July 2016 BROOKLYN FREE Family Where Every Child Matters
Have an NYC staycation Living in peace after a divorce
75 strategies for better parenting
Linking family stability to a child’s success
Find us online at www.NYParenting.com
Brooklyn Family July 2016 Features columns 6 Freedom & parenting 10 Healthy Living Parallels between how we raise our by Danielle Sullivan children and govern our country By Carolyn Waterbury-Tieman 18 Behavior & Beyond By Dr. Marcie Beigel 8 Her hope is contagious An 8-year-old from California creates a 30 Daddy Diaries book to inspire Syrian refugees By Dimitri Ehrlich By Tammy Scileppi 32 Family Health 12 Our guns By Dr. Pramod Narula, MD A closer look at NY State’s gun laws 34 Tips for Feeding Kids By Alison Arden Besunder By Joanna DeVita 14 Team family 36 FabuLYSS Finds After a divorce, working together when 42 by Lyss Stern you live apart By Gayla Grace 38 Just Write Mom 16 Shaky ground by Danielle Sullivan Tracing the links between a family’s 39 Dear Teacher stability and a child’s success by Peggy Gisler and By Myrna Beth Haskell Marge Eberts 20 Have a New York City 40 The Book Worm staycation By Terri Schlichenmeyer There’s plenty to experience this summer without ever leaving the five boroughs 50 New & Noteworthy By Lisa J. Curtis By Shnieka L. Johnson 20 22 Become a great parent New book offers training for a very calendar important job 42 July Events By Allison Plitt 24 Day care 101 special sections Choosing a place that works for your child and you 26 Pre-School/Nursery By Judy M. Miller Directory 41 It’s dino-myte fun! 48 Party Planners ‘Dino Babies’ is funny and educational 49 The Marketplace By KIDS FIRST! Film CriticS
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July 2016 • brooklyn Family 3 letter from the publisher
Cherishing peace and freedom
was reading an ar- cuss with me the hor- very serious topics in, I trust, an on about immigrants and immi- ticle the other day ror story of the mo- intelligent way. We have an article gration. Personally, I am the prod- I that I found very ment. When I tried to by Tammy Scileppi about a young uct of four grandparents from four interesting, if not up- escape, he accused me 8-year-old writer who has written different countries who all found setting. How to dis- of hiding from the re- a book about child refugees from freedom in this nation. I also mar- cuss the news with alities of the world. I Syria. We have a passionate but ried a foreign national and I have your children, rather, believed I was protect- intelligent essay from our resident lived in other places and visit other how and when to talk ing my sanity. attorney, Alison Arden Besunder, countries often. In my opinion, we to them about the With our children about GUNS and their legal and must protect our own freedom by violence happening it is recommended constitutional right in New York cherishing it for all and offering it around the world. I’m that we let them be State. Carolyn Waterbury-Tieman to all comers. sure there was a time when one innocent as long as possible. It talks about parallels between child Have a Happy Fourth! Be safe. could perhaps escape from the bar- is highly recommended that the rearing and governing. All interest- Courage. barisms if one was lucky enough to local news not be our dinner table ing and important conversations. live in a peaceful place, but these background music. It is also recom- The Fourth of July is Indepen- days, with the barrage of media mended that we don’t bring up the dence Day, as we all know. It is also blitz, it’s almost impossible not to massacres and tragedies until we a time to celebrate the freedoms be caught up in it. absolutely have to because they we have and the relative peace we I used to be employed by a man are old enough to be aware of it enjoy here in our nation. So much Susan Weiss-Voskidis, who read the tabloids every day themselves. of the planet remains in turmoil. Publisher/Excutive Editor and was constantly trying to dis- In this issue we touch on some The conversation will go on and [email protected]
Community News Group Contact information ceo: Les Goodstein advertising: Web or Print address President & Publisher: Jennifer Goodstein (718) 260-4554 New York Parenting Media/CNG [email protected] 1 Metrotech Center North 10th Floor New York parenting circulation Brooklyn, NY 11201 (718) 260-8336 Publisher / executive editor: [email protected] Susan Weiss Publisher / business Manager: editorial www.NYParenting.com Clifford Luster (718) 260-4554 [email protected] oPerations associate: Tina Felicetti calendar sales rePs: Alexis Benson, Erin Brof, (718) 260-2523 Jay Pelc, Stephanie Stellacio, Shanika Stewart art director: Leah Mitch Web designer: Sylvan Migdal The acceptance of advertising by New York Parent- New York Parenting has been recognized for ing does not constitute an endorsement of the editorial and design excellence by PMA. graPhic designers: Arthur Arutyunov, products, services or information being advertised. New York Parenting is published monthly by New Daria Avvento, Gardy Charles, Yvonne Farley, We do not knowingly present any products or ser- York Parenting Media/CNG. Subscription rate is Earl Ferrer, John Napoli vices that are fraudu lent or misleading in nature. $35 annually. Reproduction of New York Parent- Editorial inquiries, calendar information, advertising ing Media in whole or part without written per- rates and schedules and subscription requests may be mission from the publisher is prohibited. All rights Managing editor: Vince DiMiceli addressed to New York Parenting, One Metro tech reserved. Copyright©2016 Readership: 185,000. Center North, 10th Floor, Brooklyn, N.Y. 11201. 2015 circulation audits by CVC. assistant editor: Courtney Donahue New York Parenting can also be reached by calling coPy editors: Lisa J. Curtis, (718) 260-4554, emailing [email protected] or Shavana Abruzzo by visiting our website, NYParenting.com. calendar editor: Joanna Del Buono Join the conversation on Facebook.
