Don’t Drink the Kool-Aid Volume XXIV Issue 3 A Journal of Opinion

Don’t Drink the Kool-Aid /# Mission Statement

Founded Sept. 27th, 1983 Member Collegiate Network The Oregon Commentator is an independent journal of Editor-In-Chief opinion published at the for the cam- Edward Niedermeyer pus community. Founded by a group of concerned student journalists on September 27, 1983, the Commentator has had Managing Editor Andrea Blaser a major impact in the “war of ideas” on campus, providing students with an alternative to the left-wing orthodoxy pro- Publisher moted by other student publications, professors and student Andy Dolberg groups. During its twenty-three year existence, it has enabled Editor Emeritus University students to hear both sides of issues. Our paper Ian Spencer combines reporting with opinion, humor and feature articles. We have won national recognition for our commitment to Contributors journalistic excellence. Dustin Stockton Ellen Greer The Oregon Commentator is operated as a program of the Eric Leeper Associated Students of the University of Oregon (ASUO) and Guy Simmons is staffed solely by volunteer editors and writers. The paper is Nawal Alaoui funded through student incidental fees, advertising revenue Sho Ikeda Ben Hartley and private donations. We print a wide variety of material, Jake Sauvageau but our main purpose is to show students that a political phi- Charles Marshall Olsen losophy of conservatism, free thought and individual liberty Johnny Baggs is an intelligent way of looking at the world–contrary to what Board of Directors they might hear in classrooms and on campus. In general, edi- Edward Niedermeyer, Chairman tors of the Commentator share beliefs in the following: Andrea Blaser, Director Andy Dolberg, Director •We believe that the University should be a forum for Alumni Advisory Board rational and informed debate–instead of the current climate Thomas Mann ‘88, Charles H. Deister ‘92, R.S.D. Wederquist ‘92 in which ideological dogma, political correctness, fashion and Scott Camp, ‘94, Ed Carson ‘94, Owen Brennan Rounds ‘95 mob mentality interfere with academic pursuit. Mark Hemingway ‘98, Andrew Oberriter ‘98, Tamir Kriegel ‘00, •We emphatically oppose totalitarianism and its apolo- William Beutler ‘02, Tim Dreier ‘04, Olly Ruff ‘05 gists. Board of Trustees •We believe that it is important for the University com- Richard Burr munity to view the world realistically, intelligently, and Dane Claussen above all, rationally. Robert Davis •We believe that any attempt to establish utopia is bound The Oregon Commentator is a conservative journal of opinion. to meet with failure and, more often than not, disaster. All signed essays and commentaries herein represent the opinions of •We believe that while it would be foolish to praise or the writers and not necessarily the opinions of the magazine or its agree mindlessly with everything our nation does, it is both staff. The Commentator is an independent publication and the Or- egon Commentator Publishing Co., Inc. is an independent corpora- ungrateful and dishonest not to acknowledge the tremendous tion; neither are affiliated with the University of Oregon nor its School blessings and benefits we receive as Americans. of Journalism. And, contrary to popular, paranoid opinion, we are •We believe that free enterprise and economic growth, in no way affiliated with either the CIA or the FBI, or the Council on especially at the local level, provide the basis for a sound so- Foreign Relations. The Oregon Commentator accepts letters to the editor and com- ciety. mentaries from students, faculty and staff at the University of Ore- •We believe that the University is an important battle- gon, or anyone else for that matter. Letters and commentaries may be ground in the “war of ideas” and that the outcome of political submitted personally to Room 319 EMU or placed in our mailbox in battles of the future are, to a large degree, being determined Suite 4 EMU; phoned in to (541) 346-3721, or e-mailed to ocomment@ uoregon.edu. on campuses today. We reserve the right to edit material we find obscene, libelous, •We believe that a code of honor, integrity, pride and inappropriate or lengthy. We are not obliged to print anything that rationality are the fundamental characteristics for individual does not suit us. Unsolicited material will not be returned unless ac- success. companied by a stamped, self-addressed envelope. Submission con- stitutes testimony as to the accuracy. Socialism guarantees the right to work. However, we be- E-mails sent to individual authors that are directly related to the Or- lieve that the right not to work is fundamental to individual egon Commentator may be reused by the Commentator as it sees fit. liberty. Apathy is a human right. 2 Oregon Commentator VolumeVolume XXIV,XXIV, IssueIssue 33 That’s right: five times, bitches. Five times. 33 Sailing the Kool-Aid Seas

“We have now sunk to a depth at which the restatement of the obvious is the first duty of intelligent men.” George Orwell

n 1978, some 900 members of the People’s Temple increase, the first reaction was to label the move as “budget cult committed mass suicide in Jonestown, Guyana cuts.” Totally ignoring the fact that the move was simply by drinking a mixture of grape Kool-Aid, Valium and a “smaller increase than usual,” insiders accused Senators Cyanide. Little could these poor souls have imagined who voted for the benchmark of “seeing programs as ex- Ithat the group they had joined for its promise of spiritu- pendable.” The next level of deception originated with a al understanding and social justice would end up asking memo from ASUO President Jared Axelrod, claiming that them to feed their children the sugar-laden poison before “A 2.5 percent increase will result in substantial cuts in ser- killing themselves. The sad truth, though, is that they had vices and in student employment.” By attaching a memo already drank the “Kool-Aid” long before they took their from the director of PARS, claiming that the Student Rec own lives, by killing off their ability to think critically and Center would have to cut services, Axelrod chose to trot out independently. Humans are endowed with extraordinary the scariest possible scenarios. He chose this deceiving tac- E powers of observation and analysis, and yet we are also tic rather than accepting the difficult task of not automati- D susceptible to deep-seeded desires for acceptance and con- cally granting substantial increases to groups or looking at formity which too often demand that we silence our incon- cutting stipends and other unequally-distributed benefits. I venient truths. This issue of the Commentator asks you to Axelrod chose this approach, because it raises unwarranted T brew up your own Kool-Aid, and to claim your own iden- fears about the movement for fiscal responsibility, while at tity--not as a member of someone else’s group, spouting the same time avoids any questioning of the budgets of the someone else’s agenda--but as yourself: a capable, critical student groups which, in effect, got him elected. R and independent human. This would be bad enough if this were just any year at One has only to follow the goings on of the ASUO, our the ASUO, but it’s not. This year, the ASUO has a new and I student government, to understand the power of group- unique challenge on its hands: it must somehow find a way A think. Elections have been dominated by the mobilization to spend down an $800,000 “Overrealized Fund” before Sa- of fee-funded groups which elect candidates who are then lem sees it just sitting there, and scoops it up. In other words, L politically obligated to increase the budgets of the groups while we are being scared into thinking that basic services who elected them. This cozy cycle has gone on so long that will be cut, the ASUO is sitting on enough money to pay for the ASUO has completely forgotten what it means to be a this years entire budget increase... twice. Incomprehensi- public institution. It has abdicated its basic responsibilities bly, the Kool-Aid drinkers seem to believe that this money in favor of the comfortable logic of quasi-corruption. One should not be used to balance the budget because they say has only to speak with an ASUO/Programs insider to real- it would only be a “temporary fix,” and worst of all that it ize that the entire system has lost touch with the reality that would cause the fee to increase 15% or more in subsequent “all of the money they spend comes out of the pocket of ev- years. Of course, no one is advocating that we spend the ery student.” The Incidental Fee has increased nearly every entire fund to get the fee as low as possible as such a policy year in recent memory, and yet when faced with a move- would cause an inevitable spike in the fee. But rather than ment to restrain spending and reduce the financial burden seeing the possibilities for fulfilling current benchmarks, on students, the institution becomes defensive and angry. while holding the fee steady, insiders and five-percenters It digs deep for arguments which only make sense if you’ve (so named for their assumption of a minimum of 5% an- already drank their Kool-Aid. For example, when the Stu- nual budget growth) simply push another straw-man ar- dent Senate this year bravely set the Programs Finance gument... and for what? This scenario proves how twisted Committee’s budget benchmark at a historically low 2.5% the logic of the ASUO has become; balancing the budget 4 Oregon Commentator could satisfy both groups need for never-ending growth, The credibility gap is already widening for Das Frohn; he and the fiscal conservatives’ calls to get a handle on the has publicly responded to Harbaugh’s ethical complaints runaway Incidental Fee. But the Kool-Aid line tells us that by stating in the that “There’s never been an such an accomplishment would be meaningless, and that ethics complaint against me, notwithstanding high-profile the money should be spent on some monument to the egos actions I’ve taken, in my entire life,” despite the fact that of the 2006/07 ASUO. The most important role of a student we now have proof that he has had 14 ethical complaints government, even one that allocates $11 million per year, is lodged against him at the Oregon State Bar. Oops: to provide a training platform for the leaders of tomorrow. So while Senators and the Executive can whine about the numerous minor obstacles to fiscal responsibility, if we as students tolerate their wasting nearly $1 million on some piece of campus immortality while completely ignoring an opportunity to perform the most basic task of the public servant, then not only do we fail in ensuring our own good governance, but we tell a generation of future leaders that the only constituent worth listening to is their own ego. One has only to look to higher levels of bureaucracy on campus to understand the pressing need for future leaders who exhibit the ability to think independently and critically about conventional wisdom. In our conversation with Dr. Harbaugh (page 14), the arcane and emotionally charged Somehow, despite the rivers of Kool Aid issuing from Campus Diversity Plan was brought into sharp focus, re- Johnson Hall, the ASUO and classrooms around campus, vealing little-known facts, and hard-hitting criticism. While independent thinkking and common sense have not died. the Eugene Weekly, student leaders, and faculty have been What the University needs now, is for more students to busy decrying the “Diversity Emergency” on campus, Dr. shake off the need for the reassurance of collective judge- Harbaugh has been looking long and hard at the metrics of ment, to take stock of what is going on around them, to step diversity, the Administrations motives for their diversity up and speak out. It’s not too early to consider running for plan, and the effectiveness of the current plan. Why is it that student office... if every position is simply contested, the only the Economics department understands the failings of next year’s government will be better and more democrat- the current plan, and is actively doing something about it, ic. To paraphrase a certain ASUO Senator, it’s about who with Harbaugh’s youth outreach program. Has the Haus of wants it more. The people get into it to give their buddies Frohnmayer drank so much of its own Kool-Aid that it re- budget increases will always be motivated... the people ally believes that the current plan will do more than simply who get into it to do the right thing have to motivate them- steal already qualified minorities from other Universities? selves. Well... how’s it going to be? /# Rennie’s Landing

