Incorporating blurb magazine February 17,1995

ELLROYFS CRIME: LAUdifON'S LAW • want people to respond 'Money runs rugby league... violently and obsessively to but then money runs

my books' in everything in life' I n terview page 18

Brave victim praised for BLIND DATE TURNS TO BLIND HATE? fight back against assailant HEROINE BEATS OFF ALLEYWAY

ATE&BY CHARLOTTE LOMAS A FEMALE student has this The 21 year-old was grabbed from behind and dragged into an alley near TCs nightclub. She week been praised for fighting struggled and managed to break free The student is off an attacker in the city centre. understood to have been shaken by the incident. The student. a third year Medic at Leeds although she received no serious injuries from the attack_ University, was assaulted when walking Her actions have been commended by the Women's He was a third year Economist_ from the Merrion Centre. The attacker Officer at LUU, Debbie hums: "What she did was brilliant She was a third year Public struck at 8.25prn last Monday evening. It anyone gets attacked, they should make as much noise is passible and scream and fight. She was very brave CAMPUS Relations student. Theirs was to indeed." he an empty Valentine's Day until CONCERNED: A spokeswoman for the university expressed alarm they found something special_ Debbie Jones, the incident "We (ally hear of a few attacks like this ever) ROMEO AND Women's Officer at year. Obviously we arc very concerned and can only Each other. Leeds Studera reiterate that all female students should collect diet, free LUU, who praised brought the two lovebird% together personal safety alarm from the union." JULIET MEET for a romantic night our. Find out the brave actions of Police have issued a description of the man tot whom the female student they are looking 1-k is identified as being a white male, if' Cupid's arrow hit the target. assaulted near the between 20 and 31) years old. 5'8" tall, with short brown THEIR MATCH blurb centre pages Merrion Centre hair. wearing a beige bomber jacket and blue jeans islillgarth police stanon is appealing for witnesses.

INSIDE: News 1-5, Comment 6-7, Music 8-9, Feature 10-11, Arts 12-13, Books 14-15, Science 16 Sport 18-20. Plus 12 page blurb pullout UNNy3SITY OF LEEDS —c Or21. 2 LEEDS STUDENT Friday Febnsari 17 1.g1, NEWS Candidate quits elections Week of activity for Action an Action-packed week for BY SARAH DYSON IN a surprise move in the midst of election IT has been BY TANYA WINOARD volunteers wanting to help children and week at LMUSU, Clare Maddock, a member of disadvantaged people in the local area. with learning difficulties and the homeless. Student Representative Council. announced to of people's time." Richard Clean. who is also standing lot I.eeds Community Action week at LUU There was also coverage of Deaf Leeds Student that she had stood down from the aimed to raise awareness of the group's Awareness, equality and access for people President, said: "While I would encourage running for the Presidency. activities and encourage more people to with physical disabilities, AIDS training and people to stand for election. I believe that "I wanted to stand to see what the women's Age Concern. vote was like." Clare said. "I never considered people should stand for the powerful position of become involved. President because they want to do the job and A stall in the union foyer provided Action's 750 members include students that people would ever take me seriously. The from hoth of Leeds' universities and position of students union President has never confident of their own abilities and not to prove information while a range of workshops gave opportunities for activities associated colleges, as well as unemployed been for me - I'm not a person who's big on a point," people several people. little policies." Voting has been taking place this week and and games. A number of Action's various projects For more information about Action Pete Davis, VP Conunwiications at LMUSU. the results will be announced this afternoon. was represented through the workshops, contact its Co-ordinator Phil Newby, on said: be disappointed to find out if the only Nominations open for all LUU Exec's including a discussion of 'The Youth Arts 314260 or call into the society's office on the reason she stood for Presidency was to see what sabbatical and non-sabbatical positions today Forum' and ways of working with people Yellow level of the lATI1 building. the women's vote was like. She's wasted a lot and close next Friday.

Sib Visit could

Lida Student irc an independent newspaper serving be hijacked students at Leeds 'Anti gay' society University. Leeds UNION leaders have refused to Metropolitan rule out the possibility of University and other protests when the Duchess of colleges in and around Leeds. All our Kent visits Leeds University journalists abide by a next week, writes Lucie Spurr. code of conduct. but The Duchess will he visiting if you have any the university on February 21 problems. please to open the new Language alniiicl the up against the wall Centre, however fears are beds Arn.ri-iir rising that the visit could he Newspaper used as a publicity stunt for BY AI Anti LEND Linhiresity nano LUU's rent strike. PO Bar 1S7 Although Welfare Secretary LEEDS CHRISTIAN Student Action has just two weeks LSI Dill Tim Goodall was unwilling to to secure its survival. At this week's OGM at admit to any plans which could LUU, the controversial society was given two bring the issue to the Duchess' Editor TIM Gallagher weeks to find 50 signatures supporting their attention. he hinted that this cause. may be just a tactic to surprise the 1)eputy Editor The 'homophobic society', which has only two members. university. Matt Roper has been ordered to obtain the signatures or its society status The Language Centre. situated on the second floor of Arts Editors will be removed_ the Parkinson building contains Matthew Goodman The OGM was attended by audio-visual and computing Hannah Jones 120 members of LUU. the third SOCIETY HAS Eleanor Rose facilities, which will he largest attendance of the available for use by any Blurb Editor academic year, but was still TWO WEEKS TO registered student of the Inalgen Ridgway declared inquorate. linlverSlty- CSA was attacked during a FIND SUPPORT Rooks Editors rigorous debate in which LUU Lm Darby Society's Secretary, Richard the meeting. Jim:Mimi Gibbs Malach. denounced it as 'an He announced: "I am happy All through embarrassment to other that this is the way forward. We Comment&Analysis This week's primary elections societies.- shall secure signatures from Aurelia Hill for Leeds Student Editor did not people who are afraid to speak provide an outright winner, Features Editor Liberty out It does not concern me that leaving all of the candidates to Gareth Hughes the society has only two Speaking for an amendment continue onto the next round. Assistants members. When you work for on a total ban on CSA, Stuart The winner of the staff ballot Julie Scragg God, one man is a majority." Kate Tom Tarbuck. LUU Publicity FALSE ALARM: The Fire Service arrive Pic Debashls Singh was Matt Roper who polled 47 Secretary. said: "Freedom of Unconvinced per cent of the vote, followed by Food&Drink Editor speech for CSA limits the liberty Rosa Prince, who gained 21 per Rob Coms ay of gays. If free speech is Union Council member cent, and David Smith and permitted in this way. those with Hannah Lawrence was Gareth Hughes with Pt and 14 Musk Editors the loudest voices will always unconvinced: SMOKELESS FOOLS Nick MotTat per cent respectively. win." "I'll be amazed if they get 50 Mut Gianni A FAULTY fire alarm left The Fire Service appeared but As no candidate reached the LUU Welfare Secretary, Tim Steven Ringo supporting names. I shall students standing out in the cold soon left after the cause of the 60 per cent barrier, which would Goodall. added: "I am gay. and certainly not he signing it." at LUU on NIonday lunchtime, disruption was established. mean an automatic victory. all News Editors have been grabbed by a member Christian Student Action writes Paul Greenough. Jane Smith, a second year four go through to a cross- Paul Greenough of CSA. I respect everybody's achieved notoriety last term The alarm, in the refectory Philosophy student at Leeds campus election. David Smith right to freedom of speech, but through an article appearing to This will be held in the week Nicola Woodcock side of the union building, was set University was caught in the not when it involves intimidating Leeds Student which claimed beginning Monday March 6, the behaviour" off at 1pm. forcing students to confusion: "No one knew what that homosexuality, drugs and same time as the elections of Odd Reporters Alan Bate, president of CSA. abandon their meals and was happening. We all just gut Richard Clarke alcohol were "the sworn enemy herded outside." sabbatical officers for LUU and appeared to he confident after evacuate the building. L'Ilarlone Lomas of God." non-sabbaticals at LMUSU.

Science Editor Sieve Hill Union under pressure Sports Editor Inn Brodlon UNION leaders are seeking to avoid THE JOLLY BREWER embarrassment next week when Picture Editor LUU attempts to stage its first to fill AGM Ed Crispin (a.k.a. The Newlands, Hyde Park Road) quorate Annual General Meeting for four years. writes Oliver Brooks. investigations cast serious doubt Business Manager More than 5011 students are over the constitutional validity of Mark London required to attend the meeting for it that meeting. EVERYBODY WELCOME to go ahead. if the AGM is inquurate However, if the AGM is inquorate no business can be discussed. then no further decision can he NEWSDESK Exec members are under taken, leaving the status of the two even: particular pressure because the posts unclear. 0532 meeting will decide whether to ratify They may even he allowed to Kung fu footballers the creation of two new sabbatical stand despite the storm of 434727 Ballet dancers for a drink or tutu positions in the union: for Societies controversy surrounding the SCGM, Secretary and Nightline. the which led one Exec member to Advertising Rugby players with odd shaped balls telephone advice and information describe her colleagues as lying, service. cheating bastards." 0532 Proposals for the jobs which General Secretary Robin Johns, at 314251 will cost LUU at least £17,500 every the centre of the row, stressed: "It is Leeds University graduate as licensee year - were initially agreed at an vitally important that the AGM is SCGM last term, but subsequent quorate.• NEWS 1_11:135 STL DINT Friday 1-"chitian 17 3 CYCLISTS TURN OUT IN FORCE TO HALT CITY TRAFFIC Freshers out on strike 'STRIKE' action is being taken by 60 students this week PEDAL in response to their tutors' attempts to alter their course, writes Richard Clarke. The first year Business Information Technoloo students at Beckett Park were unhappy at their course leaders' decision to change their seminar groups for this POWER semester. t7nurse Representative, Steve Hamer, explained the situation: "We heard rumblings that they were to change round the groups so I went with another course representative to see the head TAKES of year, Peter Jameson. He said there were to be some minor alterations but we later discovered that they had completely changed the groups. We do a lot of group assignments and you get used to working with certain OVER people." Discuss Hamer said he had tried ANGRY cyclists caused chaos in Leeds' city talking to Jameson but he centre last Saturday. refused to discuss the matter. Nlore than 40 pedal pushers gathered outside Bodtneton -I said, 'talk about it or everyone will go home' and he Hall to protest against the lack of consideration towards just said. 'let them go.' so we cyclists in the area. went home." Hamer. a mature From there the protesters student, explained that the c!,eled into the city centre PROTESTERS course leaders then agreed to along Olio► Road. eau%ing allow students with exceptional hea v y traffic jams: se veral ARGUE FOR circumstances to go into the cyclists came close to being group they preferred, but he attacked by impatient ear did not belies t: this drivers. CYCLE LANE COMprOintSt: was satisfactory. Phil Lenthal. a women's pollution in Leeds. But Jameson has denied minibus driver for LUU, was Supporting the cycling team there was a problem saying involved in the co-ordination of were Leeds Cyclist Action there had been no the ride to Leeds Civic Hall. Group, LUU Green Action. confrontation between himself -We held up loads of traffic Earth First and Friends of the and the course representatives. and one lorry driver got so irate Earth. "Groups get changed quite that he nearly ran one or the The protesters wetc allot Students need to get cyclists Over," he explained. atronipanied by poke escort*. used to working with different In 1979, the council from the university to Me Civic people. promised an experimental Hall. -Somebody is making a cycling lane along the Otley By encouraging more mountain out of a molehill." Road but the concession was people to ride cycles. it is never granted and the road hoped that global warming_ continues to be a hazardous caused partly by the emissions Missing zone for those who prefer to from vehicle exhaust pipes. take to the saddle. might be reduced and the The eycl ism were laden with quality of the air in the city president a petition demanding the could be improved fulfilment of the 1979 promise. Lenard believes that their speaks out The -Demonsiration nn mission to -gently remind" the Wheels' also aimed to authorities of their needs was WE mystery of a hall highlight the growing levels at successful. president who was allegedly not registered as a student look a new twist this week when he made a public statement explaining his disappearance. writes Steve Pain. CLEGG LAWYER QUITS In a letter to heeds Student, Neighbours cry fowl Graenw Doak. former president of Sugarwell Court. MYSTERY pranksters are responsible BY AtiStiti WRACK1 THE student lawyer defending jailed BY SARAH Triers confirmed he had lost his for a series of meat misdemeanours in paratrooper Lee Clegg has left his lath course place at the end of last the Brudenell Road area. packed up to the coin slot with raw firm to spend more time on the soldier's will he dismissed in a matter of days. It term and has now "left the hall Sheep heads have been slung onto chicken. They had put a traffic cone case. is not something of which we approve as appropriate." the scaffolding behind nearby on and lopped it with a chicken's Simon Mackay. the final year LMU but we have no choice. "In the eves of He added: "I have Chestnut Avenue, and containers of head." Law student, has left Bassra's of the law he is a convicted murderer." attempted to fulfil my duties as meat off-cuts emptied onto local Second year Management Studies Bradford to spend more time on the The Queen's Regulations. the president and have managed premises. and Spanish student. Jenny Cuntah, appeal to trot; Private Clegg. the soldier military's legal code. states that a most problems despite little The Shah Halal Meat Centre, a was outraged: convicted of murdering a teenage soldier serving a sentence in a civilian coherent help from LMUS1.1." butchers on Brudenell Road, disposes "It was a horrible sight, especially joyrider in Northern Ireland in 1990. prison cannot continue to serve in the But Claire Rutt. VP Beckett of animal carcasses in bins at the rear as I was on my way to an exam. There The controversial part-time student is Forces. Park, countered: "This claim is of their shop: these are emptied every were giblets and animal limbs re-interviewing witnesses of the Clegg's only chance of staying in the unfair because every possible other day. everywhere." shooting and hopes to launch a new Paratroop Regiment is to appeal to the help was given to him. However, students arc alleged to be Another passer-by commented: -It appeal within the next 10 weeks. Army Board against his dismissal. especially in the light of his responsible for various acts of trickery was disgusting. the whole area looked Mackay has been representing Clegg Neither of the senior partners cit circumstances." involving the remains. horrible and the stench was absolutely since the soldier's family asked him to Bassra's were available for comment. No one seems willing to A nearby telephone box on foul.." +6defend their son three years ago. A second year 14w student at Leeds claim responsibility for letting Brudenell Road was the scene of the Mr Mohnned Aftzal. an assistant at It was revealed this week that Clegg University, who wishes to remain the 'fraud student' slip most recent incident. the butchers, said: "-We have received could be forced out of the Army after anonymous said of the student lawyer: through the net. LMUSU is A local shopkeeper commented: some complaints about the bins before, the House of Lords rejected his final "I think most Law students would be still looking into the situation "We could not open the window but now the Environmental Health appeal against the conviction. envious of him. I'd do it if it would and Run is determined that 'it because of the stench. The booth was people are after us." One senior Army source said "Clegg further my career." won't happen again." 4 LEEDS srtrotaso 111.w, ; NEWS

7f1 GAY GUIDE FAILS

C ,„Js LESBIAN. Gay and Bisexual students Its Man. Dee run can find nut advice and information in but the a special new publication - Ros Fermie. a second year Classical has arrived four months it's to good to peck Pink Guide Civilisation student. said: "I like the late. sex-rated page, but it seems to be a Members of the LGB society have case of too little ton late." MOBILE phones arc being criticised the guide. now in the LUU blamed for hundreds of Tim Goodall. Welfare Secretary at foyer, as "irrelevant and outdated." LUU. has blamed the delay on missing homing pigeons. promotes the guy The Pink Guide professional advertisers who withdrew Pigeon racers say that the scene in Yorkshire. puts an arm out to at the test minute. Union officers phone signals confuse the those seeking guidance, and titillates birds' highly developed throughout the North had to raise with sexual preferences such as Luhe money for the project on their own. navigational skills 'a' Latex "the divine combination." • THE explicit content of the Physicists confirm that the the events listed are now Pink But many of Guide is provoking an angry response problem could get worse of date. out front students who condemn it as with the advent of new A spokesperson for the LGB society pornographic. digital phones. at LUU branded the publication as The guide offers lesbians advice on "disappointing, tacky and inaccurate." "Sachi Masochism. Dildos, Wanking and Crossed clockerel claiming there was no desire for such a Fucking," and Contains photographs of publication in the first place. men and women in the nude. MORE confusion about birds The Manchester-based guide has Jonathan Thorson. a third year was caused in Pembroke last attracted hostility because many feel it Geography and Geology student. said; week when local council is unrepresentative of Leeds. Others 41 "It just isn't fair. If they produced stuff officials investigated argue it offers nothing different from like this for heterosexuals it would be complaint about a noisy PINK VOID: Jason Gilman of the LGB society is unimpressed by the Pink information already provided by the cockerel - only to find that it banned." Guide, now available in the foyer at LUU Pic: Debashis Singh society. was actually a novelty alarm clock. Canny man's fishy toil

MAYBE the council's investigative powers could have helped to catch the food wholesaler accused of pulling fake labels on 33.0011 cases of cat food and selling them as tuna fish. Local meningitis The businessman is alleged to have bought the cat food for £3 a ease and then sold it on for LIS Hate it with flowers

A NoTHER enterprising businessman turned Valentine's Day on its head outbreak by devising a "Say it with flowers" service with a By DAVIT/MIMI difference. For the bargain A MENINGITIS outbreak is causing panic among students price of £20 he delivers a wilting bouquet of carelessly who may be sent to work with children in schools hit by picked roses wrapped in the virus. funeral ribbon bearing the One child has already died and another is in a serious condition in message -I don't love you hospital following instances of the illness. anymore.- But students from LMU's teacher training course will still be expected to spend time at schools that might have been affected. They Santa doors open have expressed fears for their well being. IT may seem early in the The alarm began a hen Tanya year to be thinking about Dolphin. a six-year•old schoolgirl VIRUS 'THREAT' Christmas. but not for police from Hnlheek. fell ill and eventually in Pudsey. They have lust her fight for life. TO TRAINEE appealed for 12 Santa look- Now concern has increased after a second child, aged three, has been alikes in take part in an TEACHERS IN IN LUCK: Paris winner James Zackheim celebrates in Lahore Pic: Claire Laurie identity parade, The budding rushed to hospital and is reported to Sams must be aged 40-60, he in a poorly but stable condition have a full beard. and weigh after contracting meningitis. CITY'S SCHOOLS about 20 stone. The child lives in Headiugley - check out the situation before where there is a high student sending us there." said one BEd ROMEO'S LUCK RUNS OUT population. Primary student, who dues not wish Driven to drink LOVE is in the air for a "lucky" Leeds However the romantic element of the But most fears are centred upon to be named. "Meningitis is highly student. courtesy of Lahore restaurant. Valentine weekend is threatened since students from 1.NIU's Faculty of contagious and I don't want to work TO ensure the red noses writei Siert Pain. his girlfriend will not be allowed to Cultural and Educational Studies, with children who might be perhaps they should he James Zackheim, a third year accompany him. many of whom spend periods of infected." collected in a new mobile Cognitive Science student at Leeds James said he was "gobstaacked" at several weeks working at schools in The symptoms of meningitis are pub, now doing the rounds in University will he jetting off to Paris for winning but was understandably upset order to gain experience. very similar to those of flu: Gloucester. A 21 ton lorry a romantic weekend for two. He won a that his girlfriend cannot join him on the They will be coming into contact headaches, stiff neck. fever and hack trailer has been converted Valentine raffle, which he forgot he had expenses-paid trip. She has an with children who are potential pain. into a 5211 bar to be used to entered, at the restaurant on Raglan Australian passport and has had trouble carriers of the virus. Officials at I.Mli were tour outdoor shows and Road eettin a French visa. exhibitions, "I think the university should unavailable for comment. ► There's a nail in my... Residents hit the dry spot Saturday night steroids A FINGERNAIL in a diner's meal caused a two-day not EXAM stress was heightened for A POTENTIALLY lethal new drug Milt: BI CRAR1 0111 I fiSIAS BY Coals HAN111.1%/1% in Tibet. A row between the hundreds of students in lleadingley could he about to sweep the nation's owner and a shocked when the water supply to their houses "They had water tanks in the streets nightclubs - and health workers are that steroid use in nightclubs is on the customer attracted a large was cut off for more than a day. but it wasn't really that practical. warning that Leeds is not immune. increase." he said. crowd which turned violent Initially Yorkshire. Water had They picked a had time to do it with it is feared that clobbers will use In the pursuit of a better body. steroid and ended with stones and planned to cut supplies during working students at home studying for exams. anabolic steroids to improve their users are exposing themselves to changes wine bottles being pelted at hours ones. but a last minute change of For other people it probably wouldn't physical appearance when they strip off in sexual funcnoning. such as impotence police and workers in several plan meant that residents in the area have mattered." during a sweaty night's dancing. unaware and shrinking testicles in men and heard different were left without any water for over 36 Other residents also experienced of the fatal side effects. growth and balding in women, as well as hours. difficulties. "It was freezing cold Alan Judd. Director of Leeds General liver and mental problems such as mood Compiled by "We couldn't use the toilets and had because our central heating stopped Infirmary's Drug and Poisons changes, aggression and depression. to store water in the bath." said working," complained Jane Hancock, a Information Service, said the worrying However the police say they will not Catriona Davies l.auren Brumfield. a student of third year Civil Engineering student at trend was crossing over from the gyms: be focusing resources on the new drug European languages and business. Leeds University. "We know from street level information trend

NEWS F.EDS STUDENT Friday Fehnsari 17 MS 5 SAY IT WITH FLOWERS

VALENTINE'S Day celebrations in Leeds went off with a twang, thanks to these romantic-minded serenaders. They travelled from one end of Leeds University's campus to the other, embarrassing students in the name of charity. Lecture-goers were targeted by the group on behalf of pranksters and secret admirers. The lucky recipients were treated to a song and rose in front of their coursemates while standing at the front of the lecture theatre. THE FOOD OF LOVE?: Tuneful student serenaders put their hearts into it Plc: Debashls Singh Clubs' safety standards

What's the connection between under fire Pulp Ficton ICY CHAR' urn, 11..m.in_s NIGHTCLUB inspections by Leeds Fire Service and Double have revealed "inexcusably" low standards of safety. Claims that lives arc at risk through overcrowding, locked fire The Blues Brothers? trouble escapes and obstructed corridors have resulted in a clampdown on clubs by a multi-agency team of police. fire brigade and the The first person to telephone NEWS that crime in Leeds is on council licensing agency. the way down came as little "Various problems were with a correct answer consolation to student Chris discovered during visits," said `DEATH Sloan when he discovered his car Station Officer Mick Waters of the had been attacked - twice in the Leeds Fire Safety Department. TRAP' CLUBS: same day, writes Chris Evans. "Fire doors were locked and The unlucky resident of corridors were blocked - some LICENCES Oxley flats has apparently clubs were overcrowded and safety bucked recent trends as new fighting was found to be deficient. figures from West Yorkslure Basically we want everybody to be THREATENED Police indicate a drop in crime e(tofii'f able to get out within two and a levels over the last year, Students were sceptical about half minutes of a fire being these claims. "There's no way you Yet in spite of increased discovered. security at Oxley following the could get out of most clubs in two "Standards of training and and a half minutes," one dubber recent attack on a female awareness were not of the highest," resident, thieves gained access to said. "On busy nights you he continued. "We aim to educate wouldn't get out without a the car parking area and management on how to run these on 746075 attempted to force both locks of stampede." places correctly. We're prepared to Others were quick to applaud wins a his Austin Metro. take action if safety requirements Sloan was relieved to find the fire department's initiative. are not met by objecting to the "When you get in you can hardly nothing stolen, but returned renewal of entertainment licences." home later in the day to find his move" remarked a first year Public FREE PIZZAand a BECKS car, parked in St Marks Road. Risk Relations student at 'MU. had been targeted for a second "Unless something is done it time The front passenger Club managers, however. will be a death-trap. They're window had been smashed and disagreed with the accusations. A absolutely right to get strict - it's in half a can of oil stolen. spokesman from the Warehouse about time something positive was "I knew that clime was bad in denied that the club was a fire risk done." Leeds. but twice in one day is "Basically it was just a simple Ark at Leeds University passed Jakes Diner ridiculous." Sloan said "It's inspection," he claimed, 'The club safety checks. "They did quite well even more annoying in that is not overcrowded, we are careful and there were no problems nothing was left in the car worth to count everyone with clickers as although we will continue with they go in. The new management stealing. random inspections," said Mick Belushi's Hyde Park Corner Woodhouse Lane Leeds 6 is really strict on these things." Waters,

