REPORTERSUMMER/FALL 2017 Serving Stamford, Westport, Bridgeport and Upper Fairfield County

THE SIXTH ANNUAL SAUL COHEN-SCHOKE JEWISH FAMILY SERVICE LECTURE The Family Today: Secrets to Stronger Relationships and Greater Happiness at Any Age ruce Feiler, an author of Interview with the author… with another person. It’s co-creation twelve books, including six through co-narration. I had never seen consecutive New York Times The Schoke JFS Reporter asked Bruce B Feiler to answer a few questions to help it so clearly before working on Adam nonfiction best-sellers, will speak on understand his thoughts and motiva- and Eve. Piaget coined the phrase “col- Thursday, November 9th at 7:30 pm tions in writing his most recent books. lective monologue” to describe how at the Ferguson Library in Stamford. preschoolers play, meaning they gather What inspired you to write The First together but talk only to themselves. The lecture is a gift, offered free to Love Story: Adam, Eve and Us? the community, through the generos- Love is the opposite of this. It’s “col- The conversation around my kitchen lective dialogue.” ity of Mimi and Saul Cohen. table! I have a work- I talked to specialists ing wife and adolescent Prior to the Lecture at the library, in resilience, in mending daughters. And like every- a Patrons’ Reception will be held for breaches, in getting over one else, I’m just terribly a select group of generous donors the loss of a child (which confused about what are to thank them for their support of Adam and Eve experience) the rules for how men and and they all taught me the Schoke JFS. A book signing and des- women relate to each other same thing: At each turn sert buffet will follow the main lec- these days. A lot of the or setback in a relation- ture. For details or to learn how to writing about this focuses ship, the most successful on the latest research or become a Schoke JFS Patron, please partners write a new chap- app. But like many, I can’t contact Lisa Rich, Donor Relations ter in their shared story. help wondering if there’s Coordinator at 203-921-4161 or Adam and Eve must fig- any wisdom from the past [email protected]. ure this out for themselves. Theirs is worth preserving. As a popular voice on contempo- the first joint byline, and we’re all still Then, a few years ago, we were on doing the same. rary life, Bruce Feiler will present, in a trip to Rome and I had the brilliant his easy speaking style, the themes of Can you outline what are the top idea to take my sleep-deprived daugh- secrets to a happy family? What his most recent book, The First Love ters to the Vatican. It didn’t go well. makes each of them a secret? We made it to the Sistine Chapel, and PAID Story: Adam, Eve and Us and one of High-functioning families have his most widely read self-help books, one of my girls glanced at Adam and PERMIT # 14

NON-PROFIT three things in common: They adapt U.S. POSTAGE HUNTINGTON, NY ORGANIZATION God and said, “Why are there only The Secrets of Happy Families. Bruce all the time; they talk, a lot; they go out men?” Then her sister said, “Is that Eve has written for numerous publica- and play. These ideas sound simple, but under God’s arm?” tions including The New Yorker, The they’re surprisingly hard to remember And that’s when it hit New York Times Magazine, and Gour- when we’re all in the brunt me. Since antiquity, Adam of our day-to-day lives. met. He is also a frequent contribu- and Eve have stood at the The Secrets of Happy tor to National Public Radio, CNN center of every conversa- Families was first and Fox News. A native of Savannah, tion about men, women, published in 2013. Georgia, Feiler completed his under- and sexuality. Yet instead With a growing family of graduate degree from Yale University of celebrating them, his- your own, do you have tory has blamed them for any updated secrets or and a master’s degree in interna- bringing sin, lust, even revisions to the original tional relations from the University death into the world. advice you shared with of Cambridge. He is married and has It’s the greatest charac- readers? twin daughters. ter assassination ever. My The biggest change since The life lesson takeaways in these question was, What can 2013 is that technology books reflect the principles Schoke history’s first couple teach us about re- has become even more pervasive and lationships today? an even greater headache in families. JFS follows while assisting families, My overall “secrets” haven’t changed, individuals, couples and those who In writing about one of the oldest and most well-known stories of the but how to apply them to a changing require assistance in our community. Bible, what do you think is the most landscape of social media has made For more information about the over-looked life lesson of the tale? implementing them even more critical. Saul Cohen – Schoke JFS Lecture, The most misunderstood? please visit www.ctjfs.org. That’s easy: Love is a story we tell continued on page 3 • ON THE INSIDE • ON THE INSIDE • ON THE INSIDE • ON THE INSIDE • ON THE INSIDE • Welcome New Board An Evening With Fall Programs Schoke JFS Members and Staff Page 9

Jewish Family Service of Stamford, Inc. 733 Summer Street, Stamford, CT 06901 Page 4-5 Page 7