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July 2016 • brooklyn Family 5 Freedom & parenting Parallels between how we raise our children and govern our country
By Carolyn WaterBury- Democracy is a system of gov- tieman ernment by the whole population through elected representatives. A he wide stretch of beach is democratic government depends empty except for a small col- on the active, cooperative par- T ony of seagulls. My 2-year- ticipation of its people and their old son takes off after them as fast ability to fully realize this respon- as his toddler legs will carry him. sibility. Searching online for the With dimpled, sun-kissed arms out- essential conditions of a success- stretched and damp, salty curls ful democracy repeatedly gleaned bouncing, he runs with total aban- these elements: an educated popu- don, determined to catch one. lace, vigilant protection of free- The embodiment of complete dom, local self-government, civic- freedom. Is there such a thing? mindedness, tolerance, freedom of Complete freedom implies the speech, a written constitution, and absence of constraints or conse- the absence of gross inequalities. quences, an impossibility for any Since we are raising our children form of life on Earth. The apparent in a democracy, what are the impli- freedom reflected in the picture cations of these conditions for our of my son running on the beach is parenting? merely an illusion. This simple act is actually gov- Learning to think erned by multiple constraints. The Whereas monarchies and dicta- law of gravity keeps his feet on the torships thrive with a readily con- ground, laws of nature allow the trolled, uneducated populace, de- seagulls to escape, physical limits mocracies depend on people think- allow him to run for only so long, ing for themselves. local ordinances require him to Our children are living in an age stay on a public beach, and paren- of unprecedented access to infor- tal restrictions prevent him from mation. As their first teachers, our getting too close to the water. Yet, role in guiding their informal edu- he expresses utter delight in his cation and overseeing their formal quest. education is vital. In addition to Our country’s founders, having nurturing their curiosity, we must been subject to oppression by a teach them to distinguish between centuries-old monarchy, were anx- opinion and fact, and considering ious to establish freedom. So much the credibility of sources. The abil- so, they focused almost exclusively ity to process information to formu- on outlining their rights. Yet, free- late their own opinion is essential. dom without consequences does not exist. Perhaps they would have Protect and respect avoided confusion if they had writ- As a cornerstone of democracy, ten “The Bill of Rights and Re- freedom must be vigilantly pro- sponsibilities.” The two go hand tected. An effective method for in hand. protecting freedom is recognizing The democracy they formed ne- where my rights end and yours cessitates that both be accepted and begin. protected, or freedom will be lost. I have the right to drive, but I do
6 brooklyn Family • July 2016 Democracies depend on people thinking for themselves. In addition to nurturing our children’s curiosity, we must teach them to distinguish between opinion and fact, and Freedom considering the credibility of sources.
not have the right to jeopardize Free, not inflammatory, & parenting your safety. speech If in the desire to protect my Expressing one’s ideas, beliefs, freedom, I neglect yours, free- or complaints is possible without dom’s future is compromised. De- resorting to derogatory, malign- Parallels between how we raise our nial of freedom based on mem- ing, character assassinations of bership in a particular group, others. children and govern our country rather than behavior and actions, When we are confident of our increases freedom’s vulnerability. position, we can accept the rights Who knows when the group in of others to hold different posi- By Carolyn WaterBury- Democracy is a system of gov- question may be mine? tions without feeling threatened tieman ernment by the whole population or compelled to agree with, ap- through elected representatives. A Self-discipline prove of, or adopt theirs. he wide stretch of beach is democratic government depends Before participating in the Being able to respectfully dis- empty except for a small col- on the active, cooperative par- government of an entire popula- agree shows strength of charac- T ony of seagulls. My 2-year- ticipation of its people and their tion, one should first be capable ter. old son takes off after them as fast ability to fully realize this respon- of self-government. The way to as his toddler legs will carry him. sibility. Searching online for the avoid external constraints is to Written agreements With dimpled, sun-kissed arms out- essential conditions of a success- practice internal restraints. By creating