LELDS STUDENT Friday Fehnury 17, I.:N5

propoeterims claims thought applied to British transport is the F IN 1979, Leeds City Council promised When the Government Channel Tunnel. Potentially an that he does as much an experimental cycle lane along Otley finally sells off this work as a junior opportunity to trade with Europe and put Rd This never materialised. With an once-nationalised Doctor. British industry back on the map. French absence of any effective form of public industry. Britain will be British Rail should trains steam under the Channel and can. transport, people in Leeds are in very dire straits not be a profit making effectively go no further. The Chunnel completely dependant on cars. Despite Since the Beechine industry. It is there for means big business for Kent, And Kent protests for a cycle lane and a proposed cuts of the fata the rail the people, It alone Because Britain is paralysed by a scheme far a tram system. Leeds is a network has been run OPINION houldn't matter if it sick and ailing rail system, nowhere victim of the Government's short- down in favour of cars makes a loss. The outside Kent can benefit from this new sighted transport policy There is a simple Tories stand to make a tidy profit when freedom to travel cheaply is a basic link to the Continent, It will not be long before it becomes reason for this Cars make money. They they flog off the national travel network human right. This right should not be To sell off British Rail would he simply unfeasible to use the roads in this make money on petrol and on mad tax. to private companies. Soon. stories placed in the hand of a political clique final Unless, like on Saturday. there country. The Government seems hell Trains don't offer much financial reward abow over-paid transport exceutives will furthering sortie action taken to protest against the bent on running down British Rail es the for the Government. who are only interested in be hitting the headlines, just like Gas Government's transport plans. then point where it is the exclusive preserve Transport Secretary Dr Brian their own careers and lining their boo Cedric Brown and his self-awarded Whitehall politicians will steamroller of millionaires and relatives of Bob Mawhinney seems to he a strict pay increases. Just like Sir lain Valiance. pockets. A classic example of the lack of through their money-grabbing schemes Reid advocate of Thatcherite philosophy. The Chairman of British Telecom, and his bernard jenkins MP 14) Dear Editor, this week's guest columnist VEAL IS AN UNHAPPY MEAT Clubs used seeking din nigh emu paper I refill my pint of whisky and light THE leonine of eaises to that these animals have mountains of grain and ean hardly fail to notice your cigarette A cigarette Smoking. I hate make into veal is a cruel inferior quality flesh other produce. to be best, student &whom corning up those people who want hi bun smoking. I and unforgivable way of because their parents have This milk serves and I remember the days wish I could feed them labs till they're treating animals. Whether. been genetically raised for purpose at all: it is entircl, when I was in your shoes. and hooka Bastards. Solution:foetid as Amelia Hill claimed in milk and not meal useless. When it has bar none I e ae a candidate kw the post of Welsh legislate to make smoking ontipasory in her article last week. the production. The heifers, passed it's 'best before' ' designated areas. Resuiurants where Male Heterosexual Officer. I had all of British industry treats the the female calves, can he date. this milk is simply AS a barmaid in a pub in a city centre pub, at everyone sneezes and there ate no ins policies drawn up and was telling animals better than they kept for further milk disposed of. It is a lie the end of my shift, all 1 want to do is meet my windows and no air conditioning and the people how suitable I was. I even stood do on the Continent, the production. but the fate of that we. as a nation. fnends tar a few thinks and a dance. However. outside the Union with my leek 'Anton, food Inks and tastes like shit_ but that poor creatures are still the male calves is must reduce our milk this is becoming increasingly difficult as clubs does not neater because thew is ei much my dragon face palmed, screaming kept in conditions admittedly a tricky consumption if less are getting full even before I finish work. smoke you can't see it and your through a megaphone and fighting with deliberately designed to question. calves are to be born. If In the past I have !Imaged to bluff my way castanets are so hamniert'sJ you cati't the Socialist Worker people. Pieria:Nis prevent their flesh As far as I can see, government subsidy is onto guest lists in hope of jumping the queue. taste it. And all-night smoking bare in in iportant thing to consider and when toughening. This means there arc two possible removed, farmere will Let's Ike it, after you've been running around where you ere the high calorie beer and sou will be set free into the big Kul that the movement of the answers: either the male only produce the serving customers for the past five hours. the extra strong cigeurns. There'll he world you will revel in as magnitude calves is reeietricted, and calves can be raised for a amount of milk that we hest thing you scant to be is stuck in a queue for entertainment and educeetioo too, where I think it is important for you to vote they are prevented from product such as pet food. need, which seems ages, especially knowing that you might not you will he taught how to smoke through m these student elections. just as you Much interaction with where the exact quality of reasonable. and less even get in at all. different orificea no9c, ears, arse ... "Hey should in the upcoming General other calves or animals of the beef is of little calves will be born as a Until recently, managers of clubs have been hriney. look what I teamed at the pub Election. So that is why, as Leader of the any kind. Anyone who has importance. or the result. fairly reasonable by allowing bar staff on to a teak ie "Great dear, so you can smoke Patronising Power Party, I will tell you seen calves playing and government subsidisation Veal can never be a pitying guest list. Olmy. so we still had to pay throueh the top of your penis." aletia our manifesto for feeding Britain running around in fields of milk production is 'happy meat'. It is a full prices for only about half the time I this manifesting makes me forward. will realise how important lifted Ai the moment. cruel, wicked way of everyone else would have, but who's rungry. Igo to the fridge and When I %sanest the etreem of Kings this freedom is to calves. farmers are paid for every treating animals with as complaining?. At least we got in ()vet the pm ]retrieve some veal left front ( 'n1... Lae last night. I came face to filer A It is true that the gallon of milk they much capability of though_ it has been a different stray few weeks dinner and remember today's news, I'll e ith the evil aura of corruption that national consumption of produce - whether or not it feeling pain as we arc Clubs have been exceeding their maximum ban all veal exports. I love in the Queen s once milk means that calves is sold. The result of this outset yes. capacity by about midnight and, so as not to veal Send thc veal trucks to OurOunce's land. k so summed me must he born and that policy is that there is a overload the club and break fire and safety Legalise all my houve Ill club the tittle set repulsed me in such a was something must be done mountain of evaporated regulations, the clubs have consequently elm:. to death myself Don't that I dmpped to my kneee. drugs. I could with them. It is also true milk. sitting alongside our scrapped the guest list leaving wannabe club- export the veal, there'll be Polly Thompson wailing to the sky, "What goers likc myself out in the cold. more for Me. Drive over inoteamstry has shaken our create a I work so that I can have a social life. but Item :Jaime] nghte people. society?' There, in front of tie now it seems people in my situation have es whole new Mine them down. Clear the eyes, wind a preposterous choose between the two. Surely club newagers my nightnialt four Intuits' wh" industry and mac s' ' I want habY Till we meet again understand the predicament bar staff arc in! h totot eaten in days, were veal trucks After all, we are in the same business. Is it passage w nI3' house so sitting Picking at the s4-7aPinP with it jlobsjobs need LEEDS Nightline is the biggest in the The need for a sabbatical officer for really such a chore for clubs to keep a guest list of a mouldy Fileto'Fah =ton. I'll make Anything-Goes country. with almost 1511 members. We Nightline is greater than ever: we need open tot people who don't finish work until They were savages. How can time on the roads. You can for a are a telephone listening and information much increased publicity for both the late, but still want to have a good time? we allow this to happen ?I barge trap drives off the service that runs every night of both phone and drop-in services; we need to Perhaps a system could be introduced whereby' sauntered home numethately to multitude of sauriageway, ram slow university terms, from Spin In Nam. We update our currently inadequate staff produce their pay slip in order to compose my manifests) with drivers and shoot at the also run a drop-in listening and information system; we need great guarantee entry into clubs. this image fresh in my mind. I. tramps, bastards who leave their information service in the West Wing of assistance to the Nightline training It's such a shame that bar staff who are poured myself a.small dram of fogligtsu on in clear weather. bums, and LUU, Monday to Friday. 5pm to 7pm. At mum:time during the intense training providing a service to the public should be Glentiddich (well, a pint to he KM aii KC Voices off the present there is insufficient awareness programme: we want to introduce a denied that same service provided by clubs Precise), and thought of howl r.d.twho doves a Volvo? dossers. about exactly what we 414.) and who we /Alt Barlow could save these tramps kw an People who aced a safe car. second training session mid year; hold a are. conference - something that hasn't Leeds Nletropolitan University eternity of Fillero'Fish. I sipped on my Why ' Because they're likely to have an At the AGM on Thursday 23rd whisky kw huw . refilling the pint glass accident' give them a helpful nudge happened for four years, assist the February. Nightline are asking for a on it number of oecacione. and then And Skodas, and Golfs, and Royce, national set-up and hold awareness days sabbatical post to he ratified, to assist 'NET A GOOD MOVE wise three words. Yes, Rovers and Daimlers. Politicians in the union. with the administrative running. co. Legalise all drugs. I could create a drive Rovers and Daindees. The less of We believe that is sabbatical officer could I NOTE from the cover story of your latest ordination and inteenition within society. whole new industry and with it jobs for a them. the more of my Pliny. make a huge difference to Nightline. We issue that "the Internet is not an open forum multitude of tramps. hums. and disocre We. could get in power Fast we would be able to nose awareness of for the views of users." They could still remain on street corners need a reform of Parliament NO anger Nightline to all colleges in Leeds, Our tf this is to mean that there may be and instead of "Got any spate change for should we have debates, but have spin information system could be overhauled recriminations against users for expressing a cuppa. mate'?" the joyful tries of "Get to eel Nis passed. Whoever wins the with use of our new computer and the their views, it may assist if the university new-creek here! You sir! (Who me?) sport wins the nen Ti, change the internee. An organisation of this size, were to publicise ;somewhere a list of You look like you amid do with some country. We could have "Parliament:in, doing what it does, needs a huge degree acceptable opinions, to prevent people smack (I do?) What about sonic Coke? Gladiators- where John Fashanu could of support kw its members; presently this unwittingly commiting an offence in posting (Perhaps) From our exclusive Paul be the Speaker of the House We could is not on the scale we would like. messages. This would have the happy side- Merson collection, "I could orate hold Swingehoe Duel Joust and all we realise the financial commitment we effect of saving them the necessity of hundreds of jobs and a sense of well those other games. Only the strongest are asking front LUU but feel that no forming their own opinions in the first place. being for those who west once shunned will survive by the nine we teach the full time student can give the necessary by society But I still have the problem Eliminator Arid me, I am a fast meta. time to Nightline. whilst maintaining Roger Boyle of the hooligans. I could ban them all an endurance newer. When the smoke successful academic studies. Only by from hard drugs and alcohol, and just clears at will be rue left standing with the having a Nightline sabbatical officer can Any crirrespoudence should be iuldressed tu: give them cannabis. That'll calm the Goldin Max in my hands, power Leeds Nightline fully realise its potential The Editor little flickers down. "Ye. Animal, (rya POWER. Me. Me power. power me and run a service that is effective and Leeds Snuirnt efficient for every student in Leeds. 'wanna kick someone's fuddle head in Parliamentary Gladiator Champion Leeds University Union Please conic to the AGM and please vote ?"*No man, that'll be ux) intense. Give of the next General Ejection. PO Box 157 for a Nightline sabbatical officer. me a hit off that bong again" Me. Power. Leeds, 1.51 ItJH Nightline Committee

COMMENT & ANALYSIS LEEDS swum. Huta) kbouuy 17, t AMELIA HILL discusses whether forcing homosexuals to go public creates support or destroys sympathy for the Lesbian and Gay RouPlegee I Rights campaigners.

2-..aft• 456 fury /wrote,

ie exams are over so let i he the expression "boogie 'till you rilLstiviti. begin. puke?" Well they will. In your in Alter a week spent gracing every your shoes, on the stairs, on your pub, bar and club in Leeds, your neighbours' frnett door step. Time to thoughts may now be turning rediaLawer the ancient an of mopping inwards. If you don't watch out, a up. terrible plan may be formed. It happens on those long gaping rac:casionally, things can get a hit mornings when, no longer weighed ambitious, and someone brings down by revision hell. the house forth an array of 'nibbles." I hear that gathers round to watch Richard and language students are particularly Judy. Suddenly, a bright spark pipes prone to this, and it's always a fatal up: "1 know, let's have a party." mistake. If you're lucky, the worst Whatever you do, refuse, Because, that will happen, is they'll he you heard it here, parties are a no-no. ignored, although this can he gutting If by now the word is ahtndys out, enough. All those forlorn twiglets the sofa's been moved to the corner and wotsits - as unwanted as a of the room. and Steve's gone to the turettes sufferer in a nunnery. At offie to get the tinnier in, please. worst, you'll he staring at humus think again, it's never too late. patterned wall-paper for the rest of Cancel. Cancel, Cancel. your home-making career. I realise that for some of you the Another big no-no is the fancy crisis may have passed_ Last dress parasty. Thesps seem to go fur weekend saw quite a few rages, as the tarts and vicars variety in a big they say in Home & Away. I've way. Personally I reckon that this is heard the stories: "someone put the just a ploy by pervy men to grope a Beachboys on and they all just bit of bare hod. The luvviea who hold started .surfing on the kitchen table." these parties are invariably those who Messy. Those of you for whom it's not too late. take heed. gg Even if your For that tired old cliche that you UTRA ! the Lesbian continue that homosexuals arc on the England than years of polite lobbying has never enjoy your own party is as g, dearest friends and Gay Rights outskirts of society rather than an integral dune, but such violent behaviour may inevitably doomed to come true now have part of it'!" To indicate make more enemies than long-term as when your mother fist cooed it to activist group, is the success of outing. OutRage! points to friends. you over the ruins of your disappeared to threatening to smash the answers they received this week from The disgust outing can create is MacDonalds 5th birthday party. Charlotte's, your through the closet doors of letters asking 20 MPs to: "Make the shown by Michael Brown, a Tory MP Since then its been trotted out morally responsible choice to come out (tined by the News of the World last year. annually, but will you listen'? Will party must keep Westminster this Tuesday voluntarily." Despite the oblique threat Brown condemns outing and claims that you cocoa. all the way until and 'out' gay MP's on all contained within this message, OutRage' "OutRage! has no concern for gay rights. By half way through their second have apparently received "A number of It is just doing the work of the News al the last sides of the House. friendly replies" from the MP's in the World better than the News of the year. most Leeds 6 dwellers have February 21st is the first become professional party people tin question, many of whom claimed that World could ever do." bedraggled anniversary of the Parliamentary vote the house). No joy at the hash on their marriages or their representation of loser to home. the Lesbian, Gay on the gay age of consent and in line marginal constituencies made it and Bisexual Society /LOB) at Chestnut Ave. well on to the one gatecrasher has on Cardigan Road_ This can be a reeled off with their policy of direct action. impossible fur the to •cionir out Without CLeeds University can see no touch disconcerting for the poor sod OutRage! is planning to confront all risking irrevocably ruining their Ito situation where outing would he It remains acceptable. Sue Berry. a member of the who's having the party. Suddenly cast the prettiest girlies regardless of those who voted against 16 as the remains to he seen whethet rhea pleas will he accepted by OutRage! At 1.GB. neatly sums up the anti-outing their kickin" event is vacated as their dancing or singing ability. 'They legal age of consent for gay men. point of view: "Outing someone essnyone trOOltS off in Charlotte's do then kit them out in a costume 'Outing' involves publicising the the moment. outing seems tt, he considered to be the magic password that reinforces the impression that down the road. Traitors smaller than Batiste's bra and sexuality of prominent homosexuals who is gaining the Lesbian and Gay homosexuality is sutnething to hide and And of course. once the patty's panties. f You can tell I'm still hurting keep their sexuality secret. It is targeted community entrance Into establishments to be ashamed of. It is far more useful committed to. there's no turning from not getting an invite). specifically at those who harm or impinge whose gates have been firmly hotted and constructive to the cause if someone hack. Even if your dearest friends Thesps aside however, most other on the rights of the gay community while against talks of any kind for yeara. The can freely admit to being homosexual have disappeared to Charlotte's, your fancy dress parties end up with only secretly living a gay lifestyle. OutRage! outing of 10 allegedly gay bishops last and, in doing so, demonstrate that it is a patty intuit keep all the way until the the host in appropriate garb. and believes that if those involved in the gay November has led to the first ever serious situation with which they're happy and last bedraggled gatecrasher has every one else pretending they didn't movement know the identity of an discussions between the Church of comfortable." reeled off. You can't just throw it all know the score. By I 1.00pm. even actively homophobic homosexual. it is England and OutRage'. and to the Bishop For homosexuality to he accepted as in and slope off to the Poly Bop you the host will be wailing: "well it their moral duty to force that person into of Wakefield asking the secretary of the having no more importance in every day know. seemed like a good elm at the time." the limelight. They even claim that not Lesbian and Gay Christian Movement life than someone's preference for Holding a had party is a hit like If after all this you're still revealing such people makes us tLGCM) to submit proposals for a review 'Home and Away' over 'Neighbours', it taking a had trip - no matter how contemplating throwing the party of homophobes by default. George Berman, of Church policy. needs to become a character trait with much orange juice you drink. you've the year, all I can say is may the an active member of OutRage!. believes However. there is no definitive answer which people feel completely still got to let the thing ride its comae_ force be with you. And if. as you that: "Keeping quiet about such blatant as to whether outing is the right or wrong comfortable. Outing inevitably associates But if the Leeds 6 Party People chug your toenails up over a flooding hypocrisy is one of the reasons way to tackle discrimination against homosexuality with threats and decide that your joint's swinging, toilet, some kind soul begins: --you homosexuality is still seen as being a homosexuality. It is undeniable that, in 'scandals' and, in the long-term, may be that's it. you won't shift them until do have lots of friends really just 'shameful secret'. It is not 'shameful' and outing the bishops. OutRage! has made detrimental to the Lesbian and Gay the sun is high in the sky. Ever heard that no-one ever enjoys...." you know it should not be a 'secret'. Why should more of an impact on the Church of cause. what to do. Stab there hard we allow the myth to

RISING Christ-style from the dead, the Desert Island Discs and throw away all been righi the Welshman Steve Parry clanged in: Second Coming of Christian Student the records, Shakespeare plays and after all , "CSA are two scummy weirdos who are Action somehow gained a little luxuries just so long as he could request and spent probably going to hell anyway! And the attention at this week's 0GM. even a copy of the LUU constitution. Some the rest of Tories are fucking homophobes!" though the last one talked about exactly might even say this makes him a less the meeting Short of an objection from Walton the same thing. More than a hundred than ideal dinner party companion. but telling ACK on the grounds that swearing at OGMs people turned up to witness the latest then again when you run into trouble everyone is unconstitutional. there really seemed execution, including Socialist Workers. over whether to take the first so. A weekly sketch of student politics little left to say. You could have almost amendment as part the substantive felt sorry for CSA on the end of such a university chaplains and - cordially or from Richard Malach. the sparks began motion or all on its own, this is the man Meanwhile a debate had already long hammering, and at least one person did. invited this time even members of to fly. So tar everyone had been rather you want. been in progress. somewhat watered In a scene that could have been lifted CSA itself. polite and even embarrassed about Such was the crisis now. and so down from last time, suggesting that from the end of a touchingly In the face of such a crowd a chasing away people who liken gays to everyone had to sit back while a CSA should collect 50 signatures sentimental movie with Macauley devastatingly slick display of union animals. but Malach came roaring in: grinning David Stanley. nattily-titled before a set deadline in order to Culkin playing Robin Johns). a leading democracy was required. Instead we "They should be shut down straight 'Constitutional Advisor', took up the survive. The challenge of finding a few member of the Lesbian. Gay and had the traditional spectacle of away. no ifs, no huts - Thankyour microphone and began quoting. dozen homophobes among the student Bisexual society was to be seen heads being scratched, But that was as nothing compared to Unbelievably, chairman David Higgo population might not actually prove that chatting comfortingly to the secretary constitutions being waved and Lorna Rosbottom of the Socialist ruled Walton had been wrong. a difficult, but first CSA's two members of CSA. the long bitter arguments over Mark Walton looking Workers: "CSA are completely decision which sent the long-haired had to run the gauntlet of a bizarre homosexuality forgotten. Su perhaps very, very intrigued. reactionary bigots! We should be Financial Affairs Secretary scurrying series of speeches. there is still hope we can put all hate Walton takes a certain campaigning against homophobia! The through the sacred document with grim Stuart Tarhuck had spoken for the behind us and learn to love each other. secret pride in being real enemy is the Tory Party!" fascination. Like all the most boring motion. Alan Bate, CSA president. but for God's sake let's get rid of the reputed as the only Fearing that the Socialists might be people, he naturally discovered he had against, but then, as you might expect Tones first. person ever to go on understating then case, the flame-haired of pop

I for Italy. One cannot underplay th, Nightmare on 1 link between Italy, gastronomy and the world of pop, The quantity_ of cheese in all three is astounding. Think ca the gorgonzola greats, the one•it wonders, and chances are Robert DeNiro's waiting, and you're talking Italian. Joe Doke, Renee and Renata, Sabrina: the list of pop's pecortrto practitioners goes on and on. When you'r, Indie Street on holiday, the plinkv housey piano Louise Werner and co. give a sexy twist to shank which (with pharmaceutical aid) you're beginning to reckon is alright is the new crop of girl-fronted indie bands. doubtless produced by a person with a paw on the parmesan. When Zucchero But MATT PEPLER refuses to be seduced... duetted with Paul Young on 'Sena una donna' (roughly translated, 'No kebabs"1. and hack again, and then its on to the next band of the moment, "Inbetweener" and when Pavarotti sang for the World Cup, Sleeper one. "Delicious" are testament to their nations knelt in awe- Speaking of Smart (Indolent) 'Delicious" is the only song where Louise ability to cut three-minute classics, but kneeling, the Pope himself was the Wener's blatantly sexual lyrics don't make Smart is a disappointment. While Christmas number one in Spain, proving you cringe from their tack of subtlety. It Elastica and Eohobelly have the depth that Italy, by divine right, rules the world survivesbecause it makes no excuses. 0and originality to stay for the long haul, dm). leeper s recent chart adventures with just an unashamed outpouring,ref Sleeper will remain fondly 1 obetweenee promised a great deal pop (probably because it was the remembered as also rants. is for Jackson. Michael Jackson is J i tom this their debut album. Its success only track produced by The the world's only true pop star. sinie may have owed a lot to the resemblance Lightning Seeds' Ian Broudie). he never had any 'real' life before S However the rest of the album Sleeper are playing to Blur, but laden with exaggerated London g hours becoming one. Forced to work lon accents and suburban images, it's a classic is littered with obvious turnght at the Duchas, in the studio while fellow kiddies played Brit rock single. "Inbetweener" opens the schoolgirl innuendo which Vicar bate: in view over the road, is it any wonder album as an enticing hors d'oeuvre. tries hard to impress, and that Michael turned out a little odd? But Unfortunately it turns out to be the main sounds more suited to the us has not shed a tear to whom among course, the dessert, the coffee and the bill as likes of Guns 'n' Roses . g to 'Bad', or reeled with 'Ben', shaken a le well. Its an exuberant start to an album that 'There/ He comes/ nausea to 'Heal the World'? The proceeds to go absolutely nowhere. She swallows" she one time or uncomfortable truth Is that at This is not to say that Smart doesn't contain sings on the oh so another. everyone was 'into' Michael some great songs 'Delicious". for example, is risque "Swallow". Jackson (or vice versa in some cases.) The a shining and bold release ot unabashed It's more current cloud that hangs over Jacko's desire, and "Vegas", sounding surprisingly tacky than playground, whether justified in truth or like Tom Petty, also stands out. its just that erotic, , not, is immaterial: it is only lilting that th, the majority of Smart sounds so predictable Sleeper bins; of Pop be as weird as pop itseli_ arid CAI may be Each song ispretty ',sell interchangeable a Rafael Bloom with any other. Guitars clash with retro grit. pedestrian verse explodes into melodic chorus Leeds Metropolitan University STUDENT UNION Tel 430171 TU 21 31 S P IR ITU ALIZED„ FEB + sucs.-Erii... Af)V. 'Les Negresses Vertes year, one should imagine, but at least it sh,,,,cs Yorkshires biggest ladle club will be 4 'there's light at the end of the chunnel. THU Zig Zague (Virgin) 2 A CI ellv ffi Sherneld Hallam University on C MAR Piers Martin JCl SATURDAY 22 APRIL following the g SUN hem eas certain European pop combos, AAA 12th STIFF LITTLE FINGERS r, ... OASIS gig at Shdfleld Arena. TIcketa such as The Sugarcubes, dELIS and Spiritualised Electric Lt AR AD V priced £330 are available from g WAbba, have actually realised that English is the language of rock n' roll, France's Mainline SUN Jumbo Records. C4 26th Les Negresses Vertex make no such Pure Phase (Dedicated) ? .00 +-3 compromise. Thus, any lyrical puns or irony MAR Gun SOY. There are also tickets for a complete 0 eigra.44 are lost on your scribe, whose tightest grasp of TH ,,i package including a coach from leeds 'la langue Francaise' occurred when The Stone aath 7 0 0 lose your eves, lay back and enter the MAR AD to Oasis, transfer to STOMP after the Roses were last in fashion. drug-infused phantasmagorical world Musically, 'Zig Zague' makes for a sprightly that is Spiritualised, and prepare to be MON gig and back to leeds at 3am after alternative to the well-worn indie-guitar path, swept away. Diverse, original and 1st with an abundance of Gaulotse-scorched vocals, M AV Charlatans t El., u STOMP. Fall details and tickets from unpredictable, one minute drowning you in a AD V. flamenco strumming and slinky latin rhythms. tumultuous tidal wave of sound, the next STOMP at Leeds Metropolitan The record's seedy acoustic atmosphere still swirling carelessly around your ankles, Purr .111SIPSE.. holds strong, despite a steady flow of absurdly University every friday night. Phase is a whirling, mirrored ball of an album.: STOMP 4-3.esn cl,540 er upbeat tunes, with tillers as oblique as 'Mambo each track eagerly awaiting its moment to AL I / AC% Al L a 11,1NLSIDAVS 9pm till 2am. Show' and `Footballeur Du Dirnanche' - well, dazzle. 135p p1111 all Hight) answers on a postcard, please. Especially stunning are the hedonistic "Let it rri.14- ,1 .51:1 .14 c • 01- It tickets £3.00 adv. from both o_ p=pkicl ( Tanga Sous La Lune bobs along gently, Flow ,and "These Blues" which incorjaorates a 1...... 1111 mils. . V.1.510 0 10010• Student Unions, Jumbo and Crash. while those quaintly Parisian accordion scores • L.U.LI .L.I.A.,J0150,CRASti,CAVEhOISIt TRAVEL wah wah harmonica sound that would put provide lilting backbones on just about every INXS to shame. n: P.00h; OFF (BRADFORD), Dela Cubs 05,32 01299E42SM Tickets L3.50 on the door. 5 number. The French Vogues they may be, it My favourite by far however, has got to be only because they share a passion for their 'Lay Back in the Sun', an exquisite track which EV ERY STUDE country' s roots in folk music, wipes your mind clear of whatever trivialities NTr UNION BAR L.M.U. MY SITE Not a popular choice for 1995 album art the 5. Keane Reeves Ratings 4. Hugh Grant HAPPYFool) FROM 3PM UNTIL HOUR 5PM m HOLLYWOOD 3. Tom Cruise pow, BITTER, LAGER, CIDER, BIG SCREEN HUNKS 2. Jim Carrey Goss 85p A PINT ! SATELLITE TV 1. Gerard Depardieu Music 8/9

The reclusive king of foppishness releases his new money-spinning compilation album that leaves DEBORAH BELL By Kate Toon feeling shortchanged SINGLE OF THE WEEK

