Frittenden Parish Magazine
November 2020 Fifty Pence
VILLAGE CONTACTS
CHURCH OFFICIALS AND ORGANISATIONS
RECTOR Rev Pete Deaves 852275 Email address [email protected] Churchwarden Joanna Beech 852312 Churchwarden John Stansfeld 852185 Reader & Deanery Synod Tony Staples 852226 Treasurer Christopher Page 852230 Deanery Synod James Highwood 852715 Secretary Vacant Verger Margaret Knight 852322 Director of Music Morwenna Campbell-Smith 07703 522102 Parish Disclosure Officer Judy Staples 852226 Parish Safeguarding Coordinators Judy Staples & James Highwood 852226/852715 Bell Ringers Captain & Secretary David Manger 01622 890675 Magazine Editor Mike Cooper 852108 Advertising Nicky Vernon 852537 Distribution Ian Mounter 852268 Messy Church Eileen Mounter 852268 Open The Book Helen Stansfeld 852185 Sunday Club Contact Joanna Beech 852312 Website www.frittendenchurch.org.uk Childline 0800 1111 Relate Contact via [email protected] or 01892 529927
OTHER VILLAGE ORGANISATIONS Cricket, Sports & Social Club Chair Nick Bull 852105 Secretary Charlotte Sharp 852217
Friends of Frittenden School Chair Beks Harding 712138 Pre-school Manager Sarah Davies 852100 Home 852130 Primary School Head of School Nichola Costello 852250 Gardening Society President Sue Martin 852425 Chairman Duncan Rouse 852232 Secretary Tricia Palmer 852430 Show Secretary Jeremy Beech 852312 Treasurer / Subscriptions Nicky Robinson 852488 Historical Society Chair Phil Betts 852243 Treasurer Bernard Millard 852219 Secretary Tor Millard 893703 Marquee Hire Contact Mike Cooper 852108 Memorial Hall Chair Rosalind Riley 852317 Hire hall, tables/chairs, etc. Eileen Bridges 852563 Parish Council Chairman Tony Staples 852226 (For more details of other Local Council contacts, see back page). Ring a Friend in Frittenden Contacts Angela Parish & Brenda Croucher 852249/448 Royal British Legion Chairman Mike Burden 01622 432866 Hon Sec. Howard Lilley 852225 Tennis Club Chair Nigel Casswell 852772 Treasurer John Marshall 852345 Membership Secretary Women’s Institute President Anne Holroyd 893256 Vice President Ros Bowles 852323 Secretary Christine Anthony 852355 Treasurer Valerie Thomas 762821 Youth Club Contact Lorraine Burford, YMCA 07927 282129
DEFIBRILLATORS - These are now available at the shop, at the pub, at Larchmere and there is also a mobile unit available for use at village events.
Last updated 16th March 2020
RECTOR’S REFLECTIONS
Haven’t the Autumn colours been incredible? With the News often gloomy and bleak, focusing on the beauty and richness of God’s creation can help us keep a healthy perspective. That’s been a repeated theme during this year’s very different Harvest celebrations; in Church, in School ‘bubbles’ and at the busy ‘Families at Four’ Sunday afternoon services.
The other day I crossed paths with the Pre-school out on a nature walk through the churchyard, and we were all stopped in our tracks by the vivid pink bush near the lych-gate, just stunning!
Another day I found a new circuit for my morning bike ride, and was coasting down the gentle incline just ahead of the Three Chimneys junction coming from the Biddenden direction. It was clear and sunny, and I suddenly spotted over the hedge the sun lighting up Frittenden, and St Mary’s bathed in a glorious glow…
Seeing things from a different perspective can take us by surprise. But being open to other perspectives is something we can hone and work on. Noticing the leaves changing colour is a good start as we start to grasp how God deals in the smallest of details - splashes of colour, endless variety and rich texture.
And we want to tune in to those around us, aware not just of what is being said, but what’s not being said. In our community, as we interact in person, as well as in the virtual domain, let’s keep working hard to see things from others’ points of view, committed to cooperating and collaborating wherever we can.
Be blessed,
Pete - 852275
UNITED BENEFICE OF SISSINGHURST WITH FRITTENDEN NOVEMBER SERVICES, ACTIVITIES AND NOTICES
Sun 1st 10.00 Holy Communion BCP - St Wed 18th 9.00 S.P.A.C.E. In Church Mary's 14.00-17.00 St Mary's open for private Preacher: Rev Pete Deaves prayer 11.15-11.45 Virtual after church tea & coffee via zoom Thu 19th 19:30 -20.00 Prayer Hub via zoom
Wed 4th 9.00 S.P.A.C.E. in church
14.00-17.00 St Mary's open for Sun 22nd 10.00 Holy Communion - Trinity private prayer Church Preacher: Canon John Mulrenan
Thu 5th 19:30 -20.00 Prayer Hub via zoom 11.15-11.45 Virtual after church tea & coffee via zoom 3pm or 4pm Familes @ Four, St Mary's Sun 8th 10.30 Remembrance Ceremony at Frittenden War Memorial 10.50 Remembrance Service in St Wed 25th 14.00-17.00 St Mary's open for private Mary's Church (*see magazine prayer
notice) Preacher: Tony Staples
11.15-11.45 Virtual after church Thu 26th 19:30 -20.00 Prayer Hub via zoom tea & coffee via zoom 3pm or 4pm Familes @ Four, Trinity Church Sun 29th 10.00 Holy Communion (CW) - St Mary's Wed 11th 14.00-17.00 St Mary's open for private Preacher: Hubert Ashton prayer 11.15-11.45 Virtual after church tea & coffee via zoom Thu 12th 19:30 -20.00 Prayer Hub via zoom 3pm or 4pm Familes @ Four, Trinity
Sun 15th 10.00 Morning Worship at St Mary's Church Preacher: Rev Pete Deaves
11.15-11.45 Virtual after church tea & coffee via zoom
Late changes - Please check on the church website for any changes to services or events - frittendenchurch.org.uk
A recording of the Sunday service will be available each week on the website, under the Audio tab, and also available to listen to via the dial up number 01580 234185.
The zoom meeting number for virtual after church coffee and the prayer hub is 352 987 984. To join by phone dial 0330 088 5830, then enter the meeting number followed by #. Password if required is 333.
In the United Benefice of Sissinghurst with Frittenden, St Mary's is the parish church of Frittenden and Trinity is the parish church of Sissinghurst. ST MARY’S SERVICES DURING NOVEMBER
Sundays In November we are continuing with services in church, at 10.00, alternating between St Mary’s and Trinity Church in Sissinghurst. These will be said services only as singing is still prohibited and face masks are mandatory. You can see the details in the notices section.
We will be recording the services and these will be made available on the website, frittendenchurch.org.uk, via the Audio tab. These recordings will also be live for the whole week on the dial up line 01580 234185.
At 11.15am on a Sunday morning we will continue to meet by zoom for coffee and chat for half an hour, this is a good chance to catch up.
The new ‘Families at Four’ service has got off to a great start and two or even three services will be held on each occasion to cater for the numbers wishing to attend, in a COVID safe environment. See separate notice for dates and times.
Details of the arrangements for Remembrance Sunday are in a separate notice on the next page of the magazine.
If you are intending to come to one of the services in church you will be most welcome. To help us manage numbers please can you let Joanna Beech (852312) know for the St Mary’s services and Penny Durie (712612) know for the Trinity services.
Weekdays Our bi-monthly service of reflection, S.P.A.C.E. will be held in church on the first and third Wednesday of the month. A pdf will also be available on the website.
