Bridget and Joans Diary: a Parody: Mad About the Toy Boy Free

FREE BRIDGET AND JOANS DIARY: A PARODY: MAD ABOUT THE TOY BOY PDF

Well, this is a new experience! Starting the New Year writing in a diary. And not having a hangover — not for the want of trying, mind you. I swear that new care-homemanager, Mrs Sharples, waters down the advocaat. It was a present from Joan. That was already filled in by a couple called Anne and Frank. A bit weird, two people writing in the same diary, if you ask me. I knew it was a good idea. Time she got her thoughts and her life in order. I always keep mine securely locked in my bedside cabinet. I should tell Bridget to do Bridget and Joans Diary: A Parody: Mad About the Toy Boy same… although, actually, I might not. Just in case. What a lovely time at the day centre with Joan. Had a little sing-song and fish and chips for tea. My favourite! Shame I lost my Bridget and Joans Diary: A Parody: Mad About the Toy Boy. Awful time at the day centre with Bridget. She insisted on singing. Had to turn my hearing aid off. Cheered myself up by hiding her teeth. I just need to find the sugar. And the milk. And the cups. I like my tea like I like my men. Strong, sweet and dark. Went to the January sales today! It was lovely, just like the Blitz all over again. Sat around for hours, me entertaining everyone with my specially extended wartime medley. For once, Joan encouraged me. She reckoned my singing was making the queue shorter. When the doors finally opened, I rushed straight in. I like to take in the atmosphere and really enjoy myself. It was like the Blitz all over again. Bridget was like A doodlebug, whizzing around the place causing mayhem and destruction. I told her that you have to approach these things with a clear plan but does she listen to me? And how much it all cost! I, on the other hand, restricted myself to just the one purchase: a nice, sensible cardigan like the one Gloria Hunniford wears in the life-insurance commercial. But without the free pen. Twelfth Night tonight. Or those night-vision goggles, for that matter. Eventually I managed to find a king-size one and braced myself…. I based it loosely on Gypsy Rose Lee. She was so overcome she had to go for a lie down. I woke up this morning to a magical winter wonderland! I was so excited that I dashed straight out into the garden after breakfast. Bridget just tramped slush all over my carpet. All she needed to do was lie down and wait for hypothermia to set in. Just a slice of toast for tea today. I do like cottage pie but these days it always seems to give me the runs, so Joan had mine. Poor Bridget. She thinks cottage pie gives her the runs. Still, waste not want not. What a shock. They reckon it was his heart. That only leaves Mr Gooch now. Slim pickings for a woman in the prime of her life. The only glint in his eye is his astigmatism. As social occasions go, funerals are her favourite. I do like a good funeral. Far better class of sandwich. What a wonderful day. Poor Joan must be struggling to keep up — I wonder where she can have got to? Enjoying a lovely, peaceful Sunday lunch in the Pig and Whistle. Follow Telegraph. Bridget writes:. Cups of tea drunk — 23 Bridget and Joans Diary: A Parody: Mad About the Toy Boy bad. Teabags used — 4 v good. Trips to toilet — 12 average. Joan writes:. I like my tea like I like my men too. Still warm. Went to visit Joan in hospital today. Took a few things to cheer her up. Grapes — 1 bunch. Lucozade — 1 bottle. Take a Break magazine — 1. Thanks from Joan for the above — zero. Grapes — zero Bridget ate them all. Lucozade — 1 sip Bridget drank the rest. Take a Break magazine — 1 I prefer the Racing Post. Temperature — invigorating! Vest — lacy. Cardigans — zero so frumpy. Temperature — -2 degrees Celsius Bridget and Joans Diary: A Parody: Mad About the Toy Boy — thermal. Cardigans — several. Fun level — Had a lovely trip to the supermarket with Joan. Sherry — 5 bottles. Luxury Belgian triple-chocolate macaroons — 4 packets. Number of times fell into chest freezer — 3. Had a stressful trip to the supermarket with Bridget. Teabags — Value custard creams — 1 packet. Number of pennies Bridget used to pay for shopping — Number of times retrieved Bridget from chest freezer — 2. Ham sandwiches consumed — 2. Sherries, small — 1. Compliments about my cheerful red dress — 3. Mad About the Boy (Bridget Jones, #3) by Helen Fielding