SJFS-2017 Sept Reporter.indd 1 8/30/17 7:13 PM A MESSAGE FROM THE CEO Looking Back almost at the same time due to downsizing. Over- never felt so proud as I did at those moments.” whelmed and distraught, they were a family unac- I am happy to say that Emily was able to get a full choke Jewish Family customed to doing “without,” who needed assistance. time job in a local hospital, and while she and Sam Service ends its pro- In Emily’s words: “Things started unraveling at the have since divorced, the family is now doing well, gram year just prior to S seams and we found ourselves in a place we never and is completely self-sufficient. She recently wrote the High Holidays, giving us imagined. It seemed surreal to be in that situation, to us to say “what you have done for me and my fam- the opportunity to look back yet there we were, desperately in need of support.” ily is a true blessing - that I could count on Schoke as an agency, and of course When they reached out to us, Emily said: “I had no JFS to lift me up when I was down. Becoming a personally. idea what to expect or if I would even qualify for any single mother, working full-time and balancing life Albert Einstein said: There are two ways to live your help. I had heard about the programs and thought I has been so very hard. Schoke JFS has held my hand life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as would give it a try. I felt awkward and embarrassed through all of this.” even asking for help, as it was the first time in my life though everything is a miracle. Schoke Jewish Family Service performs miracles having to do so.” Every so often, an employee who works in our or- every day. Thousands of them each year. Through ganization, but not directly with clients, will come We provided food from our kosher food pantry, providing assistance to families in crisis, or giving in to my office, sit down, and say, “I just can’t believe Passover bags, grocery cards to help in obtaining glu- out thousands of meals to people who cannot afford what we do for so many people!” Since they don’t ten free food for a child with food allergies, counsel- to feed their families. Our support is there at the ing, job referral assistance and camp scholarship funds work directly with clients, they get to watch what most vulnerable times in people’s lives. to help get Emily and her family back on her feet. goes on here on a daily basis from a little bit of a dis- Of course, this is because we can do this in a com- tance. Those of us who do work directly with clients While all of these services were critical to helping munity that cares about its neighbors, and provides us are so wrapped up in making sure that clients receive Emily and her family sustain themselves, the children the tools and funds necessary to make these miracles. the help and assistance they need, that we don’t al- were transformed by the ability to attend summer camp. During this difficult time, trying to maintain I wish all of you a happy and healthy New Year, ways take the time to slow down and see the miracles some normalcy for the children was very important. and thank you for being a partner of Schoke JFS in that occur when we can intervene. Emily said: “Camp was her connection to the Jewish creating miracles every day. At Schoke JFS, we perform miracles every day. community, which made her feel she was not alone. Some of them are little, and some are big. It was her “community,” where she fit in and came Take Emily and Sam, for example, (names changed, home singing Hebrew songs, teaching me and her fa- to protect confidentiality) who were both executives ther about Shabbat and the Jewish holidays. She could and were doing quite well. They both lost their jobs not wait to show me the Challah she baked herself. I Matt Greenberg, CEO

A MESSAGE Visit our new website FROM THE PRESIDENT

am honored to have been www.ctjfs.org elected as President of Ithe Board. I have been involved with Schoke Jewish Family Service for more than ten years, and I am proud of the range of services the agency provides. The Schoke JFS staff are dedicated to our clients’ needs and sensitive to the difficult cir- 733 Summer Street, Stamford, CT 06901 203-921-4161 Fax: 203-921-4169 cumstances many of them face. The Schoke JFS 4200 Park Avenue, Bridgeport, CT 06604 Board is a group of motivated individuals who 203-659-3601 care deeply about our community. Thank you to www.ctjfs.org Edith Samers, our Immediate Past President, for the outstanding leadership she has shown over the Lynn Saltz, Editor past few years. Filling her shoes will be a chal- EXECUTIVE COMMITTEE lenge. President ...... Beverly Stein This year should be another exciting one as we Vice Presidents ...... Marty Donner Now you can donate online Paul Gordon continue to offer our programs in the Greater Meryl Japha and keep abreast of new and Stamford area and continue to expand our services Caroline Temlock Teichman Treasurer ...... Michael Stone ongoing programs and services. to upper Fairfield County. Secretary ...... Adam Batkin Thank you to everyone who volunteers their Immediate Past Pres...... Edith Samers time and donates to Schoke JFS. Additional vol- CEO ...... Matt Greenberg unteers are always needed and I urge you to find a BOARD OF DIRECTORS Schoke JFS thanks way to become involved in helping others through Michael Alexander Leon Hanna Saul Cohen Liz Kitay our agency. When you receive our Annual Friends Robin Fischel Carl Rosen Campaign appeal please give generously. We rely Mark Frank Marvin Rosenbaum United Jewish Federation of Greater Avram Freedberg Laurence Sheinman on the generosity of our Friends to make our pro- Alan Freeman Ronnie Sichel Stamford, New Canaan and Darien grams possible. Your gift truly makes a difference Linda B. Gornitsky Greta Solomon Paula Green Gail G. Trell in the lives so many across our community. PAST PRESIDENTS Federation for Jewish Philanthropy Michael Alexander A Martin Manaly of Upper Fairfield County Marilyn Dale A Hilde Scheraga A R. Alex Goldman Laurence Sheinman Linda B. Gornitsky A Sid Stern A Marjorie Laff Beverly A. Stein, President A – of blessed memory for their generous ongoing support

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SJFS-2017 Sept Reporter.indd 2 8/30/17 7:13 PM SCHOKE JFS AND KESHET HOW TO SUSTAIN LEADERSHIP PROJECT SHARE GOALS A LONG TERM FOR INCLUSION AND SENSITIVITY MARRIAGE IN