Where we get our Sudsy on!

1214 Kincaid FREE WIFI! 687-0600

Volume XXIV, Issue 3 5 Breaking News Schwoeffermann To Pursue Advanced Executive Releases Senate Warning System In an effort to alert student groups to recents fits of fis- cal responsibility on the ASUO Senate, the Executive has Degree From Bob Jones University released a color-coded warning system. Unfortunately, since the Commentator is trying to cut costs in an effort to Greenville, SC - Emerald Columnist Ty Schwoeffer- support the movement toward more fiscal responsibility, man of “Watch out for Jungle Fever” fame, has not been we have switched to a black and white format. Enjoy! fired, but has left the Eugene temporarily, to pursue an advanced degree in psychology from Bob Jones Universi- White: Normal levels of fiscal responsibility. ty. “We are always looking for talented students who have Senators amuse themselves by making small fires out of their priorities straight,” Said BJU Provost of Graduate twenty dollar bills. Studies Jimbob Jefferson, “Mr. Schwoefferman is just such a student. We were especially impressed by his columns Light Grey: Very low levels of fiscal responsibility. in the Emerald.” Schwoeffermann was recruited to the Senators suggest that a $16,000 concert might not “fix the rotating Fred Phelps Felllowship for Psychological Inquiry diversity crisis,” then vote for it anyway. N where, according to Jefferson, “he will apply his cutting edge insights into the human mind towards erasing every Grey: Some fiscal responsibility. Senators approve dark urge to procreate with a member of the opposite budget benchmark that roughly aproximates the rate of O race.” inflation. Groups should attend Senate meetings until Schwoefferman, who’s now-famous treatise on further notice. B interracial dating included such chestnuts as “My initial reaction to any interracial couple holding hands is that Dark Grey: High levels of fiscal responsibility. something isn’t right,” was surprised to find an academic Senators bring a motion to cut stipends, and require more O institution react favorably to his ideas. “People in Eugene fundraising. Groups should commence civil disobedience are so narrow minded,” said Schwoefferman, “the folks and hunger strikes. D here know I’m not a racist... they understand the real problems with interracial dating, and they’re doing some- Black: FREAKOUT! Seriously guys, they might thing about it.” cut ALL the food money, AND our Sun River retreats. Y Mobilize the street militias. Drunk Guy at Bar Reveals Pearls of Wisdom Rennie’s Landing—After consuming two pitchers of Labatt’s, an old, unemployed, unshaven man shared his infinite wisdom with fellow bar patrons on Tuesday. This great sage, who goes simply by “Dick,” pointed out that one should never “let the man get you down.” As if this jewel weren’t poignant enough, accoding to Dick, one must pay one’s taxes lest he be sent back to ‘Nam. As the jaws of onlookers dropped in awe at his seem- ingly god-like knowledge, Dick reached the coup de grâce: “You never see Saddam Hussein and Satan at the same time, so they’re obviusly the same person.” When asked how the rest of the world has remained ignorant Schwoeffermann, circled above, in his Bob Jones of his enlightenment, he replied: “They obviously don’t University matriculation photo. know Dick.” 6 Oregon Commentator Commentator kool-aid The OC asks: What would you The Recipe do with 1 million dollars? In a Highball glass with ice, mix: Savor the creeping 2 parts Gin 1 part Cranberry Juice inability to think for 1 part Blueberry Juice yourself! Tom Hicks: “A cloaking device, so I never Garnish with Lime have to speak to the media again.”

Hits from the Blog Blaser Says: November 28th, 2006 at 1:43 pm Belloti: “Sticky gloves. More sticky gloves.”

Will these “budget cuts” mean that the all- expenses paid “Commentator Vegas Week- end Extravaganza” is scrapped? But how else are we going to do team building exercises and learn the OC mission statement? Kool Aid Guy: “A million bucks doesn’t even begin to cover the years of royalties you oregoncommentator.com bastards owe me... Oh Yeah!”

Robocop: “Riches may enable us to confer favours, but to confer them with propri- Sudsy Says: ety and grace requires a something that riches cannot give.”

Avoid costly Nate Gulley: “Pop Tarts!” turnovers!

Volume XXIV, Issue 3 7 Budget Breakdown The Incidental Ted Niedermeyer deconstructs Fee Must Go the Incidental Feeding Frenzy Up!

very year that the Incidental Fee has existed it has grown, and yet there have been no real efforts made Increase in the Incidental Fee to check this never-ending increase. The reasons $7,000,000 for this unceasing taxation are numerous: there is Ean inefficient budgeting process, precious little oversight, $6,000,000 regular increases in current service levels, additional home football games, and, most of all, political coziness between $5,000,000 the ASUO and fee-funded groups. Only two of these rea- sons are valid, and they certainly have the least amount of $4,000,000 impact on the final size of the fee. Let us be clear about what an increasing incidental fee $3,000,000 really means, because too often it conflicts with the very f goals of the programs it funds: a rising incidental fee is, $2,000,000 without question, an obstacle to increasing the accessibil- e ity of higher education. Although many of the groups who $1,000,000 a receive funding from the fee seek to fight social injustice, ADFC EMU PFC the increases in the fee that funds their activities exacer- Dark = 90/91 School Year Lighter = 06/07 School Year t bates one of the very problems they seek to eliminate. This u fact was surely a major factor in the Student Senate’s recent $650.00 Growth of Incidental Fee Per Student decision to give the PFC a historically low 2.5% increase in important for groups to recognize that the major increases r $600.00 budget this year, a stunning move for a body that is usually in $550.00the incidental fee budget have gone to the PFC, and that

e all too happy to fund the groups which in turn promise big they$500.00 should shoulder their share of the cost cutting. With that in mind, we present this guide to the PFC (and ASUO turnouts in subsequent elections. $450.00 Although reducing the PFC’s annual increase will not generally) in the interest of helping them transform their $400.00 be enough to significantly reduce the incidental fee, it is institution into one that is efficient, fair, and responsible. $350.00 1996/7 1997/8 1998/9 1999/00 2000/1 2001/2 2002/3 2003/4 2004/5 2005/6 2006/7

$650.00 Growth of Incidental Fee Per Student Deflated (2004 Base) Above: Growth in the three major funding $600.00 committee budgets since FY 1990/91. Nearly all the growth comes from the PFC and EMU $550.00 budgets.

