Women, Sex, and God: Women's Sexuality and the Internalization of Religious Messages
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University of Missouri, St. Louis IRL @ UMSL Dissertations UMSL Graduate Works 12-16-2015 Women, Sex, and God: Women's Sexuality and the Internalization of Religious Messages Petra Sterling Blum University of Missouri-St. Louis, [email protected] Follow this and additional works at: https://irl.umsl.edu/dissertation Part of the Education Commons Recommended Citation Blum, Petra Sterling, "Women, Sex, and God: Women's Sexuality and the Internalization of Religious Messages" (2015). Dissertations. 134. https://irl.umsl.edu/dissertation/134 This Dissertation is brought to you for free and open access by the UMSL Graduate Works at IRL @ UMSL. It has been accepted for inclusion in Dissertations by an authorized administrator of IRL @ UMSL. For more information, please contact [email protected]. Women, Sex, and God: Women’s Sexuality and the Internalization of Religious Messages Petra S. Blum MA, Covenant Theological Seminary, 1996 BA, James Madison University, 1992 A Dissertation Submitted to The Graduate School at the University of Missouri-St. Louis in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of Doctor of Philosophy in Education with an emphasis in Counseling December 2015 Advisory Committee Chair/Angela Coker, Ph.D. Wolfgang Althof, Ph.D. Susan Kashubeck-West, Ph.D. Mary Lee Nelson, Ph.D. Copyright, Petra S. Blum, 2015 Abstract Grounded theory methodology was used to explore women’s internalization of religious messages regarding their sexuality. Two research questions served as the guide for this study: how are women’s sexual self-views informed by their religious teaching, and how are these messages, along with their experiences, lived in them sexually, psychologically, and spiritually? Eleven women (ages 30-74) were chosen who had been raised in a Western Christian tradition in the US (8 Protestant, 3 Catholic). Participants were interviewed through an in-depth three-interview process to gain an understanding of their experiences and how they resolved their concerns with sex and spirit. The findings revealed that fear, shame, and objectification served as the primary manner of regulating the women’s sexuality within their religious traditions, resulting in detriment to sexual, emotional, and spiritual wellbeing through ruptures of sexual and spiritual safety. Complex (developmental) trauma arose as the overall impact of their religious sexual socialization, captured through seven categorical outcomes: identity conflicts, shame, self-blame, self-objectification, sexual and relationship problems with men, spiritual and sexual conflicts, and affect dysregulation. The theory of negotiating safety best captured the participants’ attempts to reclaim psychological, sexual, and spiritual wellbeing, through their ongoing efforts to secure sexual and spiritual safety. Grace was found to provide the safety needed for sexual and spiritual growth, experienced in marital and therapeutic relationships that were egalitarian, and for one woman, her egalitarian church. Grace was shown to be manifested with self, others, and God through embodiment, whole-hearted relating, and trust. Recommendations for clinicians and faith practitioners were provided. iii To my minyan of women and men Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. - Ecclesiates 4:12 iv Acknowledgments My dissertation is ultimately about grace. Yes, there is much here about what happens when grace is eroded by fear, but in the end, it’s grace that brings life. Grace cures in the most microscopic of ways, but only when we experience it. I am grateful for those who have traveled with me in this process, given of themselves, and given grace in wildly different ways so that I could finish this goal. I don’t know how to fully thank my family and friends who have given so much practical help but also unconditional love and support. This project was not done alone. To my best friend Sara, you did a little bit of everything including periodically pointing me to the shoreline, telling me ‘you have a ½ mile to go,’ ‘you have a ¼ mile to go.’ Thank you for being my compass and teaching me how to stay. To my parents, Ken and Deborah, thank you for your unconditional love and support, for cheering me on, making me laugh, and being a bright spot through some dark moments. To Abi, you have been longsuffering, even in hearing out every detail of every thought I have had about this project. Thank you for your grace and companionship. Similarly, thank you to friends and family who have loved well and kept me well. My burden has been your burden, and I am overwhelmed with gratitude – Kevin, Todd, Tonta, Laura, Tim, Doug, Kathy, Ellen and Sundeep, Lorri, Jan, Mariam, Jon and Sabrina, Steven, Mary Ellen, Leslie, Amy, and Eileen. And to my dissertation committee, Angela Coker, Wolfgang, Susan, and Lee, thank you each for being a solid rock, an avid supporter, and knowing so well what you are doing. v Table of Contents Abstract iii Dedication iv Acknowledgements v List of