“Keep the Cat Free” ISSUE 1470 FELIX 22.10.10 The student voice of Imperial College London sincence 11949949

Asbestos delays New postgraduate Imperial graduates to Metric club launch campus given green trek entire length of

The hotly anticipated new Union club, light by Council New Zealand Metric, will not open on Friday 29th Oc- Hammersmith & Fulham Council ap- Alexander ‘Anders’ Ford and Landey Pat- tober as planned and will be delayed un- prove plans for an extensive new cam- ton will attempt to traverse the Te Araroa til the end of November. Page 2 pus at Wood Lane. Page 6 Trail this November. Page 38

Drawing by Mitesh Patel Science TECHNOLOGY escapes worst of cuts

Matthew Colvin Katherine Bettany The future’s bright for Sophia David Facebook as it takes In the controversial Spending Review presented to Parliament on Wednesday, on Google: Page 14 George Osborne revealed the details of the UK’s deepest spending cuts for de- cades, designed to reduce our budget defi - cit by £83 billion pounds before 2014/15. With Britain paying £120 million a FASHION day in debt interest alone, and total debt expected to hit £900 billion in the com- ing years, it is clear that spending cuts are necessary. In what was described as an ‘irresponsible gamble’ by opposition leader Ed Milliband, Osbourne unveiled a four-year plan designed to “bring Brit- ain back from the brink”; focusing on re- form, fairness and economic growth. The clear message of the review was the need for economic sustainability, achieved by eliminating waste and reducing spend- London faces up to ing on welfare by £7 billion a year. Whilst sectors like education of the its crimes against young and healthcare were protected in Wednesday’s review, it is clear that fashion: Page 27 universities (despite being deemed the “jewels of the economic crown” by the Chancellor) will face tough eco- nomic times ahead. With the budget for the Department of Business, Innova- GAMES tion and Skills being slashed by 7.1% on Wednesday, student and teaching ON THE populations are sure to start feeling the effects of the cuts. The department, which is in charge of universities, had already been told to make £800 mil- lion worth of savings in May. In ad- RUN FROM dition, the reformation of tuition fees (building on the Browne review this month) was confi rmed. However, in a surprising twist, it was announced that the science ‘cash’ budget would be pro- Sonic the Hedgehog tected, frozen at £4.6 billion a year. The THE POLICE PAGE 7 Chancellor expressed the need to in- returns to a lukewarm crease Britain’s ‘scientifi c output’, and ...Continued on Page 4 reception: Page 35 2 Friday 22 October 2010 FELIX HIGHLIGHTS On campus EDITOR’S PICK Union Elections The Best of Felix This Week Careers Fair 2010 Council

The Union Careers Fair is the perfect place to start thinking about your future. Over 60 companies are Union Autumn Elections 2010 attending and its a fantastic opportunity to meet some of them and network with current profession- Election season has already started at Imperial als. The fair is relevant to students from all years College Union. The first round of elections has opened and disciplines. for Undergraduate Faculty Councillors (Engineering, Natural Sciences and Medicine and Non-Faculty), two postgraduate representatives (Engineering & Physical Queen’s Lawn Marquee Sciences and Life Sciences & Medicine), Union Advocate, First Year Ents Committee Member, S.H.A.G. Week 27 October 11:00-16:00 Coordinator and Gender Equality Officer. You can vote at www.imperialcollegeunion.org/vote. Voting closes on the 26 October at 00:00. Good luck to all those standing. To Charity Week 2010 those who aren’t, make your votes count.

This annual fundrais- ing week sees the Is- lamic Society go all out Breaking news with stalls, food and games to raise money Imperial graduate rules for orphans and needy children across the the airwaves world. Evening events Metric launch include the Ultimate Quiz Show on Tuesday And who said that Imperial students 5pm, and Panto Slum- dog Millionaire 2 on can’t go on to careers outside science delayed Thursday 7pm. or banking? This week Music Editor It has been a tumultuous week while the asbestos material is SAF, JCR and Princes Gardens Greg Power interviews Martin Archer, for the Union. While the new removed, leading to a delay in 25-29 October 11:30-14:30PM bar FiveSixEight has opened works”. an Imperial Physics graduate who DJs with great success and a gen- The discovery of asbes- for Kiss Radio, but is now returning erally positive response from tos is the second setback to students, the new club Metric the club renovation. It was to Imperial for a PhD. The interview is has been further delayed by originally intended to open in Economy and Climate the discovery of asbestos. time for Welcome Week but a must-read for those thinking about Metric was due to open this problems with removing the Professor Michael Ghil from the University of Califor- coming Friday 29th of Octo- pillar meant that the construc- nia delivers this seminar in the Grantham Institute embarking on an unconventional ber but the opening will now tion could not be completed for Climate Change’s weekly Wednesday seminars be pushed back to the end of over the summer as originally series. He will explore coupled dynamic modelling career path as well as DJing November. The delay will intended. of the world economy, business cycle and climate disappoint students who, after Ravi Pall said “While this system. Grantham Institute seminars are open to enthusiasts keen to stay at the cutting experiencing the renovated delay is a unfortunate, it must student and staff members of Imperial College. bar, were excited to see the be understood that this project edge of the profession. new club. has thrown up a huge range Deputy President (Finances of challenges that could not Boardroom, Grantham Institute & Services) Ravi Pall told have been predicted.” Disrup- Felix: “the risk of exposure tion has also affected several 27 October 16:00 to the workers in that area Clubs & Societies who were means that only certain parts planning to run their own Page 28 of the space can be occupied, events in the new space.

Felix, Beit Quad, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB. Email: [email protected]. Tel: 020 7594 8072. Fax: 020 7594 8065. Printed by The Harmsworth Printing Ltd, 17 Brest Road, Derriford, Plym- outh. Registered newspaper ISSN 1040-0711. FELIX Copyright © Felix 2010.

Editor-in-Chief Kadhim Shubber Deputy Editor Gilead Amit Copy Chief Lizzy Griffiths Assistant Editor Dan Wan News Editors Alex Karapetian Matt Colvin Layout/Design Editor Victoria McQuadeova Sports Editor Jovan Nedic David Wilson Science Editors Katya-yani Vyas James Goldsack Business Editors Sina Ataherian Afonso Campos Politics Editors Hassan Joudi James Lees Rory Fenton Rajat Jain Technology Editor Samuel Gibbs Comment Editor Anna Perman Arts Editor Rox Middleton Music Editors Greg Power Christopher Walmsley Luke Turner Film Editors Matt Allinson Jade Hoffman Ed Knock Fashion Editor Saskia Verhagen Games Editor Simon Worthington Online Editors Niharika Midha Ravi Pall Chris Birkett International Editor Kenneth Lee Puzzles Captains Polly Bennett James Hook Photo Editor Thomas Welch Travel Editor Dylan Lowe Chris Richardson Special thanks to: Ayyub Kamaludin, Slobodan Radosavljevic, Shruti Mishra, Mitesh Patel, Outi Supponen, Gilead Amit, Afonso Campos, Azfarul Islam and especially Dylan Lowe for all their invaluable help this week. FELIX Friday 22 October 2010 3

FiveSixEight opens Three weeks late but worth the wait

fter weeks of delays the derstated Imperial student body Union fi nally unveiled offered comments like “To be fair, AFiveSixEight, the newly it’s not a bad effort” and “It’s refurbished Union bar that, as one defi nitely less shit than before.” College source joked, “is probably Which just goes to show that you better than Eastside.” can’t get the majority of Imperial The old heavy wooden tables students excited about anything. and benches have been done away The bar itself has been com- with and replaced with restaurant pletely overhauled and given its style seating to accompany the length, probably occupies differ- new menu and lunchtime table ent time zones. One student said service. It remains to be seen “It’s great, I didn’t have to wait at whether the new furniture will all for a drink.” The reduced queu- withstand the drinking games of ing time has allowed the Union to an inebriated rugby team. sell more beer, bringing in a record Lunchtime has changed also. £15,000 on Wednesday night. The menu is more upmarket and Most students, whether enthu- food is now made to order and siastic about the bar or not, were brought directly to your table. simply glad to have somewhere Feedback from students was cheap to drink with their mates overwhelmingly positive if not again. somewhat reserved. The ever-un- Kadhim Shubber “Cheers love, and can I also have a dirty pint, twelve shots of jaeger and a snog? Whahey! I’m a LAD!!!” Union and College back higher fees The Union’s response Imperial’s response

Zoe Groom of the highest employment rates after Rosalyn Flower graduation there is no reason why we On the 14th of October, the Union set should not see an increase in the num- Following the publication of Lord out their initial response to the Browne ber of business bursaries, provided that Browne’s Report on the assessment Review ahead of the Council debate on the correct incentives are provided. of Higher Education Funding in the the Union’s Higher Education Policy Another point close to the heart of most Browne Review Sir Keith O’Nions, on the 1st of November. Overall the Imperial students that the Union makes Rector of Imperial College London, Union’s initial response was in fact is with regards to comments on STEM has expressed strong support in the ‘broadly’ in support of the suggested subjects. These subjects have been iden- proposal of lifting capping fees for changes. Despite the alarmingly high tifi ed as crucial as they tend to be the University tuition entirely. He rejected nancial pressures with “mortgage-style the large number of high calibre appli- fi gures the Browne review proposes, areas in the workplace where skills are a Graduate Tax as unworkable and debts” of more than £40,000. Sir Keith cants. Sir Keith is convinced, however, the Union’s comments offer some de- most lacking. Unfortunately these are described Lord Browne’s recommen- O’Nions goes on to reassure that those that prospective students will be well in- gree of consolation to students terrifi ed also the degrees that cost the most to run dations as “comprehensive and fair”. in need of fi nancial aid will be sup- formed about the educational experience by the idea of rising University fees. and often result in relatively low gradu- Although various concerns are cir- ported as best as the University can, offered here and the future employment Although the overall cost of fees ate starting salaries. As a result the gov- culating the proposition of the uncap- making full use of all resources avail- opportunities that come with a degree could rise to around £6000 per year, ernment aims to ensure science gradu- ping of tuition fees, Sir Keith O’Nions able to ensure all students that will ben- from Imperial, “We will ask all who have the amount an average Imperial gradu- ates leave with similar levels of debt as believes that such a change would not efi t from courses at Imperial College benefi tted from the excellence of an Im- ate would have to pay back per month arts graduates. As Imperial is a science prove as detrimental as at fi rst feared. London will still be attracted to apply. perial education to help make it possible would actually be less than what it and technology institute it is no surprise At a renowned University, consistently A major concern, however, is that for those who have yet to.” An increased currently stands at. This of course still that the Union supports this proposal. rated amongst the world’s best, Sir Keith as a university that only provides Sci- teaching grant for STEM subjects has means that overall students will have to Writing in Felix this week, Union Pres- believes that students will not be de- ence, Technology and Medicine courses also been proposed to which Imperial pay back a considerably higher amount, ident Alex Kendall supports a change terred from applying despite a possible (STEM), fees are expected to rise to a College Union has described as a “sensi- but the Union’s response clearly states in the way that universities are funded raise of tuition fees to more than £7,000 greater magnitude compared to other ac- ble option” since its essential and heavy that no one has to pay back this fee as in order that students see an increased per year with an option of an additional ademic institutes in Britain. This could lab based teaching is unable to be sub- a lump sum. Also highlighted are the quality of education. Supporters of high- £3,000 to this. Sir Keith O’Nions said result in a hindrance causing the down- sided through other less costly means. College’s efforts to increase the bursary er tuition fees often argue that students “We expect fees to increase nationally, fall of applications of prospective stu- At present the University is plan- scheme that already exists to help sup- would value their degrees more highly. including at Imperial College London. dents to the University as a “market” is ning a long-term campaign that will port less well off students at Imperial. What the real emphasis should be on is For admission to our courses in science, effectively created from which students provide support focused on scholar- The Union makes the point that “the fair access to education based on a stu- engineering and medicine, we will con- may consider not only academic reputa- ships and fi nancial aid at Imperial Col- Browne review does nothing to pro- dents’ academic ability and an improved tinue to search for and select the most tion and university experience but also lege. Sir Keith said, “Our goal is to vide incentives for businesses to in- quality of education. The Union be- academically able, high quality students essentially what their degree is costing build the resilience of an endowment vest in students’ education”, indicating lieves that the Browne Review’s recom- from across the world.” The National them. This in turn could cause a knock- to give Imperial the sustainable basis that some aspects of the review are not mendations are the way to achieve this. Union of Students (NUS), however, on effect creating a possible downfall to attract the brightest and the best in so popular. As a university with one Alex Kendall’s view - Page 18 foresees graduates facing daunting fi - of the reputation currently drawn from the world, for generations to come.” 4 Friday 22 October 2010 FELIX

News Editors: Matt Colvin Alex Karapetian NEWS [email protected] Imperial focus Why Imperial will be all right Imperial wins as scien With dark clouds looming over many universities, it’s Matthew Colvin not all doom and gloom for Imperial. Ranked 9th in Katherine Bettany the world by The Times this year, bright students Sophia David from all corners of the globe compete for a place at Imperial. Such high demand is unlikely to change. ...Continued from Front Page If the cap on tuition fees is lifted, as suggested confi rmed that the £324 million pounds by the Browne review, a free market is expected of savings made in the sector would be to drive down the costs for students as universi- saved through effi ciency, and not by ties compete with one another. Whilst lessening ‘cash cuts’. So, whilst the Imperial re- the fi nancial burden on students, universities may search departments may not be as badly consequently not be able to acquire the full funding affected as previously suspected, the required to teach their courses. Whether fair or not, teaching budget will certainly face cuts. elite universities such as Oxbridge and Imperial may In a time where economic sustainability escape this market, being able to charge the full is everything, perhaps more departments costs of a world-class education. will follow the lead of the department Universities unable to fully replace the amount of Life Sciences in their restructure. of government funding slashed this week with the Government funding from higher equivalent rise in tuition fees are susceptible to education is to be cut by £2.9 billion overwhelming fi nancial failure. Bankruptcy and pri- (40%) from £7.1 billion to £4.2 billion, vate takeovers are inevitable, whilst massive re- by 2014-2015. This will shift a greater structuring of courses offered to students will be proportion of the funding for university required, including a switch to ‘STEM’ subjects – sci- teaching from the taxpayer to the student. ence, technology, engineering and mathematics. Therefore, the major effect on students Imperial already focuses strongly on such sub- is going to be the soaring of tuition fees jects that the government is continuing to fund. So and the subsequent debt to repay. The we should lose out far less than our neighbours, spending review accepts Lord Browne’s the Royal College of Music and the Royal College of report and states that universities will be Art. Institutions specialising in arts, humanities and able to increase graduate contributions social sciences may well be the biggest losers, as from the 2012-2013 academic year. they will see most of their funding cut. Luckily for many of us, we will have Inevitably, poorer students are likely to be de- graduated by then. But the BMA have terred from higher education if tuition fees soar. already warned ministers that if tuition made behind the scenes regarding the However, with no fee costs to pay upfront and an “Wednesday’s Spending Review fees are levied at around £10,000, fu- high possibility of a freeze in the science average starting salary of £28,116 following an un- ture medical students could face debts spared science and research budget. These claims ultimately came to dergraduate degree at Imperial, students here are of around £70,000 on leaving univer- fruition during George Osborne’s for- more likely to take on the fi nancial risk than those sity – a crippling fi nancial burden. funding from the brunt of the mal announcement, in which he detailed considering less prestigious universities. Imperial In future, the choice of university may that the science budget would indeed should be able to maintain its talent from all social be based on fi nancial rather than aca- most hurtful cuts.” be protected at £4.6 billion per year. backgrounds. demic reasoning with students shying “Britain is a world leader in scien- Despite tuition fees of over £20,000 for under- away from elite universities owing to from the government for full- and, tifi c research and that is vital to our graduate courses, Imperial boasts an international their higher costs. To reduce social prej- for the fi rst time, part-time students. future economic success,” he said. (non-EU) student population of a whopping 34.5%. udice, a £150 million National Schol- In an unexpected move, Wednesday’s The freeze in the budget, when ad- This shouts out about its status abroad. Imperial is arship fund introduced by 2014-2015 Spending Review spared science and re- justed for infl ation, means that there will consequently in a strong position to use fees from will support students from low-income search from the brunt of the most hurtful still be a cut in the budget, but at just un- wealthy international students to help cover the backgrounds as well as low-income cuts such as those affecting welfare. Even der 10% it is well below earlier estimates costs of EU students. Further increases in non-EU graduates. There will be loan support days before this, statements were being such as 25%. The success has been at- tuition fees could be central in plugging the hole left by the government cuts and lessening the impact on British and European students. Finally, the announcement that the annual £4.6 billion science budget will be frozen for the next four strongly outlined their commitment So when the spending cuts were an- years (a 10% reduction in real terms) brings an enor- to both education, through the scrap- nounced today people must have been mous sigh of relief to the research community. Cuts BROKEN ping of “unfair tuition fees”, and sci- breathing a sigh of relief, having feared of up to 25% had been rumoured. The new settle- ence: “In the current economic climate the worse. Despite science and environ- ment is also likely to lead to a greater proportion it is not possible to commit to growth ment receiving a 9% cut, Liberal Demo- the ‘Quality-Related’ stream, £2 billion that is paid PROMISES in spending, but Liberal Democrats crat MPs must feel that their pledged com- directly to universities instead of through research recognise the importance of science mitment to science hasn’t been entirely councils, be allocated to elite universities such as investment to the recovery and to overlooked in the coalition government. Imperial. Job losses and scrapping of projects are Elizabeth Crouch the reshaping of the economy.” However, despite receiving the small- less likely to be incurred here than at other non- This had enticed a large number of est budget cut across the many White- research intensive universities. In the last few weeks there have been new voters who were not happy with hall departments, it is predicted that ed- There’s no escaping the spending review is not ex- some very disgruntled Liberal Democrat the attitudes of the other parties. The re- ucation will suffer when the government actly what we want to hear – the cost of obtaining supporters. The feeling that the Lib Dems action to Vince Cable’s speech at Queen acts on the recently published Browne an Imperial degree is going to be a hefty sum of had ‘sold out’ and forgotten their election Mary, University of London in Septem- report to remove the cap of tuition money. But taking a step back and looking at the pledges is widespread. So in light of the ber should therefore not have been unex- fees. This fl ies in the face of the Lib- wider picture offers a glimmer of hope. Things could spending review, have the Liberal Dem- pected. His remarks, considered by some eral Democrats manifesto pledge and be far worse and we should count ourselves as the ocrats broken their election promises? to be incredibly ignorant, about cutting leave many deeply unhappy or with an lucky ones. It’s worth having a look back to the out “research which is neither commer- uncertain academic future. The extent Sophia David manifesto they released before May’s cially useful nor theoretically outstand- to which this will now affect education general election. In it, they clearly and ing” stirred up a lot of heated emotions. now lies in the hands of the universities. FELIX Friday 22 October 2010 5 NEWS

The need for cuts nce is spared major cuts While you mull over the details Photo by Miles Robertson of spending cuts, and consider whether or not they have been problems for the sector in response scientists become as the cuts become distributed “fairly”, it is worth to the cuts. It suggests that the num- fully implemented across the country. remembering that, regardless, ber of research staff entering science So what will the impact be on Impe- cuts are necessary. and engineering will decrease, with rial? The 2010 NSS (National Student National Debt is currently at the potential of postgraduate positions Survey) results point towards already ex- £843bn (excluding the fi nan- falling by a tenth. Though Director cellent teaching at Imperial with an out- cial bailouts) or 57.2 per cent of CaSE, Imran Khan, is encouraged standing result of 90% for satisfaction of GDP. If we include the bail- that the cuts are not deeper, he also with learning resources. With a poorer outs, the net debt is £952bn, believes the UK’s standing in terms result obtained in satisfaction with as- or 64.6% GDP. This is well of scientifi c output will be threatened. sessment and feedback, the Rector has above Gordon Brown’s tar- Universities UK (UUK), represen- made these issues an immediate prior- get of 40% of GDP under the tative organisation for the country’s ity in the university. Implemented this Sustainable Investment Rule. higher education institutions, echoes year, the Biology department now has a Admittedly, these rules were the sentiments of the other groups. two week deadline for coursework feed- not written for the fi nancial cri- Professor Steve Smith, President of back. This is just one example of many sis and this is not particularly UUK says, “We are pleased that the highlighting Imperial’s commitment to high relative to the rest of the Government has listened to Universi- continuous improvement in teaching. world; France, Germany and ties UK’s views on the importance of Additionally, the Browne review stat- the United States have debts science and research to the growth of ed that any universities charging over in the range 70-80% and Italy, the economy...However the freezing £7,000 a year will be ‘subject to scru- of over 100%. But, in the case of funding for research will still pose tiny, ensuring that these extra funds are of these countries, they are ei- challenges to our universities.” Profes- being used fairly’. Despite the tuition ther not ready to take the po- sor Smith goes on to list two priorities fee cap being lifted, the government em- litical hit and their government for the sector that he believes are cru- phasises that regulations are still fi rmly credit rating is in for a shock cial to future success: fi rstly, ensuring in place. We should rest assured that due to fi scal irresponsibility (It- that “the cuts do not impact negatively Imperial is being kept a close eye on. aly and France), or these debts on current and future students” and With the government’s pledge to holds some long term sustain- secondly “to fi nd alternative funding maintain funding for ‘STEM’ subjects ability (United States and Ger- sources to replace these lost funds.” – science, technology, engineering and many). The budget is set to be distributed mathematics, Imperial’s teaching bud- British debt, however, is among the UK’s research councils, get may not be so harshly wiped. The not stable or sustainable. A tributed to Business Secretary Vince Ca- eminent and prominent scientists, pre- who will provide grants to both indi- surprising freeze on science research year ago, National Debt was ble and Science Minister David Willetts viously stated that a cut of 10% would viduals and universities based on their funding and likely high allocation of £821.5bn, or 58.5% GDP; and their negotiation with the Treasury “seriously jeopardise” the UKs scien- academic strength. Because of this, it resources to research-intensive universi- meaning a rise of 6.1% over earlier in the week, but other signifi cant tifi c capabilities. Martin Rees, President is thought that some of the country’s ties should also sit nicely with Imperial. the last 12 months. Excluding events that may have infl uenced the fi nal of the Royal Society is however pleased elite universities will take a greater So future Imperial students can ex- fi nancial interventions, which decision include signifi cant protest from with the “welcome news” and praises proportion of the money, threatening pect to see fees doubled, tripled, maybe are considered to be both nec- the Science is Vital group, with their pe- the outcome, stating to the BBC that universities less focused on research. even quadrupled, but it seems that the essary and hold long term sus- tition of over 36,000 signatories and ral- the, “government has recognised the im- However, the news of no deeper teaching and research are set to stay tainability as they should pro- ly at Westminster earlier in the month. portance of sustaining the international cuts will likely appease those scien- much the same high quality as ever. duce a return, National debt The Times also published a special plea standing of UK science in a context tists who were troubled by the initial has risen by 8.2%, from 49% on Monday to limit cuts to below 10%. where other nations are forging ahead.” projected fi gures, after it was recently of GDP a year ago. The latest announcements have Campaign for Science and Engineer- reported that some individuals are Additional Reporting: Labour has argued that Os- been met with tentative positiv- ing (CaSE), a pressure group devoted considering a move to better funded Elizabeth Crouch borne is being too brutal with ity across the scientifi c spectrum. to aiding scientifi c growth in the UK, courses and research positions overseas. the metaphorical axe and risks The Royal Society, a fellowship of has highlighted some possible future Time will no doubt tell how satisfi ed Editorial: Page 18 a double-dip recession; on the

Graphics by Veronica McQuadeova contrary, careful consideration of the fi gures coupled with meetings with British industry There will be a 10% fi gures shows Osborne is do- Numbers ing just enough to maintain Britain’s AAA credit rating while cut to government not shocking the economy into a double-dip. The budgets over research funding this parliamentary term may There will be a 40% cut reduce the annual defi cit, but they do not intend to generate a surplus or break even. Na- to the teaching budget tional debt as a proportion of GDP is projected to rise to well into 70s and not be reduced until 2014/15 at the earliest. The UK spends 1.7% The government’s approach, from a macroeconomic per- of GDP on research. spective at least, has been to consider carefully the best bal- ance to avoid recession. America spends 2.8% Rajat Jain Graphics by Victoria McQuadeova 6 Friday 22 October 2010 FELIX

News Editors: Matt Colvin Alex Karapetian NEWS [email protected] In brief Postgraduate Wood Lane New Imperial College Medal Award Photo by Christopher Walmsley campus approved £28 million development given go-ahead by local council

