Transpersonal Mate Selection: an Investigation of Spiritual And
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TRANSPERSONAL MATE SELECTION: AN INVESTIGATION OF SPIRITUAL AND EXTRAORDINARY FACTORS THAT INFLUENCE THE DECISION TO MARRY ONE’S PARTNER by Sarah Neustadter A dissertation submitted in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of Doctor of Philosophy in Clinical Psychology Institute of Transpersonal Psychology Palo Alto, California November 23, 2010 I certify that I have read and approved the content and presentation of this dissertation: ________________________________________________ __________________ Frederic Luskin, Ph.D., Committee Chairperson Date ________________________________________________ __________________ Jeanne Achterberg, Ph.D., Committee Member Date ________________________________________________ __________________ Peter Pearson, Ph.D., Committee Member Date Formatted according to the Publication Manual of the American Psychological Association, 5th Edition Copyright © Sarah Neustadter 2010 All Rights Reserved ii Abstract Transpersonal Mate Selection: An Investigation of Spiritual and Extraordinary Factors That Influence the Decision to Marry One’s Partner by Sarah Neustadter Love and relationships are of central importance in people’s lives, and the process of choosing a mate for marriage is often depicted as containing ineffable, magical, and mysterious qualities. Research on mate selection has been limited by this point in time to studies based on evolutionary psychology and social psychology perspectives, and little formal literature is available that explores the more transcendent, transpersonal, and mysterious factors involved. The purpose of this qualitative study was to investigate the transpersonal factors involved in premarital courtship and the marriage decision process in order to formally reveal and acknowledge this perspective on mate selection. Eighteen married or engaged individuals who reported having had extraordinary and transpersonal experiences during courtship were interviewed. Thematic analysis identified 19 different kinds of transpersonal experiences that occurred during participants’ mate selection processes. Six other themes were identified and included transpersonal factors that were found to have been present prior to the initial meeting, to have occurred during early stages of the relationship; and to have influenced a sense of certainty, catalyzed the actual marriage decision, contextualized the purpose for being brought together, and revealed the qualities of a transpersonally inspired partnership. Results provide evidence for this phenomenon, articulate a model of understanding of these events, and serve as a frame of reference for individuals experiencing or seeking this variety of mate selection. This study iii presents an alternative perspective on mate selection useful for individuals, psychologists, and mate selection researchers and theorists, as well as premarital counselors. iv Dedication This dissertation is dedicated to my beloved former partner John Wayne Dulaney, who left this world in 2008 and now serves as my greatest teacher, friend, and spiritual guide. John, you have inspired me to the greatest depths, lowest lows, and highest highs of this human experience. You have taught me everything I know about love and you continue to teach me about your transcendent way of being. I am beyond grateful for you in my life; this work—and all my work in the world—is dedicated to you. I could not have asked for a better collaborator or a more beautiful guide. With all my heart, thank you. v Acknowledgements First and foremost, I would like to thank and acknowledge my family for all of their support and encouragement throughout the years. It is doubtful that I would have been able to make it through the program without your help. To my dad, thank you for being there for me, for believing in me, and for pep-talking me even when my path has been very different from your own. To my mom, thank you for all your tireless efforts on my behalf. Your solid support and advice over the years has helped me become a stronger person. To my sister Elana, thank you for your emotional support and for being right by my side during the hardest of times. It is wonderful to have such an emotionally and psychologically insightful sister with whom to share a life history. To my sister Deena, thank you for your love, your infectious laughter, your enthusiastic support, and your fun spirit. You have helped to brighten my life and keep me young at heart. I would like to thank Fred Luskin for being more than just a dissertation chairperson—for being a wise teacher and guide throughout my time at ITP. Your guidance has helped me navigate through mazes of several kinds, and the completion of this work could not have been possible without your extraordinary help, support, and insight. Thank you, Jeannie Achterberg and Pete Pearson, for your excellent reviews and feedback. It has been an esteemed privilege to work with both of you. To Dr. Michael Costeines, thank you for your eloquent analysis and consultation and for all your generous contributions to the “Def Leopard charitable organization helping promising young psychologists finish their dissertations on time.” Lastly, I would like to thank all of my participants for participating and sharing your beautiful and inspiring stories. Without your willingness, this study could not have been possible. vi Table of Contents Abstract..........................................................................................................................................iii Dedication....................................................................................................................................... v Acknowledgements........................................................................................................................ vi Chapter 1: Introduction................................................................................................................... 1 Chapter 2: Literature Review.......................................................................................................... 6 Evolutionary Psychology Perspectives............................................................................. 12 Social Psychology Perspectives........................................................................................ 16 Transpersonally Relevant Literature................................................................................. 31 Conclusion ........................................................................................................................ 49 Chapter 3: Research Methods ....................................................................................................... 51 Participants........................................................................................................................ 52 Recruitment....................................................................................................................... 54 Procedure .......................................................................................................................... 55 Treatment of the Data ....................................................................................................... 56 Limitations and Delimitations........................................................................................... 59 Chapter 4: Results......................................................................................................................... 63 Description of Sample....................................................................................................... 63 Thematic Analysis Process ............................................................................................... 64 Themes.............................................................................................................................. 65 The Varieties of Transpersonal Experiences ........................................................ 66 Transpersonal Occurrences and Circumstances That Preceded the Relationship 83 Transpersonal Phenomena Related to Initial Stage of Relationship..................... 91 vii Transpersonal Certainty Factor............................................................................. 96 Transpersonal Marriage Decision Process.......................................................... 100 Transpersonal Purpose for Being Brought Together .......................................... 102 Qualities of Transpersonally Selected Partnership ............................................. 104 Chapter 5: Discussion ................................................................................................................. 111 Findings as Related to Evolutionary Psychology Literature........................................... 124 Findings as Related to Social Psychology Literature ..................................................... 132 Findings as Related to the Transpersonal Literature....................................................... 134 Counterpoints.................................................................................................................. 140 Gender Discrepancies ..................................................................................................... 145 Limitations ...................................................................................................................... 146 Conclusions and Implications for Transpersonal Psychology........................................ 147 References..................................................................................................................................