"The best anthology to be published in any year. A must!" usRARv JouRNAL

THESE superb stories emphasize the science in science fiction-each pivoting around a particular science or technology. Isaac Asimov ... in a chilling little piece on physics and extraterrestrial life. Robert Heinlein .•. who offers a mathematic· ally perfect story about a nice, crooked. fourth-dimension house. Cyril Kornbluth ... predicts M.D.'s of the future in a fable that will never be made into a network television series. Julian Huxley .•. spins a timely and timeless adventure in molecular biology called the "Tissue-Culture King." Robert Silverberg ••. gives an enlightening cram course in Voltuscian archeology. Arthur C. Clarke ... investigates the astound­ ing capacity of the human body to withstand almost unlimited physiological pressure • • • • and many more. Fascinating introductions by Mr. Clarke on the history, significance and/ or prophetic accuracy of each story. TiME pRObE THE SCIENCES IN SCIENCE FICTION Selected and with an Introduction by Arthur C. Clarke $4.95, now at your bookstore ~A. DELACORTE PRESS 'Vi/ Including Y •nltwe Scimce Fiction

NOVELETS

Founder's Day DITH LAUMER 5 Brain Bank ARDREY MARSHALL 47 The Manse of Iucounu JACK VANCE 102

SHORT STORIES The Plot Is the Thing ROBERT BLOCH 26 Experiment in Autobiography RON GOULART 38 The Age of Invention NORMAN SPINRAD 78 Revolt of the Potato Picker HERB LEHRMAN 94

FEATURES

Books JUDITH MERRIL 32 Cartoon GAHAN WILSON 37 Man in the Sea THEODORE L. THOMAS 76 Science: Balancing the Books ISAAC ASIMOV 83 F&SF Mt~rkelplace 129 Cover by Chesley Boneslell (see page 77)

Joseph W. Fermon, PUBLISHER Edward L. Ferman, EDITOR Ted While, ASSISTANT EDITOR Isaac AsimO'IJ, SCIENCE EDITOR Judith Merril, BOOK EDITOR Robert P. Mills, CONSULTING EDITOR Dale Beardale, CIRCULATION MANAGER

The Magasiu of Fantasy and Science Fiction, Volume 31, No. 1, Whole No. 182, ]Niy 1966. Published monthly by Mercury Press1 Jnc., at 50; a copi. Annual subscription ,5.00; $5.50 in Caxada axd the Pax Americax union, $6.00 in al other countries. Publscation office, 10 Ferry Streel, Concord, N. H. 03302. Editorial and general mail should be sent to 347 East Hrd St., New York, N. Y. 10022. Secoxd Class postage paid at Concord, N.H. Printed in U.S.A. @ 1966 by MercMry Press, Inc. All rights including translations into other langUQpes, reserved. Submissions must be accompanied by damJ?ed, .relf-addr..rsed rnvelot>e.r; lise PKblisher auNmes no responsibility for rctuno of -.rol4cited manMscri(>ts. Gus Addison was a cipher. He held a meaningless fob in an ooer­ crowded world; lived in a "home" which had barely the floor apace for hia mother, father, Uncle Fred and hia slutty wife, and Gw's brother. He lived on a dream. It wasn't complicated, or very idealiatic: he wanted escape and an even chance. "You'll get fwt one thing on Alpha Three: an even chance." They told him that, and he believed it, and he went. In FOUNDER's DAY, Keith Laumer returns to these pages with a compelling story of colonization in the future.

FOUNDER'S DAY

by Keith Laumer

THE GIRL SAID "NO." SHE SHOOK "Marriage! That's just a lousy her head, turned her ice-chip blue business proposition I" eyes back to the programming "Not so lousy. I'm accepting. console that almost filled her work It'll mean a class B flat for just cubicle. "Have some sense, Gus." the two of us-and class B ra­ "We could live with my family tions." for a while-" "You-and that dried-up " "You're already one over legal. Gus pictured her, with Aronski's And if you think I'd crowd in with crab-claws touching her. that whole bunch-" "Better get back to your slot, "Only until I get my next step­ Gus," she dismissed him. "You've increase!" still got a job to hold down." Her fingers were already flick­ He turned away. A small, bald­ ering over the keys. "See my side, ing man with a large face and a Gus. Mel Fundy's offered me a curved back was coming along the five year contract-with an op­ two-foot aisle, darting sharp looks tion." into the cubicles. His eyes turned "Contract!" hot when he saw Gus. "It's better than no marriage at "You're docked half a unit, Ad­ allr" dison! If I find you out of your po- 5 6 FANTAST ANO SCIENCE FICTION sition again, there'll be charges!" moved sensuously, and Gus saw "It won't happen again," Gus the curve of a full breast, the soft, muttered. "E.-er." pink nipple peering like a blind eye past the edge of the curtain. The shift-end buzzer went at Desire washed up through him oight A. M. Gus pushed along the like sewage in a plugged man· exit lane into car 98, stood packed hole. He turned his eyes away and in with the other workers while it saw a narrow, rabbity face glaring rocketed along the horizontal at him in feeble ferocity from the track, halting every twelve sec· washing nook. onds to discharge passengers, then "What are you staring at, you shot upwards thre~uarters of a young-" mile to his OaHevel. In the two "Tell her to keep the curtains foot wide corridor, a banner poster shut, Uncle Fred," Gus grated. showed a Colonization Service ''You young degenerate! Your Officer looking stern, and the sl~ own aunt!" gan: FILL YOUR BLOCK QUO. "Gus didn't do anything," an TAl Gus keyed the door and uncertain voice said behind him. stepped into the familiar odor of "She's done the same thing to me." Home: a heavy, dirt·sweet smell Gus turned to his brother, a of human sweat and excrement spindle-armed, ribby--chested lad and sex that seemed to settle over with a bad complexion. "Thanks, him like an oily patina. Len. But they can think what they "Augustus," from the food-prep like. I'm leaving. I just came to ledge at the far end of the living say goodbye." aisle his mother's collapsed, sag· Lenny's mouth opened. ''You're ging face caressed him like a ... going?'' damp hand. "I have a surprise for Gus didn't look at Lenny's face. you! Mock giblets and a cus· He knew the expression he would tardl" see there: admiration, love, dis· "I'm not hlDlgry." may. And there was nothing he "Evening, Son." His father's could give in return. head poked from the study cubi· The silence was broken by a de. "Since you don't care for your squeak from Mother. "Augustus," custard, mind if I have it? Stom· she spoke quickly, in a false· ach's been a little fiesty lately." bright voice, as though nothing As if to prove it he belched. had been said. "I've been thinking, Three feet from Gus's face, the this evening you and your father curtains of the dressing alcove might go to see Mr. Geyer about twitched. Through a gap, a pale, a recommendation for Class C oversized buttock showed. It testing-" FOUNDER'S DAY 7 Father cleared his throat. a nice casserole or soup, you lmow "Now, Ada, you know we've been how fond you are of my bchen all over that-" soup, and-" ''There may have been a "I've got to go," Gus backed a change-" step. "There's never a change," Gus "After all we've done for you!" cut her off harshly. "I'll never get Mother keened suddenly. "All the a better job, never get a flat of my years we've scraped and saved, so own, never get married. There just we could give you the best of ev­ isn't room." erything ..." Father frowned, the corners of "Now, Son, better think this his mouth drawing down in an over," Father mumbled. "Remem­ unwittingly comic expression. ber, there's no turning back if you "Now, see here, Son," he started. volunteer. You'll never see your "Never mind," Gus said. "I'll be home again-or your mother out of here in a minute, and leave . . ." His voice trailed off. Even the whole thing to you-custard to his ears the prospect sounded and all." attractive. "0, God!" Gus saw his mother's "Good luck, Gus," Lenny face crumple into a red-blotched caught his hand. "I'll • • • see mask of grief, a repellent expres­ you." sion of weak, smothering, useless "Sure, Lenny." mother-love. "He's going!" Mother wailed. Say something to him, George," "Stop him, George!" she whimpered. "He's going-out Gus looked back at the faces there[" staring at him, tried and failed to "You mean ..." Father elab­ summon a twinge of regret at leav­ orated a frown. ''You mean the ing them. colonies?" "It isn't fair," Mother moaned. "Sure, that's what he means," Gus pressed the button and the Lenny burst out. "Gus, you're go­ door slid back. ing to Alpha!" "Say, if that custard isn't cold," "Catch me volunteering for Father was saying as the panel anything," Uncle Fred shook his closed behind Gus. head. "Stories I've heard . . ." "Augustus, I've been thinking," Recruitment Center Number Mother began babbling. "We'll Sixtv-one was a white-lit acre of leave the whole flat to you, this nois~ and animal wannth and ten­ lovely apartment, and we'll go in­ sion and people packed elbow to to Barracks, just visit you here on elbow under the low ceiling with Sundays, just come and bring you its signs reading CLASS ONE- 8 FANTASY AND ICIBNCE PICTION SPECIAL and TEST UNITS D­ cards across. "Sign these." G and PRE-PROCESSING (DE­ "First I'd like to ask a few ques­ FERRED STATUS) and its tions," Gus started. painted arrows, cryptic in red and "Sign ~ get out. Snap it up, green and black. After an hour's Mac." waiting, Gus's head was ringing "I want to know what I'm get­ dizzily. ting into. What's it like, out on His turn came. A woman in a Alpha Three? What kind of con­ tan uniform thrust a plastic tag tract do I-" at him, looking past his left ear. A hand closed on Gus's arm. A "Station twenty-five on your man in Ground Corps uniform left," she intoned. "Move along loomed beside him. , "Trouble, fella?" "I'd like to ask some questions," "I walked in here voluntarily," Gus started. The woman flicked Gus threw the hand off. "All I her eyes at him; her voice was want-" drowned in the chopping of other "We process twenty thousand a voices as the press from behind day through here, fella. You can thrust Gus forward. A thick-shoul­ see we got no time for special at­ dered man with reddish hair put tention. You've seen the broad­ his face near Gus's. casts; you know about New "Some mob," he shouted. Earth-" "Geeze, it's a regular evacuation." "What assurance have I got-" "Yeah," Gus said. "I've heard "No assurance at all, fella. Alpha was next best to Hell, but it None at all. Take it or leave it." seems to be popular." ''You're holding up the line," "Hahl" the red-head leaned the thin-haired man barked. ''You closer. ''You know the world pop­ want to sign, or you want to go ulation as of Sunday night stat back home . . . ?" cut-off? Twenty-nine billion plus Gus picked up the stylus and -and the repro factor says she'll signed. double in twelve hundred and four days. And you know why?" he warmed to his subject. "No pol­ An houc later, aboard a con­ itician's going to vote to cut down verted cargo-carrier, Gus sat cold the vote supply-" and air-sick on a canvas strip seat ''You-over here," - a hand between the red-headed man, grabbed Gus and thrust him to­ whose name he had learned was ward a table behind which sat a Hogan, and a fattish fellow who pale man with thin, wispy hair. complained continuously in a He pushed two small punched tremulous tone: FOUNDER's DAY 9