$500.00 Left: Even adjusted for inflation, the $450.00 Incidental Fee per student shows steady growth. So much for the myth that increases $400.00 are simply the product of rising costs.

$350.00 1996/7 1997/8 1998/9 1999/00 2000/1 2001/2 2002/3 2003/4 2004/5 2005/6 2006/7 8 Oregon Commentator o understand how deeply disfunctional budget al- locations have become, one must only look in Pro- grams budgets. In the total abscence of any move- ment to limit the increases in the Incidental Fee, Tgroups are rarely asked to prioritize their expenditures, or cut the fat from their perennially increasing budgets. Let’s take a look, and see if we can’t help them...

Stipends

Some student groups get funding to give their coordinators and staff stipends, others don’t. Since there often seems to be no rhyme or reason for these allocations, this seems to be a good place to look to make cuts. Here are three groups that exemplify differ- ent problems with stipend allocation: Comparisons Coalition Against Environmental Racism (CAER): This very idealistic group has increased it’s payroll from Comparing budgets can be a helpfull way to determine the $263 to $2,700 since 1997, with their main expenditure be- PFC’s priorities. Or lack thereof. ing a single conference; they seem to have run very com- OSPIRG gets $112,077, a sum nearly as much as the petently before increasing their stipends by 1,000%. The Oregon Daily Emerald’s $133,750. Wait, what has OSPIRG Men’s Center: This group spends $6,570 of its $8,388 on actually done for students again? The Womens Center gets the directors salary, leaving only $1,009 for programs $152,368, while the Mens Center gets only $8,388, but that which support their mission statement after administrative might be a Title IX thing, Disabilities Support Project only expenses. If this program is so necessary, surely someone gets $11,150 compared to the LGBT Education and Sup- could run it for less than 78% of the budget. The Multicul- port Services Program’s $50,827. We can understand why tural Center: The Multicultural Center spends over $68,000 LGBTQ students need a support structure, but can’t under- per year on salaries, stipends and benefits; that’s more than stand why they need over four times the funding that stu- f four times the entire Commentator budget, simply to pay dents with disabilities do. The Hawaii Club gets $10,343, e staff. Although the Multicultural Center does good work while the Muslim Student Association has become defunct in fostering the cultural development of campus, if it were ... Lu’au’s are fun, but isn’t there more of a need for cross- a to compare its budget to other valuable programs, it would cultural dialogue with Muslims these days? t see that this line item is clearly bloated. u The Worst Offenders Goodies r e OSPIRG is the worst of them all when it comes to Fun stuff. Treats. This category showcases some of the most student funds, receiving $112,077 per year. Not only is egregious examples of wasted student funds. this a partisan group, but they also don’t have a read- The Survival Center: $1,300 for “Button Making” seems ily available itemized budget, so there’s really no saying kind of unnecessary. We’ve also never heard of the “Art where the money goes, although we can venture a guess Sundae Series,” but $1,225 is a lot to spend on Ice Cream, that the money probably goes to pay for the small army of regardless of how artistic it is. The Hong Kong Students kids who ask if you “have a minute for the environment” Association has a line item labled “Ski Trip.” The fact that and then hit you up for more money for OSPIRG. This it’s only $50 is moot, ski trips in no way benefit the “cul- budget should be cut completely. The Hawaii Club offers tural and physical development of campus.” The Commu- Retreats, Lu’au’s and receptions, that’s about it, for a sig- nity Internship Program spends over $700 on two differ- nificant $10,343. Why should students pay for a group that ent “Disc Golf Tournaments”. We might be wrong, but we only thows parties, especially when the group budget is think they could get by without them. LGBTQA manages higher than that of the Oregon Voice? Wait; does the Voice to throw a “Queer Prom” for a reasonable $750, but can’t do anything other than party? MEChA is the best funded hold a “Drag Show” for less than $3,825? Black Women of of the “ethnic” groups. They get three stipends, $6,400 to Acheivement’s biggest line item is for something called the attend a national conference, and have an $800 “recruit- “Ebony Man Showcase”. $2,000 could surely be spent on ment” line item. Plenty of groups do without any of these something better than what my imagination tells me this luxuries, and still manage to serve the campus community event is. quite well. Volume XXIV, Issue 3 9 Although programs undoubtedly contribute to the $176,678, because that’s not a service a modern University growth of the Incidental Fee, raiding their budgets will be just provides. -The Oregon . C’mon guys... like pulling teeth, and will probably not yield much in sav- you know that the band is an integral part of the success ings to the students, especially given one PFC members of the Athletic Department money machine. Axelrod had veiled threat that “the 2.5% benchmark is just a goal.” If we this one right, he just forgot to remind students why the fee realistically want to check the inexorable growth of the In- needs to be controlled, and forgot to remind the band that cidental Fee, we simply need to be more creative. Far more they were under the gun. Almost every state University in money is spent on the Athletic ticket subsidy, contracts that the nation funds the marching band through the Athletic should really be taken over by the University, and by creat- Department, and since it would save students $115,021, we ing new revenue sources. should too.

Administration Responsibility Athletic Ticket Subsidy

The Incidental Fee was created in 1900, to fund stu- Also known as the entire ADFC budget. There are a dents efforts to develop the campus, and rather than blow- million ways to save money here, including not buying ing the money on parties and group therapy, they went pre-school game tickets, and reducing the number of tick- crazy for sports. Ryan Bonham’s “The Associated Students ets purchased for home games, as Senator Kyle McKenzie of the University of Oregon: Past to Present” (Google it) has suggested. A word of warning though: just as students tells us that “One of ASUO’s first financial responsibilities 100 years ago were crazy for their sports, the kids of 2006 was management of the athletic program. Before the ASUO like being able to cheer on their classmates on the courts was formed, an Athletic Association was created in fall and gridiron without coughing up the cash each time. If 1893. With the organization of a student-run government 500 tickets per game get cut as Senator McKenzie says, (in 1900), the University granted students the authority to there will be 500 students who won’t be able to go to the big hire coaches, line athletic fields, manage ticket sales and to games for free next year, and as a result, 500 students new- f take care of other bills and expenses. The athletic program ly interested in how their incidental fees are spent. Perhaps remained in the hands of the ASUO until 1947.” Student reducing the subsidy so that students pay a small surcharge e fees built McArthur Court in 1925, and the ASUO was even of $10 or so might be a more palatable way to spread the a housed there until students ponied up to foot the bill for costs around. Electronic tickets hold promise too, as each our own student union. wasted ticket costs about $5 to print. Ultimately, students t Fast forward to today, and the Athletic Department who want to reduce the Incidental Fee without cutting pro- u is both the cash cow and the public face of this Univer- grams in any way should look at making deep cuts in the sity, contributing immeasurably to the schools prestige ADFC budget... just don’t come whining to us if one or two r and name recognition. The Administration has gone to rabid fans show up to vote in the spring. e great lengths to conveniently forget that students not only built the program, but that real students actually play in the games that sell all the season tickets, track suits, shot PFC Reform glasses, etc. This University now repays the students by housing them in the worst dorms in the country, forcing The final step in ensuring long-term responsibility in them to pay for basic services, and adversarialy negotiating the Incidental Fee budgetary process, is for the Executive prices for student tickets. Frankly, the University relies on and Senate to work together to enact substantive reform of students to foot the bill for programs that any self-respect- the PFC process. Because this years ASUO approves next ing institution would take care of, before lavishing money years budget, before this years is spent, it can be very dif- on new basketball arenas and old bakeries. For example: - ficult for the PFC to realistically assess which groups have The Career Center. Isn’t it in the Universities interest to get been responsible with their funds, and groups can always its graduates into good jobs, so they become good donors? blame last years leadership for any irresponsibility. Due to Wouldn’t some of the “$445 million to date” raised by the the cyclical nature of this process, reforming this process Alumni Association be well re-invested here? Because that will be difficult, and akin to “fixing the dryer while it’s would make the University about $18 cheaper per student running,” as President Axelrod lucidly puts it. Student per term. -Campus Recycling. Welcome to Oregon. There’s leaders should not shy away from the challenge though, a refund for recycling bottles and cans here... unless you’re because as long as this process stays in it’s current form, on campus, in which case you have to pay your part of real fiscal responsibility will remain elusive. 10 Oregon Commentator only people at the ASUO who are actually competent and The Electric Budget Kool-Aid efficient at what they do. These poor souls are the first, last and only line of defense against the misuse of incidental Translation fees.