JTQ- Love will keep us together Morrissey Okay so this isn't a World of Morrissey (Parlophone) masterpiece, but after CO and of Morrissey is the musical equivalent of listening to all these tedious a chain letter - unwanted, unjustified and out guitar messes, JTQ offered a of the blue. II just sits there grinning above little light relief. With the W Van Morrison at your local HMV, knowing vocal accompaniment of full well that Mozzer fans will give in and take it home. The Alison Limerick, this is more you ignore me the closer I get, anyone? bright, breezv and rather The main reason for not buying this compilation album is lightweight razz-pop. Not that you will only ever play it once, maybe twice and then put up to their usual standard it away or even lose it. The haphazard and somewhat dull and a tad syrupy but by far the best of a bad lot. If choice of songs reads like it has been picked out by Morrissev'la guardian angel and his devi. You can just imagine them they keep up with this kinda stuff, Ill be reaching fighting over the supposedly ironic but crap "You're The One for my hangol hat and white Levis and subscribing For Me Fatty" and the vibrant "Spring Heeled Jim'. Sadly as we for life membership at the underground. all know from eight years' experience, Morrissev's devils are stronger than their opponents. Three KOs and two points MOIST - Silver victories make for sorry listening. Nevertheless the two victors Oh jus •.1 joys. The conveyor belt of indie/ rock has spat are well worth It. Viva 'Hate and 1,'auxhall And I, his first and last out another nasty little band, this time from Canada. I'm solo efforts respectively have made fine listening. Nothing here sure they're nice lads and that they worked very hard, from Viva Hate though. and disappointingly only "Sprin.g but alas "Silver" is less than inspiring, in all honesty it's Heeled Jim" and "Billy Budd" from Vauxhall And I make it, and just downright dull. You either like this sort of thing or there lies the problem. you don't. I don't. Let's just leave it at that. The album s saving grace is that all three songs from the new Boxers EP are included, the melodic, failure-observing "Boxers",the well scripted "Have A Go Merchant", and the EMF - Perfect day highlight "Whatever Happens i Love You", Morrissey's sexiest I would love to like this, but unfortunately "Perfect day" record to date. is no great shakes. All the daft kiddie voices and flute If you own Vauxhall And I and you have bought the new EP solos are nauseating rather than amusing and I always don't bother with this, you'll only be buying it for the obscure found James' vocals a bit on the irritating side. That said, and distinctly country-sounding B side The Loop" or the boys still look damn fine and a few of the B-side "Moonriver" and that alone is not worth ten pounds of anyone's mixes make far more of the original. Overall their money. Call me cynical but this is a very timely release, supposed come back is really just a bit of a come down. coinciding with the "In Person" tour which will sell out Unbelievable? This latest offering is all too predictable. regardless. It seems no coincidence that Parlaphone VA\ :JD\Z have a pound sign for a logo. In a word irrelevant. GUN - The Only One Remember their cover of Cameo's ''Word Lip"? Well keep remembering. This is a totally different kettle of fish. The Glasgow tads have swapped their rocking guitars for a once occupied it, and fills it instead Velvet Under,ground, Tracey Thorne, Wire that such a song will probably be kept out bit of gentle strumming, and revealed that they're with fantastical thoughts of summer, of and Sergeant Pepper. At times, singer of the charts by the likes of "Cotton-eve romantic little sods at heart. A bit reminiscent of Jon lush green fields and clear blue skies, Richard Davies appears to be emulating Joe". Love Junky is a mighty emotional roller Bovi's Christmas tune, the perfect end of the evening, and doing nothing in particular except David Bowie but simply singing a coaster. slowdance smoothy. letting life wash over you. semitone flat fails to achieve this effect with Be prepared, Pare Phase will lift you any degree of success. inches off the ground and leave you It's a short album - less than thirty Bruce Aldridge RAS-11CA - Waking Up happily hovering there on the border of minutes in total (which is probably for the If it pisses Justine off that everyone compares her to the non-reality. You'll love every best) The duo probably has the potential to Jhelisa delectable Damon, why on earth is she trying so hard to intoxicating minute of it. do better things but was just not ready to copy his tunes? A celebration of the horror of early release an album with their current The Underground mornings with all it's "make a cup of tea" lyrics, an material. A Cardinal Din. obvious effort to sing real songs about real people. WhitUal Unfortunately Elastica, unlike Blur, make a pigs' ear of it. Cardinal et's talk family. Carleen Anderson's Cardinal (Dedicated) Matthew Lewis cousin isn't a bad start, and indeed the Lformer Young Disciple's intensity is a THE CRAMPS - Naked girl falling down the recurring thread throughout sihelisa's own (iliD Pap Guns vocal acrobatics. This, naturally, makes her stairs Love Junky (3rd the niece of Vicki Anderson, protege of Mr I'm not that !aflutter with The Cramps, and so I was his must be one of the most Stone) James Brown and the first diva to really cook alarmed to find that I rather enjoyed this funny, if rather dreadful albums to have been and stay raw at the same time. stupid and repetitive tune, But tile's just weird that way Treleased this year. t the Duchess last week the It's the kind of pedigree that Marstons suppose. The song title's a bit dodgy, though. Cardinal sounds like one of those Popguns played to a half would he ',Proud of, but also the sort that promising local bands that never quite Aempty venue. It's been a drags the level of expectation up by its make it past doing free concerts at the long time since the Popguns have done the breeches. SMASH - Another Song e.p. 'Red Lion' on Monday nights. This rounds, but those few at the Duchess were Jhelisa doesn't exactly disappoint, but Part of that New Wave of New wave thing I believe, but album reveals some good ideas but witness to a stunning return to Form. there's dearly something missing. Often it's not a particularly interesting part. A step up the none of them are powerful enough to Love Junky is the band's strongest album the mute trumpet which meanders its way evolutionary ladder from some of their earlier stuff, but hold even one track together. The result to date, and it shows that indie pop can go through the best, but not enough of Thelisa's still reminiscent of practically every other band you've is a disappointing collection of bland so much deeper than self-indulgent angst work; more probably it remains the cutting ever heard, including the Stone Roses. But hell, its times. The tspening song, 'II You or unconvincing arrogance. Wendt, edge that made her aunt and cousin so catchy and the kids will love it. Not top of the list but Believe in Christmas Trees" has a Morgan shows a new and convincing unique. She is pitching at a similar market to ueie of the nicest in the pile. catchy refrain unsubstantiated by the defiance and world-weary resilience. "I'll Carreen, which leaves Jhelisa the role of rest of it and "Big Mine" has a take you down with me/ If you try to younger sibling following her trail-blazing promising melody but even these lack discard me from your life" she sings on the sister up the school. Nonetheless, her live set PEARL JAM - Not for you the quality to compensate for a opener with all the anger and fragility of would ferociously dig ire top of the pile was This is as close to rock metal (or is this grunge?) as I've generally bad album. true heartache. The Popguns are still one of a gospel gateau of 'Sally's Knockin',' her first ever come and it wasn't a particulary pleasant The recurring word 'promising: is the few bands that can write about true single and a Roots Revisited which her more experience. Sticking firmly to the classic formula of quiet really a euphemism for not good emotions without a hint of the crassness famous and increasingly commercial cousin bit/loud bit /quiet bit with a splash of full-on screaming enough' just as another appropriate that dogs most attempts at introspection. would do well to note. Major respect-losses rock in the middle. It's not totally' repulsive, but adjective, 'eclectic' means 'indecisive' The single "Star" is the perfect mix of for such calamatous leggings, though. nevertheless it is devoid of imagination, style or talent here, There are traces of all sorts of aching melody and uplifting pop that which is a bit of a shame. influences on this album. Like early permeates the album. It's a depressing fact Martyn Beauchamp Tak ng ber

THIS WEEK the United Kingdom was found "the government has been monitoring the information on "left-wingers" in trade unions to "Land of Hope guilty of breaking the European Convention of Internet for years." over 2,000 employers who rely on its black lists. Human Rights. And its not just the Internet which is subject Some ex-members of CND have found photos So what? If you are a law abiding citizen, to security checks You may think your phone of them on marches during their student day:: and Glory, then you have nothing to (ear. You are just one can not he tapped legally, but intercepting a call have. years later, prevented their promotion person among millions, there won't he only requires a warrant from the Home within the civil service. government files on you, phone tapping is Secretary This might sound like an official Mother of the illegal and you can say what you want, when safeguard, but if you have a complaint it will be YOU MAY think that there is some you want and wherever you want - right' dealt with by the government itself, and cannot information about you that just can't be found Wrong. be taken to a British court. out. What about the legendary doctor-patient Free" confidentiality? You may ask your doctor to The Government has private information OFTEN A warrant is not needed because those keep all your medical details secret but, if an about you on over a13 separate Bless hugs which don't use wires to interrunt insurance company request to see your files Nice words, lines are not covered. they will be passed on to 2. At this moment there are over a million 'A cceptab le' devices them without your but JULIE people in this country whose job is to collect which could find their Someone, knowledge. Someone, mforniation on their fellow citi2ens. way into your home somewhere may want to include infinity bugs somewhere know your most intimate SCRAGG and 3.A million private communications are which can pick up any details. intercepted every year by the Home Office_ conversation, metallic wants to know The government contact hugs on can control whether you DEBORAH 4. You have no rights under the law to hold a telephones, microphones youryour most can stand up and be peaceful protest meeting in a public place. which work through heard. The man on his BELL ask walls, microwave soap box in Speakers 5-You can be denied a passport because the antennae which detect details Corner in Hyde Park Foreign Secretary considers your activities vibrations through looks good, but he is not whether they "undesirable and dangerous " windows, directional as spontaneous as he microphones from up to 50 paces away and seems. It you wanted to speak your mind in LIBERTY - there may not be a torch-bearing infra-red cameras. this way, you would first have to go to the ring hollow for statue symbolising it or a bell to chime it across So just what is it that is being recorded Department of the Environment for the land, but here in Britain you probably about you? From the moment you are born, the permission. And it's not just a formality, in the assume your freedom is guaranteed. information starts building up. Your birth, past CND and any organisation connected British citizens But last week Whitehall monitored Leeds death and marriage certificates nestle alongside with Northern Ireland have been barred. University student's communication over the school and NHS records, tax returns, insurance Internet. Finalist Tom Whitwell was told his data, mortgage details, social security files, WHEN YOU speak in the park, unless it is in the nineties allegations about two government ministers motor vehicle details as well as police records. during an election, you are contravening local could result in court action. As Brian Kelly of Private organisations are also joining the bylaws, and handing out leaflets is against civil the University Computing Services warned, data game. The Economic League supplies cleanliness. One woman who decided to stand THE THIN BLUE LINE; Pic Debashis Singh e s

outside a job centre and speak was arrested because she might make the unemployed dissatisfied with their lot. Obstructing the highway with a meeting is dearly a problem, but as long as you keep your demonstration moving there shouldn t be a problem_ Not so. If you decide to hold a march_ you must write for police permission at least six A HOLD THE LINE: But who's listening to your calls? PlC: Ed Crispin days in advance and if they decide it will create a public disturbance, they can ban or re-mute your repetitive beat~" which is likely to cause serious Introducing the legislation was a knee-jerk notoriously undesirable or dangerous that procession before it even starts. distress to local inhabitants. According to this reaction to a series of high profile gatherings of Parliament would be expected to support the The time and the route of your march can be definition, your annual summer barbeque could New Age travellers. They are referred to in the action of the Foreign Secretary in refusing them a dictated by a senior police officer if he thinks the constitute a "rave". Previously, they could only be Act as individuals whose activities "infringe on passport". This was used during the Cold War to procession may create public disorder, damage penalised by fines under licensing laws. But now, people's right to the peaceful enjoyment of their prevent British scientists attending conferences in property or disrupt the life of the community. As police can make two or more people leave a pied: own property" and can be charged with collective Moscow a result of commercial pressures there are no of land if it is believed they are preparing to hold trespass. The owners of country estates can now longer any marches along the once well-trodden a rave. Just going to one is breathe a sigh of relief. CONCERNS OVER national security are often route of Oxford Street. although more often than also outlawed, so if ten or Limitations on your used to explain government bureaucrats not the police do not even need to consult the more are waiting for it to Recent law movements are not just witholding information, but now they are the community they are supposed to be protecting. begin, or are actually within ou r green and only people in Britain who can exercise this attending it, then they can changes mean leasant land. During the privilege. Until this year, you had the right to EVEN THE European Convention of Human be told to move along. It Cold War, the legendary silence if you were ever arrested, but no longer. Rights fails to extend your rights. Section 11 says seems the third summer of your summer defections from the Now it can be seen as an admission of guilt, and everyone has the right to freedom of peaceful love is officially off the "imprisoning" Eastern block the concern is people will babble and be panicked assembly but restrictions are acceptable if they are agenda. barbeque could to the "free Western World into saying anything. The right to silence has long in the interests of "national security, public safety, fuelled the public been one of the basic rights recognised by the prevention of disorder or crime, protection of YOUR RIGHT to stand up be called a imagination, and certainly United Nations. Now even that has gone. health or morals, protection of rights and for what you believe in is gave film producers freedoms of others" and does not cover the armed now weaker than ever. If 'rave' something to get emotional SO WHERE DOES all this leave you. the services, police or administrators of state. Is it you are a hunt saboteurs, over. But you too are average British citizen? likely you would ),Pou ever organise any public demonstrator at a sporting event or an restricted in your freedom to travel abroad. You cannot trust in the government or the protest which didn t go against these guidelines? environmental protester, you can now be charged democratic system to protect your liberties. One public assembly which has been under criminal law for aggravated trespass. THE MAGNA CARTA asserted the right of every Your freedoms are few and the law is working specifically rooted out by Michael Howard is a Thanks to the Criminal Justice Act, you are no iree man to leave the realm at his pleasure in time against you, never assume you are insignificant rave'. This, by the way, involves TOO or more longer permitted to intimidate, disrupt or obstruct of peace, and you do not require a passport to or that you are determining your own people, is held in the open air (orartly), takes people in their lawful activities, even if they are leave the country, But, it is not easy to return movements. place at night and plays amplified music cutting down trees , killing animals or destroying without one, and you can be refused a passport if The government probably knows you better characterised by The emission of a succession of the Green Belt. an official deems your activities to be "so than you know yourself.

The Importance of Being Captain Kirk bumps into Captain Picard Ernest in STAR DRAMA Leeds Art Centre across the interstellar byways TREK GENERATIONS. LIZ vir, warp factored over to the MGM to see if the series had got stale and was pleasantly arras 10I amateur There was also Malcolm productions! Leeds Brown's noted attempts to surprised. HArt Centre display his versatility by (sometimes known as the playing two constrasting Civic Theatre) takes Oscar roles: Lane the bone-dry Wilde's classic society play. butler, and Merriman, the The Importance of getng super-wacky funster butler Ernest and shamelessly who rolls his eves and hams it up to its heart's wears horrible wigs: both content. were over-blown and The play centres around equally humourless. Algernon Moncrieff and A similarly lack•lustre John Worthing's attempts and unremarkable to woo their respective performance was given by sweethearts. taking in Monica Brown as Lady family ties, cantankerous Bracknell: a difficult role to aunts and social etiquette play, but one that requires along the way. It is a play at least some stature and that, nearly one hundred authority, both of which years after it was written, were lacking in abundance. still crackles with wit and Ms Brown even went so far portrays a society that may as to deliberately under- have changed, but shows emphasis Lady Bracknell's relationships and attitudes most famous lines, literally that we can still relate to. whispering "A handbag?'" But its not so much that which came across as more the individual a lack of courage than a performances are bad (they deliberate attempt not to are?. It's lust that each actor linger upon the show's seems to take special care cliches. to over-dramatise their Amateur theatre should part, turning what was be a font of new talent, not essentially a light souffle of a collection of thesp- satire into meat and two wannabees performing for Enterprise's mission is to stop this happening, helped by an audience made up of he generation gap grows even wider this veg. Trek Captain Kirk who is handily trapped in time and gladly Take Stuart Watson's their family and close week with the release of Star sacrifices himself in a cheesey heroic manner to save the over-enthusiastic portrayal friends, but that is sadly Generations. This, the seventh film in the innocent people. of Algernon, for example, the exact image that the series manages to meld old and new by The combination of Kirk (William Shatner) and played with a range of Leeds Art Centre has given boasting contributions from the old Picard (Patrick Stewart) in the same film jars, as the emotions that consisted of itself. A play of grace and Tstalwarts; Kirk and company; as well the fresher presence of Jim in his toupee spouting cliches such as "I either a puzzled frown or a manners presented with faces from The Next Generation. take it the odds are against us and the situation is grim?" cheesy smirk, which is less skill than a tribe of Fortunately the action is mainly focused on the clashes with all the Next Generation have tried to avoid. supposed to come across as performing baboons is a crew of the newer show with a mere sprinkling of The tongue in cheek atmosphere of the original series, disappointing thing, but an "irresistable, raffish James T. and his cronies to keep the original with its clearly defined roles of Jim "babe magnet" Kirk smoothie'', but instead thankfully, Tin' Importance and Spock "Mr Logic", allowed Shatner to age most seems to say .. ..,rinning Being I rnest is rob us t Trekkies satisfied. The action concerns itself with meglomaniac Dr ungracefully but with some credibility within his own imbecile". This was enough to stand up to the circle of peers. His appearance in Generations is clearly a perfectly matched by brand of slap-happy Soran (Malcolm McDowell), who discovers the Nexus, a high-energy ribbon in space, where a being may exist compromise in respect of the transition between the two Michael Bruoksbank's treatment administered by series and Kirk is revered as a Federation god. However unnecessarily holshie John, the Leeds Art Centre. independent of time and space and have some corking fantasies as well. Soran has once glimpsed this nirvana director David Carson made the right move dispatching whose temperamental, him not once but twice. Carson did stoop though to tantrum acting meant that and is attempting to regain entry. Unfortunately he has to cause a supernova or two and wantonly sacrifices a using a classic Star Trek bad plot device "fist fight his character seemed more between Captain and deadly enemy on a rocky planet." suited to a Hollywood handful of pre-industrival societies along the way. The mini-saga than a skillfully Hannah S. Constructed satire_ Lawrence \-.

Getting On Rudyard Kipling's West Yorkshire Playhouse FILM The Jungle Book DRAMA Prunella Scales. (PG) Stars Timothy West Odeon Cinema Dir. Stephen Sommers eventies music, flares, pigtails, commenting on a number of issues Stars. Jason Scott Lee. parliamentary sleaze and peculiar to that period through Scontroversy over Europe - Oliver's lentil-loving wife (Kate Alan Bennett's play Getting On Lynn-Evans), his son Andy (Peter f you thought that Walt Disney's last could easily be mistaken for a Prentice) and their handyman word on the Rudyard Kipling story of reflection of nineties society, rather Geoff (Chris Larkin). Their new I jungle life was "Bare Necessihes" then than that of 1971 when the play ideas on free love, free thinking, think again, because they've unleashed a was first performed. Bennett "vibes" and recycling and Andy's spanking new live-action version of presents the middle-class family apathy and reaction against the events. Rudyard Knifing's The Jungle Rook life of the rhetorical and outspoken Establishment contrast with is an adventure movie which only hints MP George Oliver (Timothy West), Oliver's fifties attitude that hard at its famous predecessor. a l.ahour back hencher at the time work made Britain what it is. Jason Scott Lee (who played Bruce when Edward Heath was Prime Bennett also criticises the media's Lee in the biopic of the martial arts \lmister and Margaret Thatcher interest in MPs' personalities, master) plays Mowgli, an orphan who had hit the headlines for axing free finances and sex lives, a and Bennett seems to have serious and thought-provoking has grown up in the Indian jungle, school milk. Through screaming contentious issue in the post- captured a number of human observations about the decaying where he survives, at one with nature. truths that will always be relevant, kids, Oliver's wife's affair, his son's Profumo climate in which the play society of the seventies and more Life is sweet until the intrusion of the revolt against all that Oliver was written. As the political career making Getting On a modern universal faults of humanity, colonial British who treat the believes in, his mother-in-law's of Oliver's best friend Brian classic. His exploration of Bennett explores these issues in an unfortunate "lord of the jungle" as a illness and his best friend's Lowther (Christopher Strauli) problematic family relationships entertaining and light-hearted way. savage. collapsing political career. Bennett stands on the brink of collapse, and the gap between ideals and With revelations, confrontations, The British army, led by Sam Neill as explores and satarises everything, Bennett questions why a reality, seen in Oliver's love of sexual tension and lashings of the good natured Colonel Brydon hears from banal and everyday problems homosexual act performed twelve socialist theory, but his hate for the humour, Getting On is not only of some long lost buried treasure, and to the important political and social years ago should make any beer-swilling, gutty-eating serious and intellectually uses Mowgfi's jungle know-how to lead issues of the time. difference to his ability as an MP constituents these ideas involve stimulating but also makes for a them to it. Meanwhile, Mowgli has his Preserved in its original form by now. highlight some of the unchanging highly enjoyable night out. heart set on Brydon's daughter, Kitty Prunella Scales, Getting On remains Quite clearly, many of these flaws in society and human nature. (Yorkshire-born Lena Headey), much to a play about the seventies, issues still relate to today's society Although Getting On makes Anne-Marie Tasker the resentment of her beau, played by

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f you've ever dreamed of boldly going where no man (or woman if Iyou're a politically correct Next Generation fan) has gone before, then try out this questionnaire . If you answer 'yes' to silt or more of the following questions then we've got the perfect career move for you.

1. Can you carry off a tight-fitting sweater with style and panache?

2. Do any of your friends have un feasibly pointy ears?

3. Are you able to delegate? Or at least say "Make it so" in a suitably commanding voice.

4. Could you take anyone in a desert fist fight? Evil Dr Soran gets more than he bargained for when Picard making the action quite polished and believable with two sensibly gets Jim (back from the dead) to beat the crap out of notable exceptions - the crew arcing around in eighteenth 5. Can 1, ou shake convincingly when him, like the good old days, whilst he flips the switches to save century seafarers gear and the Enterprise crashing in the style of Alive on a planet. the ship is under fire? Remember, a the solar system. sense of rhythm isn't as important as the Generations contains a little lighter drama to counteract the Generations is a large step away from the previous Star Trek offerings, which acted merely as a vehicle for a lot of crusty ability to look absolutely terrified. And more technical side of the plot as Data (Brent Spinner) inserts a don't worry about damaging the set. emotion chip in an attempt to become more human with some actors to squeeze the last drops of cash from their successful amusing if not potentially disasterous consequences. youth. Now that the pan stick brigade are 80 years in Federation past the Next Generation have a fighting chance of taking the Generations is watchable even if you aren't a big fan of the TV 6. Do you realty know what dilithium fast moving with lots of technical jargon success of the TV series onto the big screen. series, the plot is crystals are?

7. h your middle name the same as that of a top Roman Emperor? (For the non- nerds among ynu, the T in James T. Cary Elwes. paid to a strong sense of realism in the man- stands for Tiberius). The film delivers excitement, romance, on-animal confrontations. It looks like the and dreams of the big time. To help her on scares and laughs in approximately equal bear and tigers have been filmed separately her way she, with her boyfriend Peter (Tate measures. from the human performers, and such Donovan), steal the fair's takings, but he is 8. Do you have any previous acting While it is not quite Indiana Jones trickery jars. One scene, featuring more apes caught on camera as they make their experience? Early work with the Royal standard; no amount of booby-trapped than a marathon of PG Tips commercials, getaway. Our two desparados, at Peter's Shakespeare Company or on fast-car 80's treasure troves are going to make this a has the Swarm look about it (substituting insistance, decide to hole up in his cop shows will be taken into match for the adventuring archaeologist; killer bees for monkeys) with thousands of childhood home, a Huttente community (a consideration. director Stephen Sommer knows how to stir the computer generated buggers. form of jazzed up Amish community). In a up the half-term holidaying kids at whom This minor complaint aside, Disney's bizarre sequence of events, Peter hides the this is targeted. new version of one of its best loved films money. marries Havanna, and then dies in a 9. Are you follically challenged? Or at The characters are clearly drawn - they may satisfy the purists, but should provide freak car accident, leaving her without the least, have you got a nice line in toupes? could have conceivably been lifted from one a solid Sunday afternoons entertainment. wortga and, due to old Hutterite bible law. of Disney's animated features - but the having to marry Peter's twelve year old simplistic tone is part of the film's appeal. Matthew Goodman brother Zeke (Joseph Gordon- Levitt). From 10. Do you have the power to win the Lee oozes innocence and sincerity (and has here on, the film meanders to its slushy all- affection of anyone/thing in the galaxy? the kind of body that suggests he really American ending. Remember, all you need is a hole and a could have grown up hunting with the Holy Matrimony Nimoy directs the film as if he were life sign! pack). Conversely, his adversary in love. (PG) consulting the "Ladybird Book of Fim Elwes, combines the requisite amount of FILM Making-, but obviously missing out the dashing derring-do with hiss-worthy Showcase Cinema section on never work with animals or villainy. Dir: Leonard Nimoy children. The latter part of this statement The enly thing which lets the trim down is Stars: Patricia Arquette applying to the wooden performence of lhe animal slit...jai effects. The optical effects loseph Gordon-Levitt. Not even the are slightly off, which unfortunately puts the L •,,a,i Non,v, alias Mr "pock, Arquette sparkle can put a shale on film ...,.•.., .1 0. Mill: hit directing Thrfe Atru ,'• A Baby but tails to do the saint with Nimoy takes ideas from other films such his new one, I full! Matrimony Although the as 11:niess, that in his hands do nothing to Holy Mairoucinik This coupled with film boasts one .'f Hollywoods newer t wire gems, Patricia Arquette, it is sadly lacking an unnecessary sub-pint and a doeidedly cheesy finale. that will have in anything of comic value and lb storyline make for a film is tenuous in the extreme. you Worrying about how numb your posterior is as opposed to the characters' The oh-so-lovely Havana (Arquette) is Kirk's all flabby in a dead end job working as a Marilyn dilemmas. Monroe lookalike at the Iowa State fair, Justin Leahy Ant Penelope and Adelina by Virginia Gay Picador - £5.99

diary of flowing violet ink linen suits and drinks a kat of raki. is the focus of this story The contrast between Penelope's which follows the fortunes eau and Adeline's then is clear; of Adelina and her great Literature does form your character, A Rupert.- "Dearest Adelina. I Crime novelist James "Mad Dog" granddaughter Penelope, linked across space and time by Adeline's thought that cricket did that." Ellroy arrived in Leeds on Valentine's journal. As a young girl falls for first one. The author puts an eyeglass to then another man, her fortunes are Day. But as IAN DAIRY discovered, her voyage East on a steamer bound closely watched by the rest of the for Constantinople. As Penelope ship. She tells of "tasting" the he wasn't exactly bearing cards and edits the three volumes of her great- smoky sensuality of Mr grandmother's diaries, a whole Nicopolica. but, as she points out, roses.... PICS: DIANA YULE century later, she is able topiece in the way she lifted her face up together a part of her own family towards him, it would have been history. rude of him to refuse her; a horror and obsession merely hinted at in the work of dutiful, rather than a lusty he night before I interviewed fames Ellroy, he To read of times gone by when g,ave a reading at Waterstones. The assembled other writers such as Hiaasen and Leonard. ladies wore white lacy stockings and moment, this begs the question; do What makes his writing so genuinely scary is not the we believe her reasoning as much throng were there to witness the master of '90s french knickers fief as a professional crime fiction, the chronicler of secret America, the graphic descriptions of mutilated and defiled corpses but way of life is most uplifting. A as she? T the skill he uses in 'inhabiting' his characters - generally Gay gives us a small, yet faithful most blatant self-publicist in the literary world. contextual edge is given by the Famously outrageous, he apparently thrives on exposure cops with hang-ups, repressions and guilt which they modern woman and her concerns. account of the menfolk, but what is attempt to expiate through their work. In this respect central to the book is the and has greeted previous audiences by simulating oral From conversations with Penelope's sex with microphones and howling like a dog. Ellrov s fiction (particularly The Black Dahlia, which is comfy and quiet ex-husband, Sam, understanding that we gain about based around the real-life murder of a_young woman in what is important to the women. On this occasion Ellroy began by letting us into a and with her bitchy 'powerwoman' literary secret - his books are written not by himself, but 1940's Los Angeles) bears a close relationship to the literary agemt, Julia, one gets to Although not in itself a novel that fights for feminism, husbands are by his playboy pet pooch Barko. He then sang a brilliant , events of his turbulent life.. know what is important to her. but obscene version of an old swing-era song Hismother was strangled when Elroy was ten years The story is beautifully crafted to described thus: "Not absolutely necessary, but I have one just the substituting Steve L.ewis's words with Barko's. The old, which, understandably, has coloured his existence. illustrate the relative importance of hilarity continued throughout the evening as Ellroy The murder of Geneva Ellroy remains unsolved and next events for various individuals. The same." Romance with cynicism is the indulged his delight for gossip by telling us highly month Ellroy's documentary, White hoz, concerning her 'half-true accusation of adultery libellous tales of homosexual antics on the set of Interview death is to be shown on Channel 4. In the meantime we prompts Penelope to jack in her job best way to explain how Adelina sees the world around her, with the Vampire and nave his opinion of the O.J. Simpson have American Tabloid, his new, and most ambitious as a management consultant to take novel. up writing full time. The realities of expressed in the way she finally case he is, in Ellroy s view "irrefutably guilty") as well walks out on the husband who as Bill Clinton's haircut. Ellroy feels that such public American Tabloid is more immense than Ellroy's life are told by her thus: "I can sift previous novels. Ellroy himself refers to it as both a fact from fiction, too, fiction being made love to her with his night-cap readings can be valuable, but warns: "You've got to on, whereas Penelope makes that break the audiences in, you start with a song like that, "monster" and, modestly, as his "latest masterpiece" in a finely shaped and tuned while it's long line. His stated ambition in writing the novel is to really fact which is the loose and arduous journey to the fair, flat the audience are going to love it.. in Cardiff they looked county of Norfolk to visit her ex, at me as if I'd cut a big fart...a good lively reading with a "deal with the private nightmare of public policy". Ellroy baggy monster." 'rewrites' the chain of events which precede the Dallas Tn the diaries, we are given a Sam, and is pleasantly surprised by profane subject grabs people," the outcome. In the course of his life the 'Demon Dog' has moved, "Jack - whack" in 1963. However, it is not easy to write Idescription of life spent writing the book off, like Oliver Stone's JFK , as a flimsily letters in bed in the morning, The views expressed by both in his own words, from "obsessive self-destruction" women reflect their worlds and how towards "obsessive self-achievement". Once an alcoholic constructed conspiracy theory, because Ellmy's portrayal followed by lemon tea in the of the machinations of a corrupt system is so detailed. Be afternoon. As far as the minor they deal with the trials of lite The drug-fiend, Ellroy now gets his kicks from writing about matter-of-factness with which the sordid depravity in others - cops, politicians and movie warned, however. The characters are not like the charactrs go, it is easy to warm to idealistic Kevin Costner in Stone's movie, They break the outrageous Dickie, Adelina's characters enjoy their lives help to moguls. make this a refreshing read. Ellroy's work is truly frightening. Hollywood is heads, mangle corpses and smash lives, practical and humourous rime writing doesn't come any better, and it is dear conspirator/friend who wears white currently obsessed with violence and criminal perversity, Harriet Walker but it is a measure of his extremity (as that Ellroy is growing as a writer as he tackles well as his hostile attitude to Movieland) increasingly important issues. In light of this that only one of his books - gicnnt on the progression, does Ellroy feel that it is the writer's duty to Moon - 'has been made into a motion address social issues? picture. The result was Cap, directed by "I do have a moral obligation, which is to tell the truth Tames B. Harris, which Ellroy wasn't as I see it." But he believes that writing must be. above exactly pleased with. lie felt that all, about entertainment: "...being moved being shocked, THE STA TRAVEL starring actor James Woods was being titillated, being horrified, these things comprise abysmal in the film - the "Donald Duck entertainment. The idea of just passing time with a book of Hollywood." His LA Quartet, a series and not being confounded by its power. not having your of crime novels which explore the dark humanity confirmed, not having your humanity dashed, areas of Los Angeles, redefined the not being upset by a book, that doesn't grab me at all." QUIZ genre - taking the reader into realms of When I asked him what response he tries to achieve