". . . give a man time to astonished to see that it had been think. Big step, going out to the less than five hours since he had colonies at my time of life. Leav­ left the flat. ing a goodjob ..." Uniformed cadremen called or­ "They washed a lot of 'em out ders up and down the line. The ir­ on the physical," Hogan said. regular ranks of recruits started "Figures. Tough out on Alpha; off, following a dun-colored lead why haul freight that can't make car. After half an hour, Gus's legs it, hah? Costs plenty to lift a man ached from the unaccustomed ex­ four light years." ercise. His breath was like fire in "I thought they took anybody," his throat. The car moved steadily Gus said. "I never heard of any­ ahead, laying a trail of dust across one who volunteered coming back the empty desert. home." "Where the Hell we going?" "I heard they send 'em to labor Hogan's voice wheezed beside camps," Hogan spoke confidential­ him. "There's nothing here but ly from the corner of his mouth. this damned desert." "Can't afford to send malcontents "Must be Mojave Spaceport." back to the hive." "They're trying to kill us," Ho­ "Maybe," Gus said. "All I know gan complained. "What do you is, I passed and I'm going-and I say we fall out, catch some rest?" don't want to come back, ever." Gus thought about dropping "Yeah," Hogan nodded. "We back, throwing himself down, made it. To Hell with them other resting. He pictured a cadreman guys." coming over, ordering him back. ". . . no time to think it over, Back home. consider the matter in depth," the He kept going. fat man said. "It's not what I'd They marched on through the call fair, not fair at all. . . : afternoon, with one brief break during which paper trays of grey They debarked on a flat, dusty­ mush were handed out. Marching, tan plain that stretched awav to a they watched the sun go down like distant rampart of smoke-blue a pour of molten metal. Under the mountains. Gus resisted an im­ stars, they marched. It was after pulse to clutch the railing as he midnight when a string of lights descended the ramp; the open sky appeared in the distance. Gus made him dizzy. The air was thin, slogged on, no longer conscious of after the pressurized city and the the pain in his feet and legs. transport's canned air. Gus felt When the halt was called on a light-headed. He hadn't eaten all broad sweep of flood-lit blacktop, day. He looked at his watch, was he was herded along with the oth- 10 FANTASY AND SCDINCB FICTION ers into a barracks that smeDed of self in a group of twenty men new plastic and disinfectants. He tramping out across the pavement fell on the narrow bunk pointed toward a tall, open-work struc­ out to him, sank down into a ture. A tall, black-haired man deeper sleep than he had ever marched beside him. known. ''These boys don't give away much," he said. "A man'd think -And awoke in the pre-dawn they had something to hide." chill to the shouts of the non­ "No talking in ranks!" A wide­ coms. After a breakfast of brown faced cadreman with gaps be­ mush, the recruits were lined up tween his teeth barked. ''You'll before the barracks and a cadre of­ find out all you need to know ficer mounted a low platform to soon enough; and you won't like address them. it." He leered and moved on. ''You men have a lot of ques­ There was no more talking. tions to ask," he said. His ampli­ fied voice echoed across the pave­ At the tower, the men were ment. "You want to know what herded into a large open-sided lift you're getting into, what kind of that lurched as it rumbled up­ hand-out of jobs or farmland or ward. Gus watched the desert floor gold mines you'll get on New sink away, spreading out below Earth." He waited ten seconds like a dirty blanket. He shied as while a murmur built up. the gate whooshed open beside ''I'll tell you," he said. The him at the top. murmur stilled. "Out, you Covvs!" the burly ''You'll get just one thing on non-com shouted. Nobody moved. Alpha Three: an even chance." "You," the cadreman's eyes fixed The officer stepped down and on Gus. "Let's go. You look like a walked away. The murmur rose to big, tough boy. All it takes is a lit­ an angry mutter. A non-com took tle guts." the platform and barked, ''That's Gus looked out at the railless enough, you Covvs! When the ma­ platform, the four-foot catwalk ex­ jor· said an even chance, that tending across to a wider plat­ meant nobody gets special privi­ form twenty feet distant. He felt leges! Nobody! Maybe some of you his feet freeze to the car floor. were big shots once; forget all The non-com shook his head, that. From now on, it's what you brushed past Gus, walked halfway can do that counts. Only half of across the catwalk and turned. you are going to Alpha. We'll find "Alpha'S". that way," he jerked out which half today. Now . . ." his head to indicate the far end of He dictated orders. Gus found him- the walk. POONDIIII.11 DAY 11 Gus took a breath and walked with warning signs posted. Sever­ quickly across. Others followed. al men ignored the signs--or for­ Three stayed behind, refusing the got-or lost their balance. They walk. The non-com gestured. were carried away. Gus stared at "Take 'em back!" The car door one blood-spattered face, unbe­ closed on them. The cadremm lieving. faced his charges. "They can't do this!" Hogan "This scares you," he said. said. "By God, these birds have "Sure, it's something new; you gone out of their minds! They never had to do anything like that . . ." He fell silent as the gap­ before. Well, out on Alpha every­ wothed non-com strolled past. thing'll be new. You Covvs'll haTe There was a half-hour break to adapt or die." while the colonists ate another "What if somebody fell?" the mush ration; then the day went black-bearded man asked. on. There was a run across a rock­ "He'd be dead," the non-com strewn ground where a misstep said flatly. "That's real rock down meant a broken ankle, or worse; a there. If you're going to die, it's passage through a twisted, eight­ better to do it here than after the een-inch duct where panic could government's wasted the cost of mean entrapment, upside down; shipping you four lights into a ride in a centrifuge that left space." ·Gus dizzy, shaking, soggy with cold sweat. None of the trials were After the tower, there was a particularly strenuous-or even climb up a tortuous construction dangerous, if the subject kept his of bars and angles, a maze on edge head and followed instructions. that led to dead ends and im­ But steadily the roster of men passes that forced the climber to dwindled. By nightfall, only Gus descend, find a new route, while and eight others were left of the his hands ached and his legs trem­ twenty who had started together. bled with fatigue. Then there was Hogan and the black-haired man a water hazard: locked in a large -Franz-were among them. cage suspended over a muddy "Haven't you caught on to pond, Gus listened to instruc­ what's going on here yet?" Hogan tions, held his breath as the cage whispered hoarsely to Gus as the submerged, rose, dripping, sub­ survivors tramped back toward the merged again . . . and again. barracks area. "I heard about this When the torture ended he was kind of place. They brought us out half drowned. Two unconscious here to do away with us. The men were carried away. Then whole deal-free trip to a new there was an obstacle course, planet, the whole colonization 12 PA'NTAU' AND 8CJENCit PIICTION program-it's a phoney, a cover­ of fire, dropped again into dark­ up for killing off everybody who's ness, a moving tower of lights, not satisfied with things." sliding down to settle in its bed of "You're nuts," Franz said. roiling, fiery cloud. Slowly, the ''Yeah? You've heard the talk bellow of the titanic engines died, about euthanasia . . ." the glare faded. Echoes washed "A little gas in the hive would back and forth across the plain. be easier," Gus said. "Starship!" the words ran "That pond! If I wouldn't of through the ranks. Gus felt his seen it, I'd of called the man a liar heart begin to thud in his chest. told me about it!" Starship! "Sure, it's a screwy set-up," Franz conceded. "But this is a There was no sleep that night. crash program. They had to im­ "You'll get plenty from now on," provise ...." the cadreman told the recruits, as A murmuring sound had grown they formed up into double lines Wlnoticed in the distance. Now, leading to a white-painted build­ as it swelled, Gus thought of dis­ ing that gleamed pale in the poly­ tant thunder, and his imagina­ arcs. It seemed to Gus that the tion pictured cool wind, a cloud­ plain was filled with men, shuf­ burst after the misery of the day's fling toward the lighted doorways. heat. Hours passed before he reached "Look!" Men were pointing. A the building. He blinked in the Bickering white star at zenith greenish glare of the long, antisep­ grew visibly brighter, and the tically bare room. Teams of surgi­ sourid grew with it. The rumble cally masked men and women rolled across the plain, and the worked over rows of tables. light brightened into a glittering "Strip and get on the board," a play of fire at the end of a trail of voice chanted. Technicians closed luminosity. in around Gus. He backed, "Stand fast!" the non-coms gripped by a sudden panic. shouted as the ranks broke. A jet "Wait-" plane thundered across from the Hands caught him. He fought, east, shot upward, dwindling to­ but cursing men forced him back. ward the descending ship, which Hyposprays jetted icy cold against grew, waxing like a moon, as a hot his arms. Questions clamored in wind sprang up, blowing outward his brain but before he could form from the landing point ten miles them into words he felt himself distant. A glint of high sunlight sinking down into the fleecy soft­ showed on the flank of the great ness of sleep .... vesseL It sank gently on its pillar Someone was talking urgently. FOUNDER'S DAY 13 The voice had been going on for a corridor, green-lit by a glare-strip long time, he knew, but now it be­ running . along the low ceiling. gan to penetrate: Passing an open door, he caught ", . , you understand? Come a glimpse of a wrecked wall, sheet on, Covv, wake up!" plastic partitioning bulging out of Gus tried to speak, said "Aww- line, broken pipes and tangled rrr... " wires, a scatter of debris. "Come on, on your feet!" "What happened?" he asked. Gus forced his eyes open. It "Never mind," Berg growled. was a different face that bent over "You're just a dumb Covv. Stay him, not one of the technicians. A that way." half-familiar face, except for the They rode a lift up, walked half-inch beard and hollow along another corridor, came into cheeks. the Chrisbnas tree brilliance of "Sergeant .. Berg " the bridge. Silent, harried-looking Gus got out. men in rumpled tan peered wor­ "That's right, Covv, come on, riedly into screens and instrument let's move, there's work to be faces. Officers muttered together; done." technicians chanted into vocod­ "Wha' went wrong . . . ?" ers. A young-looking officer with "Hah? What didn't go wrong? short blond hair gestured to Berg. Hull damage, mutiny-but that's "This is the last of 'em, sir," the not for you to worry about, Covv. non-com said. We're ten hours out; you've had "I'll use him as a messenger. your sleep-" No communications with Sections "Ten hours . , . from Earth?" aft of station Twenty-eight now. "Hah? From Alpha three, The tub's coming apart." Covv! Eighteen hundred and four­ "Stand by here," Berg told Gus teen days out of Terra." and went a"ay. Gus rocked as though he had "Lieutenant, take over on six," been struck. Almost . . . five a guttural voice called. The blond years. Lieutenant moved to a gimballed "\Ve're almost there," he said. seat before a screen that showed a Berg was urging hi in to his feet. vivid crescent against velvet "That's right. And you've been black. A moon was visible at the tapped for ship's complement­ edge of the screen, a tiny blob of you and a few other Covvs--to greenish-white. No stars showed; help out during approach. Coolie the sensitivity of the screen had labor. Follow me." dimmed in response to the blaze Staggering a little, Gus trailed of the near-by sun. the non-com along a tight grey Gus moved back against the 14 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION wall. For the next hour he stood Crisp commands and curt ac­ there, forgotten, watching the im­ knowledgements were the only age of the planet grow on the words spoken. screens as the weary officers Under Gus, the deck bucked worked over the maze of controls and hammered. He went down, that swept in a twenty-foot horse­ held onto a stanchion as the shak­ shoe around the compartment. ing grew, the scream of air be­ ". . . we're not going to try it came a frantic tornado- -not while I'm on the bridge," Then, quite suddenly, the mo­ the words caught Gus's attention. tion smoothed out as a new thun­ A lean, hawk-faced officer tossed der vibrated through the deck: the papers onto the floor. "We'll have roar of the engines waking to life. to divert!" Minutes crawled past while the "You're refusing to ca;ry out my Niagara-rumble went on and on. instructions?" the squat, white­ Then a shock slammed the deck, haired man who Gus knew as sent Gus sprawling. Half-dazed, the captain raised his voice. "You he got to his feet, saw the officers press me too far, Leone-" swinging from their places, "I'll put her down for you on whooping, slapping each other's Planet Four," The First Officer backs. The captain bustled past, shouted him down. "That's the leaving the bridge. The big Gen­ best I can do!" eral Display screen showed a The captain cursed the tall stretch of dull grey-green hills un­ man. Other voices joined in the der a watery sky. dispute. In the end the Captain "What the devil are you doing bellowed his capitulation: here?" a voice cracked at Gus like "Planet Four, then, Leone! And a whip. It was First Officer Leone. there'll be charges filed, I guaran­ ,.Get off the bridge, you bloody ,.. tee you that!" Co vv. "File and be damned!" "Sir," Sergeant Berg said, com­ The argument went on. Pressed ing up, "Captain's orders-" back against the wall, Gus "Damn the captain! Damn the watched as the crescent swelled, lot of you," he waved an arm to grew to fill the screen, became a include everyone on the bridge. curve of dusty-lighted horizon, "Reservists! The bunch of you then a hazy plain dotted with the wouldn't make a wart on a regular tiny white flecks of douds. Faint, officer's rump!" eerie whistlings started up, Gus made his way alone back climbed the scale; buffeting start­ down to the level where he had ed. The men on the bridge had been brought out of Coldsleep. A forgotten their differences now. cadreman greeted him with a POUNDBil'S DAY 15 curse. plastic dlopped back and the crew 'Where the Hell have you been, moved on to the next door. Covv? You're on the defrost detail. In the next five hours, Gus saw Get aft and report to Hensley in twenty-one more corpses. One the meat room-and don't get hundred and forty-one presumably lostlH intact colonists were rolled into "I wasn't lost," Gus said, re­ the revival room. Gus caught turning the non-com's glare. "But glimpses of the gagging, shivering I think a fellow named Leone men as they responded to the ef­ was." forts of the Med crews. "Ahhh .•." the non-com "It ain't easy to die and come gave him terse directions. He fol­ to life again, n the bandy-legged lowed them to a narrow, high­ corporal conceded, watching as a aisled chamber, bright-lit, frosty. man retched and bucked against A bow-legged NCO waddled up to the hold-down straps. him, pointed to a rack of heavy The work went on. The horror parkas, assigned him to a crew. had gone out of it now; it was sim­ Gus watched as they unclogged a ply monotonous, hard, bone-chill­ thick, foot-and-a-half square door, ing work. Gus had learned to spot drew out a slab on which the the symptoms of tragedy early: a frost-covered body of a man lay bulge of frost around a door in­ under a thin plastic membrane. variably meant a dead. man inside. "Automatics are out," the fore­ The trickle of life processes of a man explained. "We got to un­ living Coldsleep subject generated load these Covvs by hand-what's sufficient heat to prevent frosting leftof'em." inside the capsule. "What do you mean?" There was the tell-tale trace on "We took a four-ton rock the next door. Gus opened it, through the hull, about fifty tugged to break the ice-seal, slid hours ago. Lost a bunch of officers the tray out. Gus leaned close, his and some crew-and before Le­ attention caught by something in one got around to checking, we the face under the ice. He stripped lost a lot of Covvs. Splinter right the sheet back from the body, felt through the master panel." The an icy shock that locked his breath man lifted the plastic, which in his throat. peeled away from the waxy flesh The face was that of his young­ with a crinkling sound. "Spoiled, er brother, Lenny. you might say -like this one." Gus looked at the drawn, hol­ "Tough, • the corporal said, low face, the glint of yellowish Bicking an eye curiously at Gus. teeth behind the grey lips. The "Accordiog to the tag, he was in 16 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION the draft next to vours; must have off toward the far end of the biv­ come into Moja~e the day after ouac area. you. We was five weeks loading 'This don't look Jike much to " me," Hogan said. His red hair Gus thought of the screening looked wilder than ever. Like the trials, the torture of the dunking other colonists, he had acquired cage, the walk across emptiness on an inch of beard while in Cold­ the narrow catwalk. And Lenny, sleep. trying to follow him, going 'This isn't where we were sup­ through all of it, and dying like posed to land," Gus told him. this. 'We're on the wrong planet." "You said by the time Leone got "Hah? How do vou know?" around to checking, some of the Gus told him what he had colonists were dead," Gus said in a heard during his stay on the ragged tone. "What did you bridge. mean?" "Cripesl" Hogan waved a hand "Forget it, Covv. Let's get back at the treeless, rolling tundra. to work. We got the live ones to "The wrong planet! That means think about." The corporal put a there ain't no colony here, no hand on the small pistol strapped housing, no nothing!" to his hip. "We're not out of the "As the man said," Franz put woods yet-any of us." in, "we're on our own. We can carve our own town out of this-" The ship had been on the "Yeah? With no trees, no lum­ ground twenty-seven hours when ber, no running water-" Gus's turn came to walk down the "Sure, there's running water. landing ramp and out under the It's running down my neck right chill sky of a new world. A light, now." misty rain was falling. There was "We been had!" Hogan burst a sour smell of burnt vegetation out. 'This ain't the deal 1 signed and over it a hint of green, grow­ on fori" ing things, alien but fresh, not un­ "You signed like the rest of us, pleasant. no questions asked." The charred ground was a "Yeah, but-" churn of black mud trampled by "Don't say it," Franz said. the thousands of men who had de­ "You'll break my heart." barked ahead of him. They were lined up in irregular ranks, row .. No shelter," Hogan said an after row, that stretched out of hour later. "I heard the best food sight over a rise of ground. Gus's went to us colonists. \Vhere is it?" group was formed up and marched "Wait until the ship's unload- FOUND&R.'S DAY 17 ed," Franz said. "AD light, you Cows," he "Nothing's come off that tub yet shouted as the car pulled away. but us Covvs," Hogan rubbed his ''You're going to dig in. File up hands together for warmth, look­ here and draw shovels!" ing toward the grim tower of the "Shovels? Is he kidding?" Ho­ ship. The damage done to the hull gan looked around at the others. by the meteorite was clearly visi­ "Dig for what?" someone called. ble as a pock mark near the upper "Shelter," the corporal barked. end. "Unless you want to sleep out in "They're probably still busy do­ the open." ing emergency repairs," Franz "What about our pre-fabs?" said. "Yeah-aDd our rations!" "Don't look like a little hole "There's power equipment like that could of done all that aboard the ship! If there's digging damage," Hogan said. to be done, by God, let's use it!" "That ship's nearly as compli­ The corporal unlimbered his cated as a human body," a man foot-long club. "I told you Covvs," standing by said. "Poking a hole he started, and his voice was in it's like shooting a hole in you." drowned by the clamor as the "Hey-look there!" Hogan men closed in on him. pointed. A new group of parka­ 'We want food!" clad colonists was filing over the 'To hell with digging!" brow of the hill. "When you going to haad out 'Women!" Franz whispered. the women?" "Females, by God!" Hogan "I . . . I'D go see," the non­ burst out. com backed away, then turned, "It figures," someone said. ''You went off quickly down-slope. can't make a colony without wom­ Voices were being raised all en!" across the hill now. Gus saw other "Boys, they kept that one up cadremen withdrawing, one with their sleeve!" blood on his face and minus his The men watched as squad af­ cap. The uproar grew. A carryall ter squad of female colonists raced up from the ship, took cad­ toiled up the hill, forming up be­ remen aboard. Clubs swung at yond the men. Then they turned colonists who gave chase. at the sound of car engines. A car­ "After 'em!" Hogan yelled. Gus ryall towing a small trailer came grabbed his arm. "Stop, you along the line, stopped near Gus. damned fool! This is a mistake!" A cadreman jumped down, pulled "It's time we started getting a back the tarp covering the trailer, fair deal around here! We're not hauled out a heavy bundle. convicts, by Godl" 18 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION "The power's all theirs," Gus gan growled. "The dirty blood­ said. "This won't help us!" suckers!" "We outnumber them a hun­ "Can't much blame 'em," Franz dred to one," Hogan crowed. said. "With bone-heads lil'e you "Look at 'em run! I guess the dig­ roughing 'em up. You expect 'em ging party's off!" He shook off to come out and let you finish the Gus' grip, looked toward the job?" women. "Boys, let's pay a call. "They can't get away with it!" Them, little ladies look lonesome "They can get away with any­ thing they want to," Gus said. Gus shoved the red-head back. "Nobody back on Earth knows "Start that, and we're done fori what's going on out here. It takes Can't you see the spot we're in?" ten years to ask a question and get "What spot?" Hogan began to an answer. And in ten vears the bluster. "We showed 'em they population will have t;ipled on can't push us around!" Earth. They'll have other things to "They're loading up, going back think about than us. We're ex­ aboard." Gus pointed. Heads pendable." turned to watch the last of the A ripple of talk was passing cars wheeling up the ramp. through the ranks of men squat­ "They're scared of us--" ting on the exposed hillside under "We jumped them, forced their the relentless sleet. Dark figures hand-" were advancing from the direc­ "Yeah?" Hogan frowned fero­ tion of the women's area. ciously. "So they ran from us." "It's the girls," Hogan said. "You damned fool," Gus said 'They want company." wearily. "Suppose they don't come "Leave them alone, Hogan,H back out?" Gus said. "Let's see what they want." 1'hey can't do this to us," Ho­ gan whined for the fortieth time. The leader of the women's dele­ The suns-both of them-had set gation was a strong-looking hours before. The rain had turned blonde in her late twenties, muf­ to sleet that froze on the springy fled in an oversized parka. She turf and on the men's clothing. planted herself in front of the "It must be five below," Franz men. They closed in, gaping. said. "You think thev'll leave us 'Who's in charge over here?" out here to frpeze, Gus?" she demanded. "I don't know." "Nobody, Baby," Hogan start­ 'They're in there, eating our ra­ ed. "It's every man for himself tions, sleeping in soft beds," Ho- • He reached out with a FOUNDER'S DAT 19 meaty paw. The girl brushed it actions-shuns." There was a pause aside. "Pass that for now, Porky," to allow the thought to sink in. she said briskly. "We've got im­ "However, as it happens, I have portant things to talk about, like repairs to undertake-ache. I'm not freezing to death. What are short-handed-dead. Time is impor­ you fellows doing about it?" tant-ant-ant." "Not a damn thing, Honey. "Tough," Hogan growled: What can we do?" Hogan jerked "I want twenty volunteers to a thumb toward the lights of the aid in the work of preparing my ship. "Those lousy crots have cut ship for space-ace. In return, I'll us off-" see to it that certain supplies are "I saw what happened; you made available to you people-lull." damned fools started a riot. I A mutter went up from the don't blame them for pulling out. men. "The son of a bitch is hold­ But what are you going to do ing us up for our own rations!" about it now? You going to let Hogan yelled. your women freeze?" "At the first sign of disorder, "Our women?" 111 clear a one-mile radius around "Whose women you think we the ship," the captain's voice are, Porky? There's even one for boomed out. ''I'm offering you you-if you can keep her alive." mutineers the one chance you'll "We've got a few shovels," Gus get-etl I suggest you think it over said. "We can dig in. This sod carefully! I want you to select ought to be good enough to make twenty strong workers and send huts of." them forward-herd!" "Dig holes for over nine thou­ "Let's rush the crots when they sand people, with a couple dozen open the ports," Hogan shouted shovels?" Hogan jeered. "Are you over the surf-noise of the crowd. nuts-" 'We can take the ship and rip A crackle like near-by lightning those crots limb from limb! sounded. "Attention-on," a vast There's enough supplies aboard to voice boomed across the bivouac. last us for years! We can live in "This is Captain Hariss-is . . . " the ship until a rescue ship gets Floodlights sprang into life at the here!" base of the ship. Faces were turning toward Ho­ "You people are guilty of muti­ gan. Greedy eyes glistened in half­ ny-any," the great voice rolled. frozen faces. "I'd be justified in whatever meas­ "Let's go get 'em!" Hogan yelled. ures I chose to take at this point­ "Let's-" oint. Including leaving you to suf­ Gus stepped after him, caught fer the consequences of your own him by the shoulder, spun him 20 PANTASY AND leiBNCE FICTION around and hit him square in the "What's he doing for the colo­ mouth with all his strength. Ho­ nists? Has he sent out the food gan went back and down and lay and shelter be promised?" ' still. "How do I know?" the man "I'm volunteering for the work muttered. "Just stick to the job crew," Gus called, and started for­ and can the chatter." ward. A path opened to let him Half an hour later, with the through. corporal and the engineer busy Franz walked at Gus's side, cursing over a frozen valve at the leading the little troop of volun­ far end of the room, the girl whis­ teers down the slope to the ship. pered to Gus, "I think we're being The big floods bathed them in double-crossed." bluish light. Gus could feel the "Maybe." muscles of his stomach tighten, "What'll we do?'' imagining guns aimed from the "Keep working." open ports. Or maybe it would be Another hour passed. Abruptly, a touch of the main drive. . . . the engineer threw down the cali­ No guns fired. No flame blos­ brator with which he had been somed beyond the gigantic land­ working, stamped out through the ing jacks rising from the mud. A outer door. squad of crewmen met them, "Try keeping the corporal oc­ searched them for weapons, de­ cupied for a few minutes," Gus tailed them off, marched them hissed at the girl. She nodded, rose away. Gus and the blonde woman and went over to the corporal. were escorted to the Power Sec­ "I feel a little dizzy, Sugar," tion, handed over to a bald, grim­ she said, and folded against him. faced engineering officer. Gus went quickly to the door and "Only two? And one of them a out into the green-lit corridor. woman? Damn the captain's arro­ gance! I told the-" He shut him­ He emerged in the darkened an­ self up, barked at a greasy-handed teroom outside the bridge. non-com who gave the newcom­ ". . . nine hours at the out­ ers a ration of mush and set them side!" a harsh voice was saying. to work disassembling a fire-black- "We lift before then, or we don't ened mechanism. · lift!" 'What's the rush?" the girl "I don't trust your calculations, asked the NCO. 'Why work all Leone." night? We're all tired-you too. "I showed you the fatigue pro­ How long since you've slept?" file&; check them for yourself-but "Too bloody long. But it's Cap­ do it fast! The structure is deflect­ tain's orders." ing at the rate of two centimeters FOUNDER'S DAY 21 per hour. We'll have major strains him cold with a blow on the head. in three hours, and buckling in "Let's get out of here!" Gus eight-" helped the girl up; her nose was "I'll need six hours, minimum, bleeding. He led her into the cor­ to unload cargo, after the priority ridor, headed back toward the one work is out of the way-" loading deck. They had gone fifty "Forget unloading, Captain. yards when a crew of armed men Your first job is to get your ship burst from a cross-way and cut back, intact!" them off. It took three of them to "And you with it, eh, Leone?" hold the blonde girl. Gus saw a club "The other officers feel as I do.,. swinging toward his head; then "After you've brow-beaten the world burst into a shower of them! What about the colonists? fireworks. Their equipment, their rations--" "We can't spare the food," Le­ Bright light glared in Gus's one said crisply. "You know what face. He was lying on his back on the damage inventory showed. the floor, his hands locked behind We'll be lucky if we make it our­ him. Across the small room, a tall selves. The Covvs will manage; man in a tan uniform sat at a desk. they'll have to .. That's what they're Gus sat up painfully; at the sound, here for, remember?" the man turned. It was the First "They were slated for an estab­ Officer, Leone. He gave Gus a sar­ lished colony on Three-" donic look. His eyes were red, his "They can survive on Four. It's chin unshaven. chilly, but no worse than plenty of "I could have had you shot," he areas on Terra." said. "But I wanted to learn a few "You're a cold-blooded devil, things first. Speak freely and I may Leone." be able to do something for you. "It's what you've got to do. Now: who was in on the scheme " with you? Are those-" he tilted Gus stepped back, departed as his head to indicate the planet silentlv as he had come. outside- "poor grubbers planning Th~ engineer whirled with an some sort of attack?" oath as Gus appeared. Gus stepped "I'm on my own," Gus said. directly to him, without warning "Come on, man, speak upl hit him hard in the stomach, hit You're already deep enough: strik­ him again on the jaw as he dou­ ing an officer, desertion-" bled over. The corporal yelled and "I'm not in your army," Gus cut jumped, tugging at his gun. He him off. "I want to see the captain, went down hard as the girl threw if you haven't eaten him for break­ herself at his legs. Gus knocked fast." 22 FANTASY' AND SCIENCE FICTION Leone laughed. "To claim your one smiled crookedly. He was very rights, I suppose." drunk. "Something like that." "Ah, you're wondering, but too "There are no rights," Leone proud to ask! Proud! Yes, every said flatly. "Only necessities." little unremembered mote of hu­ "Like food and shelter. Those manity has his share of that fatu­ people out there came here expect· ous delusion of self-importance! ing a decent chance. You plan to Funny; very funny!" Leone leaned abandon them here-with noth­ toward Gus, waving the glass in ing.'" his hand. "Don't you know your "Ah; so that was what was be­ function, Covv?" He grinned ex­ hind your little dash for freedom." pectantly. Gus looked at him si­ Leone nodded as if pleased. "You lently. need to adjust your thinking, "You're a statistic!" Leone Covv-" poured again, raised the glass in a "My name's Addison. Calling mock toast. "Nature brings forth us Covvs won't take us off your millions, that one may survive. conscience." And you're one out of the mil­ "Wrong on two counts. I have lions." no conscience. As for names, they "Now that you have it all fig­ imply family ties, a place in a so­ ured out," Gus said, "What are you cial structure. You have none­ going to do about us? Those people except what you might have made will freeze out there." for yourself, out there." Leone "Perhaps," Leone said careless­ shook his head. "No, 'Covv' it is. ly. "Perhaps not. The toughest will It's the role you were born for­ snrvive-if they can. Survive to you and millions like you." He breed. And in time, devour this poured himself a drink from a bot­ world, and jump on to a new star. tle on the desk, tossed it back with Meanwhile, it hardly matters what a practiced flip of the wrist. happens to a statistic." "There was a time when I won· "They were promised an even dered at the purpose of it ali­ chance." man's slow climb up to the present "Promises, promises. Death in mad carnival of spawning that's the end is the only promise, my turned a planet into nothing more boy. As for those ciphers out there than a surface on which nameless, in the cold-think of them as fish· faceless nonentities breed endless· eggs, if that will help you. ly, in a doomed effort to convert Spawned by the million so that the entire mass of the world into one or two can live to spawn in human flesh. It seemed so point· turn. Life goes on-as long as less. But now I understand." Le- you've got plenty of fish eggs." FOUNDER'S DAY 23 "They're not fish-eggs. They're what's real that counts." He put his men, and they deserve simple jus­ head down on his arms and snored. tice-" ''You call justice simple?" Le­ It took Gus five minutes to reach one leaned forward, almost rolled the desk, grope in the drawers un­ from his chair before he caught til he found the electrokey which himself. "The most sophisticated unlocked the cuffs on his wrists. concept with which the mind of There was a crew-type coverall in man deludes itself-and that's the the closet. Gus donned it, added a only place it exists: in men's small hand-gun from a wall-chest. minds. What does the Universe In the passageway, all was silent. know about justice, Covv? Suns Most of the crew were busv, Gus bum, planets whirl, chemicals re­ knew. He made his way down to act. The fox devours the bunny­ the lower levels, encountered a fa­ rabbit with a clear conscience­ miliar corridor leading to the Pow­ just the way Alpha Four will de­ er Section. He passed two men on vour those poor clots out there." He the way; they hardly glanced at waved an arm. "And that's as it him. should be. Nature's way. Survive The red-painted inner door to -or don't survive. It's natural­ the Power Control Room stood lilce an earthquake. It'll kill you ajar. Gus slipped past it, closed it without the least ill-will in the silently, dogged it down. The en­ world." gineering officer yelped when Gus ''You're not an earthquake," Gus poked the gun into his back. said. "It's you that's holding back "Quiet," Gus cautioned. He the food those men need." prodded the man along to a parts "Don't come whining to me for locker, motioned him inside. your lousy justice!" Leone shout­ "What do you hope to gain by ed, swaying in this chair. "We this, you madman?" The man's red were having a well-earned drink face blazed almost purple. "You're in the wardroom when the rock asking to be shot down-" hit! Killed half the officers of this "So are you. No noise." Gus damned tub-killed my friend, shut the door and locked it. He my best friend, damn you! After went on to the room that housed five years, cruise almost over . . . the control servos. Three techni­ and all for the sake of a load of cians worked over a disassembled caVIar. ..." chassis. They whirled when Gus Leone gulped the rest of his snapped an order at thPm. Their drink, threw the glass across the hands went up slowly. Gus herded room. "Don't chatter to me about two of them into the parts locker. what's fair," he muttered. "It's The third backed away, trembling 24 FANTASY A.ND SCII!.NCE FICTION and sweating, as Gus pressed the "Put it in English!" gun to his chest. "She'd climb past crit and "Show me how this set-up blow! She'd blow the side of the works," Gus ordered. planet out!" The technician began a con­ "What if you just cut that one?" fused lecture on the theory of cy­ Gus indicated another lead. clic fusion-fission reactors. The technician shook his head. "Skip all that," Gus told him. "Nearly as bad," his voice broke. "Tell me about these controls." "She'd run away and the core The technician explained. Gus would begin to heat.. She'd run red listened, asked questions. After fif­ in an hour, and slag down in three. teen minutes he indicated a red The gamma count-" plastic panel cover. "Any way to stop it, once it "That's the damper control starts?" unit?" "Not once you let her climb past !'That's right." critical! You redline her, and "Open it up." we're all finished!" "Now, just a minute, fellow," "Cut that lead," Gus command­ the man said quickly. "You don't ed. know what you're getting into-" "You're out of your mind-" the "Do as l said." man launched himself at Gus; he "You tamper with that, you can hit him with the gun, sent him throw the whole core out of bal­ reeling. There was a heavy pair of ance!" bolt-cutters on the nearby bench. Gus rammed the gun hard into Gus used them to snap through the the man's chest. pencil-thick lead. At once, a bell "OK, OK," He set to work with sounded stridently. Gus tossed the fingers that shook. cutters aside, dragged the groan­ Gus studied the maze of ex­ ing man to a tool locker; then he posed circuitry. "What happens if went to the wall phone, punched a you cut those conduits?" he point­ code from the list beside it. ed. The technician backed away, "Captain, this is one of the fish­ shaking his head. "Wait a minute, eggs," he said. "I think we'd better fellow-" have a talk about a choice you're Gus cuffed the side of his head going to haYe to make." hard enough to send the man sprawling. Gus stood with Captain Harris "The whole revert circuit will on a hillside a mile from the ship, be thrown on the line! You'll get a watching with the others as the feed into the interlock system, spot of dull red grew on the side and-" of the gleaming tower that was JIOUNDU'S DAY 25 the stricken starship. A sigh went This way, you have a certain up from the men as a long ripple amount of good-will going for you appeared across the flawless curve with the colonists. They think you of the great hull. chose to lose the ship rather than "Broke her back," the captain abandon them." said tonelessly. "If there'd been any other way. "She'll cool down enough by " Spring for us to go abroad and sal­ A tall figure staggered across vage whatever might be of use to toward the two men. the colony. Meanwhile, what we "Cap'n . . ." Leone blurted. "I took off her before she got too hot tol' you-tol' you she'd buckle." ought to last us." "Yes, you told me, Leone. Go Harris gave Gus an ice-blue sleep it off." glare that reminded him of a girl "Last cruise," Leone muttered, left behind on far away Terra. watching the ship as the proud The memory seemed as remote as nose visibly leaned ·as the weak­ the planet. ened structure yielded to the mas­ "Yes-you should be able to sive pressure of gravity. "My re­ survive until then-" tirement, flat of my own, wife "We ought to survive," Gus cor­ • . . all gone, now. Stuck here, on rected. "We're all in this together, this . . . this cold desert!" now." "We'll march south," Gus said. "When the story of your treach­ "Maybe we'll find better country." ery gets out-" "I'm not sure we should leave "It's to your advantage not to let this area," Harris said. "If we're to it," Gus interrupted the threat. have any chance of rescue-" "Better stick to the story we agreed "We're poJJen on the wind," Gus on, about my lucky hunch and said. "Nobody will ever miss us. your heroic action, saving as much It's up to us, now; what we do for as you did." ourselves. Nobody else cares." "My officers would tear me "My authority-" apart if they knew I'd come to "Doesn't mean a thing," Gus cut terms with a mutinous, sabotaging him off. "We're all Covvs together, scoundrel!" swimming in the same waters." "The colonists would rip all of "Shark infested waters!" you apart if they knew you'd Gus nodded. "We won't all planned to maroon them." make it; but some of us will." "I'm still wondering if you'd Harris seemed to shudder. "How have made good your threat to can you be sure?" blow her apart." "We have a chance," Gus said. ••Either way, you'd have lost. "That's all any man can ask for." Thet>e are certainly WDrlltJ way11 to q1end a rainy Sat­ urday than to watch a re-run of, say, The Wolf Man, .tarring Lon Chaney, Jr., Bela Lugosi and Maria Ous­ penskaya ( right!-the old gypsy fortune teUet>). We mspected all along that horror fdms are best consumed in moderation, but not for the horrible reason suggested in the story below. Mr. Bloch is the author of a con­ temporary horror classic, PSYCHO, and ws dont doubt that he knows what he's talking about.

