Symbol Commercial Bank of Liberty, NA. of Service 1 Liberty Bell Circle, P.O. Box 257 Liberty, Missouri 64068, 816/781-4200 YOUR HOMEOWNED, FULL-SERVICE BANK MEMBER F.D.I.C. An Equal Opportunity Employer MAIN BANK Junction Highways 152 & 291 SERVING ALL OF YOUR BANKING NEEDS. WELCOMING STUDENTS AND FACULTY. WISHING YOU GOOD LUCK, CARDINALS AND BLUEJAYS! AND CHEERING YOU ON TO ANOTHER WINNING YEAR. "' Garden Bank On the Square Across from the ftwf Office Since 1867 FROM YOUR FANS AT COMMERCIAL BANK SERVING THE LIBERTY COMMUNITY FOR 114 YEARS. o by John Underwood, SPORTS ILLUSTRATED n a recent fall evening, while up presumably jaded middle-agers—which and debris everywhere—that a passerby to my elbows in a platter of led to a growing suspicion that Sunday might easily have wondered whether the stone crabs at a New York res- afternoons might be more excitingly crabs were being attacked or were at- taurant that specializes in high prices, I spent on, say, an incoming tide. Or tacking. As a result, my friend was given was surprised to learn that one of my nearer one. only a polite commiseration ("Oh? Too dinner companions had given up pro He said he was the first to actually bad . .. With six games to go, too ... Hope football. That is to say, he had given up make the break, and that he felt strangely you got full price."). his most tangible link to the pro game. relieved, like a man giving up on a sweet For me, however, his announcement He had that very day, he said, sold the but deteriorating romance. amounted to a revelation. remainder of his season tickets to what His mood was lost, however, on the I put aside the crab I had just disas- he called "a younger fan." majority of us at the table, caught up as sembled and looked at him. He is a bald- He said an "epidemic of ennui" (his we were in the mechanics of a con- ing insurance executive with an enviable exact words) had spread through the spicuous consumption. The main athletic background, and is a classic pro group he sat with at the stadium— course was under such a siege—shells continued The Seasor^glongs to Jantzen Autumn Fashion Breakthrough. This is our Sweater-of-the-Year. Touch it. Try it on. It's an all-new feeling we've achieved with air-textured Orion® acrylic fibers DuPont calls Jet-Spun* Attractively priced at about $33.50. Jantien. Inc Portland. Oregon 97208 continued ABOUT THE AUTHOR: A Sports Illustrated writer for the last 18 years, John Underwood's name is also recognized for his excellent books on sports. He has written My Turn At Bat, a Ted Williams biography—a best seller—Sear, the story of Alabama's legendary coach Paul "Bear Bryant, and The Death of An American Game (The Crisis in Football), published last year. football zany. On game days he wears the "I thought you and pro football were even a Hokie himself could tell you what appropriate colored hats and numbered wed forever. What made you see the that is." jerseys; he bets unwisely but profusely, light?" He bore down with his cracking tool. and he actually subscribes to those "Don't start that stuff again," he said. The shell exploded and shrapnel flew giddy football weeklies. Selling his sea- "What stuff?" around the table. Absently, he brushed a son tickets was tantamount to selling his "That business about how much more piece from his sleeve. birthright. 'meaningful' college football is. All that "I know you think it's a social and cul- My own impenetrable preference" smaltz and rah-rah stuff you run on tural uplift when college teams go out to for the college game (his words again) with." play. I know you think it's terrific that the had always confounded him. When "I didn't know you'd been paying community gets involved with a college properly oiled, we could, and often did, attention." team. That the players are there because debate, the subject passionately. At those "I know the whole spiel, backwards they want to play for Indiana or Penn times, my arguments were spiked with and forwards. Every argument Spurts Il- State or the LSU Tigers, not because they logic and strong historical precedents, lustrated ever let you peddle. I can hear got drafted into it, or are held in place by and were thus lost on him, a man who you, in my sleep, droning away. How the money. 