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noseweek issue

68JUNE 2005 R21 solution to our R100billion HORROR

POISONED BY HER PATHOLOGIST FRANKENFLORA INVADES KIRSTENBOSCH TOCHIS FIRMLY ON THE SEAT OF POWER PASSION AT THE PINK PALACE 10 JUNE2005 ISSUE68 Picture: William McIntosh/Die Burger McIntosh/Die William Picture: CIVILHOT WARPROPERTY in Madibaland

10PAGE A paraffin stove that for once doesn’t set the town on fire

4 Letters Mr Nose, I presume ■ Ronald Suresh Roberts ■ What Times, what mores! ■ How many blondes does it take to run a gallery? ■ Truth well told ■ Thanks for the ad ■ Prawn in distress ■ Nose in Kampala ■ Taxing matter ■ Can’t keep Goodman down ■ Stupid Mr Nose ■ In a lather over Rather

6 Dear Reader SA’s avoidable shack-fire holocaust ■ Hello and goodbye

7 Mr Nose puts it about Geyser blows it ■ Telkom customer service awards ■ Is Zuma next? ■ Long Walk to Fortune ■ North Korean salutations ■ Sign of the times ■ Blast from the past (4) ■ Art society antics ■ Local aesthetic

14 Poisoned by the path lab A routine set of tests ended in death for a 42- year-old mother of four when two powders were inadvertantly mixed up

16 White mischief April Fool’s Day was an inauspicious day for a group black empowerment partners to take control of their new company

19 War at The Pink Palace A new front opens up in the fight between Surgeon and Safari’s Lorraine Melvill and her uncle Gerald Mahoney

22 Orders from above What secret agenda was Cape Town’s Mayor Nomaindia Mfeketo pursuing when she binned a report that criticises the planned redevelopment of the harbour?

25 Note & Updates Herr Hoster taken hostage by Nedbank ■ Third-term presidents ■ SARS sniffs around Wits Business School

28 Africa Confidential Congo parties can’t agree ■ Russian oligarchs bed down with SA mining houses ■ Death in Djibouti

30 Frankenflora When indigenous gardening goes monstrously wrong

32 This & that Harold Strachan draws on RW Johnson and Gus Ferguson does his verse

33 Wine Gullible gluggers

34 Last word Harold Strachan on how times they are a changin’

Subscribe to noseweek and save R75 on the retail price: see page 32 Letters

Mr Nose, I presume years, up to October 2003, on the deeper mysteries of the person who wrote the I was shocked and horrifed I had been deputy editor of business, intelligence and article “Mandela Fakes: no at the undemocratic decision the Financial Mail. Could power”, and, “The unfortunate end in sight for the hard cell”, taken by you to dispense Mr Nose (if he’s still around) reality is that if we cannot (nose67), wasn’t kind enough with Mr Nose. I am sure the enlighten me: during what distinguish between truth and to print his name: I’d like to majority of your readers will period was I unwittingly untruth, we will be cast into invite the writer & co for a insist that he be retained ousted by the estimable a moral universe that lacks glass of wine and a chat. as is. However, I just might William Mervin Gumede? any kind of anchor” bring to Claudelle (“a pushy blonde”), change my mind if he persists Michael Coulson mind Unfnished Business, Touch of Mandela Gallery, Nelson in not revealing the identities Johannesburg Terry Bell and Dumisa Buhle Mandela Square, Sandton City of various parties referred to Thanks for the correction Ntsebeza’s book on South We forwarded your in “Mr Nose puts it about”; regarding Mr Nose’s sloppy Africa: Apartheid & Truth. invitation to our Gauteng art e.g. who is the person in “An infation of William Gumede’s The book tells of the correspondent, only to have oligarch’s appetites”? Or the career at the Financial Mail. unfnished business that it returned marked “left/no forwarding address”. I’ll be happy to stand in, provided the blonde and the wine are I have never quite seen the point guaranteed genuine. – Ed.

of Ronald Suresh Roberts Thanks for the ad We at African Scholars Fund continue to be profoundly famous politician in “blast Mr Gumede was merely a stands in the way of healing grateful to our unknown from the past (3)”? You just senior editor at the FM. He was the nation’s soul: those benefactor for the regular cannot do this to us! deputy-editor of The Sowetan. perpetrators who did not ad in your Smalls section, Alan Taurog We couldn’t hope to compete receive their just deserts for and hope that noseweek’s Johannesburg with your expertise in inferior their crimes (some are in discerning readership pays as US porn movies, but let’s just positions of power even today); much attention to that feature The point of Roberts say we don’t understand how it the victims, who still grieve’ and its worthy objectives as ‘ Two items arising from comes into this picture. over the unknown fate of their to your tantalizing editorial nose67: The point of Ronald Roberts? loved ones. offerings. Firstly, I have never quite Why, he adds to the gaiety of As James Sanders concluded: We endorse almost all seen the point of Ronald nations and contributes to the “There are fabulous stories out the admirable sentiments Suresh Roberts, but I shall rich tapestry of South African there waiting to be told”. in the advertisement but always be grateful to him for discourse – as you, of course, A pity Bell’s book is to be must reassure readers that, explaining that Mo Shaik do too. – Ed. found in so few bookshops. contrary to the “no-bull” was not being compared to Rev. Herbert Syre description, the eponymous a sleazy stud who appeared A truth well told Constantia undersigned is visible and in many inferior US porno James Sander’s concerns re real, and does attempt to wield movies. Clearly, a cocaine- the state of the SA media What Times, what mores! a little more than negligible riddled gangster is far more in “Telling Tales” (nose67) The RSA public must be infuence as Chair of the appropriate. caught my attention. His eternally grateful to noseweek Board of Trustees. Secondly, I have always statements that “South Africa and its publishers. It is the Margaret Bull laboured under the delusion is still in a fragile state: the only section of the media by email that for something like 15 doors have not yet been locked that is fearless – and does its homework properly. It is the Prawn in distress Gus only publication that confrms Re: the prawn recipe that’s what many privately suspect. causing a shtink at the shul Your account of how the (nose67). Come on!!! What’s Sunday Times dealt with their this all about?! What are you journalist Bonny Schoonakker’s trying to say?! report on the Mandela art OK – you’ve told us a story, fraud tells it all. I look forward infantile at best. BUT what to your next edition. lessons do you wish us to W M Pitt Fennell learn from this story? What East London action do you suggest we take against this “horror-of- Nosing around horrors”? Be brave – give us We are sitting at the bar some recommendations. at Kampala Backpackers Dave Lasker Hostel and found amongst the Crown Mines magazines a copy of nose57. Recommendations? Think You do get around! – then take a Disprin and call Sonja & Jorgen Dahl us in the morning. – Ed. on our way by car from Cape Town to Copenhagen Taxing matter You’ve printed much Here’s to a pushy blonde commentary recently Unfortunately, I don’t know regarding income tax evaders, who to address this to, as and I wondered if you realised:

4 noseweek June 2005 Of South Africa’s population cheap Castle washing up on Stupid Mr Nose of 44 million, only four million the Seychelles you found it Having been an avid are registered tax payers necessary to mention that Pete noseweek groupie for – representing only 9% of the Clarke was educated at Hilton. years, I would like to population and contributing Quite correct and well done! forgive my favourite dirt- R110.7bn annually – this is Somehow, however, despite diggers the odd lapse of 32% of gross revenue to the your strenuous efforts at fair their usually impeccable receiver’s offce. and balanced reporting you judgement, but two ? ... Government statistics failed to record the fact that in one edition? I found state that the “expanded” James Goodman, who features your petty, personal, unemployment rate (the in “Race rat” (nose67) went to and just plain pointless fgure that includes those Michaelhouse! attack on my friend Nick who have “given up” seeking Peter Cook Clelland-Stokes (Mr Nose, employment) is 41%, therefore Benmore nose66) a bit offensive 59% of the population are Goodman is an exception to and, well, just stupid. So supposedly working and able the pantheon of distinguished Nick (who stepped down to contribute to income tax. MHouse old boys, whereas from public offce [as a Yet only 9% are taxpayers. Clarke is a typical Hilton DP MP] in April 2004) What happened to the other reprobate – Ed. and Sasha changed the “employed” 50%? departure date of their Corporate tax, which is In a lather over Rather long-planned, round the the income tax paid by all In Greg Palast’s piece “Dan world time-out together, businesses, amounts to R70,6bn. Rather Conks Out” (nose67), so Sasha could fnish off This is only 20% of the total he expounds in depth on a some projects she was – far less than the 32% paid subject of which he has only working on. Skande! by individuals (at R110.7bn), superfcial knowledge. So Nick was gainfully On the road: noseweek hits Bologna suggesting that all the mining, Rather was pretty much employed in Cape (with Nick Clelland-Stokes) energy, manufacturing and ignored, until 9/11, when his Town for a few months production industries in true colours began to show with before they fnally left over the past year is South Africa are either under- statements such as: “Like him in January 2005. Shock and undoubtedly correct and, as productive or short-changing the or not, [Bush] is the President”. horror! So Nick bought a book surely, Mr Nose’s account had receiver’s offce. The audacity of that comment at Cape Town Airport in that a (typically) shitty spin. But, It’s absolutely staggering: accelerated the CBS news time. Off with his head! let’s face it, his was the more honest tax-paying citizens (9% anchor’s inevitable demise. Come on, noseweek, entertaining one. Now that of the population) actually After 9/11 Rather became so whatever was that about? we know from other sources keep SA afoat, and do better obsessively anti-Bush that he Meanwhile, being the good what Nick was actually at generating income than SA carried his bile too far with his noseweek reader that I am, buying at the airport branch of businesses and industries! report on the President’s service I’m voting with my feet, or Exclusive Books (on his way to Mark Wade in the Air National Guard. better still my wallet, so I’ve Bologna: see picture), we have Durban Perhaps his greatest error iced my planned contribution no hesitation in wishing him It’s fewer than 9% who was his timing. With the US to Martin’s Cellphone Records – and Sasha – a very happy are keeping the boat afoat: attacked on its own soil, it Subpoena Appeal Fund, good journey! remember Brett Kebble? was not the time to delve into cause though it undoubtedly is. OK, so you didn’t fnd it He’s offcially a “registered petty issues that were little Lyn Ploos van Amstel funny. But you love noseweek taxpayer”, but his friends in more than a vicious political Westville, Durban – and we love you. For what the revenue service simply can’t weapon. Rather’s selection of Your account of Nick that’s worth. (How much were get themselves to collect any material was so juvenile as Clelland-Stokes’s movements you going to send us?) – Ed. tax off him, or from a few other to be grounds for dismissal. extremely wealthy and well- Many of his colleagues, Palast journalist, because he refused Contrary to Palast’s lament, connected “registered taxpayers” excepted, agreed. to act with any grasp of duty or the passing of Rather, has – that we know of! – Ed. Palast says that Rather sense of honour. not signalled the death of refused to accept the “evil gag He lacked the reserve and American journalism. It is now Can’t keep Goodman down orders of the media moguls” dignity to avoid using his far better off. In your report, “Lager Loot” and that he died as a journalist. platform as his personal soap Travis Honeycutt (nose67), about all that Wrong. He killed himself as a box. by email Your Complete Software Solution Trust Accounting Electronic Instructions Property Transfers Case Management Bond Registrations Client Billing Debt Collection Diary System “”Making computers work for you Litigation Time Management 0861711150 Bills of Cost Management Reports For a free demonstration. Trade Marks Admin Orders www.legalsuite.co.za

noseweek June 2005 5 Dear Reader

SA’s avoidable holocaust Tel: (021) 686 0570 Fax: (021) 686 0573 HIS MONTH’S cover story has no Our story reveals there has been a break- [email protected] skinner to take your breath away, no through: an enterprising local inventor Editor Tcelebrity names to drop in the dirt at has developed a safer stove that could save Martin Welz your next dinner party. I make no apology lives and limit the devastation. High safety for that. Over the past year South Africa standards can now be set. But will they? Managing editor has seen more than its usually horrifying The poor by definition have no financial number of children burned to death, clout and, because they have no financial Marten du Plessis more than the usual tens of thousands of clout, they tend to have very little political Production editor people lose all their possessions in shack clout. There’s no money to be had or profit Tony Pinchuck fires. Much of it can be attributed to the to be made from solving their problems. lethally dangerous paraffin stoves that Surely this is an opportunity for the gov- Gauteng bureau unscrupulous manufacturers have been ernment to step in and buy George Long’s Jack Lundin allowed for years to sell to the country’s patents and offer them to all the country’s Censor-in-chief poorest citizens. Like no other, the manufacturers, free of charge? Then ruth- Len Ashton humble paraffin stove issue raises the lessly enforce the high safety standards question: does the government really care necessary to help bring an end to the annu- Reporter about the poor? al holocaust. Jacqui Kadey