If you think you know your customs, capitals an continents come along to the STA Travel QUIZ and Win Flingpull Press release La Philosophic) de Cantona 1£4.99) - the collected works of France's kick-boxing thinker. *4 RETURN FLIGHTS TO NEW YORK Leeds Student brings you a review of two halves... *SPOT PRIZES GIVEN AWAY ON THE NIGHT* he lads have played ones in the light of the firey ones recent exploits Heats will begin at 8.30pm: to the best of their ("I have this passion in me that 1 can't handle.."). 21st FEBRUARY - BECKETTS PARK CAMPUS BAR ,Tability and we've Those genuinely concerned about Eric's been a bit unlucky not to footballing philosophy arc better off sticking 23rd FEBRUARY - CITY SITE COFFEE BAR come away with a win. But with Match of the Day then wasting their time the season s not over yet. It's trying to fathom the likes of "Glory often Grand Final will begin at 8.30pm: a marat on not a sprint". coincides with the birth of superficial 28th FEBRUARY - BECKETTS PARK CAMPUS BAR In the years B.C. (Before Cantona) this was relationships". It's pretty hard to imagine the Old what was understood by a philosophical Trafford faithful rising as a man to chant "Let us footballer. One genic shrug and an "1 don"t know not forget that the place of truth for an athlete is, YOU MUST BE AT ONE OF THE HEATS TO WIN why I love you but I love you" later and every and will always be the stadium". It doesn't new man-football fan is wetting his/her Levis at rhyme and there's no swearing in it, for the prospect of a football-as-life creed to justify goodness sake. And as for Eric's fellow pros, the For more detail5. contact their obsession. odd goatee beard tugged in frustration at a shot STA Travel, S8 Vicar Lane, Leeds While this Dennis Wise of a book (pocket- gone wide is about as deep as they'll get. Tel 0113 2449232 sized, cheeky cover) may be big on beauty, truth I think it was Chris Sutton who said "I'm ST and art, any non-Man [ltd. fan will tell you that going to let my football do the talking". A wise NfWV YORK, 105 ANOf tii Mlere, flAMTV.X. SAME); Eric doesn't have much of a sense of humour. kid. At the end of the day Brian, a Waddle pass, AnCXU11471. STA TRAVE This is far more vital to the survival of most a Le Tissier cross, even a back heel from football fans I know than any pretentious waffle Existential Eric himself is all the high culture the about why Eric's got a short fuse and turned up beautiful game needs, collars. The only laughs the book offers are ironic Hannah Jones BOOKSi 4/1 5 Philadelphia Fire by John Edgar Wideman Picador -13.99

t the end of The Tempo', Prospero stands in a paradoxical situation, lie has succeeded in ai his powerful position sit Mi an, but in retrieving his Dukedom, he has relinquished his 'kingdom'. that is, his godlike status with magical powers of creation and destruction. Fie anticipates that on his return to reality "every mud thought shall be my grave". This sense of with his fiction, Elhoy mischievously reclined in his :seat disillusionment on the return to before answering: "I've always wanted people to respond humanity and mortality is violently and obsessively to my hooks. I would never want forecast in Shakespeare's play- to write a book that might be magnanimously praised." and finds itself explored in a Ellroy banes that this will never happen. This is *because his very different set up in books are, errn... violent. However, he bristles at the Philadelphia Fire, This novel suggestion that his work is related to the kind of blood and attempts to articulate the gu is. sensa tionalism dished up by Hollywood: difficulties of dealing with an "What I particularly hate is hyped-up, ultra-violent, understanding of the culture one nonsensical rock.'n'roll soundtrack' movies like Terminate? exists in, especially if that system Z - very iolent, completely unrealistic, it gets people has cast you outside the hopped up on violence and desensitizes them at the same mainstream and rendered you time." And Mr. Eliroy isn't very impressed by the boy powerless. Wideman, in this Tarantino either, describing Ri7scratur Dogs as "empty complex and dense book, horseshit," explores the relationship And what goes for Hollywood. goes too for the realms of between the dispossessed black the literati. Is this because he stands outside the world of individual and the mighty, drunken sexual excess as a way of atoning for his 'wild' impersonal nature of city life. younger days? "Well I've been a sober, industrious guy for The narrator, Cudi'u, finds longer than I ever drank or used drugs, and I think writing himself drawn back to America is a way of atonement. front sell-imposed exile by news "Over here people say, 'well, wow, you've got Hunter S. of a mass killing of members id a Thompson'. That's just shit to me, he's Fr'7 years old, black cull in littiladelphia, The bombed out of his mind, and he's just going to keel over peaceful, complacent attitude he one day. That whole drunk/drug addict institutionalised has cultivated is challenged and American rebel pisses me off." As it to emphasise his point, ultimately shattered - by his Ellroy reclines still further and produces a huge fart. reactions to the bewildering Enough said, reality of America, its familianry Ellroy's fiction paints a picture Of America which is alongside iiti bizarre cruelty and uncompromising in its portrayal of urban crime ("Anti ideology . many guns, too much dope. There's a lot of repressed The narrative searches for craziness in America, poverty, racism, the break down of connection, just as Cudjoe the family unit. all these things.") However, he offers no searches for the sole survivor of solutions outside of his work. What becomes clear is that he the massacre, to provide securitt, knowledge and self- is determined to become a great writer. lames Ellroy undoubtedly packages himself empowerment to contradict the immaculately and his public persona is lively and pervading sense of isolation and desperation. Cudjoe tries to entertaining. lie is more than a self-created media monster create a suitable simile to though, and one day his tales of sex, obsession and violence may find a market like that enjoyed by Stephen King. For identify what the city is and tries to counteract the illusions that it now however, Ellroy is content to scare the shit out of a captivated Yorkshire audience with Valentine's tales of creates: grasp the pattern. I sordid depravity. "You can was created for you", it says, Cudjoe views it instead as a American Tabloid (Century) priced 015.99 "drunken derelict" which is set un fire by kids. By the end of the novel, this image becomes literalised as a vagrant is attacked and burned by a gang of youths. The impersonal The Philosopher construction has become the dispossessed individual_ A s Baudrillard the end. Football is, he argues, his favourite connection has been made, but it might say, La methodology and even in these post- is one of pain and violence, This Philusophre de modern days, he is clearly not. averse to the is the 'Brave New World of A a C.1' tatona is perhaps less occasional resurrection of a Hegelian Miranda's vision taken to of an oxymoron than dialectic with his 'Other': Ryan Ciggs, He terrible and depressing one might be 'seduced' alludes to Rousseau's *natural man' and, conclusion. The young, the hope into thinking, and that poignantly, to Diderot's social actor for the future, are violent, the self-parodying, often ironic. text should have this passion in me that l can't destructive and uncaring, not be immediately banished from the handle_ Indeed, it is the ambiguity created out of a world that discursivepractice of philosophy. The between the passionate and the social • or promotes and then despairs of eclectic, seleflexive,f r inter-textual and rather the particular and the universal - these traits. international discourse we find between its that marks not only his life and game, but The political message of this book is told through individual two 'Red Card' covers can be convincingly also modernist thought as a whole. This located within the contemporary paradigm degree of cerebral self-reflexivity should stories. again emphasising the isolation of people within a that is marked by the hyper-real in both perhaps not conic as a surprise given community and also the form and content. Caritona's self-awareness in the box. We It is to the former that I shall now turn, also find echoes of Nietzsche, Sartre and connection of the personal and the red text is dearly alluding to the many Derrida. Yet he also excels himself in the political, the need to get grassroots action to challenge die cards received by its discursive area and field of identity politics: his life is an on- thus to the ubiquity of the sign as reality, of going migration from club to club, text to ftegemony. Bleak as this book is, and discourse as the 'real'. Furthermore, the text text; demanding as it sometimes gets, is constituted by many other texts in the "I have travelled, I have seen many the effort, as it form of poems, photographs. sound-bites people... I never think of myself as .a it is well worth and post-match declarations - Cantona is permanent fixture'. Cantona talks of tribal raises interesting issues such as individual autonomy, state clearly 'seducing' us into reading him - or politics, of politics of desire, of fear and of control, black politics, The in a Barthusian sense into 'writing' him - certainty; he mixes and matches narrative style and the within the post-ist debates... indeed it is philosophies, aware of his every step... he is Tempeq, difficulty of relating experience. between the 'posts' that he aims to put the thus simultaneously the clay and the bail. sculptor of his own past. present, future Turning to the context, Cantona refuses and goal in life. Emma Harding to be pinned down; he is a pragmatist to Phil Jenkins SCIENCE18 Coming apart at the LOSING THE PLOT Going to the movies this evening? Imagine what it would be like to control the story of the film, to twist the plot in whatever direction you choose. Well, now your wildest seame cinematic fantasies may be about to come true, with the launch in the US of the latest in interactive Scientists have found why so many English pace bowlers are dogged by injury. entertainment, "Mr Payback". "English technique" comes at the Indian pace bowlers are taught to Although unlikely to win praise nother Ashes Series, another from Barry Norman for plot and England team all but mitered point of delivery, where English bowl with their whole body facin A bowlers are trained to move their the batsman, and their retar d style, "Mr Payback" does allow into the pitch by the Australians. members of the audience to choose As Mike Atherton and his team upper body from sideways on to speaks for itself. Once again face on to the stumps, whilst the though, the lack of twisting means the course of the action at regular prepare for the next test trauma in intervals throughout the film, the West Indies, scientists have lower body remains in one position. less injuries. without any noticeable interruption found an explanation for our This twists the bowler's lower back, From the research, scientists have to the action. In this movie, the comparative lack of success in causing pain and injuries that have developed their idea of the perfect story centres on an eponymous producing an injury-free, accurate dogged players like Ian Gotham, pace bowler for the twenty first cyborg who sets out to wreak and damaging fast bowler. Five and more recently Mark nom century. He will be 6' 4", run at 14 revenge on villains years of research has just been The Australian alternative, mph in strides of at least 4' 6". rotate At the start of the film, the incorporated in new MCC training which has been developing over the his arm at 1,200 degrees per second, guidelines in an effort to produce past twenty years through the use of and deliver blistering balls at over audience decide which villain the sturnp-shatterers of the future. sports scientists in cricket training 90 mph. However, the hunt for the should be wearing the brown The research, led by Roger programmes, is to have the whole perfect physical specimen should trousers, and then every 90 seconds Bartlett of the National Sports body sideways on to the stumps at not mean the exclusion of other they are presented with a range of Sciences Centre, examined the the point of delivery. This reduces human forms. As Geoffrey Boycott three options from which to choose. techniques of top class English fast stress on the body (reducing points out, the scientists' research Should, for example, Mr Payback bowlers from hundreds of hours of subsequent injuries), improves doesn't explain the success of blow the guy's brains out, or drop video footage, Their findings accuracy, and on top of all that, Harold Larwood and Freddie him from a 34th floor window? All explain why so many bowlers are makes the bowler faster as well. Trueman, both of whom stood only these decisions are made with the troubled by lower back injuries and The technique was used by Jeff 5' 9". And pace bowling isn't the help of luminous buttons set into a other stress fractures, such as the Thompson, who took 200 wickets in only way to get people out. For pistol grip, which is incorporated one suffered by Darren Gough, 51 tests for Australia and is P simply mention the name into even seat in the theatre. Yorkshire's promising pace bowler, recognised as the world's fastest 'Shane Warne' to the England At the appropriate points, in Australia. The key flaw in the bowler. To confuse matters, West batsmen... buttons are pressed, and the computer controlling the action counts the votes before playing the desired section. All possible segments of the film are stored on a video disc, and retrieval is tact Fish to get tanked up enough to make the action seem continuous. The total lini6th of any Wit the rows over e allegedly cruel treatment and farming met ods temperature being kept up during the winter months to ensure t e fish particular "Mr Payback story is employed with pigs, veal calves, and battery hens still raging., a new case for continue to gain weight. Another advantage is that the hangars can be built just 20 minutes, but the video disc animal rights campaigners could soon join the list. Fish. Massive fish just about anywhere. has over 2 hours of footage stored factories, producing hundreds of tonnes of cod, salmon, sea bass, and other Not surprisingly, there is opposition to the new technique, not least from to accommodate all possible story fresh and salt water fish could soon be supplying the markets of Europe from fishermen, who could be put out of a job. Environmental campaigners, lines their computer controlled hangars. including Friends Of The Earth, also oppose fish factories, fearing the The promoters of interactive Fish stocks in the North Sea and other regions of the oceans have been potential effects of chemically stimulated fish growth. They also feel the new movies hope that people will come dwindling over the past couple of decades due mainly to gross over-fishing, production of vast quantities of fish would overshadow the problem of over- to the film several times, and be and the new technique, developed by the Danish Institute of Aquatic fishing of the world's stocks, and would prefer to see attention focussed on able to see a different story each Technology, promises to provide a steady and reliable source of fish for food conserving current sea stocks, and their responsible management. time. They also hope to include companies around Europe. There are already indoor fish farms operating in Another group who oppose the technique are culinary experts, who doubt more decisions in newer films, and Denmark, supplying the Japanese with millions of eels and turbot. whether fish raised in such cramped, unstimulating conditions would to make better films than those Such an intensive method of fish 'production' has been made possible by develop the same muscles as free-swimming fish. This may make them less produced so far. However, that the invention of a new filtration system which purifies the tank water four tasty. -However, the developers are confident of demand for their product, would require hundreds of hours times an hour. This means that no extra water need be stored, as is required and counter the claims of 'cruelty' by saying the fish factories are 'kinder' of footage, and a large, well- for traditional outdoor fish farms, and so very little space and onIv 40 cubic than outdoor fish farms, or indeed than catching fish in the open sea. So if organised team of script writers, metres of water is needed to breed tens of thousands of fish. Conditions in the factories take off, it may be that Captain Birdseye will have to change his which means big bucks. So for the tanks, such as the level of feed, and conditions in the hangars are image from hoary old salt to smart-suited computer operator in a large now, we'll have to make do with computer controlled to give the optimum rearing environment, with the warehouse, miles from the nearest of the seven seas. 'Button C - Guts all over the floor'.

I wanted to call this column records? and dumped us in a computer big thing in computing. "Steve Hill - Love Machine, The actual physical process controlled future, where Computers that learn, but I thought we'd get sued of falling in love (maybe I people telework, telebank, computers that think.., but under the Trade Descriptions should have rephrased that) is meet virtual people in virtual computers that feel? I think it Act. But you'll see why I even less well understood reality and, you've guessed it, was Alan Turing who once wanted to,.. than that of creating a steve hill's have cvbersex in cyberspace. said that a computer could be Once again, the pinkest, memory. Nobody is quite "Good or bad?" was the described as intelligent if you fluffiest 24 hours of the year, sure how memories are stored question, and as far as love asked it and a human subject Valentine's Day, has come and in the brain, and what triggerstriggers reaction and friendships go, "bad" is the same set of questions, and gone. Love has flown briefly off the process of recall, the answer. couldn't tell which was which through the air before certain groups of cells must One memorable from the answers. returning to ground with its act together somehow to interviewee was a current I would like to suggest usual sickening thud. Or 'store' the information being teleworker, who professed to some telling questions which maybe for the lucky ones, recorded. that one special person, is that you were one of the lucky enjoy his new found freedom could be used. One might be something clicked. But what If you take the same when we fall in love? Well. ones last Tuesday who whilst at the same time "Are you in love?" or on a exactly is that something? viewpoint, then falling in love possibly, but that doesn't discovered that spark, either admitting to feeling very smuttier note "How was it for What happens to you when is nothing more than a explain what might be by chance or by computer, lonely, isolated, and missing you, darling?". But a real you fall in love? complicated combination of described as the "can you hear then congratulations. Some of the human contact he got at killer could be "How do you I'm not professing any several different areas of the music?" factor. There is us haven't been so lucky for work. feel today?" answers, but I've been there. brain. And remember ladies, something more subliminal the last few Tuesdays. But The human touch is the One final question. "Are Most of us have. The racing that the brain controls the which simply can't be that has meant I've been able vital factor which computers you a computer?" No self- pulse, the sweaty palms, whole body, so there's no explained as to why people to watch 'Visions Of Heaven cut out. Which is why T don't respecting person would feelings of nausea (so me ex- scientific rationale for the fall in love with other people. And Hell' on Channel 4, about think you could fall in love in answer "Yes" because to do so girlfriend told me...) and the assertion that men think with This is why things like the rise and rise of the cyberspace. Which is why I would be an admission that first flush of lust. And then their ... well, you know what computer dating, and on a computer and its effects on think the vision of the future all thoughts, feelings and one day, you wake up in the I'm talking about, more basic level, Blind Date', modern society, was a vision of hell. And emotions are really just pre- morning and everything's Building on this, we can don't always work. It's very Yup, you've just had the which is why I don't think programmed responses to a changed. But everything's see that all the adages about easy to match up a person s 'love' bit - this is the 'machine' Artificial Intelligence certain situation. So the still the same. So what's going the way to a man's heart could interests and preferences, but section. researchers have a hope in message is, even if you're on in your brain when your be said to be true. When all unless there's a spark, things The programmes picked us hell of making computers unlucky in love, go ahead and legs turn to jelly and you start these ways combine, when all won't get off the ground. -If up by the scruff of the neck anywhere near human. fall. It might hurt, but at least listening to Luther Vandross the stimuli are received from Al is heralded as the next you'll know you're alive. 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MEN'S TENS JIS celebration Britain is also to host He hangs up and CzUlIMUCS: "Money does run Rugby Newcastle 4 LUU 2 - Raihnan Sundruiam the World Cup. League but it runs everything in a capitalist society. was Leeds' sole victor as the learn howred However Rugby League appears to be in crisis. Here at Leeds I am fenunate to have the resources to out of the BUSA competition at Hewett There seems to be no transfer money left in the twill such a good squad. hisis true to say that the people on Wednesday. Thomas Spindler, Ian game and Wigan's monotonous dominance is with the most money are at the top of the league_ Until Maddison and Diennar Fischer all lost d ear threatening to turn away supporter:. Even Chief the contract system changes this will always he the singles matches. Executive Maurice Lindsay is reported Iii he case.' • But if this is true how can Laughton explain his. VOLLEYBALL considering banning Rugby League success at WidlleK where he transformed a Edge H01 0 LUU Men 3. talk-ins fin- being far too negative. Some or the loss key learn into firsa MONO!) champiore, Liverpool .1111 1 LUU Women 3 - A sin Tucked away in his smoked-filled office "Basically I was brilliant at my all•round team performances which featured in Headingley. Leeds manager Doug players feel Mb," he replies jokingly. "No seriously I few errors earned the women a third miand 's Laughton amazes unpanickaal by the grune Wigan are managed us strike a few exceptional deals, tie with Crewe & Alsager The men p av current crisis Laughton is one of Rugby 'Take Martin Offiah who I got on a ten year Liverpool or Bradfonl al the sante stage of League' s most respected managers and is unstoppable. (amino for 1:95,111X1. It was a lot sit money the competition next week. confide:a that Leeds are capable of breaking My main job the time but a worthwhile investment." Wigan's grip on the championship, Ek's nut wrong. Offiah is now one WOMEN'S SQUASH. Reclining in his leather chair and lighting has been to (■f the hottest pmperties in Rugby League. Manchester 0 LUU 5 - Leeds cruir ed another cigarette he explains: introduce breaking every try scoring record passible through their tie after fear% dial the ga me "When I .c.ame to Leeds three and a halt and netting around f..3011.1)00 profit fur would have to be called off, A years ago. I'd say we were realistically ten some positive Widnes when they sold him to Wigan. misunderstanding led Manchester to belt vc years behind Wigan. Our training w as However Laughton is not free from that the fixture was scheduled for is ex' mfenor and our squad W3.,41.t good enough thinking criticism. In 1991 he wasted over f1100.000 change but this is ridiculous. I think the power has gone Wednesday and they were forced to call out We've considerably narrowed that down on All Black Star John Gallagher who faded to Hetherington's head. To abolish the Challenge Cup four players at the last minute. Despite s now." to replicate his form in the professional game_ which brings in a revenue of over £2 million would be standard courts and some dubious &cis', ens Strength Leeds are yet to win a trophy under Laughton's by the Manchester nuuicers, LUU camed a reign. So why should this season he any different? Dream quarter-final showdown with Durh am After investment amounting to over £2 million Laughton defends himself: 'The players here are finally without dropping a game which has brought the likes of Ellery Hanky and Craig motivated enough. The way I've achieved this is to Laughton's views refect the majority of supporters in lams. to Headingtey. Laughton feels confident. his squad make them feel part of a family who share the Same the game. To axe the Challenge Cup would be an act of has the strength in depth to he tine title contenders this guals and aspirations." Laughtun admits this was a culpable ignorance. The dream of reaching Wembley in LUU: PLATE RESUL1 year This is not a false vision. Leeds stand only one difficult process. "Some of the players led Wigan are any sport is often the only thing that keeps the smaller WOMEN'S HOCKEY point behind Wigan in the Championship and are firmly unstoppable. My main .Mh has been to intruduce sonic teams alive through large cup Iles and giant killings. on the way to reaching Wembley I'm a second positive thinking. We're the only side to heat them this Hetherington may win some support fur simmer rugby Humberside 2 LUU 1 - Leeds provessett consecutive -year. season and we can do it again." but risks isolation if he pursues his hid to scrap the in the BUSA plate competition with a v "Managing a Rugby team is like any organisation." Things may he going according to plan at Challenge Cup. More pragmatic ideas will have to he deserved victory over Humberside. LuLi ce Leighton says. "The better your employees. the better Headingley but the League's future in general is forwarded if Rugby League is to compete with Rugby Rains seized on an excellent cross to ire your performance We have mime quality players hens uncertain. Gary liethenngum. the Sheffield Eagles hove Union. Also in its World Cup year, Union is becoming Leeds into a first haft lead. and Leslie Jute and our current performance proses that" has called for a radical shake up of Rugby League He increasingly popular perhaps at the expense of League. increased their advantage after so ITIC The telephone interrupts bun, Answering it has come up with a series of new proposals to Leeds fam m the meantime remain undeterred with persistent pressure. Although Humbers /du igluetantly he quotes a sit figure number and muffles restructure the playing season which include summer their Laurent success. They continue to fill the streets at pulled a goal hack with 15 mina t es some contractual tactual It appears hr has another deal rugby and aholishiag the Challenge Cup Headinglev every Sunday with the ennunon chant remaining. LUU defended stoutly to seeuu• oil the pi This is one of Lalig.himes grealest qTtnigths acs Leighton shakes his head. "I have met Gary 'We're on the March with Dougils Army' IrreSNVIIVC the win. ■V:}.Ls evident during his days at Widnes. As manager Ilethermeton nu several occasions and have respected at the power struggles which appear to be going on in Mere he skilltully negotiated the signings of Martin his views That is until now. Rugby league nay main a the higher echelons of the Rugby League. Why did the student cross the road .4.04-0Z0Zet- TO HEL' AND Z°Z°Z.°Z°V.(4- .41 ,42\ 116,4 #%.# 0 LAST weekend St • Copying (inc. Selfserve) 4.•A• Helens played host to '1° °', the annual BUSF Judo Championships. The • Plan Copying OZPANIPX:0.40N,ANO • contests proved highly competitive and BACK included several • Colour Copying international fighters. Boglione I+95kg). Despite this year's On the following day the team event took place involving upsets regarding club 28 universities from throughout • Binding training, a small group Britain. The LUU team (A was selected to roppet. S Rowan. L Bughone. I represent LUU. Jones and D Ogden) began well. • DTP and Design Leeds were successful in the quickly seeing off Manchester individual competition. University, Lightweight Andy Tripper Liter. however, a Jordistowu (under (5kgt, in one of the University (N.I.) team • Selfserve Mac/PC larger weight groups, battled comprising mainly heavyweight through his pool and four players proved too strong. Wins I knockout rounds to achieve a by Dave Ogden and Ian Jones • Print bronze medal. and a draw by Stuart Rowen brought the teams level, but this Comfortable was insufficient to progress as Ian Jones 'under 95kg) Jordistown enjoyed an overall comfortably made his way win on individual match points. - through to the final in his aiphographicr category and won a silver medal Impressive F•Focs s rte. 1:1:;:r---111111 after eventually being stopped Although the LUU team 10 Infirmary Sheet, Leeds L51 211) Uri iNrie • r-s s when he mistimed a rear throw. failed to gain a medal, some Tel: 0113 244 5063 fax: 0113 242 6478 Great efforts were also made impressive performances by Stuart Rowen (under 7131cg) suggest that next month they 6 Blenheim Terrace, Leeds 152 and Lorna Wood (under 66kg), could take the Northwest by who both just missed out on storm in the Christie Cup Tel: 0113 234 4344 Fax: 0113 242 7977 Student Services bronze medals. and by Rob contest with Manches • Lewis (under 71kg) and Luciano Liverpool.

SPORT LEEDS STUDENT 1330E0. ErNatior 17 19'• 19

TOT AL LEADING TWO PULL AWAY FOOTBALL IN TOP TOTAL TITLE RACE

ONCE more we have a neck to second place. The top Manager of the Week and the three teams are split by just one lucky chap is: Kevin Nagberi. The Referee point and are now pulling away His team, Nisi Etc Etc (oddly from the rest of the pack. Their enough Paul Merlon isn't in it) speaks his mind closest rival is Andrew Lee on scored a gargantuan 29 points. 413 points This was mostly due to his thought were good.'' Indeed. other. Surprisingly. despite the forward line of Dean Saunders none of them lost points and Surprisingly the top teams closeness of these teams, the and Dion Dublin. Saunders with the return to form of have mostly been knocked out. top ten arc separated by 32 scored a massive 12 points in Robert ''Everybody's Captain obviously wanting to points, a gap that is looking one game courtesy of two goals Courageous- Lee it was a top concentrate on the league. So if increasingly huge as the season and six bonus points due to week for our Key. The 29 you think you're stilt in then progresses and players seem to Aston Villa's 7-1 thrashing of points would have been enough keep your eyes peeled and he scoring less and less. Wimbledon. for Kevin to qualify for the last remember you could win a To make up for the fact that They say fortune favours the 611 of the Total Football Cup weekend for Iwo to Paris If the international in Dublin was brave but in Kevin's case it Competition however his team you're the lucky winner). abandoned due to crowd seems to be the lucky. "I chose wasn't in il. in the league Jonathan violence, the Referee will be my forwards because one of my The cut off point was 13 tor. Tobias' Poo and Pants still proffering England and the males is a Villa fan and the quite obviously, more) and in leads the way front Carolyn Republic of Ireland teams next other's from Coventry. I simply two weeks we'll know which Finley and Doug Yorker, whose week and well see how they chose my defenders from teams the last 32 are and thus he able Learns Bodington Beauties and do. -.that to pair teams off against each Viva Bungalow are neck and Doh - I am good to you Ooh! Ash! Ha! Ha! Ha! Are you still up for the cup, or does Chris Waddle play for you?