and adopting a stretched and damp, salty curls ful democracy repeatedly gleaned By providing clearly stated, family constitution, we demon- bouncing, he runs with total aban- these elements: an educated popu- age-appropriate rules and expec- strate to our children the value don, determined to catch one. lace, vigilant protection of free- tations with reasonable conse- of establishing expectations for The embodiment of complete dom, local self-government, civic- quences for failure to comply, par- individual members that contrib- freedom. Is there such a thing? mindedness, tolerance, freedom of ents assist children in acquiring ute to the well-being of the entire Complete freedom implies the speech, a written constitution, and self-discipline. family. absence of constraints or conse- the absence of gross inequalities. When participation in a rule quences, an impossibility for any Since we are raising our children or consequence setting and de- Avoiding inequality form of life on Earth. The apparent in a democracy, what are the impli- cision-making is increasingly al- While there is clearly inequal- freedom reflected in the picture cations of these conditions for our lowed depending on age and ma- ity between parents and children of my son running on the beach is parenting? turity, children learn the skills in terms of age, maturity, respon- merely an illusion. necessary for taking on greater sibility, and knowledge, they are This simple act is actually gov- Learning to think responsibility. equal in their fundamental value erned by multiple constraints. The Whereas monarchies and dicta- The inherent relationship be- as human beings. Whenever ac- law of gravity keeps his feet on the torships thrive with a readily con- tween rights and responsibilities cess to rights or privileges is de- ground, laws of nature allow the trolled, uneducated populace, de- becomes apparent. nied due to some arbitrary char- seagulls to escape, physical limits mocracies depend on people think- acteristic, the inevitable resent- allow him to run for only so long, ing for themselves. Social conscience ment threatens the viability of the local ordinances require him to Our children are living in an age Empathy, the ability to imagine whole group. stay on a public beach, and paren- of unprecedented access to infor- what life is like for others, is es- As a microcosm of society, the tal restrictions prevent him from mation. As their first teachers, our sential to developing civic-mind- family provides an ideal place getting too close to the water. Yet, role in guiding their informal edu- edness. Living by rules when ex- to learn the democratic process. Dfcac7cXY.%*%$(-9ld]fYg.*#'$#%+ he expresses utter delight in his cation and overseeing their formal pecting others to do so and con- Our children learn from us what quest. education is vital. In addition to sidering the impact of personal it means to be conscientious citi- Our country’s founders, having nurturing their curiosity, we must decisions on others are practices zens in a democracy. been subject to oppression by a teach them to distinguish between that readily translate from an ef- Like a child chasing seagulls centuries-old monarchy, were anx- opinion and fact, and considering fective family to an effective so- on the beach, the pursuit of hap- ious to establish freedom. So much the credibility of sources. The abil- ciety. piness involves the freedom to so, they focused almost exclusively ity to process information to formu- make choices — hopefully re- on outlining their rights. Yet, free- late their own opinion is essential. Tolerant spirit sponsible ones. dom without consequences does Openly sharing ideas and par- Carolyn Waterbury-Tieman is a resi- not exist. Perhaps they would have Protect and respect ticipating in productive debate dent of Lexington, Ky, has been mar- avoided confusion if they had writ- As a cornerstone of democracy, and discussion provides children ried for 29 years, and has two sons. ten “The Bill of Rights and Re- freedom must be vigilantly pro- the opportunity to practice ex- She spent 15 years in various agen- sponsibilities.” The two go hand tected. An effective method for pressing their thoughts while ex- cies and clinics as a family therapist in hand. protecting freedom is recognizing periencing differences of opinion. and parent educator and has written The democracy they formed ne- where my rights end and yours Learning to maintain their integ- extensively on the topic of parenting. cessitates that both be accepted and begin. rity while accepting diversity is To contact her, e-mail parent4life@ protected, or freedom will be lost. I have the right to drive, but I do an invaluable accomplishment. yahoo.com.
July 2016 • brooklyn Family 7 any other country. About half are children dealing with unimaginable turmoil and fear in their young lives. Trisha feels their pain, and de- cided to give them a special story.