Matt Colvin

Plans for Imperial College London’s develop- ment of a new postgraduate campus at Wood Lane have gained impetus following their ap- proval by Hammersmith & Fulham Council. The Council’s decision follows the sale of the BBC’s 7.7 acre Woodlands site, previously oc- cupied by BBC Worldwide, in September 2009. A £28 million deal secured the location which Imperial plans to use to create new teaching, research and administrative facilities alongside new accommodation for 606 postgraduate stu- dents. The plans for the campus are certainly ambitious, with a hotel, gym and pharmacy planned amongst various other services, with the intention of creating a major centre for science, technology, medicine and business. Commemoration Day returned on Wednesday and The College aims to complete the fi rst stage alongside the expected handshakes, tears and ma- of the development by September 2012 for triculation robes, a new honorary award was pre- inaugural postgraduate use in the 2012/2013 sented for the fi rst time recognising ‘meritorious session. Combined with new postgraduate ac- service’ to Imperial College London. commodation being built at Winstanley Road While over 2000 undergraduates received their in Clapham Junction, the College hopes to innovative and creative culture of the area”. cern regarding the plans. The main worry degrees inside the Royal Albert Hall, the fi rst ‘Impe- achieve its ambition of ‘providing accommo- Dr Martin Knight, Chief Operating Offi - amongst the contingent is a fear that the devel- rial College Medal’ was presented to the Reverend dation for a quarter of postgraduate students’. cer of Imperial College London, said, “This opment will lead to local estates (White City, Brooke Kingsmill-Lunn in recognition of his 57 years The move is likely to appease some pro- purchase is an investment in Imperial’s fu- Wood Lane and the heroically named Bat- of ringing the bells in the Queen’s Tower on special spective postgraduate students who wish to ture growth and development. It will also al- man Close) being demolished as part of the occasions. seek an alternative to private accommoda- low us to extend provision of quality afford- rejuvenation of the ‘White City Opportunity The Medal has been introduced by the College tion. Currently, Imperial admits that it has able student accommodation, particularly for Area’, a scheme that is dedicated to bring new Council to recognise those who have demonstrated a ‘very limited’ amount of accommodation postgraduates.” He then cryptically added, jobs and investments to the surrounding loca- ‘a longstanding contribution to the College which en- available for postgraduate students, with Im- “We look very much forward to collaborating tion. One such benefi t was the opening of the hances its reputation, mission and objectives.’ perial-managed Clayponds Village in South with the BBC on research and other projects.” Westfi eld London shopping centre in 2008. The award was also given to several members of Ealing housing 325 students and postgradu- The scheme was not approved without some Both parties involved in the deal deny that this staff to celebrate excellence in both teaching and ate campus Silwood Park home to just 126. controversy however, with CABE (Com- is the case, with John Anderson, Project Director pastoral care. Those praised for their unique lec- In a statement released by the BBC, Chris mission for Architecture and the Built Envi- at Imperial, saying that the project ‘‘offers a range turing techniques and willingness to help students Kane, Head of BBC Workplace, praises the ronment) slamming the project. They have of uses that will benefi t the local community”. were Professor Anthony Bull (Department of Bioen- deal, stating that, “We are delighted to have stated that the sustainability targets for the Alongside this, the BBC claim that “it is work- gineering), Professor Nigel Bell (Centre for Environ- achieved a sale which offers good value for project “do not refl ect Imperial College’s ing in partnership with landowners to build on mental Policy), Dr Frank Berkshire and Professor our licence fee payers. The new occupier reputation for excellence and innovation.” the area’s existing strengths and bring about the Martin Liebeck (both Department of Mathematics). shares the BBC’s values [and] reinforces the Some local residents have also listed con- economic development of the White City area.” Those awarded for Pastoral Care were Mrs Marga- ret Cunningham (Department of Computing) and Dr Mike Emerson (National Heart and Lung Institute). In yet another fi rst for Commemoration Day, Ste- (Left to right) Physics Graduate Abi pan Lucysyzn of the Electrical and Electronic Engi- Broadbent, The Royal Albert Hall in full fl ow neering Department became the fi rst recipient of Commemoration Day and Union President and Biology Graduate Alex Kendall speaking an Imperial Doctor of Science Degree, awarded for ‘work of an exceptional standard’ Sir Keith O’Nions, overseeing his fi rst ceremony as Rector, delivered a speech to new graduates about the need to use their skills to benefi t society. “Education is at the core of an enterprise which undertakes research at the cutting edge, translates it for economic benefi t through new companies and addresses the big societal challenges of this era,” he said, to an audience who were no doubt highly anticipating the promised ‘light canapés’ that would be served at the following receptions. The Rector left those in attendance with the fi nal summative message, “The collective contributions we know you will make to the world is truly inspiring.” Matt Colvin Photos by Christopher Walmsley FELIX Friday 22 October 2010 7 FEATURE

ot all student nights out I might get away. The shouting dimin- end this way. There’s ished, the heavy footsteps faded to dis- always a story to tell the tant background noise and I decided they next day, but it’s not ev- might have thought I had made it to the ery morning you wake IS THIS IMPERIAL’S other side. I slowly crept up the bank, Nup to fi nd it all described in wavering cutting myself on thorns and crawling detail across the global press, from the through whatever gaps I could to mini- BBC all the way over to The Los Ange- mise the noise of my exit. As I got closer les Times. to the fence I heard a man shout: “he’s in My name is James Fletcher and I’m here!” Using their loud noises of pursuit a postgrad student in the department of BIGGEST BADASS? to drown out the sound of my own dash Aeronautics. I recently started here and back down to the bank, I quickly ran out not long ago after a small reunion with- of sight and lay flat on the ground. A friends from Queen Mary, a couple of us game of chess where the fugitive had headed from the West End over towards just lost all his pieces at once. I lay as Kensington to check out the union bar at still as possible, hoping that I could be Imperial. We were never to arrive that mistaken for more innocent animals that evening because on the way a prominent lived in the wooded area. No, police had but unfortunate American author was Imperial student arrived now with torches. They were holding a party for the UK book launch not close by though. After some time I of his most recent novel. The event was James Fletcher made began to realise I could have another at- lit up like a neon sign just asking to be tempt to make my way out when I heard gatecrashed. We jumped out of the cab headlines across the sounds of helicopter blades getting and headed towards the main entrance, closer. This wasn’t for me because they ignoring how inappropriate our attire don’t send helicopters out for people was for the event. The cocktails we’d the globe when he that take somebody’s glasses, not even already consumed in the Paddington a celebrity’s... Do they? I lay even stiller Hilton had taken care of any feelings of stole famous author as it dawned on me; I knew my escape hesitation we may otherwise had. At the was impossible now. The chopper was door, a bit of wavy-handed rhetoric was for me and the sound of the blades was enough for the clipboard staff to let us Jonathan Franzen’s as persistent as its intent to help in my pass and, after pretending we were with inevitable arrest. Surely they knew this Puffin Publishing and shouting some glasses from his was just a practical joke. How far had greetings of false recognition to a group this gone? More importantly, when were nearby, we were in. face. Now he retells the police dogs going to arrive and what The champagne came quicker than we were they going to do? I clasped the could drink it, accompanied by the hors glasses in my hand (my only bargaining d’œuvres, but it wasn’t long before the his incredible story chip) and tried to make my way back chit chat with guests became a little fu- to the river where they might not track tile. The people there were by no means me. Torch lights swung past me as I hid boring (those actually invited were the In case you were in any doubt, the answer to the question above is “Yes... yes he is” as low down as I could and officers of crème de la crème of the literati), but the law got closer, at one stage walking having to keep up lie after lie as to who straight past me in the darkness of the we were and what we were doing was towards where he stood with a group this route, jumping another fence, only bushes. I knew the game was nearly up, becoming progressively more inane. As of his colleagues and shouted “We’re to find I had trapped myself between but I have learned never to give up, al- the speeches continued and our intoxica- with Channel 4! Channel 4!”. This was them and the Serpentine lake. I negoti- ways fight till the last man; so I stayed tion mounted we began to blow our own a subterfuge that would buy me at least ated my way through sharp hedges and put, still as I could be. It took only five cover to an increasing crowd of people 2 seconds, enough perhaps to stop him trees trying to get far enough along the more minutes, though, and my face re- in there. The whole time, as I realised it from arresting my attempts of capturing bank so that I could continue my way flected the beam of light from police wasn’t long before we would soon leave his glasses, athough I’m not totally sure out of the park. Disturbing wildlife as constable Garty’s torch. I sighed with (of our own accord or not), I increasing- what this meant exactly. The point is it I trudged my way through the lake, their acceptance and maybe a little relief, re- ly felt the urge to do something amus- seemed to work. Within seconds I was screeching noises gave away my posi- luctantly getting to my feet and offering ing. The author, Jonathan Franzen had out the back entrance scaling a five-foot tion and voices from outside the fence my hand to congratulate the officer on already suffered while on tour in Lon- fence and running through Hyde Park. began to close in on me. I ran towards his work, this denied I offered my other don. Problems from the tube strikes cer- I called my friend whilst still mak- the lake trying to hold my blackberry hand for the cuffs. The event organiser tainly compounded the issues he’d had ing my escape, arranging a rendezvous above my head to save it from being de- then offered his opinion of me and I was with the UK publishers who had printed without actually knowing what the hell stroyed in the water, as I had at this point put in the back of a van after handing the wrong version of his book. Surely we were going to do next. Wait for decided I would swim to safety. Yes, over the glasses. his visit couldn’t get any worse. Per- a response? Go and give the glasses there was no way at all that this was a Still drunk and jovial in character, haps this thought may have been cross- back? It was only a prank after all, but bad idea. Without any thought I dashed I persuaded the Met to polish them up ing his mind, as we were at the bar tear- only minutes later I began to realise my quickly into the water, foot deep, knee and for the arresting officer to personal- ing a blank page from a copy of his new fate was no longer entirely in my own deep and then finally almost up to my Surely they knew this ly hand the author his glasses back, to at book ‘Freedom’ in preparation for the hands. I twigged how many of his se- shoulders. The distance to the other side least reflect how good our law enforce- prank. I had thought several times from curity team were in hot pursuit of me began to look further away with every was just a practical ment is over here, even if other parts of across the room how much I admired and these glasses. They seemed to ap- step I moved. My shoes began to sink his visit to London had been disgrace- the frames he wore; so much so that I pear in the park in all directions out of into the sludge at the bottom and I held joke. How far had ful. The police began to see the humour had almost wished I wore glasses my- nowhere as though spawned from the onto a branch that protruded from a tree this gone. More of it, as it appears did Franzen too. It self. We scribbled a ransom note simply dark, each jogging in good pace after on the bank and waited for some time,“ wasn’t long before I was released out of stating: “$100,000 and your glasses are me. I have to admit I quickly began to contemplating how all this mess might custody from Belgravia Station without yours again” with my e-mail address at feel The Fear. My merry state of incon- just all sort itself out if I waited long importantly, when any further action. Perhaps in the spirit the bottom. At first I attempted to see siderate mirth quickly dissipated, re- enough. As I watched my copy of Free- were the police dogs of the title of his book, he had granted if I could swipe them from behind the placed only with acute apprehension and dom float away up the river, I envied it; me just that. I arrived back home, one curtain where he stood but there were no an increasing desperation to escape. I whilst hearing the voices shouting to me, going to arrive and pair of shoes and one blackberry less, gaps at all. The direct approach was the ran in any direction I could, knowing I assuring me that I’d be caught and to and used the internet to contact my only option. After making arrangements could easily outsprint and outpace these give myself up. Stubbornly I decided it what were they going friends only to relive the whole experi- with my accomplice for the ransom note men if only I could find a clear enough couldn’t get any worse and held my hos- ence as I watched the media frenzy be- to be delivered to him, I strode quickly route out. I headed quickly towards tage safe above the water planning how to do?” gin to unfold online. There’s no need to rush in for Felix on a Friday morning

Read the week’s issue online at felixonline.co.uk from 7am every Friday morning FELIX Friday 22 October 2010 9 FEATURE FRESHERS VIEWS OF IMPERIAL GRADUATES Alex Karapetian & Charles Betts

Less than three weeks ago, a swarm of fresh-faced and youthful 18 year olds landed at Im- Commemoration Day took place on Wednesday, with over 2,000 undergraduates receiving perial with more hopes and dreams than Barack Obama. Freshers' week has since passed, their degrees in science, engineering and medicine at the Royal Albert Hall. The relieved leaving in its wake a thousand hangovers, fewer virgins, and the six people that attended Lee twenty-somethings fl aunted their gowns (but no mortarboards or degree certifi cates) as they Nelson’s stand-up gig. Felix took to the streets to fi nd the few unwashed fi rst years that were shook the hand of the rector. We went in search of the thoughts of these cheery graduates not suffering from some strain of freshers' fl u. We gauged their reactions to the fi rst days of whilst their proud parents looked on misty-eyed as their children had fi nally made it into a the best years of their lives. Felix feature article.

orin Cioban and Mihaela Rosca, of Tizard membership cost of £40 plus around £25/ airo Jaramillo has completed a 4-year and Garden Hall respectively, proved to fl ight (each lasting 25 minutes), the society of- degree in Mechanical Engineering with Sbe a pair of friendly and surprisingly en- fers an excellent deal. Mihaela was less than JNuclear Energy, and is now working for ergetic Computing students. Whilst slightly ap- complimentary about the food on campus. an energy management company in the UK. prehensive at being interviewed for Felix, they Although in general she found the food good, Before coming to Imperial, he spent a year nonetheless expressed their delight at all the her complaints focused on the amount of fast at Oxford. He claims that the engineering events that had been organised in their halls. food and the ubiquity of potatoes, reminiscent courses are superior at Imperial, however Ox- A particular highlight was the carnage that of Monty Python’s love of spam. Felix advised ford wins hands down on the social front. He ensued during the Southside Olympics. Sorin venturing on a (God-forbid!) fi ve minute walk fondly remembers one materials lecturer who went for his fi rst-ever fl ight with the Gliding So- outside the microcosm of Prince's Gardens to explained that the Japanese used to produce ciety last Sunday – he says that for a yearly try some fi ner (but more expensive) eateries. strong steel swords by ramming molten-hot blades up the rear’s of naughty children (nowa- days, they just use a bath of cold water- that’s called progress). Jairo does have an issue with girls at Imperial who have an elevated opinion of themselves. A consequence of the basic economic principle of supply and demand, a fi ve-pinter can progress to a two-pinter at Im- perial. He also wishes the medics would inte- grate more with the rest of the university. Jairo Jaramillo

Sorin Cioban and Mihaela Rosca enjoyed the events organised by their halls Samuel Tournoff, Andrew Slater, Guy Karaiskos Efthymios and Ben Jones Leaver and Derek Chow he Eastside Bar is where we found this elix stumbled into this Fresher fi nishing off pair of (identical?) Chemistry students his meal-deal lunch in the Queen’s Tower araiskos Efthymios and Ben Jones amuel Tournoff ‘Esquire’ (as he asked Tfrantically trying to fi nish a lab report due FRooms. Living it up in Selkirk hall, he was have completed a 4-year course in to be called), Andrew Slater, Derek in ten minutes. Positively beaming about their pleasantly surprised by the effi cient organisa- KElectrical Engineering. Ben, now study- SChow, and Guy Leaver have all just experiences at Imperial, they’re ecstatic to be tion of events in his hall and has so far had an ing Integrated Design Engineering at the Roy- completed a degree in Computing. This en- living in London with its wealth of attractions enjoyable time at Imperial. Surprisingly, he says al College of Arts, spent his 4th year at Santa thusiastic group are now all pursuing careers and vast mix of international students. Daniel the girl:boy ratio is better here than at similar Barbara, California. He said that whilst Impe- directly related to their course. An enrobed described his attendance at a boat party with courses in his home country. Whilst that may rial was probably ranked in the top 5 universi- Guy was elated at being interviewed for Felix, Falmouth Hall as great fun with good music be, Felix continues to extend its sympathies to ties in the world for the highest percentage and stated “This is the fi rst time I have met and plenty of booze. Felix was glad to see the gentlemen of the Department of Computing of males, Santa Barbara had been ranked as someone from Felix during my entire degree, Freshers with the ability to recognise the im- (and also, come to think of it, the ladies of the the number 8 place to go by Playboy Maga- and I’m dressed like a twat.” Andrew was a portant things in life. Department of Computing.) zine. They feel that there is a lack of inter- member of the cheese society. When Felix departmental socialising at Imperial, and a put it to him that a fresher had suggested reluctance for students to introduce them- a potential unifi cation with the wine club, he selves to one another at Union events. They looked aghast and declared that a long term do however think that there is a misconcep- merger would not work – stating that his love tion that Imperial is not a fun place to be. It’s of cheese was too great to be tainted by wine. up to the students to make their university Guy said he rather liked the idea of both wine days unforgettable. and cheese.

“They think that there is a misconception that Imperial is not a fun place to be. It’s up to the students to make Daniel Bisley and Rafael Benitez-Cabral Niklas Hambreuchen their university days unforgettable.” 10 Friday 22 October 2010 FELIX

Science Editors: James Goldsack Katya-yani Vyas SCIENCE [email protected] And a few suggestions... Does Genetic study music Uncommon Sense help you by Alan Cromer study? In this well written, shines light on insightful and acces- sible book Cromer Anna Perman gives his view on the development of the While studying for fi nals I couldn’t scientific method. He work at home. The reason? My house- feels that humanity asthma mate claimed he couldn’t study without would never have in- deafeningly loud music. Equally, many vented science had it people, (including the living legend that not been for the an- is David Attenborough), claim they can’t cient Greek custom work with background music on. So, is of objective thinking, music a help, or a hindrance to study? rationality and de- Surprise, surprise, the answer is ‘it bate. It’s obvious from The Iliad that ancient depends’. The type of music, age, sex Greeks valued skill in debate as much as skill (Funnily, men, on average, prefer to in war. The Greek model of thinking and society have their music louder than women) are compared to other civilisations of that time and personality type all seem to affect including the Chinese, Indian and Hebrew to whether background music increased show just how special the Greeks were and how or decreased subjects’ performance on precious their discovery is. The conditions are simple tasks. Scientifi c legend has it that speculated on to explain the Greek success, for classical music increases intelligence. example, the ancient Greeks lived in city states instead of having one ruler that could oppress freedom of thought. The book clearly influenced “Funnily, men, on the legendary populariser Carl Sagan as it is listed in the references of a few of his books. It average, prefer to also contains some of Cromer’s other thoughts, not all of which are as plausible. have their music Jakov Marelic louder than women”

However, in simple tasks, participants Upcoming Science Events that choose their own music perform as well as those listening to classical mu- sic, and both do better than those who Oct 29th prefer listening to heavy metal. Royal Society Anna Perman rum, an indicator of allergies, had no link to asth- While there is no evidence that back- Revolutionary Insights – The Dawn of ma, and was in fact due to the same barrier protein ground music directly improves perfor- Microscopic Investigation The study involved 10365 asthmatic individuals failures. mance on other complex tasks, people 1pm – 2pm and 16,110 controls. It identifi ed genes common in According to Professor Miriam Moffatt, Profes- completing simpler tasks seem to ben- asthmatic individuals, which could be targets for sor of Human Genetics at Imperial College, “We efi t from it. In a paper teasingly enti- Oct 28th potential future treatment. Many of these coded now know that allergies may develop as a result of tled ‘musical mnemonics induce brain UCL for proteins involved in the immune system, par- defects of the lining of the airways in asthma. This plasticity and oscillatory synchrony in Breast Screening; Some Inconvenient Truths ticularly in T cells. It was also found that allergic does not mean that allergies are not important, but neural networks underlying memory’ re- reactions are associated with asthma, rather than it does mean that concentrating therapies only on searchers struck upon the breakthrough 1:15pm – 1.55pm causing the disorder. allergy will not effectively treat the whole disease” that singing mnemonics to a tune helps The work at Imperial College was overseen by The consortium had conducted a similar test of you to remember them. The tension-re- Oct 26th the GABRIEL consortium, an association of sci- individuals with childhood asthma – asthma in ducing effects of your favourite records Royal Institution entists from nineteen European countries, and was people under 16 years old – but this study was may have a more general positive effect Science Question Time published in the New England Journal of Medicine. over ten times bigger, and involved subjects with on performance, and singing and tap- 7pm – 8.30pm The group assessed over 500,000 gene muta- more than one type of asthma. This showed that ping along to music improves energy £8 tions, known as single nucleotide polymorphisms childhood asthma has different genetic causes to levels. Is it any wonder that having the (SNPs), in each individual. This meant they could later onset asthma. radio on is standard on production lines, identify single base changes which were common The previous study had shown that childhood yet somewhat frowned upon in offi ces? Oct 28th in people with asthma. asthma was strongly associated with genes on chro- So how to best utilise the power of Wellcome Collection 5.4 million people in the UK are asthmatic, expe- mosome 17, this study identifi ed specifi c genes as- music to keep you going? If you’re Exchanges at the Frontier: Brian Greene riencing attacks where the walls of airways become sociated with T helper cells and immune respons- learning something particularly hard, it 3pm - 4.30pm infl amed and their passages constricted, causing es. Adult onset asthma, however, was shown to be is better to study in silence. If you feel wheezing, coughing and diffi culty breathing. Heri- more infl uenced by a set of genes called the Major your energy levels dropping, it might be Oct 27th tability of the disorder has previously been shown Histocompatability Complex (MHC). time to get dancing and singing along to Science Museum to be 60%, indicating that there was some genetic This means that genetic tests can only identify something. Keep the volume down, and Science of Bioterrorism (October Lates) cause. Allergies had been identifi ed as a possible the risks of specifi c types of asthma, rather than the music will relax you more. Choose 6.30pm - 10pm cause. This was because people with allergies had an individuals’ overall risk of acquiring the disor- music because you like it, not because an increased risk of becoming asthmatic, and for der. However, identifying some of the root genetic you think Mozart will make you smarter. some, triggers of attacks can include allergens causes of asthma has opened up a range of possi- And whatever you do, don’t live with However, the study showed that levels of IgE se- bilities for future treatments. housemates who like heavy metal. FELIX Friday 22 October 2010 11 SCIENCE Imperial Profi le: #1 Professor Chris Phillips Solid State Physics

Ilse Daly students. They also play a pivotal role in Adam Falk the promotions process. However, the reason we came to in- ‘Would you like to see my lab before terview Professor Phillips was to fi nd you go?’ We looked at each other, think- out more about his research. He and his ing ‘hell yeah!’ The opportunity to see team are experimenting with metama- the inner workings of some of the most terials, materials in which the structure cutting-edge work taking place in optics at the microscopic level is engineered is not lightly passed up. We were on the to give interesting macroscopic prop- 9th fl oor of the Blackett Laboratory to erties. Applications of such materials, interview Chris Phillips, Professor of which rely on structural rather than Experimental Solid State Physics and compositional properties, include the the Dean of the Faculty of Natural Sci- much-lauded ‘invisibility cloak’. Cur- ences. rent research is focusing on super lenses Coming to Imperial to complete a PhD (no pun intended), lenses that use the after fi nishing his undergraduate degree properties of metamaterials to achieve at Cambridge, Professor Phillips has a negative refractive index. The refrac- crometers, trace lasers and very expen- An important point Professor Phillips out the interview was Professor Phillips’ been a member of the department since tive index of a material is the amount sive sensors, including as a centrepiece a impressed on us was the distinction be- passion for communicating the science 1979. Actually, that’s not strictly accu- that light bends when entering it from £60,000 infrared camera from a jet fi ght- tween the undergraduate phase of learn- he is involved with. ‘We are creating rate, since his lack of confi dence in his another medium. Think of it like this; er. This setup, balanced on old Vespa ing and that in postgraduate research. As new knowledge, and what’s more, we academic abilities led him to a stint as an a fi sh underwater appears closer than it inner tubes, is used to work on mid-in- undergrads, we are merely consumers of are doing it at someone else’s expense. engineer for the BBC. This was not to be actually is, but if the water had a nega- frared laser technology, the applications knowledge; work is just work of no spe- I feel we have a duty to give something a long-lived career as a year after leav- tive refractive index, then the fi sh would of which are not immediately obvious. cial importance. Postgraduate research, back.’ He frequently gives lectures pro- ing, he returned to Imperial as part of appear to be fl oating above the surface. However, the applications are even on the other hand, is a creative process moting science around the country and the nationwide ‘New Blood’ scheme de- Materials such as these have, as of yet, more promising than those of the super that involves a large degree of personal internationally, often including enter- signed to reinvigorate the then-stagnant only been theorised. Professor Philip’s lens; the group are using the technology exposure. When Professor Phillip’s stu- taining spectacles such as live music world of academia. team are approaching the problem from to take ‘chemical pictures’ of organic dents attend conferences, they have to and fi re-breathing. In 2006 his group’s We were curious about his job de- a quantum mechanical angle, using Sch- compounds. They hope that this will al- stand up and defend their work, to the quantum optics research was selected to scription as a Dean; as, it would seem, rodinger’s equation to calculate the elec- low for a more quantitative approach to same degree as a poet their poem or be put on display by the Royal Society. is the man himself. When asked, he said tron transitions. Other groups are using tissue sample analysis. Instead of purely an artist their painting. The work they For two weeks they explained light, at- ‘It’s a diffi cult role to defi ne... I’m prob- nanoelectronics attempting to produce qualitative method, where pathologists are creating is not art, but the creativ- oms and quantum mechanics to young ably still learning.’ As far as we could the same effects. make judgement calls on a sample under ity involved is undeniable when seeing people, teachers and journalists. understand, the Deans are not part of When we enter his lab, sidling ner- a microscope, the new methods would the tangle of wires and the complex ar- At the end of our meeting, we were the formal management structure, but vously past the multiple warning signs allow for a numerical output, which can rangement before us. A small shift, such left with the impression of a researcher are more of an independent informa- and laser safety curtain, we are imme- then be compared to an index. The most as that caused by a fi nger, could set the devoted to both his work and making tion channel. Their concerns range from diately confronted with a forest of in- obvious application would be in the di- team back by six months, we were told science accessible to all. It offered a tan- maintaining the high standards of fair- struments (if the trees were bonsais). agnosis of cancers. Prognoses and life as Adam hastily removed himself from talising insight into the world that exists ness and equality integral to the college A crowded optics bench occupies the expectancies could be given much more the vicinity. behind the locked lab doors and laser to the widespread dissatisfaction of the middle of the room, bristling with mi- accurately. A common theme noticeable through- safety curtains of Imperial. Genetic study shines light on asthma

Katie Tomlinson mate is produced in the hippocampus closer to more effective, targeted drugs region of the brain and affects the ac- for patients with schizophrenia.” Imperial scientists may have fi nally un- tivity of dopamine releasing cells in the Schizophrenia affects around 1% of locked the secrets behind schizophrenia. stratum. the population and is one of the most A disruption in brain signalling causes Dopamine targeted drugs have previ- common and severe mental health ill- the severe mental illness and promises ously had limited success rates and se- nesses but surprisingly little is known exciting possibilities for drug develop- rious negative side effects. Glutamate about its causes and hence treatment is ment. signalling can now become the new limited. Previous work at Imperial into Chemicals in the brain known as neu- target for anti-physcotic drugs and many Schizophrenia has shown that music rotransmitters carry messages between exciting drug candidates are already in therapy can improve some of the symp- nerve cells and are tightly regulated to the pipe-line. This cutting-edge re- toms, but there is a great need for im- ensure the correct signals are transmit- search is bringing the possibility of a proved drug treatment. Possible causes ted. A recent study by James Stone et treatment for schizophrenia ever closer. include genetic pre-dispositions, brain al. has shown for the fi rst time that the Professor Chris Kennard, chair of the damage during pregnancy, use of recre- abnormally high level of dopamine in MRC Neuroscience and Mental Health ational drugs and stress. This greater people with schizophrenia is due to a Board, said: “Studies like these are help- understanding of what is going on will disruption in the regulation of another ing to unravel the complex mechanisms improve not only treatment but also di- neurotransmitter; glutamate. Gluta- of psychiatric illness and bring us a step agnosis of schizophrenia. 12 Friday 22 October 2010 FELIX

Science Editors: James Goldsack Katya-yani Vyas SCIENCE [email protected] In Brief ‘Radical change’ needed to Sun activity decline may counter- fi ght CO2 emissions intuitively cause warming