ON POOLE LE3 2 la 042 El'Ut WILAvai 02 si1 665 FLENCHCLIFFE EVE a 0 08.3 CULVERIKJUS13 Noe I 1 197 NTWION CUM 0 1 251 FEE NINO -1 32 S171"1019 BLA 177 GiMLKEEPEIts 021 D JAMES LW 11 14 1013 SUGARS 067 STOCKWELL IPS 0 -4 0119 BRADSHAW NOR 1 7 iste WISE CHI'. -2 0 252 IKYMNGER NEW 1 2 SHF_AIL107 10-A 12 541 022 STENSGAARD L1V a 0 044 MI IVAN W1M a 0631 THOMPSON IPS II -2 005 PEARCE HOE 0 33 199 PEACOCK CHE 2 11 253 WATSON NEW-1 25 109 FURLONG COE 0 21 1711 SEAMAN ARS 2 10 1723 CCTITIN MAC •1 5 093 YALLOP IPS 1 ,11 091 LYTTLE NEW 3 111 200 SPACKMAN CHE 1 -6 154 PDX NEW 7 18 510 StEIN CHE I 002 BARTRAM AR-5 El •1 1123 IRBRLE MAC 0 a MILL BACKS 079 KELLY LEE 1 12 OD LAWS NOP 0 a 391 RUCA.STLE CHE 0 255 AMMON NOR .1 1 SPTGICI•I CUE 4 55 4101 BOSN1CH AST 5 -) 4113 SCIIMEKTIEL MAU 125 071 MAIO° LEE / 043 BARDSLEY OPE 3 -6 VOLKLNS CPI. 0 -5 256 01.005 P-SIR I 7 111 5104157101741. I 14 OW SPINE AST 0 10 Me WALSH MAU 0 0 0.30 DIKoN ASS -2 8 er. WORTHINGTON LEE I 17 094 W77-50,74 121111 '1 2473 SOLITIOATE CR. 1 257 GOSS NOR 1 2 3111 DYER CPL n I 035 FLOWERS 8I.A 0 29 017 SRNILMK NEW A 16 OM WINTERRI AN ARS -2 3 073 GRAYSON LEI 14 005 ATHF.RTON SHP- 1 24 210 SALMI° CPI. I 10 258 NOR -I -I 114 PREECE CR_ D 111 006 MIMMS BEA -2 2 ER HOOPER NEW • 7 .3 052 BARRETT AST 0 1 074 MILLS LEI /1 096 I'ETRESCU SHE. 3 10 MD RODGER CPL. LI 4 2511 R07 NOE I 27 115 WEGERLE COV 0 I: 037 MARINE CHE -2 14 029 OWN NOW 0 11 053 STAUNTON AST 3 12 073 WIRTLoW LEI 0.13 007 NOLAN SHE 3 24 /Isprrcutax re.. 1 -6 2611 51001E NOP 1 It 316 54131.033 (-AY 2 2 LOB HITCHCOCK L13/1 0 -2 03a HOWIE NOW 0 0 054 LINO AST 3 10 0744 JONES LIY n 11 098 KENNA sox 1 5 1117 B094111 CPL 0 2 241 PHILLIPS N09 1 10 317 1.1 DUBLIN COV 5 30 029 MARTYN CPL 3 22 *31 CROSSLEY HOP 3 I 1 055 LE SAUN BLA 0 29 1727 RIGRNBYE 1.1V o 17 Ove CHARLTON SOT I 7 208 04103V COV -1 •16 267 OP/414111 HOP 1 6 318 RITACRT EVE 444 1710 CRASS at D 0 032 T WRIGHT NOE 33 (1 37336 BERG 131.A -2 27 Wis HILL. MAC ti 1011 SENALJ SOT -1 II 079 WILLIAM COV -1 -1 163 WORN NOP 1 11 319 AM-M.330H EVE 0 6 Olt 0011LIZUVIC COY -2 1 033 BOIMILTS 3,1PR / 0 RV SINCLAIR LIM 2 11 019 BRIOTITWELL MAC 1 I 110 5 CAMPAI:LL TUT 0 210 FLYNN COV t 9 264 BARKER Opp s 320 ANGELL EVE n u 012 GOAD COV II 0 051 DYKSTRA to -1 051 CLARKE CHE -2 3 P11}.7_AN MAC 0 o 1112 1:17119111,11GH 711T 0-13 311 BOLAND COY -II 165 ISHEY 2 5 521 KIW31517.43 WS €1 Ilk Oil SOC771811 EVE 0 1 033 PRESSMAN SHE 3 13 050 SURTO CHE 2 5 081 IRWIN MAU 1 Li 103 KERSLAKE TOT 0-16 312 COOK COY -1 -3 346 Hot LoWAY 2 0 322 MARSHALL /PS 13 1 014 1EARTC3N EVE 0 3 036 WOODS SHE 1 6 060 GORDON CPI. 6 30 OBI P PARKER MAD 13 0 1134 BREAKER WHA u 11 213 LISSPAR EVE 0 0 767 sitia.mix 3 11 IN MASINOA LEE 0 1 3 015 RAREST IPS .I -IX 037 OROBELAAR SOT -1 4 061 SHAW CPL 3 23 OM MAY 81AU 1 11 105 ROWLAND MIA 0 5 214 STLIAla EVE 4 3 264 SIMON SHE 0 .o 325 WALLACE LIM II 10 1116 BAKER WS a 0 036 BEASANT SOT 062 IIORI4OWS COY 2 2 014 VEN7LSON NEW 1015 RAINS 04M 2 4 115 ERBRELL Evli 1 i 2159 TAYLOR SHE 2 7 126 DEANE LEE 0 24 017 WM LEE 7 II 039 111018511131-11- 711T 0 0 063 5 MOROAN CDV 2 I 0115 BERESFORD NEW 0 12 107 RARTLIN W17.1 2 216 LINSWORTH EVE t I 00 SHERIDAN SHE 0 -4 3277 ALMADA 133 0 15 014 MEG' LEE a 0 040 WALKER TOT 0 -2 064 151.01ROwS Eva -: 0 066 631..107 HEW-2 7 1116 KIMBLE W071 n -4 117 SAM3vAle5 EYE 0 timrr wn,tinstastai 1 6 318 S WALSH LE1 31 I ilto WARD LEJ 0 X 041 MIKIJAKO WHA-1 6 1)65 JACKSON EVE, (I 4 017 .110WFN Nis -I II 211 SLATER IPS 372 RYAN 10ANS SHE. 0 -I 324 SPERM tEl 0 0 consig RACKS 219 MILTON CPS 0 4 273 WADDLE ERE 6 7 130 505111 LIV 0 41 210 MASON IPS 0 3 274 LETISSIE:R SOT 3 31 All POWT.ER LIV 1 A4 120 BUILD ARS 0 8 221 vaLLIAms [es I 13 275 MADDISON SOT 0 a 332 P WALSH MAC 1 47 III ADAMS ARS 2 14 225 nalcunv IPS 11 3 376 MAOLLTON SO1 31 3 331 11031-ER MA" I 12 122 KEOWN ARS 0 22) STRACHAN 1.355 11 277 wIDDRINCiroff 501 D -I 133 N QUINN MAC 0 4 123 M(GRATH ASI 3 3 214 SPEED ME II 2 :70 DorZELL TM' 0 5 135 CAMTONA MAC' II 48 124 3315301.1 551' 9 16 225 MCAIIJS7131 LEE 0 6 279 HAZARD TOT 336 HL63HIS MAU u 29 123 TEALS AST 3 226 D WHITE LEE 0 2 NA) 110WELI.S TOT 2 4 317 KITSON NEW 7 10 126 HENDRY ELA •2 24 227 WHELAN LEE 0 1A 781 ANDIRTON TOT 3 11 338 BEARDSLEY NEW 0 23 LET'S TALK ISRAEL! 117 GALE ERA 0 16 M BLAKE 252 CASKET TOT 3 339 COLE NEW 3 52 228 LEI 0 2 n 128 JOHNSEN OM .3 1 224 Aositw E.E1 e 28) DiumEntrsKti TOT Cr 9 3411 MAITRE NEW 0 9 129 NODDLE 4251E a 2 230 THOMPSON LEI -II 3M HUTCHINSON WHA I .2 341 ROSINS NOR 6 RI IR) EJELDUERt1 (THE 11 12 -31 I DRAPER LEI -1 -2 285 ALLEN WHA 1 -1 542 EKOKU NOR 3 13 :31 YOtfe3 CPI. 0 1 212 FITILPOT LEI -I 2 21140. BISHOP WHA -1 1 343 SHERON NOR 0 10 t32 ODLEMAN CPI. 1 n 235 ORMoNDROYD LEI 11 I 217 13311ER 3911A 0 -2 344 C011YMORE NOE ia 41 :33 PATMRSON CPL 3 6 254 REDMAN' LIV 0 19 298 HOLMES WHA-1 -1 345 LEE 570W 0 0 134 Bassi cov 0 2.3511ACMANAMAN LE; 0 35 2330 MONCLIR 9015 U -4 346 ROSARIO NOP 0 0 135 FtENNIII COY I 8 236 MCILBY IN 0 10 250 V JONES WIM n : 341 RIRDINAND QPR 8 56 136 ABLET7 EVE ri 11 737 RAMO% LIV a 29 291 PEAR WIM 0 1 348 GALLEN QM 2 23 137 WATSON EVE 0 14 THOMAS LIV 0 292 GAYLE WW1 I -9 349 FENRICE GER 17 6 138 WARE IPS -1 239 CLouGH use a 43 293 ARMES' W1M •1 4 350 mast SHE 0 9 119 LINIGHAN MS u .9 2A0 siukotnE MAC 0 10 2344 EARLE ROM 1 1 351 BRIGHT SIFE 33 26 140 YOUDs IPS 0 1 NW MCMAHON MAC 0 4 Te WATSON SHE Li 7 141 WEATHERALL LEE 0 11 242 SUMMBRIME MAC 0 * curcrtizrouvtAurs 351 BANGER SOT a o 141 PALMER LEE 3 0 241 FIJTCROFT MAC 3 23 354 DOWIE 507 429 You curious to know about the various possibilities in Israel? 143 FAIRCL011011 LEE 0 0 244 DIGGS MAD 0 4 13151 I WRIOHT ARS 036 755 RAS/TU.1 SOT 0 o 144 HILL LEI 2 3 245 KANCHELSKLS MALI 0 18 301 K ARS 0 17 356 MARRY TOT 540 145 WILLIS al 3 .9 246mcci_nra MALI 0 17 302 A SMITH ARS 11 18 357 SHERINGNAM TM 2 47 146 MOHAN LEI 1 •14 247 INCE MAU 0 5 303 PASHANU AST 0 13 558 KLINSMANN TOT 3 53 You curious to know about the Kibbutzim in Israel? 147 611.71DIX11 1.19 027 318 SHARPE MALI 0 304 ATKINSON AST 13 391 C3FITRE RNA 4 13 851311 Liv 0 ii 314 KEANE MA1J 0 4 303 SAUNDERS AST 3 (7. 160 L llIAPMAN WHA (1 4 149 SCALES LIV 0 17 .na SELLARS NEW 1 14 306 GALLAMER BLA 0 16I MORLEY WHA 0 41 ISO N1COI LP) 9 3 151 CURLS MAC-1 11 Midland Rank You curious to know about the employment possibilities in Israel? 152 D RRIGHTWIELL MAT 1 1 151 VONK 63AC .1 3 Present: The Total Football League Top 20 [maxilla MAU 3 23 155 PALLISTER MAU 3 37 136 ALBERT NEW 0 14 You curious to know about the possibility of studying in Israel? 157 PEACOCK NEW 0 13 JONATHAN TOBIAS POO AND PANTS III BITTER WORTH NOR -1 I POLSTON NOR .7 2 160 NEWSOME NOR -2 I: CAROLYN FINLEY BODINGTON BEAUTIES 161 CCGPER 141311 3 14 4 2 1 You curious to know about making Aliya to Israel? 162 CHFITLE NOE 3 6 DOUG YARKER VIVA BUNGALOW 163 YATES QPR 0 I 161 MCDONALD QPR 3 .8 ANDREW LEE LEE LEADS LEE'S LADS 41.1 165 PEARCE SHE 3 17 166 WALKER SHE 3 11 OLIVER SYKES WELSH WIZARDS 405 You curious to know about spending the summer working in Israel? lo7 WV4K013 s(yr 4 5 HA HAIL SOT 1 1 EMMA WARNE JET SET WILLIES 401) 169 CALDER WOOD TOT 0 10 170 NETHERC011"7727' 0 IAN COVENTRY A FEW GOOD MEN 400 You curious to know EVERYTHING about Israel? 111 Popeset: TOT 0 5 171 PMI'S e 171 MARTIN WHA.-1 I 1 JOHN SI-IEARLOCK 399 174 FITZGERALD WIM 0 7 1 73 MCCALLLSTER WIN 0 0 ROBERT CAREY HOOKNULL KNOTS 395 MIDEIRLDESL5 ANDREW JACKSON JACKSON VILLA 394 140 p DAVIS ARS 0 4 MATT INNES WE'RE BORO WE'RE BARMY 392 let 1F-NSEN ARS 2 0 182 SaiWARZ ARS 0 111 392 Oa PARLOUR ARS IAN HUTCHINSON REAL SOCIEMUM 184 MERSON ARS -2 11 you Bin,' write to or call the student Shaliach, Gary Sagiv. 113 !HELIER AR5 0 0 JENNY HOPKINS JENNY'S GIANTS 391 116 YORKE AST 0 -3 tit PARKER )4T 0 1 JAMIE WINTER BATTS IS GOOD 390 ADDRESS: Student affairs, Hillel House, 1-2 Endsleigh Street, Alt RICHARDSON AST 0 -5 189 TOWNSEND AST 0 -6 ELICIA MARRIOTT SHERWOOD FOREST 390 190 HOUGHTON 551 0 -6 London, WC1 ODS, PHONE/FAX: 0171-387-2213 193 SLA't BLA 0 12 EMMA POYNER ELITE UNITED 390 192 SHERWOOD LILA 1 24 03 BATTY BLA o o 389 194 WILCOX MA -2 25 CHRIS SINCLAIR DOTTIES DARLINGS 101 RIPLEY !ILA .2 It 196 BURLEY CHE -2 2 JAMES TAN WARRIORS 389 DESPITE sacrificing home of the box. advaunage after their Beckett Park A brilliant solo goal by Bndget pitch %WIC deemed unplay able. McCormack, who rapped a run from CARROLL inside her own half by firing into the top LMUStt Women's Football team cruised through their BUSA second comer. and a fine individual effon by round be against Yurk Ripon sijohn, Michelle Maher continued LMUSU's ON SONG eventually winning 4-1. superiority- Leeds hit both the cnissbar and the York's consolation goal came past before going ahead. and they led courtesy of Louis defender Claire Russ. February 17, 1995 2-0 at the break thanks to a right foot She put through her own net trying to AT YORK d-sxdrom Julie Carroll front the edge ready a goalkeeping cum PLATE DEC DER THE FINAL WHISTLE

WHILE the likes of Liverpool, Tottenham and Manchester LMUSU 20 NI 1 0 United battle in the FA Cup this weekend, Macclesfield Town face a tricky trip to Dover Athletic in the Vauxhall Conference. The two worlds could hardly be further apart. A win for Macclesfield would put them one step closer to a championship which already seems theirs for the taking. However the FA have decided that their ground Is not up the standard required by the Football League and have subsequently rejected their application fur league status next season. This is a bizarre decision given that Macclesfield had agreed to share Chester City's ground until the necessary improvements had heen made to their own home. An even more bizarre decision given that whilst Chester were updating their stadium they played on Macclesfield's turf. So. just us Kidderminster were denied promotion last veer despite ensuring that their ground was up to 'Division Three standard' before the start of the season. the odds-on Conference champions seem unlikely to gain the place they deserve. Why exactly? A cynical. sensationalist view would point to BRADFORD fear on the FA 's part that some non-league teams might just be better than many professional outfits. Recent FA Cup runs by BASHED Woking and Kidderminister. and Wycombe's phenomenal success since their promotion support this theory. BY FALLON Vet these cup triumphs were simply one-offs surprises which spurt throws up every now and .1. 5 Last gasp try clinches BUSA derby rootbnll Srtortd ri ► UPC4rs BY again. The real answer lies in LOU 3 BRADFORD 2 siArF eiPORTER finances. Aloney problems at Barnet By Peter Jeffries and the folding of Maidstone and TWO spectacular strikes 1,•: John ballot' and Ste,,. A TENSE forward-dominated win for !AMU Aldershin have left the FA wary of Roper helped , t ❑ 1,, [hit neocomers. The big leap into the 5%.1S tar more colid.ttialde 1 second XV struggle in this first places an enormous strain 11.01 -1 the first half and replied with a penalty and a push- League stigge:1 Two :tea Ft. ft!.t,t1eid in ihe final on little clubs where immense round of the BUSA Plate I. et tr. to lead I (I- ■S lit 11:111'11111t: minutes almost lull I I ambition can obscure harsh competition was finally won by The set ,,rtd halt was a ,..ompleteli dinetyla chances in this "C„•1... • ; financial reality. with I Nil..Nl ,'..ptut goulg forward thanks LMUSU with a converted try in the The FA 's trepidation is cncniniter to astute Lakin:: Irian thew backs understandable, yet negative. Fallon pal I.ceds ahead ,dici last minute. 111e character of the second ball was summed up onin a Instead of encouraging competition pass down the right tout:Mott: The game w as played on a mudhath at by one ten minute period of pressure on the LUU line. at the font of the League. it inside before unleashing an unctorli.ibt, h.:! Weetwo d after the Beckett Park pitches had Six or seven fis c -yard scrums were awarded to ► constructs obstacles in a demanding arrowed inin the lop corner. been declared waterlogged. The conditions LailISU and from uric of these the Naa barged his Roper '. effort early in the second half was equal I% steeplechase fur the hopefuls. belated that the tie was an extremely scrappy way over the line. impresaive Picking up the ball in intiltield. he juo...•d Northampton Town finished affair which laCked any patient. his way past three oppOtletIN and cal hid a shill olio Controversial 92,nd and bottom of the League last the bottom right corner from 12 yards decision to play with the slime and wind season. Their blushes were spared seemed to be vindicated after two minutes when No When David Hughes increased 1.1)12's advantage Half way through the second half LIT were just us Scarborough's (currently on, a lineout to give them just after the hour they seemed to he cruising for a Paddy Dyson crashed t o'er li reduced III 14 men when their flanker. Tom Macer- occupying that spot) might be this straightforward victory. an early lead. Wright. was controtersially sent off for allegedly time around. By helping the But Bradford almost tough( hack /Or a powl ihr) Tenacious raking an opponent This vois quite out of character Conference champions, the FA can scarcely deserved. First_ slack defending °petted the for him and the game. which had been at worst niggly re-inject some life into the lower way for the visitors to chip a consolation goal. Then. •msever their attempts to run the hall were foiled Friuli then on, with LMUSU leading 13-10. LUU reaches of the League. on the whistle. Bradlind added a second tram A partly by some tenacious LM1.7Sit tackling and partly bad an uphill struggle, They did manage to make However. while Joe Public clearly offside position by the conditions underfoot. several forays into LMUSU writory, but as time ran concentrates on scandals with • Nleanwhile the LUU 1st XI enjoyed o 2.11 win Good use of the following wind meant that the out LMUSU's backs finally managed to break thneigb Tottenham or Monsieur Cantona, it over Bradford.. Murk Berry opened their account majority of the first period was played in LMUSU's she LUU defence and scored under the posts. The is unlikely will act on such with a 2S-yard screamer and Stuart Whittle added halt. and the pressure eventually led to a second try for conversion was the final kick of the game. leaving 'low-key the second. Bradford pulled a goal back near the I _I 'Uthrough their fly half. LMUSU victorious and in the next round of the Plate end. But LMUSU launched a fightbuck towards the end eompeution. Graham Webb THE ONLY SEVEN DAY GUIDE TO STUDENT LIFE

*bt h tw lonely hearts ientine Blind Datidi

The Faversham has taken advantage of the relaxed licensing laws. But is it a pub or is it a club? BY 'ECK! GARETH HUGHES went to find out.

