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free! DAYTON - February 2014 - ISSUE 22 Photo# Stephanieweekly Baker Contributors Katie Modras-Anible Stephanie Baker Kerry Duane Brown Sophie Dannin Erin Dreis Adam Eckley Justin Gault Danny Hamen Brian Johnson Kelly Kristin Jones Natalie Krick Emily Mendenhall Mindy Parade Michael Perkins Cassidy Platt Xia Tio Wakka Lauren Weidenhammer Christopher ‘ETCH’ Weyrich David S. Williams Joe Williams Jason Young Publisher: Brian Johnson [email protected] Editor: Kerry Duane Brown [email protected] 937-580-8551 Copy Editor: Michael Perkins Designer: Justin Gault [email protected] Director of Photography: Stephanie Baker [email protected] © Copyright 2014 by Telephone Media 2014. Reproduction of any content, in whole or in part,without written consent of publisher is strictly prohibited. # weekly Photo Stephanie Baker table of contents PHOTONS |6-7 Photography by Joe Williams Press 1 for “How Dare You” |8 M. Ross Perkins / illustrated by Sophie Dannin DIY: Dry Shampoo |9 Lisa Patrick-Wright Oh Gin! |10 Emily Mendenhall THERE ARE 10 KINDS OF PEOPLE IN THE WORLD: |11 THOSE WHO GET BINARY AND THOSE WHO DON’T David S. Williams / illustrated by Erin Dreis The Skinny on Skinny Girls |12 Lauren Weidenhammer / illustrated by Sophie Dannin WHAT DO YOU DO? |14 Mindy Parade / illustrated by Erin Dreis Off The Radar: |16 Because Pop Stars Are People Too Jacob S. Combs Seek and You Shall Find |17 Christopher ‘ETCH’ Weyerich Romanticizing the Stoned |18 Randy Cornett / illustrated by Adam Eckley Westward Ho: Part Five |20 Danny Hamen / Illustrated by Adam Eckley Julie Jones on ‘A Strange Likeness’ |22 Katie Modras-Anible photos by Kelly Kristin Jones, Natalie Krick & Xia Tio Telephone Advice w/ Mama Cass |24 Telephone’s Phrasal Template Word Game |25 & Tic Keck Toe! Telephone Comics |26 Wakka, ETCH & Jason Young The Joy of Coloring w/ Ben Riddlebarger |27 # weekly 6 | # weekly Photos Joe Williams | joewilliamsphoto.com # weekly | 7 kind that is made from mixtures of earthy I walk through the crowded and noisy dyes and applied in ritualistic ceremonies. street of American discourse and I hear Press 1 for “How Dare You” Their war paint is visible in the periorbital poorly constructed sentences blasting BY M. Ross Perkins weathering underneath their eyes, in lines from megaphones; Americans are up in formed by years of glowing smiles, and in arms, claiming that they are dramatically unmistakable marks of struggles past and inconvenienced by the linguistic clumsiness present, now permanently stamped on their of English language learners. I walk through skin for the world to see. this volatile and anxiety-inducing street These warriors come to me and, like a while locking arms with my students and squire, I present them with their weapons: saying “Stay close. Keep your heads down. frail and delicate little pencils made of Pencils at the ready...” wood and lead and tin and rubber. This Suddenly, a voice in the crowd shouts weapon (though meek) pierces the hearts “there they are” and all at once we are of dictators, crosses out centuries-old doused with a bucket of frigid American laws of oppression, slices the throats of urine. The crowd goes berserk in a captors and rapists, and chops down the celebration of perceived justice, chanting fences of arbitrary territorial borders. Most “USA! USA! USA!” Shocked and outraged, importantly, however, this weapon becomes I look to my friends, my brothers and my a chisel when placed on its end. These sisters, and I see that some of them are students hammer the chisel with ideas and crying. Some of them are confused. Some of stories and love and intellect, over and over, them are angry. And some of them, having until their names are etched in the stone of experienced far worse before, are stoic. humanity, bold faced and underlined. Beneath us is a sidewalk made by stones that arrived in this country on a ship called Li Xiu Ying was here. the Santa Maria, were brought to this street Abdullah was here. by an Oriental railroad, were laid at the feet Ekta was here. of a Grecian column, were mortared into Alejandro was here. place by men and women with strange and Hadiya was here. unpronounceable names. I look down to this sidewalk and I see that dozens of sheets Controversy has recently erupted of paper reading “A B C D E F G” have surrounding a Coca-Cola commercial that fallen from the hands of my friends and are presented the song “America the Beautiful” now soiled and ruined like literary corpses in multiple languages. Immediately, strewn about. cries of “speak English or get out” began Being a natural-born citizen of the United emanating from dank conservative States, my instinct is to scream and claw ideological