The start Her An inquisitive student, she studied hope in a Montessori school in San Diego for the first six years of her life. “My hobbies are painting, playing badminton, playing with my friends, reading books, listening to music, and dancing,” said Trisha. And her favorite subjects include English, is contagious matter and astronomy, science, and physical geography. By Tammy Scileppi golden retriever Sunshine, became Her mother Sumana says her An 8-year-old the main character of this wonder- daughter has been painting since age o matter who they are or ful, must-read book, which is filled 2 and remarkably, has made more from California what their circumstances with her awesome paintings and il- than 300 acrylic paintings! And the N might be, children are chil- lustrations. The young author in- San Diego Museum of Art exhibited creates a book dren. It doesn’t take much to make tends to donate it to as many Syr- Trisha’s works when she was just them smile — and don’t they all love ian refugee kids as possible, while 2-and-a-half! Her paintings were also to inspire to play and learn? she shares her universal message of used to raise money for flood victims Child refugees from Syria are like peace, love, strength, and courage in Karnool, India, in 2010. our kids in many ways. For, despite with youngsters everywhere. Every- Trisha’s literary journey began last Syrian refugees their lost childhoods and the terrible body can use a good dose of hope summer. On a tranquil, day-dream- upheaval, destruction, and despair and happiness in their lives. ing kind of afternoon, the aspiring they face, they are still children first, 8-year-old poet scribbled some truly and having fun should be their num- The worst humanitarian profound prose in her notebook ber-one priority. crisis of our lifetime as she gazed out her window. She And each has a story to tell — of It’s hard to believe there are more called it “Believe in Yourself.” Her her journey, homeland, and hopes than 60 million refugees in the world mom, who was surprised and deeply and wishes. today, of which more than half are moved by what she wrote, already A compassionate, smart-beyond- innocent children. The Syrian refu- knew her daughter had a creative her-years fourth-grader has penned a gee crisis, which began in May 2011, streak and that she was wise for unique book, that is beautifully writ- is the largest displacement of people her age. ten and illustrated from the heart. of our time, and you can’t turn on “She has always been kind and The inspiring tale encourages young the news without hearing about the compassionate,” she said lovingly. readers to believe in themselves now ongoing Syrian conflict — the topic So, while her peers were enjoying and forever, no matter what. Trisha of hotly debated conversations here summer past times, Trisha’s mind Rao, now 9, wrote “Believe in Your- in the U.S. and abroad. went to matters beyond her safe, self” last year, because she felt sorry Most Syrian refugees fleeing vio- comfy California home. Shocked by for refugee children around the world. lence have found themselves in Leb- media headlines about the war- and Through the light-hearted story she anon, Jordan, and Turkey, which is terror-stricken Syrian refugees, she tells, her wish is to remind them to be now the largest host of refugees in expressed her sadness and con- brave, to laugh and dream, but most the region and also the largest host cern about their plight to family and of all to always have hope. of refugees in the world. Turkey has friends, who then helped her trans- After all, children are the ones who taken a central role in the response form that heartfelt poem into a great suffer most from wars and conflicts. to the Syria crisis, hosting close to 3 children’s book that conveyed a uni- Trisha’s best friend, her smiling million Syrian refugees — more than versal message. One which seems to reverberate across oceans, deserts, and rough Middle Eastern terrains: life stories of Syrian refugee kids Believe in yourselves! Don’t give up Syrian refugee kids in the news and turns them into short — and hope! I’m here for you! If you want to get a glimpse Khaldiya Jibawi. This creative really intense — animated videos. Describing her poems, Trisha of what life is like “over there,” teen took a workshop in making vid- http://www.npr.org/sections/goat- said, “I write from my heart about you and your kids should read eos after her family fled to a refugee sandsoda/2016/04/12/ 473007477/ things that touch my heart — I write Ali, Mustafa, and Amira’s journeys: camp. Her film about day-to-day life watch-these-3-unfairy-tales-and-see-if- about nature, my pet dog Sunshine, “School in refuge: the stories of is now making the festival rounds. they-move-you my mom, my school, my friends, ani- three Syrian children in Turkey” http://www.npr.org/sections/goat- Save the children. This orga- mals, trees, etc.” http://blog.concern.net/school-in- sandsoda/2016/06 /05/ 480611303/ nization had Syrian refugee kids The story follows Sunshine the refuge-the-stories-of-three-syrian-chil- syrian-teens-9-minute-doc-hits- draw what they were feeling. pup and Papa Dog, who travel dren-in-turkey cannes-sundance-l-a-film-fest http://www.npr.org/sections/goat- through the jungles of the world You can also read how others UNiceF. Three “Unfairy Tales” is sandsoda/2016/03 /17/470809097/ learning valuable life lessons from are using creativity to help the the The United Nations Children’s syrian-refugee-kids-were-told-to-draw- their animal friends, like standing young refugees: Fund’s new project that takes real- whatever-they-wanted up for yourself and others, loving yourself deeply, attempting to over-
8 brooklyn Family • July 2016 because they lost their homes, home lands, and families at a young age.” Trisha said most of the children were with their parents, who were trying to get adjusted to a new coun- try. They did not know the local lan- guage, so it was difficult for them to get good jobs. “We met around 30 children — most between the ages of 5 and 10 — at the Support to Life commu- nity center in Istanbul. The refugee families lived far from the center, but the children came there every day to spend their day at the center,” Trisha recalled. (Support to Life is a humanitarian agency working with disaster-stricken communities.) “The hardest part was when I learned that they did not have money to buy lunch,” the young writer said. “I felt bad that they had to walk sev- eral miles from where they were liv- ing to come to the center where they spent the whole day.” The Support to Life team met Trisha and her family during their trip and in a letter, the director later thanked them for being part of their cause in improving the life of refu- gees in Turkey. “By reading her book to the chil- dren, Trisha did not only give them support and inspiration, but also was able to touch them with her sin- cerity. Your