2017 ABA Law Student Division Best Newspaper Award-Winner Virginia Law Weekly Wednesday, 24 January 2018 The Newspaper of the University of Virginia School of Law Since 1948 Volume 70, Number 13 Class and around north Intersection- grounds A Puzzlemaster’s On behalf of the ality at the Student Body, the Law Weekly accepts Law School the return of the (broken) RFK bust as a sign and in the Parlance of surrender from the Z Soci- Law ety. Mystically, ANG. Thumbs down Joe Charlet ‘18 to the Super Bowl (he/him/his) match-up. Speaking Guest Columnist of shitholes, ANG can’t believe ANG has to A version of the following choose between rooting for was presented at the Dinner Philadelphia and the literal Table Series on November 15, devils, but here we are. Yawn. 2017 Thumbs down Class fascinates me. Part to new, ‘Good Har- of my fascination stems from vest’ food in ScoCo. the fact that Americans have ANG depended eschewed the explicit strati- on students’ tasteless, dis- fication seen in the British appointed throw-aways to social class system, yet class live. Doesn’t that mean any- has always felt inescapable in thing to anyone? Shame on the United States to me. The the food service department existence of sometimes overt for making this change, and and sometimes subtle distinc- shame on Steven T. Parr for tions in manners, speech, and enabling them. expectations of what life looks like requires people to learn ANG gath- how to do an interpersonal ers from general dance in order to succeed in conversation that a variety of contexts. But with grades have yet class, as with all things, the to be posted. ANG just real- burden of learning the perfor- ized something terrible: we mance—and the consequences all forgot to email Dean Du- of failing to do so—falls dis- Will Shortz ‘77 from his visit to the school in 2008. gas to remind him to post the proportionately on the most Photo courtesy of UVAToday grades. Quick everyone, do economically and socially mar- your duty! Send Dean Dugas ginalized. An Interview with Will Shortz ‘77, an email today! Remember The distinction between the Crossword Puzzle Editor, The New York Times to sign, “best-[your name in economic and social compo- all lowercase].” nents of class is particularly Jenna Goldman ‘18 a “crosswordy-word” or “cross- Even after forty years as a important. To me, economic (she/her/hers) wordese” if you will: “It’s vocab- professional puzzle editor, Mr. All kidding class is something that can be Editor-in-Chief ulary that people know mainly Shortz still makes the rare, albeit aside, ANG doesn’t measured objectively by ana- from crosswords, not from real comical, error that underscores know whose fault lyzing wealth, which makes Ucalegon: [noun] A neighbor life.” the importance of precise lan- the failure to post it distinct from social class, whose house is on fire or has A career writing puzzles was guage. A clue last year:1996 hor- grades is, so ANG will default which is more subjective as it burned down. always the goal for Mr. Shortz. ror movie with four sequels the to blaming the Law School’s is performative and participa- “It’s a ridiculously specific The summer before he began at answer was ‘Scream.’ “The prob- most culpable subject: tory. Economic and social class word and that’s why I love it,” UVa Law, he interned for Penny lem was that there were four thumbs down to President are clearly related because so- said New York Times Crossword Press Puzzle Magazine in Con- Scream films in total, but only Steven Glendon. cial class paradigms are based Puzzle Editor, Will Shortz ‘77. necticut, where he saw how he three sequels. Of course the first on economic class and the per- The Virginia Law Weekly had could have a career in puzzles one wasn’t a sequel.” Thumbs up to formative aspects generally re- the opportunity to interview Mr. “without living in abject pov- Another clue: “Head of state Netflix releasing quire economic outlays, some Shortz about how he contem- erty.” who resigned in 1974” the an- all of these brand greater than others. However, plates words and language, and When he began law school, swer, “Meir, as in Prime Minister new seasons of it is clear to me that the two are how we as budding lawyers can Shortz planned to practice for a Golda Meir.” So what’s the prob- television just in time for the not synonymous, and people learn a thing or two from UVa’s few years then transition to a ca- lem? “In Israel she is the head new semester. ANG needed can move through either eco- most famous wordsmith. reer writing and editing puzzles. of government but she’s not the something to watch in the nomic or social classes without In his capacity as puzzle edi- But in the spring semester of his head of state, that’s the Presi- library now that all those moving through the other. tor, Mr. Shortz receives between first year he wrote a letter home dent. We tend to overlook that pesky undergrads have final- I think we intuitively under- 75 and 100 puzzle submissions stating otherwise. “I told my par- distinction in the United States ly cleared of ANG’s favorite stand that people can concur- per week. “The biggest part of ents I would be dropping out of because our President is both pretend-to-do-work tables. rently exist in incongruous the job is actually looking at the UVa at the end of the year and go head of government and head economic and social classes. submissions and deciding which right into puzzles. And you could of state.” Mr. Shortz explained Thumbs down One example is our president, ones are the best.” imagine how that news went that there are 30,000 clues in to NBC executives Donald Trump. While he prob- What are the hallmarks of a over.” the New York Times crossword refusing to tell loy- ably has less money than he great puzzle? “I’m looking for His mother, a writer her- each year, and occasionally mis- al fans how #jack- contends, he is unmistakably fresh, colorful vocabulary that self and an influence on Mr. takes happen. dies in This is Us. ANG hasn’t in the highest economic class. is generally familiar to New Shortz’s love of words, respond- Some are beyond the puzzle cried this much watching a Yet there are a lot of people who York Times readers.” He doesn’t ed thoughtfully about why he master’s control. The clue: The show since Grey’s Anatomy. see President Trump as occu- mean the language should be should remain in school. “I only NFL team to go 0 and 16 for And Game of Thrones. And pying a much lower social class simplistic, “I like an interesting, thought she made good points, a season. “The intended answer Sesame Street. ANG actually because he seemingly lacks the difficult word sometimes but I so I went ahead and got my J.D. was the ‘Lions’ and the puzzle just cries a lot. refined taste many associate want, generally speaking, famil- and then went into puzzles.” was put to bed on December 30 with high social class. The way iar vocabulary.” Though Shortz never prac- for publication on January 7. Thumbs up to in which he tries to ostenta- After receiving a submission, ticed law, he is grateful for his Over that weekend, literally two sharks. Sharks are tiously act out his economic he marks it up on paper (the UVa education and uses it to this days later, the Cleveland Browns ANG’s favorite an- class is precisely the reason he medium by which he requires day. completed their season 0 and imal. Anyone who fails at performing the role re- all puzzles to be submitted), then “I think a legal education is 16. So the clue was correct when doesn’t like sharks is clearly quired by the correspondingly he makes notes on what he likes just a great education for the the puzzle was put to bed, but a person of moral turpitude. high social class. He seems to and doesn’t like. “Everyone gets world. It teaches you to handle by the time the puzzle appeared No, ANG doesn’t have any- fail to understand the nuances a response: yes or no.” complex problems, divide them in print it was wrong. Of course one specifically in mind, why of social performance that his He likes words like “errata into their constituent parts, and a lot of people follow NFL so I do you ask? peers and “social superiors” page” and “trashmouth” and deal with each part individually.” heard a lot about that.” expect, but he also seems to “clam juice.” Words he doesn’t The author of over 500 puzzle As our faithful readers know, Thumbs down to consciously choose to rebel like: “‘Heme’ as in a deep red books has never used an agent or the Law Weekly has toyed with the Kardashians. pigment, the color of blood.” a lawyer. “I look at and analyze ANG hasn’t been CLASS page 2 That type of word is what he calls my own contracts.” SHORTZ page 3 keeping up. 2 Features VIRGINIA LAW WEEKLY Wednesday, 24 January 2018 CLASS intersectional vantage point. year at Yale, I was in D.C. work- who could directly approach lighten what was previously continued from page 1 After all, a huge barrier to the ing for my senator. This was people effectively rather than an outright ban, and even American ideal of economic an incredible experience, but a sit passively and hope some- this so-called lighter policy class mobility is social class particularly stupid short-term one paid attention. Certainly was not repealed until after against that expected perfor- since economic class mobility economic decision because my relatively light complexion I graduated from college. As mance just as often. Unlike requires success in network- not only did I give up making played a role in that. I have al- I became more aware of how most people, President Trump ing, interviewing, finding men- money during the summer, I ways felt that people are much immutable my sexuality actu- can choose to ignore or not tors, earning promotions, etc. was also spending more mon- less intimidated by being ran- ally was, the military became learn social class performance All of these activities require ey than I would have otherwise domly approached by me than less of a viable option because because he started life in the social-class performance, and because D.C. is more expensive by other African Americans I could not risk getting dishon- highest economic class and the people with power in these than going back home where I with darker skin, despite the orably discharged and being thus has been protected from situations often interpret and could have stayed with friends fact that I am so much larger left with nothing. So while the suffering meaningful material scrutinize someone’s class for free. So, unsurprisingly, for than average people, which military is probably the most repercussions. performance through assump- a short period of time at the seems like a more rational rea- integrated part of our country This is why I am interested in tions based on her identity, end of the internship when I son to find a stranger imposing in terms of race/ethnicity and talking about class. Here at the either consciously or uncon- lost the fellowship housing I or threatening. Another reason economic class, my inability to law school, every one of us will sciously. had, I was homeless. I remem- I could approach, though, is I ensure that I could fit into and end up at the very least in the This scrutiny has shaped ber going to the Gallery Place am physically able, while an consistently perform in a so- relatively high and broad pro- my entire life. I was born and metro stop to beg for change inordinate amount of the other cial class so predicated by law fessional social class, though raised in the American South. where many others who were people asking for money that on a certain view of heterosex- given the disparities in pay in I was given up at birth by my experiencing homelessness day had mobility issues from ual masculinity kept me from the legal world, we will also biological mother and adopted very differently than I was lost limbs or unattended-to in- ever pursuing this path. For- end up in wildly disparate eco- into an all-white family to be were also congregated for the juries. So I was certainly per- tunately I had less precarious nomic classes. But exactly how raised in an all-white place. I same purpose, since there is so ceived to be in a higher social academic opportunities for successful we will be on our was later effectively orphaned much foot traffic there. Within class simply due to my appear- advancement as well, though respective paths seems more again as a young teen and two minutes I probably had ance, but in all the ways I was I deeply respect all the other influenced by our class before emancipated myself out of fos- more