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Home , Allison Feaster, Brian Agler, Jim Lewis (basketball), Kristi Toliver, Kym Hampton, Latasha Byears

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International Guard By A Cappella Beethoven Butts

My wife, Janice, had a suspicious feeling I had sexual intentions when I watched women’s basketball, the WNBA. Of course I denied it, saying guys would laugh if they heard her say that, because many of the women who played were gay. Yeah, I went on in vain, trying to convince her and myself I had no such motive as that. Why I only liked their athleticism. “Sure,” said she in a knowing tone, only a wife has. Then she said I was looking lustfully at their asses like I look at hers. 2

Hindpots (Song)

I love yo’ hindpots, woman (Hindpots) Bounce ‘em on my knee (Hindpots) I love yo’ backside, baby (Hindpots) That’s all I wanna see (Hindpots)

Cool busy buttocks, sugar (Hindpots) Bare derrière honey (Hindpots) I’ll wax that wiggle, girl (Hindpots) In a haul ass hurry (Hindpots)

I love yo’ hindpots, sweetie (Hindpots) Kick ass to the bone (Hindpots) I’m touchy feely, lover (Hindpots) I can’t leave it alone (Hindpots) 3

I want yo’ hindpots, darlin’ (Hindpots) Bring ’em over here (Hindpots) Hip shakin’ hiney, mama (Hindpots) Bringin’ up the rear (Hindpots)

Yo’ hindpots are da bomb No anal retentive harm Can never ever come Unless yo’ bottoms got ‘em

Yo’ hindpots too damn Important Boogie woogie bootay Sportin’

Yo’ bum yo’ fanny Yo’ can yo’ tail I’m a keister squeezer Grab ass male

I love yo’ hindpots, baby (Hindpots) Naked in front of me (Hindpots) I watch yo’ haunches, honey (Hindpots) Instead of my TV (Hindpots) 4

I’d miss yo’ hindpots, sugar (Hindpots) Don’t tush push away (Hindpots) I’ll kiss yo’ duff stuff, sweetie (Hindpots) In Macy’s window Xmas Day (Hindpots)

I saw yo’ hindpots, darlin’ (Hindpots) When you were ten and three (Hindpots) I spanked yo’ raw meat, woman (Hindpots) Behind the pecan tree (Hindpots)

You graduated, lover (Hindpots) In Washington, D.C. (Hindpots) When you left college, baby (Hindpots) Then we had to marry (Hindpots)

I still dig yo’ dainty Drawers I can’t control my Passionate paws 5

A party’s goin’ on Down there In yo’ Victoria Secret Underwear

It’s antsy in yo’ hot Pants They wanna bass drum Boom boom dance

Rollin’ left Then the right I bite moon pie When you excite

Just tell yo’ tan hide, sugar (Hindpots) You sho’ nuff lookin’ sexy (Hindpots) I got yo’ back end, baby (Hindpots) It makes me act T-Rexy (Hindpots)

I love yo’ roast rump, honey (Hindpots) With or without a thong (Hindpots) Them hip back pockets, mama (Hindpots) Dancin’ to this song (Hindpots) 6

So round firm and fully Packed Free and easy minus Drawers

Supa stacked I gotcha Back Quivering sacroiliac

My fingers sink in Yo’ sweet seat Manipulatin’ ’em Cheek to cheek

I bet yo’ caboose In the back Stevie Wonder Can see butt crack

Now tell yo’ half slip, honey (Hindpots) Bustier and bra (Hindpots) Girl it’s a panty raid, baby (Hindpots) In yo’ backseat of my car (Hindpots)

7

From yo’ black fishnets, woman (Hindpots) To yo’ bright red garter belt (Hindpots) Best musk perfumed one, lover (Hindpots) I ever felt ‘n’ smelt (Hindpots)

I’m a lookout ranger, baby In Lusty Dusky Canyon Explorin’ ev’ry scar, darlin’ Mole bump ‘n’ dimple You abandon

Up under thunder thighs, mama Of goosey fleshy pimples Lies two majestic, woman’s Hottie body temples

I love yo’ hindpots (Hindpots) Vacuuming the house (Hindpots) Switchin’ yo’ assets (Hindpots) Runnin’ from a mouse (Hindpots) 8

I love yo’ hindpots (Hindpots) Leavin’ out to work (Hindpots) You make that package (Hindpots) Jiggle wiggle ‘n’ jerk (Hindpots)

You’re got a Zulu Lap dancer design It’s freaky deaky Love Jello in my mind

Salome shakin’ Her baad ass baby cakes Yo’ peach shaped fonky butt Could cause L. A. earthquakes

______Top______

Truth is, I did see a rather generous roll and motion to Tammi Sutton’s- Brown buttocks, when her ample hips moved in sexy rotation. Admittedly, I said to myself as I had done many times, well ev’ry time I saw her walk to the bench, or run, Lord have mercy! Then I saw De’Mya Walker in street clothes and had to say she was striking, 9 especially whenever she fouled out. whom I call ‘the organ,’ ’cause she can play, chews her gum in an enticing manner. She’d be perfect as Calamity Jane in my movie “Limp Dick” about Deadwood, it’s a musical, imagine that.

I always thought should be in the movies, she’s so attractive, long lean and lovely. And ev’ry time I look at , I don’t care how tall she is, she’s a rock star, sex symbol. Many of the others have good looks and qualities in that category my wife suspects me having my greatest interest in.

So I thought about it, you know, hypothetically, and wondered what it might be like to be with one of these ladies, who run, shoot, dribble, , tumble, fall, get flagrantly fouled hard, have concussions, dreaded ACL’s that take a year to heal, sprains, broken bones, bad seasons, horrible games, get traded and/or dropped from the line up.

Could I live with those problems that haunt each one of these players I watch incessantly. I believe I could on the one hand because I like a talented woman. However, I’ve seen the husbands and significant others of some of the star players, and I felt they were in the audience watching like me on TV, but holding a baby; guys who are not famous, like a male basketball player, married to a star woman player, who is better and more famous than them. That must be the worst thing to live with, when being in love or just going with a WNBA star. It takes a hell of a man to do that. 10

I use to look at sexy that way my wife accused me of doing, until I found out she was gay. Then this year, I read online she was not gay now, and had a man in her life . . . lucky guy. Sometimes faces grab me more than bodies in the WNBA. Not that these women don’t have figures and forms that delight men, they do, but in those uniforms they wear, a lot of the focus goes elsewhere, when I see them all battened down on the chest and covering up the rest.

Tina Thompson was always a leader at being glamorous, I thought, just by wearing lipstick on the court, she stood out like a movie star. I also have a penchant for her dedication and undying will to win while leading all players, by scoring over seven thousand career points. Catch comes to mind here, she’s a dynamo. I like her smile, voice and hustle. explained her alluring looks by saying on TV, she played like a girl plays. I might add like a very pretty girl plays.

When flamboyant superstar, Sparks team co-owner, played the game, she was making money as a fashion model at the same time she was playing for the Sparks, and they won two championships. So all in all, is a bombshell, all 6-8 inches of her fabulous face and frame and her accent, that Aussie talk kills me dead. 11

That’s why I love to look at , not only her captivating, compelling countenance, but body language on the court, where her character shines, her charm, her hair, her eyes, her lips, her nose, her attitude, her way, her manner in general demands it from me, when I encounter her fine features in action during the games, and I’m smitten, mesmerized at my age 75.

I was captured the first time I saw her play Duke, and she won the game in 2006 for Maryland. They had her pose for a picture in a dressy coat, she wore it like fur. I see her in luxury and treated as a big super star, a sports show girl. This year in one game I saw, she blew me away when she released the mane of that thick bunched ball of black hair loose and let it down, falling in a cascading move, only a beauty queen could pull off on camera.

Awestruck (Song) I’m awestruck by your Eyes Your lips I idolize

I’m captured by your Smile I can’t resist your face 12

I love you head to toe More than you’ll ever Know I think your body’s A temple And I pray Night and day

I’m awestruck over you (Awestruck)

If you say you’re in Awe too (Aw shucks)

You astonish me With ev’rything you Do

Baby I am so amazed (Awestruck)

I could stare at you For days (Aw shucks)

My emotions emit A loud alarm

I’m awestruck Just to hold you in My arms 13

I’m awestruck To behold your many Charms

I’m awestruck As a boy fresh off The farm

I’m awestruck ’Cause you took my Heart by storm

The camera loves her, too. I’m sure others have let their hair down: blondes, brunettes, dreads, extensions, pony tails, plaits, etc., even the bald-head woman, , who stands out a mile when she plays. All of the ladies in the league do their hairdos, ok? And they all groom for the room, you know, and they don’t make a hell of a lot of money like the guys in the NBA. They have to supplement their meager salaries playing pro- basketball in . Snatched Bald-Headed Woman. . .Nah (Poem)

Baldhead Charde Houston Off the bench, vivacious Chesty and posterior as ever Dancin’ and prancin’ After the win 14

At first sight I thought She was a big C patient But she ain’t hardly sick She’s the perfect picture of health

Her shaved head stands out on TV like a big cured C patient, as Larry, ‘the broadcaster’ Burnett said her mom is. I’m sure as women wear hair or no hair as fashion statements; she was too healthy to be in chemo, a full figured wiz, with bootay, plus boobies bouncing with the ball.

The WNBA has many ways open for the women to show their beliefs, proclivities and personal preferences, although I’m suspicious it’s against some rule of law, they, the hierarchy enforce, that may or may not accept a sexier league I imagine.

Intellect comes to mind here. As I never heard the ladies in the WNBA speak in an incorrect way that many of their male counterparts in the NBA do. Not all, but many guys fall short here, when speaking in TV interviews. So it seems the ladies are much more articulate, and when they speak, they come correct. I guess they do this because of the lack of perks and benes the guys get, that might keep them out of classes, which would improve their grammar, and/or intellect, plus poise. 15

In other words, the guys don’t handle the TV interviews as colorfully artful, word wise, and precisely grammatically professionally as the ladies, who obviously went to class somewhere. Ahh . . . class, that’s my Kristi, she owns it. She has it to spare. This is why I am her biggest, older fan probably. I’d love to meet her, talk with her and let her know my deal. When my ship comes in, I’d be proud to help with her career, and aid in broadening the attendance and interest in the WNBA globally.

One of my four sons, Tony said he didn’t like the WNBA because they couldn’t dunk. Well, some of them can! , CP 3, Big Syl, I guess. And I know Lisa Leslie did it first. I think dunking is a no-no out of respect for all the players who can’t, so the game stays evenly matched. I crave the effort, expertise and all of the moves in the paint, with steals, blocked shots and now, voila, the monster three pointers. This shot will bring the people around to paying for a ticket. Kristi can shoot the three with panache.

Now I’ve come clean about my reason for watching the WNBA with an amorous, enthusiastic smile, grin and holla. Ever since I knew a basketball player nicknamed Piggy, on the girls’ basketball team in Manassas, Virginia high school, and when I watched and cheered my daughter, Jennifer play, I’ve been enthralled by the game I took for granted, until I saw greatness sparkle in a pretty woman’s eyes like a dream. 16

I was alone, my wife, Janice was in D.C. visiting her mom during the heat storm there. My doors were locked; my house lights were on, except for the rooms on the side of the house. So I had safety concerns around dusk, as it began boom, boom, pop, pop outside!It’s WWIII outside my home, fireworks and firecrackers pop and burst as guns and bombs on the 2012 4th of July. They bought ’em by the ton to celebrate.

I live out in the San Fernando Valley. I’m black and worried what will come and will they explode dynamite and blow me and my track house up tonight. Or when they attack and take aim, they’ll only shoot at me, undercover from the firecrackers, so no one would know who did it.

No one can see them fire at night and pick and choose a target that they’ll all kill. I hope and I pray that it ain’t me. A racist lives next door, maybe, and across the street from me. I feel I’ve got a sneaky enemy, so if I die tonight, it could well be my neighborhood is racially unfriendly. But should I live, I’d better leave before they celebrate New Year’s Eve . . .

That morning I had a big breakfast after I checked the sports page to see if anything was written on my team, the L.A. Sparks. I knew for sometime the Lynx would be in town, and I figured they would beat the Sparks, plus, I couldn’t see the Game as I wasn’t cyber-savvy. I had a game schedule that stated the game wasn’t on cable TV, but when I read the sports page in the L.A. Times, it said I could see the game. I didn’t believe my good luck. 17

I got involved in preparing to check out my work from the day before the 4th of July. I’d written a poem on the fireworks display, audio action only, I heard from my room. I refused to fear the ruckus now that might happen tonight on the 5th while I relaxed. I looked up and it was 12:30 p.m. I’d missed the first half, but I couldn’t beat my good luck again, when I saw the score and the Sparks were leading! I sat up and saw the second half still in awe of my favorite player, #20 putting on a performance she and the Illinois superstar CP 3 delivered in unison.

Chicago Woman (Song) Chicago woman Mmm mmm

Chicago woman Uh huh

Chicago woman Well well

Chicago woman Oh yeah

Chicago woman Pretty urban Chi town Girl 18

Chicago woman You’re the best girl In the world

Chicago beauty Walking in the mid- West sun

Chicago cutie You know that you’re The only one You’re as great As the lakes And you’ve got just What it takes

When it’s hot When it’s cold Chicago woman You’ve got soul

Chicago woman Young and bold Chicago woman Good as gold _____Top_____

Chicago lover Warms me on a windy Night 19

Chicago sweetie Your body is my heart’s Delight

Chicago baby Dressed up like an Eskimo

Chicago honey Like a bunny in the Snow ______Top______

They sat side by side, CP 3 rubbed Kristi’s hair, teasing like as if it were preordained for them to be the stars of the show time to come. I love the team, the starting 5, especially their ESP play is a keeper and a winner, if they ever hook it up together. This, of course is what they all say about ev’ry team in sports attempting to win a championship, when their team happens to have the edge, I noted existing in this one. They still have a challenge ahead with this arduous Western Conference title task today.

Anyway, anyhow I marveled at the energy level, concentration and skill. This is for both teams’ efforts as they played, fought, defended and scored. Lord, Kristi had her 3 on. Parker put it on ’em, and the Lynx are the champs. Coach ’s team was so formidable; 20 they’d only lost a few games, so far. I was aware of the others promise, but it best belongs to the Sparks to step up, maybe today I thought. Looking at the lead they had at the half, a six point lead, I gloated in expectation.

Hell, it wasn’t easy knowing who would take it all this season. San Antonio was out there, scary and tough, along with Seattle and Phoenix. And this is just the Western Conference leaders I’ve seen in 2012. I heard Larry ‘the broadcaster’ Burnett say the Sparks had lost three in a row.

The Lynx are so strong, their swag is impossible to miss. They look to be the best team in pro-women’s basketball ev’ry time I see them. Then again, the Sparks have the best complete exciting all round player, CP 3. Still my overall interest here is one Kristi Toliver as I need to know if I can still call ’em when I see ’em.

I like what I see from Sykes, coming in like a godsend from the April draft, I guess. One day I’ll find out her first name. I depend on Beard’s comeback and as always Nneka, she’s my rookie of the year. Lavender is settling down and beginning to score more accurately.

I listened to the announcer, Larry Burnett, who’s the best in the business. He was working alone, as many or most of the teams have two play-by-play commentators. I like analyst Doris Duke, Pam Ward, , , Tracy Warren, La China, Kym Hampton 21 and Cindy Brunson. Then high praise to Drysdale, general manager of the Phoenix Sun, an NBA team, plus the WNBA team, also accolades to , first head coach of a NBA team in progress.

On this 5th of July, it was camp day and was full of cheering kids. They had a ball, so this has got to increase future fan attendance. Ev’ry time Kristi misses, I feel her disappointment deeply, like you always do for your hero in sports. I know she can’t make ’em all, but I’ve been watching women’s basketball, and my first loyalty was to Deanna ‘Tweety’ Nolan on the X . But if she returns, I’d still pick Kristi, she’s my pet pro-player.

In this game so far, Kristi mouthed-off a couple of what I lip-read to be damn, at least twice, that I made out. Before this game, I’d seen her mouth an f-bomb to somebody in San Antonio. Larry, ‘the broadcaster’ Burnett said Kristi was scoreless the game with them before the last one. Her pretty mouth, fouled out on the bench and she was salty as sin. 22 Mild Profanity (Song)

Damn . . . damnation You swore oaths so refine Damn . . . you got 2 b mo’ careful All the f’n time You’re not the nebulous Benign Innocuous kind

Hell . . . holy hells bells Accursed adult blues Life is hell Bedamned dark demons When you lose The game you love

You should’ve said darn You could’ve said heck But f-bombs in a blue Streak From your sweet mouth Rated X

Polite naughty nice things You said instead OMG! Pillow talk obscenities That occur in bed 23

Christ . . . name in vain Sin and shame You’re profound and Profane Heaven and hell Laced with vogue Vulgarities Of mild profanity

I’d not known this hard side to my favorite player, but I knew she was an intelligent bad-ass all the time. I just never saw such a knack for charismatic behavior, from a introvert personality and she’s a lady too. I am aware of the best player in women’s basketball being by many in both conferences of course, then Catch and Lauren Jackson. I love to watch Becky; she chews her gum and chews up the opposition. Next I saw the game with her team against Catch’s, Fever.

I see a hustle between me, Kristi and the team, plus the whole WNBA. June 28, at San Antonio, Kristi didn’t even shoot the ball at all. Then there’s that dark game where she made a record fourteen turnovers. Well, it’s a whole ’nother fantasy I have now. I see a WNBA union of my creative driven personality, my reclusive, esoteric, seventy-five year old, unknown, hard-to-get-along with or easy going, moody, out going and friendly business agenda in collaboration with the L.A. Sparks, after my composer’s vocal version. Then excellent known vocalist, singing my songs about them and their 2012 championship season run, in presentation with the WNBA. 24

My commitment comes from being self-exiled from the entertainment industry, at my age, where fame and fortune await on the impossible side. I will rise up from obscurity and become the biggest thing in the music business and show business, the king of content, online and off, worth billions.

Back to reality and my reason for picking this way to present my work with women’s basketball, I can only say I feel this oddity of a tie-in that is warm as the big ol’, bulky, lucky, woolen tan or gray sweater Kristi wears on the bench, if she’s out of the game, on a break or where ever she runs the course of success she’s on, that can’t be denied; all she needs is to come into her own.

The way it went was, she became the third pick of the . Chicago was the opposite of what happened next in her career, as she wound up on the biggest showtime stage today in L.A. Hollywood credits come into being with any emerging star. No other stage exists for launching her talent, as it is all being captured on camera.

I’ve seen the personalities in the WNBA, all of them. I know Angel McCoughtry has a great wit, temper, mood swing and mostly greater ability to play the game of basketball at the very top. I believe in Ashley Robinson, she’s an exotic more so than anyone else, not just her hairstyles, but a star quality that comes from the soul of a special person first, then an athlete that represents and brings show biz glamour into the game. 25

The individuality of won me over when she won the championship in college ball, taking on the likes of six foot eight phenomenon, in 2011. I like Mama Taj, I think she has the pro thing down pat, taking her time at the young age of forty; she could go on and on.

When CP 3 plays all out, there isn’t anyone who can contain her, so it is astonishing, she and Kristi are on the same team with Nneka, Alana, DeLisha, plus the mighty, ravishingly cute to boot bench, Ebony, Sykes, Lavender, Marissa, O’Hea and Anosike. This is the main event, the show, the stars, the righteous reserves not your inept depth, not just subs, but the hope and future of the team’s evolvement.

General Manager and VP is to be congratulated for her excellent taste and know how in selecting the team. The coach, Carol Ross, is to be given kudos for starting Kristi, and even though many would say that was a no brainer now, then it was a gamble, when you consider the attributes this post, the high lauded, most respected and responsible position requires. And that is of a leader first, one who has more skills than nearly any other on the floor. She must distribute the rock, know when, where, who’s hot, and open to score. Then pinpointed passes to the perfect player to do so must be the result. 26

I listen to the blues channel on cable TV, but I don’t shun others taste when it comes to music, I only know I feel the good stuff they play as a sound track to this bold request, to let nature take its course and see fantastic things happen, after I combine forces with the WNBA.

