TO" llf RI IVOLUME LXXXVIII NUMBER 15 PASADENA, CALIFORNIA FRIDAY 30 JANUARY 19871

~ 1 ·tI' • ·.·.·.·JII ·•· ·.·.·.·rl'.· ·•• • V.· Party at Occidental

by Rob Soderberry sound from 9:00PM until the The ASCIT ESC presents early morning hours. Admis­ a dance party tonight at Oc­ sion is free with your Caltech cidental College. The New ID. See the flyers around Marines perform live at campus for directions. Call Stewart-Cleland Hall on the me, Rob Soderbery, for more Occidental campus. Dance to info (x376l). Do it for their new wave underground science! 'J'.•••••••••••"' ·.·h·.·.·.· ••·•·•·•••· Housing Committee by Josh Kurutz is to make permanent procedure President Goldberger's office and should not be needed for the created a committee two weeks ago long term, it will be disbanded by that is designed to implement In­ June, 1987. stitute policy regarding the Glen Cass, the chairman of the >­ maintenance of the undergraduate Maintenance Committee and the .D Student Housing Committee can o houses. According to the presiden­ '0 L tial directive, this Committee on authorize spending money from the 0- Undergraduate Housing Undergraduate Housing Reserve, Fireside chat with the new President-Jeff Tekanic is the ASCIT president-elect. He welcomes all undergraduate Maintenance is to establish lasting which was established at the begin­ (ASCIT members or not) who wish to discuss the state of the university. A run-off for the office of ASCIT treasure procedures that deal with ning of this term. is to be held today. maintenance difficulties and to The Reserve was established to review particular disputes over out­ provide funds for the houses to pay house at their discretion. of-the-ordinary maintenance. for out-of-the-ordinary The members of the committee Beyond the Universe The policy being enforced is the maintenance. Each on-campus stu­ are Glen Cass (chairman); Dick one established in October last dent was charged $10 by the In­ Barker, Superintendent of Shops, [CNB] - "Beyond the Mechanical throughout the country, and has year. This committee is not design­ stitute and the Institute matched this Physical Plant; Stan Borodinsky, Universe," the sequel to the highly­ been adapted as a teaching tool in ed to change this policy or hear stu­ contribution and put the money in Assistant to the V.P. for Student acclaimed series "The Mechanical numerous high schools, colleges, dent input other than from the IHC reserves for each house. At the end Affairs; Chris Brennen, MOSH; Universe," will make its Los and universities. Chairman, a member of the of each term, funds not used to pay Jim Minges, Director of Business Angeles debut on KCET, Channel The series has received more committee. for extraordinary maintenance can Services; and the Chairman of the 28, on Tuesday, February 3, at than a dozen awards for its scien­ Since this administrative body be used by the members of the me. 12:30PM. tific content and use of special ef­ The 26 episodes in the college­ fects, including prizes at the level telecourse will air over a American Film Festival, the Na­ 13-week period, at the rate of two tional Educational Film Festival, Wasserburg New Geology Chairman programs a week, on Tuesdays and and the International Science Film Thursdays, from 12:30 to 1:OOPM. Association. [CNB] - Dr. Gerald J. Wasserburg science, and for his role as adviser this year. During his 25 years of The series will also be shown on The creator, project director, has been appointed chairman ofthe to NASA on the directions and de­ service to NASA, he has twice Tuesdays and Thursdays on KLCS, and host of "The Mechanical Division of Geological and Planet­ velopment of the U.S. space been awarded the NASA Medal for Channel 58, from 6:30 to 7:00PM, Universe" and "Beyond the ary Sciences at Caltech, as an­ program. Distinguished Public Service (1978 starting February 10. Mechanical Universe" is Dr. David nounced by President Marvin L. The recipient of numerous and 1972), and he received the The series covers electricity Goodstein, professor of physics Goldberger. Dr. Wasserburg as­ honors, Dr. Wasserburg was NASA Exceptional Scientific and magnetism, Einstein's theories and applied physics at Caltech. The sumed the position on 1 January, awarded the prestigious 1986 Achievement Award in 1970. He of special and general relativity, computer-designed special effects succeeding Dr. Peter 1. Wyllie, Crafoord Prize of the Royal Swe­ was elected to the National Aca­ and the emergence of quantum were created by Dr. James Blinn, professor of geology, who has been dish Academy in Stockholm last demy of Sciences in 1971. mechanics as the basis of physics. lecturer in computer science at the division's chairman since 1983. September, in recognition of his , Dr. Wasserburg received his "Beyond the Mechanical Universe" Caltech, technical staff member at "Caltech has one of the world's fundamental research on the origin S.B. in 1951, his S.M. in 1952, uses classroom scenes, historical the Jet Propulsion Laboratory, and finest programs in geological and and early evolution of the solar and his Ph.D. in 1954, all from the portrayals, and computer graphics one of the world's foremost in­ planetary science, and in Jerry system. Often referred to as the University of Chicago. He joined and animation to supplement and il­ novators in the field of computer Wasserburg we have a scientist of Nobel Prize ofthe "other" sciences Caltech in 1955 as assistant profes­ lustrate the scientific material and animation. outstanding international reputation (astronomy, biosciences, geoscien­ sor of geology, became appointed portions of both the text and film "Beyond the Mechanical to represent the division," said Dr. ces, and mathematics), the Cra­ associate professor in 1959 and sequences have been used for this Universe" is produced by the Cali­ Goldberger. "Weare certain that he foord Prize of $190,000 was pre­ professor of geology and geophy­ term's Physics lb. fornia Institute of Technology and will bring the same energy and sented to Dr. Wasserburg by King sics in 1962. He was named Mac­ Since its first airing in 1985, the Southern California Consor­ commitment to his role as chair­ Carl Gustav of Sweden in a cere­ Arthur Professor of Geology and "The Mechanical Universe" has ap­ tium, and is funded by the An­ man that he has brought to his 31 mony at the Academy on 24 Geophysics in 1982. peared on public television stations nenberg/CPB project. years of research as a member of September. the Caltech faculty." Dr. Wasserburg's recent honors Dr. Wasserburg is the John D. include the U.S. Senior Scientist MacArthur Professor of Geology Award, the Wollaston Medal ofthe and Geophysics and director of the Geological Society of London, the J. Lawrence Smith Medal of the Treasurer Bylaws Changes Proposed Lunatic Asylum, a world­ renowned research center for the National Academy ofSciences, and The following amendments to Article XIV (Publications) of the ASCIT study of moon rocks, meteorites, the Harry H. Hess Medal of the bylaws will be voted on at the general election on February 2. What the and dust from interplanetary space. American Geophysical Union, all Hopefuls amendments change from current practice is shown in bold type. The He is internationally recognized for presented in 1985. He will receive first two proposals push the date for assuming office back about a month his pioneering research in the fields the Holmes Medal ofthe European ff for two appointed positions to allow the newly elected Board of Directors of isotope geology and planetary Union of Geosciences in April of Run 0 time to appoint them. The third simplifies the method for splitting adver­ tising commissions between the Business Manager and Editor of the Tech. Hitlin, Schwarz Fellows Proposed Amendment #1 SECTION 11. The Editor of the California Tech takes office at the beginning of [CNB] - Dr. David Hitlin and Dr. believed to be tlte fundamental con­ -Vote Today the corporate fiscal year; the Business Manager of the California Tech takes office John Schwarz ofCaltech have been stituent of matter. at the beginning of third term; ... [remainder of section unchanged] elected Fellows of the American Dr. Schwarz is professor of Vote today for your favorite can­ Physical Society (APS), an honor theoretical physics. He was elected didate for ASCIT treasurer. The Proposed Amendment #2 conferred annually upon a select an APS Fellow for his fundamen­ following candidates made the SECTION 13. The Publications Darkroom Chairman is responsible for maintain­ number of scientists for outstand­ tal role in the development of run-off: ing the publications darkroom, authorizing persons to use the facilities, and filing ing and innovative research in the superstring theory, the first viable Paul Brewer negatives for the use of the publications. He will receive a salary of one hundred physical sciences. The two physi­ candidate for the long-sought uni­ Jeff Flint fifty dollars ($150) for the year's work. He takes office at the beginning of cists were elected APS Fellows in fied field theory that accounts for Thu Le third term. Circle the candidate of your December of 1986. all the laws and phenomena of Proposed Amendment #3 Dr. Hitlin, professor of physics. choice (on the ballot; not here, physics, was named a Fellow for Dr. Hitlin received his B.A., dummy) and/or cross off your least SECTION 8(a). [beginning of subsection unchanged] ... The net commission will be distributed as follows: two-thirds (2/3) will go to the Business Manager and M.A. and Ph.D. from Columbia preferred. his studies of the role of weak one-third (lh) will go to the Editor. forces in the decay of elementary University in 1963, 1965 and 1968 particles containing charmed and respectively. He joined the Caltech strange heavy quarks. Quarks are continued on pa2e 7 2THE CALIFORNIA TECH FRIDAY 30 JANUARY 1987 I LETTERS--II~--OPINION ---II mation.) The Soviets will end their From the Editors Splitting the elections may give Intelligent Life? self-imposed testing moratorium a loser in the first contest the op­ after the first U. S. test of 1987, portunity to seek another office To the Editors: which is scheduled for February 5. No Need For Two Elections (note that this has affected only one "Graffiti" that I've had the The alternative to continued person during the trial period for chance to notice in the South weapons testing is a Comprehen­ Two years ago it was decided The most obvious effect of this the split procedure). But this seems Houses gives me the reassuring, sive nuclear Test Ban (CTB), to hold the elections for ASCIT procedure has been to double the scant justification either to bother warm feeling that balanced, in­ which has been the avowed goal of president and treasurer two weeks work of the election chairmen and the entire campus with two elec­ telligent life really does exist in the every president from Eisenhower earlier than the other officers. The to inconvenience the rest of the stu­ tions or to stagger the new govern­ universe. Ho. In LA yet! to Carter. Unfortunately, the split election was in effect an ex­ dent body with two contests. Yet ment. Hope you don't lose it. Reagan administration opposes a periment, to see whether the tran­ no effect on the transition has been The Board of Directors should Sincerely, CTB. It gives two reasons, neither sition between the incoming and evident- new officers have learned propose a single election for all the -Someone From Lab of which is valid, for this outgoing elected members would from the old regardless ofwhen the ASCIT offices open to a general opposition: be smoother. new were elected. vote. 1) Verification. This is no Happy At Work longer an issue. Through a scien­ tific exchange program, the Soviets To the Editors: have let American scientists set up We are writing in regard ofthe manned seismic monitoring sta­ letter that was written two weeks tions in the U.S.S.R., which would ago and ofJan. 19, 1987. We, the detect any nuclear tests. Progress Outa-Dis-World present employees of Gary Hin­ is now being made in allowing the THE CALIFORNIA TECH doyan feel that the people who have Soviets to do the same on by Gumby hostages (something we'd never do, Volume LXXXVIII • Number 15 written the past letters did not have American soil. This is a true story. just ask the Western Allies) Israel 30 January 1987 the correct information. As em­ 2) Reliability. Some argue that It begins in Tokyo when the says, "We've been selling weapons ployees we are treated very fairly weapons testing is necessary to en­ Prime Minister of Japan tells the to the Iranians (who want to wipe EDITORS IN FACT and as equal as anyone else. One sure that existing weapons are Prime Minister of Iran that the Israel off the face ofthe earth, right Ken Haynes • Michael Keating will never find an employer who reliable. In fact, most testing is President of the United States after Iraq) for years. Why don't we Jennifer Low runs a business as Gary has in the done on new weapons, not existing thanks him for Iran's assistance in get the U.S. to provide the EDITORS IN OBLIVION past as well as in the future. ones. The blueprints still exist for obtaining the release of four weapons that we'll deliver? In ex­ Jens Peter Altke • Josh Kurutz We quote the letter of Jan. 19. the bombs we have manufactured hostages in Lebanon. The Prime change we'll get U.S. hostages out ENTERTAINMENT EDITOR "Employees were in fear oflosing in the past. If we truly desire a Minister of Iran says to tell the of Beirut and Congress will have Jens Peter Altke their jobs if they complained." As reliable arsenal, we can simply President of the United States that to stop bitching at us for selling INTERIM PHOTO EDITOR employees we have never had a dismantle existing old bombs and Iran would be willing to get a arms to Iran." Yea, that's the plan! Joey Francis communication problem with Mr. build new ones according to whole plane-load ofhostages out of They forgot that the U.S. and Iran SPORTS EDITOR Hindoyan. Mr. Hindoyan has al­ original specifications. Beirut as a gesture of good faith in don't like each other very much. Steve Bard ways comrpomised with our needs The alternative question is exchange for all the weapons and The Plot Thickens... ANNOUNCEMENTS as well as his own. "Why support a CTB?" First ofall, spare-parts that Iran had bought Josh Kurutz If there is such thing as "food a CTB represents the first step in from the U.S. before The Hostage Enter an ex-officer in the Shah's REPORTERS abuse" Gary Hindoyan would not halting the arms race. With the Crisis and that have since been sit­ secret police and a Saudi Arabian Huy Cao • Esteban Gomez be the successful business man that super powers no longer concen­ ting in American warehouses. The ziIIionaire. They tell the U.S. that John Haba • Amanda Heaton he is today. trating their efforts on building new U. S. could not do that as it was they'll arrange the deal and finance Maneesh Jain. Dave Lomax In conclusion, if there are true nuclear weapon systems, they can against the law. We had to do it for a percentage of the profits. Glenn Tesler complaints why don't the people concentrate on finding ways to something else. Now the U.S. had to figure how to PHOTOGRAPHERS complaining face the man in reduce the existing nuclear sell weapons to Iran (which is Shubber Ali • Steve Bard charge? arsenals. Secondly, a CTB will What??? against the law) without the proper Joey Francis • Chris Meisl Sincerely, prevent the development of paper end-user certificates or Kent Noble • Glenn Tesler - Cathy Fallahsafa destabilizing new 'Third Genera­ Attention: Before reading fur­ something (which is against the THE INSIDE WORLD Aristin Bean tion' nuclear weapons such as ad­ ther fasten your seat-belts, ex­ law) and not let anyone know. Blacker: Alex Wei Secretaries ofGary Hindoyan vanced neutron bombs and tinguish all smoking material, and Robert McFarlane, ofthe National Dabney: Al Petterson hydrogen bombs desinged to con­ put your seat-trays in their full Security Council, remembers that Fleming: Steve McAdams centrate their energy on small upright and locked position. he has this Lt. Col. North in the Lloyd: Keith Owens, Brian Patterson and John Wiltse Nuke-Free World targets. Finally, if you support a While the U.S. was trying to basement ofthe White House who Page: Marc Gladstein CTB treaty you will be in good figure out how to trade weapons for continued on page 5 and Dean Wilber company. Both the Senate and the Ricketts: Sam Weaver House of Representatives have and Lisa LePome To the Editors: passed resolutions calling for a Ruddock: Betsy Andrews On August 6, 1985, the CTB, and opinion polls show that PASADENA U.S.S.R. unilaterally stopped its a majority ofthe American public BUSINESS MANAGERS testing of nuclear weapons. Since favors a test ban. TRANSMISSION David Goldreich then, the U.S. has conducted over The time to stop nuclear testing Gavin Claypool 18 nuclear tests. In fact, since 1945 is now, before the Soviets end their AUTOMATIC TRANSMISSION SPECIALISTS the U. S. has conducted more moratorium. It is time for the PRODUCTION nuclear tests-830-than the rest of Reagan administration to 'just say Free estimates Towing available Mike Klein • Gaylon Lovelace the world combined - 808. no' to a continued arms race. Josh™ Susser. Nick Smith (Source: Center for Defense Infor- - Ann Terese Heil 26 N. Hill (at Colorado) (818) 792-6104 Glenn Tesler EDITOR-IN-TRANSIT 10% discount to all Caltech students and faculty Jay Lieske

