The California Tech VOLUME LXXXIX NUMBER 21 PASADENA, CALIFORNIA FRI DAY 32 MARCH 1988 Pizza Prank Injures Four
by Prank Synatra One of the students apparently Four off-campus Tech students poured mushrooms over another by were seriously injured over spring mistake, nearly crushing him break as a result of a backfiring beneath a fall of the fabulous fun RF. A source near the MOSH's gi. The other students meanwhile office, who wished not to be iden attepted to finish the final layer of tified, said that the four students, anchovy. Calvin described the plus three others, had contacted the chaos that followed as "something Mosh's office in regards to the out of an AMa95 word problem." prank the week before and had The Mosh's office would not received prior approval for it. comment on the condition of the The planned prank had in four injured students, but a spokes volved turning the courtyard of woman from Huntington Memori another off-campus house into a gi al hospital revealed that all were ant pizza, including the placement suffering from a psychosomatic Techers struggle to contain rising tide of red tomato sauce when a carefully planned RF goes astray. of large amounts of bread dough, condition stemming from the view catsup, cheese spread, slices of ing of massive amounts of tiny meat, olives, mushrooms and an headless dead fish and fungi simul chovies. According to the Mosh's taneously. office source, the students arranged It was also revealed that one to work simultaneously during the student has lost control ofall volun night of March 20th, and planned tary functions, and has become es New Classes Added to complete the prank in thirty sentially a vegetable. The other by Sam I. Am The Student-Faculty Cur Violence, Dealing With Post Self minutes. three are said to be in serious but The Institute Wednesday an riculum Committee, the main Realization Depression, Whine One participant, who asked to stable condition, with various in nounced their plans for changes in group responsible for the changes Your Way to Alienation, How to be identified only as "Calvin", ternal injuries and an annoying the undergraduate curriculum for in requirements, expressed a wish Overcome Self-Doubt Through related that the prank had called for fishy smell. next year. The new changes would for an increase in required courses, Pretence and Ostentation, Sex and the students to run into the court Calvin has asked that in memo not affect seniors graduating June, especially in the areas of physics, the Single 6th Grader. yard with trashbags full of food rium, no pizzas with mushrooms 1988, but would affect all those biology, geology, and rural Business!Career Workshops: stuffs and dump the contents out, and anchovies be purchased for the graduating after that date. The new Canadian studies. Basically, the Money Can Make You Rich, Talk repeating the process for each lay remainder ofthe term. The Mosh's curriculum changes involve main planned core curricula consists of: ing Good: How You Can Improve er offood. The trouble began, said office souce has asked that no con ly the core requirements, but will Phl,Ph2,Ph8 (Advanced Purcell Speech and Get a Better Job, Calvin, as the the layer of dolences be sent, since it was "their also include changes in option re Analysis),Ph205b (Relativistic Career Opportunities in Iran, How mushroom was being completed. own fault!" quirements. Quantum Mechanics), Gel, Ge178 to Profit From Your Own Body, (Elementary Earthquake Predic Under-Achievers' Guide to Very tion), Ge179 (Elementary Earth Small Business Opportunities, quake Initiation),PA 15 (4 years), Filler Phrases for Thesis Writers, Ay13 (Hi-Energy Astrophysics Tax Shelters for the Indigant, Applications in Astrology), Lit183 Looter's Guide to America's Cities. Master Key Disaster (Tommy Reading for Pleasure and Home Economics Workshops: Enjoyment), Hum 43 (Fortune How You Can Convert Your Dorm Telling), An37 (Magic and Wit Room into a Garage, Refrigerator by Marvin Steele All south master keys should be desk-chairs from Bridge was dis chcraft)--specific emphasis will be Virus Cultivation, Basic Kitchen In a suprise move by the Board turned in to the Registrar starting covered. The desks have yet to be on devil worship--, Bi9, Bi142 Taxidermy, Sinus Drainage at of Control on Wednesday, it was on Monday. Students will have un found. (Edible Viruses) SS137 (Canadian Home, The Repair and decided that the student privilege til Friday to do so without fear of An anonymous source was Slums), SS138 (Homeless in Maintenance of Your Virginity, of carrying master keys to the reprisal, after that date forceful ac quoted as saying that it was the in Canada), Ma3 (Introduction to Dif How to Convert a Wheelchair into buildings of Caltech was to be re tion will be taken. fluence of some unusually violent ferential Topology), Ma4 a Dune Buggy, What To Do With voked. Explanations given for this and malicious frosh which has (Calculator Skills)--NOTE: Mal Your Conversation Pit, Christiani sudden change in policy range caused the radical change in poli and Mal will be eliminated from ty and the Art ofRV Maintenance. from the numerous thefts of tacks Officials report that, although cy. In particular, numerous mem the core requirements--eliminated, Health and Fitness: Creative from the bulletin boards to the they had known about the problem bers of Blacker and Page Houses in fact, from the face ofthis Earth. Tooth Decay, Exorcism and Acne, widespread appearance of chalk for a few months, action was only have been singled out and will be The Curriculum Committee The Joys of Hypochondria, High board graffitti. taken when the disappearance of27 gin undergoing rehabilitation to also reported a long list of option Fiber Sex, Suicide and Your cure them of their irksome ways. requirements. Also, Due to Health, Bio-feedback and How To After further research, it was numerous complaints concerning Stop It, Skate Your Way to found that the Institute has been the limited variety of Caltech Regularity, Understanding Nudity, spending over one million dollars classes, the Committee also plans Tap Dance Your Way to Social a year to replace tacks stolen from to add a number of new classes, Ridicule, Optional Body public message boards in those workshops and seminars to the Functions. buildings having south master catalog for next year. These Crafts: Self-Actualizaton locks. It was also discovered that seminars include: Through Macrame, How To Draw the Institute has had to hire over 25 Self-Improvement: Creative Genitalia, Needlecraft for Junkies, new workmen to combat the un Suffering, Overcoming Peace of Cuticle Crafts, Mobiles and Col usual graffitti problem. Mind, You and Your Birthmark, lages with Fetishes, Gifts for the At over $45,000 a year per Guilt Without Sex, The Primal Senile, Bonsai Your Pet. Seminars man, this is quite a waste of insti Shrug, Ego Gratification Through will be limited to 800 students. tute money. This figure does not include the number of men paid to wander the campus and replace any stolen tacks. It also does not in clude the cost of security men who physically check any suspiciously looking people for the stolen goods. President Everclear was quite shocked to hear that the BOC was forced to make such a drastic change in policy. He was quoted as saying, "If it hadn't been for the thiefs escalation from tacks to lec ture chairs, who knows how much money we would be spending on tacks now." It was rumored that President Everolear was consider Undergrads photographed leaving the ing stepping down from office The BOC is offering a. reward to anyone when he discovered the depth of the social problems here at Caltech. 