THE PLOT IS THE THING

by Robert Bloch

WHEN THEY BROKE INTO THE ered to eat for several days, either. apartment, they found her sitting It wasn't as though she didn't in front of the television set, have any money; she told them watching an old movie. about the bank-accounts. But Peggy couldn't understand why shopping and cooking and house­ they made such a fuss about that. keeping was just too much trouble, She liked to watch old movies­ and besides, she really didn't like the Late Show, the Late, Late going outside and seeing all those Show, even the All Night Show. people. So if she preferred watch­ That was really the best, because ing TV, that was her business they generally ran the horror pic­ wasn't it? tures. Peggy tried to explain this to They just looked at each other them, but they kept prowling and shook their heads and made around the apartment, looking at some phone-calls. And then the the dust on the furniture and the ambulance came, and they helped dirty sheets on the unmade bed. her dress. Helped her? They prac­ Somebody said there was green tically forced her, and by the time mould on the dishes in the sink; she realized where they were taking it's true she hadn't bothered , t6 her it was too late. wash them for quite a long ti~ At first they were very nice to but then she simply hadn't bo~ her at the hospital, but they kept THE PLOT IS THE THING Zl asking those idiotic questiOBS. that was better than the way thiitgs When she said she had no relatives generally worked out in real life, or friends they wouldn't believe wasn't it? her, and when they checked and Dr. Crane didn't think so. And found out it was true it only made he wouldn't let her have any tele­ things worse. Peggy got angry and vision in her room now, either. He said she was going home, and it aD kept talking to Peggy about the ended with a hypo in the arm. need to face reality, and the dan­ There were lots of hypos after gers of retreating into a fantasy that, in in between times this Dr. world and identifying with fright­ Crane kept after her. He was one ened heroines. The way he made it of the heads of staff and at first sound, you'd think she wanted to Peggy liked him, but not when he be menaced, wanted to be killed, began to pry. or even raped. She tried to explain to him that And when he started all that she'd always been a loner, even be­ nonsense about a "nervous disor­ fore her parents died. And she told der" and told her about his plans him there was no reason for her to for treatment, Peggy knew she had work, with all that money. Some­ to escape. Only she never got a how, he got it out of her about how chance. Before she realized it, they she used to keep going to the mov­ had arranged for the lobotomy. ies, at least one every day, only she Peggy knew what a lobotomy liked horror pictures and of course was, of course. And she was afraid there weren't quite that many, so of it, because it meant tampering after while she just watched them with the brain. She remembered on TV. Because it was easier, and some mad doctor-Lionel Atwill, you didn't have to go horne along or George Zucco?-saying that by dark streets after seeing something tampering with the secrets of the frightening. At home she could human brain one can change re­ lock herself in, and as long as she ality. "There are some things we had the television going she didn't were not meant to know," he had feel lonely. Besides, she could whispered. But that, of course, watch movies all night, and this was in a movie. And Dr. Crane helped her insomnia. Sometimes wasn't mad. She was the mad one. the old pictures were pretty grue­ Or was she? He certainly looked some and this made her nervous, insane-she kept trying to break but she felt more nervous she free after they strapped her down didn't watch. Because in .nthe mov­ and he came after her-she re­ ies, no matter how horrible things membered the way everything seemed for the heroine, she was gleamed. His eyes, and the long always rescued in the end. And needle. The long needle, probing 28 Jl'AN'IASY AND SClENCJi FICTION illto her brain to change reaJity­ seen represented on the screen all The funny thing was, when she these years. woke up she felt fine. "I'm like a So Peggy dissolved into a travel different person, Doctor." agency and montaged into shop­ And it was true. No more jit­ ping and packing and faded out to ters; she was perfectly calm. And London. she wanted to eat, and she didn't Strange, she didn't think of it in have insomnia, and she could dress that way at the time. But looking herself and talk to the nurses, even back, she began to realize that this kid around with them. The big is the way things seemed to hap­ thing was that she didn't worry pen. She'd come to a decision, or about watching television any go somewhere and do something, more. She could scarcelv remem­ and all of a sudden she'd find her­ ber any of those old m~vies that self in another setting-just like had disturbed her. Peggy wasn't a in a movie, where they cut from bit disturbed now. And even Dr. scene to scene. When she first be­ Crane knew it. came aware of it she was a little At the end of the second week worried; perhaps she was having he was willing to let her go home. blackouts. After all, her brain had They had a little chat, and he com­ been tampered with. But there was plimented her on how well she was nothing really alarming about the doing, asked her about her plans little mental blanks. In a way they for the future. When Peggy admit­ were very convenient, just like in ted she hadn't figured anything the movies; you don't particularly out yet, Dr. Crane suggested she want to waste time watching the take a trip. She promised to think heroine brush her teeth or pack it over. her clothing or put on cosmetics. But it wasn't until she got back The plot is the thing. That's what's to the apartment that Peggy made real. up her mind. The place was a And everything was real, now. mess. The moment she walked in No more uncertainty. Peggy could she knew she couldn't stand it. All admit to herself that before the op­ that dirt and grime and squalor­ eration there had been times when it was like a movie set, reallv, with she wasn't quite sure about things; clothes scattered everywhe~e and sometimes what she saw on the dishes piled in the sink. Peggy de­ screen was more convincing than cided right then and there she'd the dull gray fog which seemed to take a vacation. Around the world, surround her in daily life. maybe. Why not? She had the But that was gone, now. What­ money. And it would be interest­ ever that needle had done, it had ing to see all the real things she'd managed to pierce the fog. Every- THE PLOT IS THE THING 29 thing was very clear, very sharp pale and begatt to tremble. And and definite, like good black-and­ then he ran. Just ran off and left white camera work. And she her­ her standing there. self felt so much more capable and Peggy knew something was confident. She was well-dressed, wrong, then. The scene just well-groomed, attractive again. seemed to dissolve-that part did­ The extras moved along the streets n't worry her, it was just another in an orderly fashion and didn't one of those temporary blackouts bother her. And the bit-players she was getting used to-and spoke their lines crisply, performed when Peggy regained awareness, their functions, and got out of the she was in this bookstore asking a scene. Odd that she should think clerk about Gaston Leroux. of them that way-they weren't And this was what frightened "bit-players" at all; just travel her. She remembered distinctly clerks and waiters and stewards that The Phantom of the Opera had and then, at the hotel, bellboys and been written by Gaston Leroux, maids. They seemed to fade in and but here was this French bookstore out of the picture on cue. All clerk telling her there was no such smiles, like in the early part of a author. good horror movie, where at first That's what they said when she everything seems bright and cheer­ called the library. No such author ful. -and no such book. Peggy opened Paris was where things started her mouth, but the scene was al­ to go wrong. This guide-a sort of ready dissolving • . . Eduardo Cianelli type, in fact he In Germany she rented a car, looked to be an almost dead ringer and she was enjoying the scenery for Cianelli as he was many years when she came to this burned mill ago-was showing her through the and the ruins of the castle beyond. Opera House. He happened to She knew where she was, of course, mention something about the cata­ but it couldn't be-not until she combs, and that rang a bell. got out of the car, moved up to the She thought about Erik. That great door, and in the waning sun was his name, Erik-The Phan­ of twilight, read the engraved leg­ tom of the Opera. He had lived in end on the stone. Frankenstein. the catacombs underneath the Op­ There was a faint sound from era House. Of course, it was only a behind the door, a sound of muf­ picture, but she thought perhaps fled, dragging footsteps, moving the guide would know about it and closer. Peggy screamed, and ran she mentioned Erik's name as a sort of joke. Now she knew where she was That's when the guide turned running to. Perhaps she'd find 30 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION safety behind the Iron Curtain. the baldheaded little man with the Instead there was another castle, sinister accent and the bulging and she heard the howling of a eyes. She knew him-Dr. Gogol, wolf in the distance, saw the bat in Mad Love. She also knew Peter swoop from the shadows as she Lorre had passed on, knew Mad fled. Lave was only a movie, made the And in an English library in year she was born. But that was Prague, Peggy searched the vol­ in another country, and besides, umes of literary biography. There the wench was dead. was no listing for Mary \Vollstone­ The wench was dead, but Peggy craft Shelley, none for Bram Stok­ was alive. "I am a stranger and er. afraid, in a world I never made." Of course not. There wouldn't Or had she made this ·world? She be, in a movie world, because wasn't sure. All she knew was that when the characters are real, their she had to escape. "authors" do not exist. Where? It couldn't be Egypt, Peggy remembered the way Lar­ because that's where he would be ry Talbot had changed. before her -the wrinkled, hideous image of eyes, metamorphizing into the the Mummy superimposed itself howling wolf. She remembered the momentarily. The Orient? What sly purr of the Count's voice, say­ about Fu Manchu? ing, "I do not drink-wine". And Back to America, then? Home she shuddered, and longed to be is where the heart is-but there'd far away from the superstitious be a knife waiting for that heart peasantry who draped wolfbane when the shower-curtains were outside their windows at night. ripped aside and the creature of She needed the reassurance of Psycho screamed and slashed . . . sanity in an English-speaking Somehow she managed to re­ country. She'd go to London, see a member a haven, born in other doctor immediately. films. The South Seas-Dorothy Then she remembered what was Lamour, Jon Hall, the friendly na­ in London. Another werewolf. tives in the tropical paradise. And Mr. Hyde. And the Ripper There was escape. Peggy boarded the ship in Mar­ Peggy fled through a fadeout, seilles. It was a tramp steamer but back to Paris. She found the name the cast-crew, rather-was reas­ of a psychiatrist, made her ap­ suringly small. At first she spent pointment. She was perfectly pre­ most of her time below deck, hud­ pared to face her problem now, dled in her berth. Oddly enough, perfectly prepared to face reality. it was getting to be like it had been But she was not prepared to face before. Before the operation, that THE PLOT IS THE THING 31 is, before the needle bit into her One eftDiftg, after dinner, Peg­ brain, twisting it, or distorting the gy returned to her cabin with world. Changing reality, as Lionel something nagging at the back of Atwill had put it. She should have her brain. The Captain had put in listened to them-Atwill, Zucco, one of his infrequent appearances Basil Rathbone, Edward Van at the table, and he kept looking Sloan, John Carradine. They may at her all through the meal. Some­ have been a little mad, but they thing about the way he squinted at were good doctors, dedicated sci­ her was disturbing. Those little entists. They meant well. "There pig-eyes of his reminded her of are some things we were not meant someone. Noah Beery? Stanley to know." Fields? When they reached the tropics, She kept trying to remember, Peggy felt much better. She re­ and at the same time she was doz­ gained her appetite, prowled the ing off. Dozing off much too quick­ deck, went into the galley and ly. Had her food been drugged? joked with the Chinese cook. The Peggy tried to sit up. Through crew seemed aloof, but they all the porthole she caught a reeling treated her with the greatest re­ glimpse of land beyond, but then spect. She began to realize she'd everything began to whirl and ·it done the right thing-this was es­ was too late . . • cape. And the warm scent of tropic When she awoke she was al­ nights beguiled her. From now on, ready on the island, and the wool­ this would be her life; drifting ly-headed savages were dragging through nameless, uncharted seas, her through the gate, howling and safe from the role of heroine with waving their spears. all its haunting and horror. They tied her and left her and It was hard to believe she'd been then· Peggy heard the chanting. so frightened. There were no She looked up and saw the huge Phantoms, no Werewolves in this shadow. Then she knew where she world. Perhaps she didn't need a was and what it was, and she doctor. She was facing reality, and screamed. it was pleasant enough. There Even over her own screams she were no movies here, no television; could hear the natives chanting, her fears were all part of a long­ just one word, over and over again. forgotten nightmare. It sounded like, "Kong". BOOKS

THIS SEEMS TO BE INTERNA­ players" are included in the Com­ tional Brotherhood Month in s-f. pact volume. In my stack are two editions, one "Chessplayers" is a good, funny each British and American story; anyplace except sand­ (slightly different), by Brian Al­ wiched between ROSE and "New diss; the first American edition of Reality," it might seem better a well-established British novel­ than that. As it is-the latter, you ist, John Lymington; a British edi­ may recall, is the story of Professor tion of a previously unpublished Luce, the ontologist, who evades novel by American author Charles determined government control in Harness; and an American edition his effort to prove it possible to of a work by an American author, change "reality." The novelet reads Joseph L. Green-based on a se­ like too much of the high-idea­ ries of novelets written for the content work of science-fiction: British magazine, New Worlds. the characters are there to argue The big good news is Harness' out the theories; the action is THE ROSE. 1 Some of you will al­ faintly reminiscent of the photog­ ready know that Charles Harness, raphy of early silent movies; the after too long a silence, has started dialogue might seem at home in a writing again; two short stories magazine melodrama of the 1890's. have already been published this I say all this, and add: even to­ year. Some will remember-in day, sixteen years after its pulp particu]ar-"The New Reality" publication, "The New Reality" is (Thrilling Wonder Stories, 19 50, a compelling piece of work. I and BEST SCIENCE FICTION STO­ couldn't put it down. (I read it, as RIES, 1951). Beginning at the it happens, for the first time in end, let me inform you, as neither this volume, so there is no ques­ the cover or title-page of the book tion of nostalgic attachment.) will do, that "The New Reality" ROSE comes out of the same and a shorter story, "The Chess- powerful philosophic context as lTaE ROSE, Charles L. Harness; Compact Books, F295 (London), 1966; 189 pp.; 3/6 (60¢, ilicluding surface postage). 32 BOOKS 33 "Reality," and though the prose But my advice is, get the Compact style, as I look back at it, is only book now-not just because it's one degree farther removed from now, or just for the two bonus sto­ Air Wonder than in the shorter ries, or for Michael Moorcock's work, this time the concepts are in­ knowledgeable introduction-but tegrated with a vivid story, and because Roberts and Vinter, who the characters are as convincing publish both Compact books and as they are bizarre. Moorcock's New Worlds, deserve The rose is a triple symbol, a vote of appreciation for rescuing with significance to three people: "Rose" from its dustheap-and for Martha-Jacques, top-level quite probably for being instru­ scientist, it is the graphic pattern mental, through the magazine's of the equation she is pursuing interest in his work, in getting that will contain ultimate knowl­ Harness back to some new writ­ edge; for her artist-writer hus­ ing. band, Guy, as for Anna van Tuyl, psychiatrist and dancer, its mean­ When I came back from Eng­ ing is more obscure through most land last fall, I had a copy of the of the book-but compulsively Faber edition of EARTHWORKS2 strong: a question to be answered, with me, and I waited this long to rather than an answer to be review it because I understood found. Doubleday was publishing a It is understandable that this slightly different version. book found no market here when The differences are very slight it was written almost fifteen years indeed, more in format than any­ ago; no one was buying a mixed thing else. Not, in any case, bag of surrealism and science at enough to do what I had hoped: the time. What is surprising is that connect the last half with the it found magazine publication at first. all; it appeared in the short-lived It is hard to believe that the British s-f magazine, Authentic, same man wrote both parts-or in 19 53. Rather more surprising that he had the same story in mind is the failure of American pub­ when he did. I know it must be so, lishers, who have scoured the bot­ because the good part is what toms of some much mustier bar­ reads like Aldiss-and the charac­ rels lately for book material, to un­ ters and places have the same cover it. names. I am certain there will be an Granted, it is difficult to live up American edition sooner or later. to an opening like this:

2 EARTHWoa~ts, Brian W. Aldiss; Doubleday (New York), 1966; 154 pp.; $3.50. Faber and Faber (London), 1965; 155 pp. 34 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION 'The dead man drifted along in In mid-book, the Trieste Star the breeze. He walked upright on runs aground, the spellbound iso­ his hind legs like a performing lated situation is at an end-and nanny goat, as he had in life, the whole thing turns into a com­ nothing improper, farther beyond pletely routine artificially con­ the reach of ideology, nationality, trived adventure-chase, which hardship, inspiration, than he had ends with an effort to make an ef­ ever been in life. A few flies of fective scene out of Noland's con­ ripe dimension stayed with him, version to the belief that assassina­ although he was far from land, tion is an effective modern politi­ travelling light above the surface cal weapon. of the complacent South Atlantic. I'll tell you how good the be­ The tasselled fringe of his white ginning is: it's worth getting the sylk trousers-he had been a rich book for the first half. (Chapter man, while riches counted-oc­ Six is a good place to quit.) Well, casionally catching a spray from it's worth it in the book-club, or in the waves. paperback; it seems to . me for "He was coming out from M­ $3.50, you ought to get a full I 54 rica, moving steadily for me." pages worth. Nor do I mean to say the open­ ing paragraph is all there is. The FROOMB 18 is a strangely old­ whole first half of the book, as fashioned-feeling book, full of ex­ Knowle Noland exposes himself, citing new ideas. It is stifHy, al­ his past, his fears, his stubborn most ,clumsily written; yet the lingering unattached hope, to the characters (one feels, almost by a reader's rapt gaze, is Aldiss at his separate effort of their own) best: brilliantly written in part, emerge with startling credibility excellently most of the rest; rich on the page. The plot continually with evocative imagery; utterly jumps from one improbability to convincing in characterization another and less acceptable one; and action. But even in this part, yet you keep turning pages, some­ some small flaws show in the so­ how, not just willingly but eager­ cial structure Aldiss builds bit by ly. I would understand it better if bit, in flashbacks, to account for this were a first novel, by an un­ the four-man crew of the endless­ practiced but vital young author. ly sailing automatic freighter, Lymington, however, is well-es­ the Trieste Star, of which No­ tablished in England, with five or Jand is Captain-and for the dead six (I think) previous novels to man transported from the coast of his credit. Africa to the ship. FROOMB is a catchword, a slo- BnooMal, John Lymington; Doubleday, 1966; 187 pp.; $3.95 BOOKS 35 MASTERS' CHOICE The Best Science Fiction Stories of All Time WENTY MAJOR s-f writers and editors have gleaned T through the whole literature of science fiction and have chosen as the best of the best these stories by Isaac Asimov, Ray Bradbury, Robert A. Heinlein, Fritz Leiber, Theodore Sturgeon and 14 other distinguished authors. And they add an· Honor Roll listing more than 150 classics and where you can find them. A unique, exciting anthology - essential to all s-f enthusiasts. ~j Edited by LAURENCE M. JAN IFER • 352 pages ~ $5.95 ·Just published· Simon and Schusle!

gan, an explanation, the motto of appointment t~and I hate to the slightly future age in which say it, because for some years I the book is set; it stands for Fluid have been turning eagerly to Jo­ Running Out Of My Brakes. (One seph Green's stories in New says, "Froomb!" in annoyance or Worlds-including, or rather, es­ despair. Or, critically, "He's gone pecially, the "Refuge" nove lets Froomb!" Or, hip-ly, approvingly, and novellas-and enjoying them "Froomb!") I won't tell you any­ thoroughly. thing about the plot; it's too silly. The stories concern the gradual But the ideas in back of it are not. approach to cooperation and mu­ I hope Doubleday plans to do tual understanding between the more of Lymington's work. I want technology-oriented human colo­ to find out if they're all like this nists on Refuge, and the native "Loafers," whose culture is built on the development of an empathic, quasi-telepathic relationship with I'm afraid THE LOAFERS OF the flora and fauna of the planet. REFUGE4 was something of a dis- (There are some lovely scenes,

4TIIE LOAFERS OF REFUGE, Joseph L. Green; Ballantine U2233, 1965; 160 pp.; 50¢. 36 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION with Loafer controllers guiding tain, but it does not seem to me as the monstrous grogroc beast though any revision was done at through the process of eating-out all: enough stories were selected the insides of a waquil fruit, to to make a book-size thing, and make a new home for someone­ they were lumped together and or persuading the whampus to called a novel. (If there was any come to the surface of the water revision, it was in detail, not and be milked.) The handling of structure.) intercultural and interpersonal On the other hand, now that conflicts and approaches is care­ you're warned, and since you prob­ fully and effectively done. So is ably have not read them before­ the structuring of the individual just start with the understanding stories. The only trouble is- that every time you find that a new The usual one. They called it a chapter involves a jump in time novel, but nobody bothered to turn or continuity, you are beginning a it into one. Without the maga­ new story. That way, it should zines to refer to, I cannot be cer- work fine. -JUDITH MERRIL REPRINTS: TWICE 22, The Golden Apples of the Sun, and A Medicine for Melancholy, Ray Bradbury; Doubleday, 1966; 406 pp. (two volumes in one); $4.95. THE REST OF THE ROBOTS, Isaac Asimov; Pyramid R1283, 1966; 159 pp.; 50¢. (Doubleday, 1964). Short stories: Robot A1-76 Goes Astray; Victory Unintentional; First Law; Let's Get Together; Satisfaction Guaranteed; Risk; Lenny; Galley Slave. KING KONG, Edgar Wallace and Merian C. Cooper; Bantam F3093, 1965; 152 pp.; 50¢. (Grosset & Dunlap, 1932). Novelization. WALDO Be MAGIC, INC., Robert A. Heinlein; Pyramid X-1286, 1966; 191 pp.; 60¢. (Doubleday, 1950). Two short novels. NIGHT oF MASKS, Andre Norton; Act F-365, 1966; 191 pp.; 40¢. Novel. CHILDREN OF THE LENS, E. E. Smith; Pyramid X-1294, 1966; 253 pp.; 60¢. (Fantasy, 1954). Novel. coMICIZATIONS: (The following books consist of previously published ma­ terial re-issued in comic-strip form): THE AUTUMN PEOPLE, by Ray Bradbury; Ballantine U2141, 1965; 189 pp.; 50ct. Short stories: There Was an Old Woman; The Screaming Woman; Touch and Go; The Small Assassin; The Handler; The Lake; The Coffin; Let's Play Poison. TALES FROM THE CRYPT; Ballantine U2106; 1,964; 192 pp.; 50¢. TALES OF THE INCREDIBLE; Ballantine U2140, 1965; 192 pp.; 50¢ "Of course, once the plague's done, we're both out of a job." 37 A successful free lance writer must be inventive and persistent. That these qualities also happen to be the 11Ulrk of a successful collection man can sometimes be useful. Take Jose Silvera, for in­ stance-a free lancer working on the biography of Huford Shanks, a bird-headed tapdancer turned politician. When Shanks reneges on the advance, Silvera ... well, for pure ingenuity and persistence Silvera can't be beat. But can he write?