ADFC: Athletic Department Finance Committee. Ne- gotiates with the Athletic Department to provide students A Modest Propsal with discounted and free athletic tickets. The reason you could afford to buy the half-rack you slammed before the last home game. What would you do with a million dollars? A question PFC: Programs Finance Committee. Approves the bud- that everyone wastes at least some time pondering, and gets for student fee-funded groups. Because they approve yet one that is surprisingly difficult to face in real life. The the subsequent years budget before the current years bud- single most important decision facing the ASUO this year get has been half-spent, they are unavoidably placed in the is how to spend the $800,000 “Overrealized Fund,” which position of having no good information on which to base the Administration has requested they eliminate this year. their decisions, as well as no accountability at all. Because So far, an Appropriations Committee has been formed to of the immense power this committee has in determining recommend expenditures of the fund, and informal sug- group budgets, most of its members tend to be heavily in- gestions have run the gamut from bike racks to statues to volved in student groups, a fact which should raise eye- refunds. There is not, however, any consensus on a com- brows, yet doesn’t. mon-sense plan for the fund. Given the importance of this EMU Board: Oversees budgets for EMU facilities and decision, let us offer a place to start. programs, including Club Sports, Womens Center, Multi- Since this fund is the result of a faulty budget system, Cultural Center, KWVA and more. Unlike PFC and ADFC, not the fruit of any special efforts, the ASUO should rec- the EMU has robust revenue generating ventures in its ca- ognize that these unwarranted fees should be returned as fes, space rentals and food concessions. directly as possible to the student body. Our initial choice, CSL: Current Service Level is the percentage increase for this reason, was that the fund should be given back to f necessary in next year’s budget to provide the same level of its rightful owners, in the form of a refund to all fee-paying services as are being provided in the current year… At least students. Since the fund has been accumulating for so long, e that’s how the official budget packet describes it. Don’t be this is not legally possible because many of the students a fooled though, this is not just “keeping up with inflation,” who’s fees ended up in the fund are no longer at the Uni- since in the absence of market mechanisms, these increases versity. Unfortunate as this is, it does not mean we should t tend to be erratic and arbitrary. For example, this year the simply spend it all on some expensive project which ben- u state motor pool decided to raise the cost of van rental (a efits students unequally, or not at all. significant destination for your incidental fee) by over 200%, According to the Green Tape Notebook, the Over Re- r because after all, it’s not like there’s any competition. alized Fund can be spent based on five criteria, the last of e Benchmark: The spending goals for each program and which is “reduction of fee collections,” and it is to this cri- funding committee. Typically expressed in percentages, for teria that the Appropriations Committee should look. If example a 5% increase, or a 0% increase. Benchmarks are we cannot give the money back, we can do the next best capped at 7%, and are typically no less than a 3% increase… thing, and ensure that despite the usual increases in bud- Each funding committee gives their own recommendation, gets, the incidental fee will remain at its current level for as which is compared to the Executive recommendation, and long as possible. For too long, the ASUO has raised the fee then voted on by the Student Senate. Benchmarks are de- year after year, and all the while it has been salting its extra termined by weird occult ritual involving astral projection, cash aside, resulting in this enormous fund. Believe it or voodoo ritual, and the predictions of Nostradamus. not, most public institutions are not allowed to collect more Overrealized Funds: The piggy bank. Year after year funds than they need without balancing their budgets, and of fee increases and budget surpluses rolling over and roll- it’s about time that the ASUO stopped making excuses and ing over into a huge stack of cash which now totals over takes responsibility for its situation. $800,000. Traditionally spent on monuments, legacies, or funneled into street militias. Controllers: The technocrats in charge of actually ex- Ted Niedermeyer, who is only fiscally responsible with other people’s money, is Editor-in-Chief of the Commentator. ecuting the capricious whims of the ASUO, and ensuring /# that things continue to actually operate. Also known as the

Volume XXIV, Issue 3 11 “Stand up, or I’ll tase you again!”

A recent tasing by campus security at UCLA stuns students, and raises questions about our own De- partment of Public Safety. Will DPS continue the push to arm its officers with tasers? Eric Leeper attempts to find out...

ate on Tuesday November 16th, Mostafa Tabata- ers to cite students for alcohol and other offenses, as well bainejad was stopped by UCLA Campus Police as the ability to inflict massive amounts of pain on anyone in the library and was asked to show his ID. Ta- that they feel is being “defiant”, and it’s happening here, batabainejad refused to show identification, and too. Lwas asked to leave. When he again refused, campus police The Department of Public Safety at the University of tased him repeatedly. Forcibly removed from the premises Oregon began the process of requesting tasers after a man in handcuffs, Tabatabainejad was escorted by four Depart- attempted to drown two DPS officers in March 2005. It is f ment of Public Safety officers out of the building. debatable whether or not the presence of a taser would have To the dismay of the officers, the entire event was prevented the assault or changed the outcome of the event. e caught on a student’s cell phone, showing blatant atrocity Proponents of arming DPS more heavily, most of whom a which cannot be overstated. The video, although shaky, are themselves DPS officers, claim that they are asked to shows that Tabatabainejad was tased repeatedly by officers do a harder job than ever seen before by campus securi- t because he was being “defiant,” while he was handcuffed, ty officers, and have been “threatened with screwdrivers u on the floor, and writhing in pain, being tased over and and bolt-cutters.” Tom Hicks, Director of University DPS, over again. Tabatabainejad was assaulted by those that refused to speak with the Commentator after multiple at- r were supposed to protect him, plain and simple. tempts to contact him. We need only look at publicly avail- e This is not the first time such a disturbing act has been able crime statistics to show the increasingly disturbing seen on a college campus: Michael McKinney of Ball State trend of DPS activities on campus. According to the recent University was brutally shot 4 times and killed by rookie report, liquor and drug arrests have increased by a stagger- campus police officer Robert Duplain in November 2003. ing 500%, with drug arrests increasing by nearly 800%. Mr. Duplain responded to a call of a stranger pounding on the Hicks, in an Oregon Daily Emerald article said that the in- door of a house early in the morning. Tests later showed crease is in part due to “more students coming into college that McKinney had a blood-alcohol content of 0.34 percent, with the knowledge of alcohol and drugs,” and, “this was with autopsies also showing that McKinney was shot first the first year that DPS was able to fully write citations.” in the back. This is just a minuscule sample of the events However, there is evidence that shows DPS was writing al- that occur on campuses today; one ended with an electric cohol related citations as early as 2003. Are we, as students shock, the other ended in a brutal killing. and faculty, supposed to believe that a 500% increase in al- By the day, more and more campus safety officers are cohol violations and 800% in drug violations is due simply requesting potentially dangerous and certainly harmful to pop-culture and peer pressure? I don’t buy it, and you weapons in order to more safely patrol institutions of high- shouldn’t either. The only explanation that makes sense is er learning. Under the guise of protecting the educational that resources within DPS have been shifted in order to fa- environment, these officers are requesting additional pow- cilitate this astronomical increase. The students are the new

12 Oregon Commentator targets of DPS authority, not the ever increasing population of transients, vagrants, and criminals on campus to which the DPS seem to turn a blind-eye. The taser has been touted by this administration as be- ing a “relatively harmless” device. This mindset will only propagate the idea that a taser can be utilized more freely, and in non life-threatening situations. If the most common offense on campus by far is a student drinking in a dorm room, then it seems as if a student would be the most prob- able target of a taser-happy DPS officer. Increasing the judi- cial powers and ability to inflict physical harm will not in- crease safety on campus or foster a more positive learning environment—it will in fact have the opposite effect.