2THE CALIFORNIA TECH FRIDAY 32 MARCH 1988 The California Tech CIT Compu-Champs EDITORS - Eric Fung • Stephen Lew • Chandra Tucker [CNB] For the second time in three contest, which was held in Atlan Southern California - went on to ENTERTAINMENT SPORTS years, a team from the California ta, Georgia, Feb. 24. compete in the international Rhonda Stroud Help Wanted Institute ofTechnology has won the The Caltech team consisted of competition. Association of Computing David Gillespie (a graduate student In Atlanta, the Caltech team PHOTOS ANNOUNCEMENTS Machinery (ACM) Scholastic Pro in computer science and team cap emerged far ahead of the pack in Alex Athanasopoulos Josh Kurutz gramming Contest. Teams from 24 tain), Scott Hemphill (a graduate the grueling, six-hour contest. It schools competed in this year's student in computer science), Ron was the only team to solve all eight Goodman (a junior, majoring in problems correctly in the allotted computer science), and Adam time. In fact, the Techers finished Greenblatt (a senior, majoring in the problems in just five hours and WEEKLY SPORTS eALENDAR biology). All of the team members 17 minutes. "We spent the remain were drawn from the instructional ing time fooling around, program Day Date Time Sport Opponent Location staff of CSIO, the freshman elec ming the computer to play musical Sat. 4-2 10:00 am Tennis (W) Occidental Occidental tive "Introduction to Programm scales," said one member of the Sat. 4-2 11:00 am Track UCSD, Masters & USD Caltech ing." The team's faculty adviser Caltech team. Sat. 4-2 1:00 pm Baseball Alumni • Caltech Sat. 4-2 1:30 pm Tennis (M) Occidental Occidental was Charles L. Seitz, professor of All teams in the competition us Tue. 4-5 3:00 pm Baseball Pac. Coast Baptist Bible College Caltech computer science. This team had ed Apple Macintosh computers and Tue. 4-5 3:00 pm Tennis (M) Azusa Pacific Caltech previously won the Southern the Pascal computing language in Tue. 4-5 3:00 pm Tennis (W) La Verne Caltech California regionals, which were an attempt to solve the eight dif Fri. 4-8 3:00 pm Baseball Redlands Caltech Sat. 4-9 10:00 am Tennis (W) Claremont-Mudd-Scripps C-M-S held at California State Universi ficult problems. For example, in Sat. 4-9 11:00 am Baseball (2) Redlands Redlands ty, Dominguez Hills, on Nov. 14, one of the problems, team Sat. 4-9 11:00 am Track Whittier, Pomona, Redlands Caltech 1987. The top two teams in each members had to use the computer Sat. 4-9 1:30 pm Tennis (M) Christ College Christ College region - Caltech and UCLA in to simulate an air-traffic-control radar system. The program had to track 20 aircraft moving in dIf letters to the editors- ferent directions at different altitudes and speeds, and it had to detect all near misses automatically. The international competition had been dominated by Stanford University, which came in twelfth PLO for the Palestinians this year, until Caltech began enter ing teams just two years ago. To the Editor: poll, in the earlier days of the cur hold deliberations and vote, Pales people, called on the U. S. Caltech won the 1986 competition "As I would not be a slave, so rent Palestinian uprsising, found tinians from allover the world government: and came in fourth last year. would I not be a master." As I that 39% of American Jews sup come together to add their voice. The prize for Caltech's first would not be occupied, so would port the establishment ofa Palesti Prof. Said, who spoke at Caltech place win this year was a $1000 I not be the occupier. nian state, while among non-Jews, last year, participates in this man 1. To support the rights of the scholarship. Do we remember the pulse of such support reached 56 %! ner. New Jewish Agenda (an or Palestinian people to establish their The top finishers: the '60s? "How many ears must one ganization in the U. S.) sent own independent state in the West 5. Johns Hopkins have, before they can hear people observers last year! Bank and the Gaza Strip alongside 4. Harvard cry...How many years must a peo Should the PLO speak for the Michael Bogopolsky, the Israel, with peace and security for 3. University of Pennsylvania ple exist, before they're allowed to Palestinians? Yes. As reported at moderator at the Options for Peace both peoples. 2. Carnegie-Mellon be free?" Bob Dylan asked it. So the campus Options for Peace dis evening, reported that Peres, in the 1. Caltech did I.F.Stone, one of the earliest cussion Mar. 9, 90% of the Pales Knesset (Israeli Parliament) said 2. To support an International Jewish voices, who asked, "If the tinians claim the PLO as their two months ago that Arafat and the Peace Conference under the Jews can yearn for a homeland of representative. This is far more PLO are willing to negotiate. auspices of the United Nations, THE CALIFORNIA TECH 2000 years ago, can't the Palestin support than our president gets Would that we got some of this in with the participation of the PLO, Volume LXXXIX • Number 21 ians yearn for a homeland of a from us. Can one talk to with the our media reports. Israel, the United States, the 32 March 1988 generation ago?" PLO? Yes. A few years ago, be USSR, and all Arab States involved Yes, there are two people, both fore the Labor Party was in the in the conflict. REPORTERS with historical claims to the same government, a radio news report And finally, Dr. Tony Saidy, a Sam 1. Am • Flipp Ant land, and both are there to stay. here announced that members of physician whose work involves im 3. To recognize the PLO as the Bugs Exterminus • Marvin Steele For the past 40 years, one of these the Labor Party had met secretly proving the quality of human life, representative of the Palestjnian Prank Synatra people, the Palestinians, have been with the PLO. Rabbi Beerman, co pointed out that there are 100-200 people. PHOTOGRAPHERS without control over any part of founder of the Pasadena-based In nuclear weapons in Israel's hands. Teri Engelhard their homeland. Peace will come terfaith Center to Reverse the Arms Surely, we must realize that the Due to spring recess, this let Teresa Griffie only by recognizing the right ofthe race, at a forum at Leo Baeck Tem health, the safety, the very survival ter appears on the eve of Passover, Palestinians to establish their own ple two years ago, reported a con of the entire planet may well de a holiday commemorating an end PRODUCTION State in the West Bank and Gaza, versation he had had with Yasser pend on our ending the hostilities to servitude and the joys of free Nick Smith alongside Israel. This is the con Arafat, where Arafat had indicat and embarking on the path to dom. What better time to speak out sensus of the vast majority of the ed his willingness to recognize the peace. for freedom for the Palestinians? world. Yael Dayan, daughter ofthe BUSINESS State of Israel, but around a Sincerely, Jonathan Chow late Israelis General Moshe Dayan, negotiating table. A coalition rally took place Margaret Katz said, "There is no way you can Mar. 20 at the Westwood Federal Astronomy CIRCULATION have peace and keep the occupied At the Options for Peace dis Building. Rabbi Beerman and Michael Keating territories," (this at the Mar. 13 cussion, we were reminded that the Casey Kasem, and American Jew Gavin Claypool Friends of Peace Now demonstra PLO, with its many factions, is a and an American Arab, out oflove tion in Beverly Hills). government in exile. The Palestin for both the Palestinian and Israeli SPERM DONORS THE CALIFORNIA TECH Is this a pipe dream? I think ian National Council is the equiva NEEDED 25-58 SAC not. I think it is an idea whose time lent oftheir Parliament. When they California Institute of Technology r------...... , Pasadena, California 91125 has come. Two months ago a Peace Earn up to $105 perweek. Phone: (818) 356-6154 Now rally in Tel Aviv drew The Tech is presently seeking I RZlgTime I University students only. 100,000 under the slogan STOP a sports editor. If you are in • On Greent Published weekly except during THE OCCUPAnON. After Sabra terested in both sports and jour C RESALE CWTBING t Area's largest sperm bank. examination and vacation periods by and Shatila 400,000 Israelis took to nalism, this is the opportunity for Call: (213) 553-3270. Associated Students of the California the streets in protest. That is 10 % you. Contact any ofthe editors or 1 wJ~EN I Institute of Technology, Inc. The of the population! leave a message at the office, t M-Thurs. 