A new study led by researchers at Imperial College and the University of Colorado indicates that the Sun may act contrary to what was previously be- lieved, producing a warming effect on the earth as its activity declines, and vice versa. If the results of the study are correct, what we know about the Sun’s contribution to global warming will have to be radically revised. The Sun’s activity waxes and wanes over cycles of 11 years, and it has previously been thought that the solar warming effect was proportional to the ac- tivity. This activity is gauged by the number of Sun spots and their size. The determining factor of the magnitude of solar warming however is the spectral composition of the solar irradiance. The study, led by Professor Joanna Haigh, head of the Department of Physics and a member of the Grantham Institute for Climate Change at Imperial College, found that in the most recent period of de- cline, radiation in the UV spectrum decreased more than expected, which was compensated in part by an increase in radiation in the visible spectrum. Re- sults were taken by the Spectral Irradiance Monitor instrument on the Solar Radiation and Climate Ex- I really wish my carpet were like this... Every morning I’d stand on the ‘iceberg’ and shout “Avast! It’s the Titanic!” periment satellite between 2004 and 2007. UV light is responsible for heating the middle atmosphere; the radiation disassociates atmospheric molecules, Polly Bennett in Europe” and highlights in the report that cost and reliance on a decarbonised grid as is- initiating a chain of chemical reactions which ulti- only through consistent political aid and policy sues hindering the development of electric and mately create stratospheric ozone. Light radiated at A briefi ng paper released last week by the changes involving automotive and power in- plug-in hybrid electric vehicles. In addition, the lower end the spectrum has a more directly pen- Grantham Institute for Climate Change has dustry companies will this target be achievable. the report identifi es long haul truck and avia- etrating effect: visible and near infra-red light warm warned the government, industry and public Despite the inability to reduce emissions tion as the most likely benefi ciaries of biofuels the lower atmosphere and the earth’s surface. The that “radical changes” to the transport indus- signifi cantly the authors suggest changes to but also highlights that competition for land overall effect during the most recent period of de- try are vital in order to effectively reduce CO2 existing vehicles will go some way to miti- with food production and issues with energy cline was to produce an increase in heating. It is emissions. The authors, all of Imperial College gating climate change while the emerging effi ciency are currently delaying the progres- thought that the converse phenomena would occur research teams, reviewed current low carbon technologies of alternative fuels and low sion of these technologies. when the Sun’s activity increases. technologies aimed at reducing greenhouse gas carbon vehicles become more viable. Sug- Last week also saw the launch of the Elec- Given that the Sun’s activity has been increasing (GHG) emissions from road transport vehicles gestions for effective improvements include tric and Hybrid Vehicle Research Network by over the past 100 years, the results of the study and their fuels. The conclusion reached is that vehicle weight reduction to improve energy Imperial’s Future Labs to coincide with the will be leaving climate scientists hot under the col- alterations to improve energy effi ciency in ex- effi ciency in stop-start urban driving, engine release of the briefi ng paper. Dr Ricardo Mar- lar. It had hitherto been assumed that the Sun had isting vehicles will not be suffi cient to cause a downsizing, and kinetic energy recovery sys- tinez-Botas co-author of the briefi ng paper been increasing the temperature of the earth, but signifi cant reduction in emissions and a switch tems. The authors raise concerns however that and leader of the network explains that “the the new research indicates that the Sun’s role may to hybrid or fully electric cars, coupled with improving vehicle effi ciency will lower main- move to low carbon vehicles needs to em- have been overstated. It is critical that further re- decarbonisation of the electricity grid through tenance and running costs which may have brace the signifi cant and affordable changes search is undertaken before any assertions can be increased use of alternative fuels, will be nec- the rebound effect of increasing road traffi c, that engineering can make. This new network made, however. Professor Joanna Haigh comments essary. thereby reducing any benefi ts gained from brings together work from different depart- that, ““We cannot jump to any conclusions based on In 2008 the then elected new energy and such changes. ments within Imperial, making them aware what we have found during this comparatively short climate change secretary, David Milliband, The authors also state unequivocally that a of the different research efforts in hybrid period and we need to carry out further studies to pledged the UK would reduce GHG emissions switch from fossil to alternative fuels, such as and electric vehicles and with the aim to lead explore the Sun’s activity, and the patterns that we by 80% from 1990 levels by 2050, replac- electricity and biofuels is crucial, and supports the world in setting the agenda for low car- have uncovered, on longer timescales. However, if ing the previous target of 60%. This included their message that there needs to be “a change bon technology in the coming decades.” The further studies fi nd the same pattern over a longer tackling the contribution of GHG emissions in behaviour as well as technology.” Just over launch event itself he reported “had a high period of time, this could suggest that we may have made by UK road transport. In 2007, transport 90% of UK car trips are less than 25 miles level of attendance with contributions from overestimated the Sun’s role in warming the planet, contributed 23% of the GHG emissions from which, according to the report, is encourage- leaders in the fi eld including Miguel Fragoso rather than underestimating it.” energy-related industries. Lead author of the ment for the implementation of electric cars from GM UK who outlined the future power Melissa Lever briefi ng paper Dr David Howey states “the UK despite barriers to this technology. However train confi guration to achieve low carbon im- has one of the poorer emission track records the report identifi es range limitation, battery pact vehicles.” FELIX Friday 22 October 2010 13 BUSINESS Did Physics break the economy? Can it save it? Afonso Campos explores the role of mathematical methods in the explosive cocktail that led to the greatest economic meltdown in generations and questions their future

t the apogee of the math- ematical fi nance move- ment in the mid-ninties, billions were being made by pioneering science Aand fi nance academics and those who had the foresight to see the increasing use of these techniques. Louis Bach- elier, the informal father of the disci- pline about a century ago, would have been proud. Bachelier speculated that because of the “memorylessness” of stock market noise (that is, events that momentarily alter the price of a stock in a way that does not refl ect the gen- eral sentiment of the markets), stock price increments are completely inde- pendent and able to be modeled by a Gaussian distribution. Even after this was postulated, academics were still unaccustomed to witnessing mathemat- ics solving problems in fi nance. Now, however, a large slice of this so-called quantitative fi nance draws inspiration The use of mathematical methods in fi nance was so widespread, universities were worried about losing research talent to Wall Street from the physical sciences, seen by some purists as a pristine and sacred discipline. Physics, not unlike fi nance, vestment funds with an appetite for su- “whose contents are quite obscure to be scenario. The truth, however, is that in a concerns itself with a seemingly infi nite “Physics and finance pernormal returns and a carefree attitude traded” when their prices were being not so far-fetched way of thinking, phys- set of parameters, constantly changing towards risk. quoted on an “ad-hoc” basis. ics and fi nance are in fact much more re- and evolving; completely dynamic, so ensure perpetual There are some who blame the high The consensus lies in the understand- lated in essence than one may initially its use in the fi eld is not as far a cry as level and complexity of the mathematics ing that no matter what role the models postulate. Scraping the possibility of one may have initially thought. curiosity does not involved for the crisis. Professor L.C. played in the downturn of the economy, malicious intent from either front, it is In the good times, nothing could Thomas of Southampton University mathematics will be instrumental in fi x- then possible to come to the somewhat seemingly go wrong. In 1994, eleven cease.” suggests that the crisis we are now feel- ing the situation. Dr Brody thinks that abstract conclusion that while both deal prominent academics, bankers and fi - ing was created not necessarily by the that it will however depend on “whether with very fundamentally different ideas, nanciers came together to form Long mathematics but by an explosive com- people come to the realisation that mod- the two share a very paramount synergy. Term Capital Management (LCTCM), a Chaotic, scared, unruled, disrespect- bination of “greed and a conspiracy of el building at a phenomenological level Both fi elds aim to advance knowledge, highly mediatic hedge fund in Connecti- ed, anarchical, greedy, uncertain, melt- optimism”. The exoteric models created is feasible” in the world of fi nance. evolve science and help ensure that the cut. The superstar team included Myron down, unfi nished, prophetic; these are by the physicists and mathematicians There is a widespread sentiment that perpetual curiosity of mankind does not Scholes who co-created and published merely a few groups of letters that spell had actually worked surprisingly well fi nancial institutions have ransacked cease. the famous “Black-Scholes Option Pric- the sentiment of a world suffering a bro- in identifying problem areas in the debt and wrongly appropriated the tech- More importantly, they help observ- ing Model”. Given the experience of the ken economy and spirit. The beginnings: merry-go-round. The models, however, niques developed by physical scientists ers gain a view of the world that throws partners, all evidence pointed to LTCM well known; a signifi cant increase in were possibly far too complex for any- and mathematicians. Many believe that a welcome helping hand in making life becoming the most successful fi nancial mortgage defaults in the United States. one other than their creators to under- those who learn the ideas of physics and better for a myriad of people. Given the institution of all time, and the fi rst few The consequences: immeasurable; tril- stand, meaning that the average mort- mathematics and manipulate them for accepted view that quantitative fi nance years of activity lulled investors and the lions of dollars of fi nancial devastation, gage salesman felt detached from the use in the fi nancial markets are, in one is here to stay, the necessity lies not in markets into a false sense of security corporate collapse, record low consumer process and became unwilling to ‘listen’ way or another, deviants of sorts, sell- accepting that it draws from methods in given returns in excess of 40%. It was confi dence; possibility of defl ation. In to an abstract mathematical formula and ing out their ‘sacred’ science. It’s almost the physical sciences, but rather engag- seen to be the epitome of quantitative order to raise funds to lend money, mort- became an irresponsible lender. like a Dr Faustus meets Mephistopheles ing in a symbiotic relationship with the fi nance since Bachelier’s initial paper. gage providers repackaged their debt in It is almost undeniable that mathemat- best minds in the fi eld. Perhaps we will The Oracle of Omaha, Mr Warren Buf- complex fi nancial products which they ics has had a tremendous impact on the go back to a simpler time and a fi nancial fett himself, called the derivatives used sold to supposedly responsible banks, crisis and is one of its catalysts. The ex- “Model building at system where the level of mathematical by houses like LTCM “weapons of mass ensuring the ratings agency gave these tent, however, is considered by leading exoterism is diminished and people be- destruction”. At the time, he could not investment vehicles very high ratings, academics somewhat limited. Dr. Dorje a phenomenological come once again the drivers of the mar- have foreseen the extent to which his falsely deeming them suitable and a Brody, a reader of mathematics and re- kets and economy instead of an obscure words would become true. The fi nancial worthwhile investment. The banks searcher in fi nancial mathematics at Im- level is feasible” – Dr formula developed in a small room on world slowly but surely began succumb- themselves increased the complexity of perial College believes the models are the 54th fl oor of a sky-scraper in New ing to the fl aws in the models. these products and sold them on to in- only to blame as they allowed products Dorje Brody York City. 14 Friday 22 October 2010 FELIX

Technology Editor: Samuel Gibbs

TECHNOLOGY [email protected] Free App of the Week Facebook: What’s Next? iOS - TweetDeck for iPhone It’s already revolutionised your social life, but where does Facebook go from here? Guo Heng Chin investigates

oogle, the Mecca of top minds in computing, the dream work- place of fresh-grad software engineers, is shaken by a tremor of brain drain. Or rather, a brain Ghaemorrhage. And it is Facebook who struck the blow. It started with Sheryl Sandberg, once Google’s Vice President of Global Online Sales and Operations, now Facebook’s fi rst Chief Operating Offi cer. Then Erik Tseng, a high level product manager of Google’s Android hopped on to Facebook to lead its mobile strat- egy. Trailing along was Google’s ‘rockstar’ developer and head of the Chrome OS proj- ect, Matthew Papakipos. He went to Facebook right before the completion of Chrome OS. truly revolutionary. Not satisfied with permeat- book, using your Facebook account, and the Today, more than 100 Googlers have de- ing the fabric of our online social life, Face- new Facebook Credits which critics think fected to Facebook amidst extraordinary coun- book aims to extend its tentacles to the mobile might be able to usurp PayPal in the future. teroffers on behalf of Facebook. Tech Crunch platform (now it makes sense to steal Google’s Both Facebook Connect and Credits could lay joked that Googlers should consider an offer Tseng and Papakipos). Joe Hewitt, one of the groundwork to transform the Facebook from Facebook just for the sake of getting Firefox’s founders, developed the immensely platform into a global village that transcends Google to drastically increase their salary. popular Facebook iPhone app. The new Places borders, with its own passport (your Facebook The mass migration of Googlers to Facebook feature brings real-world interaction with Face- account) and currency (Facebook Credits). indicates one thing: Facebook might just be the book to another level, by feeding your current Facebook has the potential to be bigger than next big thing. location to Facebook via your mobile. Tech Microsoft. Bill Gates created the most popular Want something to collate all your social networking And it may even be bigger than Google. Still Crunch reports rumours that both Hewitt and platform for personal computing, but Zucker- in one place? Enter TweetDeck for iPhone. Facebook a privately held company, analysts are predict- Papakipos are in charge of a ‘top secret’ Face- berg created a platform that embeds itself into a and Twitter all in one app. Brilliant. ing that Facebook’s IPO would be larger than book initiative, to create a Facebook phone to more fundamental aspect of human life: our so- Google’s when Google went public in 2004, counter the competition from Apple’s iPhone cial networks. In The Facebook Effect, Zucker- reports The Financial Times. Part of the rea- and Google’s Android phones. berg likens social networking to Moore’s law son why those brilliant Silicon Valley luminar- Hitting the mobile market is the next sensible – that processor capability grows exponentially Android - TweetDeck for Android ies at Google are flocking to the whelp of a step, as there is only so much you can do with over the years. The quantity of information ex- company that is Facebook, is to own a small a website alone, unless you lug a laptop around changed over social networks should increase chunk of a company that might, as the whis- with you everywhere you go. As Arrington exponentially over subsequent years. Zuck- pers go, be valuated at $100 billion not too points out, there is only so much Facebook erberg thinks that we are inevitably heading far in the future, reports Michael Arrington of could reach with an app on those platforms, towards a more transparent world, a zeitgeist Tech Crunch. unless it creates its own tight integration with a some find discomforting. Regardless, he sees The social network company is going to get mobile operating system. Facebook as a tool to help people adopt open- bigger than the Facebook as we know it today, Then there is Facebook Connect, which en- ness. For Zuckerberg, an open world is a more because it is just the beginning of something ables you to log onto websites outside Face- responsible world.

An Alluring iPad case

Samuel Gibbs There’s not much else to the LA robe, though the top has an inner lip to protect So you’ve got your shiny new iPad and your iPad from the closing zip. Inside you want to take it everywhere with you, the case is lined with soft felt to prevent but what about protecting your not in- scratches to that gorgeous 9.7” screen. considerable investment? The back may If you’re one to roll with a hard case on be made from tough aluminium, but with your iPad, be.ez has made the case just that large pane of glass on the front, it’s about big enough to accommodate your just asking for trouble. iPad in a slim hard shell. That’s where the LA robe Allure for iPad Overall we were quite impressed with from be.ez steps in. Don’t let the crappy the LA robe for iPad. It’s a snug fit that name fool you, this zippered slipcase of- makes you feel the iPad is well protected, fers good protection from the bumps and while the LRPu absorbs knocks easily, knocks your iPad might encounter in day great for slinging your iPad in a back- to day life. Made from 5mm thick, low pack. Available in four stripy colours, TweetDeck for Android bests the iPhone version with resilience polyurethane (LRPu) foam, including the fetching Neapolitan to the Facebook, Twitter, Foursquare and even Google Buzz the case absorbs impacts by deforming right, and at just over £20 the Allure is in one app. Bonza! freely and then slowly returning to its worth considering if you’re after a simple original shape. padded slipcase for your Apple slate. Wednesday 27 October 11am - 4pm • Queen’s Lawn • Imperial College London • South Kensington

fi nd your future

imperialcollegeunion.org/careersfair 16 Friday 22 October 2010 FELIX

Politics Editors: Hassan Joudi, Rory Fenton James Lees, Rajat Jain POLITICS [email protected] The world beyond College walls Welfare for all? Rajat Jain questions the need for universal benefi ts

The middle classes throughout the developed Phillipines world complain of faring worst from their gov- ernments’ budgets. They are, by defi nition, hard-working and economically productive. Typhoon Megi has left 200,000 people homeless They face taxes as high as the wealthiest in and at least 11 dead in the Phillipines after making their society, but fi nd this reduces their abil- landfall on Monday. Typhoon Megi battered the ity to pay for relatively basic goods, such as island of Luzon with winds of up to 250 km/h their mortgage, rather than the ability to buy this week leaving a trail of destruction in its luxuries, like a Mediterranean holiday home. wake. Typhoon Megi is now thought to be heading Despite this, they receive far fewer free or sub- towards mainland China and Chinese officials sidised public services and benefi ts than the have evacuated tens of thousands of people from poorest in their societies. Guangdong and Hainan provinces in anticipation New Labour managed to seize power from of Typhoon Megi. Meanwhile, Filipino President the Tories by appealing to this sense of middle Aquino praised class outrage; not by cutting their taxes (though his administration they effectively promised to not directly in- for the response crease these) but by giving them greater access to Typhoon to the spending side; benefi ts were introduced Megi whose to help the youngest and the oldest, regardless preparations of wealth. This included giving winter fuel al- helped minimise lowances, eye tests, prescriptions, travel passes the loss of life. and television licenses to the elderly and child tax credits to families. These universal benefi ts remained hugely popular with the electorate and were largely unquestioned by the Conser- vatives, then in opposition. Then the need for an emergency budget Afghanistan emerged and this aspect of government spend- ing suddenly came under closer scrutiny. This About a quarter of the 5.6 million votes cast in the is hardly surprising; it is a strange yet radical Afghan Parliamentary election have been voided quirk in our economic system that emerged to by the Election Commission. This announcement appease the political environment without any amidst allegations of widespread fraud and ballot debate to justify it taking place. Now, with the stuffing in the Parliamentary election held on the buzzwords ‘necessary’ and ‘fair’ being thrown 18th which was widely seen as a test for Afghani- around by Government, that long overdue de- stan’s fledgling democracy. The final result of the bate is fi nally taking place in Downing Street, election is not expected to be announced for an- albeit rather quietly. The debate, ideally, would other 3 weeks. The current Afghan Parliament is also be considered at a time when tax, as well Next year’s box could change welfare for good stacked full of former warlords and power brokers as spending, was not under considerable pres- with ties to the old elite of Afghanistan. However, sure. Nevertheless, it’s better late than never. despite widespread corruption and patronage net- It was thought that this week’s emergency psyche. Child benefi ts, on the other hand, have or housing benefi ts, which should be means works in the Wolesi Jirga, it has managed to act as budget could well spell a clear end for the pol- been cut for the wealthiest of families. This, tested. The distinction is rather subtle and may, an effective check on the President Karzai. icy of universal benefi ts and a return to means admittedly, had already been openly discussed admittedly, require certain assumptions about testing; the result on the day was, however, and had broad support. the homogeneity and expectations of society, rather unclear. Perks for the over 75s were, by The government must consider whether this as well as assuming that taxation and other and large, maintained with the recent increase aspect of government spending represents a government spending follows fi xed ideologies in the winter allowance being formally con- shared universal necessity in our lives which effectively. fi rmed and guaranteed. This is, perhaps, related cannot be afforded by many. In which case, The government still appears to be in two Venezuela to the far more important move of state pension like health or education, it should be universal. minds over universal welfare; this could well age being lifted to 66 by 2020; fi nding out that Otherwise, if it is considered an emergency, be to spread the blow over subsequent budgets. retirement will come later and cost more at the and almost charitable, measure for the most We will have to wait and see if they come to a President Obama has reaffi rmed Venezuela’s right same time can have a bad infl uence on voter unfortunate in society, such as unemployment decision on its future by 2015. to Russian nuclear aid at a meeting with journalist in the White House. President Obama added that Ven- ezuela must behave responsibly and honour her ob- ligations under the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty. This comes after Venezuela signed a deal with Rus- sia who agreed to build two 1.2 GW reactors during a state visit by President Hugo Chavez to Moscow last week. President Obama hopes to improve US- Venezuelan ties which have improved following the election of President Obama.

Edited by Kenneth Lee George Osborne has promised to peel, cut and mash the defi cit. This should take 4-5 years. FELIX Friday 22 October 2010 17 POLITICS

ednesday’s Spend- cry foul. WELFARE ing Review brought Cuts to the welfare budget never “Politicians, for all their perceived confi - with it the news, sound fair. Welfare is supposed to be much speculated for the worse off in society, people who dence on the podium, are timid creatures.” CUTS and feared in this would most likely go homeless and hun- Wpaper, that science spending would it- gry without benefi ts. But welfare under erished and millionaires alike, resulting will still be reeling from his declara- self face cuts. The research budget will New Labour extend much beyond this, in the bizarre situation wherein all pen- tion that child tax credit would become COULD be frozen, which means a real terms cut and with intelligent cuts the poor can be sioners receive a winter fuel allowance means tested; he was roasted for hurting of 10%; about £500 million. This may spared any pain; and science could well aimed at fi ghting the fuel poverty faced families, despite poor families keeping not sound like too much but it comes at be too. by only 20% of them. The same applies the credit. Perhaps here scientists, used PAY FOR a time when countries like America and Politicians, for all their perceived con- to the bus passes and TV licences; pen- to the struggles of convincing the pub- Germany are increasing research spend- fi dence on the podium, are timid crea- sioners receiving for free services for lic of evolution and vaccines, can em- SCIENCE ing, seeing it as key to continued eco- tures. Often, instead of fi ghting their which they could, by and large, easily pathise with the chancellor’s struggle to nomic growth. Our own business school corner, it is tempting to give in to tab- pay. win the public around from their gut re- at Imperial recently produced at report loid headlines and instant public reac- By making these benefi ts means actions. But his failure to address unnec- showing how investment in science re- tion. This is exactly what has happened tested, instead of universal, George Os- essary benefi ts can only mean yet more search leads directly to growth in other, over the increasingly expensive freebies borne could ensure that no pensioners cuts in other departments. If he took the seemingly unconnected, sectors. handed out by the previous administra- go without travel, TV or central heat- leap and means tested pensioner give- But the government says that cuts tion to the elderly. The government cur- ing this winter (the original intention of aways, science could keep its budget must be made and that for the sake of rently hands out free bus passes and TV the benefi t) while saving a whopping £9 and cuts across other departments could fairness, science must suffer too. This licenses to the elderly, as well as gener- Billion pounds. be reduced from 19 to 14%, according might seem, well, fair. But look at what ous winter fuel allowances. No doubt the Left will be quick to ac- to the Institute of Fiscal Studies. That has not been cut for fear of public out- The only requirement for these ben- cuse the chancellor of robbing poor pen- knowledge, if nothing else, should give RORY FENTON cry, and scientists might have reason to efi ts is age; they are paid to the impov- sioners; even though he isn’t. Osborne him courage. It could be worse; we could be in France British economic cuts may pain us now, but the French failure to reform will hurt them more

Rajat Jain The relative economic unrest should, all the same, seem surprising; Britain’s Britain’s fi rst coalition government since banking based economy fared worse in the Second World War seems to be split- the fi nancial crisis- it came out of re- ting at the seams as it unveils a budget to cession six months after France (with deal with the worst defi cit caused by the higher decline in every quarter) and its worst recession in Britain since the Sec- defi cit is about 11% GDP compared ond World War. This has already caused with France’s 7%. However, the strang- a twenty four hour tube strike and back- est and perhaps most telling statistic bench anger over broken party pledges. is that strikers have more than 70% We can, however, at least take solace of popular support, yet oddly up to in the fact that we appear to be coping 70% of those polled also support pen- better than the other half of the entente sion reform. Unemployment in France cordial; our sister nation, France. has also hit a staggering 10%, and its President Sarkozy’s plan to increase National debt remains at over 70%- the retirement age from 60 to 62 has, to though these were recurrent problems put it lightly, triggered popular discon- in France before recession, which per- tent. The parallels with Britain, like so haps shows the big difference between much of Franco-British history of the the two nations. past century, are clear; a right-of-centre The problem for France is not about Not the only one being screwed government bringing in major economic cuts to balance the books and the dis- by Sarkozy It looks like there’s a big chicken nugget drunking a beer on the right... reform, including increasing state pen- content is not purely about pension sion age from 65, at a time of economic reform. While Britain’s newly elected crisis, triggering civil unrest. This is, government deals out temporary mea- a Muslim Council in France to address trol unemployment effectively. When icon of chic French industry. however, where the similarities end. sures to deal with urgent but short term their needs effectively and suggested the USA and UK seemed to be bearing Regardless of what we may think of the These are major protests; the sixth day problems, France is dealing with both the state should subsidise mosques to the brunt of world recession, he did a details of the cuts in Britain, the Conser- of nationwide strikes and protests, each economic and social problems that have further integration yet also called Arab major U-turn and claimed French eco- vatives have, by and large, showed that attracting about 1m to 3m to the streets, been around for decades and were meant rioters in 2005 “traitors”. On entering nomics was right all along, making any they have every intention of carrying out in two months has been coupled with to dealt with by a president that has been offi ce promised to create a more dy- economic reform hypocritical. The precisely what they were voted in to do. a week-long blockade of oil refi neries. in power for over three years now. namic French economy, a more tolerant government also introduced a ban on The French president, on the other hand, The French economy, without petrol and Mr Sarkozy was always likely to be a society and assert France as a power for the burqa and brought France back into has spent three years alienating enough transport, is grinding to a halt. France controversial radical; he showed views good on the world stage (even bringing NATO (an Anglo-Saxon dominated of his populace to make the desperately (or Paris, at least) has a long history of which, liberal or conservative, were cer- the socialist founder of Medecins sans military system is anathema to many needed economic reform, which he was strikes bringing down governments- or tainly not Populist. He said the French Frontiers in as Foreign Secretary as an of those across the French political voted in for, almost impossible to push at least causing embarrassing policy U- must work more and face less job secu- olive branch). spectrum); both moves, regardless of through. turns in the case of 1995 and 2006 re- rity; openly complimenting the Anglo- This is a far cry from what has hap- national support were not policies he These protests, it seems, are long form attempts; Baron Hausmann even Saxon economic model. He even went pened. While he has reduced some was voted in for. To top off his feeble overdue. While it is now certain that the designed the city around protest power. so far as to say France showed “arro- union strike power and maintained attempts at political reforms, corrup- pension reform will go through parlia- France has never had a Thatcherite fi g- gance” to not see that we were all the the right to work long hours to main- tion charges are emerging; scandalous ment regardless of the protests, the In- ure to control trade union power effec- founders of liberty. As minister of the tain labour fl exibility, he failed push claims have been made over his rela- dian Summer of Sarkozy’s presidential tively. interior, he supported the founding of through enough reform earlier to con- tionship with the L’Oreal family, an term is well and truly over. 18 FRIDAY 22 OCTOBER 2010 felix

C omment Editor: Anna Perman

COM M ENT [email protected] FELIX The Review is right The Government’s We should accept the Browne Review – it is only fair that Spending Cuts won’t hit us students should pay for the benefits of their education as hard as others

By the time that George Osborne stood to deliver the Spending Review at the Dispatch Box in the House of Commons, scientists at Imperial and around the UK had already breathed a sigh of relief. Although funding is still being cut by 10%, U.K. research has escaped the catastrophic 25% cuts that had been threatened. But we at Imperial, in our ivory towers in South Kensington, should not forget that other subjects and other univer- sities are being hit hard; we are the lucky ones. Alex Kendall Scientific research is being spared (in this perverse world, a 10% cut is salvation) be- President, Imperial cause the government has recognised, as well they should, that cutting investment in College Student’s Union research is like shooting yourself in the foot. It does more to damage economic recovery than to promote it. However our investment “Are we really in R&D is still far behind our global competi- tors. For what can only reasons of political attending university expediency (because it defies all logic) we are cutting at a time when other developed out of self-sacrifice?” Imperial College has an extensive bursary scheme to improvimprove access for students countries are boosting research funding. Im- perial’s global reputation, solid financial po- sition and willingness to take hard-nosed de- he Browne Review aims And the problem is that universities The NUS have shown they cisions (see the Life Sciences re-structure) to advise the Government are underfunded; university funding per will mean that it will retain its position as a on changes to the system student has dropped with increased par- are more willing to follow globally-competitive research institution. But of Higher Education Fund- ticipation over the last two decades. uni- be in no doubt, research in the UK in general ing. Although the headline versities need more money to enhance ideological points than engage will suffer heavily as a result of the govern- Tproposal has been to allow universities teaching, invest in new facilities, fund ment’s plans. to set their own fees, the proposals in research (and it is research-led-teaching with the problem. the review would, if enacted, mean that that makes universities so excellent) and In teaching also, we should consider our- anyone could go to university regardless increase bursaries for poorer students. selves blessed. The government has set out of wealth. It would provide more money Imperial, like other universities, has an“ not just out of f kindness; it is in every a massive contraction in university funding. for students to live on whilst at universi- extensive bursary scheme to help stu- university’s best interest to attract the Humanities and other non-STEM (Science, ty. It would also mean that no one would dents with living costs. 40% of Imperial brightest students, regardless of their Technology, Engineering and Medicine) sub- have to start paying off their loan until students receive some kind of payment ability to pay. They can only do this if jects will struggle with the coalition’s 79% they were earning £21,000, and that un- from the College. And Imperial want to they have the money to do so. The other cuts. Imperial is one of the few universities til then, there would be no interest on it. provide more help with living, and re- source of money is the Government. I that will be able to shake off this attack with Why are the NUS against these propos- duce fees for all but the most wealthy. hear the economic” argument for free relatively few scars. Our international repu- als? For one reason: perception. In fact, they’re doing it; building up the education, that it benefits the economy tation means that we will always be able to The NUS have to be seen to be justify- endowment so that students get a fairer to have highly skilled graduates, so let attract international students who boost uni- ing themselves, and so have picked up deal. the Government pay... but doesn’t that versities’ coffers with the high fees that they on the fact that universities could charge It begs the question; what all the fuss sound selfish? After all, graduates ben- pay. In addition we will be able to charge unlimited fees to say that students could is about? Sciences are more expensive efit more individually than non-gradu- higher home fees if the cap on tuition fees is be priced out. Under the proposals, Im- to teach and fees may be higher than for ates. Are we really attending university lifted which, again, will help to offset losses perial could charge whatever it wants, Arts subjects. But the potential earnings out of self-sacrifice for the rest of the from government funding. Imperial, which re- but if the Government pays this for you are also greater, and for those of us who economy? I would feel embarrassed jects the majority of its applicants already, up front, if you only pay it back when want to go into low paying jobs such as saying to someone who didn’t have the will not need to worry about deterring home you’re earning, and if the debt is wiped teaching or research, Browne proposes academic background, inclination or cir- students with higher fees. Finally, the fact after 30 years, is there really an issue? more help for universities which pro- cumstances to go to university, that we that we are a STEM institution means that By saying that students will be priced vide the graduates which choose these help the country more than them, so de- the losses in government funding will be out, the NUS is doing more damage to paths. Crucially for us, the new £21,000 serve their tax money. We need to start small in comparison to other institutions. the expectations of school children look- threshold means that if you do a PhD, taking responsibility for our education. ing to apply to university than any rise in you are very unlikely to have to start Paying for it is a start. But although you will not experience the fees. By focusing on this, and ignoring paying off your undergraduate loan until We should support the Browne Re- full impact of the Government’s cuts, don’t the benefits of what Browne proposes, you finish. Have your say on view, and all attempts to get universities let that fool you supposing that they are they have shown they are more willing We are at a university which aims to the money they need, whilst keeping insignificant. to follow ideological points than engage ensure that students can come here re- this article at in mind that access for all is a worthier with the problem. gardless of their ability to pay. But it is felixonline.co.uk goal than free education. felix FRIDAY 22 OCTOBER 2010 19 COMMENT

