2017 ABA Law Student Division Best Newspaper Award-Winner Virginia Law Weekly Wednesday, 15 November 2017 The Newspaper of the University of Virginia School of Law Since 1948 Volume 70, Number 11 Virginia around north Elections A Monumental grounds 2017: With Thumbs up to Breitbart for un- Wins Like covering the Wash- ington Post’s tactics This, Who for gathering research, inter- Fight for City Speech viewing witnesses, and tak- Needs ing their time to gain permis- sion from the subjects before Losses? publishing. Us in the busi- ness call these tactics “inves- Gregory Ranzini ‘18 tigative journalism.” (he/him/his) News Editor Thumbs down to adults destroy- By all indications, Dem- ing their Keurig ocrats are pretty excited machines after the about their performance in company pulled advertising last week’s Virginia elec- from Fox News. Maybe it’s tions. Lieutenant Governor ANG’s addiction to coffee Ralph Northam will trade up speaking, but ANG thinks the to Governor. Polls leading only thing stupider is think- up to the election suggesting ing that a 14 year old can give that his Republican oppo- consent to a 30 year old. nent Ed Gillespie might be able to pull out a win by ap- Thumbs up to pealing to neo-Confederates Amazon buying the turned out to be incorrect. rights to bring Gilm- In the Thirteenth District, ore Girls back for journalist and metal guitar- another revival--a tri-vival? ist Danica Roem won elec- Whatever it is, whenever it tion as America’s first openly is, ANG will follow where you transgender state legislator, lead. defeating Bob Marshall, the self-proclaimed “chief ho- Thumbs down to mophobe” of Virginia who Stephen T. “Mind- authored our state’s version seye” Parr for Day- of the “bathroom bill.” Dem- From left to right Professors Blank, Brady, and Schragger discuss municipal free speech. light Savings time ocrats made up a great deal Photo courtesy of The Law Weekly and this accursed darkness. of lost ground in the House Katherine Mann ‘19 ANG had been feeling okay of Delegates, as a whole turn- (she/her/hers) several iterations since its ment rights might prevent about Parr given the lovely ing fifteen red seats blue. Columns Editor original focus on Confeder- federal and state encroach- autumn weather, but this Good news, certainly, but far ate monuments. In its cur- ment on local politics. But dark-at-5-o’clock business from adequate. Current pro- Against the backdrop of the rent form, it covers all ad- he was careful to emphasize has ANG remembering all of jections have the GOP cling- recent violence in Charlottes- ditional wars since the Civil that cities wouldn’t be totally Parr’s misdeeds, especially ing to a 51-49 seat majority. ville and statues shrouded in War. She said the issue now unregulated in their speech, last winter’s lack of snow and This, in a year more-or-less black, a distinguished panel is “what happens when the since they would still have the rain for Foxfield this year. defined by Republican po- of law professors held a dis- city no longer wants to be to show a compelling inter- Get it together, Parr! litical scandals, and coming cussion on Monday night en- associated with the message est. And some cities might on the heels of a presiden- titled “Do Cities Have Free of the monuments, but the use opt-out mechanisms for Thumbs up to all tial election in which the Speech Rights? Confederate state is forcing them?” While citizens so that their money the people predict- Democratic candidate won Monuments, Sanctuary Cit- cities have largely been be- would not be used for speech ing more intense Virginia by better than five ies, and State-Local Con- holden to state regulations, with which they disagree. Thanksgiving con- percent, is nothing short of flicts.” At issue was whether they have gained some rights Schragger explained that versations about politics. an embarrassment. cities have or should have against the state, such as in our concept of cities is not ANG, for one, is happy that Granted, much of this dis- free speech rights that over- the realm of takings doctrine. that of an individual entity ANG’s marital status, alco- crepancy can of course be at- ride state laws restricting Blank suggested it might with rights, but rather as an holism, and membership in tributed to voter suppression their expression. be possible to conceive of entity of the state that ex- vampire societies won’t be brought about by Virginia’s Professors Richard Schrag- a regime where cities were ercises power. At the same the ONLY topics of intense, new voter ID law, and much ger and Molly Brady, both of granted free speech rights time, they’re also subordi- uncomfortable disagree- of the rest is owed to ger- whom study local govern- and compared cities to cor- nate to the state, creating ment. rymandering. As chairman ments, cities, and property, porations, which under tension. He discussed SB 4 of the Republican National participated, as well as Pro- decisions such as Citizens introduced in Texas, which Thumbs down to Committee, Ed Gillespie fessor Yishai Blank, a visit- United, have been treated would not only ban cities a certain professor (yes, that Ed Gillespie) im- ing professor at Harvard Law more like individuals when from becoming sanctuary calling ANG “old” plemented a program called School and professor at Tel- it comes to free speech. He cities, but would keep cities when ANG would REDMAP, which sought to Aviv University who studies noted that there are pros and from endorsing such poli- NEVER call him “short and make the GOP’s 2010 elec- land use and local govern- cons to this approach, and cies. He also noted that there fat?” Oh well, ANG tries so tion victories permanent by ment. The three professors that for “city speech,” the was nothing Charlottesville hard to be his friend--and shamelessly drawing unrep- discussed the relationship line between expression and could have done to prevent maybe someday that will resentative districts. It was between states and cities, action is a very difficult one. Unite the Right or Ku Klux happen! a runaway success and a big with a focus on Virginia and He said city speech could en- Klan members from openly part of why Republicans can Charlottesville. One of the compass maintaining stat- carrying weapons during Pour one out for expect a House of Delegates main issues discussed was ues, raising flags, Black Lives their rallies, because state Notre Dame (“and majority despite garnering whether a city such as Char- Matter signs on town halls, law preempts them from do- Georgia, haha.” barely 4/5 as as many total lottesville might have a free- or be as broad as covering ing so. And of course, if the -Goldman, C.J.) votes as Democrats in last speech argument against the lobbying activities, which city wants to remove confed- ANG feels for ya. Especially Tuesday’s election. Indeed, state’s ban on removal of are currently covered for erate monuments, the state because ANG now has to they’re downright gleeful Confederate statues. In other corporations. “But if all this forbids it. In effect, he said, hear from people who once about it. The project’s web- words, as Schragger put it, is protected under the First the city “can only speak in had a two-hour layover in site—yes, it has a website— is the city being “forced to Amendment,” he said, “there the form of monuments at Miami about what big Hur- describes the effort thusly: speak” by the state’s ban? could be huge ramifications.” the state’s sufferance.” ricane fans they are. The rationale was straight- Brady gave a brief history One potentially positive “We might say as a policy forward: Controlling the re- of Virginia’s ban on monu- ramification might be that matter, it doesn’t make sense Thumbs up to ev- districting process in these ment removal, which went cities could counter corpo- for the state to decide what eryone who saw the states would have the great- into statewide effect in 1904. rate influence in politics. monuments to put up in any equine outline on p. est impact on determining The state’s ordinance, § 15.2- Blank also noted that the locality,” he continued. “Why 6 and thought of ze- how both state legislative 1812, prohibits localities state’s politics is more re- would they care?” States bras, not horses. #fascinoma, and congressional district from disturbing or interfer- cently reflecting partisanship might decide to regulate cit- folks! ing with war monuments, on the national level, and ELECTION page 2 although it’s gone through giving cities First Amend- CITIES page 6 2 Columns VIRGINIA LAW WEEKLY Wednesday, 15 November 2017 ELECTION derfunding, inadequate IT 84 votes), the 40th District the statehouse. real Democrat, after all—not continued from page 1 systems, and untested proce- (by 115 votes), and the 27th So, what did the Demo- like Ralph Northam, whose dural changes. Republicans District (by 125 votes). Re- cratic Party of Virginia try votes for George W. Bush boundaries would be drawn. have moved