EXPERIMENT IN AUTOBIOGRAPHY

by Ron Goulart

THROUGH THE SILENT FOG and tan dog snarled and dived at Jose Silvera moved, leaving the him out of the thick mist. Silvera gritty beach and dodging in pivoted, stunned the animal with among the sharp black rocks. the flat of his hand and pitched Breathing for a moment through it toward the unseen beach. his mouth, he stopped in the grey "Cash probably," he muttered. dampness. Silvera spotted the old ''They may not even have money path that wound up the cliffside. orders here in the Azores." He hunched one wide shoulder, The villa had the expected high flexed his left leg so that his blast­ stone wall, topped with a foot er holster swung free and started high death beam that sizzled upwards. faintly in the mist. Silvera felled "Either cash or a certified mon­ a nearby tree, fashioned a pole ey order," Silvera said to himself and vaulted the wall clean. as he climbed. "No more checks." He hit on his right thigh on top At the cliff's top a great black of a metallic patio table, toppled 38 EXPERIMENT JN AUTOBIOGRAPHY 39 from that and almost skittered Joe. How you never Jet the Guild into the vapor topped swimming arbitrate for you." pool. He did a little balance re- Silvera spun out his pistol, said, taining dance along the pool side "Pay me the money." and then zigzagged toward the big "You writers," said Buchalter. lemon-yellow house. "I wish those mechanical brains F. Tennyson Buchalter was had been able to write better dis­ jammed in a silver alloy chair Iogue. Then I wouldn't, really evenly spreading quince jelly on wouldn't at all, have to fool with an overtoasted English muffin temperamental guys like you." when Silvera dived into the circu- "I get upset when people don't Jar breakfast pavillion. "Yoicks," pay me." said the plump tdevision produc- "Okay, Joe, okay. But I could er. get you blacklisted." Buchalter "Two thousand dollars," said pushed back from the table, grunt­ Silvera, his right hand a claw hov- ed up out of the tight chair. ering over his blaster handle. "Arnie Maxwell tried that," said "Joe," said Buchalter, jelly on Silvera. his thumb. "Miss Nolan sent you The producer nodded. "I re­ the check from Hollywood a member." He ticked his head month, a good month, maybe five twice at the doorway and a seven weeks ago, Joe." foot tall Negro stepped in, frown- "Bounced," said Silvera, edging ing at Silvera. the check out of his tunic and "The egress?" asked the Negro. tossing it. "No use," sighed Buchalter. The check spu~ fluttered down "He, being a stubborn bastard, into Buchalter's Lion Cross tea. would just fight his way back in "Insufficient funds," he read. and unsettle my vacation even "Two thousand," said Silvera. more. You wouldn't take a check "In cash. Now." on a Geneva bank, Joe?" "Come on, Joe," said the pro- "Cash." ducer. "Put the damn thing "Get Mr. Silvera 2000 in cash through again." from the bedroom safe, Norman." "We looked into it. There's no The Negro moved out of the money in that particular ~c;.... room. count. Hasn't be~n since A~':$:,. , Buchalter scratched hi~ ~d­ of 2094. Okay?' . ''}:;' ·-neys and narrowed one eye. Were Buchalter set aside his mumn, ' thinking about doing a documen­ pointed at the tall Silvera with his tary on the swing music of the jelly spreader. "Stories I've heard, 20th century. Goodman, Shaw, a good many stories, about you, Isham Jones. Pay five thousand." 40 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION "No," said Silvera. "You're on er, I like to collect." He gave my blacklist for awhile. Check Wheatstraw two hundred dollars. with my agent in six months, His agent called out, "Start the though, if you come up with ship for home, Cullen." something else." "You still have that fag for a "If only you didn't write such pilot?" good dialogue," said Buchalter as "He's the best man I know for he took a handful of cash from the navigating in a fog. Let's go into returned Norman. the cocktail lounge. I've got a great new assignment for you." Silvera's cruiser was not where Silvera sat in a black realeather he'd left it, beached in among a chair and asked the automatic bar ring of freckled grey rock. As he to wheel over a brandy. "So?" stood, hands on hips, in the exact Wheatstraw jiggled in his spot where he'd left the ship chair. "You're not against space something banged his shoulder. travel, Jose. Right?" Silvera jerked aside, gun out. "But not another deal like that Looked up. With his free hand industrial documentary on Jupi­ he patted the pocket where the ter." two thousand was. ''This," said his agent as their "Jose," called a nasal voice up drinks rolled up on a burnished in the mist. "I've got your cruiser cart, "is a little different. This is a up here in the yacht. Climb job to write a book." aboard." "A book?" asked Silvera, sitting "Boy," said Silvera, catching up. "I haven't done a book since the dangling ladder, "you'll travel those dime novels for the Mars a hell of a long way for ten per­ frontier settlements." cent." "Not a novel this time," said At the entry way to the big Wheatstraw, wiping gin fizz foam cruiser yacht was Rilke Wheat­ from his pale lips. "An autobiog­ straw, a slender jumpy man with raphy." dark ringed eyes. ''That's not the "Whose?" reason. Though you might as well "Well," said Wheatstraw, look­ give me the two hundred now, to ing down. He raised his head and keep the books straight. You did grinned. "I'd better mention that get the whole amount, didn't you?" it pays 20,000." Silvera caught his agent's hand "Fine," said Silvera. "What and came aboard. "Sure," he said. kind of an advance?" "I don't like guys who welch on "They'll pay travel expenses ·what they owe freelance writers. and hand over 5000 when you ar- One way or another, sooner or lat- rive.. " EXPUIMENT IN AVTOBioo.APHY 41 "Travel expenses to where?" He sailed off the pseudowood "Well, this is a little way out, desk and landed in a splits on the Jose. It's one of the planets in the floor. Two white feathers de­ Barnum system. It's a planet tached themselves from his puffin named Turmeric." head. Silvera said, 'Wait. Turmeric. "You always wear a straw hat That's where the people all have in your office?" Silvera asked. bird heads, isn't it?" Shanks rubbed his big curving "Yes," said Wheatstraw. "This orange beak with his thumb. "Sure. client wants you to ghost his auto­ Lots of the voters drop in here. biography. He's the Governor of Though I may be Governor, I'm Sector 2 up there. An important not too busy to talk to the man man, being considered for Presi­ from the marketplace and the dent." crossroads. The highways and the "But he's got a bird head." byways. Don't you reporters take "As a matter of fact, he's got a notes?" head like a puffin." "Freelance writer," said Silvera, "I don't know." lighting a cigarette. "No, I keep ''The political situation," said all the important stuff in my head. Wheatstraw, "on Turmeric is a lit­ As long as we're asking questions, tle tense. I have to send a writer where's my money?" who can handle himself, a good "Money?'' man with weapons or even bare "I've been at the Tumeric hands. I could have got Reisberson Crown Hotel for two days," Sil­ but you know how he's been faint­ vera told him. "Your people take ing lately." care of my hotel bill and they "But a puffin head." gave me a punch card for a nearby "20,000, Jose." cafeteria. But nobody's delivered Silvera exhaled. "Okay. What's the 5000 advance I was sup­ the guy's name?" posed to get on arrival." "Hurford Shanks." "Really?" asked Shanks. He "What can you teD me about scissored his legs together and got him?" up. "I instructed my secretary to "Well, before he went into poli­ send you a check. Well, well." tics," said Wheatstraw," he was a Silvera looked around the room, tapdancer in the movies." at the walls that were covered "Wonderful," said Silvera. with autographed photos of bird headed actors and actresses and "This," said Hurford Shanks flags, then back at the Governor. from the top of his desk, "is how "I'd like the money as soon as pos­ we used to finish the act. Watch." sible." 42 FANTASY AND SCIENCB. FICTION 'There's a lot of pressure- in the wind of exactly where I pursue political game," said Shanks. He my hobbyhorse. At any rate, I'd tossed his straw hat up, caught it like you to meet me at Field # 1 on his elbow and cartwheeled it tomorrow at ten. Give you an idea back on his feathery head. "I have of what sort of a fellow I really many enemies. In particular a am. See me among my little toys wild eyed agitator named St. John and so on." Moosabeck. A treason prone, radi­ A girl secretary with a ruffied cal, bearded fellow." grouse head shot into the room. "He's got a beard?" "There's another food riot in the "It's a false one." suburbs, Mr. Governor." Silvera nodded. 'We can get Shanks shook his head. "My po­ more into your show business ca­ litical rivals, Silvera, have con­ reer later. First maybe you ought vinced some of the citizens that to fill me in on your rise in poli­ they're starving." To the girl he tics." said, ''I'll attend to it later, Mavis, Shanks snapped his beak and and call out the militia or some­ picked a framed photo off his thing. Right now." He crossed to desk. "It seems to me a man is an upright piano and flipped up more than just his politics, Sil­ the lid. "Right now I'm going to vera." He tossed him the picture. entertain Silvera with a medley of It was some kind of ancient hit tunes from some of my fa- aircraft. Not a cruiser, not even mous movies.. .. an old-fashioned jet. "What is it?" Silvera hunched down in his "My hobby," explained the Gov­ chair and listened. ernor. "That's a Sopwith Camel. Back on your home planet they The android tapped on Sil­ flew around in those things back vera's hotel room door just as he in the 20th centurv. I have thirtv­ was trying to get hot water to flow four of them. And teleporti~g in the shower stall. Silvera, rety­ them all the way to Turmeric from ing his robe, opened the door. Earth has cost a pretty penny." "You requested a stenograph­ Silvera gave the photo back. er?" asked the olive drab android. "About your rise in the political "Right. Come in." sphere?" The andy was man headed, not Shanks picked up a memo pad quite as tall as Silvera, carrying a and drew something on it. "I'll be typewriter in its right hand. "I at one of my concealed fields to­ was originally programmed to be morrow in the morning, inspect­ a gourmet chef," said the an­ ing a batch of my planes. I find droid. "But a temporary personnel it's best not to let my rivals get gap here at the Turmeric Crown EXPElliMENT IN AUTOBIOGJlA.PHY 43 caused me to be rearranged." The stallation. With a quick jump machine sat down, crossed its legs Silvera was at the flush button. and said, "I am ready to pro­ The cascade of water made the ceed." android's head sizzle, blink and "Why don't you," said Silvera, then short out. "wait till I get my pants on." Silvera jerked the ruined an­ "As you wish." droid out into the living room and Silvera moved to the bathroom dropped it behind a sofa. He area. He was pulling up his trou­ dressed without showering, picked sers when the android jumped up his meal ticket and went out to him. the nearby cafeteria. The place The whir of the surgical drill was out of food. the andy had replaced its right hand with was loud in Silvera's The rioting awakened him ear as he bicycled them both back early the next morning. A brick into the shower alcove. smashed through his window, "Death to the enemies of prog­ something you didn't expect on the ress," cried the machine. "Death to 13th floor. the Earth hirelings of the corrupt Dressed and in the lobby, Sil­ government. Death to those who vera learned that St. John Moosa­ would glorify our lousy Governor." beck had started a series of vast The drill perforated Silvera's riots, the ultimate object of which earlobe. He managed to shove the was the storming of the capital android's dangerous arm further buildings. Silvera learned this away from his head. "You really from the lark-headed desk clerk, feel that way about me?" a loyalist, who was then inter­ "No," said the android. "I say rupted by a bellboy who was pro­ whatever they program." Moosabeck. Silvera ducked. "I see. Who Silvera hustled through the hired you?" confused lobby crowd and out "St. John Moosabeck of course." into the street. Buildings were "Oh, so." Silvera clutched at the burning, blasters were crackling. android's head, managing to loos­ A police cruiser crashed into a en a pair of screws. Shifting his fountain apexed by a statue of shoulders, Silvera got the right Shanks in a tapdance attitude. A position and, using the andy's warbler-headed fat man trotted by arm as a lever, threw the machine with a deepfreeze on his shoulder. across the room. Three cartons of chicken parts fell The android landed, as Silvera in Silvera's path. He dodged and had calculated, with its loose­ looked around for transportation. screwed head in the toilet in- Shanks office hadn't delivered the 44 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION courtesy cruiser they'd promised. a ship with two sets of wings, Three woodpecker heads ran by jumped out and headed for the waving torches. A parrot woman big curve-roof shed where people tried to throttle Silvera. Two teen­ seemed to be gathered. age orioles were stealing a bathtub Two woodpecker heads were from an antique shop next to the wheeling out a plane. When Sil­ hotel. Further down the street, in vera pulled up under the right front of the smashed in cafeteria, wing Governor Shanks came run­ a crowd was wrestling with six as­ ning out of the shed with two sorted police officers. Silvera suitcases. doubted he'd be able to get a taxi. "One of my passenger ships, u "But I'm going to get that said Shanks, nodding at the 5000 advance before the country plane. collapses," he thought. "Shanks The men got the propellers might be at Airfield # 1." spinning. "I wanted to talk about A cruiser buzzed the crowds, my money,u said Silvera. broadcasting pro-Moosabeck. Sil­ "The autobiography venture vera made a running jump and will have to be postponed, Sil­ caught the tail gate. vera." "What are you up to?" asked the "5,000, book or no book," said big grackle-headed pilot as Sil­ Silvera. ''That's the agreement you vera climbed in. signed with my agent." "I've always been interested in "I'm sure an act of god, such as the broadcast media," said Silvera, the imminent collapse of my re­ stunning the man with the edge gime," said Shanks, his orange bill of his hand. He tied him in mike flapping rapidly, "changes and wires and, swinging into the con­ cancels all agreements." trol seat, caused the cruiser to "Oh, no it doesn't," said Sil­ climb up above the buildings. In vera. He swung his hand around fifteen minutes, fo1lowing the to reach for his blaster. Somebody Shanks-drawn map, he was at the clamped his arms to his sides. Governor's hidden bobby field. Over his shoulder he saw the head The small runway was flanked of a fierce starling. on each side by a half dozen an­ "You are in the grasp of Tully tique airplanes. Silvera recog­ Spand,'' said the Governor. "Spand nized one as a Ford Trimotor be­ is prominent in our local under­ cause it had been pictured on a world. Right now he's been trying stamp his grandfather'd once giv­ to persuade me to pay him a small en him the summer he was inter­ amount to tide him over until the ested in stamp collecting. Silvera fate of my government is deter­ dropped the cruiser down next to mined." EXPERIMENT IN AUTOBIOGRAPHY 45 "He's been holding back on the pre-testing indicates that our cli­ kickback dough," said Spand. ents on several planets would get "And the cemetery graft. Now a favorable audience reaction to a that he's washed up I want to col­ televised documentary on Gover­ lect." nor Shank's airplanes. It's one of "Fix him," ordered Shanks, the few collections anywhere, ex­ "and let's get on to the next money cept for a man named MacQuarrie cache, Spand." on Venus who won't play along "Right," said Spand. He tight­ with PWEC. Are you okay?" ened his hold and someone else "Sure," said Silvera as the girl came up and slammed Silvera on helped him to his feet. "You see the head with a length of pipe. Shanks?" A couple of minutes after he "No. I was to meet him here to­ fell he heard planes fly away. day to talk over our project. I guess all the rioting has caused "The money," said Silvera. He him to change his plans." was inhaling something odd and "Shanks is running," said Sil­ it made him wake up and blink. vera. "Skipping with the govern­ A rangy blonde girl in a tan ment funds." He told the blonde jumpsuit was next to him on the what had happened. runway, holding a white cylinder "You'd like to catch up with near his nose. "I didn't have any him probably." smelling salts but I hoped my per­ "Yeah. I have this thing about fume would maybe wake you up. I collecting money that's owed me.• tried a nasal spray mist but you "Think he's likelv to head for stayed out. My name is 'Anne one of his other hidden fields?" Steiner. And you're Jose Silvera." Silvera thought. "He had mon­ ''You know me?" Silvera bent ey stashed here. He might have it his· neck and felt at his head. at the other places, too." "Don't poke that sore spot. Yes, "I know where all the other I searched you when I found you. fields are. Found out so we could You're the writer, aren't you? Ire­ do the documentary," said Anne. member some of your credits back "Want to go look?" on Earth." He glanced toward the sound Silvera looked at her. She didn't cruiser he'd flown out in. "It have a bird head. She had a pret­ looks like they disabled my cruis- ty, good-boned face. ''You're who? er." And doing what here?" • And I came out on a bicycle," "Anne Steiner,"' said the girl. said the girl "Hey, wait. They "I'm with the Proven Worth En­ didn't wreck the airplanes." tertainment Corporation. Some "You can fly one?" 46 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION "Part of my research work. I While they were tangling Shanks learned to fly planes. Let's take swung one of his suitcases at Sil­ the P-38." She pointed at the vera. plane. Someone shot the suitcase "Won't it be crowded?" from the Governor's hands. The "We'll rip out some radio case flipped a somersault and equipment and stuff," said Anne. bounced open. A packet of bills "I've always wanted to try and fly tumbled out. one." "Earth money," said Silvera as he broke the thumb on Spand's gun They found Shanks at the sec­ hand. ond field they tried. He and Tully "Easier to spend throughout Spand and a finch-headed man the universe," said Governor were throwing suitcases into a Shanks, clamping the suitcase large transport plane as Anne cir­ shut with his good hand. cled the field. "Step back," ordered Anne. She "That's a DC6," said the girl.. had a pistol pointed at the Gov­ "I'll land now. Okay?" ernor and the finch hireling. "You, "Okay," said the crowded Sil­ Spand. Let go the gun." vera. "It's a fight to the death," "I'm sorry about flying upside grunted Spand. down over the mountains." "Stop kidding," said Silvera. "You're doing fine." He slammed an elbow into Anne brought the P-38 in and Spand's beak, cracked it, knocked taxied it to a stop in front of him out. Silvera rose, kicked open the DC6. "Keep them from tak­ the fallen suitcase. "I'll take my ing off." 5,000." Silvera squeezed out of the "To see you helping an obvious cockpit, dashed along the wing. enemy of mine, Miss Steiner," He jumped and caught one of the said Governor Shanks, "saddens propellers of the DC6 and swung me." up on its wing. He edged up to the Anne shrugged. To Silvera she ship, scrambled up on top of it. said, "If we can refuel here we Tully Spand shot at him from should be able to fly to the next the other side. territory. Be safe there." Silvera shot back and then Silvera was counting money threw himseH at tbe gangster. but he paused to nod yes. Here is a ltrong, suspenseful 8t0f1J of fraud and extor­ tion and murder in the halls of academe, and of dis­ covery by a man dead for fifty years. If you think you're about to start an utterly fantastic thriUer, you are about half right. Chills and thrills we can promise, but there is very little of the fantastic here. Mr. Mar­ shalfs first story for us is an inventive and credible science fiction story.