thoughtful visit at the Is- tanbul Center Support to Life House made a great mark in the children’s lives since it was also a pathway for children to reconnect with their childhood,” the letter stated. Trisha’s ultimate wish with her book is to reach every single child on Trisha Rao’s puppy Sunshine is the main the planet with her positive vibe. For character in her book. (Left) Trisha launched every book she sells in 2016, she has her book to a group of Syrian refugee chil- pledged to donate one copy to refu- dren in Istanbul last December. gee children around the globe. And since those kids in Turkey who had gathered around her. Sadly, loved the book so much, it was trans- they had lost their homes, and some- lated into Arabic. The books that times, their families. have been donated so far — more Trisha said the children loved hear- than 110 — are in English. Once the ing the words to the story, and espe- Arabic books are printed, more can cially liked her colorful pictures. Ap- be sent to Syrian children. More than parently, they felt an instant bond to 500 copies have been sold. the long-haired American girl, despite “Believe in Yourself” has received the language barrier. What a thrill it the 2016 Gold Medal from the Indepen- come challenges, creating your own Trisha’s journey must have been to make new friends! dent Publishers Book Awards in the cat- opportunities, working hard to make to Istanbul Her experience turned out to be egory of Best Children’s eBook. It is for your wishes come true, being grate- The young author and her family the most amazing family vacation sale on Amazon and through the United ful to God (or any higher power), traveled to Istanbul, Turkey, in De- she had ever had. Trisha says she Nations Stores: https://www.amazon. being kind to others, and staying cember 2015, and you can imagine wants to encourage ALL kids to stay com/Believe-Yourself-Trisha-Rao/dp/ united with friends and loved ones. what a truly memorable, life-altering hopeful, no matter what. B01A4S1FQ0/ref=sr_1_1_twi_kin_2?ie= The story concludes with wonder- journey it was. So she could share “I turned my poem into a children’s UTF8& qid= 1465909533&sr=8- ful symbolism as Papa Dog offers her important inspirational message book to show that we all have great 1&keywords =trisha+rao unconditional love to Sunshine, who of hope with Syrian refugee chil- power within ourselves to make a Tammy Scileppi is a Queens-based finds it comforting to know that Papa dren living there, Trisha launched difference in our own lives and in the freelance writer and journalist, parent, Dog will always be there to love and “Believe in Yourself” while visiting. lives of other people, too,” she said. “I and regular contributor to New York support him. She read it to a bevy of curious kids felt bad for the Syrian refugee children Parenting.
July 2016 • brooklyn Family 9 HEALTH
Whoophi Goldber, award-winning comedian, actress, human rights advo- cate, and host of “The View,” spoke to president of the Child Mind Institute, Dr. Harold Koplewicz, about living and suc- ceeding with dyslexia.
kid was that I felt pretty protected, I wasn’t afraid, and I had a mother who understood — after a while — that there was something different about the way I learned things,” she HEALTHY explained. “It takes people a little while to accept that something’s LIVING going on, and it’s not that you’re DANIELLE SULLIVAN being lazy. It’s not that you’re not trying.” Many people with dyslexia, like Goldberg, thrive as highly visual learners and creative thinkers who excel in the arts. She says she’s dis- covered along the way useful meth- ods to overcome her dyslexia while Child Mind Institute learning scripts. Whenever she’s re- quired to learn a new script, she en- lists someone to read the lines out loud with her, so she can memorize Triumphing them. Similarly, when she wrote her recent book, she dictated each word to an assistant and then afterward, had it read back to her for editing. over dyslexia “The advantage of dyslexia is that my brain puts information in my hen most people hear have dyslexia. head in a different way,” says Gold- the word “dyslexia,” they In preschool-aged children, berg. W immediately associate it symptoms include late talking, dif- One website working to promote with a reading problem. The dis- ficulty in learning nursery rhymes, the positive aspects of the condi- order does cause problems with and rhyming games. In school-aged tion, Dyslexia The Gift, writes, “Our reading from left to right, reversing children, a student may have dif- visual and holistic learning style letters and words, spelling words, ficulty following quick instructions, means that we learn best through reading quickly, writing words, reading at age level, comprehend- the creative process, with methods “sounding out” words in the head, ing what is said to him, and prob- that focus on mastery of the mean- pronouncing words when reading lems remembering the sequence ings of words and symbols. The aloud, and reading comprehension, of things. true gift of dyslexia is the gift of but the issue involves much more In teens, the symptoms may be mastery.” than reading. the same as in younger children, To learn more about dyslexia, The brains of people with dys- and also include difficulty summa- visit: lexia are wired differently. The Dys- rizing a story, learning a foreign lan- • International Dyslexia Associa- lexia Association explains that the guage, memorizing, and understand- tion, dyslexiaida.org two most important contributors to ing jokes and idioms. • The Dyslexia Foundation, dys- dyslexia are an underutilized left Recently, The Child Mind Insti- lexiafoundation.org hemisphere, and an out-of-whack tute hosted the 13th annual Adam • Everyone Reading, everyonere- central bridge of tissue in the brain, Katz Memorial Conversation and ading.org called the corpus callosum. Ac- featured a candid conversation be- • National Center For Learning cording to the National Institutes of tween award-winning comedian, Disabilities, ncld.org Health, up to 15 percent of the U.S. actress, and host of “The View” • Decoding Dyslexia – NY, decod- population has significant difficulty Whoopi Goldberg and Child Mind ingdyslexiany.org learning to read. Institute President Dr. Harold Ko- Danielle Sullivan, a mom of three, “People with a learning difference plewicz at the Kaye Playhouse at has worked as a writer and editor in the like dyslexia may have trouble with Hunter College. They shared an in- parenting world for more than 10 years. reading, writing, spelling, math, and depth discussion about Goldberg’s Sullivan also writes about pets and par- sometimes, music,” says the insti- struggles and victories surrounding enting for Disney’s Babble.com. Find Sul- tute. living with dyslexia. livan on her blogs, Just Write Mom and Three times as many boys as girls “What I remember about being a Some Puppy To Love.