THE CALIFORNIA TECH Greg Susca SELF-SERVICE visit our new locatlon/ 107-51 Winnett Student Center California Institute of Technology Kinko's Pasadena, California 91125 Painting and Wallcovering COPIES Phone: [818] 356-6154 Glendale Published weekly except during ex­ Interior and Exterior amination and vacation periods by the I 5C I 441 N. Brand Blvd. Associated Students of the Califomia Glendale Institute of Technology, Inc. (but (818) 249-5646 primarily by the Editors). The opin­ klnko's copies (818) 500-1811 ions expressed herein are strictly License #456757 those of the authors and do not Open 24 Hours Special discounts to Caltech community NOW OPENI necessarily reflect those of the SEVEN DAYS A WEEK (but not 24 hours) Editors. Letters and announcements are welcome. All contributions should in­ ASCIT FRIDAY NIGHT MOVIE Copies beyond belief from state-of-the-art clude the author's name and phone Xerox copiers for great-looking flyers, newsletters, number and the intended date of JOSEPH E. LEVINE ACADEMY publication. The Editors reserve the "-'s.fN'S --~, brochures, theses, reports, and resumes. right to abridge and edit letters for ex­ MIKE NICHOLS AWARD pediency, literacy, or for any other LAWRENCE TURMAN \ WINNER Print quality and incredible speed at prices / damn reason they feel like. So there. BEST ,/ '" DIRECTOR that will astound you! Turn in copy (preferably on an IBM­ ,.., MIKE NICHOLS compatible, WordStar-formatted 1967 floppy disk) to the Tech office mailbox, room 107 Winnett. The deadline for copy is Wednesday at 5PM; for announcements, Tuesday at THE 5PM. Late copy may not be printed unless prior arrangements have been -GRADUATE made with the editors. Subscription requests should be directed to the atten­ & 827 E. Colorado Blvd. tion of the business manager. Rates are $3.00 per term, BAXTER LECTURE HALL 7:30 10:00 p.m. $8.00 per annum (three terms), $100 per life (many terms) . $1 for ASCIT members $1.50 for others Pasadena Printed by News-Type Service, Glendale, California ISSN 0008-1582 NEXT WEEK: Casino Royale (818)793-6336 THE CALIFORNIA TECH FRIDAY 30 JANUARY 19873 Ir------.------OPINION------1 t~;~:n)~~~y~~J~~kelto~::~het~~ They Are first hand, it has been posted in Phl·ll·ppl·nes Mess Beeb Free front of a Lloyd room for the last few weeks. by Maneesh Jain will seriously impair support tor by Huy Can o The ad brings up the question The semi-anarchic state of the their insurgency. Similarly, right The SOVIet Union has stopped N t Tech of whether these companies can Philippines has lately deteriorated. wing politicians find the prospect jamming the Russian-language by D. C. Current legitimately use "Caltech" so As the military commanders under ofthe approval ofthe Constitution radio transmissions of the British There's a company around misleadingly. Undoubtedly they General Ramos thwarted an at­ and the resultant guarantee ofa six Broadcasting Corporation. The which has been selling what ap­ can. During one of my phone­ tempted pro-Marcos coup by rebel year Presidential term for Aquino reason, said a Soviet spokesman, pears to be a bogus electric neck­ book-reading sessions (notice how troops nearly all of President unacceptable. Leftist leaders fear is so cultural'and information ex­ lace. The product is called the ugly and awkward the hyphens are) Aquino's cabinet joined about she might introduce new foreign changes can be encouraged be­ "Pulsar Energy Crystal." I found a whole list of Caltech's. 15,000 militant leftists who staged elements into the government. tween the two countries. A BBC The necklace was promoted in This was the Orange County white a march to protest last week's kill­ Thus, Aquino's government is spokesman welcomed the cessation the October 26, 1986 issue ofBuf­ pages, and I don't doubt that there ings of 19 peasant demonstrators. struggling to survive as it is buf- of the jamming. falo Magazine. This is how it sup­ are other Caltech's in southern The peasants' group, Farmers feted from the left and the right. BBC also expressed the hope posedly works: "A solar cell in the California. Movement of the Philippines In her ousting of former de- that the relaxation can be extend­ pendant generates half a volt of Ifit were up to me, I'd organize demanded a sweeping program of fense minister Enrile two months ed to BBC's Polish-language electricity, positive on one side and an organization to combat this sort land reforms which are necessary ago, Aquino seemed to have creat- transmissions as well. The jam­ negative on the other. This elec­ of thing: The Committee Against in the Philippines where 2%ofthe ed maneuvering room. But now ming was started six years ago dur­ tricity is absorbed into your body misLeading unTough and Easy people own 1,4 ofthe land. The kill­ she is again in a tight spot with ing the rise of Poland's now­ via the gold-plated chain." Consumers unHappy (abbreviated ing of the demonstrators has widespread violence and a tenuous outlawed Solidarity trade union. The manufacturer claims that CALTECH). plunged the Aquino government in­ hold on the stability of the nation. Other broadcasts from America the necklace makes you feel good to a deep crisis and the President Although she is likely to secure a and the West will continue to be because "the juice neutralizes the personally ordered her cabinet to six year term following the plebis- jammed because they broadcast harmful effects of positive ions in join the march in a shrewd move cite, the young leader will have to "biased information," said the Germany use all her prowess and wit to sur- Soviet spokesman. Jamming of the environment," but hastens to to defuse the mounting tension and add that "nobody has proved this," by Huy Cao ire. vive the afflictions that continue to Western radio broadcasts began in and that it's "just a theory." Despite his party's worst show­ The killings, considering their plague her. the late 1940's. That isn't what is surprising ing since 1949, Chancellor Kohl's unprecedented violence and blood­ about this add, because there are conservative coalition won a shed, have struck a potent blow to lots of bogus products. So what is parliamentary majority which will Aquino's image. These events have IENTERTAINMENTI shocking? keep it in power four more years. been especially injurious to her The manufacturer is Cal-Tech Helmut Kohl's Christian since she needs all the support she Labs in San Diego! Democrats, in a coalition with the can get for Monday's coming con­ Folks, these pseudo-scientists centrist Free Democrats, captured stitutional plebiscite (to replace the Beastie Boys Cheerfully Rude are using the Caltech™ name in 53.4 percent of the vote and 266 of constitution she scrapped last by Peter Alfke besides their race that the Beasties vain! They have the nerve to the 496 seats in the lower house of March). The coming referendum is have that differentiate them from charge $20 for a fake product in Parliament. in fact the cause of the recent Licensed To III the rest ofthe rap genre. First, they our name! , Nevertheless, the results were unrest. Aquino's adversaries are The Beastie Boys are obnoxious as all hell. Ar­ Worst ofall, they got our name disappointing for the coalition. The making the best of the opportunity DeC Jam Records rogance has always been a part of wrong! Many people mistakenly Christian Democrats dropped by to tarnish her image and possibly rap, with each crew detailing their write "Cal Tech," but these guys more than four percentage points remove her. The opposition wants Lovely Thunder superiority over everything in ex­ have the audacity to soil our proud from their showing in the 1983 to derail the charter for various Harold Budd istence. But it took the Beastie name with a hyphen. Yuk! elections, and opinion polls had reasons. Communist leaders fear Editions E.G. Boys to brag about getting thrown Something, indeed anything, predicted a much greater margin of that free elections and the conse­ out of a White Castle hamburger must be done to stop this great in- continued on page 4 quent establishment of Congress Are the Beastie Boys the Elvis stand. They don't take themselves of rap? Are they the white boys seriously in the least, they're cheer­ who will take a black sound and fully lewd, rude and crude, a make it safe for the masses? Well, parent's nightmare, in the best no. Run-DMC certainly didn't tradition of rock stars. And seem to have any trouble getting y'know, in the midst of eloquence IBM Xl CLONE $889 airplay this year, and only lack of and social commentary, one really PRICE INCLUDES: 2 Floppies,Monochrome Monitor money (mine) prevented their Rais­ needs the occasional hymns to 640K RAM, MS-DOS 3.2, GW Basic ing Hell from making my list. beer, girls and partying. There are, however, two big things Ifthat sounds like heavy metal, LEADING EDGE MODEL "0" IBM AT Compatible CALL continued on page 4 8MHz CPU Speed 2 Floppies...... $1090 IBM XT 286 Compatible CALL 1 Floppy 20MB $1495 8MHz CPU Speed 1 Floppy 30MB $1595 Toshiba P321 $469.00 PRICE INCLUDES: Citizen Premier 35 $469.00 SERVING CALTECH 512K RAM, Monochrome Monitor, Leading Edge 1200B $139.00 MS-DOS 3.1, Basic, Word Processor 2400B $279.00 SINCE 1945 PC SYSTEM DESIGN CORPORATION Open Monday-Saturday, 10 a.m.-6 p.m. (Open Sunday, 1-5 p.m. in Pasadena only) Authorized Agents for Airlines, BEVERLY HILLS: 276 S. La Ciene a 213 659-9886 PASADENA: 455 N. Lake 818 792-1391 Hotels and Steamships