to cut back on publicans led or had been this time to avoid a repeat of in 2000 and 2004 we’re ap- Drawing new district lines in human enumerators in fa- declared the winners in all 2016’s drubbing? Same-old, parently supposed to forgive states with the most redis- vor of online responses, with of them. In all, eleven races same-old: not content to let because he “didn’t pay much tricting activity presented the apparent overall objec- had been decided by a mar- the populist (and popular) attention to politics” at the the opportunity to solidify tive of suppressing the count gin of less than five percent— former Representative Tom time. conservative policymaking in low-income and minority the widest, the 100th District, Perriello go uncontested And so on. Point being, at the state level and main- less than a year after an tain a Republican stronghold election cycle in which the in the U.S. House of Repre- Democratic establishment’s sentatives for the next de- compulsive habit of putting cade. its thumb on the scale nearly … tore the party apart, their REDMAP’s effect on the solution for rebuilding trust 2012 election is plain when in the leadership was to do it analyzing the results: Penn- all over again, but this time sylvanians cast 83,000 more with a milquetoast ex-Re- votes for Democratic U.S. publican as nominee. That House candidates than their it (mostly) worked is a testa- Republican opponents, but ment less to Northam’s non- elected a 13-5 Republican existent political instincts majority to represent them than it is to Virginia voters in Washington; Michigan- being well and truly fed up. ders cast over 240,000 more Not that Northam still didn’t votes for Democratic con- do his utmost to throw the gressional candidates than election. Republicans, but still elected Faced with a blitz of rac- a 9-5 Republican delegation ist Gillespie TV and radio to Congress. Nationwide, ads, Northam couldn’t mus- Republicans won 54 per- ter the guts to stand up for cent of the U.S. House seats, Failed Republican gubenatorial candidate Ed Gillespie next to a screen capture from his campaign television ad minority Virginians. In- along with 58 of 99 state Photo illustration: Yahoo News; photos: Steve Helber/AP; screen capture from ad, Getty Images stead, he rushed to co-opt legislative chambers, while the Right’s policies, pledging winning only 8 of 33 U.S. neighborhoods and skewing by a mere 1004 votes. In a in the primary, Governor to ban so-called “sanctuary Senate races and carrying representation. Democrats, further ten races, the Demo- McAuliffe, Virginia Attor- cities” and report undocu- only 47.8 percent of the na- for their part, seem to just be cratic Party failed to field a ney General Mark Herring, mented immigrants to ICE. tional presidential vote. counting on the voters res- candidate at all. These are Dominion Energy, and the Rather than pledge to raise With the 2020 Census fast cuing them in time to avoid not wave election numbers: entire Virginia Democratic Virginia’s minimum wage approaching, the Republi- another lost decade, which these are missed opportu- House and Senate Caucuses from the federal floor, the cans have already gone to makes it that much more nities. Voter suppression threw their weight behind best Northam could offer work shoring up their fire- galling that the Democratic and gerrymandering played Lieutenant Governor Ralph Virginian workers were limp, wall against fair elections. Party of Virginia made such their roles, but it is hard to Northam. Sure, Perriello vacuous buzzwords like “job One of their lower-profile a pathetic showing last week. deny that even the slightest had already received the en- training,” “apprenticeships,” recent efforts has been hob- At press time, four Del- improvement in voter en- dorsements of Bernie Sand- and “STEAM.” Again and bling the Census Bureau, egate races had a margin of thusiasm—fewer than a hun- ers, Elizabeth Warren, and again, Northam opted to which the GAO recently less than one half of one per- dred additional votes spread Khizr Khan, but what did play within the constraints placed on its “High Risk cent: the 94th District (by 13 across the right districts— they know? Everyone knows List,” citing pernicious un- votes), the 28th District (by could have given the Dems that Bernie Sanders isn’t a ELECTION page 5 Running From the Law, and How You Can Too First, I will admit, I’m biased— and who doesn’t love new Con: Running shoes are ex- per mile. So two miles burns a into the fresh air and gives you a I find sick joy in running long shoes?! Depending on the type pensive! But when you amortize beer, ten miles burns five beers! chance to be one with the squir- distances. However, I would like of shoe and your running form, the cost of the shoes they are That will almost make up for rels. Wade Foster ‘19 you need to replace your shoes cheaper than a lot of the alterna- your night at Bilt. And the calorie Con: Running is boring. When (he/him/his) every 300–500 miles. Run tives, like double bypass surgery. burn doesn’t stop when you stop you run on a track or a dreadmill, Guest Columnist running IS boring. You can alle- viate boredom by finding better to offer this mod- scenery or listening to music. If est proposal— you are still bored, you might that you, too, can need to lower your standards for and should be a entertainment. runner. To demonstrate, I would Pro: Running improves men- like to offer a totally “objective” tal health. Running has been list of the pros and cons of run- shown to have a variety of posi- ning. tive effects on mental health, Pro: Running improves your including improving focus and fitness level. Studies have shown creativity, improving ability to that regular running improves learn and retain new informa- bone density, strengthens joints, tion, alleviating anxiety and re- and improves aerobic endur- ducing symptoms of depression. ance. Improved aerobic endur- They don’t call it a runner’s high ance means that you will have an for nothing! Running also helps easier time doing other vigorous you sleep better and we all know activities (escaping zombies, rac- that law students can use more ing to class, etc.). and better sleep. Con: Running hurts. There Con: It takes time. Running, are two kinds of pain associated eating, and sleeping all take with running, the good kind and time, but so does checking in on the bad kind. The first is general Facebook, but Facebook doesn’t muscle fatigue and soreness, this make you svelte and improve is the good kind, pain is weak- your mental focus. Given the ness leaving the body. The sec- myriad of benefits running pro- ond kind is the bad kind—it’s the vides dedicating an hour out of kind that feels like you sprained Badass who moonlights as a law student, Wade Foster, puts everyone else to shame. your otherwise busy day will be something, bruised something, Photo courtesy of Facebook worth it. or pulled a muscle. If you rolled more, get more shoes! Running running, running increases your *Disclaimer: There is no right an ankle you have a pretty good also gives you an excuse to buy Pro: Running burns calories. metabolism throughout the day. or wrong way to run; fueling, idea where this pain comes other brightly colored articles of The exact number is a function Con: Running a lot means be- shoes, distance, and exertion from. If you have shooting or clothing—shirts, socks, shorts, of your body weight, your fitness ing hungry a lot and that leads level all need to be tailored to sharp pain when you run any hats—the options are endless! As level, your level of effort, and the to eating a lot. Eating a lot takes your personal preference. There variety of things could be wrong an aside, brightly colored cloth- distance you run. There are mul- time and money. But, is an ex- are many sects of the running (muscle imbalance, shoes, in- ing is encouraged not just for the tiple calculators online to help cuse to eat really such a bad community that think their way flammation). Normally this can fabulous fashion statement you you figure out how many calo- thing? is the right way. The only right be addressed with better shoes make wearing it, but also to help ries you are burning,1 but a gen- Pro: Running gives you a rea- way is the way that works for and a visit to the physical thera- drivers see you and not run you eral rule is about eighty calories son to get out of the library and you. pist—but it needs to be taken se- over (this is especially important go commune with nature. There --- riously. as the days get shorter—consider 1 https://www.runner- are miles and miles of trails and [email protected] Speaking of shoes: Pro: You adding reflective items to your sworld.com/tools/calories- farm roads close to the Law get an excuse to buy new shoes, obnoxious neon mix). burned-calculator School. Running gets you out Wednesday, 15 November 2017 VIRGINIA LAW WEEKLY Faculty Lunch 3 Dr. Kate Gibson: Lawyer-Counselor to Future Lawyers