10 brooklyn Family • July 2016 Sunny, with 100% chance of success. We make math make sense.
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July 2016 • brooklyn Family 11 Our guNs By Alison Arden Besunder rifles and shotguns need not be and only where self-defense is the A closer look licensed. proven primary reason for owner- uring the past several years, At the state level, a license may ship (usually law enforcement and at NY State’s it has seemed that every be granted to an applicant who: armed guards). A premises-only li- D day, week, and month there • I s of good moral character. cense does not permit carrying as a gun laws is another tragedy as a result of • O v e r 21 years of age. concealed weapon off-premises. guns in the hands of individuals • H a s not been convicted of a se- who use them as tools of murder rious offense. Oversight and and terrorism. • S t a te s if and when he has ever enforcement The most recent massacre at a been treated for mental illness, is New York’s gun control and cul- gay club in Orlando was one of not subject to a protective court ture widely varies from county to 43 shootings on June 12. In 2016 order. county, especially between Down- so far, there have been 6,131 gun- • To whom no good cause exists state and Upstate. related deaths, 141 mass shootings, for the denial of the license. Other than the city (three years) and 259 children under 11 killed or The age requirement does not or Nassau, Suffolk, and Westchester injured (www.gunviolencearchive. apply to persons honorably dis- (five years), licenses in New York org). These events have become charged from the military. Anyone State are valid until revoked and horrifically commonplace. between 18 and 21 can use a hand- need not be renewed. In other Rather than my usual “Q&A” col- gun at an indoor or outdoor pistol words, New York State — like most umn, I thought that readers would range or at a target pistol shooting states — has no oversight of a gun like to know more about the gun competition under the auspices of owner after license. laws applicable in New York State, or approved by the National Rifle Even with a permit, it is illegal to which in and of itself has vastly Association (not exactly my first carry a weapon in schools (includ- different “gun cultures” between choice for supervisory authority). ing child care), state parks, or men- Upstate and Downstate. New York State does not perform its tal health facilities. The penalty for own background check, but rather carrying a concealed weapon with- New York gun licensing forwards fingerprints to the Federal out a permit is only a class A misde- New York has no separate consti- Bureau of Investigation for a search meanor, carrying a penalty of a fine tutional gun protection, but Article of criminal records. The failure or up to $1,000 or up to 12 months in 2, Section 4 of the New York Civil refusal of the Bureau to complete jail (or three years probation). Rights Law provides “a well-regu- the fingerprint check in six months New York is a “May-Issue” state; lated militia being necessary to the cannot be the sole basis for refus- the individual licensing official (a security of a free state, the right of ing to issue the permit. local police chief or sheriff) has the people to keep and bear arms Gun purchase in New York re- discretion to issue a handgun li- cannot be infringed.” That law has quires a license for that particular cense or concealed weapon permit not prevented the state from im- make, model, caliber, and serial and whether to impose conditions posing some of the strictest hand- number, and possession requires such as firearms training or edu- gun regulations in the nation. New a valid license for that particular cation. The various licensing and York’s 1911 Sullivan Law was one of registered gun. Licenses are not permit authorities are not unified, the first in the country requiring a issued to non-New York residents the rules vary between counties, permit to own a handgun. or part-time residents; out-of-state and the “gun laws” are therefore all New York’s gun control is es- handguns are not permitted. over the map. sentially two-tiered between state There are two types of licenses: New York City, for example, is a and local law. All handguns must carry or premises-only. New York “No Issue” jurisdiction. New York be licensed. Outside New York City, City rarely issues carry licenses City is the only county where a
12 brooklyn Family • July 2016 Our guNs By Alison Arden Besunder rifles and shotguns need not be and only where self-defense is the A closer look licensed. proven primary reason for owner- uring the past several years, At the state level, a license may ship (usually law enforcement and at NY State’s it has seemed that every be granted to an applicant who: armed guards). A premises-only li- D day, week, and month there • I s of good moral character. cense does not permit carrying as a gun laws is another tragedy as a result of • O v e r 21 years of age. concealed weapon off-premises. guns in the hands of individuals • H a s not been convicted of a se- who use them as tools of murder rious offense. Oversight and and terrorism. • S t a te s if and when he has ever enforcement The most recent massacre at a been treated for mental illness, is New York’s gun control and cul- gay club in Orlando was one of not subject to a protective court ture widely varies from county to 43 shootings on June 12. In 2016 