Em Butch (Song)

1 International Guard By A Cappella Beethoven Basketball Butts My wife, Janice, had a suspicious feeling I had sexual intentions when I watched women’s basketball, the WNBA. Of course I denied it, saying guys would laugh if they heard her say that, because many of the women who played were gay. Yeah, I went on in vain, trying to convince her and myself I had no such motive as that. Why I only liked their athleticism. “Sure,” said she in a knowing tone, only a wife has. Then she said I was looking lustfully at their asses like I look at hers. 2 Hindpots (Song) I love yo’ hindpots, woman (Hindpots) Bounce ‘em on my knee (Hindpots) I love yo’ backside, baby (Hindpots) That’s all I wanna see (Hindpots) Cool busy buttocks, sugar (Hindpots) Bare derrière honey (Hindpots) I’ll wax that wiggle, girl (Hindpots) In a haul ass hurry (Hindpots) I love yo’ hindpots, sweetie (Hindpots) Kick ass to the bone (Hindpots) I’m touchy feely, lover (Hindpots) I can’t leave it alone (Hindpots) 3 I want yo’ hindpots, darlin’ (Hindpots) Bring ’em over here (Hindpots) Hip shakin’ hiney, mama (Hindpots) Bringin’ up the rear (Hindpots) Yo’ hindpots are da bomb No anal retentive harm Can never ever come Unless yo’ bottoms got ‘em Yo’ hindpots too damn Important Boogie woogie bootay Sportin’ Yo’ bum yo’ fanny Yo’ can yo’ tail I’m a keister squeezer Grab ass male I love yo’ hindpots, baby (Hindpots) Naked in front of me (Hindpots) I watch yo’ haunches, honey (Hindpots) Instead of my TV (Hindpots) 4 I’d miss yo’ hindpots, sugar (Hindpots) Don’t tush push away (Hindpots) I’ll kiss yo’ duff stuff, sweetie (Hindpots) In Macy’s window Xmas Day (Hindpots) I saw yo’ hindpots, darlin’ (Hindpots) When you were ten and three (Hindpots) I spanked yo’ raw meat, woman (Hindpots) Behind the pecan tree (Hindpots) You graduated, lover (Hindpots) In Washington, D.C. (Hindpots) When you left college, baby (Hindpots) Then we had to marry (Hindpots) I still dig yo’ dainty Drawers I can’t control my Passionate paws 5 A party’s goin’ on Down there In yo’ Victoria Secret Underwear It’s antsy in yo’ hot Pants They wanna bass drum Boom boom dance Rollin’ left Then the right I bite moon pie When you excite Just tell yo’ tan hide, sugar (Hindpots) You sho’ nuff lookin’ sexy (Hindpots) I got yo’ back end, baby (Hindpots) It makes me act T-Rexy (Hindpots) I love yo’ roast rump, honey (Hindpots) With or without a thong (Hindpots) Them hip back pockets, mama (Hindpots) Dancin’ to this song (Hindpots) 6 So round firm and fully Packed Free and easy minus Drawers Supa stacked I gotcha Back Quivering sacroiliac My fingers sink in Yo’ sweet seat Manipulatin’ ’em Cheek to cheek I bet yo’ caboose In the back Stevie Wonder Can see butt crack Now tell yo’ half slip, honey (Hindpots) Bustier and bra (Hindpots) Girl it’s a panty raid, baby (Hindpots) In yo’ backseat of my car (Hindpots) 7 From yo’ black fishnets, woman (Hindpots) To yo’ bright red garter belt (Hindpots) Best musk perfumed one, lover (Hindpots) I ever felt ‘n’ smelt (Hindpots) I’m a lookout ranger, baby In Lusty Dusky Canyon Explorin’ ev’ry scar, darlin’ Mole bump ‘n’ dimple You abandon Up under thunder thighs, mama Of goosey fleshy pimples Lies two majestic, woman’s Hottie body temples I love yo’ hindpots (Hindpots) Vacuuming the house (Hindpots) Switchin’ yo’ assets (Hindpots) Runnin’ from a mouse (Hindpots) 8 I love yo’ hindpots (Hindpots) Leavin’ out to work (Hindpots) You make that package (Hindpots) Jiggle wiggle ‘n’ jerk (Hindpots) You’re got a Zulu Lap dancer design It’s freaky deaky Love Jello in my mind Salome shakin’ Her baad ass baby cakes Yo’ peach shaped fonky butt Could cause L. A. earthquakes _________Top________ Truth is, I did see a rather generous roll and motion to Tammi Sutton’s- Brown buttocks, when her ample hips moved in sexy rotation. Admittedly, I said to myself as I had done many times, well ev’ry time I saw her walk to the bench, or run, Lord have mercy! Then I saw De’Mya Walker in street clothes and had to say she was striking, 9 especially whenever she fouled out. Becky Hammon whom I call ‘the organ,’ ’cause she can play, chews her gum in an enticing manner. She’d be perfect as Calamity Jane in my movie “Limp Dick” about Deadwood, it’s a musical, imagine that. I always thought Swin Cash should be in the movies, she’s so attractive, long