The church will be open for private prayer on Wednesday afternoons from 14.00 to 17.00.
We are also meeting for virtual prayer meetings, using zoom, praying for our community and our country. During November these will take place from 19.30 to 20.00 every Thursday evening. If there is anything you would like us to pray for please email Rev Pete Deaves at [email protected]
National Church of England On-line services If you would like to listen to an online service, updated every week, Pete recommends the Daily Hope line, details below.
Joanna Beech, John Stansfeld Churchwardens
REMEMBRANCE SUNDAY COMMEMORATIONS
As in previous years St Mary’s Church and the British Legion will be holding a short act of remembrance at War Memorial opposite Larchmere, at 10.30am on Sunday 8th November. At 10.50 there will be a service of remembrance in the Church, including a two minute silence at 11.00am.
However because of social distancing, and limited available space we would like to ask that people attend either the commemorations at the War memorial OR the service in the Church, but not both.
If you wish to attend the service in Church, please contact Joanna Beech, [email protected] or on 852312, to reserve your place as we can only accommodate 25 or so ‘bubbles’ in the Church plus a few extra if we use the Upper Room.
We want to make both these occasions meaningful and to allow as many people to attend as possible under the current restrictions. We appreciate your understanding.
Joanna Beech, John Stansfeld, Church wardens, Howard Lilley, Royal British Legion.
TO ANNABEL (& MANY OTHERS IN FRITTENDEN)
This is a message of thanks for the love and care shown to two ‘old codgers’ since early in the lockdown and even before. This support continues still. My wife, who had had indifferent health for many years became much more ill in December last year and as her carer it became more difficult for me to obtain provisions etc., especially ater lockdown. It could have been a great problem for many people but of course I live in Frittenden and neighbours who had already offered help were called upon and surpassed all our expectations. With the Covid 19 lockdown it was amazing that even more help was freely given by people unknown to me in several instances. Food and other items, specially prepared and packaged, appeared on the doorstep. We have no family members in the village so apart from visits by our GP and nurses this became my only direct human interface. It was a distressing time for all of us as my wife’s health deteriorated and my children and grandchildren could not visit. One branch of our extended family was particularly stricken. One family menber was one of the >2,000 people who have so far died in Bergamo (Italy). There have been over 13,000 ascertained cases in that town alone. They were not allowed a proper funeral because of the pandemic and they had already lost a sibling a month or so previous to this, leaving a 10 year old boy motherless. One of my sons and his family were also isolated because of the reguations in Spain. Eventually my wife died in April and only 8 family menbers were allowed to attend the funeral (but without physical contact). WE had a streamed service and once again it was great to know that as we were grieving at the crematorium, there was virtual support in the village and elsewhere in the world with families taking part, some actually singing the hymns along with us!. To grieve alone has been a great challenge to my physical and mental health and I am grateful to all those who have given freely of their time in so many ways. I am still very cautious regarding contact with others but I do now venture out for a shopping trip from time to time and I do actually have contact with my family in Kent. My other son is still in Spain so Skype and WhatsApp have proved their worth over the whole of this year. The fact that I love cooking and gardening has been a life-saver for me I feel sure. It has been most satisfying to ‘commune with nature’ in this way, although I find many tasks more strenuous these days. To have my own vegetables on the table is a bonus. I feel so lucky when I think of those with similar histories who have been confined to appartments with little outside support. But where does Annabel come into this? Well just before the August Bank Holiday there was a ring on my doorbell and Annabel and a friend were there. I didn’t know who she was until I opened the lovely little brown paper package she gave me. Alongside a delicious chocolate bun was the short message with a picture that I am sharing with you now. Annabel, you will probably think I am really ancient because I am more than ten times your age! I thank you from the bottom of my heart, especially for the lovely picture with its wonderful little message. Thank you also to those adults who supervised this and other activities to help those of us who have been very lonely and in need of late.
Thank you Frittenden!
HEADCORN HEALTH WALKS
Since we restarted our walks we have welcomed a number of new walkers. All has gone very well with groups of six. On Wednesday 7th October seventeen of us in three groups set off in dry weather for a very enjoyable 4 mile walk to Tong Farm and back. November Walks. Wednesday 4th meet at Leeds church car park (ME17 1RL) at 9.30 for 9.45am start. This is a 90min undulating, circulating walk towards Bromfield, returning through Leeds Castle grounds on footpaths – some ups and downs yet time to stop and stare. Hopefully there will be some good autumn colours. 10 gates, no stiles. Wednesday 18th Meet at Smarden Charter Hall car park (TN27 8NF) at 9.30 for 9.45am start for a 4 mile walk over fields, through a small wood, crossing the railway to the edge of Deering woods. No hills, a few stiles.
Don’t forget, it is absolutely necessary to book a place on each walk on a first come, first served basis. If you do plan to walk with us and do not pre – book, we will have to turn you away so please contact Paula 01622 892236 as soon as possible.
Barry Walker [email protected]
FRITTENDEN CHRISTMAS ADVENT WINDOWS
Thank you – to those residents that have offered or agreed to doing an advent window this year.
ONLY THREE WINDOWS LEFT- Please contact me, Jackie Brown if you would like to take part and be allocated a number.
Yes! The festive season will soon be on the horizon!!
In 2019 we had a year off the Frittenden Advent Windows.
I think you will agree that the two years prior to this the windows were a great success. It was a delight to view so many ideas; some in keeping with the celebration of traditional Christmas, snow scenes, angels. All very creative and different, all celebrating the spirit of the season.
Heather Cullingworth and I are looking for 24 volunteers to put a display in a window of their home that can be seen from the road or footpath. Ideally the windows need to be within safe walking distance of the village centre.
Let's make the advent windows extra special this year, the Christmas season is going to be very different. How lovely it will be to walk or drive round our very special village to admire the advent window displays.
For those of you that don't know or need a reminder of how it works, we ask you to let myself or Heather know that you would like to be allocated a number and on this date in December you will reveal your window. Numbers (or dates) will be allocated to you at least two weeks before the start of December. Please make your own number to show the date your window is representing and display this clearly in your window display.
I will publish a list of the houses displaying advent windows alongside the date their window is to be revealed in the December Parish Magazine. It is hoped as many residents with or without an advent window will walk around the village to enjoy the festive masterpieces.
Start thinking, planning, collecting items, your display is your own creation. Feel free to re- use items from last time if you have displayed one before - I don't think any of us will remember!
We hope to make this extraordinary Christmas very special.
Looking forward to hearing from you
Jackie Brown 01580 852452 [email protected]
Heather Cullingworth 01580 852340 [email protected]
ST MARY’S LYCHGATE
Sunday 1 November sees the anniversary of the unveiling of the lychgate to the entrance of St Mary’s. This was dedicated to the memory of the late Rupert Inglis, rector from 1899 to 1916, and was erected by the parishioners in 1917.
Lych is derived from the Old English 'lich', meaning corpse, and lychgates were meeting places for the mourners bringing a corpse for burial, and for the priest to receive the corpse. Although some had been built earlier, the 1549 Prayer Book required the priest to meet the corpse at the churchyard entrance. This encouraged the provision of lych-gates to shelter the funeral party from the elements.
Frittenden’s lychgate was designed by Messrs Harry Hems and Sons. Harry Hems was an English architectural and ecclesiastical sculptor who was particularly inspired by Gothic architecture and a practitioner of Gothic Revival. He founded and ran a large workshop, "The Ecclesiastical Art Works", in Exeter, Devon, which produced woodwork and sculpture for churches all over the country and abroad.