Principal goals of the program include: A WORLD OF R Each agency’s leadership team will be REPLACEMENT trained on how to offer LGBTQ-in- an organization that pro- clusive programs and develop By Eve Moskowitz, LCSW motes LGBTQ inclusion LGBTQ-inclusive policies. in the Jewish community, Schoke Jewish Family R Training educators, program staff, and rior to the early part of the 20th century, the insti- Service, the Federation for Jewish Philanthropy youth workers to ensure that regular tution of marriage was focused on the need for love, (FJP), and the United Jewish Federation have joined classroom content, community pro- but as important, if not more so, was the socio-eco- together to offer an outstanding opportunity to be- P gramming, and informal education re- nomic partnership in which two people with like values come more inclusive of LGBTQ individuals and flects a recognition and affirmation of built a home and family with the long-term goals of com- families through the Keshet Leadership Project. LGBTQ Jewish families, youth, and mitment and sustenance. As the shift from rural to urban On Tuesday, June 27, 2017, these agencies hosted community members. life took shape and men began to work outside the home, a full-day seminar at the FJP offices in Bridge- R Confirming that all online and printed the increased availability to outside influences for both port for Jewish agencies across Fairfield County. materials are inclusive of LGBTQ members of the marriage fueled a sense of independence Schoke JFS, represented by Matt Greenberg, CEO identities and families. for the parties. and Rebekah Kanefsky, Director of Case Manage- R ment, attended the seminar. Participants practiced Ensuring that LGBTQ-inclusive im- This increase in individualism only grew with the shift interactive exercises that help them connect issues ages and information, such as Keshet in women’s rights and the changes in traditional roles. For of LGBTQ inclusion to their own values, identify stickers, posters, brochures, and other better or worse, the simplicity of knowing the boundaries key LGBTQ terminology, explore ways that gen- LGBTQ resources, are publicly dis- of marital roles lent a certain expectation and predictabil- der-based discrimination impacts young people and played. ity for the family. Once the roles became blurred and the families, and role-play common scenarios that arise For more information about the Schoke JFS choices for both parties became open to self-actualization around LGBTQ inclusion. Each participating in- and the Keshet Leadership Project partner- and individual achievement, the foundation of the mar- stitution will receive specialized year-round coach- ship, please contact Rebekah Kanefsky at riage became compromised. ing from Keshet. [email protected]. The premise of this “me” generation and the expectation that marriage is now another essential part in discovering personal fulfillment and satisfaction, requires that these The Sixth Annual Saul Cohen GETTING TO KNOW US more complicated expectations for happiness and serenity - Schoke Jewish Family Service AT THE INAUGURAL also require new and various levels of commitment and Lecture: Interview with the devotion. In a world in which the accoutrements of life author continued from page 1 SOUTHERN CONNECTICUT are upgraded and replaced every few years, whether they JEWISH FOOD FESTIVAL are damaged or just obsolete, gives the impression that One piece of advice you share in perhaps the people we choose to love are also expendable raising a happy family is to teach and easily replaced. children about their family’s history. How is this advice particularly We upgrade our cell phones, computers, television sets significant to Jewish families? and automobiles. Why not upgrade or replace our partner Family storytelling is a passion of mine once they become used and tired? The notion of a long and the subject of a new book I’m just term committed relationship is at the forefront of a marital embarking on. It’s especially resonant dyad on their wedding day, but 50% of the time, it doesn’t with families steeped in the biblical tradi- work out that way. The lack of stigma and the common- tion, including Christians and Jews. The place circumstance of divorce makes it easier today than Torah is of course a narrative way of learn- ever in history to dissolve an intact family. So how do we ing history, and the moments of biggest sustain a long-term marriage in a world of replacement? growth occur in the moments of greatest To sustain a marriage commitment, the couple needs hardship – when Abraham leaves his fam- to set a firm foundation with time to develop a story. The ily’s house, when the Israelites wander in couple must find balance in their relationship, and it is not the desert, when they are exiled in Baby- onathan Fass, COO of Schoke Jewish Family Ser- always equal. At times one party may be the focus and the lon. This reminds us to share not just our Jvice, speaks to attendees of the first Southern Con- give and take requires cooperation and acceptance. This great achievements with our children, but necticut Jewish Food Festival and participates in a panel leads to the need for care and attunement, a willingness our struggles, as well. discussion on Food Justice and the Jewish responsibility to have empathy for the other party, and to be attuned to Can you share a theme of both books to feed those in need. their needs and at times willing to place those needs ahead that speaks to the relationships we of your own. should foster in our personal life? Our agency now provides support to people facing To successfully achieve these goals, the parties must have Our lives are not linear. They are oscil- food insecurity in the Bridgeport area through our Ko- a mutual respect for the other’s differences, because there lating, with waves of good and bad, often sher Food Pantry and fresh produce events. happening simultaneously. We make our To make a donation to the Schoke JFS Kosher Food will be times in which opinions differ greatly. The need to own stories, our own meaning, our own Pantry visit www.ctjfs.org or contact Lisa Rich at 203- demonstrate respect must outweigh the need to be right. happiness. 921-4161 or email [email protected]. There is no room for defensive behavior in a marriage, just a counterbalance of mutual acceptance. The connected- As a world traveler, can you identify If you need support, contact Rebekah Kanefsky at ness between the parties must trump the conflict. Finally, any culture that exemplifies the advice 203-921-4161 or email [email protected]. you outline in either of your books? those are the times that constancy is required, a vow to The Southern Connecticut Jewish Food Festival was Many cultures in the West hold these push through conflict and problem solve rather than run sponsored by the Federation for Jewish Philanthropy values as central to their identity; all of us away from the problem, because it will continue to infect of Upper Fairfield County. fall short. the foundation of the relationship.