Kristi has a dramatic flare no one else who ever played WNBA pro-ball can equal. What she possesses, are her aggressive aims and ambitions. There have always been talented ladies in the league; it’s the big leagues after all. Globally speaking, online and TV, I knew a rising star of her magnitude had to emerge. All superstars have a secret ingredient that keeps them relevant with the fans and increases the word of mouth about their aura. That’s the word, it’s her aura, others have come close, but no cigar. She is destined to be the one and only Kristi.

It’s no accident she wound up in L.A., where the big beaming spotlight can caress her persona fully and grant her the audience that awaits her deeds. Money will follow fame here, and who can say, suppose she can dance and sing, although it doesn’t matter as long as her iconic image graces the screen with or without a basketball.

Tina Turner’s “Three O’clock in the Morning Blues” with Ike Turner soothes my soul as I write my heart out about no slick trick here, just honesty, something I don’t want to control as it is my purist expression and has nothing to do with anything but fascination with what I believe to be a presentation with the WNBA. 27

To begin, I’ll watch and keep writing. What could she do to get the attention of the mass media? She’s on TV and maybe that’s all she needs as Lisa’s court at Staples Center is her stage, that gives her the chance to perform acts of great skill, like the three pointer shot, the big ticket, and the farther away she shoots it the better.

If she didn’t miss, and kept it up for, say three games in a row, nothing could stop her from getting over and putting the WNBA in the public’s face forever. She shot well today, but she’d need a feat as I described in order to gain the concentration and consideration of the nation, Europe too in her case, Russia and Japan maybe, as Kristi’s the international guard.

An ‘It Girl’ in the WNBA, think of it, the full treatment, all the trimmings a leading lady gets from the film industry, put upon a great looking woman basket baller. If I had a choice between looking at her, or a real movie actress, I’d pick her every time hands down. Her timing is so tastefully theatric, when she acts out her anger at a bad call, stamping her feet defiantly, or reacting to any other disappointing thing that disturbs her game. Her frown or her smile is perfect for emoting her take on the problem, and like Larry, ‘the broadcaster Burnett’, said, “She wears her heart on her sleeve.” 28

I see the diminutive types, Shannon Bobbitt, so tiny in height, but muscle and enough body strength to knock down the three and with Big’s guarding them at the time. Then the ones of average height like Kristi who play like the guys when they ball, and the Big’s themselves, some towering six foot eight inches with arms that go on forever, and don’t forget the young rookies and veterans no older than forty-one.

Most are physical specimens of the same age, ideal weight and in good condition to play the schedule of a whole season, and then begin again in Europe and Asia, South America, Australia playing there off season. All of that road trip traveling must wear them out, always on the move from whistle stop to whistle stop, constantly playing in the shadow of the men in the NBA, while only making a fraction of their money.

I think of Brittney Griner, the likeable six point eight foot center for Baylor University, still in college, who may come out to join the ranks of the WNBA next year. If the money had been enough to satisfy her sacrifice, she might have forgone staying put in school this year, 2012. None of the women playing now seem to have other skills that can bring them fame and fortune. They are basket ballers, first and last, unless they possess a profitable major from college, or maybe have or find another talent. 29

Kristi felt at home enough to talk like a starlet about flying in from Russia and wanting to get some sun in L.A., lucky ol’ sun. Alas, she was disappointed here, only to find sun in Arizona, when the team played the Phoenix Mercury.

The only justification of a higher salary, a decent living wage would be if the asses were in those empty seats I see, all over in every arena, when the WNBA is playing. Regardless of how good the team is, I see a fan deficit plain as day on TV. Then TV is not always pay-per-view. They show free games away and some free home games too. If I could afford it, I would pay-per-view the whole season.

I’ve considered the possibility that a man will pose as a woman and play in the WNBA. He may be able to get away with it, like in a movie that I saw, it was a comedy. Then again, one of these women could join the NBA and that would be big box office, if she could ball, no joke. Tweety could do it; she has the strong game to mix it up with guys in the pros. I loved to watch Tweety play at first sight as many others did I’m sure.

All I have to do now to bring the whole thing into fruition is correct my few faults, to suit and represent someone of her ilk. Let’s see, first the dentist, certainly I’d need new partials or even implants, if that’s not too late at my age. My weight might be a tad too much to go around with, be seen with in public, promoting my ideas. I’d need to walk, swim, well, get in the water anyway and move around for exercise. 30

Although my hair is thinning and balding up front, I will present myself just as is. I believe they’d prefer it, I feel they would appreciate me more, if I’m upfront and I don’t hide my faults. Then there are my pills I take for my many ailments, nothing tragic yet, just high blood pressure, cholesterol, etc. Oh, I forgot to mention my bad swollen legs and feet, not a pretty picture, I’m working on it. Everything else I’ll keep to myself as I know how far to go.

I had a mad crush on when I saw her play too. She could have had television interest and become a TV personality, that’s how cool she was. Thus, my take on Lady Ballers is, they must be hip, hot and stand out among all the other players as the best one. 31

My Shoddy Body (Song)

The black crow caws The little dog yaps The big dogs bark at me The tom cats snarl When they see My grotesque Shoddy body

My body (Shoddy Body) Big bloated body (Shoddy Body) Overweight and rotty (Shoddy Body) Then I never was a hottie

(Oh yeah)

No one would care If I wear A pair of black silk Underwear But when I sport My tighty whitey’s

The woman ’Cross the street Shouts Eeech! Good God a mighty 32

My body (Shoddy Body) Obese body (Shoddy Body) Is out of shape

(Oh yeah)

My figure (Shoddy Body) Is gettin’ bigger (Shoddy Body) Than my vim And vigor (Shoddy Body) They glare and gape

(Oh yeah)

My body language Is so bad My posture’s poor and Sad

My stature’s gone Stark ravin’ mad In the suburbs At my pad

______½Chorus______

My legs are swollen And my feet are flat My stomach sticks out And I’m fat like that 33

I pick up the paper Or take out the trash And I can hear Their sharp teeth gnash

I know that I won’t Live too long Unless I’m strong And go on about my business

Then I won’t care If the black crow caws ’Cause my body isn’t his’n

______Chorus______

Kristi looked intently out from the bench at the game with the Sun and the play by play KDOC cable TV announcer, Larry ‘the broadcaster’ Burnett said she was in the zone, then he added, “Look at her eyes.” She was in her PR mode again; she’s the best in the WNBA at selling her feisty brand in a big ol’ bundle, plus if you look as I did, like Rebecca Lobo said, Kristi has moxie.

I was hoping like all of her fans pulling for the Sparks WNBA team, that her shots would fall in when she paused to jump into the air and let go a potential bucket. A two, a three or a chance at the line to shoot two more perhaps even after she scores. Usually when she’s hot, 34 she sends a thrill we all long to feel as she plays and we win. L.A. is a ghost town to me, when the Sparks go away, it might as well be San Francisco, where there is no professional basketball at all, and many folks are just happy and gay.

In my humble opinion CP 3 is the most gifted and greatest WNBA player. She’s the best woman’s basketball player today: whoever, anywhere, anytime, playing any position, doing everything to win the game, and maybe in the future, better even than Deanna ‘Tweety’ Nolan, who owns triple doubles.

Well we’ve got , DeLisha Milton- Jones, and Kristi Toliver to join CP 3. Coach Carol Ross has #20, Kristi playing thirty-four minutes per forty minute games.

The Bonner Pass became a Donner Pass and was cannibalized and devoured by the hungriest player, Mamba, Diana Taurasi off the bench, then nothing but net as the cool strings sang “Twine Time” to her praises by themselves.

Rebecca Lobo wore a stunning blue dress, looking like a goddess in a gown, and said in her commentary, that the ref calls teams by the color of their uniform. Thus, the Sparks are yellow. called ‘So’ might as well have a paint bucket playing in the paint, so put her on the creative as Jackson Pollock paint bucket list. 35

Toliver Time (Poem)

It’s Toliver time Kristi blow my mind Drop a 3 for me Bad as you can be

Thrill us to the core With ev’ry point You score On the basketball court With the L.A. Sparks The new queens Of the sport It’s Toliver time

The game’s on the line Tick tock tick tock Goes the clickin’ Shot clock

The pressure’s mountin’ The crowd is countin’ 1 2 3 4 5 6 She’d better shoot it quick Toliver runs like a Bulova T-time ain’t ever tough for her Nobody can check ’em all Or hard guard her tall AB can always find CP 3 Shoot herself 36

Or dish to DMJ Then Kristi can Put it in again For the win

My expectations rise As I watch her She’s inclined To exercise Confidence

You can’t stop her will Her most famous trick still Is to beat the buzzer After they all Block and knock her

They must be warriors now Nneka knew this CP 3 preached it DMJ beseeched it As AB always tried to reach it

They all jealously guarded Against injury Again and again And played the game Hard to the hole To win 37

Then my pretty pick Was and is sexually And intellectually hot Plus, not many can stop Her money honey shot

CP 3’s happy AB cheered Nneka laughed And DMJ Celebrated With her teammates

And the bench emptied On the floor The coach and her assistants Joined the uproar The people rejoiced In the stands Even the losers Shook hands And like me The team owners Were her biggest fans

This isn’t just a cookie cutter, cupcake cutie garden party variety, sugar pop rush to the masses, bent upon acquiring the eighteen to thirty-seven demographic market online and TV. We‘re all out here where the earth is shaken, not stirred, any nanosecond of the day or night. 38

Glam Slam Bam Thank U Mam Ball

I promised myself, I’d check out the female football Lingerie League again, but I passed, as this was back when CP 3 tore her ACL and needed Kerland Jobe’s orthopedic surgeon for the Sparks treatment clinic. They must be an excellent answer to professional ball injuries in this area because she was healed. Game time, CP 3 tests the integrity of the opponents defense against her offense. Game over, opponents are devastated, dismantled and destroyed. I begin to take notice of her, as La China says, length and strength.

Her beauty stood out too. She’s one of the best physically put together talents on earth, having abilities others only dream of. It made me imagine a team of athletic beauty to match skills on the court. And I thought of a real dream team I’d put out there, then I saw the TV spot where CP 3 posed naked for a magazine.

She quipped, “What kind of magazine is this?” I laughed at her humor, until she disrobed, revealing her long, lean, copper, caramel colored skin, glowing on a blessed athletic body that went on up and down, then back up to her sweet face. She displayed a form, figure and grace only seen in films. I marveled at her magnetism and vivacious vibe, I, as all other guys would see nude and remember, when she was on the court playing ball. 39

I concluded her future would be in the movies as a superstar, maybe like “Cleopatra Jones,” the 1970’s black exploitation action figure, but bigger and better, should she want that career after basketball season. She’d be the greatest of them all, if she crossed over into the glorious world of hedonistic Hollywood, to become an actress. I could see her cast in movie after movie as her towering height would serve her well here as a plus, just as in the WNBA.

She’s not only gorgeous; she showed a side all women try and emulate, that they accept to be the template of beauty. She allowed the camera to capture her gifts tastefully, although in the altogether. As I watched in awe, I wondered two things: how many other professional women basketball players had this career crossover ability, and if the WNBA would ever dunk and play au natural games to packed arenas?

Body Painter (By and Large) (Song)

Woman let me paint Your body I’m a body painter baby By and large By and large And there’s no charge 40

Just step into my studio And you can let your Hang-ups go Let ’em go Let ’em go And don’t say no

There are colors that I know Shapes and shades Of afterglow I’d like to try Don’t ask me why Don’t ask me why I’d like to try

Woman let me paint your Body I’m a body painter baby By the way By the way What you say 41

Whistles, Horn, Buzzer and Clocks

Bricklayers play, lay it up or lay it off Painters score points in the paint Conductors control the games tempo Window washers gettin’ their rocks off the window Laundry women spin cycle These fresh homemade rookies Make turnovers, hot as Krispy Kreme’s Bakers can get a roll Cleaning women wipe up the floor with ’em Preachers send up prayers Plumbers drain threes Thieves like , her face, her skills, and her grace my heart too Ponytails flyin’ Candace Wiggins hiked up shorts On tempestuous thighs

I’d love to massage Liz Cambage, the gorgeous, six foot eight, giant center for the , and reinstate ‘Confetti’ Betty Lenox, Tweety, Sheryl Swoopes, Marion Jones, Latasha Byars and . looked good in street clothes, as she does jackin’ up threes, when she hits ’em with a dagger. ’s stutter step, Lécoe Willingham’s hairstyle, fluffy and puffy as , right? Tammy Sutton- Brown flopped; she put that sweet set of buns on the deck and lay out on her swan-like neck. AB goes to the bank left-handed, watching out for Marie ‘Haiti Lady’ Ferdinand Harris. 42

Some broadcaster said DMJ, Sunshine and Dee, Mamba don’t like each other. D’Nasty shortchanged her and was taken out like a terrorist by Taurasi. Hard to guard, but fresh rookie youth has given way to a season veteran of four years here, as Kristi our sensational, international point guard, affectionately called ‘Killa’ comes into her own and a great team is born.

I’m a Big Supporter of the WNBA

Queen of Phoenix, Diana Taurasi Moanie dribbles between her legs twice and scores. Terry Gannon, modest man and broadcaster, and Rebecca Lobo, great looking, color broadcast talent, have outstanding play by play banter together.

Nice dish by Catch, called the ‘Animal’ by her teammates. Penny’s big blue eyes at the Bonner Pass she devours and takes Seattle by storm. Where is the ‘Haiti Lady?’

You must finish bunnies, chippies inside, then not foul from behind when you miss. I thought, somebody’s gonna kill Ketia Swanier, if she’s not careful, it’ll be her swan song. But not likely, I found out she’s back stronger than ever. 43

Talkin’ to officials after the call, is as arrested blacks talkin’ to racist white cops. Atlanta’s Angel McCoughtry, Castro ‘Izzy’ Marques, Allison Bales, Erika DeSouza, Sancho ‘the Saint’ Lyttle shine. And is that the same Erika De Souza in a black dress on the bench, sitting so demure and refined? Then and all she conjures up in my mind. is co-captain of the Dream with Angel. La China Robinson and Bob Rathbun are their play by play broadcasters on TV or online. Gettin’ the Rock ‘n’ Roll off the Window (Poem)

I love to see Tammy Sutton-Brown Walk and hear Catch talk Watch squawk And the Fever stalk Laurie Ann is Angels alter ego Way ain’t havin’ a off night She’s failin’ in yo’ dreams Hornbuckle’s hot and fearless Scorin’ a shot Tanisha was right Goin’ back door for the rock Then hittin’ a f-it bucket TV fans read lips and body language Stay aggressive Close Lindsay #13 out better 44

Seimone’s so sweet so smooth When she shoots I’m moved Mama Taj got hit in the mouth By Baby Ruth unintentionally Mama Taj towers magnificently Over the opposition like “The Alien” Doris Burke said, “That’ll close the gap In a hurry.” And somebody said, “I’d like to close your gap.”

And like I had no defense for that So’s still in it to win it It’s physical in Minnesota Where Rebekkah Swats and scores

Leaps blocks and soars Moanie’s the leader Unstoppable, untoppable And they say uncoppable My, my Maya’s unbelievable You Can Go to Minnesota (Song) You can go to Minnesota Before I let your love get colder You can go to Minnesota Before I let you love me cold You know where you can go 45

You can go to Minnesota You can go to Minnesota

Don’t pull no snow job off on me My love is deeper than the blizzard That you spread all over me

You can go to Minnesota If I can’t break the ice Smoke is coming out of your chimney But I know it ain’t for me

You can go to Minnesota You can go to Minnesota

Minneapolis and St. Paul Kisses you been breathing in my hair You ain’t got a snowball’s chance in summer And I’m giving you the air

You can go to Minnesota And when I thaw out in the spring I’ll be too hot to handle You’ll never keep me in a deep freeze thing

You can go to Minnesota You can go to Minnesota 46

Don’t Forget What Pat Summit Did . . . Even If She Does

Doris Burke said, “We touched on this.” And somebody said, “I’d like to touch on you.” Then she said, “The guards are getting sucked in.” And I put my hand over my mind. Becky’s thirty-four and goin’ to Russia Sitting there in a vacant stare I saw Silver Stars ten zip On the sidelines Dangerous , coach And Vickie ‘Victorious’ Johnson Assistant coach worked the plays Then it all made sense Not only Becky But something else In Texas Caught my eye

No slam dunks The press ignores The WNBA They overlook and undermine It incessantly Nearly vowing to a man To keep it under wraps This a-hole announcer Play by play guy Called Sheryl Swoopes A superstar and said 47

He’d seen her earlier in practice Yet he confused her With Saying they both Have on black headbands Similar complexions And both are tall black players

Block Party down the Lane (A Tracy Warren quote)

Tangela Smith has really soft hands, she moves treacherously too and sexy as Ashley Robinson’s hairdo. Lindsey Harding’s formidable easy look and golden facial hue is the Dream’s attraction. Sometimes Braxton switches her hips seductively when she hurries back down court.

Tough cookie, Tully Bevilaqua, and the two Danielles excel. The first one has a smile, style, colorful flavor, presence, size, plus skill; the second one has speed, nicknamed ‘the roadrunner.’ She’s a scorer, with youthful agility for defense and offense, stylin’ maroon short hair.

While shooting eighteen foot, tear drop jumpers, or making a crossover stop and pop, AB slashes her secret weapon through stretches and slumps. Beware she’s ala an assassin, brandishing a bloody dagger to the opponent’s heart. I’d never seen her smile before, it’s killa too. She can pass ‘n’ dash through double coverage 48 and beyond the trees. The play by play guy, Larry ‘the broadcaster’ Burnett, who calls the Sparks games on KDOC cable TV, said he was interviewing Kristi after the commercial break at the half, but no such thing took place, go figure.

I went online later and looked at a blog that simply asked ‘Where is Kristi Toliver tonight?’ A reference no doubt, to her being a missing player for three games now, as if nothing happened. I thought back to the 2011 season when Joe ‘Jelly Bean’ Bryant, was the coach. I figured he might have called the wrong lineup and offended my favorite player.

I could see and feel what I believed to be angst in the ranks, when Kristi was either on the bench or outside a quick team huddle. I chalked it up to her low point average and my own bias, as I didn’t really believe in the other players that much. I tolerated them as a team because of her gifts and greatness.

Once, I know I saw Kristi stand back from a time out, when Jelly Bean was drawing up a play. I assumed she wasn’t in on it; however, the camera caught a look of abandonment or disappointment on her pretty face that told me her downcast dismay. I can’t prove it, although I knew in my heart she’d been let go. Why is the question? All of her fans like me need to understand what they did to her. 49

Personally, I never was a big fan of the Sparks, just Lisa Leslie. But I accepted that lineup, especially after CP 3 got her ACL. That gave Kristi the spotlight and she owned it. She started at point guard instead of veteran, . I was sad and glad because I knew she’d score, and they needed points, not all that fancy ball handling, WNBA league leader of assists, Ticha was famous for. Then , the great all-star, who set the standard for scoring the most points ever, played hard and still hit the triple, was traded. I accepted the ferocious deeds of DeLisha Milton-Jones and admitted she was necessary to win.