than $10.00 worth of not, my appearance also led to LGBTQ+ people who chose to law school than it should be— ter care. I am also gay. Both in change and a lot of sympathet- more favorable interpretations join regardless, and I recom- and influenced much more spite of and because of all this ic words whereas everyone else of how I asked for money. mend reading the accounts than we seem to discuss. hardship, I actually got a full who had been there for much For a slightly different and many have shared to the news Part of the reticence to talk scholarship to attend a private longer did not have anywhere perhaps more controversial media for some firsthand ac- about class is because both boarding school for my last close to that amount and were view of class, take my youth- counts of how Don’t Ask, Don’t economic and social class dis- two years of high school and treated far more distantly. ful interest in joining the mili- Tell affected their service. cussions have been subsumed then I went to Yale on 100 per- The reason for the disparity tary. I felt and still feel very Another issue I have always by other needed identity-based cent financial aid for college. was obvious. Though I do not strongly that there is a moral noticed is people treating the discussion. Class expectations Now I am here at UVa Law, remember exactly, I am cer- imperative to serve your coun- Southern accent in all of its often are influenced by sex/ yet another elite institution. tain I was wearing a Yale shirt, try and not leave truly difficult forms as some sort of marker of gender, race, religion, sexual So in an effort to begin a larger since my wardrobe at that time service to others. Beyond that, intellectual inferiority. There orientation, regional back- conversation about class, I was mostly shirts I had gotten it seemed like military service are countless times when I ground, and other salient attri- want to highlight some of my for free from college events. I might be a practical way for me have seen people dismiss good butes like disability, and many experiences as a particularly do not want to overly psycho- to alleviate my economic is- ideas or completely discounted social movements have devel- poor and dispossessed person analyze passersby with whom sues by giving myself stability the entire person simply be- oped around those needs. But in this country, who effectively I had ten-second interactions, through work and a measure cause of the effect of that voice. class affects everyone, even leapfrogged from the bottom but I think it is fair to say that of social respect I could build I have mostly escaped this be- people who do not have what economic class—and certainly my shirt and my relatively upon once I left active duty. cause I saw the school speech are commonly understood to a lower social class—to poten- clean appearance made me However, this path seemed pathologist as a child because be marginalized identities, tially the top economic and a seem worthier of their even unavailable to me because of of a speech impediment, and and for that reason I think it much higher social class. deigning to listen to my plea for Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. I was six consequently learned to speak is important to discuss as a When I was eighteen, the money. Additionally, I was the years old when President Clin- standalone topic, just with an summer after my freshman only person asking for money ton implemented the policy to CLASS page 5 Innovation in Israel: A J-Term Story Israeli Business Law and In- est level of venture capital as a dia, mobile, digital life, and dig- and IPOs of biotech companies fairs in Jerusalem, where we novation is a unique course of- share of GDP of any nation. ital video. Tarlovsky brought in on U.S. exchanges. We met with had formal presentations with fered to UVa Law students dur- As the name of the pro- several Israeli entrepreneurs to Michal Rosen-Ozer, widely re- the Director of International Brian Diliberto ‘19 gram suggests, a major theme pitch their business plans, and spected as the top white-collar Law and discussed the Israeli- (he/him/his) throughout the course was Is- we were instructed to ask criti- criminal defense attorney in Palestinian conflict. Through- Guest Columnist raeli entrepreneurship, espe- cal questions throughout each the nation, and Dr. Ilan Cohn, out the trip, students engaged cially in the high-tech market. presentation. senior partner at Gilat Bareket/ in a candid dialogue with Israeli ing the January We met with Eitan Israeli, Vice Israeli corporate law was a Reinhold Cohn, the largest in- leaders about the impact of the Term. Students President and General Counsel major theme: we explored top- tellectual property law firm in Trump presidency, as well as interested in ex- predictions about the future of ploring the re- U.S.-Israeli relations. cent developments in the Israeli Our trip to Jerusalem also start-up scene, or who want to included a memorable visit to explore a bustling foreign busi- the Western Wall, where we ness and legal market, are en- received a special tour of the couraged to apply. complex tunnel system and Alongside UVa Law Profes- learned about the rich history sors Michal Barzuza and Dotan of the land. Finally, we received Oliar, fifteen students spent five a guided tour of the Israeli Su- days (four days in Tel Aviv and preme Court, which included one day in Jerusalem) explor- sitting in on a criminal appeal ing the recent developments in and meeting with current Israe- business law and entrepreneur- li Supreme Court Justice David ship within Israel, known as Mintz. the Silicon Valley of the Middle I hope to develop a strong in- East. Having never been to the ternational footprint in my legal Middle East, I saw the study practice, and this course cer- abroad program as a unique tainly refined my understand- opportunity to engage in a com- ing of recent developments in parative analysis of the U.S. and Israeli business law and high- Israeli approaches, while refin- tech entrepreneurship. Further, ing my understanding of Israeli the opportunity to network with business law, politics, and cul- top legal scholars in a variety ture. of disciplines and to meet with In preparing for the course, I business leaders from widely read Start-Up Nation: The Sto- Students visited Israel over the break and were able to enjoy the Tel Aviv waterfront. respected multinational corpo- ry of Israel’s Economic Miracle, Photo courtesy of Ali Zablocki rations— all while engaging in by Dan Senor and Saul Singer. for Wix.com, a cloud-based web ics including corporate litiga- Israel. a comparative analysis of the I was surprised to learn that development platform that al- tion, corporate control, corpo- We participated in a nuanced U.S. and Israeli approaches and despite being the size of New lows users to create HTML and rate branding, and marketing. exploration of the nation’s legal learning about current issues in Jersey, Israel has more compa- mobile websites, and which to- We met with Judge Ruth Ron- system and politics, and dived Israeli law, geopolitics, and cul- nies listed on the NASDAQ ex- day boasts a $1.7 billion market nen from the Israeli Economic into a fascinating discussion on ture—was an invaluable oppor- change than all companies from cap. We also met with Nir Tar- Court, which we learned was geopolitical issues in the region. tunity as a law student. Overall, the entire European continent, lovsky—vice chairman and co- modeled after the Delaware We learned how Israel’s unique I give the program my highest an incredible feat considering founder of Israeli company The Court of Chancery. Further, history has contributed to the recommendation. Israel has a population of just Time—who is one of the leading the program included intro- country’s entrepreneurial suc- --- over 8.1 million people. With Israeli early-stage investors in ductions to Israel’s “innovation cesses; the region’s “chutzpah” [email protected] the highest density of start-ups the digital space, focusing on ecosystem,” IP law, medical pri- was palpable. We visited the in the world, Israel has the high- technology startups in new me- vacy and big data, e-regulation, Israeli Ministry of Foreign Af- Wednesday, 24 January 2018 VIRGINIA LAW WEEKLY Hot Bench 3 Nap Your Way to Success Are you tired? Struggling to the nap is minimal. While information and clear clutter ent variations of this competi- focus? Ready to reach for that studies vary, some say even a that you have in your head tion have continued in Spain lovers. If you need that morn- next cup of coffee? With the five- to ten-minute snooze can from the first part of your day.6 to revive the old tradition of ing brew to start your day and Eleanor Schmalzl improve your mood and pro- If additional energy, im- an after-lunch nap, an impor- pick you up after a good lunch, 4 (she/her/hers) ‘20 ductivity. Others agree that a proved mood, and a clear mind tant piece of their culture that start listening now. Coffee Staff Editor twenty-minute nap is the ideal don’t motivate you to set aside is being washed away with the can be good for pushing you length to increase your energy time for a relaxing afternoon hustle-and-bustle of today’s through your days, but can im- semester start- throughout the day, while a ritual, then maybe money will. fast-paced world. So, if you’re pact your ability to fall asleep ing, some of you at night, as most law students may be feeling can attest to from personal ex- sleepy at just perience. But when it comes the thought of starting anoth- to coffee and naps, you may er round of classes. And while be able to have your cake and I’m sure you all kept a consis- eat it, too. If you can’t imag- tent, normal sleep schedule ine nixing your afternoon joe, over the long break,1 you may you may not have to. Drink still be searching for a way to your afternoon coffee right stay refreshed in the chaos of before your short nap and your spring schedule. Well, you may experience an addi- rest easy, friends, because an tional power up. The effects afternoon nap may be the key of the caffeine don’t come un- to conquering anything that til between fifteen and twenty comes your way. minutes after consumption, While American culture meaning it won’t affect your seems to frown upon the ability to fall asleep.8 So, while idea of an afternoon nap for you may have to compromise adults, a siesta can produce in most relationships, you and huge benefits for hard-work- coffee can still live together in ing law students.2 Some of peaceful harmony if you add a the greats, including Winston nap to your list of ways to get Churchill, Margaret Thatcher, through the busy day. and Albert Einstein, commit- Your classmates may judge ted time in the afternoon to you for falling asleep in the recharge with a short nap de- Photo courtesy of The Wall Street Journal study lounge or at your table spite their busy schedules.3 ninety-minute midday sleep In October 2010, Spain had its tight on cash, looking to visit in the library, but you may end And the amount of time it can produce long-term ben- first ever siesta competition Spain, or need to justify a nap up having the last laugh when takes to reap the benefits of efits in your health.5 Humans and offered a money prize to for more than just health rea- you wake up more alert, cre- benefit most from a nap be- the best napper based on nap sons, a nap competition may ative, and prepared to take on 1 Read: stayed up until 3 tween 1 and 3 p.m., allowing position and PJ style with bo- be exactly what you need. the rest of the afternoon. So a.m. and woke up at noon your brain to store important nus points for snoring.7 Differ- Now that I’ve appealed to stop worrying about everyone the health junkies and the fi- else and quit fighting that urge 2 “Hard-working” includes 4 http://thedinfographics. 6 Disclaimer: the author of nancially focused, I need to to close your eyes—it may be those with perfect attendance com/2012/07/31/napping- this article is in no way respon- address the rest of the law- exactly what you need. at FebClub parties types-statistics-facts-and-his- sible should your brain discard student population: the coffee --- tory-infographics/ class lectures as “clutter” [email protected] 3 AKA your “I don’t have WORLD/europe/10/15/spain. time for a nap” excuse may be 5 https://sleep.org/arti- 7 I can’t make this stuff up: siesta.championship/index. 8 https://sleepfoundation. invalid cles/napping-health-benefits/ http://www.cnn.com/2010/ html org/sleep-topics/napping

