The Mystery of St. Michael's

DO YOU BELIEVE IN GHOSTS? WEEK 3 EDITION | 11 AUGUST 2009

The mystery of St. Michael’s A mysterious tale of the derelict college

INTERVIEW CAMPUS NEWS WACKTIVITIES Art vs Scandal at The Kingdom Science >11 Snowball >5 of Lochac >21 WEEK 3 EDITION | 11 August, 2009

04 09 > Katherine Connolly does the robot dance with a real robot > Will Atkinson handed in an assignment late > Alex Lee goes faster, higher, stronger at World Uni Games > Katherine Connolly wishes you wouldn’t snore when you stay over > Ermina Dall would vote against the CPRS 05 > Mark Di Stefano reports on scandal at Snowball > Katherine Connolly investigates changes to the Bull 10 > Mark Di Stefano puts on his flippers with Art vs Science

12 > Paul Mackay tells you a ghost story

14 > had a busy weekend. What? She did. > Bronwyn Cowell gets medieval on our asses > Mark Di Stefano is with the hipping and the hopping and the bipping and the bopping, Australian style

20 > George Downing takes a seat with style > Jacinta Mulders goes to the best bakery ever.. mm.. > Anusha Rutnam on looking sharp on the silver screen

22 > Joe Payten is just too over-privileged for words

06 > Bronwyn Cowell has an art attack > Michael Krasovitsky tries to check Facebook on campus

EDITOR IN CHIEF Giselle Kenny EDITORS Will Atkinson, Katherine Connolly, Bronwyn Cowell, Mark Di Stefano, George Downing, Michael Krasovitsky, Alex Lee, Paul Mackay, Sriram ‘Kanye’ Srikumar REPORTERS David Krasovitsky, Jacinta Mulders, Joe Payten, Anusha Rutnam CONTRIBUTORS Ermina Dall, Michael Hing, Oliver Lindholm, Laura Manning, Phoebe Neill-Wilkins GRAPHIC DESIGN George Downing and Paul Mackay COMIC Simon Greiner CROSSWORD Scott Huntington PUZZLES Tom Clement

ADVERTISING [email protected]/PO Box 794, Broadway NSW PRINTER Marrickville Print and Design, Unite E1, 46-62 Maddox Street, Alexandria, NSW 2015

DISCLAIMER Honi Soit is published by the Students’ Representative Council, University of Sydney, Level 1 Wentworth Building, City Road, University of Sydney NSW 2006. The SRC’s operation costs, space and administrative support are financed by the University of Sydney. The editors of Honi Soit and the SRC acknowledge the traditional owners of this land, the Gadigal people of the Eora nation. Honi Soit is written, printed and distributed on Aboriginal land. Honi Soit is printed under the auspices of the SRC’s directors of student publications: Mike Mackertich, Patrick Wall, Elly Howse and Samuel Moginie. All expressions are published on the basis that they are not to be regarded as the opinions of the SRC unless specifically stated. The Council accepts no responsibility for the accuracy of any of the opinions or information contained within this newspaper, nor does it endorse any of the advertisements and insertions. poor form; when you consider its syntax on just the latter – because you certainly gave Step off, Tamsin top of that, it’s enough to make one want to new meaning to the word “ambiguity” with Daniel Graham, Arts III crawl back into the womb. the trio of sentences concerning the two young actors. One of the most important aims of Honi Important News: anyone who contradicts I did not see a single sentence of actual film is to report campus news and rumours as Tamsin Dingley is a whacko conserva- analysis in the entire review, which is, after I expected more from the famous Honi accurately and engagingly as possible. In tive whose opinion is not only wrong, but all, what a review is. It seems unjustified Soit. This review (honestly, I struggle doing so, we hope to keep readers informed stupidly conceived. Tamsin, I wrote one of sweeping statements and personal attacks to come to terms with calling it that) is a and keep various parties in power across the three letters criticising your article last are easier to write – where is your justifi- mockery of journalism. Kindly go back to the University accountable. We do this best semester. But... I’m not from the right! At cation for “schmaltzy…generic Hollywood writing school. when those involved in a story are willing to least one-third of your ‘overwhelming criti- trash”? And when, I ask you, was being cooperate with us, and give us information cism’ comes from liberals! Surprised? ugly synonymous with poor acting? Not we can rely on. This kind of contribution only do you tell us next to nothing about Green Scarf day keeps us accountable and accurate, and it So let’s recap. You’ve called me a misogyin- the film you’re reviewing, but you break Sevgi Yildiz, History Hons I also gives them an opportunity to have their ist (collectively with men whose contribu- every rule of common decency I can think perspective acknowledged. It’s disappoint- tion toward stopping rape ends with them of – do not write personal attacks in public, Heads up Honi, the Green Scarf Day ing when we don’t get this kind involve- not being rapists). You’ve dismissed my especially when judging their work. Do not Foundation needs volunteers! Last year, ment, but we will by no means decide not to argument as the rantings of a foolish con- call those who disagree with you wrong. It we raised $25000 in charity for poverty run a story without it. servative, which in a way is a worse mis- isn’t funny; it’s poor writing. and grief stricken areas such as Palestine, understanding than being mistaken for a Afghanistan and Pakistan, and we can’t do Of course, one of our other aims to is be misogynist. Why don’t you just go ahead Did I mention poor writing? You are in- it again without your help on Green Scarf entertaining and give you a fun and exciting and call me a homophobe now? consistent, your grammar is poor, your Day, Friday 19th August. read. This week, Paul Mackay weaves an en- sentences clunky. “Third-rate high school thralling and disturbing tale of St Michael’s, production”? Is the world so lacking in For more information about the Green the abandoned college on City Rd. Mark Di J’accuse! originality, of truly inspiring ways to belittle Scarf Day Foundation go to http://www. Stefano interviews indie kids Art vs Science, Max Wilkie, Arts I people? And really, even those subjected to greenscarfday.com. and the regulars are bursting with giggles New South Wales’ appalling English cur- and intrigue, waiting for your perusal. Occasionally, I read a piece of writing so riculum should know that “that” is never, poorly written and so mind-bogglingly ever used when referring to a collective of Honi is as good as its contributors, and idiotic I want to tear my own eyeballs out people. It’s “people… who loved this film”, we’ve been lucky to have been able to and never read again. I think you’ll find. I would have thought publish so many talented students so far. that writing “the biggest disappointment… But as always, we want you to get (more) As you may have gathered, I’ve just had is that this film had so much potential” involved. If you read something you don’t such an experience, sadly while reading would have you roundhouse-kicked to the like, write us something better. Hell, write Honi. centre of the Earth by your editor (perhaps us something anyway! We hope you enjoy with support from Chuck Norris) for its the edition. In short: Edwina Burn, I hate you. blindingly obvious misuse of, well, frankly, words. Your review of Harry Potter and the Half- Giselle Kenny Blood Prince you’ve inflicted upon the As a sidenote, I’m curious to know whether reading masses is a travesty of writing. Its you think both Daniel Radcliffe and Tom content alone is a cocktail of every kind of Felton gave decent performances or if it’s

and the occasion could be used to voice This week in From The Vault... genuine student grievances such as tax and transport concessions. Geoffrey Robertson is a name that hits Candidate you constantly when reading through Honi’s editions of the 60’s. From SRC The candidate endorsed by the SRC Ac- President and organiser of student tivities Committee, as was the suggestion frolics to the judicial activist and an that the candidate should be Arts repre- elder figure of human rights profiled sentative Bob Ellis. Mr Ellis said that it in Honi today, he was never too far would be many years before Commem away from an interesting idea... coincided with another election, and the opportunity should not be missed. He A Sydney University student will be put promised to ask his present employers, up as a candidate for the State Election the Australian Broadcasting Commission, as part of this year’s Commemoration for two weeks leave of absence to stand for Day festivities. This was announced last Parliament. week by the Commem co-director, Geoff

Robertson. A stunt planned for Commem Day itself is an Olympic style girl-carrying relay Mr Robertson pointed out that since race against the University of New South polling day fell on the Saturday before Wales. Laurel-wreathed and toga-clad Commem Day (Wednesday, 5th May) male members of the competing teams the antics of the “Official Commem can- lined up at 50 feet intervals along George didate,” especially if he was to stand for a Street. Instead of batons each runner will closely contested seat, would obtain wide exchange a suitably attired Greek goddess. publicity for Commem and its charity The gods and the NSW police dept. per- appeal. He said that this need not only mitting, a Bachanalia will be held for the serve as a publicity stunt – the candidate’s victors on the steps of the Town Hall. campaign could be designed as a send- up of the election platforms of the major political parties (e.g. he could demand things Published in Honi Soit, 1965 like “Church Aid for State Schools”)

>03 Honi’s Guide to... Robots Katherine Connolly wants a robot dog to be her friend. In 1920, Karel Capek wrote a play about Those in the robotics industry say we’re process, when it identified a reporter’s Last week, embattled Leader of the artificial human creations called ‘robots’, hovering on the edge of an enormous boom hand for a slice of prosciutto.) Opposition, Malcolm Turnbull tried a term coming from the Czech word in robot technology, and one that is already really hard to get everyone to notice meaning slave. Nearly one hundred years preceded by an extensive use of robots in Hanson Robotics, an American company, the Rudd Government’s growing later, Capek’s imaginary workforce of military defence. Since 2006 reconnais- produces robots with faces made of public debt. Malcolm was overheard android humans is isn’t such a far cry sance ‘TalonBots’ have been scouting for ‘Frubber’, and are apparently equipped in Parliament House, yelling from reality. Japan has a ‘workforce’ of roadside bombs in Iraq and ‘PackBots’ with artificial intelligence, speech recogni- desperately, ‘It’s true! Please… so over 400,000 robots, including ‘Saya’ an are have been searching Afghani caves tion and computer vision software. Their much debt, it’s like $315 billion… android programmed to teach, who gave for Osama bin Laden. As one U.S military models include ‘Vera’, a humanlike robot look, it’s all here in this email I found! classes earlier this year to fifth graders in a officer puts it, “When a robot dies, you created as a depiction universal beauty No, no, it’s real this time!’ A weeping, PAGES 4 AND 5 Tokyo primary school. don’t have to write a letter to its mother.” and ‘Yargh-bot’, a disembodied, animated haggard Turnbull was led away by an pirate head. Hanson creepily claims that intern who calmly explained that no • Place one-column Campus News images immediately below story Beyond military technology, ‘entertain- their robots will “evolve into socially intel- -one gives a crap about anything he ment’ robots are becoming increasingly ligent beings, capable of love and earning a subheading (not in body) has to say, because the idea of him popular. ‘Ernie’, for instance, is a Sony- place in the extended human family.” having any credibility is about as • Insert dividing line (Jap Dot, 1pt) between news stories; ensure there produced robotic dog, which barks when ridiculous has thinking a McNugget startled, cocks its head and lifts its ears Creepier still, is that robotics expert Henrik are no stray lines on completion is made of chicken. when curious and wags its tail when played Christensen predicts humans will be having • Ensure all background boxes, borders and dividing lines exceed col- with. Just like a real dog, right?! Except sex with robots within four years. In the US, a group of conservative my dog can’t play MP3s, record sound or lawyers and members of Congress umn width and text boxes sit flush with column width sync up with my Outlook inbox. Nor can it There’s a certain irony to Hanson Robot- known as ‘birthers’, continue to loudly identify samples of different wines, cheese ics being based in California, a state with dispute that Obama is ‘a natural-born and hors d’oeuvres, which the ‘Winebot’, a Governor that might have a thing or two citizen of the United States’, as required another Japanese robot can apparently to say about machines with artificial intel- of a President by the Constitution. do with the precision of a middle-class ligence that can do stuff on their own. Obama’s supporters are handling these I do not understand this thing you hu- foodie at a grower’s markets. (This robot accusations calmly, and have insisted mans call... democracy. did, however, get it wrong in the testing repeatedly that Obama was born in a manger in Bethlehem, surrounded by USYD owns World Uni Games Escorts in farm animals and Three Kings, who Alex Lee goes for gold! Actually other people did. Victoria Park were guided there by a star. Australia secured eight medals at the 25th holder and another of SU Sport’s big medal Australian Intelligence forces World University Games in Belgrade this hopes was forced out of the Universiade uncovered that a group of Melbourne July. when he contracted a virus. based Australians with links to Somalian Islamic extremists in al- Sydney Uni students did us proud in the Australia also won gold in the women’s Shaabab were planning an attack pool and on the court. Robert Maitland discus, women’s 800m, men’s 400m on Holsworthy army base. ASIO (pictured below, right) captained Aus- hurdles and the men’s 4x400m. Kalia and the AFP are feeling excellent tralia’s water polo team to become the first McKnight took out silver in the women’s about themselves. ‘Yes, well just non-European team to win gold by defeat- 1500m and Cameron Prosser collected goes to show, doesn’t it?’ smiled ing Croatia. silver in the men’s 100 freestyle. one operative. ‘All those lily-livered liberals having a big cry and getting Chemical Engineering/Commerce student their knickers all knotted about ‘civil Kiera Shiels and member of the Flames In recent days Campus Security has liberties’ and whatnot shut right up basketball program came home with a begun patrolling Victoria Park from 9pm once we busted some bad asses, bronze medal as part of the women’s bas- till late. didn’t they?’ Yes, we’re all very glad ketball team. A lone figure scans the park atop the you caught them. Fine. “The level of competition in Belgrade staircase, while his jeep’s siren lights for basketball is the highest ever, and a penetrate the dark recesses between the number of head coaches from sports like trees. swimming, water polo and tennis report When asked about what this meant for the level of competition to be at world Usyd’s terror levels, the guard would only standard,” Marty Roberts, Australia’s Chef say that, “we are just taking precautions.” de Mission, said. Honi feels content in knowing that the ducklings are safe at night. Matt Jaukovic, 50m butterfly world record Welcome to the gun show.

