May 2015 Bronx/riverdale forArts kidsFREE Family Where Every Child Matters Here’s to Moms • Prioritizing personal time • Stepmoms on Mother’s Day • Why a woman is never ‘just a mom’

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Good Shepherd School, a Pre-K3 to 8th grade elementary complete with a competitive and selective Early Childhood Education Program taught in a modern and nurturing setting by experienced and credentialed professionals. • Our early drop-program which includes breakfast allows parents to drop off children at 7:00 am and after-school programs extend the day to 6:30 pm. • We offer two Regents track courses for High School credit: Earth Science and Integrated Algebra. • The After-School program allows students to participate in additional academic, athletic and extra-curricular activities. CALL TODAY! MENTION THIS AD

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GSS is located in Inwood at the northern tip of and conveniently located near highways (Henry Hudson Parkway & Major Deegan Expressway) and multiple subways (A & 1) and bus routes (BX7, BX12, BX20 & BxM1) Bronx/Riverdale Family May 2015

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Features columns 6 Your time 16 Just Write Mom 12 The art of carving personal space out of by Danielle Sullivan your own life By Christina Katz 18 Mommy 101 By Angelica SerEda 8 Stepmom on Mother’s Day It’s okay to take time for yourself 24 Divorce & Separation By Gayla Grace By Lee Chabin, Esq. 10 Common sense on Charter 25 Ask an Attorney Schools By Alison Arden Besunder, Esq. New Yorkers consider what they have to 26 Dear Teacher gain from the movement by Peggy Gisler and By Tammy Scileppi Marge Eberts 12 Just a mom 34 Good Sense Eating As we celebrate Mother’s Day, taking back by Christine M. Palumbo, RD the role of mother By Carolyn Waterbury-Tieman calendar 14 ‘Angels’ among us Musical uses song to shed light on African- 28 May Events American history 14 By Shnieka L. Johnson special sections 20 Giving birth at 50 The new frontier in assisted reproduction 17 Arts Directory By Allison Plitt 33 The Marketplace 22 Room for debate The Urban Debate League gives students a voice — and a lot more By Shnieka L. Johnson

May 2015 • Bronx/Riverdale Family 3 letter from the PublIsher Winners again in 2015 arenting Media Association and gives readers good perspective on read for parents. (PMA) gave out 301 Editorial the books in question. The voice is A BRONZE went to our much ap- P and Design Competition and clear and the reviews are enjoyable and preciated columnist Danielle Sullivan General Excellence awards to parent- informative. for Child Development & Parenting ing magazines at a banquet on Febru- Our columnist and Attorney, Ali- Issues. The judges comments: “Just ary 28, the climax of the three-day son Arden Besunder won the GOLD Write Mom” offers a nice mix of com- PMA Annual Convention, this year for the category Family Matters. The mon-sense advice and encouragement held in Baltimore, MD. There were 630 judges comments: This is a very infor- mothers will appreciate. The writing on me as I was give the Distinguished entries for this year’s competition. mative story about parents preparing is clear and thoughtful, and provides a Member of the Year Award at PMA. I PMA’s Editorial and Design Awards their wills in case something happens welcome glimpse into a real mother’s was surprised and delighted. Here I am Competition recognizes excellence before their children become adults. It experiences. with the sitting President and my good in journalism, photography and de- is usually something many parents do A final award went to our front friend Sarah Taylor of Metro Family in sign achieved by publishers, editors, not think about until their children are cover stock photo for our October Oklahoma City. What a thrill! writers and designers at member near adulthood or have moved out. The 2014 Teen Issue and congratulations It’s spring and lovely. Have a great publications. writer did a wonderful job of providing went to our Art Director Leah Mitch. month and a wonderful Mother’s Day! Happily, for yet another year we expert opinion and useful information The judge’s comments: The simple I know I will. Being a mom and loving it came home with the GOLD. Our con- to help parents navigate what can be a background and sweet expression im- is what brought me to this work and to tributing writer and Mom in Queens, difficult process. mediately catch attention. The colors the wonderful satisfaction I feel every Allison Plitt, was honored with a GOLD Another GOLD went to our colum- are harmonious, and the cover is bal- day in this role. Award for a series of interesting book nist Lyss Stern for Family Fun ideas anced. The minimal orange draws read- Thanks for reading! reviews. The judges comments: These and interest going on around town. ers to the lead tease, which is placed reviews are reported in-depth, and they The judges comments: This column is next to the girl’s face. succeed in providing a lot of informa- filled with the writer’s voice and a con- It is such an honor to work with all tion about the books in question. The nection to her readers. It’s got good tips the fine writers, designers and sales writer uses extensive background de- for finding fun, family outings and loca- personnel on our team. I’ve always Susan Weiss-Voskidis, tails and solid reporting to build up to tions around the city. The examples and said it’s a labor of love and indeed it Publisher/Excutive Editor an authoritative and supported opinion stories from the writer make this a fun is. Love was also personally bestowed [email protected]

Community News Group Contact Information ceo: Les Goodstein advertising: Web or Print address President & Publisher: Jennifer Goodstein (718) 260­4554 New York Parenting Media/CNG [email protected] or 1 Metrotech Center North New York Parenting [email protected] 10th Floor circulation Brooklyn, NY 11201 Publisher / executive editor: (718) 260­8336 Susan Weiss [email protected] Publisher / business Manager: www.NYParenting.com Clifford Luster editorial (718) 260­4554 oPerations associate: Tina Felicetti [email protected] sales rePs: Alexis Benson, Erin Brof, calendar Jay Pelc, Stephanie Stellacio, Shanika Stewart (718) 260­2523 art director: Leah Mitch

Web designer: Sylvan Migdal The acceptance of advertising by New York Parent- New York Parenting Media has been recognized graPhic designers: Arthur Arutyunov, ing Media does not constitute an endorsement of for editorial and design excellence by PMA. Raymond Cho, Mauro Deluca, Yvonne Farley, the products, services or information being adver­ New York Parenting Media is published monthly Earl Ferrer, Mariel Perez, Cheryl Seligman tised. We do not knowingly present any products or by New York Parenting Media/CNG. Subscription services that are fraudu lent or misleading in nature. rate is $35 annually. Reproduction of New York Editorial inquiries, calendar information, advertising Parenting Media in whole or part without writ­ Managing editor: Vince DiMiceli rates and schedules and subscription requests may be ten permission from the publisher is prohibited. addressed to New York Parenting Media, One Metro­ All rights reserved. Copyright©2015 Readership: assistant editor: Courtney Donahue tech Center North, 10th Floor, Brooklyn, N.Y. 11201. 220,000. 2012 circulation audits by CAC & CVC. coPy editors: Lisa J. Curtis, New York Parenting Media can also be reached by Shavana Abruzzo calling (718) 260­4554, emailing family@cnglocal. calendar editors: Joanna Del Buono, com or by visiting our website, NYParenting.com. Danielle Sullivan Join the conversation on Facebook. 4 Bronx/Riverdale Family • May 2015 FREE First Lesson %HOOH6FKRRORI0XVLF and Consultation ´:KHUH/HDUQLQJ,V)XQµ

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May 2015 • Bronx/rivErdalE FaMily 5 introduction of e-mail, letter writing is becoming a lost art form. When you write by hand, it’s something special. Take your time, speak from your heart, and rediscover forgotten parts of yourself that your faithful Your time friend always remembers. Start your letter with, “Remember that time By Christina Katz own life for yourself is a healthy ne- we…” and enjoy memory lane. The art of cessity. Best-selling author of “The Get what you need. Attending a ow come other moms always Artist’s Way,” Julia Cameron says, like-minded support group is vital carving seem to “have it all” and still “We lose ourselves because we are when you need extra help. Whether H have time to work out, read afraid of being selfish, but when we you are trying to quit a bad habit, the latest best-sellers, and spend turn around and take care of our- grieving the loss of a loved one, or personal time with their friends while you selves, we actually become much gathering with other busy moms to seem to be scrambling to keep up happier and more generous.” share strategies, the wide variety space out of with the dishes, the laundry, and Here are 12 self-nurturing activi- of groups available can suit every your daily taxi service? ties to choose from that blend well need. Check your local phone book The truth is, making time for your- with your everyday commitments. for a complete listing of resources in your own life self is an art, and like every art, it Most can be squeezed into a busy your area. requires practice. If you don’t take week, during naptime, into the morn- your playful side. While signing time to rest and rejuvenate, eventu- ings or evenings, or while the kids your children up for those enriching ally you won’t have a self to worry are busy with an activity: evening and weekend classes, don’t about, because that’s how busy you heart on paper. Cameron recom- forget to sign yourself up, too. Many will become with everyone else’s mends three pages of longhand writ- programs offer separate classes for concerns. ing every day. Can’t do three whole children and adults at the same time. Even if you fear the guilt you imag- pages? Just do what you can. For Yes, you are allowed to do some ine will come with making time for moms, any kind of journaling can be things without your kids in tow. In yourself, carving out space in your illuminating and constructive. fact, it’s good for you. Move it, move it. Shake your groove Melt into the table. After you thing any time you need a quick atti- drop the kids off for school or sports, tude change. Shut the blinds. Take you might head to the local spa for a off your shoes. Put on your favorite massage. If you have time, a 10-min- dance music and get down. Dance ute hot tub or steam bath will in- your heart out for 10 minutes. You’ll crease the overall relaxation effect. emerge ready for anything. Treat yourself once in awhile! Girl-time. What could be better your very own OM. In the west, than walking and talking with an- meditation can be walking, writing, other busy mom? Walking is better or even dancing. Check out the book than doing lunch because it accom- “Meditation Made Easy” by Lorin plishes two goals at once: connect- Roche. You’ll discover that medita- ing and exercising. Make it a stand- tion simply means developing your ing date if you possibly can. capacity for rich experience. Why Make a “treasure map.” Ac- not invent your own practice? cording to Shakti Gawain in her art appreciation. Give yourself book, “Creative Visualization,” “A a full hour to wander a museum or treasure map is an actual, physical local gallery, soaking in the energy picture of your desired reality. It is and appreciation of other people’s valuable because it forms an espe- genius. Consider becoming a mem- cially clear, sharp image, which can ber and visiting regularly. then attract and focus energy into Feel the burn. Exercise is sound your goal.” advice for everyone, but especially So, if you really want that new job, for stress-weary moms. If you need flourishing garden, or bigger home, help getting motivated, enroll in a get out your scissors, old magazines, fun class like kickboxing, tae-bo, or and glue, and create your dream on karate. Spinning, Jazzercize, and paper first. Or try Pinterest.com, an Bikram yoga are also great for your online social network where mem- health. bers share images. Most importantly, enjoy yourself. and away you go! Nothing beats The more you schedule you-time browsing the bookstore or library to into your hectic schedule, the hap- get ideas for future family vacations. pier you will become. You deserve Instead of a trip to Disney, check it, mom! out outdoor activities like sailing, Author and freelance journalist Chris- climbing, or spelunking. On tina Katz is always on the lookout for second thought, check out new ways to make time for herself. Her that trip to Disney, as well. latest book is “The Art of Making Time Kids are only kids once. for Yourself, A Collection of Advice for “Dear susan.” With the Moms.”

