OUR PRICE BORED OF INQUIRY? TRY OUR OUTRAGEOUS ANSWERING SERVICE! MAINLY, OUR LATEST PAPERBACK COLLECTION: It contains Satirical Suggestions . Exaggerated Explanations . Ridiculous Retorts . Comic Comebacks and Idiotic Inferences to the "Problems of Our Times"! TOO BAD IT DON'T SOLVE ANY OF THEM! BUT IT WILL GIVE YOU A FEW LAUGHS! THE QUESTIONABLE MAD ON SALE SOON AT YOUR FAVORITE BOOKSTAND—OR YOURS BY MAIL FOR 50c use coupon or duplicate • NAME- 485 MADison Avenue, ADDRESS New York, N. Y. CITY 10022 STATE Zip-Code. ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY! PLEASE SEND ME: ALSO PLEASE SEND ME THE BOOKS CHECKED BELOW: THE • The MAD Reader • The Ides of MAD • World, World, etc. MAD • MAD Strikes Back • Fighting MAD • Raving MAD QUESTIONABLE D Inside MAD • The MAD Frontier • Boiling MAD • Utterly MAD • MAD in Orbit • DON MARTIN Steps Out MAD • The Brothers MAD • The Voodoo MAD • DON MARTIN Bounces Back • The Bedside MAD • Greasy MAD Stuff D DON MARTIN Drops 13 Stories • Son of MAD • Three Ring MAD • DAVE BERG Looks At The U.S.A. • • The Organization MAD D Self-Made MAD • DAVE BERG Looks At People • Like MAD • The MAD Sampler • The All-New SPY vs. SPY I ENCLOSE 50c • A MAD Look at Old Movies We cannot be responsible for cash lost • MAD's Captain Klutz or stolen in the mails. Check or Money I ENCLOSE 50c FOR EACH Order preferred! On orders Outside the U.S.A. add 10% Extra! NUMBER 111 JUNE 1967 VITAL FEATURES STOKELY AND TESS 'A clock-watcher is liable to wind up as just another one of the hands!" (A MAD —Alfred E. Neuman MUSICAL) Pg.4 WILLIAM M. GAINES publisher ALBERT B. FELDSTEIN editor JOHN PUTNAM art director LEONARD BRENNER production JERRY DE FUCCIO, NICK MECLiN associate editors GLORIA ORLANDO, CELIA MORELLI, RICHARD GRILLO Subscriptions CONTRIBUTING ARTISTS AND WRITERS the usual gang of idiots COMIC STRIP HEROES DEPARTMENTS FROM REAL LIFE ACKNOWLEDGE-MINT DEPARTMENT Pg. 14 Where Our Tax Dollars Go 18 BERGS-EYE VIEW DEPARTMENT The Lighter Side Of Relatives 28 CAUSTIC AGENTS DEPARTMENT Why Spy? (A MAD TV Satire) 43 DON MARTIN DEPARTMENT BRINGING OUTDOOR One Evening At Home 11 SPORTS The Smartest Ape In Captivity 35 INDOORS Gambling In The Amazon 42 Pg.22 ESPRIT DE CORE DEPARTMENT Stokely And Tess (A MAD Musical) 4 FAMOUS FUNNIES DEPARTMENT Comic Strip Heroes From Real Life 14 HOME-BODY-BUILDING DEPARTMENT Outdoor Sports—Indoors 22 FANTASTIC VOYAGES BASED ON JOKE AND DAGGER DEPARTMENT EVERYDAY Spy Vs. Spy 21, 38 EXPERIENCES LETTERS DEPARTMENT Pg.32 Random Samplings Of Reader Mail 2 LOCALE COLOR DEPARTMENT MAD Placelies 12 MARGINAL THINKING DEPARTMENT Songs That Never Made It ** A GUIDE TO MILLINERY PARADE DEPARTMENT VANISHING MAD's Easter Bonnets Designed For Male Celebrities 36 HUMAN MINI-HA-HA'S DEPARTMENT TYPES Pg.39 Fantastic Voyages Based On Everyday Experiences 32 PAST AND UNPLEASANT DEPARTMENT A MAD Guidebook To Vanishing Human Types 39 POE-MORTEM DEPARTMENT The Rating (A MAD Poem Satire) 26 **Various Places Around The Magazine WHY SPY? (A MAD TV MAD—June 1967 Vol. 1, Number 111, is published monthly except February, May, August and No­ vember, by E. C. Publications, Inc., 485 MADison Avenue, New York, N. Y. 10022. Second Class Post­ SATIRE) age paid at New York, N. Y. Subscriptions: In the U.S.A., 21 issues $5.00. Outside U.S.A., 21 issues $6.25. Allow 8 weeks for change of address to become effective. Entire contents copyright 0 1967 by Pg.43 E. C. Publications, Inc. The Publisher and Editors will not be responsible for unsolicited manuscripts and request all manuscripts to be accompanied by a stamped self-addressed return envelope. The names of characters used in all MAD fiction and semi-fiction are fictitious. A similarity without satiric purpose to a living person is a coincidence. Printed in U.S.A. Being a loyal American and a South­ ADVERTISING ENDORSEMENTS LETTERS DEPT. erner, I cannot help but take offense at "The Preamble Revisited". There are Your article "Advertising Endorse­ some things that should be treated with ments We'll Probably Never Get To discreetness, rather than mocked in a See" was superb. It never ceases to amaze satire magazine. me how "the usual gang of idiots" can Anne Swanson keep on creating such clever and cutting McDonough, Ga. satirical masterpieces. Rod Egan Menomonie, Wise. Beautiful! An absolute masterpiece! I may not agree with all of your articles, In the seven years that I have been but I do admire your courage and dar­ reading MAD, I have never been offended THE PREAMBLE REVISITED ing. MAD, more than any other magazine by an article in your superior magazine. or newspaper, represents one of our most In fact, I have often been amused by the "The Preamble Revisited" is