>04 Scandal at Snowball NTEU dis- The Bull’s Mark Di Stefano was at Snowball and so were the police. content red flag Lizzy Watt, University of Sydney Union were asked to pull their tops nearly above Bronwyn Cowell might go on strike. Katherine Connolly looks at changes to Board Director was removed from last their head in case they had drugs strapped The Bull. Thursday’s Snowball by Manning security to their body. The event also saw regular The National Tertiary Education Union is The Union Board recently voted to change for being heavily intoxicated. As she was uniformed police walkthroughs. planning a strike for the 16th September. the format of The Bull, based on a proposal escorted out by Manning’s hired security Their complaints vary, but in general, staff In light of the Union going to such lengths put by USU Honorary Secretary, Giorgia staff, undercover Newtown Licensing are concerned that Howard-era changes to ensure security and protect Manning Rossi. Gioriga’s report outlined twelve Police were on hand and filming the exit- a to employment conditions and tertiary Bar’s license, having a student removed recommendations, including reducing worrying piece of footage for both Manning sector restructuring will endanger their from the function is embarrassing. This The Bull’s publication from weekly to four and the Union. jobs. is especially the case given the student editions per semester. Giorgia believes Honi has been assured by USU President involved is a current Board Director. Strike action has been approved by staff that reducing the frequency of The Bull Patrick Bateman that the licensing police Honi believes Lizzy failed to live up to her at the University of Melbourne, where will create abetter quality publication that will not be charging Manning Bar, but responsibilities as a Board Director at this they are protesting the 220 jobs that have is “vastly differentiated from the SRC’s should they decide to, the Union could be event. been lost in the university’s restructure. It Honi Soit.” (hey, that’s us!) hit with a significant fine, between $5,000 has involved moving towards an Amer- Neither Lizzy nor the Patrick were willing - 10,000, and a restricted licence for future ican-style system of more generalised to comment officially, although both asked These changes were passed unopposed music events. undergraduate degrees. Staff at the Uni- Honi not to publish this article. and largely undiscussed at a USU versity of Canberra are concerned about a boardroom last month. As a student-elected Board Director, proposal by the University to offer all new Lizzy holds a paid position with the USU. mid-level and senior lecturers seven-year A former editor of The Bull who has read Her duties include not only formulating contracts, rather than tenure. Union policy, but acting as a student Giorgia’s report, believed the changes representative of the Union. Snowball is Several universities are currently were mostly positive, the best result being one of the Union’s major public events considering proposals to switch to a that they would give greater control to and revenue raisers. Board Directors system of teaching-only positions, whilst the student editors. The biggest problem are not only expected to attend, but to only a small, select group of staff engage with The Bull at the moment, he claimed, do so in their capacity as student-elected in long-term research. This many come was that “the Union thinks they can representatives. at the cost of quality teaching, and change content whenever they like.” As reduce the opportunities for students to for the reduction in the number of issues Increased security controlled Snowball engage directly with academics and their published per semester, he believes that this year. Approaching Manning’s research. the success of this will depend on whether entrance, crowds of students were treated The Bull will be able to distinguish itself to a quadruple security check. Bouncers No formal decision regarding the strike from Honi Soit. Otherwise, it runs the risk required all attendees to provide their I.Ds, has been made by staff at the University of of “becoming increasingly irrelevant to be examined by a sniffer dog and empty Sydney. We hope that a compromise can the student body.” be reached before we face the dismaying their bags and pockets. Many male students Extra security at Manning possibility of missing 9am lectures.

>05 This is an Art Attack! STAFF INTERVIEW Bronwyn Cowell takes a tour of University Art Gallery, with its Head Curator Dr. Ann Stephens. Verge wants you! We have a large group of works in the new search projects, as well as adding on good Verge is the University of Sydney Union’s law building including a set of Bill Henson public programs. Later this month we are annual arts festival held in the first two photographs, and works by Indigenous having a late afternoon conversation with weeks of September. The festival brings photographer Michael Riley. Anne Summers, about art and legal issues hundreds of artists, thousands of students and where they meet. We want to start and millions of ideas together to showcase We have the 150th anniversary of the Uni- public events teaching people about start- a diverse range of music, visual art, stage, versity’s collections coming up – by collec- ing their own collection. Roddy Meagher film, and discussion. tions I mean the art gallery, the Macleay (former University of Sydney student and Museum (natural history) and the Nichol- judge) began collecting as a student; we The Verge Arts Festival Directors are look- son Museum (antiquities). To celebrate the want to educate people about buying from ing for a savvy bunch of volunteers to help sesquicentenary, we’re releasing a book dealers, from artists, from wherever. run some of the Verge events. You could with Miegunyah Press, and I have a grand Please, do take a seat. Just next to the find yourself climbing trees, throwing paint, plan to bring the three collections together Speaking of Roddy, the gallery is fireplace and under my Van Gogh is fine. decorating the campus in chalk, serving in a single space. There is a proposal for currently exhibiting a collection of food and drinks, hanging out with the art- Would you give Honi a brief overview such a space that’s being considered by works from his private collection. ists, providing information and directions, of the University’s art collection? the VC. The project is unscheduled as yet, Can you tell me about the show? decorating cupcakes, showing people how The University Art Collection is the largest but we’re looking to build a permanent This is the first show I’ve done. I was keen to make jewelry, updating databases, orga- of its kind in Australia, with over 7,000 museum where the tennis courts are now, to focus on the modernist strand of his per- nising RSVP lists and helping with media pieces. [It’s compromised of ] the Union’s opposite Fisher library. It’s now up to the sonal collection. I’ve adopted a broad inter- calls. art collection, the Power collection, which VC. pretation of modernism for the purposes was a bequest by John Power in 1962, of the exhibition. There are several French Plus, volunteers get sweet perks like free and the major collection of the University, There are obviously lots of art history, works in the exhibition that are mostly on entry to events, a swanky lanyard, a t-shirt, which dates back to mid 19th century. We museum studies and SCA students on paper (giants like Manet and Picasso make and a killer reference on your CV. don’t have a gallery to show the whole col- campus, and its important that we provide a showing), and he has a wonderful collection, and unfortunately most of it is in those students with opportunities to gain lection of Australian works, by people like Volunteer for the Verge Arts Festival - 31 storage. professional experience. We have students Grace Cossington Smith, Joy Hester and August - 12 September. For more informa- who work as volunteers here at the gallery Margaret Preston. tion email or phone 9563 6010. It doesn’t contain many public artworks. now and a lot of the University’s museums In comparison with Macquarie University are staffed by volunteers. Is it harder to put together an exhi- and the University of Melbourne, we don’t bition of another person’s existing have much public artwork on campus. I Where were you working before our collection, rather than curating a am developing a public artwork policy, gallery snapped you up? show from scratch yourself? whereby 1 – 1.5% of the capital works I have a few degrees in art history and did It depends on the collection. Roddy’s is budget for a project is directed towards post-graduate study here at the University quite extraordinary. There would be very installing public art. of Sydney. I have taught in art schools and few private collections with the wealth of No. 6996 for the last 25 years I have worked as a free- Grace Cossington Smiths that Roddy’s You have only joined the Univer- lance curator, doing shows for the Monash has, for example. His collection is also Paracetamol sity of Sydney Art Gallery this year. art collection and the MCA. My full-time very Sydney oriented, a very cosmopolitan What is your job description in this job was as a curator at the Powerhouse collection. Paracetamol is the most available drug position? Museum. in the world, coming in many forms Most of my job is developing a program In his own home, Roddy hangs the works and marketed under many names. In of exhibitions for this gallery, as well as Beyond consolidating the collec- from floor to ceiling, and I’ve tried to rec- Australia, it is principally sold by the facilitating public events and publications. tions, and pushing for them to have reate that feeling. It’s not very modern, I Pharmacological giant GlaxoSmithKlein I have to look after the collection – and a larger, permanent home, what must admit, more in the vein of the Salon under the famous name Panadol, though not just its physical care and storage, but other changes you wish to make? (where works were hung to fill the avail- many generic forms also exist. But what also research for particular works. I also I have reduced the number of exhibitions able wall space). exactly does this drug do, and how does plan and arrange for the installation of we hold. I want to focus on developing re- it work? artworks in other university buildings. Paracetamol, or N-(4-hydroxyphenyl) Lastly, the Access labs that are scattered cents per megabyte. Sydney charges 363% ethanamide is classified pharmacologi- Out-ternet around campus follow the same six mega- more than that. cally as both an analgesic, that is, a pain Michael Krasovitsky takes a closer look at bytes system. Once your free Internet us- reliever, and an antipyretic, a fever re- the Internet system at USYD. age has dried up, internet usage will cost Closer to home, the University of New ducer. A common misconception is that you two cents per megabyte. Though us- South Wales has an unlimited wireless paracetamol is anti-inflammatory. When Access to the Internet at the University of ing the university web site will be free, any network. Previously, UNSW had used the taken in a standard dose, paracetamol Sydney is appalling. In comparison to other other browsing will cost you. same VPN client that Sydney currently gets absorbed about 10 to 60 minutes universities, not only does Sydney Univer- uses. They have recently however, up- after being swallowed. Though its ef- sity lag seriously behind, but it also seems This situation is totally unsatisfactory. It is graded to a more secure and faster system. fect on fever reduction and pain relief to have the most “unfriendly” policy. also somewhat of an anomaly compared Bryan Talbert, a student at UNSW told is well documented, the scientific com- with other universities. The Royal Mel- Honi that “people use the internet at uni munity is still divided over the specific The Internet can be accessed three ways on bourne Institute of Technology in Victoria for everything! Downloading music, doing mechanism of action which paracetamol campus. The first is by a Cisco-routed wire- not only has an unlimited wireless net- all their research, networking”. employs. less network. This network, notoriously work, but it also has an exorbitantly larger difficult to make work on your computer, amount of computers. Furthermore, Access So why has Sydney University got such an It is not part of the non-steroid anti- allows you six megabytes of Internet us- labs around campus allow students to re- archaic and user-unfriendly system? One inflammatory drug family, which fea- age a day. This is roughly equivalent to two serve computers in advance, meaning that Sydney Student, Clare Giles told Honi, tures the drugs aspirin, ibuprofen and typical journal articles in pdf. format. If at stressful, work-filled points throughout “Sydney’s shocking with the net. Slow, naproxen, but due to its effect on pain using the Internet for an assignment, one the year, students are better able to make shaky and so expensive! I basically only and fever, it is often classed as such. might expect to “run out” of free Internet use of internet facilities across campus. work from home now”. This represents Like all drugs of this family, Paracetamol after an hour. a real response to the shocking Internet acts to inhibit the enzyme cyclooxygen- The Caulfield campus of Monash Univer- configuration that we’ve currently got at ase (COX), which is responsible for the The second option is the library computers sity also has an expansive and state-of-the- this university. Though USYD receives the production of prostaglandins. Prostag- found on level three. This time, there’s no art wireless network, which runs at 100 most funding from the Australian govern- landins are important mediators of pain download limit. But there is a time limit: megabytes per second. According to a stu- ment out of all national universities for and fever and so, when “dulled”, they two hours. And of course, there’s a serious dent at Monash Caulfield, Gillian Raleigh, research purposes, our Internet system is limit the expression of these symptoms. shortage of these computers. If you’re look- “there is a limit, but it’s basically impossible openly and unashamedly expensive and ing to access the Internet between 11:00am to reach it”. Indeed, Monash Caulfield does restrictive. This paradox seems absolutely When taken in excessive quantities, and 3:00pm, expect to wait for up to half charge for Internet if a certain cap is ex- bizarre, and needs to change. Paracetamol can lead to liver failure and and hour for a free computer. ceeded, but even then, the charge is 0.0055 even death.