Cartoons Gus Ferguson Myke Ashley-Cooper

Contributors Hello and goodbye James Sanders Melany Bendix Adam Welz T NOSEWEEK, it seems, there’s no liberals such as Bill Clinton do as well. Tim James time to say hello, and scarcely time to The DA as a party has a perfectly liberal Harold Strachan Asay a belated goodbye and thank you. approach to this subject, which is to allow Subscriptions Goodbye James Sanders, and thank you for our public representatives a free vote on the Maud Petersen having done such a splendid job of stirring death penalty and other issues of conscience during your three-month stint as editor! such as abortion.” Advertising Adrienne de Jongh Hear the rumble of all the media big Finally there’s the matter of Ronald guns now ranged on the Mandela art Suresh Roberts. If Roberts hadn’t arrived in Subscription rates front – prompted by two pistol shots from South Africa, we’d have had to invent him, Print: SA only R195 for 10 Sanders in noseweek. (We’ll be firing one or for all the life he’s brought to the DA. What issues. Overseas (airmail) two more, in due course.) is it about Roberts – and still more curious, Europe, Americas and And then there’s the long and bitter letter what is it about the boys in the DA that sets Australasia: R345 (for 10 of complaint I’ve received from James Selfe it all off? Sanders definitely put his finger on issues). MP about Sanders’ criticism of Tony Leon something worth investigating there. Leon’s Online: R250 for 10 issues in nose66. youthful “war career” as propagandist on the (visit www.noseweek.co.za). I haven’t published Selfe’s letter because SADF’s Paratus magazine – unearthed by of its length and because it says so little Roberts – is history worth noting, we would To subscribe by post Send cheque with name, that’s new. I know the DA does a splendid have thought. In the tradition of truth and address and phone no. to: job on many fronts. reconciliation, why not admit it and talk noseweek, PO Box 44538, But, as a gesture of goodwill, let me quote about it? But while Selfe, like his colleagues, Claremont 7735. the odd paragraph from Selfe’s letter: remains touchy about any mention of it, he “Sanders’ statement that ‘the DA leader does not hesitate to spread the dirt around: To subscribe via Internet and has never managed to connect with black in his letter to noseweek he reveals that pay by credit card go to voters’ arrogantly presumes to know what “such luminaries as Shaun Johnson (recently www.noseweek.co.za ‘black voters’ think,” he says in his letter. appointed by Mandela to head the Mandela/ “The truth is that the DA’s progress under Rhodes foundation); Alan Dunn (editor of Copyright All material in this issue is copyright, and belongs to Chaucer Leon among all voters has been very signifi- the Sunday Tribune) and Hugo Cassirer (son Publications (Pty) Ltd, unless cant – and even among black voters, much of the more famous Nadine Gordimer) also otherwise indicated. No part of the higher than supposedly African opposition spent their compulsory military service at material June be quoted, photocopied, parties including the PAC and Azapo.” Paratus.” reproduced or be stored by any A dollop of truth with a dash of wishful Also for the record: the DA won two mil- electronic system without prior written permission. Disclaimer While thinking for flavour? lion votes in the 2004 election and grew every reasonable effort Selfe’s bit about Leon’s support of the more than any other party in the country, is taken to ensure the death penalty we’ll give a skip. Just the fol- including the ANC. Under Leon’s leader- accuracy and soundness lowing for the record: “Leon’s position is by ship the DA is now the second biggest party of the contents of this no means exceptional for a liberal. Many in the country, by some distance. publication, neither the authors nor the publisher classical liberals, like John Stuart Mill sup- Now can we call it a day? will bear any responsibility for the ported the death penalty, and contemporary The Editor consequences of any actions based on information contained herein. Printed and Published by Chaucer Publications (Pty) Ltd.

Mr Nose puts it about

Geyser blows it Pickled Zuma

Mr Nose notes that Andries Geyser, who pleaded guilty in April to serious Much to Mrs Nose’s annoyance, Mr Nose criminal offences arising from his period as chairman of two JSE-listed makes frequent visits to the Gauteng companies, is a former president of the Natal Law Society – and of the fleshpots – purely in the interests of South African Law Society. research of course. Mr Nose must admit, The companies in question are Tigon and Shawcell, both at the centre of though, that on these business trips he the scam by which Gary Porritt misappropriated some R250 million from is always unsettled by the levels of deg- the public (with a little help from Jack Milne). Geyser will now turn state radation, corruption and recidivism he witness against Porritt. finds in our northern cities – so uncom- Geyser was chairman of the Natal Law Society from 1985-1987. He was fortably close to the seat of government! chairman of Tigon from 1995 to 2000, and of Shawcell from 1999 to 2000. So, it was with a distinct sense of Geyser pleaded guilty to reckless trading, and to allowing Porritt to con- unease, that on a recent sojourn in the duct the affairs of the companies recklessly and fraudulently. The charge Big Naartjie, Mr Nose was confronted sheet also states that Geyser had had strong reason to believe that Porritt by the two posters below.... was manipulating the share prices of Tigon and Shawcell, but had failed to take any action. (Mr Nose wonders why ...) According to the current president of the KwaZulu-Natal Law Society, David Gush, the society has initiated an investigation that may result in an application to have Geyser struck off the roll of practising attorneys. “It is a matter of interest” Gush told Mr Nose, “and we want to deal with it as quickly as possible.”

Telkom customer service awards

Mr Nose was in need of a tele- have any numbers listed for any phone attachment to increase the Telkom branches in the country. volume for a deaf user – an occu- Mr N: But it’s a Telkom office pational hazard – so he thought ... what do you mean there’s no it might be a good idea to consult number?! Is this Telkom 1023? his nearest Telkom shop. By Telkom Voice: Yes sir, phone. He dialled 1023... but there are no numbers listed. . Mr N: Are you telling me that Telkom voice: Your the only way to get hold of the enquiry and area please. branch is to get in a car and Mr N: Telkom branch office in drive there? Tokai, Cape Town, please. Telkom Voice: Yes sir, Telkom Voice: You said or you can try 10210 for help. where? Mr N: I’m looking for a partic- Mr N: Telkom branch office in ular attachment for a telephone Tokai. instrument, can they help? Telkom Voice: [After Telkom Voice: Maybe. a pause]... There is no number listed for that. They can’t, since 10210, it Mr N: OK, give us the transpires, is the billing enquiry Claremont number and we’ll call service; they can’t tell what’s in them for the Tokai number. stock at the Tokai branch, or any Telkom Voice: We don’t branch.

noseweek June 2005 7 Art society antics Local aesthetic

Mr Nose understands that there was great consternation and discord On the subject of unseemly behaviour, behind the scenes at the opening earlier this year of an exhibition in Mr Nose was quite taken aback to find Simon’s Town of works by members of the Simon’s Town Art Society. his esteemed organ and the flavour- Proceedings were to be attended and opened by no less a luminary of some Mr Kebble featuring together in the art world than Brett Kebble – an occasional resident of the town. The the launch issue of a bimonthly comic dilemma for the Simon’s Town Art Society committee: what to give Kebble book White Rat Picture Stories (see as an expression of thanks. picture below). For some reason the society’s chairman, known to Mr Nose only as Starring in its pages are characters Klaus, decided that the perfect solution to the problem would be a 2nd called Daddy’s Girl, Puppy Bitch and World War German infantryman’s helmet, which he happened to have to Sad Bastard. Mr Nose could barely hand. Chairman Klaus’s proposal was to present the helmet with a bottle bring himself to turn the sordid pages of champagne inside it. of White Rat, but a blurb did catch his This curious idea caused great distress to the ladies of the commit- eye in which the authors purport to tee who thought it generally incongruous, but especially so because they examine “dysfunctional white trash” thought that Brett might be Jewish. and “serious issues like Aids and Chairman Klaus refused to budge, but, shortly before kick-off, he was screwed up, greedy arts politicians”. trumped by the disappearance of the helmet – which has not been seen [Who can they possibly mean? – Ed] since. Mr Nose finds it totally unaccept- The unhappy chairman was forced to present Kebble with nothing more able that someone of Mr Kebble’s exciting than a solitary bottle of champagne. elevated social standing should make Our Klaus, apparently convinced that it was the committee ladies who an appearance in a publication called were to blame for the helmet’s mysterious disappearance, has resigned in White Rat. protest at their unseemly behaviour.

Lookalikes

8 8 noseweeknoseweek June J une2005 2005 Long Walk to Fortune Can it be true that Nelson Mandela’s And what of the production of Anant former lawyer, the charming Mr “Call Singh’s motion picture of Long Walk? me Ismail” Ayob is claiming control of Ever since the later 1990s, Long Walk the rights to Madiba’s multi-million- (to Hollywood) has lived up to its seller, Long Walk To Freedom? That name. It took an age to find a suitable certainly is one of the implications of actor to play the young Mandela, then the devastating statement recently there were problems over the crea- filed at court by Mr Mandela’s lawyers. tive vision for the film. As Madiba’s One of the weirder artefacts being personal lawyer, Ismail Ayob would flogged by the Belgravia Gallery in have handled the contracts for the London is a £3,000 limited edition film version of Long Walk but is it leather-bound print of the Mandela possible that he offered Anant Singh autobiography; each volume has, so additional incentives? it is claimed, been personally signed Mr Nose has learned that as recent- Signs of by him. The sales pitch notes that the ly as 2003, Anant Singh informed book has been “bound by monastically friends that he controlled the rights the times trained bookbinders”. to the coverage of Nelson Mandela’s A friend of Mr Nose has a men- As everybody appears to be talk- funeral. This will come as something tally disabled son in a sheltered ing about the art scams, we must of a shock to the SABC, e.tv, the BBC home on a state pension. For pray the bookbinders were trained by and every other person in the world many years the small pension a silent order. All the while Mr Nose with a camcorder. has been paid into an account had thought the publishing company, Mopping up after Mr Ayob is begin- with Absa bank. Some years ago Little, Brown, and the author, Nelson ning to resemble one of the labours Absa agreed to reduce the bank Mandela, controlled the rights to the of Hercules: cleaning the Augean charges which would otherwise book! stables. have been prohibitively expen- sive relative to the pension. (The bank offered a similar deal to old North Korean salutations age pensioners.) In April the son received a let- Mr Nose has learned that an extraor- head office? – Ed.] This rapidly led to ter from his Absa branch manag- dinary edict was issued from the North Korean-style greetings such as er. Mr Nose finds it chilling not Presidency to the diplomats at “Dear Leader”, “Dearest Leader” and only for the message, but also Foreign Affairs before the visit of the in extreme cases, “Divine Leader”. for the robotic language. “It has North Koreans in March. The order As a strange but amusing in-joke, become necessary that we stand- addressed the fashionable trend in none of this particularly mattered ardise the payment of charges ANC circles to shower ironic greetings until someone in the Presidency grew across our services ... Please be on friend and foe alike. anxious at the thought that the North advised that from 15 May 2005 The craze originated in the stand- Koreans would believe that the South you will be paying in full for ard salutation of “Chief”, which Africans were “taking the piss out of services ... we apologise for any mutated into “Big Chief” (although them”. inconvenience due to the align- not “The Big Chief” who is of course Bearing in mind that the North ment of fees on your account.” Thabo Mbeki), “Biggest Chief”, “Huge Koreans have one of the biggest The incident reminded Mr Chief” and “Gigantic Chief”. Some armies in the world and nuclear Nose of something that Noam years ago amongst those with a pecu- weapons, it seemed inadvisable to Chomsky said: “A goal of the liarly high “hip” quotient, “Leader” irritate them. Thus, the edict was corporation is to drive out of began to be substituted for “Chief”. issued stating that ironic salutations people’s heads natural senti- [Horrors! Could this have been were to be dropped for the duration of ments like care about others, or inspired by quaint practice in the DA’s the Korean visit. sympathy, or solidarity ...”