Figures and Tables x CHAPTER I – INTRODUCTION 1 CONCEPTUAL FRAMEWORK 6 Sexual Self-Schema Model 7 Self-Objectification Theory 9 THE RESEARCH PROBLEM 10 PURPOSE OF THE STUDY 11 SIGNIFICANCE OF THE STUDY 11 DISCUSSION OF TERMS 13 Sexuality 13 Sexual Self-Views and Scripts 14 Spirituality 15 Sex-Spirit Connection 16 DELIMITATIONS 17 CHAPTER II – LITERATURE REVIEW 18 WESTERN CHRISTIAN TRADITION AND WOMEN’S SEXUALITY 20 Hebrew Tradition 20 Greek Culture and Philosophy 22 Early Christianity and Sexuality 25 Christian Teachings in the United States 29 THE PSYCHOLOGY OF WOMEN’S SEXUALITY 35 Kinsey 35 Masters and Johnson 36 Current Research Studies 37 RELIGION AND SEXUALITY 41 College Students’ Behaviors and Attitudes 42 Adult Behaviors and Attitudes 45 Studies of Women’s Sexuality and Religion 49 APPLICATION TO CURRENT PROBLEM 53 CHAPTER III – METHODOLOGY 55 RESEARCH DESIGN 55 Sampling 58 Participants 63 Data Collection 69 Data Analysis 76 vi Trustworthiness and Ethical Considerations 80 CHAPTER IV – RESULTS 85 RELIGIOUS MESSAGES 85 Sources of Messages 85 Delivery of Messages 89 Direct Instruction 90 Metaphors 90 Comments 91 Modeling by Other Women 92 Unwritten Curriculum 93 Harmful/Redemptive Experiences 93 Messages on Sexuality 93 Sex is a sacred union, meant only for marriage 96 Talking about sex is taboo – sex is dirty 97 Sex education means keeping girls virgins – 99 intercourse/pregnancy is the bottom line Sexual thoughts, feelings, and attraction is lust and therefore sinful 100 The spiritual and social consequences of sex are grave and 101 different for men and women A man’s sexuality is God-given; a woman’s is a perversion 104 Sexual assault is tolerated and defended 104 Women are to blame for men’s sexual sin 105 Women are morally weak temptresses and cannot be trusted 106 Sexual purity will be rewarded with a great marriage, 108 great sex, and minimal suffering CATEGORIES 108 IDENTITY CONFLICTS 111 Fragmented Experience of Self 112 Binary Identity 112 Undeveloped woman – Identity as destination 113 Purity and submission as identity 115 Authenticity as rebelliousness 117 Disconnected From Self 118 Self-Awareness and the underdeveloped self 119 Sex as separateness from self 121 Coping through suppression and denial 122 Hiding 124 Secrecy 124 Compartmentalization 126 Value and Self-Worth 126 Less than 127 Value is not inherent but earned 128 Sex ruins you 129 vii SHAME 131 Sexual Shame 131 Shame as dirtiness 133 Shame for masturbation 136 Shame for sex 137 Body Shame 138 Feminine Shame 140 Spiritual Shame 142 SELF-OBJECTIFICATION 144 The Idealized Christian Woman 146 The feminine woman and feminine shame 147 Woman as wife and mother 148 Perfectionism and appearance monitoring 149 Power and the Objectified Body 152 Modesty and the sexualized body 153 Woman as object of man’s desire 155 Power and the Subversion of Self 157 Subversion of strength 158 Subversion of gifts and abilities 160 Submission as unilateral and without agency 164 A woman’s need for rescuing 168 SELF-BLAME 168 Seduction 170 Responsibility 172 Deficiency 180 SEXUAL AND RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS WITH MEN 181 Arousal, Desire, and Sexual Dysfunction 183 Problems of arousal and desire 183 Sexual avoidance, suppression, or fear of men sexually 185 Dysregulated Sexual Relating with Men 187 Fathers, lovers, and attention seeking with men 188 Dating as sexual acting out 188 Mistrust of Men 194 Lacking Sexual Knowledge and Awareness 196 SPIRITUAL AND SEXUAL CONFLICTS 197 Insecure Attachment with God 199 Difficulty Integrating Sex and Spirit 205 Problems with the Church 208 AFFECT DYSREGULATION 212 Fear, Shame, and Anxiety 213 Depression and Confusion 215 viii Anger 217 SUMMARY 218 CHAPTER V – DISCUSSION 220 CORE CATEGORY DEVELOPMENT 222 THE CORE CATEGORY: COMPLEX TRAUMA 224 Sexual and Spiritual Abuse 228 Systemic Traumatic Distress and Threats to Attachment 231 The Impact of Traumatic Distress 232 BUILDING THEORY 234 A GROUNDED THEORY – NEGOTIATING SAFETY 236 Safety 237 Flaccid and Dynamic Safety 238 Negotiating Safety Systemically 240 Flaccid Safety: Fear and Sexuality 241 Self: Disembodiment 241 Others: Relational Complementarity 243 God: Hiding 245 Dynamic Safety: Grace and Sexuality 247 Self: Embodiment 248 Others: Whole-Hearted Relating 251 God: Trust 254 CONCLUDING REMARKS 254 LIMITATIONS 256 RECOMMENDATIONS 257 Research Recommendations 257 Clinical Recommendations 259 For Faith Practitioners 262 REFERENCES 264 Appendix A – Recruitment Flyer 277 Appendix B – Consent Form 278 Appendix C – Demographic Questionnaire 281 Appendix D – Interview Guide 287 Appendix E – Sexual History Questionnaire 289 Appendix F – Writing Assignment 293 Appendix G – Table of Category Properties and Dimensions 294 ix List of Figures and Tables Figures Page 1. Categories and Subcategories 120 Tables 1. Demographics 75 2. Delivery of Religious Messages 99 3. Messages on Sexuality 106 4. Negotiating Sexual and Spiritual Safety 250 x Chapter One – Introduction “I went back to Israel that summer . I made friends with another American girl, Ofra, who was visiting her Orthodox relatives.