered lucrative positions of power in the Perot Administra­ tion, and Room 200 is just a distant memory. But rest assured, B & B feel your pain. To help you release your tension and prevent you from being the next U .M. grad to start sending random bombs around the country we have designed this little exercise. So fillin the blanks in this letter below, tear it out (don't worry about the stuff written on the back, I'm sure it is some meaningless tripe mas­ querading as an editorial) and mail it to the last person who sat blankly across fromyou in a cubicle repeating the litany, "Is there anything else I can tell you about our firm?"

____(today's date)

(UM grad from the early 80's, when anybody could get a law job) (3 WASPy names and an ampersand) (Some Suite on Some street) (Crime-infested metropolis)

Dear : (pretentious nickname theytold you to call them)

Thank you for spending __ (#> thanyour # of fingers but< the sum of your digits) minutes to speak with me regarding your firm. I found our discussion __ . (1. exciting, 2. fascinating, 3. embalming (choose one)).

I was impressed by your __ (1. firm, 2. outfit, 3. physical endowment, 4. firm physical endowment protruding from your outfit (choose 1)). Unfortunately, I have received a better offer from (convenience store) and will be unable to pursue employment withyou further. Good luck finding someone else to __ (fill or assume) the position.

Sincerely,

______(your name or the person on the interview list immediately after you)

P. S. Your starting salary divided by the 3000 hours you expect a first year associate to bill would be illegal to pay a gas attendant as of October 1, 1996.

Note: B&B understand that this is an extremely short letter which doesn't give you many spaces to fill, which we realize is the second favorite pastime of U.M. law students (after baiting Professor Kamisar about cops), but we felt it should be commensurate in length with the letters you are receiv­ ing, and also we couldn't come up with any more (1. hilarious 2. inane 3. offensive (choose one, but please choose #1 because we have so little joy in our lives) material. Don't be a Guinea Pig. Take BAR/BRI. Over 500,000 Lawyers Have!

BAR REVIEW

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