Blast from the past (4)

The Rosebank hotel in Johannesburg not so strange then to discover that togethers. To add a comic touch, while is a funny old cove with its 1970s in the early 1990s it was one of the Mac and his gang and the CCB “Rum decor and its otherworldly quality. key meeting-places for Mac Maharaj & Cokers” were dodging around the Mr Nose has always found it a useful and the Operation Vula boys. What is hotel, so were representatives of the location for meeting people because somewhat peculiar is that, at the same BBC who had regularly been guests it is normally possible to find a quiet time, CCB bigwigs were also using at the Rosebank since the 1970s. And nook where one can gossip. Perhaps the Rosebank to host their secret get- they missed the story.

noseweeknoseweek June June 2005 2005 9 9 Picture: William McIntosh/Die Burger McIntosh/Die William Picture: Sunday TimesSunday Picture:

The R21 solution to SA’s R100,000,000,000 HORROR

10 noseweek June 2005 VERY day some 20 million South the problem would provide a better Panda stove, the most popular brand Africans – 40% of the population return for the South African taxpayer, by far with more than one million sold – use dangerous, sub-standard coupled with a vast improvement in in South Africa each year – immedi- paraffin stoves to cook their the quality of life for the poor,” Teri ately burst into flames when knocked meals and warm their shacks. Kruger, spokesperson for the Paraffin over. Five, including the Panda, leaked EEvery year tens of thousands of poor Safety Association (Pasasa) stated paraffin when lying on their sides, people are rendered homeless by the when announcing a stove design com- creating optimum conditions for an devastating fires these stoves cause. petition in 2003. uncontrolled blaze. The Panda stove Every inhabitant of an informal set- Pasasa is an association formed by even leaked paraffin during normal tlement in South Africa must be pre- the six major petroleum companies use. Left on for an hour, the tempera- pared to see all his possessions burned active in South Africa. Besides petrol, ture of the fuel in most stove’s tanks as often as three times in his lifetime. paraffin is one of their most profitable – again including the Panda – far Add to that the shocking number of products. exceeded the 43 degrees celsius flash- children who are burned to death each Now, thanks to one man, those ter- point of paraffin, turning them into year – in South Africa, burns are the rible stoves can be made absolutely potential firebombs. leading cause of death amongst young fire-safe at little or no cost to the con- The problem is exacerbated by the children – and keep in mind that for sumer. But instead of the man being fact that the poor who use them live every child who burns to death, ten welcomed on the scene as a hero, in informal structures built on rough live on hideously maimed and scarred. vested interests may have hoped to ground and made of highly combusti- There is also the astonishing cost to ensure that no one got to hear about ble and toxic materials such as treated the economy of these fires: a report George Long. or painted wood and plastic. commissioned by the national treas- Paraffin stoves need never again “The deadly consequences of combin- ury estimates that paraffin-related cause shack fires if they contain just ing a dangerous fuel and sub-standard incidents cost the country R104-billion a few simple but clever features that appliances are frighteningly familiar – twice the cost of our controversial Long has devised and provisionally in most informal settlements,” says arms purchases – every year! That, patented. Initial indications are that Kruger, senior projects manager for surely, is enough incentive to do some- this South African’s invention, if Pasasa. “But households with unpre- thing about the problem? implemented worldwide, could save dictable incomes – 40% of South But now that a possible solution has tens, if not hundreds of thousands, of Africa’s population – tend to purchase been found to a major part of the prob- lives and billions of dollars in damage energy for cooking, heating and light- lem, there are some who would rather to property each year. ing when cash resources are available, it was ignored. But more about that later in our and thus a low cost, accessible fuel Paraffin is not only a dangerous fuel story. like paraffin which can be sold by the – it’s a hot political issue. Currently all of the most commonly Coke bottle or cupful, is very popular,

Paraffin stoves need never again cause shack fires if they contain just a few simple but clever features

Paraffin poisoning and pollution used paraffin stoves sold in South are big factors in the cost calculation, Africa – up to two million such stoves but fire is by far the biggest. And are sold each year – fall horribly short the most frequent cause of runaway of even the minimal (voluntary) safety fires in informal settlements is the standards set by the SA Bureau of humble paraffin stove. Experts in the Standards (SABS) some years ago. field have known for years that key to In 2003 Pasasa commissioned the reducing the negative consequences of SABS to do a series of tests on the paraffin usage is the setting of new, nine most popular stoves on the local enforceable safety standards for the market. The SABS found that none cheap stoves used by the poor. of them met basic safety standards. “Regulation and enforcement of Every wick-based stove – including the such standards would prevent untold human suffering and save the country billions of rands. Instead of pouring Cooking: George Long with his prototype money into disaster relief each year, leak-proof paraffin stove that could save investing in addressing the cause of thousands of lives and billions of rands

noseweek June 2005 11 even if it is potentially dangerous, already determined what the stand- By the end of the year Long’s pro- unhealthy and harmful.” ards and design criteria ought logi- totype had won the Design Institute’s Because paraffin is likely to remain cally to be. These were set out in the prototype award for 2004. the most affordable, convenient and list of design criteria that competition But he decided against entering practical energy source for many South entrants were supposed to try and Pasasa’s competition. Entrants were African households, the Association meet. They included: required to submit a working prototype, decided in 2003 to make the problem of ■ The appliance should be stable; to be subjected to a professional engineer- unsafe stoves a priority. ■ It must not burst into flame if ing evaluation. George had applied for a knocked over; provisional patent over his invention, and T DECIDED to adopt a carrot-and-stick ■ It must not leak paraffin either feared that those charged with examin- approach: the association put up during normal use or if knocked over; ing his prototype would get access to his half-a-million rand (way too little, ■ The toxic emissions during use or patent secrets, nullifying his patent appli- as we shall see) in prize money for at shut-down must be limited; cation. When he had asked Pasasa for a a competition to encourage design- ■ The temperature of the fuel in the written secrecy undertaking, they had Iers to come up with safe, functional reservoir or of the controls must not refused. “We could not guarantee secre- and cost-effective solutions. At the exceed 40 degrees celsius during use. cy,” Kruger explained when approached same time it launched a campaign to The question was whether these by noseweek for comment. persuade the SABS to introduce more standards could be practically achieved Long did, however, commission stringent safety standards and for the – at a price affordable by the poor. the SABS to test his tank. An SABS government to declare them mandatory. George Long, 64, a retired engineer report dated 14 January 2005 (Manufacturers had simply ignored the who had spent most of his working (Report No 7222/2493371/YG001) con- voluntary standards set by the SABS.) career in the motor industry, got to firms that George’s tank is leak proof, The association’s own experts had hear of the competition a bit late, but even if held upside down.

Tao Ying Metal Industries sells more than a million Panda stoves on the South African market each year

was intrigued by the problem. With As this seemed the obvious way to time on his hands, he bought a Panda go, George approached the manufac- stove for R21 and took it home to test turer of the Panda stove, Tao Ying and take apart. Metal Industries in Botshabelo near Within a surprisingly short time he Bloemfontein, with his improved had come up with an improved stove design. The company sells more than design that met all the important com- a million Panda stoves on the South petition criteria. His redesigned tank African market each year. could be turned upside down without “The owner, Mr Henson was aware of leaking. His stove was so restructured the proposed new safety standards and that the tank – and its fuel contents offered me R5-million for my patents. – remained cool, even after burning Since I reckon the product has a huge for hours. He redesigned the burner so market in Africa, India and China, I that the flame was extinguished the told him that was too little,” George instant the stove fell over. told noseweek. He calculated that the world patent was worth more than R60- HE FIRST two improvements were million and says he was prepared to achieved without increasing the negotiate for a figure about half that. manufacturing cost of the stove. Meanwhile George kept a keen watch It might even now be cheaper: on progress at the SABS’s working group because the tank would remain charged with coming up with a revised Tcool, it could be made from moulded safety standard for paraffin stoves. Since plastic rather than metal. The instantly he now knew – and they knew – that extinguishing burner might add a rand Pasasa’s criteria could be met, there was, or two to the cost – but Long regards it as far as he was concerned, no reason as optional; it could be dispensed with, why the new safety standard should not since the leak-proof fuel tank by itself be set at the same high level. obviates most fire hazards. “I remained in touch with Mr Henson.

12 noseweek June 2005 Picture: William McIntosh/Die Burger McIntosh/Die William

One day he called me up to tell me he was no longer interested in my patent, as he had learned that the new standards would not require a leakproof tank.”

PEAKING to the people at Pasasa, who were facilitating the proc- ess, George learned that Tao Ying Metal Industries had been an active participant in the SSABS’s paraffin standards task team. And that the SABS was now proposing standards way below those suggested by Pasasa’s competition criteria. The new draft Standard allows the flame to extinguish within 30 seconds confirms that her company had offered Meanwhile, the deadline for of the stove toppling over. (In other to buy George’s patent. “We were pre- entries to the Pasasa competi- words it need not extinguish instantly pared to pay R5-million for the South tion was 5 November last year. as George’s does) The draft Standard African patent, but were not prepared Winning entries were to have also specifies that the tank must not to pay the R25-million he wanted for been announced in March leak paraffin at a tilt of up to only 10 the international patent.” 2005, but the evaluation proc- degrees. Effectively, if the new stove Asked about the anticipated lower- ess proved more complicated is knocked over, paraffin can still flow ing of standards, Ms Henson says: than anticipated, as a result from the tank and ignite during the “George is pushing for a higher stand- of which the winners were only to 30-second period allowed to extinguish ard. I would too, if I were George. be announced at the end of May, as the flame or ignite from the red-hot air “As things stand at the moment, the noseweek went to press. diffuser mounted above the flame. proposed regulations say the flame Asked to comment on George’s con- Panda’s stove has a wick that takes should shut off when the stove falls tention that the revised safety stand- up to 30 seconds to withdraw when the over, it does not say that the tank ards now being proposed by the SABS stove tilts beyond 45 degrees. And, as should not leak. were no improvement on the previ- the previous SABS tests have shown, “My father started the business 30 ous standards – and that they were its tank leaks and it bursts into flame years ago, locally manufacturing paraffin not safe at all, Pasasa spokesperson if it is knocked over. stoves to an eastern design. People only Kruger said her association was not The standard required is quite started talking about safety standards responsible for setting the standards simply stated, says George: the stove about two years ago. Fire is a concern, but had merely attempted to facilitate should not burst into flames when but it is largely due to user negligence. the process. “The association has only knocked over and it should not leak We are looking at different ways of 16 employees. The best we can do is paraffin if knocked over. “Has the changing our design, but if it is too diffi- try and get the process going. To really SABS team abandoned its high safety cult and expensive, we’ll just call it a day. succeed we need bigger partners. BF465-E-N-JULYcriteria 5/9/05 to accommodate 5:02 PM Page 1 Panda’s disas- “In the meantime we are also trying to “More people die in fires than in trously low standards?” he asks. help Pasasa to educate theC end-user,M Y CM parMY- CYwars.CMY K We’ve thought of Denel: they can Tao Ying director Denise Hedson ticularly in the far rural areas,” she said. do the job and raise the capital.”

noseweek June 2005 13 Composite Death in a bottle

A mix-up at a pathology lab led to a 42-year-old mother of four being given the wrong powder – a simple and deadly, but totally avoidable, mistake...

HIS is the story of a tragic death ner, chemical pathologist Dr Charles by poisoning in a leading patholo- Niehaus, made a bundle when he sold gists’ rooms – and how it has the practice for more than R50m in been covered up for the past two 1999 to Quintiles Transnational Corp. years. It involves a global phar- Based in the USA, Quintiles is the larg- Tmaceutical corporation, a pathology est provider of pharmaceutical services laboratory in Pretoria and a 48-year-old in the world (2004 net revenue $1.78 Absa executive named Dennis Farrell. billion). Niehaus stayed on the payroll Mourned: Cover of a 96-page booklet The tragedy took place on 28 August to run the Pretoria business, which was printed in memory of Lassie Farrell 2003, shortly after Thalassa Farrell, a turning over some R80m a year. 42-year-old housewife known to every- At the beginning of 2001 a rival one as Lassie, arrived at the Arcadia, pathology firm called Ungerer Pretoria main laboratory of pathologists Laboratories was absorbed into the clerk – not even a qualified nurse – who Niehaus & Ungerer for a xylose absorp- practice, which was re-named Niehaus went to the wrong bottle in the store, tion test. & Ungerer. It was not a happy union. weighed out five grams of sodium azide This is a test for investigating abnor- Dr Kobus Ungerer arrived with staff and took it to one of the nursing sisters malities in the digestive system and is from his old lab and they didn’t all to mix with water and administer. a comparatively rare procedure: five approve of the way things were done in Charles Niehaus himself had been grams of xylose powder is placed in a Arcadia. the pathologist in the practice respon- beaker, mixed with water and drunk Nursing staff manager Kathy sible for the phlebotomy department, – followed by blood and urine tests. But Smith, who had previously worked for assisted by nursing sister Nikki on this occasion there was a terrible Ungerer, recalls a discussion on oper- Hepton. mistake. Instead of xylose, five grams ating procedures held some months Only one pathologist was on duty of a deadly poison called sodium azide, before the tragedy, when she strongly when Lassie Farrell collapsed – the was given to Lassie to drink. criticised the Niehaus practice of keep- highly-competent Dr Marieta du The mother of four collapsed and ing sodium azide in the same place as Plessis. Du Plessis called for an ambu- was rushed to Pretoria Heart Hospital, xylose. At Ungerer Laboratories the lance and arranged to have a cardiac where she died after going into cardiac chemical had been considered so dan- specialist standing by at Pretoria Heart arrest. gerous that it wasn’t used at all. Hospital. But Lassie died there before Sodium azide is a rapid-acting, poten- Smith said the protocol must be she reached the operating table. tially lethal explosive chemical used in changed: if the use of sodium azide was the automobile industry to produce the to continue at Niehaus & Ungerer, the N THE previous day Lassie had inflation of airbags on impact. Like cya- white powder must be stored far away had an iodine scan at the lab, nide, it interferes with cellular respira- from look-alike xylose and glucose. and a distressed Du Plessis tion and aerobic metabolism, prevent- This recommendation was clearly not speculated whether there had ing cells from absorbing oxygen and taken to heart. When Lassie Farrell been an adverse cross reaction causing collapse of the central nervous turned up for her xylose absorption Obetween the iodine and the xylose that and cardiovascular systems. test she was directed to the phlebotomy Lassie had (supposedly) been given that In pathology, sodium azide can (con- department, which is in part of the morning. troversially) be used as a preservative. laboratory’s large reception area. Two Then the head of the biochemistry At Niehaus & Ungerer it was regularly nursing sisters were on duty. department, Gail Murray recalled a used to preserve 24-hour urine samples. The xylose was kept in dark brown case years ago in Cape Town, when Mixed with water, it is converted to plastic containers in the department’s there had been a similar mix-up hydrazoic acid vapour that is as deadly own store room. Similar dark brown between xylose and sodium azide. She when breathed as it is when drunk. bottles of the deadly sodium azide were asked Du Plessis: “Are you sure they The laboratory where Lassie was in the same store room – despite nurs- gave the patient xylose?” poisoned started life in the 1980s as ing staff manager Smith’s objections the Du Plessis raced to the phlebotomy Niehaus & Botha. Its founding part- previous year. It was a female stores department, retrieved from a rub-