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FACULTY, GRAD STUDENTS, ATTEND! 535 SOUTH LAKE AVENUE MONDAYS & TUESDAYS ARE BEER DAYS. HALF PRICE ON BEER. lh BLOCK NORTH OF CALIFORNIA 4THE CALIFORNIA TECH FRIDAY 30 JANUARY 1987 I~ E_N_T_E_R_T_A_I_N_M_EN_T===:::.~-__-.=---_- oj Thriller Starts Right, CALTECH MOVIE CALENDAR

Day Date Time Class Movie location Stumbles to an Ending Mon. 2-2 3-5:00PM H 161 Reed-Insurgent Mexico Baxter Lecture Hall The Bedroom Window action, the movie keeps a swift Mon. 2-2 2:00PM L 105a The Roads of Exil (French) not available Written and directed by Curtis pace, and you may able to ignore Mon. 2-2 7:30PM L 130b Chinesisches Roulette (German) Baxter Lecture Hall Tue. 2-3 7:30PM Hum 103 Lolita 125 Baxter Hanson flaws in the plot. It is harder to be Thu. 2-5 9-11 :OOAM Psy 112 I Never Promised You a Rose Garden 25 Baxter Starring Steve Guttenburg, forgiving at the end where the ac­ Isabelle Huppert, Elizabeth tion (especially the chase scene) is of my faves are completely out of McGovern drawn out and rather predictable. phase with public tastes, for which An adulterous wife sees a Also, characterization becomes I neither damn nor praise them. woman assaulted, almost strangled more important at the end, and Year's Top Albums Sonic Youth make exciting and outside her paramour's apartment. although Guttenberg is called a powerful music that is just too The wife can't go to the police, so "romantic fool" at least twice, it is by Peter Alfke to be old to be classic rock!" And noisy to appeal to many. There are her lover, using her description of hard to believe that he is any more Why do it? Well, first off, thus is wheeled out the latest other obscure bands, of which the the villain, presents himself as an than a nice guy short on brains. because it's something hep rock dinosaur rock and faceless pop, the same can be said, that I don't hap­ eyewitness. Then suspicion, doubt The Bedroom Window is an critics all must do. Secondly, it likes of the "NEW" Genesis, the pen to like. and violence are entangled in the homage to Hitchcock, and many gives me an excuse to review all "NEW" E.L.P., and of course But there are several albums on thriller, which seems to work un­ critics have already remarked on those great albums that came out Meet-the-new-Boston-Same-as- my list that, in a perfect til the end. the play ofallusions to "Suspicion," last year that I didn't get around to the-old-Boston. Who says the world,should have sold millions of The characters are all familiar "Rear Window," "Vertigo," "Psy­ right away. ~------1 types, so there's no need to estab­ cho," and especially "North by But primarily, I'm listing my lish motivation, and the movie can Northwest." The movie's end is a fave records of '86 in response to IThe Twelve Best Albums of 1986: move quickly to the more impor­ disappointment, however, ·not be­ the vast numbers of people who (Presented In Purely Alphabetical Order) tant action. Steve Guttenberg plays cause Hanson fails to imitate Hitch­ think there's no more good music a nice guy attracted to his boss's cock, but because he does not allow being made anymore. True, the wife (Isabelle Huppert). Huppert is his talent for a swift enjambment Top 40 is shit. So are KROQ's and Licensed to Ill, the Beastie Boys excellent as a stolid bitch and of scenes to continue to the conclu­ KLOS's virtual Top 40's. Record Lovely Thunder, Harold Budd serves as a foil for Elizabeth sion. The review would not be company executives and radio pro­ Victorialand, Cocteau Twins -McGovern, who plays a working­ complete without remarking on the grammers are steering straight class girl, the initial victim of the dazzling performance of Isabel down the middle of the Human Frailty, Hunters and Collectors rapist. Keating. road,delivering unto us such gar­ Happy Head, the Mighty Lemon Drops So long as the focus is on the -R.E. & G.S. bage as Lionel Richie, Mr. Mister, Le Mystere des Voix Bulgares and Chicago. Parade, Prince Small wonder that most of Graceland, Paul Simon Concerts are Coming those who aren't habitually glued to EVOL, Sonic Youth MTV or KIIS-FM have beat a by Pete Alfke understandable. How about next shrieking retreat to the haven Manic Pop Thrill, That Petrol Emotion What's this? Nothing to do this Thursday? of'Classic Rock", a retro format Giant, the Woodentops week (other than work)? Well, you At 8PM on Thursday, February consisting of just what AOR sta­ Skylarking, XTC may not have noticed, but there are 5, the Tannahill Weavers will ap­ tions have been playing for the last ~------~ several concerts scheduled for the pear in Beckman Auditorium. fifteen years, with any troublesome seventies are dead? copies. They're accessible. They're next few days, right here on cam­ The Tannahill Weavers (Roy new material excised. After a Nonetheless, the music scene is fun. They're everything rock'n'roll pus. That's right, no excuses about Gullane, Phile Smillie, lain MacIn­ bilious glance at the Top Ten, not stagnant. A small amount of should be, but a handful ofguys in transportation. They're all fairly nes, Ross Kennedy and Stuart blasts from the past like Led Zep­ scraping through the scum at the suits think they're not what the peo­ cheap, so no excuses about money. Morison) combine traditional pelin, Pink Floyd and Yes seem top ofthe charts will disclose a lot ple want. So my objective here is Ifyou miss these, it's only because melodies on pipes and flutes with good indeed. Many of the groups ofexcellent and innovative music. to bring these sounds to your atten­ you're being a sodden lump. rhythms on guitar and bouzouki, played on KLSX were genuinely Sometimes you don't even have to tion. At least two people went out First, in Ramo Auditorium on resulting in what you might call innovative in their time; trouble is, scrape that hard; three of the and bought the Woodentops' album Saturday night at 8:00PM, there's Scottish folk music. that time was 1975. Not that albums on my list made it to the up­ because of my review; if that hap­ Tapestry. Tapestry is not just a The Tannahill Weavers formed everything KLSX plays is old: as per reaches ofpublic consciousness pens with the other albums listed wall hanging. Tapestry is the name in Paisley, Scotland, and are nam­ one deejay put it, "it doesn't have despite being good. The rest? Some here I'll be happy. ofa group that combines music and ed after the town's reknowned drama to capture the spirit of 16th weaving industry and local poet directly from the original Boys rummaged through nothing and 17th century England. Robert Tannahill. They have pro­ Beasties songs,find completely original uses but Zeppelm; astute ears will notice Harpsichordist Laurette duced several records, including from paee 3 here .. Look espeCIally tor "Ocean" some Clash, Creedence Clearwater Goldperg, sopranos Anna Carol the appropriately-named The Tan­ you're not too far off. But the and, "Custard Pie". (Those clever Revival, the theme to "Mister Ed", Dudfey and Judith Nelson,and ac­ nahill Weavers, which won the Beastie Boys are utterly devoid of Beasties use only halfthe "Ocean" and God knows what else. tress Rella Lossy use dramatic Scotstar Award for record of the the pretension and bombast that riff, inducing a "waiting for the There is, also, more than just scenes and music to offer a year. make metal basically worthless. other shoe to drop" feeling in any metal to the Beasties' madness; humorous look at an opulent Caltech student prices for this Difference Number Two is that Zeppelinhead.) In addition, the other songs range from relatively century. show are $6.25-5.00-3.75; Caltech they do, however, use a lot of beat to the appropriately-named pure rap ("Hold It Now, Hit It") to Actress Lossy, the artistic student rush tickets are $6.00 on righteous power-chord guitar riffs, "Rhymin' and Stealin' " is a tape­ bouncy music-hall sexism ("Girls") director of Tapestry, has taught, the day ofthe show (2 rush tickets and both "Fight For Your Right loop of the drum track to "When to Chicano rap with horns ("Slow directed, choreographed and per­ per student I. D.). (To Party)" and "No Sleep 'Till the Levee Breaks". Not that the Ride"). continued on page 11 formed in radio and theater produc­ Faculty and staff advance ticket Brooklyn" are even mixtures ofrap tions in the San Francisco Bay prices are $10.50-8.00-5.50. and metal that should warm (or is area. She creates the scripts for TECHTIX will be sold on Feb. 5 that chill?) any headbanger's heart. Tapestry, based on extensive to faculty and staff from noon to And the Beasties know what research here and in England. 4:30 for $6.25-5.00-3.75. they're doing when they shop for Harpsichordist Goldberg, the Surely you're not already book- riffs - they go right to the master, music director, has performed in namely Jimmy Page. Various Led Europe, Israel and Australia. She continued on page 7 Zeppelin guitar licks, spliced is head of the baroque program at the San Francisco Conservatory of Music and is on the faculty of the University of California at earc Berkeley. for "COMPUTER srUFF1" Soprano Nelson, widely known in Europe as a leading interpreter :::: ·\a\· ofbaroque music, is also a member of the Concerto Vocale, a record :S~C$199°o: prize-winning ensemble. Soprano Dudley, a graduate of Ready to Assemble . LAEMMLE THEATRES .the Oberlin Conservatory of . Re . 5231 00 • Music, is noted for her perfor­ ·.R\\;9 ..... mances of20th century music, and has sung under the direction of ESQUIRE COLORADO some ofthe foremost conductors of 2670 E. Colorado Blvd. 2588 E. Colorado Blvd. our time. Caltech student tickets are (818) 793-6149 (818) 796-9704 priced at $7.50 in advance; rush ------tickets go on sale tomorrow for $6.00 (with student I.D.; limit 2 Maggie Smith per I.D.). Caltech facultY and staff David Lynch's may purchase TECHTIX for $7.50 in tomorrow from noon to 4:30PM at fI. SJlUS .81S' 449-1590 the Caltech Ticket Office. 2341 E. Foothill Blvd. Pasadena BLUE VELVET ROOM WITH A VIEW So, you've already made plans 1 block VVest of Sierra Madre for tomorrow night? A pity, but Computer Furniture & Accessories Home-Office THE CALIFORNIA TECH FRIDAY 30 JANUARY 19875 11-----OPINION-~I The Inside World 2. The CIA used this money to it before we sent it. Bwa-ha-ha! That's a knee-slapper, ain't it? Blacker: The Blacker Reader Contra-gate pay the Pentagon for the weapons. Vol. I, No.2, 1987. A Free Press publication. All rights reserved. Any reproduc­ Since it was the CIA doing the pur­ 15. The shit hit the fan. tion of this publication must be approved by the editors. Copyright 1987. For a free from page 2 chasing they charged half price. Reagan said he didn't know. copy, send 50C and a stamped, self-addressed mailing tube to: Blacker Reader, 1201 E. California Blvd., Pasadena, CA 91126 is already doing all kinds of secret 3. The weapons were "pur­ .The rest of his Cabinet said he (and possibly illegal) stuff. "Ollie chased" from U.S. Army bases in didn't know and they didn't either. Debauchery Rampages Tbrough Blacker House CANNES-Just will do it, he'll do anything!" Alabama, Texas, Italy, and Even Casey, Director of the CIA, last weekend, non-stop partying spread throughout the house like an epidemic. The first says he didn't know. You would signs appeared on Friday night when a disgruntled Bibi Jentoft-Nilsen said in a loud Ollie, Dewey, and Louie Turkey. think he had a brain tumor or voice, "I want a party." Wine coolers and mixed drinks provided by one of Blacker's 4. The weapons were flown to bartenders were sampled by various house members, the favorites being the Midori So, Ollie and this CIA guy, Portugal (?) where the Israelis something. This is confusing and daiquiri, various laced ice cream shakes, and what can only be termed as "the Big Stick." Dewey, opened a bank account in picked them up and flew them on silly. Either Reagan knew what The Cannes party spread as other houses were drawn in onto the sleeping porch and Switzerland. Ollie (Field Marshal to Israel then to Iran. was going on, broke the law, and danced to such big names as English Beat and B-52's. The drinking and dancing did North in the Pentagon) was in lied; or he's just stupid. I've always not subside until early morning. The Cannes debacle was succeeded the following evening as alumni Dave Agabra believed he was just stupid. finance and accounting, and Dewey 5. The volume of weapons brought into the lounge cups, ice, and a keg. The Thumper syndrome quickly caught was in purchasing and transport. became so large the Israelis had to If I was President I'd have a on, requiring more than one table. The tempo increased as the keg and its partakers You see, Ollie had already set up hire a Danish freighter to carry the simple solution to all the world's trekked to the Fleming dining hall, attracting several beer-loving Flems. Unfortunately, a system to move money to arms to Iran. To cover their tracks ills. I'd write a letter. not all of Fleming was pleased with the sudden intrusion, and resorted to conventional washing and showering. Fighting for their right to party, the besotted Moles et. al. returned Nicaragua (really Honduras and the freighter brought pistachios to their lounge and killed the keg. Things for now have returned to normal, but it is Costa Rica) to support the "contra back from Iran. Dear (insert world leader's name), only a matter of time before a wave of screaming, dancing, and getting plastered strikes freedom fighters" (who are really 6. After four trips the pistachio The United States apologizes again. Somocista ex-National guardsmen, market in Israel collapses. for(insert specific problem, for ex­ you know, the guys who shoot 7. Iran sends a check for the ample, to Chile, 'assassinating your Personals Please send all 'Personals' entries to: Blacker Reader, 1201 E. California American newsmen at roadblocks). goods to Israel. popularly elected president and Blvd., Pasadena CA 90045. All entries become property of the Blacker Reader. The money came from the King of 8. Israel sends it back and supporting a crazy general,' etc.) Single Hybrid Male wants to get acquainted with Caucasian females of few morals Saudi Arabia and the Sultan of reminds the Iranians the deal was and would be willing to negotiate in twosies or threesies. Non-Catholic sisters are OK. Please reply with group picture Brunei, around 700 million dollars. for hostages. a mutually agreeable settlement. to Reader #2. You see, Congress made it illegal Your end ofthe deal is to quit caus­ Oriental Female, 5', professional type, seeks athletic white man who doesn't ask questions. Brad Scott need not apply. Respond to Reader #12. to give money to the contras, so the 9. Iran gets the lunatics in ing problems. If you continue to Reagan Administration had to get Lebanon to release two hostages. make life difficult, I'll have my Snow White, Where Are You? Seven lonely guys remember good times with female pal, especially at drinking parties. Please respond with symbol and second symbol to the money from someplace. 10. Iran sends money to grandchildren (ifthere are any left) Reader #76. Everybody but Ali Baba is in this Switzerland. write your grandchildren and Nerds Wanted by clinical psychology research group. No therapy or drugs; obser­ story, except there are more than 11. The investors take their cut apologize for my nuking the shit vation of subject in natural environment and forced social conditions. Must have a GPA 40 thieves. Nobody knew about plus comission. out of you. of 3.9 or more and wear glasses. Apply with photo and transcript to Reader #239. this until the arms-far-hostages 12. Since there is a large - Sincerely, blah, blah. deal was discovered later. Then amount of money left over, they forgot about it. because of a 200% mark-up, Ollie The first place I'd vaporize Call Me arex: sound psychiatric advice from Arex Wei, J.B.S. Dewey had to get the weapons. and Dewey (and probably Ronnie) would be Beirut. I'd give the people All material sent to 'Dear arex' becomes property ofArex Wei. Submit personal pro­ Here's how the CIA gets weapons. decide to send the rest to the two weeks to split and call the Rus­ blems to: Dear arex, 1-60, California Institute of Technology. Readers of the Blacker Go to an Army base and whisper, cpntras. sians up and tell them that they can Reader acknowledge the right to print any or all submissions without fear of criminal charges or lawsuits. "How many TOW missles you test their anti-missle systems over got?" The Army guy asks, 13. Ollie and McFarlane go to Beirut if they want. I guess this is Dear arex, "Why'd'ya wanna know?" Whisper Iran with Irish passports. They what they mean when they talk a­ I have a problem. It regards my friend, Margi (not her real name). Her boyfriend, a stern reply like, "None of you bring with them a cake shaped like bout the peaceful use of the atom. Nathan (also not a real name) seems to be showing excessive interest in me of late. damn business!" (Remember to a key, a promise ofa Colt .45 pistol Whenever we are alone together, he insists on displaying his bare bronze buttocks for me to see. What can I do to divert this unwanted attention? whisper, that's the most important for each high-ranking Iranian (after -Not Gay in 5A! part). The Army guy smiles and all our armed forces now use an Germany Dear Not Gay, says, "Need-to-know, huh?" Nod Italian 9 mm, and we need to do Don't be overly sensitive to this open behavior. Your friend's friend is trying to ex­ your head and give a disgusted look something with 70 jillion used Colt from page 3 press through body language his interest to discuss things face to face. In fact, by respon­ ding in kind, you will not only impress him with the milk-white pureness of your under­ at him. "OK, I'll have 500 TOW .45's), and a Bible signed by none victory for them. By contrast, the skin, but it will also encourage him to open up and reveal his private thoughts. missles in the paper recycling bin other than Ronald Reagan. Why Greens were the big gainers; on the corner of 12th and Euclid at someone sends a Bible to a bunch although they received only 8.3 Dear arex, My neighbor, whom I will only identify as a penguin-toting female, "hits" on every midnight." That is all there is to it. of old Muslim fanatics is beyond percent of the votes, that is a big guy she sees - several times, in fact. Ouch! What can I do to retain the use of my forearm? The money to pay for this came me. I guess the Iranians are sus­ increase over their 1983 result of -Not in the Mood from the Saudi zillionaire and some picious also, their intelligence (?) 5.6 percent. Dear Not in the Mood, Canadian investor friends of his. is examining it very closely. The Kohl Government has ad­ This is a very real problem in society. I myself can recount a situation not so long vocated close relations with the ago when my bruised biceps were the object of much attention. Number One Most Im­ THE PLOT portant Thing: never hit back-it encourages the enthusiastic return of many love taps, 14. The Iranians finally got United States, while the Greens which is exactly what they are, in my expert opinion. I believe that your female friend, tired of playing and "leaked" the take an anti-NATO stance. The like mine, is an unfortunate case of deep sexual repression. By hitting her back, you Here's how the whole scam news to a Lebanese newspaper. strong gain of the Greens will in­ are unwittingly responding positively to what she construes as a displaced sexual ad­ worked. They then enjoyed the joke they sure that sharp criticisms of vance in her subconscious mind; it's no wonder your muscle feels the ache of over-abuse. The best way to stop any further aggressions is to brush aside the superficial behavior 1. Money from some Cana­ pulled on us. We got even though. American foreign policy will con­ and dive into the heart of the matter. Say, "Penguin-toting female, I feel very attracted dians and a Saudi goes to pay for The CIA sent both Iran and Iraq tinue within the West German to you. Will you stop by my room for some orange juice?" Too shocked by this sudden weapons. spy information, but they changed Government. actualization of her pent-up desires, she recoils. I could almost put my personal guarantee on this, but just in case this doesn't work or if the problem gets worse, then a 6" lead pipe casing should be equally effective.

