By: Sebastian Rex
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Breakfasts By: Sebastian Rex © Sebastian Rex, 2012 0 Monday, February 27th Open your eyes. The sun is up. I can feel the light. I need to get up. I don’t want to get up. Waking up is horrible. But it will only last a few minutes and then I’ll feel great again. OK. I’ll just open my eyes. I need some water. Maybe there’s a glass next to the bed. Reach out, but be careful. I don’t want to knock it over if it’s there. That will just scare me and start my morning off badly. OK. So, I’ll do it gently. What’s this? Glasses... oh, I probably need them too. I wish glasses were just literally the plural of glass. Then I could drink some water. Saying that, there is no guarantee in their literality that they’ll be filled with water. OK. I’m up now. Thank God that my childish wit puts a smile on my face. Opening eyes. It’s not as bad as I feared. Stings a bit, but I have enough time to run to the shower, wash my face and drink some water. Oh, something smells really nice. I wonder what she’s making for me today. OK. Quickly. Get dressed. Suit. Again a suit. I hate wearing suits. It can get so boring. I wish I had five hundred suits. Like Elton John. What? No. I do not want to have five hundred suits like Elton John. What the hell am I talking about? You idiot! Where is your mind this morning? Get dressed now, and we’ll never mention it again. Let’s whistle a song. Five hundred suits like Elton John. I guess it’s kind of funny. No! It’s not. Suit! One! Whistle! Whistle while you work tu du du du du du du... OK... breakfast. Hurry up. They’re probably waiting for me. Don’t worry about the socks yet. Eat and then come up. Don’t forget you still need to brush your teeth. OK. So we start off with breakfast. Where are they? Ah, here they are. “Good morning.” One from me, and wait for their replies. “Good morning.” “Good morning.” Two from them. Sit down and eat. Still smells wonderful. Shall I tell her? Why not? “It smells wonderful.” “Well, you’re just hungry. Hunger is the best cook.” Why is she saying that? It really does smell wonderful. Though it is true that I am very hungry. Still. It smells wonderful. Shall I chase it? No, she’ll just believe me less. God, she can be so annoying sometimes. Why can’t she accept a compliment? Never mind. Forget about it. Sit down and eat the pancakes – which may or may not smell © Sebastian Rex, 2012 1 wonderful. Hot. I’ll drink some of the tea instead. Good tea. Not too strong. Now pancakes. Wow. They taste so good. Yes, I know... hunger is the best cook. Whatever! I don’t care. I’ll say nothing. Oh, now she’s looking at me. What does she want? Is she waiting for approval? I don’t want to be shot down again. I’ll just nod. “Mmmm.” I feel like such an idiot. I think I offended her. Now Joshua is looking at me. Great. I’m being judged by a child. Stop looking at them and concentrate on your pancakes. Mmmm. Still delicious. OK. I should get ready to go. “Are you ready?” He’s not looking at me. Maybe he didn’t hear me. “Joshua!” “Yes. Give me five minutes.” Five minutes? That’s perfect. Just the time I need to get ready. Excellent. I know. I’ll give her a kiss. That’s bound to cheer her up. Is that a smile? Is she smiling? No. I feel like I’m fathering a baby again. Can’t tell if it’s a smile or if it’s gas. OK. So she’s angry with me. What is she angry with me about this time? I’ll smile and pretend everything is fine. If something is bothering her, she’ll come and tell me. I’m sick of having to fight my way into her complaints. God damn it. OK. Teeth need brushing and I need to finish getting ready. OK. Stop thinking and start working. Oh darn it! I haven’t put my socks on yet. Come on. Quickly. Which ones should I wear? Wear? Wearing socks? One wears socks? Brown! That’s weird. It doesn’t sound right to wear socks. “Joshua! Are you ready?” I hate waiting for others. I need to get to work, you know. Oh, here he is. He looks so sweet in his