Dr. Kate Gibson, J.D., mentalist,” just as do many CAPS until heading north to described as a head start preferring to mix novels and Psy.D., is at UVa Law be- law students, for whom di- the Law School three years in understanding law stu- history books. cause of a sharp yet delib- verting from the clear path ago. In contrast with CAPS, dent stress, although she As we enter the holiday ahead is often a challenge. where students, from first- also suggested that changes season, one of the most Ali Zablocki ‘19 However, feeling that it was year undergrad to doctoral in the legal profession have stressful times of the year (she/her/hers) her vocation, she applied candidate are served by a only increased this pressure even without finals looming, Arts Editor for and matriculated to The much larger organization, in the intervening years. and students’ hours spent George Washington Univer- Dr. Gibson has found work- She enjoys working with a studying and anxiety both erate shift in sity’s professional psychol- ing at the Law School means student body which she de- crest, Dr. Gibson also enters career path ogy doctorate program. This focusing on a single, more scribed as bright and rich a busy period. Dr. Gibson and life out- program in clinical psychol- distinct community. This in life experience, but also emphasized that she tries look. After receiving her ogy allows candidates to fo- has afforded her greater with an administration she her utmost to make time for law degree from Harvard cus their studies on clinical flexibility in working with has found to be smart, com- all students who seek her Law School, Dr. Gibson fol- work; there is no disserta- students, who in turn tend petent, and, perhaps most counsel, and maintains a lowed the natural route of tion component or phar- to have more in common, importantly, very invested daily open hour from 2:00 many students of top law in its students. until 3:00 P.M. In terms of schools, beginning her ca- Having recently surpassed services offered, she pro- reer in the Washington, a decade of Charlottesville vides one-on-one counsel- D.C. office of the firm now living, Dr. Gibson describes ing sessions, and maintains known as WilmerHale. Dr. the town as much smaller a referral list of other ther- Gibson practiced corporate than where she previously apists and psychiatrists in law, work she described as lived, but as punching above the broader Charlottesville law on a macro level. With a its weight in terms of the community who may be laugh, she added that it was arts, speakers, and things better able to provide ser- fun to spot ads for the com- going on in general. Though vices on a longer-term basis. panies whose deals she was characterizing herself as Dr. Gibson also noted that working on around town. more of a spectator than a law students have access However, the Big Law pace participant, Dr. Gibson is an to CAPS on Main Grounds, of life was as grueling then avid supporter of the arts, including their crisis ser- as it is now. Family health mentioning the Paramount vices (in-office from 8:00 issues compounding this Theater and Heritage The- A.M. until 4:30 P.M. daily, existing stress eventually atre Festival (UVa Drama’s with phone availability after prompted Dr. Gibson to re- summer theatre program) hours) and excellent group consider her path. as particular favorites. She programs. This reevaluation led Dr. also enjoys exploring the Advice for anyone at any Gibson to the realization history and environs time of the year? “As a gen- that she found working with Illustration courtesy of Charles Schultz surrounding Charlot- eral rule, humans do better clients on an individual lev- macological training (only and the chance to learn the tesville, where the moun- when connected authenti- el most fulfilling. Personal psychiatrists are able to pre- rhythms of the Law School. tainous landscape contrasts cally.” While being able to experience piquing her in- scribe). Dr. Gibson remarked that sharply with that of Mas- talk openly to whomever, be terest in clinical psychology, In 2006, Dr. Gibson joined working at the Law School sachusetts, where she grew it a friend, family member, Dr. Gibson tested this po- the staff of Counseling has been a unique opportu- up, and sampling Charlot- or professional, may not be tential new career through and Psychological Services nity to combine both phas- tesville’s ever-expanding a magic solution, it most volunteer work. Even con- (CAPS) on Main Grounds es of her career arc; vivid restaurant scene (her favor- definitely is helpful. sidering such a change was as a predoctoral intern. She memories of the stress of ite is Bang!). When she has a --- a big step; Dr. Gibson de- remained after receiving 1L grades and summer job chance to relax, Dr. Gibson [email protected] scribes herself as an “incre- her doctorate, working at hunting give her what she is an enthusiastic reader, You (Yes, You Specifically) Need to Get Out the Vote