Your Tarot Forecast he Faversham has been run by the same family for the week ahead since 1948. It was originally a 'hotel, but during Tthe seventies, became a pub. In 1992 there was a AMES six month renovation and was was totally This week you are adjusting to new revamped.Today it almost unique in bridging the gap 0 1 circumstances in relationships - be prepared between pub and club. for major changes to your life. There may be Andy Teal, Assistant Manager at the Faversham, said: "It's 4. LC- (71k 1 disruptions caused by family and friends, but successful because its totally different to anywhere else and ,T_, stick up for your rights. because so much money is ploughed back into the place _- IN= Open till 2 o'clock on a Thursday, Friday and Saturday Now is a good time to start new relationships, night, it has taken full advantage of the 24 hour Leeds or analyse existing ones. Worries over what campaign. Said Teal: "We're going to stick with a 2 o'clock people might think are fading into the past limit here, although we might eventually consider opening now, as you jump in with both feet, and do - til 2 o'clock on other days as well, particularly Wednesday. things you never thotaiiou would. "We are moving towards more of a dub than a pub atmosphere at the weekends, but were aiming, to keep our Financially, you are in a position of power this pub clientele during the week and at dinner-times." To week, as past insecurities get cleared up. encourage that 'pub clientele', there are cheap beers on Beware of problems developing while Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday from 4.30 until closing following your instincts, as you're not totally time. Pints of Trophy and bottles of Pils are El, Heineken is in touch with your intuitions at the moment, E1.20. Cocktails are cheap between 5pm and 8pm on all especially over logic and mental work. weekdays and all evening Sunday. InThe Faversham has been called pretentious and posey. Yet You are usually fairFyArl easyC going, but recently there are no clothing restrictions - the only reason entry is ..tiel the urge to get things just so seems to have refused is because of age or if someone have been banned for , III taken you over. The general atmosphere this causing trouble. t week will be of misunderstandings and The video screens at the Faversham have disappointment until Thursday, then you will become (in)famous for the innovative and tARFUR TOO, ON THE BOX realise you have been worrying over nothing. often sexually explicit video footage, which at LEO times have verged on the pornographic_ All f 'Nees you're planning you can see Von spending the next tastEnders. The The driving force behind you this week will the video sequences are mixed on prenuses be an urge to escape from routine, definitely and there is an art designer employed to mix Lew days with your head in Early Years, and a bucket, then you won't starting tonight on needing a holiday or the desire for new faces the images. around you. Your are coming out of a negative Last year some of the world's top DJs I'm afraid, be able to avoid BBC) at 8pm, we've got phase, and everyone will know you mean played at the Faversham, David Morales, the fact that the BBCs The favourite soap, EasiEnders, thOrgettable business. Frankie Knuckles, Jeremy Healey. Graenie This begins VIRGO Park and Lan Ossia all got behind the Fay is ten years old this week EastEndeis, Literally, cr.._ tens of with Michelle's Secret in Everything seems to be going well this week, decks in 1994. There have not been any big as those folks who have taken you for granted promotions so tar in 115, although last night special programmes have which young Ms Fowler been scheduled in order to breaks the news of her oes, , in recent weeks will start to realise your true there was a gay night with Eric Powell Ening. worth. Any money owed or mislaid will start In March the big promotions are due to start commemorate this pregnancy to the folk of momentous occasion, On Albert Square, an to show up, just when you were about to give again. up on it. Watch this space... Saturday night there's a episode which should I edition of That's be better second time LIBRA isiness (imaginative around, ass we all The recent Feeling of depression that's been title: Thais EastEnders1 know who the around you is fading fast. All you can do now ever morning this week father is.-- is look forward to a renewed sense of vitality, which will carry you into the next two or three VOUIEZ-VOLIS weeks. Get-togethers with old friends will prove worthwhile. Fri 17 Sat 18 Sun 19 Thur 23 SCORPIO COWER AVEC M0f, CE SOIR? 4- War bin " ,-, The energies around you this week suggest a f you know what it's like to have a jaded ...,• hit of overdoing things. Your mind seems to sexual palate, you'll revel in the 145 he all over the place, but you are strong-willed debauched wrecking of the lives of the 6-8IIIn Ms Merriam I MIN July's F raft CrNoi Christen enough not to be messed about. All those I almtsres scorpions involved in communications and innocent undertaken by the wickedly Jib Lief Mum malicious Marquise de Merteuil and her cbilasd related subjects will make great progress this week. frighteningly charming accomplice the 8-1001 Tatra Orlet (WU el Wu. Vicomte de Valmont in LLrU Theatre Braun HA chart SABRA= Oro Big decisions are being made this week over Group's production of Christopher money matters - there's a subtle process of Hampton's Les Liaisons Dangereuses, in the 11)-12SNI Wm Sun Mitt nor Dm I Wan & breaking down previous plans, in order to Riley Smith Hall from Tuesday 21st to pieta M. start again, bigger and better. Financial success Saturday 25th February. is assured, but you must get as much advice as Compared to the 1988 film Dangerous 12-2m Joel h. NO Um Don Sean possible. However, the final decision is up to the stage version leaves far more to Liaisons, Saelatal you. the imagination than the sometimes heavy- _ CAPRICORN handed deliberations of Hollywood. All the classic lines are there though, This week, choices over love and money seem and the sumptuous costumes promise to provide audiences with a visual 2 Pat RA One les feast. to be causing emotional turmoil. Beware, as invitations and opportunities may not be what So savour a glass of the finest cognac, and buy your ticket (priced Put Crater they seem. Money matters are well 50-t3) - its going highlighted - don't be tight-fisted, you will be to be juicy. "Ooh la la", as they say in near France. Cr1 Kim I treating someone to a special night out or SARAH HEENAN -1 aim Merriam important gift. Mx Nickel EVIL AQUARIUS Well! Yours is the sign of the forward planner, t's all very well to sit there wetting your t e actual as you of grabbing the loot. and this week your plans will be focused on pants in anticipation in case your six giving In order to generate the numbers, the home changes, especially between summer I"lucky" numbers actually come upon the LlyLTV TURN-0141 away of lovely Philip Schofield and the even lovlier and autumn this year. At the moment you National Lottery - in fact, it's even OK to get money we Emma Forbes take us through half an hour seem to be giving up in the face of adversity, a few butterflies while watching the are kneed of embarrassing "parlour games" (fancy a with thoughts of packing things in. Don't give Classified Football results with your pools to endure quick round olGuess That Baby Food, in to negativity, you will do all right in the coupon. It is, however, incredibly sad to get what I suppose the head of scheduling at anyone?), desperately embarrassing end. even remotely excited about what is Carlton TV describes as "entertainment", "comedians", and guest spots from such PISCES a ably the worst quiz to hit our screens, but what we viewers describe as pure bilge. showbiz legends as Olivia Newton-John, Anyone involved in scientific or technological T Alng Teleyhone Numbers. If, perchance, you haven't seen the show which, as well as filling time rather nicely, pursuits will not find this week good for It takes long enough for the numbers to before (oh, where have you been?), then - act as a means of picking each number. briefly - its point is this: five random study. The main theme at the moment is be selected on The National Lottery Lire - after Only, lithe games are so random, how come having fun, mostly in simple ways. Any kinds all that wandering around stately homes (or numbers are generated, and if they we get loads of fives and nines? (OK, so I of games, especially. those stretching the wherever it is they happen to be that week) correspond, in any order, to the last five must admit that neither of these appear in and doling out cheques to charity - but at digits in your own phone number then, mental faculties, will release built-up tension my phone number.) in a positive way. least the show only lasts a quarter of an bingo, you could win twenty grand. Could, 5o you've not won the Lottery - don't try hour. Talking Telephone Numbers, lasts nearly that is - several thousand other people this though - just sitting through this show Susan Leyboume is the Pagan Chaplain at The University thirty minutes (adverts excepted), and in (assuming they're watching) with the same deserves a prize, whether you win the of Leeds, attached to its Occult society KABAL. She can be numbers all stand exactly the same chance contacted at her office at 77 Vicar Lane, Leeds 1.51 6QA between the selection of the numbers and money or not. \.(01131 242 3531 PPP film g IBBC1 friday 17 pick of the day ITV v MOM Vicar Lane I Do The Right Thing (8.30pm, Di 13-245 2685) 5.40 Spire Of Islam Shampoo (11 40pm, YTV) 6.00 GMTV B8C1) Classic Warren Beatty sex flick. Star Trek: Generations 12_30pm 6.00 Business Breakfast (By 9.25 Chain Letters. Compulsive word 3.05pm 5.40prn 8.15pm Old Tel and his moral challenges. flick, I mean a film. not the haircut, 7.00 BBC Breakfast News game with £1,000 up for grabs. lntervfew With The Vampire 2.55prn 9.05 Kilroy And this Is entertainment, is it? You style fans) 5.30prn 8.10pm 10.00 News: Regional News: Weather tell me, licence payers. Take a word. change a letter, do it Junior 12.45pm Black Beauty 10.05 Good Morning With Anne And again, and you've got a chain. This 12.45pm 2_40prn 4.30pm 6.15pm Nick is not my opinion on this show. it is Odeon - The Heedrow 12.00 News: Regional News: Weather that of the original writer of these 10113-243 6230) 12.05 Pebble MIII comments OK', The Jungle Book 1.35pm 5.10prn 12.55 Regional News: Weather 9.55 News: Weather 8.05prn 1.00 One O'Clock News: Weather 10.00 The Time... The Place... Leon 320pm 5.45prn 8.25prn 1.30 Neighbours IBBC2 ICh4 10.35 This Morning The Pegemester 1.10pm 1.50 Timekeepers 12,20 News: Weather The Lion King 1 50pm 2.15 Holiday 6.20 Open University 5.15 4-Tel on View 12.55 Coronation Street Shallow Grave 4.05pm 13.20pm 2.45 The Flying Doctors. This week. 8.00 Breakfast News 1.25 Home and Away. Irene is over the 8.40pm 6.35 Sandokan Skippy contracts salmonella from 8.15 Germany 1925-32 moon about Ine Stweate 1 45prn 5.10pm 8.10prn 7.00 The Big Breakfast Department's some dodgy `snags'. 8.20 Boating Butler: Gloucester to the 9.00 You Bet Your life decision to let her foster Selina. Andre 1 10pm 3.10pm 5.50pm 3.30 Cartoon Malverns 9.30 Schools 1.55 A Country Practice 8.20pm 3.45 Biters 8.50 A Week To Remember. Yeah - so 12.00 Profiles of Nature: Hawks 2.20 Murder, She Wrote Hyde Park Cbserne 4.00 Jackanory: Tales From The bloody memorable that this show is Studenten Road, LS6 12.30 Sesame Street 3.10 Help Yourself Norse's Mouth on at ten to nine in the morning. 1.30 The Magic Roundabout, followed by 3.15 5 Minutes Bandit Queen 43.30ten 9pm 4.10 Rugrats 9.00 Schools Al No Corrlds t han The Wombles, Paddington and The 3.20 News 4.25 The Borrowers. Or, as we call 2.00 Johnson And Friends Clangers. Fantastic • quality telly at Cottage Reed Cinema 3.30 Children's ITV: Rosie And Jim them round our way, 2.10 Open View long last. Cottage Road, Fa' Heeding* kleplomanaics 2.15 Sport On Friday 3.45 Cartoon (0113-275 18061 1.55 Papageno 4.55 Newsround Extra 3.50 News: Weather: Regional News: 4.00 Zziapi "Entertainment` for tinies latadc Seauty 2.10 FILM: Golden Salamander (1949). 5.05 Grange Hill. Year seven get to Weather 4.15 Tiny Toon Adventures Lounge Cinema Thriller starnng he smashingTrevor camp out at the Science Museum. 4.00 Today's The Day 4.40 Tales From The Cryptkeeper. A North Una, Heedingley Howard 5.35 Neighbours (0113-275 160e) 4.30 Ready. Steady, Cook 4.00 The Sieve) Boys spooky series that attempts to 6.00 News: Weather The Jungle Book 5.00 The Oprah Winfrey Show 4.30 Countdown impart wisdom through spring- 6.30 Look North. Fear and loathing in 5.40 Miss-Takes, Sounds Intriguing - 5.00 Cutting Edge: A Is For Accident tingling tales Dewsbury. probably isn't though 6.00 Blossom: House Guests. More girls 5.10 Home And Away 7.00 Wipeout itheoutro 6-00 Captain Scarlet And The in hats. perchance' 5.40 News: Weather 7.30 Tomorrow's World. Vivienne Mysterons 6.30 Moviewatch 5.55 Calendar News: Weather Daniels reports on PAPNET, an 6.25 Randall And Hopkirk (Deceased). West Yorkshire Playhouse 7.00 Channel 4 News: Weather 6.30 Superchamps automated process designed to The ghost of a prohibition gangster 7.50 You Don't Know Me But..1 failed the Quarry Hill Mount, Leeds 7.00 Bruce Forsyth's Play Your Cards increase the reliability of the is looking for revenge on the man audition for "Video Box", and spend 10113-244 2111) Right. Brucie welcomes viewers to Getting Of/ by Atari Bennett, with cervical screening programme. who killed him thirty years earlier. all my spare time witting to Points Of the TV card game in which couples Timothy West, directed by Prunetla Howard Stableford reports from He threatens to harm Jeannie View, the Daily Mail, and probably Scales 7.30pm Israel on how Project Savannah is unless Marty persuades Jeff to kill the Leicester Mercury test their skill and knowledge of The Winter Guest by Sharman harnessing the useful waste of the his murderer. Why is Jeannie 8.00 The 3,000 Mlle Garden. Leslie Land public opinion in the hope of MacDonald, directed by Alan Rickman mollusc to transform barren soil always at risk? She's Brttich cools Off under her solar-heated. winning some "stylish' Brucie 7.45pm Into fertile land. detective series' answer to open air shower and makes a Bonuses. Civic Theatre 8.00 The Unforgettable EastEnders: Penelope Pitstop. really, isn't she? birthday cake with vegetables. 7.30 Coronation Street. A surprise is in Cookrldge Street. Leeds Michelle's Secret. Useless cash 7.15 The 0-Zone Meanwhile. Roger celebrates store for Fiona at the hairdressing 10113-247 6982) in on Eastenders' tenth birthday 7.30 Operavox. The world's most summer in the garden and awaits the contest. Leeds Youth Opera present Defilers' We all know who the father of popular operas are performed as Westminster in Bloom awards. My 8,00 The Bill, Deakin and Grleg are Michelle's baby is, but we can Lased 7.30prn Tickets e6151£4/e3 animated films and sung in English. God - how exciting - I think I'm going taken hostage by a desperate, have a good laugh at her hairstyle Great. to have an orgasm. armed villain anyway 8.00 Countrywomen. A year in the life 8.30 Brookside. The eft between the 8,30 The Upper Hand. Parents can be a clubs 8.30 Do The Right Thing. Terry of Emma Ford, who trained her first Jordache sisters widens and Beth right pain - as Charlie finds out Wogan returns with his self- eagle al the age of eight and now braces herself for some unpleasant publicising gameshow, erm...sorry, runs the British School of Falconry news. Rosie Banks matchmaking when he has to put up with some newlywed relatives living under his The Music Factory I mean 'new caseload of moral at the Gleneagles hotel in Scotland. backfires, while Jimmy Corkhill Is over Lower Briggate. Leeds dilemmas" to be put in front of 8.30 Geoff Hamilton's Cottage a barrel with the pollee. root. With Joe McGann. Diane Madness- 'Aitereative His 1977-82' celebrity guests. Tonight the Gardens. Geoff Hamilton visits 9.00 Ellen: The Fix-Up. A series of Weston. 10prn-3ere £44e3 50 NUS debate is whether teachers should some cottage gardens that are hilanous misunderstandings leads 9.00 Dr Finley. Dr Napier launches a Pits £1 battle be allowed to have affairs with being used as working plots, and Ellen's blind date to Itunk that she's campaign for women's health and Leeds University Union pupils. In the spotlight are Ken looks at vegetables in Suffolk. weird. And the audience to thmk that comes across a case which Harvey MIA Bar Livingstone MP. Vanessa Feltz herbs In Derbyshire and bees on confirms her worst fears. And a Parry On l0ptn-2am Tickets £2.50 and Tony 'talent' Hawkes. the Isle of Wight. 9.30 Rising Damp. Rigsby drums up surprising couple arrive in Leeds Metropolitan University 9.00 News: Regional News: Weather 9.00 Steptoe and Son: The Siege of support for his own candidate at the Tannochbrae to teach ballroom Student Union 9.30 Dangerfield. Dangertield is called Steptoe Street, Two's Comedy local election. But surprisingly enough dancing. Sfornp • 'India Grunge Goatee 9.30 Our Man In Goa. The first of a new the tenants have other ideas on who to the station lo examine a 10.00 News: Weather 9pm-2arn e3 advance £3.50 door suspected rape victim. A man is series dealing with 'trouble In should stand up and be counted. 10.40 Music And Movies The Cockpit arrested and Paul is horrified to paradise'. Clive Anderson sets ott 10.00 Roseanne: Maybe Baby. Dan and 11.10 The Hidden Room Swinegebi. Leads discover that Kate Is acting as his to Goa on a mission to find the Roseanne have time to panic whilst Brighton Beach • from The Kinks to Blur solicitor world's last remaining hippies. waiting for the results of the prenatal 11.40 FILM: Shampoo (1975). Warren tIpm-4am £4 before 12'£3.50 advance 10.20 FILM: Winter People (1989). Set Another great value programme for test Beatty as the shagging hairdresser Rio's in the 1930s. this is a haunting tale licence payers, then 10.30 Jo Brand Through The Cakehole. with a nice line in flicks. Beatty co- Merrier Centre. Leeds of rural romance and revenge 10.10 The Car's The Star. Quentin The dainty comedienne opens her wrote the screen-play and his co- The Lizard Club - classic Ms & 70s rock starring Kurt Russell and Kelly Wilson tells the story of the Land mouth and provides a iow-down on stars include Julie Christie and The Underground McGillis When their car breaks Rover, one of the British car the life of Mrs Watson and redesigns Goldie Hawn. Cookiidge Street, Leeds down. a widower and his daughter industry's most endearing the sanitary towel. 1.40 The James Whale Show More The Cooker - live }fizz seek shelter in an isolated tog successes. 11.05 The Word. Which has apparently late night chat mixed with live topm-2am e..5/£4 cabin owned by an independent 10.30 NewsnIght been axed - what a shame. music. Followed by News single mother. Tragic events 11.15 The Mrs Merton Show. Superb 12.05 Bony* and Butthead 2.40 The Big E ensue. What - they're all forced to insults from Caroline Hook and her 12-40 FlI_M: Candy Mountain (1987). Off- music 3.35 The Story Of Steam. I hope this is sit around and watch this? excellent wig I wonder if it's a beat road movie. about trains - I might stay up and J 12.05 FILM: Comedy Of Terrors (1964). coincidence that her husband's In 2-20 FILM: The Lone Wolf Keeps A Date watch it if it is This black comedy stars Vincent the resident house band? (1940). This racy thnller stars Warren The Duchess of York Price, Boris Karlof. 11.45 Gluckman Williams in the role of Michael 4.10 Shift Vicar Lane, Leeds 1.25 Weather 12.10 Weatherview Lanyard, a former jewel thief-turned- 5.00 Sportsworld Steeper. Nysek 1.30 Close 12.15 The Fugitive society detective. 5.30 News If you would like to help us in WE NEED MEN AND WOMEN our work call us free on 0800 591 570 AGED OVER 18 AND NOT TAKING Please quote the place where you saw REGULAR MEDICATION this advert Here at the Clinic in Leeds we test the medicines of the YOU WILL BE COMPENSATED FOR future, which may be used to treat medical conditions such THE TIME YOU SPEND TAKING PART as heart desease, high blood preasure, asthma and IN OUR STUDIES many more. Springfield All studies are conducted under the supervision of our team House, of qualified medical staff and in accordance with the Royal BESSELAAR Hyde Street College of Physicians guidelines. CLINICAL RESEARCH UNIT Leeds LS2 9NG OA film IBBC1 ll saturday 18 pick of the day ITV 140M Veer Lane The Maltese Falcon (2.30pm, 7.25 News: Weather [That's Eastenders (6.30pm, BBC1) 6.00 GMTV (0113-245 26651 9.25 What's Up Doc? 7.30 Pingu Mike "helicopter' Smith and half an BBC2) Star Trek: Generations 12 30pm hour of trivia questions about the Humphrey Bogart doing all that 11.30 The Chart Show. The Jacksons 3.05pm 5.40pm &teem 7.35 Wham! &smt Strawbeme Jarnt acting type stuff that made him are dragged up from the Video nierview with The Vampire 2.55prn Cracking new kids' poetry series cockernee characters of Albert Square. Sounds absolutely riveting. famous. Well, that's what Barry Vault to perform their seventies 5.30pm 8.10pm presented by Rik Mayal. So cracking Junior 12.45orn Bees Beauty Norman told me to say. classic Can You Feel It' es on before daybreak Great title, 12.30 Movies, Games and Videos. The 12.45pie 2 40pm 4.30pm easeol though Odeon - The *redrew two films under the spotlight have a 7.50 Albert the 511 Musketeer 10113-243 62301 familiar feel to them. a live action The Jungle Book 1350m 5. tOpie 8.15 ChuckleVisJon version of The Jungle Book' and 8.05pm 8.35 The Raccoons 1BBC2 iCh4 4 yet another remake of 'Black Leon 3.20pm 5.45pm 8.25pre 9.00 Live and Kicking Beauty' The Pagernesier 1.10pm 1212 Weather I 1.00 News: Weather The Lion King 1 50pm 12.15 Grandstand. 1220 Football Focus. 5.00 4-Tel On View 1.10 The Fall Guy 6.00 Open University: Shallow Grave 4.05pm 8.20pm 12.55 Racing from Chepstow. 1 10 6.00 Sesame Street 2.05 FILM; Dreams 01 Gold: The Mel 8.40pen 12.15 FILM: Ghosts of Berkeley Square News. 1.15 Rugby Union: 125 Racing 7.00 Ovide Fisher Story (1986). This 'exciting" Stargete 1.45prn 5.10pin 8 10pm (1947). Comedy stamng Robert Morley. from Chepstow. 1.40 Boxing, 1 55 7.15 The Adventures Of Sonic The drama is based on the true story of Andre 1,10pm 310pm 5.50pre 1.40 The Nolan Hearings Racing from Chepstow. 2.10 Rugby Hedgehog Mel Fisher. a treasure hunter who 820pm 2,30 FILM: The Maltese Falcon (1941). 7.40 First Edition Hyde Perk Cinema Union. Live coverage from Cardiff was determined to find a sunken 8.00 Transwortd Sport Stardom!! Road, LSO Arms Park of Wales' clash with Humphrey Bogart is private detective, 17th century Spanish galleon Sam Spade who Is hired by a 9.00 The Morning Line wrecked off the Florida Keys. Banda Oueen 6.30pm Apm championship favourites England; 4.45 10.00 World Tennis 3.45 Knight Rider True Rornanceilleservoir Doge 11pm Final Score, mystetious brunette (Mary Astor) and 10.30 Kabaddl 4.45 News: Sports Results: Weather Cottage Road Cinema 5.15 News: Weather caught up in the dangerous quest for a Cottage Road, Far Headingley priceless jewel•encrusted statuette of a 11.00 Gazzetta Football Italia 5.05 Calendar News: Weather 0711275 16061 5.25 Regional News And Weather 12.00 High 5 5.10 Scoreline. Yeah! It's the man with 5.30 Stay Toonedt Nice One Tony falcon Black Beauty 4.10 World Bowls. And as sister show. 12.30 The Great Maratha the beard! Lounge Cinema Robinson explains the voient nature of 1.00 FILM: Sherlock Holmes And The Wortd Bowers, a post-Bate tatting 5.20 New Baywatch. Imagine. for a North Lane. Headingloy ram and Jerry Pearl Of Death (1944). More contest. Allegedly moment, the possibilities of 30 et 13- 275 1606) 6.00 Big Break :sleuthing born Basil Rathbone as 5.05 Saturday Week: TOTP2 Television and this show.... The Jungle Book 6.30 That's EaslEnders. A special 100 Sherlock who is on the trail of a 6.15 International Gladiators. The title 5.50 Saturday Week: What the Papers anniversary quiz hosted by Mike Smith. fabled pearl stolen by Miles Mender 01 International Champion of Say Awards. Heritage Minister theatre A learn of celebrity contestants wno are and his murderous accomplice. The Champions is up for grabs tonight loyal devotees of the soap opera Stephen Lionel) presents the awards at Creeper played by Rondo Hatton. as London bobby Paul Field and London's Savoy Hotel The prizes 2.20 Channel 4 Racing West Yorkshire Playhouse compete against a team of cast Liverpudlian housewife Eunice recognise special achievement and Quarry Hill Mount. Leeds members past and present, 5.05 Brookside Omnibus. A Valentine's leuthart take on transatlantic 10113.244 2111) 7.00 Noel's House Party. Roll Hams ferrets outstanding monbutions in pournalism. Day Massacre sees the hnger firmly opposition dotting On by Alan Bunnell wo, but the tun in the Great House at 6.35 The Battle for ideas. New series in pointing in the Farnham's direction, 7.15 Blind Date while devious Jimmy has secrets to Timothy West, deemed by Fruneke Cnnkley Bottom, while teere's a wnich political ideas merchants get a (ITV Will Bring You The Result Of The sell &etas 3prn 8pm 'Gotcha waiting for Jill Dendo as she manta to share their visions of the Lottery Live, As It Happens) The Winter Guest by Sharman 6.30 Right To Reply re-sits net driving test future Leading political conmentater 8.15 Family Fortunes. Les Dennis MacDonald. directed try Alan Firei-.nien Andrew Man is pined each week by a 7.00 News presides over the long-running 7 45pm Last Performance 7.50 The National Lottery Live Joins 7.10 A Week In Politics guru of 21st-century linker). game show Wrth a vengance. Civic Theatre EaslEnders. I can Mink of nothing less 8 00 Keepers Of The Kingdom: Giant 7,05 News: Sport: Weather 8.45 News: Weather Cookrege Street, Leeds plerasonr Otter. The giant otter is otherwise 9.00 The BIg Fight 7.20 Correspondent. As the tinned Live: Frank Bruno (0113-247 69621 8.05 Casualty: Out of Time. Ash is given a awn as the water tiger or river v leadoff° Marin. 'sup, he's still Leeks Youth Opera present Divines' warm welcome when he returns to Nabons agonises over whether to ease wolf Dianne McTurk offers around. Bnlam's favourite fighter iddtme 7 30pm Tickets £81£51E4U Ceeiatly after his ordeal in the dock sanctions against Saddam Hussein's sanctuary to these wonderful enters the ring once again In a Meanwhile there is rising tension regrne, former BBC Middle East creatures, who have been another desperate bid to dodge between Mike Barran and Rachaei correspondent Tim Liewelfyn returns to srigveueezedrs out of their former habitat retirement. evolves Longwell after he receives a letter earl to test the mood of the middle and driven Into piranha infested magic lamp and a bottle of HP line nos wee. Anne Out on the wards, classes Sauce. I believe. His opponent is a The Music Factory the team must cope with a lorry crash 8.05 Bookrnark. Ghosts. witches. 9.00 Don't Forget Your Toothbrush IL Puerto Rican with a superficially Lowe, Lirvggele. Leeds and a fal plastic surgery operation. werewolves and vampires haunt the 10.05 Paul Merton - The Second impressive record, but don't be too Hard Times - dance 8.55 News: Sport Weather return of the series. when the Series. It s the return of the man surpnsed if our Frank rolls him over with no shame, the amiable Mr £10 entrancele members 9.15 Ghosts: Three Miles Up. When orograrrne veils the home of Anne in one of the early rounds. Jim Watt The Pleasure Rooms Rice. author of "Interview With The Merton. who will be letting loose and Reg Gietendge provide the Lower kiernon Sam!, Wed; brothers Billy arid John take a boahne Vampire" tales of a zebra. a traffic warden, a commentary. Look, I know nothing Bea to Basics • it's a legend holiday through the deserted canals ol roulette wheel and the time he used even less 8.55 Arena: Peter Sellers. Feature film about boxing, and care Bar Basics the Fens, the appearance of n seem. to be Cilia Black_ 'Letting loose Therefore I am relying on other about the stunning career of Peter Lower Manion Street, Leeds mysterious girl on tee banks alters their tales"? Yet another grammatical people's opinion of whether Mr Back to Basics Pre Club Free Entry tourney With Douglas Hensnall and Sellers who shot from a Goon to fame construction with which I am Bruno will win or not. So dont Leeds University Union Dan Mullane. in Hollywood. 'Shot from a Goonl" unfamiliar blame me if he falls over in the first Harvey Mak Bar 10.05 Match of the Day: The Road To What the flipping heck is that supposed 10.35 Is This Your Life? Andrew Neil round Irish Night Jump Around - Wembley. Desmond Lynam is joined to mean? talks to Olivia Newton-John. best 10.00 FILM: Robocop (1987). Acclaimed 9 30pm-tam Tickets e31£3.50 10.06 The Buccaneers. Runnymede remembered as the 'nice' girl who murphys £12o pints Bailey's E1.20 by Alan Hansen and Gary Uneker for futuristic action thriller, though the doe, es.; highlights of today's FA Cup Fifth- becomes a magnet for the eligible swapped lovehearts for leathers in violence goes a bit over the top Leeds Metropolitan University Round ties young men of England in the second 'Grease Bloody hell - give me towards the end Oh, no it doesn't - Student Union 11.15 The Danny Baker Show. Dan thumbs episode of the series They've all gone sherbet sweets instead of hot black now could rt? Lagandary Saturday Disco through his David Letterman Annual to the Magna Carta museum, I should trousers anyday. 11.45 FILM: Somebody Has To Shoot 11.20 The Nightmare Years. In this 8sm-2em Tickets £2 and steals more Ideas. imagine. The Picture (1990). A Flonda concluding episode, the Sheers gangster on death row for the brutal Happy Hour 9-10pm 85p pints 12.00 ALM: Dream Lover (1986). 11.00 FILM: Dr Strangelove (1964). A The Cockpit have no choice but to attempt an murder of a cop hires a Psychological thriller in which Kathy wonderer' vehicle for Peter Sellers, this Swinegate, Leese escape back to America. photoloumalist to make a visual film, written and directed by Stanley Propaganda-garage/house 11pm-6am Gardner is tormented by nightmares 1.00 Late Licence document of his execution How Kubrick is a black comedy about a mad The Underground and turns to a sleep researcher. 1.10 The Beat Specials: The 1.35 Teurcuittin& Duty Cooleidge Street. Leeds Michael Hansen. for help. But instead United States Air Force general who Cranberries/Frank Black. And this The Yam/bird Suite of freeing her. Hansen accidentaily launches a nuclear attack on Russia is special, is it? 2.30 8PM Opm-tam Live band and 'au DA breaks down the barners between which sparks a retakatory attack. Sellers 2.10 The Word 3.30 The Little Picture Show The Warehouse Kathys waking and sleeping lives plays the mad scientist. 3.15 My Dead Dad 4.25 Cue The Music Somers Street. Leeds 1.40 Weather 12.35 Later with Joots Holland 3.50 The Real World 5.20 Profile Vogue dance 1.45 Close 1.40 Close 4.20 Close 5.30 News JOSEPH'S WELL Under new management

Pre-rugby Sunday lunches served 12-2.50pm Band night Thursdays: 26th January Heartbreakers Blues Band Home of Laser Quest every Wednesday from Voted best blues band1993 1st February... FREE to play 9th February Battle of the Bands (Any bands interested in Function room available free of charge taking part, contact Tanya on 451634) IBBC1 1 sunday 19 pick of the day ITV v MGM Vicar Lane I A Bit Of Fry and Lurie (10.10prn, The Living Daylights (2.35pm, (0113-245 2665) 6.20 Match of the Day - The Road to YTV) 6.00 GMTV Star Trek_ Generahons 12.30pm Wembley. In a time slot suitable BBC1) Timothy Dalton as Bond, for the first 8.00 Disney Club In which Stephen and Hugh take the time. Watch out for the "ear-burning- 3.05pm 5,40Prn 8.15Pm only for die-hard footie fans and 10.15 Link interview With The Vampire 2.55pm lunatics piss out of Going For Gold, on-a-hot-cooker" episode. 10.30 Sunday Brunch 5.30prn 8.10pm 7.30 Smoggiest apparently. Nice one. 11.00 Morning Worship Junior 1246pm Black Beauty 7.55 Playdays 12.25 Kickabout 1.00 News: Weather 12.45pm 2.40pm 4.30pm 6.15pni 8.15 Breakfast with Frost r Odeon - The Heedrow 9.15 Heart and Soul 1.10 Jonathan Dimbleby (0113-243 6230) 10.00 See Hear! 2.00 Yesterdays Heroes The Jungle Book 1.35pri 5 10prn 10.30 French Experience 2.30 Cartoon 8.05prn 10.45 Who Learns Wins 1BBC2 ICh4 2.35 FILM: The Living Daylights Leon 3.20pm 5.45pm 8.25pm 11,00 The 11th Hour (1987). This was Timothy Dalton's The Pegemagral 1 10pm 12.00 CountryFile I first go as the debonair hero The Lion King I .50prn 12.25 Weather for the Week Ahead 6.15 Open University 5.00 4-Tel on View James Bond. His style wasn't to Shallow Grave 4.05pm 6.20Pril 12.30 News: On the Record 9.10 Grimmy 6.15 Transworid Sport everyone's taste after Sean 8.40prn 1.30 EastEnders 9.25 The Artbox Bunch 7.10 Chigley Connery and Roger Moore, but he Steeple 1.45pm 5.10pm 8.10Pm 2.50 Match of the Day - The Road to 9.40 Charlie Brown And Snoopy 7.25 Madeline brought a new sensitive feel to the Andre 1 10pm 3.10pin 5.50pm Wembley. Live coverage of the top Show 7.55 Fourways Farm baddle-fighting Brit. Allegedly. 8.20prn tm in the FA Fifth Round between 10.05 For Amusement Only 8.10 Inspector Gadget 5.05 Murder, She Wrote. An airport accident puts Jessica in hospital Hyde Park Cinema holders Manchester United and 10,30 Grange Hill 8.35 BIll And Ted's Excellent Adventures with a cast on her leg but &velemIt Road, LS6 Leeds United. Leeds get to show 10.55 The Biz 9.00 Wtldside nothing can hold the crime writer's Bandit Queen 8.30prn 9pm off their new signing, the Ghanaian 11.20 Short Change 9.30 Back To The Future Showcase Chums instincts back when a murder is striker. Anthony Yeboah. 11.45 The 0-Zone 9.55 Dennis Gaiderd Reed. Bhutan committed. 5.00 The Clothes Show. The team go 12.00 Snowy River - The McGregor 10.15 Wise Up (01024420822) 6.00 Calendar behind the scenes on the set of Saga 10.35 Tales of a Wise King holy Matrimony 6.30 News: Weather The Buccaneers 12.45 The Phil Silvers Show 10,45 Saved By The Bell Siargrde 6.40 The Exchange Preview. Mike 5.25 Antiques Roadshow 1.10 The Pink Panther Show Star Trek Genenteons 11.15 Rawhide Smith and Sarah Greene host this 6.10 News: Weather 1.30 Regional Programmes 1115 Little House On The Prairie The Specialist 6.30 Songs Of Praise rehashed version of 'The Multi. The Lion King 2.00 World Bowls 1.15 Board Stupid Coloured Swapshop'. Items range 7.05 Last of the Summer Wine. 4.30 Choir Of The Year 1.45 Football nalla Only You 7.35 Ple In the Sky. Del lase Crabbe from tandem bicycles to Scottish Solitaire For Two 5.10 Rugby Special 4.00 Inside The Vatican. This week. Islands (Richard Griffiths) attempts to help 6.10 The Natural World. Monkeys skirling boards. Interview With The Vampire elderly Hilary Smallwood, a 6.45 Barrymore 7.00 Rough Guide to the World. 4.55 News Summary: Weather Shallow Grave cookery author who has written a 7.45 Catherine Cookson's The Black Only its not rough, because 5.00 High Interest: The Million Pound Teneoap racy autobiography. Velvet Gown. A penniless widow Magenta de Vine always stays in Burglars Black Beauty 8.25 Only Fools and Horses allows her employer to finance the the best hotels. 6.00 Don't Forget Your Toothbrush II Leon 8.55 News: Weather education of her children, and so 7.40 The Money Programme 7.00 Encounters: Death Of Venice. The Road to WeiMlie 9.10 The Buccaneers; Ambush. flouts contemporary convention. Andre 8.20 Moving Pictures. Howard Founded 500 years ago, Venice's Virginia provides the son and heir 9.45 Rik Maya!! Presents. The ever- Schuman talks to actor and MagLstraito protects the city from a Pulp Fiction for the Brightlingsea dynasty, adaptable Rik Maya stars as a director Robert Redford about his deadly unseen threat. The Jungle Book although she is unaware that her suave game show host, whose Quantum husband is still pursuing his liaison new film 'Quiz Show'. 8.00 Reality On The Rocks. reign is threatened by the arrival The Trial of OJ Simpson. Physics, and stuff. Followed by with ldina. Meanwhile her younger 9.10 of a new young presenter. ?. "'raise Updates for those wishing to Rhyme and Reason 10.45 News: Weather sister arrives as Duchess at 9.00 Cinefile: Reel Women 11.00 The South Bank Show: Flags of Longlands after her honeymoon follow the TV coverage of this Corn Exchange, Leeds the Fante Coast_ The Fante with Julius. larger-than-life courtroom drama. 10.00 FILM: Blue Steel (1990). This film Tame Top Bazaar I lam-5pm stars Jamie Lee. Curtis as a rookie people of Southern Ghana have 10.10 A Bit Of Fry And Laurie 10.00 Messengers from Moscow. Free admission traditionally used colourful flags to 10.40 Heart Of The Matter. Astrology - is Exclusive interviews with Soviet New York cop who shoots dead an depict proverbs and important it overrated? political leaders, spies and other armed robber on her first day of active key figures of the Cold War. service Followed by Rhyme and historical events, The show travels 11.15 Heavenly Bodies to Ghana to meet the flag-makers 10 clubs (1985). Not, alas, a 11.00 FILM: The Night of the Hunter Reason 11.45 FILM: Fletch 12.00 Quiz Night thrilling expose of life after Leeds (1955). A haunting allegory of 12.00 FILM: The Virgin Spring (1959), 12.30 The Beat a rather good and evil, apparently. Influential director Ingmar Bergman's The Underground Student. but Instead 1.30 Zara Ohyan Dein useless Chevy Chase movie 12.30 FILM: Angel Face (1953). ar.rinened masterpiece of superstition, Cookridge Street, Leeds Robert Mitchum and Jean rape and revenge set in 14th-century 1.35 FILM: Hawalaat (1987) and roast Shame, that The Sunday Jetril • Irv0 )832 Simmons star. Sweden. 4.40 Jobtinder dinner £4.75 1.20 Weather 5.30 News 1.25 Close 2.05 Close 1.40 Close

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A Revolution (fp> Ilyr,aczon in soft contact So ft Contact Lenses care EEDS UNIVERSITY STUDENT UNION St. Valentines Day got everybody at Leeds Student all mushy and sentimental, so we decided to send two lonely students on a 'blind date'. They hoped for romance, we hoped for a good story. How did they get on'? Did they have a 'Iorra, lorra !offs'? GARETH HUGHES played Cupid.