10-5, F..Sat 18-3 t California Cryobank, Inc. opinions expressed herein are strictly In the U. S., a Time magazine room 40 of the SAC. 4 (818) 796-9924 • t08Q Century Park East #306 those of the authors. III J136 E. Green St., PaS11den8 • Los Angeles CA 90067 Letters and announcements are welcome. All contributions should .. ------... -1 include the author's name and phone ASCIT FRIDAY NIGHT MOVIE number and the intended date ofpub lication. The Editors reserve the right to abridge and edit letters for expe PISIDEIIA SOIEIiIIFIO diency, literacy, or other. Tum in copy (preferably on an IBM IIEOHILIOIL BOOIS compatible, WordStar-formatted floppy disk) to the Tech office mail If, St,d $"'", ''''lSsiD.,' ItJIb i,: box, room 40A in the SAC. The FLETCH ENGINEEIING • HANDBOOKS • SCIENCES· MATH deadline for copy is Wednesday at AEiOSPACE • COMPUTERS . BUSINESS· CODES 5 PM; for announcements, Tuesday at NUISING • PSYCHOLOGY . ARCHITECTUIE • DESIGN 5 PM. Late copy may not be printed even if prior arrangements have been - We Specialize in: made with the editors. Subscription requests should be directed to the business FAST D£LlVERY • SPECIAL ORDERS manager. Rates are $3.00 per term, $8.00 per annum (three terms). Special rate for life subscription: $75. BAXTER LECTURE HALL 7:30 & 10:00 pm PHONE ORDERS Printed by NeWS-Type Service, Glendale, California ISSN 0008-1582 $1 for ASCIT members $1.50 for others M-Thur. 9-6 Fri. 9-5 CIC Saturday 10-4 194 4499 Please note, there may be a few in 11II - consistencies in a certain number of NEXT WEEK Kramer Vs Kramer articles. The editors take no respon 1388 E. WASHINGTON BL • PASADENA sibility for them. TH E CALIFORNIA TECH FRIDAY 32 MARCH 19883 The Inside WorlOl This week's Inside World was brought to you by: Blacker: Chris Hurwitz Beetle Shows Heart Dabney: Al Petterson Fleming: Pierce Wetter by Bugs Exterminus player-equipped mixing room. coronary attack. Lloyd: Chris Nolle Ruddock: Betsy Andrews, Milton Tinkoff, and Wayne Lukens On Saturday night, March 26, Nevertheless, the group went The first sign that there was a George Harrison and Ringo Starr through the motions of playing problem was when Harrison didn't joined together at the L.A. Col another seven songs, including a stand up at the end of the song. Blacker: "Zdrastvuitse, comrade! Your papers are in order. Proceed." iseum to present the first of their touching show ofaudience support Paramedics were called in and Har How many times he had heard those cold, bitter words uttered through a long-awaited reunion shows. Also by singing through the CD skips rison was whisked off to the light cloud of frozen breath. among the performers was Julian while Paul McCartney tried in vain hospital. The remaining Beetles The concrete walls ofthe bunker echoed with the clack of his somber foot Lennon, son of late Beetles star to come up with the tune. A big continued playing, since Harrison's steps. Two iron guards stepped to attention with a sharp click, their gaze locked John Lennon. Unfortunately for surprise for the audience was when support was not necessary, seeing on some distant, ethereal horizon. With a throaty grunt, the wall of steel ahead millions of Beetles fans across the the song "Help" was performed. how the music was from the re cracked slightly, then parted silently, swinging outward like the warm arms of loved one. He smiled gently to himself at the inane analogy, but did not released CD. After ten minutes, all country and around the world, this For 23 years we all thought the pause to ponder it. His mission still lay ahead. first show may have been their last. lyrics were, "Help!/I need decided they were too exhausted to The desk guard was slouched in his wooden chair, snoring heavily. A lonely With much fanfare, the Beetles, somebody," but in actuality Paul continue, so they called it quits and bottle half-full of stale vodka held the com. minus John, plus Julian, plus much McCartney sings, "Help!/I need recieved a warm round of applause He reached behind the desk and keyed in the appropriate access code and gray hair, got underway with a more money!" from the audience. the final set of doors opened. striking performance of"I Want To During the seventh song, News on Harrison is still sket The room was a shambles. Hold Your Hand." Many members "Twist and Shout," most ofthe au chy, but it is known he is still alive. For the control room ofBlacker Central Computing, it was remarkably clean. of the audience squeeled with joy dience had fallen asleep. The The music industry is said to be He waded through the endless wads of spent computer paper towards a lone at how similar their rendition others who were still awake, very happy to hear that Harrison terminal incessantly tracking the orbital parameters of two neon red lines. won't be able to play again for quite With the touch of a key, the computer whirred to attention. sounded to the original, but per witnessed what. they thought was "Enter Password:" sonally, this reporter was the first sign of life from the a while. His fingers were heavy on the plasticene keys. suspicious when I noticed the amps wrinkled Harrison. Was he Upcoming shows in Omaha and "Z". ... Such a silly letter. .. .it reminded him of a movie he once hadn't been turned on. Some post twisting and shouting? Well, yes! Billings are not expected to be saw ..."U"...Who me? he thought....."M"....The first letter ofa faceless name concert investigative reporting The excitement caused a blood clot cancelled, though, since the CD he had once slept with...."A"....The first letter for some, the last for this (and found the boxes to nine of the to form dangerously near to his doesn't sound any different with or all the frosh babes.) Beetles CD's hidden in the CD heart and thus triggered a major without his presence. "Clearance Granted" the terminal blinked cheerfully. "You have new mail." He smiled, openly this time, for there was no one to care. With the touch of a key, the small screen was filled with a maze of little green icons. Ii tter to the editors "Mess I: Dated: 03/18/88 - Bengt will be attending dinner next week. Treat with with extreme courtesy, while wrapping up a day's catch of In an era of returning to tradi as you would any other traitor to the Church and Hovse of Blacker, TTBOAI. fish and whatnot. For generations, tional ways and traditional values, -A great grievance has infested the local silicon silos of power. Codename: we have even kept the Tech handy we implore you to return the Tech THEXDER. This electronic plague is to be terminated with extreme prejudice. at garage sales and community to its original grandeur in fish Mess 2: Dated: 03/22/88 benefits, for everyone in town en wrapping circles. We miss having - Abnormal tidal disturbances off the west coast. All available personnel Fishy joyed the many pages you gave us, the Tech around, and we hope we to investigate. eaGh page chock full of fine wrap can soon again put our trust in its - Comrades MO'B, HSU, and Biker Fraud are reported to have fled south To the Editors: ping and shock absorbing quality. seeking refuge in neighboring country. They have abandoned the Church. Shoot pages. Thank you for your support. on sight. As you may well know, the Why, even our beloved pets en Sincerely, - Several undercover moles detached on special assignment to local amuse primary function of newspaper in joyed the sheer absorbancy ofyour F. Bartyles and E. James ment center. Objective: Low velocity target practice with multicolored spheres. some parts of the world is to wrap once honored publication. Mess 3: Dated: 03/27/88 fish in, and as residents of such a But, now, what has become of - Welcome back from break, comrades. For those who left the bunker, please community, we think the quality of the Tech? Its pages are so much file travel reports for confirmation with the local authorities. your journal is appalling. Frankly, thinner, they can't stand up to even Nuke 'em - Bunker reassignment: Evening 03/30/88. it doesn't have the strength and the smallest fish we toss in them! To the Editors: High ranking