Eric Leeper, quite the keeper, is a staff writer and official Taser Liason for the Oregon Commentator. /#

Editor’s Note: As mentioned earlier, the tasing incident at Taser Facts UCLA was caught via camera phone, which is available for public viewing on YouTube at http://youtube.com/watch?v To dig up some more information about tasers, we went =t51D3ENm2Bs&mode=related&search=. We highly recom- to a few websites to see what we could find. Here is what we mend that you watch the video so that you yourself can wit- came up with: ness the gross abuse of power by the UCLA campus security •Since 1998, TASER International has sold 200,000 units to officers. We have included a still shot from the video, high- 9,800 law enforcement and U.S. military agencies, as well as lighting Tabatabainejad being tased for the second time, with law enforcement agencies in 44 countries overseas. These law enforcement and military units can subdue subjects his legs flying up into the air as he is being held down by the from point blank range up to 35 feet. security officers. f We would also like to note that we attempted, without •Over 3,000 agencies deploy TASER brand devices to all patrol e success, to have DPS Director Tom Hicks comment on the officers. UCLA incident and what kind of impact it may have on the •More than 70 people in the USA and Canada have died since a U of O DPS and their proposals to be armed with tasers. He 2001, after being electro-shocked with taser guns. While refused to answer our questions, after initially agreeing to coroners generally attribute the cause of death to factors t conduct an email interview with Mr. Leeper. When he rudely such as drug intoxication, in at least five cases they have found the taser played a role. u did not respond to emails after his agreement to an interview, he then said in a telephone conversation that he would an- •“Tasers have been used by police officers against unruly r swer questions via email, and yet again, did not do so. The schoolchildren; unarmed mentally disturbed or intoxicated individuals; suspects fleeing minor crime scenes and people e Commentator staff is highly concerned with Mr. Hick’s lack of who argue with police or fail to comply immediately with a openess to communicating his goals and the DPS agenda with command.” -Amnesty International the same students he is supposed to be protecting, and we For more information, go to: http://www.taser.com/facts/stats.htm, will continue to cover any emerging DPS stories to the best and http://news.amnesty.org/library/Index/ENGAMR511682004?open& of our ability. of=ENG-2AM.

Volume XXIV, Issue 3 13 Bill Harbaugh speaks

ditor’s Note: On October 18th of this year, the story broke that William Harbaugh, a Professor Eof Economics had filed ethical complaints against Dave Frohnmayer for inconsistencies in reporting the sta- tus of his family home, and the possibility of a conflict of interest. The story got considerable attention from a number of media sources, but none adequately explored Harbaugh’s reasons for filing the complaints. It turns out that Dr. Harbaugh had an agenda of some interest, that had little to do with the complaints themselves. Editor- in-Chief Ted Niedermeyer sat down with Harbaugh to get the whole story...

f e a OC: The big news is that the State ethics board has Harbaugh: Well, I don’t know. They don’t explain ruled now, although The Bar Association has not ruled. their ruling. The investigator explains that he made a rec- t Let’s start out with your reaction to the ruling. ommendation not to pursue it, and he sort of explains that, u but he’s not a lawyer, and he’s not providing a legal expla- Harbaugh: Well I was a bit surprised. Basically it seems nation. The commission just makes a vote and their delib- r like what happened there is that to avoid paying taxes on erations are not public. e his property transaction Frohnmayer declared it with the IRS as an investment transaction, and when it came time to OC: Do you think it has to do with the fact that Frohn- report it to the State Ethics Board he claimed it was a per- mayer is such a highly regarded person in this state? sonal, residential transaction so he wouldn’t have to report it to the state. Boy, I’m surprised they let him have it both Harbaugh: Yeah, you know, I would assume he would ways, but that’s what they did. It’s their call. get some credit for that.

OC: Right, and one of the funny side notes to this story OC: His record seems to be pretty “ethics complaint that I noticed was that this was a defense that everyones free” up until now... friend former President Nixon has used in the past. Harbaugh: Well, actually that’s not quite true. He Harbaugh: Yeah, it didn’t work out too well for him. claimed in a Register-Guard article that he’d never had an It worked out better for Frohnmayer than it did for Nixon. ethics complaint. Actually, there were thirteen. It’s kind of interesting. OC: Really? OC: So why do you think they ruled the way they did? Harbaugh: Yeah. They’ve all been dismissed but the

14 Oregon Commentator State Bar has thirteen complaints against him. bears on the legality of it.

OC: Have they all been since he’s been here at the U Harbaugh: I don’t know, you know, I don’t know a lot of O? about the details of that law. I thought that Ryan Knut- sons story in The Emerald was really good about that. He Harbaugh: Oh no, well actually my guess is that most had quotes by the university officials saying one thing, then of them involve his work as attorney general. For all I know quotes from OSU’s affirmative action plan saying the ex- these are totally flakey complaints. act opposite. So I think it’s pretty clear that what is being said by the university’s administration is a bunch of un- OC: Well, really the crux of this is why you brought the truths about this. Why they’re doing that, I really don’t complaints. I think that’s one of the things there’s been a know. Are they trying to hide something? Are they just lot of misunderstanding about. I’d like to clear that up... sort of embarrassed, like they have some feeling in the back of their head that they got something wrong, and they’re Harbaugh: I brought the complaints because I spent going to get caught at it, and it’s probably better if no one five months trying to get copies of the university’s affirma- knows exactly what numbers went into these things. tive action documents. By state regulations those are sup- posed to be in the archives. They fought me tooth and nail. OC: Do you think that this is going to be looked into They stalled me for months, then they tried to charge me a more, either by you or other people? lot of money to look at them. Then they lost five years of them. Actually, they’re not even sure whether they never Harbaugh: Since I filed those complaints, the univer- made them. They don’t even know. That’s just… incred- sity’s become much more open about these things. They ible… unbelievable. have now posted slightly redacted versions. Still, they’re, you know, versions of the current affirmative action plan. OC: So do you think that their unwillingness to help The new university Provost just put it on her personal web- you was based in what you were trying to do with those site. To me that’s a real sign of her commitment to open- plans? ness with this stuff. And I’ve been told that they actually f put the other plans that they could find in the archives, e Harbaugh: Yeah, they didn’t want me to have those where they’re supposed to be. So at least they won’t get plans because I wanted to use what was in those plans lost. So yes, there’s been some progress. a to show that their minority recruitment plan was illegal. t The minority recruitment plan is, in my mind, obviously OC: So do you think that even if the complaints them- illegal. It might be legal if it were carefully justified in the selves were not successful you have seen overall success? u affirmative action plan. Even the university’s attorney has r said that something like this would have to be justified in Harbaugh: Oh yeah. I think it got people nervous. I the affirmative action plan. So my hunch is that they didn’t think that the fact that they couldn’t find five years worth e want me to see that there was either no justification at all of plans made people extremely nervous. That’s just inex- or a shoddy justification. Also, I think that there’s a pattern cusable. of stonewalling by the university administration. I don’t know if Frohnmayer is the source of that, but he sure hasn’t OC: When you filed these complaints, did you know put a stop to it. So I spent months going through all the the documents were incomplete? hoops. I filed with the attorney general. The university’s attorney, Melinda Grier, replied against them. She ignored Harbaugh: Yeah, actually, one of the first things the me for a month, then finally filed a response after I filed a university’s attorney did was to tell me that they couldn’t petition. So after five months I still hadn’t seen anything, find five years of records and I couldn’t have the ones they so I wrote Frohnmayer an email saying: “What’s going on could find. here? This is a university, it’s supposed to be about free inquiry. Can you please just tell them to give me these OC: So you mentioned briefly that you don’t know if plans?” After two weeks I didn’t get a reply. So I said Frohnmayer is directly responsible for the lack of openness, “O.K., enough’s enough,” and I filed those complaints. but that he hasn’t done anything to stop it.

