Montaigne on Friendship, Self-Knowledge, and the Art of Living

CHAPTER 2 Recapturing the Self: Montaigne on Friendship, Self-Knowledge, and the Art of Living

Vincent Caudron

1 Introduction: An Exceptional Friendship

From both a historical—anthropological and an autobiographical point of view, Montaigne’s travel journal that recounts his journey to Italy between October 1580 and November 1581 is a very interesting document.1 Not only does it contain detailed and accurate descriptions of the enormous variety of local customs and habits that he encountered, it also—due to the fact that Montaigne never intended to publish his journal—gives a valuable, even voy- euristic glimpse into the life and personality of its author. Montaigne draws a disarming picture of his impressions, physical ailments, and bad habits; the way he relates his agony from kidney stones is unusually outspoken and unre- served. His surprisingly graphic and explicit descriptions inform the reader of how “clear” or “cloudy” his urine is, how much “gravel” he releases, and how “windy” he feels. Amidst these jarring descriptions, however, Montaigne also somewhat unexpectedly expresses intense grief over the loss of his best friend, Étienne de La Boétie, who most likely died of the plague eighteen years earlier.2 His sadness does not appear to have been a single instance of loss and sorrow, but rather a red thread that ran throughout his entire life. One touching passage in which Montaigne describes his life after the death of La Boétie as “smoke and ashes, a night dark and dreary” is particularly telling:

For in truth if I compare all the rest of my life—although by the grace of God I have lived it sweetly and easily, exempt (save for the death of such a friend) of grievous affliction in full tranquility of mind, contenting

1 Michel de Montaigne, The Journal of Montaigne’s Travels in Italy: In Italy by Way of Switzerland and Germany in 1580 and 1581, ed. William George Waters (London: BiblioLife, 2009), 252. 2 Étienne de La Boétie worked as a magistrate at the court of Bordeaux, where he met Montaigne in 1557. Besides his famous Discourse on Voluntary Servitude, he wrote a couple of sonnets.

myself with the natural endowments which I was born with and not going about looking for others—if I compare it, I say, to those four years which it was vouchsafed to me to enjoy in the sweet companionship and fellowship of a man like that, it is but smoke and ashes, a night dark and dreary. Since the day when I lost him [. . .] I merely drag wearily on. The very pleasures which are proffered me do not console me: they redouble my sorrow at his loss.3

Obviously, there is nothing strange about grief for a deceased friend, yet the scope and intensity of Montaigne’s affliction seem to reveal something impor- tant about the impact that the brief, intense friendship with La Boétie had on him. Given that Montaigne never expressed a comparable state of sorrow over the loss of his brother, father, or five deceased daughters, one can- not help but wonder what it was that made his relationship with La Boétie so unique and existentially far-reaching. This issue has sparked a vivid debate in the extensive literature on Montaigne. Based on the rather explicit language that the two friends tended to use to describe each other and their relationship, one may speculate that their mutual affection was sexual in nature. Yet, seeing as Montaigne consistently differentiates between sensual relationships and friendships, this hypothesis is implausible.4 Rather, the terms that they use to characterise their relationship are meant to refer to the Renaissance ideal of ancient friendship, by which both Montaigne and La Boétie were fas- cinated. In one of his sonnets, for instance, La Boétie compares Montaigne with Alcibiades, while Montaigne, in his turn, alludes to La Boétie’s Socratic features.5

3 Michel de Montaigne, On Affectionate Relationships, in Michel de Montaigne, The Complete Essays, ed. and trans. M.A. Screech (London: Penguin Books, 2003), 217. Hereafter referred to as “Essays.” 4 Cf. S. Frampton, When I Am Playing with My Cat, How Do I Know She Is Not Playing with Me? Montaigne and Being in Touch with Life (London: Faber & Faber, 2011) and S. Bakewell, How to Live or A Life of Montaigne in One Question and Twenty Attempts at an Answer (London: Chatto & Windus, 2010). 5 Alcibiades was an aristocratic rhetorician and lived in Athens in the first half of the fifth century BC. He was part of the inner circle of Socrates, the famous Greek philosopher, and he was known for his interest in bodily beauty and pleasure. At the end of Plato’s Symposium, he declares his love for his friend Socrates, a declaration that has generally been seen by phi- losophers as an example of a relationship that focuses on the person as the object of love and does not instead seek to transcend the object and strive towards the Platonic idea (or form) of love.