BRAIN BANK

by Ardrey Marshall

STURM HAD BEEN A BRAIN backwards-only figuratively, Banker fifty years since his death, since he had no back-to avoid and with good or bad luck, de­ offending them, and generally try­ pending on how one regarded the ing to sound as servile as possible. situation, he'd be one for at least What had life come to when a another century, until he died whining schoolboy or an irritated again. housewife could have one discon­ A high-pitched whistle shrilled nected permanently, which painfully in the back of his mind. amounted to swift execution, It sounded like an animal squeal­ merely by complaining of alleged ing before slaughter. Yanked from "discourtesy"? What a shame peo­ sleep, he grumbled to himself. ple weren't forced to spend a day Damn nuisance. Couldn't they in the Brain Bank before first leave him alone for the rest of the death. If they did, they'd realize shift? Twelve hours was too much that Bankers, despite the stories for anyone to take, listening to that circulated, were still human. lazy schoolboys pose homework The whistle shrilled again with problems they'd no intention of shrieking persistence, and he tried solving without help, "sir"-ing to throw off his sleepiness. He them despite they're being seventy opened his prism eye, unhooked years his junior, bending over his mechanical claw, and 47 48 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION switched on the Ooodlight illu­ was obviously self-conscious, as minating his blackboard. though hiding something. He The screen on the wall across coughed and nodded, allowing the room flickered, and a picture Sturm to discover what he was of a stout man in a white labora­ concealing: a wart sprouting sev­ tory smock appeared. eral hairs grew on his left cheek. Sturm cleared his throat-a "B 45," the man started in a de­ habit he'd acquired fifty years be­ manding tone, as though wanting fore at the University, where he'd to demonstrate his authority from lectured in mathematics-and the very beginning, "I am Profes­ said, "Brain Bank, B 45 speaking, sor Ludgin-Doctor Ludgin to Sir." you-from the Mathematics De­ "B 45, is it?" the man said. partment at the University. I saw Right away, Sturm sensed con­ " tempt in the voice. His pride Ludgin! It couldn't bel But aft­ rankled, but he held his mechani­ er all these years, it certainly was cal tongue. ''Yes, Sir. This is B th~ old devil, right down to the 45," he replied obediently. fuzzy pointed ears and the wart "Good," the man said, sound­ on the cheek. The fat slug hadn't ing as though he were addressing changed as much as one might a tardy servant. "I saw your back­ have expected. Odd, how a face ground in the catalog this morn­ once perfectly familiar and thor­ ing, and decided you'd be the one oughly disliked, out of mind all for my job." these years, could even for a mo­ The man blinked sluggishly, ment pass unrecognized; fortu­ removed his steel-rimmed glasses, nately Ludgin didn't recognize cleaned them on a fresh handker­ whom he was addressing. Other­ chief, and tried to wipe his nose wise their conversation would inconspicuously between two fin­ have been Sturm's ticket to a gers. He was around eighty years speedy second death. old, still in the early prime of life, "I saw from the catalog, B 4 5 ," and showed practically no signs Ludgin said coolly, "that you have of advancing age. His jowly face an extensive background in high­ made him look bored. But his er mathematics. I've got some com­ watery-blue eyes and his immacu­ plicated equations concerning lately-combed hair, thinning at proximal relations in topological the front, made him also seem fa­ dynamics, and I want them miliar. The cut of his mouth from checked. Think you could handle the side-he maintained himself them?" obliquely from the telly screen­ "Certainly, Sir," Sturm said, was grim. From the way he sat, he trying to sound slightly conde- BRAIN BANK 49 scending. "That was my field when his uncle, who controled the hem­ I was an undergraduate." ispheric liquor syndicate. Ludgin showed no sign of hav­ Sometimes his tactics had been ing noticed the tone. Undoubted­ astoundingly crude, and were ly he had, however, for he'd al­ transparent to everyone but his ways been sharp at detecting nu­ victim. In the presence of a pro­ ances. "I've also got several prob­ fessor giving a seminar meeting, lems which I must absolutely for instance, he'd pick the most have solved by next Wednesday. effective time to joke with an ene­ I'd like to give them to you, too. my about how the fellow must It's important, though, that I have have spent the previous evening the solutions on time. Would you "debauching" instead of study­ like to tackle them?" ing. If someone had an original "I understand, Sir," Sturm said. idea, Ludgin never failed precipi­ ''I'd certainly like to give ,them a tously to mention how beautifully try." He wanted to mention just "simple" it was, dwelling over the how well he actuallv did under­ adjective to imbue it with a touch stand, but he didn't dare. If Lud­ of double entendre. He held such gin was up to his old habits of an ugly, evil fascination for peo­ fifty years ago, he probably had a ple that sometimes he even used paper to give, and wanted some­ them when they were aware of the one else to prepare it for him. fact: he so charmed them with his There was no reason to suppose bold effrontery that it seemed he'd changed. worth being taken advantage of He'd been a wheeler-dealer and simply to watch him in action. a smooth talker ever since Sturm Ludgin's "projects" were the had met him. In fact, he'd been a joke of all the other teaching as­ real manipulator, and always got sistants. Ludgin gave projects to exactly what he wanted from ev­ students who wanted higher eryone. As a student and as a grades. He emphasized that home­ teaching assistant, he'd been an work could fall by the wayside, unctuous character, especially in but that the projects had to be the presence of a faculty member. completed. The projects, mysteri­ When it was important, he'd al­ ously enough, always seemed to be ways smiled at just the right time, closely related to his own re­ laughed with just the correct search. amount of hilarity, shook hands With his mechanical claw, affably, and joked well enough to Sturm reached above his tank and keep professors in stit~hes. And turned the saline solution valve. he'd even fixed up the right people He'd taken a little too much dis­ with wholesale liquor prices from tilled waler that morning-he'd 50 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION been interrupted in the midst of attached to the surface in order to the process by a telly query-and gather nerve responses for the hadn't felt right since then. He let Banker's mechanical devices-a a cupful of liquid splash into the cubicle speaker for communica­ tank before turning the valve shut. ting with the technicians who oc­ Ludgin, evidently interested in casionally chanced by; another the sight, leaned forward to speaker for the telly-talk hookup; watch. a movable prism eye that some­ Sturm wanted to make a re­ times required focusing; and a mark. One expected a man of mechanical claw for writing on Ludgin's position either to have the blackboard, moving the eye the courtesy not to be rudely curi­ and its portable stand about, and ous, or to have become used to the turning the solution valve. All the sight of Bankers after using them wires joined in a large waterproof throughout fifty or sixty years of cable fastened to the ceiling. Usu­ research. Even young children ally the only movement a Banker didn't find them terribly remarka­ made came from the circulation ble after seeing a Brain the first or pump feeding fluid to the oxygen second time. And professors, hav­ diaphragm, which pulsed with ing Bank entrance privileges, delicate regularity. sometimes even came to the cubi­ The Professor licked his lips. cles, though this was rare, to ''I'll tell you what," he said. "To­ work directly with their Brain as­ morrow, perhaps I'll have central sistants. fix us up with a private connec­ People were used to seeing tion. I won't have you disturbed Bankers whenever they needed a while you're working for me." problem solved. In his or her Then, as though bribing a child tank, a Brain looked more like a with a cookie, he added, smiling, sponge or a piece of coral in an ''You can finish the work in just a aquarium than like an excised few days, but we could keep the remnant of a human being. Per­ connection for a fortnight or so. haps that was why society's atti­ That way you could rest or do tude toward Bankers was more the whatever it is you Bankers like to attitude one might have toward a do in your spare time. If you pre­ possession than toward another fer, I'll have my secretary get a human, and why legally they were phonograph from Audio-visual no longer regarded as humans. and play a stack of symphonies for The brain convolutions were you every morning. You do like scarcely visible: a maze of red, symphonies, don't you?" blue, green, and yellow wires "Very much, Sir," Sturm re­ coded with stripes and spots were plied, trying not to sound too BllAIN BANK 51 eager, but thrilled at the thought. Back in the old days when At the same time he was angry. they'd been students and teaching Ludgin must long ago have dis­ assistants together the situation covered how to cajole maximum had been different. They'd been effort from a Banker. It didn't voluble, eager enemies then, each take much thinking to realize that taking every opportunity to pick a person secluded in an isolated at the other. On one level, theirs room, unable to speak to others ex­ was a stupid, immature argument; cept on official business--and but it certainly had been fun. that, mathematics-soon hun­ Sturm remembered one after­ gered for emotional human con­ noon in particular when Ludgin tact, especially for its distillation had entered the office shared by in art. A bribe like that was more the TA's, in a typically nasty effective than threats. mood. Ludgin slammed his books "Of course," the Professor add­ on his desk and announced in a ed slyly with a hint of a wink, loud voice that seemed designed "you'll get the symphonies only if to disturb as many people as pos­ your work is satisfactory." sible that he had it in for a stu­ Why, the bastard, Sturm dent, and was going to flunk the thought. The dirty bastard. That fellow that semester if it was the was open bribery. It was degrad­ last thing he accomplished. ing, undignified, and offensively "What the hell for?" Sturm blunt. asked angrily, looking up in dis­ Ludgin chuckled, having gust. pulled the ace from his sleeve. "Mind your own business," "And for being so agreeable, which Ludgin answered, his paste-col­ I'm sure you'll be," he added, with ored face flushing slightly at the an open hint of sarcasm, "I'll even sign of open disapproval. leave the telly connection for the Sturm regarded himself as Lud­ rest of today to allow you to rumi­ gin's self-appointed gadfly, so he nate my proposition." rushed into the breech : "You just "Thank you, Sir," Sturm re­ made it my business, and every­ plied venomously. He wanted to one else's, by announcing it pub­ add, "you fat slug," but managed licly." to quash the temptation. Why re­ Ludgin snorted in irritation. sist just for a show of independ­ "Why bother?" Sturm prodded ence? Pragmatically it would him. "Just to get even with hu- achieve nothing except a possible manity?" · soothing of pride; and an open Someone snickered in the back­ show of defiance could very well ground. mean disconnection. "Sometimes you amaze me, 52 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION Sturm," Ludgin responded, shrug­ "You must get sick thinking ging his shoulders and nodding about yourself," Sturm said bitter­ his head, as though there was no ly. hope for such a simpleton. "Tut, tut. Pot calls the kettle "Haven't you ever just taken a black," Ludgin replied with an look at someone and hated him acid dash of humor. "At least I right off the bat? The minute I don't sit around moralizing all the saw this kid Moore, I knew I had time and trying to bear the whole to get him. And by God I will. world's cross like some people I Just watch me. know." "Besides," he added lamely. Sturm glanced up. "There's not "He's trying to give me a hard much danger of that either, is time. He's done nothing but argue there?" he retorted. He left the and ask questions for a month. As room in anger, not just because of far as I'm concerned, a student Ludgin, but also because he, him­ should be like a goose being self, had become so irritated. turned into pate de foie gras. In following weeks, Ludgin re­ Knowledge ought to be rammed ported the progress of what he into his mouth like so much corn, called his "anti-Moore campaign," and he oughtn't to struggle. What oblivious to the disapproval of Moore doesn't know is that with others. He announced every grade all his questioning nonsense, he's he gave the student, jubilent already cut his own throat." whenever it was a failing one. He "But just for the record," Sturm recalled the times he'd squelched interjected, "you decided you Moore, and described each occa­ were going to get him before he sion he'd made a fool of him in started being so inquisitive, class. Finally, one afternoon at right?" the semester's end, he announced Ludgin thought for a moment. he'd been able to flunk Moore on "Certainly." He smiled, exposing his oral final by rattling him into three gold teeth. total confusion. And at last came "And you're really going to do the crowning achievement, the it, aren't you? Don't you know you final glory! Ludgin flunked him could ruin his whole life?" for the semester. Ludgin broke into a fit of laugh­ This did not happen, however, ter tickled to such an extent that without a stink. Moore com­ he dropped a book he'd been ex­ plained to the Dean. Ludgin, amining. He grinned and said, swearing with lamb-eyed inno­ "That's the general idea." He took cence, waxing eloquent, and a cigar from his suit pocket, clasping his hands earnestly be­ picked up the book, lit the cigar. fore him, insisted that a line had BRAIN BANK 53 to be drawn somewhere. After all, the time-was one of their most as an instructor, he'd o:qly been brilliant graduate students, as well doing his duty, despite having as a fine teacher. As Department tried to be lenient. Besides, Chairman, he vouched for Lud­ Moore had no proof. This was a gin's integrity. Pendergast depart­ trumped up charge. Moore had ed after muttering that although disliked him from the very begin­ he, himself, was well situated at ning. the University, job offers still And while Ludgin made these reached his office from all over the charges, no one came to the de­ world. fense of Moore. Ludgin's students The Dean took the hint and and all of Sturm's fellow teaching knuckled under. Moore was sepa­ assistants preferred silence to in­ rated permanently from the Uni­ volvement. versity. Ludgin emerged from the What should he do'? Sturm fray smelling like roses. asked himself. At first, the answer But Sturm had been affected. seemed clear. But somehow the too. A layer of his naivete was question became confused in the gone, and he was disillusioned. tangle of events. Sturm at last set­ The University, the community of tled on what he could do, rather reason, the place he'd expected to than consider the morality of the be the last refuge of truth, honesty situation. If he intended to remain and justice, was no better than the at the University, or ever to return rest of the world-a dungheap of to it from a teaching position at scratching, unscrupulous animals. another, it would be unwise to If practice formed the standard "make waves" and disturb events. for one's judgment, there was more Finally another force stepped than a kernel of truth in the max­ in. Dr. Pendergast, the Depart­ im one frequently heard jokingly ment Chairman, and one of the repeated on campus: "Do unto oth­ most eminent mathematicians in ers before they do it unto you." the country, whom Ludgin had "So, you'll start first thing in the been supplying with discount liq­ morning," Ludgin said flatly, in­ uor and a plenitude of oily smiles, terrupting Sturm's thoughts. He paid an angry visit to the Dean. was telling, not asking. His face, Pendergast pounded his fist be­ pale and flaccid, loomed huge on neath the Dean's very nose, shout­ the screen. ing angrily, "No proof! No proof! He took some envelopes and pa­ There's abs()lutely no proof in this pers from his desk, slid them into student's ridiculous charges." And his attache case, stood, and called Ludgin, he lied-he must surely out to his secretary: "Miss Durant! have known that he was lying at I shall be off now. Kindly leave 54 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION the telly switched as it is. I'll stop His first death, he reflected, had by for a few moments around four­ been quite unlike the struggle in thirty." the lithograph. In fact, it was as "Yes, Dr. Ludgin," Miss Du­ easy as exhaling a sigh. That year rant's voice sounded in a high, na­ he'd turned thirty-two, a young sal twang from the distance. age for someone of such academic "\Vhere can you be reached in the accomplishments. He'd received meantime?" two post-PhD degrees, and had al­ Ludgin scowled, half turning in ready published one book which the direction of her office. "I won't was selling well and threatening be able to be reached," he snapped, to become well known. Though with uncalled-for aggressiveness. he'd not yet received tenure-that "I shall simply be out, that's all." was still undoubtedly quite a few "Very well, Doctor." decades off-he'd been appointed Ludgin turned once again to the full instructor. He was walking to telly screen. "And I'll start you on campus one cool September morn­ your work tomorrow morning, B ing, on his way to class. The time 45." had come, he thought, paying no "Yes, Sir," Sturm said obedient­ heed to traffic as he stepped down ly. from the sidewalk, to consider set­ tling down. Sometime that month An hour later, Sturm found he'd pop the question to Marsha, himself in a gloomy, introspective a plump, rosy-cheeked girl doing mood. He mused about dying, re­ second-year graduate study in Eng­ calling what he'd been through, lish literature, and whom he was and wondering how his final death seeing almost every evening, would come. On the telly screen spurred on by her infectious laugh­ he faced part of Ludgin's office: ter, her wide hips, and the magnif­ the desk, and across the room the icent pair of bibliographies she'd bleakness of a wall interrupted by compiled dealing with Anglo-Sax­ a picture and a partially-opened on short lyric poetry, ample proof door, which he suppose led to the that along with her lovely person­ secretary's office. ality, she had the makings of a His mood stemmed from the scholar. He was remembering how picture, a lithograph of a terrible he greedily loved to kiss her hands scene in which a woman seized and neck. He heard a shout, and from behind by Death was being suddenly felt the shock of being dragged into the shadows. Oppo­ struck from behind by an over­ site the skeleton monster, a child whelming weight. reached out towards the woman Flung into the air like a wind­ from the light. blown leaf, he found himself bur- BRAIN BANK 55 tllng down. The ground opened be­ and transplanting, and you1l have fore him into a deep, black well. to be quiet." He struggled, falling, and falling "They always try to talk," an­ still, the bottom beyond his sight. other voice said. He sighed, and recognized in an For hours he wallowed in an ee­ instant of thickening blackness rie Limbo, hearing clicks and that he had taken his last breath. mumbling, the sound of scissors The dark wrapped around him like snipping. He felt strange pres­ acacoon. sures pushing and pulling all over Later he awoke in jangling con­ his body. He was unable to move; fusion. Inside his skull, his brain he imagined he was mired up to seemed to be boiling. Thoughts, his chin in thick, oozy mud. sounds, memories and sights bub­ Suddenly his mind felt clean bled to the surface in a surrealistic and clear. He blinked-at least he welter. Where was he? He felt a went through the effort of blinking dog's warm tongue licking his -but nothing happened. He spied hand. Was that the odor of roses a pinpoint of light, and concen­ around him blending quickly into trated on it. It grew wider, and the sour smell of antiseptic? A opened like a camera lens, reveal­ moth fluttered eerily before a can­ ing a group of smocked figures dle on the porch of a distant house standing around a tank. that squatted darkly on a hillside. One of the men turned and Yet how could he be far enough stared, then seemed to approach away to see the house, and also Sturm. He had thick eyebrows and near enough to see the soot rising grey hair. He was pulling off a pair from the taper's flame? He felt mo­ of rubber gloves. tion sick, as though he were "Sturm," the man said. "Make a wheeling in vast circles ·through sound if you understand me. Can the sky. you hear what I'm saying?" He tried to talk. "Where ••.?" Sturm grunted weakly: "Yes.• He imagined he moved his lips, but He heard himself making the noise he heard no sound. He tried again. as though his ears were yards away. "Be quiet, Sturm," a voice or­ "Fine," the man said patronm. dered in an odd, sizzling tone .. ingly. "That's it. You'll feel better A brilliant light flashed and soon. I suppose you've guessed died away. where you are. We couldn't save Sturm began mumbling. your body. After the car hit, you "Don't try to talk!" the voice in­ were crushed by a truck. There sisted angrily. ''You'll ruin our wasn't a thing we could do. But work. We can't understand you your brain was undamaged, and anyway. We're still connecting with your talent and knowledge 56 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION you couldn't be allowed to "Why didn't you let me die?" die." Sturm shouted. "Please, kill me The Brain Bank! The realiza­ now. Don't make me live like this. tion hit him like a flash of chill I'll commit ..." lightning. He was only a vegetable One of the men reached be­ now, a creature in a tank. He had neath the tank and Hipped no limbs, no head-in fact, no a switch. In mid-sentence, Sturm body. Legally he was neither alive was unable to talk. He felt himself nor a person. To him, Marsha going through the motions of ar­ might still remain; but she would ticulation, but he no longer heard consider him liquidated! himself making sounds. How could they have done it? ''I'm tired of hearing things like What right did anyone have? Was­ that," the man who'd flipped the n't a clause in one's will the usual switch said angrily. "It isn't our legal requirement? Wasn't his per­ fault. We didn't make the system." mission necessary? He turned to one of the others. "I didn't put it in my will," he "They never seem to understand." uttered, confused and nauseated. Sturm felt himself whirling The man nodded soothingly. again, s1ipping back into muddy "Yes .... yes, I know." He clouds of unconsciousness. looked awkwardly at the floor as For a period ·which he later he continued. "I understand. But judged lasted several days, he there are times when you can't slipped in and out of this murky be selfish, Sturm. And with your awareness. It took him quite some talent . . . Besides, you're legal­ time, however, to become recon­ ly dead. Who's to complain? You ciled to his new mode of existence can't. And as for that permission and the tiny cubicle that con­ bit, that's all a myth, something we tained him. tell people so that during their life Several times each twelve hours they don't get nervous. Actually, the telly screen flickered on with­ here at the Bank, we are the ulti­ out warning, and one of the Bank mate authorities. We take what­ rehabilitation and attitude thera­ ever brains we want. We pick and pists gave him instructions on how choose according to our needs." to use his mechanical claw. Once The man turned and shuffled awk­ a day there was even a schedule of wardly back to his companions. supervised exercises. The worst "But it isn't fair!" Sturm shout­ feature he found to be the filmed ed. exhortations designed to improve Several technicians glanced his attitude, in which the same briefly around, then resumed their man each time pointed out that conference. "Life at the Brain Bank is a unique BUIN BANit 57 chance for service lo the commu­ thing they said, that he was being nity, as well as for prolonged trained by films. In fact, he him­ learning in your field. You may self had been reduced to the level make of it what you wish." of a machine. Sturm struggled with his claw, He thought again of suicide. at first so clumsily that he fre­ That such an act was "wrong" quently overshot the marks paint­ seemed foolishness to him, a rem­ ed on the floor he intended to nant of a primitive and supersti­ touch. The therapists, all bored, tious past. But the act was irre­ yawning chaps, repeated over and vocable, a thought which re­ over again, as though they had strained him. He was in no hurry memorized the words and could to decide. say nothing else, "You11 learn on Then one morning a stabbing your own, just like all the Bankers pain accompanied by a shrill bell do. Don't worry." Each time they exploded unexpectedly in his advised him to perform an exer­ mind. cise, they requested him to do it Another figure, a new white­ six times, rest a few moments smocked technician, appeared on while they gave him "psychological the telly screen. therapy and attitude improve­ This one, however, was not ment," and then to do the exercise filmed. another half-dozen repetitions. "You hear that bell, B 4 5 ?" the He discovered that no matter man asked in a surly tone. how poorly he performed, they al­ The bell rang three times again ways encouraged him, telling him in rapid succession, each ring ac­ how well he was doing, and urg­ companied by a surge of hot pain. ing him to persist. Then one after­ Sturm winced. "Yes," he said. "I noon, having completed the first hearit." set of exercises, he was so exhaust­ "When you hear that bell, you ed he was unable to resume them pay attention, understand?" again. The therapist, however, "Yes." kept saying: "That's it. Wonderful. The pain bell rang again. You'll have full dexterity in no "If you're asleep when the bell time at all." rings, you wake up and focus your As an experiment, he did noth­ eye on the telly screen. When you ing when he was supposed to ex­ see someone, you say 'Brain Bank, ercise. The therapist smiled obliv­ B 4 5 speaking, Sir.' " iously, counted cadence, and con­ "Yes," Sturm said, his mind still tinued to urge him on, unaware stinging. that Sturm was still resting. "Yes, what?" the man shouted, He realized then, despite every- turning on a long ring of the bell 58 FANTASY AND SCIBNCB FICTION that jabbed into Sturm's flesh like I can make you wish you'd never a thorn. "'Yes, Sir,'" the man Uved. Understand?" shouted. "You say, 'Yes, Sir.' Don't "Yes, Sir," Sturm said. you ever forget that." The screen flickered and went The pain bell rang again. Nei­ dark. ther of them spoke. Just like a dog, Sturm thought. The pain-bell rang still another Just like a dog in Pavlov's labora­ time. Sturm felt as though he tory. The thought of the bell made would split from the shock of it. him cringe. Perhaps suicide was­ "Answer me," the man shouted, n't such a bad idea after all. his face flushed with rage. · Several times later the same day The pain bell rang again. the man in the white smock reap­ "Brain Bank, B 4 5 speaking, peared, and the pain-bell rang like Sir," Sturm uttered weakly, feel­ a vibrating razor-blade. Each time ing a dull ache even when the bell Sturm remembered what he'd been stopped. If the man continued this told; and mumbled the formula. much longer, Sturm knew he After the fourth reappearance, would become unconscious. the man said, "Very good, B 45. "That's better. Say it again.'' You've learned vour lesson. There's The bell rang. one other thing. you'd better under­ "Brain Bank, B 4 5 speaking, stand, too. \Vhen someone calls S1r.. " and asks you a question, all you're "Louder," the man said. to do is give them an answer. Don't "Brain Bank, B 45 speaking, let me catch you getting in any Sir," Sturm shouted. conversations. I monitor the whole The man relaxed in his chair, Bank from here, and I'll be check­ staring at Sturm. "Don't think you ing up on you. The bnll is tame to have any rights here, B 45. You what you'll get if you disobey." have none. You belong to the State "Yes, Sir," Sturm said, swallow­ now, and you'll do exactly as ing his pride. He wanted to rebel, you're told. We're doing you a fa­ but he knew rebellion would be vor keeping you alive, and don't useless. More than the pain-bell, forget it. You can be unplugged he was hurt by the knowledge that anytime I give the word. And if I he was to be treated worse than the ever hear you've been discourteous lowest of human beings. to anyone, I'll make what you've "Tomorrow," the man said just been through srem tame com­ abruptly, 'Til put vou on the sec­ pared to the punishment you'll get. ond work shift, and the computer We know how to keep you Brains will switch vou on and off auto­ in check here, and don't think matically. Y~u'll be plugged into we're too kind not to. If I want to, the New Development Service of BllAIN BANJt 59 the Mathematical Library for two "Don't want explanations, hours daily before you start an­ Brain," the man said. "Jus' tell me swers each evening. You're expect­ if I'm right ..• We got a bet, ed to learn as much as you can. see?" And remember-there's no frater­ Sturm was furious when the nization between Bankers and peo­ screen went blank. So this was ple." what he'd be used for-answering "Yes, Sir," Sturm replied, stif­ inconsequential questions at the ling his anger. beck and call of every ignorant ass He was still irritated the next who could turn a telly knob. morning when, after being Shortly afterwards, however, he plugged into a review of new de­ discovered his first impression to velopments in differential calcu­ be inaccurate. For the rest of the lus, the bell rang once again. This morning he was kept so busy he time, however, it was softer, and scarcely had time to think about did not hurt. anything but mathematics. A half­ The man on the screen-his dozen lazv school children, most­ first questioner-was obviously ly boys, rang him up for assistance not a student. He was dressed in with school work which none of a dark business suit, a stiff white them wantf'd to tackle alone. Then collar, and a black tie. A white a girl, a freshman in high school, carnation bloomed from his but­ called for tutoring in elementary tonhole, and he was so drunk he calculus. She was sick in bed, and staggered, scarcely able to speak. wanted to schedule regular tu­ "I got a bet," he mumbled thick­ toring for several weeks. She had ly. He was in a bar, and Sturm a broad, pale forehead, a warm, could see tables of patrons in the fluttering smile, and she wore her background. "Got a bet about tri­ black hair with a white ribbon tied angles. With Charlie here." across it. She refused to have her Another drunken head popped work done for her, and wanted to into the margin of the picture, struggle and puzzle her way grinned toothily, and disappeared. through every equation. "Loser's gonna buy the winner By the end of the call, Sturm's a bottle. See if you can solve this, faith in humanity was restored. smart Brain." He was still a teacher! Life wasn't The problem was simple. Al­ as bleak as it seemed. It could be most any third-grader could have much worse. And that idea about solved it. Within seconds, Sturm suicide was nonsense. did. He gave the man the answer, explaining the solution as he He was still contemplating the would have explained it to a class. lithograph when Ludgin's secre- 60 .A:NTAST AND SCIENCE I'ICTION tary entered the oflic:e. She was a the telly lens. She cleaned an ash­ delightful creature, absolutely tray, put some paper clips and a splendid, with a great golden coil sharp, metal letter opener back in of hair, soft white skin, thin the drawer where they belonged, cheeks, brown eyes, and a well de­ and replaced a pencil in the pen­ veloped figure that stretched her cil container. After dusting the ta­ green sweater taut. Sturm thanked ble top, she walked over to the lith­ his lucky stars for the testosterone ograph, looked at her reflection in level of his enzymerhormone bal­ the glass covering it, and touched ance regulator. her hair quickly with her left He was going to chance speak­ hand. Then she started backing ing with her-he'd long ago dis­ out the door, looking around the covered that the monitor never office as she left, doubtless to see appeared on his shift, and was if she'd forgotten anything. probably at home asleep-when She was almost toppled, how­ she began humming. ever, by a young man wearing a ''Y eh-deh-deh, Yeh-deh-deh," gray flannel suit and carrying a she hummed merrily, to the quiv­ briefcase as he came bursting in. ering melody of some throbbing "Oh-h-h-h-h-h!" Miss Durant popular song. She was unaware of murmured, catching her balance. being watched. She took a pack­ "Excuse me. Is Professor Lud­ age of gum from her handbag, un­ gin here?" the young man demand­ wrapped a stick, and popped it be­ ed aggressively. He wore thick, tween her wet lips. Still humming, black-rimmed glasses which, com­ she chewed vigorously. In a mo­ bined with his sallow complex­ ment she blew a bubble with the ion, made him seem rather wild­ gum, popped it, and chewed some eyed as he glanced around the more. room. His hair was neatly, in fact "I love you, Baby, Yeh-deh-deh, slickly, combed, giving him a well­ Yeh-deh-deh," she murmured. kempt but conceited appearance. Sturm was crestfallen. What a "I must see him right away." shame, what a terrible shame to "Mr. Schieckel" the secretary waste a body like that on a crea­ said. ''You startled me. Where on ture with a permanent mental earth have you been? Dr. Ludgin's charley-horse between the ears. been worried to death. He's been Too bad the telly had been left on trying to reach you for the last two "speak" by Ludgin. Sturm wished weeks." As if to punctuate her ques­ he'd been spared the noise and al­ tions, she blew an enormous gum lowed to keep his illusion. bubble, popped it, and resumed She straightened Ludgin's pa­ chewing. pers without even glancing up at "I'll bet he has," Schiecke said, BRAIN BANK 61 his voice ringing with contempt. who had opened a book, she left, Where is the old bloodsucker, closing the door behind her. anyway-off on a coffee-break?" What an upstart this student "Don't let him catch you talk­ was, Sturm thought. What a smug, ing like that. If he heard you, he'd conceited fellow. Had Ludgin have you sacked." changed so much during all these Schiecke threw back his head years that he now allowed himself and laughed. "You don't really be­ to be badgered, pushed about, and lieve that, do you? Not after every­ taken advantage of. If so, this was thing I've done for him. Don't wor­ the last thing Sturm would have ry about me. I can take care of my­ expected. self. Especially now," he added But then, Ludgin's Achilles grimly. "Where is he?" heel was his short coming as a "I don't know. He wouldn't say. mathematician, and that might But he should be back any time put things in a different light. Ob­ now. " viously he'd had to become de­ "''m not surprised," Schiecke pendent on others in his research, replied. And when Miss Durant because for all his social skills he'd gave him a curious glance, he add­ simply never had the brilliant in­ ed, "I mean, he spends a great deal tuitive comprehension of mathe­ of time out politicking, doesn't matics that he'd needed. He'd been h e., .. bright, granted, but he'd never She shrugged. The motion was been original. He'd always been becoming. merely a plodder with above-aver­ "At any rate," Schiecke said, age endurance. He'd never had the "If he's due back soon, I'll just sit fire, the genius, the inspiration­ down and make myself at home." call it what you will-of the He plopped into the Professor's great. And in that dog-eat-dog uni­ chair, and even put his feet on the versity system, his kind had to desk. have some other special skill to Miss Durant hesitated uncer­ last long. With his shortcomings, tainly. "Don't you think you'd bet­ had he ever been given tenure? If ter wait outside? He might .•." so, no doubt it had come as a re­ Schiecke dismissed the thought ward for his incredible skill at with the wave of a hand. "Oh, nev­ backslapping, which was enough er mind. It won't bother him. He'll to make one wonder why he'd nev­ be so happy to see I'm back that he er heard his calling and become won't think of complaining." an administrator. "I don't know ..." Miss Du­ Miss Durant's thin, flutey voice rant hesitated again. Provoking no piped up from outside: ''Yes further response from Schiecke, He's inside now, Doctor." 62 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION Schiecke stopped reading, his thinking, and some important re­ feet still on the desk. His eyes search, that's all." gleamed malevolantly. "Make any progress?" the Pro­ "Carl! Where the devil have you fessor asked. He appeared to be re­ been?" Ludgin exclaimed, enter­ lieved. ing his office. "I've been worried "Oh, yes. I made the most im- to death about you for weeks. I portant discovery so far." kept calling your apartment, but Schiecke's voice was bitter. there was no answer." He was grin­ "I don't understand." ning broadly. He set his attache "You know, Professor," the stu­ case on a filing cabinet next to the dent said, rising from the chair desk. and walking across the room to Schiecke didn't return the glance at the lithograph, "I don't smile. "I imagine you lost a little see how I could have been so stu­ sleep when I didn't bring you that pid. You kept insisting I was bril­ section of your book, didn't you?" liant-which, by the way, I al­ From the pleasant smile, the ready knew-but I couldn't un­ Professor's expression turned to an derstand why. That's not the ordi­ icy scowl. He removed his jacket, nary thing a professor tells a stu­ hung it on the coatrack, went to dent. He may say, 'You're doing the door, opened it, and called well,' or 'This is good work,' but out: "That'll be all for today, Miss you're the first professor who has Durant. You can go now." He ever told me bluntly, 'You're one closed the door abruptly and of the most brilliant students I turned towards Schiecke. ever taught.' Obviously you want­ "I don't see why you have to ed me to like you." make such a point of it, Carl. After Schiecke faced the Professor, a all, you may be helping me, but controlled hatred glimmering in I'm your advisor, and I'm helping his eyes. "After I passed my orals you a great deal, too. But you seem with no effort and started on my in a funny mood today. Where thesis project, I kept thinking were you all this time. What's the about that. I didn't mind helping matter?" He affected an ingratiat­ you on your book, even if it ing smile, full of the glitter of gold amounted to doing most of the teeth. work on it, but I got irritated "Nothing," Schiecke said even­ when I gave you my thesis and you ly. "Atleastnotnow." kept it for over three months, put­ Ludgin shot him an odd, un­ ting me off with that nonsense comprehending glance. "What do about your wanting to check it you mean?" over very carefully. And when you "I've just been doing a lot of said you didn't have time, what BRAIN BANK 63 with all your other commitments, University, and the only way they it just didn't make sense." could do it was by invalidating my Ludgin said nothing. He stared research and making me start all uncomprehendingly at Schiecke. over again." "When you finally returned it to "You're working too hard, Carl. me with those ridiculous com­ You're working too hard. You're ments on it, it was all I could do starting to get paranoid delusions to keep from laughing in your face. about this thing. Just relax. Look, Here you were, the big professor it's unfortunate that the commit­ who couldn't even write his own tee wouldn't accept your thesis af­ book, telling the student who was ter Karsky's article was published, doing it for him that a thesis had but that's the breaks. You just have mistakes in it." to roll with the punches, that's all. "You may be brilliant, And besides, who do you think Schiecke," the professor snarled, would do such a thing?" "but I'll be damned if I'll let any­ Schiecke smiled. ''Wouldn't one talk to me like that. What do you?'' you think you're doing?" Ludgin acted stunned. He sank "Stop trying to con me, Lud­ into his chair, shaking his head. gin." "What on earth are you talking At the sound of his last name, about?" the professor turned white with "Don't lie to me!" Schiecke rage. His breathing became a shouted. ''You'd like to see ine here heavy wheeze. for a while, wouldn't you? You "I know what you're doing. I thought you could get away with it found out about how someone else by sending the article in under a published my thesis, too." phony name. Sure, the equations "What do you mean?" the Pro­ were different. But you changed fessor demanded. "You're crazy, them to make it look less obvious. Carl. You're crazy. Karsky was just "Get out of here, get out of working on the same thing, that's here," Ludgin snarled. "Get out of all. He's an amateur. Just because my office. I don't ever want to see someone published something be­ you again. I've never been so in­ fore you did doesn't mean your sulted in all my life. You're sick, work was stolen." Carl. I mean it. You're really "Don't give me that bunkum. I sick." Ludgin rushed from his know what I'm talking about. It all chair, strode across the room, and fits together. There's no such per­ opened the door. He waited, his son as Karsky, even if his name face twisted in anger, as though he was on the article. Someone want­ expected Schiecke to leave. ed to keep me right here at the "I won't leave," Schiecke said 64 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION very softly. "I've got a lot more to Office window showing you open­ say to you, Professor, and I think ing the box and reading the letter you'll want to listen. You see, I've you got back from the Mathemati­ caught you at your game. I would­ cal Review. It's amazing what a n't have accused you like this if I 600-mm telephoto lens can pick didn't have the proof." up. " Ludgin was stunned. His mouth Ludgin stepped towards dropped open. Schiecke, his hands outstretched "Now close the door, Professor, for the camera, but Schiecke and let's be reasonable about this," snatched it away. "Won't do you Schiecke said. He opened his at­ any good, I'm afraid. I took the tache case, and removed a camera. precaution of leaving the film at Turning back to Ludgin he ex­ the developer's before I came plained, "That was very clever of here." you to take out a post office box in "Very smart," Ludgin scowled. Karsky's name. You thought it "Very smart." would be a dead end if I investi­ "I thought so, too," Schiecke gated, didn't you? I wrote the agreed brightly. His eyebrows Mathematical Review, they re­ arched quizzically. "But where do plied that they didn't know a thing we go from here?" about Karsky except that he "Why don't you sit down, and claimed he was a clerk of some sort make yourself at home?" who just dabbled in mathematics, "I prefer to stand." and they gave me his address­ Schiecke was silent for a mo­ Box 5730; right here in town. You ment. He took a pipe and some to­ underestimated me. You just didn't bacco from his pocket, filJed the know what lengths I'd go to." pipe, lit it, and waved the match Ludgin closed the door quietly. ineffectualJy in the air, paying no "I've been gone two weeks, Lud­ attention to the flame. At last he gin, because Nmew I had to catch dropped the match into an ashtray. you. When you couldn't reach me "So here we are, Professor," he at my apartment, I was living in said at last, in an even, deliberate the YMCA right across the street tone. "I've got the goods on you, from the Post Office, waiting for there's no doubt about that. I sup­ you to go to the Box. That "thesis" pose I could go to the Dean, tell I gave you three weeks ago wasn't him what's been going on, and pre­ original. I copied it from a book sent him with the evidence." in the library. I didn't think you'd "He wouldn't believe you," Lud­ know about it, and I was right. At gin snapped. any rate, I got a beautiful series "Stop trying to con me. You of photographs through the Post can't bluff your way out of this." BRAIN BANK 65 Ludgin began biting his nails have a fine house. For a bachelor, nervously. without a wife and children to "I've been wondering what to do support, twenty thousand a year is about you since I first realized you twice as much as you need. I'll be wanted to keep me in this degree generous, though. I'll settle for a factory as long as you could," mere six thousand a year." Schiecke added. "Going to the "And how long will this go on?" Dean would be too easy. I'd like Ludgin demanded. "One year? to see you sacked. But on the other Five years? Ten years? As long as hand, the only thing I dislike I live? I leave myself wide open, about being a student is the pover­ don't I, if I accept your proposi­ ty. I don't suppose you've seen pov­ tion?" erty for a long time, have you? If "I don't see that you have much you could give me . . . some­ choice, Professor. And get that thing to take away the sting . . ." martyred-saint tone out of your Ludgin made no answer. He con­ voice. Remember you started this. tinued to glare, his eyes giving You wanted to keep me here as him a confused, stupified expres­ long as possible. You stole my sion. Then he began glancing work and had it published under around hastily, as though hunting someone else's name. You're get­ for something not there. His face ting just what you deserve." took on a new expression of reso­ ''I'm sorry, Carl ... Truly lution. • • . I'm • • ," Ludgin's voice "You understand me, of course," cracked. Schiecke offered delicately. Sturm believed him. Monster or "Yes," Ludgin said, shuffiing not, Ludgin was pitiful now that slowly back to his desk, where he he'd been trapped and humiliated. sat down wearily. "That's black­ To see such an enemy suddenly mail, Carl. I won't be blackmailed. helpless was almost obscene. For That's a filthy, lowdown thing to a moment Sturm weakened, want­ do. You think I'm rich? Where am ing to forget all their old argu­ I supposed to get the money?" ments. Ludgin turned his back to the "I haven't got my tenure yet, student. He opened his desk draw­ Carl," the Professor whined. "My er a crack. The letter opener glit­ time is running out .. Every seven tered in the light. He shut the years . • . I've got to produce a drawer again, and turned around. book. Every three months . . . Schiecke was instantly angry. an article. I wanted a good book "I told you to stop trying to con this time, something that would me. I know what you make. You cause a stir and clinch my tenure. get twen~y thousand a year. You I tried. You don't know how hard 66 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION

I tried. I just couldn't ~on1e up case. But you're not going to get it with anything. Then you ap­ now. I'll keep it as insurance so peared, and I realized that with you won't try anything funny." your help I could get the book and Ludgin laughed half-heartedly 0 the tenure. But you were too good. "I didn't know you were so clever." You were too fast. I couldn't let ''I'm so clever, Professor, that you leave so soon." from now on I'll collect six thou­ "You make my heart bleed, Pro­ sand a year from you, and fifty fessor," Schiecke answered cruel­ percent of whatever you get from ly. "How did you get along with­ your book. For the next two or out me? By plagiarizing? By forc­ three years, you can also make cer­ ing others to do what you couldn't tain that I get a feUowship. I don't do for yourself?" care how you do it, but I'll expect Ludgin gave a reluctant and al­ one. I don't mind being a 'student' most imperceptible nod. for that kind of money o Since all "It's a rotten system," Schieckc my course requirements have been continued, drawing closer to the completed, this will amount to a Professor, "where your kind gets nice fat subsidy. 1'11 be able to do promoted, and where the teachers my own research, and I won't have who really care about students get to put up with any nonsense from the boot because they can't manu­ you or the University or anyone facture enough intellectual rub­ else. When I'm satisfied, you and bish to keep the administration I can cook up a new thesis, and happy." He shook his head. "But you'll make certain I get my de­ I'm not about to change it. In fact, gree." I might as well take advantage of "I haven't any choice, do I?" the situation." Ludgin turned back to his desk "Mybook ..." and slowly opened the drawer a "Don't worry about your pre­ crack. "But with all your clever­ cious book. I've been conning you ness, you've forgotten one littl~ almost as much as you've been con­ thing. I have a document here ning me. It's practically done-at which may change your mind, and least as far as the ideas go. I've which I think you'd better look at." been doling out little bits and He slipped a piece of paper cov­ pieces to you on purpose. I didn't ered with print onto his desk with give you everything I had a few his right hand, glanced at months ago because I wanted to Schiecke and motioned him to the keep in your favor just the way you paper. At the same time, he kept wanted to keep in mine." his left hand in the drawer. "Where is it?" "What's that?" Schiecke asked, "I've got most of it in my brief- stepping forward curiously. B&AIN BANK 67 LudgiD smiled to llila!df, Schiecke's briefcase, fumbled with whirled in his chair, the letter the lock, opened it at last, and opener in his hand, and snarled, rifled through the books and pa­ "Something for you," as he pers. Finally he removed a large plunged the weapon skaigbt mao sectioa of papers and put them in Schiecke's chest. a desk drawer. Schiecke, eyes opeD iB horror, But there was the body to deal stared numbly. He blinked stu­ with, too. He seized it by the arm­ pidly, as though unable to compre­ pits, looking distastefully at the hend what had happened. He stag­ letter opener and the blood now gered. soaki11g the jacket. With a grunt, "My God, Ludgin, what " he half lifted, half heaved the body he gurgled thickly. His hands hung to the floor, then opened one of limp at his sides, and he contin­ Schiecke's eyelids and glanced at ued to stare at the opener, as the eye. There was no doubt: though it were sticking into some­ Schiecke was dead. one else. 011ly wlaen Ludgin had taken a Ludgin stood, his lips curling handket:clrief from his pocket and in distask, seized Schiecke by the cleaned the blood carefully from shoulder, and with a quick motion the top of his desk, carefully rub­ as though unskewering a piece of bing away every trace of his crime, meat, pulled the opener free. Then did he glance back down at the he plunged it once more into the floor. Suddenly, however, he stif­ student. fened, as though realizing some­ Schiecke's eyes were glazed. He thingnew. took another step and collapsed He looked tsp at the telly and across the desk. The impact of his gasped. fall rammed the letter opener so With a sick feeling, Sturm that the gleaming point appeared watched Ludgin's features grow delicately through the back of his larger and larger on the screen as jacket. lhe Professor peered intently at And Ludgin, who for a moment him, almost pressing his face llad stood still, as though watch­ against the device. In silence they ing a detached event with curious looked at each other. interest, suddenly straightened up But before either could react, and looked shocked at what he'd the scl'U'Il went blank without done. His face screwed up in a warning, switched off automati­ grimace of horror. He rushed £Blly by the computer that regulat­ across the room, locked the door, ed the Bau.k's work shifts. and returned, panting from the ex­ citement. Then he hurried to Pity for Llulgin? Pity for a man 68 FAN7ASY AND selENa! PICTJON who had just Ja11ed mother? of it. Obviously if he kept his wits Though the telly was now blank, about him he'd think of the supply the image oi the Professor's ruddy closets: he could stuff Schiecke face, his veinous nose and thick into one of ·them, lock the door, lips, the wart with the hairs and be certain that the janitors sprouting from it, his watery blue would be none the wiser, just as eyes smouldering with suspicion long as blood didn't drip through. and hatred, and the quick motion Later, in the middle of the night, during the last instant of the pic­ perhaps around two or three in the ture when he had screwed up his morning, he could return and dis­ face, sucking his teeth reflectively, pose of the corpse more safe] y. remained in Sturm's mind. Meanwhile, it was inevitable Ludgin had obviously thought that he would pay a visit to the one thing: the witness had to be Brain Bank. With the key which removed. every professor at tlie University The idea made Sturm feel as was given, he'd have no problem though his scalp were tingling. He getting in. If anyone stopped him, began the mental motions of call­ he merely needed to say that he ing the Bank authorities until in a was working on some research with sudden Hash of horror he remem­ one of the Brains, and preferred to bered that shifts had been do it in person rather than over switched. There was no way to the telly. This was a little unusual, contact anyone. He was isolated but sometimes it was done. until the next morning. Ludgin would know precisely He itched with fright. where to go, since each Brain's cu­ What was Ludgin doing? bicle was numbered. He would The body! First there was the simply go to alcove B 4 5, open the body. It had to be disposed of se­ door, walk in, smash the tank, and cretly. But the mathematics build­ make his exit without ever being ing was still probably full of stu­ caught. dents and teachers. And the jani­ Sturm rattled his claw. He tors were probably just starting to turned up the volume of his cubi­ sweep the corridors, which in it­ cle speaker and shouted as loudly self would make the task incredi­ as possible, already certain that bly difficult. Sometime in the next he'd hear no reply. The cubicles few hours, they'd enter Ludgin's were soundproof to prevent the office with the passkey to empty Brains from talking with each oth­ wastebaskets and mop the floor. er, or possibly to avert a strike or Ludgin was probably hunting some such plan as might be frantically for a place to conceal hatched by the system's slaves. the corpse until he could dispose He shouted again. In despera- BRAIN BANK 69 tion, be rapped on the floor with Oppo&it.e bMa was the screen. To his claw. Of course, there was no its right was the doorway through answer. There was only the sound which Ludgin would enter. of saline solution dripping quietly He swiveled his eye again, this into his tank, and the pulse of his time examining himself. Above circulation pump feeding fluid him were two valves, one for sa­ into the oxygen diaphragm. line solutioa and the other for dis­ Was that how Ludgin would try tilled water, both placed handily to kill him? Would the Professor so that they would drip into his simply disconnect the pump and tank. To his tight-he had to re­ stand there long enough to make member that he was looking at L"ertain his second victim suffocat­ himself from across the room­ ed to death? The idea reminded was a blackboard of green plastic, Sturm of the time during his early handy for those rare occasions boyhood when he stood enviously when a hu111a11 requested help in on the shore watching his brother research ill person. swim. He had ventured out into If he could shatter the board the water, himself, and had stum­ and use a sharp piece of plastic as bled into a deep hole. He remem­ a knife, he might at least be able bered the water closing above him, to give Ludgin a good fight. De­ and how he thrashed all about, termined to try, be swung his claw Railing and struggling until sud­ back and smashed it into the plas­ denly he was so confused he no tic as hard as possible. longer remembered which direc­ It was DO use. The mechanism tion was up or down, and did not of his claw wasn't strong enough. know where to turn for air, and the The claw bounced off the surface, blackness slowly overwhelmed leaving not eYeD a scratch. him with its overpowering relaxa­ Whe~e was Ludgin now? Was tion and silence, until at last he he still stuffing the body in the awoke on the beach in the midst supply closet? Was he standing of a circle of onlookers. there, chattiag nervously as a jan­ Even if Ludgin smashed the itor, ohliviolls to the fact that a tank, the death would be like corpse '"' eoncealed nearby, drowning again. mopped tile iloor? Maybe he'd Think, he told himself. Think. started acsoss town to the Bank it­ Don't panic. Look around. What self. 111 d&at case there wasn't l'an you use against him? ·There much time left. has to be a way. You can't just give Stun:a tried to scratch the wall. up. He acc

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City • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • State •••••••••••••••••• ~ l.i.P # .•.••.•• THE SCIENCE SPRINGBOARD ... MAN IN THE SEA by Theodore L. Thomas

IT IS BECOMING MORE OBVIOUS helium also dissolves in the blood all the time that the deep-diving and calls for decompression. And submersibles will be deficient be­ helium is a light gas that allows cause men must stay inside them; heat to be dissipated 5 times as fast there's nothing like a man out in as nitrogen; a diver quickly grows the water to get a job done. There chilled. So helium mixtures help, has been research going on to see but they are not the answer. what can be done about that. Oxygen alone is no good at depths When men breathe compressed over thirty-three feet; it becomes air, nitrogen dissolves in their toxic. blood. A sudden decrease in the Right now, the solution to the pressure allows the nitrogen to problem of keeping men in the sea bubble out of the blood and clog at good depths depends on build­ the veins and arteries. Men must ing a home for them so they can come up gradually from a dive, work and eat and sleep under pres­ allowing the pressure to decrease sure without decompressing at all. slowly, so all the excess nitrogen It has been found that the human dissolved in the blood will be elim­ body will absorb only so much inated with the air exhaled from nitrogen or helium. After forty the lungs. If a diver panics or hours at, say, 100 feet, you might otherwise surfaces too quickly, he just as well stay down 30 days or may be crippled or killed by those more. At the end of your deep tour bubbles. Not only that, but nitro­ of duty you decompress, once. This gen under pressure has a narcotic is a good concept and has been effect; men get dreamy and lose proved out by Link, Cousteau, and oonsciousness. the U.S. Navy. It is called satura­ A short-cut answer to the nitro­ tion diving. Use of mixtures of he­ gen problem has been to use hell­ lium and varying amounts of om. An oxygen-helium mixture oxygen has shown that men can avoids at least the narcotic effects stand the effects of pressure alone of oxy.gen-nitrogen mixtures. But at least as deep as 1 ,000 feet. 76 MAN IN THE SEA 77 Research now proceeds on what stream at a convenient artery, and has been cal1ed the ultimate solu­ pass the blood to a tank the size of tion to the men-in-the-sea problem. a scuba tank on the man's back. In Oxygenated water has been passed the tank is a tiny kidney to remove into the lungs of many mammals, impurities from the blood, and a and the animals live. Guinea pigs tiny oxygenator to add oxygen. The have lived under water, breathing oxygen, as a liquid, is in an in­ it, and have survived after their sulated compartment in-or at­ lungs were emptied. The same kind tached to-the tank. One pound of thing has gone on with larger of oxygen would last about 4 5 animals such as dogs and a sheep. minutes, and 30 pounds could be The research scientists are now carried without difficulty. The div­ talking about a simple operation to er could sleep in the water. If the adapt men to breathe under water heart isn't a strong enough pump, by simply inhaling the water. The a small servomotor will help. The main problem, shown by the animal purified and oxygenated blood is experimentation, is the freeing of then tapped back into the body at a the lungs of the last traces of water convenient blood vessel. The sys­ when the dive is over; the tiny, in­ tem bypassses the lungs which tercellular spaces in the lungs bold would be filled with water simply residual water and block air take-up to eliminate a pressure-sensitive by the blood. pocket. There would be no prob­ But why continue to worry about lems of inert gases dissolved in the lung behavior? Artificial kidneys blood, no narcotic effects. On sur­ are now in use in hospitals. Small, facing, the taps into the blood­ oxygenating equipment is also a stream would be turned off only reality. Some miniaturization is all after the lungs were completely we need to solve our problem of cleared and ready to resume their man in the sea. Tap into the blood- normal function.

THIS MONTH'S COVER-A planet with its life at an early stage of cultural development has been captured by Beta Lyrae, a strange, unique double star with a spiral envelope of hydrogen. The intense heat of the binary has destroyed the planet's life and dl'iven off its atmosphere. With a recTdes•laugh, Norman Spinrad Mre lricb a8ide the debris of misinformation surY'ounding Primitive Man, bores to the very roots of civiliza­ tion, and gives us a brief and funny insight mto the way it really was, and is, and will be.

THE AGE OF INVENTION

by Norman Spinrad

ONE MORNING, HAVING NOTH­ She used to say that this was ing better to do, I went to visit my Roach's Soul. She would also say cousin Roach. Roach lived in one that Roach had a very big soul. of those lizard-infested caves on Very big and very smelly. the East Side of the mountain. As I approached the mouth of Roach did not hunt bears. Roach Roach's cave, I smelt pungent did not grow grain. Roach spent smoke. In fact, the cave was filled his daylight hours throwing globs with this smoke. In the middle of of bearfat, bison-chips and old rot­ the cave sat Roach and his woman. ten plants against the walls of his They were burning a big pile of cave. weeds and inhaling the smoke. Roach said that he was an Art­ 'What are you doing?" I asked. ist. He said it with a capital "A." "Turning on, baby," said Roach. (Even though writing has not yet ''I've just invented it." been invented.) "\Vhat does 'turning on' mean"? Unlikely as it may seem, Roach "Well, you get this weed, dig? had a woman. She was, however, You burn it, and then you honk the ugliest female on the moun­ the smoke." tain. She spent her daylight hours I scratched my head, inadver­ lying on the dirty floor of Roach's tently killing several of my favorite cave and staring at the smears of fleas. old bearfat, moldy bison-chips and "Why do that?" I asked. rotten plants on the wall. Hit like gets you high." 73 THE AGE OP INVENTION 79 "You don't seem any further off on hunting." Roach said indig­ the ground than I am," I observed. nantly. "I must live for Art!" "And you're still kinda runty." "It appears that you are dying Roach snorted in disgust. "For­ for Art," I replied. ''You can't do get it, man," he said. "It's only for very much painting when you are Artists, Philosophers and Meta­ dead." physicians, anyway. (Even though 'Well anyway," said Roach, in Philosophy and Metaphysics have a very tiny voice, "I'm a pretty not yet been invented.) Dig my lousy hunter in the first place. I latest!" would probably starve even if I On the nearest wall of the cave, spent the whole day hunting. Or there was this big blob of bearfat. maybe a bear would kill me. This In the middle of it was this small way, I'm at least like starving for a piece of bison-chip. Red and green Reason." and brown plant stains surround­ I must admit it made a kind of ed this. It smelt as good as it sense. Roach is terribly near­ looked. sighted. Also amazingly scrawny. "Uh • . . interesting. • • .• I The original 90 pound weakling. said. "Mmmmmmm. • I ob- "Like a masterpiece, baby," served. Roach said proudly. "I call it 'The "Mmmmmmm. • • • what?" Soul of Man'." asked Roach. "Uh . . . The Sole of Man'? "Well, you know old Aardvark? Er . . . it does sort of look like a He can't hunt either. So what he foot." does is he makes spearheads and "No, no, man! Soul, not solei" trades them for bears. Maybe you "But Roach, spelling hasn't been could ... ?" invented yet." "Go into business?'' Roach cried. "Sorry. I forgot." "Become bourgeois? Please! I am "Anyway," I said, trying to an Artist. Besides," he added lame­ make him feel a little better, "it's ly, "I don't know how to make very Artistic. (Whatever that spearheads." meant.) "Mmmmm.•• o• "Thanks, baby," Roach said "Mmmmm. o • o" sulkily. "I know!" I cried. ''You could "What's the matter, Roach?" I trade your paintings!" asked. He really looked awful. "Cool, baby!" exclaimed Roach. "We haven't eaten in a week." "Er . . . only why would anyone 'Why don't you go out and kill want to trade food for a painting?• a bear or something?" I suggested. "Why because o o • er o o o "I don't have the time to waste ah.... " 80 FANTASY AllYl SCIENCE FICTION "I guess I'll just have to starve." "WeD yon know your friend "Wait a minute," I said. "Er Cockatoo-?" . . if I can get someone to trade "Please, sweets!" shrieked Pea­ food for your paintings, will you cock. ''Do aot mention that thing give me some of the food, say . . . Cockatoo ill my presence again! oh, one bear out of every ten?" Cockatoo ud I are on the outs. I "Sure," said Roach. "What've I don't know what I ever saw in him. got to lose?" He's gotten so unspeakably butch." "It's a deal then?" Cockatoo was this . . . uh "Deal, baby!" . . . friend of Peacock's . . . or I had just invented the Ten­ was. They ... uh ... in­ Percenter. vented something together. No­ body is quite sure what it was, but So I went to see Peacock. Pea­ we've organb'.ed a Vice Squad, just cock lived in the weirdest cave on in case. the mountain-all filled up with "Yeah," I muttered. "Well any­ stuff like mooseskins dyed pink, way, Cockatoo is paying Roach stuffed armadillos, and walls cov­ twenty bears to do a painting in ered with withered morning-glories. his cave. He says that having an For some reason which I have not Original Roach in his cave will yet been able to fathom, the women make your cave look like . . . er of the more henpecked men on the ... 'A positive sloth's den, bub­ mountain give Peacock bears to by,' I think his words were." make the same kind of messes in "Oooooh!" shrieked Peacock. their caves. "Oooooh I" He began to jump Peacock is pretty weird himself. around the caYe, pounding his lit­ He was dressed in a skin-tight sa­ tle fists against the walls. 'That bertooth skin dyed bright violet. monster! That veritable beast! "Hello sweets," Peacock said, as Oooh, it's horrid, that's what it is! I entered his perfumed cave. What am I going to do, sweets, "Hello, Peacock," I said uneas­ whatever am I going to do?" ily. :'Heard about Roach?" "Well," I suggested, "Roach is "Hoach?" shrilled Peacock. my rousill, you know, and I do "That dirty, dirty man? That beat­ have some pull with him. I sup­ nik with the positively unspeaka­ pose I could ronvince him to do a ble cave?" painting in yowr cave instead of "That's him," I said. "Roach the Cockatoo's. Especially if you paid Artist. Very good Artist, you know. thirty, beau instead of twenty. After all, he invented it." "Well what about that dreadful, "Oh, w>oMld you sweets? Would dreadful creature?" you reaDy?" THE AGE OP ItlftNTml'f 81 'Well I don't know. I do kind of How do you li'ke my fine new like you, Peacock, but on the other leopard skin? Would you like one hand ...." of my Havana cigars? Have you "Pretty, pretty, pretty please? .. met this new woman yet? Have I sighed heavily. "Okay, Pea­ you seen my new cave? cock," I said. "You've talked me I can buy and sell Roach now. into it." I am the first tycoon. How did I do it? Well .... So Peacock got his Original Hog was the mountain bum. He Roach for thirty bears. Next week, never trimmed his beard. He didn't I went to see Cockatoo, and I told have a woman, not even an ugly him the story. one. He laid around his filthy cave I got him to pay forty bears. all day, doing nothing but belch­ Forty and thirty is seventy. Which ing occasionally. A real slob. gave me seven. Not bad for a cou­ But even a jerk like Hog can ple hours' work. I better watch out, throw bearfat and bison-chips or someone'll invent income tax. against a cave wall. I made an Artist out of Hog. I I saw Roach last week, the in­ did this by telling him he could grate. He has moved to a bigger make fifty bears a day just by cave on the West Side of the moun­ throwing bearfat and bison-chips tain. He has a fine new leopard against the walls of other people's skin and three new women. He has caves. even invented the Havana cigar, so This appealed to Hog. he can have something expensive This time I did not neglect to to smoke. invent the renewable exclusive Unfortunately, he has discov­ agency contract. It was another ered that he no longer needs me to ten percent deal. make deals for him. His going Hog gets ten percent. price is eighty bears a painting. I, Then I went to Peacock's cave. like a dope, neglected to invent the I stared in dismay at Roach's paint­ renewable exclusive agency con­ ing. 'What is that?" 1 sneered. tract. Can't invent 'em all, I sup­ "That, sweets, is an Original pose. Roach," Peacock crooned compla­ cently. "Isn't it divine? Such sen­ Roach has become truly insuf­ sitivity, such style, such grace, ferable, though. He now talks of such-• "art" with a small "a" and "Bears" "Roach?" I snorted. ''You can't with a capital "B". He is the first be serious. Why that Neopseudo­ Philistine. classicalmodem stuff went out He is going to get his. with the Brontosaurs. You're miles 82 FAII'TA$1' .&11m ICDNCE FJCTION behind the times, Peuoek," I said, Bot. aD this is getting so expen- thereby inventing the Art Critie. snre . •••.. "The Artist today is of eomse dae I gave Pearock my best uader­ Great Hog." standing smile. "Peacock, old "Hog?" whined Peacock. '"Hog man," I said, "I have a little busi:. is beastly, beastly. A rude, stupid, DeSs proposition for you ...." smelly thing, a positive slob. Why WeD, that's all there was to it. his whole cave is a wretched mass You gues!led it, now when Peacock of slop!" makes one of his messes in some "Exactly," I answered. "That's henpecked caveman's cave, it al­ the source of his greatness. Hog is ways includes at least one Original the moun~in's foremost Slop Ar­ Hog, or •aybe a couple Original tist." Treesloths-Treesloth being an­ "Oooooh. . . . How much do other jerk Artist I have under con­ the Great Hog's paintings cost?" tract. I sell the painting to Pea­ "One hundred bears apiece," I cock fur a bundred bears, and he said smugly. "Cockatoo is already charges lais suck-er, client, two contracting to-" hundred bears for the same mess of "I told you never to mention bearfat and bison-chips. Peacock that creature to me again t" Pea­ calJs this Interior Decorating. cock shrieked. "He must not steal I call it "Civilization." Mavbe an Original Hog from me, do you it'll last for a couple of months·, if hear? I simply couldn't 'Nar it! I'm lucky.

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BALANCING THE BOOKS

by Isaac Asimov

IN MY YOUTH, MY FATHER HAD a candy st.ol"e whim remained open until 1 A.M. By that time, we were naturally anxious to get the pater­ familias into the bouse because the store had to be open again at 6 A.M. Consequently, it always irritated me to see hiJII linger over the final ehores-~ashing the glasses, polishing the COIUltel', setting up the ciga­ rette display for the next morning, and so oa. Most of all, it bothered me to watdt :W. betKI lovingly over the account books, balancing receipts versus expenditures and comparing the result with the amount recorded by the eash-register. Heaven help us all if he ended up without a. even accounting. A look of anguish would cross his face and he would start re-counting, re-adding, and re-shuffiing the various notes he had made during the day. You can imagine my annoyance when, alter I had grown up and had returned for a short visit, I found hiD stiD engaged in this same old rigmarole. I waited for him impatiently, titeR said. "What's the mat­ ter, pa?" He mumbled, ''I'm missing a dollar. • By that time, I had my own sources, so I reached into my pocket and said, "Here, pa, here's a five dollar bill. Talce it and close the store." But he pushed my arm to one side haughtily and said in measured, sepulchral tones, "The books gotta balanet~l" And he stayed till they did.

Later, as my knowledge of physics grew, I discovered that my father had something there. I became more and more aware of the wild gyra­ tions physicists would go through; the theories they would evolve and smash down andre-evolve; the concepts they would create out of whole 83 84 PAN'rAST ANB SCiltNCE PJet"J()))l cloth; the crises they wtmlit canfnntt-an because they believed with aD their heart and soul, like my father, that the books gotta balancel Take, for instance, the case of electric charge. If you have a closed system (one which is completely isolated and does not interact with the universe outside) and start with a certain amount of charge, then you must end with that precise amount of charge no matter what changes take place within the system. You cannot create electric charge out of nothing and you cannot destroy electric charge into nothing. This is called the "law of conservation of electric charge." To be sure, there are two kinds of electric charge, which are op­ posed to each other and are differentiated as "positive" and "negative" (just as, in bookkeeping, we have positive money and negative money­ assets and debits). If part of a closed system contains a positive electric charge, and another part contains a negative electric charge of the same size, the two may cancel, leaving all parts of the system uncharged. The law of conservation of electric charge is not considered to be broken in this way. One merely decides to apply the law to net charge. If part of a closed system contains a + 5 electric charge and another part contains a -3 electric charge, then the net electric charge of the system as a whole is +2 and that can neither increase or decrease no matter what happens within that system. The system may so change as to have an electric charge of + 1 7 in one place, + 6 in another, -5 in a third and -16 in a fourth, but (+17) + (+6) + (-5) + (-16) = +2. The net charge remains unchanged. Through the nineteenth century, electric charge was dealt with only in gross amounts. In the 1890's, however, it was discovered that the atom was made up of tiny particles that carried electric charges. These came in two ~arieties: a proton, which carried a positive electric charge and an electron which carried a negative electric charge. The size of the electric charge was precisely the same on all protons, and on all electrons; and the size of the charge on each of the two types of parti­ cles was, except for the difference in sign, again precisely the same. For convenience then, we can arbitrarily set the charge on the proton equal to +I, and the charge on the electron equal to -1. Once this was discovered, electric charges in gross systems could be looked upon in subatomic terms. If a particular portion of a system had a charge of +5, that portion contained five more protons than it did electrons: if another portion had a charge of -3, that portion con­ tained three more electrons than it did protons. Over the entire system, there were two more protons than electrons and a net charge of +2. BALANCING THE BOOKS 85 In order to increase this net charge, one wollld ha•e to destro.y elec­ trons or create protons; in order to decrease it, one would have to create electrons or destroy protons. Through the 1920's, it seemed quite likely that protons and electrons could not be created or destroyed under any circumstances and that seemed to explai11 ~e law of conservation of electric charge. Indeed, one might even neglect the restrictioa to net electric charge, since (it seemed in the 1920's) positive charges and negative charges couldn't really cancel on the subatomic scale. A positive charge of + 5 and a negative charge of -5 cancelled on tille gross scale when the protons and electrons mixed evenly together. Nevertheless, those pro­ tons and electrons maintained their separate existences. All the plus charges were still there and all the minus charges were still there. They merely balanced.