The lychgate was described in the newspaper report of the time as
‘of massive English oak with tiled canopy, surmounted by a wooden cross. The inscription on the centre beam is as follows: - “To the glory of God. Remember Captain the Rev. Rupert Edward Inglis, chaplain to the Forces, for seventeen years rector of this parish, killed in action near Ginchy in the Battle of the Somme, September 18th 1916, while assisting to bring in wounded under fire. ‘Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends’”
The lychgate was unveiled by Mr E L Tomlin of Angley Park, Cranbrook, Deputy Lord Lieutenant of Kent. He was “one of Rupert Inglis’ greatest friends, and was with him at Oxford. He had met him there on the cricket field and in the Common Room and always found him steadfast, strenuous, earnest and sincere.”
The stature of Inglis is evidenced by the number of memorials to him around the country. In addition to the lychgate, and a memorial in the chancel of St Mary’s, they are at: - Thiepval, Picardy, France - the Memorial to the Missing of the Somme, where, at 53, he is the oldest man to be memorialised - Rugby School where he played for the Rugby XV in 1879-80 - University College, Oxford which he attended 1881-5 - Oxford University RFC for whom he played in 1883-4 - Twickenham Stadium, earning three England Rugby caps in 1886 (he was the oldest England Rugby international to die in WWI) - MCC at Lords - Blackheath RFC - Ely Theological College (now King’s School, Ely) - St Peter’s church, Higham-on-the-Hill, Leicestershire - All Saints, Basingstoke where he served as curate 1892-99 - The Royal Army Chaplain’s Department Memorial, All Saints, Aldershot
Phil Betts, Chmn. Frittenden Historical Society
APRIL 1948
The Celebration of the One Hundredth Anniversary of the Re-opening of St. Mary’s Church, Frittenden, for Divine Worship
THE RE-OPENING CEREMONY
Our Special Thanksgiving Services and celebrations this year are to observe the centenary of the re- opening and re-dedication of our Church for Divine Worship on Easter Tuesday, April 25th, 1848, after the Church had been closed for about two years for restoration and partial rebuilding. On that day there were held morning and evening services, including celebrations of the Holy Communion, conducted by the Venerable Benjamin Harrison, Archdeacon of Maidstone, assisted by the Rev. Edward Moore, Rector of Frittenden. The day was observed, we read, as one of great rejoicing, and not only were almost the entire population of the village present but also a large number of guests invited by the Rector and his wife, the Lady Harriet, who was a daughter of the Duke of Buccleuch and Queensberry. At mid-day a sumptuous repast was provided at the expense of the Rector for all present, and it is said that more than a thousand persons were entertained and accommodated in the School and a magnificent marquee erected nearby. The menu included one thousand pounds of the best English beef and three hundred pounds of plum pudding, for the cooking of which all the ovens and coppers of the village were engaged! Two medals were struck to commemorate the great occasion, one smaller one which was distributed to the children of the Schools, a few of which are still in the possession of some of the Frittenden villagers to-day, and a larger and handsomer one which was given to each of the personal guests of the Rector. (Ed’s had a senior moment and can’t remember where he got this from….).
My thanks to ??? for providing this (I had a senior moment and can’t remember who supplied it… Ed.)
PARISH BIRD LIST The year moves on and so do those birds that migrate to warmer climates for the winter. The swifts left back in August and the last of the swallows seem to have gone too, although the young birds who hatched this year will stay here as long as possible, building up there fat reserves, before making their first great journey to Africa. Chiff chaffs have mostly gone too, although increasingly some are choosing to sit tight and rely on a mild winter and bird food to get them through the cold weather. It’s time to look out for the incoming winter visitors too though, especially the flocks of redwings and fieldfares, coming across from Scandinavia and Russia to feast on the berries that they find so irresistible in our hedges and gardens.
And it seems appropriate, therefore, to republish the list of birds seen in the parish, in case anyone has anything to add to it. This splendid record was originally collated by Dick Munton at Brissenden Farm, but has been added to since then by other parishioners. If you have seen a species that is not listed, please do let me know. For example, has anyone seen house martins around the parish? I’m sure they must be here but I haven’t seen any myself. And I’m sure we must have tree creepers but can’t say I’ve seen one of those here either. If you have, please email me!
Lastly, do remember that hedgehogs are going into hibernation now, so please don’t set fire to garden waste that has been stacked for more than a week or two, without moving it first to check that no spiny little creatures are fast asleep in its depths.
Rebecca Brown email: [email protected]
PARISH BIRD LIST
Barn Owl Great Spotted Woodpecker Red Kite Blackbird Great Crested Grebe Reed Bunting Blue Tit Green Woodpecker Robin Skylark Bullfinch Greenfinch Snipe Buzzard Grey Wagtail Songthrush Canada Goose Greylag goose Sparrowhawk Chaffinch Heron Starling Chiff Chaff House sparrow Swallow Coal Tit Jackdaw Swift Collared Dove Jay Tawny Owl Teal Common Gull Kestrel Turtle Dove Crow Kingfisher Willow warbler Dunnock Lesser Spotted Woodpecker Woodcock Egret Little Owl Woodpigeon Fieldfare Mallard Wren French Partridge Mandarin Wryneck Merlin Goldcrest Yellowhammer Moorhen Goldfinch Nut Hatch Great Tit Pied Wagtail
GOSBEE’S GOSSIP
I will start the Gossip on a sad note. David Hooker passed away on 7th October. He was suffering from mesothelioma, a cancer brought on from working with asbestos. David lived in Frittenden for most of his life. In fact, his father Bob worked for my father at Manor Farm from 1956 until 1978. David went to Frittenden School, when the Headteacher was the strict Yates Smith, who insisted that all children learnt to write with italic handwriting. David excelled in this style of writing, winning a certificate for the best handwriting. He went on to become outstanding at calligraphy. You can see some of his beautiful handwriting on the noticeboard in the Church. David loved walking in the countryside. His wife Carol told me that they walked 1200 miles over many years, as well as cycling many more. David was also a skilled photographer, and used to develop his own photographs. David was given a tortoise that he named Toby when he was 5 years old, so he has had Toby for 62 years. He didn’t know how old it was when he got him. Carol has kindly written a summary of David’s life. It must have been very difficult for her to do this so soon after losing him. On a lighter note, at Frittenden School in the days that David attended, the children were expected to eat everything on their plates. David didn’t like tomatoes and used to put his in his pockets, to dispose of later. David spent the last few week of his life at the Hospice in Five Ashes, near Heathfield. Hazel drove me down there to see him a couple of times. He bore his illness with great dignity. Carol wrote:” David was born at Waterman Quarter, Headcorn. He grew up with his local friends, playing in the countryside near his home, as well as taking part in his father’s work, which was hop stringing and picking around their local area. Around about the year 1970, David moved to Frittenden with his parents. He studied and learnt his trade, having a career as a carpenter and joiner, starting work with a small trading joinery company near Sandhurst. David remained in his career, making windows, doors and benches for various companies for about 40 years. His career made him a patient, highly skilful carpenter. He loved working with various items of woodwork. David’s other interests included calligraphy writing, which he had worked up to a perfection, impressing his friends including the local Idenden Charity group which he was involved in for many years. He had a lovely style of writing. David’s other hobbies were walking Britain’s countryside, as well as Europe and further abroad. He also enjoyed watching nature. David had several holiday trips away in Europe, and further afield with me, as we had the same interests, and spent a happy, memorable life together. He shall be missed, greatly”. We send our condolences to Carol and all of his friends and family. I am disappointed that, due to coronavirus, I am unable to make