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SJFS-2017 Sept Reporter.indd 3 8/30/17 7:13 PM An Evening with SchokeJFS New Format Meets with Success! COCKTAILS, DINNER, LEGACY, AND LAUGHS ith over 250 people in attendance, the annual gala of the Elayne and James Schoke Jewish Family Service, An Eve- Wning with Schoke JFS, was held on Wednesday, May 10th at the Crowne Plaza Stamford. The event was planned with a significant change in the format but continued to combine a four-decade legacy of honoring supporters with a celebration of the agency’s work across Fairfield County. Alan Kalter, former announcer for Live with David Letterman and long- time Stamford resident, presided over the evening as the Master of Cer- emonies. The evening was ably co-chaired by Liz Kitay and Meryl Japha and the live auction was chaired by Sandy Speter. The live auction provided a suspense filled segment when many of the thrilling items offered received rapid fire bidding. All the auction listings, along with the paddle auction, garnered Schoke JFS a total of $150,000. Instead of a silent auction, this year’s celebration welcomed Steve Sol- omon, creator and star of the two-time, award-winning Broadway com- edy My Mother’s Italian, My Father’s Jewish & I’m in Therapy. Solomon performed stand-up comedy based on the show. His performance was a laugh-filled hour of everybody you know, or have known, and some you want to forget but can’t. All enjoyed and laughed heartily! Honoring a long-standing tradition, Schoke JFS presented the 38th An- nual Mitzvah Award to the Beldotti Family and the 11th Annual Young Leadership Award to Mark Frank. The Honorable Mayor of Stamford, David Martin, praised the good work of Schoke JFS and extended the thanks of the city to the Mitzvah Award recipients and the Young Lead- ership Award honoree. On behalf of the Beldotti Family ( James, Jim, Michael, Chris, Lisa, Amy, Mike Jr., Tina, Lucas, Zack, Maxwell and Grace), life-long residents of Stamford, along with the Beldotti bakery, Mike Beldotti accepted the Mitzvah Award with grace and humbly thanked Schoke JFS for acknowl- edging the outreach they provide to the Jewish community of Stamford. With the recent loss of his mother, he felt this was a blessing the family needed at this time. Mark Frank said, “What I find refreshing, and perhaps most important, about Schoke JFS, and why I support Schoke JFS, is that the agency does not have a hidden agenda or mission. Ours is front and center, Schoke JFS is who you turn to. We do not care if you voted red or blue, are the richest and most important donor in the community or don’t have two nickels to rub together, if you haven’t gone to shul in decades or have never missed a minyan in decades, if you are just starting out in life or entering life’s final chapter, Schoke JFS is who you turn to.”

The board and staff thank all those who served on the An Evening with Schoke JFS event and auction committees. Your commitment to this event helped to ensure its success. Thank you to all who support Schoke JFS to successfully assist your friends and neighbors when they turn to us for help. Photo Credit: Aviva Maller Photography Aviva Photo Credit:

4 ELAYNE AND JAMES SCHOKE

SJFS-2017 Sept Reporter.indd 4 8/30/17 7:13 PM Photo Credit: Aviva Maller Photography Aviva Photo Credit:

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SJFS-2017 Sept Reporter.indd 5 8/30/17 7:13 PM SCHOKE JFS THANKS OUR CORPORATE SPONSORS PRINCIPALS

DIRECTORS

ASSOCIATES

THANK YOU TO OUR GENEROUS DONORS FOR THEIR SUPPORT OF AN EVENING WITH SCHOKE JFS’ 2017 LIVE AUCTION

613 Restaurant Callari Auto Group Elliot Levy Stamford Symphony Orchestra Anonymous Friend of Schoke JFS Caramoor Center for Long Wharf Theatre Teddy’s Transportation System Avon Theatre Film Center Music and Art Marchetti Family David Tucker Andrea and Eric Bass F. Robb Caster Lynn and Richard Saltz Walt Disney World Stephne and Kerrin Behrend Curtain Call Frank Schipani Westport County Playhouse BevMax Paul Gordon SeaWorld Senator Richard Blumenthal Meryl and Ron Japha Betsy and Mike Stone

6 ELAYNE AND JAMES SCHOKE

SJFS-2017 Sept Reporter.indd 6 8/30/17 7:13 PM SCHOKE JFS WELCOMES NEW BOARD AND STAFF MEMBERS Liz Kitay Ronnie Sichel BOARD MEMBER BOARD MEMBER Liz has a degree in Ronnie served as a speech Family and Consum- pathologist and special education er Resources from the administrator in the Stamford University of Arizona public schools for over 20 years. and taught pre-school She has taught on the graduate at the JCC Sara Walk- level in the area of speech- er Nursery School for language pathology at Hunter eleven years. College of City University of As a graduate of the Behrend Institute for New York. Retired as Director of Special Services for the Leadership, Liz has fully immersed herself into Edgemont, New York public schools, she currently serves the Stamford community. She currently serves as an educational consultant to families of children with as a volunteer in various activities and organiza- special needs. tions including the Friendship Circle, Bi-Cultural Ronnie has served on the boards of Bi-Cultural Day Send a Schoke JFS Day School, Hope in Motion Walk & Run for School and Congregation Agudath Sholom and has served the Bennett Center, the Center for Sexual Assault as a volunteer at both of these institutions. She was a Tribute Card Crisis Counseling and Education, among others. member of the nominating committee for UJF of Stamford. Liz is also an active volunteer for Schoke JFS. She is a life member of Hadassah, a club member at AIPAC, Tribute cards are a meaningful way She became involved with the Kosher Food Pan- and served for many years as President of the Stamford to celebrate with friends and family Kadimah Chapter of AMIT. try. When she noticed a need for clients to receive members on their Bar or Bat Mitzvah, fresh produce, she helped initiate the month- Ronnie is currently volunteering at Schoke JFS as part of ly Fresh Produce Day events. Liz was co-chair the Brain Fitness program and is very eager to become more graduation, wedding, birthday or any of Schoke JFS Evening in 2017 and will be the involved in expanding this key program at Schoke JFS. other simcha or special event. They Chair of the event next year. Ronnie Ness Sichel and her husband, Steve, have lived Liz is a Stamford native and resides here with in Stamford for over forty years. They raised their children, can also be sent to family or friends in her husband Marc and their three children. Rena and Daniel, in our community. honor or commemoration of a loved Sheila Duggan, one. There is no fixed amount for a Intern with the Kuriansky Family Counseling Program donation and the card will be sent on Sheila is currently a candidate for a Masters in Clinical Social Work at Fordham your behalf. The inscription notes the University where she is honored as a Dean’s Scholar. Her background includes purpose of your donation. significant service to community groups including the Westchester County Ombudsman’s Office for the Elderly, Al Anon Family Groups, and Girl Scouts of To make a tribute card donation, America. She has held executive positions at Sanford C. Bernstein & Co., Dillon go online to www.ctjfs.org Read & Co. and MasterCard International. She currently resides in Stamford with her husband and daughter. Sheila will be facilitating the Schoke JFS Let’s Talk or call 203-921-4161. programs in Stamford, Westport and Fairfield. Have an extra DONATE COAT YOUR VEHICLE TO SCHOKE JFS in your CLOSET? Donate your car, truck, van, SUV, boat, motorcycle, ATV, trailer (perhaps your airplane?) to Schoke Jewish Family Schoke Jewish Family Service Service! Your donation will help to assist friends Kosher Food Pantry is collecting and neighbors who are in need. new or gently used winter gear for our food pantry clients. NO HASSLES! Free pick up! Receive a tax deduction! We will take any vehicle in any condition! Coats, hats, scarves, gloves and mittens for adults and children or Contact Lisa Rich, Donor Relations Coordinator, the donation of retail gift cards 203-921-4161 or [email protected] to make your donation. (e.g. Old Navy, Target) is appreciated. Donations can be dropped off Monday - Friday between 9 am – 4 pm at Schoke JFS, 733 Summer Street, 6th Floor, Stamford For additional information, please contact Rebekah Kanefsky at 203-921-4161 or [email protected] Do a Mitzvah – Volunteer!