My body is a temple... to laziness No Pain, No Gain The NHS and universities are body like this doesn’t just presses while drinking my muesli-based have the best opportunities to excel aca- consumers of the scarcest re- happen by accident, you protein shake through a str- demically, or play copious amounts of source in the UK today. Gov- know. I’m gesturing at my Alright no, I don’t do that. The truth block-based videogames, or spend long ernment money. Looking at midriff here, you can’t see is I’m a little bit overweight, and my mornings thinking up witty comebacks these two consumers shows from where you’re sitting, morning routine consists of stomping to a tutorial helper’s smarmy comments how the government could be Aobviously. No, I work hard to maintain around my flat clawing at the pre-emp- about your coursework. doing things differently in the my physique, a bristling thirteen stone tive ghosts of all the television show Frankly, it’s pretty weird looking up to Spending Review. Chancellor of organic matter. Here’s my routine for hosts I intend on killing and trying to the first floor of the Ethos gym to see a George Osborne’s cuts are a you – seven a.m., wake up. Eight a.m., make tea out of porridge oats. That’s me. dozen over-hormoned medical students necessary step to eliminate wake up again. Sometimes I wake up I know I could do a lot better than my bearing down on you at a relative veloc- the staggering structural again at nine just for the sheer hell of it, wibbly torso, and as a student I should ity of zero, while they secretly listen to deficit left by Gordon Brown, and also because I forget to set my alarm be using my Wednesday afternoons to Korn and the Backstreet Boys on their Tony Blair and their blank Angry Geek on Sunday evenings. enrich my life by taking part in all man- iPods. That pedestal they’re on, look- cheque book. Bam. Where are you? Still gaz- ner of sporting activity, but in reality, I ing down on you as you trudge towards I feel that protecting the ing longingly at the impression of my either have too much work or just can’t Exhibition Road at chuckles o’clock NHS is a mistake. It was a sculpted physique on the bed? Too slow. be bothered. And when the best on offer in the morning, stuffing your face with Tory election pledge that I’m in the shower. Bit of shampoo. is the prospect of chasing a small ball whichever chocolate bar was whisper- there would be no real terms Bit of body wash. Then a little bit of around a cuboid room with a bunch of ing most alluringly at you in the shop, cut in the NHS budget, a cue manly screaming as I realise I’ve used other “blokes” while sweating profuse- isn’t healthy for anyone. for their poll ratings to in- the shower gel made with ‘over seven ly, well, I suppose I’m just a traditional- My advice? Sod the lot of it. The crease. However, Mr Osborne “I suppose I’m just a thousand real mint leaves’ and my body ist. Where the tradition is dying young evenings are getting darker and you’re should have made savings in is collapsing in menthol-fresh agony. and leaving a bloated corpse. reaching that fleshy middle bit of the the NHS’s £122bn budget. traditionalist. Where Rinse. More body wash, this time with Everyone knows that health is no term where all the coursework collects. According to the NHS Insti- soothing lavender. laughing matter, but at our age it’s not Can’t manage to make it to some en- tute for Innovation and Im- the tradition is dying Boom. What’s that? You’re still ren- the only priority either. Yes, we’re all gagement or other this week? Write it provement, efficiency savings dered speechless by the sight of my un- of an age where great damage could be off. Go buy a Wispa bar. of £5bn are possible if there young and leaving a believably well-constructed neck mus- done to our bodies, and equally an age You might die five years before every- were to be a reduction in the cles? I’m sorry, but if you’re looking for where good habits could be set up for one else, but you’ll have saved yourself variation of clinical practice. bloated corpse.” me I’ll be in the front room doing bench life. But we’re also at an age where we sixty years of worry in the meantime. £5bn is 5 times more than the savings the Chancellor will make with the child ben- efit cuts. While protecting the NHS is a vote winner, the potential rise in tuition fees is certain- In praise of cultural theft ly not, and could be the coa- lition breaker. So who would fill the funding hole, if stu- lege during half terms but we are in- room for all the things we’ve stolen over dent fees were to remain un- s I dodge knife-wielding credibly lucky to be situated where we the years. And we’re proud of it! It is changed? I think the private pigeons and Under- are. The air is positively suffused with one of London’s top attractions – a stiff- sector should invest in univer- ground commuters, dis- knowledge. But as much as I love these upper-lip monument to theft. sity funding. Take, for exam- gruntled by the sheer halls of science, history, and culture, my What I really love is that it allows us ple, the banking sector; they virtue of being awake, heart truly belongs to Holborn and the to see history with a double-vision, of nab the brightest graduates Aon my way in to college from the outer majesty of the British Museum. It is a sorts. Obviously, these relics allow us a and make them work ridicu- fringes of the capital (and civilisation), prince among museums in its own right, glimpse into antiquity but also, because lous hours in order to make I remember with fondness my first year but what I find even better is its remit. they are here, in London, where they profits of billions. What if a here, spent in the sheltered haven of It is a cornerstone of the archetypal have no right to be, they allow us to see proportion of those billions Prince’s Gardens. holiday abroad. You trawl the markets part of our own history. A slice of our were invested back into uni- It was the one time in my life that I for some kind of trinket to take home for country’s past when we weren’t quite versities? Graduates will con- Rhys Davies could afford, although only just, to revel the relatives. The vast majority of said the quiet middle-management drone we tinue to move into the private in an SW7 postcode and the prestige that trinkets will consist of tea-towels with a try to be today. A time when we craved sector and, to be frank, the came with it. It was Hyde Park adjacent, map of the locale printed on them, snow new and exciting things and didn’t private sector needs them. It should I ever require the pastoral support globes in the Costa del Sol and plaster of worry too much about how we acquired seems reasonable to ask the of the ducks. Never underestimate the Paris stereotypes of local life. them. We didn’t just experiment with private sector to invest in the wisdom that comes with webbed feet. This formula has been around, in one drugs (though gin and opium seemed to Universities that provide the And I could fall out of bed and into my form of another, for hundreds of years. stick), we experimented with cultures graduates that they want. lecture theatre. But what I really loved For young toffs on their “Gap Yah” in wholesale. And the trend-setter for all I’ve only talked about the was that if I fell out of the wrong side of the eighteenth century, these holidays this was the British Museum itself. NHS and Universities funding the bed, I would land in a museum! lasted for months and involved a grand While very little in the museum is but there is a lot more that By all rights, Exhibition Road should tour of the whole of Europe. And the cu- native to this isle, it will always be the could be done to improve the collapse in on itself under the weight of rios that they picked up were more than British Museum, as only we could steal spending review. Whether or “The British Museum its cultural gravitas. The Royal Albert name plates spelt out in seashells. The so much stuff and get away with it. To- not people agree with the Hall, the Science Museum, The Victoria Elgin Marbles, the Rosetta Stone and a day, in these august years, it is like a tat- way the coalition is going is one of London’s and Albert Museum and that cathedral princely court of mummified pharoahs too, a reminder of our naughty past. And about its business, the cliché of knowledge itself, the Natural His- to give just a few examples. I’d hate to like a tattoo, it will be with us for a long ‘no pain, no gain’ seems most top attractions – tory Museum. Just thinking about them think of the postage costs. time to come yet. appropriate in these testing is enough to get me salivating. Yes, it The British Museum was specifically (Disclaimer: I do not condone stealing times. a stiff-upper-lip means that South Kensington station is built to showcase the wonders and arte- of any kind, especially where national always crowded and it would be easier facts that its patrons stumbled upon the treasures are involved. Unless you can Samir Patel monument to theft.” to wade through treacle to get to col- world over. In other words, it is a trophy get away with it.) 20 FRIDAY 22 October 2010 felix

Comment Editor: Anna Perman

COMMENT [email protected] Letters

Dawkins = Asshole (p < 0.05) Dear Sirs, I’m writing to complain about the caption “Mexican Prisoner defeated rofessor Richard Dawkins, she really is under the surface, because and/or he is simply a guy who has fig- by new security measures” in Felix what isn’t wrong with that when someone changes his/her image, ured out which sort of image will bring newspaper. guy? A restless mind, a head it inevitably means that the new image him the nicest salary. And now he is As a Mexican I can say that the pic- full of ideas, and the man is their “true self”. D’OH!! When will bound to write silly books on that sub- ture lacks of any sense of humour, and really doesn’t like religion. people realize that a “true self” does not ject, be featured in all sorts of documen- it reinforces the clichés that people PSometimes, his work is a bit like the dia- exist, it is a myth invented by silly eso- taries, magazines, sitcoms and all that. have about a difficult situation that is logue in “The Barbaric Beast of Boggy teric psychological advice books. “Hey kids! I’m Professor Dawkins! I re- happening there. Creek” – he seems to repeat one and the And yes, Richard Dawkins is just like ally do not like religion! I really, really Considering that we are in one of same thing over and over again. The that. Like Christina Aguilera, Green do not like...” the best universities in the world I man really, really doesn’t like religion. Day, Borat, the Village People, and ba- Yeah ok, we understand. Dude. Just am really disappointed about the bad Did I mention that he repeats that idea sically everybody else. His image just relax. But yeah, if Dawkins actually quality of Felix. Moreover, I’m sur- Alexander Khanin over and over again?? happens to be “The Atheist Dude”. He wrote a book WITHOUT mentioning prised that the Editor had approved We all know he is doing it only be- has found his niche, and is making se- his goddamn view on that topic, then all this caption which does not have any cause of the money. That’s just the way rious money with it. I mean, the guy is of his fanboys and girls would be disap- content. stuff goes. To be rich and famous, you selling goddamn T-SHIRTS on his web- pointed, and consider him a sellout... If you want to write an article about have to invent some image for yourself, page. So you have Chuck-Norris-divid- Based on the scientific evidence, we the situation between the border of and make it sufficiently unrealistic to ed-by-Zero T- Shirts, and now Dorkins can say with a large probability that Mexico and USA it is fine, but you “Hey kids! I’m be entertaining and believable. When Atheist T-Shirts. Richard Dorkins is an asshole. I would have to discuss it in a deep way and Christina Aguilera realized that copy- Those are a part of that whole “OUT” also like to objectively point out that not just showing stuff that does not Professor Dawkins! ing Britney Spears isn’t the way to make campaign, where The Atheist Dude Chuck Norris T-Shirts are much better have any content. [sic] a million, she changed her image from fights for the rights of poor, oppressed than The Atheist Dude & Friends T- I really, really do not “Locker-Room Teen Chick” into the Atheists of the world. Maybe Dawkins Shirts. And yes, I’m an Atheist myself. Yours sincerely, “Dirty-Bad Girl”. Everyone perceived is a hopeless idealist with serious delu- Stick THAT in your pipe. Would you like religion!” this as Christina finally showing how sions (no pun intended) about the world, like fries with that? Juan Carlos Ortíz Nicolás

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Vote online at imperialcollegeunion.org/vote

Voting closes 25 October 23:59

imperialcollegeunion.org/vote 22 Friday 22 October 2010 FELIX

Voting closes at 23:59 on Monday 25th October ELECTIONS www.imperialcollegeunion.org/vote Council Ordinary Member MEDICS ENGINEERS Aislinn O’Malley Steve Long

urrently in my 2nd year on ICSMSU, I’ve also ello, I’m Steve. I’m a fourth year Mechani- Cbeen active in ICSM on music soc commit- Hcal Engineer. I’ve been involved in all sides tee for 2 years whilst in orchestra. I’ve rowed with of Union activity throughout my time at Imperial, ICSMBC since coming to Imperial and last year admittedly a lot has been the in the bar....but I’ve performed in Light Opera. These have helped me also been on the committees of a number of clubs, meet many different people with different interests and last year I held a senior position in CGCU, so throughout the medschool which is important as of- I’ve seen the hard graft as well. I want to be a Coun- ten those whose voices are heard loudest don’t repre- cil member so that I can continue to play a small sent the majority. I want to ensure everyone’s views part in trying to make life better for my friends and are heard equally, not just at exec level but right fellow students. As Council member, I should be where policy is made and refi ned in ICU Council. representing your views and interests, so if I give Last year’s medical school conference high- a few of my views here, you can see whether we lighted just how lucky we actually are, for ex- agree, and whether you should vote for me or not. ample in having the Reynolds, but also areas for I take a long term view to things, I consider the improvement. Organising Global Brigades trips consequences (immediate and potential) of actions, and playing in sinfonietta, have given me experi- I’m opposed to teaching standards and Student... ence working within IC to achieve common goals; so I’m confi dent if given the chance, I would help further ICSM’s best interests with them. Alexandra Burke-Smith Thomas Hills

etting involved in being a representative of mperial College Union has an impact on all of Gthe student body is something I’ve always Iour lives, whether it is through societies, wel- been enthusiastic about. I really like art, dance, fare or simply cheap drinks! I owe a huge debt music and water sports, and now that I’ve come to the Union and feel that, in my fourth year, it’s to Imperial I want to get involved in more than time to repay some of that debt. The Council has just academics or playing sport. I took part in my a vital role in determining the path that the Union previous school’s council, which made me re- takes and ensuring that, like any other union, alise the importance of the student voice within the members are the priority – that means you! an academic system. Student council should be a I ask for your vote because I am enthusias- forum for discussion, where opinions from every tic and passionate about making life at Impe- part of the university should be heard and change, rial as good as it can be for everyone. My strong whether small or radical, should be initiated by sense of right and wrong will enable me to the students. I feel that I am an approachable per- stand up for our whole faculty, representing the son to whom students will feel comfortable ex- unique opinions of Engineers across depart- pressing their opinions, and who is outspoken ments. This year we can make the Union better enough to help make sure the union is run effec- than ever, and I’ll fi ght for you in Union Council. tively with only the students best interests at heart.

Hannah Tullett Alice Rowlands

i, my name is Hannah Tullett. I am a fi rst-year was a member of Union Council last year as Hmedic from Sussex, still getting to grips with I part of my duties as the Welfare Offi cer for London/lectures/ginned-up sports nights, all whilst CGCU. Council members have a responsibil- battling the dreaded fresher’s fl u! But I have found ity to ensure that policy passed by the Union my feet enough to run for the position of medical does not have a detrimental effect on the students undergraduate representative, because I am pas- of Imperial and is representative of the views of sionate about giving you a voice. With two years the students they act on behalf of. This is some- of experience in a Sixth Form student union, I am thing I believe I was effective in doing last year. up for the challenge of catering to the needs of a di- As Mech Eng Dep Rep and an active member of verse group of individuals. As your representative Imperial College Hockey Club, I am in an excel- I would be approachable and dedicated to making lent position to understand the point of view of a the changes you want. This is your university, and large number of students within the Faculty of En- I want you to be able to take into your own hands gineering. I am also well placed to understand how all efforts to make Imperial the best environment Union Policy could affect Engineering students. in which to study and play hard. Above all, I am committed to making your experiences at univer- sity as they should be: some of the best of your life. FELIX Friday 22 October 2010 23

Also running for election: Angad Rekhi (Council RON (Re-open nominations) Joseph Rumer (Council) Naida Dzigal (Court Advocate) Tharanny Srisatkunam Edward Lacey (Council) (SHAG Week Co-ordinator) ELECTIONS SCIENTISTS Karmen Chiu Alan Itakura

am a second year Physicist and having en- i everyone, I am a 3rd year biologist look- I joyed and appreciated the work of the union Hing to fi ll the role of Union Council Ordinary in my fi rst year, I would now like to take Member. Last year, I had the honour of fi lling this a more active role, aim to make a real dif- position and this year I would like to continue ference and help towards improvements. that position. I truly enjoy the responsibility and This year, I am a Wilkinson Hall Senior which has the tasks involved, and I believe I did a respect- given me great responsibility and the necessary skills able job last year representing the whole student required to communicate well and to work with the body to the council. This year, I hope to perform wardening team, as well as being the fi rst point of a better job as we approach the end of our degree. contact to the freshers. Being able to speak to such I am very eager to present all critiques and con- a large number of students in halls has already giv- cerns to the rest of the council, as well as follow en me the experience of listening and responding to them up and make sure that they are addressed. I each individual’s opinion, and bringing these to the will bring open-mindedness, particularly important attention of higher authority. The skills gained from when representing such a large group of people; being hall senior are what I would like to transfer an eye for detail, valuable when reviewing poli- to the role of Union Council Ordinary Member, as cies; and an outspoken voice, to ensure that I, on well as my dedication, enthusiasm and reliability. behalf of Natural Sciences, will be heard. Vote... I strongly believe... Lewis Palmer ’m Lewis Palmer, a third and fi nal year Math- Ents Committee Iematician. Here’s why you should vote for me: 1) I care about the Union. Although this seems an obvious attribute, being a hall senior for the last Ali Haddad Rezaei two years I have seen how the Union decisions af- fect different groups of people so would be able to s your Entertainments Committee member I take voting decisions based on a broader audience. Awill try my best to make sure that all the fresh- 2)I am also part of the RCSU Executive Com- ers continue to enjoy their time at Imperial College. mittee so do have experience in the ruling levels One of my main objectives is to break of the union and working within a constitution. the ‘stereotype’ that students at our uni- 3)I would like to help the Union move for- versity tend not to enjoy themselves as ward on the back of the wave that is Phase 3. much as they did during the freshers’ week. I also plan to make future events more ac- cessible to all our fellow students by hav- ing ‘One for all Events’ where everyone ,re- gardless of their backgrounds and beliefs, can enjoy themselves and will not feel left out. If elected, I will need to hear all your sug- gestions so that ,together, we can make Im- perial College not only one of the best ENGINEERS (Postgraduate) places to study at, but also to have fun at. Edafe Edivri Theo Pavlakou aving served as Departmental Representative H(Undergraduate), Clerk Faculty Representative ometimes you just have to blow off some steam, council/Head of Secretariat, Parliamentarian& Inter- Sand after a long day’s work in the lab, that’s nal Auditor, Students ‘Union Assistant Secretary Gen- what I will be there for. I want to be a part of actually eral/Secretary Committee of Halls during my under- deciding what happens here, because as a fresher, I graduate program, service to fellow students is an know what freshers want, and would like to have our integral part of learning for me. The urge to serve my say in the matter as well. The fi rst years need a rep- fellow students is a passion and i will want to answer resentative, and they want some of their ideas to be that calling by Representing the Faculty of Engineer- put forward to the committee, and I want to be that. ing and Physical Science (GSEPS) (Postgraduate) If I get elected, I will make a Facebook group here at ICU. To ensure that the Union Affairs are con- for students who have ideas and I will listen ducted in accordance to the constitution, fair repre- to suggestions and feed them to the commit- sentation of GSEPS Constituency, accountably and a tee. There will be discussion boards and peo- voice to all members is my primary objective amongst ple will be able to present their ideas, so in the others. From my past experience i understand this is end, what you present will be what I present. always a challenge yet a rewarding experience if we all work together to better our learning environment. I sincerely appreciate those who seconded my nomina- tion and will want to thank all who will participate by voting to bring the change... BREAST CANCER AWARENESS DAY FRIDAY OCTOBER 29TH WEAR PINK TO SHOW YOUR SUPPORT

DONATE ON QUEEN’S LAWN ON FRIDAY Do you want to do a centrefold? Email [email protected] 26 Friday 22 October 2010 FELIX

Arts Editor: Rox Middleton

ARTS [email protected] If you read nothing else this week... Cold Hard Cash Navid Nabijou describes why this classic Victorian novel is still such The Frieze Fair is the glitzy international cattle market of an exhilarating read. contemporary art, but what if you’re not spending? Flatland by Edwin Abbott

“I call our world Flatland, not because we call it so, but to make its nature clearer to you, my happy readers, who are privileged to live in Space.” Such does A. Square, the affable two-dimensional pro- tagonist of Edwin A. Abbott’s Flatland, begin his narration. Over the following pages there unfolds a truly unique work of fi ction; perhaps not the great- est, but certainly one of the most original books ever written. Published in 1884, Flatland is plainly a book of two halves: the fi rst closely concerning the social and political climates of the time, and the second completely transcending them. In the fi rst, the novel constitutes a brilliantly scathing social satire. Powerful Victorian prejudices are mirrored – and distorted – in Flatland. A won- derful example is the issue of angularity, a parody of Victorian class society. In Flatland, the polygo- nal shape of a man rigidly dictates, from birth, his social standing: the more numerous his sides, the higher his class. Similar metaphors abound. The social commentary is relentless and uninhib- Part of Tomory Dodge’s ‘Drop’, which was amongst the hundreds of pieces exhibited at the commercial art event of the year ited, and as such the narrative grows somewhat surreal, often verging on the ridiculous. All in all, it makes for a fantastically entertaining romp. But the Chris Clarke is given a small section of a giant tempo- exciting! Pieces that I might not have real meat of the novel is to be found in the second rary structure in which to exhibit some looked at twice in any other setting sud- half. As a classical art enthusiast, I would be of their choice artist’s best work. The denly took on new meaning in the buzz- This kicks off the inter-dimensional dance with the fi rst to admit that I can be somewhat main aim here is to use vivid displays to ing atmosphere which permeated the en- the narrator’s visit to a one-dimensional world, pessimistic when it comes to contempo- promote the gallery and create network- tire building, each work giving its own “Lineland”. Interesting parallels can be drawn here rary art. Long have I held the somewhat ing opportunities with the incontinently special something to the surroundings. between the two-dimensional creature’s reaction closed-minded view that a number of to- rich (of which there appeared to be no Of course there were still some things to the constraints of one-dimensionality, and our day’s more renowned modern artists are shortage). I’m not sure if you’ve ever that I struggled with: some childishly three-dimensional reaction to the restrictiveness of in fact talentless criminals with a license seen over 150 galleries all trying to out- drawn fi gures in black marker pen on a two-dimensional world. (And these parallels can to print/paint money because they’re do each other in one enclosed area, but pieces of paper smaller than A4, a skel- be extended yet further…) able to tell some quite exotic lies about the result is quite spectacular. eton painted black, what appeared to be Most interesting are the exchanges between the what their pieces mean. In short, I was My entrance to the fair was overlooked a charred pile of industrial waste... You narrator and a mysterious visitor from the third di- perhaps a little harsh... by the wax-work of a slightly worried get the picture. mension, the Sphere. The Sphere’s immense trou- I know my previous statement may looking small child on a 10ft diving The important thing was that there bles in trying to convey the “Theory of Three Dimen- have rubbed some people up the wrong board, next to which sat a giant mirror were some great surprises. A large work sions” to the square highlight acutely the supreme way, but I often fi nd myself in front which regularly tremored and rippled by Tomory Dodge was simply com- diffi culty (perhaps “impossibility”) of conceptualis- some sort of bin bag chainsaw motif and violently on the wall, causing one imme- prised of a number of thick lines of ing dimensions higher than one’s own. wonder, why? Why is this considered diately to feel slightly queasy. I backed bright paint on a dark background, the The real signifi cance of Flatland, of course, is how art? How can someone spend hundreds away and decided to take a bit of a look net effect being a futuristic, almost lumi- it relates to us. Thinking about the hugely limiting of thousands of pounds on something around at anything that wasn’t the mir- nous vision. Another fantastic achieve- implications of a two-dimensional life brings a wry that appears to be the result of a drunken ror. Each gaze swept over a mix of vi- ment was by Tomas Saraceno with his smile of superiority to our three-dimensional faces. elephant attacking the artist’s bins? Am brant colours, weird experimentations, hanging sculpture entitled ‘Hydrogen But we should not be so complacent. The narra- I the only one who thinks this? I suspect intricate and methodical design and Cloud Explosion’, which managed to tor’s plight can easily be translated into the third di- not. literally anything else you could think bring what could be considered some mension (or the fourth, or the fi fth). Flatland offers The fact is that it’s easy to get held up of, between which milled hundreds of dull geometry to life by fi lling it with an us the means to imagine – at least in some small, on the work of a few high profi le artists people from all walks of life. The obvi- explosion of black elastic. stunted sense – dimensions higher than our own. whose ‘creations’ hit the media due to ous scruffy or plain unusual looking art- When I eventually left the Frieze it That’s why the book is so important, seeking to their controversial nature. They should ists, immaculately suited businessmen was with high spirits. I had expected to “arouse in the interiors of Plane and Solid Humanity not be allowed to affect our judgement This year, the and equally well dressed women. One leave with irritation before my arrival a spirit of rebellion against the Conceit which would on the rest of the genre, as I found out woman appeared to be wearing nothing and yet instead I left with hope. Real art limit our Dimensions to Two or Three or any number Frieze Fair in quite a magnifi cent fashion on my trip at all except a heavy layer of paint and is not dead. There are some massively short of Infi nity.” had more than this weekend to the Frieze Arts Fair. tattoos with a pair of practically non- talented and wonderfully quirky people The Frieze Arts Fair is an annual event 60,000 visitors existent spandex hot-pants, all the while out there who probably spend their lives comprised of some 150 plus specially in fi ve days – being followed round by a tall spaced in a world that I was privileged enough Which book do you love more than any other? Tell selected contemporary art galleries from Check it out out looking man wielding a small video to experience for a few short hours. I us why it’s so good - Send 300 to 400 words to around the world, all descending on Re- camera, while she appeared to fl irt with hope the contemporary art scene contin- [email protected] gents Park to exhibit work and celebrate next year from the exhibits... ues its twisting and turning progression modern contemporary art. Each gallery 13-16 October Yes it was strange, but God it was until next year. I will defi nitely be back. FELIX Friday 22 October 2010 27 ARTS THE BEST OF IMPERIAL PHOTOGRAPHY

A glimpse into the world of Imperial’s photographers. Photos by students from PhotoSoc, Sam Whitcomb (top), Charles Poon (left) and Jonathan Kim (right) 28 Friday 22 October 2010 FELIX Music Editors: Greg Power Luke Turner Christopher Walmsley MUSIC [email protected] Album of The Week Die Antwoord $O$ Imperial’s own DJ Cherrytree Re- cords/Interscope 2010 Physics returns Gregory Power