my usual collection for the Royal British Legion Poppy Appeal this year. I was hoping to get to my 50th year of door to door collections. Maybe next year. Frittenden Parish Council is still looking for another Councillor. I would like another lady to join the 3 men and 3 women. Anyone over the age of 18 could become a Councillor, so if you love this village and would like to have a say, please put yourself forward. Anyone interested can attend the monthly meetings, even while the meetings are taking place by Zoom. Please contact any Councillor, or Chairman Tony Staples, who is always busy but is a very nice man. Halloween is fast approaching. I have grown quite a few pumpkins. They are not massively huge, but plenty adequate enough for carving. If you would like one, please give me a call or email, or pop round. The US Presidential Election will be held on Tuesday 3rd November, and it is a race between Donald Trump and Joseph Biden. At the moment it looks very much like Donald Trump will lose. I found a limerick in the newspaper about the election, which I hope that you will enjoy: While Donald and Joseph were telling the public what they were both selling, their fractious debate made neither look great and ended in insults and yelling. Speaking of Donald Trump, he denies the existence of Global Warming, but he can’t ignore the facts. World scientists said that last September was the hottest on record. Surface air temperatures globally were 0.5 c/ 0.9 f higher than they were the previous September. The Arctic sea size for September was the second lowest on record for the month since 2012. He looks more like Donald Chump rather than Donald Trump. Did you see the Dispatches programme on Monday 5th October about American factory farming. Animal welfare falls well below our high standards. Can we trust our Government to keep cheap American food off our shelves. Growth hormones are put into beef and pork, and chickens are chlorinated. If the Government doesn’t keep it out you can say goodbye to hundreds of family farms, which will go to the wall. If this does happen, the Tory Government will be out of office for a very long time. In my opinion, I am not a big fan of factory farming (even though my stepson works in one). I must say that Fridays do their best, and have taken expert advice to improve the welfare of their hens, which is very commendable. With all the doom and gloom of coronavirus, I thought that you might enjoy a meteorological poem from your weather geek: brr, it is the turning of the year. The Autumn rain and chill are here. It’s getting darker by the hour, here comes another soaking shower. We’ve brought in logs, and stacked them neat, cannot wait to feel the heat. When the sun is gone, and winds abound, around the fire we’ll be found, like animals that hibernate till Spring comes to liberate. Then forth we’ll come with blinking eyes into the hopeful blue skies. Belated birthday wishes to Rosie Robinson, who reached her half century on 11th October. We hope that Rosie had a lovely day. I’m sure that it was somewhat quieter than it should have been with the ‘rule of six’. Also belated birthday wishes to Harry Webb, aka Cliff Richard on his 80th birthday. Did you know that only Elvis Presley and the Beatles beat Cliff for the number of records sold. In fact, he has sold more single records than any artist in the UK. Cliff still looks very youthful for 80, and has sold in excess of 250 million records. We will also be watching Strictly Come Dancing during the Autumn. The only fly in the ointment is the clocks changing, going forward by one hour. This is my pet hate, as I would leave it on British Summer Time.
Lester J Gosbee
THE SAGA OF THE PIG BY MERVYN DENNISON
(Background in last month’s Gossip)
Fiona won a pig one day “Get rid of it, you'll lose your wife At Maidstone Copper’s Fete. And kids and be alone, A cheerful, chubby little chap, ‘Cos that damn pig will eat About ten pounds in weight. You out of house and flippin’ home.
She showed her to the neighbours and But ‘twas no use With squeals of high delight, ‘Cos Peter's got She talked about her all day long A will like strong cast iron, And half the blooming night. And doesn't heed his mate's wise words, He thinks they're just a try on. Bewhiskered dad was quite impressed With blonde blue-eyed luck, And even when I told him of And told his mate in work who said My pig experiences, “She should have won a duck”. He paid me scant attention And began to build his fences. The bloody pig would scoff it!. He built them high, He built them wide, It couldn't stay like that for long He built into the night ‘Cos Peter's life was hell, And didn't count the cost at all, All the more that Peter shrunk, Just paid with all his might. The more the pig would swell.
It cost him sixty pounds Then one dark night it happened, For posts, and wire and ready mix, And shaken to the core, And I could see old Peter The villagers of Frittenden In a big financial fix. Recalled the last “Great War”.
But Peter comes from Yeoman stock, An almighty explosion And thrives on overtime, Went searing through the night, And worked and slept, And gave the Frittenden Band Chaps, And slept and worked, The most appalling fright. And paid his bills on time. They dropped their various instruments, The pig just took life easy, One even lost his horn, And lived a life full of grace, And frantic, rushed into the street, And stuffed it's guts To greet the early dawn. And ate it's fill A smile upon its face. “What was it? “, came the whispered cry, That passed along the line, And as poor Pete grew thinner, “A whopping gas explosion in The pig grew fat and plump, The village Treacle Mine? “. And poor old Pete was skin and bone, With nothing on his rump. But Pete was first upon the scene And as he feared the worst, The pig just kept on guzzling meal, One glance along the street confirmed, At fifty quid a ton, Fiona's pig had burst! And I just hoped for Peter's sake, That soon the end would come. With pork chops up and down the road, And gammon in the lane, Fiona was in high delight, That pig had spread nutrition round, Her pig was getting bigger, Like soft, refreshing rain. She cleaned her sty out every day, With conscientious vigour. A flag was flown, half up the pole, Displayed by the village barber, But Pete was pale and thin and wan, A wreath of flowers was floated, And couldn't think of profit, On the waters of the harbour. ‘Cos every time he earned some cash,
My apologies to Lester and family that this was missed out of last month’s magazine. Ed.
Every joke is a tiny revolution
George Orwell FRITTENDEN IDENDEN TRUST - ANNUAL DEADLINE
The Trust, established by the Will of Thomas Idenden, has operated in Frittenden since 1566. Small payments are made annually, on 21 December, to people in the parish. The current criteria for such payments is that the Feoffees (trustees) would consider applications from anyone in the parish who is in receipt of Pension Credit, a state benefit introduced in 2003.
The Feoffees would not wish to have any personal details of applicants, only proof of receipt of Pension Credit, e.g. the annual statement of payment, normally received in April each year from the Pension Service, part of the Department for Work and Pensions. If you wish to apply to the Idenden Trust, please make yourself known to one of the Feoffees (listed below) before 30 November 2018 and your application, which will be treated confidentially, will be considered for the Feoffee's distribution on 21 December. The nature of the Idenden Distribution is such that it will not affect payment of your Pension Credit.
If you do not currently receive Pension Credit but think that you might be eligible you can find out by phoning a freecall number 0800 99 1234. The line is open 8am to 8pm Monday to Friday and 9am to 1pm Saturday, or access the website: www.dwp.gov.uk.
If you become eligible for Pension Credit after 30 November 2018 please also let a Feoffee know and your name will be added to the list for consideration in the future. If you are already a recipient of the Idenden distribution do not worry, you will continue to be eligible for payment. However, it would be advisable to inform the Feoffees if you are in receipt of Pension Credit. The Feoffees of the Idenden Trust are:
Colin Highwood 852319 Phil Betts 852243 Heather Cullingworth 852340 John Mills 852256 Harold Worth 852409
Phil Betts
FRITTENDEN
Unfortunately, we were not able to hold our Members’ Meeting in October due to the restrictions but a Zoom meeting is planned for 7.30pm on Tuesday 10th November. A speaker from NatWest bank will be talking to us about various scams including new ones that have sprung up since the onset of COVID-19.