The thing needed that you must have is a dangerous, feared presence in your squad that puts the opposing team off balance, making it difficult to control the flow of the game. No one else on the Sparks had the temperament and talent then, to take over a game like Kristi. She also had the ability only leaders, superstars, greats of the game can call upon. She had character and commitment, when she accidently, not on purpose, unintentionally flagrantly fouled a player, in the eye with an elbow, and that player lay there wounded upon the court, as hard feelings mixed with deep sympathy filled the arena. 50

Official Wolf Whistle of Love (Song)

The WNBA is skyin’ Ev’rywhere The WNBA Sparks Are flyin’ in the air

’Cause you didn’t hear my whistle Doesn’t mean I didn’t blow it Long and loud But you blamed it on Seattle And the noise made like a battle By the crowd

They were blastin’ Grungy music Key Arena’s hit by lightnin’ From the Sparks and Storm teams playin,’ plus the rain So you swore you never heard me As you fouled a player on the court in pain

Your eyes, your lips, your breasts and hips You broke my concentration (Ummm) Baby I saw that move I kiss approve Without a hesitation (Oh yeah) If you didn’t hear my whistle (Whistle of love) Girl I blew it black and blue (Over you) If you didn’t hear my whistle (Whistle of love) Pretty baby shame on you (Shame on you) 51

If you didn’t hear my whistle (Whistle of love) When I whistled it at you (Over you) Way before the ball game ended (Whistle of love) I was so in love with you (I love you)

______Top______

If you didn’t hear my whistle As I whistled at you Like a wolf in heat Love compromised the basketball game When I became a liar and a cheat

I blew so shrill you broke my will Along with all the rules and regulations Now my soul is lost my job you cost But baby you’re my love life’s inspiration (Oh yeah)

Your skin, your hair, your legs and thighs Made me a bad official (Ummm) I was the referee who blew it all With a lonely heart wolf whistle ( Oh yeah) If you didn’t hear my whistle (Whistle of love) Well I blew it black and blue (Over you) If you didn’t hear my whistle (Whistle of love) Pretty baby shame on you (Shame on you)

If you didn’t hear my whistle (Whistle of love) When I whistled it at you (Over you) Way before the ball game ended (Whistle of love) I was so in love with you (I love you) 52

The WNBA is skyin’ (Slashin’ and dashin’ Leapin’ so proud) Ev’rywhere The WNBA is flyin’ (The packed house explodes Rejoicin’ outloud) In the air

The WNBA ain’t jivin’ (Go get season tickets And tell all your friends) I declare The WNBA is thrivin’ (To experience the WNBA When the next game begins) Beyond compare The WNBA’s satisfyin’ (Come see ’em dunk With junk in the trunk) Oh yeah

The WNBA’s electrifyin’ (Come watch ’em sky As good as a guy) I swear 53

The WNBA fans buyin’ (Watch how they block And beat the clock) Here and there The WNBA ain’t lyin’ (See how they run Shoot like a gun) Wear and tear

The WNBA’s high fivin’ (Woman to woman Playin’ to win) Do or dare The WNBA’s crash divin’ (Jumpin’ and catchin’ Then swishin’ it in) Guys beware

The WNBA is strivin’ (They love basketball And give it their all) To fill arenas no denyin’ The WNBA ain’t cryin’ (Each time teams score And rush up the floor) Loyal fans care

The WNBA’s multiplyin’ (Passin’ dribblin’ A long stop ‘n’ pop drop) Their fair share 54

The WNBA is growin’ (Until the ref whistles A foul and they stop) To repair

The crowd turned against Kristi, but she stood tall, showing fierce pride in the face of her imbroglio, as she seemed to be alone during this awful ordeal. I felt it might have gone on and on for a time, in game after game, this branding and thinking her to be a villain. That said, I can’t really prove it; I can only write my feelings and make this statement, I can’t wait to see her play again, her style captivates me.

When Kara Braxton was traded to the , the word was she had family problems. This same family problems excuse was uttered for Kristi’s not being in the Sparks lineup in the early 2011 season. I hoped I was mistaken the first game she missed, when she was conspicuously absent, linking the same explanation as a code for traded, fired, suspended as I’d never think Kristi would quit, she’s too good and the other WNBA teams could use her skills in a bid for the playoffs.

Coach of the sang Kristi’s praises, calling her a good point guard, so because of his expertise, I knew it was on for her career. Then other coaches had to notice, one thing for sure is; only a fool would trade her to a team in the same conference. Consequently, I’d bet she’s in the East Conference again, maybe even with Atlanta. 55

I read , the superstar center will return tonight when the Sparks go up against the likes of Angel McCoughtry and her terrific teammates. That said, I’d rather welcome a trade than have KT take a back seat to CP 3, not as a rivalry here, but Jelly Bean must have his starters by now with or without Kristi. So if she’s still with L.A., she’ll come off the bench as the sixth woman does.

Let’s see, Ebony will be in it, along with Tina, then Ticha has her spot back with no KT, and Sunshine surely will start. The rest, Lacy, Lavender, Pringle and O’Hea are on the bench, that’s it so far. I hope Kristi winds up where she’s happy and can do the most good. But after all of her exciting play and sport’s entertainment, if they actually traded her for any stupid reason, I pray she will meet them again down the road this season, and paybacks a bitch, not Kristi just payback.

Team Chemistry Set Shots

Sue Bird had a family issue (funeral). Swin Cash played in China, her first name Swintayla means amazing woman in Swahili. She was traded to the Sky. Fellow Olympians, Big Syl and Angel tried to dunk, both missed. I’d install dunkin’ and raise two points to three points even four points credit for dunks. 56

The Baylor Lady Bears were at the White House in 2012. A Jeep Rangler commercial featuring John Legend and Common, wasn’t bad. Fowles is fouled and will shoot two free throws. A chocolate milk ad on TV made me gag, but my, my ’s, Dr. J finger roll gave me a charley horse reacting to it.

Official Whistle Blower Referee (Part I) (Poem)

’Cause you didn’t hear my whistle Doesn’t mean I didn’t blow it Clear and loud Don’t blame it on the fans Shoutin’ in the crowd Exotic electric ladies of the evening Day and night Lie cheat and steal the ball They like to win the fight

When the ref makes a bad call They will cuss and grumble And if stuff happens They will rumble All the fans Could cause a riot If they don’t calm down And be quiet You’d a heard a roach Piss on cotton And all this would be 57

Forgiven and forgotten When you were playin’ in the yard Learnin’ to play ball Hot and hard All that work that you put in Is a lesson how to play Basketball and win I’m your referee and judge Never act on a grudge Always do the sportin’ thing When you make the net strings sing Man to man or playin’ zone You were taught to get it On your own You’re a baller to the bone Your were taught to ball at home

Obama Can Dunk on Yo’ Mama

The President did not attend the USA Women’s Olympic Team game, but instead, he spoke to them. Was his speech after or before the game? Was it in private, at some secret location in the Verizon Center? Was it in the locker room? Were the women dressed, dressing, or undressed? I saw a group photo of the champion Baylor Lady Bears on TV. They were all dressed up. I’d love to see Sasha Obama’s team, the Vipers, play with Brittney Griner against the 2012 WNBA champs and the President coaching the Vipers for charity. 58

After the WNBA break and before the Olympic gold medal exhibition game, I picked those sweet Georgia peaches for the most competitive team in the east, who must defeat the best in the west, Sparks to win the WNBA championship. I had this vivid pastoral picturesque : I was in the country walking down a Georgia road to town alone. Across from me on the other side of the road, I saw a vision of pure loveliness heading the same way.

Strawberry Road (Song) Strawberry Road Way down in Dixie I’m gonna pick me Some more of your Red ripe love berries Strawberry Road I’ll always remember You last September Comin’ down Strawberry Road

Well shut my mouth I went way down south Just to steal some Georgia peaches 59

You smiled at me I shook your tree ’Til your peaches came Tumblin’ down to The ground

Your sexy y’all In a southern drawl Was sweet as honeysuckle On the vine

Sunshine was your Load I reaped what you sowed Comin’ down Strawberry Road

Now big city winter Winds may blow When I’m walkin’ in the Snow But when it all thaws Out I know I’m gonna pack my sack And back I’ll go to Strawberry Road Way down in Dixie I’m gonna pick me Some more of your Red ripe love berries 60

Strawberry Road I’ll always remember You last September Comin’ down Strawberry Road Lord I hope that road Ain’t closed

Strawberry Road (You didn’t have on no clothes) Strawberry Road (I reaped just what you sowed) Strawberry Road (Ain’t none as sweet as those) Strawberry Road (Lord, I hope that road ain’t closed)

Strawberry Road (You didn’t have on no clothes) Strawberry Road (You disrobed them to pose) Strawberry Road (Au natural head to toes) Strawberry Road (You’re gorgeous goodness knows)

I focused and it was CP 3, she was wearing pants and a matching pink top, shades, a sun hat and pink sandals. I drank in her exquisite, statuesque, iconic image, I always knew to be in a charging, active aggressively, physical mountain of motion on the court. She is the best woman basket baller in the world. Now however, she was charmingly Candace, who had this magnetic power I thought of when Hollywood came calling for the next super starlet. 61

Her stately height was to her advantage as she strode on her way past red, ripe, juicy, fragrant strawberries. She never even saw me, but seemed on her own mission to some important meeting, I felt. When we got to the edge of Atlanta, Georgia, the sunshine caught her beaming broad grin as she entered this small café. I followed her inside where she joined a glad, grinning guy, sitting with a happy pretty child.

I knew she was married, although I’d forgotten, when I saw her like a mirage. Then I recalled a pose she was in online and TV that captured her beauty in the nude. She also had a spot on TV in a black and white picture with her hair out and down to her shoulders. She was made up like the glamour girl she really is. Her lips were alluringly full, apart and glistening. She was perfection to see.

At first when I saw the spot, probably some advertisement for one of these testimonies the players do. I didn’t know it was her, she was so fine. They, the glad, grinning guy and happy cute little girl sat there with her, a family eating strawberry ice cream. So I saw another triumph in her future, that of a movie superstar, if she wanted it, all six foot four of her. What a hell of a woman, and a lucky, glad, grinning guy with their pretty little girl. 62

When CP 3 came down the court, it was a thing of amazing grace with the marvelous moves she made through the defense to the paint, or a stop and pop to score a surprise triple. I knew soon she’d dunk again for sure. WNBA Queens of the Court

In the flame and flower of womanhood, my favorite team gathered in a cheer circle to celebrate and congratulate teammates on the last win. As I remembered it, Kristi stood out grabbing at Nneka’s hair now as CP 3 had done at hers before in another previous win. Neither she nor Nneka expected this treatment that was to be reserved for the game winner, the MVP of the victory before the Summer Olympic break.

When there is scant time on the shot clock. And the score is so close, one, two or three, even four points separates the so thought loser from the win. When the eager, but nervous team ahead so far, begins to squirm, then fans stand up for the last play, unless by some move busted from the ones down and plotting to do the unthinkable happens. There are a handful of women players who fit this situation like a boxing glove. 63

I think immediately of the post interior ones, if you just need a one point or two to tie. Then OT is your best friend and only hope to beat the game. If you’ve got to have a triple, the perimeter shooters shine here, and if ones on the floor for your team, you are truly blessed with more than just a prayer. Kristi Toliver comes clearly to mind now as she is a champ at solving this dilemma.

By now she is in her zone as Larry ‘the broadcaster’ Burnett notes, and a hush comes over the whole joint. Nobody dares move and time does seem to stand still, when she readies for the obvious killer shot she must take and make. Then she squashes the vanquished losers’ chances and the strings sing the sonata, she composes when the three pointer is perfect.

Her feet are set behind the line, whether it’s an NBA three or WNBA three, it goes in the hole with the roar of the fans at a home game, or the groan of the opposing fans at a road game. That’s a regular game, play off and/or for the league championship. Kristi feels it, it’s her duty to do this in such predicaments, and she obliges with accuracy.

She’s a pretty women, and as such, seems to be at home in the spotlight, always responding to this rare feat, with some personal reaction, you watch and remember, when she skips back in triumph to the team, or is overcome and simply stands there while her rejoicing teammates smother her, and take her down, or maybe pick her up in victory, befitting the blessing she bestowed upon them. 64

This play performed to precision and given top priority by Coach Carol, is as deadly a weapon as any in her athletic arsenal of CP 3’s dunk, Nneka’s rebounding and put backs, AB’s scary left hand, eighteen footers and layups, Sunshine’s spin, with an enforcers bag of experience, professionalism and tricks of the trade. They are the best I’ve seen together on TV, and I don’t think or feel defeat is in their illustrious future.

If I’m disappointed, I will no doubt pick them again to win next year, if they all return as the starting five. I call ’em the ultimate unit, the Queens of the Court, without bias or boasting, I know greatness when I see it, and I’m sure of the Sparks. I’ve seen the wellness in a returned healthy CP 3, who no one can really stop alone, not Griner nor Lauren Jackson even, when LJ is in top form.

I relish everything Nneka does when she plays, always at her very best, which leaves so much for others to live up to. Her superior athleticism, few others have, like Tina Charles, who I saw handle and defend against Brittney. Tina handled the job magnificently and is on that great squad now. I also give kudos to Gino, her topnotch college winning coach, although they lost to Baylor the second time around without Tina.

I don’t fear the Lynx now, I did, but after the win, the Sparks managed, even though the game I watched, was without that disgustin’ Augustus they call ‘Moanie’ with love. They still had the power moves of , a tremendous terror on the boards, and she can score. 65

I especially take notice of both, ’s fierce talents and Candace Wiggins’ smiling, skillful play, as they scare me at times. And lurking in the back of my mind, I pray Mama Taj won’t have her usual good to great game. I can’t stand it! Lastly, this is really that good; she can kill you with speed, agility and big time hustle. Wait, did I forget, ignore, omit somebody I should be concerned with . . . Ahhhgh!

She looms larger than the Stature of Liberty, excuse me Cappie, but I mean that without great height, she raises the basketball bar, running, quietly checking, doing the job without effort, just game gifts of speed, and all out killer instinct, add defense and offense know how. Then it happens, you see the ball begin to fall, going in from any place she chooses and nothing seems out of range she can see.

My, my Maya’s a fine tuned human basketball machine, so damn great, she’s second only if I had to pick, I’d pick my CP 3 # 1. So far so good, she’s healthy, and when she brings the rock down the floor, it’s a show time experience to behold. All that mixed motion on the move at top speed, six foot four is insurmountable, regardless of the way she dribbles, holding the shot back, until she blows by defenders, just to reach the circle. Next she’s free and still angling on the shot she’ll make. The fans, of course, would die if she dunked it, as she could do every time against anybody in the WNBA, and many in the NBA, because she is the greatest woman’s basketball player whoever lived. 66

They call DeLisha a lot of names, no nicknames, I mean that other stuff the opponents say, when they mix it up with her and get slapped, hit and fouled flagrantly. Most cry out at her viciousness and concentrate on it the rest of the game, while DeLisha Milton-Jones, at thirty-eight, the oldest, most experience player on the Sparks team, smiles defiantly, even sweetly. Sometimes I swear, I think she laughs at a fouled player, a fallen foe, left in her wake, who hobbles to the foul line and misses both shots, sometimes even the flagrant foul shots are blown, when it’s a ferocious enough check from Sunshine.

She sits on the bench in disbelief at her being there, confined, when her gang is still out there either struggling or catching up, she’s itching to get back in the fight, and if she does, she’ll shock you with a triple. So don’t take your eyes off of her ever, or you’ll rue the day. 67

The Long Arm of the Law (Song)

You can lie, cheat, steal, run and hide Wear a beard and dark glasses in disguise You could change your name or play another game Nor never do a thing that you did the same

But you can’t escape The long arm of the law Just go ask Chamique Holdsclaw

Block LaTasha’s Byars Check Marion’s Jones Play ’em man 2 man D Hard 2 guard zone Naw you can’t escape The long arm of the law No you can’t escape The long arm of the law And make a clean get-a-way

So if you break The strong arm of the law Remember crime doesn’t pay

If you steal or any Offensive rash action partake That runs afoul of her She will surely go ape 68

She’ll aim for ya gizzard (Oh yeah) Like a great leapin’ lizard (Oh yeah) Replay the tape she’s a wizard (Oh yeah)

No you can’t escape The long arm of the law Go on ask Chamique Holdsclaw How her depressed heartaches ’Cause ankle bracelets won’t break

As it rubs her skin raw Like a saw Naw you can’t escape The long arm of the law

Her name is Delisha They call her Delight And DMJ too

Just don’t call her Those other names The dumb players do You say D’Nasty Girl I feel real sorry for you

When D’Nasty thunders with lightening and rain Soon Sunshine will come out again You may break past the guards in a rush And get bitch slapped upside your jaw with a blush 69

Naw you can’t escape The long arm of the law Like Geno beat Muffet McGraw

You can play overseas Until Tweety agrees To return for mó Swin Cash Than Brittney Naw you can’t escape the long arm of the law

84 Wing span Inches (Oh yeah)

Hands tight As monkey wrenches (Oh yeah)

She empties The benches (Oh yeah)

______Chorus______70

AB, Alana Beard who I nicknamed A.P.B. for obvious reasons in metaphorical basketball terms, and I’m using law & order jargon for fun, returns as the MVP asset they picked up in the best trade of this 2012 season. Thanks to Penny Toler, AB strengthens the scoring power, on offense all by herself. She’s fast enough and can shoot the three and hit it. She’s known to be up and around twenty points per game. When she’s on fire, she can shoot, defend and play all star ball with the best and she does. Her left hand is deadly as her intriguing smile that inspired this.

A. P. B. (Song) A. P. B. I’ll blow the whistle On my sweet baby I’ll tell the F. B. I. And C. I. A. My little girl Just ran away (Find my baby)

A. P. B. Please tell her that I’m feeling so sorry Tell her I love her Bring her back to me I’m putting out an A. P. B. (Find my baby) 71

A. P. B. I was such an unromantic Fool When I broke her heart And all the rules Much worse I made her Cry

A. P. B. If you could put her In a cell with me I’d lock her up And throw away the Key I’m putting out an A. P. B. (Find my baby)

I’m alerting ev’ry Traffic cop Set-up a roadblock That will make her Stop

I’ve got a million Bloodhounds on her Trail She can’t escape She’s going to love Jail 72

I’ve got the police Searching ’Cause I miss The sexy way she use To hug and kiss

If it would help me Find my little girl I’d drop a dragnet On the whole wide World - - - -

______Top______

Nneka graduated from college, Stanford. I saw her win and win again, up until she had to take on the tower of power Brittney Griner, the shot-blocking, tall troll on the boards, a six foot eight inch Wonder Woman, who will join the WNBA sooner than later. So let the dunkin’ and shot blockin’ begin. I believe my Nneka O will have her number next time and bust her athletic chops, then wear her out.

Curses to injuries, ACL’s and sprains, let nothing keep my L.A. Sparks from their regal destination, the conference win and then the coveted championship of the WNBA. No starting five can play forty minutes and not take a break. That’s where Marissa, Sykes, Ebony, Lav, O’Hea and Nicky A come to the rescue, and I feel they are getting better at it. I love them too, and I put a lot of stock in the hope, that some of the same 73 motivation, the starting five demonstrate has inspired them. I never cringe when they sub, I delight in seeing them do the same thing as they put points on the board or simply defend. EB and Lav, plus Nicky can shoot, block and , as can Sykes and Marissa and if O’hea comes home again, they’ll be hard to beat.

I’m aware of the other teams’ prowess, like Dangerous Dan’s wild bunch with Becky, So, the two Danielles and all the rest of the Silver Stars. They shine over the moon, I admit, as do the Fever in the mornin’ and Fever all through the night, without naming names; I’ll just say ‘the animal.’ And by the time I get to Phoenix, Dee won’t be there, no Penny for my thoughts either, but maybe they’ll heal by next year. So it’s the Dream I’m concerned with and the Lynx, ok?

When the 2012 Summer Olympics end, and the second half of the WNBA season continues, dammit it’s on. The Atlanta Dream is fast as Armintie Price, Tiffany Hayes and Lindsey Harding wannabe. They are as accurate as Angel and the Saint wannabe, and as lean and in condition as Erika DeSouza looks. I don’t fear them, but I do respect them all, and that’s trouble when we face them in combat, and the chips are down on their home court or at Staples Center. 74

My Starting Five (Poem)

Bring it up Set a pick Make a screen Then a pass Put it in Then we win

Take it back Next game like the same Do it all over Again

Kristi stop and pop! Nneka Get the boards D-nasty Spin it like A top CP 3’s gonna Soar for sure Sky and even Up the score Back to AB She’s in the corner Fake and feed her She’ll hit a 3 pointer 75

The bench comes in They move about Watch the game clock And dribble it out

The Lady Terrapins of Maryland remember well in 2006 how Kristi gave opponents hell. Now #20, good and plenty is a Spark. The Sparks flame and fire, she sparks joy and anger, the Sparks flyin’, basketball tryin’ to swish it through the net, implyin’ she’s the Sparks torch when she sparks anger, her sparks aren’t dyin’, when she’s a banger, winnings a walk in the park.