Michael Krasovitsky >06 Lady Gaga Are you havin’ a gaffe? During the funeral of former Presi- enough to get her kit off and committed reflect the singer’s target market, it has no dent Coraxon Aquino a number of The case for... enough to reinvent her image. staying power, and certainly no definitive media outlets, both local and inter- Mark Di Stefano character. national, referred to the deceased as Michael is bluffin’ with his muffin. that of President Arroyo, instead of I’m here to tell you that you don’t need to But fine, let’s hypothetically say that President Aquino. Well, they sound be embarrassed about liking Lady Gaga. we’re cool with the name. What about her kind of similar, no big deal, right? When you’re caught singing Paparazzi at music? Yes it’s catchy, but have you ever Wrong – President Arroyo is the the plasma screen at Kings Cross Maccas, actually listened to the lyrics? Here are current, living, President of Philip- or staring with a wry smile at her latest a couple of Gaga’s most profound meta- pines. But the gaffe went viral, from ridiculous PVC, no pants offering, you phors: “disco stick”, “my playboy mouth”, the Manila Bulletin, to the Philip- shouldn’t be embarrassed. Au contraire, and “Russian roulette” which, apparently, pine Star, to Yahoo! Philippines. rejoice in the evolution towards self-reflex- is “not the same without a gun”. Not the Sources close to President Arroyo ive talent in pop music. same without a gun? Seriously. Are you told Gaffeman she has joined the actually joking Lady Gaga? Because I’m ‘Support Group for People the Firstly, Gaga is a musician. Not like how not laughing. I don’t think anyone here is Media Said Had Kicked the Bucket’, Britney or Jessica Simpson are musicians, laughing. Of course Russian roulette is not started by Jeff Goldblum. but like how other ‘real musicians’ con- the same without a gun?! You’re an idiot, sider their profession. She was a proficient Lady Gaga. Weeks after a summit intended to thaw pianist by the age of five and accepted into frosty relations between the US and the Julliard School of Performing Arts at But okay, belief is suspended. I’m cool with Russia, Vice President Joe Biden made 11. Shunning the path of Yo Yo Ma, she your name and your... ‘music’. Let’s just very nasty references to Russia’s failing went to a Catholic school with Paris Hilton, analyse your fashion for a moment. You economy, loss of face and a leadership where she got straight A’s and chose a life recently wore an outfit made entirely of that is “clinging to something in the as a cabaret singer on New York’s Lower Kermit the Frog dolls. Earlier, you wore an past” in an interview with the Wall Street East Side. She can read sheet music, play outfit made of plastic bubbles. Some would Journal. After Biden portrayed Russia the cello, write hooks for Pussy Cat Dolls call you avant-garde, a provocatrice. as a limping, humbled nation, Gaffeman and sing in different octaves all in the same In reality, your fashion is so outlandish overheard him say to an aide, ‘What? day. and impossibly niche that it is laughable Everyone is thinking it.’ That may be so, beyond belief. At first, we were a little in and while Americans just smile and shake Secondly, fashion heavies believe her ri- awe of your style. Now, we’re over it. And The case against... their heads at the guy who told a senator diculous dress is “so in right now”. High we’re over you Lady Gaga. Michael Krasovitsky in a wheelchair to stand up, the Russians, fashion houses, including Dior and Versace, as usual, are not amused. The Kremlin has are scrambling to dress her (or not dress This is one disco stick that’s not up for any Lady Gaga has peaked. Like the genera- released the following brief statement: “It her, either way). If you can’t watch a haute fun. tions of pop stars before her and like those is plot.” couture show and lazily commentate, that are yet to come, this ‘diva’ is following a “bravo darling” while you take another simple formula of shock and glamour. For South African swimmer, Gerhard drag on your Camel menthols, then you the moment, this interesting mix of being Zandberg was disqualified from probably will not get the ‘fashion genius’ of both dumb and badly dressed, topped with the 50 metres backstroke heats at her disco ball panties. Fabulous. Reader’s a good serving of media promiscuity, is Challenge! the Telkom SA Championships held absolutely titillating. But soon, Lady Gaga in Pietermaritzburg. Why? He was Lastly, and most importantly, Lady Gaga will be discarded, like the thousands of wearing two swimming costumes! is scarily in tune with what is required childhood heroes that are mutilated weekly Which is not allowed, young Zand- to be successful in the music industry. for her wardrobe. berg. ‘Whot? Whay shooldn’t ah haf When music journalists meet her, they all two swimming costooms?’ he ex- mention her intensity and informed opin- Let’s start with Lady Gaga’s first big claimed. The second costume was ions of success. She has a tireless commit- mistake: Her name. Lady Gaga? What the rumoured to have been powered by ment to her craft which involves having a fuck is that? The singer/songwriter/all- a motorized engine, complete with hand in every level of production writing, round-media-whore’s real name is Stefani a shark fin, flippers and Gillyweed playing instruments, choreographing live What is the connection be- Joanne Angelina Germanotta. With a which put the other contestants at a shows and music videos, designing sets tween these three hotties? bevvy of first names to choose from, not significant disadvantage. and making clothes. to mention the many ways that German- Email the answer to otta could be twisted into an exciting stage Therefore, she is the perfect pop star: [email protected] for name, why pick something as transient and a special surprise. smart enough to play the industry, talented awful as Gaga? While it does accurately enough to write more albums, low brow

>07 GOT A The NSW government obviously isn’t RUMOUR? worried that Rudd’s climate policy will [email protected] drive up the price of pollution and eventually phase out coal. They’ve just invested $200 million to expand the Eraring coal- Mel B: Scary Spice The situation is such that if she resigns or is Nerds, to Lord of the Dungeon. fired power station, and approved two new forced to leave her position, either Michael Doug Thompson: Gorgeous hair, check. power stations. And they shouldn’t be Falk, who lost due to the Union’s Affirma- Awkward social demeanor, check. Un- worried. The federal government’s CPRS tive Action election policy to Mel, or Amani bridled position collecting on campus? (Carbon Pollution Reduction Scheme) is Frijat will take her place on Board. Check. Christmas-come-early for big polluters, who will be able to wave their green flag The question remains as to why Mel hasn’t of legitimacy while going about business plain turned up - a result of the earlier SRC tension, again as usual. Machiavellian tussling over executive positions that meant she lost her bid for Hon- Christine Kibble has been re-appointed as Under this scheme, which is put to a vote orary Secretary? Or perhaps she just has no the returning officer of the SRC, after being before the Senate on Thursday, pollution interest in the nitty-gritty of the position. the subject of heated debate at the last SRC will become a legal right and more than meeting. The SRC Exec is responsible for $16 billion worth of pollution permits So you think you can selecting staff to positions such as return- will be freely given to the dirtiest indus- ing officer, and their recommendation is tries. Dodgy ‘offsets’ can be cashed in for edit? put to vote before the SRC, who usually more permits, and there is no limit to the Mel’s disappearing act confirm the Exec’s choice. However, at the number of permits that can be purchased With the deadline to register for the SRC last SRC meeting the motion to confirm from overseas. Individuals who try to elections fast approaching, wannabe Honi The new crop of Union Board Directors Kibble was strongly opposed by a number reduce their emissions at home will find editors are busy putting together tickets to have hit another snag after the antics of last of SRC counsellors. their efforts rendered useless, as their semester’s elections and the subsequent contest the editorship in September. We’ve actions will simply free up more permits so far heard of a whopping five tickets plan- tussling over executive positions. Andrew Coleman threatened to lead a for dirty industries. ning to be in the running: two independent walk-out of the Whig faction, which meant tickets have formed, one from Labour right, Mel Brooks, who ran on a platform of deep the SRC could take no action as they would In the face of looming environmental the losing ‘Pulp’ ticket from last year’s elec- involvement and knowledge of the work- lose quorum. Mel Brooks spoke of the dif- disaster, climate scientists are now urging tion and a Writer’s Soc ticket. ings of the Union, has been absent without ficulties she had encountered with Kibble we adopt ‘below zero’ targets. Professor from the Board Director’s induction, last year, during her campaign for Union Tim Flannery has said that “the current The field is by no means locked, so if you’re several board meetings and the Clubs and Board. Honi found it bizarre that Mel had burden of greenhouse gas in the atmos- interested in editing for Honi, get writing Societies Committee, of which she is chair. time to attend the SRC meeting, and not phere is in fact more than sufficient to and start your machinations. compulsory Union events. The SRC even- cause catastrophic climate change”. Yet Some of the meetings she was meant to tually reached a compromise, passing the world leaders fresh from the G8 summit attend were covered by a statutory decla- ....and the top dog? motion on the condition that a new set of are patting themselves on the back for ration that compel her to show up - and guidelines be written outlining the obliga- agreeing to stop global temperature in- the evidence, like the absence of her photo At the moment Honi hears the following tions of the returning officer. crease by more than 2°C (we’re currently amongst the Board Directors - poses a few will be pounding the pavement for SRC at 0.8°C) – a target that the EU Climate interesting questions. Former board direc- Prez come September: Change Expert Group tentatively admit- tors told Honi that the regulations for the ted “cannot be considered to be entirely suspension or exclusion of a Board Direc- Elly Howse: NLS’s First Lady has a strong safe”. tor are vague, but failing to be present at claim. Notably, her party has held the post meetings or pass on an apology that isn’t for years. The CPRS reduction targets of 5 – 25% is accepted by the directors is grounds for a Andrew Coleman: The man who created a supposed to stop us exceeding 450 parts censure motion or being relieved of duties. party is coming back to the table. per million of CO2 in the atmosphere. Some suggested that Mel might prefer to Some Socialist: who hates the SRC But the 2007 IPCC report says in order resign rather than face this process. Tom Clement: Will go from Prince of the to reach a target of 450ppm, the Kyoto Annex 1 countries, of which Australia is one, would need to reduce their emissions by 25-40% of 1990 levels by 2020. Um…what happened to the 40%? Are we Snoring supposed to be celebrating Rudd’s highly Katherine Connolly doesn’t snore and neither should you. conditional promise of taking on the ab- There are few behaviours more annoying snorer inexplicably constricts their throat immersed as they are in the very sleep solute minimum target? And the IPCC and unforgivable than snoring. Whether and produces noises a serial killer on the that causes their dreadful affliction. It is 2007 report was based on estimates that it’s snuffling in your ear on a cramped aer- telephone would be envious of. Then, tan- those who are considerate enough not to the Artic summer ice would be gone by the oplane, through the thin wall of a poorly talisingly, the wheezing stops, but usually snore that are unable to sleep. Eventually, end of the century. But scientists are now sound-proofed building, or god forbid, only for a few seconds, before the nose gets it is not the actual noise, but the bitterness saying it will melt in the next 5 – 20years. the worst insult of all – tearing from the involved. Once the snorer has reached this of this injustice that keeps the non-snorer In August the Sydney University Environ- nostrils of a significant other in your very stage all hopes of a peaceful night vanish, awake. ment Collective presented an analysis of own bed. because things only get worse from here. the CPRS at the Students of Sustainability Snot starts pooling somewhere in the There are no real remedies. A pillow over (SoS) conference in Melbourne. This con- The extraordinary noises that people larynx and audibly bubbles away, accom- head and fingers in the ear can work, and ference attracted around 400 students, somehow manage to produce when they panied by snorts that start to shake the if you’re in close proximity to the snorer a who spent a week participating in forums, snore have always baffled me. If the snor- very foundations of the building. sharp kick will often do the trick, but not workshops, skill shares and demonstra- er’s shuddering, gargling, choked sounds for very long. tions around the theme of ‘sustainability’. were played back to them upon waking, This cacophony escalates until the snorer they would never be able to reproduce actually chokes, splutters, jerks and rolls Students were concerned about the CPRS, them. What is it about the peaceful state around. For a couple of sweet, peaceful but persistently asked “isn’t it better than of sleep that means people are suddenly seconds there is silence, until the heavy nothing?” Well, if better than nothing capable of making noises akin to a herd of breathing starts again. The cycle continues means being locked into decades of inac- drunk pigs having an orgy? all night. Every cursed snorer’s timbre, vi- tion while rising sea levels create millions bration and gurgle are different in subtle of refugees, malaria rates skyrocket and The gradual build-up to the full blown yet identifying ways. the coal industry keeps making a profit, snore is the worst part of trying to sleep then yes. near a snorer. Each crescendo kills a little The true cruelty of all this is not just that bit more hope of further sleep. Usually, the non-snorer cannot sleep, but the GOT A BEEF? Erima Dall it starts with heavy breathing, when the snorer themselves is blissfully oblivious, [email protected] Member of the Enivronment Collective

>08 Molecular Cuisine Phoebe Neill-Wilkins gets a new sensation. Wine, Commissioners Block Pinot Grigio 2008, Flyfly Beer, Pigs Peak Winery Pear Tree Range Calling Birds Riesling 2008 and others.

Every single dish was a warped fusion of flavours that surprised, confused and de- lighted us. Among the highlights were: Pickled ginger cloud - imagine a cube of ginger-infused shaving mousse. Tom yum sphere - a calcium agent taken from sea- weed is used to partially solidify tom yum For entree: needle egg soup. It looks like a giant red pearl, the From the outside, Ritual is a simple shop kind you find in milk tea, only when you front squeezed next to a fish and chips bite into it hot tom yum liquid explodes. place in the small town of Shoal Bay. Yet dining there is no ordinary event; it’s 3 Nitro peppercorn balls in a chocolate cone hour, 20 course, molecular gastronomy was in fact a science experiment. Chef experience. Carl brings over a container of liquid ni- trogen and places it in the middle of our Molecular gastronomy is a fancy shmancy table. As it smokes coldly before us, Carl cuisine popularised by Ferran Adria of El drips warm peppercorn ice cream mixture Bulli fame, whereby chemical processes into it by way of a pipette. Wearing thick are used to alter the structure, look, texture gloves, he reaches into the icy clouds to and even taste of food to create truly sur- scoop out tiny balls of now solid ice cream prising results. Snails turned into smooth and sprinkles them into a pure chocolate peaks of foam, served on a teaspoon, any- cone. The effect is instant; icicles grow all one? over the cone the way you’ve only seen in The Day After Tomorrow. My meal began with an amuse bouche of garlic fairy floss on a sprig of rosemary. The meal was delicious yet agonising The idea was to sniff the rosemary whilst because initially, each course was too eating the floss so you could experience small for our large appetites, so we were both flavours. The rest of the menu was still starving after one hour of eating. Yet divided up into entrée, main and dessert by the end, we were sickly full. Eating at with palette cleansers and interim dishes Ritual is a truly fantastic experience where in between. Booze was selected by chef you never know what is coming next. Just Carl to enhance and complement each make sure you don’t spill any liquid nitro- meal. We drank Barossa Valley Quince gen down your front. Extra-Parliamentary Expenses and the Tax Payers Burden

Bronwyn Cowell is sick of picking up her local member’s tab.

Embezzling electoral funds to renovate member websites and electoral databases summer homes. Extravagant dining habits and equivalent services to the member’s funded by the taxpayer. Frequent luxury dedicated staff. The arrangement for state holidays covered by travel expenses. MPs in NSW is comparable. Politicians have done little of late to endear themselves to a recession-weary public, as It is right and appropriate that politicians scandal after scandal has come to light have reasonable costs of doing their job revealing politicians taking advantage of covered, and yes, that might include more the lax regulation of extra-parliamentary travel or more photocopying than the expenses and allowances, treating the cash average professional would engage in. If as their own personal piggy bank. such expenses were not borne by the public, it would only be the very wealthy and well connected who could enter parliament. Such a great loss to our democracy would far outweigh the money currently spent on and by MPs. Yet this need to level the playing field should not be met by handing our elected representatives blank cheques. More than that, efforts ought to be made to be frugal, and stretch expense dollars further. There should be some sort of system in place where anytime an MP can’t explain a significant expenditure, it is picked up quickly, and we can weed out those pollies who misuse public money.

