DOCSLIB.ORG

Than Sex: Finding Friendships in Cybersexual Webcamming Communities

Total Page：16

File Type：pdf, Size：1020Kb

Download full-text PDF Read full-text
Than Sex: Finding Friendships in Cybersexual Webcamming Communities More than Sex: Finding Friendships in Cybersexual Webcamming Communities Rachael McGlaston California State University, San Marcos Thesis Proposal Defense Thesis Committee: Dr. Mary Robertson, Chair Dr. Sharon Elise, Second Member Dr. Garry Rolison, Third Member Table of Contents More than Sex: Finding Friendships in Cybersexual Webcamming Communities 1 ACKNOWLEDGMENTS 3 INTRODUCTION 4 STATEMENT OF THE PROBLEM 5 REVIEW OF THE LITERATURE 8 An Overview of the Sociology of Sexualities 9 Sex Work 11 Sex and the Internet 14 Emotional Labor and Bounded Authenticity 18 THEORY 21 Symbolic Interaction 21 Bounded Authenticity 23 METHODS 25 Setting 26 Data Collection 28 Analysis 30 Limitations 30 RESULTS 31 Community Building: Bromances and Beyond 34 Shared Intimacy with the Model 39 Gameification 45 Let’s Eat! 4948 Bounded Authenticity 5251 DISCUSSION AND CONCLUSION 5756 REFERENCES 6564 ACKNOWLEDGMENTS Committee: Dr. Robertson, there are not enough ways to thank you for the work that you have put into this thesis and with me these past few months. You have taught me so much over the course of this project and there is no way it would be what it is without you. I’m glad you took a chance on being my chair; no one else could have filled the seat like you did. Thank you, captain! Dr. Elise, thank you for teaching me what it means to be a proud, Black scholar and for always shining a light on things left unconsidered. My work is always so much stronger after a conversation with you. Dr. Rolison, thank you for being the wizard that you are and for always making me look at things differently. I’m so grateful to have worked with you over the last two years and for everything you’ve taught me. Family: Mom, I would have none of this if it weren’t for you. Thank you for teaching me to go get what I want and not stop until I do. I love you with all my heart! Omi, thank you for always being my conversation buddy on my long drives to and from CSU San Marcos. Thank you even more for being a reason for me to keep pushing forward to get this done and make you proud. I love you! Jason, thank you for being the most supportive, helpful, and patient partner throughout this process. I love you lil baby. 3 INTRODUCTION She felt the eyes of more than a thousand people watching her, but couldn’t see a single face. As she closed her eyes, she ran her hands gently along the curves of her waist, and she could picture her boyfriend’s face staring back at her. Listening to the slow, sensual sounds of Marvin Gaye in the background, her hand traced her thigh as she began to slowly move her head in a circular motion, allowing her long, dark hair to cover her face. Flipping her head back, her hair whipped her shoulders and her big brown eyes snapped open. She stared straight ahead into the webcam and lined her lips with the tip of her tongue before biting her lower lip. She softly sang along with the music, and let out a chime-like giggle as she ran her fingertips underneath the right shoulder strap of her bra. She bit her lip again and then shook her head with a coy, closed-lip smile before saying “Only 5330 to go.” Suddenly, a sound similar to a slot machine cashing out goes off. She lets out a squeal of delight and clasps her hands in front of her mouth. It was him again. “Geez, why does he keep doing this? How much money does this guy have?” she thought before exclaiming, “DOOK! I can’t believe you! Whyyyy?” The chat room explodes with applause emotes and nuclear bomb emojis. Bright red font appears on her computer screen: Dookstah:“You know how much I love you Jess. Consider it my apology for not being here last night. Feel like going c2c before I have to go to bed?” She laughs and says, “You know my rules, mister. But thanks to you, everyone gets to enjoy a sexy little show before bedtime. What song do you want to hear?” During my first year as a graduate student, I was struggling to decide what I wanted to do my thesis research on. Initially, I had begun researching biracial identity development and the hypersexualization of multiracial women, which led me to find research that had been done about the Internet’s impact on identity development. My curiosity was piqued and I decided to look more into the Internet and its effect on sexual socialization. Over the course of a few weeks, I found the online world of webcamming and immediately knew I had stumbled into something really interesting and exciting. Upon further exploration, I found that there was a major lack in academic research on these cam sites, even though the sites were some of the most frequented in the entire 4 Internet. This