A triples a piece of cake, a three pointers a shot in the dark, point guard hard to guard, no slam dunk, but she’s got spunk, a rosebud nose princess of the WNBA, her sheer magnitude, magnetism, energy, team work, charisma, superstar power on display, is an inferno on the floor, when she burns the league with her hot shot streaks.

She sacrifices her body in the tall trees, defending the post, plus she uses her body to block . . . I slipped and said aloud, a lot of guys would like to put a hard body on her. If I were the opposing team’s coach, I’d send me in there.

What am I sayin,’ I’m sayin’ she’s hot, she’s sexy as LJ’s voice and Australian accent, when she lifts her willowy Aussie arms and pushes her blonde hair back in place, she’s the Flaxen Attraction Jackson. 76

Add that look of fiery blue eyed lust to win, that comes upon her alluring face and she resumes play, it’s a terrific thrill to watch her move to a queenly, sensuous scoring groove. These last season champs 2011, had good looks at the basket and good lookin’ women on the court. They were queens of the court with the likes of Sweet , long lean lovely Swin Cash, and the Nubian beauty, A-Rob when she crashed the boards or scored. Penny Taylor, ‘Mate’ the blue-eyed blonde Australian, made the whole Phoenix Mercury gorgeously great.

The elevators are coming through the roof, Big Syl, CP 3, Angel, Michelle Snow, Liz Cambage and possibly others playing, I don’t know about who dunk. Maybe not Tweety, but some other gifted WNBA player, could be Brittney Griner, if not then who, who else goes up that high, where the guys hang like Tarzan from the hoop rim when they sky.

Nobody’s pickin’ up Snow, or those using four letter words, at these shorter girls runnin’ and leapin’ to score baskets and be sex objects too, that’s a special trait, something extra thrown in the mix, for the ones who have it naturally. I see things coming to a head on this front, although the founding mothers of the WNBA will gag, when I reveal my graphic commercial vision. 77

I have no idea what or who inspires young girls to want to play the game of basketball. The ones that have the calling are singled out somehow by discerning eyes along the road to the WNBA globally. Skills are one thing; desire another and outstanding ability, which touches one out of thousands, or more in this country alone, is rare as gold.

Such a wonder is CP 3, she is not only the right height; she has gifts most others fantasize. If you could package what she has, the game would explode into a booming industry, the apex of the sport’s world. Money comes to mind, if we could increase the potential possibilities players possess and increase the range of things they could do on the court, in addition to all the known things guys do, as it would be a new WNBA then. It’s happening as I write, three or four girls will astound the game so much so, they’ll rule it in 2013. 78

Betty White

I’d cast her as a winning or losing WNBA coach, depending on which way was the funniest in an original film, then the three starters: Moanie, Way and Maya are called the Golden Girls, like Betty, due to winning the gold in the London Summer Olympiad, 2012.

#Twenty (Poem)

She’s not a symphony Nor a hip-hop video I see She’s a cool jazz trumpet solo Improvising to me Her flow is beginning to be A kindred spirit As such and so She’s a beguiling being Blessed by whatever it is That picks us out And gives one the Popularity power To excel

She stands upon the bleeding edge A way out of no way for sure When the ball falls In for three more 79

Her legs ain’t bow Her feet ain’t slew Her knees don’t knock She can bust the rock Her butt’s all there, extraordinaire Her breasts a palpable perfect pair Her face shows refined taste She styles her luxurious hair Cherry lips Soulful eyes Her attitude is bold and brave Her intellect creates mad drama As a champion she’ll meet Obama Coming down the floor With her game face on And no look pass For sparkin’ fun 80

Shaq’s Electric Ride

Inextricable as the concepts of these two separate seemingly disparate entities are, I suggest a breakthrough for both is coming. Hybrids are half/electric and gas, and compared to the WNBA, both have the problem of perception, as it must be clear, the advantage of novel innovation here is needed.

Other than the TV ads of either, in both different fields, without a real reason of a more commercial aspect, than being responsible and using alternative fuel, I don’t see a thing that suggest to me, I should drive a hybrid car. Nor should I be completely won over, seeing women play basketball professionally, unless I’m won over by gender, focusing on the style and limitations put upon women, who must compete with men, who play the game airborne, unlike women, who are still getting up off the floor.

The hybrid car sounds and seems futuristic, and can capture the imagination of one who dreams of what may be. However, those practical people will win out and omit any cleaner air policy with a gas guzzler every time for style and convenience, if they can afford it, albeit someone doesn’t burst that double bubble with a greater thought bubble like mine. 81

The WNBA electricity, is exciting predominate players, who do something that has never been done, and win fans and games they need to increase the attention span, in basketball ranks all over the world. Not just one player, mind you, but some style that is indicative of women’s basketball, adaptable as a brand concept, to be incorporated into the game all players can use. So if Shaq drives a hybrid Buick, I want an electric silver star AG Benz. I’ll put it on my Sparks business card as a prize to the International Guard, the leagues most improved player and member of the LA Sparks. 82

Dwight in Full Flight

It’s like an open look at salary, when you demand the ball and win. To prove and graphically illustrate my point about how I feel, it’s as when NBA superstars get what’s coming to them. I heard an announcement on TV that the man with the cape, Dwight ‘Superman’ Howard was signed by the Lakers. He wound up in a trade and when he appeared on TV, he said he was happy, lost for words, the same ol,’ same ol’ dodge you always hear when these gifted rich guys, who play so high-end above the rim, they oughta have to pay for the air rights up there.

This guy in particular had the leaping ability and everybody knew it. He’d been with the Magic, but got into a hospital treatment situation in L.A. He even said he’d been out here for three months. He said when he was walking around in Beverly Hills; a woman told him he should be with the Lakers.

Another guy shared a luxury compartment at Dodger Stadium with him. This guy told Dwight the same thing; he should sign with the Lakers. Dwight has a winning personality and veteran skills. He promised he’d play to win, smile a lot and have fun. I didn’t know the money involved in such a deal as this, to not only go after the championship, but entertain the fans, give ’em a show, something to keep ’em comin’ back for more action hero basketball at Staples Center. 83

Well, the fun part for me is writing about the money, which is the whole idea. Dwight imitated his phone call to Kobe. That was funny, he sounded just like him. The two of them could pay the salaries of the whole L.A. Sparks WNBA team, the coach and assistant coaches too. I’m being modest with their money, but these two make enough to sponsor the WNBA, as that figure exceeds the league budget.

I read where Elizabeth Cambage ruled the court, the night before, and Australia was ahead by four at the half over the USA Summer Olympic women’s basketball team. It seems Liz was on fire, but the U.S.A. team pulled it off anyway. Elizabeth Cambage came into America like a super ingénue. There were cameras clicking, and she was beaming big and beautiful smiles for all to see, and then listen to her accent, talking that sexy, good on ya, Aussie talk. Her ways were classic Hollywood; I don’t know what they could be thinking, sending her to Tulsa.

I saw a photo of LJ all over CP 3 in that same game, trying in vain to stop her shot. I remember when a camera guy taped the Detroit Shock of two championships in New York City traffic, on the way to to play the Liberty. Plenette Pierson, their great sixth woman, was hailing a cab with 84

Kara Braxton and a couple of the other Shock players, then as a gag, when they didn’t get a cab to stop after sticking out their thumbs, they decided to follow Plenette’s plan of sticking out a shapely brown leg. It worked and a cab stopped, they got in and that was that, sex appeal.

I’m unaware of the established tenets in the WNBA founders’ rules and regulations, whether they do or do not allow for certain displays of sexuality. If not, to me that is either correct or a missed opportunity. Then violence too is a no-no, frowned upon like sex is probably.

I recalled back when courageous Chicagoan, and her bad self, squared off with tough cookie Deanna ‘Tweety’ Nolan. They had to separate them, and I think Tweety slapped the ball away out of Cappie’s hands, or was it the other way around. Whichever way it was, it was well worth watching the two best players damn near go at it, although I must admit hardcore violence is not necessary. The Mercury won the title that year, aided and abetted by Diana Taurasi, et al. Unfortunately, the Detroit Shock as I cheered them never came back as winners. 85

Draw Iron (Poem)

Yeah I’m jealous of Zellous And too She shoots better but strange As she did at Perdue For Coach Carolyn The ‘prettiest’ Peck And the usual suspects Those college broads Can play They belong in The WNBA

Stick a fork in Lin She’s Dunn Guards on the prowl Don’t foul Powell She can make The three and all The throws are free

I forgot about Becky ‘the organ’ Hammon playing for Russia now in the 2012 Summer Olympic Games. Big surprise Cambage had 19 points at the half against the U.S.A. team. When Australia went at them for the bronze, I saw Jenna O’Hea and had to know if she still had her three points shot. Playing away from the WNBA is telling, as I heard a play-by-play guy say. Elizabeth 86

Cambage dunked on the Russians, her first I think. So that’s one more big time weapon. I couldn’t figure how any country could seriously play and win against the pure cream of American women basketball players. They have no chance, as this is the best on earth on one team.

This time another Kristi, Harrower, in this case, the thirty-seven year young Australian Olympian fought for and won the bronze. At the end of the game for the gold between and the USA, Dee, the leader stood with Sue the heart, and Catch the soul, all three together in triumph. After the big USA women’s basketball teams golden win, there were congratulations all ’round. Each player was a celeb, an international icon sports figure. They hugged and showed true team spirit and feelings concerning each other. When one player seemed out of the circle, they all or one player would acknowledge the one standing back and alone with a hug or a pat.

Nobody was left out; they were a team, united as a force, the greatest ever assembled maybe. They were an intractable power house. Then they stiffened some, seemingly to relive their biggest difference, race maybe and pro-team loyalty, but mostly personal standing, rank, accomplishments in the game. I saw Angel become animated in a circle of teammates, then without 87 audio that I’d insist upon, Moanie spoke and made a gesture, she stood taller and the circle evaporated, like that was a signal to get back to normal and go at each other again on different turfs, with their own people, vying for a playoff spot and/or a league championship. After the 26th of August 2012, CP 3 will return home, queen, the best in the game of women’s basketball worldwide.

Nothin’ but Networkin’ (Poem)

Three and a half billion Women in the world I’d just need eleven Or so beautiful and pretty Athletic sexy girls The ones who make The fans international flags unfurl On my team No wishy-washy Namby-pamby’s Only slasher’s cutters Game changin’ motha’s On my team 88

I watched the U.S.A. men win the gold also. I awakened at seven in the morning and seven-thirty I turned to the game with . It looked close until the second half and superstardom took over . . . that’s why they get the big bucks. I have nothing to add as I’m still working on the salary gap between the NBA vs. WNBA. That’s my main concern and my only interest here, my dream and goal. If I have enough of a breakthrough with my work online, I will purchase a WNBA team, cable/online network or possibly start a new league I create.

At the buzzer of, I think the half; Kristi shot a long attempt, a prayer for over half court, to demonstrate her strength and confidence. In my day we would have said she was cock strong, but a more ladylike thing to say here, is she was feeling it. Then in superstar fashion, sensing the camera was still on her or not, Kristi rode off the court on Nneka’s great, strong shoulders with a victorious smile that might be the one she’ll use, when they take it all after the Olympic break.

AB’s lickety split left hand is definitely a serious weapon to be considered. Jenna O’Hea and with and , the two assistant coaches’ help will prevail. In the last game of the 2012 season going into the Olympics, the L.A. Sparks were up against a formidable Fever team. I knew Bree and Zee were trouble, of course Catch, then after Katie Douglas it was anybody’s guess. I was sure if the Sparks wanted it enough, they’d take it and they did. CP 3 scored as did Kristi, but neither had their best game as Nneka did and the starting five was spared a defeat. 89

The women can earn as much, even more than the guys, all you need is imagination and form a new league image to rival the NBA, based on Title IX, the federal legislation that banned discrimination on the basis of gender in public schools and offered girls and women equal opportunities in sports. Now compensation is the answer, they need to get paid.

I’d just pick from the same league rosters, a peony of the same pretty players, strong women, who bring it for a whole season, as it’s not wise to think any other way. I’d sell out MSG and Staples Center ev’ry game my way. I’d do this, or start another league. When you get sponsors, you can do it bigger and better. I’m convinced I could get every free agent and college great before the draft my way.

You look long enough you’ll see what you don’t like, it’s inevitable. Although in this instance, I increased my interest in foreseeing my players in the best, most qualitative life, I’ve ever seen a superstar, Hollywood or world’s sports figure exhibit. Few have that special something that captures you when you observe them. There are real celebs, in the WNBA, especially now, because of Kristi Toliver’s fun-to-watch contemporary skills.

Rebecca Lobo wore aqua blue and I believe I heard her talking about matching earrings, she was wearing or not. She wore her dark brunette hair, long, shoulder length and a winsome smile besides. The tresses fell past her shoulders. I like her laugh and sense of humor. 90

Her husband’s a very lucky man; that’s the kind of Rodeo Drive radiance I see for all the best players now. It wouldn’t spoil them by showering each one with jewelry, mansions, planes, boats and horses, and yes, I can see them decked out in equestrian’s finest riding togs, sitting upon a stallion, and of course, I’d have their portraits done in oil, plus sculptures all over my palatial estate. Rodeo Gal (Song)

Come ride my stallion Rodeo gal Oh baby Rodeo gal

Come let’s be pistol Packin’ buckskin pals Rodeo gal You’ll win blue ribbons In your hair For sure keep buckin’ You great big beautiful Rodeo gal 91

Rodeo gal In Oklahoma Rodeo gal In San Antoine Rodeo gal In ev’ry city Rodeo gal I left at home Rodeo gal Gets all the money

Rodeo gal Looks back and smiles Rodeo gal I’m roped and hogtied Rodeo gal Wild western style

Come ride my stallion Rodeo gal Oh baby Rodeo gal From Sante Fe And back to old Cheyenne Rodeo gal

My wild horse Buckin’ rings around Saturn and Mars Come ride my stallion To the stars 92

I noticed the last game Saturday, the 7th of July; Kristi began to look like a driver’s license ID, or athlete in her team photos. Maybe two of them flashed on the screen during a break in the action. Her smile wasn’t as contagious, just good, sincere, but still over average in sports circles. Not the big time allure she really has, that I’d prefer and promote, if I were her mentor, benefactor and agent. Strike agent, I’m not that type. I only want to see her on the covers of Vogue, as well as Sports Illustrated, Time magazine, Rolling Stone, Ebony and Essence in color.

I want to see CP 3 get what’s coming to her too. She’s unreal, a true superb great basketball player and if they win in 2012, you’ll see some big changes, when I hook up with my game plan to help out, by spreading the publicity. It’s the best way to express my true presentation of what I see and feel when I watch them play.

Show Biz bearing is important to pull off the raising of the money bar, so the ladies will get their worth, along with showing star quality that grabs the public, and guarantees fan interest, plus crowds in the arenas, to at least three times the audience they have now. 93

Present leadership is not at fault; a musical is the way I see it, as I just want to inject show business into the WNBA mix. So instead of simply writing only about my favorite player, I’ll combine it with a song until I create a musical, a book and film. I can’t help but be into a melodic budding relationship, between the best player in the world and the true greatest women’s basketball team today.

CP 3 and Kristi have harmony to spare. They sit side by side and whether it’s for show or genuine, I love it. I love the starting five when all systems are go. They own the game and win it. Coach Carol has her work cut out to deal with the bench, which is weak on most teams.

When the magic that is inherent and apparent with the starting five falls short, and they become ‘bricklayers’, missing as they did in the last game against Seattle. Nobody stank it up out there, because they all looked good doing it, as their hearts were in it, now maybe they’ll improve next time.

Lavender is more than relief for the Bigs; she’s a scorer and formidable body out there. Sykes kills us all when she lasers one for three points. I’m glad we have her here today. I’ll find out her first name by next April, if I keep at it. 94

I saw play in college and for the Tulsa Shock. She’s diminutive, but she has the promise in her eyes, plus she wants to run with this pack. Too bad she’s out. I heard it said when Jenna O’Hea returns after the Olympic break, somebody else will lose out and I know it won’t be Ebony. She’s got a hook shot that wins games and everybody knows it.

Queen Crowns All Around

If I left anybody out, I’ll correct my omission after this game Sunday the 8th of July. I’m writing moreover, free verse, a book, poetry, songs etc. Let’s see, that should do it, no matter what, if I finish this, it will happen. Should the Sparks fail this year, 2012 to capture the championship, I’ll be waiting in the wings and writing to get it going in 2013, regardless.

I’ll get sponsors privately, someone, something big-time in need, that can become the perfect companion piece with the teams valor, I intend to promote for my own creative reasons with nothing untoward, or unseemly for the WNBA. I would never knowingly harm the honorable tradition they, the founders instilled in the organization. I saw the stars in Kristi’s eyes as she strives for the big dream of success that goes with popularity, just as the movie actresses received in tribute at MGM. 95

My credential for doing the rainmaking they need to matter is that they the WNBA are simply on my radar and I chose them because of their underdog dilemma of not being able to equal the NBA’s attendance, excitement and money. My work as a writer online puts me in position to foster the movement that catapults the ladies league into a successful season as profitable as any of the ones in the NBA.

Over on your bench, you must have someone of the ilk of . He was the best WNBA coach because by his mere presence, he inspired a very good bunch of players to become a great working unit, that knew how to win and have the will to do it every game they played, until politics got in the way and ended a good thing, never to be assembled again until now. I heard Bill wanted to coach the guys, I assumed the Detroit Pistons. Then there’s the money, maybe they couldn’t meet Bill’s demands. Anyhow, the WNBA team, the Detroit Shock never was the same when he left.

The Tweety Nolan acquisition is still possible, and if I were anybody in the WNBA or the NBA, I’d go after her before I tried for Brittney Griner even. My reason is I’ve seen Brittney lose twice and each lost cost the super center the belief she was impregnable. Oh, Brittney is the Big to go after, no doubt, but Tweety would be the comeback of all WNBA time. And not to mention, it would cost a pretty penny, as she was with the Russians last I heard. 96

Cussin’ ‘n’ Fussin’ in Russian (Song)

You’ve got me cussin’ ‘n’ Fussin’ in Russian You’ve got me cussin’ ‘n’ Fussin’ in Russian Pardon my French But you’ve got me cussin’ Forgive my Dutch Excuse my Russian

You big so and so You ol’ such and such You’ve got me cussin’ ‘n’ Fussin’ in Russian

Goddaggit I love you Gosh darn it I need you Dad gummit I want you Heck honey I miss you

Golddern it I’m sorry Golddarn it I swear it You’ve got me cussin’ ‘n’ Fussin’ in Russian You’ve got me cussin’ ‘n’ Fussin’ in Russian You’ve got me cussin’ ‘n’ Fussin’ in Russian 97

My bloody English Was Greek to you baby So I’m drinkin’ Vodka To forget about you

But each blessed time I try I remember And start back to Cussin’ n fussin’ In Russian

You’ve got me cussin’ ‘n’ Fussin’ in Russian You’ve got me cussin’ ‘n’ Fussin’ in Russian You’ve got me cussin’ ‘n’ Fussin’ in Russian

Can Tweety get along with the current starting five on the Sparks team, yeah, Coach Carol, the assistant coaches and the bench too. I hold no animus against the NBA because I know the women players modeled much of what they do on the court after watching, then copying and doing the same moves in games now the guys do. Most women players were taught, coached, dated, even married male pro-basketball players. 98

When I see the guys sky, I really don’t think, what if the women could do that. I realized they play their own style, pace, size and way first. So I don’t need them to emulate the guys in the NBA at this juncture, but if something comes along, an innovation, some new technique, so be it, if it is adaptable and acceptable by the WNBA above all.

I’d buy a WNBA team today, had I the cash, I’d approach Paula for hers, and then keep her on as president after the purchase, to head the organization, Kathy Goodman, Carla Christofferson and Lisa Leslie too. I’d keep GM Penny Toler and Coach Carol, and both assistant coaches, even if they lose the championship in 2012, unless some diabolical bad call is made by either.

