1004-1008 South Second Street Clearfield, PA 16830 Phone: (814) 765-2686 Fax: (814) 765-6530

The mission of Children’s Aid Society is to identify and Post-Permanency Newsletter provide services to improve the lives of children and their . Summer 2019 Everyone needs a role model Everyone needs a role model. They maybe over time, what we feel is teach us about ourselves. In less important. children, they help to define what they feel is important and Possibilities – we may not have meaningful. Sometimes children thought we could obtain and which compare themselves, and when they inspire us to keep trying and keep believe that they share hoping. characteristics, it can help them to believe in themselves. If they find Strategies – in handling life’s similarities in the person they admire challenges. This helps us think we, — In any way — It is easier to too, can overcome obstacles. believe that they are ok themselves and provide an important kinship. Goals – we may not have even dare set for ourselves if we didn’t have a Role models can help teach: role model to inspire us! Character – helping define what we admire and value, and — Turn to page 2 Same … different stories the family through adoption. And both enriching experiences as comment about the family. Most of course, all families have well as some interesting hope for wonderful, children adopted through different challenges. peaceful, and close relationships adoption processes – domestic, between their children, but as international, perhaps all One of the most important parents, we know that realistically international but from different challenges for parents usually this is not always be the case. No countries, public or private relates to concerns about sibling matter how we all grew up, domestic adoption, and the list relationships and the perception parents can’t predict how sibling goes on and on. Even children each has of his place in the relationships turn out….so it Families with more than one who are adopted through the family: “Was it better to be born or becomes important for adoptive adopted child obviously have same process, e.g. private adopted into my family?” “Are we parents to understand that when children with different stories domestic (agency or independent real sisters?” or “Do Mom (or Dad) there is sibling friction or rivalry, it about how they joined the family. ) will certainly have their like you the most because you are is not likely that it is due to how There are families who have both own unique story. the same color as they are?” In the child(ren) joined the family. In biological children in the family addition, they may worry and children who became part of The various differences create about how outsiders’ — Turn to page 3 Low cost ideas for summer fun Are most days a battle from breakfast to ? Here are a number of wonderful low cost summer activities for kids and families that help families keep their hard-earned money in their pockets. Triple P — Positive Program can help! With each of these ideas, you might fashion “what to Free, private, in-home sessions will teach you how to adapt your own do” boxes. Create two boxes - one for "outside" and behavior to get the results you want from your child. one for "indoors" - containing index cards with Available in Clearfield and activities written on them. Rotate who in the family Jefferson counties! gets to pick the card for that day. This is a great way to avoid activities that cost a lot of cash and a fun way to create a family To sign up or for more information, plan. call 814-765-2686 x206 Low or no cost outings and activities are something to consider for your own kids or a group of friends getting together that will create fun and or email [email protected] memories without heating — Turn to page 2 Paid for with Pennsylvania taxpayer dollars. — Everyone — can inspire every child, though few will share a Scott Hamilton – Olympic Skater (from Page 1) common adoption story. Children can be Faith Hill – Singer empowered by learning how he incorporated Steve Jobs – Founder, Apple Computer Role models who are also adoptees are his identity as an adoptee with the successful Art Linkletter – TV Personality especially important for children. Adoption is person he is today. Charlotte Anne Lopez – Miss Teen USA a different experience that is not shared with Greg Louganis – Olympic Diver everyone. It can affect a child’s self-esteem Did you know that these successful people James Michener – Author and we know that during certain times of their were adopted? Tom Monaghan – Founder, Domino’s Pizza lives, children may feel adoption somehow Sarah McLachlan – a musician, songwriter, Dan O’Brien – Olympic Gold Medalist makes them less valuable. Role models help performer and winner of two Grammy Jim Palmer – Pro Baseball Player them to realize that there are millions of Awards. She and her two older brothers were Dave Thomas – Founder, Wendy’s adoptees – and the majority grow up to be adopted. happy and successful. Sometimes adoption Edward Albee - Playwright Because of the way adoption is portrayed in provides an opportunity to make children more John J. Audubon – Naturalist literature, the media, and Hollywood; children resilient, or help them develop skills/interests Surya Bonaly – Olympic Figure Skater are likely to be unaware of how common it is they may not have otherwise. Peter and Kitty Carruthers – Olympic Skaters for adoptees to grow up as successful, Christina Crawford – Author “normal” adults. Strive to surround them with It is important to provide them with Daunte Culpepper – football player, Minnesota that message. We can educate the world opportunities to make connections with Vikings about the overwhelming success of adoptees. adoptees, regardless of whether their adoption Faith Daniels – TV News Personality We can let EVERYONE know that there are stories are similar or not. Consider the fact Eric Dickerson – Pro Football Player many adoptees — some famous, others who that Washington D.C. Mayor Anthony Williams Melissa Gilbert – Actor are not — who can be role models for all!