revelation both confused me and excited me: I wondered, how was it that there was an entire social realm occurring online that had yet to be analyzed by some researcher or another? I knew after a few weeks of lurking on the site that it would become the location of my research and I would find the answer to my newfound questions about the online world. STATEMENT OF THE PROBLEM The Internet has created a new platform for people to establish connections with one another. Over the past 15 years, the number of people who use the Internet has more than quadrupled – in the year 2000, 738 million people had used the Internet, and by 2015 over 3 billion users accessed cyberspace (Davidson 2015). People use the Internet for a number of reasons, but the desire and demand for increased interpersonal connections is a strong contributing factor to the Internet’s popularity. The tremendous successes of social networking sites such as Facebook and Twitter are proof that people use the web to establish and maintain relationships outside of face-to-face contact. In addition to interpersonal relationships, the Internet has been wildly successful in creating a space for sexual exploration and commerce. Kibby and Costello (2001) noted that the consumption of sexual representations is a significant leisure activity that supports a multi-billion dollar industry. The Internet creates an additional space outside of print and recorded media (e.g. books, magazines, DVDs, etc.) for sexual entertainment consumption, and also allows for largely increased accessibility and anonymity that in-person purchasing does not. 5 As a new space to experience sexuality, the Internet is transforming sexual culture, including through language (e.g. surfing, lurking, cybersex) (Ross 2004). In a space that could allow for traditional cultural and sexual scripts to be abandoned, it is surprising that much research indicates that pre-existing, self-replicating scripts often shape online identities. Furthermore, people often adhere closely to the facts of their actual lives and personalities when creating online identities and personas instead of utilizing the anonymity of the Internet to try out new roles (Lynch 2010; Kendall 2000;Turkle 1995; Valkrie 2010). While some research has been done on those who use the Internet as a sexual exploratory space, none has been done that combines that idea with online sexual commerce. There has been some research conducted on sexual commerce and consumer preferences, but most of that research on commercial sex focuses on the experiences of the sex worker or the platform being utilized (i.e. prostitutes and in-person sex commerce vs. online pornography). The research that explores online and interactive sex entertainment is sparse. There are studies that focus on interactive gaming platforms that are also being utilized for sex entertainment, such as Lynch’s research on sex work in Second Life (2010), but studies such as this explore how people use avatars in place of physical bodies to interact sexually. Other studies have explored the use of video- conferencing software as a means of cybersex (Kibby & Costello 2001), but these studies neglect to examine how the exchange of money impacts interactive cybersex. MyFreeCams is an Internet relay chat (IRC) website that allows users of the site, also called “members”, to interact via textual dialogue with a live, on camera model, sometimes referred to as a camgirl. MyFreeCams is one of many cybersexual 6 webcamming sites that have live webcam models doing interactive sex shows for online audiences in exchange for money. Cybersexual webcamming sites are some of the most popular sites on the Internet. According to Compete.com, a web traffic analysis service, some of these cam sites are regularly in the top 100 most frequently visited sites on the Internet; one of which has 28 million unique visitors per month. According to MFC’s “About Us” page, many models, all of which are independent contractors on the site, earn over $10,000 per month by camming (wiki.myfreecams.com, 2016). MyFreeCams’ Wiki page claims that models who are in the Top 10 most popular (which is based on the site’s ranking system called “Miss MyFreeCams”) earn over $50,000 per month. A lot of the models on the site have large followings of ‘regulars’, and while they are camming live their rooms often have between 500 and 4,000 live viewers made up of premium and basic members and guests. Members typically find and stick with one or two models and become very loyal to them, which is how a model builds her clientele. MFC has won a number of awards, including Best Live Chat Website four years in a row, from adult sex industry giants such as AVN (Adult Video News), and XBIZ (an American publisher of business news and business information for the sex industry) (wiki.myfreecams.com, 2016).