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May 2015 • Bronx/Riverdale Family 7 place of worship wearing a beautiful corsage, signifying the important role you play as a stepmom. Take pride in participating in your stepchildren’s lives as an additional parent. • G i v e yourself the gift of relax- Stepmom ation with a good book, time at the movies, or a day at the spa with a girlfriend. Eat at your favorite res- taurant, and tell your family you’ll be taking the day off from chores. Pam- per yourself in whatever way feels on Mother’s Day special to you. Mother’s Day doesn’t have to be By Gayla Grace let you know how much you mean to a difficult day for stepmoms. If you It’s okay to them. A host of variables play into create expectations of how you want hat’s a stepmom to do how a stepchild reacts on Mother’s your stepchildren to honor you, it take time for on Mother’s Day? Do we Day. The length of the marriage, the will result in disappointment. But W insist that honor be be- age of your stepchildren, the bio- if you choose to create your own stowed upon us? Do we create ex- logical mom’s behavior, and the en- special day, you’ll make memories yourself pectations of what our stepchildren vironment in your home contribute that leave you feeling blessed to be a should do for us? Do we allow the to your stepchild’s behavior. If your stepmom. So go ahead — plan your biological mom to get all of the atten- stepchildren honor you, embrace own celebration! You deserve it! tion for the day? the offering. But if they choose not Gayla Grace treasures her role as Mother’s Day can be a hard day to, don’t take it personally. mom and stepmom to five children, for stepmoms, because it reminds us Here are a few suggestions to help ages 14-30. She loves to encourage step- of the time and energy we invest in you enjoy the day, regardless of what families through her website and blog at our stepchildren that might include your stepchildren do. Pick one or www.stepparentingwithgrace.com. little reward. And if our stepchildren two, or construct one of your own, to do try to show their appreciation, it create a day that will leave you feel- can be an awkward and insincere ef- ing special for the valuable role you fort, usually prodded by their father. offer your stepfamily: If you play an active role as a step- • S p e n d Saturday night at a bed- mom, you deserve some recognition and-breakfast and wake up Sunday for your efforts. That doesn’t mean morning to a scrumptious breakfast you’ll get it from your stepchildren. prepared for you. Re-connect with Sometimes children feel it dishonors your spouse as you reminiscence their mom to show appreciation to and celebrate the good things hap- their stepmom on Mother’s Day. It’s pening in your stepfamily. okay, however, to ask your spouse to • F i n d another stepmom who’s honor and acknowledge you for your having a difficult time and spend the efforts with his children. afternoon with her. Encourage her I’ve learned to enjoy Mother’s efforts and talk through her chal- Day with no expectations from my lenges. Laugh together stepchildren. If they offer a gift or and affirm one an- choose to honor me in some way, other. Find positive I’m thrilled. But even if they don’t, I ways to offer your remind myself it’s a privilege to take support on an on- part in shaping another child’s life going basis. and affirm myself for what I offer. I • A b a n d o n your know my husband appreciates the house and spend role I play, and we’ll celebrate the the day at a nearby day together. lake, beach, bike Some stepchildren love to recog- path, or hiking nize their stepmom on this special trail. Absorb the day and will make a sincere effort to beauty of nature while you count your blessings in Stepparenting resources your life. Set goals Books: Web: with your spouse The Smart Stepmom by Laura www.stepmommag.com Step- that will help you Petherbridge and Ron L. Deal mom Magazine become more con- Stepmonster by Wednesday www.smartstepfamilies.com nected in your step- Martin www.stepparentingwithgrace. family such as regu- The Courage to be a Stepmom com lar game nights, step- by Sue Patton Thoele www.LauraPetherbridge.com mom-stepdaughter shop- The Smart Stepfamily by Ron ping dates, or movie L. Deal nights as a family. • A t te n d your favorite

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May 2015 • Bronx/Riverdale Family 9 Common sense on Charter Schools

BY TAMMY SCILEPPI “Charter schools are part of the New Yorkers NY’S CHARTER educational landscape in Brook- s summer approaches, New SCHOOLS lyn, one where a parent has vari- consider York City’s heated charter ous options of how to educate their A school debate seems to be PART 2 OF A SERIES child. All of our students need to be gradually cooling down for now … equipped with the top-notch educa- what they until the start of another school year Many parents, teachers and ad- tion they deserve,” he said. “There in the fall. ministrators truly believe the larger are some important steps we must Charters are free public schools conversation shouldn’t be about take to ensure that our education have to gain open to all children in the state “district vs. charter,” but rather, system as a whole is addressing the through a random lottery. As an common sense solutions. overcrowding crisis we have in our from the alternative to traditional district borough’s schools, including an end schools, charters give parents the Pros and cons to forced co-location. Additionally, opportunity to choose what works Some folks support the notion that every school needs to take their movement best for their child. Since they’re charters exist solely to “privatize” fair share of ELL (English Language usually smaller, charters provide education, drain traditional schools Learners) and IEP (Individualized a more personal atmosphere, and of money and motivated students, Education Plan) students, to ensure many tend to emphasize core sub- and destroy unions, while others equitable access to education.” jects (English and math), along with strongly disagree. the arts, science, and languages. Brooklyn Borough President Eric Charters can innovate They have longer school days and Adams recently weighed in on the New York City Charter School Cen- school year. debate. ter CEO James Merriman is one of

10 Bronx/Riverdale Family • May 2015 the nation’s foremost experts on, all our Universal pre-K students,” and a leading voice and advocate said Queens Borough President for high-quality charter schools. Melinda Katz, adding, “I therefore Westchester’s BEST Summer Camp! He and his team work at the state have concerns about expanding and city levels to provide a public the number of charter schools in policy environment that ensures our borough because they would Common sense that charters can continue to grow be competing with our exist- CONCORDIA and succeed for our children, espe- ing public schools for a limited cially those most in need. amount of available classroom With extensive support from space. As Borough President and Gov. Cuomo and the legislature, as the mother of two young boys, Summer Camp2015 the Charter Center is currently my main objective is to make sure on Charter Schools working to broaden the public’s all of our borough’s children re- NEW! understanding and appreciation of ceive a quality education and do Campers can cool off these hybrid schools, remove the not suffer any negative impacts WATER and have fun! arbitrary cap on charters, and se- due to overcrowding.” INFLATABLE cure parity in funding. FUN! According to Merriman, “Char- What’s happening ters are able to innovate in their in Manhattan? PROGRAMS FOR classroom structures, curriculum, Manhattan Borough President EARLY CHILDHOOD and teaching methods. In return, Gale Brewer’s stance on this de- 10 they’re held to higher standards bate seems to confirm that the & GRADES 1–9 MINUTES of accountability.” And it’s work- issue is in some ways, a double- + Enrichment Program RIVERDALEFROM ing, he said, pointing out that as edged sword. + parents seek out schools that best “Done right, charter schools Sports Program serve the needs of their children, can be a laboratory for innovation + Basketball Camp they’re applying to charters, many and a benefit for communities + Concordia Music Programs of which are out-performing their looking for additional educational + OSilas Art Studio district counter parts in droves, options. But all too often, the ex- + he claims. pansion of charters has come at Extended Day He said recent polls indicate that the expense of kids in our public + Air Conditioned Facilities 86 percent of New Yorkers want schools,” she said. more school options, while there According to Brewer, the forced www.concordiasummercamp.org 914/395.4848 are more than 50,000 students on co-locations in public schools, waitlists to get into the city’s 197 both in Manhattan and elsewhere, charters, which provide high-per- have left public school students forming options within the city’s as second-class citizens in their Our Lady Of public education system. own buildings. “Just last month, I was at a Common Core meeting with teachers from Mt. CarMeL SChOOL & Success across the city, who described “A Tradition of Excellence In Educating According to successacade- how their students had been de- the Whole Child” mies.org: On the most recent New prived of libraries, computer labs, York State math and English Lan- and even bathrooms because a guage Arts exams, Success Acad- co-located charter had taken over Introducing new emy scholars responded well to part of their building and refused Pre K Program the challenge of the more rigor- to share,” she said. “I have seen for 3 year olds BY TAMMY SCILEPPI “Charter schools are part of the ous standards of the Common fabulous charter schools and met New Yorkers NY’S CHARTER educational landscape in Brook- Core. fabulous charter operators, but s summer approaches, New lyn, one where a parent has vari- Full Day FREE SCHOOLS Among the 2,255 scholars who there are others who are wielding York City’s heated charter ous options of how to educate their were age-eligible to take the test, the charter school ‘movement’ UPK Program consider school debate seems to be PART 2 OF A SERIES child. All of our students need to be A 94 percent were proficient in like a weapon against our public and discount extended gradually cooling down for now … equipped with the top-notch educa- math and 64 percent proficient in schools. The emphasis in educa- PK 4 year old Program what they until the start of another school year Many parents, teachers and ad- tion they deserve,” he said. “There language arts. Success Academy tion policy must be on solutions in the fall. ministrators truly believe the larger are some important steps we must schools ranked in the top one that raise up all our students.” Our Lady of Mount Carmel School, located Charters are free public schools conversation shouldn’t be about take to ensure that our education have to gain percent in math and the top three in the middle of the Bronx at 2465 Bathgate Avenue, open to all children in the state “district vs. charter,” but rather, system as a whole is addressing the percent in language arts among There’s hope through a random lottery. As an common sense solutions. overcrowding crisis we have in our all 3,560 schools in the state. In Department of Education offers a safe and nurturing environment from the alternative to traditional district borough’s schools, including an end math, our scholars outperformed spokesperson Harry Hartfield to stimulate your child’s mind and spirit. schools, charters give parents the Pros and cons to forced co-location. Additionally, two of the city’s four highly selec- summed it up best: “It’s our goal to We provide Catholic teaching while upholding high movement opportunity to choose what works Some folks support the notion that every school needs to take their tive gifted and talented schools. invest in all our public schools to best for their child. Since they’re charters exist solely to “privatize” fair share of ELL (English Language make sure parents have great op- academic standards in a small family-like environment. usually smaller, charters provide education, drain traditional schools Learners) and IEP (Individualized Queens’ charter tions for their children, regardless OLMC school welcomes students of all religious faiths a more personal atmosphere, and of money and motivated students, Education Plan) students, to ensure school movement of what neighborhood they live in. and backgrounds grades Pre-K through 8. many tend to emphasize core sub- and destroy unions, while others equitable access to education.” “Queens has a very serious It doesn’t matter whether a child jects (English and math), along with strongly disagree. problem with student overcrowd- attends a traditional public school 2465 BATHGATE AVENUE • BRONX, NY 10458 the arts, science, and languages. Brooklyn Borough President Eric Charters can innovate ing in our existing public schools, or a charter public school — we [email protected] • (718) 295-6080 • www.olmcbronx.org They have longer school days and Adams recently weighed in on the New York City Charter School Cen- plus we have the issue of finding want every child to get the educa- school year. debate. ter CEO James Merriman is one of enough space to accommodate tion they need to succeed.” May 2015 • Bronx/Riverdale Family 11 Just a mom By Carolyn WaterBury- Somewhere along the way we got women. What I am suggesting is that As we tieman equality confused with sameness. We those of us who are mothers, in ad- bought into the notion that the only dition to carrying out this role to the he time-honored tradition of way to be equal, to be valuable in so- best of our ability, have an obligation to celebrate celebrating Mother’s Day has ciety, was to start doing whatever it ourselves and to our children to make T a long and surprisingly varied was that men happened to be doing. sure that the magnitude of the respon- Mother’s history. The observance of a special We accepted the misguided belief that sibility of parenting is not minimized! In day for mothers can be traced back to our worth is determined by whether short, I am asserting that somehow the the ancient Greeks and Romans, but or not we get a paycheck and how big job of rearing children has been deval- Day, taking the American version had its origins it is. We’ve been so anxious to achieve ued, that we women have contributed in the mid-1800s. The early propo- equality that we’ve thrown the baby to this process, and that it is high time back the nents of Mother’s Day were not inter- out with the bath water. In our struggle we did something about it! ested in being honored by their chil- to liberate ourselves from the stifling So how do we go about addressing dren with candy, cards, and flowers. belief that anatomy is destiny, we liber- this dilemma? Where do we begin? role of That practice arose in the early 1900s ated ourselves from the most impor- Here are a few suggestions: and resulted in the commercialization tant job we will ever do as humans — of the holiday by companies capitaliz- rearing children, the next generation Remember that mother ing on a popularized variation of the of human beings, the ones to whom every mother is a original idea. we will one day be handing over this working woman Mother’s Day was initially intended world. Our foremothers made incredible as a call to action for mothers to unite The irony is that at the same time sacrifices to insure that we would in promoting optimal child care and women are trying to dissociate them- have the right to pursue our dreams, preventing the loss of sons and daugh- selves from the mommy label, men by whatever those might be. We are not ters to the carnage of war. Theirs was the thousands are discovering that the doing anybody, especially our chil- a vision of an international dedication role with the greatest potential for pro- dren, any good by dividing ourselves to peace so that families, worldwide, viding them with the sense of meaning into camps — the working versus might raise their children to their full- and significance they seek is their role the non-working. When I continue to est in safety. Their motivation was not as fathers. hear that mothers, whether they are to bring attention to themselves, but to They are beginning to realize that working at home or working outside assert the primacy of the responsibil- the way to make the most profound the home, feel guilty for the choice ity for nurturing and rearing the next and definitive impact on the future is they have made, I can’t help but think generation. by the job they do as parents! that with all that guilt there can’t be With Mother’s Day upon us, I really As far as I know, Thomas Lickona’s much effective parenting going on. wanted to say something profound to conclusion is still accurate: “A child is The more comfortable we feel with commemorate this occasion. I have the only substance from which a re- the choices we have made, the less started and deleted this column so sponsible adult can be made.” Actually, threatened we are likely to feel by the many times, I’ve nearly made a hole it is the only substance from which choices of others. The greater confi- in my screen. You see, the feeling that any kind of adult can be made. The dence we have, the more effectively keeps creeping back is that of disap- uniquely complex, comprehensive, dy- we will carry out the responsibilities pointment. Yes, I admit it. namic nature of the parent-child rela- of our multiple roles. I am disappointed with the lot of tionship is unparalleled. It is the foun- us mothers. I am disheartened by the dation for every other relationship a Seek excellence, number of women I hear respond to child establishes. Everything a child not perfection the question, “What do you do?” with, comes to believe about him or herself, There is no such thing as a perfect “Oh well, I don’t work. I’m just a mom.” about the world, about how to relate to mother. We all make mistakes. We say And I am equally discouraged by the others, originates in the parent-child and do things that we regret. Obsess- number of women employed outside relationship. ing over mistakes is rarely produc- the home, who, when responding to Before proceeding, let me clarify tive. The worst mistake is one from the same question, never mention the my position: I am not suggesting that a which nothing is learned. We can fact that they are mothers, as if to do so woman has to have a child to be com- acknowledge our mistakes, offer a sin- would be admitting a weakness or flaw plete, fulfilled, or make a meaningful cere apology, including our intentions in their makeup. contribution to the future. Neither am I for correcting the situation, learn how What has happened? What have we suggesting that rearing children is the to avoid repeating the mistake, seek done? Somehow we have diminished only job women are capable of doing to identify and adopt more effective the value inherent in the realm of re- or should be allowed to do. Nor am I methods, and move on. After all, isn’t sponsibilities historically assigned to proposing that the responsibility for that what we expect our children to women — the domain of child rearing. rearing children should be limited to do? An encouraging voice is much