crush. 11. If you could live SHORTZ film Batman Forever. HOT continued from page anywhere, where would continued from page 1 “Each riddle had to contain 5. What is the best it be? a number—that was the one BENCH meme site on Instagram? Pittsburgh, the best city constraint.” Though the Batman @Grillpiece412…it’s a in the world. creating crossword puzzles in franchise has not yet asked Mr. must-follow. Hottest memes lieu of the usual Sudoku puzzles, Shortz, he recently filmed an epi- in town. 12. What’s the best gift always with vitriolic backlash. sode of Brooklyn 99, which will you’ve ever received? We asked Mr. Shortz for advice air March 20. 6. If you had to pick one My aunt gave me a rice in coping with such responses, Mr. Shortz has been inter- song to play non-stop in cooker when I graduated and he responded with a laugh, viewed by Oprah, David Letter- the background of your from college, which I use a “The sorts of people who are man, Jon Stewart, and has been life, what would it be? lot. I cook stir fry for 95% drawn to crosswords tend to be featured on Nightline, and 60 Friday by Rebecca Black of my meals, so rice is a key persnickety and care a lot about Minutes. His favorite spotlight staple. language.” One anecdote he was in the 2006 documentary 7. If you were a super- shared: “The answer was ‘toad’ film largely about Mr. Shortz’s hero, what would your 13. If the Law School and the clue was ‘little hopper’ work, “Wordplay.” “At the time superpower be? had yearbook awards, and someone wrote in saying it came out it was one of the Cutting the line at ScoCo what would you want to ‘toads, sir, waddle, they do not top twenty-five highest grossing Daniel Grill ‘19 . . . especially with the new win? hop.’” We assured Mr. Shortz we documentaries of all time.” Great Harvest options. I’m Definitely best produce- would not be discouraged by the What is his advice for law 1. When will you be all about that chicken-bar- based Halloween costume. haters and would continue our students and lawyers wanting making your debut with becue sandwich. Come at me TT. attempts. to improve their vocabulary and the law school band? Mr. Shortz has lots of fans on word choice precision? “Solve I am currently in talks 8. What’s something 14. Backstreet Boys or the Law Weekly, and we are in The New York Times cross- with Jordan Naftalis to be- you wish you’d known *NSYNC? awe of how Mr. Shortz, as one word!” This is not merely a plug come the next singer, so about law school before Gunners n’ Roses staff member put it, “turned a to sell papers. The weekly cross- probably early next year. coming to UVA Law? boring old degree into a career word has on average seventy-six Don’t get too attached to 15. What is the best that is fun and interesting.” The answers covering seventy-six 2. Where did you grow the law school band because concert you have ever staff was eager to ask him a va- different topics. Mr. Shortz be- up and what was your sometimes they graduate been to? riety of questions about his body lieves this exposure to a variety favorite aspect of your and don’t play anymore. I saw 2 Chainz live when I of work, all of which he gracious- of language that individuals in hometown? was in college at the Univer- ly entertained. one profession might not come I grew up in Pittsburgh 9. What did you have sity of Michigan, which was One staff member asked what into contact with is a valuable and I am a huge fan of the for breakfast this morn- a lot of fun. first inspired his use of the word teaching tool. city. I really liked growing ing? ‘ecru,’ Mr. Shortz replied with a But, he cautions, “You up in a city with such great Granola bar from the 16. What is your favor- laugh “Well that’s an example of shouldn’t do the puzzle because sports, people, and food. I Snack Office ite thing to do in Char- crossword-ese.” He has used it you think it’s good for you. That’s try to go home whenever I lottesville? 159 times since he became edi- a bore.” Instead, “You should do can. Yinzer for life. 10. What’s your most Get Monsoon drunken tor in 1993, usually with the clue it and you should enjoy it. Here’s interesting two-truths- noodles to-go and play “‘brown, stocking shade’ or ‘like the thing, you should do cross- 3. What’s the best meal and-a-lie? (And what’s Fortnite with the boyz. a decorator shade’ or ‘neutral words for their entertainment you’ve ever had? the lie?) --- hue.’” value and the nice thing about it It’s tough to choose one I went to high school with [email protected] In another pressing ques- is that there are lots of things in meal, but probably Thanks- Mac Miller. I went to the tion, we asked Mr. Shortz about life that are entertaining: cross- giving dinner every year. same high school as Wiz potentially reprising his role as words are good for you.” Khalifa. I am a rapper. the Riddler in an inevitable Bat- You can read the transcript 4. If you could meet (For the time being, the man reboot, “If they were to ask for this interview and listen to one celebrity, who last one is the lie.) Nominate a student for me, yeah.” The question was in the audio at www.lawweekly.org would it be and why? Hot Bench at editor@ reference to lending his exper- --- Topanga from Boy Meets lawweekly.org! tise to provide riddles for Jim [email protected] World…she was my first Carrey’s character in the 1995 4 Colophon VIRGINIA LAW WEEKLY Wednesday, 24 January 2018 LAW WEEKLY FEATURE: Court of Petty Appeals The Court of Petty Appeals is the highest appellate jurisdiction court at UVa Law. The Court has the power to review any and all decisions, conflicts, and disputes that arise involving, either directly, indirectly, or tangentially, the Law School or its students. The Court comprises four associate justices and one Chief Justice. Opinions shall be released periodically and only in the official court reporter: the Virginia Law Weekly. Please email a brief summary of any and all con- flicts to [email protected].