Dear arex, I was riding my bike down the Pacific Coast Highway when some faggoty-ass truck driver runs me over and breaks two of my ribs and my middle finger. The mofo also trashed my wheels and scratched up the bodywork. Can you tell me where I can find replacements for heat-treated aluminum rims and an air brush, too? -Live from New York Dear Live, I am glad to hear that you are OK, but heat-treated aluminum rims are outmoded now-vanadium-plated chrome-moly wheels are in. Sorry, babes.

Dear arex, There is a big blond bruiser whose favorite activity is to terrorize helpless people by tossing machetes in the air and pretending not to catch them as they fall within an uncomfortable radius of the passerby. I would tell him to stop outright, but I am afraid of becoming one of his juggling implements. What can I do to stop this? He's a menace to this community. - Concerned Citizen "A unique restaurant with great food at Dear Concerned, I just happen to know that the one weakness that all blond-haired muscle-brains share a reasonable price. " is a fondness for "art." This is an outlet for them to release their anxieties in; the bigger -ElmerDills, KABC TV the masterpiece, the better. A simple note subtly outlining the various ways his artwork can be defaced should be more than enough leverage to get an amicable arrangement. "Has a nice comfortable patio and Don't go so far as to actually vandalizing his works, though; we wouldn't want any of those delicate neurons in his brain to go 'snap,' especially while he's juggling hazardous ineXPensive cuisine. " devices. - Paul Wallach, Westways MagaZine Dear arex, I have been getting deeply involved with a Boy who has a great personality and is Famous for our Swedish pancakes, very good-looking besides. However, he is subtly hinting that we should get more in­ open-faced sandwiches, fantastic omelets timate. I would like to, but I don't want to seem too "easy." How long can I put him off before one of us bursts from uncontainable passions? and delicious cakes and pastries -Love Toad Dear Love Toad, Open to serve you Monday thru Saturday 7: 30 am-5 pm I can see that personal pride is getting in the way ofyour mutual desires. Ifyou can't find a good compromise, maybe you can arrange a situation where a seeming "oopsie" places you and your friend in an undeniably accidental but satisfying union. For instance, Join us Sundays you and your beau go on a picnic in the woods; when walking along the side of the lake, you trip and fall in. To rescue you, he must also jump in. The cold water excites your skin, your thin blouse clings to your body, and you are in his arms - you can take 8am-4pm care of the rest, right? For more explicit and completely true happenings, I recommend the letters section in any issue of Penthouse. 25 years in Pasadena' Dear arex, My son spends too much time thinking about girls and not enough time doing his Reservations accepted • Me a;nd Visa accepted school work. I can tell by the way he sprints to the phone every time it rings whenever 230 S. Lake Ave., Pasadena, 81~792-8044 he is at home. I'm also worried that he drinks too much, doesn't get enough sleep, wastes

acres offree parking' continued on page 6 6THE CALIFORNIA TECH FRIDAY 30 JANUARY 1987