Yet it’s not just about belt-tightening and simple honesty. Overly generous allowances and lavish support for incumbents pose a serious threat to the The fortune of this Royal Family is all fairness of our democracy. The argument Thaid up in stocks is pretty simple, and is one that former Most of the more public falls from Democrats Senator Andrew Murray has grace have occurred back in the mother advanced before, in the Senate itself in country. In May of this year, Labour MP 2008: Elliot Morley was found to have claimed £16,800-worth of mortgage repayments – “[An] incumbent has a natural advantage only the loan had already been paid off. He over any challenger when an election is was promptly suspended from the Labour contested. However, when that incum- party. Tory MP Douglass Hogg spent bency advantage is artificially boosted £2,200 of public money to clean the moat so that it becomes much more expensive of his 13th century manor house. Once or difficult for a challenger to contest the this became public knowledge, and under seat, it becomes a real problem. Despite pressure from his leader David Cameron, our democratic system being a plural he stood down. Then, two Lords were one in which numbers of political parties expelled from the House of Lords after and Independents can contest elections, agreeing to alter legislation for money - there has been a strong tendency towards the most mind-bogglingly blatant piece of dualism and oligopoly. So incumbency political corruption you’re likely to come advantages further boosted the prospects across. This is only a brief tour of the UK’s of the two largest beneficiaries of our Great Expenses Scandal of 2009. system—namely, the Liberal and Labor parties.” What’s the score in Australia though? What do parliamentarians get to spend on the Well said. Nitpicking about complimentary costs of the job? Federally speaking, they tickets to AFL games, private car hire and get a whole lot. They receive $32,000/yr to staff expenses is trivial and fruitless – MPs reimburse “for costs necessarily incurred will always need staff, they’ll always need in providing services to constituents”. a car and someone to drive them places, What is actually done with the money is and their corporate buddies should be free between the member and the tax office – to give them tickets to the game so long as no receipts need be provided, no expenses it doesn’t result in favourable treatment. justified, and there is no public record of When we hear about expense scandals, where the money goes. Each MP also has let’s respond with calls for greater postage, communication and printing transparency and reporting - not because allowances (the last of which Rudd reduced we’re pissed off that MPs get lots of return from $150,000 to $100,000 after the last flights to Canberra, but in recognition of election), and there is no publicly available the fact that the health of our system of record of how this is spent either. To this, government is at stake. one ought to add all the other perks of incumbency like car hire, multiple mobile phones and personal organisers, Internet access, subscriptions, the upkeep of

>10 Art vs Science Jim Finn, vocals and keys from Art Vs Science, spoke to Mark Di Stefano about a hard life of partying, inflatable penguins and THAT song. Oui!

What have you done since March 2008? this success was about us being mates with Completed a couple of semesters, maybe similar music tastes. gone overseas, if you’re lucky got that awesome internship... Are there any bands that you can point to as inspiration for your On the main stage at Splendour, three sound? young guys have thousands of people in the palm of their hand. Jim Finn thrashes It’s a bit of everything. Of course there are the keys. Dan Williams’ arms flail in the dance acts that have really influenced a blur on the drums. Dan Mac atop a us especially Daft Punk (Dan Mac had a bit huge speaker stack, screams high school of a religious experience when they came French. out a couple of years ago) and The Presets. But also older stuff like AC/DC and Rolling In just over a year they have gone from Stones. When we hear something new and your average, run of the mill uni students it pricks our ears, one of use will play it to to touring rock band who cant seem to get another and it will be like “look what they off Triple J. have done here to produce this sound”. Just so indie. We have been told by a lot of people that Jim, you’re back at Splendour, where the second verse of Parlez Vous Francais What would you and the other guys Is there a music video in the works it all began, how was your set? sounds very Beastie Boys, with Me and be doing if you weren’t playing music for the song? Dan Mac rapping over each other. fulltime? Yeah, it was an awesome show, one of Yeah, we just finished and it should be out the best atmospheres you could imagine. Well we would be where you are right next week. It was so much fun to make. We Walking out on stage, the curtain going up, now, at uni. Well that isn’t entirely true, I went to this old, rustic town, and set up a and then hearing all those people at midday have finished my Aviation Flying course at battle royale between two mimes. While on the first day jump around and be stupid. UNSW and have my pilot licence. Dan Mac they mime battle we play in the back- AND yell the lyrics back at us - one of the has completed Psych/Law at Maquarie, ground. I think we have to thank Michael biggest buzzes ever! and at the moment Dan Williams is doing Bay, because he was the main inspiration Law at UNSW (A couple of years ago Dan for the video. Haha, it should be sick. What the hell is with the big blow-up Williams was at Usyd doing Arts and was penguins? This has sort of become a college kid at St Johns). So we would all The song, Flippers, that really got your thing, how did it start? be doing something very, very different. you onto Triple J, like Parlez Vous Francais has some really catchy Shirazglobebook? Yeah, they are very much a part of our lyrics. Notably, ‘Use your flippers live shows. They have been there from the to get down’. Is it about, well you very beginning as well. Basically what hap- The sounds that you produce are know…. pened was, we gave Dan Williams a blow very heavy and dark, on the keys es- up emperor penguin for his birthday as a pecially, how do you do it? Drugs? joke. So when we went to our first gig we needed some props to make our stage pret- Well, Dan got this old keyboard from his Well yeah, pills? tier, we brought him along, and put head- uncle and the only way it produced any phones on him, and he rocked out in the sound was if we plugged it into a guitar No it’s not! We get this from everyone, es- corner. Cause people associated Flippers amp. We plugged it in and the variety pecially in our first interviews. They were with penguins, we began to throw them of sounds that it produced was so dark like, “so why are you singing a song about into the crowd for the song and it was great The very good looking Dan Williams and strange. It was quite digital and the getting down with ecstasy.” We were like, to see these crowd surfing penguins. sounds would bend and distort, so now we I am sure you get this all the time, what? Flippers are pills? just muck around with different ways to but what is the story behind Parlez produce sounds those keys. Vous Francais? So it is actually about swimming flippers? Well, it all started before Splendour last So when is the first album coming year. (At this moment Jim stops to cough Well, it was a couple of summers ago and out? up what can only be described as last we just came back from the beach, a mate night’s kebab). Sorry bout that. Dan and of ours had all his surf stuff. We were Hopefully early next year. We are working Dan were talking about this cool catchy jamming and we asked him for a catchy on some new tracks now, and hopefully line in French that could be turned into a line, and he said say something about we can get some great writing done on the call and response style hook. On the night getting down with ma flippers! road, even around festival time. We will Grenouille Vs Pingouin of the first day, we started mucking round get in a rehearsal space soon and we have with it and realized it would make a really Art Vs Science is a band that goes all You must have brought a few now, some great ideas brewing, so I think it is a great song. The next day we worked out a the way back to high school days, did are they expensive? very exciting time for the band. song and people seemed to really dig it. you guys perform together when you were at St Ignatius Riverview? Haha, yeah we have started to ask for them Finally, Art or Science? That’s it? Just a random French back at the end of our shows. They are $35 phrase? Well, me and Dan Mac were in the same each, and we have bought about 40 of them Art. year, and Dan Williams was a few years since we began. They have stopped making Yeah, well it’s catchy isn’t it? We just were lower. We played in all those stage bands the big emperor ones though which was Good answer. mucking about and it just stuck. And we and jazz bands but never as Art Vs Science. devastating. (At this stage we trail off into are not lying, the Champs Elysee is a busy But we got together only in March last a discussion about the best place to buy street. year, and of course it was the Riverview blow-up penguins). connection that got us together, but all >11 AT 150 CITY RD lies St. Michael’s But looking past the posters and forgotten University’s School of Philosophical and prove his suspicions surrounding the College. It’s in a pretty prominent spot, walls, we discovered a fascinatingly eerie Historical Inquiry for advice as to where College, it would certainly be a history right next to the newly opened Union history. One that carries with it more further information could be found. The worth writing, but one that was less Plaza, opposite the bus stop thousands questions than answers, checkered with History Department placed us in contact based on “catechism” and more on the of students use each day as they venture rumour and speculation, and tainted by with Daniel Ederle, a Ph.D candidate who “supernatural”. home. You may have seen it; glanced at tragedy. had been researching the progression of the sorry and worn panel that bears its Catholic theology at the University. “Well, I don’t know if “supernatural” is name. Understandably, you probably The College was founded in 1903, the right word, but… well it’s strange,” didn’t spare it a thought. On the surface, offering residential accommodation he went on to clarify. Ederle mentions //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// St. Michael’s appears to be just another to Catholic students studying at the “It’s frustrating for me. John’s and that this isn’t the first time the College run-down building waiting for the University. The University Chapel of the Sancta are fairly clear-cut in their history has been shut down, with much rumour inexorable expansion of the University Resurrection, attached to St. Michael’s, and teachings. Everything I have on St. and intrigue surrounding its closure in campus to consume it. If you stopped to offered a place of worship to the students Michael’s is a little hazy. It’s a shame, the mid-1940s. Retrieving a sheet of look, you’d probably be too distracted by whose numbers had outgrown capacity because if the stories I’ve heard and paper from his folio, he explains how the posters plastered to the boards that at St. John’s College, founded almost read are true then I may have to shift useful journal entries have been to his have long been covering its windows. fifty years earlier. While St. John’s the parameters of my thesis.” research. This particular entry, from a became an increasingly progressive Paul’s College resident, recalls a night //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// The College first came onto Honi’s radar and increasingly popular church, St. he passed the University Chapel of the while researching the construction of Michael’s remained orthodox. It became Resurrection. It details his thoughts on the Jane Foss Russell Building. The a centre for the Australian chapter of When we met with Ederle, he was an “increasingly reclusive” St. Michael’s University’s submission to the NSW the Opus Dei movement during its rise quickly able to confirm our findings. College, and his initial horror to hear Department of Planning outlined that in the 1930s, and stricter fidelity to the He supported them with his research screams coming from the College’s the space occupied would be framed on Catholic faith was encouraged. But with into Catholicism at St. John’s College, passageway. Finding the source of the one side by the Wentworth Building, very little information readily available, as well as Sancta Sophia, the Catholic noise to be four men behind the Chapel, and on the other, St. Michael’s College the above detail is where Honi’s initial Women’s College founded in 1926. But he tried to get their attention – when he – owned by the Catholic Archdiocese of investigation ended. he commented that the information could not, he assumed them drunk and Sydney. Having wrongly assumed that about St. Michael’s is certainly harder to moved on. the University owned the land and would Motivated then by little more than come by. use it for this development, Honi sought curiosity, Honi approached the While this event isn’t particularly to learn what the space would instead be “I’ve had difficulties with St. Mick’s noteworthy on its own, newspapers used for. actually – which is strange for an from just days after the journal entry institution that started off as a residential reported four College men missing. A college tied to the University. University flurry of unenrollment from the College historians and archivists have always that would lead to its temporary closure been fairly thorough and kept a decent soon followed. record, but most of what I’ve read on St. Michael’s and its chapel is fuzzy.” But Ederle says, as with most of his findings, rumour is in abundance and Ederle was hesitant to share his facts are few and far between. He is preliminary findings with us, as most of not certain that students did actually it he had been unable to confirm. Using disappear, or if they did, that they weren’t much speculation to piece together a found. “We know that the College did series of journals and detail of rumour, in fact close down around this time,” he had crafted something of a history, he said. “But whether it was because of but not one he was confident represented “disappearances” or University pressure, the complete truth. or financial pressure, I don’t know.”

“It’s frustrating for me. John’s and This story doesn’t exist in isolation Sancta are fairly clear-cut in their history though, with other cases of the bizarre and teachings. Everything I have on St. reported in the lead up to the College’s

LOOKING PAST THE POSTERS AND FORGOTTEN WALLS, WE DISCOVERED A FASCINATINGLY EERIE HISTORY. ONE THAT CARRIES WITH IT MORE QUESTIONS THAN ANSWERS, CHECKERED WITH RUMOUR AND SPECULATION, AND TAINTED BY TRAGEDY.

Michael’s is a little hazy. It’s a shame, closure. On an attempted prank run because if the stories I’ve heard and through St. Michael’s, a group of students read are true then I may have to shift the were amazed to find they could not enter parameters of my thesis.” the premises – not due to locks or doors but an “invisible force” that held them Ederle suggests that the shift would back. The story was dismissed as the be necessary because if he could fabrication of attention-seeking students.

>12 MYSTERIOUS DISAPPEARANCES, UNEXPLAINED OCCURRENCES AND TERRIBLE TRAGEDY: USUALLY THE STUFF OF HORROR MOVIES, BUT AS HONI DISCOVERED, ALSO PART OF THE STORY OF ST. MICHAEL’S.

IS IT POSSIBLE FOR THE MACABRE AND THE SUPERNATURAL TO EXIST SO CLOSE TO SOMEWHERE WE’RE SO COMFORTABLE? PAUL MACKAY VISITED THE DERELICT COLLEGE ON OUR DOORSTEP AND FOUND AN EERIE HISTORY WITH MORE QUESTIONS THAN ANSWERS.