Load more

Recommended publications
  • Shari Cohn Sex Addiction Brochure
    Shari Cohn Chat Rooms…Cybersex… Online Affairs… MSSW, LCSW, SC How many people CSAT-Certified Sex Cyber Romance… have problems with Addiction Therapist Internet Sex… Cybersex? Online Pornography… Helping Individuals, Estimates are that about 15% of people in the Couples and Families Recover United States - men and women - using the Harmless Fun? Or A Internet for sexual purposes have problems From Internet Serious Problem For You with their cybersex activities. Sex Addiction Or Someone You Know? About 9 million of these users are sexually • addicted and another 15 million use cybersex in Therapy for Internet Sex Addiction/Cybersex Addiction risky ways and show signs of compulsivity. • Therapy for Partners/Spouses and Some of these cybersex users were already Families of Sex Addicts having preexisting problems with sex addiction before they went on the Internet for sexual Research based, focused therapy helps purposes, but for others their Internet sexual people who are struggling with sexual activity was the first time they showed any addiction and compulsivity to develop the life Shari Cohn signs of sexual addiction. competencies to be successful in recovery. MSSW, LCSW, SC, CSAT Seventy percent of all Internet adult content Support and services for spouses/partners Certified Sex Addiction Therapist sites are visited during the 9-5 workday. and families of sex addicts are critical to assist healing from the negative Internet sex is very powerful and potentially consequences of sex addiction. very destructive. The comparison has been made that cybersex is like the crack cocaine of In my Certified Sex Addiction Therapist the Internet. training, I was taught by Dr.
    [Show full text]
  • Just Age Playing Around - How Second Life Aids and Abets Child Pornography Caroline Meek-Prieto
    NORTH CAROLINA JOURNAL OF LAW & TECHNOLOGY Volume 9 Article 6 Issue 3 Online Issue 10-1-2007 Just Age Playing Around - How Second Life Aids and Abets Child Pornography Caroline Meek-Prieto Follow this and additional works at: http://scholarship.law.unc.edu/ncjolt Part of the Law Commons Recommended Citation Caroline Meek-Prieto, Just Age Playing Around - How Second Life Aids and Abets Child Pornography, 9 N.C. J.L. & Tech. 88 (2007). Available at: http://scholarship.law.unc.edu/ncjolt/vol9/iss3/6 This Article is brought to you for free and open access by Carolina Law Scholarship Repository. It has been accepted for inclusion in North Carolina Journal of Law & Technology by an authorized administrator of Carolina Law Scholarship Repository. For more information, please contact [email protected]. NORTH CAROLINA JOURNAL OF L-xw & TECHNOLOGY 9 NC JOLT ONLINE ED. 88 (2008) JUST AGE PLAYING AROUND? How SECOND LIFE AIDS AND ABETS CHILD PORNOGRAPHY Caroline Meek-Prieto' In 2002, Ashcroft v. Free Speech Coalition held that the possession, creation, or distribution of "virtual child pornography," pornography created entirely through computer graphics, was not a punishable offense because regualtion impermissibly infringed on the First Amendment right to free speech and did not harm real children. Only afew years after that decision, however, the Court's wisdom is being put to the test. A virtual world called Second Life, coupled with motion sensing technology, may provide a means for child pornographers to exploit real children while escaping detection. Second Life also provides a forum where users actively engage in sexual conduct with what appears to be a child.