After exploding onto the interwebs as an overnight I’ve always regretted the absence of coverage phenomenon, South African rap-rave Zef crew Die of the ‘Imperial Music Scene’ by Felix. As Antwoord fi nally release their highly anticipated de- Music Editor I’ve made it my duty to fi nd the but album $O$ on Interscope Records. For fi rst-tim- brightest young musicians at Imperial and ex- ers this is a great point of entry into a world of mad- tract juicy musical knowledge from their souls. ness and genius, featuring tunes such as ‘Enter The Who better to start with then but Martin Ninja’ and ‘Beat Boy’. For anyone who’s followed the Archer, an Imperial Physics graduate who artist formerly known as Waddy Tudor Jones - now has been DJing for Kiss Radio for the past few going by his prison name Ninja - and the freakishly years and is now returning to us for a PhD on hot Yo-Landi Vi$$er only three tracks will actually the size, shape and motion of structures in the be new. But the quality of these songs is outstand- magnetosphere. He’s a pretty busy guy, but we ing, from the Diplo-produced smut masterpiece ‘Evil met up a week before he started his PhD and Boy’ featuring new recruit Wanga, to the infectious Martin had a lot to say about student and na- ‘She Made Me A Killer’. These new songs are pper- tional radio, spreading the physics love, and fect for silencing detractors who dismiss these veri- new musical interface technologies. table artists as a mere Youtube fad, and announce a brilliant new direction the Zefters could move to- How long’s it been since you graduated and wards for next year’s second album. - Greg Power why come back to Imperial? 4 years. Graduated in 2006, and round about this time a year ago a friend put the idea of do- ing a PhD in my head. I didn’t want to give up 1. The Smiths my job at Kiss, it’s a cool job. You’d be a fool Most lis- 2. Sufjan Stevens to get rid of that, so many people would love to 3. Radiohead do what I do. I didn’t think it would be possible tened to 4. Arcade Fire to do a PhD. I was in the pub with my mate and Not just a voice for radio: he’s got the looks, skills, and a Physics degree. Ladies? this week 5. The xx he said you could do a PhD part time which 6. Florence + the doesn’t cross a lot of people’s minds. I’ve been by Felix Machine a bit of an administrative pain to a lot of people It just kept the creative juices fl owing a bit, Facebook is the new platform for interacting 7. Muse at Imperial. I approached someone in the Phys- kept me in the radio, presenting. Then one day with radio stations, or any sort of brands really Music ics department that I’d done some research I sent a demo over to Kiss, and two weeks later now. Everyone really gets facebook, especially 8. Crystal Castles with over the Summer. It just set the ball rolling I got a job. So I was extremely lucky, extremely young people, so there’s so many people on members 9. Yeah Yeah Yeahs a year ago, and I start next week. well timed, and hopefully I can say I was kind that. You can directly interact with listeners, 10. The Killers of good. They must have thought I was alright, and that’s what I love doing the most. Having How did you get into DJing? and I’ve been there for three and a half years a bit of a laugh, taking the piss out of people a I’d done DJing before I was even at Imperial. now – they haven’t sacked me yet. little bit. It’s a bit of fun and adds a good vibe I’d been on local radio for a couple of years, to the show, I just love that. and then IC Radio is a great place to get in- I’d imagine most radio presenters and DJs Make sure not to miss volved with. By the fi nal year of my under- would leave a station after a couple of years. Do you have any tips for anybody who would grad, I was spending pretty much equal time on It all depends on what radio station you’re like to get into DJing? Flying Lotus IC Radio and on my degree. I was doing like 5 at, Kiss is quite good in that they’ll only get Keep at it. Listen to yourself all the time, cri- shows a week, and I was head of programming rid of you if they have a really good reason. tique yourself. Network, send your stuff out and Koko for a bit, head of music for a bit, went all out It’s not like Capitol, since I’ve been on air for try and get feedback. It’s a tough time maybe 26th October with that. It was so much fun. Kiss they’ve had at least two complete line- at the moment, a lot fewer jobs right now than 7:00pm At the end of my degree, I did a bit of work up changes, maybe three. Kiss only had the there used to be, like 5 years ago. There are a experience round and about, a fair bit of net- one since I’ve joined, and that was when I got lot fewer radio stations to be honest. Student At the ripe age of 27, Steven Ellison (aka FlyLo) working, meeting people generally at events promoted. I used to be on in the middle of the radio and community radio are really where is already considered the modern master of elec- with free wine, so people knew me and it payed night, which was playing havoc on my body they’ll be taking the new talent from for years tronic music – or future soul, or nu jazz, or whatever off. I got a job at a production company who re- clock, I’m so glad I don’t do that anymore. to come, so just do as much as you can really. the hell you call balls awesome experimental mu- launched HMV’s instore radio, rolling it out in But you gotta start somewhere. It’s been really But not to the detriment of your degree, you sic. With good reason too: this direct descendant all 220 stores using a new software that hadn’t good times. might need that to fall back on. If you can man- of the great Coltrane legacy has an ear for melody, been used before over here but is really big in age 50-50, probably a bit more on your degree, sampling, and beat-making that few of his con- America. They knew that I’d be able to get my I suppose it’s quite a change from IC Radio but don’t let your degree slide. temporaries can rival. And he’s already released a hands round any sort of new software, as an with regards to the number of listeners... strong contender for Album of 2010 under the form Imperial Physics graduate. There were many times at IC Radio when I What next for you then? of an epic DMT-induced space-odyssey titled Cos- Within nine months it was all running was convinced no one was listening, not even I’ve got a podcast that I do with a mate of mogramma. The walls of Koko will shake when he smoothly. And I was sort of doing some work my mates could be bothered. There might have mine, who was on the Science Media Produc- brings his bass-heavy badassery to a rabid UK fan- on a really small radio station, just outside of been the odd person but at least on Kiss you’re tion course at Imperial. We got together one base, alongside past hits such as ‘Parisian Gold- London, in the south west, based in Tollworth, guaranteed there’s at least one person there lis- evening and thought: “You know, there aren’t fi sh’ and his brilliant new EP Pattern+Grid World. that played some quite bad music to be hon- tening, even in the middle of the night. When any podcasts that really tackle science from a With a bit of luck FlyLo might just bring some of est. I’d never come across Kajagoogoo before you’re on in the evenings, you know that there younger angle.” Everyone seems to follow the his Brainfeeder crew along with him... - Greg Power I worked there – “Too Shy Shy”, really cheesy are people listening because so many people format of Radio 4, who are very good at do- sort of late 70s-80s record. send in texts, or messages through Facebook. ing what they do, but don’t necessarily need FELIX Friday 22 October 2010 29 MUSIC to be copied. We thought: “Let’s do sci- careers together, my media and my sci- ence in a Kiss way.” It’s called Droppin’ ence. There’s only so much you can do A playlist from... Science, packed full of post-production, on the radio in terms of science. TV’s really heavy beats in the background so great, so much more visual, and there’s Hugh Crail if you’re listening to it on the train or so much visual stuff in Physics in cer- RAPE GAZE... the way to college or work, the people tain areas to look at, especially Plasma Anger; It’s good for you, unless around you commuting won’t neces- Physics which I’m doing at the moment. it involves violence and crime. sarily know that you’re a massive geek, I think Plasma’s some of the most beau- ...and other blog-derived genres Listen to this instead. because they’ll hear all the beats going tiful things I’ve ever seen, absolutely on. It’s meant to be two young guys, in stunning phenomena associated with the pub, chatting some science. It’s a them. And when you get a TV show Q and not U - bit entertaining as well as being infor- you get to travel all around the world, I X-Polynation mative, scratching on the side of the wouldn’t turn my nose up at that! cooler, weirder science topics. The more light-hearted the better. There are some Are you doing any DJ sets soon? Eighties Matchbox serious aspects to it, but we try to cover Haven’t got any booked but I do do B-Line Disaster - them in weird ways. We started looking them. I actually do WiiJ sets as well. into the heart of the science behind Ava- That’s DJing with the Nintendo Wii Rise of the Eagles tar, and got into some quite deep moral controller, I wrote some software to in- questions. But we’re tackling it from a terpret the signals and then control some Pissed Jeans - cool perspective. DJ software with it, so it’s real gestural There’s another thing I’m working on DJing, by waving my arms around. A lot False Jesii Part 2 at the moment which is going to be a of people don’t get it. They’re just like school show, with the Royal Institution, “What are you doing?” Then you muck The Jesus Lizard - called DJ Physics, almost trying to jus- about with some tunes, so much fun. tify my existence, because they’re not It puts so much control into these two Puss that far apart. I’ll be looking at DJing controllers that I just love doing it for from the scientifi c point of view. See myself to be honest. Boris - what’s really going on. Club DJing, Chris Dean the invention of music blogging, where mixing, tackling that from the point of Are you quite keen on new interfaces the everyman with a keyboard and an Pink view of looking at the equipment, pick- for DJing then? ‘Rape Gaze’. The phrase has been caus- opinion suddenly has a platform to talk ing out the 4 key processes that go along Yeah defi nitely, I’m really into digital ing controversy in the last few weeks and discuss any and all music available. DFA 1979 - with them, and getting into the science DJing. Some people have started using after Pitchfork issued a statement offi - In times gone by, small movements of of what you’re doing to the music, to the iPad to DJ, there’s so many people cially retracting its use from a review of bands would arise in cities or under a re- Dead Womb the sounds. Some really deep concepts who use iPhones to trigger stuff. I’m re- Salem’s new album King Night. cord label, cultivating a sound through are behind that, which actually spread ally interested in that sort of thing, see- First coined by the band CREEP, it a tight nit community which could take Liars - across the whole of physics, so I think ing what people can do with DJing, to refers to an emerging genre character- years to establish. Today, a blogger can it’s really good to get that across. I think make it a bit more interesting. A lot of ised by haunted, atmospheric music pick bands seemingly out of the air, re- Plaster Casts of Every- that from a proper point of view you people fault it and say it’s not as inter- with vocoder manipulated vocals; also gardless of geographic location or level thing only learn these in the fi rst year of Uni, esting as vinyl, especially with people referred to as ‘Witch House’, ‘Drag’ or of talent, and brand them under some so it’d be really great to get that across who just use trackpads and mice. That’s ‘Haunted House’. The band have now new term, which can gain wider recog- to kids. Without getting into the maths, not very visual, you can’t really under- disowned it, commenting, “It was a play nition in the space of a few weeks. Aphex Twin - just seeing what’s going on and link- stand what they’re doing; it’s boring to on words which we never expected to be This consequently has positive and Come To Daddy ing it across to the other areas. DJs are look at. So let’s just make it a bit more used as an actual genre”. Now however negative effects. The good news is that Find this playlist at: quantum physicists, they’re astrophysi- interesting. Because it is so much more pretentious this may be, it does raise this high turn around from artist dis- http://tinyurl.com/FelixAngry cists, they can make silicon chips and powerful on a laptop. There’s people interesting questions. What counts as covery to classifi ed genre means that can design robotic artifi cial intelligence. who say it’s sacrilege, and you should a genre? What meaning does the term when combined with the short-term at- If you want to share a They’re the four concepts that DJing can use vinyl, but get with the 21st century! have anymore? And what the fuck do tention spans of blogs, it creates a cycle mind-blowing playlist send apply to but there’s so many others as It’s so much fun DJing on your laptop, these words even mean in the fi rst place? of constant innovation. New sounds are it in to music.felix@gmail. well. so why not make it a bit more of a visual This rapid branding and debranding constantly bought forward, and only the com spectacle as well? of genres appears to be occurring in the best will survive, producing a vast vari- Is that going to be a regular thing or DJ’s who are very serious about it industry with remarkable frequency. So ety of new music, often rewarding and just a one off? come up with their own solutions. Like far within the last year, we’ve received of high quality. That’s a show we’re taking on a sort of Sasha, who’s a massive pioneer of two new ‘genres’ under the guise of The bad news is obvious: it’s often tour, so we’re going to start trying it next Ableton DJ sets. He built his own con- Chillwave and the aforementioned Rape confusing, pretentious, not really nec- Sufjan Stevens month, it’s being put on at the Faraday troller, it’s absolutely massive, but it’s Gaze/Witch House. However, it doesn’t essary, and anyone who doesn’t keep a lecture theatre at the Royal Institution. gorgeous. He’s got so much control on end there: a whole slew of new bands day-to-day tab on the latest blogs quick- The Age of Adz I’ll be doing a talk where Michael Fara- it. It’s got lights and indicators and he have dominated the blogs this summer, ly becomes out of the loop. This forc- Asthmatic Kitty ★★★★★ day told everyone about electromagne- built it himself. all of a similar fuzzy, surfer, weed- es the mainstream and the alternative tism, which is very cool. Hopefully we’ll I think if you’re a DJ who’s a music induced disposition just waiting to be genres further and further apart, leaving get to take that to some other schools, to geek, you always look at a DJ’s kit, be- labeled as “Beachwave”. And that’s not autotuned monstrosities to take over the “I’m not fucking around” sings Stevens. some science festivals next summer. cause everyone uses different stuff and counting last years Neoshoegaze, Af- charts and the Hipsters cradling their He certainly isn’t. After 5 long years, confi gures it in their own special way. ropop, Zef… Sleigh Bells and Washed Out vinyls. Sufjan fi nally returns with a more di- With DJing being such a big thing It’s really cool to see what people do. This explosion of genre labeling hasn’t Whilst I might have come across as rect and challenging full length album nowadays, hopefully it might get kids Just get pally with whatever DJ’s play- been unnoticed by the blogosphere either. somewhat disparaged by this new genre than his last, blending the orchestral more interested in physics. ing and see what he’s using, or she. It’s Satire blog Hipster Runoff allegedly in- cycle, it can’t be ignored that overall this with the electronic. Rather than focus- Yeah, it’s something a bit more relat- even cooler if it’s a girl. There’s just vented chillwave by promoting the term is a good thing for anyone with two ears sing on an abstract theme such as his able and to be honest it’s packed full of something about girl DJs. DJing is a incessantly, and one look at their now and a reasonable taste in music. Whilst previous LPs on US states or the Chi- awesome songs so they’re not gonna fall very geeky thing, you gotta spend so classic “Genre Shirt”, where real genres these names might come across as idi- nese Zodiac, Stevens’ main subject for asleep, I’m gonna be banging out the much time learning how to do it, rewir- (such as Nintendocore and Crabcore) are otic, they only serve the wider purpose this album is himself, producing a raw, tunes. ing your brain. So to see girls who actu- almost indistinguishable from fake ones of uniting bands under a theme, which emotional and altogether more force- ally put the time in to do it, it’s all the (such as Poetrygaze, and my personal fa- can possibly begin to break, and infl u- ful result than 2005’s delicate Illinois. Would you be interested in moving to- more impressive. vourite Googlewave) shows how far this ence, the mainstream (The New York Rich, compelling and complex, The Age wards television? has penetrated the indie culture. Times recently ran an article on Chill- of Adz’s lyrical and compositional intel- Defi nitely. It’s part of doing the PhD But why? What is so appealing about wave for instance). Let’s just hope they ligence allows for growing enjoyment really, to get back into the research Check out www.martinarcher.co.uk identifying music with incomprehen- pick something more suitable than Rape with every listen. community, and then to bring my two for more info on Droppin’ Science sible words? The most obvious reason is Gaze next time. - Charlotte Ridler 30 FRIDAY 22 FEBRUARY 2010 felix Film Editors: Jade Hoffman Matt Allinson Ed Knock FILM fi [email protected] Classic Cinema A return to form Fight Club for iCU Cinema

Photo by Roberto Tenace Jade Hoffman

It’s easy to underestimate the scope for fun at Imperial – other universities probably had fully operational bars during Fresher’s Week and students camping out for days or even weeks in the library are not uncommon. With this in mind, when you hear about Imperial College’s Cinema, you may very well envi- sion some shabby little screen and one lonely film geek hunched over a DVD player, but you would be wrong. Just above the newly opened FiveSixEight, the Union Concert Hall hides a 33ft screen and, with a professional 35mm projector and full Dolby Surround Sound, the iCU Cinema rivals any average Odeon or Cine- world in London. If you didn’t know this, though, you’d be He’s ruined all my fucking soap... easily forgiven. It’s been a rough few y yearsearsars I like to think that there’s a guy in the machine with a torch, projecting the film... for the CinemaSoc which, in its heyday,y, used to draw in a decent crowd and actually makemak The film starts off with a painful observation of a money – a thing that hasn’t happened in about off the remaining staff members from most of chronic insomniac-cum-office drone and his explora- six years. According to Tom Rushton, currentuurrentrrent iCU CinemaCinCinee finally the equipment in the projection booth. When tion of consequence, human psychology and violence Chief Projectionist and former Chair, it’ss been iCU Cinema informed the Union it was of- as therapeutic means to cull the antagonism of his a “downward spiral” since around 2004 and seemsms iin a goododd ficiallyfificci going “dormant” it went pretty much miserable existence. This soon leads him to seek one that showed little hope of recovery on its unnoticedununnn – with zero publicity and very little solace in the arms of various support groups as he own. position to makekkee a to publicisep in the first place, few people at pursues the crucial emotional nurture he feels he is The decline of iCU’s Cinema is a snowball- ImperialImImpp had really noticed it had existed at without, and it is here that our nameless hero meets ing of bad luck and minor mistakes. In 2008, comeback all.allal . the intriguing Marla Singer (Helena Bonham Carter). there was so little interest in the cinema“ that £50,000£ is, however, a lot of Union money to Their relationship soon progresses to a sexual peak, only four of the six posts on the committee be sspent on highly specialised equipment gath- however we are often left unsure of events as we can were actually filled and, as Freshers’ Fair ap- society. By the Spring term, nothing was show- ering dust over the concert hall and, over this only view the entirety of it through the hazy eyes of proached, the Chair for that year went AWOL, ing and the only thing they had gained was one summer, a new committee was put together. In the narrator. Bonham Carter delivers a flawless per- forgetting to inform the rest of the committee more member of staff. what seems to be the trend, the new Chair – formance as Ms. Singer, a cunning hybrid of a naïve he’d failed his exams. With two of the remain- The next academic year seemed to follow Charlotte Ivison – was forced to drop out after yet tarnished pawn who is an essential addition to ing three members present, and with four days this theme of staff drop-outs (they lost their being elected DPW, but replacing her is 2nd this male-centric film. left before Fresher’s fair, Rushton was given chair, vice-chair and treasurer” in the next Au- year physicist Chandana Shankar, who is keen The film starts to become tangible when, during the unenviable role of chairing this flagging tumn term) and building work at the Union cut to see the cinema back on its feet and enjoying a business flight, our protagonist happens to come the success of its former years. across a questionably liberal soap-salesman, Tyler Photo by Roberto Tenace Speaking to Felix about the future of iCU Durden (Brad Pitt) which eventually leads to a fist Cinema, Shankar said, “People can expect fight outside a bar. This sparks off what is soon to iCU Cinema to show recently released popu- be epically established as a Fight Club. However, lar films in a complete cinema environment at this fight club soon becomes a breeding ground for student-friendly prices.” In order to avoid the a more sinister concept known as Project Mayhem, failings of its past, the cinema is looking to which instigates random anti-capitalist acts of van- show high-demand blockbusters and organise dalism around the city before amounting to an unbe- social events to foster a stronger loyalty in its lievably cataclysmic twist. members. Pitt conveys an almost messianic performance Perhaps you have to see it to believe it, but for both on and off screen as his brutally honest yet anybody with even a vague interest in films, a violent scrutiny of conformity still reverberates in the visit to iCU Cinema is worth the £3, especially mind long after the credits have rolled. This dark as cinema ticket prices often hit upwards of comedy will hook you in and give you the ultimate £10 in most London cinemas. Despite its shaky high before leaving you to plummet to a sorry end few years, iCU Cinema finally seems in a good as you ride the avalanche of cynicism leading you to position to make a comeback. Kicking off with question the very core of your being. Unbeknownst Inception this Tuesday 26th at 6.30pm in the to you, this movie will enslave your subconscious Union Concert Hall, the resurrected iCU Cin- and wean out your darkest and uttermost visceral ema promises more films like this to follow, desires. It will leave you feeling sickened by what with Toy Story 3, Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, it has done to you as you begin to absorb the un- and The Social Network all in the pipeline. So folding of parallel themes of anarchy, duality and if you’re getting a drink at the new bar, it’d be masochism all of which run strong in David Fincher’s worth bringing it upstairs to enjoy Christopher shady tale. Nolan’s latest critically-acclaimed mindfuck, Fahmida Mannan and supporting the return of iCU Cinema in The 33ft screen is taken for a test run all its glory. felix FRIDAY 22 FEBRUARY 2010 31 FILM Between a rock and a hard place – the battle for the Chilean Miner story rights

The live feed of the Chilean miners’ ing the whole stuck-down-a-mine thing rescue on the 13th October 2010 had it as an allegory for his own metaphorical all: drama, suspense, and plenty of filler shafting. from the reporters on scene who were Or we could run with The Expenda- trying to occupy the long pauses be- bles, a blockbuster action film starring tween anything actually happening in a stellar cast of unnamed Chinese min- San José de Copiapó. In this, a frequent ers who become trapped in a mine and theme was what would happen to the are ignored by the authorities and world miners once brought to the surface and press. much speculation as to the possibility To follow current trend, surely many of a film being made of the story. Ever would support a High School Musical sensitive to incidents of peril, the Felix 4: Apprenticeship In Poorly Con- office and its film writers have put to- structed Mine simply as an excuse to gether several theories as to what kind bury that floppy-haired knobber Zac of outcomes we might be able to expect Efron and his friends. Cameras optional. from a dramatization of their sixty-nine Already looking like a dodgy Big Brother spin-off - the Chilean miners prepare for fame Also, might as well stick the Glee cast day ordeal. down there (ooh - controversial). Set down a dark, damp mine away The story might also get offered to from civilisation immediately creates are subjected to the kinds of psychologi- crew could create a beautiful story about Del Toro as two bad motherfuckers who James Cameron who could be asked the perfect atmosphere for a film in the cal thriller tricks only Shyamalan is able thirty-three trapped animals/toys/any are caught when the impossibly convo- to direct Avator-ture a four-hour, horror horror or thriller genre. This could well to pull of – like clicking noises or red object with a face drawn on overcoming luted storyline collapses and must find film where Cameron is asked to make a be the next title on the increasingly shit paint on doors. Mental. their differences and believing in them- the opening of the film. There are also film for less than $50 million, and then filmography for M. Night Shyamalan Perhaps, though, to lessen the trauma selves. Possible titles include Miners’ snakes in the mine. gets trounced in the Academy Awards whose penchant for twist-endings and of the whole thing, a nice family-friend- Inc. or Down. A director who is no stranger to sto- by his ex-wife. often supernatural goings on could eas- ly plot could be readily taken up by If that’s too lame for you, you can ries of people stuck between a rock and Failing all of these, it’s been a while ily be recreated down the Chilean mine. the undefeatable Pixar Studios. Using always rely on Quentin Tarantino to a hard place is neurotic New Yorker since we’ve had a new hip-hopera from In this, we see the thiry-three miners their mandatory anthropomorphism and direct some stylish grindhouse flick Woody Allen who could easily fill sev- R. Kelly and Trapped in the Mine might growing increasingly paranoid as they animated charm, John Lasseter and his starring Samuel L. Jackson and Benicio eral hours of nervous self-analysis, see- be the thing to bring it all back. Cynics beware: Julia Roberts’ Eat Pray Love

Eat Pray Love once again left alone, bored and unen- to be away from complications, to lib- thusiastic about life. She needs a change erate herself, but it appears she needs a Director Ryan Murphy of scenery, and being a travel writer, she man after all to keep her happy. Screenwriter Ryan Murphy, Jennifer Salt, Elizabeth Gilbert decides to take an entire year out to do It’s hard to adapt a book that relies Cast Julia Roberts, James Franco, some effective soul-searching. heavily on internal monologue. Eat Javier Bardem, Richard Jenkins Before we are able to see Julia Roberts Pray Love is based on an enormously going on the rather expensive-looking popular bestseller written by Elizabeth John Park trip, however, the film needs to establish Gilbert whose autobiography was an that Liz is leading a miserable existence. instant hit for the readers and, despite If you happen to have an ounce of cyni- This is where the casting of Roberts re- the excessive use of voiceovers, the cism in your body, avoid this like the ally pays off. Roberts, being the inter- film fails to show any depth relating to plague, because for the cynics amongst national superstar that she is, does not this woman’s year-long journey. It has a you, Eat Pray Love will no doubt be the disappoint, with her subtle glances of lengthy running time, but spends very most self-indulgent film you will see all sadness and vulnerability setting an ef- The classic teenage-girl webcam shot is aptly recreated in Östland’s film little bit of it explaining to us just how year. But for those who are truly roman- fective tone at the beginning of the film. some of the events occur. The disjointed tics at heart, one woman’s pretty look- She has spent years worrying about her your tummy growl as Roberts finds a The friendship between the two is often feel is partly the editor’s fault, but the ing journey across the colourful globe future, and now she needs fun. brief moment of true happiness with that humourous as well as deeply moving, careless script should share the blame. to find the meaning of life, searching for And it’s a timeout to die for. In Rome plate of spaghetti. and a lot of credit should go to Jenkins. She’s praying. What about? She con- a true connection, will be something to she decides to stop worrying about Then she’s off to India, where she Good-looking men surround Gil- nects with God. How? She finds Bal- marvel at. Is she brave for venturing out gaining weight. She’s in Italy, there are stays in a Hindu temple, finding peace, bert in Bali. She almost hooks up with ance. Again, how? The soul-searching; into the world, following her dreams? sumptuous dishes of pizza and pasta and praying, connecting with God. But being a much younger man, but the one that did she succeed? Was Felipe it? The Or is she simply deluding herself into a she is not about to let a few pounds stop new to all of this, it’s not easy to sit still, threatens to steal her heart is the conven- calm, soothing voice of Roberts, along materialistic journey? Are the problems her from enjoying the endless amount pause, and meditate for hours and hours. iently divorced Felipe (Javier Bardem), with some philosophical elements try to in her life that serious? of fantastic food that is on offer. There’s She meets a friendly old man from whose business apparently lets him be give clever answers to the many ques- Liz (Julia Roberts) is a middle-aged a particularly memorable scene where Texas, Richard (Richard Jenkins), who wherever he wants to be (his words). So tions that have been raised. But because woman going through a divorce after Roberts tucks into a rather simple look- helps her get rid of the burdens that are the audience is confused later, when he director Ryan Murphy is so focused on disastrous years of trying to make her ing spaghetti pomodoro, which in fact, pressing down on her shoulders. Jenkins also goes on to say that his business is showing the beautiful, breathtaking as- marriage work and is looking for some turns out to be amazing. Accompanied provides the only stand-out supporting in Bali, so he cannot leave with Gilbert pect of her adventure, all that Eat Pray sort of consolation from a much younger by “Der Hölle Rache,” the famous performance and in one intimate scene when she eventually plans to. Other than Love boils down to is nothing but a shal- man (James Franco). But the love affair Queen of the Night aria from Mozart’s that is handled perfectly by the actor, his that slight hiccup, Felipe seems to be the low travelogue with a fantastic leading is cooling off significantly, and she is The Magic Flute, the scene will make monologue will tug at the heartstrings. perfect man for her. Gilbert took this trip actress but not much else. 32 Friday 22 October 2010 FELIX

Fashion Editor: Saskia Verhagen

FASHION [email protected] Student Street Style Keeping winter cosy Felix has a try-on of the very best of this season’s high- street offerings of the essential winter coat

Jennifer Smith Duffel Military Coats are an absolute staple for the coming winter months. As long, dreamy days in the park give way to cold, dark nights with no more than street lamps to brighten up your day, at least fashion can provide a eclectic mix of win- ter warmers to keep the chill at bay. The range of coats on the high street currently appears to be never-ending so you're certainly sure to fi nd a style, shape and fabric to suit you.

Aviator

Gaby, Year 4, Medicine Already channelling next season, Gaby has nailed both the rock’n’roll and sheer layering trends here in one fell swoop. All this, topped off with the most fantastic belt, which she informed me cost £5 from a charity shop. A great transitional look. Topshop, £78 Combining the military vibe with femi- mine bow detailing, this great coat Diary of a Shopaholic Miss Selfridge, £50 can be worn with just about anything. The duffel coat epitomises winter warmth and this navy blue version Blackout II from Miss Selfridge is a mark of clas- sic winter style. With its contrasting 51 Endell Street, Covent Garden, So girls, coats: fi nd a shape and colour to fl at- red lining and rouched shoulder de- ter you. As with every item of clothing, what Topshop, £78 tail, team it with grey skinny jeans WC2H 9AJ looks great on her may not look great on you. The most lusted-after jacket from for a warm, stylish twist on a winter Think of your wardrobe and match your coat to Burberry Prorsum’s A/W 2010 line staple – perfect for snuggling round suit your existing clothes and most importantly is fi nally accessible to mere mortals. a campfi re to watch the fi reworks! your lifestyle. After all, a good coat is a good investment.