— Low cost — (from Page 1) up your wallet or credit card bills: - Participate in free summer reading programs snacks and story times offered by many local libraries - Take your kids on a tour of family history and - Visit a farm, pet store or the animal shelter - Visit zoos and museums that have free or photos - Visit a fire station reduced rates for kids on special days - Search garage sales as family fun and walk - Have cooking lessons at home (bake bread, - Have paper airplane or paper boat races or away with a few really good deals make homemade ice cream, grandma's try making and flying your own kites (books at - board games on rainy days cookies) the library have the instructions) - Go swimming at the local lake, pond or pool - Visit a pizza store (they’ll sometimes let the - Put on a theatrical performance, a puppet (you can ask for a one day guest pass at a kids make one for little or nothing) show or a talent contest local YMCA to check out the facilities) - Visit a television station, radio station, or - Write and illustrate a story - Visit Vacation Bible Schools, Summer Bible newspaper facility - Plant a small garden or container garden Clubs, Kids Camps, Day Camps - Visit the Department of Conservation’s and watch it grow - Walk, hike, and enjoy nature nature centers and enjoy educational exhibits - Have sack, peanut or egg races - Go camping in the backyard - Learn to knit or do needlework - Plan a picnic as an activity - And last but certainly not least ... make your - Get a giant piece of paper and colored - Hold a bring-a-dish block party own bubble solutions and spend hours dipping pencils and draw your dream house interior - Rent a movie and have special "movie night" bubbles! view with all the details

Our support group meets the Adoption third Monday of each month from 6-8 p.m. & Meet families like yours who share similar joys and Foster Care concerns. Includes light dinner, Support , training hours, guest speakers and more! Call Group 765-2686 for information!

SWAN Post-Permanency Services These services are available to any family who has adopted and lives in Pennsylvania, whether or not Upcoming workshops for unmarried couples: they adopted their child from foster care, and to those families who have provided permanency to children June 8 | June 19 & 20 | July 20 from the foster care system through permanent legal Retreat for married couples: custodianship or formal kinship care. July 12 & 13 Families self-refer by calling the SWAN Helpline (800 -585-SWAN) to request these services. The services are part of a continuum of services that strengthen and support families and assist in strengthening the special needs adoption community at the local level. — Different — (from Page 1) fact, it’s probably just very normal! We must with our 3-year-old’s birthmother. When her child brings to the family. As parents, we often remember that sibling relationships are so birthmother came to town several months connect to our children for different reasons, complex – so much is dependent on each ago, having her visit with our family, even and sometimes it’s easier to connect with one child’s unique personality and temperament though our 3-year-old didn’t understand that child than to another. (And siblings, too, may … so sibling relationships are not always easy this was her birthmother, I feel our 10 year old connect for reasons having nothing to do with to influence– or control. really enjoyed visiting with this birthmother how they came into the family.) When families and asking her questions. embrace a shared family culture that is based That being said, there are many ways for on differences as well as similarities that are parents to help to influence sibling In another example, I heard a story recently of valued by everyone, they are able to weather relationships in a positive way. an adoptive mother of two children who are doubts about their connections to their now adults. The adoptive mother never gave parents. For example, a family who has been Comparisons (ick!) her first child a blanket that had been knitted more geared toward academics can celebrate for him by his birthmother because she didn’t the uniqueness of a child who is athletic and For adoptive parents with more than one have anything to give the other adopted child. recognize in a positive way that this talent is child, an important task is to diminish It seems it would be better to not deprive one definitely a gift from the child’s birthparents! comparisons that might imply there’s a child of something meaningful and special, difference in children’s role or “status” in the and instead, try to help the other child develop family because of the route they joined the coping skills for sadness, disappointment, and family. For example: parents need to be free even anger. to express their positive feelings about giving birth to a child as well as the joy they have Comparisons are rarely a good thing, experienced through the adoption of another especially in adoption. Parents may want to child. We can’t deny our feelings in an attempt consider making a family policy that to protect children from the realities of these differences are not to be used to hurt each wonderful differences. A family who was there other… but again, as parents, we know we for one child’s birth can be glad for that can’t control