12 Bronx/Riverdale Family • May 2015 to do with gender. It has everything to do with not having been taught how to behave appropriately.

Emphasize the commonalities rather than the differences We have adopted the habit of sepa- rating ourselves into factions based on some singular characteristic — working mothers, stay-at-home moth- ers, inner-city mothers, urban moth- ers, rural mothers, African-American mothers, Hispanic mothers, Christian mothers, Muslim mothers, Jewish mothers, children with special needs mothers, conservative mothers, lib- eral mothers. The list is endless, but the word they all have in common is “mothers.” When we focus on the prefixes rather than the suffix, the limited differences blind us to the multiple commonalities. And conse- quently, we are doing ourselves and our children a tremendous disser- vice. That which we have in common should bind us together and unite us in our shared objective.

We are all engaged in the monumental task of preparing the next generation of human beings In addition to assisting them in making the most of the best of themselves, it is imperative to remember that when we improve conditions for other children, we improve them for our own in the long run. Someday your child may be my child’s teacher or student, plumber or electrician, emergency room doctor, co-worker, friend, or spouse and vice versa. Someday our children will be making decisions about our future, just as we are mak- ing decisions about theirs now. Nothing we do guarantees that we will leave a mark on the future like the job we do as mothers. As you cel- ebrate this Mother’s Day, take time to reflect on what this role means to you, your children, your family, the more motivating than a critical one, to seek advice, suggestions, and in- how to nurture and care for another future. The next time someone asks, including the one we use on ourself. formation that can help us with this human being, whether we are going “What do you do?,” I challenge you awesome responsibility. to be parents or not. to proudly announce, “I’m in futures. Don’t depend on the I’m a mom!” maternal instinct Never allow gender Never allow gender Carolyn Waterbury-Tieman has de- Just because we are females does to be a limitation to be an excuse grees in Child Development, Family Stud- not mean we automatically know Just as gender should not limit the The next time I hear, “Boys will be ies, and Marriage and Family Therapy. everything there is to know about choices of our daughters, it should boys,” or “That’s just the way girls Waterbury-Tieman has been married for children, especially in the challeng- not limit the choices of our sons. are,” I am going to scream! Gender is 29 years and has two sons. She spent 15 ing times in which we live. Parenting Our children will be more complete, not, has never been, and will never years in various agencies and clinics as is learned, so we mustn’t hesitate to effective human beings if they have be an acceptable excuse for being ir- a family therapist and parent educator. learn more about it. We are no less of ample opportunities to learn and responsible, disrespectful, lazy, cruel, Visit Carolyn at www.aparent4life.com, a mother because we happen to find master a broad array of skills. We violent, or any other undesirable be- follow A Parent for Life on Facebook, or ourself in a situation we don’t know may not all need to know how to do havior that has been attributed to it. send questions and comments to paren- how to handle. It is wise, not weak, calculus, but we do all need to know Unacceptable behavior has nothing [email protected].

May 2015 • Bronx/Riverdale Family 13 ‘Angels’ among us By Shnieka L. JohnSon was founded five years prior in 1866 two reasons: to celebrate the 150th Musical and was one of the first schools to anniversary of the end of the Civil ew York City Children’s The- educate freed slaves. War, and to celebrate its author, uses song ater will present “A Band of The 70-minute musical includes Myla Churchill, who died this sum- N Angels” this spring, com- traditional African-American spiri- mer, and to whom the production is memorating the 10-year anniver- tuals performed a cappella. The dedicated. to shed light sary of the musical that was writ- show is directed by award-winning SJ: H ow si m i l a r i s M y l a C hu rc h i l l’s ten by the late playwright Myla actor and director Colman Do- script to the children’s book by on African- Churchill in 2005. The play itself mingo, who most recently appeared Deborah Hopkinson? is an adaptation of Deborah Hop- as Civil Rights leader Ralph Aber- BZ: Deborah Hopkinson’s book kinson’s children’s book with the nathy in the film “Selma.” I spoke to traces the history of Fisk University American same title. the creative team behind “A Band and the first group of Jubilee Sing- The show centers upon a charac- of Angels” (Barbara Zinn Krieger, ers who saved their school by in- history ter named Ella, who is transported creative director, and Domingo) to troducing a white audience to spiri- back in time, where she meets a learn more about the show and tuals. That story line forms the cen- college a capaella group, “The Jubi- what will make it a family outing to ter of the play. In order to engage lee Singers,” and gains a newfound remember. 21st-century pre-teens, Myla added appreciation for history and educa- Shnieka Johnson: Why was it a framing device. Ella, a modern tion. The new production celebrates important for you to bring the work tween, doesn’t think education is “The Jubilee Singers,” a group that to stage at this time? important, so her Aunt Beth sends was established in 1871 at Fisk Uni- Barbara Zinn krieger: New York her on a “Sankofa,” a trip back in versity in Nashville, Tennessee, and City Children’s Theater is reviving time to take the place of her great- still exists today. Fisk University “A Band of Angels” this season for great-grandmother, Ella Sheppard,

14 Bronx/Riverdale Family • May 2015 one of the original Jubilee sing- dren’s Theater has shows for 3 to ers. Modern Ella experiences the 7 year olds as well as 8 to adult, hardships of those first Fisk stu- the suggested age for “A Band of dents and realizes how important Angels.” education really is. • • • SJ: What is the timeline for a A chat with director, Colman production such as this? Domingo. BZ: In the fall of 2014, Col- Shnieka Johnson: Compare man Domingo agreed to direct Myla Churchill’s script to the chil- the show. Kristen Rosenfeld, dren’s book by Deborah Hopkin- Free Monthly our music director, was soon on son. board, followed by the designers. Colman Domingo: Myla’s play We auditioned actor and singers has more of a theatrical narra- Parent Workshops in March, and April 6 rehears- tive, which is (Spanish translation available for all workshops) als started. “A Band of Angels” very impor- opened on April 25. tant to convey- SJ: Was Fisk University in- ing a story to May 11, 2015 volved in any way (historical ref- the stage. She erence, etc)? maintains the Making a Social Story for BZ: We have a promotional integrity of the partnership for the revival with book but gives Young Children with Autism Fisk University, Fisk University it a heightened New York Alumni, and UNCF, The sense of theatricality. Spectrum Disorder United Negro College Fund. Hope- SJ: What is the timeline for your Presenter: Betsy Knafo • Time: 9:45 a.m. – Noon fully, many of those folks will at- cast and production team? Location: 800 Andrews Avenue, Bronx, NY 10453 tend performances throughout CD: We rehearse for two-and-a- the run. half weeks, eight hours a day, six SJ: What community and days a week. If you interested in attending this workshop, please school outreach is taking place SJ: Do you think that there is contact Natalie Vargas at 718-939-8700 ext. 1167 with this particular show? great parallel between the show BZ: We are providing free tick- and current events? These workshops are made available by a grant provided by the New ets to 1,100 children in Title 1 CD: The play touches on the ur- York City Council, Department of Mental Health and Hygiene. schools, schools where there is gency of knowing the collective his- a high percentage of low-income tory of disenfranchised people in families. Each class receives a our country and ways of survival. Resource Guide, which helps the SJ: What personal message do teachers prepare the children to you want parents to know about see the show. The book is avail- this show? able in the lobby, and many CD: That the play is not only a groups come early so teachers lesson about history, but fun, intel- can read the book to their classes ligent and not a “children’s show,” before the performance. where the story is dumbed down in SJ: What do you want parents any way. It is savvy for smart kids. to know about this show? SJ: What is your take on the BZ: Parents can enjoy the show importance of bringing kids to the- as much as their children, as there atre early on? is a mix of adult and young char- CD: Giving kids more tools to acters. The story is full of excite- imagine, to create, to have their ment as well as history that will minds blown by taking an empty appeal to kids this time around space and taking them to a place as much as it did 10 years ago. or time that is unimaginable is im- The gorgeous music, sung in tight perative for our survival. Art is the harmony, is abundant. Many spiri- parachute that might save us all. tuals such as “This Little Light Of • • • Mine” are well known, and others, “A Band of Angels” at Theater 3 just as beautiful and inspiring, [311 W. 43rd Street between Eighth will be a joy to experience, per- and Ninth aves in Times Square, (646) haps for the first time. 250 –1178 , www.nycchildrenstheater. SJ: Explain the importance of org] April 25 through May 10, Satur- bringing kids to theatre early on. days and Sundays at 2 and 4 pm. $25 BZ: The live theater experience regular seating, $45 premium (pre- is unlike any other. Engagement reserved, first and second seating). with live actors creates an indel- Appropriate ages 8 and up. ible experience for the audience Shnieka Johnson is an education that is not soon forgotten. If we consultant and freelance writer. She is want our kids to enjoy theater as based in Manhattan where she resides grown-ups, I believe they should with her husband and son. Contact her be exposed as soon as possible, via her website: www.shniekajohnson. which is why New York City Chil- com.

May 2015 • Bronx/Riverdale Family 15 PARENTING

PARENTING MEDIA ASSOCIATION 2015 Bronze Award Winner Mother’s Day gifts Editorial Awards Competition efore you go wracking your brain and scouring stores for B the ideal Mother’s Day gift, you might want to consider what mothers really want. While the typi- cal offerings may please some, it’s the extra special thought that goes a long way. And every mom is dif- JUST WRITE ferent, so the key is finding what the mom in your life values. Hint: It’s not MOM flowers. DANIELLE SULLIVAN Here’s a list of five things that mothers want and need, and not just on Mother’s Day: Sleep. Ask any mom and depend- ing on the age(s) of her children, she can fill you in on her exact amount of sleep deprivation. Lack of sleep often starts somewhere in pregnancy and it ends — well, I don’t know when it ends, or if it actually does. I am still sleep-deprived and all my kids have been out of diapers for years. NOT flowers. I recently read somewhere (can’t remember where — see #1) that moms do not want flowers for Mother’s Day. The article said it was a useless gift, often a last- minute thought, and an easy pur- chase to fulfill the obligation of even getting a gift. So unless the mom in your life really, really loves flowers, I’d skip this one. And shout-out to hubby, my allergies are horrendous, so please pay careful attention to this suggestion. Something unique. Meaning something that says mom, and your particular wife, girlfriend, partner, or mother — not what is mass-mar- keted to stores for the droves of women who are mothers. Sure, an over-the-top frilly pink hat or the newest kitchen gadget might satisfy a lot of moms, but it would hon- her child, in the form of a locket or just say it in a well-planned out estly tick me off. It’s just not me. charm, in the piece of jewelry. There time and place (think nice dinner And every mom wants something is nothing sweeter than being given that she didn’t have to cook over a that says you know her, you get her a symbol of your baby that you can bottle of wine). taste, you understand her likes and keep with you and wear. Being a mother is a gift in itself, dislikes, and didn’t merely settle for Words. OK, this might seem too but nothing feels better than having a gift at a stand in the mall. For me, easy, but really it can be more the person in your life that you love a live Dave Matthews Band CD that I meaningful than you may think. the most celebrate your unique life don’t already have, a new computer Every mom likes to hear and needs as a mom. gadget, or a great book would do to know that you think she is doing Danielle Sullivan, a mom of three, just fine. a good job, appreciate every- has worked as a writer and editor in the Jewelry almost always works. thing she does day in and day out, parenting world for more than 10 years. But again, know her taste. Does she and value her as a partner and a Sullivan also writes about pets and par- like silver, gold, or white gold? Does mother. You can write it in a letter enting for Disney’s Babble.com. Find Sul- she prefer earrings or a necklace? or a card. If you are creative, you livan on her blogs, Just Write Mom and Try combining a remembrance of can pen a poem. You can simply Some Puppy To Love.