Student Body of UVa Law apparently endless wait for burden of having a soul,5 letter grades are a more ef- tract. The evidence present- v. Slackers of the Faculty of said grades to post on SIS.4 these being held in abeyance ficient means of issuing ed not allowing for any other UVa Law1 Having given the matter by Uncle Sam for the fore- this assessment. However, explanation,8 the Court has 178 U.Va. 924 much thought over the many seeable future,6 it is taught the emphasis on efficiency no choice but to find breach weeks that have passed since and assessed by a Faculty was clearly never intended of contract by the Faculty, ZABLOCKI, J., delivered the end of finals, the Student of mostly pretty stellar legal to be one-sided; i.e., it was or, in the alternative, bad the opinion of the Court Body therefore has decided scholars.7 While the indi- never intended to benefit faith in forming said con- following an emergency to bring suit on grounds of vidual members of the Stu- solely the Faculty such that tract and then accepting re- hearing convened abroad,2 (1) failure to fulfill contrac- dent Body would welcome the Faculty might choose to ally rather horrendous sums in which GOLDMAN, C.J., tual obligations, (2) inhu- personalized thoughts re- enjoy the holiday season so of money from the already and VANDERMEULEN, J., mane treatment in violation garding course performance cruelly denied the Student impecunious Student Body joined. MALKOWSKI, J., of any convention on human in lieu of mere comparison Body and then, in the ensu- without any intent to issue filed an opinion concurring rights, and (3), because it is to fellow members of the ing weeks, kick back recov- timely assessments as rea- in part and concurring in more or less a default claim Student Body, the Student ering from all those ardu- sonably expected. the judgment. JANI, J., filed in any complaint that comes Body long ago conceded that ous parties (as the Student The second claim brought a dissenting opinion. by the Student Body reflects the perils of tardiness par- JUSTICE ZABLOCKI de- n the matter of damages, ticularly neatly. You see, livered the opinion of the not only is inhumane treat- Court. ment a claim with merit, it Despite its diverse inter- is a claim the Student Body ests, current activities (i.e. the Student Body will had opportunity to study in ways of destressing from “O greater detail over the many, the prolonged torture that many, many weeks of win- is exams), and future career ter vacation. In particular, paths (ahem, grades need- never be able to relive Winter Break 2017- learning about the compara- ed to see what these might tively frivolous claims which be—to quote one not-even- succeed before the EU Court particularly-anxious 1L, “I of Human Rights in a J-term need my grades in order to 2018 and celebrate whatever holidays in which may well be graded submit job apps for next before fall semester grades summer. Or is the magic are all posted9 inspired this of K-Don really that limit- claim. Without further ado less?”), the Student Body truly peaceful fashion.” is united in angst resulting 8 Surprise, surprise, the not from actual fall semester Faculty failed to even ac- grades,3 but rather from the knowledge the Student -J. Zablocki Body’s complaint in a timely 1 Timely graders seem to manner, so the evidence is be the exception rather than primarily in the form of ab- the rule; therefore, defen- before the Court of Petty Ap- Body remains hung up on sence of grades as of the end dants shall be referred to as peals, intentional infliction 5 Say what you will, soul- exams) before hastily as- of J-term. What do the Fac- “the Faculty.” of emotional distress. lessness can only be an asset signing everybody B+’s with ulty do all day?? First, the bargain between in Big Law. a smattering of A-’s and B’s, 2 So many members of the Student Body and the maybe even an A+ or, heav- 9 This Court has faith the Classes of 2018, 2019, Faculty is pretty clear. In 6 Please, PLEASE no one en forbid, a B-. Any inter- in you, Madame Goré. But and 2020 have complained consideration for the dozens say it is Uncle Don who has pretation by the Faculty in even if not, French pastry through so many media, the of millions of tuition dollars grabbed these now. Life is line with such is clearly in atones for a multitude of Court has been compelled to the Student Body pays each cruel enough. bad faith, and any action in sins. write a decision from Ghent, year—or, more accurately, accordance with such inter- Belgium. From a hostel. the dozens of millions of 7 This Court will name pretation is a breach of con- COPA page 5 From, importantly—though dollars of debt the Student names of those more, ah, likely only for the Court, al- Body accrues each year—the terrestrial teachers only if ways denied such privilege Student Body not only is re- compelled by subpoena, Faculty Quotes in childhood—the top bunk. lieved of the heavy, heavy forms for which may not be found on the Court’s web- M. Gilbert: “According to Student: I have a million 3 And in fact, the Student site. Although the Court will the attendance policy, you have questions. Body acknowledges that see- 4 This is the system that note that, as always, Profes- to attend 80 percent of the D. Brown: “I’ll take seven.” ing the (maybe?) forthcom- is supposed to be used to sor Mitchell remains a shin- classes. And now you gotta ask ing grades will somehow, communicate grades to stu- ing beacon for all professo- yourself, is he a rules guy or a B. Armacost: “Trevor, defying all rules of physics dents, in case confusion rial sort and got his grades standards guy?” what’s wrong with your face? and metaphysics, result in a about how to do so is what’s out almost before the twelfth Wait, no, don’t put that in the deeper plunge into despair. holding any professors up. day of Christmas. E. Kitch: “Hello… well good Law Weekly!” bye I guess. Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and have a D. Oliar: “And the squirt good rest of your lives.” gun. One of the largest men- aces to humanity.” Virginia Law Weekly J. Mahoney: “Have you ever wondered about the his- Heard a good professor COLOPHON tory of the Internal Revenue quote? Code?” Email [email protected]! Jenna Goldman (she/her/hers) ‘18 Editor-in-Chief

