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The California Tech VOLUME LXXXIX NUMBER 21 PASADENA, CALIFORNIA FRI DAY 32 MARCH 1988 Pizza Prank Injures Four

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The California Tech VOLUME LXXXIX NUMBER 21 PASADENA, CALIFORNIA FRI DAY 32 MARCH 1988 Pizza Prank Injures Four The California Tech VOLUME LXXXIX NUMBER 21 PASADENA, CALIFORNIA FRI DAY 32 MARCH 1988 Pizza Prank Injures Four by Prank Synatra One of the students apparently Four off-campus Tech students poured mushrooms over another by were seriously injured over spring mistake, nearly crushing him break as a result of a backfiring beneath a fall of the fabulous fun­ RF. A source near the MOSH's gi. The other students meanwhile office, who wished not to be iden­ attepted to finish the final layer of tified, said that the four students, anchovy. Calvin described the plus three others, had contacted the chaos that followed as "something Mosh's office in regards to the out of an AMa95 word problem." prank the week before and had The Mosh's office would not received prior approval for it. comment on the condition of the The planned prank had in­ four injured students, but a spokes­ volved turning the courtyard of woman from Huntington Memori­ another off-campus house into a gi­ al hospital revealed that all were ant pizza, including the placement suffering from a psychosomatic Techers struggle to contain rising tide of red tomato sauce when a carefully planned RF goes astray. of large amounts of bread dough, condition stemming from the view­ catsup, cheese spread, slices of ing of massive amounts of tiny meat, olives, mushrooms and an­ headless dead fish and fungi simul­ chovies. According to the Mosh's taneously. office source, the students arranged It was also revealed that one to work simultaneously during the student has lost control ofall volun­ night of March 20th, and planned tary functions, and has become es­ New Classes Added to complete the prank in thirty sentially a vegetable. The other by Sam I. Am The Student-Faculty Cur­ Violence, Dealing With Post Self­ minutes. three are said to be in serious but The Institute Wednesday an­ riculum Committee, the main Realization Depression, Whine One participant, who asked to stable condition, with various in­ nounced their plans for changes in group responsible for the changes Your Way to Alienation, How to be identified only as "Calvin", ternal injuries and an annoying the undergraduate curriculum for in requirements, expressed a wish Overcome Self-Doubt Through related that the prank had called for fishy smell. next year. The new changes would for an increase in required courses, Pretence and Ostentation, Sex and the students to run into the court­ Calvin has asked that in memo­ not affect seniors graduating June, especially in the areas of physics, the Single 6th Grader. yard with trashbags full of food­ rium, no pizzas with mushrooms 1988, but would affect all those biology, geology, and rural­ Business!Career Workshops: stuffs and dump the contents out, and anchovies be purchased for the graduating after that date. The new Canadian studies. Basically, the Money Can Make You Rich, Talk­ repeating the process for each lay­ remainder ofthe term. The Mosh's curriculum changes involve main­ planned core curricula consists of: ing Good: How You Can Improve er offood. The trouble began, said office souce has asked that no con­ ly the core requirements, but will Phl,Ph2,Ph8 (Advanced Purcell Speech and Get a Better Job, Calvin, as the the layer of dolences be sent, since it was "their also include changes in option re­ Analysis),Ph205b (Relativistic Career Opportunities in Iran, How mushroom was being completed. own fault!" quirements. Quantum Mechanics), Gel, Ge178 to Profit From Your Own Body, (Elementary Earthquake Predic­ Under-Achievers' Guide to Very tion), Ge179 (Elementary Earth­ Small Business Opportunities, quake Initiation),PA 15 (4 years), Filler Phrases for Thesis Writers, Ay13 (Hi-Energy Astrophysics Tax Shelters for the Indigant, Applications in Astrology), Lit183 Looter's Guide to America's Cities. Master Key Disaster (Tommy Reading for Pleasure and Home Economics Workshops: Enjoyment), Hum 43 (Fortune How You Can Convert Your Dorm Telling), An37 (Magic and Wit­ Room into a Garage, Refrigerator by Marvin Steele All south master keys should be desk-chairs from Bridge was dis­ chcraft)--specific emphasis will be Virus Cultivation, Basic Kitchen In a suprise move by the Board turned in to the Registrar starting covered. The desks have yet to be on devil worship--, Bi9, Bi142 Taxidermy, Sinus Drainage at of Control on Wednesday, it was on Monday. Students will have un­ found. (Edible Viruses) SS137 (Canadian Home, The Repair and decided that the student privilege til Friday to do so without fear of An anonymous source was Slums), SS138 (Homeless in Maintenance of Your Virginity, of carrying master keys to the reprisal, after that date forceful ac­ quoted as saying that it was the in­ Canada), Ma3 (Introduction to Dif­ How to Convert a Wheelchair into buildings of Caltech was to be re­ tion will be taken. fluence of some unusually violent ferential Topology), Ma4 a Dune Buggy, What To Do With voked. Explanations given for this and malicious frosh which has (Calculator Skills)--NOTE: Mal Your Conversation Pit, Christiani­ sudden change in policy range caused the radical change in poli­ and Mal will be eliminated from ty and the Art ofRV Maintenance. from the numerous thefts of tacks Officials report that, although cy. In particular, numerous mem­ the core requirements--eliminated, Health and Fitness: Creative from the bulletin boards to the they had known about the problem bers of Blacker and Page Houses in fact, from the face ofthis Earth. Tooth Decay, Exorcism and Acne, widespread appearance of chalk­ for a few months, action was only have been singled out and will be­ The Curriculum Committee The Joys of Hypochondria, High board graffitti. taken when the disappearance of27 gin undergoing rehabilitation to also reported a long list of option Fiber Sex, Suicide and Your cure them of their irksome ways. requirements. Also, Due to Health, Bio-feedback and How To After further research, it was numerous complaints concerning Stop It, Skate Your Way to found that the Institute has been the limited variety of Caltech Regularity, Understanding Nudity, spending over one million dollars classes, the Committee also plans Tap Dance Your Way to Social a year to replace tacks stolen from to add a number of new classes, Ridicule, Optional Body public message boards in those workshops and seminars to the Functions. buildings having south master catalog for next year. These Crafts: Self-Actualizaton locks. It was also discovered that seminars include: Through Macrame, How To Draw the Institute has had to hire over 25 Self-Improvement: Creative Genitalia, Needlecraft for Junkies, new workmen to combat the un­ Suffering, Overcoming Peace of Cuticle Crafts, Mobiles and Col­ usual graffitti problem. Mind, You and Your Birthmark, lages with Fetishes, Gifts for the At over $45,000 a year per Guilt Without Sex, The Primal Senile, Bonsai Your Pet. Seminars man, this is quite a waste of insti­ Shrug, Ego Gratification Through will be limited to 800 students. tute money. This figure does not include the number of men paid to wander the campus and replace any stolen tacks. It also does not in­ clude the cost of security men who physically check any suspiciously looking people for the stolen goods. President Everclear was quite shocked to hear that the BOC was forced to make such a drastic change in policy. He was quoted as saying, "If it hadn't been for the thiefs escalation from tacks to lec­ ture chairs, who knows how much money we would be spending on tacks now." It was rumored that President Everolear was consider­ Undergrads photographed leaving the ing stepping down from office The BOC is offering a. reward to anyone when he discovered the depth of the social problems here at Caltech. 2THE CALIFORNIA TECH FRIDAY 32 MARCH 1988 The California Tech CIT Compu-Champs EDITORS - Eric Fung • Stephen Lew • Chandra Tucker [CNB] For the second time in three contest, which was held in Atlan­ Southern California - went on to ENTERTAINMENT SPORTS years, a team from the California ta, Georgia, Feb. 24. compete in the international Rhonda Stroud Help Wanted Institute ofTechnology has won the The Caltech team consisted of competition. Association of Computing David Gillespie (a graduate student In Atlanta, the Caltech team PHOTOS ANNOUNCEMENTS Machinery (ACM) Scholastic Pro­ in computer science and team cap­ emerged far ahead of the pack in Alex Athanasopoulos Josh Kurutz gramming Contest. Teams from 24 tain), Scott Hemphill (a graduate the grueling, six-hour contest. It schools competed in this year's student in computer science), Ron was the only team to solve all eight Goodman (a junior, majoring in problems correctly in the allotted computer science), and Adam time. In fact, the Techers finished Greenblatt (a senior, majoring in the problems in just five hours and WEEKLY SPORTS eALENDAR biology). All of the team members 17 minutes. "We spent the remain­ were drawn from the instructional ing time fooling around, program­ Day Date Time Sport Opponent Location staff of CSIO, the freshman elec­ ming the computer to play musical Sat. 4-2 10:00 am Tennis (W) Occidental Occidental tive "Introduction to Programm­ scales," said one member of the Sat. 4-2 11:00 am Track UCSD, Masters & USD Caltech ing." The team's faculty adviser Caltech team. Sat. 4-2 1:00 pm Baseball Alumni • Caltech Sat. 4-2 1:30 pm Tennis (M) Occidental Occidental was Charles L. Seitz, professor of All teams in the competition us­ Tue. 4-5 3:00 pm Baseball Pac. Coast Baptist Bible College Caltech computer science. This team had ed Apple Macintosh computers and Tue. 4-5 3:00 pm Tennis (M) Azusa Pacific Caltech previously won the Southern the Pascal computing language in Tue.
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