I’d pay the price and take advantage of the excellence I feel from the spark in the ladies and the ladies in the Sparks. I use to like Cleveland’s WNBA team, the Rockers and the , Cynthia Cooper, Sheryl Swoopes, Tina Thompson and killed me. Back then, I was never a big Sparks fan, until lovely Lisa Leslie, the leading lady of the WNBA, and fine fashion super model, who could dunk. I skipped about a bit, New York, the Fever, I like Tan White, I love her game and name, and Briann January’s, a winner at any point. 99

I realized the honor for country and the world the Summer Olympics provides. It’s a once in a lifetime accomplishment for the athletes. No matter how much I hate the interruption and imposition of this season, I’m writing about with my main focus on Kristi Toliver, my protagonist, that I see the part I can play here, in the Sparks struggle to defeat the strong competition, so stiff, I shudder when I think of , Maya Moore, Rebekkah Brunson, Lindsay Whalen, and Taj McWilliams-Franklin.

Next I know the San Antonio Shooting Silver Stars team, the Atlanta Dream and the Seattle Storm will have a lot to say about what happens. A little Sue Bird told me Lauren Jackson (LJ) is well and after they win or lose at the Olympics in London, she’ll be back to play in the WNBA. I would love to beat all of ’em; that’s my goal.

The Sparks could use one more piece, a sixth woman, and no injuries to the starting five. God forbid CP 3 gets hurt. She held her once wounded shoulder yesterday, on the seventh. Now they must go up against So and Becky and the two Danielles, plus whomever else Dangerous Dan sends in. Ev’rywhere I look, I see how McCoughtry, Harding, Price, the Saint and DeSouza can return with Tiffany Hayes to play and win it again in the Eastern Conference. 100

In the back of my mind, Elizabeth Cambage does it for me to help CP 3 in the paint, plus she shoots the three. Dreams come true especially, when they are accompanied by reality TV, with major sponsors, who hook up in the most compatible commercial marriage . . . and I know just who too. Electricity equals Sparks and I envision a tie-in to promote the electric side of the hybrid car.

Because they too are up against it with selling hybrids, as gas guzzlers are still these automotive manufacturers intrepid competition, like the NBA rivals the WNBA without even trying. I don’t go to either games, but I’ll pay per view online to follow the Sparks, until I get my luxury sky box at Staples Center. You follow your heart and they won me over, with all of the warts and blemishes I saw, and although their efforts are coming together, like Coach Carol said, “Not yet.”

Hard work and enthusiasm rules when you streak, but slump and things get to be impossible to live with, I’ve got a show here and I can’t wait to put it on stage with this work. I never found out if one of the owners with Paula was named Rosemary like I distinctly heard a commentator say twice. Nevertheless, I liked a working chapter title here: I called Paula and Rosemary’s Baby. 101

This piece I have in mind is a book, musical and even a fictive reality show. I saw the 2011 documentary “No Look Pass” on cable and I liked it, as I like all women’s basketball faire on TV. I get a charge out of seeing the WNBA players in street clothes, dressed up, but sitting on the bench.

I get worked up when I see them in a relaxed mood on the bus, and mostly when they arrive at an arena, making a grand entrance with the informal things they wear. Then they enter the arena as warriors, Amazons, if you must, but ladies who ball to the bone to me. Always into it, night and day, at home or away, whenever and wherever they play.

Soon my wife, Janice, will return home and I will have completed the first half of this work. She will have to see it, read it, help me by typing it, I hope. Remember, I was told I only wanted to watch their asses by her. Well, I’ve answered that, and many other things unsaid, by writing my truth. Yeah, I always like one of ’em more than the others in the sex department. I drooled once looking at Kara Braxton’s thighs, when she pulled and hiked her pants up higher. And I’ll never forget the mad crush I had on fetching Allison Feaster. 102

She was in an article on the sports page as due to play for the L.A. Sparks, when Lisa Leslie ruled the roost. I looked at her picture, cut it out and read her resume. She graduated from Harvard, played there, excelled at both academics and sports. I thought she was quite a woman and I couldn’t wait to feast my eyes on Ms. Allison Feaster. When I did, I was satisfied, I’ll admit it; she could play and was truly smart and adorable.

Like I said, I know how far to take these fantasies I feel from time to time, and escape from my own reclusive world. I have a vivid imagination, now instead of wasting time dreaming of a story line, I prefer to be useful and channel all of my writing skills into an event planner’s mentality and introduce the Sparks to the world, by posting this online and garnering the PR needed for the WNBA and me.

Not that I had to take back what I said to my wife, when she accused me of lusting after bootay’s, bouncing up and down on the basketball court like the ball. I said guys would laugh because so many, in the WNBA, well some anyway, are gay. But lesbians are sexy too. I never forgot the player dismissed for attacking another player in the locker room, I imagined, but it happened at a party in Marina Del Rey, with the help of drugs and three other guys, they said. Out of lustful curiosity, I wondered and still do, who she attacked? But as rape is rape, a global no-no, the predator/perpetrator was ejected from the WNBA. 103

Sic ’Em Butch (Song)

You say your brown dog Butch won't bite When I come calling late tonight You say your pussycat won't scratch When I unhook your latch You say your pet parrot won't squawk In the morning when I walk Out of your world back into mine But something tells me that you're lying

Without a warning You'll say sic ’em Butch Go on and eat ’em up And sic loves fuzzy dog on me If puppy love comes easily To a stranger I'm in danger

Tomorrow you'll say Sic ’em Butch Go on and eat ’em up And just like a hound dog Loves a bone Loves fuzzy dog won't Leave me alone Down in my doghouse 104

You say your brown dog Butch won't bark But I hear it growling in the dark You say your pussycat is tame I see a tiger just the same

Your bird gives me the eagle eye She wants to flap her wings and fly I know I can't escape from you ’Cause I know what you're gonna do

Sic ’em Butch go on and eat ’em up Sic ’em Butch go on and eat ’em up Sic ’em Butch go on and eat ’em up Sic ’em Butch go on and eat ’em up

I was lucky my wife would put up with my seeming childlike voyeuristic preoccupation, while watching women play basketball with an erection, just kiddin’. Instead, I’m only having my unsavory thoughts sometimes, but not now, because when I focus on Kristi, I don’t lust, I long, but not lustfully. If I were a bachelor, I’d feel romantically inclined to a relationship. Realistically, I feel responsible to share her gifts with the world, as she was doing by playing as an off season international guard in Japan and then Russia.

I’m getting myself ready to accept her in a professional interest first. I don’t want anyone to read this account of me and assume I never took the WNBA games seriously, well I did and do. I recall Debbie Black and how much I loved to see her run the floor. Debbie was a dynamo, no more than five feet tall, if that, and she 105 balled with the best. When the Houston Comets were winning those championships, I watched their skills and marveled at the team’s power. Then when I saw Sue Bird and LJ hanging out on the street, shopping in Seattle, wearing shorts, I got worked up for a threesome.

No more, no more, no more, until Maya Moore, her compact voluptuousness doesn’t take away from the fact that she is also a very attractive ball playing young woman. So sexy is as sexy is, and nothing can stop it. I’m sure married to me my wife has her favorite male interest. She went to see Bill Maher’s show. And once I flung Bill Withers CD across the room out of jealousy. She watches Rev. Al religiously and blatantly called Congressman Charles Rangel a pretty boy. She thought the late great Wilson ‘wicked’ Pickett was sexy, need I go on, it’s a condition we must separate from fantasy and reality. Then all is well, I guess.

The game will be on in a half hour; I’ll check to see if a pre-game show exist and I’ll know what happened in the rest of the league. I showed Janice the picture of the seven foot something late great , (Large Marge) who died a year ago, to attempt to make my point, not many guys would want a women that tall, but I didn’t tell her Margo got pregnant four times, but still convinced, my stubborn, studious wife looked it up and found out anyway. She’s hard to guard, tough to bluff, trick and fake, with a wack hack attack . . . 106

That Girl’s a Gold Mine (Song) That girl’s a Gold mine Oh how her love Shines Sweet golden Heart She’s good as Gold A solid gold mine

24 karat I struck it rich This time I’m prospecting That her love Is genuine

She say Robert don’t Throw those seeds away I’ll plant them for a Rainy day That girl’s a gold mine

She tell me Robert That song is where it’s At Compact Disc and DAT That girl’s a gold mine 107

She said Robert I’m going to the grocery Store For munchies ’Cause we need more That girl’s a gold mine

She whispered Robert Roll over I’ll rub your Back You’re the best and That’s a fact That girl’s a gold mine Hard to have Hard to hold Hard to find That girl’s a gold mine

Hard to dig Hard to claim Hard to pan That girl’s a gold mine

Hard to guard Hard to take Hard to fake That girl’s a gold mine

Hard to peep Hard to keep Hard to shaft 108

That girl’s a gold mine My precious lifeline The most mother lode of love I’ll ever find

She’s invaluable As that rare mineral Heed my no trespassing Sign ’Cause She’s mine all mine

_____Chorus_____

Then when a game came on, and she got a chance to see my team, the Sparks, she kept to her way of thinking about my motives. I’d had other forays into girls’ groups in the sixties, back in D.C. where the Mystics play now. I produced local hits with the girls’ group, the Jewels, all five are still alive. I’d love to have them sing at half time shows all over the league.

I don’t want anybody to think about me as a lascivious vulgarian, who undresses women in his mind, when he sees them, and imagines himself diddling them at his pleasure. No, no, no not me. I am an event planner now and I can prove it with this work.

I had another disappointment last night when the Lynx were playing Connecticut. They preempted that game to talk about the NBA guys going to the Summer Olympics in London. 109

They did it again today, as I write. They’re announcing the guys on the 2012 team. That’s a big deal, I only wish they would act way more polite and not give all of the attention to the guys, completely overlooking and ignoring the presence of the WNBA game scheduled at this time, on this same channel, as listed in the newspaper. They never said a word about it that I heard in the opening remarks, they only raved about the male players.

“She’s red hot!” said the WNBA, KDOC commentator to his partner as they noted the heat these Sparks possess with Toliver and Parker when they pick and roll. “Which do you defend?” they asked. In the first eight minutes of the first quarter, Kristi scored ten points. She played with three fouls as if she were bewitched. They introduced me to a new celebration thing called a knee kick, Kristi and Nneka did it, when Kristi assisted and Nneka scored.

Kristi was benched by Coach Carol. I thought I heard the play by play guy, Larry ‘the broadcaster’ Burnett call Nneka the rook, short for rookie and/or as a chess piece and as vital, say I. Then he said as before DMJ was the long arm of the law, with an eighty-four inch wing span. He called Kristi a nickname because as he said, she was down all over the floor literally a lot. He called her a ‘Swiffer,’ after the housewife’s product and TV commercial. 110

I like the look of the peaches and cream team, the Atlanta Dream, I always have. Lindsey (redhead) Harding, Armintie (high-end) Price, Sancho (saint) Lyttle, DeSousa, Angel, Tiffany and the rest of the best of the beauty and beast in the east.

Kristi came back in the third quarter and got two more fouls. She turned her pretty head away this time from the camera to drop an f-bomb. Then she had the biggest disgust I’ve ever seen in a Sparks game and like a male tattletale, I jotted down Kristi said, “Bull shit!” clearly.

They played like demons possessed to win. “’s feeling it,” Larry said. Lav, always impresses me, I missed Sykes and still don’t know her first name. Co-commentator, Tracy Warren said, “Nneka skys.” And God she does. What a tremendous force to deal with in the post for thirty or so minutes up and down, off and on the backboards.

They showed a random shot of , a vivacious, attractive woman for sure, to match her exotic name. Then I admit, as I watched this game with the Dream, two things struck me, first I wasn’t glad Angel, DeSouza and Izzy were missing, because I would rather have faced the Dream head on with all their big guns blazing. 111

Then I cheated on Kristi with the redhead, Harding, yeah she’s quite a woman. I must say she and Armintie shoot it baby, do it sugar, play honey! WNBA under dawgz or not, I oughta give Farmer’s Insurance a try, they sell insurance. I should check ’em out to sponsor my ideas here. They may never see the likes of this L.A. Sparks team and me again in this decade, unless we all stay together. The Farmer’s Anal Obsessive Wife (Poem) She don’t give a rat’s ass About New York City She don’t give a New York City Rat’s ass about L.A.

She could care less Lookin’ at Law & Order Instead of rollin’ in the Heartland hay

She swoons over a Harvest moon And at Obama singin’ Al Green’s signature tune He croons 112

She’s infatuated With Rev. Al Texts Bill Maher To be his cyber-pal Ace boon coon

She don’t give a big Ol’ black alley tom cat Out on a midnight prowl

Not any countrified predator A fox, wolf or hoot owl She loves her rural Cruel vermin chop-shop Cuttin’ off a hood rat’s behind

They squeak, squeal While she tweets eek! I smell a dead rat online There’s a dot-com mouse In my uninsured farmhouse

She’s makin’ rodents Bottoms bloody By slashin’ away Their scaly tails

Her cheesy, greasy Rat trap snaps ’Em off and Never ever fails 113

She cuts off Their tails With a carvin’ knife Did you ever see Such a sight in Your life

She’ll slice mice With bad eyesight To the quick In the outhouse Ev’ry night

If they’re hidin’ In her bush Like varmints She won’t get her Snatch up in a bunch

’Cause they had Beaver tail and goose bumps With her hot cross buns For brunch

She’ll catch ’em At the barn door And rip ’em a new Rear end For her pussy catty Late date lunch 114

Then she butchers ’em Operatin’ on each pet Guinea pigs plump butt With a white lab rat’s curse And most unkindest cut

For disfigurin’ Three ol’ voles With glaucoma And a gerbil up her rut

She should’ve been put In a rat infested jail cell For bestiality the rest of her Psychotic life

Assassinatin’ ’em like Osama bin Laden For ’causin’ anxiety Stress and strife

I’m talkin’ ’bout The uninsured queen of mean The farmer’s anal obsessive Wife We are Farmers Bomp de bomp bomp Bomp bomp bomp 115

I don’t know why I must confess, but I was always a fan of Alana Beard’s. She appealed to me from afar, although as an opponent, she was the greatest player in D.C., never anything other than an all-star player, I never saw her dull and lackluster. I was aware she led the Mystics, and I felt she was the real star they needed and never MIA (missing in action).

Even now I believe the Mystics need her type leadership, and scoring from another star, maybe . I’m too hard on my ol’ home base, but I never supported Alana more until now. Without AB, I call A.P.B. out there; I feel it wouldn’t have the flavor that completes the beast in all Sparks’ games when she plays.

I remember Jenna O’Hea she can play. I wondered why she was missing from the roster, until I saw she was with the 2012 Australian women’s Olympic basketball team. I saw Nicky Anosike play, she’s damn good too. Whatever, whoever is missing from this stellar lineup will have to show up and suit up? The WNBA will explode when Brittney comes to play; the tickets will sell. And if Tweety comes back, what a promotion I can do with her greatness. Even if she’s tied up contractually, as I said, I’d arrange to get her with the best team in the league. 116

I won’t speak of my sexy episodes I daydream of spending in the WNBA locker room of my choice. Hell, hot, steamy college locker rooms, with naked, shaved and/or unshaved, gorgeous girls, statuesque beauties to behold, squealing and busily romping after a win. Then the shower scenes would be sexually exhilaratingly explicit, even at my age, I would gladly rise to the occasion and throw myself into shower stalls, one after another with glee.

This is the best of my sexual thoughts about the women basketball players I see on TV; well it’s the only one I can repeat in adult mixed company. I’ve mellowed and calmed down since the sex-fiend thinking of that animalistic pornography I embraced. It all fades after time and the next one emerges in my mind’s sexist eye, the apple of it you might say.

I looked into the facial wonders now contained in Kristi’s priceless expressions, when she is the focus of attention as they all are, standing at the line to shoot two or three. The camera follows her about, as the play by play people talk of her recent and past exploits, with never a word about her personal life. Nothing personal except her dad is named George, and he was a referee in the NBA. That’s cool, but what about her, I read online, she has a mom, Peggy, and an older sister, Carli. Maybe the lack of 411 is meant to alleviate the stalker problem and insure privacy befitting these special valuable young women at work. 117

After all they are not on display to act out the fantasies of dirty old men like my wife thinks I indulge in being, when I’m alone in the master bedroom, masturbating maybe, nah, I’m watching them go at it, female bodies big, tight, small, tall, fat and thin even. She may hear responses in grunts and groans to plays when I react with words of encouragement that sound like endearments, phrases like, “Do it, baby, sweetie, honey, come on, sugar and then bring it, bitch.”

These things I say are to be in keeping with the excitement generated by the teams playing, and the electrified reaction I feel when caught up in the moment. Although I know how it all must sound outside the closed door and open window to anyone within earshot.

There’s so much more to this than physical attractions now. Today my passion is concentrated on the big business of event planning, and I plan to promote the entire electric vehicle industry, which as the WNBA is floundering in need of a match made in my mind, set with my music to sell them.

I see the hot cars sponsoring the hot women of the WNBA. We can start out at Staples Center first, and then when this EV (electric vehicle) and sports entertainment, paring catches on with every WNBA teams’ sponsorship, I’ll expand, enveloping the league and broadening its base. This way when we reach the numbers equal and/or surpassing the NBA, worldwide, my goal will be realized. 118

Kristi’s rough n’ tumble play is electrifying to see, when she hits the floor with a terrific thud, head over heels and continues to slide across it, seemingly into harm’s way, she’s unstoppable and about to crash and wind up with a game ending, even season ending injury. But no, she’s up and on her feet to play again.

What energy drink does she swill, or snack does she munch? And if she drives, it oughta be an Ev (electric car). Whoever promotes these electrifying, electrified cars, Kristi would be the best spokesperson to represent them I’ve seen so far. She’s, as they say, a walking advertisement for electricity, as awesome power, playing forty minutes the last game against the Dream and in on damn near ev’ry play.

You’re a Walking Advertisement (Song)

You’re a walking Advertisement You’re so appetizing You’re a walking Advertisement You’re so satisfying You’re a walking Advertisement You’re capitalizing 119

On your beautiful hair The sexy smile that you wear For a foreign affaire

You’re a talking love Commercial You’re everything nice You’re a living testimony Sweet as sugar and spice You’re a walking advertisement You’re so enterprising

You merchandise it so well I believe I can tell Your kind of look I could sell

You smile each time I watch and see Just like the models On TV You make me want a Sample of you

Just as women in a Magazine Movie stars and beauty Queens Sometimes I can’t Believe you’re really true

_____Top______120

The arena is her stage; it’s her lady gladiator game they need to see and tell others, no, not necessary, I’ll tell ’em, as I found out I can do all this by putting her in commercials, selling Ev’s. She’s a spark plug that would be the epitome to emphasize energy and speed, which consumers’ question, and distance inquiries which are important too.

Then if these tests are compared and demonstrated to the satisfaction of the customer, only cost will be on their minds. When Kristi quotes the figure by showing hers, then saying what its worth with sparks flying off her body. Corny, lame, jive, it sucks cheap seats . . . nah, I’d get a hipper, more catchy classic line from Bishop Fulton J. Sheen, “If the spark is so bright, what must be the flame?” Team Work (Poem)

They play woman to woman Eleven physically endowed Ladies Out on the hardwood floor Jumpin’ up and down Then runnin’ Back and forth Tossin’ to and fro A round rubber ball To one another In a rush to slam dunk it Through a hoop 121

Candace Parker DeLisha Milton-Jones Marissa Coleman Nneka Ogwumike Jantel Lavender Alana Beard Nicky Anosike April Sykes Jenna O’Hea Kristi Toliver

Kristi told one of the play by play people, who she patterned her game after, I didn’t hear the guy’s name, but I got jealous, go figure. I had the blues so bad, I listened to my favorite music, in this instance, Buddy Johnson, his singing sister, Ella Johnson and that great band of theirs. And what’s with Russia getting the WNBA ladies to play there, even becoming dual citizens. Is it the money, maybe, I don’t know, prestige, because they’re more appreciated, I don’t know?