We had a programme of speakers booked through until May next year but have, obviously, had to cancel them all. So, we have been re-booking them for the following year 2021 – 2022 so that at least we have something planned to look forward to when we can all meet up again.
If you would like to join us we normally meet on the second Tuesday of every month at 7.15pm in the Memorial Hall. Please contact Anne Holroyd on 01580 893256 or Christine Anthony on 01580 852355 for further information.
Christine Anthony A LOCKDOWN POEM
They said the world was closed today With courage in her afterglow So I went to have a look, And the sunlight in her hair. I found the shutters down She said "Go home to those you love And the phone was off the hook. This is no place to be, So I stood there for a little while For if we walk the streets today But no one was around. Then no one shall be free". Then Silence came and startled me She threw her light to lead the way With the most alarming sound. And showed me where to go, I asked him where the others were, The very road that life had gone And why the streets were bare, Where the future flowers grow. He whispered "Life had run away Then death showed me another way While death was playing there" But I didn't want to look, "Oh no" I said "It can't be true So I stumbled home in time for tea For life is not afraid" And I read another book. "But no one ever goes" he said It was called The World is Closed Today "Where death has ever played." And the streets we shouldn't roam, I understood and walked away The first line said "Just please be safe" As Hope was standing there And the ending – “Stay at Home
Thanks for John Day and the MFU
FRITTENDEN MEMORIAL HALL PRIZE DRAW
The winners of the October Draw: 1st Prize No. 2 Judy Staples £15.00 2nd Prize No. 47 Caroline Herbert £10.00 3rd Prize No. 61 Richard Gosbee £7.00
These are the lucky winners of the first draw of the year. We have 65 members so far, but of course if anyone else would like to join, it is not too late.
If you would like a Membership Form, please either phone or email: [email protected] and I will send you one. The completed form should be either emailed back to me, or, popped through the letterbox of the old shop next to Acorns. Normally we request either cash or cheque, however this year it may be easier to send the money (£11.00 per person for the whole year from November 2020 to September 2021) by BACS. Do make sure that when you return the Membership Form, the payment method is clearly stated. Also, when a BACS payment is made please state the member’s name. All the details for a BACS payment will be on the Membership Form. I do hope that this is clear, however if you have any questions please phone me on 01580 852563
Each month, half the proceeds is divided into 3 prizes and the other half goes towards the running of the Frittenden Memorial Hall.
Thank you for reading this and Good Luck!
Eileen Bridges
FRITTENDEN CRICKET
Summer seemed reluctant to release her grip on Frittenden so the Club arranged an extra match on 20th September, playing host to an Egerton XI packed with youth and enthusiasm.
Egerton won the toss and decided to field first, pitting their lively opening attack of Luke Middleton and Jack Harrison against Frittenden’s experienced openers, Chamil Almeida and Craig Smith. On this occasion experience youth won hands down. Craig made just 1 before being caught. Mark Handley contributed a nice four, but was then bowled off an inside stomach, after which Greg Casswell was bowled for a duck leaving Frittenden on 15 for 3. Chamil and Ian Wicks Jnr, in his first outing for the Club, , steadied the ship, before Chamil miscued a drive and was caught for 23, quickly followed by Ian, also caught, for 7, both falling to the change bowlers with the score on 41. A brief period of enjoyable mayhem followed, orchestrated by Charles Dobson, whose 32 included 5 fours and a six. Charles was kept company by junior player Louis Harmer, who defended resolutely but scorelessly in a stand of 35 before being becoming Luke Middleton’s third victim, the opener having returned to the fray to unsettle Charles with some left arm swing. Luke was backed up by fellow left-armer, Josh Emberson who, in the following over, induced a waft from Charles and a smart catch behind. Frittenden were now 76-7, with two new bats at the crease in the form of Richard Hunter and Tim Bull, the home team’s, ahem, senior players. The duo blocked the tricky Emberson, who took no further wickets but gave away only 2 runs in his 5 overs, while taking advantage of some loose deliveries from leg spinner Chris Terry. Tim took the lead, cashing in with several boundaries, mainly steered forward and backward of square, but did actually play “one proper cricket shot”, a straight drive back past the bowler! Richard, after initially struggling with Chris’s extreme lack of pace, then found his timing and his range, and runs began to flow. The pair stayed together from the 18th to the 36th over, amassing a stand of 97 runs for the eighth wicket, which was eventually claimed by the returning opening bowler Jack Harrison. He bowled Tim for 29 as he went for a premeditated big drive, but Richard stayed to the end, finishing on 54 not out, with guest Peter Middleton on 7 not out. Frittenden had batted out their 40 overs reaching a very respectable 189-8.
Egerton’s batting was opened by John Harrison and Noah Middleton, and both settled in quickly as Frittenden’s bowlers failed to exert control. The first 10 overs yielded 73 runs, and only Chamil (8 overs, 2 maidens, 0-12) was able to put the brakes on the scoring rate. Crucially, none of the bowlers managed a wicket, and several catching chances went begging, including a very sharp early one to Peter Middleton at gully off his son Noah. Most of the Frittenden bowlers were being milked for 5, 6 or 7 an over, and when Charles came back into the attack, now bowling spin, and finally dismissed Noah for 73, the visitors had reached 160 for the first wicket. Jack Harrison joined his father at the crease and scored 20 runs, entirely in boundaries, to take Egerton to victory by 9 wickets, as John finished on 73 not out. It was a chastening defeat to end the season, but an enjoyable match played in great spirit.
Despite Covid, Frittenden were able to play 12 matches this season, all friendlies, winning 7 and losing 5. Chamil was our most successful batsman, with 320 runs at an average of 53.33, including two 50s and a century. Craig scored 271 runs with two 50s, Nic Rodrigo 249 runs and one 50. Five other batsmen scored half centuries. Nic was top bowler with 14 wickets, followed by Chamil and Wayne (11 each) and Aiden McGinley (9). Nic was also our most successful out-fielder with 8 catches and a run out, while Craig accounted for 9 victims in total, 4 as wicket-keeper (2 catches, 2 stumpings) and 5 catches in the outfield.
Craig led by example as captain of the team, and can take great credit for trying to make sure all players had an opportunity to shine with bat or ball, especially the junior players who featured in all our matches. In all, 27 different players took the field for Frittenden on 1 or more occasions.
Frittenden Cricket Club worked hard to stage some excellent, enjoyable social cricket matches while observing the rules and restrictions required under the covid regime. Sadly the current situation means the Club has had to abandon hope of running our annual Bonfire and Fireworks event. This will put strain on the Club’s finances, already stressed by a curtailed season, but more importantly robs us of the opportunity of a good night out with the whole village. We will hope to see you all next season and next November.
Tim Bull
FRITTENDEN COMMUNITY SHOP & CAFÉ PROJECT
Thank you to all who have already pledged to buy shares, make a donation, be a corporate sponsor or offer a loan. So far following only one community event YOU our community has pledged £52,000. Amazing….
This is a great start but there is still a long way to go, so if you haven’t managed to respond yet, head over to our website www.frittendenstores.co.uk where you will find a response form. If you would prefer to complete a hard copy form please contact me.
Our official Share Issue will be in early 2021 and further information about this process will be made available nearer the time.
Our application to register our legal entity in the form of a Community Benefit Society has been filed with the Plunkett Foundation and will be registered with the Financial Conduct Authority. This is a big step. Once the CBS is in place we can apply for a bank account.
We have been finalising our business plan and this will be an essential tool in our forthcoming applications for external grant funding. We have identified 3 charitable trusts to whom we will be applying within this calendar year.