what goes on all the time. If experience as well as the excitement of flying parents try pick up on hurt feelings from their to Texas to pick up their daughter. Through child, they can be more ready to provide Providing Children With Individual Attention both indirect and direct ways, parents must reassurance and comfort to the child. They continually send the message to their children will be able to offer reassurance that what the Can we ever do this enough? It seems so that how each child joined the family is child has heard (or maybe feels) from a sibling obvious, but it’s is not always easy for parents different – and wonderful – not better or does not match the parents’ feelings and to give each child in the family individual worse. attitude. It is crucial, however, to never quality time. Different amounts of attention discount the feelings of the child. Perhaps the may be based on the child’s particular needs Unfortunately, despite our repeated attempts could say, “I know you wish you had (a child who has learning disabilities certainly at sending this message, children may reach been with us when you were a baby, like your needs more help with homework) or stage of their own conclusions about the differences sister was. It seems that you’re worried we development – (a toddler definitely requires and decide that their story was the “best” way might favor her because of that, but that’s not more help.) But children can perceive these or the “worst” way compared to a sibling’s. at all how Dad and I feel. We you. But I differences incorrectly, and despite our Sometimes a biological child may think it’s certainly understand how you might feel this reasonable and lengthy explanations, they still better to have been born to parents than way.” Providing reassurance and validating worry that attention differences are favoritism. adopted, but he just might also think that his feelings leaves the door of communication Given this reality, as parents, let’s be aware of sibling’s adoption story is so interesting and wide open for a child to express more our children’s feelings and acknowledge them. exciting that maybe adoption is better. (I’m feelings…ahh…every parent’s goal! And of course, children can also try to pretty sure my biological children think manipulate parents into paying attention- or adoption is the “best”. We gotta work on that!) Regardless of the route in which children even get certain privileges– by charging that When adopted children compare their stories, entered the family, it is crucial for them to they are being treated unfairly: “You let him go they may decide that one is “better” than the have a clear understanding of the reasons the with his friends, why can’t I?”) Try to not other – “He came as a baby so Mom and Dad family decided to adopt each child. As Holly overreact when children try to use adoption as love him more.” or “She’s the luckiest. She van Gulden points out in Real Parents, Real a hook – like, “You aren’t my real mother!” or gets presents from her birthmother and gets Children, “it is important for children to believe “You love him more because he’s white like to visit her, and I don’t know my birthmother at the parents’ motivation was based on love for you!” and the list goes on and on…again all.”) Sometimes one child may have more a child, not a cause or some need the child 'normal’ childhood behavior. information about his birth family than his would fulfill. Adopted children do not want to sibling(s); one child has a picture, another grow up believing that they were, in effect, a If we are consistent with our love and doesn’t; one knows about both birth parents, project for the parents. In bio/adopt families, if reassurance, and open and honest when another only about his birthmother, etc., all of a child was adopted first into the family, they questions come up, we are creating a family which can potentially create feelings of may also think they are no longer needed that is able to celebrate differences – and confusion and jealousy. when the parents become pregnant. Birth similarities – appropriately, and hopefully children may think their parents adopted create love and harmony in our homes. And Some parents try to minimize their children’s because they were not the right gender (or isn’t that ultimately the goal of all parents… pain by denying one child something to try to race). These thoughts may seem absurd or adoptive or otherwise? protect another. For example, they may want irrational to adoptive parents, but they may to limit contact with one child’s birthmother make perfect sense to their children. With this because there is no possibility of contact for realization, parents can proactively make another child. This would be a big mistake statements to help defuse the power of these because the child without contact could musings.” Read that again. It’s beautiful. benefit enormously from contact with his siblings’ birth parent despite the possible Promote Your Children’s Individual Strengths jealousy or pain it may cause. We have no contact with our 10 year old’s birthmother (the A great way to ensure that children feel birthmother wanted a closed adoption once equally valued is to be very clear about the she was placed). We have an open adoption each unique and special characteristics each Use your smartphone to access our website