Right now, control of the are of voting age. Almost the last three presidential ginia will again be led by a Virginia House of Delegates 88% of the approximately elections, the percentage of Democratic administration. legitimacy in various ways. may be determined by just 63,000 possible voters in the total Virginia elector- Yet, whether Governor-elect Nevertheless, concrete pow- this district are registered. ate that voted was in the Ralph Northam has to veto er rather than expressive Joe Charlet ’18 Yet, even in 2017, only low 70s, and the only way to an absurd number of bills support in Virginia may be (he/him/his) 23,878 people voted, 43.1% know how few are voting is that the majority of Virgin- decided by somewhere be- Guest Columnist of registered voters. Com- to look at the absolute num- ians do not support, or mere- tween one and thirty-two nineteen provi- pare that to the Common- bers. ly a normal number of bills votes in the Ninety-Fourth sional ballots. wealth as a whole where, Practically speaking, this that is more representative District—a district, like The Virginia according to the Virginian low level of voting does not of the normal push-and-pull many others, where literally Department Pilot, 47% of registered vot- just affect elections; it af- of legislative politics, may be tens of thousands of addi- of Elections reports that ers exercised their franchise fects governance. The cur- determined by an incredibly tional votes could have been in the House of Delegates’ this year. That sad figure is rent governor, Democrat thin margin. There are actu- cast but were not. Ninety-Fourth District, en- actually a record turnout for Terry McAuliffe, broke the ally three other delegate rac- This is why getting out compassing Newport News, gubernatorial elections not record for most bills vetoed es that are close enough for the vote matters. A small incumbent David Yancey (R) seen in twenty years. Simi- in Virginia history after just a state-funded recount, but group of dedicated people of is currently winning by just larly, the 43.1% voting rate three years in office. This is the Ninety-Fourth District’s both parties organized get- thirteen votes over Shelly in the Ninety-Fourth District not simply due to the fact razor thin margin highlight out-the-vote (GOTV) opera- Simonds (D). This .06% dif- is impressive historically. In that the General Assembly the fact that your individ- tions in the Ninety-Fourth ference is remarkable given 2015, only 27.5% of voters is controlled by the Repub- ual vote does not just help District, just like small that, in 2015, Simonds lost turned out. Thousands and lican Party, because McAu- determine who represents groups did in every district to Yancey by 15.2% in a thousands of possible votes liffe only vetoed 18 of 880 you, but also the amount of across the Commonwealth. race that had almost 10,000 were never cast at all. bills that made it to his desk concrete power all represen- Even just a small amount fewer votes than this year’s. Low voting rates inher- between March 2016 and tatives of your political per- of additional work on either Now, there are two major ently create legitimacy is- March 2017, but those bills suasion may have. side would decide the elec- differences between the 2015 sues in representative gov- he did veto, as the Washing- Last Tuesday the Demo- tion in the ninety-fourth dis- off-year election and the ernment on a conceptual ton Post characterizes them, crats were able to organize trict, almost certainly would 2017 off-year election, one level. Does a representative consisted of “cutting support effectively enough to win affected the three other re- being the raging dumpster who wins a plurality of less for Planned Parenthood, im- state-wide races by huge count races, and could have fire of endless controversy than half of the electorate posing more requirements margins. Northam won the generated more comfortable and senselessness that is the really have a claim to be a on voter registration, re- governor’s mansion by al- leads for winners in all the Trump presidency and the representative of their con- stricting absentee voting and most nine points. Even with- other delegate races across second being that 2017 in- stituents? The way election expanding access to hand- out the four still contested the state. This year, dozens cluded the gubernatorial and results are reported com- guns.” I do not want to get districts, the Democrats of UVa Law students were other executive statewide pletely obscures conceptual into the merits of these bills, won an unprecedented shift part of those small groups races in Virginia. However, I legitimacy concerns by only but I do want to point out in legislative power by win- working for the party or in- do not want to focus on why focusing on percent of the that according to most of the ning fifteen seats outright, dependent candidate that different stimuli created an turnout. This obfuscation is available polling on these is- up to forty-eight seats after best aligns with them and uptick in voting, but rather not due to any malevolence sues the majority of Virgin- only holding thirty-three of spent the past two months on voting itself and why get- or negligence. Turnout and ians did not and continue the 100 before the election. canvassing. ting out the vote matters so the votes cast are simply the not to support them, though Many of these individual I was one of those law stu- much, even in higher turn- measure for election that slimmer majorities oppose votes were not the “one” vote dents. Personally, I hate can- out years. our system is built around. these policies depending on that decided the race, but I vassing. There are few things Virginia delegate dis- Still, it is disconcerting to the exact framing of each is- think the framing of voting I dislike more than knocking tricts contain approximate- know how few people are sue. efficacy as first past-the- on the doors of strangers ly 80,000 constituents. In determining the outcomes This brings us back to post efficiency is inherently and interrupting their lives the Ninety-Fourth District, in our elections, particularly the Ninety-Fourth District. ridiculous because the mar- 78.6% of these constituents in non-presidential years. In For the next four years, Vir- gin of votes itself expresses CANVASS page 6 4 Colophon VIRGINIA LAW WEEKLY Wednesday, 15 November 2017 LAW WEEKLY FEATURE: Court of Petty Appeals The Court of Petty Appeals is the highest appellate jurisdiction court at UVa Law. The Court has the power to review any and all decisions, conflicts, and disputes that arise involving, either directly, indirectly, or tangentially, the Law School or its students. The Court is comprised of four associate justices and one Chief Justice. Opinions shall be released periodically and only in the official court reporter: the Virginia Law Weekly. Please email a brief summary of any and all conflicts to [email protected].