Nicola Woods, 23 David Freedman, 20 Third year PR, LMU Third year Economics, LU Lives: London. Warrington, near Manchester. Career Career. Accountant. No plans, but wants to travel. No.1 Babe: No.1 Babe: Claudia Schiffer . Keanu Reeves. Seeking: Seeking: Older, dominating woman lively personality. Tall, dark, older, handsome - not younger. Nut seeking: Not seeking:. Arrogance. Men that love themselves. Why on blind date? Why on blind date? Who knows what might happen! Thought it would be a laugh. Looking for a hit of fun_ Jinja' being single:' Would like a relationship if she is nice. lito‘, it hut I knot for right man. tow lung since fast relationship' 8 months - lasted 3 months. month, 2 ntonth• What age will you marry! 25 or 26 - here do you go out' Pubs in Headingley. To, I, Oak.

beginning to burn. AFTER We packed them off to La Dolce Vita, gave the waiters strict orders to be liberal with the wine, hey'a never met, out seemed to have tairty similar then crossed our fingers and left them to it. interests, They also lived dose to each other and The next day was Judgement Day. T went to the same kind of places. They had been Unfortunately, it quickly became evident that a single for a roughly similar length of time wanted to get marriage was not on the cards. What did David RI STOR married at the same kind of age. This seemed like a have to say about Nicola and the date itself? potential match made in heaven. "I thought Nicola was quite pretty„ but almost TEL. 4a Nothing in this life is certain, but we thought there was a instantly I recognised that she wasn t really my good chance that Nicola and David would hit it oft when type. I don't know why, the chemistry just they finally met, As the curtain went back and they came wasn't there for me. The date was really good. face to face, however, the response was a little muted. No We had a lovely meal, and the conversation kisses, no hugs, just awkward smiles. Still, maybe under flowed quite well. Even though I don't actuall\ those quiet exteriors the flames of passion were already think we had that much in common, we found things to talk about. Nicola was quite lively and we had a nice time. There is nothing that really annoyed me about her But there was definitely no romance between us. "I think that was quite a mutual feeling. I just "1 wouldn't think that we'd make any plans to see each felt that although Nicola had a nice personality- other again. But I'm sure that if we ever bumped into each we were so different that I knew it was unlikely other we'd say more than hello . that we could ever have had a relationship. I Nicola was much of the same opinion: "He's not the sort come from the city, she lives in a little village. that I'd normally go far. I usually go for tall. dark men, I'm starting work as an accountant in September which he isn't! gut we got on really well, we had a good and am quite stable and settled. Nicola is the time. I didn't fancy him though_ He's the sort of person l'd opposite to that she wants to go travelling like as a friend, rather than get a job. "I think we had different kinds of personalities. I'm quite "One thing that was quite embarrassing on the spontaneous, and he is quite serious - not about date was that I had a really weak bladder and relationships, just generally. kept on needing to go to the toilet. It was a good night and a really nice meal, but that was I did have fun, but I don't know if I'd go on a as far as it went. He didn't even peck me on the cheek!" blind date again. It's not the normal kind of Cupid's arrow obviously missed its target. Still, there's thing that I'd do always the Poly Bop

Is you sex life sagging? Have you well and truly the food of... lost that lovin' feeling? Maybe you need something to give your libido that all important boost. Sexpert, KATE TOON, investigates o' whether food could be the answer to all your lust dilemmas. Porno pits: ED CRISPIN

t can happen to the best of us. Half-way through a moment of I intense passion you suddenly ..• lose the urge, your mind drifts to thoughts of laundry and IT'S an age old myth that chocolate OKAY, so mussels aren't exactly homework, and you wonder is the one and only love drug. oysters. but according to your whether this sex business is really Apparently it releases the very friendly fishmonger they re the next all it's cracked up to be. The same chemicals that flow through best thing - Emily and Simon solution to your problems- us during sex. So what could be weren't fooled: "They looked pretty aphrodisiacs. For centuries the better for sparking off a little love disgusting, and tasted really salty - wise have been claiming that a play? Initially Emily was sceptical: probably because they were sprinkle of powdered rhino horn I don't really eat chocolate that pickled" Simon commented or a splash of juniper juice was all often and I hardly think that eating bitterly: "Mussels are a far cry from a couple needed to bring back the a bar will suddenly make me really oysters. To be perfectly honest they spice to their love life. horny " Yet after an hour locked in were repulsive and I wouldn't We asked two Leeds students, the arms of her loved one, her tune recommend them." It was an Simon Allen from Bretton Hall and had well and truly changed: "1 experience Emily wouldn't want to Emily Wood from Leeds enjoyed eating it, and I suppose it repeat either: "Some say they're a University, to put a few traditional did give me certain urges. It delicacy, but I thought they were love foods to the test, with the definitely put me in the right state rancid. They made me feel sick hope of finding out just what it is of mind. rather thanLi sexy.. Never again!" that brings a stir to your loins. Simon wasn't quite so keen. "At first we found great pleasure in eating it off each others skin, and •'hanspagne. Syarkling Emily just loved licking it off my THE whole lustful experience left Thardorinav -Ft satewa‘- manly chest. But after a while it was Simon and Emily tired but not a bit too much, a bit sickly. I think I particularly happy: "Most of that tiOW many students do you know prefer cream. It went everywhere as stuff about aphrodisiacs isn't true. It who can afford a genuine bottle of well - all over my sheets, which I'd was a good laugh trying them all out Moet? Sparkling wine seems to do just washed " but it didn't make me more of sex the trick, and if we're perfectly beast than I already am. I think the honest, the merest hint of alcohol is only real aphrodisiac is alcohol. Lot, usually enough to bring any lover of drink works brilliantly on a girl. out into a hot, lusting sweat. It's what I usually have to resort to." "I've found champagne to be At least Emily felt that the food test pretty effective in the past," hadn't been quite such a failure: "I commented Simon with a wry THE Russians need something to think it's definitely a good idea to smile,"but it'sgenerally short term keep them warm on all those cold try new things out I'd say fond stuff. After a while, even if the Siberian nights. A tablet or two of can be really sexy if used in mind is willing the body is well and ginseng is apparently just the the right way. But for me truly gone. But I suppose it's alright thing to keep the home fires having my photo taken in for a quickly." Emily offered a more burning. bed was the best part - it romantic picture: "The bubbles go Emily was dubious from the appealed to my straight to your head, and seeing as start: "When I read the packet it exhibitionist side. My I was sitting naked in bed with said if you took one tablet a day, advice is go with the Simon, it was bound to make me ginseng would increase your sense champagne and feel a bit sexy." of wellbeing. There was no mention chocolates, but of turning you into into a crazed sex more importantls animal." She added: "You could take a few argue that it's more of a tasteful shots (11rIlsr. FIV• jhout psychological thing. If you swallow with the something which you're expecting polaroid ALTHOUGH you might well will make you horny, then your camera." assume that munching through a mind is bound to be dove of garlic would be the worst preoccupied with sex and of turn-offs, some find it just the you therefore you'll t icket for a night of passion. Simon definitely feel more in the proved to be a big garlic fan: "Some mood." But even Simon think the smell is off-putting but I gave ginseng the big thumbs love it. It's really erotic" Emily down: "It had no noticeable roused over the delights that garlic effect and tasted had to offer: "It's great if someone bloody awful even cooks you a really nice meal with a when washed down touch of garlic. If Simon did that I'd with champagne. We be more than willing to sleep with didn't really know iiitn -" But Simon wasn't ready to what to look out for make that much of an effort: "We but it wasn't as if we didn't really know what we were got instantly horny. 'Supposed to do with it. Unless reckon its more of You ye got a lot of imagination I'd long term thing." givt, this one a miss." ' 1 I • •

tillii film monday 20 Pkk of the day ITV Mil MGM vicar Lane EastEnders - The Early Days Cutting Edge: Jumpers (9pm, CM) 6.00 GMTV (411s-245 28851 6.00 Business Breakfast 7.00 Breakfast News (10.05pm, BBC1) Not, unfortunately, an in-depth study 9.25 Chain Letters Slar Trek: Generabons 12 30pm Has BBC1 turned into UK Gold or of woollens and their uses, but a look 3.05pm 5 40pm 8.15pm 9.05 Children's BBC: Swat Kats 9.55 News: Weather 9.30 White Fang something? Still, it's another chance at horsey types and their fetishes. 10.00 The Time... The Place... Interview With The Vamp re 2.55pnt for Pete Beale fans to get their kicks. 5 30pm 8.10pm 9.55 Christopher Crocodile 10.35 This Morning Junior 12.45pm Black Beauty 10.00News: Weather: Regional 12.20 News: Weather 12.45pm 2.4Cipm 4.30pm & 15pm News and Weather 12.55 Coronation Street 10.05EastEnders - The Early Days Odeon - The Headrow 1.25 Home And Away There's a lot of 10.35Good Morning with Anne and (0113-2435230) angry people in the Bay today as The Jungle Book 1 35pm 5.10f3m Nick 12.00News: Weather: Regional Roxy pushes Rob one step too far 8.05pm IBBC2 and Michael gets wound up by the Leon 320pm 5.45prn 8.25PM News and Weather troy kids. The Pagernester t lOpm 12.05Pebble MITI The Lion King 1.50pm 12,55Regional News: Weather 6.20 Open University: The Ocean 5.00 4-Tel On View 1.55 A Country Practice. Terence Shallow Grave 4 05Pm 820Pm 1.00 One O'Clock News: Weather Floor: 6.45 Jewish Americans - 6.35 Sandokan collapses while performing an 1.30 Neighbours 8.40prn Out of the Melting Pot: 7.35 7.00 The Big Breakfast emergency operation on Frank Siargale 1.45pm 5.10pm 8 10prn 1.50 Timekeepers Imagining New Worlds. Gilroy, but Rosemary Prior steps In 2.15 Knots Landing 9.00 Wish Kid Andre 1.10pm 3.10prn 5.50prn 8.00 Breakfast News to save the day. 3.00 Today's Gourmet 9.30 Schools 8 20pm 8.15 Westminster On-Line With Sarah 2.20 Wish You Were Here...? Hyde Para Cinema 3.30 Cartoon 12.00 Right To Reply Baxter 2.50 Help Yourself Brudenell Road. L58 3.45 Bodger and Badger 12.30 Sesame Street 9.00 Schools 2.55 Shortland Street Ben& Queen 6.30pin 9pm 4.00 Jackanory 1.30 Little Miss 4.10 The Legend of Prince Valiant 2.10 World Bowls 3.20 News Cottage Road Cinema 1.55 The Pulse Cottage Flood, Fir Heactingiey 4.35 Tomorrow's End 3.50 News 3.30 Children's ITV: Rainbow 2.25 Travels A La Carte: Hungary (0113-275 1608) 5.00 Newsround 4.00 Today's The Day 3.40 Tots TV Bieck Beauty 5.10 Blue Peter 4.30 World Bowls. Further coverage of 3.00 The Late Late Show 3.50 Taz-Manta Lounge Cinema 5.35 Neighbours the second-round singles action 3.55 The 3.000 Mlle Garden 4.15 Harry's Mad 6.00 Six O'Clock News: Weather North Lane, Headingtey from the Guild Hall. Preston. 4.30 Countdown 4.45 Art Attack. Neil Buchanan presents 10113- 275 18061 6.30 Look North 5.00 The Golden Girls this 'Vision-On' for the Nineties. 7.00 Champion Telly Addicts - presented by Dougie Donnelly My The Jungle Book 5.30 Nurses Bollocks is It 'Vision On' - where's Champion Of Champions. The hero! Tony Han and his magic paint Brown family meet the Reynish 6.00 Buck Rogers In The 25th- 6.00 The Cosby Show roller'? theatre family, just a week away from Century. Al the 25th-century 6.30 Hangin' With Mr Cooper the possibility of earning Olympics. Buck tries to help an 7.00 News: Weather 5.10 Home And Away Weil Yorkshire Playhouse themselves the grand title. athlete from the planet Lozira defect 7.50 The Slot 5.40 News: Weather 6.30 Enterprize 95 Quarry Hill Mount. Leen& 7.30 Watchdog. This week, to Earth. 8.00 Poor Man's Pig. The nine-banded consumer dissatisfaction over 7.00 Talking Telephone Numbers. (0113.244 2111) 6.45 Animation Now. As opposed to armadillo is one of North Amenca's (letting On by Akin Bannon. with the unnecessarily large amount Phillip Schofield and Emma Forbes animation then. most recent natural wildlife nTimothy West, directed by Pruriella 01 EastEnders nostalgia give TV viewers another chance to Scales 7.30prn programmes on at the minute. 7.00 The Private Ufe of Plants. Further additions - an illegal immigrant delving into the world of all things scoop up a £25,000 first prize Grand Theatre 8.00 EastEnders. Kathy and Phil are from across the border. This Amongst the guests are Elton John New aripeale. Leeds green and leafy (and some which keen to spend lime together but programme studies the specialised soundallke Elton Jack and (0113-245 9351) when she pays him a visit Peggy aren't green and leafy at all!) with anatomy of this weird and 'speciality act' Slap and Tickle. We Robin Hood arid The Babes In The is ever-present. David Attenborough wonderful creature. Followed by can't wait. Woad starring Hunter & Panther trom 8.30 Goodnight Sweetheart. For the 7.50 Travel Show - Short Cuts, Rhyme And Reason 7.30 Coronation Street. Reg is alarmed The Mediators 7.15pm £6,50-C12.50 last six months time-travelling Fantasy football league star Frank 8.30 Only When I Laugh when he hears rumours of a Gary (Nicholas Lyndhurst) has Skinner is taken to the design 9.00 Cutting Edge: Jumpers, A takeover bid, while there's some resisted stepping back into the capital of Italy - Milan. clubs war-torn London of the 1940s. fascinating, behind-the-scenes look anxious moments ahead for Steve 8.00 Horizon. A look at the daily He has turned his back on at the life of professional show as he awaits Fiona's decision. iniection of the human growth Phoebe. the young woman he jumpers as they compete on the 8.00 Lucky Numbers. Shane Ritchie The Music Factory tell in love with, and he and his hormone which gave 63-year-old presides over this popular Lower Briggate, Leeds circuit. Oliver Skeels, Britian's only thoroughly modern wife are Howard Turney a new lease of life. gameshow where three members of Up The Junction - music on two floors black show jumper, and Emma- hoping to move house. Four years ago, Turney was the studio audience get a chance to 10pm-2am E31£2.50 NUS Jane Brown are some of the many 9.00 Nine O'Clock News: Regional overweight, suffered from high win a £20,000 first prize Bitter/Lager £1 pints Pits £1 bottles News: Weather competitors who are hoping to blood pressure and felt that his time 8.30 World In Action. Another topical including SLIPOISOrliC on top floor 9.30 Panorama. Aldrich Ames make it to the top to this compelling India:neve was running out. Then his life took a current affairs report_ headed the CIA's counter- dramatic turn for the better. Sport. Val intelligence branch - but for 9.00 Beyond Reason. Set against the 8.50 Lucinda Lambton's Alphabet of 10.00 NYPD Blue, followed by Rhyme tvlemon Centre, Leeds nearly a decade he was a Soviet backdrop of the Troubles in TpP wond Dee:1080M One spy himself. Although he Britain. A mere 100 years after its And Reason Northern Ireland. this moving drama 99p pints 99p spites r 1.50 cocktBik became the richest spy In creation, the contents of Stokesay 11.00 A Night With Derek II, A night of tells the real-life story of the Ritzy history, at least 10 of the agents Court. near Ludlow, were sold in a tributes marks the first anniversary Menton Centre. Leeds doomed relationship between an he betrayed were executed four-day auction in September. The World Destination Two of Derek Jarman's death. army Captain and a young female 10.10Naturel Lies. For example, 1994. and fetched £42m. E7.50 admission £1.30 pints 11.30 FILM: Jubilee (1978). Queen soldier Simon Shepherd and the EastEnders is great - let's talk Craig's 9.00 Blood And Peaches. Following Elizabeth I (Jenny Runacre) Is ever-impressive Kate Hardie star. about it. New Briggate, Leeds Steve's death on the night of transported to 1977 and is appalled 10.00 News: Weather 11.05Film 95 With Barry Norman. Pinar - student night 99p pints Barry's party, Sue discovers thal 10.40 Beyond Reason Michael Douglas and Demi by what she sees. Derek Jarman's Oar Bastes her dreams for the future have 11.40 Prisoner Cell Block H followed by Moore talk to Tom Brook about bleakly comic view of the future. Lower Menton Street, Leeds become a ghastly nightmare in the 'Disclosure', the film about With Toyah Wilcox News La Cage AUK Derrieby - trash pop final part of this compelling drama. 12.35 FILM: In The Body Of The Whale Mixed gay night Small door charge sexual harassment 1.25 They Changed The World: 10.15 Just Desserts (1984). German film about a Planet Earth/Paperer:7J Bar 11.35FILM: Critters (1986). Eight Einstein. From a slow learner to 10.30 Newsnight policeman, estranged from his wife, City Square. Leeds Critters - small murderous Nobel laureate in Physics, Michael aliens -escape from a prison in 11.15 The Whole World In His Hands. A who gains custody of his teenage Student Ektrawtganza Ritchie profiles the life and times of Admission £1 plus tree bottle 01 cider space and flee to Earth, pursued look at Rupert Murdoch, one of the daughter. Bul the daughter runs the great physicist Albert Einstein. by two merciless bounty hunters century's most powerful media away into the arms 01 the and make for a small Kansas barons. A close look, or just a 2.30 FILM: The King Steps Out (1936), policeman's old adversaries. With town where they develop the squitnt from afar? This romantic operetta stars Grace Jana Marangosoft, followed by music taste for human flesh. It is said 11.55 Weathervlew Moore as a dressmaker who saves News Critters makes Gremlins look 12.00 Images of the Cosmos her sister from an arranged 2.25 The New Music The Duchess of York like War & Peace Enough said. 12.25 Design Principles marnage to a 19th century Austrian 3.25 The Chart Show Vicar Lane, Leeds 1.00 Weather 1.20 The Record emperor. Bamboo Rain . support 1.05 Close 4.20 Jobfinder 1.45 Close 4.00 Close 5.30 News THE ULTIMATE Friday Feb 24, 1995 £2.50 Tuesday Centre Four 5 to 11 Mega Retro flight The Airedale Centre Wednesday: 80s Music Whitehall Road LS1 4AW Student Night Michelob 5 for £5 Tel: 0113 242 0945 Hourly drinks special -BOWLINGO 11.00 a bottle on selected -LATEST INTERATIVE bottled lager VIDEO MACHINES 2 for 1 spirits on selected -POOL spirits Prizes to be won! -MEGAZONE (TWIN (111 from our Planet 4 LEVEL LASER BATTLE) ENTERTAINMENT CENTRE licensed bar ONLY 99p 7 TILL 1I film IBBC1 tuesday 21 pick of the day ITV v Vicar Lane MOM Murder Most Horrid II (0113-245 2665) 6.00 Business Breakfast (9pm, BBC2) Jack Dee Live (11pm, Ch4) 6.00 GMTV Star Trek, Generations 12.30pm 7,00 BBC Breakfast News Dawn French as Denise the The deadpan chappie with talk of 9.25 Chain Letters. Arrange show. this 3.05pm 5.40prit 03_15pin 9.05 Children's BBC: Swat Kats hairdresser attempting to disguise a widgets. and the like. Hoorah} They have a round called lie The intennew W1th The Vampire 2,550m 9.30 White Fang criminal on the run Despite that Leader - the mind boggles ..... 5.30pm 8.10pm 9.55 Christopher Crocodile useless description, this is actually 9.55 News ,iutrior 12.45pm Black Beauty quite good. 10.00 News: Regional News: Weather 10.00 The Time... The Place_ 12459m 2.40pro 4.30pm 6 16pm 10.35 This Morning 10.05 EastEnders - The Early Days Odeon Tee Needrow 12.20 Calendar News: Weather 10113-24382301 10-35 Good Morning with Anne & Nick 12.55 Emmerdale The Jungle Book 1 35pm 5.t0pm 12.00 Needs: Regional News: Weather 1.25 Home And Away. Alt is the 6.05pm 12.05 Pebble Mill 1BBC2 ICh4 unfortunate witness to a moment Leon 3.20pen 5.45pm 8.25Prn 12.55 Regional News: Weather of passion between Curtis and The Peoernasiet 1.10pm 1,00 One O'Clock News: Weather 1 ShcaonuA nonrynt. The (.ten King 1.50pm 1.30 Neighbours 6.20 Open University 6,35 Sandokan 1.55 Practice. Disease Shallow Grave 4.05pm 6.20prn 1.50 Watchdog 8.00 Breakfast News 7.00 The Big Breakfast threatens Harry Morrison's cattle. 8.40prn 8.15 Westminster On-Line With Sir 9.00 Wish Kid 2.20 Vanessa. Vanessa's theme is My Stargale 1.45prn 5.10pm 8.10arn 2.20 FILM: Perry Mason: The Case of Bernard Ingham 9.30 Schools Kids Drive Me Mad. My theme is: o Andre ttoprn 3.10pet 5.50ern the Lady In the Lake (1986). Perry 9.00 Schools 12.00House To House does this show. 6.20pm the Ace Lawyer helps out a has- 2.00 Gordon T Gopher. Excellent • 2.50 Shorilend Street era Park Cinema been tennis player (David 12.30Sesame Street Phillip Schofield before he went all 1.30 Widget 3.20 News Bruderiell Road, LSO HaSSelhott) who is accused of 3.25 Calendar News crap and stopped dyeing his hair 1.55 Pete Smith Specialties Bandh Queen 6.30pm eem ever, 3.30 Children'sHo (TV: The Magic murdering his wife. As the late 2.10 World Bowls Double Bill Cottage Road Cinema Raymond Burr stars. 3.00 News: Weather: Westminster with Cottage Road, Far Heeding ley 2.20 FILM: The Immortal Sergeant 3.50 Jackanory Nick Ross 3.40 Tots TV 10113-275 1606i (1943), Strong combination of 4.00 Witty Fogg 3.50 News: Weather 3.50 Twinkle The Dream Being Black Beauty character study and war action 4.00 Budgie The Little Helicopter 4.25 Grlmmy 4.00 Today's the Day. Granny answers a starring Henry Fonda as a Leung. Cinema question about Hadd Wilson, while 4.15 The Dreamatone 4.35 Incredible Games diffident Canadian corporal North Lena tiesdingley young Jimmy laughs at the flared 4.40 Chris Cross leading a patrol of British 10113. 275 1605) 5.00 Newsround trousers in the old NabonwiCe clips. 5.10 Home And Away The Jungto Book soldiers against the Germans 5,10 Grange Hill 4.30 World Bowls. Competition 5.40 News: Weather in the Libyan desert during the 5.35 Neighbours_ Mark pays a visit to his continues at the Churchill Insurance 6.00 Calendar. Don't drop the script parents farm, and is devastated by World Indoor Bowls Championship. Second World War again. Knsta I nearly wet myself theater 4.00 The Way We Were some bad news. 6.00 Fresh Prince of Bel Air laughing last time 4.30 Countdown 6.30 Crosswits West Yorkshire Playhouse 6.00 Six O'Clock News: Weather 6.25 Heartbreak High. Bill Southgate continues to reign as acting head at 5.00 The Oprah Winfrey Show: 7.00 Emmerdale. The recently Quarry Hill Mount Leos 6.30 Look North Hartley High School, but must Women Face Their Most revamped Woolpack is opened by (0113-244 2111) 7.00 Holiday. Jill Dando sets off for Deadly Enemy a mystery celebrity, while the bar by Alan Bonne% with contend with a phantom masked Gettng On Spain, on the quest for the perfect 5.50 Terrytoons staff are forced to come to grips Timothy West directed by Pronelia roller Mader. backhand 6,00 Babylon 5: Geometry Of with the pub's new Image. Sorry to 5calim 7.30pm 7.10 The Tick_ The big blue hero paints 7.30 EastEnders. Natalie does some Shadows. Londo's rise in spoil the surprise, but it's tan Leeds thirverathr Union the town red with Arthur the Sewer wheeling and dealing to get around power Is prophesised, while Botham. Riley Smith Hall Urchin and Die Fledermause Does Ricky. but Bianca is one step ahead Ivanova gels a promotion 7.30 Good Advice LUU Theatre Group presents that mean literally red' Are you 6.55 Rhyme And Reason. 8.00 You've Been Framed. More Chnstepher Hampton's Lee Unions all the way_ trying to be tunny" Don't bother. Featuring hea J.o Shapcotl's Love camcorder action from Jeremy IDangereuses 7 30prn £4.50/£3 £2.50 8.00 Ten Years in Albert Square. In ten 7.30 Design Classics: The Fred Perry years of drama down at the Square. Shirt In The and Zoe Beadle. as he laughs himself sitly Wannamaker reading David at other people's misfortunes. there have been 1.087 episodes. 8.00 Public Eye. An in-depth look at the case of Helen Green, who look her Morely's Mathematics of Light_ 8.30 The Brit Awards. Chris Evans clubs eight marriages, nine affairs and two father to cowl for sexually abusing 7.00 Channet 4 News: Weather presents coverage of the music vanations on the theme tune... Like. her as a child and, earlier this year. 7.50 The Slot world's annual backslapping we needed a programme to tell us session, recorded live al The Music Rectory won damages of £17,000. 8.00 Classic Motorcycles: The Lower Briggrge, LeedS this..... 8.30 Food And Drink. More weird wines Pioneers. Timothy Spell Alexandra Palace. Expect contributions from several small Automatic '95 • rock, pop 8.30 A Question of Sport Classic from unexpected places. test-driven narrates the series charting 'The best in stars on the way up !Blur) and a and Northern Sour sporting quiz hosted by David for us by elly Gooldon and Oz the history of the Iwo-wheeled Coleman, with Bill Beaumont and Clarke I really don't think that lest- wonder Lew big stars on the way down tOpm-slam £3 entrance (Madonna). That's not very nice, Nanny • dance tan Bonham as team captains. driving" is a suitable description for 8.30 Brookside. Mandy and Beth Madonna's still quite famous, Rio's testing alcoholic beverages- step into daylight. unsure of 9.00 News: Weather actually. Merrion Centre. Leeds especially not in Its age of safe the welcome they will receive 9.30 Clive James - Postcard From 10.00 News: Weather Boer as Brass - InceefAliernatrve driving. 11 ihe outside world, Bombay. Clive James lakes to the 10.40 Network First: The Yardles. topin-2ern 9.00 Murder Most Horrid II. Dawn 9.00 FILM: Hear My Song (1991). Another report on a topic that Bitter & Pits el Lager £1.30 Cider £1.40 baking streets of Bombay to find a French nams it up, this tune as quiet. Beautifully made biography of seems to regularly resurface m the The Underground warm welcome, as thousands el suburban hairdresser Denise. Her Josef LOCK° (Ned Beatty), eerie Cookrkige, Sheet, Leeds people flock to the city every day to world is fumed upside down when media the gradual rise of the rose to tame in the 1950s as Jamaican cnminal syndicates. the The R .1 B Club seek their fortune. 'Baking streets of she is held hostage at gunpoint and the singer whose voice was so Yardies. This programme looks at Live music 7 30pmirrildnight Mee Bombay"" With cakes and biscuits ordered to drive to Scotland Stilt, beautiful lhat it made women the history of Me gangs. and Bar Basics and stuff" Dawn's a clever girl, and manages to weep. Adrian Dunbar stars as examines their alleged Lower Mentor, Btreet. Leeds 10.25 Omnibus: The Greatest Living saty in control a concert promoter desperate Phusian hip hop, iazz funk 9.30 Cardiac Arrest John MacUre's involvement in some recent brutal Painter. Profile of Willem de to gel his hands on the singer. Cafe Met merceess dissection of life on the killings in Britain. Unashamedly romantic. and Carl Laois Leeds Kooning, to coiricrde with the National Health Service front line. 11.40 FILM: B L Stryker - High Rise unmissable. Student Meet opening of an exhibition of paintings 10.00 The Labours of Eve. How human (1990). Starring Burt Reynolds, 11.00Jeck Dee Live. The straight Funk, Len, Jazz. Dub by the influential Amencan artist at attempts to control birth have Ossie Davis and Rita Moreno. man of comedy performs live Tequila & Corona Beer £1 London's Tate Gallery. undergone enormous change in the Kimberly and Oz are taken at London's Duke of York's 11.15 FILM: Halloween (1978). In memory pest 50 years - trom back-street hostage at the fop of a high-rise Theatre, giving his own. of Donald Pleasence. Tee, abortions to the traumas of modem block when they go to visit a music deadpan interpretation of life, fashionable jeweller. Their captors apparently, is lhe shocker which infertility the universe and everything. are a gang of ruthless criminals launched a thousand sequels" Hrnm, 10.30 NewsnIght 11.15 The Late Show 12.20Footbell Italia - Mezzanotte who are prepared to die rather not strictly true, methinks. A The Duchess 01 York 11.55 Weatherview 1.20 FILM; The Man In The Mirror than be captured, so the race is on succession of gratuitous murders VearreneLeses 12.00 Modem Art (1936). Starring Edward to find a way to set them free. Bebyglide • Berne 3arvear1,- 7 Day Diary follow the escape of 'a mad killer" 12.25 Computer Aided Design Everett Horton as a timid 1.30 The Little Picture Show, followed Leeds Merropontan University (oh, ',tease) from an asylum That's 12.55 The Record businessman whose mirror by News Student Union downstate Illinois for you 1.25 Close image comes to life. 2.30 Sport AM , Sp:oh/elver/ Sapree 12.45 Weather 2.00 Night Schook Special Needs - 2.50 Close 3.30 The Beat £7 50 advanc e 12.50 Close Access to Learning 4.25 JobfInder N AT1ONAL FIDDLERS GHTC I ,UB WEDNESDAY NIGHTS NION OF ENTRANCE £2.50 CIDER £1.00 o N.U.S. n.50 BITTER/LAGER £1.20 ALL BOTTLES £1.60 S OUND 80S MUSIC! 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Curtis and 12.00 News: Weather The Jungle Book 1.35pm 5.10prn Shannon are worried about the 12.05 Pebble Mill 8.05prn 1BBC2 liCh4 future. 12.55 Regional News: Weather .07 Leon 3.20pm 5.45prn 8.25prn 1.55 A Country Practice. Bernice The Pegemasist 1.10pm 1.00 One O'Clock News: Weather I Hudson is admitted to hospital. The Lion king 1.50pm 1.30 Neighbours 6.20 Open University 6.35 Sandokan 2.20 Masters 01 Beauty Shallow Grave 4.05pm 620pm 1.55 Champion Telly Addicts 8.00 Breakfast News 7.00 The Big Breakfast 2.50 Shortland Street 8.40prn 2.25 Alias Smith And Jones 8.15 Westminster On-Line With 9.00 Wish Kid Stargele 1.45pm 510prn 8.10prn 3.15 Glynn Christian's Entertaining Trevor Phillips 9.30 Schools 3.20 News Andre 1.10pm 3.10pm 5.50pm Microwave 9.00 Schools 12.00 House To House 3.30 Children's ITV Alphabet Castle 8.20prn 3.30 Brilliant Gardens 2.00 The Greedysaurus Gang. Twelve 12.30 Sesame Street 3.40 Wizadora Hyde Perk Cinema 3.40 Sick As A Parrot lagered-up lads in Naflee's? Hope 1.30 Take Five 3.50 Scooby Doo 3.55 Jackanory Einunnell Road, LS6 so. 2.00 The Flying Fabian. Sidney and 4.15 Reboot Bandit Queen 6.30pni 5pm 4.10 Potsworth And Co 2.05 Spider. Thanks. I was wondering Beatrice on a magic carpet. 4.40 The Tomorrow People Cottage Road Cinema 4.35 The Really Wild Show what it was 2.15 FILM: A Connecticut Yankee In 5.10 Home And Away Cottage Road, Far Heart 5.00 Newsround 2.10 Songs Of Praise King Arthur's Court (1989). Lavish 5.40 News: Weather 0113-275 1606) 5.05 The Biz! Continuing the drama 2.45 World Bowls TV film adaptation by Pulitzer Prize 5.55 Calendar: Weather Black Beauty based at the Markov School of 3.50 News: Weather: Regional News Lounge Cinema Dance & Drama, and today is winning author. Paul Zindel of a 6.30 Crosswlts and Weather North Lane, Headingley the first day of a new term. Mark Twain story starring Keshia 7.00 Wish You Were Here...? Judith (0113- 775 1606) Emma Is a new pupil whose 4.00 Today's the Day Knight Pulliam of The Cosby Show. Chalmers gets to bask in the The Jungle Book talent for ballet won her a 4.30 World Bowls. Further coverage It concerns a 10 year old New Egyptian sun at Sharm El Sheik, a coveted place on Me course. from the Churchill Insurance World Englander who is knocked out after new resort that otters the theatre 5.35 Neighbours Indoor Bowls Championships, with she falls off a horse. She wakes up holidaymaker diving and Dougie Donnelly, the thinking 6.00 News: Weather in the 6th Century in Camelot. snorkelling. Anne Davies, man's David Coleman. 4.00 Journeyman 6.30 Look North meanwhile, gets to go to Ironbridge. West Yorkshire Playhouse 7.00 Thls Is Your Life. Michael Aspel 6.00 Star Trek: The Next Generation. 4.30 Countdown Shropshire, the birthplace of the Quarry Hill Mount. Leeds surprises another famous face Klingon Lt Wort squares up to the 5.00 Rick' Lake: Fixing Up Your Ex. Industrial Revolution. Bet she was (0113-244 2111) with the all-time, big red book. toughest opponent he has had to With gaffer tape by Alan Bennett. with pleased when that one came out of Getting On 7.30 Here And Now contend with - his son 5.50 Rhyme And Reason Timothy West. directed by Prunelta the hat. 8.00 How Do They Do That? More 6.45 Natural Born Footballers. 6.00 All American Girl: Mom, Dad, Safes 7.30pm probing from Desmond Lynam Cantona. A look at the 7.30 Coronation Street. Could Raquel Leeds university Union This Is Kyle. Well, look at it this and Jenny Hull, who take a controversial French footballer, one way - Kyle's not all bad - think of the become the new manageress of Riley Smith Hall close-up look at the common- The Rovers? A terrifying prospect. LUU Theatre Group presents of the most talked-about sportsmen alternatives Troy. Rip, Todd. place and the unusual. Probing 8.00 The Match Live: Crystal Palace v Christopher Hampton's Las Liaisons so far this year, who is seen Chad, Randy. Chip, Hoby. from Des Lynam? How about it, 7.30pm E4.50/E312.50 discussing his career, and other Macaulay.... Liverpool. In which ITV pretend atngereuses girls" interests. And remaining calm in 6.30 Boy Meets World. A new senes they've got the rights to Premiership 8.45 Points Of View. More whingelng front of reporters. starnng Ben Savage kicks off with football letters rattling on about the state clubs 7.00 The World At War. Profile of the if ITV decide not to show the Coca-Cola of the BBC, and how Communist the first day of high school. Atom bomb, the most powerful 7.00 Channel 4 News: Weather Cup semi-final, second leg live. its getting . weapon known to man at the time the following alternative 9.00 News: Regional News: 7.50 The Slot File's of the Second World War, narrated 8.00 Brookside. The Jordache !amity schedule will apply: 8.00pm Memos Centre. Leeds Weather 9.30 Harry. Michael Elphick stars as by the late Sir Laurence Olivier. find the going is tough. FILM: Romancing the Stone Mystery City - 'an excess of Giam 8.00 Magic Animals. Vivid senes about 8.30 The Real Holiday Show. New (1984): 10.00 News: Weather: Rock' 10pin-2am S2 entrance the journalist who has come the double lite of the wolf, bear, travel magazine with a difference - 10.40 Coca-Cola Cup Highlights; Bitter £1 Brown Ale £1.25 back from Fleet Street to run his dolphin arid snake - their real life this one examines the reality of The Underground Darlington-based news agency. 11.40 Street Legal; 12.35 The Cooknoge Street. Leeds It is not, as we'd expect, your in nature and their mythological holidays, looking at what does Equalizer; 1.30 Hollywood The Moth Club run-of-the-mill office job. And the one in human Imagination. Miranda happen, rather than what is Report; 2.00 Videolashion; 2.30 8prn.,2arn E5rt4rE3 point of that last sentenxce was Richardson provides the voices promised. Wanda and Richard Album Show: 3.30 Noisy The Music Factory what, precisely? behind the animation. Hurley film their excursion to Mothers; 4.25 Jobfinder: 5.30 Lower BrIggate, Leeds 10.20 Sportsnight. Extended 8.30 University Challenge Guadeloupe in the French West News. (Back on Schedule). Why Flange - garage. house. dantax highlights from the top FA 9.00 Modem Times. Carol Spencer Indies, a dream trip that turns into wouldn't they show It live, eh" re/C3NUS Carling Premiership game booked a holiday to the Gambia, their worst nightmare. Great. 10.00 News: Weather Cafe Nes between Norwich and and came back with a souvenir - 9.00 Dispatches 10.40 Street Legal Call Lane. Leeds Manchester United. Plus boxing, her husband She sold her video 9.45 Out of Order. Next to be trapped in 11.35 FILM; American Dreamer (1984). Bunker - soul, swing. hip hop where unbeaten middleweight and jewellery to bring Lamm to her the lift are Christopher Hitchens, Admission £4 Doors open Born Billy Hardy takes on Italian Silvio JoBeth Williams stars as young North London home. Cameras cultural critic for Vanity Fair, and American housewife Cathy Palmer, The Warehouse Branco. follow the developments in their Christopher Roycroft Davis. the Somers Street. Leeds who wins a trip to Parts for her entry 11.45 The Stand Up Show. Barry relationship. Sun's assistant editor. Transmission- 'a night of top quality in a thnller-writing competition On Cryer hosts a new, no-frills 9.50 Travel Show Short Cut 10,00 ER (Emergency Room): Hit And trance and lechno grooves' comedy series, in which the way to a luncheon In her 10.00 Room 101. Shown again as a Run. Carter has to make a difficult Guest DJ Joan Berry (The Orbit) plus promising new - or recently- honour, Cathy is knocked down and special tribute, host Nick Hancock phone call when a boy dies. residents Jon. Danny & Claire discovered - acts get to display asks the late, great Peter Cook Unfortunately, he calls the wrong comes round in hospital. Although 9prw-tam E31£250NUS their wares to all and sundry. her injuries seem minor, she The Pleasure Rooms about his pet hales, amongst which parents. Followed by Rhyme And Featuring Donna McPhail believes herself to be her very own Lower Menton Street, Leeds 12.15 FILM: Crossing the Mob are the countryside, Gracie Fields, Reason Circus 10pm-tam f.3.604:3NuS and pet rabbits. 11.00 The Best 01 The Tube fictional heroine. (1988). Frank Stallone stars with 1.35 Hollywood Report. Richard Jason Bateman In this TV flick 10.30 Newsnight 11.35 Moviewatch Jobson roams around LA's hippest about a young boy (Bateman) 11.15 The Late Show 12.05 LA Law 411: music distnct. Followed by News who steals cargo from a dock for 11.55 Weatherview 1.00 Rocky World a gangster (Stallone). However, 12.00 Shakespeare's Henry IV - A 2.05 FILM: Sanders Of The River 2.05 Videofashlon Bateman soon sees his fellow Workshop (1935). Starring Leslie Banks as a 2.35 The Album Show City Of Leeds College Di music dockers as -family' and a clash 12.25 No Lay-Bys at 35,000 Feet British Commissioner in Central 3.35 Noisy Mothers Cooknrige Street. Leeds of loyalties ensues. 12.50 The Record Africa. 4.30 Jobfinder Key/weir/and Vocal Showcase 7,30pm 1.50 Weather 1.20 Close 3.40 Close 5.30 News