    [Show full text]
  • The Ethics of Virtual Sexual Assault
    The Ethics of Virtual Sexual Assault By John Danaher (draft copy of a forthcoming chapter in Oxford Handbook of Digital Ethics, edited by Carissa Véliz) Abstract: This chapter addresses the growing problem of unwanted sexual interactions in virtual environments. It reviews the available evidence regarding the prevalence and severity of this problem. It then argues that due to the potential harms of such interactions, as well as their nonconsensual nature, there is a good prima facie argument for viewing them as serious moral wrongs. Does this prima facie argument hold up to scrutiny? After considering three major objections – the ‘it’s not real’ objection; the ‘it’s just a game’ objection; and the ‘unrestricted consent’ objection – this chapter argues that it does. The chapter closes by reviewing some of the policy options available to us in addressing the problem of virtual sexual assault. Keywords: sexual assault; virtual reality; harm; consent; sexual autonomy; criminal law. 1. Introduction Roblox is an online gaming platform — or ‘imagination platform’ according to its developers — that allows users to create their own games. Players using the platform interact via onscreen avatars with a cartoonish, distinctively ‘blocky’ appearance. Roblox has more than 100 million actively monthly users (Alexander 2019) and its stated mission is to ‘bring the world together through play’.1 1 ‘The Story of Roblox’, video available on YouTube https://youtu.be/VL6rYNmfrjM 1 In June of 2018, Amber Petersen was reading to her seven year-old daughter, while the latter played Roblox on her iPad. At one point, Amber’s daughter interrupted her to show her what was happening in her game.
    [Show full text]
  • Cyber-Synchronicity: the Concurrence of the Virtual
    Cyber-Synchronicity: The Concurrence of the Virtual and the Material via Text-Based Virtual Reality A dissertation presented to the faculty of the Scripps College of Communication of Ohio University In partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree Doctor of Philosophy Jeffrey S. Smith March 2010 © 2010 Jeffrey S. Smith. All Rights Reserved. This dissertation titled Cyber-Synchronicity: The Concurrence of the Virtual and the Material Via Text-Based Virtual Reality by JEFFREY S. SMITH has been approved for the School of Media Arts and Studies and the Scripps College of Communication by Joseph W. Slade III Professor of Media Arts and Studies Gregory J. Shepherd Dean, Scripps College of Communication ii ABSTRACT SMITH, JEFFREY S., Ph.D., March 2010, Mass Communication Cyber-Synchronicity: The Concurrence of the Virtual and the Material Via Text-Based Virtual Reality (384 pp.) Director of Dissertation: Joseph W. Slade III This dissertation investigates the experiences of participants in a text-based virtual reality known as a Multi-User Domain, or MUD. Through in-depth electronic interviews, staff members and players of Aurealan Realms MUD were queried regarding the impact of their participation in the MUD on their perceived sense of self, community, and culture. Second, the interviews were subjected to a qualitative thematic analysis through which the nature of the participant’s phenomenological lived experience is explored with a specific eye toward any significant over or interconnection between each participant’s virtual and material experiences. An extended analysis of the experiences of respondents, combined with supporting material from other academic investigators, provides a map with which to chart the synchronous and synonymous relationship between a participant’s perceived sense of material identity, community, and culture, and her perceived sense of virtual identity, community, and culture.
    [Show full text]
  • THE LAST SEX: FEMINISM and OUTLAW BODIES 1 Arthur and Marilouise Kroker
    The Last Sex feminism and outlaw bodies CultureTexts Arthur and Marilouise Kroker General Editors CultureTexts is a series of creative explorations of the theory, politics and culture of postmodem society. Thematically focussed around kky theoreti- cal debates in areas ranging from feminism and technology to,social and political thought CultureTexts books represent the forward breaking-edge of contempory theory and prac:tice. Titles The Last Sex: Feminism and Outlnw Bodies edited and introduced by Arthur and Marilouise Kroker Spasm: Virtual Reality, Android Music and Electric Flesh Arthur Kroker Seduction Jean Baudrillard Death cE.tthe Parasite Cafe Stephen Pfohl The Possessed Individual: Technology and the French Postmodern Arthur Kroker The Postmodern Scene: Excremental Culture and Hyper-Aesthetics Arthur Kroker and David Cook The Hysterical Mule: New Feminist Theory edited and introduced by Arthur-and Marilouise Kroker Ideology and Power in the Age of Lenin in Ruins edited and introduced by Arthur and Marilouise Kroker , Panic Encyclopedia Arthur Kroker, Maril.ouise Kroker and David Cook Life After Postmodernism: Essays on Value and Culture edited and intloduced by John Fekete Body Invaders edited and introduced by Arthur and Marilouise Kroker THE LAST SEX feminism and outlaw bodies Edited with an introduction by Arthur and Marilouise Kroker New World Perspectives CultureTexts Series Mont&al @ Copyright 1993 New World Perspectives CultureTexts Series All rights reserved. No part of this publication may he reproduced, stored in o retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise without prior permission of New World Perspectives. New World Perspectives 3652 Avenue Lava1 Montreal, Canada H2X 3C9 ISBN O-920393-37-3 Published simultaneously in the U.S.A.