This little-known Aladdin’s cave of women’s vintage Karl Lagerfeld vs. Yves Saint Laurent: The glamour is hidden on Endell Street in Covent Gar- den. Set up almost 20 years ago, it is fi lled to the brim with clothes, accessories and lingerie from the Beautiful Fall of fashion’s titans BOOK REVIEW 1920s until the 1980s for dressing up and looking fabulous. Each piece is dated, making the experi- ence both fashionable and educational; and the ar- Gabriella Yongue their personal demons to create sarto- both were shown to be brilliant but with ray of earrings, necklaces and brooches are begging rial masterpieces that would embody a their own fl aws; I found myself warm- to add that unique touch to any outfi t. It is the place Fashion is often perceived as superfi cial quickly changing world full of parties, ing to both, despite their eccentricities. to follow this season’s 1950s revival and channel and shallow, and is often mocked by the rebellion and globalization. Despite the book’s focus on the two, the 70s next season and, as each piece is a one-off, general public (think Ugly Betty and Other reviews comment about the character leaving the largest mark no one else will ever have the same thing. This best The Devil Wears Prada). For this rea- how YSL comes out on top in this was Karl Lagerfeld’s muse, Jacques de thing about the store is that you can hire as well as son, I found Alicia Drake’s account of book as the tormented artist that, Bascher. His lavish lifestyle and the aes- buy, making it the grandmother’s wardrobe you wish the turbulent journey of the fashions two like a magnet, attracted fashion’s thetic obsession which led to his self- you could raid. Last time I was in there I spied an greatest rivals, Yves Saint Laurent and elite, whilst Karl Lagerfeld as a destruction inspired the title: “Cadent amazing 1950s full length red ball gown, remenis- Karl Lagerfeld into stardom, refresh- struggling couturier who was unable comes from the Latin cadere, which cent of Jessica Rabbit, for £120. Exqusite pieces ingly honest and insightful. Beauti- to create his own style and means to fall. Decadent is something and affordable prices make it an essential addition fully written and well-researched, the so turned his hand very different, it’s the beautiful way to to your little black book of London fashion. book describes the lives of these two to prêt-a-porter. fall. It can be kind of self-killing in a artistic geniuses who had to battle with However, I think beautiful way, a tragic way.” FELIX Friday 22 October 2010 33 FASHION Welcome to London Fashion Editor Saskia Verhagen lets rip at the most irritating of London’s fashion stereotypes: boys in tight trousers and army boots, girls in Uggs and gilets beware!

ondon is a quintessential originality, using every sartorial tool Paris you have the right bank, and the For those who are strangers to Lon- them – heaven forbid! – just be armed fashion capital. Though we in the box to illustrate exactly who we left. New York: uptown and downtown. don, I will seek to elucidate the signa- with the knowledge that they both exist, don’t have the edgy cool are, consciously or not. What we have, In London we have sartorial subsets tures of two of our most ubiquitous fash- in various degrees of extremity, and you of New York, the elegant unique to London, are more distinctive that range from Chelsea to Camden, ion sets: Chelsea and Hoxton. The point have my permission to sniff smugly at chic of Paris or the classic fashion districts than you can Shoreditch to Shepherd’s Bush, Por- is not to identify yourself their generic conformism: a crime that luxuryL of Milan, we have quirkiness shake a stick at. In tobello to Primrose Hill. with either of a true London fashionista would never and an extraordinary propensity to seek commit. CHELSEA HOXTON

Commonly known as Sloanes, after the Welcome to East London. A land where Chelsea hub of Sloane Square, this lot, individualism has run so rampant that with their Ugg boots and Barbour jackets it has managed to blur itself into a sea in tow, have managed to disperse them- of hipsters bound by their rejection of selves up and down the country, which all things mainstream. is fairly unfortunate for the rest of us. The look: a better journalist than The look: Inspired by the greener I once said that hipsterism “fetish- pastures outside of the M25, this ises the authentic” elements of the is what happens when the middle “fringe movements of the post-war classes of the Home Counties era – beat, hippie, punk, grunge and move to London. regurgitates it with a winking inau- The girls: She seemingly thenticity” – harsh words. All fash- hasn’t quite gotten over the ion is some kind of regurgitation loss of her pony and so tries and the London brand of hipster to emulate that muddy, just tries too bloody hard. blustered look of a long The girls: androgynous haircut, day of dressage with mat- fl oral minidress, grandma’s old ted hair (it’s actually high- cardi, ripped tights, plus/minus lighted by a very expen- American Apparel accessories and sive hairdresser in Mayfair, non-prescription thick-rimmed and has had that messiness glasses. She is usually dragging carefully created by a well- on a cigarette whose brand you’ve refi ned blend of various sprays, never heard of. They’re foreign, ap- lotions and potions) and smudged eye- parently. She loathes to admit that liner. The daily uniform is tights, Uggs, mummy and daddy are actually the denim and a jumper emblazoned with owners of her Hoxton studio fl at and either their school or sport of choice. that though she pulls pints at the local, Worse specimens wear pyjama bottoms, her allowance drops in on the fi rst of and favour a Puffa gilet to the more tra- every month. ditional coat in the winter months. Don’t The boys: The classic white-boy forget the pashmina. afro. You know what I’m talking about. The boys: Flip-fl ops, whatever the Trousers perpetually tucked into boots. weather, is a classic hallmark. Combine His jumpers are too small and he wears these with a wardrobe composed of Jack woolly hats on sunny days and sunglass- Wills and Abercrombie/Hollister. His es in the rain. He also got thrush once collar is always turned up and contrary from wearing his trousers too tight. to his true country counterpart, his hair Where to fi nd them: Hanging out at is long and side-swept; a true coun- the grungiest bars of Dalston and Stoke try bumpkin keeps his hair short and Newington – Hoxton is too darn main- functional, not needing to run his hand stream now you see, those pesky fi nance through it every 5 minutes, to maintain types are cramping their style and the that perfect side parting. rent and drinks prices have suddenly Where to fi nd them: Listen out for shot up. Check out The Moustache Bar shouts of “Arabella!” or “Tarquin!” and Dalston Superstore – at the very outside any of Mahiki, Boujis or The least, the booze is pretty cheap. Brompton Club. What happens when they grow What happens when they grow up? up? They get a normal job. Something Nothing good. David Cameron and Kate sickeningly conformist like advertising Middleton. I know. or PR. 34 Friday 22 October 2010 FELIX

Games Editor: Simon Worthington

GAMES [email protected] Web Games Graphic survival horror: Each week we’re going to bring you a selection of fresh, free and fun web games that you can play right away in your browser. Unless otherwise specified, you’re going to need the Adobe Flash Player plug-in the forgotten genre which can be installed from http://get.adobe.com/ flashplayer/. Amnesia: The Dark Descent will give you the willies Moby Dick mostrogames.com/games/mobydick.html Laurence Pope Amnesia: The Dark Descent is a graphic adven- ture survival horror game that had me swap- ping out trousers on a regular basis, and I shall endeavour to convey why this little-known gem is so worthy of attention. First though, a little introduction to Frictional Games, and the current state of the survival horror genre. Frictional Games is a small independent video game company based in Helsingborg, Sweden (don’t feel you have to look it up on the map). The company’s only other product is a three-part series called Penumbra, which is... well, it’s another graphic adventure survival Despite the developer admitting that this game horror series, but so what? Frictional Games is what happens “when you make a game from pulled off the genre so well in Penumbra that a book you have never read”, this 2D whale it was only logical that they should create a munch-fest is surprisingly true to the original different game based on the same genre, only text. Players must control the titular white whale this time using an advanced version of their using the mouse, and have to destroy as many own HPL game engine (named after the ini- “Amnesia seriously them, or as is more often, when they fi nd you. boats and munch on as many fish (and sailors) tials of H. P. Lovecraft, from whom Frictional What do you do? You run and hide. In my fi rst as they can without running out of air or health. Games draw a lot of inspiration). Don’t worry messes with your mind” encounter I tried to run past the baddie only to Sailors will bombard you with arrows and nets, if you haven’t heard about any of this before – I be swiped in the head and knocked to the fl oor. and later bigger ships will arrive and fire can- hadn’t either, until I stumbled upon the Penum- Second time around I ran into a room, closed nonballs at you. bra series a few months back. called Alexander, who’s hiding in the depths of the door and hid in a cupboard as the game Most modern survival horror titles “ have a the castle. Notes throughout the game add to suggested just before the monster burst into the As you blitz your way through the ocean it’s easy problem, a problem the big video game com- the story, revealing more about Daniel’s past, room. I even peeked out once or twice to see to overlook how pretty the game looks – there’s panies aren’t fi xing. In a word (or fi ve), they’re but towards the end these snippets of text grow him rooting about. By the time I climbed out clearly been a lot of attention to detail. It’s also just not scary anymore. Take for example an old more confusing rather than intriguing and it of- the closet again my heart was thumping like a got the quality of being ‘easy to pick up, diffi- favourite of mine: Dead Space. If you haven’t ten requires a second playthrough for it to make darn drum. cult to master’, so there’s plenty of gameplay to heard of it (shame on you!), it is in essence a some sort of sense (which I’d recommend, if Light is also another focal point – after all, keep coming back to. third-person survival horror game set aboard a only to listen to the developer’s commentary). there’s not much of it. Stay in the darkness for giant space ship, where you play as a plucky The game is set in the 19th” century, and as too long, or see too many monsters or disturb- space engineer fi ghting off the horribly mutated such there’s no high-tech weaponry – in fact, ing visions and your sanity will drain, repre- remnants of the ship’s crew. Now don’t get me there is no weaponry at all. You have yourself, sented by a decaying brain in your inventory Bunny Flags wrong, Dead Space, along with other survival a lantern, and the ability to run and hide like menu. The effect of low sanity will cause your tinyurl.com/bunnyflags horrors out there, is fun – just not that scary. a scared child. Frictional Games realises that screen to blur as if you dropped your glasses Sure, they’ll make you jump in your seat, but I for a survival horror game to be tense, you ac- or lost your contacts which does begin to ir- could name a lot of things that make me jump tually have to feel like you’re surviving, and ritate towards the end (though you can become that aren’t considered scary – my cat, for exam- barely, not just strolling about the levels like sane again by completing the game’s puzzles). ple. With the slew of fi erce-looking weapons you’re a T-1000. There’s no direct health bar in Luckily you have a portable lantern at your most survival horrors throw at you, gameplay Amnesia, but opening up the inventory gives disposal as well as tinderboxes to light up devolves from a tense horror-fi lled nightmare you some idea of what state you’re in: either static stuff such as candles and wall-mounted to an elaborate monster shooting gallery. It’s ‘Healthy’, ‘Cuts and Bruises’, or ‘On Death’s torches. Both are limited resources but both fun, but it’s like ordering a banana split and Door’. can be found with a little careful searching. receiving a fi llet steak – I like fi llet steak, and That is, if you can fi nd any of the monsters Be warned, though: light acts like a homing I’ll eat it, but I would have much preferred my to lose health from. Again, Frictional Games beacon for monsters trailing you. Bringing up banana-based dessert. realises that everyone has different fears – a my lantern in a shadowy corner by mistake and Amnesia: The Dark Descent delivers the tarantula can either be a worst nightmare or an promptly being slashed to death was a mistake metaphorical banana split. You play as some adorable pet. Amnesia seriously messes with I never made again. In this defend-and-shoot game, you control an eye- poor sap called Daniel who wakes up in a large your mind: footsteps can be heard above and I could go on about the physics engine, but patched rabbit commando defending his flag (and, medieval castle with no idea what’s going on behind you, you hear the cries of slavering really all I’ll say is that it’s wonderfully immer- indeed, himself) from hostile enemies. Quite why the – you could say he has amnesia. Luckily, Dan- beasts that never materialise, at some points sive with the ability to rotate and move objects enemies are disembodied fingers and all the action iel was smart enough to write notes for him- your screen will distort, screams will be heard around quite naturally. If you enjoy survival is played out amongst giant books and mugs of cof- self which are scattered around the castle and and suspicious red fl uid will dribble from the horror, you really owe it to yourself to try Am- fee is not easy to discern, but the mixture of tower along with fl ashbacks at certain locations in the walls, but each and every time an enemy will nesia out. If you’ve not played much survival defence and top-down shooter is a good one. castle, serve to advance the plot. For the fi rst fail to appear. Yet you will always keep a watch horror before, watch out – most other games few minutes you’ll have no idea why you’re behind you, always fearing something will pop will feel lacklustre compared to it after comple- The shooting aspect helps take the tedium out of there, or what you’re meant to do. However, the out and require you to change your underwear. tion. If you play with headphones, and play at waiting for enemies to reach your towers – a common fi rst note you fi nd soon puts you on track. It’s The phrase ‘less is more’ springs irresistibly to night (as is highly recommended by myself and problem in tower defence games – and the presence revealed that Daniel induced his own amnesia mind. Frictional) you’ll start forgetting it’s a game of towers provides a refreshing strategic element. by drinking some sort of potion, and his former The crowning feature of Amnesia is how and you’ll truly be immersed in the disturbing self instructs him to fi nd and murder an old guy you deal with baddies when you do fi nally fi nd world of Amnesia. FELIX Friday 22 October 2010 35 GAMES Another chronic Sonic failure Matt Colvin and Simon Worthington attempt to enjoy Sonic The Hedgehog 4

oor Sonic has been having a bit of a you to bumble innocently into them. Bottom- rough time recently. Despite Mario less life-draining pits are also shamefully un- and Luigi continuing their Godfa- marked so it’s impossible to know when you ther-esque dominance over pretty fall if you’re falling to your doom or not. Sonic much any market they lay their The Hedgehog 4 is now a game of memory and Peyes upon, their spiky blue hedgehog nemesis chance, not of skill. The only way to become an has enjoyed some high-profi le, big-budget re- expert is to simply play the levels enough times leases. However with a menagerie of arbitrary until you know exactly what lies ahead. This is supporting characters, a silly oversized sword intrinsically not what the original Sonic series and a transformation into a credulity-stretching was all about. It’s undeniable that there was al- ‘werehog’, to name but a few ‘major innova- ways some trial-and-error associated with the tions’ to the franchise, it’s no surprise that re- early games, but not nearly on the same magni- cent instalments have failed to make the dash tude as is present here. to success. This is brought sharply into focus during the With SEGA all but ready to give up the game, fi nal boss battle, taking place on Dr. Eggman’s they initiated the enigmatic ‘Project Needle- space station. After an epic battle which un- mouse’: an attempt to recapture the winning necessarily includes all of the earlier bosses, formula of previous Sonic titles that the once- with mere seconds left on the timer and with loyal fan base yearned for. With promises of a the fi nal, defi nitive blow landed on the robot genuine continuation of the original storyline mecha, the fl oor beings to crumble beneath the and a return to classic side-scrolling Sonic, the hedgehog and he falls, almost predictably, to ‘project’ became what we now see before us as his doom. No explanation. No indication that Sonic The Hedgehog 4. this was going to happen. Eventually we had to On the surface it seems SEGA have at least text 118118 to even work out what the hell was been partially successful. Even if you’ve never going on, and it was helpfully divulged that un- encountered Sonic before it’s hard not to be less you are standing in a completely arbitrary charmed by the introductory “SEGAAAA” yell point on the screen so you can see where the and the cute and very retro menus. The fi rst lev- boss lands to bonk him on the head, you die. No el will bring a smile to your face with the thrill skill, just memory and chance. All this could of sending the spinning blue hedgehog hurtling even have been avoided if the camera didn’t down hills, up pipes and along helix-shaped suck so badly, as it never zooms out to show bridges. The obligatory ‘ancient pyramid’, ‘un- changes to the overall format, have blindly the boss, enemy or anything else that players derwater’ and ‘steam power gone wrong’ levels followed the cries of the masses and literally desperately need to see. make the style feel a little dated but the graph- regressed back to the beginning. Levels are in- Initially, Sonic 4 certainly is fun for casual ics and music are pleasant enough and there is stantly recognisable as carbon-copies of stages gamers, as zooming Sonic around all over the some genuinely decent platforming fun to be from Sonic 1, 2 and 3 and Sonic and Knuckles. place is enjoyable and some of the later plat- had. Breaks from the usual mechanics can also Textures, enemies and even boss levels, al- forming is genuinely good. Despite this it’s be found in mine cart and boulder balancing though now presented in eyeball-popping high simply not long enough (weighing in at about sections, but these are used too sparingly to be defi nition, have been simply copy-pasted into fi ve or six hours to get to the last level) and anything more than a gimmick. the game with just a light brushing of visual is far too infuriating to warrant the hefty price Eventually though, casual players will be- makeup. The only indication that there’s been tag. More ‘episodes’ are also planned so to get come frustrated by Sonic’s broken level design almost twenty years of ‘progress’ since Sonic the full experience SEGA will be expecting and steep diffi culty curve. It doesn’t take long and Knuckles is the homing attack, a kind of players to shell out more of their cash. for you to fall into one of the almost malicious- auto-pilot that homes the blue fuzzball in on As for the fans, SEGA have given them the ly placed spike walls or to become stuck in a pit springs and enemies. Even this is a pain to use exact opposite of what they want. Sonic The with no immediate or intuitive form of escape. as it’s never quite clear why or when an enemy Hedgehog 4 has the platforming and graphics Sonic himself is painfully and lethargically is or isn’t a target. Everything is recycled and of the original series combined together with slow until he’s reached his top speeds which for fans there’s no challenge in giant walking the faulty design principles of the ‘new’ Sonic makes the game bringing you to a complete robots or fi reball-shooting chameleons because games. What players actually want to see is full stop all the more fl ow-disrupting. Although they’ve all been seen before, and crucially, original and new storylines, game modes and tolerable for some of the early ‘Splash Hill’ or done so much better. graphics that follow the classic Sonic design ‘Casino Street’ levels, anything later than this What changes there have been to the core run, philosophy. Fans want a fresh experience that will cause even a well-adjusted player to throw jump and spin will not be appreciated. Instead still feels like good ol’ Sonic, not a rehash of their controller to the ground in frustration. of game design that rewards the player’s skill games from the ‘glory days’ that they’ve all It’s inherently obvious that this game was not with speed and rings, spike walls and enemies played before. It’s a true disappointment that designed for casual players. There’s no tutorial lie at random around every corner waiting for Sonic 4 simply doesn’t live up to either the so anyone not already familiar with Sonic has hype or the expectation placed upon it, and one to look up the controls and despite promises of “Fans want a fresh can only hope that there’s enough time between a new storyline there is simply no plot to be now and Sonic The Hedgehog 4: Episode 2 for found. Nostalgic Sonic veterans will be wooed experience that still feels SEGA to fully understand the mistakes in what by the presence of the original two-tone check- they’ve produced. erboard textures and side-scrolling gameplay, like good ol’ Sonic, not and it becomes excruciatingly clear that this Sonic The Hedgehog 4: Episode 1 is out game was designed, drawn and developed ex- a rehash that they’ve all now on PSN, Xbox Live Arcade, WiiWare clusively for the fans of the original series. played before.” and iOS. Prices vary according to plat- SEGA however, instead of making tentative “ ”form. 36 Friday 22 October 2010 FELIX

Food Editor: Dana Li

FOOD [email protected] Your review Home-made Hummus! Lawrie Armstrong says: Flickr/caitysparkles Victoria Brzezinski Never judge a book by its cover. Shilpa looks The humble chickpea makes up one of the rather unassuming most delicious things in the world – hummus. from outside but don’t There’s just something about it that’s good be deceived. This is for the soul, especially when it’s my favourite the best Indian res- home-made recipe (as featured below), not the taurant I’ve been to in pseudo-hummus stuff you fi nd parading about London since moving up in 2006. Specialising in the supermarket. This Middle Eastern delight South Indian and Keralan cuisine, Shilpa has a vast has a certain je ne sais quoi about it that un- selection from very tasty appetisers to complex and deniably puts you in a ‘FREE HUGS’ sort of delicious curries. You MUST try it! mood. Share your favourite restaurant or cafe in 80-100 It just so happens that there’s a bit of science words with us, send it to [email protected] behind this: hummus is pretty much the new Prozac. Chickpeas are high in tryptophan, an amino acid which is a vital building block of the neurotransmitter serotonin (aka 5-hydroxy- tryptamine). Modern biochemistry and psychi- atry show a strong correlation between lack of ter a couple of times and playing with a blender. tablespoon of baking soda. The following day Bailey’s Choc. Cheesecake serotonin and mood disorders such as anxiety You will need wash them and soak again in fresh water for and depression. Nowadays, the lack of sero- a couple more hours. At this point the grains tonin is treated with SSRIs (Selective Serotonin - 1 cup of dried chickpeas (never, ever use should have absorbed most of the water and Reuptake Inhibitors), all the big names in the tinned chickpeas – they are completely dev- doubled in volume. anti-depressant market like Prozac, Seroxat and astating in terms of the fl avour and nutritional Cipralex which work by increasing the amount value of your hummus – and make sure you 2 – Wash the chickpeas thoroughly and place of serotonin in the brain. A tryptophan-rich diet buy the smallest dried ones you can fi nd, I rec- in a large saucepan. Cover with water, add has a similar effect, and quelle surprise! – the ommend any of the many grocers’ on North an 1/8 of a teaspoon of baking soda and NO chickpea species has the highest tryptophan End Road, the type you want is called ‘desi’) salt. Simmer for an hour or so, and switch the content of its genus. Nutritionally, hummus is - 1/2 cup tahini (this is sesame seed paste) water half-way through cooking. Remove the also a bit of a diamond. It’s full of fatty acids - the juice of 1 squeezed lemon peels and foam which fl oat to the surface. Your like Omega-3, lots of important minerals and - 1 or 2 garlic cloves (depending on your per- chickpeas should now be very easily smushed is high in protein and complex carbohydrates. sonal taste) between two fi ngers. Sieve the grains and re- Plus the Glycemic Index of hummus is really - 1/2 teaspoon cumin serve the cooking water. low so it keeps you fuller for longer. - 1 tablespoon + 1/8 teaspoon baking soda (if If you’ve not tried home-made hummus be- you don’t use this your chickpeas will never 3 – Put the chickpeas into a food processor and fore, I guarantee it will change your life. I found soften) whiz them up. Leave them to chill in the fridge. a delightful little statistic claiming the average - salt Israeli eats 10kg of hummus a year – impres- 4 – Add the remaining ingredients and whiz sive, sure, but I hope to beat that. Now I know Now let’s make some hummus! again until you get the desired texture. If it’s Warning: Your cheesecake may not look this good the whole hummus process below looks pretty looking a bit too thick, add some of the cook- arduous but you’re actually looking at about 1 – Wash the dried chickpeas until the water ing water. Voila! Perfect hummus. I serve max. 20 minutes work, mainly changing the wa- runs clear. Soak overnight in clean water with a mine with a drizzle of good olive oil and some 100g butter chopped parsley. Viva la hummus revolution! 250g crushed digestive biscuits 600g Philadelphia cream cheese 1 mini shot of Baileys 100ml icing sugar 300ml whipped double cream Jamie’s US mission comes to a close 100g grated chocolate

To garnish Charles Betts tragically affl icts all too many a canteen. does not detract from the key objective of high- The local radio show host shows an equally lighting how entrenched in society shoddy eat- 200ml whipped double cream Channel 4 aired the fi nale of Jamie Oliver’s narrow-minded attitude, hollering “we don’t ing has become not only for children, but adults cocoa powder, to dust American Food Revolution on Monday night, a want to sit around and eat lettuce all day!” The too. Whilst the X-factor places tears, Simon six episode TV series that documents the Naked chef dryly states that he “thought there were Cowell’s teeth, and Wagner before music, Ja- Melt the butter and add the crushed digestive bis- Chef’s attempts to reform the eating habits of only miserable bastards like that in England.” mie’s food revolution manages to consistently cuits. Mix well until the biscuits have absorbed all Huntington, West Virginia. The city has recent- Fortunately, the US social inclination to avoid keep good, honest food as its central heroine. the butter. ly been identifi ed as the US’s unhealthiest by embarrassment at all costs soon kicks in and Jamie has spent the last few years changing the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. the community gradually responds to Jamie’s the way we perceive food. Back in 2005 he ran Remove from the heat and press into the bottom of Jamie sets out to work with the school kitch- pleas. He obtains tens of thousands of dollars the kitchen meals for a UK school for a year, a lined 18cm/7in springform tin. Place in the refrig- ens and the community to help people eat bet- from the local hospital boss to keep the scheme beginning a campaign to improve the standard erator and allow to set for one hour. ter. A highly noble pursuit. Yet from the off he going, the school food supplier pledges a year’s of Britain’s school meals. He’s now sowed the is persistently confronted by incredulous cooks free produce, and a thousand people partake in seeds for a similar reform in the US, although Meanwhile, prepare the fi lling. Lightly whip the and administrators, who react venomously his cookathon – including the Governor – dis- one gets the impression that the chances of cream cheese then add the Bailey’s and icing sugar. to the Essex boy telling them what they do is covering in the process how easy good, healthy the revolution having any lasting impact on Fold in the whipped cream and grated chocolate. wrong. One cook gets all ruffl ed when he calls food can be to make and prepare. Huntington’s eating habits are as faint as Nick When smooth, spoon evenly onto the biscuits. her a lunch lady. And yet all she does is to por- The show does of course suffer from all the Clegg’s spine. But for anyone who genuinely tray that stereotype perfectly by resisting any usual reality TV drivel, X-factor style (but with cares about their health and the joys of eating, Refrigerate and allow to set for two hours. Decorate positive change to her hijacked work routine. far fewer lights and dramatic music), though this show is a real eye-opener. with whipped cream and cocoa powder dusted over She goes on to state that she does her job only this does make it exceptionally watchable. Cru- Amazingly, at the local high school the kids the top. Serve. for the money, and fails to see what’s wrong cially, the sight of seeing Jamie blubbing fi ve queue up for Jamie’s spaghetti sauce, and ditch with serving poor, bland food – a problem that times an episode like some sort of leaking tap the chips. OPENS MONDAY 18 OCTOBER

The Union’s brand new bar serving great food and drink from midday until late.