lean and lovely. And ev’ry time I look at Lauren Jackson, I don’t care how tall she is, she’s a rock star, sex symbol. Many of the others have good looks and qualities in that category my wife suspects me having my greatest interest in. So I thought about it, you know, hypothetically, and wondered what it might be like to be with one of these ladies, who run, shoot, dribble, block, tumble, fall, get flagrantly fouled hard, have concussions, dreaded ACL’s that take a year to heal, sprains, broken bones, bad seasons, horrible games, get traded and/or dropped from the line up. Could I live with those problems that haunt each one of these players I watch incessantly. I believe I could on the one hand because I like a talented woman. However, I’ve seen the husbands and significant others of some of the star players, and I felt they were in the audience watching like me on TV, but holding a baby; guys who are not famous, like a male basketball player, married to a star woman player, who is better and more famous than them. That must be the worst thing to live with, when being in love or just going with a WNBA star. It takes a hell of a man to do that. 10 I use to look at sexy Sheryl Swoopes that way my wife accused me of doing, until I found out she was gay. Then this year, I read online she was not gay now, and had a man in her life . lucky guy. Sometimes faces grab me more than bodies in the WNBA. Not that these women don’t have figures and forms that delight men, they do, but in those uniforms they wear, a lot of the focus goes elsewhere, when I see them all battened down on the chest and covering up the rest. Tina Thompson was always a leader at being glamorous, I thought, just by wearing lipstick on the court, she stood out like a movie star. I also have a penchant for her dedication and undying will to win while leading all players, by scoring over seven thousand career points. Catch comes to mind here, she’s a dynamo. I like her smile, voice and hustle. Ashley Robinson explained her alluring looks by saying on TV, she played like a girl plays. I might add like a very pretty girl plays. When flamboyant superstar, Sparks team co-owner, Lisa Leslie played the game, she was making money as a fashion model at the same time she was playing center for the Sparks, and they won two championships. So all in all, Liz Cambage is a bombshell, all 6-8 inches of her fabulous face and frame and her accent, that Aussie talk kills me dead. 11 That’s why I love to look at Kristi Toliver, not only her captivating, compelling countenance, but body language on the court, where her character shines, her charm, her hair, her eyes, her lips, her nose, her attitude, her way, her manner in general demands it from me, when I encounter her fine features in action during the games, and I’m smitten, mesmerized at my age 75. I was captured the first time I saw her play Duke, and she won the game in 2006 for Maryland. They had her pose for a picture in a dressy coat, she wore it like fur. I see her in luxury and treated as a big super star, a sports show girl. This year in one game I saw, she blew me away when she released the mane of that thick bunched ball of black hair loose and let it down, falling in a cascading move, only a beauty queen could pull off on camera. Awestruck (Song) I’m awestruck by your Eyes Your lips I idolize I’m captured by your Smile I can’t resist your face 12 I love you head to toe More than you’ll ever Know I think your body’s A temple And I pray Night and day I’m awestruck over you (Awestruck) If you say you’re in Awe too (Aw shucks) You astonish me With ev’rything you Do Baby I am so amazed (Awestruck) I could stare at you For days (Aw shucks) My emotions emit A loud alarm I’m awestruck Just to hold you in My arms 13 I’m awestruck To behold your many Charms I’m awestruck As a boy fresh off The farm I’m awestruck ’Cause you took my Heart by storm The camera loves her, too. I’m sure others have let their hair down: blondes, brunettes, dreads, extensions, pony tails, plaits, etc., even the bald-head woman, Charde Houston, who stands out a mile when she plays. All of the ladies in the league do their hairdos, ok? And they all groom for the room, you know, and they don’t make a hell of a lot of money like the guys in the NBA.

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