14 noseweek June 2005 bish bin the small plastic container in Niehaus and Kobus Ungerer. “If R30m? “Quintiles came to the table and which the stores clerk had delivered whatever happened was the result of made a settlement, an agreement with the powder and drove it to a laboratory negligence of their staff they are still us,” says Farrell. “We are not prepared at Modderfontein on the East Rand for held responsible,” the HPC’s legal to engage in any discussion re the set- Death in a bottle analysis. Several days later the results department tells noseweek. (Curious, tlement.” came back: it had contained the dread- since a disenchanted Kobus Ungerer No details of the Lassie Farrell ed sodium azide. had left the practice in October 2002 Trust’s finances are available at the Lassie, her husband Dennis Farrell and Charles Niehaus was supposedly Master’s office. But there’s no R30m and their four children – aged 16 to retired). in the kitty, assures trustee Martie 22 at the time – lived in the exclusive The case was assigned for hearing, but Prinsloo. “Knock a couple of zeros Pretoria suburb of Waterkloof. Dennis legal assistant Gershon Mosiane tells us off,” she suggests. Which would bring senior did the daily commuter drive to he has referred the case back to the pre- Quintiles grand settlement – to the downtown Johannesburg and his job as liminary committee recommending that trust at least – down to under a million. a general manager with Absa. Lassie the case against Niehaus and Ungerer Unless some multi millions went had a part-time job at home, acting as be closed. Instead, a charge should be somewhere else, that’s not much of a South Africa manager for her brother brought against the doctor on duty. deal, for the settlement included a con- Howard, who runs a yacht charter and “Dr Niehaus and Dr Ungerer are fidentiality clause that has now gagged guesthouse business on the shores of directors, they don’t deal with clients Dennis Farrell from his once-ardent Lake Malawi. on a day to day basis,” says Mosiane, desire to tell the world what had hap- Dennis Farrell reported his wife’s death to Pretoria’s Sunnyside police and a manslaughter docket was opened. But although Dr Du Plessis had managed to confirm within days Suddenly Farrell told Evans to that Lassie had been poisoned by sodium azide, police say that after 21 months they have yet to receive a toxi- hold off all press involvement. cology report and their investigation has ground to a halt. No story must appear! The report is being prepared by the department of health’s forensic chem- istry laboratory in Johannesburg’s Braamfontein. No-one at the lab in contrast to what we were told by his pened to Lassie “to stop it happening to was able to assist our enquiries. colleague in the legal department. anyone else”. Lassie’s post-mortem was conducted In the months following Lassie’s In March last year, the same month by Professor Gert Simon, chief foren- death Dennis Farrell was determined to that the Lassie Farrell Trust was reg- sic pathologist at the University of expose what had happened. He asked istered, Quintiles walked away from Pretoria. A spokesman for the depart- Pretoria media consultant Bern Evans it all when it sold Niehaus & Ungerer ment told noseweek it is “not at all to help him get the story splashed in to Lancet Laboratories for more than unusual” to have to wait two years for a the media. R50m. toxicology report. Lancet’s Dr Roelof Loxton is running If and when the toxicology report ARRELL also wanted to sue things at Arcadia now – the new entity emerges, the police docket will be com- Quintiles. Says Evans: “I know is called Niehaus Dyson & Lancet. “I pleted and the inquest court magistrate that Dennis wanted quite a lot of haven’t got a clue what happened with will deliver a verdict on the cause of money from Quintiles. He kept the Farrell case,” says Loxton. death. emailing me with stories of mas- Are you still using sodium azide in If the magistrate finds negligence, Fsive payouts in medical claim cases in the lab? “I’m not sure.” (noseweek has the nurse who administered the poison America – $25m, $27m. And he was established that after the tragedy all the could be one of those to face a charge of very gung-ho to go to the press.” sodium azide was removed for destruc- culpable homicide. So could the stores Suddenly Farrell told Evans to hold tion. Today it is not used there at all.) clerk and the pathologist responsible off all press involvement. No story must Is the nurse who administered the for the phlebotomy department, who appear! “There was talk of a settlement fatal dose still with you? “I haven’t got allowed the stores clerk to do dispens- with Quintiles,” recalls Evans. “Dennis a clue.” (Both nursing sisters on duty in ing. rang and mentioned the figure of R30m. the phlebotomy department that day no Dennis Farrell also reported the trag- He said he was starting a trust in his longer work there. However, the stores edy to the Health Professions Council, wife’s name to help people with medical clerk is still in place.) which investigates complaints against and health problems. I remember the The doctor concludes: “Lancet is the medical fraternity. The HPC’s legal amount of R30m, it stuck in my brain.” clean, Quintiles takes full responsibility department referred the matter to the The Lassie Farrell Trust was regis- for what happened. I haven’t got a clue committee of preliminary inquiry to tered with the Master of the Pretoria how much they settled for; we try and determine whether there was prima High Court on 18 March last year. focus forward.” facie evidence that a medical practition- Farrell and his daughter Andrea are From corporate HQ in Atlanta, er had acted unprofessionally. trustees, along with the Absa Trust’s Quintiles vice president (corporate com- The committee found there was and Martha Prinsloo. munications) Pat Grebe snaps: “I do not elevated the matter to a full inquiry, So did Dennis Farrell and/or the have a comment for you regarding your with charges against doctors Charles Lassie Farrell Trust ever get that query.”

noseweek June 2005 15 White mischief

When Glenrand sold off a division in a massive deal it seemed they were doing their bit for black economic empowerment. Today their empowerment partners are left with nothing but the realisation it was very fitting that they took over the new company on April Fool’s day.

LENRAND MIB, one of the largest Mini is a medical doctor who was co- Picture: insurance brokers in the coun- author of the ANC Health Care policy try, and a respected adviser document that was forerunner to the Jack Lundin/noseweek Jack to government and blue chip famous Green Book that guides health corporations on the subject of policy in South Africa. He was co-organ- Grisk, faces a tarnishing of its illustrious iser of the Durban International Aids name over its part in the ripping off of a Conference. Manana previously ran a fledgling black empowerment company. labour brokerage firm, and Wotshela In November 2003 JSE-listed has worked in clinical and financial risk Glenrand, which makes much of its management. political correctness – Kunene Bros The remaining 49% stake in New is its own empowerment partner – Protector Group Holdings was to be held announced it was selling its controlling by a company called Freefall Trading stake in the Protector health care group 65, whose shareholders included two to a small empowerment consortium directors from the old Protector – Leon called Tradeworx. van Rensburg (who had been chief exec- But by a sleight of hand worthy of a utive officer) and Marc Seelenbinder member of the Magic Circle ownership (group financial director). of the New Protector Group ended up The much-trumpeted BEE transac- not with Messrs Mini, Manana and tion was valued at R130m – all gen- Wotshela but in the hands of two white erously funded by the IDC. Of this, gentlemen named Leon van Rensburg R60m went to pay off Glenrand bank and Marc Seelenbinder. guarantees (which the IDC took over Glenrand’s role, and how the from Nedbank); R20m was to pay man- Industrial Development Corporation agement for their 35% stake in the old came to be duped – if it was actu- Protector – and R50m in cash was to go ally duped – into stumping up R130m to pay Glenrand for its 65% sharehold- to bankroll the deal in the name of ing. empowerment, are matters that the On 5 March 2004, in keeping with Competition Commission will no doubt the terms of the loan agreement, the consider when Tradeworx’s dossier IDC deposited two cheques totalling lands on its complaints desk shortly. R69,188,647 (R70m less raising and Glenrand decided to shed its 65% commitment fees) into New Protector’s stake in Protector after the latter’s account with Nedbank. contribution to group trading profits Six months later, after everything plummeted from 21.7% in fiscal 2002 had gone horribly wrong, a forensic Raw deal: Clarence Mini to 1.5% the following year, thanks to investigation commissioned by the IDC government actions to restrict profits in would reveal that, on 8 March, just the health industry. three days after the money was depos- long, either. Two days later, on 10 Tradeworx (Clarence Mini, Pat ited, R63,392,254 was transferred from March, the entire R63m was wafted to Manana and Kevin Wotshela) was to New Protector’s account with Nedbank an unknown destination via telegraph- hold 51% of a fresh entity which would to an account with Standard Bank. ic transfer – which suggests foreign acquire the business of the old Protector The Standard Bank account was in the climes. The empowerment partners group – four hospitals, 34 pharmacies name of the old Protector group, with suspect Namibia. and a lucrative contract to adminis- cheque signing facilities allocated to Most of that money subsequent- ter a medical aid scheme with 34,000 Van Rensburg and Seelenbinder. ly found its way into the account of members. The money didn’t stay at Standard for Freefall – controlled by Van Rensburg

16 noseweek June 2005 and Seelenbinder – from where it was Protector had been a monthly income of of pharmacies that Van Rensburg and paid to its intended recipients, R50m to R5.4m received by subsidiary PG Fund Seelenbinder had persuaded the old Glenrand for its 65% stake, and R4.26m Managers for the administration of the Protector board to buy for R1 in May as an interim payout to Glenrand man- Protector Health Medical Scheme. Like 2003. It now emerged that the pharma- agement for their 35% holding. Mini the other assets, this contract was now cies owed R18m to creditors, and had claims that some R9m of the R70m has in the hands of New Protector. bank overdrafts with Absa of around not been properly accounted for by Van On 2 April, executive chairman R24m. These unwelcome facts had been Rensburg and Seelenbinder. Mini’s second day in the job, he received missed when the IDC did its due dili- The result of the R70m’s whirlwind a bombshell letter from the medical gence check of the pharmacies. tour of the various bank accounts was scheme’s principal officer, Gerhard van Total group debt stood at R280m. that Glenrand’s 65% stake in Protector Emmenis, informing him that they “After the medical scheme left there wound up being owned by Freefall were taking the administration con- was a huge cash flow shortage,” says Trading 65, and not in the hands of tract away from New Protector. Mini. “At a crisis meeting with the IDC empowerment partners New Protector “This was the welcome we got!” says the corporation agreed to put in another as the IDC had intended! Mini. “We tried to persuade them to R27m if we agreed to put New Protector Paying out the R4.26m to manage- stay, but it didn’t work.” into provisional liquidation. ment also brought that 35% of old A couple of months later the medical “We didn’t have any other choice. We Protector shares into Freefall’s hands scheme’s lawyers obtained an “Anton had staff to pay and the wage bill was – giving it 100% ownership of New Pillar” court order and sent the sheriff R7.2m a month.” Protector! A very white empowerment in to recover their records from the New Approving the additional R27m fund- deal! Protector offices. ing, the IDC’s Milton Hunkin (depart- All this only came out last September “That was the beginning of trou- mental head, workout and restructur- in a report compiled by SAB&T ble,” says Mini. “The revenue of R5.4m ing) wrote to Mini on 22 September