    [Show full text]
  • Sexual Communication, Including Nonverbal ­Dimensions Communication
    CHAPTER Sexual 3 Communication FEATURES CHAPTER OBJECTIVES Multicultural Describe the process of sexual communication, including nonverbal Dimensions communication. Female and Male Subcultures? 1 Identify barriers to sexual communication, including gender Communication differences, attitudes about sexuality, and sexual language. Dimensions 2 Adult Sexting Discuss techniques for improving sexual communication. Ethical Dimensions ? Ethics, 3 ? Communication, and Date Rape Gender Dimensions Sexual Behavior in Marriage Communication go.jblearning.com/dimensions5e g o . Dimensions j b e l e 5 Attitudes About Sexuality a s Clarity in Sexual r n n io ing ns Communication .com/dime Learning Assertiveness Global Dimensions: International Differences in Discussing Sexuality Global Dimensions International Differences in Discussing Sexuality Communication Dimensions Guidelines for Healthy Sexual Communication © 2014 Jones & Bartlett Learning, LLC. Content not for sale or distribution. 48510_CH03_Pass3.indd 68 11/30/12 3:44 PM INTRODUCTION wo for the Road (1967) is a movie starring Audrey Hepburn as Joanna and Albert Finney as Mark. When they first meet on the T road in Europe, Joanna is in a touring girls’ choir and Mark is a struggling architect. The film follows their life together—through court- ship and marriage, infidelity, and parenthood—all on the road in a vari- ety of cars (hence the title), through a score of time-shifting vignettes. The film presents a lovely portrayal of a young couple growing in— and eventually out of—love. It not only shows the life cycle of a 12-year relationship, but also brilliantly portrays how communication changes during that life cycle. As the couple meets and falls in love at a dizzying pace, conversation flows.
    [Show full text]
  • Volume CXXXIX, Number 11, January 29, 2021
    The Student Newspaper of Lawrence University Since 1884 THE VOL. CXXXIX NO.LAWRENTIAN 11 APPLETON, WISCONSIN JANUARY 29, 2021 Junior Kelsi Bryant re- elected as LUCC President Gannon Flynn tainability committee, LUCC students dropped by four. Despite Sports Editor hopes to create consistent op- the seeming stagnation, there’s ___________________________________ portunities to make the Lawrence still the challenge of dealing with After another round of elec- campus more sustainable. Ac- how the virus affects student life tions, the Lawrence University cording to Bryant, this commit- — after all, Lawrence prides itself Community Council (LUCC) has a tee would be continued work to on close relations between faculty new president; junior Kelsi Bryant address immediate on-campus is- and students as well as small and was selected over her opponent, sues without creating permanent personal classroom settings. Bry- Judicial Board member junior institutions that lose relevancy ant hopes that LUCC will be able Jessica Toncler. As an incumbent over time, which Bryant believes to promote that type of environ- to the position, this was a re- makes a more efficient LUCC. ment while maintaining COV- election for Bryant, who won with Bryant is also interested in ID-19 safety protocols. 62.82 percent of the vote. making changes to Lawrence’s “With help from a current class “My current presidency has Office of Diversity and Inclusion, representative, we hope to make been very short, and there is so specifically with Title IX. Title IX more spaces, virtual and on cam- much that I am looking to do in is a federal law banning sex-based pus, where students can interact my future terms,” Bryant said.
