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CARNIVAL-WHOOPEEEE 4C”; for CARNIVAL HEH, HEH, HEH! SAYS CONGRESS

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CARNIVAL-WHOOPEEEE 4C”; for CARNIVAL HEH, HEH, HEH! SAYS CONGRESS nAMILTON SMITH LIBRA' UNIVERSITY OF OUR!Nrtu IMPRESSION Hampshire OF HE KjpiAMPSHlRE Volume 23. Issue 16. DURHAM, N. H., FEBRUARY 9, 1933. Price Ten Cents FIRE FIGHTERS AND FIRE SWEEP OUR NIGHT CLUB CARNIVAL-WHOOPEEEE 4c”; FOR CARNIVAL HEH, HEH, HEH! SAYS CONGRESS SPESSULLY WROTE FER THA KARNIVAL NUMBAR Dyrham’s awreddy fer tha winta karnival! But they aint no sno nor no ice nor no likker nor no skees nor no wimmin folks nor no spessul trayns nor no -phun— thet is, not yit they aint. Hit were that around these here partz thet mebbe they mite Red Cross Feeds Refugees be sum sno if tha gology deepartmint got rite bizee and predikted sum fer tha selabrashun. These here nuw phangled sientifik Five hundred students were left homeless today when fire idees air sposd ter be durnd neer perfek. Seen as how they mite swept through the local soda sloshery leaving three dead, sixteen predik sum sno we mite git sum, and then agin we mite not. Dad injured, and a loss of ten thousand dollars. Hendersun sez thet skoolz otter teech more o’ tha stuff. We dont Deeds of individual heroism were many following the cry see whi but thin they’s lots o’ things we dont see like how we kin of fire by an unknown co-ed who sank to the floor unconscious after hev a winta karnival whin its durn neer impossabul ter do eny1 giving the alarm. Following the cry, all the inmates stampeded scatin. We sined up fer scatin fer fisicul ejercashun, but they through the side of the wall leaving death and destruction in their aint respektin our seelekshun ov sportz and so we hevter do sum wake. “ Hard Knocks,” popular balet dancer was first out and is SCENE OF CARNIVAL BALL walkin sos ter git kredit fer scatin. Now aint thet durn fulishniss. personally responsible for the saving of three co-eds who were Ezriah Howe wuz elekted chairmun ov tha kumitee ter put unable to get cut of his way and were carried through the plate tha karnival acrost, and now thet he dont ixpekt eny sno he figgers glass window in front of him. They are resting comfortably at on heving a grate ole fassund town fare. Ezriah sez they aint the local hospital although they are not expected to live. Among TERRESA FLOGBOTTOM much chanse tew do tha sames they do in tha big sities whin other heroic acts, those of “ Dodo” Droolin and “ Stale” Brennen they hev a big selabrashun, but he figgers tew giv the folks a stood out. Feigning sleep on the benches that ran along the side, rite smart time fer thair muny. Leestwize he ixpektz tew git they managed to create the impression among the panic stricken CHOSEN CARNIVAL sum muny, but if’n yew aint got eny muny, Ezriah sez he’ll take throng that there was no danger at all. Many people afterwards a cupla bags o meel fer tha cows, or a bag o twinty pennee spikes, claimed that they were actually asleep through it all. This could or mebbe a sittin hen or tew. If’n yew aint got nawthin tew giv not be proven since our correspondent could not wake them for QUEEN—IT’S A LIE! whi Ezriah sez yew air welcum jist tha same cose he nose thet questioning. this air a time ov deepreshun, leestwize thets wut they call it. The arrival of the fire department put an end to all further Whin Ezriah met with hiz kumitee tew figger owt wut tew attempts at rescue. They entered immediately upon their arrival do fer tha selabrashun whi they hed an awphul time. Ezriah sed one hour after the alarm was sounded and began the search for they otter tew hev a bewty kontest tew find owt wich womin in the fire. Unfortunately they were somewhat hindered in their BANK ROBBERS WHY WE NEED town wuz tha pritiest but Cy Jonz, who hez a wife thet wood skare activities by the protestations of phrankinstine, sed thet evry one ov tha men presint at tha meetin the proprietor who objected to ABDUCT QUEEN wood be found ded tha next day if’n thair wife wuznt pikt tha their driving the fire engine into A winnar and thet they all couldnt be pikt. Ezriah sed, sez he, I the store which they had done in Arrests Promised Within got a seelooshun fer tha mess. order to achieve greater effici­ NAVY And so folks they will be a pikin ov tha pritiest gal attha fare ency. Cleverly distracting his Twenty-four Hours as but Ezriah’s kumitee wuz foxy. They aint a goin tew do tha attention by tipping over the Police Speed to