The entire R63 million was wafted to an unknown destination via telegraphic transfer

Forensics, which concludes dryly: “This that we were getting from the medical 2004: “It has been approved that IDC apparent round tripping of funds, the scheme every month was our lifeblood. should place New Protector Group ultimate destination and the purpose It very quickly became clear to us, the Holdings in provisional liquidation in thereof, requires further investigation.” new guys, that the company had been order to protect it from action from But back in March last year the black dependant on that revenue – it was other creditors, whilst working on a guys from Tradeworx were excitedly being used to patch up a lot of other rescue plan. celebrating their imminent “empower- holes.” “Our continued support has been dem- ment” as controlling shareholders of Mini and his partners were left with onstrated by our willingness to approve New Protector Group Holdings. little choice but to take the matter additional funding and we continue to Pat Manana was already installed at to arbitration. Judge Lionel Melunsky believe that all parties involved will New Protector’s head office in Pretoria’s ruled in the Pretoria High Court in benefit from this.” Kingsley Medical Centre. Clarence Mini August last year that the Protector Hunkin added that forensic investi- and Kevin Wotshela joined him there on Health scheme had cancelled its con- gators would be appointed to investi- 1 April – April Fool’s Day, as they rue- tract unlawfully. However, the judge gate the affairs of New Protector. fully remind each other now. Mini was also ruled it was in the best interests Says Mini: “We agreed to provisional executive chairman of New Protector, of the 34,000 members to remain with liquidation on the understanding that and Manana and Wotshela business their new administrator, Medscheme. this was a rescue plan and that the development directors. The next unpleasant discovery was assets would come back to us.” The jewel in the crown of old the state of the bankrupt TMC group Liquidator Theo van der Heever

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noseweek June 2005 17 of D&T Trust was appointed by the they are filing a complaint with the Master of the High Court to run the Competition Commission. Summing New Protector businesses. up the charade Mini says: “Glenrand Consulting in organisational But while Mini, Manana and knew that with the old Protector group change, teambuilding & leadership Wotshela anxiously awaited news of they were sitting on a pile of debt. www.trans4mation.co.za. the promised rescue plan, the IDC They told Leon van Rensburg and Marc had other intentions. In a letter to the Seelenbinder they were selling out to Contact Steve Banhegyi liquidators dated 7 December 2004 the Netcare, unless those two could bed [email protected] corporation gave them a mandate to down a deal with us. negotiate any offers of purchase “of at “The incentive for Marc and Leon was least R120m” for the hospitals. that with us they were getting paid a This plan to sell off the remains of proportion of the transaction. Using the Private Apartments New Protector, notably the hospitals IDC’s money, they took Glenrand’s 65% TO LET that were valued at R80m, was not stake into their own company, Freefall. on daily basis passed on to Mini and his colleagues. Why did Glenrand sell to Freefall? – Chairman Mini only learnt of it at the that’s where the scam is. FULL FACILITIES • TV • SECURITY New Protector Christmas party on 10 “This was presented as a ground- LONDON £80 per day between Park Lane and Grosvenor Square December when Van den Heever came breaking BEE transaction. But it was NEW YORK $100 per day up to him in the middle of the fes- the BEE deal that never was; it had Midtown/E63rd & Madison Avenue tivities and said: “By the way, I haven’t nothing to do with empowerment. It PARIS 100 euros per day seen your offer.” had to do with the benefit to two white 206 Rue de Rivoli on Tuileries Metro Station Mini was thunderstruck. “You don’t individuals – Marc and Leon. They also CALL 021 715 7170 have a right to sell the hospitals, your put up R1m, but for the rest they were CELL 082 445 1804 or FAX 021 712 1712 mandate is to turn them around,” he going to get 49% of New Protector for EMAIL [email protected] told the liquidator. “No,” replied Van nothing! den Heever, “we’ve moved on”. “Glenrand, Freefall and the IDC Then and there Van den Heever should explain to the Competition phoned his office and dictated a letter Commission why they misled every- to Mini, which was faxed to the chair- body.” man at the party. It gave Mini just n The board of the old debt-ridden four days to put in a bid to buy the Protector Group Holdings included a hospitals. top-level contingent of directors from 233 BREE STREET CAPE TOWN On 20 December the IDC’s executive Glenrand: David Harpur (CEO), Allan WE ARE A CAPE TOWN BASED PROPERTY COMPANY vice president and general counsel Tony Mansfield (non-executive chairman) and PROVIDING A PLATINUM SERVICE TO BUYERS, SELLERS, Tshivhase wrote to Van den Heever Dr Mduduzi Kunene (Glenrand execu- LESSOR’S AND LESSEE’S OF RETAIL, COMMERCIAL, INDUSTRIAL & RESIDENTIAL PROPERTY confirming that an offer of R120m tive director responsible for “diversity Your Property Partner for Life received from Medi-Clinic was accepta- and empowerment”). TEL: 27 21 422 2209 FAX: 27 21 422 1798 ble “subject to an appropriate structure Harpur, 56, is also a member of the www.collinsproperties.com of the transaction being agreed to by Policy Board for Financial Services and Medi-Clinic and IDC”. Van den Heever Regulation appointed by the Minister faxed Medi-Clinic’s Gert Hattingh the of Finance, and is a former president following day accepting the offer, sub- of the Insurance Institute of South ject to Competition Board approval. Africa. Mansfield, 62, is also manag- But again no one told the guys ing director of the Attorneys Insurance at New Protector. Indeed as late as Indemnity Fund. Kunene, 55, formerly 4 February this year the IDC’s chief an anaesthetist, is also CEO of Kunene risk officer Gerrit van Wyk wrote to Bros and chairman of Kunene Finance This space costs Mini giving him a deadline extended Co. to 25 February to submit a purchase n Other worthies on the Glenrand plan! board who might, in due course, wish The empowerment trio, having left to comment are Richard Cottrell and ONLY New Protector’s offices and relocated Michael Leeming. Cottrell, long-time to Midrand, finally found a strategic chairman of Coopers and Lybrand equity partner, Netcare, and put in an was once president of the Institute offer, also of R120m, for the hospitals. of Chartered Accountants and In April this year this offer was South African representative on the R1200 rejected, and the liquidators announced International Accounting Standards that they had accepted an offer from Committee. After retiring from account- (021) 686 0570 Medi-Clinic. ancy practice, he became executive Says Mini: “We put an offer together, officer of the Financial Services Board. [email protected] but we see now the IDC only asked us He now serves on the boards of many to do so to legitimize what they had companies including Afrox Healthcare, already done the previous December Nedcor and Munich Re. Leeming is – when they sold the hospitals to Medi- a past president of the Institute of Clinic.” Bankers and chairman of the Banking Mini, Manana and Wotshela say Council of SA.

18 noseweek June 2005 WAR at The Pink Palace: Second front opens

HE SPAT between Lorraine (Surgeon & Safari) Melvill and her eccentric American uncle Gerald Mahoney (nose65) is hot- ting up, as the courts grapple Twith claim and counter-claim between the warring duo. Our yarn in nose65 was pretty much a one-sided affair, an Uncle Gerald- generated version of the dramas sur- rounding the cottage he built in the garden of Lorraine’s Bryanston home. Then already matters had reached fever pitch between them: to provoke her, so All in the family: (pictured from bottom she believes, he painted the cottage in was until recently driver and travel left to right) Lorraine with well-hung fluffy stripes of lurid pink and lime green, companion to Uncle Gerald and he companion; The Pink Palace; and Uncle ensuring it immediately became a local sheds intriguing light on to the persona Gerald with fine feathered friend landmark dubbed “the Pink Palace”. of the wealthy 64-year-old. Lorraine declined to comment in Lorraine’s uncle, Gerald Mahoney was the first round – but since that story born in Graaf-Reinet but was shipped (or her tenants) removed or broke appeared the 45-year-old mother and to the US as a child when his widowed while occupying the Pink Palace in his divorcee has changed her mind and mother married an American shipping absence. Just 19 items are listed in swung to with gusto. magnate, and is now a US citizen. court papers, starting with an electric So has Capetonian Chris, 37-year-old In the legal war currently being iron, string mop and an ironing board, paramedic, former policeman and one- waged, Lorraine has lost one high court and moving on to some dinner plates time bodyguard to President de Klerk. application in which she had wanted the belonging to a smart dinner service and Chris, dark-haired and trendily-dressed, court to order Gerald to sell the Pink a set of Ralph Lauren bed linen. The Palace to her. (Gerald won his counter items listed hardly look worth a tenth of application: Lorraine was ordered to the amount claimed, but who knows? stop interfering with his peaceful enjoy- Conspicuous by its absence from the ment of the cottage, which includes his list is the famous 24-carat gold tooth- choice of colour scheme.) brush, whose disappearance Uncle On his lawyers’ advice, Uncle Gerald Gerald recorded in nose65. has withdrawn another high court Perhaps the biggest issue between application in which he had wanted them has been Uncle Gerald’s paint- the court to order Lorraine to produce ing of his Cape Dutch-gabled cottage in accounts showing how much she had startling shades called African Dawn received for renting his cottage to her and lime zinger. Lorraine considered international clients - without his per- this provocative and distasteful and mission. Under American law he would the minute his back was turned, she have been able to claim rent she had repainted it white; on his return Uncle earned from his property from her – but Gerald slapped on pink and green not in terms of South African law, he again. This happened three times and learned only after he had issued his the cottage is that stop-and-stare multi- court papers. hue today. There’s a third case pending at Lorraine lists 17 inaccuracies in her Randburg magistrates court, in which uncle’s version of events in nose65. Such Uncle Gerald is seeking R100,000 in as his claim that he had lent her money damages for items he says Lorraine to start Surgeon & Safari and spent

noseweek June 2005 19 Gerald on Lorraine: more renovating her “dilapidated” house. Am disgusted and disappointed “No seed money was given to me by Gerald with Lorraine’s behaviour, blatant Mahoney to start my business,” declares no- dishonesty and deception...not holds-barred Lorraine, “and my home was and is the attributes to make any uncle not dilapidated; my ex husband was never bank- proud of his niece. Can only say rupt; nobody used his condoms.” [That’s enough. that in every family there are – Ed.] recessive genes. Gerald counters with his own list of 15 new I have no quarrel with Rick complaints against his least-favourite niece: (Lorraine’s former husband, now “Took my bird feeder and dumped it in the trash; remarried). Can fully see why he changed the code on the electric gate and refused upgraded in his second marriage. to replace my remote; threw squash peels against The current Mrs (Rick) Melvill my second storey bedroom window.” [OK, that’s is/has been nothing but gracious enough, too. – Ed.] at all occasions we have been Their assessments of each other: together...in sharp contrast to Lorraine, whose behaviour would embarrass any fishwife. She’s a niece from hell. Lorraine on Gerald: I did not know this uncle. He came to South Africa for a full facelift, upper and lower eyelids and a nose job. I innocently invited him in here; he arrived like a fairy godfather. He would say things like: “Lorraine, would you like new carpets in your bedroom?” And I’d say “gosh, how kind of you, yes, thank you”. Chris on Gerald: Gerald lives with this illusion of grandeur. He’s very plausible; you meet him I worked for Gerald for about 17 and he’s absolutely charming. Yeah, he has a lot of money and he uses it to months, until late last year. We met wield power, but he does nothing with his life. He’s had many jobs, held them some years ago in Cape Town, when I for a couple of years and flitted on. was a paramedic. He asked me then if He got his money when he won a lottery in America and his mother [who I wanted a job. A few years later we died in 1998] left him money in her will. Before that he was about to be on the bumped into each other and he said bones of his arse. are you available? I said yes.