official may take 15 alone. depth that we used to expect from The pages of this paper have Senior Bunker 18 may be reallocated to petty officers. Who ever said "No Nukes Are - The 1988 Manuals of Natural Biology are out. Stop by da Pope's bunker printed media. In fact, it might become almost worthless in our Good Nukes"? I mean, man! Nukes to take a peek. Must have security clearance. No Mormon level infantry even be safe to say that in general, community, relegated to the role of are great! Ya press a little button allowed." newspapers are falling behind news wrapping small deceased pets in and ZAP--half the world is gone! magazines as a preffered paper preparation for their final journey Those evil Russians who you know He skimmed through the office memos, then continued with his mission. packaging product. to that big perch in the sky. Ifyou live in that Godless country of (I At the command prompt, he cleared the string of random characters his elbow We have always enjoyed and haven't noticed, requests for tremble to even mention the had scrawled while he was reading and requested comline 2. The computer depended on The California Tech subscriptions in our area have gone word...) Communism! ACK!One whirred for a moment pondering its great responsibility, but finally ac as a reliable newspaper, one that way down, and the only reason is ofthese days, we'll just have to zap knowledged the request. A flashing red prompt illuminated the room. He typed with fastidious de families could get together and en that no longer can we trust the Tech 'em. Hell- while were at it, we joy over a nice glass of any random to be a worthy paper to wrap our tail. A careless typo at this point and his mission would be a failure. "LIFE might as well nuke Africa and Asia IS ONE BIG HEAD-BUTT PARTY" red drink, the cooler the better, trusted belongs in. (Who needs them anyway...?) The computer whirred again, then responded with simple red characters: South America can go too--along 'Mission Codename: ArticFox. Status: Online." Cinematech Saturday Night Film Series with it's Commie peasant jerks. With a swish, an opaque decorative panel glided aside, revealing an array Spring, 1988 Darnnit! Let's just blow the whole of identical keyholes. fucking world up!!!!! Unzipping the hidden pouch in his jacket's collar, he removed a small red Apr 2 Shane (US, Directed by George Stevens, 1953). Sincerely, ey and inserted it into the appropriate lock. He turned it slowly, beads of Ronnie R. Reag weat dripping from his forehead, until a soft click echoed filled the room. Apr 9 The Virgin Spring (Sweden, Directed by Ingmar The machine beeped in admonition: "ARTICFOX AWAKENED" Bergman, 1959) Swedish with English subtitles. In a distant bunker, the chess game it was playing against a young petty Apr 16 Shadow ofForgotten Ancestors (Wild Horses of ACADEMY pfficer was rudely terminated, as it focused its attention on the current affair. Fire) (USSR, Directed by Sergei Parajanov, 1964) He turned the key one notch further and the screen was instantly filled with BARBER SHOP flashing warnings and product disclaimers for faulty targeting computers. Russian with English subtitles. 27 No. Catalina, Pasadena At the bottom of the screen, a single prompt stared back at him blankly: Apr 23 !kiru (Japan, Directed by Akira Kurosawa, 1952) COMMAND:" Open Tues.-Sat., 8 A.M.-5 P.M. Japanese with English subtitles. He responded immediately: "CLAW" 449-1681 A thousand miles away, well above the arctic circle, colossal snowdrifts Apr 30 The 39 Steps (Great Britain, Directed by Alfred ell aside as huge metal doors lurched into the pale sunlight. Hitchcock, 1953). By now security teams would be racing for the bunker. Time was everything. May 7 Rules ofthe Game (France, Directed by Jean Renoir, The machine issued a last protest: "LAUNCH AUTHORIZATION CODE" 1939) French with English subtitles. With a thin smile, he typed in the final code: "IIX9301" The computer whirred a last time, before flashing its final message: May 14 Shoot the Piano Player (France, Directed by 'LAUNCH SYSTEMS ENGAGED. PRESS ANY KEY TO ABORT." Francois Truffaut, 1960) French with English SEE OUR NEW LOCATION He reached for the key to turn it to the final notch. As he heard the decisive subtitles 3519 E. COLORADO BLVD click, it occurred to him that it would be an extremely cold summer. May 21 ill Strada (Italy, Directed Federico Fellini, 1954) PASADENA (818) 793-2582 Dabney: Ok, they've made their point. They win. Creampuff city from now Italian with English subtitles. on. ALTERATIONS I mean, it's not a bad idea, after all. Substitute the word "boink" for the Time: 7 and 9:30 PM on Saturdays. RESTYLING word "fuck" wherever it appears. Then we can make it retroactive. Go back Place: Baxter Lecture Hall, Caltech X TAILORING to 1986, when Dr. John Benton (remember him? Seems he was mentioned not Admission: $ 1.50. I INVISIBLE REWEAVING too long ago in these august pages) said, in the letters column, and I quote, . For information call James Shih, x3968 (818) 356-3968. I "Fuck is a good strong Anglo-Saxon word. There are times when it is exactly Special rates for Caltech/JPL community the right word for the situation," and change it to "Boink is a good strong..." ------_. After all, he was just a literature professor, what did he know? [I'd like to mention here that there is a literary device called "satire." As -8~ ~. ~ I am somewhat of a clumsy writer, I wield most of my literary tools with a Ii} )iii rather heavy hand. I would assume most readers would recognize such for what it is when they see it. But I've been wrong before.] DINNERS 20% OFF SUN TUNG LOK RESTAURANT But why stop there? We could follow in the footsteps of good Queen Vic with coupons toria, who called chicken breasts and thighs "white" and "dark" meat. The con or 3 MASTER CHEF SPECIALTIES notations are unpleasant, having to do with parts of the body. caltech 10 And we could go on from there, removing all the words that the language DIM SUM, SZECHUAUN, CANTONESE, SEAFOOD would be better off without. Like "bad," for instance. We'll rename Michael Dim Sun .,.lIebl. dall,·.f lunch Jackson's album something gentler, like "Ungood." And then we could move OPEN 7 DAYS onto words like "ignorance," and substitute "strength," and substitute "peace" 11 AM to 11 PM 400 S. ARROYO PARKWAY. PASADENA for "war,"... BEER & WINE 584-6719 v...::TllItIe 584-8720 Or, well. .. FREE PARKING IN PASADENA INN -Or not. please see INSIDE, p. 5 4THE CALIFORNIA TECH FRIDAY 32 MARCH 1988
lWtWiAl VlHOU. opeN (7a71?5 fiJI? 'YOI// .. /I/HOu.. CHaJ5& -rHc WINc Ar !?INN6R ./ HA:JI-f€ll/ WffClU TAK€ 'y(jf/I( /fIlN!? AN!? £.ell!? YOV 7HRO(/&f{ .~ ,r:?1i CI?OWP./,I/, ~ :"~!--.iJ: "; ~,--:"~i ' .~ ,J I~ " .' A~ / I I d~J. ~ I\ ~ ,..-t ---- ,." ~ 7iI€ WfiJU IJ&(.Y liffl1lR N61fN fiNe WI--.? i O THe MlY 11iM€ 7HIN~ At.WliY5 SAY liK€N'! r; fJO- WIT1f oP(/~ iN 11fe W(/' " VlClNIrY ... 5.mf.L..qS? O T-: ~-' !~ ,I =0 I ~ I I ~U "----_II ;