16 Bronx/Riverdale Family • May 2015 Arts Directory

Belle School of Music student who qualifies for financial 1088 Central Park Ave, Scarsdale assistance as well as multi-session and 10583 sibling discounts. Through the gener- 283 Tarrytown Rd, White Plains osity of the Tom Freston Instrument 10607 Lending Library, loaner instruments 1537 Central Park Ave, Yonkers are available for use during lessons at 10710 Bronx House and for practice at home, 914-961-5511 or www.belleschool. free of charge. com The Belle School of Music, ‘where Tigercandy arts, inc. learning is fun!’ has a unique, effec- Riverdale, NY 10463 tive and enjoyable way of learning 347-603-7822 or for children (18 months and up) and www.tigercandyartscreate.com or adults. Under the supervision of highly [email protected] qualified and dedicated staff, the Tigercandy Arts, Inc. the Riverdale- child you love will learn to play, and based puppet & craft company who develop an appreciation and love for created the fanciful & lovable, couture music that will last a lifetime. Bring sock puppets known as Socketts® out the musical talent in your child! To and brought you The Ultimate Sock schedule a FREE introductory lesson Puppet Book, will be offering two, SCHOOL FOR PERFORMING ARTS and consultation please call. comprehensive, summer workshops in marionette design and mask mak- Bronx House School for ing for students ages 8-14. Our SUMMER GROUP MUSIC & Performing arts co-founders, artists and experienced 990 Pelham Parkway South, Bronx art-educators, Tiger Kandel & Heather DANCE CLASSES BEGIN JUNE 27 10461, 718-792-1800 ext. 235 Schloss, will conduct classes. Their Bronx House School for Performing original approach combines the teach- REGISTER NOW! Arts offers year-round private and er’s sensibility with the methodology group instrumental music, dance and of art therapy to bring each student’s theater classes for students of all ages, unique, creative vision to life with easy pre-school through adult, as well as to learn, organically improving skills. Quality Programs! an annual musical theater production Three-dimensional art forms like pup- x Music & Dance Instruction program for children in grades 3 and petry, mask making make the fun, for All Ages up. Located in a state-of-the-art 7,000 beauty and sense of accomplishment square foot wing, the facility features that accompanies art creation acces- x Professional Faculty sound proof and sound enhanced sible to kids in ways more traditional x Music & Dance Recitals music rooms and three dance studios. art mediums can’t always do. For The faculty of accomplished perform- the accomplished artist, these activi- x State-of-the-Art Facilities ties will introduce fun new skills and ers and educators have advanced x Free Loaner Instruments degrees from music schools around improve familiar ones while enriching the world. The Schooloffers par- their creative repertoire. See our ad x Year Round Programming tial need-based scholarships to any and visit us online for more details. x Competitive Pricing Online Activity Guide& Financial Assistance on www.NYParenting.comx Ongoing Registration for Private Music Instruction

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Special Advertising Section May 2015 • Bronx/rivErdalE FaMily 17 Parenting

have the best silverware, place set- tings, croissants and scones, and champagne flowing everywhere. Ev- Celebrating eryone would be dressed in pretty florals, possibly hats. Maybe we’d even have some fun raffles like a TV, or something that I recently won in a raffle: cleaning services! I’d gather all other moms the moms and make a great speech about how they’ve influenced me as his May I’ll be celebrating For years I’ve dreamt of hosting a woman and mom. The problem my third Mother’s Day and a huge Mother’s Day banquet for with my dream is that, well, it’s a T instead of wishing for some all the great moms in my life: my dream. I always seem to remem- mommy 101 much-needed sleep or some alone aunts, godmother, cousins, friends, ber my great idea the month before angelica sereda time, I’m taking a different approach and of course, my own mother. It’d Mother’s Day, hardly enough time to to the celebration altogether; I’m be a beautiful event, only plan such an event. thinking of other moms. the best, for my fa- When I think about it more, I re- vorite moms. Much alize that the where or the how is like high tea, I’d not as important as the what. What I want my fellow moms to know is that they are in- spiring. They have in- spired me, and they are definitely inspir- ing their own chil- dren whether they think so or not. I’ve definitely learned little nug- gets of motherly wisdom from the women in my life. I see the way the older generation has transitioned from young moth- ers to empty-nesters and grand- mothers. Yes, they’re totally differ- ent with their grandkids than they were with their own children. It’s to be expected. I see my cousins, whom I’ve grown up with, and am in awe of their own unique parenting styles. They are sweet and tender and ex- tremely creative with the things they do as a family. My friends and fellow moms are always there to listen to my parenting woes and give great ad- vice. Whenever I’m feeling conflicted about something, we can share sto- ries and relate. And of course, my own mom has been there for me every step of the way in this jour- ney. She’s proud of the mother I’m becoming and a lot of that is owed to her. I understand the choices she’s made as a mother, even when I didn’t get it as a child. That’s the beauty of becoming a mom, you get other moms, especially your own. Maybe next year I’ll actually throw that beautiful banquet for all the great moms in my life. But either way, I want them to know that they have, and continue, to inspire me in my parenting journey.

18 Bronx/Riverdale Family • May 2015 May 2015 BRONX/RIVERDALE FORARTS KIDSFREE Family Private/Independent Where Every Child Matters School Guide Here’s to Moms • Prioritizing personal time • Stepmoms on Mother’s Day • Why a woman is never ‘just a mom’

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May 2015 • Bronx/Riverdale Family 19 Giving birth The new By Allison Plitt amous people get pregnant frontier in and have children all the time, F but not many do so at the age of 50. assisted Enter Sophie B. Hawkins. The American singer, songwriter, and musician, announced in Febru- at reproduction 50 ary that she is pregnant and is ex- assisted reproduction, mostly donor When asked if women 50 and pecting to deliver her baby girl in eggs,” said Grifo. “There have been older having babies is a rising trend, July 2015. no reported pregnancies in women Grifo observed, “It’s happening, but Hawkins, whose hits include “As I over 50 doing IVF with their own it’s still not that common. The age Lay Me Down,” said that in order to eggs, as the pregnancies of women of first deliveries is rising dramati- become pregnant, she used in vitro 45 and older are almost always cally, especially on the coasts, just fertilization (IVF), which involves achieved using donor eggs. An egg because the stages of our life ex- combining a woman’s eggs and a donor cycle (starting with egg pro- pand with our life expectancy, so man’s sperm outside of the body duction and ending with an em- we spend more time in each of the in a laboratory. Once an embryo or bryo transfer) can cost $20,000 to stages.” embryos form, they are then placed $30,000,” Grifo stated. Based on a 2011 research paper inside a woman’s uterus. The mothers themselves must published by his colleagues at New In Hawkins’ case, she used 15 fro- meet certain criteria to be consid- York University, Grifo said, “We zen embryos that had been created ered for IVF at an older age. In addi- looked at eggs, embryos, frozen with donor sperm when she was 31 tion to having a normal blood pres- eggs, fresh eggs and embryos and years old. As reproductive technolo- sure and weight, prospective moth- showed that per retrieval, we got the gies have advanced, opportunities ers must undergo an electrocardio- same pregnancy rate. There are ad- for women to have children at an gram that checks for problems with vantages and disadvantages to each older age have become more avail- the electrical activity of the heart, a option and with good counseling able. stress test for the heart, a colonos- and informed consent, patients can According to statistics from the copy, and a mammogram. decide what to do.” Centers for Disease Control and Pre- The Centers for Disease Control Because frozen embryos involve vention, births by women ages 50 to list some of the risks involved for donor sperm or the sperm from a 54 rose by more than 165 percent women in their late 40s and 50s hav- male partner, not all patients are from 255 such births in 2000 to 677 ing children as preeclampsia (a con- comfortable freezing embryos, be- in 2013. dition during pregnancy marked by cause they may never be used if the Dr. Jamie Grifo, program direc- high blood pressure and a high level woman separates from her partner. tor of the New York University Lan- of protein in the urine), gestational The woman can only use the embryo gone Fertility Center and a reproduc- hypertension, diabetes, preterm de- with the male partner’s consent. tive endocrinologist, explained that livery, and multiple births. It is illegal to sell frozen eggs and most of these mothers conceived NYU’s website (www.nyulangone. embryos and donating them involves children by using donor eggs fertil- org) states that it is unique among costly testing on the donors’ behalf, ized by sperm and implanted into fertility centers in that it has “pi- which usually ends up having them the womb. oneered improvements in genetic forgo the procedures and throw the As the average age for menopause screening technology over the past reproductive materials away. is 51, fertility decreases through a 20 years, leading to more efficient Dr. Barry Behr, professor of ob- woman’s 30s and 40s and usually and safer IVF procedures.” In other stetrics and gynecology (reproduc- vanishes by 45. words, the doctors test embryos for tive endocrinology and infertility) at “Egg donors are not a new trend. certain genetic disorders to ensure Stanford University’s Medical Cen- There are a limited number of pa- they are healthy before beginning ter, disagrees with Grifo’s conclusion tients over the age of 50 who use the IVF process. that almost all assisted reproductive