Tweety went to Russia, Becky ‘the organ’ Hammon went and became a dual citizen, plus she played on the 2012 Olympic women’s basketball team for Russia. Anyway, she can play ball and chew gum at the same time. I don’t know the others who went, except for my own pick, when Kristi played there. God I’d of loved to have been there to see her in Red Square and give the KGB and Putin something romantic, rather than Pussy Riot to talk about. 122

Gremlin in the Kremlin (Song)

I heard the cry of liberty Ring out across the sea ’Twas a voice of change Democracy That set the people free

There was a gremlin in the Kremlin Crouched behind a cellar door He tried to keep the peasants Tremblin’ They almost had a civil war

They had a gremlin in the Kremlin A dictator mean as sin But the heroes kept assemblin’ ’Cause they knew that they would Win

The leaders name was Gorby But he was gobbled up He stood for perestroika And called the Gremlin’s bluff 123

His truth was hard to swallow So the gremlin spit him up Then the gremlin gagged on Yeltsin And Boris kicked his little Butt

There was gremlin in the Kremlin Growlin’ vicious as a glutton The monster that he was Resemblin’ Could push a nuclear Panic button

They had a gremlin in the Kremlin Worse than old Uncle Joe Stalin All revolutionary men and Women Fought for a peaceful Happy ending

Dark skies of gray Have turned to blue Now dreams can all come true Lord the sun will shine Love on mankind The gremlin’s days are Through 124

There was a gremlin in the Kremlin They had a gremlin in the Kremlin There was a gremlin in the Kremlin They had a gremlin in the Kremlin

If I busted this out-of-bounds international point guard move, it occurred to me, I may just be the outsider to get involved in attracting sponsors for WNBA games overseas. This would be the antithesis to the imagery they have in mind, my seeing these superb athletes’ female forms as sexual objects only. Well I don’t, I see them as women first. No, all of them won’t win a beauty contest for Donald Trump, but if the finest foxes in the WNBA put it on him, I bet Trump Towers that he wouldn’t kick ’em out of the sack, jack. All my lovely ladies can get it on like Marvin said.

I know sex is forbidden here to promote blatantly on TV and on the court, on the bench, and in the locker room. Now we talkin! That locker room thing blows my mind, and although the athleticism is astonishing, plus astounding to see, ev’rybody loves a winner, like they love sex, and sex with hot women sells. Then maybe, I should reconsider my idea, recruiting wanton women, 125 just in case the players, illustrious founders, owners, the commissioner, and heaven help me if all women resent my carnal ambitions, I entertain in my private thoughts, being made public, as they are considered a bit too much lascivious libido to show in the pubic . . . rather public eye.

I’d do it anyway, I’d go into that locker room with cameras at the half, after they go in, but let them do privately, whatever they do first. Then I’d produce audio and video, instead of them just listening to the coach, half dead, I’d have them looking like I see them, when I picture them in my mind, in the prime of life, full of the stuff it takes to be healthy and strong, in great shape, proud of it and not too shy to show the fullness of their ripe sexuality before they go back out to play.

If this is too much for the WNBA, it ain’t too much for me, and all the money to be made, utilizing the fitness angle. Yeah Fit, that Ev which is in dire need of customers here, and in Europe, then globally. Wicked and Vivid, porn firms need not apply, as they aren’t naturally hot, just lust pretenders. My ladies are real deal on the money, hotties ‘n’ honeys.

Naked women can’t play basketball for the WNBA, nor can they play without clothes on TV. Well that’s only the TV networks, which agree with them. Soon, somebody will do it as long as it’s adult pay-per-view. If they refuse me, I have the answer for them, via this abundance of women basketball players worldwide now, who would love to take part in my league of lovely naked ladies. 126

Hell, game time I’d use hot sex striptease spotlights and soulful music, cheerleaders, not just scantily clad, but buck wild mad, naked women, more so even than strippers, who only work it on a pole, not in a full run, breast bobbin,’ buttocks shakin,’ frontal exposure under dim suggestive atmosphere, on the court and at half time. With this concept, I can create my own adult x rated naked women’s basketball league. Featuring incandescent , electric lit and wired for sound skintight uniforms to highlight shapes, oh yeah, for games in the dark, or maybe playin’ in the elements, like intense heat, cold, rain, sleet and snow while running, sliding and jumping on the ice, no ice, please.

Seriously, I think my wife, Janice, gave me a new way to do this whole women’s professional basketball game thing without realizing it. Of course, I’m just being amusing, and I would never sully any product I dealt with by doing anything rank and coarse as any of the above. I’d only improve the brand so no one need have a fit unless it’s the Fit Ev I intend to promote my events I plan for 2013, that’s the time I will be out and about garnering sponsors online.When Nneka speaks, her education is salient in her confidence and articulation, making it a fact, we are in another sports age, where the best athletes have the good looks, intelligence, plus knowledge to not only complete a succinct sentence, but back it up using physical action, in step with beauty and brain power. I’m stressing both gifts are at work in her abilities, charm, grace and believability to win the league championship in 2012. 127

EDUCATION (Song)

E-D-U-C-A-T-I-O-N Spell it again E-D-U-C-A-T-I-O-N Spell it again E-D-U-C-A-T-I-O-N Spell it again E-D-U-C-A-T-I-O-N

Education That’s what the children need Education So they can write and read Education All across the nation

Education For ev’ry boy and girl Education All around the world Education Have a global graduation

E-D-U-C-A-T-I-O-N Spell it again E-D-U-C-A-T-I-O-N Spell it again E-D-U-C-A-T-I-O-N Spell it again E-D-U-C-A-T-I-O-N 128

Education Is the only hope Education Is a rescue rope Education And a scholar’s dedication

Higher learning Get a Ph. D. College knowledge Is the remedy Education Holds the master key To occupations

Apply yourself in school Don’t be a stupid fool Don’t hang out on the street You’ll go down in defeat

Your brain will set you free Your mind can make you so happy Forget hard drugs and crime Just study all the time

E-D-U-C-A-T-I-O-N Spell it again E-D-U-C-A-T-I-O-N Spell it again E-D-U-C-A-T-I-O-N Spell it again E-D-U-C-A-T-I-O-N 129

Education La la la la la I’d love to walk you Home from school

Education La la la la la We can learn The golden rule

Education La la la la la Hold your hand Carry your books

Education La la la la la How beautiful straight A+ looks Education

E-D-U-C-A-T-I-O-N Spell it again E-D-U-C-A-T-I-O-N Spell it again E-D-U-C-A-T-I-O-N Spell it again E-D-U-C-A-T-I-O-N 130

She is not only the rookie of the year; she is on the way to rewards unknown here-to-fore. And I predict this style of combining all attributes: beauty, sports and intellect, with more academic substance, is what most of the players, who come out of colleges and universities, that the WNBA recruits, specialize in today as their model for womanhood.

Play By Play (Poem)

My starting five is on the court They are the queens Who rule this sport They play to win And mostly do But when they lose They see it through Back in the gym It shows on them As they work harder On each mistake So ev’ry error They use to make Is corrected right away Then it’s a victory The following night or day If one goes down Or just fouls out Of play The bench is there 131

To cause a rout They learn to fight The fans respond When they’re at home Or on the road They’re on their own But not alone Stressed out dead tired And short of breath The team perseveres To escape the death Those losers know The sinking feeling of fear Where winners never go It’s in the game You must triumph ’Cause when you fail You’re just a chump

I’ll have all of my women players wired for sound and an engineer crew to capture edit and program the comments of strategy out to the audience at home viewing. Then if we find added audio is an innovation, so be it. An unimaginable affluence is due the quality of basketball in the league, when my game plans come into play.

Great wealth is the reward the NBA men acquire, and then they all live like kings in mansions, with luxury cars, not Ev’s, but the infernal combustion engine kind, with names like Jaguar, Cadillac, Lamborghini, Bentley, Porsche, Limos, even private planes and yachts. They 132 have servants, security, staff, hangers-on, groupies, flunkies, and a posse, spending money on women they fancy for favors to serve at their beck ‘n’ call. Drugs, liquor, gambling, hobbies and long lazy vacations, where they spend it on every conceivable thing they ever wanted. But taxes can be a big problem, especially if you don’t pay them on your mother’s new house you just purchased.

I don’t believe any of the guys would finish the college or university they attend, if the big leagues make an offer, when they qualify for the NBA draft, because it’s like hitting the jackpot, winning the lottery, an inheritance, a buried treasure they discover on a basketball court, when they can play the game for money.

They marry the prettiest women in the world, who find them compatible, these over six foot something giants, who hang from the hoop like the great apes, and run, leaping into the air so high they call it sky. Bouncing the ball, always with them, this ball and as much as they can, putting it in the hole for one hour per game. The season is long and grueling, with many a pit fall to lay them up, if they’re brittle and break easily.

Then there are the specialist, as some only defend, block shots, jump higher to get the ball than others. The most valuable score the most points, and might have a life expectancy of ten to twenty years, if they can take the vigorous wear and tear they endure and phantom pain 133 they suffer, after being given medication, that may or may not help them sustain the injury, they are forced to live with, when playing hurt. Concussions may never heal, ACLs, sideline players, men and women for a season or more, some return to play again, others lose their spot on the team.

Men seem to court scandal and lose all of the opportunities they once had after court cases find them guilty of crimes, illegal drugs, DUIs, divorce, fighting, murder and just bad behavior, unsuitable for a public sports figure. Then they become liabilities, anathemas, persona non grata usually forever. It’s a good life if you play by the rules, or you don’t get caught.

Fame and fortune is possible on the highest level of acceptance, if a player is looked up to by the fans and held in high esteem. They must stay in shape; this is a burden for most, as the legs are the first to go, and when they do, it’s over. So if they have a reputation that continues to carry them after a successful career, they are truly blessed and lucky as hell, because they’ll still be in their prime.

Now all of this avarice is to be available for the WNBA players, when the excitement hits the fans, if the attraction is big enough to fill an arena with a sold out, packed house at home and on the road. It’s never been done as of yet, because the right presentation combination hasn’t been put together. It’s sorta like the 134 formula to do this with modern women is left up to those, who honor the old school tradition, of keeping the women’s games just that, without the daring to dunk whenever you can. Forget the equality and don’t expunge that move. Dunking is a hook; it’s an athletic asset to do. People acknowledge it, so you mustn’t hold back the thrill of this stupendous act.

Good looks have everything to do with it, don’t fool yourself. Say you had a dozen hot women who could play and pose for pictures, both men and women would marvel at, comparable to the Ziegfeld Follies chorus girls, the Cotton Club cuties, the Radio City Rockettes, an action attraction of femininity at its apex. You need this now as the events in Britain have so emphatically demonstrated with the Queen’s 60th Jubilee celebration first, then they hosted the 2012 Summer Olympics, which was grand and glorious show biz as well world wide.

I’m proud to be on the same page with scads of my creative offerings, I will render in my quest to link a presentation with songs, the original music of my life, a spectacular of festive imagination gone over the top into the x unknown and great beyond in commercial entertainment. Experience and enjoy the thrill of extra added features, products, people, place and time. I’d have world travel in my agenda, and on my schedule to pay-per-play online/TV, by staging my games in the most imaginative, colorful, exciting places on earth. 135

Kristi said to somebody interviewing her, she didn’t care if she got hit in the face. “No!” said I, with a protective outcry, “Not the face, not that face, not your face, it might leave a trace. Let ’em hit you any place . . . on the arms, but not your charms, your eyes, and lips, don’t break a leg either, you’d be sidelined. Seriously, I beg of you, hurt your feelings instead, for if you should lose, suffer with a black ‘n’ blue bruise, just never let them touch your face, your smile or frown, if that’s the case. I’d die from seeing you scared, disfigured where your beauty shines and beguiles my mind, so never take a hard hit or punch, one that might put you out for lunch, just play the game, but guard your precious face, as that’s your ace and your God given grace.”

Referee: “I ruled it an intentional, flagrant, technical foul, then you expressed vulgarities behind a towel.”

Whistle Blower Official Referee (Part II) (Poem)

’Cause you didn’t hear my whistle Doesn’t mean I didn’t blow it Loud and long But you argue You never knew it Your excuse was The roarin’ crowd noise Was so strong 136

Well I heard you when you said it Words explicit and illicit That you released In a torrent From your desirable lips So you earned This flagrant fowl Because your sweet mouth Used gutter language When you were cursin’ Like a sailor On the bench So many expletives You made me cringe And then It made me flinch Next you insulted my authority You called me such filthy names I oughta ban you From the games entirely

’Cause you didn’t hear My whistle Doesn’t mean I didn’t Blow it loud and long You’re a bad example Stickin’ out your breasts So ample Your thighs so firm shapely and strong You were theatrical I’m your official, Referee and judge 137

Unafraid I couldn’t overlook it I stood my ground I made the right call And I won’t budge As you raged on All because of your Hard sharp elbow With or without a grudge

You hit that girl In the eye So me and my crew blew three whistles at you And that blasted horn

When I first saw you Walk out to play You stole my official Heart away You were so fine A warrior queen A champion until You checked a screen The player that you injured Sent to the hospital After you reacted to her Might have died Although the fans were mad and booed You left the game in peace And quiet ensued While they took her From the floor you stood accused 138

If you’d had stopped When I blew it After I knew it You would’ve heard My warning blown But your motion Was too slow To stop that vicious Accidently not on purpose Elbow blow When you’re on my court I’m the judge and jury I call the shots And settle all disputes

I punish and fine fury That causes injury So if you cross the line I’ll always do my referee Official duty ev’ry time

’Cause you didn’t hear my whistle Doesn’t mean I didn’t blow it Long and loud My whistle was a clarion call Heard by one and all But you had your head Up in a proud dark cloud 139

They lie to the ref’s And cheat They hate the taste of defeat But when they speak on TV It’s clear, concise Intelligent, colorful, insightful And above all showing The higher learning advantage University gleaned

A dog whistle at At a basketball battle Is too shrill to hear in Seattle Only the Storm can pick it up When the ref interrupts Then again, that’s not clear If it’s against them Coach Agler will complain You can depend upon this happening Sure as Grunge is popular as rain

They’d Dunk on They Mama, before They Cuss ’Round Obama

Men and women NBA and WNBA players, who curse during games, refrain on the court and cover up with their hands, or a towel over their foul mouths, when the commander-in-chief is present in the stands, and it’s on TV. 140

Ain’t No Beauty Contest (Poem)

Ain’t no beauty contest Or models on parade These are female jocks You call tomboys Until they make the grade They come from American colleges And foreign countries far and wide To play in the WNBA With sportsmanship and pride Some have comely faces Some are long and tall There are some though Tough as nails Then others are so short But not weak, afraid and small They all have the aim Of victory in ev’rything They do They know the tricks Without big dicks And play the game for you

Their beauty lies within the sport When they’re engaged on the court To run and jump To shoot and block To check and guard They play so hard 141

Enough to sweat Hurt ache or break To do the job For winning sake So physical at times They bleed When going after the ball With speed Up and down No smiles or frowns Just serious faces When going through Their paces They can’t jump as high like An NBA guy Who seems to fly Whenever they sky This game is fought Out with pure skill Exciting, thrilling powerful still Each thing they do Is professional play I love the WNBA

No Marilyn Monroes or Halle Berry’s can do The thing these Gifted women do They’d break those actresses Half into When Lisa posed and dunked The rock 142

WNBA fans felt the shock Of what will be as players try To reach the rim One day and sky It won’t be long Before their game Equals NBA play and pay The same

Yeah, Kristi’s a chocolate chip cookie, a term, in this instance. I like, as it’s definitive Kristi Toliver.

Chocolate Chip Cookie (Song)

You a chocolate chip cookie (Chocolate Chip) Since Nneka was a rookie (Chocolate Chip) I bet my Cookie Monsta bookie (Chocolate Chip) The Situation sampled Snooki (Chocolate Chip) 143

You a chocolate chip cookie (Chocolate Chip) You ain’t no Vanilla Wafer (Chocolate Chip) Flavor fallen out of favor (Chocolate Chip) You the only one I savor (Chocolate Chip)

I never ever want a Ginger Snap Oreo or cookie cutter crap No Fig Newton or Graham Cracker snack I’m hungry for a crisp delicious stack

I crave your lovin’ oven baby cakes Made to my taste you got just what it takes You make the kind my mama use to bake My guilty pleasures swirl Your mixer blends my world I lick the bowl clean girl For goodness sake

You a chocolate chip cookie (Chocolate Chip) Never ever playin’ hookie (Chocolate Chip) Missin’ practice gettin’ nookie (Chocolate Chip) You a chocolate chip cookie (Chocolate Chip) 144

Your pretty package Really hooked me (Chocolate Chip) And in the sweet time That it took me (Chocolate Chip) I wrote this song After one look see (Chocolate Chip) You a chocolate chip cookie (Chocolate Chip)

No boxed-out burnt-out Half-baked on the shelf I get my cookies from you And no one else

Like Girl Scout cookies Know how good they are You the superstar of my cookie jar

Hershey Kisses Meltin’ on my chops Pillsbury dough And Nestle’s chocolate drops Mouth waterin’ sexy As Nabisco baby I’d be a crumb snatcher Rug rat gnawin’ at cha Carpet chewin’ your batch-a cookies lady

______Top______145

Queens of the court, Dee, Catch, Cappie, Moanie and Mate are royalty. DeMya steps through with her walker, a step back J, reflected out of bounds. Then Piph on Erin, ouch! Thorn in the derriere! The Miller sisters mirror each other, Kelly and CoCo, the Miller twins, playing each other back in 2011, when the Mystics played the Dream in Atlanta. In 2011, identical twins, the Dreams, CoCo and Mystics, Kelly get mixed up in the shower, trade places with each other, on their respective teams, and even fool their mother, improbable as it seems, and is.

Becky’s fouled from behind and dribbles between her legs. She tightrope runs the baseline masterfully, chewing her chewing gum, with a crossover and reverse, left-handed lay up. This stately proud pro, all star queen of the WNBA and Russia is a leader, a shooter, who plays to score pull ups ‘n’ pop, drivin,’ divin,’ travelin,’ foulin,’ floppin,’ on the floor, no backdoor cuts from a slice ‘n’ dicin’ slasher, at a Bonner pass is faster, So, (Sophia Young) can get it to go on the rebound. The conductor, Becky, ‘the organ’ Hammon’s up tempo pace is breaking through the screen, for an advantage, loose ball stolen, catch ‘n’ shoot and she flops with an actin’ job, which is the best in the business. 146

Altercations in the WNBA with match ups and post ups, Dupree’s free, Powell’s fouled, and always scores gettin’ to the free throw line, the two Danielles to give ’em hell, board and score . . . I wanna score two points for two ex- players, , who’s got such class. I imagined her with an underhanded free throw, so ol’ school, but cool alike, a scoop up off the glass, after up fakes and spins behind her back and in for the score. Then I lavish high praise on the biggest three pointer of all time from Spoon again.

Reverses are skillful and bring the crowd alive in a cheer. Cross over kids, like Kristi, kill the defense and can end up with a pass to a tree. They stripped , just what I want to do, but I digress. The teams so fine you have to wanna put a body on somebody. I’d never do something foul from behind with double dribble, deep penetration.

That asshole announcer on cable TV coverage talked incorrectly about Sheryl Swoopes again, he called her the ol’ pro, forty now and said she was still fast. Then the talk shifted to skydiving on the boards and a quick step and fast release. Swish, the sweet song strings sang like velvet on a satin doll’s dancing skirt, CP 3 the shooter, superstar, superwomen on offense and defense makes. 147

As competition, the WNBA is as uneven as the NBA in its selection and distribution of players, and these women might as well be up against the likes of the Washington Generals’ female version at times. That’s these white guys who were set up’s, a scrimmage team at best, the black Globetrotters team use to murder ev’ry time they played each other. The Globetrotters knew how to entertain; they even had a black woman, Joyce Walker on the team. How did it go with the woman? Well, she knew the moves, she could play, shoot and handle the rock, but she was merely an attraction back then.

Today, these great ladies from colleges and universities can dunk, crossover dribble, although it’s slower than the NBA guys, they do it, but not sexy as a team in the Monster Baller’s League yet. The Lingerie Women’s football players claim to give guys watching them play football, blue balls, like a lap dancer and pole dancer, they’re so sexy. Glenda Best is the star, she’s a looker and built like a sex queen, wearing football gear. They tackle, run and block, kick and pass the ball. 148

Attention Owners, Sponsors, Investors and Fans:

This is a cyber-space inquiry about Deanna ‘Tweety’ Nolan. Kym Hampton, voice of the New York Liberty, during her TV commentary and play by play on July 17, 2011 mentioned the greatest, most electrifying point guard ever to play in the WNBA. Kym said Tweety was in attendance, I think with the fantastic Cheryl Ford, who isn’t chopped liver either. The situation as I know it is, Tweety plays in Russia for a better salary.