We are also exploring building options and hope to have some sketch plans available later in the year. Rosie will be working with us on layout and giving us her significant insight into how a village shop works. Sean continues to share financial data with us which is really helpful.
Sara Cremer who is relatively new to the village has joined our team. She has extensive marketing experience and her input into this project will be invaluable. We will be looking at additional fundraising/community events to increase awareness of the project throughout our community.
Many thanks again for your support and encouragement.
Berni Cooper Frittenden Community Shop & Café Steering Group
852108
LARCHMERE NEWS
Considering the restrictions due to covid, I think we are doing incredibly well here at Larchmere still. We cannot have any entertainment from outside or go on our beloved trips but we have made up for that in other ways.
Firstly, ‘building paper cups’ afternoon. Sounds boring doesn’t it? But to the contrary. The building was at some points ‘nail bitingingly’ tense and often caused great hilarity on their falling down (photographic evidence below). They say the simple things make us smile – how true!
Secondly, our ‘wear a hat day’ – again it might sound rather tedious – but considering some of the hats we had on offer to wear it was completely the opposite (again photographic evidence will back this up).
Thirdly, we had our monthly ‘Shazza and the Sparklets’ sing along. We have realised this has proven to be a success not only for our Deputy Matron (Shazza’s) dancing skills, which included her dancing around a zimmer frame instead of an umbrella to ‘Singing in the rain’ this time, but that as many staff members as are able to, gather together join in ! It really brings a smile to all.
Spooky Gingerbread Men were made in preparation for our annual Halloween party on 31st, but as our photos will show – residents couldn’t wait that long! We will be celebrating this Spooky event this year with residents and staff dressing up and enjoying themed party food, including everything from mummified sausage rolls to chocolate eyeballs and spider biscuits! And, of course, party games.
So with a lot of smashing movies, wonderful group discussions, quizzes, games and much more we have tried to keep our spirits high.
Becky Bruce
E FOR EDITORIAL
So, we are heading once again of various degrees of lockdown. Autumn is already with us and winter will not be far behind. What on earth are we going to do with ourselves to stave off boredom? There will still be those working in their gardens whatever the weather (though I have to admit to being a bit of a fair weather gardener myself) but most other outdoor jobs will not be available to us – with the best will in the world one can’t really repaint the gutters if it is raining….
I have done a fair amount of internet research and found a source of very detailed and complicated model construction kits. They are not cheap, but are very enticing indeed. I am presently trying to decide between Stevenson’s ‘Rocket’, a lovely 1911 London bus, and one of several model boats, some of which are even radio controlled. With a bit of luck this difficult decision will see me through to sometime next month, at which time I can reasonably ask Berni for it for Christmas!
Meantime, and for the really foul weather, there is always writing which I also enjoy. My sister-in- law gave me a book some time back entitled “642 things to write about”. Now’s the time…
Good luck with your search for the antidote to lockdown.
Mike Cooper.
TRIVIA TO FLIP OVER
New born dolphins have a tiny patch of hair on their chins. If a dolphin becomes ill, other dolphins will take turns pushing it to the surface so it can breathe. Every dolphin has a signature whistle it uses to identify itself. Dolphins will “surf” on a boats bow wave to give them a boost of speed. Risso’s Dolphins can hold their breath for thirty minutes. Dolphins use a type of sonar called ‘echolocation’ to navigate and find prey. Wild dolphins have been known to play catch with coconuts. Dolphins can swim seven times faster than a human and dive up to 600 meters. Dolphins have between 80 and 100 teeth. A dolphin breathes through a blowhole on the top of its head. 50 million years ago, dolphin ancestors walked on land. They are distant relatives of deer and bison. Dolphins sleep about 8 hours a day but, only half of its brain is asleep, the other half is alert. Killer Whales or Orcas are actually dolphins. The beak-like snout on a dolphin is called a ‘rostrum’. Dolphins have two stomachs, one is to store food, the other to digest it. The smallest dolphin is Hector’s dolphin it’s only 1.2m, that’s shorter than an Orca’s dorsal fin. The US Navy employ dolphins to find underwater explosives. A dolphin’s eyeballs can move independently of each other in any direction. Colin Bullock ETYMOLOGY CORNER BOWS AND ARROWS AND CATS
A toxophilite is somebody who loves archery. The reason is that toxin comes from toxon, the Greek word for bow, and toxic comes from toxikos, the Greek word for ‘pertaining to archery’. When the Greeks went to war (which was quite often) it was common practice to dip their arrowheads in poison. The two ideas were so connected in the Greek mind that toxon became toxin. Archery used to be very common and a necessary skill for the men of England who would eventually help fill the ranks of the army. It was so common; it is to this day reflected in the number of archery related names still in use. There is (obviously) Archer, Fletcher (arrow- maker), Stringer, Stringfellow and Bowyer (bow-maker) In 1363 King Edward III passed a law requiring all men aged 14 to 60 to practice archery once a week. To this day the law has never actually been repealed! Terms from archery are hidden all over the English language, for example ‘upshot’. The ‘upshot’ is the shot that decides who has won an archery contest. In Tudor times archery was not necessarily a pleasant business. There are two theories as to the origin of the phrase ‘enough room to swing a cat’. The first is that the cat is a cat-o’-nine-tails and it’s hard to give some unfortunate soul a proper whipping in a small room. The other theory is to do with archery marksmanship. Hitting a stationary target was just too easy for the Tudors, so the best archers used to put a cat in a sack and hang it from the branch of a tree. The ferocious and very annoyed feline would wiggle and jump around in the sack in a vain attempt to escape, causing the sack to swing. This exercise in animal cruelty would provide the archer with a challenge and English with a phrase. This has, by the way, nothing to do with ‘letting the cat out of the bag’. It’s to do with pigs, - duh, obviously! In medieval markets piglets were sold in sacks (or pokes), so that the buyer could carry them home more easily. This was your ‘pig in a poke’. A standard con game at the time involved switching a valuable piglet for a relatively valueless cat or dog. You were then being ‘sold a pup’, or, if you discovered the trick you would ‘let the cat out of the bag’. As unlikely as all that sounds, there are equivalent phrases in almost every European language. By the way, a small ‘poke’ is a ‘pokette’ or pocket in todays parlance. But to return to archery, all this sagittopotent (good at archery just like Sagittarius) and toxophilite (first line at the beginning of this article) brings us to another odd phrase ‘point blank’ the blank in point blank is the French ‘blanc’, which of course means ‘white’. The term ‘bulls eye’ is fairly new, it first appeared in the mid-19th century. Before that, the white spot in the middle of an archery target was called the ‘white’ or ‘blank’. A funny thing about archery is that you don’t usually aim at a target. Gravity decrees that if you aim straight at the blank, your arrow will hit somewhere below, so you point the arrow somewhere above the blank, and hope that this cancels out the effects of Newton’s pesky discovery. That’s why ‘aim high’ is another archer’s term; it doesn’t mean that your shot will end up high, nor is it meant to. You aim high and hit ‘on the level’. There is, however one situation in which this rule does not apply; if you are very, very, very close to the target, you can aim straight at the ‘blank point’ or white spot in the middle. If you are that close to the target, you are at ‘point blank’ range.
Colin Bullock
COVID-19 TEST
A new and easy test for Covid-19 is doing the rounds. Take a glass and pour a decent dram of your favourite whisky (or gin or rum). Then see if you can smell it. If you can then you are halfway there. Then drink it and if you can taste it then it is reasonable to assume you are currently free of the virus. I tested myself nine times last night and was virus-free every time thank goodness. I will have to test myself again today though, as I have developed a headache, which can also be one of the symptoms.