Further, students who left the College and large gaps in its officially recorded commonly recount the feeling of an history certainly tickle the imagination. uncomfortable presence in their rooms, the constant feeling that they were being //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// watched, and some going so far to say While it would be easier for us to fall that objects would regularly be seen to into its bizarre tradition of rumour and move unaided. While nothing was ever speculation and suggest that Ederle has substantiated, the broader community been coerced by the Church, perhaps generally looked upon the College as an it is just another in a long line of useful unnerving place, akin to the cottages of coincidences. witches in countless children’s tales. //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// While he was happy to relate these stories, Ederle gives them little credence. But if there was some sort of curse or As part of his research, he canvassed conspiracy floating over St. Michael’s, it psychologists who maintain that deep manifested itself in the most horrible of belief in the mystery of a place can often forms in 1992. The College had reopened spark imaginations that a person is under a new rector in the 1970s, convinced is real. Add to this the intensity distancing itself from the old College’s of faith in religious phenomenon within reputation and seeking to provide a more the students at St. Michael’s and there inclusive home for Catholics on campus exists a perfect recipe for people to – which it had successfully done, growing experience the fantastical. Yet another in number once more. The unthinkable explanation is possible gas leaks: odd as happened when a fire broke out in one it is, many legends of haunted buildings of the main dorm sections, and with the around the world have been explained fire doors inexplicably jammed, many away as hallucinations induced by mild students found themselves trapped. monoxide poisoning. Sixteen students died in the fire. The ensuing Inquiry revealed no wrong- Such explanations would certainly fit doing on the part of the College and that the pattern of many other seemingly the tragedy was a devastating accident. innocuous places in New South Wales Again, enrollment declined and it wasn’t where tales of the bizarre have transpired. long before the College was forced to Take for instance the Monte Cristo close its doors once more. Homestead in Junee. Built in 1885, the brought in a light and the electricity has Michael’s will again go untold. estate has seen no less eight deaths, Boarded up, sealed off, Honi wanted been off for years. including that of a baby who fell down to know more about the inside of the While it would be easier for us to fall the homestead’s staircase, a maid who College. At dusk one winter evening, Coincidence? Does a simple, reasonable into its bizarre tradition of rumour and fell off the balcony and a stable-hand Honi braved unwelcoming mystery explanation lurk behind St Michael’s speculation, we’re inclined to suggest who was burnt to death. These deaths, by sneaking inside. It was a bizarre boarded up doors? Or is had something our experience is perhaps just another in and the imprisonment of a mentally experience. Doorways were concreted more untoward gone on that night – the a long line of coincidences. impaired man, have led many to consider over, and there were odd side rooms same thing that has been haunting the the house haunted. Since, there have bee that seemed to have little purpose. The College since it opened? Regardless, it is interesting to consider reports of sightings of ghostly figures building was in a state of disrepair, and that an establishment so close to the and lights, as well as similar force fields there were odd sketches over many dorm Honi sought a final comment from familiar and the mundane has a past to those experienced at St. Michael’s. rooms. In the cool, but fleeting daylight Ederle, to recount our experience and fuelled by the possibility of supernatural Another example closer to home is the it was easy to dismiss these as harmless regale him with our theories. But he influence and eerie canards. Mill Hill Hotel in Bondi Junction, which graffiti, but as night fell, they took on a declined to help us any further, saying has allegedly been haunted by former far more sinister character. that he was instead focusing his thesis At 150 City Rd, St. Michael’s College and workers for years. on St. John’s College and Sancta Sophia. the University Chapel of the Resurrection

Most of these stories and accounts seem Even more bizarre, was the gusts of wind When pressed he explained it was due to continue to stand, boarded up and full of almost laughable, at least when reading that intermittently disturbed the College’s the limited information, and his finding intrigue. And probably ghosts. of their occurrence on paper. Whether deserted halls, whilst the weather outside it difficult to write meaningfully on the or not there is something to be spooked was a still as when Honi entered. But subject. by in the history of St. Michael’s is most alarming of all, was that a friend open to contest. But the constant and who awaited Honi on the outside saw The loss of this resource means, sadly, unconfirmed reports of unusual events lights flickering on and off – no one had the true and accurate account of St.

>13 OPINION Sarah, it Evil chess Kyle A METHOD was initially grandmasters Sandilands ACTOR. about your ousted by replaced by uncle’s benevolent rape victim’s money, but I supercomputer mother really do love Austereo executives have announced that the mother of the rape victim will take you now over the position of Kyle Sandilands as host of 2Day FM’s breakfast show. Sarah. Please, you have to listen to me. I can’t stand this anymore. Yes, I initially “Ever since this scandal happened, our spent time with you just to get a share of ratings have soared, but it’s was time for your rich uncle’s money, but I’ve since an update,” said CEO Paul Nicholson. fallen in love with you, and I need you to believe me. “What happened that day was that Kyle After 200 years of oppression from their Sandilands, the Shock Jock of Sydney, met Okay, granted when I read in the local Chess Grandmaster overlords, Moristo- his match: sassy, outrageous and willing paper that your billionaire uncle had died, vian citizens look forward to a changing of to exploit the rape of her own daughter and you were his sole living relative, sure, the guard this week, following the victory for less than five minutes of radio time? I hatched a plan to meet you and charm of supercomputer, Deep Blue, at their That’s the kind of edginess we look for you with my working class ideals, but that national elections. Many in the interna- here at 2DayFM.” Are you talking to me? I said, are you plan has since blossomed into a full blown tional community believe this to be a hard talking to me? Of course you’re not, love I want to shout from roof tops. earned victory for the people of Moristovia Jackie O, who is still in hiding at her you’re just a diary. I, clearly, am the one who have long lived under the shadow of husband’s farm, will be replaced by a talking to you. I know right at the start we both thought the world’s most brutal dictatorship. dictaphone with eyelashes and a blonde we were too different to ever genuinely wig stuck on it. The dictaphone, that is Diary, it has been a busy week for me, be together. You were a rich, privately Long time haven of evil chess grandmas- said to bear a striking resemblance to Ms as you more than anyone knows. Ever educated girl, soon-to-be an investment ters, Moristovia is often described by O, is set to play at random the phrases, “Oh since I left acting school I have just been banker, and me, I was a gardener at a local outsiders as the final bastion of Medieval stop it!” “That is so mean” and a selection inundated with offers. Offers like Chris, sporting high school whose life just didn’t ideals in Europe. It has made democratic of shrill laughs. would you like to serve these people, seem to be fulfilled anymore. When you elections not only illegal, but consider Chris, I think it’s your turn to clean the met my friends, they were all so relaxed them to be witchcraft. Few diplomats Leaks have revealed the new show will be beer taps. Or here’s an offer Chris, would and happy in their lower class lifestyle, have ever been granted an audience with called Mum and Robo Jackie, with all new you like me to introduce my fist to your drinking cheap beer and eating fast food, the Moristovian government, and until segments planned. mouth? Because I will if you don’t stop and you were confronted, but for the first 1979, diplomats were required to hold insisting that our customers address you time you realised that you don’t need a chess ranking of 1675 or higher before “We are going to amp up the shock as Stanley Kowalski. money to make you happy. Then when I being allowed on Moristovian soil. A dip- value to 11. We’re talking Refugee Jelly met your friends, they were all so hollow, lomat from Germany, representing the in- Wrestling, How Much Poo Can You Eat?, I saw a play at the Belvoir last week, the with their college educations and their terests of Western Europe in 1978 lost his and Homeless Knife Fight, where we get one by what’s his name, Brendan Cowell. country club memberships. Remember ranking while in the country, and with his bums to fight each other to win a piece of Eurgh, just terrible. It was so obvious how they were mean to me because I was diplomatic immunity revoked, was sum- poo, which they can then eat to win the that he hadn’t had any formal voice train- poor? But you stood up for me because marily burned at the stake for treason, the aforementioned competition.” ing. He just didn’t have the machine for you’re not like them, and that’s when it last foreigner to be charged under these it. The voice is an instrument don’t you turned from a plan to win your uncle’s laws. Sandilands’ spokesperson report that the know? Like the lyre, or the pan pipes. money, into a plan to win your heart. embattled radio star is unmoved by his That’s when people say to me Chris, do Late last year, when Deep Blue announced sacking, claiming that it will free up more you play any instruments? I say just say I tried so hard to prove myself to you. its desire for the Moristovian presidency, time for him to rule the underworld. one, my own voice. I started reading books and watching then Grand Master Jevgeni Komoroff foreign cinema. I even got my sassy gay shouted from his ivory palace that “It’s FOR MORE FUNNIES, CHECK These last few weeks I have been prepar- friend to dress me in a different way. Then not human! I don’t care if it’s not evil, it OUT PROJECT 52. ing for a role of a lifetime at The Globe you asked me why I was acting strange, won’t beat me!” 5 days later, as the armies itself. As I type I am on board a plane and I pretended everything was normal, of Deep Blue marched on the Moristovian to Denmark, where I plan to assassinate but you saw right through my strategy, capital, Komoroff agreed to allow for the Queen’s dear son. Then, using my and I learned that I should always just be democratic elections. superior acting powers, I shall assume myself. his position as the Prince of Denmark, The International Chess Association and await the moment where my new I know you’re angry at me right now. I has described Deep Blue as largely un- uncle kills the king. know your best friend, who I accidentally beatable, due to its ability to calculate almost slept with that one time when there 400,000 moves per second, and also its Oh no, that simply won’t do. I shall have was a mix up and I told you that I wasn’t strong polling amongst women and young to kill him myself, and play both roles on good enough for you and that you should people. Its message of “Hope, Change & the night. marry Chaz the doctor who is boring and A Strong Pawn Skeleton” has trumped mean, but if you can find it in your heart the Grandmasters’ message of “Repres- The role is of course, the Great Dane to forgive me, I will love you forever. It’s sion, Oppression & Depression” amid the himself, Hamlet. And I shall gain in- not even about the money any more. You global financial recession. ternational notoriety by also playing think I still want the money? I don’t. I just the King’s deceitful brother, Claudius, want to make you happy. Deep Blue was unavailable for comment a feat which no man has done before. at this time as it was probably buffering. That would have Branagh turning in his Also, I owe a lot of money to some grave. That freshly dug grave that I have Colombian drug lords who think I’m just put his mangled body in. actually a woman– but that set of hilarious hijinx for a different time. Now all that is left to do is get the part.

>14 Creative Anachronists HOW TO BECOME Bronwyn Cowell ventures into the Kingdom of Lochac. AN AUSSIE HIP HOP searching and re-creating the arts and skills of pre-17th-century Europe’. ARTIST The world of the Society is split up re- EQUIPMENT gionally into 19 kingdoms, with names • An honest perspective on life. Hon- that would sound entirely at home in the est to the point of mundane. pages of Harry Potter or Tolkien, like The • An ethnic background. Preferably Kingdom of Drachenwald, The Kingdom indigenous Australian, then you can of An Tir. Australia and New Zealand make rap about struggling against white up the Kingdom of Lochac. Australia and how much Anthony Mundine is an inspiration. Each kingdom has a king and queen, who • OR/ A white bread background. have risen to the position through winning The more populous category, if My stick is bigger than yours, sir! one of the many competitions and tourna- you can’t claim some sort of wog, ments the Society holds each year. The embrace your white, upper mid- Most USYD students will be somewhat Kingdom of Lochac is currently ruled by The Kingdom of Lochac’s coat of arms dle class Mosman youth, like Bliss familiar with the Creative Anachronists – King Gabriel and Queen Constanzia. The n Esso. they’re the folk who spend each O-week leader of a chapter is called a Seneschal. So they wear funny-looking clothes, have • Be aged in the awkward 25-45 dressed in medieval costume, staging an oddly feudal structure, and joust. That years bracket. Aussie Hip Hoppers mock sword fights on the front lawn. Most it? By no means. These guys meet regularly are the same age as your youngest students give them a wide berth and make to feast, dance and generally party like its uncle. a beeline for the Subski tent. 1499. The ‘Creative’ in the name refers to • Have a mate with a Mac. When you the fact that the group doesn’t aim for ab- have a successful album you have But delve a little deeper, and you discover solute historical authenticity and accuracy to remix it with some string midi that not only does the group go by a differ- in its activities. Instead they seem to just tracks. ent, infinitely grander name – The College enjoy getting away from the technology- of St Ursula – they’re actually a chapter of a soaked real world to hang out with other METHOD worldwide group known as the Society for men and women who are into tunics, coats 1. Relocate yourself to an urban cen- Creative Anachronism. of arms and swordplay. tre that isn’t Sydney or Melbourne, preferably to Adelaide or Perth or Established in the US in 1966, the Society To find out more, you can go via the Union’s Brisbane or Darwin… now claims about 30,000 paying members Clubs and Societies page (via www.usuon- 2. Choose an MC name and make it a from countries across the globe, and line.com), or hit http://ursula.sca.org.au/. dumb pun. For example The Herd’s devotes itself, so says its website, to ‘re- Australia? Nay, it’s the Kingdom of Lochac! lineup: Urthboy, OziBatla, Berzerka- tron, Traksewt, Rok Poshtya and my favourite Toe-Fu. 3. Pen some lyrics in a Spirax notebook Syntax concepts 4. Make sure lyrics are so niche-y Aus- tralian that people in different states > Third conditional won’t understand you. Take for The first and second conditional refer to the future. The third conditional refers to not only the past, but a past that instance Drapht’s cultural zeitgeist, didn’t happen. For example, “If you had been there, you would have seen him do the dumbest thing”. To make your Jimmy Recard: Like mirror mirror sentence correct, both conditions (1. If you had been there 2. You would have seen the dumbest thing) have to be on the wall // Like Wirrpanda on the false. ball (Wirrpanda is an AFL player for WA’s West Coast Eagles). 5. Send your mix tape to Triple J un- earthed or FBi. > Splitting the infinitive 6. Perform at Manning Bar, the home An infinitive indicates the form of a verb. In English the infinitive is “to”, like “to work, to play”. So when you split of Aussie Hip Hop. Muse has Wem- the infinitive you take the “to” away from the verb by placing an adverb in between. For example, “to boldly go”, “to bley, you have Manning. never look back”. Splitting the infinitive used to be frowned upon, but now is commonplace in our abridged chat. 7. Give back to your community. Build an inner suburban gym, run a work- shop against domestic violence, spend an hour of your week chat- > Oxford comma ting to illegal refugees at Villawood, The Oxford is the optional comma in a list before the “and”, or “or”. For example in this sentence the Oxford has then rap about it. an asterisk, “By the bolt, by the yard,* or in remnants”. Who gives a fuck about an oxford comma? We give a fuck 8. Put all your efforts towards creat- about an oxford comma, pretentious indie fuckers. Having said that, it’s really unnecessary, and seems to simply ing one catchy song… then disap- accentuate the final noun. If your last point is the most important, it’s probably better to mention it earlier on. pear. Remember Joel Turner, 1200 Techniques, or Pez? Yeah, neither do we. > Dangling modifier A dangling modifier dangles when you have left out either a word or punctuation mark that is crucial to the meaning of your sentence. “One morning I shot an elephant in my pyjamas” (Groucho Marx). The elephant was in your CONCLUSION pyjamas? These danglers are usually found in newspaper headlines due to editors looking for efficiency, but omit- If you want a life of westy bogan group- ting a modifier. For example, “local high school dropouts cut in half”. Murder! ies then become an Aussie Hip Hop artist. If you want to get hot, party skanks, see this week’s feature interview. > Preposition stranding This occurs when a preposition (on, beneath, behind, with, from...), is left at the end of the sentence. “That’s the dude I saw the film with”. This construction doesn’t exist in most European languages, which tend to use the words ‘whom’ and ‘who’ to a much greater extent. Whereas English allows us to say things such as “It’s you I’m jealous of”, most other languages would stress this being constructed as “It’s you of whom I’m jealous”.