order. county, especially between Down- so far, there have been 6,131 gun- • To whom no good cause exists state and Upstate. related deaths, 141 mass shootings, for the denial of the license. Other than the city (three years) and 259 children under 11 killed or The age requirement does not or Nassau, Suffolk, and Westchester injured (www.gunviolencearchive. apply to persons honorably dis- (five years), licenses in New York org). These events have become charged from the military. Anyone State are valid until revoked and horrifically commonplace. between 18 and 21 can use a hand- need not be renewed. In other Rather than my usual “Q&A” col- gun at an indoor or outdoor pistol words, New York State — like most umn, I thought that readers would range or at a target pistol shooting states — has no oversight of a gun like to know more about the gun competition under the auspices of owner after license. pistol licensee is restricted from weapons manufactured after 1994. Rank” (in 2010 it was 24th). New mentally ill; banning the direct inter- laws applicable in New York State, or approved by the National Rifle Even with a permit, it is illegal to carrying and must have an “uninter- This means that New York State York also elevated its rating to an net sale of ammunition purchases. which in and of itself has vastly Association (not exactly my first carry a weapon in schools (includ- rupted trip” through the city with bans as a felony the high capacity, A- from a B in 2010 from the Law There should also be re-certification different “gun cultures” between choice for supervisory authority). ing child care), state parks, or men- the ammunition and gun locked quick-reload weapons such as the Center to Prevent Gun Violence for gun ownership (just like drivers’ Upstate and Downstate. New York State does not perform its tal health facilities. The penalty for separately when traveling. Delaware Sig Sauer MCX, which was report- (smartgunlaws.org/new-york-state- license renewal!) and monitoring of own background check, but rather carrying a concealed weapon with- County, on the other hand, is the edly used in the Orlando shooting. law-summary/). In 2008 New York gun owners, together with continu- New York gun licensing forwards fingerprints to the Federal out a permit is only a class A misde- only county to permit open carry- However, the expiration of the had the fifth lowest number of gun ing safety education courses for gun New York has no separate consti- Bureau of Investigation for a search meanor, carrying a penalty of a fine ing. The restrictions imposed on a federal ban undermined enforce- deaths. And in December 2012, then- owners. It is not acceptable that it is tutional gun protection, but Article of criminal records. The failure or up to $1,000 or up to 12 months in carry license travel with the licensee ment power, since the federal law mayor Bloomberg announced that harder to buy certain over-the-coun- 2, Section 4 of the New York Civil refusal of the Bureau to complete jail (or three years probation). as he or she travels from county to had required that all “large capac- the city’s murder rates were the low- ter drugs in this country than it is to Rights Law provides “a well-regu- the fingerprint check in six months New York is a “May-Issue” state; county within the state. Thus, a ity” magazine guns be stamped with est in 50 years. purchase a deadly weapon. lated militia being necessary to the cannot be the sole basis for refus- the individual licensing official (a holder of a Delaware County license the date of manufacture. That fed- More gun-related deaths occur in For more information on how to security of a free state, the right of ing to issue the permit. local police chief or sheriff) has (unrestricted carry) can take his eral requirement is no longer in ef- states with less restrictive gun laws take action, visit the Law Center to the people to keep and bear arms Gun purchase in New York re- discretion to issue a handgun li- concealed handgun into Kotobuki, fect, hindering prosecutions of pos- and a higher rate of gun ownership Prevent Gun Violence and the Brady cannot be infringed.” That law has quires a license for that particular cense or concealed weapon permit but his Suffolk County gun-licensee session of post-2004 assault weap- (smartgunlaws.org/gun-laws-mat- Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence not prevented the state from im- make, model, caliber, and serial and whether to impose conditions companion cannot. ons. Gov. Cuomo’s 2013 proposals ter-2012-understanding-the-link-be- (www.bradycampaign.org). posing some of the strictest hand- number, and possession requires such as firearms training or edu- New York State bans possession did not go as far as was originally tween-weak-laws-and-gun-violence). Alison Arden Besunder is the found- gun regulations in the nation. New a valid license for that particular cation. The various licensing and or sale of “assault weapons” or hoped in reducing permitted maga- Although New York has some of ing attorney of the law firm of Arden York’s 1911 Sullivan Law was one of registered gun. Licenses are not permit authorities are not unified, “large capacity ammunition feeding zines from 10 to seven rounds. the strictest gun laws in the country, Besunder P.C., where she assists new the first in the country requiring a issued to non-New York residents the rules vary between counties, devices” manufactured after 1994. we