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SJFS-2017 Sept Reporter.indd 7 8/30/17 7:13 PM CCFSA FAMILY CHAMPIONS 2017 n June 6th, the Connecticut Council of Family Service OAgencies (CCFSA), a statewide network of independent, non-profit family service agencies, honored the 2017 recipients of the Family Champions Award. Staff member Eve Moskowitz, Director Schoke JFS has expanded its reach to of Clinical Services and board member, Dr. Linda Gornitsky, the Greater Bridgeport community, received these awards. providing the same critical services The Family Champions Award is given to volunteers, staff and it offers in Stamford from our board members who go above and Schoke Jewish Family Service CCFSA 2017 Family Champions Award winners, Bridgeport Office: beyond the call of duty to embrace Dr. Linda B. Gornitsky and Eve Moskowitz receive their awards. (left to right) their agency’s mission and positively Diane Manning, President and CEO of CCFSA, Eve Moskowitz, Schoke JFS Jewish Senior Services impact the lives of families. Each Clinical Director, Dr. Linda B. Gornitsky, former President of the Board of Schoke Harry and Jeanette Weinberg Campus Family Champion consistently JFS, Matt Greenberg, CEO of Schoke JFS and Roderick L. Bremby, Commis- demonstrates a commitment to sioner, Connecticut Department of Social Services. 4200 Park Avenue, Third Floor empowering families and building strong communities. board member, has held the position of President, Eve Moskowitz, Director of Clinical Services at Immediate Past President and Vice President of the For more information on how to receive Schoke JFS for over ten years, is a clinician with over Schoke JFS board. As an integral member of our services through our Bridgeport office, three decades years of experience. Eve has brought her agency, Linda has brought her special professional engaging and soothing manner into the management knowledge of business and corporate philanthropy to please call 203-921-4161 or of the clinical department. As a certified mediator, Schoke JFS. Linda is a dedicated volunteer, serving e-mail [email protected]. Eve was instrumental in facilitating and training as a board member and officer throughout Fairfield others to lead classes for families facing divorce. Seen County. Her expertise in strategic planning and focus as someone who is easy to talk to, Eve is sought after groups makes her an invaluable asset to countless by staff whenever there is an issue of any kind to organizations. discuss. A personalized glass citation was presented to each Brain Fitness Dr. Linda Gornitzky, Schoke JFS’ longest serving award recipient as part of the program. Program Congrats to the newest graduating class of the Elayne and James Schoke Home Companion Training Program!

Want to stimulate your brain power? The Schoke JFS Brain Fitness Program offers games and puzzles in a casual, supportive setting to inspire confidence and provide practical support to help you target your personal goals. Private individual sessions and dynamic group classes available! fter almost two months of training, the graduates of the Summer 2017 class of the Schoke Home Companion Training Program celebrated their accomplishment. Congratulations to the class. First Upcoming Brain Fitness Groups: row (left to right) Daniella Isidore, Myrtho DeMarco, Iris Brown; standing row (left to right) A Monday, September 11 Dorothy Gentles, Marie France Jean Charles, Elaine Hanton, Pricile Baptiste, Sarah Elliot-Stowe, Schoke JFS Case Manager and top standing row, Vanessa Butler, Administrative Assistant, Tanean Walker, Yaakov 1:00 - 2:30 pm Walk, Isrella Knopf, Director, Peter Dursht, Fred Nivrose, Veneta Anderson, and Joyce Reimer, Consultant Monday, October 16 for Senior Services. 10:30 am - 12:00 pm The Home Companion Training Program provides forty hours of class work and testing over a seven-week period. Taught by Isrella Knopf, MSW, and the Schoke JFS Home Companion team, the program covers is- Both sessions will be held at the sues such as nutrition and kashrut, socialization and medical situations encountered by the home companion. Stamford JCC, 1035 Newfield Avenue Classes include guest lecturers addressing specific situations such as hearing and visual impairments. Potential Free of Charge aides must perform successfully on tests administered throughout the seven week period. Completion of the coursework and testing will result in a trainee joining the Schoke JFS registry and being eligible for placement To learn more about Brain Fitness, please as a home companion. contact Jami Fener at 203-921-4161 or If you need a home companion for a family member or yourself, please contact Isrella Knopf at 203-921- [email protected] 4161 or [email protected].

