“I Moved from a Home That I Shared with a Wife Whom I Loved.”
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Exclusive Catherine FindingMcGREGOR “I moved the from a home that I shared with a wife whom I PHOTOGRAPHY by KRISTINA SOLJO • STYLING by MATTIE CRONAN loved.” realeeting Cate McGregor, me the first thing you notice She was the world’s highest ranking transgender is her gentle bygone era elegance. Cate is tall with military officer and after seven years transitioning beauty salon grooming and a lot of sacrifice, Cate McGregor is finally Mand a chic dress sense. Behind the tailored exterior, there’s a tentative happy in her skin, she tells Juliet Rieden. ‘I can’t believe I’m here’ vulnerability, but then the whip smart intellect kicks of international competition cricket to express myself, there was an awful in and this extraordinary, courageous, evaporate. “I suspect I appeared lot of grief.” deep-thinking former Group Captain in happier and better adjusted than I was, Cate had spent her whole life fighting the Royal Australian Air Force cannot but I think I probably was in full-on an inner turmoil that unpicked the very help but take centre stage and shine. survival mode. A lot of the reality sank heart of her being. Externally she was a It’s five years since Cate first spoke to in years later. With hindsight I should super fit, high-functioning member of The Weekly. It was a pivotal interview have let my transition settle more the armed forces, publicly admired and in the early days of her gender before I went public, both in terms of successful. But internally she was falling transition from Malcolm, decorated the physiology of it and having more apart and felt compelled to embark on army officer, married man, cricket grasp of what I was going through,” the most cataclysmic journey of her commentator and political adviser, to says Cate who admits that while the life even though she knew it was likely Catherine, the trans woman she says story gave her confidence, it also to crush everything she held dear. she was always “meant to be”. sparked a backlash she hadn’t foreseen. “I had got to a point with the To come out from the shadows of a “The fact is, I was pretty traumatised. [gender] dysphoria that I couldn’t have lifetime in the wrong body in the pages There was a lot of public abuse and lived any other way, but there have been of Australia’s most iconic women’s vitriol directed through social media substantial losses.” The most distressing magazine was the stuff of dreams for and there was also plenty of fame and was the collapse of her marriage. Cate. “It helped me to feel that my adulation suddenly thrust on me and “I moved from a home that I shared claim to function socially as a woman I had no road map for that. I’d gone with a wife whom I loved into a single was not totally insane.” But, sadly, it from having a fairly normal anonymous bedroom apartment,” Cate explains in also heralded the start of a traumatic life doing my work in the military and quiet, measured tones, trying not to give journey which took Cate to the verge happily married, to being relatively well in to the emotion that engulfs her every of suicide, wrecked the most important known fairly quickly and despite the time she talks about her ex-wife. relationship in her life and saw her fact that I had a certain amount of In 1995 Cate – then Malcolm – met beloved connection with the world experience at surviving and being able Tritia. They wed in 2001. It was a → THROUGHOUT. CUTTON PERRI WEARS CATE POWELL. SAMANTHA BY MAKE-UP AND HAIR 44 The Australian Women’s Weekly | JULY 2019 JULY 2019 | The Australian Women’s Weekly 45 Exclusive blissful union which for a while papered with conflict and deeply distressed. and I’ve had a history of alcohol Lovers and haters over the cracks of what was later I couldn’t see a way forward and I just abuse a long time ago. I haven’t had a Cate’s transition is now complete and diagnosed as classic gender dysphoria. wanted to go to sleep and not wake up. drink for nearly 30 years. But I got at 63 she feels she’s arrived. A few The marriage was the first and most There were two things that intervened habituated on sedatives for a while months ago she received a deeply painful casualty of Cate’s new identity. – one was some cricket friends who and had trouble stopping them, poignant letter from fellow trans Tritia had no idea what the man she “This is who didn’t know there was anything wrong including around surgery time. I put woman Amanda Taylor, who had read had married was going through. “It but insisted I come to dinner. And then them down but coming off sedation Cate’s story in The Weekly when she was the last thing she expected. She I am, it’s who I met Rahul Dravid [a former captain can be quite challenging, too.” was sent it by a concerned friend. had no inkling,” says Cate. “There was of India’s cricket team] and we had To her delight, Cate began to develop Amanda was contemplating suicide nothing effeminate about me. I wasn’t I’m meant this happenstance meeting that was a bust and buttocks, her shape softened and says the story saved her life. “The a cross-dresser and I didn’t have secret extremely influential. I went home and she saw a light at the end of the impact was instantly so profound it wardrobes. I’d experimented with my to be.” and flushed the pills away.” tunnel. “It felt really wonderful, deeply was life changing,” Amanda tells me. gender younger, a long time before The process of transitioning gender is gratifying and I was very fortunate that “Catherine and my stories had so many I met her, and walked away from the strictly regulated and takes years. “In it seemed to work reasonably well.” similarities, but there were some distinct process back in the ’80s. I thought, it’s my first year and a bit, once the psychs For the first time in her life Cate felt differences: Catherine had forged ahead not an option, I can’t do this, you’ve concluded that I didn’t have any other that her external body matched her and acted on her gender dysphoria (and just got to get on with it.” indicated conditions – I wasn’t schizoid, internal self. “You hear the Christian come out the other side with respect Looking back, Cate can see that her I wasn’t bipolar, I wasn’t hallucinating, Lobby and others going on about and dignity) where I was defeated and embrace of a macho world, as a crack it wasn’t a dissociative disorder, it was sex change regret and they wheel out ready to give in.” The two have now soldier, an accomplished sportsman a pretty textbook case of gender incredibly isolated instances. I know met and Amanda credits Catherine and a political dynamo, was part of dysphoria – I started oestrogen thousands of trans people now and with turning her life around. her way of eclipsing her femininity. treatment which feminises the body. the incidence of trans regret, gender Cate is used to getting letters – some But in November 2011, suffering from “The thing that people don’t talk reassignment regret or sex change from fans but also hate mail. The acute depression and anxiety, Cate’s about very much, and it can sound regret, is infinitesimal compared with haters largely choose the cowardly feelings of being trapped in the wrong insensitive to born women is the those who are fulfilled and happy. anonymity of social media to voice body took hold with what she hormonal process. Injecting huge “In my case, I just think, this is who their bile. “My impulse control is poor describes as “an incredible intensity”. amounts of hormones into someone I am, it’s who I’m meant to be. I think and I shouldn’t have got dragged into “I thought, I’ve been here before who’s assigned male at birth and it’s abundantly clear and people who the fights I got into on social media and this will probably blow over so they look male; you go through an knew me, people who see me now, with a lot of these idiots,” confesses don’t alarm Tritia or say anything adjustment period and you’re quite can see I’m more fulfilled and more Cate. “Their behaviour is appalling but about it. But I was in dire straits. I’d hormonal at periods. I had no idea centred and more present than I ever it doesn’t mean I have to respond and lost weight and I wasn’t sleeping. She why I was so emotional and it took was. They can see the essential I no longer do. I’m happy living my life [Tritia] knew that something was a while for that to even out. The rightness in this.” as I am and they can rant and rave and deeply wrong and, in her mind, endocrinologists don’t prepare you The next step was gender reassignment call me a man and use my male name thought that I was probably grappling Both of us were conscious that we were people – and there are many, particularly for that. They’re very conscious of surgery. “It took a while to make up my as much as they like; but I’m winning.” with some kind of repressed memory.” trying to keep something alive between in the Christian Lobby, who continually heightened risk of breast cancer and mind.