    [Show full text]
  • Cyber Sex Guide to Sexual Health, Risk Awareness, Pleasure, and Well-Being
    Safe(r) sexting Cyber Sex nudes online Guide work- self- shops made porn phone sex sex- camming sexy video calls Online sexual activities are part of the sexual repertoire of many people. Follow the Safe(r) Cyber Sex Guide to sexual health, risk awareness, pleasure, and well-being. The most common way of having safe(r) cybersex is to involve people you know personally and trust. FIRST THINGS FIRST • What are my intentions and expectations? Is it just fantasy play? What happens afterwards? • Do I feel comfortable showing and sharing sexual content? • Do I want to incorporate cybersex into my sexual repertoire? • Who do I want to ask for a cybersex date and under which circumstances? • Is it possible to check in with your cybersex partner(s), receive emotional aftercare, and exchange feedback afterwards? • Am I prepared to accept "No” as a possible answer? Do I feel like my “Yes / No” and expressions of concern will be heard? DATA PROTECTION • What do I want to protect and from whom? • Am I confident to take the risk of being identifiable by showing my face, piercings, tattoos, scars, birthmarks, my hair, or my home furniture? • Can I keep my background blurry or neutral? • Have I kept my real name and location private? • Do I know the people involved personally? Whether yes or no: Do I feel comfortable having cybersex with them? • Have we talked about boundaries, terms and conditions? Who should be allowed to see and have access to sexual content or images? The most efective way to protect your intimacy is to make sure you are not identifiable.
    [Show full text]
  • Recommendation to Enforce a Subpoena Issued to the Ceo of Backpage.Com, Llc
    United States Senate PERMANENT SUBCOMMITTEE ON INVESTIGATIONS Committee on Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs Rob Portman, Chairman Claire McCaskill, Ranking Member RECOMMENDATION TO ENFORCE A SUBPOENA ISSUED TO THE CEO OF BACKPAGE.COM, LLC STAFF REPORT PERMANENT SUBCOMMITTEE ON INVESTIGATIONS UNITED STATES SENATE SENATOR ROB PORTMAN Chairman SENATOR CLAIRE McCASKILL Ranking Minority Member PERMANENT SUBCOMMITTEE ON INVESTIGATIONS BRIAN CALLANAN Staff Director & General Counsel MATT OWEN Chief Counsel MARK ANGEHR Senior Counsel ANDREW POLESOVSKY PHILIP ALITO Counsels WILL DARGUSCH Investigator JOHN KASHUBA Legal Fellow MARGARET DAUM Staff Director & Chief Counsel to the Minority BRANDON REAVIS Counsel to the Minority AMANDA MONTEE Legal Fellow CRYSTAL HUGGINS GAO Detailee KELSEY STROUD Chief Clerk ADAM HENDERSON Professional Staff Member i RECOMMENDATION TO ENFORCE A SUBPOENA ISSUED TO THE CEO OF BACKPAGE.COM, LLC TABLE OF CONTENTS I. EXECUTIVE SUMMARY ....................................................................................... 1 II. BACKGROUND ....................................................................................................... 4 A. Sex Trafficking on the Internet. ....................................................................... 4 B. Commerical Sex Advertising and Backpage.com. ........................................... 5 C. Crimes Associated with Backpage. .................................................................. 7 D. Public Scrutiny and Victim Lawsuits. ............................................................