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SJFS-2017 Sept Reporter.indd 8 8/30/17 7:13 PM Fall 2017 Schoke Jewish Family Service Be a Friend to Programs and Activities Schoke JFS! SAVE THE DATE: The 6th Annual Saul Cohen- Fener, Brain Fitness Program Coordinator at Schoke JFS Lecture on Thursday, November [email protected] or 203-921-4161 x121. 9th at 7:30 PM, Ferguson Library, Stamford The Family Today: Secrets to Stronger Let’s Talk – Fairfield, Mondays at 12:45 PM at Relationships and Greater Happiness at Any the Bigelow Center for Senior Activities, 100 Age Featuring Bruce Feiler, author of six Mona Terrace, Fairfield. Seniors talk about consecutive New York Times bestsellers, common interests and concerns, facilitated including The Secrets of Happy Families and by a Schoke Jewish Family Service counselor. his newest book, The First Love Story: Adam, Contact Amanda Geffner at 203-921-4161 or Eve and Us. For more details, visit www.ctjfs. [email protected] org. Free and open to the community. Schoke JFS Spousal Bereavement Group Let’s Talk - Tuesdays, 11:00 AM, Free at Mondays at 10:30 AM at Congregation B’nai the Stamford JCC, 1035 Newfield Avenue Israel, 2710 Park Avenue, Bridgeport and With the Annual Friends Campaign Seniors talk about common interests and Fridays at 10:30 AM, beginning September concerns, facilitated by a Schoke Jewish Family 8th at Stamford JCC, 1035 Newfield Road, starting in September, now more Service counselor. Contact Sheila Duggan at Stamford than ever Schoke JFS is counting 203-921-4161 or [email protected]. Gather to share feelings and exchange on our generous donors to ideas in a non-judgmental environment that continue their support. Let’s Talk - Thursdays, 1:00 PM, Free at the provides emotional, practical, and spiritual Westport Senior Center, 21 Imperial Avenue, Your gift allows us to continue support for grieving the loss of a spouse or Westport. Seniors talk about common significant other. Contact Amanda Geffner, providing programs and services to interests and concerns, facilitated by a Schoke Schoke JFS Therapist at 203-921-4161 or thousands of people in our community Jewish Family Service counselor. Contact who turn to us in need each year. Sheila Duggan at 203-921-4161 or sduggan@ [email protected]. ctjfs.org. To make your tax-deductible donation, Schoke JFS College Ahead! Tuesday, please fill in the enclosed reply card, Schoke JFS Brain Fitness Group Program — December 5th at 7:30 PM Deans of Admissions of prominent colleges call our office at 203-921-4161 or donate Monday, September 11 from 1:00-2:30 PM online at www.ctjfs.org. and Monday, October 16 from 10:30 AM- will form a panel of experts to share 12:00 PM at the Stamford JCC. information about the college admission Thank you for being part of the Designed for individuals looking to stimulate process, academics, Jewish life on campus, their brain power with a focus on insight, residential options and other topics of interest. Schoke JFS Family! reducing stress, inspiring confidence, and Claire Friedlander, JFS College Consultant, providing practical support to help reach will moderate the discussion at the Stamford personal goals! Come and meet others JCC, 1035 Newfield Avenue. Open to the and participate in some mental exercises tocommunity at no cost and registration is not stimulate brain power. No cost to attend. required. Contact Claire Friedlander at 203- Light refreshments will be served. Advance 921-4161 or email [email protected] for more registration suggested by contacting Jami information. Schoke JFS College Counseling Offers Race to College and College Ahead! in Stamford

by Claire Friedlander, of the college planning process will be covered and Schoke JFS College Consultant time will also be devoted to grade-specific issues. These evening programs will be held from 5:30 – 7:00 f you are the parent of a high school student PM at the Harry Bennett Branch of the Ferguson beginning their college search or application Library in Stamford. The sessions will also consider Iprocess, you must save the date for the Schoke JFS recent changes in the application process, whether to College Ahead! program on Tuesday, December 5th at provide standardized test scores, choosing the best the Stamford JCC. A distinguished panel of deans of essay question to answer, planning your college visits, admission from prominent colleges and universities, and the importance of community service. moderated by Claire Friedlander, Schoke JFS College Claire Friedlander will be conducting each session. Consultant, will discuss both the application process She is a Licensed Professional Counselor in the State and strategies for getting accepted to the college of of Connecticut and a board-certified counselor. She your choice. There is no fee to attend. Details will is a member of the Higher Education Consultants follow at www.ctjfs.org. Association and the National Association for College High school students who would like to get a step up Admissions Counseling. The series is open to the on the many facets of the college preparation process entire community at no charge. are invited to attend Race to College, a three-night For private, individual college counseling services at series of readiness workshops scheduled for Mondays, competitive rates, please contact Claire Friedlander at January 22, February 12 and March 5th. All aspects [email protected] or 203-921-4161.