GARDENER’S LAMENT
Chorus All things bright and beautiful, all creatures great and small. All things wise and wonderful, the Lord God made them all. Verse But what we never mention, though gardeners know it's true, Is when He made the goodies, He made the baddies too. Chorus All things spray and swattable, disasters great and small, All things paraquatable, the Lord God made them all. Verse The greenfly on the Roses, the maggots in the peas, Manure that fills our noses, He also gave us these. Chorus All things diabolical, and caterpillars to, Aphids in abundance, the plants they all will chew. Verse The fungus on the goose-gogs, the clubroot on the greens, The slugs that he the lettuce, and chew the aubergines. Chorus All things without number, contrive to make us fail, Just as plants are flourishing, along comes hungry snail. Verse The fly that gets the carrots, the wasp that eats the plums, How black the gardener’s outlook, though green and maybe his thumbs. Chorus All things sent to try us, and keep us on our toes, Douse our resolution, and fill our life with woes. Verse But still we gardeners Labour, midst vegetables and flowers, And pray what hits our neighbours’ will somehow bypass hours. Chorus All things bright and beautiful, all creatures great and small. All things wise and wonderful, the Lord God made them all.
Thanks again to John Day and the MFU.
MUSIC NOTES NOVEMBER 2020
As I write this at the very beginning of October the only local concerts in sight are the u-tube performances put on by Sutton Valence Music Society. The second in the series, which I publicised last month, has not yet taken place. The third, for November, is not yet publicised. I hope it will happen because the one I have seen and heard – the September concert - was superb. The Sutton Valence School concert hall sounded a bit echo-ey without a significant audience, but the playing was excellent.
That first concert is still available, the u-tube link is https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=56kxTthfWeI and can be watched by anyone for free, though The Society would welcome a donation of £15 if you watch the concert; that seems very fair as they have all the costs of arranging the concert. I strongly recommend it. For payment arrangements email [email protected].
It is no consolation to would-be audiences, but I believe some local choirs and music groups are experimenting with rehearsals within the limits of the virus restriction – amongst other things that means sitting or standing well apart, which doesn’t help the musical aspects. Still. It may help to keep music alive in our area and who knows, it may eventually lead to concerts.
Apart from the ever-widening range of streamed concerts on u-tube BBC iPlayer currently offers The 2020 proms; for the first time every one of the last two weeks of proms concerts was filmed, broadcast live and is now available on iPlayer.
On the radio BBC3 and Classic fm continue to provide a continuous programme of good music. My recommendation for November is a concert from Milton Court, London, broadcast on radio 3 on 5th November at 7.30pm. If you are not too busy with fireworks this looks to be a varied and interesting programme which includes Brahms Requiem and works by Amy Bryce and Bernstein.
The musicians dictionary continues in lockdown: Brass: What musicians from Yorkshire get paid with.
Brian Hardy
-` MIND BLOWING MATHEMATICS AND STUNNING PARTY TRICK
1. Choose any number between 001 and 999. 2. Double it 3. Add 8 4. Minus half that number 5. Minus your original number. YOUR ANSWER WILL ALWAYS BE 4!!
Colin Bullock
WEATHER
Weather Statistics for September The hottest place during September was Frittenden on 15th at 31.3 c/ 88.74 f. This set a new record for the date, which could stand for a number of years.
September’s lowest day maximum temperature in Frittenden was 27th with a temperature of 12.9 c/ 55.22 f. The lowest day maximum temperature in the UK during September was at Bainbridge, Northern Ireland with 8.5 c/ 47.3 f on 24th. This is 12 f/ 5.6 c below average. The lowest night minimum temperature of the month in Frittenden was 5.46 c/ 41.72 f. September’s lowest night temperature in the UK during September was at Altnaharra, Sutherland at -5 c/ 23 f. This was the lowest September night temperature recorded since 1997. September’s rainfall: Frittenden’s wettest day of the month was 30th with 19mm/ 0.76 inches, and the total rainfall for the month was 43.6 mm/ 1.756 inches, but still half an inch below average. Since April, rainfall has been in short supply. April had 30.44mm, May 125mm, June 30.2mm, July 27.2mm, August 37mm, and September 43.6mm. The average rainfall for September is 180.9mm/ 7.20 inches, 60% of average. Going back to August, when the UK experienced a run of 6 days from 7th until 12th with temperatures of 34 c/ 93.02 f or higher. This was unprecedented. Not even 1976 had a run of hot days as high as 2020, but 1976 still holds the record for the longest spell of temperatures exceeding 90 f/ 32.2 c, from 23rd June until 7th July.
Back to 2020, the media printed that 1961 was as hot as this year, so I asked the Met Office to investigate. They came back with the highest temperature recorded in 1961 was on 1st July in London and parts of Kent with temperatures of 33.9 c/ 93.02 f, the highest temperature recorded in the 1960’s. 1st July 1968 was almost as hot, but a one day wonder. Back in 1961, between 29th August and 2nd September, there were 5 consecutive days reaching 30 c/ 86 f or more, somewhat cooler than August 2020.
Weather Forecast for November 2020
Pressure will be relatively high, with some broken cloud. There will be some odd sunny spells, as well as the odd shower driven along by 10m to 15mph winds. Temperatures will be around 10 – 12 c/ 50 – 54 f, a shade below average. High pressure will intensify from 3rd. Winds will turn northerly, and skies will clear at night to allow fog and frost to form. So it will be a cold, frosty, foggy bonfire night. It will still be foggy on Saturday 7th November, if your fireworks party is then. Fog could be a hazard on motorways such as the M5, M4, M20 and the A1. Freezing fog could also be a hazard in valleys first thing in the morning. There will be a deep area of low pressure with high winds that could reach 50 – 70mph on the Channel Coast, with winds from the south west. There will be some heavy rain. A line south of the M4 will see most of the rain, 25 to 40mm/ 1 -1.4 inches. Temperatures could rise to 15 c. 59 f, then a cool north westerly will spread squally showers. There will be the possibility of hail, one bang thunderstorms, and a slight frost in the countryside. Here, temperatures will drop to 8 – 10 c/ 46 – 50 f, on the chilly side. Pressure will rise, and an easterly wind will develop. From mid month, there will be clod slate-grey skies, drizzle and hill fog. It will feel quite raw on all counties that border the North Sea, over Lincolnshire to Norfolk, with temperatures at just 3 -4 c/ 37 – 39 f. Even Kent and East Sussex may not exceed temperatures of 5 c/ 41 f. This will make it the coldest day in Frittenden since 1st January 2019. This just shows how exceptionally mild 2020 has been. There will be some brighter spells from Dorset, Hereford, Worcester and Leicester, but also a higher risk of frost at night. There could even be the odd wintery shower over the Malvern Hills in Hereford/ Worcester, where the peak rises to 425 metres/ 1,394 feet. Temperatures will be around 6 – 7 c/ 43 -45 f, but nearer to 4 c/ 39 f over the highest ground. There will be milder air with rain as low pressure sets in from 24th. There will be some heavy showers, especially in the South East, with as much as 25 – 30mm/ 1 to 1.5 inches. Gales will follow along the whole of the Channel Coast. Temperatures will be at 10 – 12 c/ 50 – 54 f. Some squally showers will follow and a cold north or north easterly will develop over the UK. Low pressure will feed in showers with a wintery nature, hail, sleet and wet snow, which could turn the ground white for a few hours on ground above 250 metres, like the Chilterns and sheltered parts in the west of the areas that I forecast for, as well as a touch of air frost at -1 c/30 f. November’s Highest Day Temperature will be: Gosport in Hampshire 15 c/ 59 f. This November will fail to reach 60 c/ 15.6 f. The Lowest November Day Temperature will be: 2 c/ 36 f, at Benson, Oxfordshire. November’s Lowest Night Temperature will be: -1 c/ 30 f at Hurn Airport, Dorset, which will possibly fall as low as -3 c/ 37 f. November’s average rainfall in England is 88mm/ 3.52 inches. It is our second wettest month. The average rainfall for Dorset is 109mm/ 3.49 inches. Kent gets 77.7mm/ 3.08 inches. All areas that I forecast for will have around 20% above average rainfall during November , and this could cause local flooding in areas that are prone to it.