20 Bronx/Riverdale Family • May 2015 If a single woman wants a child, but doesn’t have a partner, she can freeze her eggs until she decides when she wants to conceive. If she finds a partner, she can use her eggs and Giving birth her partner’s sperm to create an embryo. The new By Allison Plitt amous people get pregnant frontier in and have children all the time, F but not many do so at the age of 50. assisted Enter Sophie B. Hawkins. The American singer, songwriter, and musician, announced in Febru- at reproduction 50 ary that she is pregnant and is ex- assisted reproduction, mostly donor When asked if women 50 and pecting to deliver her baby girl in eggs,” said Grifo. “There have been older having babies is a rising trend, July 2015. no reported pregnancies in women Grifo observed, “It’s happening, but Hawkins, whose hits include “As I over 50 doing IVF with their own it’s still not that common. The age Lay Me Down,” said that in order to eggs, as the pregnancies of women of first deliveries is rising dramati- become pregnant, she used in vitro 45 and older are almost always cally, especially on the coasts, just fertilization (IVF), which involves achieved using donor eggs. An egg because the stages of our life ex- combining a woman’s eggs and a donor cycle (starting with egg pro- pand with our life expectancy, so man’s sperm outside of the body duction and ending with an em- we spend more time in each of the in a laboratory. Once an embryo or bryo transfer) can cost $20,000 to stages.” embryos form, they are then placed $30,000,” Grifo stated. Based on a 2011 research paper inside a woman’s uterus. The mothers themselves must published by his colleagues at New In Hawkins’ case, she used 15 fro- meet certain criteria to be consid- York University, Grifo said, “We technologies have about the same than frozen embryos and eggs. Saying that he fully supports egg- embryo will always be higher than zen embryos that had been created ered for IVF at an older age. In addi- looked at eggs, embryos, frozen pregnancy rates. “There is nothing in life where freezing, Behr believes this tech- that of an egg, because you don’t with donor sperm when she was 31 tion to having a normal blood pres- eggs, fresh eggs and embryos and An example Behr refers to can fresh is the same or worse than fro- nique has advantages over embryo- know the potential of an egg before years old. As reproductive technolo- sure and weight, prospective moth- showed that per retrieval, we got the be found online at the Society for zen. You can look at published data. freezing. For example, if a single it is fertilized today.” gies have advanced, opportunities ers must undergo an electrocardio- same pregnancy rate. There are ad- Assisted Reproductive Technology Pregnancy rates are 10 percent to woman wants a child, but doesn’t In an interview with ABC Televi- for women to have children at an gram that checks for problems with vantages and disadvantages to each (www.sart.org.) under the heading 20 percent lower with frozen eggs have a partner, she can freeze her sion in 2012, Behr said it was “mor- older age have become more avail- the electrical activity of the heart, a option and with good counseling “IVF Success Rates” that produces a cycles than they are with fresh egg eggs until she decides when she ally irresponsible” to tell a couple able. stress test for the heart, a colonos- and informed consent, patients can “National Data Summary” from 2013, cycles.” wants to conceive. If she finds a about freezing eggs but not disclose According to statistics from the copy, and a mammogram. decide what to do.” which is a compilation of statistics Regarding the use of eggs versus partner, she can use her eggs and to them about freezing embryos. Centers for Disease Control and Pre- The Centers for Disease Control Because frozen embryos involve from fertility centers throughout the embryos, Behr sees different suc- her partner’s sperm to create an Behr says he has softened his vention, births by women ages 50 to list some of the risks involved for donor sperm or the sperm from a country. The website also allows cess rates as well. embryo. She also has the option position on being “morally irrespon- 54 rose by more than 165 percent women in their late 40s and 50s hav- male partner, not all patients are users to look at the data of individual “Pregnancy rate does not mean of using donor sperm to create the sible,” but he claims there are fer- from 255 such births in 2000 to 677 ing children as preeclampsia (a con- comfortable freezing embryos, be- fertility clinics nationwide, although that the techniques are equivalent. embryo. tility centers and individuals “who in 2013. dition during pregnancy marked by cause they may never be used if the it is not designed to compare IVF It’s not arithmetically possible to Other instances where egg-freez- are morally irresponsible and who Dr. Jamie Grifo, program direc- high blood pressure and a high level woman separates from her partner. clinics’ success rates. have eggs be equal to embryos. Eggs ing is advantageous is when a female are selling people on false hope and tor of the New York University Lan- of protein in the urine), gestational The woman can only use the embryo According to the National Data are more fragile than embryos, so cancer patient wishes to bank her that is immoral and unethical. This gone Fertility Center and a reproduc- hypertension, diabetes, preterm de- with the male partner’s consent. Summary, the percentage of trans- there is a slightly lower survival rate eggs. Egg-freezing is also a more vi- would not be the case for Dr. Grifo’s tive endocrinologist, explained that livery, and multiple births. It is illegal to sell frozen eggs and fers resulting in live births is 56.1 per- in eggs than embryos. One egg going able alternative for those who have nor our practice. Neither myself most of these mothers conceived NYU’s website (www.nyulangone. embryos and donating them involves cent for fresh embryos, 47.1 percent in does not translate to one embryo moral or ethical concerns about nor Dr. Grifo represent our field in children by using donor eggs fertil- org) states that it is unique among costly testing on the donors’ behalf, for frozen donor eggs, 40.5 percent developed,” Behr explains. storing extra embryos after in vitro parity.” ized by sperm and implanted into fertility centers in that it has “pi- which usually ends up having them for thawed embryos, and 41 percent “Not every egg fertilizes,” he con- fertilization. For more information about in the womb. oneered improvements in genetic forgo the procedures and throw the for donated embryos. These statis- tinues. “That means that if 60 per- Behr says the data from the So- vitro fertilization, visit NYU’s Lan- As the average age for menopause screening technology over the past reproductive materials away. tics show the highest success rate cent to 70 percent of your eggs sur- ciety for Assisted Reproductive gone Fertility Center website at is 51, fertility decreases through a 20 years, leading to more efficient Dr. Barry Behr, professor of ob- is by using fresh embryos. There is vive and fertilize, the utility of eggs Technology for 2011 and 2012 shows www.nyulangone.org/locations/fer- woman’s 30s and 40s and usually and safer IVF procedures.” In other stetrics and gynecology (reproduc- a 9 percent lower success rate from starting with 10, we’re now down to greater disparity in success rates tility-center. vanishes by 45. words, the doctors test embryos for tive endocrinology and infertility) at using frozen donor eggs than using six to seven embryos. If I start with among the different technologies. “Egg donors are not a new trend. certain genetic disorders to ensure Stanford University’s Medical Cen- fresh donor eggs (in fresh embryos). ten embryos, I bet that I will have “Now I’m not saying in five years Allison Plitt is a contributing writer to There are a limited number of pa- they are healthy before beginning ter, disagrees with Grifo’s conclusion Behr also says that fresh embryos more babies from my ten embryos or 10 years those success rates may New York Parenting and lives in Queens tients over the age of 50 who use the IVF process. that almost all assisted reproductive and eggs have higher success rates than from your 10 eggs. “ be closer, but the success rate of an with her husband and daughter.

May 2015 • Bronx/Riverdale Family 21 Room for debate BY SHNIEKA L. JOHNSON debating for children are numerous. graphic of the participants? The New York Young debaters often earn better EF: The majority of our students he New York City Urban De- grades than their peers and have are Hispanic Americans and African City Urban bate League is for all ages, higher attendance rates in school. Americans, about 80 percent His- T and welcomes children from They are also more likely to be col- panic and African Americans, and 20 Debate League second to 12th grade. The art of de- lege and career ready — which is a percent Asian Americans, European bate showcases the academic ben- goal of the New York State Common Americans. Ages are elementary efits of extracurricular activities, Core. Students organically work on to high school, with majority being gives students and adds to children’s skills in writ- their ability to think critically and middle school, so I’d say roughly ing, reading, speaking and listening. problem solve, research, write, com- ages 7 to 20 years old. a voice — and Each of these skills is important for municate, collaborate and think cre- SJ: What life skills does debate academic achievement, especially atively. Students that participate in lend itself to? a lot more under the New York State Common debate are seemingly more prepared EF: Debate is the most rigorous Core Standards, and increases their than their peers to perform well academic program since Ancient ability to take notes, collaborate, on standardized tests in the areas Greece. It teaches students public question, organize and research. of English, reading, math and sci- speaking, critical thinking, reading, Programs such as debate are also ence. Graduation rates and college writing, questioning, researching proven to influence children’s inter- attendance rates are also notable for and every other academic skill. It ests in college, career, and civic suc- young debaters — around 90 per- also teaches every academic subject cess — making them more likely to cent of graduate high school on time — from philosophy to economics to vote, volunteer for a campaign, or and go on to attend college. international affairs to ethnic stud- run for public office. Most recently, New York City de- ies. Students basically receive a col- The positive benefits of baters swept nearly all the divisions lege education through debate. And of the State Championships. Public so it’s the best preparation for col- high school Brooklyn Tech swept lege, career and civic success. Novice, Junior Varsity, and Varsity SJ: How can parents get their kids Policy Debate Divisions! The team involved? included Dante DeBlasio and Sam- EF: Parents can ask their school uel Eluto, who were undefeated and to start a debate team. All our pro- placed first for Varsity Policy De- grams are free for New York City bate. public schools. Additionally, we Want a program in your child’s offer a debate club that meets nearly school? The city’s debate leagues every Saturday. are free for all public schools and are SJ: How do you start a program Common Core aligned. There is out- at a local school if they do not have reach for each school by master de- one? bate coaches as well as year-round EF: We train teachers with out- teacher professional development, reach, workshops, curriculum, and resource availability, and online lessons on being a debate coach. support. The mission is to sup- We have a program director who port debate education programs. visits schools to support teams. We The programming is offered every also have workshops and additional week. There are championships in training every Saturday through the both the fall and the school year and then summer de- spring. I spoke to New bate institutes available for teachers York City Urban De- all throughout the summer. bate League executive What do you want parents to (Top) Students, left, Dante director, Erik Fogel to know about this initiative? DeBlasio and Samuel Eluto learn more about the EF: Everyone can be a great de- (second from right) cel- benefits of debate. bater. All students should have ac- ebrate a win with teach- Shnieka Johnson: cess to the best debate education ers James Bathurst and How long has the pro- opportunities to learn college-level Adam Stevens. (Right) Starr gram been around? skills, learn about the world around Erik Fogel: Arroyo, Stephanie Nyame, We were them, and learn the skills to advo- founded in Septem- cate and change the world around Yaira Brito, Erik Fogel ber 2011 because less them. (teacher), Ashley Meija of than one percent of the Shnieka Johnson is an education con- the Bronx School for Law, city’s Title I low-income sultant and freelance writer. She is based Government and justice schools and students in Manhattan where she resides with her celebrate a win. had access to debate. husband and son. Contact her via her SJ: What is the demo- website: www.shniekajohnson.com.

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May 2015 • Bronx/Riverdale Family 23 Relationships Saw it on Facebook Heard about the ‘Facebook divorce’? Here are the facts id you hear? You can get divorced on Facebook “D now.” “Yeah, I read the article.” I overheard this brief (and mis- leading) exchange recently. Two Divorce & women were referring to a recently decided New York Supreme Court Separation case, Baidoo vs. Blood-Dzraku. Lee Chabin, esq. Many of us are on Facebook. If you are reading this column, maybe you’re getting divorced. Will this case affect you? Probably not. Baidoo vs. Blood-Dzraku involves “service of process.” In other words, notifying someone that an action (here, a divorce action) has been in- stituted against him, and that he is re- quired to respond to it. The question raised was whether one spouse can inform the other of a divorce action using Facebook. And only Facebook. Justice Matthew F. Cooper, in his one “that fits the particular circum- had to show that her proposed man- decision, said that the preferred stances of the case” — but only if ner of serving her husband was “rea- method for serving a summons in a the usual methods are shown to be sonably calculated to apprise [her divorce action is personal delivery to “impracticable.” husband] that he is being sued for the defendant. This reflects the great To get permission to use a pri- divorce.” emphasis that this state places on vate Facebook message as her sole The court had concerns: could the insuring that a person who is being method of service, Ellanora Baidoo, wife have fabricated the husband’s sued for divorce — a proceeding the wife in this case, had to offer evi- Facebook account? If the account was that can have immeasurable finan- dence and persuade the judge that, legitimate, what if he rarely used it? cial and familial consequences — be in her situation, the other methods Baidoo was able to allay these con- made aware of and afforded the op- of service wouldn’t work, and that cerns. portunity to appear in the action. the social media site was likely to. Still, the question remained: could But personal service isn’t al- And, she succeeded. service on Facebook really be the ways possible; for instance, when The judge found that, although only means of service? No court had one spouse doesn’t know where the the parties married in 2009, they ever allowed this. Should publication other is. Under such circumstances, never resided together, and the last service also be required? alternative service is allowed. With address the wife had for him was an Justice Cooper said, no, publica- the court’s permission, a summons apartment he vacated in 2011. tion service can be expensive, “and can be delivered to a person other By phone — they spoke occasion- the chances of it being seen by [the than the spouse at the spouse’s ally — her husband had told her that husband], buried in an obscure sec- workplace or home. “he has no fixed address or place of tion of the paper and printed in small Or, the summons can be affixed employment. He has also refused to type are … infinitesimal.” to a door at one of these places, make himself available to be served And so, new law was made. and a copy mailed to a spouse’s last with divorce papers,” according to New York City and Long Island-based known address or actual place of the court. divorce mediator and collaborative di- business (“nail and mail” service). Further, investigative firms had all vorce lawyer Lee Chabin helps clients Then there is publication service, been unsuccessful in their efforts: end their relationships respectfully and where the summons is printed in a the post office had no forwarding without going to court. Contact him at newspaper designated by the court. address for him, there was no billing [email protected], (718) 229– The idea is that, if the spouse cannot address for his pre-paid cellphone, 6149, or go to http://lc-mediate.com/. be notified in another way, maybe he and the Department of Motor Ve- Follow him on Facebook at www.face- will find out about it by reading that hicles had no record of him. book.com/lchabin. newspaper. After having convinced the court Disclaimer: All material in this column is for infor- The law does allow a court to go that the more traditional methods of mational purposes only and does not constitute legal beyond these methods and to devise service were not viable, Baidoo still advice.