OC: On the illegality of the plan... do you think that Harbaugh: Yeah, despite personal requests that he do whether the documents were lost or possibly destroyed something about it. Volume XXIV, Issue 3 15 Harbaugh Continued ...

OC: What does that say about him? On a personal level, is this actually going to do?” For example, will it bring what is your relationship like with President Frohnmayer more minority professors to the university? I just don’t see and former Provost Moseley? it. At best what that plan will do is steal minority professors from another university. Well, so o.k. say we steal, or “hire Harbaugh: I’ve never met Provost Moseley, I think I away” a minority professor from the University of Texas. saw a picture of him once. And Dave Frohnmayer, I have Is that really a gain for students as a whole? There are a absolutely no personal animosity toward Dave. He was lot more students at the university of Texas from racially president when I came here. The man hired me, you know, diverse backgrounds who might have benefited from being so the man made a good move. The reason I filed these exposed to that professor, and very few at the University of complaints is because I didn’t know what else to do. Oregon. I don’t necessarily see that as an improvement in the exposure of the country’s students to diversity. So what OC: O.K. So from what I understand, you were investi- I think we ought to be doing is producing a more diverse gating this whole thing in the first place because you your- group of professors. It’s interesting: if you look at the af- self have an alternate proposal to the diversity plan. I’ve firmative action plan that’s now posted online, if you look been wanting to ask you about this for a long time because in the job groups, for example, they’ll look at social science it interests me a lot. To start off, what do you think the tenure track faulty, and the University of Oregon does not state of diversity on campus is? Are we in a state of emer- have minority underrepresentation in social science tenure gency? track faculty. Our faculty is more than representative of the available pool of minorities. Now, that’s ridiculous. If Harbaugh: Well I have complicated ideas about it and you look around, it’s the whitest bunch of people you’ve I’m not even quite sure what my ideas are about diversity ever seen in your life. Despite that, it’s more diverse than and affirmative action in general. Really I’m in favor of the population of available PhDs. So it’s obvious that what affirmative action—probably as much as most people on you’ve got to do is increase the available pool of minority campus. So the reason I’m angry with what the universi- PhDs. What are we doing to try to make that happen? This f ty’s been doing with its diversity plan is not that I’m op- diversity plan is not addressing that serious issue. posed to more minorities, more international professors, e more students from different backgrounds. I think that’s OC: This seems to get to the crux of what diversity a what a university is all about. Those experiences have cer- is and what it means to improve it. There’s debate over tainly been really good for me, and I’ve seen them be really whether equal representation should be based on the pop- t good for a lot of students. My objection to the university’s ulation of Oregon, or based on the national population. Ev- u diversity plan, which I really think is a sham, is that it has eryone says: “Oh, well, quotas aren’t a good thing, per se.” nothing to do with increasing diversity of the faculty or stu- But what they mean more is that we need to have a fair way r dents. It’s just an attempt to make it look like we’re doing of determining what those quotas should be. So for you it’s e something. And, of course, we have to look like we’re do- the pool of available PhDs? ing something because of the Joe Wade lawsuit. So I think it’s pretty clear to anyone who reads the Wade settlement Harbaugh: Well that’s actually the EEOC, the federal and looks at what the university’s been doing, and the government’s test. It’s really the test of whether we need timeline the university’s been pushing on it, is a distancing an affirmative action program. By the government’s test attempt to satisfy the form of the Joe Wade settlement in the answer is that we don’t, because we’ve more than met terms of what the university does and when it has to do it the implicit quota. To me, that’s just not good enough. by. The court jurisdiction runs until 2008. As I understand What’s going on there is that, for many reasons, very few that settlement, at any point up until then Joe Wade can minorities are going on to get PhDs. One reason is that say: “Wait a minute, what have you guys been doing? Is law school pays a lot better, and if you’re the first person this really a serious effort to address the university issues?” in your family to go to college, you need the bucks. You I don’t think it is. I think it’s a serious effort to address can’t afford to be an English Professor. The other reasons the lawsuit, not a serious effort to address diversity. That’s have to do with that fact that it’s just not what is expected why I’m so angry about it. of you. Maybe there’s some sort of implicit discrimination or something like that. I don’t know, but it seems obvious OC: Where do you think it comes up short? that we need to get more minorities to go into these sorts of jobs. What are we really trying to do? We don’t really have Harbaugh: Well, when I look at the plan, I think: “What any sort of program to try to do that. 16 Oregon Commentator OC: So you think we need to get them at a younger OC: Do you get any support, financially, or perhaps age? more importantly, morally by the administration in favor of this program? Harbaugh: Yeah, I think that’s a small step that we’re actually taking. We’re getting these kids and, you know, Harbaugh: Well, I don’t know about that. I think there they’re not going to become professors unless they start off are a lot of people who assume that my goal is to destroy in college at least. So we have a group of kids who are not affirmative action, which is definitely not the case. My really on track to go to college, but are plenty smart enough goal is to make the university’s affirmative action plan le- to go to college, and we’re trying to give them some en- gal, which it’s not at the moment, and effective, which it’s couragement. not at the moment, so I don’t think that message is getting across. I think there are a lot of people that don’t want to OC: What’s the movement like to implement your plan? hear that, and there are a lot of people who have vested Do you feel like you’re alone in your office, yelling to the interests in the existing program. It’s paying their salary. heavens: “This is the way it should be done and no one’s Also, the program is kind of new and we don’t know where listening?” Or is there a movement? Is there progress? it’s going to go. Maybe it’s not going to work. People have a reason to be skeptical about it. Harbaugh: Well, we did a test run, a sort of pilot, of this program this summer. We had eighteen kids from OC: So you think it’s more skepticism than people hav- Springfield. It was really fun and rewarding for us. It ing full knowledge of what your trying to do and disagree- seemed like we really engaged the kids, so we’re totally ing with it? happy with that. We’re hoping to get more departments to do something similar. We have some really good prospects Harbaugh: Yeah, we get the whole gamut of respons- lined up for that. I’m pretty sure next year we’ll have other es. They range from “I think you’re a racist,” to “This is departments to take the kids we worked with last year, and great. I used to be at Stanford and they had this wonder- we’ll start with a new group of ninth graders, so I think it’s ful program like this, and I’ve always wondered why Or- f going to be a self-sustaining program on a small scale. I egon didn’t.” My favorite response is: “People told me that don’t really want to turn it over to professionals because you were against affirmative action, but I don’t see how to e I think that one of the ways that it’s hopefully going to be square that with what you’re actually doing.” One person a successful is that it’s run by volunteers. I think some of that told us: “I was the first person in my family to go college, enthusiasm comes across. It’s also run by professors, so and I never would have done it had I not gone to a similar t you’re not taking a bunch of high school students and hav- program.” That was someone who was very opposed to u ing college students take care of them for a summer job. In- this when they first heard about it until we really explained stead, it’s really professors, and the kids know that. I think what we were doing. r they take it more seriously as a result, and I think they take e it as a signal of how well they could do in college when /# a professor tells them that they’ve done a good job. The truth is that they do do a good job. They are very bright kids. They are considerably brighter than, you know, the average undergraduate. They could definitely get through our program when they go to college. The question is: Will they go to college?

OC: Just to clarify, when you say “us,” and “we,” are you talking about the Economics Department?