20 noseweek June 2005 Gerald on Lorraine: Am disgusted and disappointed with Lorraine’s behaviour, blatant Gerald on Gerald: dishonesty and deception...not I inherited money from my mother. the attributes to make any uncle I did indeed win the fabulous sum of proud of his niece. Can only say $100 in the US Power Ball lottery. I that in every family there are had five of the six numbers, but NOT recessive genes. the Power Ball number. That particular I have no quarrel with Rick drawing awarded $163m to the win- Johannesburg (Lorraine’s former husband, now ners, a group of 12 mechanics in Ohio. remarried). Can fully see why he [Lorraine believes that Uncle Gerald International Commodities upgraded in his second marriage. was one of the 12]. The current Mrs (Rick) Melvill That same month I did purchase a Management is/has been nothing but gracious Rolls-Royce – after a long search I at all occasions we have been found the vehicle, colour and finish I Leaders in International Treasury together...in sharp contrast to was looking for. I’ve also won on the Foreign Exchange and Lorraine, whose behaviour would South African lotto – three times. My embarrass any fishwife. She’s a greatest win was R27. How these items Commodities Management niece from hell. make me wealthy is only a figment of Lorraine’s overly fertile imagination. for Individuals and Institutions For 14 years I owned and operated an international consulting company. I retired on 19 July 1998. ☎ 086 010 3395 My lifestyle is very pleasant. I do not like cold weather so spend the Email: [email protected] Before winning a lot of northern summer in the northern hemi- money on the American lotto, sphere and the northern winter in the Gerald was in South Africa, southern hemisphere. The ducks have flat broke. He was able to it all figured out. I love the bush and employ me because he’d won usually go on safari several times a WATER LEAKS FOUND the lotto. He never gave me year. Underground a figure, but he said “multi- I have seven homes: three in SA, millions of dollars”. He said four in the US and four units of time- and in Walls exactly that on two occasions. share, but I usually stay in three or Greater Johannesburg Gerald used me as a body- four star hotels. I have six vehicles 011-763-6306 guard, professional driver in different locations. In SA I drive a and travel companion. He has nondescript bakkie – Isuzu diesel. The houses in Florida, Atlanta only distinguishing part of that custom- Geldenhuis Plumbing and Connecticut. He has an made vehicle is that it has a bullet- apartment here in Cape Town proof engine and bullet-resistant glass. and the cottage on Lorraine’s I am today a passive venture capital property. investor. I have invested in a mat- We toured a lot of coun- tress retail company in Atlanta. I am tries, including Austria, divorced and have 17 children and 18 Russia, New Zealand and the grandchildren. Before you jump to the Caribbean. Gerald always had conclusion that I’m a roving stud, only a positive attitude, but just three of the children are mine. PAY LESS TAX prior to my resignation he had Over a period of years 14 exchange Increase total benefits to your bad mood swings and became students from eight countries came and elected heirs and give to your a very unpleasant person. lived with us for a year. The majority selected charity. I review wills and I was mainly in Florida. have kept up a relationship with me and estate plans to achieve this. Gerald paid me R5000/month my family. They call me dad and their John Frith 083 378 3374 into my Cape Town account children call me granddad. [email protected] and I had board and lodging and free travel. I helped him out in the mattress factory. I had to establish whether or not the person working for Mouse shops. He never had a him there was corrupt. He did shortage of money, but subsequent indeed turn out to be corrupt to this investment in the mattress – he was using Gerald’s funds store, I think he’s lost a bundle. to pay off his own house. He had a friend in Atlanta who he Gerald gave me one of these mistreated in a very bad way, in my so-called gold toothbrushes. opinion. Two or three days later I It’s gold-plated plastic. They decided: this is enough, I’m getting sell them for $10 in Mickey out of here.

noseweek June 2005 21 Picture: Melany Bendix Melany

credibility and say the environmental risks negate any economic benefits. Sand impedes the speed and force of waves, therefore dredging the seabed Orders from above: will allow powerful and fast moving waves to crash against the shoreline, resulting in rapid shoreline erosion. The Cape Town mayor secretly bins Environmentek report concedes that beaches and dunes may be eroded by as much as 11 metres in some areas. report critical of harbour plans The DEAT has accepted Environmentek’s somewhat ironic solu- tion, which suggests that the resulting erosion can be counteracted by dump- ing more sand onto the beaches – even though this sand would be sourced from N WHAT may very well come to be ning and environmental management the same dredging area, causing an considered one of the most regret- experts that advised the city to oppose endless cycle of erosion – and an end- table decisions made in Cape the project. The report was supported less cost cycle for the city! In addition, Town’s history, the Department of all through the council’s hierarchy getting the sand onto the beach would Environmental Affairs and Tourism until it reached City mayor Nomaindia require large trucks moving over dune I(DEAT) has given the National Ports Mfeketo, who abruptly tossed it out, areas – the same dunes that 4x4 enthu- Authority the go-ahead to reclaim 42ha ensuring that it will not be made public. siasts are prohibited from ramping over of seabed alongside Cape Town’s docks Insiders say the mayor was instructed so as not to destroy the fragile dune in order to expand the container termi- by provincial government to toe the line eco-system in order to prevent beach nal stacking area. To do this, six million because the port expansion is seen as an erosion. cubic metres of sand will be dredged economic necessity. “They (the Mayoral The CSIR’s report does not provide from the seabed adjoining Robben Committee) would not entertain any any active solutions for preventing dam- Island – changing tides and currents in criticism of the project, even though age to the marine eco-system. Similarly, Table Bay and causing widespread ero- they know it will have a significant and the effect on tourism has not been sion along the coastline from Woodstock irreversible impact on the environment,” adequately addressed. The plume from to Melkbosstrand, which in turn could says one council source. This explains sand sediments awash in currents will lead to flooding of shoreline properties. why the mayor booted the report. It make Table Bay somewhat murky, but (See nose57.) points out huge inconsistencies in the National Ports promises to monitor this So why has the Cape Town City environmental impact assessment (EIA) and suspend dredging from time to time Council not stepped in and demanded done by Environmentek, a division of when the ocean starts looking too dirty. an end to the lunacy? Most of the city’s the Council for Scientific and Industrial Other factors that the CSIR experts sub-councils did support a comprehen- Research. did not see fit to consider in their EIA: sive report drawn up by the city’s plan- Opponents agree that the EIA lacks aside from the huge amounts of sand,

22 noseweek June 2005 COMMERCIAL PROPERTY BROKERS

600,000 cubic metres of rock will be damage remains a puzzle. sourced from a quarry in Durbanville Ndema also dismisses claims that to construct the mammoth container coastal developments may be jeopard- storage area. This will require 20 trucks ised. But residents of Woodbridge Island COMMERCIAL PROPERTY BROKERS each making 10 return trips daily for – one of the housing developments that 242 days, contributing to traffic conges- may be a lot closer to the ocean than Specializing in Cape Town CBD tion and that delightful brown haze residents ever intended thanks to the hanging over Cape Town. project – are not convinced. tel 021 422 4262 The DEAT supports the EIA’s conclu- Richard Rundle, Woodbridge Island’s fax 021 422 4268 sion that the project is necessary and environmental and planning trustee, email [email protected] therefore subsequent environmental claims that the EIA process was noth- COMMERCIAL PROPERTY BROKERS damage is “acceptable”. ing more than a charade to support the National Ports Manager Fezile National Ports’ Authority’s objectives. Ndema, obviously agrees and doesn’t He says the EIA does not realistically understand what all the fuss is about. deal with potential damage to coastal In any case, he says, we should be developments, nor did the required pub- lic participation process extend beyond “ama- teurish and superficial interaction”. Rundle suspects the Department of the Environment never even read Woodbridge Island’s initial objec-

Melany Bendix tion to the EIA before approval was given: after the DEAT issued Picture: Rundle with notifica- tion of its decision last November, he repeat- edly contacted the department to request an extension for public responses. Shifting sands: Woodbridge Island’s Richard Rundle says the “The fact that they environmental impact assessment was nothing more than a did not seem to know charade about our appeal con- vinces me that our comforted that all the processes will be objection was not even viewed before monitored to “control” environmental the decision was made,” he says. (This damage. National Ports is obligated to wouldn’t be the first time the DEAT has appoint a “competent person” to over- approved a controversial project without see the process. But unfortunately the reviewing objections. In January this competent somebody will be on the their year, the DEAT’s then director general, payroll, leading us to expect reports Chippy Olver, admitted that he had not similar to the National Ports-sponsored read any of the 70 objections against EIA that reads more like a public rela- the proposed pebble bed nuclear reac- tions review than an unbiased scientific tor Eskom intends to build at Koeberg analysis. before giving his approval.) In any event, how “monitoring” Perhaps the most perplexing part of amounts to control of environmental the entire port extension debacle is that

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noseweek June 2005 23 it may not be necessary. Available statis- surmises. It’s not clear who would be up for damage claims. tics reveal that the existing facilities are raking in the cash, but the mayor’s National Ports has a history of dodg- inefficiently and not nearly fully utilised. interference certainly raises some sus- ing the bill for damages caused by port In Woodbridge Island’s appeal they picions as to why this project is consid- extensions. The previous Blaauberg also claim the data on which National ered so lucrative. Municipality tried to hold them liable Ports based its growth projections is Even if the extension were war- for the coastal erosion resulting from faulty and contradictory. As an exam- ranted, why has National Ports ignored port extensions carried out in the ple, National Ports estimated an 8% all other viable options and insisted on 1970s, but failed miserably because growth in container traffic from 2003 the most environmentally damaging National Ports argued that natural to 2004, but in reality there was a solution? processes also caused the erosion and slump of 22% during this period. Using The seabed dredging option is sup- it was impossible to distinguish pre- detailed supporting data, Woodbridge posedly cheaper than the alternatives, cisely which areas had been eroded as a Island’s appeal clearly shows that costing an estimated R400-million. result of the port extensions. National Ports has severely understat- However, one opponent estimates the Rundle wants confirmation that ed the capacity of the current container loss of coastal property over the next 20 National Ports will accept responsibil- area. Provided equipment is correctly years could total R50-billion, and that’s ity for any damage to property, but utilised and upgraded, and space is excluding the cost of monitoring and unsurprisingly they have been some- properly managed, Rundle says the controlling erosion – which is sure to be what reluctant to leap forward with existing container terminal is adequate for the city taxpayers’ account. official contracts. Woodbridge Island for the next 28 years! National Ports is ostensibly respon- residents have submitted their appeal So why spend money on a redundant sible for any damages resulting from against DEAT’s approval for the EIA new facility? “It’s a money-making the extensive erosion, but that would to Environment Minister Marthinus scheme. There is no other reason why make the project the most expensive van Schalkwyk, who must “apply his they would do this unless they are option. The insinuation is that the ports mind” to any appeals before giving final profiting hugely along the line,” Rundle authority has no intention of coughing authorisation.

24 noseweek June 2005 Notes & Updates Herr Hoster taken hostage by Nedbank

Early last year Joachim Hoster, a Augulus didn’t zap the cash from their rights in such matters. A rather wealthy German businessman who Hoster’s account – Nedbank did! aggravated Coetzee said, “Yes, such a spends the European winters at his Hoster refuses to sign such a docu- waiver is normal, standard practice”, Erinvale home near Somerset West, ment, he will not be held to ransom by and smartly passed us on to his media decided to help finance the expansion anyone, let alone the likes of Nedbank. liaison officer. Within an hour of our of his local tailor, Jerome Rothmann’s He has employed an attorney to deal phoning Coetzee, Hoster received a call from the ombudsman’s office, advising him not to talk to the press until the matter had been settled. Nedbank promptly turned to Hoster to Official comment from Nedbank’s head of legal services, Willem Kruger recover the debt, lifting the money from his is that an offer has been made to personal account without his permission Hoster but he has not accepted it: “The contents of Nedbank’s proposed settlement letter include standard business, Line Clothing. He instructed with the matter, and has laid a com- clauses that the bank uses in response his bankers, Nedbank, to open an plaint with the banking ombudsman, to claims of a legal nature. Any objec- account in Rothmann’s name and to Neville Melville. tions to the clauses contained in the transfer R20,000 from his own account noseweek asked Marius Coetzee if letter can always be negotiated as part into it. it was normal for the bank to insist of the settlement negotiations.” Hoster insisted to Nedbank’s rep- its clients unburden themselves of all Watch this space. resentative, Ms Viola du Plooy, that Rothmann was to be the only signa- tory on the debit card that came with the account. Ms du Plooy assured her client that she would personally over- see the running of the account. However, in August 2004, four months after the account was opened, the debit card was stolen from Rothmann by his (now ex-) friend, Byron Augulus. Augulus promptly used the card to go on a R27,364.61 shopping spree. Whereupon Nedbank, just as promptly, turned to Hoster to recover the debt, lifting the money from his personal account without his permission. Hoster maintains the bank had no right to do this and has insisted they return his money. But before they agree to anything, Marius Coetzee of Nedbank’s legal division wants Hoster to sign a waiver absolving the bank of any wrongdoing. The waiver requests Hoster “not to disclose, publish, uti- lise, employ, exploit or in any other manner whatsoever use the informa- tion in the negotiation or in this agree- ment in any manner, for any reason or for any purposes whatsoever”, and “not to give and/or cause to give any negative publicity whatsoever to the bank or any of its officials resulting from this matter”. Furthermore, the last clause states “you hereby cede to the Bank all of your rights to and interest in any action”. Which makes no sense, since

noseweek June 2005 25 Third-term presidents

HOULD President Thabo Mbeki yet community’s annual New York gath- and that she was also employed as be considering that prohibited ering in January 2002, Mrs Nates, librarian at the Torah Academy, the Sthird term in office, he could take then the duly elected president of the centre of learning for South Africa’s a lesson from Dawn Nates, de facto Federation of Synagogues Women’s Lubavitch children. Two letters were third-term president of the Federation Guild, had to apply to the US consu- attached to the application in support of Synagogues’ Women’s Guild in late in Pretoria for a visitor’s visa. In of these claims: one from the principal Johannesburg. Like that of the order to qualify for the desired 10-year of the academy, Stuart Shillinglaw, Republic of South Africa, the constitu- visa, she had to satisfy the consulate and one from Hannah Sachs, who was tion of this guild of worthies prohibits staff that her circumstances were such in fact the paid secretary of the guild, a third-term president – presumably that she was likely to return to South but who for the occasion had reversed for the same very good reasons. But Africa, and unlikely to overstay her roles, as it were, and signed as presi- clearly Mrs Nates has a fine under- welcome in the US as an illegal immi- dent! (‘I’ve only ever done this once in standing of the political arts – manip- grant. my life, and would never do it again,’ ulation of minions, expediency and the With this in mind, Nates declared Sachs told noseweek.) art of the white lie being but some of in her visa application that she was Dawn Nates’s position as president them. employed as the “secretary” of the was, in fact, a voluntary one, with no In order to attend the Lubavitch guild at a monthly salary of R5000, remuneration. Her job was to promote orthodox Jewish values, organise gatherings for Jewish women, visit the elderly, and assist abused Jewish women. Her work as librarian at the Torah Academy was also voluntary – and, in any case, she’d abandoned it the year before she applied for the visa. Were such petty lies necessary from a person in her position, and do they not tarnish the institution she