Eric Hall (he/him/his) ‘18 Jansen VanderMeulen ’19 Managing Editor Executive Editor Anand Jani ‘19 Production Editor

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Wednesday, 24 January 2018 VIRGINIA LAW WEEKLY Columns 5 CLASS ism, and it makes navigating seemingly every law professor er or be pitied, and I expect this, I cannot help but think of continued from page 2 law school and the legal world in the world went to Yale Law, others might be motivated by both former foster youth and surprisingly difficult if you do so I can use New Haven pizza the same reluctance. I am also also my friends here at UVa not come from an economic or and its status as the best pizza reluctant to ask the questions Law who have never traveled more in the accent-neutral way social class that overlaps with in the country as a conversa- I am most interested in asking abroad. What do you do when of news anchors. it because you have not been tion crutch, but beyond that I out of fear of committing an associates and partners are Outside the South, parts of taught the interpersonal dance falter. unknown faux pas and being judging you based on conver- the bias against the South- required to present yourself Yet I watch so many of our seen as stupid. sations about things you have ern accent can be somewhat, effectively. It also affects how classmates develop relation- Contrast that class perfor- never been able to experience but not completely, over- we interact with our clients, ships with professors seem- mance anxiety with another like international travel or ski come by high socio-economic since many people from high ingly effortlessly. It is not truly form that I find much easier vacations? If you are a woman, class markers. For instance, economic and social classes effortless since students are cope with. As the 2Ls and 3Ls do you worry that you seem President Clinton, one of our have not been taught to under- putting so much work into know, and the 1Ls will soon less fun than similarly situ- drawl-iest presidents, went to stand or maybe even consider their studies and building off know, once you get to the inter- ated men? If you are a racial Georgetown and Yale Law. He that people from other classes that to connect with profes- view portion of the job search, minority, do you worry that is often characterized as bril- might interact with them and sors, but there seems to be your desirability as a poten- you are playing into a stereo- liant, noting his education, but the world differently. A lot of something more than just dili- tial hire becomes much more type about your race? How can usually this recognition is de- this is implicit, so even when gence at play. For some people about personality fit since em- you control your perception if spite his voice, which is conde- people are not consciously that ease seems to come from ployers have already reviewed you cannot perform as people scendingly seen as a tool that considering class distinctions family connections, shared your credentials. But because from a higher socio-economic connects him with lower class it is probably still coloring experiences, and other class- of the relatively small amount class expect you to be able to voters. Similarly, President their experience with others. based distinctions that other of time any student has with perform? Bush, son of another Presi- I would like to use one of my students from different socio- any one interviewer, the inter- Due to my unique life expe- dent Bush, who went to Yale favorite parts of UVa Law to be- economic backgrounds could actions are more akin to speed riences I am probably more and Harvard Business School, gin to illustrate this. One of our not hope to share with our pro- dating than anything else. But consciously aware of class than is not seen as smart despite greatest assets is how engaged fessors. I want to highlight this unlike more amorphous inter- others, but this is not meant to the trappings of his education, and open professors are in our disparity in particular because actions with professors, there be a comprehensive examina- and most people connect their community. The fact that stu- professor relationships are is a certain set of vocabulary tion of the issue. We are all perception of his intellect to dents can talk with them in so important to tangible out- and select appropriate experi- affected by class and perform his drawl. However you feel office hours, have lunch with comes like getting clerkships ences to discuss. Identifying roles in certain ways based on about the relative intelligence them, work on their research, or highly competitive govern- what these are and how to ap- class every day that are unique of either of these presidents, I and see them out in the wild is ment jobs. proach them is one of the ways to our circumstances. Hope- have always noticed how their a unique and truly wonderful I think UVa Law does a good our career services provides fully sharing a small bit of my intellect has been discussed opportunity to get even more job at partially alleviating this such a valuable service to us. views on and experiences with through the lens of their accent out of our law school experi- structurally by having small- Yet knowing about the top- the intricacies of class and the and regional background. ence than our peers at other section professors with an ics is one thing. Actually being way intersectional identities So what does this have to schools. It is also an opportu- expected pseudo-mentorship able to interact with the class further complicate it as a topic do with the law school and nity I personally struggle to role, through professor lunch- implications of these topics is can help spark a broader con- the law? As you may have no- utilize. es, and through other formal entirely another. I think the versation on the barriers class ticed, like most professional I often literally have no idea and informal activities that best example is one callback creates and how to be more arenas, the legal world is fo- how to talk to professors out- provide access to professors. lunch I had where the entire thoughtful about the role we cused on elite things—elite side of class. If I do not have But even with access, I feel a discussion centered on in- play in the strength of those schools, elite clerkships, elite an actual question about what- heavy sense of reluctance to ternational travel. Luckily I barriers here at UVa Law spe- jobs, elite clients, etc.—even ever subject they teach, I just engage in even light conversa- have been fortunate enough to cifically and in our lives more in areas where some of those assume I have nothing to talk tion with professors since the travel abroad on fellowships generally. considerations seem inher- to them about because I have answer to almost any person- to do research and for other --- ently counterproductive like internalized my old economic- al question I might be asked privileged reasons such as ac- [email protected] in public service roles. Unsur- and social-class identity even would reveal either how poor cruing airline miles from re- prisingly, there is an overlay of though neither are strictly or tragic my life has been. I do imbursed business travel. But class on these trappings of elit- true anymore. I am lucky that not want to be seen as a down- in every interaction I have like