>15 PRESIDENT’S REPORT Report of the SRC President, Noah White//[email protected] There is no doubt expenses. It has become necessary for The SRC has been working with the that the picture of universities to recognise this and make Academic Board (which has the power NANNA JIM’S the “typical stu- sure they can keep up with and cater to to change the policy) to make allowances dent” has changed the changing student demographic. for employment commitments within KITCHEN dramatically over In the past our University has generally this policy. A student asking to change Noah ran out of recipe ideas so I the past 50 years. not been very flexible when it came to the date of their assessment because of apparently have to fill in. Students, by and making arrangements for students with employment commitments would be large, are no longer employment commitments. However required to demonstrate the necessity of Nanna Jim is getting his dance on exclusively from that seems to be changing, and with the that employment. tonight and sober and drinkless is the upper echelons of society and able to SRC’s encouragement I am hoping that in no way to greet Nanna Jim. So be- rely on their family to support themselves the near future the University will make This could be by providing a letter from fore you come out rocking with me through their years studying. steps towards helping students juggle the employer stating why it is necessary, here is a recipe for some cocktails In 2006, Universities Australia (the peak their various commitments. or demonstrating that attending that that will get your night started at body of universities in Australia, formally particular shift is essential to remaining your house. called the Australian Vice-Chancellors One of the biggest helps when trying to in that job or is essential as otherwise the Committee) conducted a study of the juggle work and study commitments is student would not be able to meet basic Goonade: Lemonade and goon, finances of undergraduate students in being able to plan ahead. Until recently, living costs such as rent costs. While 1/3 lemonade and 2/3 goon Australia. The full report can be found at personal timetables for classes could only this wont simply let student reschedule www.universitiesaustralia.edu.au, under be collected by students 5 days before the a exam because they need to work it Guavoon: Goon and guava juice. publications. semester started which didn’t help stu- will give students who find themselves For the classy. dents who were trying to make sure their having to choose between their job or The results show that 70.6% of full-time shifts at work fitted around their classes. passing/failing their degree a way out of Goon and Multi V. For the health undergraduates are engaged in some kind The timetable unit (the people who are their situation. This change has not been conscious. of paid employment, of these students an responsible for giving you your time- implemented yet but I’m hoping that it average of 14.8 hours was worked per table) have since implemented a policy will be by the end of the year. week. 39.9% of full-time undergrads and of releasing semester one timetables 10 54.1% of part-time undergrads reported days before semester starts (it can’t be The final change which is in the works that the paid work they were doing any earlier because of restrictions with is to the period that students are allowed had an adverse effect on their studies, enrolments) and semester two timetables to defer their degree for. Currently this with 22.7% of full-time undergrads and during the first week of semester one stands at a maximum of 12 months. 33.0% of part-time undergrads regularly exams. Well done to the timetable unit However due to the more stringent skipping classes because they needed for implementing the change. requirements to qualify for Youth Allow- to attend employment. Despite the high ance via workforce participation (now levels of employment, students are not liv- Sometimes it is necessary to delay or students will have to work full-time for ing lavish lifestyles. The average income change the time of an assessment be- two years) there is a need for allowing per annum for a full-time undergrad sits cause of other commitments you have. students to defer for longer periods. at $12 560 ($242 per week) while the For this reason the University has a At a recent Undergraduate Studies Com- average expenditure per annum is $15 “Special Arrangements” Policy. It allows mittee the SRC argued for allowing stu- 950 ($307 per week) students to ask their faculty to change dents to defer for more than 12 months the date of their assessment because of (up to 24 months) with the permission of The report paints a very clear picture. other commitments including jury duty, the dean of their faculty. I am glad to say Employment for students is practically religious holidays, representative duties that by and large the University adminis- unavoidable and it has become a ne- but unfortunately it does not include em- tration has been on the side of students cessity for students to keep up with the ployment commitments (in fact explicitly when it has come to talking about these cost of their studies and with their living rules it out). matters. QUEER REPORT Report of the Queer Officer, Donherra Walmlsey //[email protected] I can’t believe it’s second semester Saturday 1st of August. Attendance at me confidence that if we continue to program run by the Union is also a already! Where did the break go? For the rally, which started at Town Hall and campaign, continue to keep this issue great way to meet new people, and will about 15 Sydney Uni students, 8 days made its way down to Darling Harbour in the media and continue to influence be starting this Thursday at 6:30 in the of it went to QC – Queer Collaborations Convention Centre, inside which the ALP public opinion through raising aware- Queerspace. – the annual national queer conference, National Conference was in progress, ness and stimulating discussion, this is which this year was held in Canberra. It was variously estimated by the Sydney something we can achieve. was a great opportunity to meet queers Morning Herald as 1500 and the New from all around the country, get inspired, York Times as 2000 – that’s right, our Marriage equality, however, is far from skill and experience share, and of course rally got into the NY Times. I think that’s the only issue facing the queer com- have lots of fun. pretty damn cool. It was an excellent turn munity. Mental health, feeling isolated out, and it is only through protests like from friends and family, accepting one’s I think everyone who attended took a lot this that we can continue to show the sexuality or gender identity are just a away from the conference (and not just government that their current position few examples of the other issues queer the flu which everyone miraculously is not good enough and put pressure on people face. seemed to catch) – for many NSW stu- them to change it. As Anthony Albanese dents it was the idea of building stronger said when speaking on the issue inside There are a lot of great support services cross-campus connections which really the conference – this is not the end, it’s available if you are dealing with any of captured the imagination. just the beginning, and it’s only a matter these – the SRC counselors, ACON and of time before this ridiculous legislation Twenty10 are all excellent places to This has led to the initiation of a monthly is reformed. turn to if you need help – and if you’re Myself and Co Queer Officer, Morgan meet-up, beginning this month, which is just looking to build a network of queer Snow at Pride Week pretty exciting, and hopefully something I have heard some say that the protest did friends then come along to and of the which will continue to build momentum not achieve its aim, in that all the ALP events run by the Queer Action Collec- over the coming semester. have committed to following Conference tive: Discussion Group 11am Mondays, is to review of relationship recognition. Games Night 6pm Mondays, and QuAC, The other major recent event on the queer This is clearly totally inadequate, but the weekly collective meeting, 1pm calendar was the National Day of Action hearing a senior minister within the party Wednesdays, all held in the Queerspace for Equal Marriage, which occurred on speak in favour of equal marriage gave in Holme Building. Identity, a 6 week

>16 GENERAL SECRETARY’S REPORT Report of the General Secretary, Russel Schmidt//[email protected] Something in the air: Trade Unions, Agreement which offered them a 1% pay Bophal disaster in India in which they the site at Rhodes is in the top 10 most Union Carbide and Thiess. rise (so a pay cut in real terms) in return accidentally released pesticides into the dangerous sites in the world in terms of for trading in Rostered Days Off (RDOs) air that killed 3,000 people initially, plus dioxin levels. The employees were forced For those of you who follow current and having onerous conditions imposed another 15,000 since with over 500,000 to take regular blood tests to monitor affairs or political debate, you will on their annual leave. These four workers people exposed to the leak (as estimated their dioxin levels and were periodically no-doubt know about the political rejected this sub-standard agreement by the BBC). stood down if their levels were too high. football that is the union movement and requested a union negotiated deal. There are currently employees who are and organised labour. We are told to Big ask apparently. Since the union has So how does the remediation take place? not allowed on the site because of the be constantly vigilant and on the watch become involved they have also found They dredge the soil and pump it out dioxin levels in their blood. for the ever-present ‘union thug’. This out that the company The four workers of the Parramatta River and let it sit in bogeyman argument is used to demonise were promptly sacked, all have young contamination pits before burning the It is time to move past the simplistic the unions but as some members of the families and mounting debts and were soil releasing the dioxins into the air. As scare campaigns and base reductions to SRC have recently found out there is replaced by backpackers. However, as the company shut down the unionised recognise that unions have a vital role more to it. The SRC has been involved pathetic as the treatment of these workers plant, they now truck the toxic waste in in Australian society. Perhaps some of in supporting a community protest being is, it only gets worse when you consider unsealed trucks up a public road that is these companies aren’t the immaculate conducted by the Construction, Forestry, the work they were doing. heavily used. The trucks spill this toxic corporate citizens they make out to be Mining and Energy Union (CFMEU) at soil all over the ground and now the Local and maybe the union movement isn’t Thiess’s site at Rhodes. The workers are actually part of the Council has had to send a street-sweeper the nasty, brutish group of people we are dredging and remediation on what used to up and down the road constantly. But constantly told they are? Trade unions Recently four workers formerly employed be the Union Carbide site. For those who wait, there’s more! have and will continue to stand up for the by Thiess, a mining and construction don’t know, Union Carbide manufactured health and safety of their members and company were sacked at the company’s Agent Orange, the chemical weapon There are currently apartment buildings of the community; this isn’t something soil remediation plant. The workers were used in the Vietnam War, amongst other which are already built and sold, but we should be scared of, it’s something sacked because of a supposed downturn noxious chemicals. The Rhodes site was which the owners cannot occupy we should celebrate. in work. What the company wont tell where Union Carbide dumped their because the State Government has you is that those workers had recently toxic waste. Mmmm. Union Carbide deemed the dioxin levels too high for If you would like to get involved, please rejected an Enterprise Bargaining is also the company responsible for the public exposure. To add insult to injury, contact me at [email protected] WOMEN’S REPORT Report of the Women’s Officer, Tamsin Dingley//[email protected] A man wearing a long your sexual experiences and I’ll tell her No, they probably weren’t expecting a Ever. Opening the paper everyday and dark coat peers from you’re behaving and she needn’t worry? confession of rape but they PLANNED to reading about another baby that was the shadows under Go on little girl, confess you naughty have a 38 year old man ask a 14 year old raped was killing me. the trees near the secrets to me…” girl about her sexual experiences. Are playground. There’s you kidding? Now I’m in a country so much more a pile of cigarette Everything said on the radio is scripted. together than South Africa. A country butts on the grass The spew erupting from the mouths of It’s interesting to me that the scandal is that works (more or less) with reliable beside him- he’s been Kyle and Jackie-O is not 3 hours of bril- around the radio idiots and not that a 12 electricity, public transport, welfare, standing here watching for a while. He liant comedic adlibbing but scripted rub- year old girl was raped. I left South Africa landline telephones, a postal system and keeps his hollow eyes on the two girls as bish that has been checked by lawyers. 6 years ago because the crime was ter- yet we don’t give a damn about this 12 he approaches. They’re young, perhaps Presumably the admission of rape by a 14 rifying. 1 in 3 women in South Africa year old who raped, and then forced to 14 and they laugh as they swing side year old girl was (probably) not scripted will be raped. Nearly 60 children are confess it by her monster of a mother by side. He’s older than them, bigger, -as that would mean the manipulation of raped everyday in South Africa- that’s 5 on national radio? She is a small girl his smart coat suggests authority, and a child for the sake of media hype; no children every single hour that are raped, who was raped! We have a chance to they’re intimidated as he approaches. publicity is bad publicity. Assuming it tiny tiny babies are raped. I have seen respect women and be sensitive to issues “I’m a friend of you mother” he says to wasn’t a publicity stunt, you are forced women running up the street screaming, that torture women all over the world; I the smaller of the girls. “She’s been crazy to ask until what point was the conversa- being chased by men (I was powerless - would implore Australian men to grab recently, worried that you’re sleeping tion scripted? They knew the child was the police don’t come when you call). I the opportunity. Take a stand against the around. Haha, you know your mother- so 14 and that the mother, Kyle, and Jackie- have seen many dead bodies on the side media’s complete disregard for women paranoid! Why don’t you tell me about O were going to be asking her about sex. of road. I cannot go back to my home. and minimisation of child rape

This column offers students the opportunity to ask questions ASK ABE on anything that may affect their “welfare”. To ask Abe a SRC HELP: Level 1 (Basement) Wentworth Building, City Road Entry question send an email to [email protected]. 9660 5222 or [email protected] Dear Abe, on the role and its embarrassing. I want About the enrolment being cancelled, I Science is the only Faculty that is being I have been put on Stage 4 cos I failed to be able to do well this semester but am not sure what the technical term for so hard. No other faculty cancels student some subjects and the Faculty of how can I when the faculty have made this is but I agree it makes no sense. The enrolments at Stage 3, and in the past Science have excluded me. I am really it clear they don’t want me to be here? faculty have told me they will reenrol students have been able to have their stressed. I thought I had things back on Is there anything I can do? Please help students when they have made an appeal. enrolment as normal as soon as they have track this semester but then we had an me. This has made the whole stage 4 They are basically pressuring you to get indicated they are appealing a stage 4. emergency near exams. Things are okay thing much more stressful. your appeal in early. This is not fair. You now and I can write about all this in a From have the right to take 20 working days If your friends are in a similar situation, letter. Is there anyone to just look at it Stressed & Anxious to develop and submit your appeal. It is get them to write to the SRC caseworkers and tell me if it is okay? If they don’t like important that you make the best appeal ([email protected]) so they know how it I will be excluded from university. you can so don’t rush it and put in one many people are affected and can help that is not strong. them too. The other really big problem is I am not Dear Stressed & Anxious, enrolled. It’s like they have cancelled I hear you. Facing a possible exclusion I suggest you work on you appeal with If you cant get lecture notes etc go and ask my enrolment. The same happened to is really stressful. SRC caseworkers an SRC caseworker asap so that you can the lecturer for copies - there is absolutely my friend on Stage 3. This doesn’t make can help you develop the best letter put in appeal soon. You can indicate no reason why you should not have them. sense. How am I supposed to do well, possible and advise you on supporting that supporting documentation will be You can tell them abut your situation so like I plan to, when I’m not enrolled documentation and laying out possible following if you cant get it in time. Once that they don’t keep asking about your in the units of study I’m currently solutions so that you are confident of your appeal is in they should enrol you enrolment. attending?! Its troubling my studies as I success this semeter. The best thing is to again. don’t have access to any lecture material make an appointment to see someone – Not only does this not make sense, it Good luck with it all. online or anything on webct. Plus when call 9660 5222 or come to drop ins from is unfair and, the SRC believes, clearly Abe I go to tutorials people ask why I’m not 1-3pm every day this week. against the policy. The Faculty of >17 The SUPRA www.supra.usyd.edu.au Have you got a problem with your landlord? One of our SAAOs addresses the situation where a student lives in a house and the landlord or a manager lives there too.