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Shane and The Jungle Book 1.35pm 5.10pre 12.00 News: Regional News: Weather 8.05prn 12.05 Pebble Mill IBBC2 ICh4 Damian find themselves in hot Leon 3.200m 5.45ren 5-25fxn 12.55 Regional News: Weather cue water with the local police force The Pagernaster 1,10prn 1.00 News: Weather 1.55 A Country Practice The Lion King 1.50prn 1.30 Neighbours 6.20 Open University 6.35 Sandokan 2.20 Vanessa, I Lost Weight for My Shallow Grave 4-05pei 15,20prn 1.50 The Clothes Show 8.00 Breakfast News 7.00 The Big Breakfast Lover. The UK's answer to ()path a.4apm 8.15 Westminster On-Line With 2.20 FILM: The Spy With a Cold 9.00 Wish Kid investigates another angst-ridden Stargaze 1.45pm 5.10pm 8,10prri Andrew Neil Nose (1966). A vet is blackmailed 9.30 Schools topic. Andre 1. wpm 3.10prn 5.50pen 9,00 Schools by MI5 into inserting a radio 12.00 House To House 2.50 Shortland Street 8.20prn 2.00 Stoppit And Tidyup 12.30 Sesame Street transmitter Into a bulldog called 3.20 News Hyde Park Cinema 2.05 Puppydog Tales 1.30 The Wonderful Wizard Of Oz Disraeli which is then given to the 3,25 Calendar News Brueenell Road, LSO 2.10 Next with Marti Caine 2.00 Profiles Of Nature: Bighorn Russian premier as a goodwill 3.30 Children's ITV: The Riddlers Oliver 1.30prn 2.35 World Bowls Sheep gesture With an all-star British Bandit Queen 6 30pm 3.00 News: Weather: Westminster 2.30 Channel 4 Racing from 3.40 Wizadora Glengarry Oaten Ross 50m cast Including Lionel Jeffries, with Nick Ross Wincanton and Huntingdon. 3.50 Rupert Cottage Road Cinema Colln Blakely, Eric Sykes, June 3.50 News: Weather: Regional News: 4.30 Countdown 4.15 Mike And Angelo Cottage Road, Far Headingley Whitfield and Denholm Elliot, and Weather 5.00 Rickl Lake. My Family Won't 4.40 Fun House (0110-215 10061 a ridiculous premise, this movie 4.00 Today's the Day Forgive Me For Marrying My 5.10 Home And Away Black Beauty appears to be worth a watch 4.30 World Bowls. Further action from Cousin. Berney - I don't think 5.40 News: Weather Lounge Cinema 3.50 Jackanory the singles quarter-finals at mine would either - you should North Lane, Headingley 5.55 Calendar: Weather. In which we 4.00 Robinson Sucroe Preston's Guild Hall. see some of my relatives. (0113-275 eat doughnuts quickly. 160e) 4.25 Animal Hospital Week 6.00 Quantum Leap. Sam speeds back The Jungle Book 5.50 Rhyme and Reason 6.30 Crosswits 4.35 Mud. The mysterious murder of to 1963, into the body of a nightclub 6.00 The Cosby Show. Two Is A 7,00 Emmerdale. Nellie Dingle makes Miss Dudderidge's granny sparks bouncer, who has just helped a Crowd. At last, the programme front page news, while Zoe is laced tlimcotino off more adventures for Bill and stripper kidnap a beautiful baby girl. examines its own audience with a tough decision. Ruby. 6,45 They Who Dare, Cameras ionow figures. top Euro-glider Philippe Tarade as 7.30 3-0. Julia Somerville examines the Playhouse 5.00 Newsround 6.30 Saved By The Ball: The College West Yorkshire he takes on a 1,000 km flight. taking 5.10 Blue Peter Years. Both Zack and Screech topical problem of high speed police Quarry He Mount. Leeds off from Gap in Provence (0113-244 2111) 5.35 Neighbours tall in love with a beautiful girt. chases. Do they put the public's 7.00 Waiting for God. Stars Stephanie by Alan Bennett, with 6.00 News: Weather 7.00 Channel 4 News: Weather lives at risk? The programme looks Getting On Cole and Graham Crowden Timothy West, dimmed Mullane 7.50 The Slot at new technology that may make by 6.30 Regional News Magazines 7.30 Regional Programmes Scales 7.30prn 8.00 Rhyme And Reason. A such chases safer. 7.00 Top 01 The Pops 8.00 Life With Fred. Look • don't watch The Cracked Pot by Blake Morrison - compilation of all the poems In Woods and Croft look into 7.30 EastEnders. Natalie gets on 'er this • it used to be good when he 8.00 The Bill. sex, lies and scandal in Sivelon the recent series, by some of the bike and pedals oft into the knocked down chimneys, now its some vicious robberies that have Preview at 7 45orrt best poets from around the world sunset. just tedious. This repealed series taken place at petrol stations. Leeds University Union this century. 8.00 Animal Hospital Week. RSPCA catches up with the Bolton-based Untortunateiy, their only susped Riley Smite Hail 8.30 The Pulse. Profile of the work nurse Karen Floyd is used to steeplejack, living a new life of has a good alibi, he's dead, LUti THeatre Group presents carried out at the Royal dealing with domestic pets at the domesticity with his young wife and 8.30 The Curse of Mr Bean. Yes, even Christopher Hampton's Las Lenses; Devonshire Hospital, specialising hospital. Now she discovers some two small sons. Datajareuses 7.30pm £4.50,Tarreee0 In arthritis treatment. though were all bored now, he very different patients at the 8.30 Top Gear. Those of you thinking of 9.00 Secret Lives: Walt Disney. A continues to haunt ITV schedules. RSPCA's wildlife hospital in purchasing Alfa Romeo's new 145 look at the darker side 01 Wait 9.00 99-1. Undercover cop Mice Raynor Norfolk. may like to take a peek at this Disney. Across the world he was ventures onto the wrong side nt the slabs edition, as Jeremy Clarkson takes a 8.30 Crown Prosecutor. New drama known as "Uncle Walt", a friend to law when he plans a robbery close-up look at the new model and series set in the Crown children everywhere But this 10.00 Party Political Broadcast By The discovers a wealth of stunning The Mimic Factory Prosecution Service, starring 'hero' had a darker side which design detail. Labour Lower eriggate, Leeds Michael Freed. A senior involved racism, anti-Semitism 9.00 The Giam Metal Detectives. New 10.05 NewsWeather In Your Dream- dance prosecutor finds herself lacing an and misogynism. The real issue comedy series about some 10.45 The Business Password - !echo° old flame across the courtroom is, though, is he dead, or detectives whose mission It Is to 11.30 Prisoner Cell Block H, toliowed by Leeds University Union He is delending a woman suspended In a freezer save this planet's ecology with their News Harvey Milk Bar accused of assault after spraying somewhere in California? top hit records The Thursday Bog 10.00 Hearts And Minds. Second 12.25 FILM: Shakedown On Sunset an assailant with Mace , 9.30 The X Files. When a strange case 9prn-28re Tickets E1.50 episode of the drama starring oStrip(1987). Drama telling the tale 9.00 Party Political Broadcast by the involving a small girl with sinister Spirits Et double El pints Labour Party Drew McKenzie. who has given ambitious Los Angeles cop, powers gets out of hand, Mulder up a job on the factory floor to The Underground 9.05 News: Regional News: Weather whose arrest of an infamous and Scully are called in to make become a teacher. Cookrldge Street, Leeds 9.35 Jobs for the Girls, Pauline Madame In the late 1940s created a Casa Latina - seise. mambo, bugatu sense of the bizarre goings-on. 11.05 Adult Oprah: Inside The Mind Quirke and Linda Robson take on 10.15 Fortean Review Of The Year (Part major scandal and nearly toppled Brazil Carnival Party featuring SIM* Of A Serial Rapist. Rapists. four challenging roles, kicking off 2), followed by Video Nation the mayor's administration. band Chorea/ea 1 of experts in sex crimes and rapist's with a 'Show At Cruese Shorts Followed by News Doors open forri Dance class 8.30pm wives or partners take the Bands 10.30pm E4/E3NUS 10,15 Question Time 10.30 Party Political Broadcast by the platform. 2.05 America's Top Ten The Pleasure Rooms 11.15 Cagney and Lacey. Following Labour Party 11.55 Bullpen. More sporting 2.35 Cinema, Cinema, Cinema Lower Manion Street, Leeds the diddly dlddly diddly theme 10.35 Newsnlght shenanigans with the manic 3.05 FILM: The Feminine Touch The Mae High Club - 70s disco, funk tune, a young girl's boyfriend 11.20 Late Review baseball team and grasping (1956). A sentimental drama which The Hug Club - Reiro house etc. dies, she Is convinced it isn't a 12.00 Weatherview manager. follows the lives of five young 12.05 Open View lOpir•2am e3.50/E3NUS simple case of suicide, and sets 12.25 Dispatches student nurses as they approach 12.10 The Chemistry Of the Invisible Pints ei Pitt El out to prove it. 1.15 Some Enchanted Evening the end of their training All lace 12.35 The Record The %torah:num 12.00 Spirit Of Islam. Featuring the 2.25 FILM: Gentlemen At Heart different problems, but one of the Somers Sheet. Leeds Jamie Mosque in Southall. l_DO Close (1942). Comedy starring Cesar 4.00 BBC Select: The Hitachi Royal women faces a difficult dilemma - The Shaw Club - on two !loom 12,20 FILM: Settle the Score (1989). Romero as a bookmaker who Institution Discourse she must choose between Upstairs • jazz, blues Starring Jaclyn Smith as a police takes over an art gallery inherited 5.00 Close continuing her career in England or Downstairs -funk. rare groove detective haunted by memories of by a losing gambler falls for 5.30 BBC Select: RCN Nursing Update following her boyfriend to Canada. M.501e3NUS 10prn-2am her rape as a teenager. gallery manager Carole Landis Heineken Export iesmoVJack Daniefs/ 1.50 Weather and becomes involved In 4.35 Jobfinder Sprezers an Et 1.55 Close forgeries. Fast-moving and funny. 5.30 News • ;111•11•1 .•.•••• • • • Across Down IIIMIII•IMI•••••••111 I . LONDON AND PARIS, IS) 1 Send pledge. (6) • • • • • • 1. About money - I'd like it back' (61 2 Spotted on the job 11 •••• ■11■••■• 9. Fiendish form found in hot Lemsip heap te) tieing beaten, just. • • In. Lettuces for unemotional people. (81 (6,2, 3 41 • 111MMil••• Bowl of perfume? (6) II. Bowled away from beneath over Arar mu. r'990LUEli 3. The first correct answer • 11••••111•••• goddess. (6) 4. I got to tail of messy lawsuit. (1(1) drawn from a hat wilt win a 011110••111•• 13. Insist about last Communists. (10i Across 6 Making an effort to get the answer. ( L5 Austicks voucher. Send 16. Big stars? (10) I Seraeh S Cequatn 9 Chews 19. 7. Splif fs alfeeling everybody - they turn in all your answers to: iiill•••••••• • 19. Small-minded about right lute (6) B.913111111 tt Bona el Intern, 13 directions! (9,6) Leeds Student Newspaper, I• • • • MI A • A 20. Come and soar round to find ItC4t1 nl t5. 1.1emarnboat I itped-endod 8. Dan sees you together with ballerina_ (lei Leeds University Union, 19. Cyck 22 Trull 23 Oar cooed 21 11••••• ii••••••• sperm, (H) 12. Like garlic? Auli takes solace about it. (10) PO flux 157, Plumed 26. Wilber 21 Sarnia IA 21. Play script found in factories? 14. Shoot instrutnent....but find another! 181 Leeds 1.S1 MIL • • • • • • • 15. Flaliners? 01) Answers must arrive be (10,5) Mena 1111•••••••••••••• 17. Swelling on Queen is a real steamer rfe noon. Wednesday 22nd 22. Bristly mix-up to see sun. (6) I Slabot 2 Ralttnz 3. Exile 4. Ha • • • • • • 23. President gets into petrol company Laded 5 Card 5. Powarantic Asmara, 18. Releases exhortation to move, (4.2) February. ■■■ over high pressure coffee. ill) IL Now out Ii Wheel.pn 16 Endurance Crossword devised by OEM. ill•••• • Oticvn, I A. Sconce 711 U.irh up. Steve Hilt 2i Eat,. ' - • 24 Owl AUSTICKS UNIVERSITY BOOKSHOP, 21 BLENHEIM TERRACE (JUST OPPOSITE THE UNIVERSITY) 0532 432446 (BRANCHES THROUGHOUT THE CITY) Annual General Meeting Thursday 23 Feb Li 5 pm Riley Smith Hall

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