basements and the national and react with rage and violence. My blood media machine began churning its latest ill- boils, my face turns red, I draw back my fist founded outrage. The popular adage of “I in anger. But my fist is caught by a dark- shouldn’t have to press 1 for English” began skinned hand from behind me. resurfacing and complaints of convenience I look back and I see the warriors, quiet store miscommunications began circulating and unwavering. Clutched firmly in their once again. Those who kick and scream grips, the sabers made of wood and lead resemble children on the filthy floor of and tin and rubber remain unmoved, a toy aisle, having never attempted the unbroken, longer and sharper than they acquisition of a second language, having were before. My friends are not afraid. never made friends with a non-native They bend their knees, slowly assume a speaker, having never informed themselves ready position, and lean forward, prepared that English is one of the most difficult to charge. No crowd is dense enough, no languages in the world, perhaps even the bullhorn is loud enough, no jingoism is most difficult language in the world. These stifling enough to deter these people from profoundly insulting children do not realize participating in the human dialogue. They that for an ESL learner, it is an enormously are poised to overcome the obstacles of In my job every day, I get to experience (English as a Second Language) learning significant milestone to simply be able American stupidity one misspelling, one the privilege of sitting beside immigrants to process is actually more akin to going into to say, “Six dollars and thirty-five cents, mispronunciation, one beautiful and rich this country as they learn to properly use battle. I’m regularly reminded of this analogy please. Three dollars and sixty-five cents is foreign accent at a time. the English language. They come from all when working with women from Arab your change. Thank you and have a nice walks of life, all ranges of experience, and countries in the Middle East, specifically. day. Please come again.” These profoundly M Ross Perkins is a Writing Consultant at Wright from numerous areas of the world. Their Like the images of glorified male, Anglo- insulting children do not comprehend that State University. If you’re an ESL learner, he would skin is often darker than mine. Their eyes Saxon knights that I remember from my to many immigrants learning English, it love to be your friend and help you with your English. and noses are often placed and shaped in childhood, these women often come to is an incredibly meaningful achievement If English is your first language, visit http://www. designs that are minutely different from my me wearing armored gorgets and full-face to be able to communicate sufficiently omniglot.com/language/phrases/meet.htm to own. And their stories, though rarely told, helmets made not of steel, but of ornately enough to stand behind a counter and sell learn how to say “Nice to meet you” in several dozen are often filled with more anguish, more decorated silk. More often, the students you cigarettes. Press 1 for “How Dare You,” languages. strife, more complex cultural implication wear no armor at all. Instead, the bare faces you sad, shameful case studies in American than the story I call mine. of these individuals are smudged with a ignorance and ethnocentrism. For most of these individuals, the ESL naturally-occurring war paint. It’s not the In the furor of this language debate, 8 | # weekly Press 1 for “How Dare You” DIY: Dry Shampoo BY M. Ross Perkins by lisa patrick-wright The perfect shampoo for lazy butts that don’t want to be dirty butts! Whether you are feeling lazy, don’t want to shower or it’s just to cold to get your hair wet. Try this way easy recipe for dry shampoo for all types of hair. Supplies: Dry shampoo for light hair • 1/4 cornstarch • 2 Tbsp. baking soda • 2 Tbsp. flour (any kind, even oat), optional • 5-8 drops essential oil such as tea tree, optional (more for scent than anything else) Mix all ingredients together and store in container of your choice. Supplies: Dry shampoo for dark hair: Basically you’ll be substituting cocoa powder for much of the cornstarch. Here’s what I find works best after trial and error: • 1/4 cup cocoa powder • 2 Tbsp. cornstarch • 2 Tbsp. baking soda • 5-8 drops essential oil, optional • 2 Tbsp. flour, optional Application: Use old make up brush or if you are really in a pinch use your hands Lisa Patrick-Wright Co-Founder/Program Director,Grass Roots Enrichment and Wellness Center 400 E. Fifth Street, Suite C. Dayton, Oh 45402 937-723-6747 www.grassrootsenrichment.com # weekly | 9 Oh Gin! BY Emily Mendenhall But let’s get back to gin and tonics.