50111' Of (/5 Wfflf IWf{fJfKIIY& I WHRT7 I IKIW ~R /?tlf1MIC£ WITH liXll [ 115K€lJ HeR IF MY i:JI?ANOll/ 15 IXIMIIY& IIlON&. !!OI?Y T1/1iWe:!? I€R av... 5Hf 5I11t? II/./.. 5He /1NP {J(J yO(!KJImI WII/{ff (J(ffOf" II !.CVIil? More Inside World WHllr~511Ip? flHY51C1//./..Y IIRf 'tl1'5 7lJ KI55 IINP II 5fI01JU?O? 7lJ CRY ON. " from page 5 \ his money, and spends too much time reading and writing trash articles like yours. How can! get him back on the right track so that he will be a good boy again? -Mom Dear Mom, Not to worry. He's probably just passing through a phase. Just continue being as supportive and understanding as you can, and always bring home-cooked meals every time you visit. And by the way, I always hit the hay before one. Love, arex

Dabney: Lots of numbers, both great and terrible. Twenty-two or 6 to 1. Five hun­ dred. (Tuesday). One and twenty. Forty-three. 60 or 5 to 1. Seventeen or 2.4 to 1. Thir­ R/i:JHT ty-nine to twenty. And lest we forget, seven. (A salute to the sacrifice of the seven of one and the three of twenty, humans of the stars.) Locally, KFH and dBOB got high - 30' more than the rest -last Saturday. "A" sick I Darb. Six-foot submarines holding up mountains. Bikes and Mikes and "1"'s and the maze. But too few frosh? Not this Saturday. Very few upperclassones at dinner Friday, heh heh. Lime jello and leather teddys. Now she says "Furry?" but means not -I think she's practically a snake-better watch it-that or a whale. Hot tubs 'n' records 'n' scurves 'n' moles 'n' clean the hot tub, frosh! Lots of flakes of skin and skins of flakes and drunk belly dancers and their glasses. Every sophomore drinks in the triple. Mmin. HC!. Good stuff. Altered states and up too lates-("Three A.M. Start 139 yet?" "Nah.") and pH meet­ hers (Yep. They ogle. Hike good, boo.) init(frosh)-3! hrs. (Read at lunch.) - 'it"

Fleming: Here's a list of the new officers: Prez - Catanzaro Veep-Vazquez Secretary - Slovik Treasurer- Damage, in a narrow victory over NO, so if you have any problems stay away from me because I don't have to be nice to you anymore. Farsome Devia's attack on the Super Bowl didn't quite get off the ground as well as expected. But that just means that there will be impressive halftime shows during Interhouse football season. Oh yeah, Francis called the sperm bank. Randy Brown can give! (but Bradley ScOtt can not). Bill Gray says, "why not get paid for something I already do for free?" Congrats to Jeff Tekanic, ASCIT Dictator. Brian Hayes is Batman. Laura has her underwear. -AI Fansome

Lloyd: So many people look to our column for advice each week for advice and guidance, that we decided to add a feature called "Ask the Hicks."

Dear Hicks, Is it true that people from Nebraska are immune to chicken pox, but can spread it to others? -Curious Dear Curious, Not chicken pox. The rumor you are thinking of refers to com root worm. Stay away from people from Nebraska unless you had this disease as a kid.

Dear Hicks, What is sodomy? -A Little Girl from Indiana Dear L.G.F.!., Ask a Flem.

Dear Hicks, I have a problem. I can't seem to get the Blacker women to stop chasing me. I run away and they chase me and I have to hide in the library. Once, one forced me to go to the Coffeehouse with her. Please help me. I don't know what to do. -Irresistible This is the Inside World, not Fantasy Island, EarL

Dear Hicks, What if you have to put out the entire stupid 256-page yearbook for wages of about fifty cents an hour? What ifyour roommate ...says that your eyes are too round? What do you do if you're grade point average is lower than the price of gasoline? ... What if you're almost broke, and your family's not doing much better? What if your car has no insurance and runs about as often as Page House hosts a CLAGS meeting? ... What would you do if Warren Emery called you on the phone at least six times a day? .. And ifyour favorite music is rap, yet you're middle-class, white, and can't breakdance? ... What if you're suddenly "not absolutely" sure you've had the chicken pox? Please give me sortie answers. I need them fast. -Rep me, Rep me, I been heep-mo-tized Dear Hep, Take heart, things could be worse. You could be like Mr. John Haba, of Pasadena, California, who in addition to your problems also wears Run DMC t-shirts, has an an­ noying shoulder shrug and was born in a city where the rivers periodically catch fire.

Drink of the week is the Chicken Pox. Sprinkle 4 or 5 drops of Grenadine into a cup at Bailey's Irish Creme. Try not to scratch. -Skeeter, Jeremiah, & Jethro

Page: Satan Visits Caltech! "I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE!" he reportedly screamed to no one in particular. "When he spoke, it wasn't like a human voice," said a reliable witness. "It was like Satan himself had risen from the depths of Hell. It was like something not of this world. "He was about twelve feet tall, with flames spewing from his face and body. When he held up his hand a great lance of fire, like from a blow torch, shot out. He was trying to disguise himself as a sleazy Italian water-polo player wearing a leather jacket, but he was doing a pretty poor job of it." said the witness. "He screamed vile, bad, evil, obscene words at my wife and woke up my kids." This recent event could possibly explain some of the other mysterious occurrences in this neighborhood, such as a broken window, disappearing geese and house plants, Special LIVE Showings loud giggling in the middle ofthe night, and bells and other strange noises at odd hours. There is a growing belief that Caltech students living nearby are involved in demon wor­ ship. They own at least one cat, and the neighbors report hearing strange voices. "One ofthem says over and over again 'I am the Black Knight! I challenge you!' Another screams hysterically at odd hours of the night 'park me! park me!' or something like that." BEYOND THE MECHANICAL UNIVERSE While, at Caltech, there have been numerous instances of flaming, frequent sightings of evil wenches (most notably in Fleming house), an occasional demonic visitation (in Blacker), and ofcourse, the infamous mid-term from Hell, this sighting is a spectacularl)' unusual event. The person identified as Satan apparently left in a white car of Japanese manufacture. If you see such a car or a person fitting the above description, do not at­ Baxter Lecture Hall tempt to apprehend him. He is to be presumed armed and dangerous. Tuesdays and Thursdays In'case you don't find Vi- I mean, Satan jumping around your driveway threatening to kill your kids and eat your geese, here are a few things to look for to amuse yourself around Page House: 12:30-1:00PM -The cutest frosh butts in page: Female: Kate Loomis-look for those blue and white shorts bouncing around the weight room Male: Ed Ratner - the tighter the better BEGINNING TUESDAY, February 3. -Betting Pools: Talk to Steve "the Bookie" Perry about gambling your tuition away. The Super Bowl and ASCIT presidential elections are history (poor Bruno-he's 0-2), so we have to find some new stuff to bet on, like: - Page presidential elections: According to the latest Perry poll, your best bet for Open free of charge to the Caltech Community the next High Exalted Totally Severe President of Page House is Mega, followed reasonably closely by Dean, then Konstant1l'l and Diiges. ann the Dwight. (only five continued on page 10 THE CALIFORNIA TECH FRIDAY 30 JANUARY 19877 Fellows from page 1 faculty in 1979 as associate profes­ sor and was named professor of A-Bomb Mutates Corn physics last year. Dr. Schwarz earned his B.A. from Harvard in 1962 and his In Bi kini Test Blast Ph.D. from the University of California in 1966. lie came to Caltech as a research associate in 1972 and was appointed senior research associate in 1981. He became professor of theoretical physics in 1985. Concerts from page 4 ed up for Saturday, February 7th, are you? How about making the long, arduous walk to Winnett Lounge for the Caltech Folk Music Society concert by Carla Sciaky, who performs original songs and traditional folk songs from around the world. Tickets are $6 in ad­ vance, $7 at the door. The concert begins at 8PM. Tickets for all three concerts can be purchased at the Caltech Ticket Office, just north of the ProfeSSOl'$Ernest G. Anderson (left) and George W. Beadle, Chairman Beckman Auditorium parking lot. of the Caltech Division of Biology, inspecting a row of dwarf mutant com For further information, call on the Caltech Biology Experimental F'arm at Arcadia, Calif. This dwarf is x4652. (That's 356-4652 for those a result of mutation and is grown from progeny of seed exposed to atomic of you calling from off campus.) radiation at the Bikini atom bomb test. (Area code 818 for those calling from far off campus.)

FULL RANGE OF EVENTS THIS WEEK IN BECKMAN AND RAMO AUDITORIUMS Tonight, don't miss "Rome CALTECH BOOKSTORE'S FIRST EVER and the Romans" an Armchair Adventures travel film personally narrated by Clay Francisco. This presentation begins at 8 p.m. in CLASSICAL COMPACT DISC SALE SPECTACULAR Beckman Auditorium. Highlighted will be the sometimes ancient, sometimes mere­ ly old and often very new Rome. Francisco explores Rome from the legendary founders, Romulus and DEUTSCHE GRAMMAPHONE, PHILIPS, LONDON, TELARC, ARCHIV, ALL Remus, to a current production of Verdi's "Aida" in the Baths of Caracalla. Tickets to this film are priced at ONLY $11.89 $7.50-6.00. Saturday evening brings Tapestry to Ramo Auditorium. Beginning at 8 p.m. the curtain rises on harpsichordist Laurette Goldberg, sopranos Anna Carol Dudley and * All top quality recordings, with compact disc clarity. Judith Nelson, and actress Rella Lossy as they take a humorous look * Every disc a critically acclaimed performance. at 16th and 17th century England. Through dramatic scenes and music, * Hundreds of titles to choose from - Bach to Vivaldi. you'll see an opulent century abun­ dent with excess, grandeur and passion. CIT students can purchase tickets to Tapestry for $7.50; CIT student rush tickets go on sale the day Bargain pricing, nothing held back. of the show for only $6.00. CIT faculty and staff tickets to Tapestry are $13.00. TECHTIX - half price tickets for $7.50 - go on sale today Retail Bookstore Price between noon and 4:30 p.m.; sub­ ject to availability and limit 2 tickets per CIT I.D. $17.98------$12.59 Thursday, February 5 will be a treat for folk music lovers. Scotland's $16.98------$11.89 Tannahill Weavers will perform in Beckman Auditorium beginning at 8 $15.98------$11.19 p.m. They combine traditional melodies on pipes and flute with rhythms on guitar and bouzouki in­ to an unforgettable evening. CIT student tickets to this con­ cert are priced at $6.25-5.00-3.75; CIT rush tickets go on sale the day of the show for $6.00. CIT faculty CALTECH BOOKSTORE CALTECH BOOKSTORE CALTECH BOOKSTORE and staff tickets are $10.50-8.00­ 5.50. TECHTIX - half price tickets for $6.25-5.00-3.75 - go on sale 8:15 - 4:30 Monday - Friday. Mastercharge & Visa. Thursday between noon and 4:30 p.m. Limit 2 tickets per CIT I.D. For further information about the exciting Public Events scheduled this season, call campus ext. 4652. 8THE CALIFORNIA TECH FRIDAY 30 JANUARY 1987 (------SPORTS---~--I Basketball Excitement - Redlands Game Ends Streak