5TOt£N Ff(()/fl THe /lllfim .. 11ie 5JOt£N G/I?TH W6ve &or ChlBRACE a= 1CI?f ..6vr WHIITC'Iel? mell? NeFliR/()(/S 1'(.//115, 5m'6 WIU HAve 11i€ R1f?MIIlIlt1t.£ PCJUIe? OF HVNlIfN /NsnNCr 1lJ lJ€7Ie/{ FIIC£ 7H!fM'/ And There's More... There are SpeCializing in Unisex Haircuts, Perms. ana Color three million VACATION IN 20" off to Caffech community CENTRAL AMERICA Walk-ins ana Americans Appointments THIS SUMMER!! 991 E. Green Street alive today Pasadena, California ~\\~ par.kingO~ ".~~~ ~ 108 S. catalina '"""'I:'~~H) ~ who have had 113-2243 • 441-4431 cancer. And now II It'll cost you LESS than you'll BELIEVE!! " one out of two cancer patients We have a whole range of vacation packages to get well! out-of-the-way spots in El Salvador, Honduras, Nicaragua and Panama. We cater to people of all ESQUIRE COLORADO kinds, from hardy survivalists to tourists with a 2670 E. Colorado Blvd. 2588 E. Colorado Blvd. knack for adventure. For more information, call (818) 793-6149 (818) 796-9704 us or write to: 'Best Picture' -L.A. Film Critics 'Best Foreign Film' Inter-vention Travel AgeRcy - National Review Board 1661 E. Colorado Blvd, OPE AND GLORY MANON OF THE Pasadena, CA 91106. SPRING Years 01 ute! (818) 578-9368 Mon-Fri 4:40.7:00.9:10 pm Mon-Fri 7:30. 9:50 pm Sat-Sun 2:20,4:40,7:00.9:10 pm Sat-Sun 2:50.5:10,7:30.9:50 pm Joi'Ius All customers must have proof of u.s. Citizenship and be physically fit. THE CALIFORNIA TECH FRIDAY 32 MARCH 19885 ZOI?K5mN./ ()(JR W~M(j5T FO/(&OT EARTH KlflIVAPU mlIVK OF A f.E55- 17?AN5- PICK 10 f'VTHI5 Even More Inside World THRf?l/T£i1V5 77:J HAZAf?t?OV5 f?€VeK5£ GCPM/(Pr. ereSf(OW5 from p. 3 5rJe !l5 FO/? IJIVf.AWRll eXf'eKIM6NT HI5 MAW! 8'lCKOIV. BRI/IN 1T{//!V5PtAIVTlN&l t.fIlEJlt./TY-WIse ... I rn7. Fleming: Well here it is the second day back, and already I've been to Ve \ \ \ gas. So far, the score is Vegas $6, me I stuffed bear. Well, the end of third term saw the great female exodus, with all but two ofthe women in the house moving off-campus. Still remaining: Emily La and lanine. Ofcourse, the aver age breast size has spiked, but I'm a leg man. Ofcourse this means I won't have Linda and Me-Linda to abuse anymore. Sigh. Barry et. aI. went to Mazatian for Spring Break while some other people went on the traditional skiing trip. Me? I went to visit a sick relative. I WAS RIPPED! I WANT MY VACATION BACK! Who says there ain't no justice! After about a year had passed I turned in my EEI4c is final for regrading on one of the problems and got six points BeFORe we PrITO!l/? '6ePIIAf?I777ZIITlON: back. Speaking of finals, I'm glad Vermies is in our house as he's one of the CIIPTIVe 7HROIIGf(!Hit FIRJT we TAKe lINt? 7He/ 771f?/V Hl/t.F CHIt.(. (J(jT. six other people who did worse then me in EEl51 (not counting those who PROC&55 we CIIf.L. If HeAt:rH'I. IF NOT OF fT PIIKKC/? .. clTH€/{ dropped). I hate vector Calc! "r;.ePHAfWTIZIf77ON,· MY NII5TleI? WIW 1T'5 flII?TlC(/(.Af((.Y MIlT1I/?€, /f'!€l/IVER. You know, its not the homosexuals who bother me, it's the fags. Speaking CO(.UA MAN CRUSHED TO DEATH CHYUAN HUANG: "MOST UNDER BASKETBALL POWERFUL MAN IN LLOYD TODAY" Doug "Stick-Man" Chang was killed instantly Friday night in a bizarre An in-depth survey of former Lloyd basketball accident, his life squelched executives has pointed to Shyhchyan by a synthetic leather outdoor ball "Tren" Huang as the ultimate wielder which unexpectedly richocheted off the of raw political might in the house bottom of the rim. "The strange thing today. Operating from his grass roots about it," reported freshman Nathaniel position as top noodle man in Lloyd, Hieter, who saw the entire incident, Tren has moved into power as Com "was that Walter Chong was in perfect puter Guy, waiter, and Librarian wi position to get the rebound. It was thin a period of less than six months. really a freak bounce." When ques "Think about it; he controls the com tioned if he suspected fould play, Hiet puters we depend upon for work and er replied, "No. Not Honest Chong." play, the food we eat, the books we Sean Hillyard of Oakhurst added: "I read, the area where we study, and don't know. I was home at the time." the yearbook which records our his Close friend John Wiltse offered these tory. And he has Excomm vote! It's consoling words: "At least Doug really quite frightening," remarks bought the farm quickly and painless senior Leve Nayvelt. He added, "Un ly. He didn't even have the time to fortunately, few of us remember Hi react." Doug will be greatly missed. In tler's ascension to power in Nazi the words of Larry Ahle, "The Stick Germany." Tren-cohort Phil Lee not Man was a great competitor, always ed: "Few people recognize the sig an inspiration on the court. I should nificance of his authority. Partly this know - I'm the Commissioner. Ha ha is due to his humble image and low ha." Doug is survived by his beefier profile, partly to the common mis roommate, Ken Chaney of Anahiem. conception that Librarian and Com puter Rep. are the same job." Keith FRESHMAN BRAINS Miyake advises that "...this man must ABDUCTED BY FRIENDLY be stopped at all costs or it's gonna ALIENS be real bad. Ooooooh." When con ronted with these accusations, Tren In one of a series of related UFO retorted, "I don't give a damn. Thank events, the minds of Fingal's Cave you for your support. freshmen Kurt Storm and Doug "Dug" L- ~ Peterson were surgically removed and believes that these essentially friendly replaced with synthetic units over creatures will soon attempt to imple- spring break. Apparently aliens used ment new brains in second baseman the subversive board game "Talisman" Steve Sax and third baseman Pedro to lull the two into a serene hypnotic Guerrero in an effort to improve the state during which their cerebral tissue infield. Meanwhile, Storm and Dug was vacuumed into an AM-PM mini- function without adverse side effects. mart liter-sized soft drink container Seen leaving the Sports Arena a which may also contain the brains of week ago after the Clippers loss to - Nobel Laureates arount the world. Top Denver, Dug replied: "I enjoyed the scientist and Dodger-fan Pei-Hsiu Suen game." NEBRASKA SPIRIT THRIVES To remember the profound impact of now resides in Kaos alley, where it Nebraska Spirit on our lives, we must shall serve as a constant reminder of only recall the triumphant (and snowy) the heritage of Humboldt, as well as return a year ago of John Wiltse from each of our heritages. If you will be his vacationing Omaha. With tearful in Nebraska during July 3-10, be greetings and heartwarming choruses sure to catch the Wayne Chicken of "Pope's a Comin'" he was welcomed Show in Wayne Nebraska: back into our family here in Pasadena. "Residents of this town will incor We saluted a man whose fierce loyalty porate the 8TH Annual Chicken Show could not be wrenched away by a loss into Celebrate Nebraska '88 with the to Oklaholma. That same hearland theme, 'Return to the Nest.' In addi pride is rekindled this very week as tion to the ever-popular events such Craig Sosin, lovingly known a Digby, as the National Cluck-Off, Omelet brought on his trek out of the Corn and Chicken Feed and events will be husker State a great keepsake, the held. The include a chicken show pa Humbolt Brick. Passed down to Craig rade, chicken flying meet,. chicken by his mother, the bright red brick song contest and a ten kilometer run." R. Grothe ~thUd!:) ~""--_':lo-~ S. Hillyard please see INSIDE, p. 6 6THE CALIFORNIA TECH FRIDAY 32 MARCH 1988 I sports~----'------• Caltech Replaces USC In PAC-tO by Flipp Ant 1986 season. Another progam is Weekly Because ofthe outstanding per Stanford, which has consistent Bingo. In lieu ofthe widely attend formance of Caltech teams in the ly produced some of the best ten ed ASCIT movies, a bingo game past years, Caltech will become a nis players of the decade, will now will be held in Baxter Lecture Hall. member ofthe Pac-lO conference, meet a considerable challenge from All proceeds not given as prizes to be effective at the start of the the Caltech program, which has will be given to the athletic 1990 academic year. To make trained the national champion and department. room for the addition, USC will be the youngest player ever to win the Caltech President, Dr. Theo removed from the conference. Grand Slam. Says Sara Lobby, ten Everclear, is pleased with the PAC-lO officials did not feel that nis coach at Stanford, "I am scared. change. He said at a banquet, "This USC's performance of late, Running scared." is a welcome change, and I am especially after its loss in the Rose Meanwhile, coaches at Caltech quite pleased that it comes just Bowl, has not been deserving of are eagerly anticipating the new before my inauguration. This is an PAC-lO rank. challenge. Dom Johnson, football important step toward the diver Coaches at other schools have coach, says, "Finally, we will face sification that Caltech has been already begun voicing their fears. teams that can actually play the seeking for these past years." In a telephone interview with game. I'm afraid my players have Everclear, when asked whether Coach Dan "Freezer" Duerson of lost the real ability to make that he anticipated