    [Show full text]
  • The Plight of the Black Belle Knox: Race and Webcam Modelling
    Porn Studies ISSN: 2326-8743 (Print) 2326-8751 (Online) Journal homepage: http://www.tandfonline.com/loi/rprn20 The plight of the black Belle Knox: race and webcam modelling Robert L. Reece To cite this article: Robert L. Reece (2015) The plight of the black Belle Knox: race and webcam modelling, Porn Studies, 2:2-3, 269-271, DOI: 10.1080/23268743.2015.1054672 To link to this article: http://dx.doi.org/10.1080/23268743.2015.1054672 Published online: 07 Sep 2015. Submit your article to this journal View related articles View Crossmark data Full Terms & Conditions of access and use can be found at http://www.tandfonline.com/action/journalInformation?journalCode=rprn20 Download by: [Robert Reece] Date: 09 September 2015, At: 08:21 Porn Studies, 2015 Vol. 2, Nos. 2–3, 269–271, http://dx.doi.org/10.1080/23268743.2015.1054672 FORUM The plight of the black Belle Knox: race and webcam modelling When a Duke University freshman revealed in early 2014 that she worked as an adult film actress to help pay her tuition, a media firestorm ensued as people were forced to deal with the collision of white, upwardly mobile feminine respectability and stereo- types about porn actresses. But the Duke freshman porn star, Miriam Weeks aka Belle Knox,1 leveraged her story to secure a part in an online reality show and a sex toy line, while major news outlets framed her as an advocate for both sex worker rights and the almost inevitable result of rising college tuition on students (Shire 2014). However, the unspoken racial undercurrents of her story have yet to be exam- ined and beg a number of questions: how would a black Belle Knox experience the adult film industry? How would the media frame the experience of a black woman who has sex for money to pay for an elite college education? The work of scholars such as Mirielle Miller-Young (2010) and Patricia Hill Collins (2000) suggest that Knox’s story – being secretly carted to porn sets and becoming a media darling – seems unlikely for a black woman.
    [Show full text]
  • Consensual Nonmonogamy: When Is It Right for Your Clients?
    Consensual Nonmonogamy: When Is It Right for Your Clients? By Margaret Nichols Psychotherapy Networker January/February 2018 You’ve been seeing the couple sitting across from you for a little more than six months. They’ve had a sexless marriage for many years, and Joyce, the wife, is at the end of her rope. Her husband, Alex, has little or no sex drive. There’s no medical reason for this; he’s just never really been interested in sex. After years of feeling neglected, Joyce recently had an aair, with Alex’s blessing. This experience convinced her that she could no longer live without sex, so when the aair ended, the marriage was in crisis. “I love Alex,” Joyce said, “but now that I know what it’s like to be desired by someone, not to mention how good sex is, I’m not willing to give it up for the rest of my life.” Divorce would’ve been the straightforward solution, except that, aside from the issue of sex, they both agree they have a loving, meaningful, and satisfying life together as coparents, best friends, and members of a large community of friends and neighbors. They want to stay together, but after six months of failed therapeutic interventions, including sensate-focus exercises and Gottman-method interventions to break perpetual-problem gridlock, they’re at the point of separating. As their therapist, what do you do? • Help them consciously uncouple • Refer them to an EFT therapist to help them further explore their attachment issues • Advise a temporary separation, reasoning that with some space apart they can work on their sexual problems • Suggest they consider polyamory and help them accept Alex’s asexuality.
    [Show full text]
  • Running Head: COMMUNICATION in POLYAMOROUS RELATIONSHIPS 1
    Running head: COMMUNICATION IN POLYAMOROUS RELATIONSHIPS 1 How Communication is Used in Polyamorous Relationships Meghan Wallace A thesis submitted in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of Master of Counselling City University of Seattle 2019 APPROVED BY Colin James Sanders, MA, RCC, PhD, Advisor, Counselling Psychology Faculty Christopher Kinman, MA, RCC, PhD (Candidate), Faculty Reader, Counselling Psychology Faculty Division of Arts and Sciences COMMUNICATION IN POLYAMOROUS RELATIONSHIPS 2 A Phenomenological Study of the Use of Communication to Maintain a Polyamorous Relationship Meghan Wallace City University of Seattle COMMUNICATION IN POLYAMOROUS RELATIONSHIPS 3 Table of Contents Table of Contents ................................................................................................................. 3 Abstract................................................................................................................................ 4 Acknowledgements ............................................................................................................... 5 Chapter One: Introduction .................................................................................................. 6 Nature of the Study .......................................................................................................................7 Scholarly Context .........................................................................................................................8 Definitions .................................................................................................................................
    [Show full text]