Autumn Elections 2010

Stand for a Union position and help to shape the future of your Students’ Union, through Policy, Entertainment, or Welfare Campaigns. Meet the candidates.Stand! Nominations close 17 October 23:59 imperialcollegeunion.org/elections 38 Friday 22 October 2010 FELIX

Travel Editor: Dylan Lowe Chris Richardson TRAVEL [email protected] Wishing You Were Here One tasty-looking trek Two Imperial graduates talk to Felix about plans to walk the entire length of New Zealand, on the Te Araroa trail

ew Zealand. For a land-of-the- long-white-cloud the size of United Kingdom, which se- cludes itself in the south-eastern corner of the world map, and Nhouses a population of sheep outnumbering that of humans by 15:1, it boasts an uncanny amount of eccentrics and their heroic – yet in- sane – antics. Edmund Hilary, whose ascent would later earn him a knighthood, honed his mountain- eering skills in the Southern Alps of New Zea- land’s South Island. A J Hackett, better known as the ‘father of bungy jumping’, performed his fi rst jump from Greenhithe Bridge, Auckland, and commercialised his ‘insanity’ on Kawarau Bridge, Queenstown. Meanwhile, James Liv- ingston and his mates sailed a pub and gallons of Speights – brand of a New Zealand beer with proud heritage – from Dunedin to London to Cape Reinga by Alexander Ford quench the thirst of their homesick compatriots. Even having lived amongst the extraordi- naires, with their ambitious yet seemingly lu- Want to see your travel photograph featured here? dicrous (depending on perspective, clearly) Send it to [email protected]. schemes still strikes me with much fascination. Zealand. After I started looking at walking New though it’s not on the trail but it’s worth the day So when two Imperial graduates approached Zealand I found that there was a track that went walk each way. There will defi nitely be a load me with their grand plan I could only admire the whole way, the Te Araroa trail.” of places that we will want to go once we hear and utter an obligatory “sweet as”. With just less than a month to go, prepara- about them; we aren’t planning which hotspots Travel Blog of the Week Alexander ‘Anders’ Ford and Landey Patton, tions for the trek have been underway. Already to visit as we are fairly impulsive and would Landey and Anders have set up a website, rather take a locals’ word over a travel guide.” TastyTrek.com, which details the route, re- With hundreds casting away their student “I’d rather not go search resources and equipment lists. It also status and exiting the Royal Albert Hall on features a rather slick tracking system: an inter- Wednesday to commence a new chapter of their straight into a high pay- active map that will show their current location lives, there will be no shortages of graduates and display relevant blog posts. rushing into the job scenes and beginning their ing corporate job and But how prepared are they? ascent on the career ladder. Anders and Landey, Who: Travel With A Mate was co-founded by Brits Anders has adopted a confi dent attitude and however, have an approach unlike that of many Matt and Deborah Preston. never see outside your minimal planning. Landey, however, has mixed rat-race competitive Imperial graduates. About: The website is cemented by a strong sense feelings. “Don’t think that as a graduate you need to of community – travel bloggers are encouraged to offi ce window” “Excited, confi dent and a little nervous; not get a job with any of the companies from any showcase their travels and writing through interviews necessarily about getting lost or anything, as of the careers fairs, you don’t,” Anders advised. and guest posts. Reviews, travel advice, tips and who have completed a degree in material sci- we are giving ourselves leeway to take it slow “You can do anything you want, go anywhere location guides are amongst the many things Travel ence and geology respectively, will attempt to at the beginning and time to chill if we need you want. What you have achieved by graduat- With A Mate offer traverse the Te Araroa Trail, a 3030km track to. I’m a little nervous that walking everyday ing from Imperial will stick with you for a long Why: The concept of actively inviting guest writers that will take them from the northernmost point will get dull or monotonous but provided one time. is truly alluring and infi nitely benefi cial to any novice of New Zealand, Cape Reinga, to Bluff, its of us doesn’t break a leg or get savagely sick or “On a piece of paper – i.e. your CV – you travel blogger who would like to gain exposure. southernmost tip. Along with Anders’ brother something well defi nitely do it.” are no different to the other 300 students who The interviews don’t only leave you inspired by Damienmarc, they intend to set off in mid- The landscape in New Zealand may be majes- graduated with you. Employers want to see the colourful anecdotes, they also broaden your November, aiming to complete the trek by the tic but the challenges the terrain poses simply what you are like. Going out and exploring the acquaintance with individuals of the travel-blogging following March. cannot be underestimated. Having previously world and doing something amazing makes you community. The sense of community is expanded in I asked them where the inspiration to trek travelled in New Zealand, is there a particular a whole lot more interesting.” real life as Matt hosts monthly meet-ups for travel across New Zealand had sprung from. It turns section of the trek Anders is dreading of walk- “The way I see it, the point of money is to buy bloggers, providing workshops and Q&A sessions. out, according to Anders, to be a modern ad- ing through? experiences,” Landey added; “I’d rather work Matt also penned an informative e-book on how to venturer. “I’m slightly fearing Ninety Mile Beach – my ass of for a summer and pay for six months establish a successful blog on Wordpress. “Back in fi rst year I stumbled upon a guy it is the fi rst track, a three-day walk along the of trekking in New Zealand, than going straight Recommended: Working overseas vs backpacking; called Karl Bushby of the Goliath Exhibition same stretch of beach. We will probably still be into a high paying corporate job and never see- The location independent lifestyle; Travel with – he’s doing the longest unbroken walk in the getting used to the packs, our bodies’ capabili- ing outside your offi ce window.” friends vs travel solo; Oil – a backpackers’ best world. I wanted to do it too. I thought it would ties and the routine of living on the trail. Also friend be better to try out somewhere smaller at fi rst. walking on sand is a bitch and there’s relatively Link: http://www.travelwithamate.com I thought about John o’ Groats to Lands End little water.” You can follow Anders’ and Landey’s epic Twitter: @travelwithamate – no too small. I thought about Australia – too “Also I expect some diffi cult sections in the journey by logging onto their website, dangerous. South Island with the added complication of Tastytrek.com, or following their tweets @ Needing inspiration for a weekend getaway? Or “I visited New Zealand later that year, and tonnes of rain, but by that time we’ll be ready TastyTrek. They also hope to raise money some travelling planned ahead of the next break? there it is: beautiful and challenging land- for anything,” Landey added. for two charities, Solar Light for Africa, Join the discussion #FelixTravel on twitter for ideas. scapes, plenty of fresh water and nothing in the Anywhere looked forward to? Ltd. and Water Aid – for details on how to bush that could kill me. So it had to be New “I really want to climb Mount Cook even donate visit their website. FELIX Friday 22 October 2010 39 TRAVEL My Northern Borneo Jamboree Wonderful wildlife, treacherous trekking and a monstrous mountain. By Chris Richardson

I am a huge fan of mainland Malaysia, a second-hand pair of women’s trainers, rise, and thanks to a seemingly-empty what with its plethora of creole cuisines a pair of women’s leggings (see a pat- promise to a young lady back home I and party people, but its true face lies tern here?), and a weather-beaten pon- ended up in a pair of girl’s underwear, on Sabah in Malaysian Borneo. As soon cho. Armed to the teeth with a bottle of while well wrapped-up climbers around as I landed in Kota Kinabalu and hit the water and boiled egg in hand, we began me looked on in mild amusement. At streets, I realised I was onto something the climb. I make it sound like ‘mission least a few of them took photos – here’s grand: the sun was smouldering, the impossible’, but really, if you’re capable hoping I’m on a cereal box somewhere. prices cheap, and all of the locals greet- of making it to the silent study section The logic behind doing the mountain ed me with a friendly smile. on the 5th fl oor of the library without us- fi rst was to get the hard part out of the KK is the perfect central hub for any ing the lift, you can probably handle it. way, which in retrospect was a terrible explorer of Borneo. I spent a few days decision. Instead I spent the subsequent spotting some of the awesome under- four days with knobbly knees and achy water colours on offer at the world class “Palm oil plantations joints that made the abundance of rain- dive spots located in the national park forest trekking a bit of a nightmare. We just off the shores of the city, largely to could sadly be the did a brief stopover to the hot springs get over the pains of the Thailand bing- at the base of the mountain, famous es that left my skin and liver in tatters. region’s greatest for its sulphuric minerals that allegedly The city itself is pretty hip, with one of cure aching muscles – all utter bollocks the highlights being the night markets hope of ensuring and an obvious ploy to coax climbers selling the usual arty crafts and mad into spending more money post-climb. Admiring the setting sun over the national park in Kota Kinabalu variations of various Asian cuisines. If the wealth of future There was the token trip to the Sepilok you have yet to be acquainted with the generations.” Orang-utan Rehabilitation Centre as delight that is cendol, I’d highly recom- an insurance policy to catch a glimpse wild female orang-utan clutching her cial moments should really be kept as mend it: a bizarre icy mix of coconut of this beautiful animal that regrettably newborn child. It’s just incredible when mental images; the pixels on the camera milk, food-coloured jelly, beans, rice It’s embarrassing enough that within might not be with us for much longer. the odds are on your side and you get to and my lousy words on this page really and creamed corn that somehow seems the fi rst kilometre I was sweating like Of course it’s easy to criticise the defor- witness such awesomeness; while oth- do the sight no justice whatsoever. to get your taste buds dancing. Lee Evans on a bad day, but the real estation through bigoted Western eyes, And sadly that’s where that little As with any city, you have the op- cherry on the cake was being out-paced but you have to wonder why this kind chapter had to draw to a close as Hong tion of superior hotels, but I opted for by several women in their 70’s, sporting of thing goes on – palm oil plantations “Sabah is defi nitely Kong beckoned; I’ll defi nitely be delv- the grungy backpackers’ hostel so that I bags bigger than their bodies fi lled with could be the region’s best hope for a spot ing even further into Borneo next time could be kept in the company of fellow the various things that climbers demand in global trade as well as a method of a place that should to check out the Indonesian areas which travellers, in the hope that I’d persuade for din-dins. I couldn’t help but think ensuring wealth for future generations. supposedly offer some great caving. All at least one to venture up Mount Kinaba- they should have been snuggled up un- The late Uncle Tan was once the re- be on more people’s in all, a fantastic leg of my 2010 ‘Asian lu (Southeast Asia’s highest) with me. der a blanket with a hot beverage by the gion’s leading explorer and thankfully Invasion’. Sabah is defi nitely a place A few beers and a curry later and it telly, but hey, they seemed to love the his relatives are continuing his bril- hit lists.” that should be on more people’s hit was happening, and at seven o’clock work! After a dreadful fi rst day up to the liant work by offering jungle treks as lists – with such amazing scenery and the following morning myself and my 3.5km mark we retired to our cold shack well as cruises along the ecologically ers scrambled for their cameras (which a whole heap of activities at affordable newly-found Dutch partner in crime and attempted to get some shut-eye, diverse Kinabatangan River. Had I de- failed, by the way), I just watched in prices, what’s not to love? Hop out of were on our way to the said mountain. which failed thanks to the high altitude. parted with a checklist of things to see amazement for those brief few seconds the Benidorm and into the Borneo; go Needless to say I think we underesti- By day two I’d lost the sole from one of I’d have fi lled in the lot: countless spe- before the mother fl ed and bounded into and soak up the rainforest and its won- mated it: I spent the better part of £10 my cheap shoes but we ventured up to cies of monkeys, vivid kingfi shers, wild the distance. Not everything should be derful biodiversity while you’ve still got on my ‘equipment’ which consisted of the 4.2km high summit in time for sun- cats, giant bats, and the Holy Grail – a caught on camera, anyway. Those spe- the chance.

Sporting some beautiful lingerie at the highest point in Southeast Asia Thanks to our reckless actions orang-utans are being forced from the rainforest 40 FRIDAY 22 OCTOBER 2010 felix

HANGMAN [email protected] Twatter What the hell is the Cameron_DA_Maneron!!!

FFS! Spending review was more boring than chilean miners Shadow Cabinet? e The_Cleggomatortrontown <3 And who do I have to screw to get one? wtf Cammy? You were noddin along to everything We all have those mortifying moments Cameron_DA_Maneron!!! of realisation in life: finding out that Santa isn’t real, that cats don’t have nine lives or that holding a bin liner over Yeh, noddin along to my ipod. Air- your head as a makeshift parachute will planes in the night sky are like not, in any way, soften your landing shooting stars when you jump off your house. How- SUPERACEGORTHEROAR87 ever, even as young adults we’re still encountering that same gut-wrenching, soul-destroying, back-breaking-nearly- paralysing feeling of sheer disappoint- I could really use a wish right ment when we find out that the world is noowww actually painfully boring. Nothing exemplifies one of these mo- Barack_attack_l33thaxor ments for me more than the day I found out what the ‘shadow cabinet’ actually is, or more importantly what it is not. If, This a photo of the inside of a cabinet... Dark, isn’t it? like me, you always assumed that ‘the shadow cabinet’ was some sort of se- Wish right noww cret governmental squad of ninjas, who it to the poor people’’ (THIS IS MY on to the more important issue at hand – Barack_attack_l33thaxor carry out backdoor operations, such as IMAGINATION, AND WE’RE GO- the poor people’’ Hangman regains his assassination and torture, which seri- ING TO PLAY IT OUT MY WAY!) evil composure and frowns deviously. It ously breech Geneva Conventions and queried the shadow chancellor, Herman sort of looks more angry/concerned than humanitarian legislations, but provide Defunkd. evil, but in all fairness he’s still a bit the government with plausible deniabil- Hangman sat and thought about this pissed off at being told that his dramatic Wish right nooowwww ity – then I’m afraid you’re going to be question, whilst puffing on a vintage turn was clanky. sorely disappointed. Cuban (an evil vintage Cuban). “The Prime minister is giving all The_OsBORNE_SUPREMACY The House of Commons is split into “Hangman?’’ asked Herman again, as the gold to the poor people’’ continues two sides: The side with real jobs and Hangman had not responded. This was Herman, “We’ve got to do something! the side with imaginary jobs, and the lat- deliberate. Hangman wanted his dramat- Soon we’re going to run out of gold!’’ David, isn’t it a bit risky saying ter is more formally known as ‘the Shad- ic turn to be all the more dramatic, so (I HAVE A VERY TENUOUS GRASP something like that on here? ow Cabinet’. Because they only have he just continued to puff on his vintage OF HOW THE ECONOMY WORKS). You’re the Prime Minister ffs imaginary jobs, they can’t really do any- Cuban (his evil vintage Cuban). “We must do something decidedly thing except sit there and disagree with “Oh I know exactly what we’re going evil!’’ says Hangman, evilly. Cameron_DA_Maneron!!! everything. And there’s not even one to do’’ said Hangman, really slowly, and “What do you have in mind?’’ asks ninja! Is it too much to ask to have one then swooped round suddenly to face his Linda. little ninja sitting behind David Cam- delegates. None of them flinched. Not “We should tell the Prime minister eron and occasionally nunchucking him even the more timid ones. that he shout NOT give gold to the poor isn’t it a bit risky fuckin ur mum? in the back of the head? British politics “What the fuck!?’’ exclaims Hang- people! Mwuhahahahaha.’’ Coz she’s got syphillis lol has taken a serious downfall since the man, “Why did none of you jump? I “...right. I can sort of see where you’re The_Cleggomatortrontown <3 abolition of ninjas in parliament. This is turned around really quickly.’’ coming from’’ says Herman, ‘’but per- now the point where I rest my chin on “It wasn’t really that scary’’ said haps, you know, we should offer an even my fist and gaze contemplatively out the Greg Cranford, Shadow secretary of more evil alternative?’’ window, imagining what MY ‘shadow Education. “No Herman, you know what? You Jesus Christ you guys are so cabinet’ would be like. “What, really? But – but it was so sud- should go fuck yourself!’’ immature den. One moment I was facing that way, “What? Hangman I was just trying Hangman’s Shadow Cabinet then suddenly I’m facing this...” to...” Cameron_DA_Maneron!!! “Mwuhahahahahahaha!” laughs Hang- “Yeah, we know what you were going “You’re always just like, being a dick man in a somewhat clichéd fashion, as for, it just, well, you were a bit clanky to me and stuff’’ Hangman quickly turns he twiddles his moustache and sips tea with the turn’’ said Herman Defunkd. to look back out the window, not in a from his impractically small teacup. He “Clanky?’’ vain attempt to look dramatic again, but sits in his dark evil leather arm chair What on earth “Yeah, sort of clanky.’’ to conceal the fact that he is welling up jesus christ you’re so lame cleggman facing away from the rest of his shadow do you think “What do you mean clanky?’’ with tears. cabinet in preparation for a dramatic you’re doing? “You know, clanky – sort of like, not “Hangman, I’m sorry, I’m not trying turn (The evil leather arm-chair is on smooth – clanky.’’ to be a dick...” DRUNKEN MATE OF THE WEEK wheels). He hopes to unsettle some of Get back to the “Linda, was I clanky?’’ “I’m Not Clanky! You’re clanky!’’ Send your photos to the more timid shadow ministers in his article and stop Linda shuffled her papers nervously And Hangman runs out of the dining cabinet. being distracted and kept her eyes fixated on the desk, room, sobbing and upset. Well, sort of [email protected] (go on...) “So Hangman, your evilness, what are “You were a tiny bit clanky’’ she upset/concerned. we going to about the Prime minister? by this san-serif mumbles. He’s taken all the gold and he’s giving text!!! “Right well, I guess we had better get “Oh well done Linda!!’’ says Herman. felix FRIDAY 22 OCTOBER 2010 41

THE NEWS WITHOUT THE NEWS Horoscopes Aries Taurus This week you find yourself in bed with This week you decide to piss off the roof two of your best friends. You’ve been of the library. Your golden juice lightly bitching about how it’s inappropriate sprinkles the heads of studious Imperial- to ‘cross the line’ with mates but sud- ites who, on receiving this glorious gift, denly there’s two pairs of titties in your are filled with sexual desire and start a face and you don’t give a shit. SPLAFF raucous orgy. Security get whiff and de- SPLAFF SPLAFF!!! regret... mand that they stop blocking access... Gemini Cancer This week you spend 36 hours staring This week you’re really struggling. into nothingness. You’re trying to focus Struggling with your breakfast. It’s been on that weird spot on your eye. You doing weights in the gym and has you in know, that one just over... over there, the terrifying reverse-suplex-headlock- almost got it, almost... come on... Just backwards-in-your-mum’s-ass move. when you’ve almost got a handle on it, You tap out and realise that you’ll never your roommate kicks you in the groin. beat the boss level: DINNER. Leo Virgo This week you punch yourself in the This week you discover that you’ve face repeatedly. You’re trying to tap out forgotten to write this very last the kinks in your disgusting face. You horoscope... mmm what to say? what ask your girlfriend for help so now she’s to say? hum hum... *taps fingers *pulls punching you as well. When you begin hair out *pulls eyes out *pulls scrotum to feel faint from the blood loss you call apart and eats it... *Felix copy-editors “Koreans question benefit of the police and she goes to jail for abuse. look disturbed... *offer to share scrotum. Libra Scorpio new anti-gravity gun” This week your fucking email breaks This week you lick your elbow. GOOD about an hour before the print the dead- FUCKING GOD... IT’S POSSIBLE! line. I mean, WHAT THE FUCK?!?! This is amazing, you HAVE TO TELL How do email passwords just change by SOMEBODY. So you do. You tell the themselves? Why would that ever hap- first person you see. She breaks both Dear Aunty McPickle, Dear Aunty McPickle, pen? I am seriously considering becom- your elbows and tells you to stop being Aunty ing Amish after this... If they’ll have me... such an arrogant twat. At Imperial, I was the subject of many I’m in a bit of a pickle. I popped some McPickle is advances. Pretty damn certain I was pills after having too many floppy wil- a modern age Vestal virgin (minus the lies with Freshly Graduated Fatty. My here to solve virgin). I looked down on the male spe- cock is still as hard as Chuck Norris and Sagittarius Capricorn cies and thought I was fucking fabulous. the rest of my body seems to be running Now working at L’Oreal, I’ve become out of its blood reserves. I almost can’t This week, you will contemplate where to This week, you decide to tell your par- all of your a main bullying target and was called a breathe and have to walk around with go out and fuck yourself. Fucking your- ents; not hat you like both boys and short, fat, unevenly-shaped, boobed dis- my fly permanently undone (though this self is one of your top 7 activities, and girls, or that you are failing your physics problems grace of a female. What happened? come in handy for multitasking in a lift). unsurprisingly, a favourite one of your degree. You tell them you are into water- Help? friends also. You and your loserish friends sports and for some reason, that is actu- Yours Sincerely, end up fucking yourselves at home be- ally well-received. They welcome you A Freshly Graduated Fatty Yours stiffly, cause you couldn’t get in anywhere else. to the club by offering you some water. Rugger Bugger Dear Fatty, Dear Rugger Bugger, You might be tempted to join the Save Aquarius Pisces the Whale Greenpeace campaign. Fail- Your best bet is to fill a room with 10 ing that, hit the gym, lose weight and naked fat guys, and stare at them for an This week, you wake up to your flatmate This week you decide to change your just accept that in the real world, you’re hour for each time you tried it on with banging your ex-girlfriend in the room birthday somehow, because of the bitter just a young Jo Brand and guys outside said Fatty. Then just be glad not to be next door because you were too much of realisation that Pisces is easily the shit- here aren’t so pathetically desperate. around her anymore.. a vagina to give her some sweet love on tiest of all star signs. Fishes? Seriously, a semi-regular basis, complaining most- fucking fishes? Your only redeeming Because you’re not worth it, Shocked, ly about 9am lectures. Your new life is factor is the fact that you have a fish for Aunty McPickle Aunty McPickle now filled with limp wanking. a dick? Wait, is that redeeming? 42 Friday 22 October 2010 FELIX

Puzzles Editors: Polly Bennett James Hook PUZZLES [email protected] Last Week’s Solutions Word2 FUCWIT Make as many words of at least League Table Slitherlink 4 letters as you can, always using the central one. NO plurals, TTeams:eams: conjugated verbs, comparatives Killuminati 14 Points 2 2 3 or superlatives, because I said so..

3 213 There is always one 9 letter word. Mike the Crossdresser 10 Points 2 2 2 TARGET: 17 I “Am” Squidhead 9 Points

2 2 1 123 2 3 2 2 3 2 2 IIndividuals:ndividuals: 2 2 2 2 James Ko 10 Points 2 2 3 3 3 SLITHERLINK Shadi Sharbain 8 Points 3321 Gene-leigh Tang 4 Points 2 121 2 212 22 2 2 2 3 3 3 The Felix University/College-Wide Invitational Tour- 3 2 2 3 nament League is new and improved, with prizes for both the winning team and the winning individual. 2 2 REVISED POINTS SCHEME! Nonogram 3 3 3 3 We have revised our points scheme to try and make things clearer. Points from previous weeks will be converted into the new system. 5 4 3 3 3 3 3 3 3 Points will be awarded per individual puzzles 2 3 4 3 1 65521 solved. The first person/team to send in a correct 1 6 2 31 3 answer for a puzzle will receive 2 points per puzzle. 3 5 After that people who send in correct answers will 2 be awarded 1 point per puzzle. Double points are 3 4 3 awarded for cryptic crosswords, therefore 4 points 3 3 for the first correct answer and 2 points for oth- 3 113 ers. Individual and team leagues are separate. The 2 3 number of puzzles may change from week to week, which may not be fair points wise but its only a bit 2 223223 of fun. 3 1 Now then FUCWITs, answers to puzzles.felix@impe- 5 3 3 rial.ac.uk. Go! 3 3 You love it, your mates love it, even this puzzle. The number in each box your gran loves this mental, mind fuck represents the number of lines that CALLING ALL of a puzzle. I’ve even seen the lecturers can exist around it. Lines can never PUZZLE + COMIC CREA- do them in their spare time. No jokes... cross! In the end, you will end up with TORS! Crossword If you’ve ever played minesweeper, a closed loop. Just have a look at the then you should be able to understand same in the next column. Send your creations to puzzles.felix@ imperial.ac.uk to get published

Going Underground

W E M B L E Y P A R K

23 5 13 2 12 5 25 16 1 18 11

S O U T H E A L I N G

19 15 21 20 8 5 1 12 9 14 7 The artist would like to thank Marcello Colombino for inspiration FELIX Friday 22 October 2010 43 PUZZLES

Going Underground Nonogram !@*?Caption Competition!@*? Each letter in the alphabet is assigned a do is scan and send the Underground 3 value, 1-26 (see table) and when added station that is hidden each week to puz- 3 2 2 1 1 1 together for a specific word, the sum [email protected] 9 3 3353 5 1 3 2 equals the total shown. All you have to 1 A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 1 2

B A N K 2 = 28 2+1+14+11=28. Job done. 2 1 14 11 3

So which London tube station sums to ? 3 1 ______= 165 1 3 3 3 Yes, it’s that favourite staple, 9 the caption competition. Sug- Nonograms - How to play: The numbers measure how many un- gestions to the usual address for the Nonograms are logic puzzles in which broken lines or filled-in squares there 4 1 prize of prestige and lovely, lovely cells in a grid have to be coloured or left are in any given row or column. Look at FUCWIT points. Best one will be blank according to numbers at the side the solution for help. printed next week. of the grid. [email protected] 1 2

Crossword CRYPTIC Down Across Theme: Ecstasy 1. Puzzle in game? (6) 9. Assorted beans go in feeding device (7) 2. Guard letter by heartless royal 10. Retreating, hurt one child in rendez- household (6) vous (7) 3. Predominantly even, buoy bobs 11. Constructor of 22 to begin to draw (3) suspiciously when tide goes out (4) 12. Man taken in by odd guess earns 4. Encourages with meal, but lacking money without paying tax (7) toast? (4,2) 13. No fake, am I in process of making 5. At sea, a door led to lost city (2,6) swan? (7) 6. Natural base oscillator in behind - 14. I steer boat, fl y topless (3) simplicity! (8) 15. Inventiveness is one skilled craftsman 7. Shipment estimated without French (7) delicacy (8) 17. Simple plants heading East instead, 8. One at Imperial, perhaps, has measure sending back fl ier (5) of drink, hearing announcement with this 18. Chances of two being these? None! (4) (8) 19. Rescues squirrels (5) 16. One with reference to boiling point (3) 23. Instrument free over missing head (5) 19. Person in limelight for a long time (5,3) 25. Money delivered, it is said (4) 20. Something to give everyone required 26. Improve on unfashionable party (5) sustenance, the Italian life is for me (7,1) 27. Southern deer anger Imperial Halls (7) 21. Director erases half of total in a 30. Retired quack doctor? (3) roundabout way (8) 31. Collectively renew limitless embedded 22. Everything in one part of poem (8) accumulation as a team (2,5) 24. Type of drink with lid removed (3) 32. Prosecutor gives account of snooker 27. Used for sticking to principal? (6) player with satisfactory contents (7) 28. Protect against ursine anger (6) 34. Reprimand through song (3) 29. Raises gun as comparison of what 35. See sign broken, documenting may constitute self-defence (6) start of 22 (7) 33. Give up underground passage (4) 36. Bar alien, young hare (7) QUICK Across 19. Fabric (5) 9. Two-state (7) 23. Girl’s name (5) 10. Shawn Fanning’s pioneering fi le 25. US State - Capital Salt Lake City (4) sharer (7) 26. Military preliminary survey (5) Down 11. Tub (3) 27. General euphemism (2,3,2) 7. Meringue-based dessert (4,4) 22. Ball game (8) 12. Relieve onesself (7) 30. Monotonous routine (3) 1. _____ Spenser, 16C poet (6) 8. Python (4,4) 24. Jar (3) 13. Element of periodic table (7) 31. Singing vocal range (7) 2. Selfi sh person (6) 16. Garden tool (3) 27. Band of contrasting colour (6) 14. Manage (3) 32. Check again (7) 3. Mountain (4) 19. Boring (8) 28. Want (6) 15. Is uncertain; colour approximations 34. Sports equipment (3) 4. Baby eels (6) 20. Adventure (8) 29. Prompt (2,4) (7) 35. Insanity (7) 5. Cause to be twisted (8) 21. Fabric used to make overalls etc. 33. Mouse-like rodent (4) 17. Fear (5) 36. Journeyman (7) 6. Parts of a series (8) (8) 18. This (4) 44 FRIDAY 22 OCTOBER 2010 felix