Class Talkers v. Trash cases turn on this determina- Student Affairs does not accom- cease and desist letter to the VANDERMEULEN, J., dis- Talkers, 70 U. Va. 482 tion, we have established the modate for “being an asshole,” Class Talkers. In the future, if senting (2017) Chief Justice Haden’s Annoy- and a majority of students at the Class Talkers are so anxious ance Test: Would a reasonably this school have the ability to that they absolutely must say I agree with my esteemed col- GOLDMAN, C.J., joined by prudent law student (1) roll control offensive outbursts, at something, we suggest using league, THE CHIEF JUSTICE, HALL and JANI, JJ. their eyes at the behavior, (2) least during class time. iMessage like everyone else. in nearly all the sentiments ex- find the behavior in question Now, for our favorite part: We remand back to Judge pressed by her opinion for the The Court certifies two class- disruptive, and/or (3)(a) irri- damages. Ranzini to calculate the mon- Court. Class Talkers are surely es of individual students re- tating, (3)(b) bothersome, (3) If one does not feel free to ful- etary damages because we hate a plague upon all right-thinking garding the same issue: talking (c) nettlesome, (3)(d) vexing, ly participate or learn in class it math. Give the Trash Talkers people, but are they not pro- in class. The trial court consoli- (3)(e) or any other synonym for is as if they did not attend that something for IIED, we trust tected by the Constitution of dated both the classes of plain- the word ‘annoying’ found on class at all. Tuition for the 2017- your discretion. these great United States? The tiffs and defendants together Merriam-Webster Dictionary. 2018 year for a nonresident is emanations and penumbra of in classes referred to as “Trash Furthermore, this Court may $61,3002 per year (not includ- Affirmed. the First, Thirteenth, Four- Talkers” and “Class Talkers.” teenth, Eighteenth, and Twen- Trash talkers were awarded ty-First Amendments surely summary judgment in an ppellants contest that their protect the right of jerks to be opinion by Judge Ranzini that jerks. I would echo what Justice stated simply: “Please shut up.” Oliver Wendell Holmes beauti- The Class Talkers appealed. behavior is involuntary and that fully wrote in the seminal Buck Upon appeal, this esteemed “A v. Bell: “Three generations of Court took the case to resolve imbeciles are enough.” Does this contentious issue once and by their nature as law students they “have an not the security of our glorious for all. nation rely upon the freedom The facts are not disputed, of individuals? See Korematsu are identical in each case, and uncontrollable urge to demonstrate our superior v. United States; Cf. Miners- are as follows: ville School District v. Gobitis, At various points in class, rightfully restricting Jehovah’s Class Talkers will audibly and intellect to everyone within our vicinity at all times.” Witnesses from handing out sarcastically make disruptive handbills. (“National unity is noises such as signs, snorts, the basis of national security. cackles, laughs, and gestures -C.J. Goldman To deny the legislature the right such as nodding their heads vig- to select appropriate means for orously, turning to the students deem any behavior annoying. ing books and supplies, ren- its attainment presents a totally seated next to them to make a We know it when we see it.1 dered useless because what’s ZABLOCKI, J., concurring different order of problem from comment, and will generally The Trash Talkers allege the point if you can’t concen- in part, concurring in the judg- that of the propriety of subor- make their approval or disap- that the Class Talkers’ behav- trate in class?). The Trash Talk- ment, and dissenting in part: dinating the possible ugliness proval of a statement made ior meets every prong of our ers note that the Class Talkers To the extent the Honorable of littered streets to the free by a professor and/or student test, as they unanimously roll are more subdued in classes Chief Justice of the Court and expression opinion through known by means too numerous their eyes at the defendants and such as Civil Procedure with the Honorable Associate Jus- handbills.”) Lochner v. United to cite in this opinion. have stated that the behavior Professor Nelson and Federal tices are collectively included States guides this court’s juris- The Trash Talkers are the impedes their ability to learn Courts with Professor Jefferies, in the class of Trash Talkers, I prudence. If New York bakers consolidated complaints by and fully participate in class where all students, even Class dissent. In my personal experi- cannot be forced to work fewer students, professors, faculty, for fear of mockery by the Class Talkers, are too afraid to make ence, certain Justices have in- than 80 hours per week, can and custodial staff who are Talkers. This Court agrees: This sudden movements. Those flicted injury as Class Talkers in gunnery 1Ls be forced to shut “annoyed and offended by the behavior is unequivocally an- classes should be subtracted the past (*cough, cough* Jani, their pieholes? I am forced to snide comments” or have oth- noying. from the total owed to Trash J.). With respect to our Honor- conclude, with great reliance erwise “been personally victim- Appellants contest that their Talkers. able Chief Justice’s judgment, upon stare decisis, that they ized by the Class Talkers.” behavior is involuntary and The violation of the Doctrine however, I concur: SHUT THE cannot. The Trash Talkers claim that by their nature as law stu- of Decent Behavior is clear. The F*** UP, EVERYONE. --- that judgmental noises are a dents they “have an uncontrol- Honorable Chief Justice of the [email protected] distraction from class to the lable urge to demonstrate our Court and the Honorable As- point where they are effectively superior intellect to everyone sociate Justices (oyez!) have barred from meaningful par- within our vicinity at all times.” even felt mockery and distress Faculty Quotes ticipation. Appellants have not per- from the behavior of the Class The Trash Talkers bring these suaded the Court that this is an Talkers. Though the Appellees D. Oliar: [Discussing New to colleges where she can buy claims under our Doctrine of actual ailment. They failed to didn’t ask for this, we also find Kids on the Block] “Anyone pot illegally.” Decent Behavior. produce a single doctor’s note the behavior illegal and have who followed them knew that To decide whether claims fall stating this particular affliction, written and affirmed our own Jordan was the cutest.” P. Grossi: “Computer’s are under the Doctrine of Decent gonna kill us all; we don’t have Behavior, we must first decide 1 Jacobellis v. Ohio, 378 U.S. 2 https://content.law.vir- J.C. Jeffries, Jr.: “Who to worry about Trump.” whether the behavior is “an- 184, 197 (Stewart, J., concur- ginia.edu/financialaid/annu- here has taken Legislation? noying.” Because most of our ring). al-cost-attendance-budget Caleb Nelson? Well he’s a bril- K. Kordana: “Harvard has liant young man and I’d take $230 billion in the bank and anything he taught me, but I’ve hasn’t blown it all. I sure would always been somewhat skepti- have. Spend it on a party.” Virginia Law Weekly cal that it’s actually a topic.” D. Brown: “[Discussing Heard a good professor COLOPHON Washington v. Gladstone] I’m quote? only letting my daughter apply Email [email protected]! Jenna Goldman (she/her/hers) ‘18 (Editor-in-Chief)