can still do better. The federal and not-so-new parents with their estate permit to own a handgun. or part-time residents; out-of-state and the “gun laws” are therefore all New York State law continues to New York gun numbers government and the state need to re- planning needs. Her firm assists clients New York’s gun control is es- handguns are not permitted. over the map. enforce the same provisions as the New York is sixth in the top 10 quire federal background checks of in Manhattan, Brooklyn, Queens, Nas- sentially two-tiered between state There are two types of licenses: New York City, for example, is a (now expired) Federal Assault Weap- restrictive states on the purchase, all gun sales, including private ones; sau, and Suffolk Counties. Follow her and local law. All handguns must carry or premises-only. New York “No Issue” jurisdiction. New York ons Ban, which bans rifle magazines possession, or carrying of hand- the ban of high-capacity magazines; on Twitter @estatetrustplan and on her be licensed. Outside New York City, City rarely issues carry licenses City is the only county where a in excess of 10 rounds in assault guns, and 48th in the “Gun Death keeping guns from people who are website at www.besunderlaw.com. July 2016 • brooklyn Family 13 Dad’s Mom’s
Team family After a divorce, working together when you live apart
By Gayla Grace Seven tips to help: be responsible with their belong- lthough we don’t like • D o n’ t meddle in the affairs of ings. each other, we maintain the other home. • A s a stepparent, offer grace “A a friendly demeanor for • Maintain a cooperative and and understanding to your step- the sake of our children.” flexible attitude with your ex when children. My friend’s comments confirmed discussing the kids’ schedules. • Consider the needs of your what I already knew — her kids ben- • K e e p conflict with your ex- children and stepchildren as they efitted from her efforts toward a cor- spouse away from the ears of transition. dial relationship with her ex-spouse. your children. • C o m m i t to a new tomorrow Children with a mom and dad • Encourage your children to when you fail. in different homes often experience confusion, anxiety, and turmoil. They need a stable home environ- at your child’s school, particularly more stress. ment, free of tension and chaos, to middle and high schools, you’ll no- As parents and stepparents, what develop a healthy self-image and tice the pressure and demands they can we do to promote healthy in- succeed in school. If you spend time face. Minefields at home only create teractions and positive self-esteem?
14 brooklyn Family • July 2016 bitious schedule on weeks your As parents and stepchildren are there. Allow time to help with homework, run kids stepparents, one to ball practice, or sit down for a home-cooked meal. Stepfamily of the best ways to relationships are strengthened as Musical instrument and promote success is family members spend time to- gether in a relaxed environment. singing lessons in Brooklyn! Dad’s Mom’s to commit to do your Also, consider what it feels like to a biological parent to have some- Home tuition • All instruments taught part in maintaining a one else take part in raising her Children and adults of all abilities welcome child. And be sensitive to how your Trial lessons available • Lessons to fit your schedule friendly relationship stepchildren feel toward you and whether they want you at every For more information please contact Tempo Arts on with your ex. back-to-school function or whether you should bow out and let the bio- (347) 526-4702 or www.tempo-arts.com logical parents take the lead. One of the best ways to promote As a mom and stepmom to five success is to commit to do your children, I understand the chal- part in maintaining a friendly rela- lenges that accompany kids moving tionship with your ex. between homes. My husband and I I know you’d rather run a mara- spent years negotiating schedules thon than talk about how to live and seeking to provide a safe en- in harmony with your ex or your vironment in which our kids could spouse’s ex, but it’s vital to the thrive throughout the school year. well-being of your children and My stepchildren and two of stepchildren. That doesn’t mean my children have now completed you have to be best friends with school and exited the nest, leav- your ex-husband, or your stepson’s ing my husband and I with only mom, but you do have to commit to an “ours” child left at home. Some having a cordial relationship. days I think about what I would do I will be the first to admit this differently if all of our kids were at 600 DeGraw Street (3rD & 4th aveS) hasn’t come naturally. I maintained home again. a contentious relationship with my I think I would offer a softer ex too long after our divorce. Al- side toward my stepchildren when though I tried hard to not speak they’ve had a bad day at school. I’d badly of him to our girls, I’m sure be more understanding on transi- Dentistry for Adults they could sense my disapproval tion days when they’ve just come of his lifestyle and critical spirit to- back from their mom’s house and and Children ward him when we negotiated visi- need some time alone. I’d extend tation. It’s important to remember grace more freely when my own Tracey H. Joseph, D.D.S., PLLC that our children are half of their kids didn’t do their chores to my other parent, and when we speak satisfaction. And I would insist on 'ENTLE &RIENDLY