Harbaugh: Yes. This program is organized by myself and Bruce Blonogan. We got a little bit of funding from the department, and we got volunteers from our faculty to teach in the summer camp. So yes, it’s a volunteer program run by the economics department. Challenged by what you read? Fire back at Oregoncommentator.com Volume XXIV, Issue 3 17 The News We Wish Was Fake ...

overall record of 49-107-14 in his nine had to face an imposing conference omen s occer UO W ’ S seasons (15-51-6 in Pac-10 play). season before patting themselves on Snubbing Things turned around for the the back. Oregon had never fielded a Ducks with the hiring of Tara Erickson winning Pac-10 season in its history in early 2005. Erickson, a former All- and it was facing tough road games at regon’s women’s soccer Pac-10 player from Washington, had No. 24 Arizona and No. 17 Stanford, team was riding high in improved the struggling women’s soc- and a second-to-last game against early November after de- cer program No. 3 UCLA, feating No. 3 UCLA in at Portland finalists at Otheir last regular season game. It was a State Univer- the NCAA stunning way to cap off a superb sea- sity, which Tournament son after going 12-6-1 overall and 6-1-2 had gone for two years in the Pac-10, placing the Ducks in the 5-31 in the running. No. 2 spot in the conference for the first previous two T h e time in its 10-year Pac-10 history. For seasons. She Ducks met a team that won only one conference further lifted the challenge. game and placed ninth in the league the team to a The team last year, it was an unprecedented im- 13-5-4 record won their first provement and cause for celebration. in 2002 and three games, However, coaches, players and fans was honored including a 2- were stunned and disappointed when as Big Sky 1 win against n the Ducks did not receive an invitation coach of the the Wildcats. to the 64-team NCAA Tournament. year. Under Erickson, the Ducks did They went on to tie two games in o What was once unbridled enthusiasm better in 2005 than in previous sea- overtime, and win a Civil War match t turned into confusion and dashed sons, but still lagged behind in the against Oregon State 2-1 thanks to a hopes. Pac-10, ending up with a 1-8-0 regu- overtime goal by Garbin. Oregon’s Women’s soccer at the University lar season record. However, with the first and only defeat of the season w of Oregon got off to a shaky start in return of six starters, including senior was to an aggressive Cardinal squad 1996, with the team playing indepen- forward Nicole Garbin who scored a in a 0-1 road game at Stanford. The o dently outside of the Pac-10 conference school season record 10 goals in 2005, Ducks recovered with a stunning 2-1 r and with the rookie squad ending the the Ducks began the 2006 season filled overtime victory against the Bruins in season with a 5-11-2 record. The sub- with optimism. front of 558 fans at Pape’ Field. This t sequent seasons did not see much im- The season started, however, with was Oregon’s first win against a team h provement in the Ducks’ performanc- a frustrating three-game losing streak. ranked in the national top five. The es, even after joining the Pac-10 in But the ducks redeemed themselves team finished off the season with a y competition. The team usually placed with four straight wins, including two 3-1 win over USC and a second place in the bottom rungs of the conference 1-0 victories at Gonzaga and Eastern finish in the Pac-10, and eagerly antici- and ended several seasons with more Washington. The team would finish pated their first ever invitation to the than twice as many Pac-10 losses as the pre-conference play with a respect- NCAA Tournament. wins. In 2004, the Ducks went 0-7-2 in able 6-5-0 record, including a tough Unfortunately, the tournament bid the conference and only scored four 0-3 loss on the road against the 2005 was never received. Pac-10 champs goals in nine league games. Coach Bill NCAA champion University of Port- UCLA, third-place Stanford, fifth- Steffen, who, as an assistant, had pre- land, whom the Ducks held scoreless place USC, and sixth-place Califor- viously helped North Carolina’s wom- until the 60th minute of the game. This nia were all given the chance to play en’s soccer team to two NCAA na- was no small feat against the tradition- in first-round games. The Ducks had tional titles, resigned from the Ducks’ ally dominant Pilots. been snubbed. head coach position after the winless Despite the strong showing prior In a manner that could be com- Pac-10 season. Steffen had a dismal to entering Pac-10 play, the Ducks still pared to the selection process of the

18 Oregon Commentator college football Bowl Championship he Democrats won it all. They fairness to The First Dog, he’s prob- Series, the NCAA selection committee took the U.S. House and Sen- ably at least mildly embarrassed when had passed over Oregon and would ate, a majority of open gov- he takes a shit on the floor.) The GOP not comment on their decision. Per- haps the Ducks’ history of losing sea- Ternorships, sons placed a stigma on their reputa- and for the tion. Perhaps their outstanding season first time this year just wasn’t outstanding in 16 years, enough. However, in spite of the dis- the Oregon appointment, the season ended with House. It a few highlights. Erickson was named was a beat- Pac-10 coach of the year, and Garbin down. A won Pac-10 player of the year honors; s h e l l a c k - both were the first people to do so in ing. A verb the history of soccer at Oregon. Garbin describing finished her final season with several total defeat, season records including a school sea- if you will. son record for goals (12) and a confer- The 2006 ence season record for game-winning election was goals (9). the most With only two seniors graduat- substantial ing, and 10 of 11 starters returning, the rebuke of a ruling party since 1994, has been particularly loyal on Iraq. n Ducks will return to the pitch stronger when Republicans lied through their Minimal time was spent investigating than ever next year. With an impres- teeth and claimed they would reduce the faulty intelligence that led us into o sive season under their belts, several the size of government. the war, there was negligible oversight t experienced players, and the painful The past six years have not been of the administration’s conduct of the memory of the brush-off by the NCAA kind to libertarians. Federal taxes war, and the Congressional leadership tournament in their minds, the Ducks have decreased slightly, but nearly showed absolutely no concern over w will be a force to be reckoned with. every other measure of governmental the process by which hundreds of power has steadily risen. But despite no-bid contracts were awarded. They o - Sho Ikeda what most of us here at the Commen- were also loyal to their fellow congress r tator would like to think, the election members, dragging their feet in inves- was not a philosophical rejection of tigating peers such as Tom DeLay, t Republican interventionism. Instead, Tom Foley, and Randy Cunningham. h 2006 Election Round-up it was a reaction to non-ideological So the 2006 elections were, as usu- failures such as the Iraqi imbroglio, al, a referendum on the incumbents. y the Terri Schiavo-inspired Congres- Democrats don’t offer a better, less sional theatre, and the inaction toward corrupt way of doing things. Just take Democrats are […] the party of gov- widespread, visible corruption among a look at Louisiana’s Bill Jefferson, ernment activism, the party that says gov- House Republicans. Georgia’s Robert Byrd, or Nevada’s ernment can make you richer, smarted, Loyalty, the character attribute Harry Reid, all of whom are about as taller and get the chickweed out of your that makes the GOP so effective to be- ethically clean as a chop shop run by lawn. Republicans are the party that says gin with, was the ultimate problem in O.J. Simpson. Even worse, the only government doesn’t work, and then get all three of the aforementioned cases. legislation that can now be enacted are elected and prove it. Unfailing loyalty to President Bush items that have passed Hillary Clinton, reduced the 109th Congress to a body Nancy Pelosi, and President Bush’s - P.J. O’Rourke equivalent in importance and respect- muster. The possibilities are endless. ability to Barney Bush. (Although in An increase in the federal minimum www.oregoncommentator.com

Volume XXIV, Issue 3 19 The News We Wish Was Fake ...