24 Bronx/Riverdale Family • May 2015 ADVICEAdvice Wills and your kids My spouse and I have recently had You can also split it into thirds, or children. If something happens to both give the trustee discretion to keep of us, we want to leave our money to the property remaining in trust for our children. What are our options since tax purposes or creditor protection they are still very young? purposes. If you are drafting your will when your children are young, n New York, if you pass away you may considering implementing a ASK AN while the child is a minor, and combination of these two trusts. I you do not have a will, that child The specific terms are driven will receive his or her entire inheri- by your own particular objectives ATTORNEY tance once the he reaches the age and concerns, which are different ALISON ARDEN BESUNDER, of 18. However most parents do not for every person. It all depends on ESQ. want their 18-year-old child to inherit your family’s situation financially their entire parent or parents’ estate parent would by not requiring the and your children’s ability to handle at such a young age because the child trustee to keep separate records for money. A good way to work through may not be mature enough to handle each child and not requiring distri- these decisions is to assess the esti- what could be a sizeable amount of butions to each child are exactly mated value of your estate (including money. This is particularly true for a the same. With such a trust it may life insurance), how much money child or children who have suffered be most appropriate to make the would be in your net estate (your such an unspeakable loss at a young trustee a different person from who gross estate less any major liabilities age. For that reason, it is important to you are appointing the guardian of like a mortgage). Consider how many have a will in place and create trusts your children to ensure a check on children you have or plan to have, to best suit your needs. the trustee’s distributions. and how much money is estimated A Last Will and Testament con- The second option is to create a to be available for each child. tains a “Minor’s Trust” that is in- separate trust for each child. This For a larger trust, you might con- tended to hold any property left to a trust is more appropriate for older sider multiple distributions of princi- minor child — defined by you in the children or young adults because pal over a longer period of time. will as someone under any age — 18, each child will have different needs For a smaller trust, one or two 25, 30, and so on. and expenses of greater variance distributions is probably more ef- In general there are two types and at different times. At your death ficient. of structures. The first is called a your estate is divided equally among As he grows, you may find you “pot trust” or “sprinkle trust,” which your children and each child gets have a very responsible child and means that all the money goes into his or her own trust. Most likely you so you may not need to spread the the “pot” to be used for the benefit will have the same trustee for all the distributions as far out; or you may of all children who are beneficiaries trusts, but the money is kept in sepa- find you do not think he could handle of the trust. rate sub-trusts for each beneficiary. a large amount of money at one time The pot trust usually grants the This allows different options and so you may want to consider delaying trustee full discretion to make distri- scenarios regarding distributions the distributions until a later age. butions for any reason, or imposes from the trust by the trustee. Usu- Regardless of what you select, an ascertainable standard such as ally the trustee has a standard for you, your plan, and your children “health, education, maintenance, discretionary distributions of prin- will all be changing as your chil- and support” (sometimes referred cipal, such as “for health, education, dren mature. It is critical to review to as a “Hems” standard). This type and maintenance.” these and other provisions every of trust is most appropriate for when You may also want to include dis- few years to ensure that your plan you have two or more young chil- tributions of income and-or principal continues to be suited to your cur- dren who would live with a guard- (the corpus) at one or more specified rent situation. ian. In some respects, a pot trust ages to the child directly. There are Alison Arden Besunder is the founding is more manageable for a trustee various options. A common meth- attorney of the law firm of Arden Besun- and is more appropriate because odology is to provide for half at age der P.C., where she assists new and not- the majority of the expenses will 25 and the remainder at age 30. You so-new parents with their estate planning be attributable to the children as a can also make those distributions needs. Her firm assists clients in Man- whole, such as food, or are expenses contingent on graduation from an hattan, Brooklyn, Queens, Nassau, and all children would benefit from, such accredited college, and delay those Suffolk Counties. You can find Besunder as summer camp. This type of trust distributions to ages 30 and 35 (or on Twitter @estatetrustplan and on her allows the trustee to act much as a later) if they do not graduate college. website at www.besunderlaw.com.

Disclaimer: This column is provided by Arden Besunder P.C. and New York Parenting Media as a public service to inform readers of legal issues. It is not intended to advise. Since legal issues vary with an individual’s situation and needs, one should consult with an attorney. It is impossible to cover all aspects of the law in an article. Please be advised that the laws are constantly changing. The content in this article reflects the current law. Nothing contained in this article is intended as advice and does not create an attorney-client relationship between the reader and the firm. Individual consultation with an attorney is required to determine the specific facts and circumstances of any particular situation. A written retainer agreement between you and the firm is required before any attorney-client relationship may be created. Circular 230 Disclosure Notice: To ensure compliance with Treasury Department rules governing tax practice, we inform you that any advice contained herein (including in any attachment) (1) was not written and is not intended to be used, and cannot be used, for the purpose of avoiding any federal tax penalty that may be imposed on the taxpayer, and (2) may not be used in con- nection with promoting, marketing or recommending to another person any transaction or matter addressed herein. May 2015 • Bronx/Riverdale Family 25 Education Why schools assign summer homework dear teacher, do this work will put them behind. ily dynamics, all play a role in the All of my children have brought Admittedly, summer is a time onset of stuttering. home folders of summer homework to relax and largely forget about Myth: It helps to tell a person to Dear Teacher that need to be completed before the school. Parents can keep it that way “take a deep breath before talking” Peggy gisler and first day of school in the fall. if they organize how the summer or “think about what you want to Marge eberts The summer homework is such a homework will be handled. Give say first.” big deal that my child entering kin- them a say in when they will do reality: This advice only makes a dergarten even has a lot of material them. You could suggest that they person more self-conscious, making to cover. Are other schools doing the take a short break from these as- the stuttering worse. More helpful same thing? signments after school is over and responses include listening patiently I certainly don’t look forward to before it begins again. Another sug- and modeling slow and clear speech having to browbeat my children to gestion is that they only work on yourself. do this work all summer long. Last the assignments three or four days year, I was lax about having the kids a week until all the homework is teaching children how do their homework. As a result, the completed. to write their names last two weeks before school started dear teacher, was just doing homework, home- debunking common My daughter, who is entering first work, homework! myths about stuttering grade, still can’t write her name. How dear parents, can I teach her how to do this before dear parent, Much of what we think that we next year? Your children’s school is not out know about stuttering is actually a of step, as more and more schools myth. Many very successful people, dear parent, are assigning summer work. The rea- including Winston Churchill, Marilyn You can work with your daughter soning behind this is that it keeps Monroe, and a recent top-10 per- using the steps below to help her students’ school skills sharp — es- former on “American Idol,” have had learn to write her name. She needs pecially for those who have the tradi- severe stuttering problems. Here to master each step before going to tional, long summer break of up to 70 with help from The Stuttering Foun- the next one. days. Students who do not do some dation is a list of facts to counter • G e t a copy of the alphabet let- work in the summer will on average the myths about stuttering. You can ters the school is using. They should suffer a learning loss equivalent to learn more about stuttering by vis- show the direction that each letter about one month. iting the organization’s website at is formed. Typically, students score lower at www.stutteringhelp.org or by calling • Te a c h her how to print the let- the end of summer than at the end (800) 992–9392. ters in her name, starting with her of the school year on the same stan- Myth: People who stutter are not first name. The letters can be taught dardized tests. Students who are smart. in any order. She also needs to know reluctant to do any summer work reality: There is no link whatso- the names of the letters. should be reminded that failure to ever between stuttering and intel- • P r i n t her name. Have her trace ligence. these letters many times. She may Myth: Nervousness causes stut- find it easier to write using a mark- tering. ing pen. reality: Nervousness does not • Wr i te her name using only dots. cause stuttering. Or should we as- Then she should connect the dots. sume that people who stutter are • P r i n t her name, and have her prone to be nervous, fearful, anx- copy it under the letters you have ious, or shy? They have the same full written. She should say each letter range of personality traits as those as she writes it. who do not stutter. • H av e your child write her name Myth: Stuttering can be “caught” without looking at the model. through imitation or by hearing an- • Te a c h your child her last name other person stutter. in the same way. reality: You can’t “catch” stutter- Parents should send questions and ing. No one knows the exact causes comments to dearteacher@dearteacher. of stuttering, but recent research com or ask them on the columnists’ web- indicates that family history, neu- site at www.dearteacher.com. romuscular development, and the © Compass Syndicate Corporation, 2014. child’s environment, including fam- Distributed by King Features Syndicate

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May 2015 • Bronx/Riverdale Family 27 Calendarmay

Put that pedal to the metal and pre-register. learn to ride at Van Cortlandt Na- Learn to Ride on May 30 from 10 Learn how to ride ture Center on May 30. am to 1 pm. Free. Meet in the south- Park rangers instruct children west corner of the park. 5 years and older the basics of Van Cortlandt Nature Center [W. bike riding — how to balance, 246th St. at Broadway in Kingsbridge, start, steer and stop. Children (718) 548–0912; www.nyc.gov/p​arks/ must bring their own helmets and rangers].

28 Bronx/Riverdale Family • May 2015 Our online calendar is updated daily at www.NYParenting.com/calendar Calendar

Submit a listing This calendar is dedicated to bringing our readers the most comprehensive list of events in your area. But to do so, we need your help! Send your listing request to bronx­riverdalecalendar@ cnglocal. com — and we’ll take care of the rest. Please e-mail requests more than three weeks prior to the event to ensure we have enough time to get it in. And best of all, it’s FREE!

Fri, May 1 In The Bronx Free Friend Friday: LegoLand Discovery Center, 39 Fitzgerald St.; (866) 243–0770; www.legolanddis- coverycenter.com/we; 10 am–9 pm; Free with annual pass. Annual pass members may bring a friend for free. Advisory Group: Kingsbridge Library, 291 W. 231st Street; (718) 548–5656; www.nypl.org; 11 am; Free. Teens share their opinions on the library. Game Day: , 310 E. Kingsbridge Rd. at Briggs Celebrate mom at the Garden Ave.; (718) 579–4244; www.nypl. Come to a garden party and cel- the lawn, with card making and wa- Mother’s Day Weekend, May 9 org; 4 pm; Free. ebrate moms the weekend of May tercolor painting along CrabApple and 10, from 10 am to 6 pm. $30 Children 5 to 12 enjoy games. 9 and 10 at the New York Botanical Path. Live entertainment on Daffo- adults, $27 for students and se- First Friday Trolly: Bartow-Pell Gardens. dil Hill is performed by the Fuzzy niors, and $15 for children 2 to 12 Mansion Museum, 895 Shore Rd.; Live music, games, picnicking, Lemons on Saturday and the Banjo years old. (718) 885–1461; www.bartowpell- and more greet moms on this spe- Rascals on Sunday. Daffodil Hill also New York Botanical Garden [200th mansionmuseum.org; 5:30 pm to 8 cial all-day, all-weekend event. From offers the Bubble Show and Bubbles Street and Kazimiroff Blvd. in Mor- pm; $10 ($8 seniors and students). 10 am to 6 pm badminton, bean bag with Silly Sally each day and a spe- risania, (718) 817–8700; www.nybg. The folk group Hawthorne fea- turing Nat Osborn, Aimee Bayles, toss, and croquet are available on cial dance performance. org] Karna Ray, and Stu Mahan perform. Explore the museum, stroll the gar- dens. Registration requested. The dren under 12 with parent. Wave Hill. See Saturday, May 2. 310 E. Kingsbridge Rd. at Briggs trolley makes an hourly loop starting Welcome spring’s long-awaited Freshwater fishing: Crotona Ave.; (718) 579–4244; www.nypl. at 5:25 pm from the 6 train Pelham arrival. Explore healthy living and Nature Center, Charlotte Street and org; 4 pm; Free. Bay Park subway station to Bartow- contemporary art through art activi- Crotona Park East; (718) 378–2061; Pell Mansion Museum to City Island. ties and tours of current exhibitions Children 7 to 12 play with Wii, www.nyc.gov/parks/rangers; Noon; of three photographers from the PS3 and Xbox. Pre-registration Free. Sat, May 2 Bronx and Cuba Libre. Special guest required. workshop from the Bronx Children’s Rangers teach the catch and re- In The Bronx Museum. Pre-registration required. lease method and responsible fish- ing. Mandatory safety review class Family Art project: Wave Hill, Read-A-Loud: Kingsbridge Library, Tues, May 5 W. 249th Street and Independence is required. 291 W. 231st Street; (718) 548– In The Bronx Ave.; (718) 549–3200; www.wave- 5656; www.nypl.org; 1 pm; Free. hill.org; 10 am–1 pm; Free with ad- Children listen to stories read Mon, May 4 The Informers: Kingsbridge Li- mission to the grounds. by members of the Rotary Club of In The Bronx brary, 291 W. 231st Street; (718) Make a fun project with air-dry, Riverdale. 548–5656; www.nypl.org; 3:30 pm; wash-away clay. Wii gaming: Kingsbridge Library, 291 W. 231st Street; (718) 548– Free. Spring fever: Bronx Museum of Sun, May 3 5656; www.nypl.org; 4 pm; Free. the Arts, 1040 ; YouTube presentation produced For children 5 to 11 years old. (718) 681–6000; www.bronxmu- In The Bronx by teens for teens. seum.org; 1 to 4 pm; Free for chil- Family Art project: 10 am–1 pm. Game On: Bronx Library Center, Continued on page 30 May 2015 • Bronx/Riverdale Family 29 Calendar Our online calendar is updated daily at www.NYParenting.com/calendar

Continued from page 29 Wed, May 6 In The Bronx Toddler time: Kingsbridge Library, 291 W. 231st Street; (718) 548– 5656; www.nypl.org; 11 am; Free. For children 18 to 36 months with a parent or caregiver. E-book discussion: Bronx Library Center, 310 E. Kingsbridge Rd. at Briggs Ave.; (718) 579–4244; www. nypl.org; 4 pm; Free. Children use iPads and read the recommended books. For children 8 to 12 years old. Children’s film: Kingsbridge Li- brary, 291 W. 231st Street; (718) 548–5656; www.nypl.org; 4 pm; Free. Age-appropriate movies for chil- dren 5 to 12 years old.