Many students come to see staff at SUPRA with terms and conditions of your accommodation regarding cleanliness and argues with students accommodation problems and one of the most are; over issues such as “how the kitchen should be common situations is that of having a problem • there are usually other provisions (perhaps on cleaned”; with their landlord. This is especially the case for a different document) which are called ‘House • Landlord issued a notice students in the house international students but equally many local Rules’ – there is no requirement to have ‘house to attend a meeting at 8 am on a weekend students have problems with their landlord or the rules’ but they do generally help all residents day to ‘show them how to clean the kitchen’; managing real estate agent. to understand what is acceptable behaviour students were also notified that “failure to and what is not acceptable behaviour – for attend would incur an extra $5 on their rent What is required by law in Australia if you example, that no loud music can be played that week”. are renting a room in a situation where after a certain time; the landlord also lives in the house/unit/ • these house rules also constitute part of the Tips to remember: townhouse contract you have signed as they contribute to • take photos of the room when you first move • In most cases a landlord will ask you to sign the terms and conditions of your tenancy; in and keep them in case the condition of the a document which outlines the terms and • You should receive written receipt(s) for all premises at the end of your tenancy becomes conditions of your tenancy – under Australian monies that you pay to your landlord and the an issue; law this is called a contract – some students receipt should be itemised so that it identifies • if your landlord’s behaviour becomes have brought to us a variety of documents like the components of the monies you paid. For unreasonable and unfair make a complaint this but they have had different titles on them, example, an itemised receipt should not only to the website or agency you got their details for example, some have been titled: ‘lease specify the total paid but it also should itemise from – so if you got the room from a listing agreement’; or ‘lease agreement – terms of what amount was for bond, what amount was with the University’s Accommodation Service agreement’ or ‘boarder’s agreement’; for rent in advance and, if something like a key make a complaint to them and ask that the • no matter what title is on the document it is deposit has been paid, it should specify what landlord no longer be permitted to list their actually a contract. The minimum terms of amount was paid for the key deposit. premises with the University; your tenancy which should be identified in the • if you found out about your room via a website written contract are: Things can change once you move in like Gumtree.com, then make a complaint via • the address of the premises you will be When a student first moves in it all may seem fine. their website – if the website you found your living at; A common problem which arises with a landlord room on does not have an option to lodge a • the rent you are paying and if it is weekly or is that their demands and behaviour toward the complaint don’t seek a room via that website fortnightly; tenant will change. Students find that a landlord ever again; • what the rent includes (e.g. whether may change or add new house rules. Australian • keep all your documents, receipts, the copy of electricity, gas, hot water, or the internet law requires that you be given notice of any change the advertisement for the place and any other are included in your rent); in house rules and that you be given a reasonable information about your room in a proper file • the amount of bond you have paid; amount of time to change your behaviour. and in a safe place in case a dispute comes up; • the commencement date of your tenancy; This means that a landlord cannot change rules • seek information from SUPRA and/or the date your tenancy ends; one day and expect you to comply with that new the Tenants’ Union of NSW and/or the • the conditions under which your tenancy rule immediately the next day. Differences of Department of Fair Trading as soon as you can continues if the end date is reached (that is, opinion can develop over what is a reasonable – even if there is not a problem at the moment whether your tenancy continues past that amount of time though. there might be later on. date with existing terms and conditions From our experience at SUPRA in helping applying or whether there is a need to sign students who have landlord problems that many What you can do if you have a problem a new contract); landlords bring up changes in the household that with your landlord: • how and when the bond will be returned; are simply unreasonable and which were not part • come to SUPRA for assistance and advice • the amount of notice that will be required if of the original understanding the student had at about what you can do in such a situation; you wish to vacate the premises; the commencement of the tenancy. • call the Tenants’ Union of NSW’s Tenancy • sometimes other conditions are specified Advisory Hotline on 9251 6590 or 1800 251 such as who to notify if you notice Types of unreasonable behaviour and/ 181 or go to their website www.tenants.org. something is broken and needs repairs. or demands by landlords which have au – their website has information available • other matters may be covered in your contract happened to University of Sydney in many languages and you may find it easier but the above are the crucial parts which postgraduate students to read in your first language if you are an MUST be included; • Landlord entered the students’ bedroom international student; • if you were not given a document to sign don’t without seeking permission; • call the Department of Fair Trading on worry – the verbal information you were • Landlord became rude and arrogant in their 13 32 20 or go to their website www.fairtrading. provided with plus the advertisement for the attitude; nsw.gov.au/Tenants_and_home_owners/ room are part of your understanding of what • Landlord charged a student $15 for Renting_a_home/Resolving_renting_ you are renting and the terms of the tenancy – replacement of a saucepan and then cleaned it problems.html - their website has information just make sure you write down what you were and put the cleaned (old) saucepan back in the available in many languages and you may find told as soon as you can after you move in as kitchen pretending it was a new one; it easier to read in your first language if you are that will then become your record of what the • Landlord has unreasonable expectations an international student.

>18 The SUPRA Postgrad Pages

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On Saturday, August 1st, 2009, I got married at Darling when homos, dykes and gender-benders said enough By becoming a SUPRA Subscriber Harbour. Like all newlyweds I was happy, excited and was enough. Standing up to rampant discrimination, you will be able to: yes, a little bit nervous. It was a gloriously sunny day violence and police brutality these pioneers fought back • Access our free, confidential and I was surrounded by my friends, colleagues and and ushered in the modern gay rights movement. On student advice and advocacy thousands of well-wishers. What more could I ask for? reflection, civil rights for queer-identifying folk have come service Quite a lot actually. There was one glaring point which a long way since then but have we come far enough? Not • Participate in SUPRA events put a dampener on the whole day; my marriage isn’t legal. on your life. We as queers cannot stop protesting until we and activities For the very simple fact that the person I chose to marry have the exact same rights as our straight brothers and • Receive regular email updates was another man. Yes, I’m a queer, poofter, homo, nancy sisters. This means not only equal rights when it comes and electronic publications boy, fag… and very proud of it, thank you very much. I like to issues such as access to our partner’s superannuation, (eGrad) men and have done since I was a wee little lad performing but full, equal, marriage rights. We will not stop protesting • Use the SUPRA Resource and marriage ceremonies for my Star Wars figures in the until Australia follows the lead of countries such as Canada, Meeting Rooms sand-pit. Netherlands, Spain, Sweden and South Africa and makes • Access discounted photocopy- same sex marriage legal. We are not second-class citizens ing, printing and faxing “Han Solo, will you take Luke Skywalker as your lawfully and the Federal government needs to fully acknowledge • Vote or run in the SUPRA wedded husband…” Princess Leia was bride’s maid, that. A Galaxy Poll conducted earlier this year showed 60% Council elections Chewbacca was best man, it was beautiful. Little did I of Australians in favour of same-sex marriage (including • Actively participate in your rep- know that something as innocuous as two men declaring 64% of Labor voters and 50% of Coalition voters.) With resentative student association. their eternal devotion to each other in the presence of the majority of Australians supporting equal marriage By becoming a SUPRA Supporter Darth Vader would be something that would become rights it is only a matter of time before the Federal you will be able to: such an issue in my adult life. government has to listen to it’s • Access f all o the above benefits Growing up I thought I would fall constituents. All of us, whether • Receive a SUPRA Supporter in love (check), shack up (check) we are queer-identifying or Welcome Pack (including SU- and then take the ultimate step… not, need to stand up against PRA highlighter and t-shirt) betrothal to the man I chose to social inequality. • Show that you appreciate the spend the rest of my life with. value of an independent stu- (uh-uh, not for you, son!) In June of this year the Federal dent run organisation. Senate voted to send the Complete your subscription online Fast forward to August 1st and Marriage Equality Amendment at www.supra.usyd.edu.au/sub- Darling Harbour. Here I was Bill (2009) to an inquiry. This scribe then follow the links if you fulfilling my sand-pit dream Bill was lodged in the Senate would like to become a SUPRA and getting married, not in the by Greens Senator Sarah Supporter. Alternatively you can presence of Darth Vader, but in Hanson-Young and seeks to complete a form at our stalls or very close proximity to Kevin amend the federal Marriage drop into the SUPRA office. Rudd and his Labor cohorts. Act so that same-sex partners Far be it from me to make any are able to marry in Australia comparisons… (as well as recognising same- sex marriages legally entered Yes, the occasion for my nuptials into overseas.) Submissions Raglan Street Building (G10) was the Same Sex Marriage are being received until Friday Darlington Campus National Day of Action; a rally 28 August 2009 with the University of Sydney NSW 2006 which began at Town Hall and inquiry due to report by 26 Phone: (02) 9351 3715 marched to Darling Harbour to November 2009. If you believe Fax: (02) 9351 6400 protest outside the ALP national in equality send a submission Email: [email protected] conference. There were over 2000 queer and queer- to the inquiry telling them why this discrimination must Web: www.supra.usyd.edu.au supporting folk in attendance, mirroring demonstrations end. (Online submission forms can be found at: https:// of various sizes in all capital cities around Australia; all of secure4.ilisys.com.au/austroj/onlinesubmission.htm as us demanding equal marriage rights for same sex couples. part of the Australian Marriage Equality website.) Very importantly, part of our demonstration involved over 100 couples getting hitched in a mass same sex The time to act is now. We need to let every little boy and wedding; including yours truly. Why did we feel the need girl in their sand-pit know that they too can grow up to to make such a public and political statement? Simple. It marry the same sex partner of their dreams. And hey, if it’s has been 5 years since the dark days of the Howard Liberal good enough for Luke Skywalker and Han Solo, who is the government passing a law prohibiting same sex marriage; Federal government to argue?? a law that the current Labor Federal government refuses to lift. Why, Kevin, why? Jason Judge SUPRA Queer Equity Officer 2009/10 It was 40 years ago this year that the Stonewall riots SUPRA Secretary 2009/10 took place in New York; an inspiring time in history [email protected] >19 Hip, hip, ALBUM FILM RED CARPET Lungs, Florence and the Machine Public Enemies The Helpmann Awards Thonet! George Downing takes a seat on the The new Florence and the Machine album “I like baseball, movies, good clothes, On Monday 27 July, the who’s who of the world’s most famous chair. Lungs, released mid-July of this year, is a fast cars and you. What else you need to manic yet magnificent world of Australian brave and inventive release, one which know?” So goes Johnny Depp playing theatre united for the 2009 Helpmann It’s unlikely you’ll be excited as we are broadcasts enthusiasm and energy onto John Dillinger, infamous bank robber of Awards. The Sydney Opera House, a new about the 150th birthday this year of a the listener. 1930s as he tries to chat up a coat-check venue for the ceremony, proved a more piece of furniture. Maybe you’ll be a little girl he fancies. It’s a great line, and Depp fitting home for the event than its previ- more enthused to learn the Thonet Model The singer, Florence Welch, has one of the delivers it with his characteristic drawling ous host, Star City Casino, and one that No 14, designed by German cabinet maker most distinct and powerful female voices flair, but by the end of the movie its still the ever-sophisticated Robert ‘Bobby’ Michael Thonet in 1859, better know as in contemporary music. Her voice is the all we really know about his character. Helpman would no doubt have approved. the ‘bistro chair’, is one of the most inno- greatest instrument of the band, trans- He cuts a fine figure in a nice suit and vative pieces of furniture ever produced, forming from a roar to a hushed reverie can deliver a line to a broad like nobody’s A sea of flashing cameras greeted the in terms of its production technique and in an instant. The backing music comple- business. It’s perhaps the biggest flaw in myriad of egos that graced the red carpet strikingly beautiful design. It has, accord- ments Welch’s distinct tone, consisting of Public Enemies that Dillinger never really stairs, from Cate Blanchet to ex-Idol ing to British designer Jasper Morrison, a harp player and echoing drums which moves past the swashbuckling, debo- star Rob Mills, as well as Sesame Street ‘the freshness of a new product, because reverberate throughout the album. nair gangster of old-school Hollywood. Puppets from the new musical, Avenue it has never been bettered.’ Though his character is certainly cool and Q. The album is at times hard to listen to: in- fun to watch as he charms reporters, and Lenin vented his politics on one, Le Cor- struments and melodies combine in a way swings, coat flying over the desks of cow- The night saw 41 Helpmanns awarded busier furnished his modernist homes that doesn’t quite sync. You do, however, ering bank tellers, he remains ultimately to the stand out acts of 2009. The clear with them, and Brahms sat on one to play get the feeling this is the aim of the record, one-dimensional. winners were Sydney Theatre Com- his piano. Honi has eaten many a steak and the uneasiness of the music echoes pany’s War of the Roses and producer sandwich perched on a Thonet, and you the tension in the lyrics: “Leave all your Christian Bale’s character, an archetypal John Frost’s new mega musical Wicked probably have too. We’re not alone - an- loving, your loving behind. You cant carry stiff-jawed FBI agent suffered from a which both took out six awards including ecdotally, the Thonet is thought to have it with you if you want to survive” (‘Dog noticeable lack of personality, so for best play and best musical respectively. seated more people than any other chair Days are Over’). most of the movie the cat-and-mouse Opera Australia’s Billy Budd took out in history. chase between the two protagonists felt three awards whilst Aboriginal arts put The album overall has tremendous range lackluster. its stamp on the industry with brothers and you don’t feel as if you are hearing the David and Stephen Page from Bangarra same songs repeated with different lyrics. The film had interesting insight into the Dance Theatre claiming best Original The dynamic tempo of the music, lead by workings of a fledgling FBI, trying to Score and Best Choreography in a dance the drumming and the sudden and in- capture a man who moved and commit- production. stantaneous changes in melody make this ted crimes indiscriminately across state album one that doesn’t relax. borders in an era in which federal crimes Although unbearably long, the six hour did not yet exist, however there were ceremony was punctuated with tight The album is not another offbeat musical other, perhaps more interesting histori- performances from current musicals in- release behind a band with little talent. cal elements that were left unaddressed. cluding Wicked, Chicago and Avenue Q, Instead, the album it is mesmerising and Most noticeably, the public’s adoration and a not-so-tight show from Drag Duo memorable. It is better appreciated after a of Dillinger as a Robin Hood-style figure Courtney Act and Trevor Ashley. John Take a load off. Please, I insist. couple of listens however, as the music is during the worst economic crisis of the Bell and Michael Gudinski received the at times clashing and overly-full. twentieth century was largely ignored. JC Wiliamson Award for outstanding When Thonet created his masterpiece in contribution to the Australian live enter- the 19th century, his vision was extremely Welch states her inspirations for the The film undoubtedly looked good – tainment and performing arts industry, bold. The demand for affordable, easy to record as American gospel music and the costume and set design brought to life the and there was also tributes to those lost in produce furniture at the time was strong, power and roar of this style is immediate- grit and glamour of 1930s Chicago which the past year, most notably the wonderful and Thonet spent years perfecting his ly recognised on the album. After Triple is lucky given the film put such a premium Rob Guest, reminding all just how family- answer the call, perfecting his radical J’s Hottest 100 of all time list, featuring on style over substance. Unfortunately, tied the industry really is. design. The genius of the final product only two entries containing female vocals, the camera work is often overly shaky and lies in a number of key areas. Florence and the Machine’s Lungs is a stylised which meant the frequent, ex- The afterparty at the Argyle in the Rocks timely reminder of the power and musical tended shoot-out scenes were confusing cemented the night as one of extrava- The first is production. Thonet used importance women have in music. and difficult to follow. gance, drag and sequence. Australia’s advanced steam technology to bend theatre, opera, dance and musical theatre the timber for the back of the chair in a 4/5 This story had great potential, but was ul- industry is, ticket sales aside, as alive and smooth, clean arc, an innovative method timately never quite able to do Dillinger’s wonderful as ever. Avenue Q and Wicked, that he kept close to his chest. Secondly, David Krasovitsky remarkable life justice. both Broadway hits, open in Sydney this he pioneered an era of flat-packed mass month, so be sure to get tickets and see production a century before Ikea, by what all the fuss is about. using a few simple parts - six pieces of 2.5/5 wood in total, packaged in an easy-to-as- semble way so unskilled labourers on the Katherine Connolly factory floor could throw them together 3.5/5 in no time.