wage? Further increases in Social Se- the biennial tax session, the current In years past, the top three na- curity and Medicare spending? Imple- beer tax of 3/4 of a penny, which is tional brewers Anheiser-Busch, Miller, mentation of a federal Internet tax? one of the lowest in the nation, gen- and Coors have held sway over state Increased agricultural and industrial erates $14.6 million dollars, while the beer taxes through lobbying. With the subsidies? Further “campaign finance proposed increase would raise that partisan shift in the Oregon House, reform” outlawing certain forms of figure to nearly $110 million dollars, however, and the changing agendas online political speech on the Internets most of which would be used to fund for the 2006-08 biennium, our days of pipes? Don’t worry folks, that chick- alcohol and drug recovery programs. enjoying one of the lowest malt bever- weed will be out of there as soon as The tax has remained unchanged age taxes in the country could be near- the union paperwork goes through. since 1976, mostly due to a massive ing an end. Doom and gloom aside, Congres- lobbying effort by the Oregon Beer Clearly, this most recent push by sional Democrats do offer a razor-thin and Wine Distributors Association the left side of Oregon’s legislature chance of increased legislative grid- (OBWDA) and the former Republican is blatantly anti-local business. Ore- lock and governmental accountability majority in the state house. This lobby- gon’s microbreweries are inarguably in the respective forms of rival special ing effort took a turn for the unethical one of the true economic success sto- interests and congressional investiga- in 2002 and 2004, when the OBWDA ries of the Pacific Northwest, and the tive hearings. Both parties have prov- sponsored expenses-paid conference new tax will simultaneously cripple en incapable of restricting government trips to Hawaii for seven of Oregon’s many mid-sized breweries and scare growth in terms of economic and so- state senators, which they failed to re- others off of Oregon soil in favor of cial intervention. But at least with split port to the state ethics commission as is more commerce-friendly locales. For- control there is the faint hope that required by law. With the Hawaii de- mer OLCC lackey Pam Erickson was divisiveness will bring about the one bacle and their victory in the mid-term quoted in the Register-Guard, refer- positive behavioral trait still occasion- elections as fuel, Oregon’s Democrats ring to the biannual 14.6 million dol- ally associated with our federal gov- are optimistic that the bill will pass af- lar revenue from the current beer tax: n ernment: inaction. ter being defeated in every legislative “The [existing] beer tax is so low it’s o session for the last 20 years. “With a almost not worth collecting...It just is - Ian Spencer Democratic House, Senate and gover- totally out of proportion to the cost to t nor, I think we can pass the bill,” said the public of alcohol. And the primary Morrisette, the primary author of the alcohol that Oregonians drink is beer. legislation. The beer industry just isn’t paying its w Proposed Beer Tax Hike Opponents of the bill argue that fair share of the cost to the public.” o Oregon’s burgeoning microbrewing Apparently, those evil micro-brewers industry and the consumer will be hit deserve the tax hike, and every dollar r For the average student at the the hardest. Gary Fish, President of they fork over to the State government t University of Oregon, the recent Dem- Deschutes Brewery in Bend, estimates serves as penance for the countless ocratic victories in the State House and that the new tax will cost his company lives their filthy product has ruined. h Senate barely registered as blips on the more than $2 million per year. Tag this With the hard alcohol industry in Or- y radar. As members of the huge colle- on to the fact that in the years past, De- egon already reduced to a state-run gian demographic in the United States, schutes Brewery has dealt with 6.6% monopoly, it appears that the over- we can enjoy the option of not giving cost increases, while only being able to zealous Democrats are sending the two shits about politics of any sort, justify 1.4% price increases for the con- beer and wine industries in the same especially at the state and local levels. sumer. For Fish and other micro-brew- direction. Regardless, with the huge However, after the partisan dust and ers like him, he says, opposition to the taxes on booze and cigarettes, the last vitriol has settled, the bastard child of bill is not a choice. It is a requirement. thing our state needs is another sin tax. the left-wing has reared its ugly head: There is a stipulation in the bill Or, to keep things fair, Senator Mor- taxation. that attempts to protect smaller brew- rissette should propose taxes on por- In the new State Legislative ses- eries by exempting those that gener- nography, masturbation, and rodent sion, state Senator Bill Morrisette, D- ate less than 200,000 barrels of bever- fetishism because after all, with the Springfield, is proposing a bill that age per year from the tax. While this countless lives you have ruined with would increase Oregon’s state beer helps very small companies, larger your self-indulgent hobby, you at least tax to 10.5 cents per 12 ounce glass, or Oregon brewers like Widmer and De- owe your state legislature that much. $1.11 per gallon, which would surpass schutes already surpass or are hover- the national maximum by 4 cents. In ing around the 200,000 barrel mark. - Ben Hartley 20 Oregon Commentator The Sudsy T-Shirt is Here!

only You’ve waited so patiently, and now it’s finally here. The only T-Shirt on earth with the frothy $10 panache of everyone’s favorite anthropomorphic mug of pilsner, Sudsy O’Sullivan. Now you can share his alcoholic cheer with your classmates, bar buddies or arresting officers. Show your allegiance to Sudsy, The OC, or just beer.

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Just don’t let us catch you wearing it ironically ... Volume XXIV, Issue 3 21 Spew... and The Big Payoff On You Fucking Idiot

“My initial reaction to any interracial couple holding hands is that ‘something isn’t right.’ I can’t help it, but I have a strange uncontrollable reaction to the sight of an in- terracial couple when I see one.”

-Erstwhile Emerald Columnist Ty Schwoeffermann spills his racist prejudices in his hilariously bad “Watch Out For Jungle Fever” column.

“Speaking as a biracial representative, fuck you, ty. Fuck you and your self hatred (your going to tell me that you have never dated a white woman? I call bullshit).”

- “Patrick” commenting on the ‘Ol Dirty blog. Is there a brown baby somewhere that we should know about?

On We Found the WMD! s p “After attending the senate meeting on Wednesday last e week, I witnessed something that really turned me off – un- necessary internal struggle in an organization that should w be working together, especially in the midst of a potentially productive legislative session for students. I have always had an idealistic view of how student governments should operate, and don’t see my involvement in the organization as a positive use of my time right now.”

-ASUO Constitutional Court Justice for a week, and for- mer LCC student body President Jeremy Riel resigns his blink- and-you’d miss it tenure on the bench. What an idealistic young man.

“Under the heading ‘Recipe for fun’ Riel gave detailed instructions (in his MySpace blog) on building a chemi- cal weapon with the intent of releasing chlorine gas. He claimed the device would create a ‘massive cloud of chok- vice was ‘non-harmful’ and implied it would create a ‘non- ing gas capable of dropping a horse.’ Riel also claimed the harmful chemical reaction.’” weapon was ‘Most effective in areas where many hippies or rednecks gather such as country fair, Saturday market, -LCC’s student publication The Torch busts the then-ASLCC the Wal-Mart, or one of those protests at the federal court- president in May 2006, for what amounts to advocating a breach house...’ In an e-mail to The Torch, Riel stated that the de- of the Geneva Convention. 22 Oregon Commentator On Factual Anarchy

“And they made love, as free wild creatures do. The couples let the fecundity of the forest sluice into their re- lationships, while the single activists flirted and hooked up.”

-Eugene Weakly wunderkind Kera Abraham mythologizes the Warner Creek logging protest in her five-part work of Eco- terrorist apologia, “Flames of Dissent.”

“And no, I never ‘made love, as free wild creatures do’ at Warner Creek. For one thing, it was cold as hell most of the time and I wouldn’t have taken off my clothes for sex or money... I am convinced that (Abraham) is an extremely sloppy reporter who relied on other peoples’ reporting for a third of her story, second-hand gossip for another third of the story, and simply made up the remainder.”

-James Johnston, one of Abrahams sources in a letter to the Weekly. Part one of five needed about 7 factual corrections, and 10 minutes of projectile vomiting ... all in a day’s work for the “Local Journalist of the Year.” On Promises, Promises

“It’s tough to say how much a group needs, based on their programming or anything like that. You kind of have to do it off numbers, but that is also the job of the PFC... to determine how much each group actually needs. Oth- erwise it could be done on a computer. But that is why we need to sit down and figure out how to work with (the bus- get.) There are changes, and there are things that could be done to keep it at a minimum.”

-ASUO President Jared Axelrod, interviewed while a candi- date in last years Commentator Election coverage. That sounded good at the time...

“Both the PFC and the EMU and the ADFC definitely need to strike a balance with the incidental fee. You know, to give groups growth but still keep the fee down... we want to make sure we keep it as low as possible.” hours of operation at many of the departments and pro- grams funded within the PFC’s budget.” -Ibid. Yes, excellent... why didn’t we endorse him again? -President Axelrod, no longer on the campaign trail, in a “A 2.5% increase (in the PFC budget) will result in sub- memo to the ASUO Senate. So that’s why he said “give groups stantive cuts in services and in student employment, which growth” first. Ironically, the overrealized fund gives Axelrod the the Executive is reluctant to accept. Such a small increase opportunity to give groups growth, and keep the fee low... will he will, for example, result in reductions in programming and take it? Volume XXIV, Issue 3 23