Additional materials available from PFLAG What if my child decides to undergo National: medical procedures to change gender Visit www.pflagnyc.org/go/tnet for: appearance? § Our Trans Children If your child decides to make the physical transition from one gender to another, it is § TNET Reader’s Corner important to be as supportive as possible. While Other Helpful Web Resources: it may be hard to see your child’s physical appearance change so drastically, gender § www.childrenastheyare.org transition is often a necessary step for your child § www.transfamily.org to feel more comfortable living openly as § www.gpac.org another gender. § www.transgenderlaw.org Will my child be discriminated against? Is § www.nctequality.org my child in danger? § www.ifge.org Unfortunately, both of these things are possible. Answers to When someone who is TG comes out, the ability to pass for their new gender is usually limited. Due to the amount of discrimination against TG Parents’ Questions people, it may be hard for your child to live a life about free of harassment. It is even more unfortunate for your TG child when this discrimination exists within her/his own family.

Now what? How can I support my child? Our main monthly meeting is on People The fact that you are reading this pamphlet the second Sunday of every month shows that you are a concerned parent who is from 3 p.m. to 5 p.m. willing to show support for your child and learn at St. Bartholomew’s Community House more about transgenderism. You are on the way 109 E. 50th St. (between Park & Lex) to feeling better. You should be willing to talk, , NY listen, and learn together with your child. It may also be helpful for you to talk about your For information on our TransParents Project experiences with others, and PFLAG-NYC is and other meeting locations, see our website. here to help you with your needs as the parent of a TG child. It is important that you educate All are welcome, including parents, yourself as much as possible about transgenderism and then help reduce some of friends, family members and , the discrimination that exists in our society. , bisexual and transgender After all, it is silence that allows prejudice and people, with or without their families. discrimination to survive. For more information, ask for our special brochure for parents – Our PFLAG NYC

Trans Children. 130 E. 25th St. | New York, NY 10010 PFLAG NYC Parts of this brochure have been adapted from PFLAG Office: 646-240-4288 | Helpline: 212-463-0629 publications Our Trans Children and Simple Answers to [email protected] | www.pflagnyc.org Helpline: 212-463-0629 | [email protected] Parent’s Questions about , Gay, and Bisexuals. www.pflagnyc.org What does transgender (TG) mean? predominant culture does not make it easy for Psychiatric Association. While GID is the only A person who identifies as transgender (TG) those born male to feel they are female (or vice diagnosis under which transsexuals may feels that his or her differs from versa), which can cause your TG child to be receive treatment, GID has been used what would generally be expected by simple reluctant or frightened to express how he/she truly inappropriately and harmfully by some anatomy. Gender identity is one’s internal sense feels. The fact that your child has told you the truth psychotherapists to treat gender variant youth. of being male or female, which is commonly means your child is ready to express this very Moreover, many if not most TG people also communicated to others by one’s gender personal part of her/himself with you, and wishes to believe that they do not have a mental expression (clothes, hairstyle, mannerisms, etc.) be more honest with you. disorder, and to treat them as such would be It’s important to note that the term offensive and mentally damaging. Does this mean my child is gay? ‘transgendered’ describes several distinct but Should my child undergo psychotherapy? related groups of people who use a variety of Being TG does not necessarily mean that your child other terms to self identify. is gay. Just as a person who is not TG may be gay, While some children with GID may benefit straight, or bisexual, so can a TG person. It is up to from a supportive therapist, the GID diagnosis How can my child be sure they are TG? your child to decide what is most comfortable for has been used to manipulate these children to Your child did not choose to be TG. It is natural her/himself. become more gender-conforming. If your child to think that your child is simply undergoing an feels therapy is necessary, it is important that If my child isn’t gay, why are TG people so experimental phase or that your child is the therapist supports your child’s gender confused. However, keep in mind that you could often grouped with the gay community? identity and helps her/him become more direct a similar question to yourself: “Why did I TG people are often grouped with the gay comfortable – an unsupportive therapist will be choose to be male/female?” It is important to community because there is a common feeling of mentally damaging to your child. remember that just as you are living your life as being ostracized by the people in their lives and the Why does my child have to express this male or female because it is comfortable for world around them. Similarly, PFLAG recognizes you, your child feels the need to do what is most that parents, families, and friends of gay, lesbian, openly? honest for him or herself. bisexual and trans persons may all experience the The fact that your child has decided to same stages of denial and grief. While sexual express his/her unconventional gender identity I feel I am losing my daughter/son. How orientation may not bring gay and TG people openly is due to at least one of two factors. can I get her/him back? together, the struggles and stages of acceptance For one, your child is starting to build self- It is normal to feel that the child you once knew are very closely connected. esteem and become more comfortable with is no longer a part of your life. However, your his/her gender identity. Also, in some cases, Is there anything I could have done to prevent child is still the same person. Any person close your child’s readiness to be more open about to you who may present shocking information is this? his or her identity is a part of a process called still the same person at heart. Try not to take Your child’s gender identity is not preventable. gender transition. Gender transition is the this new information as a reason to give up or Many families may never recognize that their child period during which a TG person may decide feel left out, but rather as a new opportunity to is having severe difficulties, while others report to change his/her physical appearance and learn more about your child. Bear in mind that children as young as age three clearly identifying body to match his/her internal gender identity. the things you wanted or thought you with the other gender. It is not your fault that your If your child decides to do this, he/she may understood about your child may not reflect child feels the way he/she does; instead of thinking identify as a transsexual. Transsexuals are TG how your child actually feels. of your child’s unconventional gender identity as persons who decide to make the physical something you should have prevented, think of it transition from one gender to another. Why did my child wait so long to tell me? instead as something you can help flourish. Your It is a difficult process to realize that your child needs you. gender identity does not correspond to the way others perceive your gender. Many people who What about Gender Identity Disorder? realize that they are TG may have felt “different” Gender Identity Disorder (GID) is a psychological throughout a portion of their lives without ever classification found in the Diagnostic and Statistical understanding why they felt that way. Plus, our Manual (DSM) published by the American