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SJFS-2017 Sept Reporter.indd 9 8/30/17 7:13 PM CASE MANAGEMENT ADOPT-A-FAMILY THE PARADOX A Joyful Time for All OF PERISHABLES Rebekah Kanefsky, LPC, Director of Case Management By Rebekah Kanefsky, LPC, Director of Case Management very year around the holidays, individual donors approach us, hoping to bring joy to our clients and generously provide gifts t the Schoke JFS Kosher Food Efor their children. Three years ago, our Adopt-a-Family pro- APantry, our focus is providing for gram became a coordinated effort in the community, with several He- the clients’ needs in an environment brew Schools creating wonderful gift baskets for clients. Participating promoting the highest level of dignity schools would receive a description of a family, complete with ages and and compassion. genders of the children, as well as a wish list from each child. From We receive most of our food items from the two local food banks, the Connecticut there, students and their families would purchase items from the wish Food Bank and the Food Bank of Lower Fairfield County. Perishable food items are list or offer gift cards and cash. In some cases, even holiday meals were offered at no cost and without any limits on the quantity donated but are classified as prepared and delivered to families. “Grade B,” with a short shelf-life, because most are provided from the food banks by a local supermarket once not sold. Non-perishable food must be purchased at a reduced This program has become such a wonderful gift to our commu- cost. Our clients gravitate towards non-perishable, and therefore less nutritious, foods nity. Particularly during holiday seasons, when the stress of financial because it feels less like a handout. Paradoxically, if our clients were to purchase food insecurity weighs heavily on our clients and negatively impact their at the supermarket, the reverse is true. They often cannot afford the more nutritious families’ ability to fully experience the holiday. The joy and excitement and expensive fresh produce that they know is better for themselves and their families. which is generated by our donors’ thoughtful and generous gift baskets We refer to this issue as the paradox of perishables. overwhelm most clients to the point of tears. What once were tears The paradox will continue until food banks and other pantry funding sources offer of frustration become tears of joy, as their holiday becomes filled with food items in a way which makes people feel empowered rather than impoverished, holiday gifts for their children and a moment of respite from their with food items which are both nutritious and desirable. Our food pantry will continue continuous struggles. to provide the highest quality food we can despite this paradox. This work requires Though this program has primarily been coordinated through syna- the help of the community. Donations for our food insecurity program can be made gogues and schools, we always welcome generosity toward our clients directly to the Schoke JFS office, 733 Summer Street, or by calling us at 203-921-4161. from any interested donor. For more information on our Adopt-a- Please visit our website for more details at www.ctjfs.org. Family program, or if you know anyone who might benefit from case If you know anyone who might benefit from pantry services, please refer them to management services, please contact [email protected] or call 203- Rebekah Kanefsky at [email protected] or call 203-921-4161. All services are strictly 921-4161. All services are strictly confidential. confidential. SENIOR SERVICES Seniors struggle with independence A frequently requested need for seniors living on Up Close and are often hesitant to willingly give their own is help with the housework. Because aides with Isrella Knopf, up self-sufficiency. As a non-profit, do not do housecleaning as part of their service to Schoke JFS Senior Services social service agency, Schoke JFS ad- assist seniors, Schoke JFS’ Residential Cleaning Pro- dresses the needs of the client and is gram is an excellent service, at a competitive cost, to not locked into any one companion, provide dusting, vacuuming, floor washing etc. We can he Schoke JFS Reporter posed a few questions schedule, level of care, or location. We suggest you also provide a case manager, at no additional cost, to to Isrella Knopf about how seniors or their do a self-evaluation, first-asking what are you able to assist with budgeting and paying household invoices. loved ones can help to evaluate their need T do yourself. Can you manage your personal care? If a For more information or any questions, please contact for assistance before contacting Schoke JFS Senior senior is more organized in their planning, meals can Isrella Knopf at 203-921-4161 or [email protected]. Services. be prepared after the ingredients are obtained at the While supporting seniors in greater Stamford, supermarket. As far as the decision to stop driving a Westport, Bridgeport and Upper Fairfield County car, there are senior driving evaluation tests offered at Questions for Isrella with home companions for over 16 years, Isrella Norwalk Hospital and Burke Rehabilitation Center. Family Obligations counsels everyone looking for help to first assess Loved ones should involve “outside” people so they their own needs and schedule. This self-assessment are not blamed for delivering “bad” news. with Aging Loved Ones is essential in achieving the best match for the home How does a family member gently persuade companion-client relationship. Once a schedule is 1. What should a senior or family member of a declining senior to accept assistance or a senior think about before contacting you established, Isrella and her staff will follow-up to be about help with their daily activities? sure all is going well. transportation without being too invasive? Schoke JFS will not insist that a client commit to What are some signs that 2. Should financial considerations be foremost any length of time or contract. A senior can try a in planning for the care of a less independent would indicate a need for help? home companion for a minimum of two hours and senior? Most seniors deny they need help so it can require receive some assistance without giving up their inde- 3. How does a family member gently persuade a an astute family member or loved one to recognize pendence. Try a home companion for a short period declining senior to accept assistance without help is needed. Some signs include that an older of time to see if the additional support is working. being too invasive? adult’s apparel is messy, stained or worn repeatedly; Other agencies don’t allow their aides to drive their not taking care of the dirty laundry; weight loss; un- clients but since our aides are independent contrac- 4. What are some of the obvious signs of a cry opened bills or mail stacking up; appointments to the tors, Schoke JFS has no such restrictions. A trip to for help? doctor’s office or events are missed; or a lack of per- the doctor or to the senior center can be accom- 5. How can Schoke JFS help with the need for sonal hygiene. plished during a two-hour period. a senior to have transportation? What should a senior or family member of What other services of Schoke JFS besides 6. What other service besides Home a senior think about before contacting you Home Companions can be helpful to make Companions can Schoke JFS provide to about help with daily activities? life for seniors less stressful? make life less stressful for seniors?