By Sarah Vine for the Daily Mail. Twitterit is has to be said, is not known for its subtlety or sense of humour. With, that is, one notable exception: Titania McGrath. For the uninitiated, Titania Gethsemane McGrath is a radical vegan, woke poet committed to feminism, social justice and armed, peaceful protest. She works to expose racism, bigotry and misogyny. My wokeness is innate. It flows through me like a magical elixir, keeping my soul perched and poised for the fight. Woke, for those of you born before who may, understandably, be unfamiliar with the term, is to be terribly earnest or pretentious about how much you care about social issues, particularly racism. I was about to get all wound up about it as one does on Twitter until the friend messaged me to say it was a parody account to send up the modern obsessions with gender fluidity, identity politics and cultural appropriation. Countless Twitter users have since been fooled by Titania — who has nearlyfollowers — and agreed with or railed against her earnest pronouncements. Twitter was taken in, suspending the account briefly following complaints last December. Luckily Titania was reinstated, her brush with the internet patriarchy having only served to strengthen her resolve in the face of Big Tech Bridget and Joans Diary: A Parody: Mad About the Toy Boy. This week we finally learned the identity of the person behind Titania. She was unmasked as Andrew Doyle, 40, a former private school teacher with a doctorate in early Renaissance poetry from Wadham College, Oxford. For many of us, the modern millennial world is a minefield, a social battleground where, at any point, one could unintentionally blow oneself up. Many rail against it, others retreat to the sidelines. The genius of Doyle is that he takes it down in a way that is extremely witty — and clever. She also exposes the unconscious bigotry it is not racist to hate someone on the basis of their skin colour if that person is white of the woke brigade. I learnt only that my private education and frequent family holidays to Montenegro and the Maldives were merely a ruse by which my parents could distract me from my oppression. Social media is awash with people spouting nonsense, from the mad to the merely misinformed. Her Twitterings were just the right side of believable. Remember too that these are the people who fought in the second World War. How can shooting at Germans be anything other than xenophobic? Statements such as these are, of course, absurd and funny. But they also sail close to the wind. Compare the above with the comment of the former Lib Dem leader Nick Clegg the original virtue-signalling politician in that older voters were to blame for Brexit and that, now they were dying off, a second referendum should be held in order for the younger generation to return the correct result, i. Just as Bridget Jones was the embodiment of the anxiety-ridden Nineties feminist, a creation whose diary entries encapsulated all our hopes, fears and failures, so Titania McGrath is her millennial successor, a girl every bit as lost and confused, every bit as accurately observed — and equally, catastrophically, hilarious. The views expressed in the contents above are those of our users and do not necessarily reflect the views of MailOnline. By posting your comment you agree to our house rules. Do you want to automatically post your MailOnline comments to your Facebook Timeline? We will automatically post your comment and a link to the news story to your Facebook timeline at the same time it Bridget and Joans Diary: A Parody: Mad About the Toy Boy posted on MailOnline. To do this we will link your MailOnline account with your Facebook account. You can choose on each post whether you would like it to be posted to Facebook. Your details from Facebook will be used to provide you with tailored content, marketing and ads in line with our Privacy Policy. Argos AO. The spoof snowflake who made a fool of the Lefties: 'Titania's' right-on Twitter nonsense was swallowed by an army of gullible followers Share this article Share. The 'woke' tweets that duped so many I have always stood up for minorities. As such, it is essential that we respect the wishes of the minority of UK voters and overturn Brexit. My sister got caught stealing a croissant on her gap year in Marseille. White people: stop trying to help destitute Africans. Dieting is fat-shaming yourself. Straight men should be in a zoo. PM quizzed over covid support Breathtaking moment daring diver jumps off metre-high cliff China's Loch Ness Monster? Comments Share what you think. View all. Add your comment. Enter your comment. Post comment to your Facebook Timeline What's This? Submit Comment Clear. Your comment will be posted to MailOnline as usual. Your comment will be posted to MailOnline as usual We will automatically post your comment and a link to the news story to your Facebook timeline at the same time it is posted on MailOnline. More top stories. Bing Site Web Enter Bridget and Joans Diary: A Parody: Mad About the Toy Boy term: Search. Today's headlines Most Read 'It's a hit job! 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The lowest-priced item that has been used or worn previously. The item may have some signs of cosmetic wear, but is fully operational and functions as intended. This item may be a floor model or store return that has been used. See details for description of any imperfections. Skip to main content. About this product. Stock photo. Pre-owned: Lowest price The lowest-priced item that has been used or worn previously. Weight: Gms. Condition: Good. See all 3 pre-owned listings. Buy It Now. Add to cart. It's been a wild year for the two rebellious wrinkletons: sherry and shoplifting, Sanatogen and sexting, and a mysterious toy boy who threatens their lifelong friendship and possibly even more Bridget Golightly is eighty-nine years old. Bridget and Joans Diary: A Parody: Mad About the Toy Boy won the m, m, triple jump and solo synchronised swimming events in the Mexico Olympic Games. Bridget is also a Nobel Prize-winning mathematician, renowned poet and international peacekeeper, and represented the United Kingdom in the Eurovision Song Contest with 'Boom-bang-a-ting-a-ling on a String'. When she's not busy bringing joy to the world, she likes to relax by drinking a nice cup of tea. Joan Hardcastle is eighty-six years old, comes from Yorkshire and doesn't Bridget and Joans Diary: A Parody: Mad About the Toy Boy a word Bridget says. Except the bit about the tea. Follow BridgetandJoan on Twitter. Show more Show less. Pre-owned Pre-owned. No ratings or reviews yet. Be the first to write a review. Peterson Paperback 4. Van der Kolk Paperback, 4. Save on Non-Fiction Books Trending price is based on prices over last 90 days. You may also like. Books Joan Johnston. Paperback Books Joan Johnston. It Paperback Books Joan Didion. Romance Books Joan Johnston. Fiction Books in English Joan Johnston. This item doesn't belong on this page.