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EDITORIAL POLICY: The Virginia Law Weekly publishes letters and columns of interest to the Law School and the legal community at large. Views expressed in such submissions are those of the author(s) and not necessarily those of the Law Weekly or the Editorial Board. Letters from organizations must bear the name, signature, and title of the person authorizing the submission. All letters and columns must either be submitted in hardcopy bearing a handwritten signature along with an electronic version, or be mailed from the author’s e-mail account. Sub- missions must be received by 12 p.m. Sunday before publication and must be in accordance with the submission guidelines. Letters and/or columns over 1200 words may not be accepted. The Editorial Board reserves the right to edit all submissions for length, grammar, and clarity. Although every effort is made to publish all materials meeting our guidelines, we regret that not all submissions received can be published. Wednesday, 15 November 2017 VIRGINIA LAW WEEKLY Columns 5 “Family Freak Out” Favorites

In 2015, Saturday Night are Dating Someone - Daya, So How Bout That Elec- rain. Houston and Puerto When a “Did You…Did You Live correctly pointed out “Sit Still, Look Pretty” tion in Virginia? - Imagine Rico, however, need less. Just Say THAT?!” Moment that Adele’s “Hello” was the No. I’m in law school. Do Dragons, “Believer,” and/or Play “Africa” and hope that Occurs - Mariah Carey, “All Kendall Burchard you know anything about the R.E.M, “It’s the End of the everyone begins to sing I Want for Christmas Is You” (she/her/hers) ‘19 distribution of marital prop- World” along to arguably one of the This song will thoroughly Guest Columnist erty after divorce? Do mar- Maybe you’re pumped. best songs of all time and confuse your family and is ried people really know what Maybe you’re pissed. Maybe forgets their personal grudg- sure to provoke an alternate cure to most, if they’ve gotten themselves your family feels similarly, es against Al Gore, Leonardo discussion about the proper not all, family into?1 or maybe they don’t. Maybe DiCaprio, and the majority time to begin to celebrate feuds during When You’re a Victim of play whichever song sums of the scientific commu- other upcoming winter holi- the holidays. “The Turkey Dump” – Mi- up your feelings quietly… nity. days, be it Christmas, Ha- With few topics safe from randa Lambert, “Mama’s with headphones in. Maybe When the NFL Comes Up - nukkah, or what have you. heavy politicization, here’s Broken Heart” you should avoid anything Lady Antebellum, “Need You Someone will also probably a playlist for talented, criti- Your well-meaning family that broaches politics like Now” start dancing. Distractions cally acclaimed artists to members may want to con- the plague. Maybe that’s just Knee-d…you now. Get it? can be a blessing. express your frustrations sole you after a break up. me? Get it? When, Despite Your Best about our society to your It’s sweet. But emotions are When Your Family Asks …I’ll see myself out. Efforts, You Tell Off a Fam- family members without di- high. Law school is hard. About Your Law School When Trump’s Twitter ily Member and Immediate- rectly involving yourself in Grab a glass of wine, remind Friends – twenty one pilots, Comes Up - Elton John, ly Regret It - Taylor Swift, what will surely be an un- yourself that limiting dis- “Heathens” “Rocket Man” “Look What You Made Me comfortable conversation. tractions before finals is for Depending on your Crim Because if Trump contin- Do” / Demi Lovato, “Sorry When Explaining How the best, and remind your class and who among your ues to pick a fight with the Not Sorry” Law School is Going – Ozzy family that you’ll bury their classmates have designated “short and fat”3 leader of Less about avoiding the Osbourne, “Crazy Train” sorry butt on the curve. as the murderers/murder North Korea Rocket Man discussion, more about how You think you have a cog- When You are Doing the victims in your professor’s may answer with a bang. to make yourself feel better nizable claim for intentional Turkey Dumping - The hypos, you may be “lovin’ When The Russian Probe after. Whoops. But you were infliction of emotional dis- Pussycat Dolls, “I Hate This on the murderer sitting next Comes Up – Who Freaking justified, right? tress against most mem- Part” to you” or be located next to Knows, “Take Me Out To The bers of the faculty, and if Explaining why you broke a “psychopath.”2 Or maybe Ball Game” When You’ve Made you think you’ll win it, you up with your significant oth- your friends are still insuf- Because Mueller = UVa It Through the Meal haven’t outlined Torts yet. er can be as exhausting as ferable after OGI, and they Law = collegial = softball. – Queen, “We Are the Let the song speak for you explaining why you aren’t in are the heathens “ask[ing] Hey, let’s talk about softball Champions” When Harvey Weinstein, a relationship and why you you who you know.” Sound instead! Family still intact? No Kevin Spacey, or Roy Moore just got dumped. There’s no about right? one’s lives taken/seriously Come Up - Beyoncé’s “If I winning. 3 His words, not mine. threatened? Convinced the Were a Boy” When Climate Change @realDonaldTrump, Twit- people who have otherwise Because when your fam- 1 Cf. Obergefell v. Hodg- Comes Up - Toto, “Afri- ter (Nov. 11, 2017 4:48 stormed out of the room ily suddenly becomes very es, 135 S.Ct. 2584, 2600 ca” PM), https://twitter.com/ to come back to the table? invested in the presumption (2015) (“Marriage responds Yes, “bless the rains down realDonaldTrump/sta- You’ve accomplished what of innocence after a man to the universal fear that a in Africa.” Apparently Char- tus/929511061954297857 many before have failed to has been accused of making lonely person might call out lottesville also needs some (“Why would Kim Jong-un do, and your efforts should sexual advances against a only to find no one there.” insult me by calling me ‘old,’ be generously rewarded. 14-year-old, sometimes you So can dogs, Justice Ken- 2 Do psychopaths qualify when I would NEVER call --- just gotta let Bey speak truth nedy. And good friends. And for the insanity defense? him ‘short and fat?’ Oh well, [email protected] for you. coworkers because BigLaw Anyone in Bonnie’s class I try so hard to be his friend - When Someone Asks if You hours. Shush). know? § G? §A? and maybe someday that will happen!”).