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SJFS-2017 Sept Reporter.indd 10 8/30/17 7:13 PM EMPLOYMENT AND TRAINING LANDING A JOB IS A TWO-WAY STREET Ilene Kweskin Locker, Director of Employment and Training rticles on the search for employment know someone employed there, reach out to them invariably focus on applicants and how they for information. Acan improve their odds of landing positions. Job responsibilities are vague. Without clarity Relatively little emphasis is placed on the potential of what constitutes success in the role, how job employer. performance is measured, or key objectives in the Considering the number of on-the-job hours, initial few months on job, how can the employee sometimes more than a worker is at home, it’s expect any reasonable feedback? An open-ended important that an applicant look carefully at a position where no one knows what you’re supposed to potential work setting and its culture. Vet the be doing may result in “wheel spinning,” frustration employer; much like the company is assessing the and poor performance appraisals. candidate. Both parties need to be convinced that No opportunity to interview with your future the job would be a great fit. manager. With job satisfaction so closely tied to the What constitutes a “bad” place to work varies. personality and working style fit of one’s supervisor, There are, however, certain “red flags” which may one needs to have a sense of compatibility. Likewise, surface in the hiring process to cause concern. does the hiring manager inspire you as a leader? Personnel who seem bored may be stifling creativity The company is unprofessional or disrespectful Question what is happening. What is the firm trying or lack motivation. Posted signs may also provide in its demeanor, communication, or in person. to hide? Is the direct manager not trusted to make a insight. What are their tones? Friendly? Funny? The recruiting and interviewing process is a good hiring decision? An ogre? Or, does it signify a culture Angry (“All employees MUST sign in)? Likewise, starting point. Observe whether: calls and emails are which doesn’t care about employees or their personal a dreary physical environment, including unsafe returned; communication from the employer is formal autonomy? BEWARE !!! or unsanitary work spaces, contribute to employee malaise. and unfriendly; treatment is “kind” and considerate Distrustful environment. Heed feelings of being vs. cold and scripted; and one’s time and talents seem “on the defensive” and having to provide explanations Pattern of high turnover. Find out how long the valued. Lack of regard is a bad omen. Think of the without having done anything wrong, especially in predecessor held the open position and how long hiring process as a courtship where an employer is regard to reference checks. They are indications of anyone you meet has been with the company. Be trying to woo the applicant. An organization will not distrust. A good company channels interaction and wary of excessive exits. love you more than when they are trying to hire you. gathers information in a non-accusatory and neutral A bad culture job will drain you. If more than a If the signals are negative, things are not likely to manner. couple of these signs are evident prior to accepting a improve once you have the job. The workplace seems unhappy or depressing. position, think again and trust your instincts. Invest The company has a bad reputation. Aside from Take note of workers’ attitudes, interactions and your time and energy to find a company where you word of mouth, the internet facilitates reviews of facial expressions. Is there laughter or friendly banter? will thrive. companies. Sites for due diligence include a google Employees speaking negatively about interfaces with For more information, contact us at 203-921-4161 search as well as Glassdoor (www.glassdoor.com). colleagues or with other departments indicate an or email Ilene K. Locker, Director of Employment Pay attention to details – any trends noticed? If you atmosphere low on levels of trust and collaboration. and Training at [email protected]. LEGACY DONATIONS Summer was a fun experience for… j Schoke JFS extends our deepest appreciation to the following families for their support through a legacy gift. To make a legacy gift, contact Matt Greenberg at 203-921-4161.

Adrienne And MichAel AlexAnder The esTATe of sheilA cArMineY JTT ( Jewish Twenties & Thirties) has had MiMi cohen a busy year! Most recently, our very own Yael sAul cohen Stolarsky, Stamford JCC Israeli Shlicha (emis- sary), taught us to cook shakshuka! In addition, The esTATe of ThoMAs GilMArTinY we welcomed in Shabbat Under the Stars on a Meryl And ron JAphA Friday evening in July. Other recent activities nAn And pAul Gordon included a Murder Mystery Night, An Eve- ning with Schoke JFS, and of course our regular GreciA And ronY Gross monthly happy hours that always draw a crowd! Judy And AdAM rin JTT continues to grow as a dynamic pro- hildA scherAGAY gram connecting local Jews in their 20s and 30s elAyneY And JAMes schoke through social, educational, cultural, and volun- teer events. For upcoming events and to learn JessicA And lAurence sheinMAn more, look for our regular emails and search Beverly And dAvid sTein for the “Jewish Twenties & Thirties” group lindA GorniTsky And hArvey WeBer on Facebook. For more information and to be added to our mailing lists, please contact Jami Y of blessed memory Fener at 203-921-4161 or [email protected]

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SJFS-2017 Sept Reporter.indd 11 8/30/17 7:13 PM Mitzvah Baskets Add Tzedakah to Shana Tova Every Occasion! When you order a beautifully designed Mitzvah Basket for your celebration, the A Happy, Healthy proceeds go directly to the Schoke JFS Kosher Food Pantry which provides food & Sweet New Year! to thousands of individuals and families in our community. Mitzvah Baskets and centerpieces are uniquely designed and custom ribbon colors can be used to fit the décor of your event. The decorative baskets are filled with “faux food,” symbolic of the food that is donated to the The Board and Staff of kosher food pantry. To order a Mitzvah Basket for your Schoke Jewish Family Service next event, go to www.ctjfs.org or call 203-921-4161.

Rhoda Freedberg Lic. R.E. Broker Director’s Council Let us help you make your home sparkle! [email protected] Schoke JFS’ Residential Cleaning Service can help you get the t: 203.329.8801 job done. Trained and supervised cleaners provide regularly c: 203.321.9638 scheduled and seasonal cleaning. f: 203.968.0744 Prices are competitive or slightly lower than the competition. halstead.com Revenues generated help us provide quality social services to those in need, in addition to offering employment to unem- ployed individuals in our community. For additional information, please call Jodi at 203-921-4161 or email Licensed Real Eastate Broker • Halstead Connecticut, LLC [email protected] 1099 High Ridge Road Stamford, CT 06905

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