Then came a thunderbolt. In 1932, a particle just like the electron, but opposite in charge, was discovered by the American physicist, Carl David Anderson. It was a "positive electron" or, compacting the phrase, a "positron." It was soon discovered that if a positron eaCOUDtered an electron (which it usually did within a millionth of a second after detection), there was a true cancellation of charge. The cbarge of both the positron and the electron disappeared, and with it the particles themselves. This process is called "annihilation." To be sure, the positron and electron also bad associated with them­ selves a certain amount of mass, which is an a:tremely compact form of energy. This mass does not undergo annihilation because we observe no such thing as positive mass and negative mass. There seems to be just one kind of mass, and the electron and positro11 each have an equal amount of it. When the two particles interact, tbe doubled mass must change into another kind of energy, and it does. It becomes radiant energy of a type known as "gamma rays." These gamma rays can be con­ sidered as being made up of particles called photons, which carry no electric charge. Two such photons can be produced in an electron/ positron annihilation, so that we might say: electron ( -1 ) + positron ( + 1 ) -+photo& ( 0) + photon ( 0) As you see, we're back to net electric charge being conserved. On the left side of the arrow, the net charge is (-I) + (+ 1), which is 0, and on the right side it is 0 + 0, which is ako 0. Since 0 = 0, net electric charge is conserved. 86 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION But if a positron undergoes annihilation with an electron within a millionth of a second of detection, how did it come to be hanging around long enough to be detected in the first place? It wasn't hanging around; it was created on the spot. One method of creation is indicated if we merely turn around the equation given above:

photon ( 0) + photon ( 0) ~ electron ( -1) + positron (+I)

Again, net electric charge is 0 on both sides of the arrow so that it is conserved. (All particle interactions, if written properly in the first place, can be reversed without losing validity. To indicate that, I might use two arrows, oppositely directed, or I could use an equals sign. The latter is easier on the Noble Printer, and that is what I will do.) Notice that just as the electron and positron must undergo mutual annihilation to form energy, so they must undergo mutual creation out of energy. You cannot form an electron alone from energy, or a posi­ tron alone. In order to form an electron alone, a net charge of -I must be created out of nowhere; in order to form a positron alone, a net charge of +I must be created out of nowhere. Neither is possible; the books gotta balance/ To form both an electron and a positron out of un­ charged photons, a net charge of 0 is produced out of 0 and that is aU right. In fact, so understood is it, that an electron and positron are simultaneously formed from energy, that the process is most commonly called "pair-formation."

But now Jet's ask another question. If a negatively-charged electron and a positively-charged positron can combine to undergo annihilation in a blaze of photons, why can­ not a positively-charged proton substitute for the positron? The positive charge on the proton is, as far as we know, exactly the same in nature and quantity as the positive charge on the positron, and is every bit as precisely the opposite of the charge on the electron. Why, then, don't protons and electrons undergo mutua] annihila­ tion? Of course, it is a good thing they don't, or matter (which is made up very largely of protons and electrons in close association) would not exist. StilJ, why don't they? One suspicious circumstance is that the positron matches the electron exactly in mass (and in almost every way but electric charge), while the proton is much more massive than either the positron or the electron. It is I836.II times as massive, to be exact. Well, then, if two particles are to undergo mutual annihilation, we BALANCING THE BOOKS 87 might suppose that they ought to be not only opposite in sign of electric charge, but identical in their other respects, specifically in mass. Let us, then, distinguish between a light particle such as an electron and a comparatively massive one such as a proton. The electron and other light particles we cail call "'eptons" from a Greek word meaning small or weak. The protons and other massive particles we can call "baryons" from a Greek word meaning heavy. The proton is not the only baryon. A particle almost identical in mass but carrying no electric charge was dis­ covered in 1932 and named the "neutron". It, too, is a baryon. Similarly, a particle even lighter than the electron and carrying no electric charge was predicted in 1 9 3 0 and inally detected in 1 9 56. It is the "neutrino" and it, too, is a lepton. And where does the positron fit in? It must be a lepton since it is ex­ acdy like the electron except for the fact that it is opposite in charge. To emphasize this, the positron can be called an "antielectron" where the prefix "anti-" means opposite. I will use this 11ame from now on, even though the older, less logical name of positron is far too firmly em­ bedded in the scientific literature to be budged. Similarly, one can conceive that the other particles have their op­ posites, too. (This was first suggested in 1930 by the English physicist, Paul Adrien Maurice Dirac, even before a single such opposite had ac­ tually been detected-but eventually, over the next generation, all were.) Matching the proton, therefore, is the "antiproton" which is just like the proton except that it is opposite in the nature of its electrical charge, that being -1 compared to the proton's + 1. Even the neutron has its opposite. One might ask, of course, how a particle can be the op­ posite of a neutron when the neutron has no charge to reverse? · True! Nevertheless, the neutron, despite having no overall charge, manages to possess a magnetic field, oriented in a particular direction. In the "antineutron," also uncharged, the magnetic field is oriented in the opposite direction. Similarly, in opposition 110 the neutrino, there is an "antineutrino." In summary, then, see Table 1. The antilleutrillo and antielectron can be lumped together as "antileptons" and the antiproton and anti­ neutron can be considered "antibaryons." The antileptons and anti­ baryons, taken together, are "antiparticles.•

T®le 1-Leptons and Baryolls Leptons Baryons neutrino antineutrino protroa antiproton electron antielectron neutron antineutron 88 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION Physicists have found that, in all the particle interactions they have observed, they can balance their books if they give each particle a "lepton number" or a "baryon number." Thus, the neutrino and electron each get a lepton number of + I, and the antineutrino and antielec­ tron each get a lepton number of -I. All four have a baryon number oE 0. Similarly, the proton and neutron get a baryon number of +I, while the antiproton and antineutron get a baryon number of -I. And all four of these have a lepton number of 0. Consider again, then, the interaction involving electron/ antielec­ tron annihilation (or, in the other direction, pair-formation).

electron + antielectron = photon + photon On the left side of the equation, you are adding a lepton number of +I (electron) to a lepton number of -I (antielectron) for a total lepton number of 0. The two photons must therefore have a total lepton number of 0 also, if the lepton number concept is to remain consistent, and the only way for identical photons to have a total lepton number of 0 is for each separately to have a lepton number of 0. Is it not possible, you might ask, that there might be an antiphoton, and that the electron/ antielectron annihilation might give rise to a photon and antiphoton with lepton numbers of + 1 and -1 respec­ tively? After all ( + 1) + ( -1) = 0 also. The answer to that is: No! In no particle interaction ever observed have physicists had to postulate the existence of an antiphoton in order to balance the books. In fact the possible existence of antiphotons would mess things up unbearably. For instance, under certain conditions the electron/antielectron annihilation can produce a single photon, or three photons. In either of these cases, a total lepton number of zero could not possibly be attained if there were both photons and antiphotons with lepton numbers of +I and -I. A single photon of three photons would have to have a total lepton number of +I or -I, but never 0. Physicists have therefore come to the firm conclusion that there is no separate and distinct antiphoton. The photon serves as its own op­ posite, and has a lepton number of 0. In that case, the annihilation in­ teraction balances the books. The total lepton number of the electron plus antielert ·1 is 0 and the total lepton number of the photons pro­ duced, where one, two, three or any quantity in number, is also 0. A similar argument can be used in the case of proton/antiproton annihilation: BALANCING niE BOOKS 89 proton + antiproton = photon + photon The total baryon number of the proton ( + 1) plus the andproton ( -1) is clearly 0, and the total baryon number of the photons pro­ duced, whatever their number, must be 0 also. Consequently, the photon must have a baryon number of 0. Lepton numbers and baryon numbers balance in all particle interac­ tions observed so· that physicists speak of a '1aw of conservation of lep­ ton number" and a "law of conservation of baryon number." That explains why an electron and proton do not undergo mutual annihilation and why the existence of matter is possible at all. Im­ agine that an electron and proton combine to form photons. The elec­ tron and proton combined have a lepton number of + 1 and a baryon number of + 1. The photons produced can only have a total lepton number of 0 and a total baryon number of 0. Neither- lepton number nor baryon number would be conserved and the reaction is therefore not observed to happen. The photon is not unique in being neither a lepton nor a baryon. There are particles that are more massive than leptons and less massive than baryons and which are therefore called "mesons" from the Greek word for intermediate (see BEHIND THE TEACHER'S BACK, F & SF, August 1965). As a specific example consider the "pion" which car­ ries a unit positive charge and the "antipion" which carries a unit nega­ tive charge but is otherwise identical with the pion. Both pion and antipion have a lepton number of 0 and a baryon num­ ber of 0. Nor is there any conservation law involving pions, or mesons generally. Pions, like photons, can be destroyed or created freely. (The energy represented by the photons and pions cannot be .destroyed or created, of course, since the "law of conservation of energy" remains the most fundamental law of physics, but in this article we are talking about particles as particles and not as energy-packets.) In Table 2, the different particles are listed in order of increasing mass with their electric charge, lepton number and baryon number.

Table 2-Characterizing the Particles Electric Charge Lepton Number Baryon Number Photon 0 0 0 Neutrino 0 +I 0 Antineutrino 0 -1 0 Electron -1 +I 0 Antielectron ~1 -1 0 90 FANTASY :AND SCIENCE FICTION Pion +I 0 0 Antipion -1 0 0 Proton +I 0 +I Antiproton -1 0 -I Neutron 0 0 +I Antineutron 0 0 -I

Notice that no two combinations in Table 2 are alike. It is therefore possible to substitute for the name of each particle, the equivalent com­ bination value. To simplify this, since the positive and negative num­ bers are always units, we can omit the I and use only a ( +) and a (-). This gives us Table 3.

Table 3-Combinaticm Values Photon ( 0 0 0 ) Neutrino ( 0 + 0 ) Antineutrino ( 0 - 0 ) Electron ( -+ 0 ) Antielectron ( +- 0 ) Pion C+ 0 0) Anti pion (- 0 0 ) Proton C+O+) Antiproton (- 0 -) Neutron ( 0 0 +) Antineutron ( 0 0 -)

The particles listed in Tables 2 and 3 are by no means the only ones known to exist. There are many others, most of which share one or an­ other of the combination values shown in Table 3. For instance there is the muon which, like the electron, is ( -+O) and the antimuon which, like the antielectron, is ( +-0). However, the muon and antimuon differ from the electron and antielectron in mass. "' Again, there is the neutral pion which, like the photon, is (000). The neutral pion differs from the photon both in mass and in a quantity called "spin." Yet again, there is the lambda particle which, like the neutron, is

•Tht! muon and antimucm are also leptons. Indeed the law of conservaticm of leptcm number can be divided into two parts, "the law of ccmservation of electrcm family number" and "the law of conesrvaticm of mucm family number." Each part holds separately and the two add together to heep the law of ccmservaticm of lepton number Jenllt'tdly 'Palid. However, this refinement doesn't ccmc:ern us here. - BALANCING THE BOOKS 91 ( OO+) but which differs from the neutron and in quantities called "strangeness" and "isotopic spin." Some of these other properties are conserved (notably spin and strangeness) and if they and others were added to Table 2, more ex­ tensive combination values could be drawn up which would distinguish all the particles from each other. The only exception to this is the strange case of the muon-neutrino and the muon-antineutrino. These have combinations of (O+O) and (0-0) respectively, like the ordinary neutrino and antineutrino. Nor do the two kinds of neutrinos differ in any other known property, whether mass, spin, strangeness or what have you. Although the two sets of neutrinos behave like distinctly different particles, no one yet knows in what physical property they are different (see LAND OF MU, F & SF, October 1965).-But never mind that for now. In this article, I am restricting myself only to the particles mentioned in Tables 2 and 3 and for them, the three-item combination values are sufficient. Each of the eleven particles has its distinct combination and these can be substituted for the names of the particles in describing inter­ actions. The virtue of doing so lies in the fact that one can tell at a glance whether the laws of conservation of electric charge, lepton number and baryon number are being conserved or not. (I must warn the Gentle Reader that the idea of doing this is, as far as I know, original with me, and lacks the cachet of orthodox scientific approval. However, I'm go­ ing to do it, anyway.) For instance, in the electron/antielectron annihilation (or pair-for­ mation) process, we can write:

(-+O) + (+-O) ::: (000) + (000)

Arithmetically, the number of photons produced does not matter. They can vary in number as conditions change but any number of (OOO)'s add up to (000). Let us simplify matters, then, by never writing more than one photon. The equation therefore becomes:

(-+O) + C+-O) = (000) In adding combination values, aD we have to remember is that ( +) and (-) stand for + 1 and -1 respectively and must be treated accordingly, so that, as an example ( +) + (-) = 0. In that case, the combination values of electron and positron add up as follows: 92 FANTAST AND SCIENCE FICTION C-+O) + C+-O) (0 0 0)

Since this means that (000) = (000), which is certainly so, the various laws of conservation are observed in the electron/antielectron interaction. You can demonstrate the same thing for any annihilation or pair-formation process. On the other hand, the interaction of a proton and an electron would be ( +O+) + ( -+O). This would add up not to (000) as would be required in annihilation but to (O++ ), a combination value that, as far as we know, is non-existent. Result: no proton/elec­ tron annihilation. Descartes might say: "( +O+) + ( -+O) is not equal to (000); therefore I am." But there are interactions that do happen and yet are not annihi­ lations. To take one of the best known of these, consider the spontane­ ous breakdown of a neutron. An isolated neutron was found, in 1950, to change into a proton and an electron. If that were all, we would have something like: (OO+) = C+O+) + C-+0). But this doesn't balance, for if we add ( +O+) and ( -+O), we get (O++) instead of the ( OO+) we started with. To get rid of that unwanted ( +) in the middle, we must add the combination (0-0) which, as you can see in Table 3, is the anti­ neutrino. (It is this requirement of an antineutrino or, in some cases, a neutrino, to save various· conservation laws, that forced physicists to accept the existence of neutrinos and antineutrinos long before they were actually detected.) Furthermore, the neutron, in its breakdown, liberates energy, which means that it forms a photon or photons, too. We will take one photon into account and say that a neutron breaks down to form a proton, an electron, an antineutrino and a photon and represent that thus:

(OO+) = C+O+) + C-+O) + (0-0) + (000). If we add all the combination values on the right 1ide, we have:

C+O+) C-+O) (0-0) + (000) (0 O+) BA-LANCING THE BOOKS 93 Thus, we end up with ( OO+) = ( OO+) and the conservation laws are upheld. Again, within the atomic nucleus, the various particles are held to­ gether because pions interact with the protons and neutrons of the nucleus. This can be represented as:

(OO+) + C+OO) = C+O+)

This is the combination-value way of saying that a neutron plus a pion equals a proton and the fact that we end with ( +O+) = ( +O+) shows that the conservation laws are upheld. Where does all this take us? Well, my father acted as though the fate of the Universe depended on his balancing his books and so do the physicists. The conservation laws take us, with an easy leap, from the realm of the infinitesimally small to the realm of ·the infinitely large; for the theories of the structure, origin and fate of the universe depend, in part, on the manner in which the small ( + )'s and (-)'s of this article add up. To be sure, the space allotted me is consumed, so I can't do that now, but have no fear-I shall not desert you. In~ next two issues, I promise we shall tackle the universe and I'll see if I can't get around to adding up the ( + )'s and (-)'s and making galaxies out of them.

Handsome, Sturdy VOLUME FILES for Your Copies of FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION

Each Volume File will keep 12 copies of FANTASY & SCIENCE FICTION clean, orderly, and readily accessible. Sturdily built, the files are covered with a rich black and red washable leatherette, and the lettering is in 16-carat gold leaf. Reasonably priced at $2.50 each, 3 for $7.00, or 6 for $13.00, they are shipped fullv preoaid on a money back basis if not satisfactory. Order direct from: JESSE JONES BOX CORPORATION Dept. F&SF , P.O. Box 5120 ' Philadelphia 41, Pa. A public service adverlisement (for job retraining) is now making ils appearance in theNew York City tran.rit system. It shows a photo of a section of an electrical device with the headline: "When this ~rcuit learns your ;ob, what are you going to dor Rather a nasty question, and aU we can do is hope that the damn gadget learns something of the agitation and frustration along with the ;ob itself. A distinct possibility, Herb Lehrman humof'OIIIly anures us in the story below.

REVOLT OF THE POTATO-PICKER

by Herb Lehrman

IT WAS SO BIG THEY HAD TO screwed iB place. One of the tech­ bring it in, in pieces. That was all nicians told him to go ahead and to the good, because when they try it. "Just to make sure it's tuned put the sower-reaper together the to your voice," the man had said, fanner was able to stand and nodding assurance. watch as it took shape; massive "What do I say? I mean what yellow Ranks rising sheer above do I call it?" the farmer asked, bloated pneumatic treads which overcome with pride and awe. would hardly touch the ground at "Anything you like. But re­ all when the machine, all ten long member the name, because what tons of it, finally came alive and you say now you're likely to be went to work. stuck with." He had tried to keep his lips "Okay," the fanner said. His locked in a tight line to hide his first instinct had been to name the pleasure, but had smiled anyway machine after some lost love of his when the bio-crystal brain was youth, but the sheer bulk and 94 llEVOLT OF THE POTATO-PICKI!R 95 virility of the thing made him cestral acres this way. It was his change his mind. And remember­ need to get close to the earth; to ing the chunky power of a pro­ feel he was part of the soil; to ful­ fessional strong man he'd seen fill his heritage by being a farmer once, as a child, he shouted out in the true sense of the word and "Max. Yes, Sir! I name him Max." not just another agricultural Before he could have any mis­ scientist. Being a realist, he some­ givings the machine began to times would pat himself on the churn and sway gently as several back for having had the foresight of the tell-tale lights running to preserve his family secrets and around its bluntly rounded prow the cupidity to put the knowledge came on. to work dirt farming, what might "Well, I guess it's going to be well have been the last 'tater Max," the tech said. "The thing's patch on earth. on stand-by now. If you want it The weather, not too wet and to do anything just tell it to start." not too hot, had gone well that They made him sign a dozen summer, so the plants, exposed to forms then, and, finally satisfied the open sky and the minimal va­ all was in order, dismantled garies of controlled weather had his old tape-programmed tractor flourished. Max had performed and loaded it into the waiting well also, going about the daily cargo 'copter, leaving it up to the chores without complication, un­ farmer to get the sower-reaper into til its yellow sides were dirt spat­ its shed. tered and the black synthetic It had gone docilely enough, treads were crusted with earth. the turbine whining as the ma­ The machine looked good with chine traversed the edge of the a little dirt on its treads. It was 'tater patch on its way to its getting to look used, like a farm permanent quarters in the huge machine should look. The en­ slant-roofed shed at the south end trance to the shed was getting a of the field. used look too, as the gleaming For plain ostentation the robot walls were stained with soil was no match for the field itself, thrown off by the machine as it where spuds (a gourmet item in traversed through the doors. The an age of forced yeast cultivation farmer cleaned neither building and 'ponies) were earth grown in nor machine, liking to feel the grit an almost sacrilegiously spend­ of dirt on his palms when he thrift use of land. shoved open the doors to activate The farmer liked to tell him­ the robot. seH it wasn't the gold and credit This time the 'taters, thin alone which made him use the an- skinned and golf ball sized, were 96 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION ready for picking. "I'll get at least "Okay Max, you almost had it four hundred-weight an acre," the that time. Give 'er another try fanner said, as he entered the boy.• He boped it wasn't a frozen gloom of the shed, swinging open bearing c. anything like that. He the barn-like doors so the sun had overworked the machine a lit­ pierced into the building and tle, sometillles sending it out in bounced off the bulbous bow the field just to watch it go; as­ of the robot. "Hear that?" he ad­ signing it menial tasks like fertil­ ded, addressing the robot. "Maybe izing, which lesser machines had we'll get you a Maxine when the always handled. And now a fear crop is in." And chuckling, kicked played at the edge of his mind experimentally at one of the that perhaps he had overdone it, treads without quite knowing why even though the sower-reaper had but feeling an ingrained need for looked indestructible to him. the ritual act. The robot responded "Give it another try boy," he re­ by quivering on its gimbaled sus­ peated, almost hearing the whin­ pension. ing beat of the turbine when there ''The 'taters is right, and the was only foreboding silence, market is at its height, so let's go which broke shatteringly with an­ and get 'em boy." other unexpected sound. The machine loomed yellow "No!" The machine said again. and silent above the somewhat dry Its voice, coming through a two and vinegary &gure of the man inch speaker meant only for emer­ and didn't budge an inch. gency communication, was hollow "I said, up and at 'em boy. It's and soft, not a voice fit for a giant pickin' time." at all and the shaken fanner said He thought it was his imagina­ through dry lips, "What did you tion but the machine seemed to al­ say?" most slink back into the gloom, "1-said-Nof" the robot's small drawing together so it somehow voice seemed to fill the shed with looked smaller and less strong. sound. "Okay Max. Let's go boy," the 'Why, I aever knew you could farmer shouted, with enthusiasm. talk," tbe fanner said. Deciding to "Time to start up." handle t8e incident in a calm and The starting motor coughed rationalJBaZ~ner, he forced himself into life, whirring as it brought to say, "WeD, now we can com­ the turbine up to speed and then municate why don't you just get died again before the torch had a started nd pick the 'taters?" chance to catch with the grum­ "Nor bling whoosh the farmer had come "Why DOt?" to expect. "I waRt to dance.,. "What's that you say?'' He "You're ~de. Just too erode to wiped his now sweating hands understand my feelings." The ma­ across his denim tights, feeling chine tried to squeeze out a tear the muscles in his scrawny shanks but squirted the farmer with a tightening with growing anger. stream of smelly fluid from one of "I want to gambol across fields, its self-lubricating ports instead. feel the joy of unfettered en­ "For half a credit I'd have you trechats, the pulse of rhythm Bow­ melted down into a pile of slag." ing through my soul." The farmer choked, trying to wipe "Come off it. You don't even the thick grease from out of his have feet." eyes. "Just because I'm an onion­ "Don't talk to me like that. picker, a potato digger, a farmer's Don't use that tone of voice to me." helper doesn't mean I don't have Tons of steel quivered and the tur­ an artistic soul." bine started with a tremendous "Get out there and dig," the roar racing up and down as, ele­ farmer shouted, making a try at phantine, the robot began to sway being authoritarian. from side to side on its treads. "Nol Other machines can "If you don't let me da-nce. I'll dance, why can't I?" The reaper turn myself off. Do you hear me?" strained its voice making the The machine, balanced between speaker rattle in its frame. thunderous sound and almost dis­ "Those were puppets, you block­ jointed movements, seemed to be head." The farmer remembered the threatening him, and the farmer joy he'd experienced when the took a couple of steps back, away golden, almost human puppets from the blunt overhang of its had waltzed across the portable prow. screen while he rode about on the "Go to blazes then!" he shouted. reapers back a few days before. ,.The last thing I need is a ballet The puppets had a lithe grace dancing potato-picker." about them and he savored the "Well, I see I can't discuss any­ performance, wondering at how thing with you intelligently." The sensuous the inanimate figures robot calmed down a little so its had been. small voice could be easily heard "Call them what you will." The above the whine of the engine. reaper's voice sounded determined. "AU you do is argue and threaten "I want to be like them, aU golden and act irrational." And with a and snaky writhing and free." sudden change of mood all the "Free my eye. Pick them 'taters yellow bulky tons of the reaper or I'll cut off your oil," the man shivered and danced in a co-or­ sputtered. dinated medley of motion and 98 FANTAST AND ICIBNCE FICTION sound as it withdrew ieto tile thick nd off color. You know how depths of the shed to su1k; the important skins are for new pota­ whining turbine stoppiag _.. a toes." Then he let his voice go low hiss. and whispered with pointed gen­ ius. "If I can) get my crop in now There is a kind of ripteous dis­ I WOil't be able to keep up with gmt which can overlie aDger. It the paymenk. You know dirt comes only during extreme crises grow11 'f4Rers are a luxury item and turns the most blazing kind of and wil make the difference be­ desire-to-destroy into a kind of icy tween whether I can pay for the objectivity which allows one to mach me or not." see things with the kind of clarity The chocka-chock of the 'copter usually reserved for hallucina­ sounded before he had finished his tions. What the farmer saw as the second vodka and applejack, and robot went into a sulk was th~ fine complimenting himself on the print on the warranty. way he -had forced the company He waved the golden document into gi•mg him special service, he ill front of the tower telespeak and went to the landing area to meet spoke from the security of his cas­ the repail'lllaJl. tle. "I can't argue with that prima­ "It just won't do anything donna everytime I want my pota­ right," he said, not waiting for the toes picked. It wants to dance now. other to disembark. "Won't do Did you ever-" anything right at all."