school clothes. Don’t tell him that. He’ll kill you. Keep it to yourself. Well, you can tell Helena, but don’t tell Joshua. “Come on, boy.” What is he, a dog? Get a hold of yourself, Arden. Don’t be an idiot! Though it would be nice to have a dog. Maybe I’ll bring it up with Helena. I know what I should do – talk to Joshua about it first and get him to beg her. Oh, that’s just horrible. “Goodbye, honey.” That was sweet of me. I do love her so much. I just hope she isn’t angry. “What’s planned for school today?” © Sebastian Rex, 2012 2 “I don’t know. It’s school. The same as always, you know.” Yeah... I do know. “Don’t worry. When you come back home I have a surprise for you. Also, you still want to go to the zoo on Saturday?” Is a thirteen-year-old boy too old for the zoo? Maybe we should canc... “Yeah. I can’t wait. I really want to see the sharks. I love sharks.” Oh... that’s nice. Good. “Excellent.” “Thanks for the ride, Dad. I’ll see you later.” I love seeing him like this. Why was I never this cheerful when I was his age? Thirteen was a horrible year. I just wanted to kill everyone. I think we’re good parents. We did a good job with him. Ha! Who said we were too young to have kids? What’s the time? Oh, I have enough time to get to work. Good. And then I could make a cup of tea. Hmmm... I’d love a cup of tea now. That would be so nice. OK. I’ll drive quickly, and get there quickly and drink quickly. Well, not drink quickly. Just drink. Regular speed. On second thought, if I drive too quickly I might have a car accident and die. Or be in pain or something. I don’t want that. OK. Stop thinking about crap and concentrate on the road. Drive safely. Ah, thank God. I love getting to this corner. Now I can see the office. Excellent. OK. Let’s go up and make some tea and pretend to work. Oh, stop it. You don’t pretend. You actually do work. Come on, compared to the rest of those lazy... och! I don’t want to use bad language. Why? Who cares? Nobody can hear you except yourself. Look! Penis! See? Nobody heard that. Disgusting. I shiver with disappointment. Anyway, back to work. I am most definitely the hardest worker there. But for now I’m going to have to stop thinking and just work. Right. Tea is ready. That’s nice. It’s too hot. Wait. Don’t drink. Don’t taste. No! Don’t sip. Look what you did. Now you’ve burnt your tongue. You are such an idiot! I hate you so much! OK. Work. Why is there so much paperwork in front of me? Paper. Paper... pay per... pay per person... paper person. Oooh. Maybe I can cut all of them into little men. Jules! Pretend to work. Pretend to work. Oh, why is Aaron coming over? What does he want? “Hey, Arden. You coming with us to lunch?” Why does he ask me? He knows I never go with them. “No. I’m really busy with work, but thank you.” © Sebastian Rex, 2012 3 God, I hate talking to these people. This is uncomfortable. Anyway, they all hate me. I know they do. I bet he only came as a joke so they could have something to laugh at during their lunchtime. What do they talk about anyway? Who cares? Why is he still here? Go away! Go! Thank God. Where is my sandwich? Did I leave it at home? God, I’m such an idiot! I can’t believe I forg... oh, here it is. Sorry. Yes, I apologise for calling you an idiot. Forgive me? Thank you. OK. Eat now! Enjoy your meal. Why, thank you. Why, you’re welcome. Nice sandwich. Really tastes good. That’s nice. Jules! Pretend to work while you eat – that’ll surely look impressive. Why am I trying to impress anyone? I hate this place and I don’t have any intention to seek promotion here. I wonder what’s for dinner tonight. I can’t wait to start on this jigsaw. Ten thousand pieces. Now that will take us so long. So much family time. It’s great. OK. Just work a bit more and then we can go. We? Who is we? Am I schizophrenic now? No. Not yet. But why did I say we? Fine! So I said we! For heaven’s sake! Can’t I make a mistake once in a while? God, why am I being persecuted for saying ‘we’ instead of ‘I’.