cause she kicks a lot of ass to know. And on that note, ELECTION the Stars and Bars and dog- HOT continued from page and generally seems like she don’t be afraid to get in- continued from page 2 whistling about “Southern would be an incredibly good volved, but also don’t take on Heritage.” Northam could BENCH time. leadership positions unless imposed upon him by his op- with minimal effort have you are actually excited about ponent, as if daring to dream brought another half-dozen 5. What event are you doing the work associated just a little bit bigger would seats along on his coat-tails. most excited for on the with them. somehow make him a less Instead, we’re going into the UVa calendar? sober and realistic candidate all-important 2019 House The PILA Shaping Justice 9. If you could live any- than a professional lobby- of Delegates elections with Conference! That’s mostly a where, where would it ist pretending to be a good a Republican majority, and shameless plug because I’m be? old boy. Had Northam been the Democratic Party is too co-directing it with Ryan Berlin, though I don’t have even an iota more sincere, busy patting each other on Snow, but I think it’s really a good explanation as to why. he should have had no dif- the back to realize how close going to be incredible this ficulty rolling over Gillespie, they came to losing every- year. 10. What’s your least fa- a carpetbagger from New thing. vorite sound? Jersey whose strategy con- --- 6. If you had to pick one My alarm. sisted of wrapping himself in [email protected] Amy Cameron song to play non-stop in Duncan ‘19 the background of your 11. What’s the best gift life, what would it be? you’ve ever received? (she/her/hers) Picking one song to play My grandmother sent me in the background forever a $100 chipotle gift card out 1. Where can you find sounds absolutely horren- of the blue right before finals the best margarita in dous, but I have been listen- last year and it was AMAZ- Be a part of NYC? ing to “Ran” by Future Is- ING. Well, I wouldn’t say that lands pretty much constantly it’s the best margarita in New for the past few weeks… 12. Backstreet Boys or York, but my favorite place *NSYNC? Virginia Law to drink a margarita in New 7. If you were a super- Boyz II Men. Seriously, York is Lucky Dog in Brook- hero, what would your they were just better. I saw lyn. Because, really, what’s superpower be? them in Philly this summer better than drinking a ridicu- I have always wished that and they’re still incredible. history. lously gigantic margarita in a I had the power to fluently backyard surrounded by thir- speak the native language of 13. What is the best con- ty dogs? anyone I met, including the cert you have ever been ability to understand jokes to? Join the Law Weekly. We need editors, 2. What is your favorite and idioms. I’m not exactly I got super lucky a few years word? sure what kind of superhero back and randomly ended up writers, photographers, and cartoonists. Petrichor. It means the that would make me, but it’s a at this party that Talib Kweli smell that comes after a rain. power that I’ve always wished was performing at. Seeing Pizza and law school gossip gratis. I had. one of my favorite artists in 3. Where did you grow such a small setting was pret- up? 8. What’s something ty unbeatable. All around the DC area, but you wish you’d known I went to high school in Alex- about law school before 14. If you could make andria, VA. coming to UVA Law? one rule that everyone 2L is harder than 1L for had to follow, what would 4. If you could meet one a lot of people. Apparently it be? celebrity, who would it be they don’t like to tell 1Ls that No posting “facts” that have and why? for fear that they’ll drop out, no basis whatsoever in actual Mondays at 6:00 pm in SL279 Dame Helen Mirren be- but I think I’d have preferred fact on social media. 6 The Back Page VIRGINIA LAW WEEKLY Wednesday, 15 November 2017 CITIES CANVASS with as flexible a schedule mortems being written about continued from page 1 erendum from the 1980s in continued from page 3 as a law student has. Oth- this election in Virginia and Washington, D.C. on medi- ers did way more and spent what it means for the Com- cal marijuana, the votes of all of Election Day provid- monwealth and the nation as ies when desiring uniformity which Congress kept from to talk about something as ing rides, directing people to we move into congressional or when there is oppression being counted. That move personal and potentially an- their polling places, and any midterms elections in 2018. of minorities, but those argu- provoked widespread disap- tagonizing as politics. But other manner of supportive Some of those are interest- ments aren’t especially com- proval and Blank agreed that this is how elections are won activities. The aggregate re- ing, and some of them may pelling in the case of monu- a referendum gets closer to on the ground level; not by sult of all this work was a his- even turn out to be correct. ments. Schragger posed the the nexus of the city and the changing minds door-to- toric sweep for Democrats. But the only true take away question of whether a first citizens of the city. door, which is not supported If the Ninety-Fourth District one can glean from any elec- amendment doctrine could On the question of current by the data, but by actively had just a few more people tion is that voting matters. remedy the vulnerability of politics in Virginia, Schrag- ensuring your own support- getting out the vote on either You must vote. You should cities, as well as whether we ger said that both Governor ers get out and vote. Looking side, the future balance of tell everyone you know to want it to. McAuliffe and Attorney Gen- back, I probably spent fif- power in the Commonwealth vote. But, if you really want Brady noted that in the eral Mark Herring have come teen to twenty hours spread of Virginia would be much to do more than just hope context of takings law, spe- down on the side of localities over the past two months clearer. Even just one or two that an appropriate aggre- cial doctrines were created to in deciding whether to take going door-to-door in vari- people spending a single af- gate of other voters express address the rights of munici- down monuments, although ous neighborhoods around ternoon going door to door your voting preferences, palities. She suggested that exit polls from the recent Charlottesville and Albemar- or phone banking could have then you need to get out the a similar doctrine for the Virginia elections showed le County. Fifteen to twenty gotten out enough votes vote. speech of cities might be a people favoring keeping hours over the course of two to determine the Ninety- --- baby step toward addressing monuments by a margin of months is an unbelievably Fourth District. [email protected] some of these issues. Blank about sixty to thirty. “What small sacrifice for someone There are a lot of post brought up the ways cities puzzles me as a concep- are treated like corporations, tual matter is why the state such as in the bankruptcy would care, and yet the state context. He noted that in the cares deeply—the citizens— federalism context, we have the culture, they care deeply safeguards for states, such as even if they’ve never seen the representation in Congress, monuments.” but an equivalent represen- While the debate over tation of cities’ at the state speech rights of cities has level might be seen as uncon- yet to be resolved, it’s certain stitutional due to the one- that contentious issues like