Thurs, May 7 In The Bronx Storytime: Bronx Library Center, 310 E. Kingsbridge Rd. at Briggs Ave.; (718) 579–4244; www.nypl. org; 11 am; Free. Preschoolers 3 to 5 years old enjoy picture books with the Make tracks for ‘Chuggington’ librarian. “Chuggington Live! The Great the opportunity to experience the “Chuggington Live! The Great Toddler time: Bronx Library Cen- Rescue Adventure” is choo-choo- great adventure of the Chugging- Rescue Adventure” on May 16 and ter, 310 E. Kingsbridge Rd. at Briggs ing into the Beacon Theater on ton trainees, Wilson, Brewster, and 17 at 11 am, 2 pm, and 5 pm. Tick- Ave.; (718) 579–4244; www.nypl. May 16 and 17. Koko. This show presents impres- ets range from $40-$75. org; Noon; Free. This premier live action show, sive trains with working features Beacon Theatre [2124 Broadway at Caregivers and parents and their produced by Life Like Touring and and movements — bringing the W. 74th Street on the Upper West Side; toddlers 18 to 36 months enjoy fin- (866) 858–0008; www.beacontheatre. ger play, songs, stories and play Ludorum, is based on the popular Chuggington characters to life on time with other toddlers. TV show and gives young fans the stage. com]. Computer workshop: Bronx Library Center, 310 E. Kingsbridge W. 249th Street and Independence Mary’s Recreation Center, St. Ann’s Rd. at Briggs Ave.; (718) 579–4244; Sat, May 9 Ave.; (718) 549–3200; www.wave- Ave. and 145th Street; (718) 402– www.nypl.org; 4 pm; Free. In The Bronx hill.org; 10 am–1 pm; Free with ad- 5155; www.nycgovparks.org; 11 Children 7 to 12 learn the basics. Birdathon: , 2300 mission to the grounds. Pre-registration required. am–4 pm; Free. Southern Blvd. at Boston Road; (718) Floral fantasies for mom. Mother’s Day craft: Kingsbridge 220–5103; www.bronxzoo.com; 7 Outdoor adventure searching for Mother’s Day brunch: New York Library, 291 W. 231st Street; (718) am to 12:30 pm; $30 ($15 child; $15 clues plus the shape-up class and Botanical Garden, 200th St. and 548–5656; www.nypl.org; 4 pm; adult member; $5 child member). Kazimiroff Blvd.; (718) 817–8700; nutrition workshop. Join in to celebrate spring migra- Free. www.nybg.org; 10 am–6 pm; $30 tion. From advice of bird experts to Further Afield Children 5 to 12 create a unique ($27 student and seniors: $15 chil- card craft for mom. fun and educational activities, the day has it all. dren 2–12). Craft Fair: Chelsea, W. 21st St. Celebrate mom with live enter- between Eighth and Ninth avenues, Fri, May 8 Learn to ride: Pelham Bay Ranger tainment, games and outdoor fun. Station, Pelham Bay Park, Bruckner Manhattan; (917) 589–8893; www. In The Bronx Boulevard and Wilkinson Avenue; Family day: Bronx Library Center, twofairladies.com; 11 am–4 pm; Free Friend Friday: 10 am–9 pm. (718) 885–3467; www.nyc.gov/ 310 E. Kingsbridge Rd. at Briggs Free. Ave.; (718) 579–4244; www.nypl. LegoLand Discovery Center. See Fri- parks/rangers; 10 am to 1 pm; Free. Two Fair Ladies present more Children learn the basics of bike org; 11 am; Free. day, May 1. than 60 handmade artisans featur- riding — how to balance, start, Parents with children are invited Advisory Group: 11 am. Kings- steer, and stop. Must bring your to participate in reading aloud and ing handmade jewelry, clothing, ac- bridge Library. See Friday, May 1. own helmet. Pre-registration re- crafts. For ages 3 to 6. Pre-registra- cessories for kids and adults, art, Game Day: 4 pm. Bronx Library quired. In the Ryan Stadium Lot. tion required. Limited to 25 children. ceramics and more. Seventh annual Center. See Friday, May 1. Family Art project: Wave Hill, Digital scavenger hunt: St. event benefits PS 11. 30 Bronx/Riverdale Family • May 2015 Our online calendar is updated daily at www.NYParenting.com/calendar Calendar Sun, May 10 fabrics. In The Bronx Walk with the club: Bronx Zoo, 2300 Southern Blvd. at Boston Road; Family Art project: 10 am–1 pm. (718) 220–5103; www.bronxzoo. Wave Hill. See Saturday, May 9. com; 10:30 am to 12:30 pm; Free Mother’s Day brunch: 10 am–6 with standard zoo admission. pm. New York Botanical Garden. See Take in a river walk and a live per- Saturday, May 9. formance by Jilly Puppets. Field day fun: Playground-Wil- Mon, May 11 liamsbridge Oval, Reservoir Oval East and Bainbridge Ave.; (718) 543– In The Bronx 8672; www.nycgovparks.org; 11 Game On: 4 pm. Bronx Library am–2 pm; Free. Center. See Monday, May 4. Relay races, tug of war, obstacle course and arts and crafts. Tues, May 12 Sun, May 17 In The Bronx In The Bronx The Informers: 3:30 pm. Kings- bridge Library. See Tuesday, May 5. Family Art project: 10 am–1 pm. Wave Hill. See Saturday, May 16. Wed, May 13 Salamander workshop: Van Cortlandt Nature Center, W. 246th In The Bronx St. at Broadway; (718) 548–0912; Toddler time: 11 am. Kingsbridge www.nyc.gov/parks/rangers; 11 Library. See Wednesday, May 6. am–2 pm; Free. Rangers help children connect E-book discussion: 4 pm. Bronx with nature and teach them all Library Center. See Wednesday, May about the importance of the sala- 6. mander and the eco-system. Pre- Children’s film: 4 pm. Kings- pare to get your hands dirty as you search under rocks and leaves. bridge Library. See Wednesday, May 6. Mon, May 18 Magic the Gathering: Kings- bridge Library, 291 W. 231st Street; In The Bronx (718) 548–5656; www.nypl.org; Game On: 4 pm. Bronx Library 4:30 pm; Free. Center. See Monday, May 4. The game that started it all for Kids can sew it up teens 13 to 18 years old. Take a stitch in time at the make a handcrafted gift. Wed, May 20 In The Bronx Thurs, May 14 Cross-Stitch Circle at the Dimenna Cross-Stitch Circle on Thurs- Children’s History Museum, now days, now through June 25, from Toddler time: 11 am. Kingsbridge In The Bronx through June 25. 3:30 to 5:30 pm. Free with mu- Library. See Wednesday, May 6. This unique drop-in workshop seum admission. Storytime: 11 am. Bronx Library E-book discussion: 4 pm. Bronx Center. See Thursday, May 7. allows children ages 6 years and DiMenna Children’s History Mu- Library Center. See Wednesday, May older to try their skills at one of seum at the New-York Historical Soci- Toddler time: Noon. Bronx Library 6. the oldest forms of embroidery in ety [170 Central Park West, between Center. See Thursday, May 7. the world. W. 76th and W. 77th streets, (212) Children’s film: 4 pm. Kings- bridge Library. See Wednesday, May Chicken nest making: Bronx Participants can learn the ba- 485–9273, www.DimennaChildren- 6. Library Center, 310 E. Kingsbridge sics of this craft, or they can sHistoryMuseum.org]. Rd. at Briggs Ave.; (718) 579–4244; www.nypl.org; 4 pm; Free. Thurs, May 21 Children 7 to 12 years old use a Sat, May 16 ter, 2640 Grand Concourse; (718) In The Bronx variety of skills and materials. 365–5516; nycgovparks.org; 10 am– In The Bronx Storytime: 11 am. Bronx Library noon; Free. Center. See Thursday, May 7. Fri, May 15 Spring migration: Van Cort- Participants enjoy crafts, games, landt Nature Center, W. 246th St. at and other activities using sand art Toddler time: Noon. Bronx Library In The Bronx Center. See Thursday, May 7. Broadway; (718) 548–0912; www. and paper. Free Friend Friday: 10 am–9 pm. nyc.gov/parks/rangers; 9 am; Free. LegoLand Discovery Center. See Fri- Family Art project: Wave Hill, Tag along with rangers to dis- Fri, May 22 day, May 1. W. 249th Street and Independence cover the best spots to view our fine Ave.; (718) 549–3200; www.wave- In The Bronx Advisory Group: 11 am. Kings- feathered friends on their spring hill.org; 10 am–1 pm; Free with ad- Free Friend Friday: 10 am– 9 bridge Library. See Friday, May 1. journey. mission to the grounds. pm. LegoLand Discovery Center. See Game Day: 4 pm. Bronx Library Game Day with Princess for Discover the beautiful patterns on Friday, May 1. Center. See Friday, May 1. Lifetime: Poe Park Visitor Cen- a turtle shell and duplicate it with Continued on page 32 May 2015 • Bronx/Riverdale Family 31 Calendar Our online calendar is updated daily at www.NYParenting.com/calendar

