Students take a close look at abstinence Polyamory offers a and masturbation within societal norms different lifestyle By Shannon Roberts anybody is going to meet every Staff Writer As college single one of your needs.” Asheville is no stranger to Some see polyamory as an students practice alternative lifestyles, and one in ingrained preference. particular has recently received “I do believe that there are just abstinence, an increasing amount of atten­ some people who are hardwired tion: polyamory. monogamous, and some people alternatives arise “It’s a way of living your life,” who are not,” Ritola said. “I am said DiAnna Ritola, senior stu­ not and have never been hard­ By Dustin C. Woody dent. “I have defined myself as wired monogamous.” Tt SWF WWTER polyamorous, at least out loud, Others view polyamory as a east personal decision. for about three years.” wile A growing trend of sexual absti­ Polyamory has been described “I think it’s more of a lifestyle nence leads many college students area as the prac­ choice, person- to masturbation. Finding the time sout tice of hav­ ally,” Barto and privacy to relieve stress in the Stall Megan Wildman- Staff Photographer ing loving 99 said. “I think dorms might be more complicated L( Masturbation can be a healthy alternative to refraining from sex before marriage. Although some think relationships it’s more about than one might think. Bre' that it Ls a sin in the eyes of God, others believe it can release stress and explore yourself. with more I think it’s a lot more compli­ what your per­ “There .seems to be a greater per­ Gori than one per­ cated to be polyamorous,” Barto sonal needs are, centage of high school seniors area son at a time, said. “I have little enough free and how secure talking about abstinence as a or right, it’s just a choice, like eat­ releasing sexual repression with­ else you make taboo, you make Can within an time as it is without adding more choice than they did 20 years ago,” ing lots of donuts.” out resorting to sex,” situations Uncomfortable.” you are as a per­ “E ethical, con- complication into my life.. son, and how said Pamela Laughon, associate There are many that disagree. Rahimzadeh said. “I think mas­ edu sensual, well your part­ psychology professor. “Whether With Christian billboards on turbation helps with the whole Finding the Pari agreement- Kimberly Barto their behavior reflects that is a dif­ highways promoting abstinence virginity thing.” ner meets your the privacy senior art student needs.” ferent question.” and silver promise rings worn by Flaherty thinks there are alter­ based con­ 50,C With alcohol, drugs and sex those who choose to wait, it has natives to masturbation, people ‘If roommates are open about text, accord­ Polyamory tech being three elements often associ­ become a trend many hope will just do not use them. He points privacy needs, then it shouldn’t ing to Dr. needs to begin vete ated with college life, sex is often continue. out that nine out of 10 men mas­ be a problem,” said Heather J o y with knowing “Foi the the least talked about. This is “I believe it is the ultimate turbate, and the other person is Smart, junior psychology student. Davidson in an article in one’s self, according to Ritola. that because sex is not problematic, expression of connection and emo­ lying. “A former roommate of mine did­ Journal of Human Sexuality. “It has to start in your head,” Tf according to Laughon. tional involvement with some­ “The Bible doesn’t specifically n’t care who saw what she was Others define polyamory more Ritola said. “You have to commit "Personally, as a Christian, I one,” said Nathan Brothers, sopho­ address masturbation,” Flaherty doing, whether it was sex or mas­ simply, while some feel increased to honesty; you have to commit piec don’t believe more math said. “It turns a person into an turbation.” exposure to alternative lifestyles to being true to who you are.” outd in sex before student. “If object. Masturbation says that Payne said she knows friends can increase comfort. Some see jealousy as the ‘‘I “If people aren’t around dogs, biggest deterrent from practicing marriage. U 99 you have sex is about me being pleased. who have interesting roommate offii Biblically it is with Sex is so much about an emo­ stories dealing with masturba­ they might not derive pleasure polyamory, though there are oth­ Con wrong,” said someone tional, spiritual and intellectual tion. from petting a dog,” said John ers. “Bu Laura Beth It (masturbation) turns a person into who you connection. Masturbation cheap­ “Most people need to coordinate Wood, associate sociology profes­ “I think it’s a lot more comph- can Payne, junior an object. Masturbation says that sex aren’t going ens sex.” their schedules with roommates. sor. “Then when they come in cated to be polyamorous,” Barto the history student is about me being pleased. Sex is to spend the Masturbation isn’t just used for Know when the roommate is not contact with a dog, and they see said. “I have little enough free will people actually pet it instead of time as it is without adding more and president about an emotional, spiritual and rest of your the sensation, but also to relieve going to be in the room,” go of the UNC intellectual connection. Masturbation life with, it stress and tension, according to Rahimzadeh said. “If you walk in avoiding it, they might think, ‘Oh, complication into my life.” in Asheville cheapens sex. takes away Laughon. on someone, let them dress, get out I would like to do that,’ and they Many people in the poly-com- you Intervarsity. the mean­ “Most of us in psychology of the room.” try it and they find it feels good.” munity feel that jealousy is the we "A lot of my 1)0U(J FlAHER'lT ing that would argue strongly that mastur­ Males masturbate more than A polyamorous lifestyle meets responsibility of the person expe­ ask friends are axtrdinator of intervarsity