COPA this Court is outraged,13 and inaccuracy of the claim that er.” In fact, really get into from a Justice, drunk on continued from page 4 it’s all the Faculty’s fault. A the entire Student Body is it. Throughout the break, brioche bread dough and few days in which to move relieved of the burden of a interrupt our sole period of unfluoridated water, issuing on from first semester soul as part of its agreement respite to remind us that you rulings from a strange and or analysis of U.S. law re- grades, be it by coming to with the Faculty. As has have not graded anything yet foreign land. garding violation of human terms with lousy ones and been pointed out to her pe- and in fact have no intention This claim should be dis- rights—torture is banned mourning futures no longer riodically since a 2005 epi- of hurrying things along. missed for lack of standing. pretty much everywhere, possible,14 or by celebrating sode of South Park, this Jus- Keep us on edge! Send out The body of glorious and and obvi making a bunch of that one A- in a sea of B+’s, tice (and similarly situated mysterious announcements wonderful professors at the high strung students10 wait, is only an unreasonable re- redheads) has never actually via Canvas to the tune of Virginia School of Law (vi- oh, over a month for a single quest from the standpoint been in possession of a soul Amtrak’s “This is just an es- vat in aeternum) is not the grade is torture—this Court of gosh, that’s really so very of which to be relieved. timate, but we will be very entity that sets the due date finds that the Faculty has little to ask after beasting In addition to the damages late leaving the station and of grades. This responsibil- violated the Student Body’s through weeks of finals and prescribed above, this Jus- then likely also be behind ity lies with the Registrar’s basic human rights. Maybe then weeks of anxious wait- tice proposes that the grad- the local commuter train the Office. This court has al- this knowledge is limited to ing before resuming months ing process be treated in the rest of the way. Again, this ready ruled that professors normal humans,11 but quick of tedious studying and then following manner moving is just an estimate. Things are allowed to party. (See life lesson: the whole point doing it all over again. forward: fall term grades are probably much worse.” Frightened 1L v. Professor of an endurance contest— On the matter of dam- should be released if at all Send out a few emails with Who Looked at Him at Alley such as finals—is that at the ages, the Student Body will possible within five business the subject line “Grades” Light) (“Professors are not end (because yes, there is an never be able to relive Win- days of New Year’s Day. The but with no content. Con- immune from the urge to end), there is some measur- ter Break 2017-18 and cel- Student Body frankly would sider including an audio file drink away the PTSD of see- able satisfaction, even if it is ebrate whatever holidays in not like to see them any of unintelligible noises that ing the same gunnery, shrill only identifiable conclusion truly peaceful fashion. It is sooner, as this would imply we can spend hours trying students in their offices ev- of the contest allowing par- impossible to assign a nu- you didn’t actually read our to open. Start a rumor that ery day.”) This court has also ticipants to know that they merical value to such lost novella of stream-of-con- grades HAVE been posted granted the protection of have survived.12 experiences; therefore, this sciousness sentences,15 and and then watch as days at the I’m Rich, Bitch doctrine, With respect to the Stu- Court has no choice but to this would cause the tenu- a time are laid to waste by extended to 3Ls returning dent Body’s third claim of award equity in the form of ous illusion of the academic a whole new strain of anxi- from their BigLaw summers, IIED, obviously the Facul- A’s for all. With regard to social contract holding our ety. Take my word for it: law to professors. (Broke 2L v. ty’s inaction is intentional, this award, all parties hereto frail bodies together to shat- students will LOVE this. We Professor Johnston) (“You obviously it’s extreme if it’s shall be bound by a gag or- ter into a billion pieces. were hoping you would drag should be so lucky to attend a not just 1Ls who are upset, der in order that the firms In the event this is not out the thrill of exams for as school at which your profes- don’t realize we’re not all possible, the Faculty should long as possible and frankly sor can publicly bemoan the little geniuses. adopt the policy (hereinaf- live for the excitement. sale of his ski cottage for a Blah blah it is so ordered. ter the “Amtrak System”) loss. Would you rather go to 10 Have you seen any of periodically releasing the JUSTICE JANI, dissent- Georgetown?”). UVa Law’s truly easygoing law stu- JUSTICE MALKOWSKI, following unsolicited mes- ing. tax professors are undoubt- dents? Because this Court concurring in part and con- sage: “This semester’s grade Yeah, I’m gonna have edly taking advantage of this hasn’t. Ever. curring in the judgment. anticipation train making to dissent, if only to protect protection. Therefore, pro- I join nearly all of my col- stops in panic, anxiety, and my second-semester grades. fessors cannot be held liable 11 I.e., those not league’s insightful opinion. I identity crisis will be de- Also, it seems like some- for delaying grades as long scarred by law school and write separately to note the layed. There will be no esti- one’s blood sugar was run- as they are permitted to do. then also by years of tenure- mate of the delay. Informa- ning a bit high after eating Finally, the Code of Conduct tracking. 13 The person on the tion will be provided as it is a few too many waffles. Or for Justices of this august bottom bunk probably is, available but probably nev- maybe my Sister Zablocki Court should be amended 12 Again, this Court too, at this point. forgets that in this country to discourage the overuse of KNOWS there might be no 15 We recognize that we prioritize individual lib- footnotes. I know we were satisfaction in the grades re- 14 Don’t spend too the Faculty will likely still erty and the right of profes- all thinking it. ceived. That’s a case for an- much time on this—Career not read them, but we’d like sors to party. We don’t need --- other day. Services is that magical. you to at least play along. this oppressive interference [email protected] 6 The Back Page VIRGINIA LAW WEEKLY Wednesday, 24 January 2018 Virginia Law Review Online Symposium Examines Law Behind Events of August 11-12