Then again I heard or read she’s under contract here in America and still with the Shock. If she has an agent, I’d contact him or her. If I were you and could pay her price, which oughta be the biggest yet in the WNBA, I would do it fast. I picture her in a Piston uniform, wearing her same Shock number for publicity at first, next, along with Bill Laimbeer as the new coach. Pay them both as you pay a great NBA player.

Then commission and/or solicit other excellent sidelined WNBA players out there to improve the chances of teams like the Shock and others. Thus, Tweety, Holdsclaw, Cheryl Ford, , Chastity Melvin and LaTasha Byears in contest as a rogue starting five professional basketball team, barnstorming globally, challenging world class teams for big-time prize money, put up in escrow by both teams playing. 149

Oh, I forgot Confetti Betty . . . that’s Betty Lenox of the Seattle Storm, when they won the championship in 2004. She was the series MVP and confetti was falling from the ceiling into the arena, when the Storm clenched the trophy on TV. Ergo, I call her Confetti Betty in a celebration of victory for all time.

I wrote the above online in 2011, to Joe Dumars, general manager of the Detroit Pistons, David Stearn, commissioner of the NBA and Laurel Richie, commissioner of the WNBA.

Pretty Volleyball Butts are Catchin’ Up 2 Us (Poem)

Pretty black volleyball butt Floppin’ on a pile of UCLA Winners or runners up Like they won The coveted Capital One cup A blow below the net That’s all the losers get As a missed spike Of unrequited love dealt

I only know your number Your back is turned to me I only glanced at a profile Of your facial features on TV 150

Although it’s best to have A volleyball butt than A basketball belly With a baby in your gut

I also know your race When I saw you in this commercial After the game you played With sweat and savage grace That put the winner, UCLA in first place

Soccer 2 Me (Poem)

She kicked the ball And could have broken sunlight She kicked the ball With all of her might She kicked the ball a soccer ball It sailed so high Up in the air There’s a ball in the air Excitement’s ev’rywhere It’s stiff competition here A real war on the grass When the ladies play soccer They all measure up So the free kicks fall Some get past the goalie 151

And score keepin’ a flatfooted rolly Ball in play When they commit technical fouls They all hoot holla and howl To stop opponents from scorin’ The games never borin’ They mop the field with ’em Then step behind the painted line And corner kick on a whim Professional women on each team Share the same trophy And championship dream Home games road games All the time Athleticism so phenomenal I can’t think of a rhyme I’m on the bench of life I was recruited by my wife She wants me to be Her number one winner She prepares my diet dinner She scores health points Until I’m thinner To the referee of life The judge of all judges In error it’s a left foot win back In the world you will find You gotta block trouble with your head And swat it away with your mind Love’s coach of the year It’s starting us my dear 152

I live for romance And my career The fans in the stands Cheer the star of the show Whether you’re a veteran Or rookie of the year Drinkin’ Champagne Or non-alcohol beer I love to hear them Yell scream and shout They give me closure And happiness clout

Second e-mail to Joe Dumars:

Hey, Joe,

Please consider putting Deanna ‘Tweety’ Nolan on the Detroit Piston’s basketball team. They need a superstar, an attraction, something special and spectacular to get the fans fannies in seats. Purchase her contract now, if she isn’t a free agent. Think of all the publicity and public interest you will enjoy.

Your head coach, Laurence Frank, can make history with Tweety as a results oriented big business point guard for the team in 2012 or 2013. She’s the toughest chocolate chip cookie and most marketable through the roof, instead of under the bus, same ol’, same ol’ just adequate recruits. I appreciate your mind set; I hope you will consider mine. She’s a game changer, Joe. 153

Respectfully to Joe Dumars, General Manager of Detroit Pistons, To be passed on to David Stearn, Commissioner of the NBA and Laurel Richie, President of the WNBA.

It’s a team sport, they like to say, so eventually it’ll happen, a female will suit-up in the NBA as the ladies get bigger and better, plus much stronger, with keener ball skills, and an ingredient on the court guys don’t possess. This asset will win games and draw fans to the arena. The thing I allude to is sex, yeah they’re sexier and sex sells. I also like female intuition here.

Many will argue it will delude the game, slow it down, make the guys feel they’d hurt or maim a female player, or be embarrassed by them. All this is true, however the crowds will come out in droves, stand in line to pack the house. I don’t mean like when they paid, selling out the stadiums to watch ‘sport shirt Bill,’ Bill Veeck’s Saint Louis Brown’s last place shenanigans, with the midget smokin’ the stogie up at bat. Nah, I don’t envision a freak show, but the complete best the sport of basketball can offer.

Let Tweety try out and go from there, she has the basketball I.Q., God knows, and she can make plays galore, then again, she’s fast, agile, built solid, not brittle and she can dunk! As a ball handler, she has no equal in the WNBA, but CP 3. She must have a weakness, but it ain’t a three point shot from NBA range either. Imagine her bringing it up and down, then passing or shooting it as the strings and fans sing her proud praises. 154

Hello, I’d pay to see that, it’s way hot, a shot in the arm, with an attempt at an attendance double edge sword. Because I believe this bold unprecedented move, if busted, would boost the bootay’s in the bleachers, plus increase the interest and coverage in both the NBA and WNBA. Then the naysayers will agree with me. Now they’ll say what a God awful idea to mix genders and become a gender bender sport for the sake of money.

But I predict, if a new league began, mixed with men and women, who are professionals in the game of basketball, doubters, hold-out purist, and die-hard sports critics will change their narrow minds, and look for another great woman basketball player on Mars excellent as Deanna ‘Tweety’ Nolan to win the title Queen of the Court.

Attention to Dr. J, that’s Dr. Sheila Johnson, owner of the D.C. Mystics WNBA team, and to Dan Gilbert, Quicken Loan Founder, Detroit, MI. Also to Mike Illitch, who wants to buy the Detroit Pistons basketball team, his then third sports franchise, and he’d raise hopes for a new stadium development in the depressed downtown area of Detroit. He’s a local tycoon, and the founder of “Little Caesar’s Pizza”. 155

Then to Pistons’ owner Karen Davidson, who values the team at $479 million, but it could be cheaper, because of the dreadful local economy, I read. The team and Palace Sports & Entertainment are up for sale. Her husband was the late William Davidson. Mr. Illitch is a big investor in Detroit. He wants to move the team to Detroit from the suburbs. He owns the Red Wings and the Detroit Tigers. The Detroit Lions are owned by William Clay Ford.

While runnin’ in the 2012 Summer Olympiad, men’s marathon, the two leading Kenyans were overheard to say, as they ran side by side, with the winner Ugandan right behind them . . . the first Kenyan asked, “You took that sausage we ate from a stranger on the course earlier, but we’re okay, you think?”

Second Kenyan answered, “Yeah, it was good, taste like Thompson gazelle meat and cheetah blood. We eat and drink.”

And the Ugandan laughed as he passed by them saying, “No my brother, that was the dead dictator, Idi Amin’s sausage.”

All the NBA guys are cool; I just need the ladies to be on the same pay grade sooner than later. Draped in stars and stripes with gold metals at the 2012 London Olympics like the guys, these women and men are our peaceful warriors and ambassadors equally. 156

Thinkin’ ’bout Rio (Poem)

Thinkin’ ’bout Rio Where Brazilian music fills the air Thinkin’ ’bout Rio And Jobim rapture ev’rywhere The white beaches And mighty mountains there All around It’s the love land of a perfect place You’re bound

Thinkin’ ’bout Rio For the next Olympics Thinkin’ ’bout Rio And the Amazon River When it’s time to deliver Playin’ basketball on America’s team Come where the sunshine gently beams All while you relax as by a steady stream

See exotic jungle flowers Grow and bloom To a beautiful bosa nova tune At a pool sippin’ Cool tropical fruit drinks Dancin’ the samba by the light of the moon Go native wildly partyin’ As if you beat the Lynx 157

Enjoy eatin’ delicious nutritious feasts Again and again Sailin’ on yachts swimmin’ and loungin’ With international competitive Young handsome men and beautiful sexy women

Thinkin’ ’bout Rio In ev’rything you do Thinkin’ ’bout Rio A paradise in South America Awaits you Thinkin’ ’bout Rio Each night and ev’ry day It’s true Now win a golden medal In women’s basketball for the red white and blue

I’ve playfully envisioned nubile naked ladies all akimbo. Monte Christos all around, while I’m living vicariously via their actions and attractions, and they’re emulating an exciting women’s sport life’s ritual, real or imagined in the basketball endeavor they excel in. All I can do now is write my soul.

Kristi’s team photos came out like bad passport pictures, compared to what I see on TV, where she’s the Dorothy Dandridge of the WNBA. This pretty point guard on the L.A. Sparks, with her emotional arc, when she plays basketball during a game, oughta be in the movies and/or on TV. 158

Glamour Girl Game Face (Poem)

I wasn’t looking at her backside Like my wife accused me of I was caught up in her game face Any normal guy would love

Ev’ry move she makes fakes or takes With or without the basketball Holds wild expectation Exciting exaltation I’m her one ol’ man fan club Standing tall Possessed by her good looks I’m not lusting her at all Pretty game face Her good looks Give my heart and soul a rush Each time she scores more personality points I get a ol’ school crush in my senior citizen joints

Her special karma drama Facial expressions exploitin’ Winnin’, losin’ smile and frown Sets my mind and spirit free When her poignant poise And presence I see Online or cable color TV 159

Great Point Guards Make Decisions and Points

Kristi, an enabler can be a good thing in some cases, a needed to your pursuits in life, although given a negative definition to date. I strongly insist there is only one true winner in the give and take of basketball, and that is a clear victory over your opponent, whether it be an entry pass on time, right on the money or a basket, fans will only praise the shooter, even if it’s a mere chippie.

Your buzzer beaters and triples are not the only weapons you possess, girl. You also have the gift of timing, that’s when you release your power, when you pick and choose as a great general, using his bigger brain for the situation on the floor at an instant. How you decide the play, who and what you know to be the most eligible move to make your plan, made in a second with finesse and speed. Is it the obvious one, the only thing you might do in a game to guarantee victory?

It could be Nneka your strongest posterior shooter, who’s ready to accept her responsibility and put it in the hole. However, if you chance it and trust her again, AB is also available at the perimeter, it’s a two, but that’s all you need, even if it’s a longer shot, she may put it in. DeLisha would be the sunshine of your life, if she scores from a spot she hits from time to time, maybe this time. And always in this predicament, the choice narrows as CP 3 is double teamed as usual like you. Confidence 160 flashes in your nimble mind and you contemplate the only motion you can accept. So you take the chance and with a flick of your wrist, force of your will, course of your eye, follow your good instincts and let it fly.

This is the way of champions, anticipation, motivation and gall enough to know over and over, how to handle this same deal, no matter what happens. If you see it clearly, it is your duty, your designed destiny and opportunity to take. On the other hand, you can only call upon a deep sense of pride in the fact that you are big enough to live with the crowd reaction, the disappointment of your teammates, and hard criticism you’ll get from the coach, assistant coaches, along with the silence on the bench, as you’ll be alone with the lost, should you miss. 161

The Kri$ti Toliver $wag (Song ‘n’ Dance)

The Kristi Toliver swag (Oh yeah) Make yo’ passion brag (Oh yeah) Stand tall don’t sag (Oh yeah) Or let yo’ confidence lag

You can stop ‘n’ pop! (Oh yeah) Cool jazz, hip-hop (Oh yeah) And ol’ school doo-wop (Oh yeah) You hear the whistle . . . stop!

Then like a hot dawgs hot (Oh yeah) Shoot yo’ best big shot (Oh yeah) Never blow yo’ top (Oh yeah) And a win-win you will cop 162

Don’t flip ‘n’ flop (Oh yeah) Adapt adopt (Oh yeah) Just zig ‘n’ zag (Oh yeah) Like kids play tag

When feelin’s drop (Oh yeah) Find a fix-it shop (Oh yeah) Then it’s in the bag (Oh yeah) Life won’t be a drag

She played in Turkey And Japan She played in Russia For maybe $500 grand

But in the USA Only minimum pay They better raise her salary And do it right away . . . 163

With a smile or frown (Oh yeah) In or out of bounds (Oh yeah) On a high jump ball (Oh yeah) Against a player tall

Whenever she gets matched (Oh yeah) Vs. DT or Catch (Oh yeah) Well her arms ain’t long (Oh yeah) But her game is strong

___RAP___

Unlike the Sky’s Big Syl But she can break Sue’s will ’Cause when she’s feelin’ it Seattle has a fit When she sparks a flow Ya can’t hear whistles blow . . . Or believe the score She controls the floor Fast breakin’ up ‘n’ down Passin’ the rock around 164

Nobody can understand This mystery Super Woman Her winner’s touch Shootin’ in the clutch Teams can’t make her stop Nor block her stop ‘n’ pop!

The ball keeps goin’ in Until the ball game ends She’ll win the game And make her good name Come see for yourself Before there’s no games left

The Kristi Toliver swag Is head over heels, no fumble The Kristi Toliver swag Is the way she rumbles ‘n’ grumbles Razzles ‘n’ dazzles Rough ‘n’ tumbles She can’t out jump ball Brittney Or Catch D-Rob in a hurry But Coach Carol won’t never ever Have to worry So the fans better scurry To see the winning shot She’ll bury 165

______Bridge______

Five foot seven playin’ basketball No other point guard Stands quite as tall

Who taught her how to play Offense and defensively Her dad was an NBA referee

______Top______166

Kristi’s History (Poem)

Kristi’s history began in her rec room With a tennis ball Because her hands were too small To hold a basketball

Even in the dark Head over heels Upon the floor Crashin’ into furniture Runnin’ up and down Hungry for some more

She learned the game of basketball Sittin’ on her father’s knee Watchin’ tapes of teams He reviewed That she could see

She studied To see what she could be Now she’s the top scorer Competing for each Sparks victory

When the fans gather ’round her Each one of them feels the same They just wanna praise her Since they saw her play the game 167

She’s a tomboy tough ‘n’ tumble Smart pretty but humble Kristi Toliver hear ’em holla for her I’d pay one million dollars for her contract If I had a team

The most improved player That’s what the voters say The Sparks leadin’ scorer Pride of the WNBA

Before the shot clock expires And the game clock inspires Beatin’ the buzzer bein’ pressed Blowin’ whistles, a horn and all the rest

You get off the final shot All night long You’ve been hot Swish right on the dot

You won the game Like when you were a tiny tot You loved playin’ basketball a lot 168

“Shh!”

All was quiet on the western front after the disappointing one point, heart wrenching defeat of the L.A. Sparks by the for the WNBA Western Conference title of 2012 . . . Therefore, I donate my heart to you as love organ donors do.

Heart Donor (Song)

Have you ever had Your heart broke Broken into Have you ever had Heart trouble Have you ever been blue

Did you ever love somebody Who don’t love you Have you ever been Hot ‘n’ horny For someone new 169

Did you ever sit longin’ All night long Ever had a weak one When you wanted a strong Do you ever feel that joy Is overdue Did you ever need A heart donor Like I do

I bust out cryin’ Like a baby Foolishly in bars Hangin’ out All over town Runnin’ ’round in cars

Puttin’ my private business Exposed in the street Tellin’ ev’rybody How my heart Skipped a beat

Have you ever had Your heart broke Broken into Have you ever been Lonely Hurt sad bad too 170

Did you ever love Someone Like I love you Did you ever have Your heart broke (Heart Doner)

Until the sobs make Your throat choke (Heart Doner)

Until the whole bed Was tear soaked (Heart Doner)

Because you went for The okeydoke (Heart Doner)

’Cause I donated my heart to you As all love heart donors do For recipients of romance Who match up in heart transplants In a heartbeat as heart mates true . . . My played-out organs black and blue (Heart Donor) 171

Words 4 Loss, Lost 4 Words (Requiem)

Next time I saw Kristi online She had Virginia autumn in her eyes Splendid as Manassas skies Appomattox to her heart After the loss she did depart The land of slave and cannon Go to Euro-Union and abandon, This old man from her prettiest smile I haven’t visited Kristi’s website in awhile (Oh yeah)

Until she returns back home On Portland Street In Harrisonburg, VA I’ll keep looking at posted pictures Of her contagious infectious life again As I would be most interested in Knowing what Kristi is up to. . .

I wish I could recall Her holding the basketball And scoring the final winning shot But it wasn’t to be Now nobody cares Not even history Just über super diehard fans like me Who wished the ball would swish Not miss but fall. . . 172

I remember Band-Aids Upon her bleeding shoulder As she stood there A valiant combat wounded soldier

It was a tussle in Tulsa That nearly gave me an ulcer As they doubled and triple teamed, Mauled and engulfed her

I just want her to be Awesome and key Victoriously On the same page And in the same sentence As the three to see (Oh yeah)

Win the championship With Shenandoah Valley soul For Rockingham county and get The world’s MVP bounty yet. . .

Next time I saw Kristi online She had Virginia autumn in her eyes Splendid as Manassas skies 173

Star-Crossed Lover (Song)

Star-crossed lover I saw you tonight You were playin’ basketball And shootin’ out the lights, lights, lights . . .

Star-crossed baby I wanna hold you tight You’re at the heart of all I do You could make my dreams come true

You’re my answer for who’s best You’d bless my soul with happiness There will never be another Star-crossed lover

Star-crossed lover Queen on the court I know Ev’rybody loves you Ev’rywhere you go

You can play in China Travel outer space You cannot escape above My hard to guard embrace of love 174

We’re still star-crossed Though our team lost One point to spare We’re still a pair

By leaps and bounds You own the crown In transition On a mission Star-crossed lover true There will never be another you

______Top______175

Happy as Hell (Poem)

I’m a man of the world An international guy in a whirl I’m gonna go down a path in Spain Where senioritas call my name I picture a fruit bowl of purple grapes Top hat white tie tails cane and cape

I attended Othello in Venice Then Parisian paparazzi’s a menace But they didn’t kill Princess Diana Nor all those black boys in Atlanta I’m a man of the world I love the international girl I’ve got my passport I’ll catch the fastest thing smokin’ Flyin’ high up above And I’m off to romance intrigue and love I’m happy as hell I’m a freedom bell I’m happy as hell Where the beautiful dwell

Hallelujah as it seems I could holla, yell, erupt and scream On a cloud in a dream of the game Called women’s basketball My main theme 176

I just shout right out Dancin’ all about Chase the blues no doubt Ev’ryone can tell I’m happy as hell . . .

I’m happy as hell When you come to mind That’s why I think About you all the time I’m happy as hell To see your face And I long to enjoy Your fond embrace

I’m happy as hell To hear your voice You are my first and only choice You fill my well I’m happy as hell I feel tranquil I’m happy as hell I made a sell

I’m happy as hell Life’s so pray tell I’m happy as hell You cure I ail I’m happy as hell When you excel I’m happy as hell Destiny prevail 177

I’m happy as hell Because I fell I’m happy as hell Like Jell-o you nail I’m happy as hell I got out of jail I’m happy as hell I’m happy as hell I’m glad as the devil And happy as hell 178

Diablo’s Satánico Laughter in the Rafters, But a Dinero Game Changer Ever After

When ‘the three to see,’ Delle Donne, Griner and Diggins got together for an interview, the interviewer asked how they’d fair in a three on three against another three players, and Brittney said that would be unfair. Thus, I created El Diablo’s Daughters,™ rockin’ hot see-through electric shockin’ pink, rolla rink road uniforms, and home uniforms, a devilish red and blue, his colors, that can turn Taser imitation lasers on you.

Yes, the Daughters await you across the border with a hundred million dollars cash prize American money. They’ll even take on an all star team of WNBA players in the world’s largest bullring, the Plaza México in Mexico City, and they’ll meet EuroLeague all star players, who post the matching money online in Madrid, Spain at Málaga’s bullring, which lies in the heart of that beautiful city.