Picture: Picture: Sunday Times represents? One would have thought that the presence of a husband would have been enough motivation to come home. (But then again, know- ing the state of her marriage at the time, maybe not.) The consulate and all the leading ladies of the guild know of the “little embarrassment”, but Dawn has man- aged to hang on to her visa – and still has her tochis firmly ensconced on the guild’s throne. At a meeting on March 22 this year she was re- elected for a third term, even though Article 5 of the guild’s constitution prevents the president standing a third time. With victory assured, Nates flew to Australia to visit her children. In her absence the bobbes in the guild, all old friends, realised the slip-up and asked Nates to step down from her position – to take up the vice-presidency instead. The guild currently has no presi- dent. According to the constitution, until such time as one is elected, the vice president – Dawn Nates – is act- ing president. The ladies have yet to

315611 decide whether to call a new election – or change the constitution. They’re clearly in no rush.

26 noseweek June 2005 Notes & Updates SARS sniffs around Wits

NWELCOME news for lecturers business school staff have received up at Wits Business School who to R7000 a day from InCo for conduct- U hauled in small fortunes from ing executive training courses to top moonlighting for the school’s secret corporates. Payments were usually in-house company InCo (nose66). The by cash cheques, which may prove a SA Revenue Service is headache for SARS. It is

to conduct an audit of Picture: also believed that many the secretive Section 21 of the payment records company. have been shredded.

InCo’s managing direc- TimesSunday Mark Peters, who tor John Ford – whose replaced Ford as direc- official title at the busi tor of executive educa- ness school was director tion, has suggested to of executive education Pat Dixon (acting head – has been contacted by of Wits Business School) SARS asking him where and Patrick Fitzgerald they can fax an audit (new dean of the Faculty notification. of Commerce, Law and Ford, 56, who took Management) that they early retirement from the should “get the files in business school after a order” in anticipation disciplinary inquiry into of SARS’ arrival, and InCo’s goings-on a year ensure that all returns ago, has referred SARS are up to date. to Wits University’s legal John Ford Since his retirement, department. Ford, a specialist in gov- InCo – full name In-Company ernance in accounting, has returned Management Education – was set up to the business school to lecture on in 1990. For 10 years no PAYE tax a freelance basis. He recently ran an was deducted from payments to busi- executive programme for school head- ness school lecturers. In recent times masters on Leadership. © The New Yorker Collection 2002 Alex Gregory from cartoonbank.com. All Rights Reserved. Rights All cartoonbank.com. from Gregory Alex 2002 Collection Yorker New The ©

noseweek June 2005 27 Africa Confidential Congo parties struggle to agree South Africa’s role in the DRC, which began in 1999, doesn’t look likely to end soon with 800 SANDF troops committed to peacekeeping in the volatile eastern region of former-Zaire, as the country’s fractious political parties haggle over the meaning of federalism

HE POLITICAL rows over the Then there must be a referendum, in Central rule is also resented in the Democratic Republic of the time for elections in the first half of diamond provinces of Kasai, north and Congo’s (DRC) constitution 2006. “The patience of the interna- south, and in Lower Congo, which has and the consequent delays are tional community is not unlimited”, the massive Inga Dam and is the only threatening the electoral time- says EU Development Commissioner province producing oil (around 30,000 Ttable and the transitional government’s Louis Michel, who as a Belgian min- barrels a day). All over the country stability. In theory, elections are to be ister has followed Congolese affairs there are diverse federalist move- held this month, but they will have to for years. Javier Solana, the EU High ments: the Bundu dia Kongo in Lower be postponed until the constitutional Representative for External and Congo; UDPS in Kasai, unrepresented arguments are settled, which could Security Common Policy, has urged in parliament; Union Nationale des take several months. Delaying the vote Congo to get moving. The problem now Fédéralistes Congolais (Unafec) in is such an incendiary issue that the is that the latest draft skirts around Katanga; and the ex-rebels of the Chairman of the Commission Electorale the central question, the allocation of Rassemblement Congolais pour la Indépendante (CEI), Abbé Apollinaire powers between the central government Démocratie (RCD), based on the Tutsi Malu-Malu, is reluctant to announce it. and the provinces. people of Kivu. Malu-Malu also fears the politicians Practically all the political move- Some senators wanted a strong will further slow down the process of ments agree that power must be to central government to discourage the approving the constitution and prepar- some extent shared between centre and local xenophobia which, in 1992, led to ing for elections; electoral registra- provinces. Kinshasa is over 2000km pogroms against Kasaians in Katanga. Tens of thousands of non-local people were chased out of the province and Some senators wanted a strong central those who organised the persecution are still politically active, includ- government to discourage the local ing the former provincial governor, Gabriel Kyungu wa Kumwanza, who xenophobia which, in 1992, led to pogroms called the Kasaians “insects”, and is now a leader of Unafec. Assembly President Olivier Kamitatu of Jean- Pierre Bemba’s Mouvement pour la tion could take six months, given the from some borders of a country which Libération du Congo thinks federal- country’s appalling communications. has no proper road system and some ism is a long-term objective. Whatever Meanwhile, the leader of the Union 450 language groups. Decentralisers, political formula is chosen, the key pour la Démocratie et le Progrès Social, known as “federalists”, say good govern- question will still be how to share rev- Etienne Tshisekedi wa Malumba, whose ance can come only when elected rep- enue between central government and party has boycotted the transitional resentatives are close to the citizens to the provinces. government, is calling for mass protests whom they are accountable. Like the present French constitution, on 30 June, when he claims the govern- Previous attempts to give Congo a the draft would provide for a national ment’s legal mandate will end. workable constitution have proposed president elected for a maximum of The transitional government’s foreign different degrees of decentralisation but two five-year terms, with two rounds sponsors – including the European the current draft leans towards central- of voting. A majority in the House of Union, Belgium, Canada and South ism. It was drawn up by a committee Representatives would choose a power- Africa – who are to put up 95% of the whose members could not agree among ful prime minister and the president estimated US$285m cost of the elec- themselves and speaks ambiguously of would be bound to appoint him. This tions, are getting increasingly frustrat- “a decentralised unitary state”. Congo’s formula can favour broad coalitions, ed with the footdragging. On 4 April, keenest federalists are in the richer which would be useful since no free the National Assembly started debating regions, which would raise more in vote in Congo has ever produced a the latest draft of the new constitution taxes than they contribute to national single-party majority. It can also lead which the Senate adopted last month. expenditure. Feeling is particularly to “cohabitation”: one party holds the Their timetable foresaw that by early strong in Katanga, where a separatist presidency while another provides the April, a draft constitution should have war was fought after independence in prime minister. Given the fragmented been drawn up, amended by the Senate 1960 and which has rich deposits of nature of Congolese politics, the result and voted into law by the Assembly. cobalt and copper. could be chaos.

28 noseweek June 2005 Russian oligarchs bed down with Death in Djibouti

South African mining houses HE MYSTERIOUS non-appearance of a promised report on the state-run TRadio France Internationale on the USSIAN businessman and director of Streshinskji, and two other Russians, investigation into the death of French prestigious British banking consul- Leonid Lebedev and Alexander Zhukov. Judge Bernard Borel has caused anger Rtancy Fleming Family & Partners In 2001, Garber was the subject of among journalists at the Maison de la (FF&P), Mark Garber, is developing an international arrest warrant by Radio in Paris. It is not clear whether a reputation as a key marriage broker Italian police investigating the seizure the report was pulled from the air- between Moscow-based oligarchs and of 30,000 AK-47s, 400 guided missiles, waves as a result of direct pressure South African mining houses. 10,000 antitank missiles and 32 mil- from President Jacques Chirac’s gov- In 2003, Garber introduced Viktor lion rounds of ammunition seized on a ernment, which finds the Borel dossier Vekselberg, who readers may remem- ship called the Jadran Express just off increasingly embarrassing diplomati- ber as a buyer of Fabergé eggs (nose64), Venice in 1994. Italian police claimed cally, or self-censorship by a senior to some of the major mining houses the arms were en route to Bosnian manager at the radio station. in Johannesburg. Vekselberg’s SUAL Serb militias fighting in Yugoslavia’s Judge Borel’s half-burned body was Holding subsequently bought into civil war. Streshinskji was arrested found in Djibouti in 1995 after he had Renova Investments and planned to in Germany in connection with the been investigating claims of unlawful take a position in Gold Fields. We hear Jadran Express seizure and extradited killings by the government security Garber also introduced Norilsk Nickel’s to Italy. He admitted his involvement services. Somewhat unconvincingly, finance director, Leonid Rozhetskin, to but said fellow Sintez directors Garber, the government claimed Borel had the chief executive of Harmony Gold, Lebedev and Zhukov had allowed committed suicide and then presum- Bernard Swanepoel, whose bid to take Sintez’s Jersey companies to be used in ably caught fire. over Gold Fields has hit serious prob- the arms transaction. RFI’s report was due to be aired a lems. The Italian prosecutors dropped the few days before Djibouti’s presiden- But Norilsk Nickel chairman case against Garber and Lebedev for tial election on 8 April. The elections Vladimir Potanin, a Russian former “jurisdictional reasons” and absolved were unexciting as President Ismaël deputy prime-minister, subsequently them of all guilt. The Italian police Omar Guelleh, standing for the ruling quarrelled with Rozhetskin about the had no right to search the Jadran Union pour la Majorité Présidentielle handling of the Gold Fields bid. None of Express because it had been in inter- (UMP) was the only candidate after this appears to have damaged Garber, national waters at the time. Asked the opposition coalition, the Union who remains extremely close to one of about the affair, the chief executive of pour l’Alternance Démocratique (UAD), the leading family investors in FF&P, FF&P, Gavin Rochussen, told Africa decided to boycott the vote because of Roddie Fleming. Garber was represent- Confidential that he was confident of what it called gross electoral irregulari- ing FF&P at the Russian Economic Garber’s “complete innocence” in the ties. Both Ismaël Omar and the French Forum in London in April. Before he matter. government – which pays 30 million joined FF&P, Garber was a director euros (US$38.7m) a year for its mili- of the Moscow-based Sintez oil com- Stories reproduced with permission tary base in Djibouti – publicly play pany along with a Ukrainian, Dimitri from Africa Confidential. down concern about Borel’s fate.