Continued from page 31 Ave. at E. 156th Street; www.nyc. Game Day: 4 pm. Bronx Library gov/idnyc; Weekdays, 8:30 am–4:30 Center. See Friday, May 1. pm, Now – Fri, June 26; Free. The city is offering a free ID card for all city residents. Enrollment in Sat, May 23 the program provides access to ser- In The Bronx vices and programs offered by the Family Art project: Wave Hill, city as well as by businesses. Holder W. 249th Street and Independence may gain access to all city buildings Ave.; (718) 549–3200; www.wave- that provide services to the public hill.org; 10 am–1 pm; Free with ad- and is an accepted form of identifi- mission to the grounds. cation for accessing numerous city Make paper flowers and show programs and services. Benefits also include a free one-year membership them off at the celebration parade, at many of the city’s leading muse- honoring 25 years of the Family Art ums, zoos, concert halls, and botan- Project. ical gardens. Sun, May 24 Bug Carousel: Bronx Zoo, 2300 Southern Blvd. at Boston Road; (718) In The Bronx 220–5103; www.bronxzoo.com; Family Art project: 10 am–1 pm. Daily, 10 am–4:30 pm; Now – Sat, Wave Hill. See Saturday, May 23. May 23; $5 plus zoo admission. Children enjoy a ride around the fun carousel. Wed, May 27 Seasonal crafts: Poe Park Visi- In The Bronx tor Center, 2640 Grand Concourse; Toddler time: 11 am. Kingsbridge Fun at the museum (718) 365–5516; www.nycgovparks. Library. See Wednesday, May 6. org; Fridays, 2–3:30 pm,; Free. Take a trip to Far, Far, Away dreamscapes, and imagined lands, Make holiday arts and crafts. STEM workshop: Kingsbridge at the Children’s Museum of the places where adventures occur Library, 291 W. 231st Street; (718) Arts on May 14. and fantasy takes over. Youth Made Media (Y2M2): 548–5656; www.nypl.org; 4 pm; The new exhibit is open through Far, Far Away on May 14 from Hunts Point Recreation Center, 75 Free. Sept. 6, with opening day activi- 10 am to 4 pm. Children’s Museum Manida St. at Spofford Ave.; (212) 360–3327; jheffler@ciyparksfounda- For children 5 to 12 years old. ties including art-making work- of the Arts [103 Charlton St. at Hud- tion.org; www.cityparksfoundation. E-book discussion: 4 pm. Bronx shops and much more. Children son Street in SoHo; (212) 274–0986; org; Weekdays, 3 pm–6 pm, Now – Library Center. See Wednesday, May of all ages will enjoy exploring www.cmany.org]. Free with museum Sun, May 31; Free. 6. the possibility of alternate worlds, admission. Students 11 to 15 years old re- Yu-Gi-Oh battle: Kingsbridge ceive instruction in media arts linked Library, 291 W. 231st Street; (718) to environmental science. In ad- 548–5656; www.nypl.org; 4:30 pm; Sat, May 30 of all ages. dition children receive homework Free. help, go on field trips, watch movies In The Bronx Camping: Van Cortlandt Nature Bring your decks and get ready to Center, W. 246th St. at Broadway; and so much more. Registration is battle. Learn to ride: Van Cortlandt Na- (718) 548–0912; www.nyc.gov/ required. ture Center, W. 246th St. at Broad- parks/rangers; 6 pm; Free. Night Lights: Wave Hill, W. 249th way; (718) 548–0912; www.nyc.gov/ Families enjoy the great outdoors Street and Independence Ave.; Thurs, May 28 parks/rangers; 10 am to 1 pm; Free. under the starts for a sleepover. (718) 549–3200; www.wavehill. In The Bronx Children learn the basics of bike Tents are provided, space is limited; org; Thursdays, Fridays and Sundays, Storytime: 11 am. Bronx Library riding — how to balance, start, chosen by lottery. 6:30 pm to 9:30 pm, Fri, May 1 – Center. See Thursday, May 7. steer, and stop. Must bring your own Sun, May 24; $25 ($12 children). helmet. Pre-registration required. Celebrate the 50th anniver- Toddler time: Noon. Bronx Library Sun, May 31 (southwest corner of the park). sary with a special viewing of the Center. See Thursday, May 7. Family Art project: Wave Hill, W. In The Bronx Aquatic Garden, pelin-air instal- Sun making: Bronx Library Cen- 249th Street and Independence Ave.; Family Art project: 10 am–1 pm. lation; and more. For tweens and ter, 310 E. Kingsbridge Rd. at Briggs (718) 549–3200; www.wavehill.org; Wave Hill. See Saturday, May 30. teens. Ave.; (718) 579–4244; www.nypl. 10 am–1 pm; Free with admission to Hawk watch: Pelham Bay Ranger Sports workshops: St. Mary’s org; 4 pm; Free. the grounds. Station, Pelham Bay Park, Bruckner Recreation Center, St. Ann’s Ave. Children 7 to 12 years old use a Nature and family stories are Boulevard and Wilkinson Avenue; and 145th Street; (718) 402–5155; variety of skills and materials. explored. (718) 885–3467; www.nyc.gov/ www.nycgovparks.org; Saturdays Book fair: Bronx Library Center, parks/rangers; 11 am; Free. and Sundays, 9 am to 5 pm, Sat, Fri, May 29 310 E. Kingsbridge Rd. at Briggs Rangers guide you to the best May 2 – Sun, June 21; Free. Pitch, shoot, and score with this In The Bronx Ave.; (718) 579–4244; www.nypl. place to view the raptors. org; Noon–6 pm; Free. workshop that focuses on devel- Free Friend Friday: 10 am– 9 Now in it’s third year, the Bronx oping sports skills. Children play a pm. LegoLand Discovery Center. See Long-running Book Fair (formerly the Bronx Liter- variety of sports each day, and can Friday, May 1. ary Festival) connects the growing In The Bronx come every session, or just once. Game Day: 4 pm. Bronx Library community of poets and writers in Identification enrollment: Pre-registration required. Center. See Friday, May 1. the Bronx to readers and booklovers Bronx Business Center, 3030 Third Weekends at the zoo: Bronx 32 Bronx/Riverdale Family • May 2015 Our online calendar is updated daily at www.NYParenting.com/calendar Calendar Why not whistle while you work? Emily Eagen whistles her way ukulele-playing member of the also toss in spoons, bones, jaw to the Resnick Education Wing at popular roots band The Whis- harp, and jug for a sound that has Carnegie Hall on May 31. tling Wolves. audiences stomping, clapping, and A musical innovator who sings Emily and bandmate Spiff whistling. and whistles a cornucopia of Weigand’s own songs explore Emily Eagen and the Whistling tunes including original, early children’s flights of fancy, their Wolves at Carnegie Hall’s Resnick music, and traditional Ameri- dreams, and the way they turn fa- Education Wing [881 Seventh Ave. cana, Eagen is a two-time in- miliar concepts on their head. at W. 57th Street in Midtown; (212) ternational whistling champion Joined by friends from the 247–7800; www.c​arnegiehall.org/forf​ and a singing, whistling, and Wolves, Eagen and her string band amilies]. May 31 at 2 pm. Free.

Zoo, 2300 Southern Blvd. at Boston nycgovparks.org; Tuesdays, 10 am– the basics of still life pencil drawing, giant half-ton tortoises and marine Road; (718) 220–5103; www.bronx- 10:45 am; Free. including volume, tone, value, and iguanas that spit sea-salt from their zoo.com; Saturdays, 11 am – 4 pm, Children 6 months to 4 years old sketching. noses, hunt fishes with the colorful Sundays, 11 am – 4pm, Sat, May 2 enjoy a story followed by a craft and blue-footed boobies, and swim with Further Afield – Sun, May 31; Free with admission activity related to the reading. tiny penguins. Science Playground: New York to the zoo. Rocket Park Mini Golf: New Paper Arts & Crafts: Poe Park Hall of Science, 47-01 111th St., Children learn all about the world York Hall of Science, 47-01 111th Visitor Center, 2640 Grand Con- Queens; (718) 699–0005 X 353; of birds. course; (718) 365–5516; www. St., Queens; (718) 699–0005 X 353; www.nyscience.org; Weekdays, www.nyscience.org; Saturdays and Paper Arts & Crafts: Poe Park nycgovparks.org; Wednesdays, 1–3 9:30 am–5 pm, Saturdays and Sun- Visitor Center, 2640 Grand Con- pm,; Free. Sundays, 10 am–6 pm; $6 (adults), days, 10 am–6 pm; $5 plus museum $5 (children and seniors), plus mu- course; (718) 365–5516; www. Children have fun creating col- admission. nycgovparks.org; Saturdays, 2–3:30 seum admission. lages using decoupage, origami, kiri- Children are encouraged to ex- pm; Free. Golfers of all ages can learn about gami and more. plore science through slides, see- Children have fun creating col- key science concepts such as propul- Recycle to art: Poe Park Visitor saws, climbing webs, a water sion, gravity, escape velocity, launch lages using decoupage, origami, kiri- Center, 2640 Grand Concourse; play area, sand boxes, and more, gami and more. window, gravitational assist, and (718) 365–5516; www.nycgovparks. weather permitting. more! Storytime: Barnes & Noble Bay org; Wednesdays, 2–3:30 pm; Free. “Galapagos – Nature’s Won- Needlework and games: Lef- Plaza, 290 Baychester Ave.; (718) Have fun turning junk to treasure. derland in 3D”: New York Hall ferts Historic Homestead, 452 Flat- 862–3945; barnesandnoble.com; Children under 10 must be accom- of Science, 47-01 111th St., Queens; bush Ave. between Empire Boule- Mondays, 11:30 am, Sat, May 2 – panied by an adult. Wear appropri- (718) 699–0005 X 353; www.ny- vard and Eastern Parkway, Brooklyn; Mon, June 29; Free. ate clothing. science.org; Weekdays, 11 am & 2 (718) 789–2822; www.prospect- Stories come to life on the Sam- Learn to draw: Poe Park Visitor pm, Saturdays and Sundays, 1 & 3 park.org; Saturdays and Sundays, sung Galaxy Tab 4 Nook. Center, 2640 Grand Concourse; pm, Now – Tues, June 30; $6 adults; 1–3 pm,; $3. Story, arts and crafts: Poe Park (718) 365–5516; www.nycgovparks. $5 children. Join in with staff and make Visitor Center, 2640 Grand Con- org; Thursdays, 2–3:30 pm; Free. In this 3D movie, travel to the a small sampler and play board course; (718) 365–5516; www. Children 10 years and older learn Galapagos archipelago to meet games. theMarketplace

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May 2015 • Bronx/Riverdale Family 33 HealtHy eating Raw foods for children ating fresh, whole foods is ap- digestive tract may not be able to pealing, especially at this time extract nutrients out of raw foods as E of year. Some people take this well as an adult’s tract. Good sense fresh concept a step further by con- “Raw fruits and veggies require suming all of their foods uncooked. a bit more digestion,” says Skylar eatinG In other words, raw. Griggs, a pediatric dietitian at Bos- Christine M. PaluMbo, rD Supporters of the Raw Foods Diet ton Children’s Hospital. “Think of argue that once food is cooked, its chewing a cooked carrot versus a enzymes — which they claim are es- baby carrot.” sential for optimal digestion — are Some nutrients, such as the caro- gone. But in reality, it’s the body and tenoids found in carrots, sweet po- not the food that supplies the en- tato, and kale, are actually enhanced zymes needed for digestion. by the cooking process. The heat A raw diet essentially excludes that softens the vegetables is break- entire food groups such as cooked ing down the cell walls, making the meat, poultry, fish, beans, and le- nutrients more available. gumes. Nutrients that are hard to Some raw diets include raw meat come by include protein, vitamin D, or fish, as well as unpasteurized iron, calcium, zinc, and B vitamins. milk, yogurt, and cheese. Anemia is a real possibility. “Uncooked fare, especially raw Anecdotal reports suggest that meat, poultry, and raw dairy prod- children who have raw diets are con- ucts, come with a myriad of health stantly hungry and can be underde- risks which include food-borne ill- veloped for their age. ness,” Griggs says. “My views are in Another concern is that a child’s line with the American Academy of Pediatrics, which discourages the use of raw or unpasteurized milk and milk products as the health claims Seedy date balls related to drinking raw milk have not been verified by scientific evi- INGREDIENTS: dence.” 8 x 8-inch sheet of parchment paper It can be a challenge to follow this 6 Medjool dates, pitted and halved diet over the long run. What about 6 dried plums (aka prunes), pitted birthday parties, sleepovers, and and cut into 1/2-inch pieces other social events? Will your child 1/2 cup raw sunflower seeds be left out of the fun? Keep in mind, 1/2 cup raw pumpkin seeds a child who has been fed only raw 1/4 cup chocolate chips foods may struggle with appropriate 1/4 cup fresh or frozen (and thawed) eating behaviors as he gains more blueberries independence. 1 teaspoon cacao powder Eating raw takes a lot of work, cre- ativity, and careful planning. 1/4 teaspoon fine sea salt “Parents should speak with their 3 tablespoons water pediatric care provider before their 1/4 cup chia seeds child starts on a raw diet,” cautions DIRECTIONS: Line an 8 x 8-inch- shape it into a ball. Place the ball on able plastic bag and keep frozen until Griggs. “The child’s growth should square baking pan with parchment the prepared pan. Repeat until you have ready to pack or eat. be measured closely and micro and paper. Combine the dates, plums, used up all the date-plum mixture. macro nutrient deficiencies should NUTRITION FACTS: (1 date ball): sunflower seeds, pumpkin seeds, Pour the chia seeds into a small be monitored.” 80 calories, 12 g carbohydrates (7 g chocolate chips, blueberries, cacao bowl. Roll each ball in the chia seeds Christine Palumbo is a Naperville- powder, salt, and water in a food and place it back on the prepared sugar), 2 g protein, 3 g fat, 0 choles- registered dietitian nutritionist who is a processor or blender and process pan. Place the balls in the freezer terol, 20 mg sodium, 3 g fiber. new Fellow of the American Academy until almost smooth. to chill for 2 hours. Wrap each ball Used with permission from Sweet Debbie’s Or- of Nutrition and Dietetics. Follow her take about 1 tablespoon of the date individually in parchment paper or ganic Treats: Allergy-Free & Vegan Recipes by on Twitter @PalumboRD, Facebook at plum mixture, and with wet hands, bakery tissue paper, place in a seal- Debbie Adler. Christine Palumbo Nutrition, or Chris@ ChristinePalumbo.com.

34 Bronx/Riverdale Family • May 2015 NEW YORK SPECIAL CHILD

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