Over the past few to an extent, even dictated— Timothy Horley’s es- remove the Lee Statue that we learn in law school that months, UVa Law students by background legal prin- say, Rethinking the Heck- ostensibly served as a rea- change can also be found have responded to the events ciples that govern our state ler’s Veto After Charlottes- son for numerous protests “through the rule of law and and our country. Perhaps by ville, asks one of the most in Charlottesville, including the elaboration of legal prin- Clayton Bailey ’18 examining these questions difficult questions in First the “Unite the Right” rally on ciples.” It is the “mutually (he/him/his) of law, we can advance our Amendment law: when can August 11 and 12. Discussing enforcing efforts of law and Guest Columnist understanding of the incom- a speaker’s expression that decades of statutory grants protest, of anger and opti- prehensible actions of men. is likely to provoke a violent that permitted localities to mism, that have dragged this of August 11 This week, it is our plea- response from listeners jus- erect monuments, she de- country out of the darkness and 12, 2017 sure to publish in our On- tify government intervention termines that the statutory of the early twentieth cen- with grace and line companion a number against the speaker? Exam- grant under which the statue tury, and that are responsi- conviction. Their accounts of of scholarly essays, written ining the morass surround- was purportedly erected, as ble for all of the civil rights the events, and reactions to by UVa students and facul- ing the issue, he proposes well as subsequent statutes, gains we have made.” Today, them, have been published ty, that seek to do just that. drawing on the test created cannot serve as a legal bar to we continue this tradition of The full essays can be read at by the Supreme Court in its removal. optimism. While we would Michael Dooley ’18 virginialawreview.org, and a Brandenburg v. Ohio. This Finally, Professor Rich- love to believe that “Charlot- (he/him/his) panel discussion with the au- solution, he argues, would ard Schragger’s essay, When tesville” was a turning point, Guest Columnist thors will be held Thursday, better protect speakers’ White Supremacists Invade the final thrust of a dying in numerous February 1 at 1 p.m. in Pur- rights while expanding the a City, argues that Charlot- sentiment of hate, more dark outlets, includ- cell Reading Room. Lunch ability of authorities to in- tesville’s response to the days may yet litter our path ing The New will be provided. tervene before violence oc- events of August 11 and 12 forward. But we are confi- York Times and The essays alternate be- curs. was a result of its weakness dent that these challenges, the Virginia Law Weekly. tween U.S. constitutional In her essay, Your ‘Little and liminal status under legal and otherwise, will be I am so proud to call many law and the relationship be- Friend’ Doesn’t Say ‘Hello’: Virginia (and United States) overcome by the men and of these people, who spoke tween states and municipali- Putting the First Amend- law. Since cities like Charlot- women of compassion and out passionately for their ties. A brief summary of each ment Before the Second in tesville are not afforded the capacity who inevitably rise beliefs, my friends. Their piece follows, in order of its Public Protests, Kendall rights granted to private cor- to meet them. collective reaction shows appearance in our sympo- Burchard addresses an issue porations and lack the full --- the true character of our sium. that was on plain display on power of the state—instead [email protected] community. Much like our Professor Farah Peter- August 11 and 12—whether relying upon specific grants [email protected]