noseweek June 2005 29 within the Gardening Moral Majority? No, not quite that simple. The problem starts with the meaning of the word “indigenous”. The Penguin Dictionary of Botany speaks of “indig- enous” as “Describing an organism that is native to an area, i.e. that has not been introduced from another area”. It’s area-specific. To call a plant “indig- enous” without defining the area that it is indigenous to is utterly meaningless. Franken Assume that a label reading “indig- flora enous” on a plant in a South African nursery means that it occurs naturally in this country. If the label is accurate (which it sometimes isn’t – but that’s another story), what useful information does it give us, presuming we want to plant “indigenous” in order to promote That which we call ‘indigenous’ local wildlife, save water and do all the other good stuff? Sadly, very little. may not smell as sweet as we South Africa is enormously varied in terms of landscape and climate: thought. It now turns out that summer rainfall areas, winter rainfall areas; very high highlands and very low politically correct gardening lowlands; dry desertlike interior flats, warm, wet coastal areas; tropical zones – not the same thing as and temperate zones. Each has evolved its own community of plants and ani- ecologically sound horticulture mals, specific to that area or habitat. Although some species occur widely – can be more damaging than across different habitats, most are found only in a specific type of habitat planting alien species or narrowly-defined climatic zone. Some species occur over only a few square metres. Until people start moving them PEN up any lifestyle, home or around, organisms that have evolved gardening magazine nowadays in specific habitats tend naturally to and you’re likely to see articles be confined there. Take them out of and advertisements promoting their native area, for example from indigenous plants. Planting the Mpumalanga lowveld to a patch of Oindigenous means earning karma Eastern Cape valley thicket, and exactly points by saving water, being proudly the same problems might arise as when South African, propagating local spe- we plant something from another con- cies, providing a haven for local wild- tinent. Lacking natural predators, they life, caring. might run out of control. We can call Most of us are also by now familiar such species “indigenous aliens” – indig- with the evils of planting “alien” species, enous to South Africa, but alien to a and the need to destroy “invasive aliens” specific habitat. The idiocy of defining a before they crowd out our native flora. plant’s appropriateness to your garden In many parts of the country Australian in terms of the political boundaries of wattles, in the absence of the bugs and South Africa quickly becomes appar- diseases that keep them under control in their native land, have clogged up our river courses and invaded fynbos flats and bushlands. South America has given us waterweeds that choke up our rivers and dams, as well as an evil Proteas in the Table Mountain National Park pink ornamental flower called Pompom near Silvermine that have hybridized with Weed that is rapidly smothering our Proteas indigenous to other areas that have been planted in nearby suburban gardens: grasslands. (from top to bottom) 1. Protea lepidocarpoden- In short, indigenous is good, alien is, dron x P.neriifolia; 2. Another version of the same well, alien. hybridization; 3. P.burcellii hybrid with unidenti- With such clear-cut battle lines, fied P.species; 4. P.neriifolia hybrid with unidenti- surely it’s simple enough to stay firmly fied P.species

30 noseweek June 2005 ent; if you plant Peninsula. This is something that isn’t extinction, plain natural to your local and simple, not by area, in ecological eradication, but by terms you might being overwhelmed as well be planting by foreign genes. KEN FORRESTER WINES something from Dr Tony Rebelo Australia, or Brazil, of the South or Japan. It could African National even be worse. Biodiversity Not only can a Institute at plant or animal Kirstenbosch and moved outside its Chumisa Jackson, a natural area of National Parks field distribution become ranger, have over invasive, it can also the past year docu- threaten wild spe- mented 13 different cies via hybridisa- Never mind the aliens: Dr Tony Rebelo, Protea hybrids in tion. who has discovered a number of the Table Mountain Say you’re a grotesque Protea hybrids National Park. gardener in the Some have gro- southern suburbs of tesquely deformed Cape Town, nestling up against Table flowers, and (thankfully) can’t repro- Mountain. You innocently toddle off to duce. Most, though, are producing via- the local “indigenous nursery” and buy ble pollen and cutting a genetic swathe yourself a beautiful “indigenous” Protea. through the local plants. Years later, you get a nice warm feeling Yup, good little indigenous gardeners inside as you watch pretty little sun- could be wreaking havoc in one of our birds flitting around its open flowers, most famous National Parks. In some enjoying their nectar. sense, it would have been better for It should bring a chill to your heart. them to have stuck to the traditional What you are watching is about to “English” garden of roses and azaleas cause the extinction of the wild Proteas – plant types more distantly related to of the Table Mountain National Park. those indigenous to the Peninsula and What the nursery didn’t tell you is therefore less likely to hybridise with that your Protea comes from a species them. that is naturally found on the other side The evidence from Table Mountain

Yup, good little indigenous gardeners could be wreaking havoc in one of our most famous National Parks Tasting and cellar sales (021) 842 2020 of the Cape Flats, perhaps in the south- is most likely the tip of the iceberg. ern Cape lowlands. After the sunbirds Indigenous gardeners could be damag- Orders visit your spectacular plant, they fly off ing the genetic integrity of hundreds carrying “your” pollen to the flower of a of wild species all over the country. It’s naturally-growing Protea plant on the a danger that we’ve largely chosen to (021) 855 2374 fynbos slopes of the Mountain. Because ignore – until now. the two species are relatively closely The lesson: plant indigenous, but [email protected] related, the wild plant goes on to make don’t define something’s indigenous- viable hybrid seed. The next generation ness on the basis of political boundaries of little Proteas from the wild plant are (Make an ecological statement with thus hybrids. In time they, too, grow up, your garden, not a political one). Plant and spread their mongrel pollen around. species indigenous to your local area, It doesn’t take a brain surgeon or and get the seed stock from the near- a halfwit botanist to figure out that est possible natural source. Mindless within a few generations there might promotion of “indigenous” plants can be no pure wild Proteas of types vulner- be a potent danger to our fantastic wild able to hybridisation left on the Cape species.

noseweek June 2005 31

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cynic, suggested Oscar Wilde, is Tim James hits the bottle old to outprice even many well-reputed someone who knows the price reds, and get the day’s highest price for of everything and the value of a dry white? Well, no, not if you allow for A nothing. An innocent or a fool, those cynics, innocents and fools – and one might add, is someone who shows marketers. little comprehension of either price or You work out who fits one or more of value, and marketers are those who try the categories when Mike Ratcliffe, MD to confuse us about their relationship. of Warwick Estate, arranges for his local These types (the last of them not agent, NMK Schultz, to make outrageous indisputably the most attractive) were bids for the wine, and for Rosebank’s all well represented at the recent Park Hyatt Hotel (promised recompense) Nederburg Wine Auction – of which to play along, and the auctioneer allows more later. the farce to proceed. The result: a price The nexus of price and value of over R720 per bottle for one bundle (or reputation) is particularly well (the other lots of the wine achieved established and significant in the world vastly less) – so absurdly high for what of wine, as it well might be, given the was on offer that sharp practice was not lack of objective critera for measuring hard to suspect. a wine’s worth. This year is the 150th The prices for many wines at this anniversary of the famous classification year’s auction were simply silly. There of the top wines of Bordeaux, which are surely a few buyers now wondering still plays a vital role in the market. how the hell they’re going to on-sell the The ranking was made, rather casually, credentials in the form of a well-reputed stuff they bought at ridiculous prices for Paris’s Universal Exposition of winemaker or property, for example. (find some more wine-loving innocents 1855, largely on the basis of current I get depressed to think how many and fools is the obvious answer). After market prices. As a conjuncture of price local wines are now priced above R150 the results were made public, and and hierarchy it has proved pretty and how many are far from worth the blandly passed on by wine journalists, reasonable, as well as compelling money, judged on an international scale at least one retailer (amazedly observing – though certainly not unimpeachable in – though there is a malicious pleasure in from the sidelines) announced that all its inclusion and exclusions. speculating on the regret of some of the he could offer many of the wines at The fortunate drinkers of the best producers about the prices they decided a fraction of the auction prices. The wines in those days did not, however, on a few years back, when the export Warwick, for example, was available for have marketers who had learnt in market and Madiba effect were stronger R83 per bottle .... business school the lessons of cynically and the rand lower than now. I would bet that other producers also manipulative trickery. Well-publicised auctions like massage prices at the auction – though If there is ever anything remotely Nederburg give producers a great generally with a touch more finesse. The “natural” about pricing (relationship opportunity to attract attention and lessons are surely these if the Nederburg to costs, etc), it does not much apply prestige without definitive commitment Auction is to retain what prestige and to the top level of wines these days, as to maintaining a high price, should meaning it has: its organisers must producers scrabble for prestige as well the regular market not support what be alert to the event being hijacked as profit. Perception is half the battle might represent just a rush of blood to by cheats, who could even render the and, so well established is our craven a bidder’s head. The point is to get an whole thing nonsense if they all become response to self-assertion, a high price exalted price and the resultant publicity. excessive. Heavy-handed marketers often equates for gullible buyers to proof We’ve come to expect good auction should (oh please!) realise that crass of quality – justly so, on occasion. results for producers like Vergelegen and manipulation is fine in the short term We’ve seen plenty of this aspirational Kanonkop, particularly for red wines, but, especially if it’s prestige you’re after pricing in South Africa in recent years, and for a few others, particularly when as well as sales, it’s better to become of course: wines coming expensively their wines are in short supply. But known for quality than for your more onto the market with no track record, surely it’s impossible for a moderate or less skilful deployment of smoke and and only sometimes with shreds of quality sauvignon blanc less than a year mirrors.

noseweek June 2005 33 Last word

New broom very terrible rascal, that fellow. BYHAROLDSTRACHAN Pusillanimity, say I, I have no words against such circumstantial argument. I’m afraid to open the gate, says Drusilla, they told me the NICE to be back in Africa, says cousin Drusilla. So crime here is too bad for walking in how’s Toronto, then? say I. Oh just great, says the street. No-o-o, explains DD, we she, getting the Canadian accent a bit wrong, will go inside and get a couple of but then Junebe that’s the way she talks these rods and take the bus to the Snake days. She reels off the present advantages of the Park and walk along the beach a place as she reeled off the same advantages of bit to a nice shad hole he knows the place three decades ago before leaving. about and have a nice time. With Nice to meet new people, says she. Ja, say sandwiches. I, this is Don’t-delay Pillay, my neighbour and So things get relaxed and happy fishing comrade. DD smiles, ear to ear like a and where we cross the road at the Dobermann; he looks like a caricature of a shad- robot for the bus stop opposite I sammy. He is one of the community of anglers go to press the yellow button for the green man who gave the caricature its meaning. Drusilla walking. There’s a shaven-headed black youth blinks. DD speaks; Drusilla doesn’t know leaning against the pole; the button place is whether to laugh or not, he sounds so like the right at his hip pocket. As I go to click the thing Indians on the dreadful comic radio programmes I touch him and he leaps back hissing like a of yesteryear. We stand at the front gate, sorting rinkals and reaches for a dreadful knife from his each other out. belt. Drusilla emits a piercing squeak, DD grabs One of those great big Zulu broom-sellers comes her and I point to the hole where vandals have by, constructed of igneous rock like the top part picked the yellow button out. The youth grins of Isandlwana, looming like that too. He yodels sheepishly and leans on the other side of the pole. the Zulu word for brooms and whistles in that It is all part of street life. earsplitting way that herdsmen do. He stops The shaven- Drusilla digs her feet in the yellow sand. It’s before us; I remember you from Overport six years a surfers’ surf today, all right. Thunderous. We ago, says he, you used to buy my brooms there headed black don’t have breakers in Toronto, says Drusilla, before you disappeared and now I’ve got this one just ripples. What kind fish you got that side, for you, selecting one with a straightish shaft. It you? says DD. No fish, says she, the lake’s too is one of those witch-type brooms, made from the youth leaps polluted. After a bit she says They say Toronto Ilala palm, coarse and brittle, okay for sweeping is New York designed by the Swiss. But too dirty up old leaves and fag-packets, Junebe, but not ‘back hissing for fish? says DD. All this as he rigs up his tackle domestic dust from one’s flat. and buffs up with steel wool a neat white-metal Hey no thanks brother, I live in a flat now, say spinner, one of a dozen we cast from a hand- I, pointing heavenwards at our building, where like a rinkals made mould on an old Primus in the back yard, would I use such a yard broom? He examines the in preparation for the shad season. Catch you one ground around our feet; it is covered in fallen and reaches large-size shad, says DD. leaves and old fag packets. He lays a level gaze But soon enough he comes back from his on me. No-o-o, says he reproachfully, Indians and for a dreadful shad-hole with a medium-size Simon, alias women tell lies. We don’t lie to each other. We, salmon, aka kabeljou. 3 kgs, toothsome. Come, of course, being Brit and Zulu men, we do each says DD, and we follow him back to the bus and other to death with stabbing spears and Martini- knife home again, where he curries his Simon mild Henrys, but we DON’T LIE. He clearly hasn’t for Drusilla and chops up sambals and hauls heard of Sir Bartle Frere, but this is no time for sweetmeats from a great big biscuit tin. She and history. I sit and contemplate his modest pop-up view of Look, say I, I live upstairs, I’m not responsible central Durbs and get progressively pissed on for the grounds here! He studies my face Dick King cane spirit. unblinking, and silently pushes the broom through I think I’m getting inebriated, says Drusilla. the bars of the gate. I take it, and give him R30. Never mind, says DD. Nobody driving. You at Why you gave that fellow R30? says DD. One home now. Make a Skyf, Man! by Harold Strachan now available in all bookstores 34 noseweek June 2005’ Smalls

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