by Lloyd Free Caltech's gym to face Redlands JV. The Caltech basketball team Unfortunately for Tech, the has staged an impressive tur­ Redlands shooters were even naround over the past few weeks, hotter. having won three of th(:ir last four In an explosive first half, contests. Redlands shot a blistering 65 % They put together a three game from the field while Caltech hit an win streak beginning on Saturday, equally impressive 58 %. From the January 17 with a home victory free throw line, there was no let­ over Claremont-Mudd JV. down as Redlands went 12 for 14, Thereafter, the Beavers proceeded and Caltech shot an incredible 11 to roll over the JV squads of La for 12. After the dust settled, Verne and Whittier. The main Redlands was up 49 to 42 going in­ reason for this sudden string of vic­ to the locker room at halftime. tories can be attributed to the vast The second half started offbad­ improvement in Caltech's offensive ly for Tech, as they picked up six output. fouls to Redlands zero in the open­ Center Brett Bush and point ing five minutes. Despite their guard Ed Zanelli have shared the problems defensively, the Beavers majority ofthe team's scoring load, stayed within striking distance often combining for 40 or more throughout most ofthe second half. N points each game. Senior forward Then, trailing by several points cf. Bill Gustafson has proven to be a with about seven minutes left in the ~ formidable offensive rebounder, game, Brett Bush fouled out ofthe -§ while freshman guard Jason game on a very, very questionable ~ Karceski has become an ever­ charging call. ~ present threat as a long-range A couple minutes later, Cal­ (5 shooter. tech's other big man, Bill Gustaf­ -§. This past Wednesday night, the son, fouled out also. Even with an eaItech and RedlandsbasketbalIplayersgrab furiously for a loose ball. Note their expressions: "Aieee! Not the Beavers took their three game undersized lineup, Caltech man­ ball/Please, no, not thebalLAram Kaloustian (#14), BilI Gustafson (#22), and Brett Bush (#54) grimace. streak and a red hot offense into continued on page 9 Practice Begins For Tech Tennis Teams by Drroagbeer attendance due to sickness (several The men's and women's tennis cases) and stress fracture (one case) . season has begun, with a blaze and has been a problem, but the a flash. The teams began official members are all enthusiastic about practice at the beginning of this the coming season. month, and will be playing their On Saturday, the men are tak­ first matches of the season this ing on the infamous faculty team, Saturday, 31 January. made up of Caltech's hottest old The women's team, coached by racket swingers of the podiums. Ginny Marum, will play their first The faculty usually manage to eke match at Christ College. The team out a victory, but last year it was is young, mostly frosh and the other way around, the team sophomores, and naturally Ginny emerging victorious. The faculty, is happy about that. Lack of strong continued on page 9

David Garza (right)and Ral(.'!ighChiu (left) practice for their Saturday match. WEEKLY SPORTS eALEN DAR Day Date Time Sport Opponent location Sat. 1-31 1O:00AM Swimming (MIW) Redlands & Whittier Caltech Sat. 1-31 11:00AM Tennis (W) Christ College Christ ColIege Sat. 1-31 1:OOPM Fencing Occidental ColIege Cal State Long Beach Sat. 1-31 1:00PM Tennis (M) Faculty Caltech Sat. 1-31 6:00PM Basketball Occidental JV Occidental ColIege Sun. 2-1 3:00PM Soccer (W) Our Gang Blair High School Mon. 2-2 1:00PM Golf Best Ball Tournament Annandale Tue. 2-3 3:00PM Tennis (M) Pomona-Pitzer Caltech Wed. 2-4 3:00PM Tennis (W) Mt. Saint Mary's Caltech Wed. 2-4 7:30PM Basketball Marymount College Caltech Wed. 2-4 9:45PM Ice Hockey Cal State Northridge #2 Pasadena Ice Center Sat. 2-7 12 noon Basebaii Alumni Caltech Sat. 2-7 1:OOPM Fencing SDSU & UCLA Caltech Sat. 2-7 1:30PM Tennis (M) Christ College Caltech Sat. 2-7 1:30PM Tennis (W) Whittier Whittier Sat. 2-7 6:00PM Basketball Pomona-Pitzer (jV) Pomona-Pitzer ' .. THE CALIFORNIA TECH FRIDAY 30 JANUARY 19879 ------SPORTS--'------I Hockey Team Iced

by Jason skating and offense. The hockey team's two-game Unfortunately for Caltech, all winning streak came to an end ofthe offense during the early part Wednesday night against Cal State of the game was generated by Northridge's Division I team. Northridge. By the time Caltech An interesting facet ofthe game scored in the third period, CSUN was that it was no-check, a new already had scored five times. rule instituted for interdivisional Lionel Laroche made the first goal, games. It didn't really work out too assisted by Martin Brouillette. well. The small size ofthe rink com­ Martin also assisted on the next bined with the fact that most ofthe Caltech goal, scored by Jim Toth. players were used to playing only Later, Dave Braun scored an un­ full-checking hockey meant that a assisted goal. The final score was lot of contacts occurred and the 6-3 Northridge. result was a slew of penalties This was the last game against especially in the later stages of the a Division I team. Next Wednes­ game. On the other hand the new day the Beavers host the CSUN #2 rule resulted in lots of very fast team at 9:45PM. Ath Manager Duties

by Chris Schofield periodically with the house athletic An additional duty has been managers to talk about athletic added to the responsibilities ofthe needs. The reason for this change ASCIT Athletic Manager. In the is to improve the level of commu­ future, the ASCIT Athletic Man­ nication between students and and ager will be appointed as one ofthe the faculty in regards to athletics. student representatives on the Ath­ The current duties of the letics and PE Committee. Current­ ASCIT Athletic Manager include c~ ly, all ofthe representatives are ap­ dealing with letter awards and let­ t:: pointed by the me. ter jackets. The ASCIT Athletic J~ In addition, it is suggested that Manager is not a voting member of .!:J~ the ASCIT Athletic Manager meet the Board of Directors. _

tBasketball dominated the boards in O. T. and In a stop-action pose, Big Ed Zanellimakeshisgiantleap to the basket flankedhyRedlands Defenders. The Beavers drew several fouls which their ex­ lost the game in overtime 104-95. from page 8 cellent free throw shooters con­ aged to tighten up the score in the verted into points quite easily. final minutes and even held the lead Leading scorers for Tech were with less than a minute to play. Ed Zanelli (29 pts., 10 assists, 5 However, both sides displayed steals), Brett Bush (18 pts., 12 re­ some clutch shooting in the final bounds), and Jason Karceski (23 & minute or so, and left the score pts., three 3-point baskets) 8'CONNOR ASSOCIATES knotted at 89-89 when time ex­ Caltech's next game is Satur­ pired. day, January 31 at Occidental, and CORDIALLY INVITES YOU 10 ATTEND OUR Over the course of the five you can be sure that the Beavers minute overtime, the absence of will be eager to get back on the Bush and Gustafson proved to be winning track once again. Be there, PRESENTATION too much for the Beavers to over­ ifyou can, for what promises to be come, as Redlands pulled away to another night of exciting Caltech and a 104-95 victory. Redlands simply basketball action. RECEPTION Tennis Raleigh are verrry good. In fact, the whole team is good this year," "Unique Opportunities in from page 8 says Jackson. however, have the option of Coach Marum also coaches at revenge in the classroom, so it may (a local high school), and Mike Options Trading be better ifthey win on the courts. Jackson also teaches the tennis The match should be very ex­ classes offered at Caltech, so both citing, as coach Mike Jackson are quite involved in tennis, in and and Arbitrage" himself will be playing the number out of school. one position for the faculty. Coach The men's tennis team is quite Jackson is, however, less than op­ well supported this year, and has Tuesday, February 3, 1987 timistic about his chances and those several excellent players, most of 11:30 A.M. ofDonald Cohen, the number two whom are sophomores or fresh­ player for the faculty, against the men. Both the 'women's and the WINNETT LOUNGE mighty Raleigh Chiu and Mark men's teams can look forward to an Vermies. "I think if we beat them, exciting and hopefully rewarding we will be lucky. Mark and season. O'Connor offers top undergraduates of all majors the opportunity to participate in the challenging and rewarding field of securities and options trading. I~\~lb~ IHIII~! O'Connor is a large entrepreneurial firm trading strictly for its own account. We n 4 specialize in the valuation of options on equities, debt securities, foreign exchange ~-l and commodities using internally developed models. Our activities also include ;~\~ risk arbitrage, index arbitrage and convertible securities trading. O'Connor "ED' possesses the financial resources, expertise and aggressive plans to exploit new ~ UIlITED STATES market opportunities worldwide. WAR ..... BONDS AND If you have an interest in becoming part of an exciting, sophisticated and growing STAMPS area of financial trading opportunities, plan to attend the O'Connor presentation. ~III'

For more information and interview schedules, contact the Placement Office.

CHICAGO LONDON NEW YORK PHILADELPHIA SAN FRANCISCO CALIFORNIA TECH FRIDAY 30 JANUARY 1987 If------WHAT GOES ON------I Disease Fellowship Summer School at Weizmann MIT Summer Minority Program Engineering Scholarship Grant & Fellowship Directory The National Institute ofAllergy and In­ The Weizmann Institute of Science's an­ The MIT Lincoln Laboratory has a sum­ Consulting Engineers announces their A directory of grants and fellowships fectious Diseases (NIAID) will sponsor a nual Karyn Kupcinet International Science mer research program for undergraduate and 1987 Scholarship Competition for upper­ compiled by the Graduate School of the Summer Fellowship Program for minority School is accepting a small number of graduate minority students. They will have division undergraduates in Engineering. University of Massachusetts at Amherst is and non-minority students. Students receive science students (from second year) from the opportunity to develop valuable research To be eligible, a candidate must be

More Inside World

from page 6 candidates, unless Bruno wants to go to 0-3). Elections are Friday evening during/after dinner (Scheduled starting time: 6:45). Be there. Drink lots of beer and vote. Be on the lookout for despondent former presidential candidates jumping in front ofcars or falling from high buildings and such tl}ings. -Who's Screwing Whom: And when, and where, and how many times. And when they're not (no ketchup jokes, please) -Whip, whip, whip: How much longer will S.B. and the Whipping Boy remain an item? -Bitchin' Oxy Party: How many dollars worth of damage will happen to the Oxy campus (nearest $1 OOO)? For those of you who like a sure thing, how many bitches will Miguel "Steve" Errea pull back to Caltech in his mobile Chevy Blazer Love Palace. - Ed the Rat: How long before Ed dies of starvation or other unnatural causes? (House social event: Viking funeral and beer party. Look out for nearly dead former presiden­ tial candidates on bathroom floors.) -Poker: Just regular poker, in the library, at random times, for those of you who don't like to bet on completely random stuff. Talk to Steve "the Minister of Games" Perry . - For those ofyou who prefer drinking to gambling, there's been talk about getting more beer, better beer, more kegs, bottling beer, and brewing our own. (Page Boy Brew­ weekends were made for general anesthesia.) Talk to Steve "the Brewmeister" Perry for further information.

Coming 8000-The official House sponsored Trip to the local Applied Genetics In­ stitute. We know you've been practicing hard (that's the only way to practice), so now's your chance to show off your talent and make some money for the house at the same time! You also get a free virility check! A free case of beer (winner's choice) goes to the guy with the highest sperm count. Find out if you can have any kids of your own. Find out if Doug Roberts has been wasting his money on all those rubbers. Be up there with the big names in Page House like John "Fists of Fury" Bowers and Fred "the Ejaculator Guy" Upton, not to mention Fred "Big Fred" Ferrante. They have videos and pictures for those guys who have a little trouble getting started. Bring your own gloves. This is a house event. Everybody comes! - Could it be---Satan? computer communications and networking technology is in increasing Ricketts: There is a plot, anq it is indeed thickening. Two, three, sometimes four times demand. Retix is meeting this challenge by developing the most comprehen­ in a week, the dregs of Ricketts watch its development. Some of them come to play sive suite of OSI (Open Systems Interconnect) protocols and internetworking bridge, others for the atmosphere in the lounge, and a few come just to hear Lisa screech devices. " . out the theme to Star Trek. That's right, I'm talking about the Blacker invasion. It's a cheap way to get an Apache invitation, but be fair, a few. hav~ been known t? he!p with phone night; but on the other hand, our frosh are gettmg tired of showenng m new Retix customers are the most prestigious computer and communications members. But who cares, our frosh are wimpy anyway, as the sophomores prove time equipment manufacturers worldwide. Our ability to generate new products is and again. It looks like PCDE is going to be confusing, 'ca~se whose go~na be left in Blacker to shower Scurves? I'm sure we can count on F1emmg for a fun time, though, dependent on the quality of our R&D team: dedicated self-starters, innovative and we can count on Page for eggs and chocolate syrup. Or nothing. engineers and scientists. Let's all go and piss on Blacker House, Piss on Blacker House, An established industry leader, headquartered in Santa Monica, CA, Retix will Piss on Blacker House, meet candidates for B.S., M.S. or Ph.D. degrees in Computer Science, Electri­ Piss on Blacker House, Let's all go and piss on Blacker House, cal Engineering or Applied Mathematics. 'Till it floats away!