pikin. They rote tew sum ov tha fashunable moovee playars in soda fountain, they settled down Hangover Queen Not Half Rescue Holywood and got them tew promise tew pik tha winnar frum a to the serious matter of putting as Pretty as Ours— bunch ov pichars ov tha gals. And now pore Perceevul Takum out the fire. Three lines were Rumor has just been verified by the prying prowlers of this pernicious Buy American hez hed about a duzen threts ov violentz if’n he dont make good strung in but as it has since been perveyor of dirt and scandal that Tes- Goods pichars ov tha gals. Peerceevul hez been in tha pichar buzniss disclosed, no water was forth­ sie Flogbottom, Queen of the Carni­ fer nigh onta fifteen year and he sez nevar yit hez he seen a bunch coming as the city had not paid val, has been abducted by a group of Bucket Brigade Terresa Flogbottom, popular Barn­ ov wimmin so anxshus tew pruve eech othar liars about thair luks its water bill. The students rose murderous cut-throats who insinuated themselves through the throngs of yard co-ed, was elected Carnival and ages. to the need and quickly formed a bucket brigade from the nearest Queen at the Annual Carnival Sprawl pleasure seekers by the simple expe­ Cy Jonz axed Ezriah wut he wuz goin tew do abowt tha rasin dormitory and soon succeeded in pouring over ten thousand gal­ dient of tossing pineapples here and held in the new cow-barns until it got away early this morning. with hosses and skees. Well, Ezriah sed he didnt sees thair wuz lons of water into the store. The fire unfortunately was not dis­ there, with now and then a tear gas At Barnyard, Miss Flogbottom is gointew be much trubbul thair. Nobudee hed eny skees, but covered, although the proprietor sarcastically suggested that the bomb, and then humanely putting the poor sufferers out of their misery with acting captain of the Fire Company, Ezriah remembard thet whin he wuz a kid he uzd tew skee on cigar he was smoking might have been mistaken for it. president of the Safety First Club, Tommy guns. barral staves and he couldnt see whi it couldn’t be dun again. The fire was declared definitely out at three in the morning Mr. and Mrs. Eziekal Zackerias and also plays catcher on the intra- rural sofa-wrestling team, a three But Cy sed thair wasnt eny hosses in town seens how ole man after six hours of desperate battling in which the cheers of the Flogbottom, parents of the fragrant letter sport in itself. While passing Perkowt hed hirard them all tew hawl a krate ov hens tew town. students led by the cheer leader continually spurred the fire fight­ and alluring morsel from Barnyard, are expected to arrive in town at any through her junior year she was Whin they wuz all in town they wuz onlee tew hosses enyway. ers on to greater activity. halted three times for inspection by moment. Word was sent to the now Ezriah sed as how they wuznt goin tew be eny sno they didnt Three men found in evening clothes were immediately ar­ bereaved parents by dog-team as soon President J. Carp Fishsmeller and each time was given the presidential hev tew wurree enyway. Then Ezriah got a nuw idee. He sez, rested with their companions as suspicious persons and the drug as the police were formally notified approval after a short session in his sez he, whi dont we hev a chariut rase and Cy scurnful like sed, store was padlocked on the belief that it was a night club since that the disturbance had been caused by foreigners and not drug-store cow­ private office. and whi dont we hev a vawdvil show. And Ezriah not notisin tha people were evidently in the habit of going there in evening Tessie, as she is affectionately boys’ tap dancing at Gorman’s. When Carnival Queen sarcasum sed thets a grate idee Cy but we gotter plan fer tha clothes. The men arrested gave their names as Alexander Ham­ the sad news arrived in Barnyard Mr. called by the Barnyard cowlets, was chariut race furst. Cy still feelin sarcasum like sez how. And ilton, George Washington, and Charles Dickens, the women as Flogbottom promptly dropped the soused in a pair of snowshoes daintily trimmed in mud and mauve, her lav­ Ezriah sez like Gulius Seesar. Greta Garbo, Helen Keller, and Marie Antoinette. It is believed pitchfork with which he was gather­ ing eggs and demanded paper and atory school colors (Bath-wahborn, Cy sez we aint got no hosses and we aint got no chariuts* that these names are fictitious. They denied everything claiming situated in Manchester-by-the-Sewer).
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