you could bation is probably enormously females, and higher education lev­ all sorts of needs, according to riencing it. prei also making have had helpful,” Laughon said. els correspond to healthier mastur­ Ritola. “It has nothing to do with my that. partner’s relationship with some­ the same deci- with one “Usually when masturbation bation habits, according to “I certainly found friends and mgi Sion as me. person.” occurs it stimulates you with Laughon. Ethnicity even plays a other relationships that met dif­ one else,” Ritola said. “It has to do chai Most people Sex is a sex, ' having role, with ferent needs,” Ritola said. “Why with my relationship to myself and praise me for my decision to wait wonderful thing in the proper lustful ii 99 African- that had to be confined, once it my relationship to my partner.” and say they wish they had wait­ context, according to Doug thoughts, American became a sexual relationship, to Some might find polyamory a ed.” Flaherty, coordinator of the UNC thinking about males showing just one person, seemed silly.” peculiar practice, but it’s only 0 Growing trend or not, it would Asheville Intervarsity Christian someone in an If we talked about masturbation a lower num­ Many people see communica­ one alternative among many. seem Payne sits in the minority Fellowship. inappropriate more then maybe it wouldn’t be so ber in mastur­ tion as key. “It’s not like societies agree on especially when it comes to how “1 think sex was intended to be fashion, which uncomfortable, for people and bation fre­ “Make sure that you both have these things,” Wood said. “What the media portrays sex. enjoyed in marriage,” said opens you up wouldn’t be such an embarrassing quency. the same expectations about what S is interesting is that most soci­ “The projection on television Flaherty, 38. “I do think it is a sin to sin. That’s experience. Just like anything else “I would your definition of polyamory is,” eties have some organization and the media is that a lot of peo­ in that the Lord has called us to one reason the you make taboo, you make situa­ think for col­ said Kimberly Barto, senior art around all these things.” ple are having sex before mar­ wait.” Christian tions uncomfortable. lege students, student and former polyamory While polyamory may not be riage,” Payne said. “I think it is Ironically, Bible Belt states community there really experimenter. “My problem was uncommon, poly practicers still an exaggeration, and there are have the highest divorce rate in condemns it,” I.AURA Biii’H Payne isn’t a good that when I tried to have an ‘open face discrimination. Some see more people abstaining than we the country. These southern states Payne said. junior art student place to do it. relationship,’ the guy did not discrimination as part of the Sc realize.” also have a higher average of Once a Where can understand the concept of social pressure to conform. evid Religious beliefs do not motivate marriage compared to other taboo subject, you go?” polyamory in its true form.” “Some of these ideas are asso­ the all students to abstain from sex. states, according to the National many campus Laughon said. According to Dr. Geri ciated with regimes of social con­ us 1 Many are guided by alternative Center for Policy Analysis. students talk “I hope col- Weitzman, licensed psychologist trol,” Wood said. “The way in new motives. “I’m not against sex before mar­ openly and without embarrass­ lege students leam to give each and author of “What Psychology which peoples’ sexuality is con­ wan “1 have certain guidelines,” said riage,” said Jensel Garcia, sopho­ ment of the topic. One student other a lot of space. You can’t go Professionals Should Know About trolled, the way peoples’ bodies will Ali Rahimzadeh, junior psycholo­ more student. “If you are in love said that most people he knows outdoors!” Polyamory,” the benefits of prac­ are controlled, the way peoples’ quit gy student. “I can’t have promis­ with someone and it happens, masturbate and talk about it. Some students said that energy ticing polyamory are numerous, diets are controlled, all these Do cuous sex. 1 would have to be in then it happens.” “If we talked about masturba­ needs to be redirected into some from increasing interpersonal things are part of a larger fabric take love with the individual.” tion more then maybe it would­ other habit. communication skills, to “oppor­ of control and order.” plur “Pre-marital sex is an individual Masturbation as n’t be so uncomfortable for peo­ “I think people who can use tunities for personal growth” that There are many strategies for oris choice that every individual should ple and wouldn’t be such an masturbation as a tool to keep arise from interacting with multi­ making a polyamorous relation­ tion make for themselves,” said an alternative embarrassing experience,” them celibate, than more power to ple, diverse partners. ship work. bad Monica Dyck, 18. “It’s not wrong “Masturbation is a way of Payne said. “Just like anything them,” Dyck said. People, both inside and outside “There needs to be an acknowl­ dinj the poly-community see edgement that what you’re doing mak polyamory as potentially fulfill­ is new territory for many, many care ing needs not met in monoga­ people,” Ritola said. “You’re “I mous relationships. going to have stumbling blocb mee “I think you can find someone that you can’t even anticipate poir who meets most of your needs,” because you didn’t know they Will said Barto. “There’s just no way existed before.” I ni belii find for defi Pi dec( Your Marketing Connection to UNC-AsheviHe! pres seni - rush 828 251-6586 Gm atio www.unca.edu/banner I| New caf6 3 miles north of campus We on Merrimon/Weavervllle Hwy not Moroccan-Medlferranecm Cuisine fuU in the Stone Ridge Business Park for *^fcr|dhClass Lunch Fine Evening Dining (828) 658- 2296 S( date

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