Pride and Piety – Vered and Ariela
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FEATURE ARIELLA AND VERED (right), who became a couple after meeting at Bat Kol, each had to separately contend with revealing their sexual orientation to religious family and friends. (Photos courtesy) Pride and piety The Bat Kol organization may serve as a friendly meeting place for lesbian women, but coming out of the proverbial closet – especially when that closet is located in a religious home in a religious community – remains doubly challenging for some • LIAT SHPIGLER in Jerusalem, Tel Aviv and Beersheba. Currently 300 members strong, Bat Kol has developed into an official organization, he name Bat Kol means the voice of God, but if dissected by word, the holding activities such as study groups, Shabbat getaways and annual Second word bat means daughter and the word kol means voice. The Bat Kol or- Passover celebrations. ganization strives to make both Jewish and lesbian voices heard, proving Each year, Bat Kol and its male counterpart Havruta, which together make up that religion and same-sex love can coexist. the religious lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender (LGBT) community, hold a Second Bat Kol is the bridge between the often conservative and traditional Passover event a month after the official biblical holiday. Tundertones interpreted by the rules of religion, and the human right to the The Second Passover holiday appears in the Book of Numbers and was celebrated realization of love regardless of its object and institutional objection. while the Jews were in the desert after their exile from Egypt. A Passover sacrifice was The Bat Kol organization has been in existence for almost a decade and serves as to be made, but there were those who were considered impure at the time, or who a friendly meeting place for lesbians on the entire religious spectrum – those who could not make it to Jerusalem to offer the sacrifice. Wanting to fulfill the religious left the religion; those who have religious, heterosexual families and have realized ritual, they approached Moses in an attempt to persuade him to give them a second that their sexual orientation points them elsewhere; and those who have found the chance one month later, on the 14th of Iyar. balance between Judaism and their sexual preference. The organization has groups And just like their forefathers, members of the religious gay and lesbian 14 JULY 26, 2013 communities celebrate this holiday together in a symbolic plea to our nation’s leaders – asking for acceptance, recognition and tolerance. While MK and Rabbi Shai Piron of Yesh Atid even participated in one such Second Passover celebration, the religion has been historically against or has not openly advocated the notion of homosexuality. Leviticus18:22 states, “Thou shalt not lie with mankind as with womankind; it is abomination,” and Leviticus 20:13 states, “And if a man lie with mankind as with womankind, both of them have committed abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.” However, what do the religious texts have to say of lesbianism? An interpretation of Leviticus 18:3, which states, “Do not follow the ways of Egypt where you once lived, nor of Canaan, where I will be bringing you. Do not follow any of their customs,” has led rabbis throughout the centuries to oppose lesbianism as well. And while Bat Kol members are not looking for permission from rabbis to live lesbian lives, they do know that the only way to change the religious perspective on homosexuality is to turn to these rabbis. But in the meantime, coming out of the proverbial closet – especially when that closet is located in a religious home in a religious community – remains doubly challenging. TWENTY-EIGHT-year-old Ariella and 32-year-old Vered, who became a couple after meeting at Bat Kol, each had to separately contend with revealing their sexual orientation to religious family and friends. Growing up in a national-religious environment, Ariella was expected to answer affirmatively to attempts to set her up on dates, but had no interest. When her classmates began getting married, her friends tried to push her to go out as well, but no one could think of a match for her. “There was always this feeling that I was a bit different,” she says. “I always placed it on external things – I’m too busy for a relationship, I’m in the middle of saving the world, I’m an officer in the army. My parents, traditional immigrants from South Africa, started asking questions – they weren’t worried about me getting married, but wanted me to go out with men.” Because of her environment, Ariella was not exposed to the notion of alternative sexuality until relatively later in life. But, she says, “in retrospect, I remember situations in which I fell in love with girls, but at that time I didn’t know how to call lesbianism by name, so I called it an obsession.” “The only homosexual I had heard of was Dana International and she is transsexual; the only thing I knew about homosexuality was that it wasn’t considered a good thing. I hadn’t heard the word lesbian until I was 23 years old.” After serving in the IDF, Ariella briefly returned home prior to moving to Jerusalem for her university studies. Something changed that year: “I felt that it was a God-given gift.” This was the year she discovered lesbianism and began thoroughly researching it. But Ariella’s real confrontation with this brewing inner truth only began when she left her home in the Center of the country, and moved to Jerusalem on her own. She rented an apartment there and the independent, free-thinking university life and distance from all she knew made room for eventual exploration. For two and a half years she wandered with these self-kept thoughts – and not a soul knew. During that time she never truly checked out the option of dating women. “I was set up on dates with men, but I knew that it was solely going to be an enjoyable evening – but nothing more,” she says. But then the urge to face her truth surfaced, and Ariella began telling her new, open-minded friends in Jerusalem, then her friends from back home and some of her siblings. However, she knew she would only seal the deal once her parents knew, and this could only happen after she checked it out for herself and knew for sure. Ariella says that most of the people she told responded positively. The most difficult reactions were from her friends from back home, since some of them rejected her for what she calls “living differently.” The year in which everything surfaced was a heavy load for her. “I was inundated with schoolwork, physically I suffered from protruding discs in my back.” Juggling the people who knew and who didn’t took its toll. After meeting her girlfriend, Ariella decided that she would www.jpost.com 15 FEATURE “The first thing they did was call the community rabbi to consult him. To my surprise, he said that I was their daughter and that they should love and embrace me. It wasn’t easy for them, but they decided that we were family.” Last Hanukka, Vered’s parents were invited to Ariella and Vered’s home for the holiday, and came. Ironically, today Vered is the closest to the religion she has been since she left home for national service. Ariella, who is proudly traditional, and the Bat Kol organization have had their effect on her, but so has the freedom of choice. Today, Vered keeps kosher and Shabbat, and “if I feel like going to synagogue, I go, because it is pleasant and nice to be there. In the past I felt like it was all or nothing, and now I have found the middle path,” she says. Ariella, Vered and numerous other Bat Kol members do not want to live a life of either religion or lesbianism – they want both. This is not always the case, since some lesbians have forgone the religion, and some religious women have decided to marry or remain married to a man, live heterosexual lives and forgo their lesbianism, because they cannot find where the religious and homosexual twain can meet. In its ongoing attempt to prove that this is possible and to attain tolerance, Bat Kol will participate in the annual Jerusalem Gay Pride Parade, which will be held on August 1. In the past, the event has served as the stage for violence and fierce criticism, which Ariella believes is caused by the way it is portrayed in the media. The IN ITS ongoing attempt to prove no longer compromise. “I wanted to live accompanied me… and if He created me, messages sent are of naked, flamboyant that it is possible to attain tolerance, life to the fullest, to create a family, not to He’s most likely pleased with me. People homosexuals gallivanting about. This Bat Kol will participate in the annual hide anything in my life.” That is when create relationships – God doesn’t make causes the critics to say, ‘Why hold a Jerusalem Gay Pride Parade next week. she told her parents – two years ago. world wars – people do.” parade in Jerusalem? Do whatever you “They were pretty shocked. It was Ariella’s girlfriend, Vered, is a social want in the privacy of your own homes, hard on them, but they didn’t yell and worker who grew up in a Gush Etzion but not publicly.’ The critics say that they weren’t angry and didn’t tell me religious settlement.