person, one-vote doctrine. Confederate monuments and One audience member sanctuary cities will keepEnjoy! it GMT. 2017 23:38:22 13 Nov Mon on http://www.opensky.ca/sudoku by Generated brought up the possibility of alive. using referenda for citizens --- of a city to decide to remove [email protected] a statue, and asked if such a mechanism might be per- mitted. The panelists agreed that this strategy would get closer to representing the speech of the citizens, but Cartoon By Ali that generally, in Dillon’s Rule in states like Virginia, the state would win in the end. Blank mentioned a ref- TIME EVENT LOCATION COST FOOD? WEDNESDAY – November 15, 2017 Litigating for Liberty: Tales 11:30 AM from the Trenches with WB 101 Free Yes, Chik-fil-A Alan Gura SUDOKU BLSA Teach-In: "Place, Puzzle 1 (Very hard, difficulty rating 0.78) 12:00 PM Purcell Free Yes, Pearl Island Race, and Public Health" Cyber Operations: Is It Possible to Apply 20th 6 8 Century International Law 12:00 PM Caplin Pavilion Free Yes to 21st Century Cyber 8 3 4 7 Capabilities? (The Devil Is in The Details) Faculty Ideas in Progress: 6 8 3 1 'The Attack on American 12:00 PM WB 121 Free Yes, with RSVP Cities,' With Professor Rich 1 3 6 5 Schragger Blaxploitalian: 100 Years of 5:30 PM UVa Nau Hall Free No Blackness in Italian Cinema 3 6 t Dinner Table Series: Joe 6:00 PM Charlet on Class and Caplin Pavilion Free Yes 9 2 5 3 Intersectionality THURSDAY – November 16, 2017 2 3 7 6 CARE Career & Summer 12:00 PM WB 129 Free Yes, but RSVP Job Panel

o c k e Asian Invisibility and 6 7 3 5 1:00 PM Overcoming Apathy Caplin Pavilion Free Not sure Lecture 5 4 Student Bar Association D 5:00 PM Spies Garden Free Yes Thursday Social FRIDAY November 17, 2017 – Generated by http://www.opensky.ca/sudoku on Mon Nov 13 23:38:22 2017 GMT. Enjoy! 5:30 PM Legal Observer Training Caplin Pavilion Free Yes h e

6:00 PM Shared Shabbat Scott Commons Free Yes, Al Carbon with RSVP Solution

T 8 7 2 4 6 3 5 1 9

SATURDAY – November 18, 2017

All Day Charlottesville Book Fair CitySpace Free No 5 9 3 2 8 1 4 7 6 Harry Potter and the Order Alamo Drafthouse 4 6 1 5 9 7 8 3 2 12:00 PM $10 EMO HARRY!!!

of the Phoenix Cinema

SUNDAY – November 19, 2017 3 8 7 1 5 2 6 9 4 FLAVA and VALS Pre- The Pavilion 6 1 9 7 4 8 2 5 3 5:30 PM Free Potluck, so bring a dish

Thanksgiving Potluck! Clubhouse

MONDAY – November 20, 2017 2 5 4 6 3 9 7 8 1 Auditorium of the 1 3 5 8 2 4 9 6 7

Albert and

Shirley Small 7 4 6 9 1 5 3 2 8

5:00 PM Compassion for Others Free No Special 9 2 8 3 7 6 1 4 5

Collections Library at UVA 0.78) rating difficulty hard, (Very 1 Puzzle TUESDAY – November 21, 2017 Turkey's Constitutional 12:00 PM Saga: Culture, Tradition, Purcell Free Yes, Mezeh and the Modern State