Sports Editor: Jovan Nedic & David Wilson

SPORT [email protected] The sports Ice Hockey at Imperial? that Imperial forgot Where do I sign up? Hugh McDowell Ice Hockey “If I can do it, anyone can,” says a modest Tim Runcorn, president of the Imperial Devils Ice Hockey team. “In fact, aside from it being an awesome sport in general, the fact that you can see yourself progress so quickly is a major rea- son why I love the sport.” The Imperial Devils are one of a number of sports clubs on campus looking to recruit be- ginner players to bolster their playing staff. Their president is keen to dispel the myth that Ice Hockey is too diffi cult to take up. “Another misconception that a lot of people have is they need previous experience to join the club,” he says. “I was a complete beginner - literally could barely skate - two years ago and now I’ll be playing for the A-Team this season.” Over the next few weeks, FelixSport Founded in 2000 by roller-hockey players, the club’s early years were fraught with admin- will go over some of the lesser know istrative diffi culties. The departure of a succes- sports team at Imperial. This week, sion of presidents from Imperial made any sort of continuity impossible. Now, however, the Hugh McDowell takes a look at Ice Devils have an accredited coach (former Dev- The Imperial Devils. Want to get involved? Email Tim Runcorn at ice-hockey@impe- ils player David Coolegem) and two teams, rial.ac.uk. Hockey both of which train regularly at Streatham Ice Rink in South London. “We have two teams, an A-Team for players What is Ice Hockey? with previous experience and those who move up from the B-Team which is for complete Ice hockey is an incredibly face-paced intense game. beginners,” says the club president. “Both Hockey: Shanika’s goal It is played with 6 players on the ice- 3 forwards (cen- teams play in the BUIHA leagues in Div 2 tre and two wingers) 2 defense and a goalie. A team and Div 3 respectively. The league games are is generally made up of three ‘lines’- forward and de- against other universities in the south such as hanging gives ladies 1s fense sets and a goalie. The game has three 20 minute Oxford, London, Bristol, Cambridge, Cardiff, stop-clock periods, so there is no hanging around wait- Warwick, and Southampton.” ing for time-wasters and several goals can be scored Given that Ice Hockey is a relatively expen- the win against King’s in the space of a few seconds. Unlike many other sive sport, the Devils are grateful for the sup- sports, substitutions or ‘changes’ are unlimited and port of the Union, the Harlington Trust and the happen on- the-fl y. Generally, a complete forward or IC Trust. Jess Poore & Jill Tombs another four ourselves! defense line change to maintain unity but if a skater “The size of the grant enables us to have the Incredibly solid defending from a back line, has knackered themselves out, they can come to the Ladies ULU Hockey cheapest ice hockey sessions in London and half of whom were freshers, meant spending bench where a replacement seamlessly hops over the the club kits enable beginners to get into the Imperial 1s 8 - 1 King’s 1s much of our time in the Kings half, and con- boards to join the action. It is expected that you skate sport without having to spend megabucks. This ceding not one penalty corner! Despite blind- as hard as possible for the length of your shift and so is why I urge people to give ice hockey a go After a late start on a bright afternoon at Har- ing sunshine towards the end, Teddy’s terrify- in the NHL the average shift is only around 45 seconds at university- there is no way that people can lington, IC Ladies 1s took on the girls of Kings ing swings left the opposition defence stunned because of this. get into the sport so easily or cheaply anywhere College. Enthusiastic for the fi rst game of the for two of the goals, and freshers Harriet and Hockey is a full contact sport and players are permit- else.” new season, but with four shiny new fresh- Kirstin fi nished off two more – a great lifted ted to take-out the puck carrier, known as ‘checking’, Both the A and B teams contain a mix of ers making up the bare-eleven, how the game shot off the rebound from Kirstin fl ying past but only by certain means- use of the stick for tripping, males and females, and the B team play a less would go was anybody’s guess! the helpless Kings keeper. hooking or checking from behind will result in a penalty. physical ‘non-checking’ league. The two teams A surprisingly polished start saw Imperial up Our own keeper, Gemma, also pulled off Standard penalties last for two minutes where the of- play in BUIHA leagues in Division 2 and Divi- 1-0 within a few minutes, Shanika’s sharp post some cracking saves on the few occasions fending player is in the ‘penalty box’ and the team con- sion 3 respectively. fi nish defeating the Kings’ goalkeeper. The Kings were allowed through, and we’d like to tinue to play with one less player- on the ‘penalty kill’. The Devils also boast an active social calen- ladies continued to press hard, with freshers thank her for stepping in to fi ll a goalie-shaped The opposing team are on the ‘power play’, which is dar, with pub golf, club nights and a Christmas making their claim for positions, and breaking hole in our team. the best opportunity to score, which ends the penalty if dinner planned. The Ice Hockey season culmi- down everything Kings had to offer. A further If any ladies fancy goal keeping for either they do so. If the penalised team score a ‘short- hand- nates with the Nationals, where, in the words three goals in quick succession – all stolen by of the ICHC Ladies’ teams - we’re pretty ed’ goal then penalty still has to be served out- hence of Tim Runcorn, “every team from the UK de- Shanika, in a similar vein to the fi rst – sealed desperate, can you tell? - please contact us at teams usually play very defensively when down a play- scends on Sheffi eld for a weekend of intense our early advantage, leaving the half-time score [email protected]. er. The team with the most goals at the end of the 60 ice hockey competition and a massive piss-up.” at Imperial College 4 – Kings College 0. An 8-1 fi nal score gave the ladies a pretty minutes wins; and with the stop-clock and end-to-end The Imperial Devils play in Streatham Ice The second half continued in true Ladies 1s successful start to the season – one they hope action, last minute comebacks are a regular feature. Rink on Sunday nights, and matches are free style, generously allowing Kings one break- to continue on Wednesday against the ladies at Tim Runcorn to attend. away goal, but ensuring the victory by netting St Mary’s. felix FRIDAY 22 OCTOBER 2010 45 SPORT Baseball: Imperial Tennis gain valuable defeat King’s, twice practice in Valencia Adam Gunasekara Arun Krishnan & Kevin Ling After few hours relaxing in Ibis Valencia The Imperial College Baseball Club saw aeropuerto, the IC tennis squad picked the 2010 season begin on Saturday, the up their Citroën and joined the traffi c. 16th of October. The Imperial Falcons The elite male squad consisted of el played a doubleheader against the Kings presidente Rob bush, skipper Pio Monti, Lions in the opening fi xtures of the Brit- chauffeur Roman Lewis and fresher ish University Baseball Association Adam Gunasekara. The lady’s squad (BUBA) Southern Division. Imperial – somewhat depleted at just Rebecca was looking to get off to a good start, Smith, was strengthened with the last after the championship season of 2009. minute arrival of star player and ‘team Fielding a 17 man squad, consisting of lad’ Alice. returning team members and fi rst year After a quick power nap, we hit the players, the team bus left the Union on San Juan beach party – a massive rave route to the Roundshaw baseball pitch on the beach (see picture) where we at Croydon, arriving well ahead of the enjoyed warm beers, Rob’s bbq and a noon start time. The Falcons and the swim in the ocean. Lions were tied at one early in the fi rst The next few days we began our clay game but a six run explosion in the 3rd court training with temperatures soaring inning provided the run support for a 7-1 into the high 30s. After several hours of Imperial win. Vassil Botev and Hajime sequences and drills we made full use Urata combined to pitch a two hit, 12 of the pool and tucked into our perfor- strikeout gem. mance lunch of peaches and ice cream The Falcons were feeling good about with the exception of Bush and Gunas- its chances for a sweep, with ace Han- ekara who were still out on the red stuff, son Cheung taking the mound for game deeply unsatisfi ed with their backhand two. Indeed, Imperial quickly took a 5-2 cross courts. lead and looked to be in a dominant po- The diet of fruit and ice cream barely sition. However, the Lions mounted a whet our appetites, and so as every good spirited fi ghtback and tied the game at sports team should be we hit an all you fi ve going into the fi nal inning, but a key can eat joint. After much chat, Pio Monti So is this the way Nadal does his double play by Arun Krishnan and Gary performed badly at the restaurant while serves? Lam and a well-fi elded bunt by Hanson ‘team lad’ Alice dug deep and pulled out on the mound stopped Kings taking the a stunning performance. to catch some of the grand prix live an lead. With the game on the line, the Fal- Our fi rst match was against a local added bonus to the tour. El presidente cons came through, scoring fi ve runs all club who to date had not lost a match; somehow managed to talk himself into after two outs in the inning on a series of we did nothing to change this. Pio Mon- the lotus pit lane during one of the prac- clutch at-bats. Imperial would hang on ti was not on form losing narrowly to a tice laps. We’re still trying to work out for a 10-6 win and the best possible start What’s that, you want a home run, well OK then very good player and Rob Bush lost in 3 how he pulled that one off. to the year. sets in a very entertaining match. Adam For the remainder of the tour we The weekend saw some great baseball as the Falcons continue their campaign ton where our very own baseball pitch is Gunasekara however produced a sole joined a Valencian U18 tennis squad and played by both sides. All in all, it was an to defend their title. nearing completion and will be ready to victory despite losing the second set 6-0 were fortunate enough to receive coach- impressive performance by the Falcons. For those who are interested in join- host fi xtures next term. We accept play- which he claims to have been a superb ing from high quality coaches. We are Imperial once again found itself atop the ing us, we meet at 1:30pm outside Beit ers of all interest levels and abilities, tactical move allowing him to rest up for very grateful to them and the club who Southern Division after Southampton Quad every Wednesday and Saturday. from casual fans to diehards. There will the 3rd. Despite the loss the team tucked were so hospitable. Overall the tour was and Oxford split their doubleheader later Sessions involve a mixture of practices be more opportunities to play in tourna- into a delicious lunch of tortilla and beer a success and we hope that it has set us that same day. However, there remains a at Hyde Park, travelling to batting cages ments and friendly matches throughout with the friendly opposition. up to have a very successful season. lot of baseball to be played this season in Northwick Park, and trips to Harling- the year. At the weekend we were lucky enough Tennis club is sponsored by KPMG.

Ultimate frisbee fall short in Italy

<< continued from back page very last hurdle. Finishing fourth in the division of twenty-eight Goats of Destiny, the University of Bristol alumni demonstrated the Imperial team’s depth and versa- team, and the discDoctors lost out to the side that tility. played better on the day. The fi rst loss of the tour- The tournament was the last competition for sev- nament put Imperial into the third-place playoff eral graduating players, including Samuel Hurst, against a team from the University of Warwick. Chris Tutill and Magnus Wilson, but bodes very With the Warwick Bears regularly fi nishing at the well for the upcoming university season. top of the BUCS Championships, the discDoctors Ultimate is still welcoming new members, from rightly expected a tough game. Imperial put in a seasoned players to absolute beginners; if you are spirited performance against a clinical side, but interested in joining, you can fi nd us training on the their zone defence was too strong and proved Im- playing fi elds of Hyde Park on Wednesday from discDoctors just miss out on the perfect colour pattern perial’s undoing, being beaten to the podium at the 1pm and Saturday mornings from 11am. 46 FRIDAY 22 OCTOBER 2010 felix

Sports Editors: Jovan Nedic & David Wilson

SPORT [email protected] Felix Sports League sponsored by Gaelic Sports: Imperial hurlers at Hurlapalooza Team P W D L F A Diff Index 1 Rugby M1 2 2 0 0 57 16 41 5 Finian McCann playing up front after advice over the phone 2 ICSM Netball W1 1 1 0 0 42 24 18 5 from Brian Cody. Ed O’Hare, now in midfi eld, 3 Table Tennis M2 1 1 0 0 17 0 17 5 It was an early start for the IC hurlers on Sat- put the Oxford players under unrelenting pres- 4 Basketball W1 1 1 0 0 52 42 10 5 urday morning as we made our way to Cam- sure, forcing a lot of mistakes as Sean Dunne 5 Netball W1 1 1 0 0 28 21 7 5 bridge for the Hurlapalooza 2010 9-a-side tour- and John McGuckin rang rings around their 6 ICSM Football M2 1 1 0 0 5 1 4 5 nament hosted by Lakenheath HC – a crowd of markers. Eventually the ball spilled to Coogan 7 Netball W2 1 1 0 0 34 30 4 5 yanks so that explains the stupid name. Making ten yards from the net whereupon he made 8 Squash M3 1 1 0 0 4 1 3 5 up the competition with ourselves and the hosts no mistake in drilling it past the keeper. The 9 Hockey M3 1 1 0 0 3 1 2 5 were Cambridge Parnells, Oxford Brooks and second half was much the same: while Oxford 10 ICSM Badminton M1 1 1 0 0 5 3 2 5 Zurich, the latter laden with plenty of ringers eventually converted their solitary score of the 11 ICSM Hockey M2 1 1 0 0 3 1 2 5 from back home, so we had four 10 minute-a- game, Coogan, McCann and centre-back Clan- 12 ICSM Hockey M3 1 1 0 0 4 2 2 5 half games. cy, displaying his versatility, recorded scores, 13 Hockey W1 1 1 0 0 0 4 1 5 leaving Imperial the clear victors at the fi nal 14 Football M1 1 0 1 0 2 2 0 2 Cambridge 2-1 Imperial 0-3* whistle. 15 Rugby M3 2 1 0 1 0 0 0 0.5 16 Rugby M4 2 1 0 1 43 74 -31 0.5 Our fi rst match was against our hurling rivals Imperial 0-7 Lakenheath 0-0 17 Badminton M1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 Cambridge. Straight from the throw-in, Captain 18 Badminton W1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 Finzo gained possession and fi red over a point, Not much to be said about this game, other 19 Basketball M1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 only for it to be waved wide. Cambridge then than the level of hurling was as if a crowd of 20 Fencing M1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 took advantage of this and managed to knock a blind retarded gorillas picked up sticks. Despite 21 Fencing M2 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 cheap goal past Frankie “Donal Og Cusack” O the instruction at half-time to euthanize the op- 22 Fencing W1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 Neill. However, some resolute defending from position, Imperial decided that energy was to 23 Fencing W2 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 Neil Clancy, Chris Farrell and Paddy Com- be saved for their fi nal match and so we cruised 24 Football M3 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 erford, and points from Ballyfi nn man Evin to victory rather than steam-roll. 25 Hockey M1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 Coogan and Finian McCann left the half-time 26 Ice Hockey M1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 score 1-0 to 0-2. Despite dominating most of Zurich 2-2 Imperial 0-1 27 ICSM Badminton W1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 the possession in the second half too, Imperial’s 28 ICSM Football M3 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 lack of accuracy was to be their downfall. Cam- Despite of the scoreline, this was by far the 29 ICSM Hockey M1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 bridge fi nished off the game in style with a well- mostly keenly contested match of the day. 30 ICSM Hockey W3 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 taken goal, while Imperial could only manage Some Trojan defending by Neil Clancy et al 31 ICSM Rugby M3 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 another point (and some dubious “wides”). made sure that at half-time Imperial were a 32 Lacrosse M1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 point up against clearly the most talented team encouraging display from all players involved 33 Lacrosse W1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 Imperial 1-11 Oxford 0-1 in the competition, with a free converted by (including Eddie Fitzpatrick who I now see I 34 Lacrosse W2 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 Evin Coogan. The second half saw some tough haven’t mentioned in the reports). A fi ne stew 35 Squash M1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 Jarred by the ignominy of our previous de- hurling, with hard shoulders delivered and was put on in the Earl of Darby in Cambridge 36 Squash M2 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 feat, we were determined that there would plenty of ash clashed. Unfortunately, in keep- and much ale imbibed, bringing a very enjoy- 37 Squash M4 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 not be an Oxbridge double over us, hence the ing with the Trojan analogy, Zurich managed able tournament to a close. The hurlers’ next 38 Squash W1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 enactment of Darwinian justice upon a shell- to sneak over a brace of points and dispatch outings will be the Southern Region blitz on 39 Table Tennis M1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 shocked Oxford side. After only three minutes two balls past Sean Dunne (who had pulled off November 7th and the British Unis Champi- 40 Table Tennis W1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 of play Imperial were already three points up, some super saves in the fi rst half) as Imperial onship on November 20th. Let me (fi nian.mc- 41 Tennis M1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 with a point kicked over by McCann and some began to show the strain. [email protected]) know if you’re avail- 42 Tennis W1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 very well-taken chances by Ev Coogan, now So all in all two lost, two won, and a very able. 43 Volleyball M1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 44 Volleyball W1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 45 Water Polo M1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 46 Water Polo W1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 47 Rugby M2 2 0 0 2 22 31 -9 -4 48 ICSM Rugby M1 2 0 0 2 34 54 -20 -4 Rugby: 1st XV record fi rst away vic- 49 Hockey M4 1 0 0 1 0 2 4 -4 50 Hockey M2 1 0 0 1 0 1 -1 -4 51 Badminton M2 1 0 0 1 3 5 -2 -4 tory of season over Chichester 52 ICSM Badminton M2 1 0 0 1 3 5 -2 -4 53ICSM Football M1 10 0 10 2 -2 -4 54F Footballootball MM22 1 0 0 1 1 4 - -33 - -44 David Wilson off a line out within the opposition 22, the for- over. Chichester hit back using their ‘bosh’ 55ICSM Hockey W1 10 0 10 3 -33 -4 Rugby Union wards drove Chichester back allowing Simon game to good effect assuming a 16-13 lead. 56N Netballetball WW33 1 0 0 1 1 188 22 - -44 - -44 Fenton to bundle over the try line adding to an Imperial refused to lie down and accept a defeat 57Football W1 10 0 1 16 -55 -4 Imperial 1s 20 - 16 Chichester 1s earlier penalty by Max Joachim. Despite this, against less skilled albeit bigger opposition and 58H Hockeyockey W2 1 0 0 1 0 6 - -66 -4 Imperial trailed their opponents 9-8 at the turn so, Adubi grabbed his second try of the match 59Fencing M3 10 0 1118 126 -88 -4 Imperial overcame a bullish Chichester side around knowing that their play during the fi rst cutting a lovely line off David Bowe’s pass and 60Te Tennisnnis M2M2 1 0 0 1 0 1 100 -1 -100 - -44 intent on winning their fi rst home match of the half left much to be desired. evading a host of Chichester defenders with 61ICSM Hockey W2 10 0 10 13 -1313 -4 season. Imperial picked up the tempo in the second Nick Johnstone adding the extras. 6262 I ICSMCSM NNetballetball WW22 1 0 0 1 22 4 455 -2 -233 -4 The opening exchanges saw Chichester with half with Ben Adubi fi nishing off a scintillating Despite being reduced to 14 men on two oc- 63ICSM Netball W3 10 0 19 42 -3333 -4 the lions share of possession using their heavy team move with multiple offl oads keeping the casions Imperial held out for the win. Although 64I ICSMCSM RRugbyugby MM22 1 0 0 1 1 100 86 -7 -766 - -44 pack to bully Imperial around the fringes and ball alive; breaks by Tom Stone and Chris Mc- an away victory against diffi cult opposition was were rewarded with a multitude of penalties but Geough were followed by a deft back handed a good result for Imperial, they know that their showed very little attacking endeavour. Con- pass from Ollie Cox which opened up the blind performance on Wednesday was below what versely, Imperial took the chances which they side. Joachim and Toby Spittle combined well they can produce and will need to Improve for were presented with; following a secured ball before an inside ball allowed Adubi to charge next weeks trip to Kent. felix FRIDAY 22 October 2010 47 SPORT An ode to Queen’s Cryptic Crossword 1,469 Park Rangers, because 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 someone has to do it 9 10

11 12 Hugh McDowell 13 14 15

ith Champions defensive record, however, has to go to be considering overtures from Republic 17 League football now the QPR backline, many of whom carry of Ireland manager Giovanni Trapattoni. gracing three Lon- Premier League experience. Older play- Up front, Heidar Helguson and Jamie 16 17 18 19 don grounds on a ers like Mikele Leigertwood and Fitz Mackie have been keeping the likes of regular basis, foot- Hall have been complimented with Rob Hulse, Patrick Agyemang and Tom- Wball fans of Imperial College could be fresher blood such as centre-back Mat- my Smith out of the team. Helguson in 20 21 24 22 23 24 forgiven for overlooking the events un- thew Connolly and on-loan Tottenham particular has added a physical dimen- folding at Queen’s Park Rangers. How- youngster Kyle Naughton. sion to Rangers’ attack, while Mackie’s ever, Sport Imperial are offering a dis- Midfi eld anchor Shaun Derry has add- work ethic and goal-scoring ability have count to students on match tickets and ed the steely edge that Championship led to a call-up to the Scotland squad. 25 26 a Saturday afternoon at Loftus Road is football requires, and is partnered in The undoubted star of the QPR team enjoyable, exciting and affordable. the middle by Hungarian Akos Buzsaky is Moroccan midfi elder and vice-captain Rangers currently sit proudly at the (who boasts among his fans the manager Adel Taarabt. Having impressed on loan summit of the Championship, one of who brought him from Hungary to FC from parent club Tottenham Hotspur last 27 29 28 only unbeaten teams in England this sea- Porto, one Mr. José Mourinho). season, Taarabt was signed for an initial son. Outspoken manager Neil Warnock, What truly sets QPR apart from their fee of £600,000in the summer transfer Across 28. Breathe about steeple (7) whose Wikipedia contains a ‘Disputes’ rivals is their attacking threat. Young window. Described as a ‘genius’ with 1. In sermons, terrible beast (7) section with over forty entries, has his winger Hogan Ephraim has delighted the ‘frightening skill’ by Harry Redknapp, 5. Non-permanent worker queens Down team playing an attractive and ambi- Loftus Road faithful with his mazy runs the 21-year-old was nonetheless un- frames of mind (7) 1. Church service in front of incomplete European muscle tious style of football, and he recently and trickery and, despite having played able to break into the fi rst team squad at 9. South Easterners drink fluid (5) 10. For locating objects in tundra manipulator (7) suggested that “[if] you don’t enjoy at youth level for England, is thought to Spurs and his relationship with his man- darkness (5) 2. Prickly thorn gives direction (5) coming to QPR at the moment,ment,nt, thtthere’shere’s ager deteriorated as a result. He possess- 11. East African citizen hit English 3. Speed within totem pole (5) something wrong with you.”u.” (Tr(T(Tryy tell tell-- es speed, skills and vision in abundance, piano curiously (9) 4. Cloud of anger in cluttered ing that to rival clubs in thee ChampionChamChampion-- and under Warnock he has become the 12. Enlist two points and turn mistake (3,4) 5. Rough terrain shoe (7) ship, or indeed the QPR fann who hadhah d a creative fulcrum of the QPR team. without fifty (5) 13. Beautiful German and one 6. Killing eccentrically erring mud (9) dart planted in his chest by aMilwallfana MilwaMilwall fan Furthermore, QPR and Imperial have American in tirade (7) 7. Ancient tree (5) during crowd trouble at a recent match). A Saturday afternoon established a relationship which, in ad- 15. Dear Sir mutilated the attackers 8. Unused Knight, we hear, add! (7) Warnock has revived the career of dition to cheaper tickets, allows the club (7) 14. Spaceman is roast blasted much-maligned former Irish interna- to train at the college’s facilities at Har- 16. Stir wet stormy tornado (7) before zero, we hear (9) at Loftus Road is 16. Pooh’s bouncy friend gets royal tional goalkeeper Paddy Kenny, whom lington , and the men’s football team are 18. Grind, ie. grain, an African state (7) catch (7) he managed at Sheffi eld United. Kenny enjoyable, exciting givengivgi regular access to the club’s coach- 20. One gram toilet house (5) 17. Cock list holding ball (7) served a nine-month ban last season af- inging staff. 22. Butchered 17 without rivers 18. Crazier hard fruit layer (7) ter failing a drugs test but has deserved- and affordable SoS while a trip to QPR make lack the precedes track back specialist (9) 19. Cross the late sportsman (7) ly kept ex-Spurs player Radek Cerny out glamourgla of a Premier League fi xture, it 25. Greek letter publication in 21. Cook 1000 meal making a mathematical statement (5) of the team, conceding just three league is nonetheless an opportunity to watch reverse, endless publication (5) 26. Lift up and destroy completely, 23. Man-eating giants king goes goals this season. pleasant football in a cheap, friendly and we’re told (5) awkwardly (5) The majority of the credit“ for this fi ne comfortable environment. 27. Apparatus to produce energy 24. Genial ibis contains crime cover about thespian (7) story (5)

in association with Fixtures & Results Sports Partnership

HOCKEY Monday 18 October 2010 Men’s 2nd 1 Men’s 1s ULU Men’s 2nd TABLE TENNIS SQUASH ULU Men’s 2nd 0 Men’s 2nd 3 Portsmouth Men’s 3rd 4 King’s College 1s ULU King’s Medic’s 1st Men’s 2nd 17 BADMINTON ULU Men’s 1s 4 Queen Mary Men’s 1st 5 Portsmouth Men’s 3rd 1 Mixed 1s LSE Men’s 1s 1 ”Men’s 3rd LACROSSE Men’s 3rd 5 City Men’s 1st 0 SOAS Mixed 1 BASKETBALL Creative Arts 1st Men’s 3rd 3 Mixed 1s ULU Roehampton Men’s 1st 52 TENNIS Men’s 4s Women’s 1st 52 Royal Holloway 2s ULU Men’s 1st BASKETBALL ULU Surrey Men’s 2nd 1 RUMS 1s Chichester Women’s 1st 42 Men’s 4s ULU 3 NETBALL Men’s 4th 0 Roehampton Men’s 1st Men’s 2nd Women’s 1st 28 St George’s Men’s 1sts RUMS Men’s 2s ULU 1 Men’s 4th 2 Portsmouth Men’s 4th 69 Men’s 3s 3 Men’s 1st Imperial Medicals 3rd 4 St Barts 1st 21 SQUASH Men’s 2nd 0 NETBALL ULU LSE Men’s 2s 2 Essex Men’s 2nd Men’s 5s ULU 2 Men’s 2nd Reading Men’s 1st 10 Women’s 1s 37 FENCING LSE Men’s 5s ULU 1 Women’s 1st 4 Women’s 2nd 34 Sussex Men’s 1st LSE 1s 26 VOLLEYBALL ULU Men’s 2nd St Mary’s Women’s 1st 1 Essex 2nd 30 Women’s 1st Mixed 1s King’s Men’s 1st Men’s 6s ULU 1 Royal Holloway 1st Goldsmiths Mixed 1s Men’s 3rd 4 Women’s 2s 20 King’s Men’s 4s ULU 6 Women’s 2nd 0 Women’s 3rd 18 UCL Men’s 2nd 1 VOLLEYBALL Men’s 3rd 118 Royal Holloway 2nd 6 Royal Vet’s 3s 13 Thames Valley 1st 22 Men’s 1st Essex Men’s 1st 126 Men’s 7s ULU Men’s 4th Wednesday 20 October 2010 RUGBY UNION Sussex Men’s 1st Women’s 4s Royal Vet’s Men’s 2s ULU Men’s 5s ULU City Men’s 1st FOOTBALL Men’s 1st 20 Queen Mary 4s BADMINTON Men’s 1st 2 King’s Medics 3s ULU Women’s 1st 1 Chichester Men’s 1st 16 Women’s 1st Men’s 1st Royal Holloway Mens 1st 2 Women’s 1st Kent Women’s 1st London Met Men’s 1st Portsmouth Women’s 2nd 6 King’s College 1st ISSUE 1470 22.10.10 Ice Hockey Feature Page 44 SPORT Felix Sport sponsored by DiscDoctors travel to Italy for BURLA Beach Cup

Phil Sandwell the second group stage of three highly-ranked teams. The Imperial team put in strong performanc- The discDoctors’ summer tour saw twelve Imperial es to dispatch another Italian team, Jacuzzi, com- students travel to Italy for the BURLA Beach Cup. fortably, before a crucial match against Lemmings, Teams from across Europe met at Viareggio, near from Leamington Spa. Knowing that this team Pisa, to compete across three divisions of high- were strong contenders in UK mixed tournaments, quality Ultimate in a tournament which saw Impe- Imperial were glad to take the early lead. The Lem- rial gain a top-four fi nish in their division. mings rallied and scored several points without re- While Ultimate is most commonly played on a ply, giving them a one-point lead as time ran out. grass pitch, this tournament is unique in the Impe- Fortunately Imperial kept composure to level the rial calendar in that it was played on the sand of the scores, before winning the game by a single point. Viareggio beach. Fortunately Imperial were given The win put the discDoctors into the quarter time to acclimatise to these after their fi rst oppo- fi nals, against one of Germany’s best women’s nents failed to reach the tournament, resulting in an teams, the Woodchicas. Imperial faced this team Imperial walkover. at the same point in the tournament last year but The fi rst competitive game came that afternoon, a disappointing showing by the Woodchicas gave against the Italian side Furie Romagnole. Building Imperial an easy victory. Once again Imperial took on a morning of practice, the discDoctors played an early 3-1 lead but, after some good early fl ow, FFalconsalcons defeatdefeat well against a skilled side, grinding out long points began to capitulate and conceded six points without to earn a victory. One hour later and Imperial re- reply. The discDoctors replied by playing hard and, turned to the pitch to play another Italian team, with a wilful disregard for their bodies, fought back Delafi a. to draw level and once again took the game by a LLionsions inin The discDoctors took victory by a comfortable single point. margin and prepared for the fi nal game of the day The Saturday night party took its toll on all the against Mythago, the Bristol University team. teams, but the discDoctors suffered not only from Knowing the Bristol team well, Imperial scored hangovers but also an incapacitating injury to the ddoubleheaderoubleheader several quick points to take the lead and, thanks to eventual most-valuable player. The Sunday morn- an impressive defensive showing by the dD girls, ing match saw the weakened Imperial team face the >> Page 45 maintained it to win the game. Having won the group, Imperial progressed into continued on page 45>> SPORT MUSIC FILM ARTS

Arts celebrate the Hugh McDowell We profi le the Between a rock work of Imperial’s sings the praises Imperial Physics and a hard place Photosoc and of local football Graduate who - the rights for the the fantastic club Queens Park is now DJing at Chileans Miners images they have Rangers. Kiss FM. story rights captured. Page 47 Page 28 Page 31 Pages 27