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It has to be 111111 the new, improved parve I I unsalted margarine ~~ THEbEWISH BSERVER Bringing Up Children in A Torah Family 6 Parent to Child: Conveying Values, Attitudes & Understandings Rabbi Yitzchok Kirzner 13 Vessels of Holiness THE JEWISH OBSERVER (ISSN) 0021·6615 Is Rabbi Yaakov Feitman published monthly except July and August, by the Agudath Israel of America, 84 Wiiiiam Street, New York, NY 10038. Second class postage 21 paid in New York, N.Y. and at additional malling Portrait of a Great Mechanech office. Subscription $22.00 per year; two years, $36.00; three years, $48.00. Outside of the United Rabbi Yissachar Frand States (US funds drawn on a US bank only) $10 sur­ charge per year. Single copy $3.00; foreign $4.00. Send address changes to The Jewish Observer, 84 32 William St., N.Y., N.Y. 10038. Tel. (212) 797-9000. A Baal Mussar From Kelm Printed In the U.S.A. A Businessman in Pre-war Europe RABBI NISSON WOLPIN, EDITOR Memoirs of My Father, Rabbi Gedalya Dessler '.i 11 ~n EDITORIAL BOARD DR. ERNST BODENHEIMER told by Devorah Dessler Olstein Chairman written by Miriam Samsonowitz RABBI JOSEPH ELIAS JOSEPH FRIEDENSON 42 RABBI NOSSON SCHERMAN The Scapegoat-A Yom Kippur Essay MANAGEMENT BOARD Rabbi A Scheinman NAFTOLI HIRSCH ISAAC KIRZNER RABBI SHLOMO LESIN 47 NACHUM STEIN Candyman For A Day RABBI YOSEF C. GOLDING Eliyahu Mayer Business Manager Published by Agudath Israel of America 53 RABBI MOSHE SHERER Postscript PRESIDENT Without Noise, Chanoch Teller THE JEWISH OBSERVER does not assume responsibility for the Kashrus of any product or 55 service advertised in its pages. Poetry © Copyright 1989 A Wrinkle in Time, Raezel Bloxenheim OCT. 1989 57 VOLUME XXll/NUMBER 7 Letters to the Editor BRINGING UP CHILDREN IN A TORAH FAMILY Parent to Child: Conveying Values, Attitudes & Understandings hinuch-training children to guidance. The Insight that we derive the reality of His presence. This live a life of Torah and mitz· from the Torah remains both the constant bond is nurtured by two uos-is one of the most com~ most reliable guide to understand­ basic categories of mitzvos-the C mitzvos temidiyos, a Jew's constant plex endeavors a person can engage ing our children and ourselves, and In, for it involves on-going commun­ the wisest counsel for establishing obligations, which include basic ication and interaction between two a healthy chemistry between parent belief in G-d, and love and respect or more personalities. And, beyond and child. It is from this vantage for G-d-and mitzvos zemaniyos, doubt, the human personality is far, point that I would like to address those observed at specific times. far more complex than the most the issue of bringing up children. G-d, in His infinite wisdom, recog­ sophisticated electronic device. To (Let no one misconstrue my nized that the constantly changing successfully contribute to the remarks to suggest personal suc­ condition of man requires special growth and development of our chil­ cess in this most challenging area moments of encounter with the dren, we must first understand who of life. While it is certainly tru.e that reality of G-d. The second category they are, and what they are meant I yearn deeply to bring alive the of mitzvos, like the first, is observed to be. To this difficult task, add the wisdom of Torah in the chinuch role with regularity over a Jew's full life additional factors of the correct or that I must fulfill as a parent, it is span. Unique, however, is the inappropriate chemistry that can be my purpose here to share insights, mitzva of chinuch. inasmuch as it generated between the developed or not offer a proven formula for is restricted to a very specific time not-so developed personalities of­ success.) in the lives of our children. and yet yes-both parent and child. during that period, it is almost Amidst all the variables that tend constant. CHINUCH­ Indeed, transmission of the to confound us. one single compo­ UNIQUE AS A MITZVA nent stands with clarity and mesorah from parent to child is very strength, and that is the Torah's special. Beginning from the cradle, he one goal that each and it is nurtured at mother's bosom Rabbi Kirzner is director of the Citywide every Jew is meant to strive and comes alive in the radiance and Outreach Educational Program of the Jewish for is to be an oveid Hashem warmth of the Jewish home. True. Renaissance Center, in New York. This essay is T the factual substance of our based on a lecture delivered for Agudah Women a servant of G-d-that is, one who of America endeavors to be constantly aware of mesorah may be transmitted in any 6 The Jewish Obseroer, October 1989 Rabbi Yitzchok Kirzner number of forms-through teach­ that we proVide them. Little wonder, ers, friends, seforim, and now elec­ then, that we become particularly tronic media-but there is a certain annoyed when our children act up neshama (soul) that distinguishes in the company of others. And on the mesorah as passed from parent the heels of this discomforting to chlld. This unique period of time factor, we are challenged to be is often compared to the sinking of honest with ourselves. Because of roots. While a tree's branches may this identification, the insight ofour be pruned when it is fully grown, Sages that "man does not see his it is highly unlikely that one could own shortcomings" applies as well enhance the fruitfulness of a deve­ to his children. And yet we must loped tree by tampering with its recognize their weaknesses if we are roots. By then it is too late. This to transform them into strengths! critical time element is also present Perhaps it is the unconditional love in the development of our children, that we possess for our children that and it endows chinuch with an gives us the courage to forge ahead added measure of concern. As the in truth, however painful the reve­ Sages teach us: "When the desig­ lations of their failings-our fail­ nated time passes, the opportunity ings-might be. is lost." We must see to it that as Children more than mimic their major spiritual transformation in our children grow up, they not be parents' behaVior. As Rabbi Tzad­ order to bring children into the lacking in critical elements or in dok HaKohein points out (Tzidkas world, and He knew how strongly their depth of appreciation of Yid­ Hatzaddik, #63), that which is they would strive for spiritual ele­ dishkeit and we can give it to them hidden away in the deepest recesses vation, in the intense moments of if we but put our minds to it. of our hearts-perhaps hidden away bonding with G-d through prayer. Guided by the ultimate clarity of their own hopes-and G-d's identi­ cal hopes-for the world, our Imahos ascended to the loftiest The factual substance of our planes of spirituality. From this mesorah may be transmitted in any vantage point they succeeded in parenting the next generation-the number offorms-through teachers, first of many generations that would reflect the inner clartty and commit­ friends, seforim, and now electronic ment of their ancestors, leading to media-but there is a certainneshama the formation of the Jewish Nation. Another expression of this con­ (soul) that distinguishes the mesorah cept can be seen in the Kuzari's ex­ as passedfrom parent to child. planation of the philosophical un­ derpinnings of the mitzva of cir­ cumcision: the mitzva proclaims the Jew's recognition that G-d is not from our own awareness-becomes to be excluded from any human CHILDREN-AN EXPRESSION OF revealed in the behavior of our endeavor.