a decline in the UCLA football team, Duerson hard tackle, the extra effort. We've academic quality due to recruit commented, "Caltech's presence got a tough road ahead of us, but ment' he commented, "There are means that we will have to begin we appreciate it." thousands ofintelligent athletes out a recruiting program even more The promotion comes with add there. Our duty is to find them and rigorous than the one we have ed costs, such as transportation to bring them here." presently. Caltech is consistently schools as far as Michigan. In an Meanwhile, at USC, the tone is able to entice the best defensive line attempt to raise funds, several pro subdued. Athletic Director Steve in the nation." grams have been set into motion. Bum said, "I'm bumme'd. I guess Arizona State University's One is a matching program aimed we'll just have to work harder, Director ofAthletics, James Thom at the numerous jock alumni. All make better offers to athletes, and son, III, believes the change will donations made by them will be lower academic criteria." increase the competitiveness ofthe matched by Director Emory Board Here, however, the celebration PAC-10. In fact, he foresees a na himself. has just begun. tional football champion from the PAC-lO within the next five years. Caltech's Director ofAthletics, Emory Board, is excited about the SERVING CALTECH change. "For all these years, peo ple have looked down at the athletic SINCE 1945 program here. This change simply puts Caltech where it belongs," he said at a press conference. Authorized Agents for Airlines, In the past few years, Caltech's Hotels and Steamships football team has amassed a 29-2 record. Meanwhile, the men's basketball team holds a national record of 47 consecutive wins, Bill Swanson demonstrates in a recent basketball game against Whittier the dating back to the beginning ofthe intensity that characterizes Caltech athletes. Such performances have been the key factor in Caltech's rise to the PAC-lO. A defense , againstcancer More Inside World canbecookedup from p. 5 inyourkitchen. ~uddock: Today's opener is Top Ten BC Food Groups or Yayoi's playmates. There is evidence that diet and cancer are related. 10. Eclairs 9. Moldy Butter Follow these modifications in 8. Boneless Chicken your daily diet to reduce 7. Toxic Waste chances ofgetting cancer: 6. Salmonella 1. Eat more high-fiber foods 5. Boneless Chicken such as fruits and vegetables 4. Artilficial Shrimp Seafood Product and whole-grain cereals. 3. Meeten 2. Potatoes 2. Include dark green and 1. Spineless Chicken deep yellow fruits and vegeta bles rich in vitamins A and C. What's been going on in the Budd, inquiring minds want to know... First Include cabbage, broccoli, pf all, Blate finally has a chance of getting laid. However, he needs 'X0U.R 3. 690 E. GREEN l1elp. Just think, for the price of a cup of coffee, you could put Jasnune In brussels sprouts, kohlrabi and sr IBlade's bed. Hey, what kind of sick f--k are you that you won't helpo a poor, cauliflower. PASADENA, 91101 Inaive, brain dead college youth experience the joys of manhood in full metal Be moderate in consump (bmDeM ElMolino & ()eM Knoll) ~m 4. _ tion ofsalt-cured, smoked, and Alley 3 has begun human sacrifices. First it was Everett, then Doug, now Dwayne's missing too. The evidence is just too overwhelmi~g to be ignor~d. nitrite-cured foods. Led by their evil gnome commandant, Cameron, the CCF WIll be conductIng 5. Cut down on total fat in a sabbat tonight in room 666 of the SAC. Activ.it!es will de~o~ summonni~g take from animal sources and and bizzare sex rites followed by a human sacnflce. Who will It be? Tune In fats and oils. next week to find out. The Chinese Mafia has hit on hard times. After their drug deal went sour 6. Avoid .obesity. in Sam Marino they've been having severe cash flow problems. However this 7. Be moderate in consump has been partially alleviated by the sale of Hung's favors. Rumor has it that tion ofalcoholic beverages. short orientals in Lloyd House have been willing to fork over large sums of money for his companionship. Most ofthis money has gone to psychiatric care I No one faces cancer alone. for Biff who threatened to kill himself by selfinflicted mongo bongo after hear AMERICAN CANCER SOCIETY' ing that the Kiss concert was cancelled. t The mug party was part success and part excess. Well, mostly excess. Wayne eats boy-berries. Everyone barfed except for Betsy who remained stone sober all night. When asked why she wouldn't drink, she answered, "I wish to be have in manner befitting the president of Ruddock House." Munir had a stun :"BUT THEY HARDLY TOLD ning new variation of the hat rule; instead ofputting your thumb on the table, YOU ANYTHING." you must place your pound of performance on the table. Alley five is undergoing a seventies renaissance. With the arrival of Colon Want 10 hear the best kept socrcts oCthc 20th Centlit)' and Rump Ranger Rob spearheading the move, the rest of the alley has been 'd ~education lea"" a lotof...answered questions fisted 'till it bleeds. Jamal is especially happy about this turn of events. you be a pctpe:ttW aueIc:nt? Local villager's claim that the RA's are seeking a rug rat. Do you think ofNature as our Oassroom? Prospective fathers lined up down alley two. Due to fire laws, there now What is ClHlper.ition with Nature~I is a sign-up in 4.5 stairwell. At this point, polls indicate VanEric has passed Can it exist in Technology? Marty in QT hours...... " ENERGY UNt.IMrlED a>aducts reoearc:It fer 79 N. RAYMOND AVE. Quote ofthe week: Mojo sez, "Music teleVISIon should be covered In Jlsm. a New Noo-Deotnx:tiw: TedmoIoc1 Explore PASADENA, CAL. 91103 Rumor of the week: Dave Knight has been offered a position with Con "VORTEXIAN MECHANICS" (818) 577-9309 tinental Airlines as a co-pilot. in This Inside WorId was brought to you by the letters F and U and the num ·CAUSES· Newsletter;Free ipfo: ber 70. .O.BOX 3110-C; Laredo, TX 780 HE CAL FRIDAY 1988 from p, 8 Chess Attention Sinophiles EES job Fair Molecular Biology Don't be misled by the little t; we are Join our multidisciplinary team oftech The California Water Pollution Control Robert Wood Johnson Medical School Raquetball Club meeting in Clubroom A, which is in the nical experts on a pioneering 6-city univer Association is sponsoring a Student Job Fair is sponsoring undergraduate summer Passes for the use of the Pasadena basement under Fleming House. The time sity tour of China this July. You'll be to be held as part of the 1988 Annual Con research in .molecular biology and bi YMCA's racquetball facilities are now avail is still Monday at 7:30 pm. Come on by and travelling in distinguished company, housed ference in Sacramento on Wednesday, April ochemistryfro .June 13 to August 19, able at the Caltech Y for the price of I dol lU take out your frustrations on someone else's in university dorms, making future links 27, 1988. This event will provide an oppor 1988. Application deadline is April 1, 1988. lar. They can be purchased during normal king. For more information contact Matt at with counterparts, and having a ball. $2700 tunity for students who plan on entering the Stipends: $2,000 to $2,500. On site hous office hours and are available to any student. 