Don't forget frosh and pseudo-frosh, initiations are just two weeks away. Be sure WE WILL BE ON YOUR CAMPUS and bring your c!ean undies! -Shithead #1 FEBRUARY 5

Ruddock: Yawn!!! -Bets the Frosh RetiX:HE INTERNETWORKING COMPANY'" 2644 30th Street, Santa Monica, California 90405 (213) 399-2200 THE CALIFORNIA TECH FRIDAY 30 JANUARY 198711 I-----WHAT GOES ON------11 Beasties from page 4 Gay & Lesbian Discussion Group When In Rome ... Summer Biomed Program Attention Writers! An ongoing discussion group on Licensed To III is a perfect "Rome and the Romans," an Armchair The Jackson Laboratory, in Bar Harbor, The Literature Faculty is proud to an­ album on some atavistic level. Gay!Lesbian topics is held every Tuesday Adventures travel film, will be personally Maine, is sponsoring a 9-week program in nounce the 41st Annual McKinney Competi­ evening from 7:30--9:45PM ~I the Archibald narrated by Clay Francisco tonight at 8PM various areas related to biomedical research, tion. The Mary A. Earl McKinney Prize is When you want to turn the old Young Health Center. AI! members of the in Beckman Auditorium. including biochemistry, developmental awarded each year for excellence in writing. brain on low and your lOO-watt car Caltech community are welcome_ Rome, the Eternal City, is sometimes an­ genetics, formal genetics, immunology, Only full-time students officially registered Refreshments are provided. For funher in­ stereo on high, and savor some cient, sometimes merely old and often very molecular genetics, and physiology. Each at Caltech as undergraduates are eligible to crashing beatbox and grinding formatIon please contact Bruce Kahl. x6393. new. Francisco explores Rome from the student conducts an original research pro­ enter the competition. This year three prizes legendary founders, Romulus and Remus, ject within the on-going program of a will be given in three categories: poetry, guitar (with minimal squealing Indoor Soccer to a current production ofVerdi's "Aida" in member of the research staff. The focus of prose fiction, and non-fiction essays. All solos, please) tastelessly backing This week's indoor soccer game is Satur­ the Baths of Caracalla. the program is on research training in mam­ submissions must be typewritten and double­ the in-your-face rapping of three day night at 8:30. We will leave at 7:00 from Other highlights include the Piazza del malian genetics and development using spaced. In the poetry category, entrants may goonish class clowns (one of in front of the Y. Call Konstantin Othmer Popolo, the Colosseum, the Roman Forum, multi-disciplinary experimental approaches submit up to three poems. Submissions of x3976 for more info. Circus Maximus, Vatican City and the and genetically defined laboratory animals, prose fiction should not exceed 12,000 whom, by the way, is a dead ringer Sistine Chapel. primarily mice. words. Essays may be ones prepared for a for Steve G6mez)-then there's Summer Conservation Tickets to this film are priced at The cost is $1,500 for the nine weeks, humanities class or any good piece of nothing to do but invite the Beastie The Student Conservation Association $7.50-6.00. They can be purchased at the including room and board, with scholarships original writing on a topic relevant to the Boys to your room. (SCA) offers college students, recent Caltech Ticket Office, located just north of available for participants who require finan­ humanities. The prize in each category will graduates and other persons 18 years old or the Beckman Auditorium parking lot. Call cial aid. Application due date is March 2, be $300. older, the opportunity, through a conserva­ campus extension 4652 for further 1987. Program runs from June 14 to August Each student is entitled to only one en­ * * tion program involving actual field ex­ information. II. For further information call (207) try in each category. All contestants must The Beastie*Boys to Harold perience, to develop job skills, gain work 288-3371, x253, or write: The Jackson submit their work to Professor Jenijoy La Budd- a more drastic transition experience and cultivate professional con­ Money For Women Laboratory, Training & Education Office, Belle, Division ofthe Humanities and Social tacts in the resource management field. The College Women's Club of Pasadena Bar Harbor, Maine 04609. Sciences, by no later than April 30, 1987. could not be imagined, but that's The SCA is presently accepting requests is offering scholarships for 1987-88 to full­ No entries will be returned. Each category alphabetical order for you. Harold for applications and listings ofthe 700 posi­ time undergraduate and graduate women. No Snow will be judged by a three person committee Budd doesn't even make rock tions that are being offered during the 1987 Scholarships are for $2,000 and can be us­ Due to poor skiing conditions, the ski from the Literature faculty. Essays will be music; he's a sometime associate of summer and fall season. Positions begin at ed for tuition/fees, textbooks, and lab fees. race for this weekend has been cancelled. judged on the quality of thought and the ef­ varying dates throughout the summer and Applications are available from the Finan­ There will be a meeting February 3 in fectiveness ofthe writing. Winners will be Brian Eno whose work falls into fall. Any person that is interested in par­ cial Aid Office, 12-63. Applications and re­ Clubroom I at 9:00 about upcoming ski announced the last week of May. The names the nebulous category known as ticipating or learning more about the pro­ quested forms must be returned to the Finan­ team events. Call Konstantin Othmer x3976 ofthe winners will appear in the commence­ Ambient to some and New Age to gram should send a postcard requesting an cial Aid Office by February 13. for more info. ment program. There will be an Awards others. Yes, we are talking about application and listing of the summer/fall Banquet on May 28. The Committee may that which has been widely derid­ RA position to: The Student Conservation, divide the award in each category in case P.O. Box 550C, Charlestown, NH 03603, Photo Editor Wanted of more than one outstanding essay. ed as "Yuppie Muzak". While or telephone the SCA at (603) The Tech is still looking for a photo Previous winners in anyone category are there's a lot of mystical bullshit that 826-5206/5741. editor. Any person with darkroom ex­ not eligible for the competition in that goes along with some ofthe genre, Applications for summer positions perience who wants control of the category. and quite a bit ofit is empty noodl­ should be received in March to receive the photography in the newspaper should call If you have any questions, contact Dr. best chance at selection for top choices. the Tech office (x6154) and let us know. La Belle, x3606, or Betty Hyland, x3609. ing, there's real validity to the idea of music meant to be appreciated on a non-intellectual level. Lovely Thunder is, typically, slow­ moving, soft, and non-complex. You can't listen to it intently, but WIllYOU it's wonderful background music, peaceful and haunting. Lovely Thunder is performed on piano (at times heavily process­ ed) and synthesizer. The format of JOIN ACOMPANY the six pieces is basically a slow background progression, almost but not quite repeating, with other instruments playing over it. None ...... 's HIGH TECH? of the songs feature conventional melodies or harmonies, yet they all hang together musically. "Sand­ treader" comes the closest to Brian Eno's Ambient music, consisting entirely ofbreathy reed tones in ex­ OR HYPE TECH? tremely long notes, none lasting less than a second. Like Eno's music, it feels very abstract, con­ STI-\TE 01= veying less of a mood than the T (-11:= 1-\I~T other pieces. CA ISimon Raymonde, drones in a somehow industrial fashion, evoking machinery without being cacophonous. Over this is an im­ provisation in distorted, metallic CAMt'U5 piano by Budd, with the same Cf.\Rj;~R piano sound stretched to infinity hovering in between. Unlike the rest, this song is not peaceful; the jarring piano, while not unpleasant, IT makes the hairs on the back ofyour neck stand up, and the overall feel­ ~ ing is like that of walking in the dark through a deserted factory with something following you. It's amazing, the tactics some companies Truth #3:We're leading the market. The second side of the record use to sell themselves. They hide behind Not just in market share, but in the num­ (or last song on the 'CD; buy the hype like "state ofthe art," "breakthrough \ ber of gate array deSigns completed. In CD instead) consists entirely of technology" and "industry leader." CARtEl? the last four years, we've completed more "Gypsy Violin", a piece for syn­ So we decided to use another amaz- OAZE than all ofour competitors combined. thesized strings in which the ing tactic, We'll tell you the truth. \ --, -- Truth #4: All this adds up to one background of lengthily sustained Truth #1: We pioneered a brand '. thing. If you want a good solid career chords slowly glides from note to new technology that makes one logic . with a good solid company, you should note-a rather eerie sound-while chip do the job of hundreds. We call It consider lSI. a well-simulated solo violin plays Truth #5: We will be recruiting on campus over it. Budd's playing, while very Application Specific Integrated Circuits. ASIC, for slow, is not aimless: he introduces short. It's the only thing we do. You might say we're Feb 2. See your College Placement Office for more information. If you can't see us, send your resume to: themes and sounds, repeats and dedicated to making dedicated chips. alters them subtly. It is a piece that Truth #2: We have the best software simulation lSI Logic Corporation, Attn: College Relations, 1551 deserves all of its twenty minutes. and computer modeling system in the industry. And McCarthy Blvd., Milpitas, CA 95035. Lovely Thunder is music that we're the only ones that have it. We call it IDS.™ works on the lower levels of the Because ofit, we deliver fast. From simulation sign-off LSILOGIC mind. It should not be analyzed in­ to prototype in just 3-4 weeks. CORPORATION tellectually like classical music. It It's only logical. must be taken in and grokked in Equal Opportunity Emplo:Y;" fullness. Neither aimless folk music nor wall of sequencers, it is a set of pure and uninhabited land­ scapes through which to wander. CALIFORNIA TECH FRIDAY 30 JANUARY 1987 Ir------"---WHAT GOES ON-----I