And as an added precaution, even if the game is played at the Municipal Auditorium “Fausto Gutierrez Moreno” in Tijuana, Baja California, Mexico, by putting missing incentives in the highly anticipated WNBA, 2013 season, with cash money in this case, a giant grand prize of one hundred million dollars, it should whet the appetite of every woman professional basketball player on the planet. 179

The winners get one million per game a piece to starters, half that to reserves, MVP gets half a million extra, losers get one hundred thousand dollars for starters and fifty thousand dollars for reserves. Eleven players grace each team; head coaches paid one million dollars per, assistants, half that to each team, and we will proceed to succeed.

A royalty share per player from pay-per-view sales worldwide, sponsors fees via commercials, paid to networks, who in turn settle with agents of players and owners of teams in both leagues. All traveling transportation and living conditions included, along with any other expense associated with the game, is handled by the producer.

So far the picks on El Diablo’s Daughters will play during the WNBA off season only. The deal is sealed simply by approaching each choices agent first. The line-ups of both the challenger and the opposing team in this case, is being composed as I write and they play the EuroLeague games, and done when the 2013 championship is decided in the WNBA. I will post both line-ups here online, along with the hundred million in prize money for both the challenger and opposition of the first game. 180

A planned sports, entertainment show, ‘Talkin’ Smack’,™ tweets, text, and re-tweets will promote the planned events and discussion on cable TV and online. Staples Center is a stage by which I may launch my presentations and hitch my star.

Sounds crazier than Dikembe Mutumbo, in that silly commercial I love. When I introduce players for my team, El Diablo’s Daughters, sisters in Satan’s order, at least that’s the word I’ll spread promotionally in the WNBA and EuroLeague. Because it’s a fantastic fictive feature, rumored to have a vampire, werewolf, serial killer, alien and a zombie in the starting five, for a show biz production on the floor, during the game when they’re leading.

Then they play basketball in these different characters wearing a masque. When the fans eat it up, dramatically in an abrupt hellish horror movie move, they attack the officials. This challenge is to ensure the WNBA and EuroLeague will initiate more fan fun interest, in buying season tickets and watching the games in person, plus on cable TV and online, with or without the Daughters disturbing their ongoing great traditions.

The WNBA received a curious canard and change in plans from El Diablo’s Daughters management, to cancel the contest in bullrings, as the news from Reuters, by an anonymous freelance sports reporter, claimed that the L.A. Sparks game versus the Daughters had to be held in another B.S. venue sorta. . . because it seems these bullrings don’t have bullfights at night, and 181 some bullrings don’t have stadium lights. Consequently, Tijuana was the closest to a big indoors arena for a night game in Mexico, where they could meet and have the great game, plus make the huge bet a fiesta international event.

The Daughters play four NBA quarters. The L.A. Sparks pay a security specialist, who engages an electrician, circuit breaker to cause a blackout, after having inside knowledge of the house auxiliary motor, which cuts back on in twenty seconds, and also added inside information, how to get to the switch box and render the arena pitch dark for ten to fifteen minutes.

A rigged game . . . nah, just cheating, thwarted by a Brookings Institution expert on China and cyber security guy, hired by the WNBA, to insure fairness at all cost to their big bet and protect their precious players. As the Daughters management used a Shanghai hacker attacker pseudo Taser laser, control panel technology, to win the game, electronically.

The angry crowd threatens torches, before peaceful protest with lit candles, lighters and iPhones. But the battery illuminated avenging Armageddon angels versus the thematic, cyber crashed, demonic hellions from the legion of the lower region, clashed bravely, when both teams kept playing in the dark, as a safety precaution, the power never came back on. Nevertheless, the bet was won and the challenge done. Now they must elevate all teams in the leagues status and importance, by promotion and a tremendous raise in salary. 182

A preponderance of evidence revealed an unnecessary, aural olfactory, mix of fire and brimstone fumes, with evil filling the arena in TJ, plus mock hilarity of stark and strikingly, blatantly bizarre guttural guffaws as a demented hyena, but diabolical and meaner, in a deep voice that roared every time the Daughters scored or fouled the opposing team flagrantly and they got seriously hurt, etc.

El Diablo is likened in appearance to a Goya painted Spaniard and not the classic comic form and face in pop culture. This hector spectre is probably sporting a red silk tux, with designer devils in the details of his formal tails, while attempting to make the WNBA its Faust in the offering. All this malevolence, along with the vicious growling in the background, of the Daughters mascot, Cerberus, the guard dawg for the gates of hell, ignited the L.A. Sparks in their struggle to not be in league with the devil and they chanted this blog.

When you offer mo’ money than Carlos Slim And I know that you have heard of him He’s the richest guy in the whole wide world Then we’ll be your girls

So let the front door hit cha Where the good Lord split cha I hope Sparky the mascot dawg bit cha Now may all the fans spit at cha To end all this B.S. you got wit cha 183

’Cause a Carlos Slim concern could turn The power off on your shit cha call ya startin’ 5 #1 bloodthirsty vampire bitch #2 rabid, starvin’ werewolf woman #3 terrifyin’ decay, stinkin’ zombie ho #4 sinister plottin,’ bloody dagger wieldin’ serial killa #5 notorious nuance, witchy hit woman We’d wear Boost Mobile halos and Nike neon shoes Plus, shock resistance uniforms from the most protective, scientifically perfected sportswear company

Angels in the Dark (Song)

O O O O O Angels in the dark babe O O O O O Angels in the dark

Just so it will show Angels wearing halos

Around about the midnight hour Turn on all the power Now ev'rybody knows Who protects the heart Angels in the dark 184

Guardian angels in the dark Protect my heart babe Sent from heaven above To protect our love Guardian angels Angels in the dark baby Angels in the dark

They can always tell When love ain't on the level So don't you ever go And treat me like the devil ’Cause they will always know And warn me from the start Angels in the dark ______Top______185

El Diablo’s Daughters (Poem)

El Diablo’s Daughters Styling red hot Taser acting laser home uniforms Their headbands send encrypted signals And plays when digitally turned on

As the L.A. Sparks bid For do-re-mi And bravely go to Mexico

One hundred million bucks was posted Matching the sum the Daughters boasted Tequila shots were toasted To kick ass for the big grand prize And defeat the opposition they despise

El Diablo’s Daughters are big and tall The L.A. Sparks in size are smaller and shorter Than these sisters in Satan’s order On the rise

El Diablo’s Daughters Evil goon squad Went off in the arena Breakin’ bad Showin’ off for him 186

El Diablo’s Daughters Led by a point in the last NBA quarter But Candace whooped and caught A alley-oop from Kristi at the hoop Above the rim

Nneka rebounds her refined behind off While AB keeps the game aloft C P 3’s dunkin’ the iridescent Spaulding basketball Kristi’s three pointers begin to swish and fall in the dark DMJ spin moves and scores the win Shoutin’ God bless the WNBA and the L.A. Sparks Amen!

El Diablo’s Daughters will meet cha across the border El Diablo’s Daughters will greet cha across the border El Diablo’s Daughters will beat cha across the border If they can learn Spanish and Chinese to turn Their Taser copycat laser uniforms back on 187

El Diablo’s Daughters (Song)

El Diablo’s Daughters Await across the border The best women Basketball players In the world He could afford-a

El Diablo’s Daughters Will raise pay-day To boost the sport-a And put mo’ money In ev’ry lady in the big leagues hand

El Diablo’s outlaw daughters Diggins, Delle Donne and Griner Kinda

El Diablo’s renegade daughters LJ, Sue, DT and Tweedy Sorta

El Diablo’s Daughters make a run In a rouge women’s basketball game For the WNBA budget fund Spacey red and blue uniforms on 188

They light up signals And plays digitally But they ain’t only just Zzzz wired for sound

El Diablo’s outlaw daughters Diggins, Delle Donne and Griner Kinda

El Diablo’s renegade daughters LJ, Sue, DT and Tweedy Sorta

El Diablo’s Daughters Sip Tequila shots and loiter El Diablo’s Daughters Invite the L.A. Sparks To a slaughter

The big bet was all In order Like a bank shot A okay (He’s an agent like Jay-Z) These tall cool drinks of water Were havin’ their way. . . 189

They ignore the referee Make ’em call a two a three Don’t blow the whistle For a hard guard Foul Obey a sexy Skylar Diggins Scowl

That’s how they plan To make the challenge And win These she devils balls all Swish and fall in

El Diablo’s outlaw daughters Diggins, Delle Donne and Griner Kinda

El Diablo’s renegade daughters LJ, Sue, DT and Tweedy Sorta

El Diablo’s Daughters Call time out Their great glamour girl goon Squad Fuss ‘n’ cuss ‘n’ pout 190

When the power went off And the lights went out (The Sparks had halos In the dark)

Sweat, flesh and blood Clashin’ On the glass window The bigs and trees Smashin’ Bashin’ slashin’ mashin’ thrashin’ about. . . No doubt

El Diablo’s Daughters Got beat across the border El Diablo’s Daughters Tried to cheat But they got caught-a

El Diablo’s Daughters Met defeat Over the border ’Cause a rich Carlos Slim, Look-a-like, but not him Refused to reboot uniforms That executes you for them Back on 191

El Diablo’s outlaw daughters Diggins, Delle Donne and Griner Kinda

El Diablo’s renegade daughters LJ, Sue, DT and Tweedy Sorta

El Diablo’s Daughters Await across the border The best women Basketball players In the world He could afford-a

El Diablo’s Daughters Will raise pay-day To boost the sport-a And put mo’ money In ev’ry lady in the big leagues hand 192

I imagined, I dove head first in a big fresh batch, hot off the stove, homemade from scratch, stacked cupcakes, mixed with milky creamy white, sweet refined and brown sugary, rich, dark and light chocolate drops, superstars of the cookie jar, all my chocolate chip cookies. But send your basketball Amazonian warrior goddesses playin’ to win this black market, underground worldwide challenge also.

Thank you all my darling’ daughters. Here’s to diamonds on your dainty toes and fingers, graceful necks, flexible flick of the wrists and blessed athletic, sexy tattooed bodies I adore. All of which are sugar coated to win my outlaw rogue challenge championship, in an exhibition of feminine pulchritude unmatched, as there is nothing more maddening than modesty, when the allure of the flesh is in such a magnificent array as yours, my dears. 193 My Red Bull (Commercial, Commercial.Com)™

Buy our unknown music brand that creatively lampoons a known brand publicly on spec and forms a flavorful, joint publicity stunt ad-venture, so we can attract attention complimenting both companies competitively increasing market shares respectively.

Commercial, Commercial.Com is capitalistically bullish as a music start-up company can get to acquire a sponsor, production partner and advertiser via the Internet for cyber viewing of videos, featuring original musical works of and with online live sports entertainment for professional women’s basketball exclusively worldwide.

I love lampoons, the more ribald the better. Consequently, by consolidating the auras of Columbus and Queen Isabella, the Spanish Amada, The Conquistadors, The Spanish Inquisition, Goya, The Spanish American War, Picasso, Franco, Ernest Hemingway, Running with the Bulls in Palermo, Ladies of Spain, The Rain in Spain that Falls Mainly in the Plains, etc., the essence of “My Red Bull” is captured in this first Commercial, Commercial.Com. 194

I woke up hard as Gibraltar to the cerise lips of Ava Gardner, who is rumored to be half black, like President Obama. She was starring in “The Sun Also Rises” a movie adapted from author Ernest Hemingway’s book of the same name.

I suspected the title was a take off on a penis erection, when I read “Papa” as he was called, was endowed no bigger than a thirty-thirty shell. That said, I watched the film and concluded life is like running with the bulls, down a narrow ass, one way, dead-end street. They growl, grunt and groan with exposed massive members hanging, while people mostly Spaniards, young guys, who think they’re brave, flirt with disaster to get their attention.

The game is to avoid their hard sharp weapons of mass destruction and pounding, trampling, stampeding angry hooves. I envisioned a 3-D hologram online and off, of the unloading of the bulls. Yeah, a load of bull in a hip remake of this movie with a sound track from a colorful uniformed bullring brass band, accompanying super singing stars, performing my music to fascinating flamenco guitars, with a bodacious soulful beat. 195

Originally, “The Sun Also Rises” film cast Tyrone Power as Jake, a writer, I’d re-cast Kevin Durant instead because I’ve heard of hugging a tree, but when I saw him online, as a tree hugging Kristi, I decided on KD, as Jake. Then Eddie Albert as his best friend (replaced by Russell Westbrook) and Mel Ferrer is a mean spirited, hard up camp follower (just get somebody to act mean) Charles Barkley, who along with an older cuckolded Errol Flynn (hire a mature leading man player) Michael Jordan to squire Ava Gardner, in this case (Kristi Toliver) around Madrid as she’s walking with the guys, who are like a pack of pedigree, amorous pet, international palace guard dawgz.

They all hung out at bullfights and casinos, while she was having an affair with a younger, twenty-something, handsome matador (Joakim Noah) ’cause she liked his hair. The hook of the book was that the protagonist, Tyrone Power, Lady Ava’s first choice, was wounded in World War I, which had ended, and a doctor informed him he was impotent.

The young toreador tossed a hat over the shoulder to his beloved, Lady Ava, before he dispatched the dedicated bull to her. Then with graceful, manly moves, he masterfully sent his steel blade between its horns, for cheers from the crowd. They say the only beast in the arena is the crowd. 196

Thus, with castanets clicking in my head, I imagined “My Red Bull” to be an elixir, a tonic, a liquid asset as bathtub gin was, as early cocaine laced Coca Cola, or even this modern cheap concoction ‘Nutcracker’ sold illegally like crack for $5 on the streets of Harlem, in Washington Heights, by a hip hustler named Kool-Aid.

My Red Bull is made from an ex-bartender, convicted, but contrite ex-murderer’s secret formula on death row, in an anonymous maximum prison, and is manufactured, distributed and retailed in American ghettos by Chicagunz, Killanoize, reformed, repentant black gangstas, who instead of cold-blooded random murders of innocent girlz and boyz are now entrepreneurs.

Of course, the drink and dramatization are fiction, and a blatant double entendre in two parts, a song, plus depiction of the musical track, televised and online, from a sports bar at Staples Center, where the whole WNBA meets electronically, via TV and cyber expertise simultaneously, with all of their NBA counterparts, on their own home court settings, to sip My Red Bull, served by the best bartenders in basketball, , Dr. J, Larry Bird, Kobe, LeBron, Carmelo, Chris Paul, Kareem, Magic and Shaq, plus the singing assistance of my wife, Janice. We are Mom ‘n’ Pop! Jnr. Glub glub glub! Enjoy. 197

My Red Bull (Commercial, Commercial.Com) (Song)

Red Bull Red Bull

Chicks love My Red Bull It’s stone cold good They sip a glass full As lovely ladies should

They drink in my joint Hail and hearty They swig a case full We gonna party They push ‘n pull To pour Red Bull in their body

They can’t wait to swallow A gapin’ mouth full They holla Red Bull! And suck a truck full

My Red Bull’s sexy And satisfies A thirst for livin’ A driven life style I whet their whistle Red Bull appetite 198

They love to glub glub glub My Red Bull At the glub glub glub All night club

They want my my my My Red Bull They want to try try try My Red Bull

That’s why they buy buy buy My Red Bull They take 1 2 3 gulps full

Red Bull Red Bull

You droolin’ My Red Bull Down your chinny chin chin You ain’t had no Red Bull! Until you taste My little friend

My chargin’ Red Bull Helps you escape Life’s bloody sword And crimson cape 199

I got more never dull Red Bull Private stock To rock

I keep a big supply Of Red Bull Chillin’ in my mini-bar full A ice cold sweatin’ can Of Red Bull At my mile high First class love club

Send a revealin’ photo Only And share My Red Bull If you’re lonely

Red Bull Red Bull

Bogart a train box car Of My Red Bull Linda Lovelace a boat load full And Lewinsky With a soda fountain straw A Red Bull ring river In Spain that I saw Lindsay Lohan’s in the can Snooki’s nookie’s pink ‘n’ tan 200

So if you’re tired of tears In your beer Bring your booty butt Derriere over here Perform My Red Bull golden showers Have a life time of happy hours Snatch and grab it Got to have it Before another toreador Can stab it

Red Bull (The single jingle) Red Bull (Make you tingle) Red Bull (Mix ‘n mingle)

Go down on My Red Bull It’s so damn good Chug-a-lug it Like Lady Gaga would

Get more Beyoncé To the ounce full As Bristol Palin And Kim Kadashian Should 201

Energizin’ Taste surprizin’ Bring it Sing it Ring it Ka-ching it No bull shitting!

They love to glub glub glub My Red Bull At the glub glub glub All night club

They want my my my My Red Bull They want to try try try My Red Bull

That’s why they buy buy buy My Red Bull They take 1 2 3 gulps full

Red Bull Red Bull Red Bull Red Bull! 202

It would be sensational if Red Bull, the sports beverage company of Austria could sponsor the outlaw, rogue women’s professional basketball team, El Diablo’s Daughters, I’m forming to challenge the WNBA and EuroLeague. Thereby, giving both a shot at promotion and presentation, guaranteed to raise the sale of season tickets and propel both leagues into the big time aspect of the sports entertainment world, by posting matching prize money online in the bank of their choice from the profits of this production of ‘International Guard’ the musical first.

As the Red Bulls New York Soccer Team is owned and licensed by Red Bull of Austria, the sports drink bottler; I’d want a crack at them to stage this elite event on worldwide TV. “International Guard” is a sports entertainment musical in continuum. It was created to kick-start the fund for a quarter billion dollar music basketball bond drive, to start a worldwide professional women’s basketball team that challenges all opponents for a lucrative cash money prize.

Then again, as Farmer’s Insurance aim is to build Farmer’s Field, I submit this Soul-Pop-Country Tribute to my expectations of opening my enterprises there and in the land of luck, Las Vegas, Nevada at the best casino, sports entertainment music venue in town. 203

I Bet the Farm. . . That You’re the One (Song) I bet the farm That you’re the one Your city slick ways Turn me on

This time I know Reap what I sow I bet the farm I love you so

I bet the family farm On you I’ll risk my John Deere Tractor too The hogs the cows And horses in the Field

I’ll take my chance Sure as you’re born On kisses sweet as Country corn I’m banking on your Love to be for real 204

Well a farmer takes A gamble When he takes a city Wife

I went all the way To Vegas Where I loved you at First sight Yellin’ 7 come 11 To a pair of loaded dice In a big casino Sucker’s paradise

I bet the farm That you’re the one Your city slick ways Turn me on

This time I know Reap what I sow I bet the farm I love you so

I asked the bank To make a loan I’d gladly give Up all I own 205

’Cause I believe You bring me luck And I fell in love Right off the turnip Truck

The whole kit and Kabootle Is riding on your Smile You won my heart and money With your big city Style

If I owned all of Nebraska I would wager you’d come Home I’m waiting like a Bumpkin by the phone

I bet the farm That you’re the one Your city slick ways Turn me on This time I know Reap what I sow I bet the farm I love you so

I bet the farm I bet the farm That you’re the one 206

Bravo, International Guard, I don’t mind telling you, I enjoyed putting a golden trumpet in your free hand, on the cover of this book, you dig? So pucker up your luscious lips. Then accordingly, if you would be so hip as to bring yo’ ax to camp and work on some entrances and a vamp, and maybe add some jazzy improvised solos to this song book, and if you do, you and I can meet in a creative heat at the studio, when I record the score. Just practice your embouchure for now, avoid a trumpet player’s lip, don’t split ’em or grow a lip titty, when you blow my ditties. By following the bouncing basketball over the lyrics and notes of my tunes and score, you will win, as usual.

Kristi, this 2013 season I’d want you to herald the Sparks into the arena with a fanfare, improvised from your trumpet to give the whole thing the show time, big time entrance they need, with the whole team dancing, beating tambourines and shaking maracas, etc. But I realize in the jaundice eyes of some, this would be considered a distraction and grave imposition on your part if you did so. Therefore, I will look forward to the games with best regards for you and the L.A. Sparks to get that title. Meanwhile, this work is to be continued. 207

1ST International Bank Shot (Poem)

Therefore Harmon muted Or blaringly blurted out But caringly on the same page I can feel us sharing These song book hooks

Our first soul symphony Hip–hop opera With a cool jazz flourish Imagine us unlikely song birds With WNBA fans dancing to Our musical we made from Love of the game