exactly precious freedoms, that of the Press. indignation and outrage with which many the kind of shocking satire needed to jog Rosalind Sorbello of your readers have greeted satirical ar­ us Americans from our complacency and New Cumberland, Pa. ticles. However, I was shocked at the poor remind us of our lost ideals. If, like the taste displayed in the March issue in the staff of MAD, all of our countrymen article "Advertising Endorsements We'll properly used the freedoms that our Con­ If you can't find anything better to sat­ Never Get To See". I feel that an apology stitution guarantees, we could more justi­ irize than the Preamble, then you must to Mr. & Mrs. Sammy Davis is in order. fiably call our country "The Land Of The really be scraping the bottom of the bar­ Alan Sirota Free". rel. We DO have our freedoms and rights, University of Mass. Dennis R. Pollock but an article like this shows disrespect Amherst, Mass. Ohio State University for what our country stands for. Columbus, Ohio Mary Waters In reference to your "Advertising En­ Urbana, 111. dorsements" article, please be advised that I am glad to see that you are willing to Dean Martin HAS advertised milk. A take off the kid gloves and resort to the picture of this ad is rather conspicuously less gentle methods of Juvenal, Swift and Although your magazine has achieved displayed at theHawthorn-Mellody Farms, the Hebrew Prophets. I only hope that excellence many times, I feel that you have Libertyville, 111. What happens to writers your readers recognize just who has trav­ outdone yourselves and rendered America who make this type of mistake in their re- estied the Constitution of the United a great service by publishing "The Pre­ amble Revisited". It shows clearly what William S. T. Holcomb States, and who has defended it. Your Waukegan, 111. modest "Revisit" should serve to remind America is today, not what it was meant /' us how noble a statement the Preamble to be. Dennis W. Staples We exile them to Hawthorn-Mellody Farms, is, and how far we must go to fullfil the Libertyville, lll.-Ed. noble ideals expressed in it. Anderson, Calif. Richard D. Erlich ANNOUNCEMENT FOR EVERYTHING Champaign, 111. What ever happened to the "humor" Miss Victoria Vaughn in MAD? "The Preamble Revisited" is of Torrance, California Never have I laughed so hard and cried an example of the type of "hate literature" so much at the same time. This article was you've been turning out lately. I felt it is Happy to Announce that too much. My heartiest congratulations was revolting. The Editors and Writers to you. As long as "We The People Of Elliott W. McDonald of MAD Magazine The United States" can take an honest Bowesmont, N.D. hard look at ourselves and laugh at our Have Completely Flipped faults and shortcomings, we can't be that as Evidenced by the Article: bad off. The most startling article I have seen "Announcements For Everything" Greg Kay in any magazine in a long time. Thanks in Issue Number One Hundred and Nine North Hollywood, Calif. to MAD and Max Brandel for this omi­ March, Nineteen Hundred and Sixty-Seven nous eye-opener. I know it will awaken many readers, but let's hope it activates MAD SCHOOL SONGS { 1 was greatly inflammed over "The them. Preamble Revisited". It was the most Chris Donovan I see from your song parody, "The Lu nch- disgusting article you have ever printed. Seaside, Calif. Room March" (MAD School Songs For You knock our great country in every re­ Everyday Activities—#109) that the spect and you don't seem to appreciate Messrs. Woodbridge and Jacobs have your being lucky enough to live in the "The Preamble Revisited" is one of the dined in the cafeteria of the High School United States which happens to be the most unusual pieces of classic satire ever I attend. Although I am delighted that greatest country to ever exist on this published. It should be framed and hung this sinister establishment has been ex­ in the Smithsonian Institute. My con­ posed, I must ask that you restrain your planet. gratulations, gentlemen. Howard Kirshenbaum employees from using our cafeteria. There Jackie M. Ward Flushing, N.Y. is not sufficient supply of the few items Norfolk, Va. which are edible to feed US, let alone any "The Preamble Revisited" was a work guests! of art and expression of truth. I salute After reading "The Preamble Revisit­ Kay Killmer your ingenious insight into our "Great ed" I will never again doubt the value of Long Beach, Calif. Society". your magazine. The article was distress­ Christine Ellis ingly realistic and thought-provoking. My congratulations to Frank Jacobs and Pueblo, Colo. John Kendall George Woodbridge for the most idiotic, Denver, Colo.