1 know you think nothing in makes his living convincing others to The College Game is Best.' How football this world could ever replace Blanchard burden their lives with high premiums started with the colleges' How much and Lujack in the hearts of the brave old so that their heirs will profit by their you love the history' of it. The Poes of Army team, and that Bear Bryant is deaths. This, of course, made his obses- Princeton and The Gipper and the Seven smarter than any seven pro coaches." sion for the professionals that much Blocks of Concrete, running around in "Davis," I said. more challenging. canvas pants and parting their hair in the "What?" Now he had apparently experienced a middle to cushion the blows." "Blanchard and Davis. Lujack played change of heart, with no help from me. "Granite," 1 said. for Notre Dame." Naturally, 1 wanted to know why "What?" "Same thing. I grant you, all that may What happened.-" 1 said. "Blocks of Granite, not concrete." be true. I know for one if I wasn't in the What?" he said, looking up from the "Same thing. And how you just adore 50 percent bracket 1 damn well couldn't anarchy on his plate. He had resumed all those sock-o nicknames. The Saltine afford tickets to the pro games anymore, his dinner offensive with a shell-cracker Waniors!' The Playing Colonels!' The and I'm reasonably certain the money I and was wielding it awkwardly Hukws,' for crying out loud. I'll bet not continued The pageantry of college football adds to its excitement. 3t continued give em isn't going to support the local "I think I may be on to something. I weekend, Oklahoma's David Overstreet library. As it is, the pros are gradually think you oughta check it out." came close to averaging 20 a carry as he pricing themselves out of the market for "What you're on to," I said "is the mi- ran for 258 yards. His total exceeded the large segments of the society that used to racle of sight. It usually happens when output of Dorsett, Williams, Franco be their principal support.' you open your eyes' Harris, Charles White and Ricky Bell He pointed the exposed crab claw at I'm serious. You used to say that the combined. me and waved it like a scepter. pros had million-dollar runningbacks As best I could determine, the excuse "Neither do I have to be reminded, es- and ten-cent running attacks. I think it's pro apologists were making for such dis- pecially by you, that the average pro gotten that way again. I think vou oughta parities was that the NFL had been "con- player has no allegiance whatsoever' to update the argument. See if it still holds centrating " on the forward pass (even to the 'home town fan.' That if given their water'. What's a good conviction if you the point of changing some rules to make druthers, the entire roster of the Phila- don't keep it current?" passing easier) and in "opening up" their delphia Eagles would probably prefer to I started to tell him that although I game they had to sacrifice somewhere. be in San Francisco. But I accept em for may have backslid a little, I knew in- The size of the "opening, however, what they are Hired help. Talented mer- stinctively that in any statistical com- would seem to depend on the perspec- cenaries. It doesn't bother me because parison with college offenses, the pro tive. Not one NFL team was within 100 its entertainment I'm after, not a loyalty game would invariably suffer-. That col- yards of the total offense leader of the oath. When 1 go see Al Pacino act, I don't lege teams always run more plays, aver- colleges—Nebraska's 515 yards a game. need to believe he is living in my neigh- age more yards, score more touchdowns. More than 20 college teams were aver- borhood to appreciate his ability." But I also knew he was right. I had been aging at least 400 yards a game in total "So what bothers you?" flying on instruments in recent years, offense. Only one NFL team was doing He sighed and put down his crab claw, avoiding a hard look at the terrain. At that well. still mostly intact. that precise moment, however, I was It was clear, however', that the pros "The blandness," he said. "The vain taken with the urge to relieve him of the were still supreme in killing time— repetition Cookie-cutler offenses that crab he had unsheathed, my own supply dragging in and out of huddles, standing look the same, team to team, week to being exhausted. I let him go on without around hoping for commercial breaks, week. Dull City. Not even Cossell can inteiTuption, more or less urging me to etc. Ordinarily, increased passing (which save 'era on Monday nights. I usually "get to work on it." My move on his plate is what the pros were obviously doing) nod off before halftime.