Laura Manning A third and astonishing achievement of the chair is its unique ability to age beau- We want your tifully - the chair itself actually gets more LETTERS& ARTICLES comfortable with regular use, a result of So send ‘em in the screws and glues softening over time. All of which makes it a good choice for [email protected] café owners and design nuts looking to invest in some seating, but alas, the an- Submissions must include your niversary and retro brilliance has pushed name, year and faculty. the price of the Thonet sky high. So here’s three cheers for Thonet, still stylishly seating the masses, 150 years on.

>20 London calling Black Star Bakery Oliver Lindholm is smug about jetting off to the UK for two weeks—courtesy of My (Black) Five Star quality, reports Jacinta Mulders Overseas Experience. Black Star Pastry is the best bakery in tainly one facet of the bakery’s charm, and Newtown. it’s often just as enjoyable to munch while perched on one of the assortment of stools First off, anything that has simultane- which litter the surrounding footpath. ously managed to take its name from a Radiohead song and find itself positioned This tiny bakehouse seems to go by the on the same street as hatted restaurant precept that breakfast is not breakfast and Oscillate Wildly and the Courthouse Hotel lunch is not lunch without some sort of automatically gets cred for being cool by sweet confection to top it off and render association. However, Black Star has come you absolutely dizzy with deliciousness. to hold its own among these inner-west institutions by virtue of the incontestable Tantalisingly placed behind the glass quality of every baked good that issues fronted counter and overflowing onto the forth from its almost sacrosanct ovens. bench, the huge range of sugary morsels will more than satisfy any preferences. Just some chums cutting around London, innit? Breakfast is done with a wholesome sim- Innovative twists on traditional favour- Without sounding too sanctimonious, I selves in British culture, “stealing” the plicity: nothing excessive or frivolous. ites include the illustrious Ginger Ninja won a free trip to the UK over the holidays, Elgin Marbles before single-handedly Instead, croissants are baked lighter than (gingerbread men with painted on dark you probably didn’t. deciphering the Rosetta Stone. Then being air and taste perfect accompanied by the chocolate ninja belts and head gear) and thirsty, we would typically retire to some smooth coffee doled out by chilled out staff chocolate caramel tarts which are topped Ok, hold the Molotovs! Before you hang hole-in-the-wall pub to begin the night’s members. The fresh baked sourdough with a sprinkling of sea salt. me by my undies from the tallest tree on festivities, and that’s when the real dousing is cut thick and comes with a choice of campus, let me tell you how easy it is to win would begin… self-service homemade jams, including a Rather than the sadly common gluggy a prize like this, and what you’re missing delicate pink rose petal which is the defi- and overdone apricot/blueberry Danish, out on by not even trying. In fact, I’m going to cut myself off there. nite stand out. In addition to a variety of at Black Star you’ll find raspberry galettes This is definitely something that you have freshly filled baguettes, lunch-time crav- and strawberry crumbles, elderflower First, check out the University’s “Schol- to experience for yourself. ings can be satisfied by selecting from a cheesecakes, custard flans, and a very dark arships and Prizes” webpage. This page variety of gourmet pies, sausage rolls and and dense flourless chocolate cake. usually has very few hits, so you’ve already In summation, My Overseas Experience quiches. Even the basic beef pie gets an gone above and beyond just by visiting is a seriously cool company. In their in- epicurean re-working with melt-in-your Convinced? This devotee is only just it. The few that do visit the webpage are augural competition they sent about 20 mouth-pastry and a peppery sprinkle of getting started. Join the cult at 277 Aus- driven, so your next task is to stand out. students from 20 different universities to cinnamon on top. tralia St, Newtown. For this application with ‘My Overseas the UK—all expenses paid. We saw all the Experience’, I had to submit a thoroughly sights, partied all night, and just generally As if the food wasn’t enough to reel you in, embarrassing video- just a really quirky had loads of fun. The best thing however is the ambience entices with its unpreten- short film about your aspirations, dreams, that My Overseas Experience is planning tiousness and homeliness. Although things fetishes…erm, nix that last one. to do it again next year—you could be in can get a little crowded inside, this is cer- the running! Ten Australians who did just that, travelled from London to Newcastle-upon-Tyne, To get a better idea of what to expect, check Edinburgh to Manchester, and Bath to out the blogs of all those that participated Explicit references to current trends is Brighton, I even made it over to Windsor, at www.myoe.com. Celluloid Chic not, however, a must in the creation of a Eton and Loch Ness! We saturated our- Anusha Rutnam fashionable film. The period film Bonnie While watching Confessions of a Shopa- and Clyde (1967) contains what are argu- holic (and a note to readers, don’t) one ably some of the most chic costumes in STUNNER is struck by the fact that its creators have film history, and yet one may well ask done a fairly poor job of showcasing what ‘Did the early 1930s really look that much should be the film’s second star: fashion. like the late 1960s?’ But watching Faye It is surprising that what the film fails to Dunaway rob banks in those sensational convey through fashion is precisely what geometric knits and trademark berets, it’s costume designer, Patricia Field, has one finds that it doesn’t really matter. made her trademark; a sense of fantasy. Far more successful was Field’s romp In more recent times designer name- in the film Sex and the City, where both dropping has become a staple feature of the medium of film and a truly fabulous many fashion-conscious films. A scene in budget were well utilised. Clueless sees the main character, Cher, appealing to a mugger who demands The relationship between film and fash- she crouch on the ground. Referring to ion has historically been an interest- the crimson body-con dress she wears, ing one, undoubtedly shaped by the Cher pleads “You don’t understand. This fact that the lengthy delay between the is an Alaïa”. Her assailant responds, “An shooting and release of a movie means A-whata?” For the benefit of the mugger that costume designers have to stay and any unschooled members of the au- several steps ahead of current trends. In dience, Cher explains, “It’s, like, a totally the 1930s this situation was particularly important designer”. You said it, Cher. problematic for the producer Samuel Goldwyn. When the fashion powers that be in Paris decreed that longer skirts were where it was at, Goldwyn was left with masses of unusable footage of short-skirted actresses. To ensure he would never face such difficulties again, Goldwyn paid Coco Chanel $1 million to THE PHOENIX assist in predicting future fashions for his films. As you do.

>21 WINSTON CHURCHILL A LIE GETS HALFWAY AROUND THE WORLD BEFORE THE TRUTH

HAS A CHANCE TO GET Christina, HR in Surry Hills, Jeremy and Jim (far left and right), Lucy, Meco III Science I ITS PANTS ON. Ally, Meco IV 1.Ajax and Bang Gang 1.Grafton Primary! 2.We were too pissed to enter, so we 2.Yeah it was a pain especially when had to take a walk round the block and you have a bag full of makeup. there were cops everywhere! 3. Vodka 3. Our girlfriends 4. The Presets 4. Definitely Presets, cause we’re here with all of our people.

THE WEEK //THREE THINGS WE’RE DOING THIS WEEK AHEAD 1. Buying some more $10 Penguin Classics. 2. Missing a lecture. Fuck you, 9am Monday. 3. Giggling at the Snacks n’ Shit blog. Rappers are so crazy. Snowpops! Mark Di Stefano chats up some Snowballers. Mike ‘Dule’ Mackertich, Science IV Carlo, Angry Manning Barman I 1. Who are you here to see? Courtney Tight, USU II 1. I’m here to take your order. 2. What do you think of the security at the door? 1. Courtney. 2. What do you want? 2. It is sad for the Union. 3. Tooheys New? 3. If you could take any substance on a night out, what would it be? 3. Love and H20 4. Beers it is. 4. The Presets or Cut Copy? 4. They both sound the same

Dear Honi, Joe Payten reads us a letter from a sad college kid I’m in my first year of uni and College, and be totally happy to shout them drinks at But what’s it to them? That’s not a reason friends, it’s their own loss, because they having heaps of fun. Like, we get drunk so Cargo, because I know the guy on the door to hate me, is it? won’t be able to utilise my connections in often, it’s mad. and a few guys behind the bar, so I could the banking industry. totally hook them up. And it’s not like it really matters anyway, But one thing I’ve noticed is the rift because I already do a fair bit of work at I wish all the haters would just give us between College kids (of whom I am the And they always make sarcastic com- Dad’s bank, and he thinks if I go for an in- College Kids a chance. perfect archetype) and the wider uni com- ments, like, ‘College kids are such drinking ternship there I’ll probably nail it, because munity. I mean, just because we went to legends so they never come to class,’ but he says I’m actually pretty smart. different schools doesn’t mean we can’t be if I can be totally honest with you, they’re friends – I have heaps of mates from other right. Like I said earlier, I party really, It’s almost like they hate me because I can private schools. really hard and sometimes I’m just too get a job without having to work really hung over to go to class. hard, which is petty. One thing I don’t get is that even though my College friends and me have really cool You know what, it’s practically discrimi- fashion sense, people still make lame jokes nation! They hate us just because we went about us in Honi Soit and stuff. to private schools on the North Shore and now we go to College. Yes, my Dad’s a CEO We want your but you wouldn’t even know it – like, even Like, on any day of the week I’ll wear a nice LETTERS ARTICLES Ralph Lauren Polo Shirt and Nudie jeans, though we could if we wanted to, we never & but it’s not snobby because I’ll humbly went to Aspen for our family ski trip, we’d So send ‘em in dress it down with a pair of Rabens or always just go to Thredbo. something. And everyone seems to pay [email protected] me out for this! I mean, how else am I sup- I’m sick of it – my parents did not spend Submissions must include your posed to dress? a relatively minor amount of their income name, year and faculty. on my privileged education for me to be And if only they could see how hard my teased by kids who probably don’t even College friends and I party, they would have a trust fund. love us. Man, we party so hard. Like, we’ll go out and just drink Heinekens In fact, I don’t even care any more. If they and Jagerbombs all fuckin’ night. And I’d don’t want to accept me and be one of my Daddy says I’m very handsome and clever.

>22 1. Tasteless toffee center (3) 2. Minister six hundred sharks’ bodies (5) 3. Animals’ occult is mistaken for clerical errors (15) 4. Frank and cross take over (5) 5. Queer love with two batteries (3) 6. Fan fiction with no heart, previewed with high and low scores, followed by fuss (11) 7. “Behold”, you said, “Drum ends, thou crazy horse”. Obnoxious (11) 8. Lift up tap before bird and store run wild (11) 9. Mouth is a gross swamp (3) 10. Give birth to an alien weapon (7) 11. Hit label (3) 12. “Land!” You straddle the carpet with a terminal cry (7) 13. Calm, hits mixer for highest points (7) 14. A shindig about love (5) 15. Old German key (3) 16. Fight after Brett gives poor introduction of himself? (5) 17, 18 Nasty grab at scoundrel (3,3) 19. Well done “au gratin” with Italian halved shallots, all mixed up (15) 20. Front part snake, back part belt (5) 21. Dog, perhaps; a dog is a man’s best mess? (3) 22. Remove the repetition out of dance and add kinky action for large hole (5) 23. Power cows cry up the acid level! (5) 24. Don’t stop the French maid’s head rock man (5) 25. Big Father? (3) 26. Tea off nothing on second, overseas after rough start (7) 27. Alberta evenly touches the net (3) 28. Big PM? (3) 29. I see, said Slippy (3) 30. Body of water in scene Ed directed? Hopelessness (11) SH

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>23 Students’ Representative Council The University of Sydney

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