classmates, members of the son, who joins our faculty the states are (or should be) of authority—they have lim- Virginia Law Review were this semester, provides theEnjoy! ableGMT. to2018 restrict the01:32:18 23 presenceJan Tue on ited abilities to respond to http://www.opensky.ca/sudoku by Generated horribly disturbed by the introduction to our sympo- of firearms at protests. Ex- crises. Professor Schragger scenes of violence and hate sium. She explores how the ploring the current state of asks whether this should be that made “Charlottesville” events of August 11 and 12 the law, she concludes that the case, particularly given national shorthand for the may have come about, draw- protests should be recog- all that we demand from our dangers of white supremacy. ing connections to the sor- nized as “sensitive places” cities and municipalities. In the aftermath, fighting did elements of our coun- where states are permitted In her thoughtful for- the feeling of helplessness try’s recent history. Despite to bar such weapons. ward, Professor Peterson that comes when confront- the horror and chaos, Pro- Amanda Lineberry’s es- invokes Justice Thurgood ing true tragedy, we turned fessor Peterson recognizes say, Payne v. City of Charlot- Marshall’s optimism for the to the law. These events did the abundant potential for tesville and the Dillon’s Rule capacity of law. While anger not happen in a vacuum. change and our role in bring- Rationale for Removal, ad- and protest are often neces- They were influenced—and, ing it forth. dresses Virginia’s ability to sary in the face of injustice,

TIME EVENT LOCATION COST FOOD? WEDNESDAY – January 24, 2018

Jake Busching Happy Hour Yah, that’s the 4:00 PM Parallel 38 Depends & Wine Dinner point SUDOKU Puzzle 1 (Very hard, difficulty rating 0.76) Kitchen War of the Ports – Wine Catering 5:30 PM Tasting & Pop-Up Wine Guild of Charlottesville $5 (that’s its real 4 1 5 3 name) Blue Ridge 5:30 PM Dab for Good Bingo Random Row Brewery $5 6 9 5 Pizza for sale

THURSDAY – January 25, 2018 7 4 1 2

Innovation vs. Incumbents: Pry. It’s a 11:30 AM WB 101 Free 2 6 3 the Internet and Regulation FedSoc Event 4 5 t Butler Snow 1L Lunch and They better 1:00 PM WB 129 Free Panel have food. 3 1 4

VJSPL Symposium: Loving th Almost 9 1 8 3 3:00 PM v. Virginia on its 50 Caplin Pavilion Free certainly. Anniversary o c k e FRIDAY – January 26, 2018 4 7 6 VJSPL Symposium: Loving th 9:00 AM v. Virginia on its 50 Caplin Pavilion Free Surely. 7 2 3 9

D Anniversary Lambda Law Alliance 11:45 PM WB 101 Free hopefully General Body Meeting Generated by http://www.opensky.ca/sudoku on Tue Jan 23 01:32:18 2018 GMT. Enjoy! h e SATURDAY – January 27, 2018 Solution Charlottesville Parks & Rec th

T 10:00 AM 233 4 St. NW Free Knope. Job Fair 9 1 4 3 2 6 7 5 8

Know Good Beer & Bourbon nd Local food 1:00 PM 963 2 St. SE $50.61 5 8 6 1 9 7 3 4 2

Festival vendors

SUNDAY – January 28, 2018 3 7 2 5 4 8 1 6 9 Available for 8 4 7 2 1 5 9 3 6 2:00 PM Funny Face Alamo Drafthouse $10

purchase Free if you Available for 6 2 5 8 3 9 4 7 1

5:00 PM Geeks Who Drink Trivia Random Row Brewery

don’t drink purchase 1 3 9 7 6 4 8 2 5

MONDAY –January 29, 2018 2 6 1 4 8 3 5 9 7

Why would 4 5 8 9 7 2 6 1 3 4:00 PM Add/Drop Period Ends SIS Catastrophic you even ask 7 9 3 6 5 1 2 8 4 that?

TUESDAY – January 30, 2018 0.76) rating difficulty hard, (Very 1 Puzzle

4:30 PM Pizza and Pint Night Random Row Brewery $10–$12 No