The sunshine average for November in England is 64.5 hours. Dorset’s average is 74.6 hours, Lincolnshire is 66.9 hours, Kent 72.9 hours. Most places will be within 5% of the average sunshine, so a rather dull, wet month. It will also be very windy at times. The average Central England Temperature for November is 6.8 c/ 44.30 f. Last year it was 6.2 c/ 43.1 f, 0.8 c/ 1.44 f below average, and the coldest November since 2013. This year the CET will be: 7 c/ 44.60 f, or very close to average. The warmest November was 1994 at 10.3 c/ 50.54 f, and the coldest was 2.3 c/ 36.1 f . You have to go back to 2013, when February dropped to 2.2 c/ 3.96 f, which is just how cold that November was in 1782. I am confident that Kent will see snow this winter.
Lester J Gosbee
MARITAL HARMONY
“Cash, cheque or charge?” I asked after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her handbag. “So, do you always carry your TV remote?” I asked. “No,” she replied, “but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.”
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a farmyard of donkeys, goats and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically “Relatives of yours?” “Yes,” the wife replied, “in-laws.”
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day - 30,000 to a man’s 15,000. The wife replied, “The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men. The husband turned to his wife and asked, “What?”
A husband and wife were having a discussion about who should make the coffee each morning. The wife said “You should do it because you get up first, and then we wouldn’t have to wait so long to get our coffee.” The husband says “I already have a lot to do in the morning, so you should do it.” Wife replies “No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that it’s the man’s job.” Husband replies. “I can’t believe that, show me.” So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages that it indeed says ‘Hebrews’.
Thanks to John Day and the MFU, yet again!
"THE SPANISH AMBASSADOR'S SUITCASE" Stories from the Diplomatic Bag
(In the Editorial this month I talked about writing as a possible antidote to boredom during the likely winter lockdown. I should of course have also mentioned reading. What follows is a bit of a double whammy – on the one hand a recommendation to read a most enjoyable book, and on the other something I wrote. Please enjoy, and if you do not by all means tell me reference the book, but please not reference the review! )
This highly intelligent and entertaining book, written by Matthew Parris assisted by Andrew Bryson, takes the reader literally right around the world and invites you to view its countries through the eyes of the British Ambassadors and other Heads of Mission who have lived and worked there. It is a sequel to an earlier book entitled “Parting Shots” which is a collection of valedictory dispatches – those written by an ambassador departing a post – which spawned a successful TV series, but this later work differs in that it contains not only valedictories, but also first impressions, and excerpts from other dispatches and letters.
The book begins with a lengthy introduction which must be read as it is entertaining in itself and it prepares the reader (one might say educates the reader) by explaining the arcane mysteries of what kind of reporting back to London is required of our diplomats working overseas, and indeed what qualities within those reports are most valued. Matthew Parris himself worked in the Foreign Office as a young man, where he learnt "that a successful diplomat was importantly judged on the quality of his drafting: not just the content, but the vigour, the clarity, the descriptive power, the style – and (in the right circumstances) the humour too”. All of these qualities are to be found in large measure in the dispatches that he and Bryson have chosen to include.
Having mentioned humour, it is appropriate to explain the title of the book. Our ambassador to Algeria in 1971 wrote a letter to a colleague in London telling of a celebration held in the depths of the Sahara desert where oil had first been discovered, to which the entire local Diplomatic Corps were invited – which is to say that they were expected to attend. They were to be flown out to the event in a small plane, and therefore "most Ambassadors brought briefcases containing a toothbrush, razor, and pyjamas. A few brought rather elegant little dressing cases, and a certain Ambassador's case gave out the sound of clinking whisky bottles every time he put it on the ground." The one exception was the Spanish Ambassador, who arrived late, flustered, sweating profusely and with a vast heavy leather portmanteau which caused much speculation as to what it contained. Theories included a collection of gold braided uniforms and medals, white tie and tails, and the like. The Greek Ambassador however, believed that he had brought his wife "en cas de besoin”! (In case of need.)
I found the overall format of the book most agreeable. The majority of the quoted pieces were preceded by a brief contextual explanation or other scene-setting by Parris, and quite often gave some detail about the writer's particular expertise and previous or subsequent career. This was especially useful in cases where the country being reported upon had been the scene of war, revolution, or other insurgency and helped put the commentators' views into perspective. It also helped to remember named individuals – whereas I could place Herman Göring immediately, I struggled with Boumedienne for example, the second president of the newly independent Algeria. It is interesting to note how forthright most of the dispatches were, not only in relation to the countries being described, but also to senior individuals in the government, military, or administration. Few punches were pulled. Sweden was "the leisured, antiseptic society" for example, and Barbados was "this windblown island of boredom". Denmark, on the other hand, was described as "an oasis of sanity in a stupid world". Yugoslavia – in 1964 – was summed up thus “if two Englishmen constitute a club, three Serbs constitute a Civil War."
As for character assassination of individuals, two examples should suffice to give a flavour. A description of the court of King Faisal of Ethiopia comments that “the contrast between Wahhabi puritanism and this court of flunkeys in red, orange and green livery, gilded state coaches, and champagne, could not be more complete”. Another, reporting on an event hosted by Göring in 1934 refers to “the almost pathetic naiveté of General Göring, who showed us his toys like a big, fat, spoiled child” and continues “then I remembered there were other toys, less innocent …. that some day might be launched on their murderous mission in the same childlike spirit and with the same childlike glee”.
Far and away the most forthright report, and also far and away the oldest, was sent back in 1868 from Japan. A Second Secretary at HM Legation in Tokyo describes what he saw when sent as an official witness of the execution by harakiri (seppuku as it is perhaps now better known – the stylised death by disembowelling of one’s self and subsequent decapitation by a trusted friend to shorten the period of dying agony) of an officer condemned to death for opening fire upon the foreign settlement at Hyogo. His description is extremely detailed and painfully realistic, and one has to wonder how a young and junior member of the Diplomatic Corps dealt with the massive culture shock of witnessing such a fundamentally foreign and no doubt to his eyes barbaric act. In summary, this collection of observations by some of the most senior British diplomats and their staff over the last 75 years or so gives an extraordinary variety of insights into the countries and peoples of the world, and in many cases foresees some of the problems that the similar but different world is dealing with today. Incidentally, these excerpts from the files of the FCO (the Foreign Office as it was then called) have only been accessible as a result of the systematic declassification of State secrets following the Freedom of Information Act.
Finally, it is refreshing to revisit a pre-spin age when it was not only allowed, but positively encouraged, to “call a spade a bloody shovel”! It is also educational and cautionary to reflect on the fact that these insights are of course a two-way mirror in that, whether explicitly or implicitly, they provide both welcome and unwelcome insights into how the world views us.
Mike Cooper.
One never reaches home, but wherever friendly paths intersect, the whole world looks like home for a time.
Hermann Hesse
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