356-9208. covers everything except toothpaste, round field of environmental engineering to meet ing available. The passes allow full use of YMCA facili trip from LAX. Only a few spots left. This with potential employers. Representatives The goal of the program is to provide ties for one day. Consulting Engineers is a non-profit professional scientific ex from a variety of wastewater management undergraduates with the.opportunity to per The YMCA is located at 235 E. Holly The Consulting Engineers Association change mission, not a commercial tour. Call firms are scheduled to participate. The form supervised research in molecular bi Ave., 1 block north ofthe Pasadena Plaza, of California announces its twelfth annual Source Media at (818) 992-4526 for the de Carecr Development Center has more in ology and biochemistry.i\Uhe end of the next to City Hall. There will be a list of tails or leave your name and address on their formation (08 Parsons-Gates). summer period each student wiU write a available partners posted at the Caltech Y, competition for upper- fly ·FOOD MAD o FAS I NWAY •Nice Easy Atmosphere • large Portions With Outside Patio • •I American Favorites • nner •M nean ishes • 1 Announcements What Goes On Ath Dinner faire Cousteau E.T. Prize should be submitted on an announcement All interested undergraduate am) IllraOU The Caltech Y is coordinating trips to Oceanographer Cousteau, ate students are invited to attend The E.T. Bell Undergraduate Mathemat available in the SAC copy/mail room the Ren Fair on May 7, 1988. The cost is son of world-famous explorer Jacques ics Research Prize is a cash prize of $500 (Room 37) or on a plain piece of paper. nual dinner with on April $5 for students, $6.95 for others. Transpor LOllSle:au, will present a slide-illustrated lec 6 pm in the Athenaeum. are a awarded for the best original mathematics Please indicate the daters) you want the tation is provided, and will leave at 10:00 ture, On Edge ofa Human Tide, focus written by a Caltech junior or senior. announcement to run. Send announce examining career options, an underclassman am. Sign up at The Y, upstairs in Winnett. ing on the increasing threat to the marine looking for summer work, or a grad student Conte,stants for the Bell must be ments to 25-58, or put them under the life around southern California's Channel nominated by a faculty familiar door of Room 40A of the SAC. seeking industry contacts, this event offers Submit Soon Islands. an excellent opportunity to meet company with their work. Students who wish to be Announcements must be received by the T editors would like to en The talk will be at the Jean Delacour Au- considered for this should contact a Tuesday prior to publication. representatives on an informal one to one courage clubs and organizations to ditorium ofthe Natural History of member ofthe faculty to basis. We expect representatives from IBM, submit a page or two ofphotos for the year- Los Angeles County, 900 Blvd. the end ofthe term to discuss na- Hewlett Packard, Dow, Lockheed; Hughes book. If you are please assign in Los Angeles. It will take on Sun- ture ofthe research. Ifthe is sufficient- Aircraft, JPL and more. Cost for the din somebody in your to put day, April 24 at 2:00 pm. cost is $6 1y worthy, the faculty wiIl nominate You ner is $5 per student. If you would like to together your section them to the for museum members, and $8 for non the contestant and act as sponsor. Each stud Friedan, currently attend, please make a reservation with Big T editors as soon as possible. Mail to members. Ifyou wish to also attend a wine net is entitled to only one All con Distinguished Visiting at U.S.C's Catherine (x4744) or Charlotte (x3962) as Caltech 27 -58, or call x2183. and cheese reception for Mr. Cousteau, the testants nominated must submit School of Journalism and Associate of the soon as possible. See you there! cost escalates to $20 for members and $25 in final form to their sponsors Institute for the Study of Women and Men Now, Houses ... for non-members. Proceeds will benefit the in Society at U.S.C., will present some of end of the fourth week third term. All House sections must be submitted to museum's Marine Mammal Stranding faculty committee will "'''''J""5" ..,,, her current thinking in a talk entitled "Is The SURF has received informa- the Big Tby May 23. The editors would like Program. There Danger of a New Feminine Mys and announce its decision tion from the Oregon Graduate Center Sum to meet with each ofthe House Section Edi third term. The committee tique?" Friedan is the author of The Femi- mer Undergraduate Research Experience tors to make sure they understand how a lay cate prizes in case of more one out nine which catalysed the women's (OGC/SURE) about research opportunities out is done and what possibilities exist for rh",.iibhl.. Cvclists Take Note standing entry. The name ofthe winner (or movement its 1963 publication, and in such areas as groundwater contamination, their layouts. Presidents, please assign Individual corporate team cyclists winners) will appear in the commencement The Second Stage, a handbook for where the fluid dynamics, environmental chemistry, somebody in your house to put together your are readying for the fifth annual Kaiser Per program. movement must go now. Her free talk, co or microbiology. For further information, house section and direct them to the Big T sponsored by the Organization for Women manente Whittier Hills Bike Challenge come to the SURF office, Room 3 Dabney editors as soon as possible: Brian Catanzaro, benefiting the American Heart Association, The Ward Competition at Caltech and the Caltech will be held Hall. Dave Phillips and Gino Thomas, x2183. at 12 noon on Monday, in Winnett to be held Saturday, April 23 starting at the Any freshman or sophomore Whittier Hilton. Lounge. may enter this contest. An entry may be in About 3,000 cyclists are for the dividual (submitted by one student) or joint Room Re§ier'\i'atil[ms Wanted day, which features a full century of (submitted by a group of two or more stu 100 kilometers, a half metric century of 50 There be a 3-day blood drive, April Ifyou are part of a club or organization The Friends ofCaltech Libraries will be dents). Each student is entitled to at most kilometers, and, for the beginning cyclist, 5-7, in Winnett Student Center Lounge. that needs a place to meet, see Nancy Mat having a book sale on May 6, and are look three entries, of which at most two may be a quarter metric century of 25 kilometers. Please contact Denise at x6374 for an ap thews, Coordinator of the S.A.C., x2935, ing for donations of all kinds of books individual. Top fund-raising prize will be a Daihatsu pointment, although walk-ins are welcome. 64-58. The S.A.C. has club and meeting hardbacks, paperbacks, magazines-to sell An entry is to consist of a mathematical Charade automobile from Japan, donated by The Red Cross is in desperate need ofblood, rooms as well as a mobile TV/vCR for your in order to raise money to benefit the vari problem, together with a solution or Whittier Chrysler Plymouth. Minimum and is encouraging everyone to donate. use. Note: clubs that had standing room ous libraries on campus. Please deliver do cant contribution toward a solution. Just to get the blood flowing, there will nations to Millikan Library, Ist floor, as pledge money to be turned in (and be eligi problem may have any source, but this reservationsfor a particular night last term ble for the first prize) is $500. be a contest between the Undergraduate and need to fill out a room request for third term. soon as possible. For information, phone source should be stated in the entry. The en Deadline for team registration and in Graduate houses to see which house has the Stop by during Nancy's office hours, M-F, Janet Jenks (x6419) or Louis Creveling tries will be judged on the basis of the na dividual pre-registration is Tuesday, April highest percentage of donors. The house 1:30-3:00 pm. 286-5618. ture of the problem and the originality and 12. For a registration packet, call 1(800) elegance of the solution. Any outside refer with the highest win l/Z keg ofbeer or the drinks. All HEART-LA [432-7852 for the digitally ences used should be indicated. College minded] or (213) 945-6366. houses are to participate. Monday, April 4 is the last day to sign Attention Writers!!! Entries from each contestant or up if you have a team (made up of 4 in The Literature Faculty is pleased to an must be placed in an and ...Again dividuals: faculty, staff, grad student or un nounce the 42nd annual McKinney Compe to the Mathematics Office, Sloan, dur- taxes mean less cheating? dergrad student). There is room for up to tition. The Mary A. Earl McKinney Prize The Arnold O. Internship will ing the fourth week ofthird term. The names AccOI'dirlg to Louis Wilde, professor ofeco- 16 teams so sign up today!! The