Announcements for What Goes On must Financial Aid Packets Career Info Meetings Interested in the Stock Market? Naval Scholarship be submitted on an announcement form ALL RETURNING STUDENTS: Intel Corporation, a leading developer Ifso, then come to a weekly meeting of The American Society of Naval (available outside 107 Winnett) or on a Financial Aid Packets for 1987-88 were and manufacturer of microelectronic com­ the Student Investment Fund, on Engineers is offering a $1,750 scholarship plain piece of paper. Please indicate the mailed to your campus address the week of ponents and systems, will be in Winnett Wednesdays, at 5:00PM, in the Millikan for 1987-88. To apply you must be a full­ date(s) you want the announcement to 4 January. Ifyou did not receive that packet Lounge from 4:oo-6:00PM on 2 February. Board Room. The Fund is a non-profit time student in your junior or senior year, run. Send announcements to 107-51, or or if you need additional documents, con­ Refreshments will be served. educational club that can help students learn aU.S. citizen, interested in a career in Naval put them in the mail slot in the door of tact the Financial Aid Office, 12-63, or call Quaker Oats, a manufacturer of food for about the stock market by enabling them to Engineering. Information available from the 107 Winnett. x6280. people and pets, is looking for BS's in make buy and sell decisions on stocks, Financial Aid Office, 12-63. All application Announcements must be received by the Mechanical Engineering and will interview bonds, and other financial instruments. We material must be received at ASNE Head­ Tuesday prior to publication. Cold, Soft and Wet on 4 February. Students interested are in­ have a $130,000 portfolio. There is also a quarters by 15 February, 1987. The Caltech Y will organize a series of vited to learn more about job opportunities chance for you to participate in a "Merrill one-day ski trips to some local (within an on 3 February, from 4:00 to 6:00PM in Win­ Lynch Investment Challenge" by having a hour's drive) ski grounds over the coming nett Lounge. mock $100,000 portfolio and making deci­ Letter Jackets sions yourself. Contact Wesley Boudville, An order will be put in for Caltech Let­ long weekend, Feb. 20-22. If you always O'Connors, an investment banking com­ x6165, for further details. Bell Mathematics Prize terman Jackets within the next few weeks. wanted to learn to ski yet managed to pany, will present itself on February 3rd The E. T. Bell undergraduate If you are interested in ordering a jacket, chicken out at the last possible moment, this from II :30AM to I :30PM. If you are in­ mathematics research prize of $500 will be please contact Chris Schofield at 795-4760. is the big opportunity to prove yourself! Sign terested in business, investment banking and Summer In Livermore The Department of Applied Science of awarded for the best original mathematics up at the Y for one or more days. Begin­ non-traditional technical jobs, please come paper written by a Caltech junior or senior. the University of California, Davis/Liver­ SURF's Up! ners are especially welcome. Call for details for lunch to Winnett Lounge. Contestants for the Bell prize must be SURF applications are now available in at x6163. more and the Lawrence Livermore National Science and Philosophy Laboratory offer appointments to outstan­ nominated by a faculty member familiar the SURF Office, Room 3 Dabney. The sti­ with their work. Students who wish to be At 8:00PM Thursday, February 5, Rabbi ding junior (class of '88) physics and pend this summer will be $3000. The SURF Gay & Lesbian Students? considered for this prize should contact a Alvin J. Reines, Ph.D., a professor of engineering students for the Undergraduate Office has a notebook with descriptions of Yes, they do exist; sometimes in large member ofthe Mathematics faculty prior to a few possible projects. Deadline for pro­ numbers. But it would be tough to find a philosophy at the Hebrew Union College in Summer Institute on Contemporary Topics Cincinatti, Ohio will be coming to Caltech in Applied Physics. the end of second term to discuss the nature posals is 5:00PM,. Monday, 2 March. larger or more diverse group of gay or les­ of the research. If the entry is sufficiently bian undergrad and grad students than at the to present a lecture entitled "Science and a The Summer Institute will be held Philosophy of Liberal Religion." The talk August 17-28, 1987 in Livermore, Califor-. worthy the faculty member will nominate Space Group Meeting Western States Lesbian and Gay Students the contestant and act as sponsor. Each stu­ will be held in room 24 Beckman Labs, and nia. The curriculum will consist oflectures The Caltech chapter of the Students for Conference, to be held at U.C. Santa Bar­ dent is entitled to only one entry. All con­ is free and open to all members of the and projects on the fundamentals of the Exploration and Development of Space bara, February 14-16. The conference will testants nominated must submit their papers Caltech community. For more information magnetic fusion, laser fusion, free electron will be meeting on Tuesday, 3 February at have workshops and speakers addressing a in final form to their faculty sponsors by the contact the Caltech Y. lasers, laboratory x-ray lasers and advanc­ 7:00PM in CI'.broom 1 of Winnett Student wide variety of social, cultural, political and end of the fourth week of third term. A Center. Corne see a space film (TBA) and health issues, as well as performances by ed computational modeling. Selection will be based on academic faculty committee will then judge the papers discuss plans for a star party. poets and singers from within the NSF Engineering Program and announce its decision before the end of record, aptitude, research interests, and the community. A new National Science Foundation pro­ third term. The committee may award Chinese New Year Party This conference provides an excellent gram, titled "Creativity Awards in Graduate recommendations of instructors. Travel and living expenses of the par­ duplicate prizes in case of more than one The CCSA is sponsoring a dance to opportunity for people who are new to, or Engineering," is being offered to make outstanding entry. The name of the winner celebrate the Chinese New Year this Satur­ just curious about, the Gay & Lesbian com­ graduate study more attractive and to im­ ticipants will be funded by the Institute. In addition, a grant from the Hertz Foundation (or winners) will appear in the commence­ day, January the 31st. The dance will start munity to learn and exchange ideas in a non­ prove the quality of engineering education ment program. at 9:00PM at Winnett Student Center and threatening environment. The cost is $10 by encouraging creative activities. These will allow payment of a $1,000 stipend to everybody is welcome! Students from other plus meals and transportation. Carpooling new creativity awards will support students each participant. colleges are invited, so come meet people is available. based on their ideas as embodied in a plan Applications are available in the Deans' and have lots of fun! For more information contact Ralph of research. Office, 102 Parsons-Gates. The deadline for Morgan Ward Competition Wolf at x6830 or leave a message at the Y Approximately 30 grants per year will the receipt of applications is April I, 1987. This math competition is open to Caltech office, 218-51 Caltech. All messages will be awarded competitively to students, freshmen and sophomores. An entry may German Film be handled confidentially. whether they are still undergmduates or have Indian Fellowship Program be individual or joint (submitted by a group In conjunction with the L 132 course, graduated in the last three years and have The Indian Fellowship Program is be­ of two or more students). Each student is the film Chinesisches Roulette (1976) will Science Fiction Club not done graduate work. Grants will be for ing offered through the Department of entitled to at most three entries, of which be shown on Monday, 2 February, at The Caltech Science FiCtion Society is up to $30,000 a year for up to three years Education. To apply you must supply pro­ at most two may be individual. 7:30PM pm in Baxter Lecture Hall. The film, off to a good start, but we need people to and could be used to produce a graduate of of Indian identity, transcript, a financial An entry is to consist ofa mathematical directed by R. W. Fassbinder, has English help shape its direction. Come to our next thesis. The grant will to to the student's in­ aid statement, and be a full-time problem, together with a solution or signifi­ subtitles. meeting and give us your ideas; we will also stitution and will provide an annual stipend undergraduate or graduate student studying cant contribution toward a solution. The pro­ be selecting officers to run the group. The of $11, 100 plus tuition and fees as well as engineering, business administration, natural blem may have any source, but this source Medieval/Renaissance Society meeting will be at 7:00PM on Wednesday, funds for research. To apply, a letter should resources, and related fields. For the ap­ should be stated in the entry. The entries will The Caltech Medieval/Tenaissance 4 February, in the Y Lounge (upstairs in be senlto NSF by February 1, 1987 describ­ plication and further information contact the be judged on the basis of the nature of the Society will by meeting this Sunday (1 Winnett); there will be free munchies and ing the research idea. Full information on Financial Aid Office, 12-63. Closing date problem and originality and elegance ofthe February) at 3:00PM in the Y Lounge. Pot soda, and we'll show the first episode of The what should be in the letter is available from is February 6, 1987. solution. Any outside references used should luck-please bring food. Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. •For more the Office of the Dean of Engineering or be indicated. (The Honor System applies in{Q, call Mark Looper at 304-0006. from Chairmen of Engineering departments. SWE Scholarship here.) The applications will be evaluated by a Women majoring in engineering are Entries from each contestant or group ACADEMY review panel. The grant is portable and is eligible to apply for the 1987-88 Society of must be placed in an envelope and delivered conditional on the awardee being accepted Women Engineers Scholarship. Applicants to the Mathematics Office, 253 Sloan, dur­ BARBER SHOP into a graduate school. must have an overall grade average of 3.5 ing the fourth week of the third term. The or better. Scholarship amounts vary from name of the contestant, or the names of all 27 No. Catalina,Pasadena $250 to $2,500. Applications are available participants in the case ofa joint entry, must Open Tues.-Sat., 8 A.M.-5 P.M. 49 NORTH ALTADENA DRIVE ,.------from the Financial Aid Office, 12-63. be written on the envelope only, not on the entry. The Judging Committee will consist 449-1681 PASADENA Deadline is February I, 1987. (818) 793-2582 I RagTime I of three volunteers, approved by a vote of • .. On Greent the Caltech Mathematics Club. Each judge ~ SAM/PE Money must be a junior or senior and a member ALTERATIONS • RESALE CLOTHING Engineering, physics, chemistry, and of the Mathematics Club.. The judges will CLASSIFIED RESTYLING ~ metallurgy students studying material~ and select a group of finalists and submit their TAILORING WJMEN. I processes are eligible to apply for the Society entries to the Mathematics Department eM-Thurs. 10-5, F-Satl0-3 • for the Advancement of Material/Process faculty who will make awards to the win­ HELP WANTED- INVISIBLE REWEAVING C (818) 796-9924 • Engineering $1000 scholarship for 1987. ners. Prizes will ordinarily be awarded for Applicants must be full-time undergraduate the two or four best entries, the value ofeach Special rates for Caltech/JPL community I. 1136 E. Green St., Pasadena ~ EXCELLENT INCOME for part time home students. Application forms and information prize being $75. Prizes for individual en­ assembly work. For info. call "- .., are available in the Financial Aid Office, tries will be limited to at most one to a con­ ------testant, and no group may receive more than -- 515 S. Wilson. Deadline is February I, 504-641-8003 Ext. 8738. 1987. one prize. OONORS NEEOEO for off-campus sperm bank. Earn up to $105 Iwk. For info. call PASADENA SCIENTIFIC (213) 553-3270. PARIAN TRAVEL HOUSING- I TECHNICAL BOOKS Caltech Officially Approved FURNISHEO FRONT BEDROOM one mile W, Stock Scholarly & Professional Books in: Most courteous, economical and efficient service from Caltech. Kitchen, laundry privileges, ENGINEElING . HANDBOOKS· SCIENCES· MATH for your official and personal travel needs. utilities included. $225 per month. May AEROSPACE· COMPUTERS· BUSINESS· CODES Free service to you. exchange cooking, light housework for part NURSING· PSYCHOLOGY· ARCHITECTURE· DESIGN or all rent. No smoking, drinking. Must love For an introductory offer a complimentary $50.00 kitties' Roberta Ridley 793-5847. after - We Specialize in: worth of fine dining checks will be offered with the 11:30 A.M. FAST DELIVERY • SPECIAL ORDERS purchase of min. $100.00 travel tickets (one per family). SERVICES- PHONE ORDERS (818) 577-8200 LEARN FRENCH the easy way by an ex- M-Thur. 9-6 Fri. 9-5 ~ 468 S. Sierra Madre Boulevard, Pasadena pert native Paris teacher. Recommended Saturday 10-4 by the top universities and the French Con- =194-4499 sulate of Los Angeles. (213) 874-0934. 1388 E. WASHINGTON BL. • PASADENA CALTECH INSURANCE WAR! We'll beat anyone's prices or don't want your business. PASADENA, CA 91125 Sports cars, multiple tickets, good-driver discounts. Request "Caltech Plan." THE HAIR CUTTERS (818) 992-6966 or (213) 873-3303. ANOUNCEMENTS - INTEL CORPORATION PRESENTATION HIS AND HERS Monday, February 2, 1987, 4-5 pm. 5-6 pm social hour. Winnett Lounge. OPEN EVENINGS Refreshments served. CAL TECH BOOKS TORE- 449-6967 449-1022 ALL TAX GUIDES 40% OFF. Save on your taxes - J. K. lasser, H&R Block, Arthur $3.00 discount for Caltech students with this ad Young, and others are all yours at 40% off retail. RATES ...... $2.50 for first 25 words; 1009 E. COLORADO • PASADENA ... 10¢ for each additional word. Send written ad with payment to 107-51. PARKING IN REAR The California Tech is published weekly except during examination and vacation No charge for on-campus lost & found. periods by Associated Students of the California Institute of Technology, Inc.