campus is awarded each year for excellence in writ be available for the summer of 1988. The of the contestant, or the names of all par- the answer is "not neces championship will be held (M,W,F) April ing. Only full-time students officially internship, supported by friends of Dr. Ar ticipants in the case of a joint must taxes alone may ll, 13, 15 and April 18, 20, 22 from noon registered at Caltech as undergradutes are nold O. Beckman, will pay a stipend of be written on envelope only, on the number oftaxpayers who to I:00 pm in Winnett Lounge and eligible to enter the competition. This year $2,500. It allows a selected Intern to spend entry. The Committee will consist to risk cheating on their returns. Clubroom A. Simultaneous games will be three prizes will be given in three categories: the summer working in the office ofa poli of three a vote of 15 just around the corner, Dr. played until the finals. Registration forms poetry, prose fiction and non-fiction essays. tician and to see from the inside the process the Caltech Club. La""J'"5'.''' Wilde discuss the IRS audit process, and are available in the undergraduate houses, All submissions must be typewritten and of government. The Intern is expected to must be a junior or senior and a how the Tax Reform Act of 1986 may have at the Y and at the S.A.C. office, Rm. 64 double-spaced. In the poetry category, en make arrangements with the appropriate po of the Mathematics Club. The worsened the problem, in "The S.A.C. Questions? See Nancy Matthews, trants may submit up to three poems. Sub litical persons. It is open to any Techer who select a group of finalists and Tax Compliance " a Caltech Earnest x2935 or in the S.A.C. office. missions ofprose ficiton should not exceed intends to be a Caltech undergraduate next entries to the Mathematics Depaltment C. Watson Lecture on April 6. 12,000 words. Essays may be one prepared year. If interested, submit a brief proposal faculty who will make awards win The free talk will be- Committee l ...t·....,,,i"',\A/<: for a humanities class or any good piece of describing where and how you would use ners. Prizes will ordinarily be awarded for gin Student Faculty Committee Interviews original writing on.a topic relevant to the the stipend, to the Deans' Office, 102 the 2 or 4 best entries, the value of each colleagues will be held on Wednesday and Thursday, humanities. The prize in each category will Parsons-Gates, by Monday, April 11th. prize $75. Prizes for individual en also national with a study April 6 and 7, starting at 7: 30 pm. Interested be $300. tries will limited to at most one to a con ofthe effects ofaudit rates on revenues. This students shouls sign up at the MOSH's office Each student is entitled to only one en testant, and no group may receive more than study showed that ifaudit rates had not fallen door before Tuesday, April 5 at 10:00 pm. try in each category. All contestants must Capturing Desert Wiild1flo1WIf'I'S one prize. by almost half since 1977, the U. S. Treas Committees include all those listed in the submit their work to Professor Jenijoy La Each spring, the Mojave Desert bursts ury might have collected almost $50 billion little t plus Food Service Committee Chair Belle, Division of the Humanities and So into bloom with a colorful display of wild IBM Co-Op year in additional revenues. Wilde will man. For more information call Dwight cial Sciences, by no later than April 29, flowers. To take advantage of these desert IBM's Santa Teresa Laboratory has re how he uses game theory to SUppOlt Berg at 796-2714. 1988. No entries will be returned. Each blooms, the Natuml History Museum ofLos cently been given the approval to open up conclusions and others about the category will be judged by a committee from Angeles County is offering a two-part field approximately 75 co-op programming po revenue collection process. Senior Photos Due April 4th!! the Literature faculty. Essays will be judged trip featuring the "Wildflowers of the sitions. These jobs are for the March to Sep Please send in a black-and-white photo on the quality of thought and the effective Mojave Desert." tember and June to December time frames. if possible. Ifyou send us a color photo, it ness. of the writing. Winners will be an The field trip is open to adults and chil All assignments are 40 hours a week and will appear actual size and the yearbook will nounced the last week of May, and the dren over 14, and takes place on Thursday, are technical in content. Jobs could involve not have an opportunity to enlarge it. Include names ofthe winners will appear in the com April 21 from 7-9 pm and Saturday, April programming in a development or test area. full name, option, and hometown. Send all mencement program. The Committee may 23 from 9:30 am to 2:00 pm, The cost is The ideal student is someone at a junior level s photos to: THE BIG T, Caltech 27-58. divide the award in each category in case $20 for museum members and $25 for non or above, studying computer science, and of more than one outstanding submission. members, bus transportation included. with a strong technical/academic back HELP WANTED __ Horseback Riding Previous winners in anyone category are On Saturday, participants are invited to ground. The Career Development Center Let The Y take you horseback riding this not eligible for the competition in that bring along their cameras to capture the (08 Parsons-Gates) has more information. MALE STUDENTS WANTED! Saturday, April 2, at the Circle K ranch. category. spectacular color and beauty of the annual Cost: $6 per person, leaving at 7: 15 am. If you have any questions, contact Dr. wildflowers and perennial shrubs. Some of University students as sperm donors Sign up in The Y. La Belle, x3606, or Betty Hyland, x3609. the plants likely to be seen are the creosote Jake Gimbel Scholarship by California's largest sperm bank. bush, the California poppy, eriophyllum an The Jake Gimbel Scholarship Fund is Earn $70-105/week. 213-553-3270 chiao offering approximately 15 interest-free, California Cryobank, Inc., 2080 Century For more information, please call (213) lO-year maturity loans of $2,000 each for 744-3342. Park Ea.st #306, Los Angeles. the coming academic year. To be eligible, applicant must be male, a resident of the SUMMER • There are sever Calt~ch Officially Approved United States and enrolled at graduate school al positions open for summer employment in California at the time of tenure of the at the Big Bear Solar Observatory. The jobs Most profeSSional, courteous, economical and efficient service Surf Club's Up! award. The to submit applications for your oflficiial and personal travel needs. The Surf Club is proud to announce a is May 15. For information please involve solar telescope operation, film more than ample collection of surfboards contact the Financial Aid Office, 515 S. processing, electronics work, computer Free service to you. and wetsuits to keep you stoked. Ifyou want Wilson. programming, etc,i,tree Housing at Big to check them out for a day or longer, con Bear is provided, and cooking facilities are tact Bill Foster, 795-4049 (nights) or Chris Airlines, Cruises, Tours, Hotels, Car Rentals. please see p. 7 available. There are recreational facilities Edgington, 577-9694. Individual~ Commercial, Groups. (boats, etc.) as well. Some astronomy, physics, computer science, or electronics would be useful. Applications are availa ble in 264 West Bridge, or call x4011. 468 S. Sierra Madre Boulevard, Pasadena EASY WORK! PAY! Assemble products at home. Call for information. 504-641-8003 Ext. A-8738 SERVICES- INSURANCE WAR! We'll beat anyone's prices or don't want your business. Sports cars, multiple tickets, good-driver dis counts. Request "Caltech Plan." (818) 992-6966 or (213) 873-3303. LOST AND FOUND-. GIlLIl CHARM Chinese character fu (lUCk/fortune). At Chinese New Year Party at Winnett 2-21. Call Dave Jemison x6180 Lloyd 134. RATES $2.50 for first 25 words; ... 10¢ for each additional word. Send written ad with payment 10 25-58. No charge for on-campus lost & found.