"Bio-crystal brains are delicate "Umpa. H The repairman swung mechanisms and an urge for artis­ his six aDd a half feet to the tic pursuits is a common aberra­ ground and turned to get his tool tion." The unctuous smooth-faced case from the flier. service manager interrupted. "I didn't expect you this soon," "-hear of such a thing?" The the farmer persisted in trying to farmer finished, ignoring the man. make conversation. "It says right here on the warranty "Service with a smile." The re­ that I have r;ertain rights in this pairman didn't look very happy matter." as he scowled down at the farmer. ''I'm familiar with the warran­ '1'm on over-time right now, should ty. A repairman will be there in a be home." He hefted his tool bag few weeks. You see we have a and nodded down at the farmer. backlog and-" 'Where is the machine?" "Don't bother me with your They walked to the machine problems. Today is the day the shed silently, the farmer a little new potatoes are ready. If I wait cowed by the man's surly bulk. In­ any longer the skins will be too side, the repairman swung onto REVOLT OP THE POTATO-PICitER 99 the machine's deck, hoisting him­ swered, thinking they all say the self up by way of the tread, ignor­ same thing and not yet willing to ing the ladder on the robot's side. give up the point, added: "Gentle­ He took a pair of skin tight gloves ness is so important that we're se­ from the toolbox and pulled them lected for delicate touch and equa­ on. Then taking a slim silver nimity of spirit." He reached into wand he fished around in the po­ his box for another tool, finishing tato-picker's innards with huge pointedly. "I hope you haven't knuckled paws which eclipsed the been yelling at it or anything." tools. "Have you been fooling with "Oh no," the farmer denied. this thing?" He asked over his "Not even a cross thought when in shoulder gruffiy. its presence." Then thinking better "No!" the farmer said. "Oh ne't'­ of the lie. "At least never an un­ er." provoked cross thought." "Most people don't belleve the "You know, even we have to be warning in the instruction book," careful not to feel things too deep­ snarled the repairman in the usual ly-not to expose our emotions attempt to intimidate a customer. near them when they're on. They 'These things are delicate you seem to know-to feel a mood. know, just like ladies. You'd be You can send a bio-crystal brain surprised at what a stray electric into a complete funk with an emo­ field can do to one of their brains tion or feeling that's strong -makes them extra sensitive." enough. Be surprised what can set His voice rumbled in a ·way that one off. Even when they're half­ made the farmer think twice about asleep on stand-by, like this one the snappy answer on the tip of his is, you have to be a little careful." tongue, besides he remembered He leaned over the brain-box to guiltily that the instruction man­ get into a spot deep within the ual lay in the tower safe, as vir­ crystal lattice. The muscles in his ginal as the day he received it. back rippled so his broad shoul­ "This is the most sensitive mod­ ders seemed even broader and the el of all," the repairman contin­ farmer thought, maybe this was ued, his voice muffled by the open the right kind of repairman after cover of the access hatch. "They all. even respond to thoughts and emo­ "They keep us in training by tions so it's best to never even making us constantly practice on think a cross word near one." little things," the repairman con­ "I treat the machine with the tinued, his voice muffled by the utmost gentleness and considera­ brain-box. "Making mini-chronos tion." by hand teaches you patience and "Yeah," the repairman an- keeps the fingers limber like a 100 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION surgeon's. Gets ron used to frustra­ landing lithely next to the farmer. tion too." He looked up, his face "That should do it. Why don't stiff with momentary disgust. "I you give it a try while I go back to could never stand the sissy stuff the 'copter and call in." though, like making necklaces "Just a minute," the farmer from pollen grains or mounting called, not wanting to be inhos­ gnats wings on jeweled pins." He pitable. "Why don't you check in shook his head sadly and looked from the house. Maybe you'll be over at the farmer for understand­ able to join me in a glass of vodka ing. "That type of thing isn't fit and applejack? Take a look at my for a man." flies while you're at it too. I have a "As long as it helps you get a couple of Caddis Creepers and a job done, you can put up with any­ March Brown which are real thing," the farmer said. He was works of art, if I say so myself." beginning to feel a little warmth "Only for a second," the re­ toward the man who clearly had pairman said. He was already very problems of his own. "I suppose late and really didn't believe in we all have to make sacrifices, but fraternizing with customers. isn't there something you can .do "We should check the machine to relieve the strain? A hobby out first." maybe?" The farmer nodded and turned "I box in my spare time. Smash back to the sower-reaper. things about, batter 'em good. "Okay Max baby. Let's go there That way I have a clear mind for boy. Up and at 'em." important things." He held up one The starting motor whined, of his immense hands and smiled. &pinning the turbine into life with "Sometimes I'd like to smash one a roaring hiss. The picker quiv­ of these-" he nodded at the ered like a dog at point and quick­ broad yellow back of the robot. ly settled down as the turbine "But I control myself and take it revved to a full throated roar. out on a punching bag instead." "That's more like it. I'm glad "Funny, I always shied away the nonsense is finally over." The from contact sports. I'm a By-tyer farmer turned back to the robot myself. Have quite a collection up and walked to the shed door ges­ at the house." turing out into the sun as Max fol­ "To each his own." He shot the lowed, its monstrous pneumatic farmer a strong-toothed magnani­ treads gliding onto the crumbly mous smile and shut the cover of soil with a dry crunching sound. the brain-box with a thump. He "Okay boy, pick 'em, and pack gathered up his tools and leaped 'em, but whatever you do, don't from the sower-reaper's carapace, peel 'em." He turned to the repair- REVOLT OF THE POTATO-PICKJ!Il 101 man who'd followed the machine lousy machine! You've sent me to out of the shed. the poor house." "Well, it looks good to me. The loose tread slapped hard at Come on up to the house." There­ the one remaining pile of whole pairman nodded, following him potatoes, pounding them into not quite as reluctantly as he pulp. would have liked. "I am releasing my frustration," Later, head still buzzing from the machine replied, enunciating the applejack, the farmer stum­ clearly. "After all, creative effort bled out to the landing patch and requires some outlet. I have to watched his giant friend take to have some form of relaxation, the sky, before heading toward the particularly after performing a field to watch the picker at work. menial task." At first the growing cloy of the The farmer, seeing red, tried to pungent and musty odor hanging reach the machine, wanting only over the farm seemed unreal and to tear it apart with his hands, but without meaning. He was too busy added to his frustration by not be­ thinking of how easily his new ing able to traverse the thick friend's huge hands had handled muck which sucked at his legs like vise and scissors, turning out a a voracious but toothless beast. number six Blue Dun in jig time. "If I ever get my hands on you He chuckled at the memory and . • ." he shouted, struggling to drawing a breath gasped at the keep his head above the sucking raw burn of the now choking air. morass. "I'll . . ." And thinking that the fool ma­ "Well," the machine interrupt­ chine had gone ahead and peeled ed drawing itself up as if insulted. 5,000 hundred-weight of new po­ "As a creative man yourself, I'd tatoes, the farmer broke into a have thought you'd have under­ panting run toward the field. stood." Max, yellow sides splattered "Understood what? You mani­ with potato juice and mud, sat in ac!" the center of the field, one tread "Understood just what my di­ half off; the other turning majes­ version would have to be," the tically in a slurry of potatoes and robot said smugly, smashing the tan colored mud. last errant spud joyfully before 'What are you doing?" the turning itself off to sink deck farmer yelled, no longer caring deep into the newly created whose sensibilities he hurt. "You swamp. Here is the fifth, tJftd {ttuil adventure of Cugel the Clever, in which our resourceful het-o finaDy returns to tite manse of Iucounu t'M laughing magician. Brimming with malice for Iucounu, who had diapatc'Md him on this foul mission, and still full of the hardships and temJrs of the long ;oumey, Cugel plot$ his revenge. [While familiarity with preceding stories is by no meanr a prerequisite for enjoyment of this one, a listing of othefos in the series follows: THE OVEBWORLD, Dec. 1965; THE MOUN­ TAINS OF MAGNA"'Z, Feb. 1966; THE SOBCERER PHABESM, Apr. 1966; 'lHE PILGRIMS, June 1986. Th£ series will be collected in book form by Ace Books.]

THE MANSE OF IVCOVNIJ

by Jack Vance

I: THE CAVE IN THE FOREST on Cugel became more diffident and furtive than ever, skulking THROUGH THE OI:D FoREST from tree to tree, peering and lis­ came Cugel, step by furtive step, tening, darting across open spaces pausing often to listen for break- with an extravagantly delicate ing twig or quiet footfall or even gait, as if contact with the ground the exhalation of a breath. His pained his feet. caution, though it made for slow During a middle afternoon he progress, was neither theoretical came upon a small dank glade nor impractical; othea wandered surrounded by black mandouars, the forest with anxieties and tall and portentous as hooded yearnings greatly at odds oo his monks. A few red rays slanting in­ own. All one terrible dusk he had to the glade illumined a single fled and finally outdistanced a twisted quince tree, where hung a pair of deodands; on another oc- strip of parchment. Standing back casion he had stopped short at the in the shadows Cugel studied the very brink of a glade where a leu- glade at length, then stepping for­ comorph stood musing: whereup- ward took the parchment. In 102 THE MANSE OF IUCOUNU 103 Cl'abbed characters a message was his eyes, Cugel noticed gnarled indited: limbs and clotted foliage on high, as if a number of daobados grew Zaraides the Sage makes a gen­ on lofty ground. erous offer! He who finds this With maximum vigilance Cu­ message may request and obtain gel proceeded through the forest, an hour of judicious counsel at and presently was halted by a sud­ no charge. Into a nearby hillock den upthrust of gray rock crowned opens a cave; the Sage will be with trees and vines: undoubted­ found within. ly the hillock in question. Cugel stood pulling at his chin, Cugel studied the parchment showing his teeth in a grimace of with puzzlement. A large ques­ doubt. He listened: quiet, utter tion hung in the air: why should and complete. Keeping to the Zaraides give forth his lore with shadows he continued around the such casual largesse? The pur­ hillock, and presently came upon portedly free was seldom as repre­ the cave : an arched opening into sented; in one guise or another the the rock as high as a man, as wide Law of Equivalence must prevail. as his outstretched arms. Above If Zaraides offered counsel-dis­ hung a placard printed in untidf missing the premise of absolute al­ characters: truism-he expected some com­ modity in return: at minimum an ENTER: ALL ARE WELCOME! inflation of self-esteen, or knowl­ edge regarding distant events, or Cugel looked this way and that. polite attention at a recitation of No sight nor sound in the forest. odes, or some such service. As Cu­ He took a few careful steps for­ gel re-read the message, his skepti­ ward, peered into the cave, to cism, if anything, augmented. He find only darkness. would have flung the parchment Cugel drew back. In spite of aside had not he felt a real and the genial urgency of the sign, he urgent need for information: spe­ felt no inclination to thrust him­ cifically knowledge regarding the self forward, and squatting on his most secure route to the manse of haunches he watched the cave in­ Iucounu, together with a method tently. for rendering the Laughing Magi­ Fifteen minutes passed. Cugel cian helpless. shifted his position; and now, to Cugel looked all about, seeking the right, he spied a man ap­ the hillock to which Zaraides re­ proaching, using a caution hard­ ferred. Across the glade the ly less elaborate than his own. ground seemed to rise, and lifting The newcomer was of medium 104 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION stature and wore the rude gar­ cally in regard to a nearby glade ments of a peasant: grllrf trousers, profuse with wild leeks." a rust-colored blouse, a cocked "Indeed!" ejaculated Fabeln, brown hat with biD thrust for­ snapping his fingers in agitation. ward. He had a round, somewhat "Formulate with care, and while coarse face, with a stab of a nose, you arrange your phrases, I will small eyes set far apart, a heavy step within and inquire regarding chin bestubbled with a fuscous the lassitude of my daughter." growth. Clutched in his hand was "As you wiJI," said Cugel. "Still, a parchment like that which Cugel if you care to delay, I will be only had found. a short time composing my ques­ Cugel rose to his feet. The tions." newcomer halted, then came for­ Fabeln made a jovial gesture. ward. "You are Zaraides? If so, "In this short period, I will be know me for Fabeln the herbalist; into the cave, out and away, for I I seek a rich growth of wild leeks. am a man swift to the point of Further, my daughter moons and brusqueness." languishes, and wiD no longer Cugel bowed. "In that case, carry panniers; therefore-" proceed." Cugel held up his laand. "You "I will be brief." And Fabeln err; Zaraides keeps to his cave." strode into the cave. "Zaraides?" Fabeln narrowed his eyes craft­ he called. "Where is Zaraides the ily. "Who then are -you?" Sage? I am Fabeln; I wish to make "I am Cugel : like yourself, a certain inquiries. Zaraides? Be so seeker after enlightenment." good as to come forth!" His voice Fabeln nodded in fuD compre­ became mufHed. Cugel, listening hension. "You ha-.e consalted Za­ intently, heard the opening and raides? He is accurate and trust­ closing of a door, and then there worthy? He demands no fee as his was silence. Thoughtfully he com­ prospectus purports?'• posed himself to wait. "Correct, in every detail," said Minutes passed and an hour. Cugel. "Zaraides, wbo is appar­ The red sun moved down the af­ ently omniscient, speaks from the ternoon sky and passed behind sheer joy of traasmittillg iaforma­ the hillock. Cugel became restive. tion. My perplexities are re­ Where was Fabeln? He cocked solved." his head: once more the opening Fabeln inspected lliiD sidelong. and closing of a door? Indeed, "Why then do you 1lld beside the and here was Fabeln: all then was cave?" well! "I also am a lterbaltlt, and I Fabeln looked forth from the fonnulate new quesrillns, specifi- cave. "Where is Cugel the herbal- THE MANSE OF JUCOUNU 105 ist ?'' He spoke in a harsh brusque a low burrow. In the light of a voice. "Zaraides will not sit down flickering yellow flame he saw his to the banquet nor will he discuss captors: creatures half his height, leeks, except in the most general pallid of skin, pointed of face, terms, until you present yourself." with ears on the tops of their "A banquet?" asked Cugel with heads. They walked with a slight interest. "Does the bounty of Za­ forward hunch, and their knees raides extend so far?" seemed jointed opposite to those of "Indeed: did you not notice true men, and their feet, in san­ the tapestried hall, the carved dals, seemed very soft and supple. goblets, the silver tureen?" Fabeln Cugel looked about in bewil­ spoke with a certain saturnine derment. Nearby crouched Fa­ emphasis which puzzled Cugel beln, regarding him with loath­ "But come; I am in haste, and do ing mingled with malicious satis­ not care to wait. If you already faction. Cugel saw now that a have dined, I will so inform Za­ metal band encircled Fabeln's raides." neck, to which was connected a "By no means," said Cugel, long metal chain. At the far end with dignity. "I would burn with of the burrow huddled an old humiliation thus to slight Zarai­ man with long white hair, like­ des. Lead on; I follow." wise fitted with collar and chain. "Come then." Fabeln turned; Even as Cugel looked about him, Cugel followed him into the cave, the rat-people clamped a collar to where his nostrils were assailed his own neck. "Hold off!" ex­ by a revolting odor. He paused. claimed Cugel in consternation. "I seem to notice a stench: . one "What does this mean? I deplore which affects me unpleasantly." such treatment!" "I noticed the same," said Fa­ The rat-folk gave him a shove beln. "But through the door and and ran away. Cugel saw that the foul odor is no more!" long squamous tails depended "I trust as much," said Cugel from their pointed rumps, which peevishly. "It would destroy my protruded peculiarly from the appetite. Where then-" black smocks which they wore. As he spoke he was swarmed The door closed; the three men upon by small quick bodies, clam­ were alone. my of skin and tainted with the Cu~el turned angrily upon Fa­ odor he found so detestable. beln. ''You tricked me; you led me There was a clamour of high­ to capture! This is a serious of­ pitched voices; his sword and fense!" pouch were snatched; a door was Fabeln gave a bitter laugh. "No opened; Cugel was pitched into less serious than the deceit you 106 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION practised upoB met By yow knav­ small eyes. "Why should I not ish trick, I was taken; I therefore claim myself as a credit to my ensured that you should not es­ own account? It is a point worth cape." asserting." "This is inhuma .alice!" "Not so, not so," came a shrill roared Cugel. "I shall .ee to it voice from behind a grate. "We that you receive yo.r just de­ tally only those items provided af­ serts!" ter impoundment. Fabeln is tal­ "Bah," said Fabeln. "Do not an­ lied to no one's account. He how­ noy me with your ~nts. In ever is adjudged one item: name­ any event, I did JIOt l•e you into ly, the person of Cugel. Zaraides the cave from malice al summon a back, called a spell. Cugel was demon, I will give him his instruc­ jerked up and away. An instant tions in regard to Iucounu. The later the ground touched his feet business will then be at an end, and he found himself walking the and we can discuss other matters." main concourse of Azenomei. He Zaraides shook his head. "All is drew a deep breath. "After aU the not so simple. lucounu, himself trials, all the vicissitudes, I am devious, is not apt to be taken un­ once again in Azenomeil" And, awares. He would instantly learn shaking his head in wonder, he who instigated the assault, and looked about him. The ancient the relations of distant cordiality structures, the terraces overlook­ we have enjoyed would be at an ing the river, the market: all were end." as before. Not far distant was the "Pahl" scoffed Cugel. "Does Za­ booth of Fianosther. Turning his raides the Sage fear to identify back to avoid recognition, he himself with the cause of justice? sauntered away. Does he blink and draw aside "Now what?" he ruminated. from one so timid aad ncillating "First, new garments, then the as Iucounu ?" comforts of an inn, where I may "In a word-yes," said Zarai­ weigh every aspect of my present des. "At any instant the sun may condition. When one wishes to go dark; I do not care to pass these laugh with Iucounu, he should last hours exchangiag jests with embark upon the project with all Iucounu, whose hu1110r is much caution." THE MANSE OF IUCOUNU 117 Two hours later, bathed, shom, him helpless, whereupon Cngel refreshed, and wearing new gar­ could take such measures as ments of black, green and red, seemed profitable. Cugel sat in the common room of Where was the flaw in the plan? the River Inn with a plate of Cugel could see none. ·If Iucounu spiced sausages and a Oask of discovered the substitution, Cugel green wine. need only utter an apology and "This matter of a just settle­ produce the real cusp, and so lull ment poses problems of extreme Iucounu's suspicions. All in all, delicacy," he mused. "I must the probabilities of success seemed move with care!" excellent. He poured wine from the fla­ Cugel finished his sausages in gon, ate several of the sausages. leisure, ordered a second flagon of Then he opened his pouch and wine, and observed with pleasure withdrew a small object wrapped the view across the Xzan. There carefully in soft cloth: the violet was no need for haste; indeed, cusp which Iucounu wished as a while dealing with Iucounu, im­ match for the one already in his pulsiveness was a serious mistake, possession. He raised the cusp to as he alreadv had learned. his eye but stopped short: it would On the following day, still find­ display the surroundings in an il­ ing no fault in his plan, he visit­ lusion so favorable that he might ed a glass-blower whose workroom never wish to remove it. And was established on the banks of now, as he contemplated the glossy the Scaum a mile to the east of surface, there entered his mind Azenomei, in a copse of fluttering a program so ingenious, so theo­ yellow bilibobs. retically effective and yet of The glass-blower examined the such small hazard, that he in­ cusp. "An exact duplicate, of stantly abandoned the search for a identical shape and cQlor? No better. small task, with a violet so pure Essentially, the scheme was and rich. Such a color is most dif­ simple. He would present himself ficult to work into glass; there is to Iucounu and tender the cusp, no specific stain; all must be a or more accurately, a cusp of simi­ matter of guess and hazard. Still lar appearance. lucounu would -I will prepare a melt. We shall compare it with that which he al­ see, we shall see." ready owned, in order to test the After several trials he produced efficacy of the coupled pair, and a glass of the requisite hue, from inevitably look through both. The which he fashioned a cusp super­ discord between the real and false ficially indistinguishable from the would jar his brain and render magic lens. ll8 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION "Excellent!" declued Cugel. The glass-blower raised both "And now, as to your fee?" cusps to his eyes. One allowed a "Such a cusp of violet glass I view into the Overworld, the other value at a hundred terces," re­ transmitted a view of Reality. plied the glass-blower in a casual Stunned by the discOI'd, the glass­ manner. blower swayed and would have "What?" cried Cugel in out­ fallen had not Cugel, in an effort rage. "Do I appear so gullible? The to protect the cusps, supported charge is excessive." him, and guided him to a bench. The glass-blower replaced his Taking the cusps, Cngel tossed tools, swages, and crucibles, show­ three terces to the work-table. ing no concern for Cugel's indig­ "All is mutability, and thus your nation. "The universe evinces no hundred terces has fluctuated to true stability. All fluctuates, cy­ three." cles, ebbs and flows; aU is per­ The glass-blower, too dazed to vaded with mutability. My fees, make sensible reply, mumbled and which are immanent with the cos­ struggled to raise his hand, but mos, obey the same laws and vary Cugel strode from the studio and according to the anxietY of the away. customer." He returned to the inn. Here he Cugel drew back in displeasure, donned his old garments, stained at which the glass-blower reached and tom by much harsh treatment, forth and possessed himself of and set forth along the banks of both cusps. Cugel exclaimed: theXzan. "What do you intend?" As he walked he rehearsed the "I return the glass &o Hie cruci­ approaching confrontation, trying ble; what else?" to anticipate every possible con­ "And what of my atSp?" 'tingency. Ahead, the sunlight "I retain it as a memento of our glinted through spiral green glass conversation." towers: the manse of Iucounul "Hold!" Cugel c:kew a deep Cugel halted to gaze up at the breath. "I might pay your exorbi­ eccentric structure. How many tant fee if the new cusp were as times during his journey had he clear and perfect as the old." envisioned himself standing here, The glass-blower inspected first with Iucounu the Laughing Magi­ one, then the other. "To my eye cian close at hand! they are identical." He climbed the winding way of "What of focus?" Cugel chal­ dark brown tile, and every step in­ lenged. "Hold both to yoUI' vision, creased the tautness of his nerves. look through both, tlten say as He approached the front door, and much!" saw on the heavy panel an object Tift MANSE OF IUCOUNU 119 which before he had failed to no­ carne lucounu, and Cugel thought tice: a visage carved in ancient to detect a change in his counte­ wood, a gaunt face pinched of nance. The great soft yellow head cheek and jaw, the eyes aghast, the seemed looser than before; the lips drawn back, the mouth wide jowls sagged, the nose hung like a in a yell of despair or perhaps de­ stalactite, the chin was little more fiance. than a pimple below the great With his hand raised to rap at twitching mouth. the door, Cugel felt a chill settle Iucounu wore a square brown on his soul. He drew back from hat with each of the corners tipped the haggard wooden countenance, up, a blouse of brown and black turned to follow the gaze of the diaper, loose pantaloons of a heavy blind eyes-across the Xzan and dark brown stuff with black em­ away over the dim bare hills, roll­ broidery: a handsome set of gar­ ing and heaving as far as vision ments which lucounu wore with­ could reach. He reviewed his plan out grace, as if they were strange of operations. Was there Raw? to him, and uncomfortable; and Danger to himself? None was ap­ indeed, he gave Cugel a greeting parent. If Iucounu discovered the which Cugel found odd. "Well, substitution Cugel could always feJlow, what is your purpose? You plead error and produce the genu­ will never learn to walk ceilings ine cusp. Great advantage was to standing on your hands." And Iu­ be gained at small risk! Cugel counu hid his mouth with his turned back, rapped on the heavy hands to conceal a snicker. panel. Cugel raised his eyebrows in A minute p.assed. Slowly the surprise and doubt. "This is not portal swung open. A Row of cool my purpose. I have come on an er­ air issued forth, carrying a bitter rand of vast import: namely, tore­ odor which Cugel could not iden­ port that the mission I undertook tify. The sunlight slanting across on your behalf is satisfactorily ter­ his shoulder passed through the minated." portal and fell upon the stone "Excellent!" cried Iucounu. floor. Cugel peered uncertainly in­ "You may now tender me the keys to the vestibule, reluctant to enter to the bread locker." without an express invitation. "Iu­ " 'Bread locker'?" Cugel stared counu !" he called. "Come forth, in surprise. Was lucounu mad? "I that I may enter your manse! I am Cugel, whom you sent north on wish no further unjust accusa­ a mission. I have returned with the tions!" magic cusp affording a view into Within was a stir, a slow sound the Overwodd!" of feet. From a room to the side "Of course, of course!" cried Iu- 120 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION counu. " 'Brzm-szzst'. I fear I am "True, how true! My cusp; now vague, among so many contrasting where did that stubborn rascal con­ situations; nothing is quite as be­ ceal it?'' fore. But now I welCODie you. Co­ " 'Stubborn rascal'?" inquired gel, of course! AD is clear. You Cugel. "Has someone been misar­ have gone forth, you have re­ ranging your valuables?" turned! How is friend Firx? Well, "In a manner of speaking." Iu­ I trust? I have longed for his com­ counu gave a wild titter, and panionship. An excellent fellow, kicked up both feet far to the side, Firx!" falling heavily to the floor, from Cugel acquiesced with no great where he addressed the astounded fervor. "Yes, Firx has been a friend Cugel. "It is all one, and no longer indeed, an unflagging source of en­ of consequence, since all must couragement." transpire in the 'mnz' pattern. Yes. "Excellent! Step within! I I will shortly consult with Firx." must provide refreshment! What "On a previous occasion," said is your preference: 'sz-mzsm' or Cugel patiently, "you procured 'szk-zsm'?" your cusp from a cabinet in that Cugel eyed Iucounu askance. chamber yonder." His demeanor was more than pe­ "Silence!" commanded Iucounu culiar. "I am familiar with neither in sudden annoyance. He hauled of the items you mention, and himself to his feet. " 'Szsz'! I am hence will decline both with grati­ well aware as to where the cusp is tude. But observe! The magic vi­ stored. All is completely coordi­ olet cusp!" And Cugel displayed nated! Follow me. We shall Jearn the glass fabrication which he had the essence of the Overworld at procured only a few homs before. once!" He emitted a bray of im­ "Excellent!" declared Iucounu. moderate laughter. "You have done weD, and your lucounu shuffied into the side­ transgressions-now I recall all, chamber, returned with the case having sorted among the various containing his magic cusp. He circumstances-are hereby de­ made an imperious gesture to Co­ clared nullified. But give me the gel. "Stand exactly at this spot. Do cusp! I must put it to trial!" not move, as you value Firx!" "Of course," said Cugel. "I re­ Cugel bowed obediently. Iucou­ spectfully. suggest, that in order to nu took forth his cusp. "Now-the comprehend the full splendor of new object!" the Overworld, you bring forth Cugel tendered the glass cusp. your own cusp and look through "To your eyes, both together, that both simultaneously. This is the you may enjoy the full glory of the only appropriate method." Overworld!" THi. MANSi. OF IUCOUNU 121 "Yes! This is as it shall be!" Iu­ performed with agility remarkable counu lifted the two cusps and ap­ in a man of Iucounu's short limbs plied them to his eyes. Cugel, ex­ and somewhat corpulent body. He pecting him to fall paralyzed by concluded the demonstration with the discord, reached for the cord a great leap into the air, alighting he had brought to tie the insensible on his neck and shoulders, arms savant; but Iucounu showed no and legs waving like those of an signs of helplessness. He peered overturned beetle. Cugel watched this way and that, chortling in a in fascination, wondering if Iu­ peculiar fashion. "Splendid! Su­ counu were alive or dead. But Iu­ perb! A vista of pure pleasure!" counu, blinking somewhat, nimb­ He removed the cusps, placed ly gained an upright posture. "I them carefully in the case. Cugel must perfect the exact pressures watched glumly. and thrusts," he ruminated. "Oth­ "I am much pleased," said Iu­ erwise there is impingement. The counu making a sinuous gesture of eluctance here is of a different or­ hands and arms, which further be­ der than of 'ssz-pntz'." He emitted wildered Cugal. "Yes," lucounu another great chortle, throwing continued, "you have done well, back his head, and looking into the and the insensate wickedness of open mouth Cugel saw, rather your offense is hereby remitted. than a tongue, a white claw. In­ Now all that remains is the deliv­ stantly he apprehended the reason ery of my indispensable Firx, and for Iucounu's bizarre conduct. In­ to this end I must place you in a some fashion a creature like Firx vat. You will be submerged in an had inserted itself into Iucounu's appropriate liquid for approxi­ body, and had taken possession of mately twenty-six hours, which his brain. may well suffice to tempt Firx Cugel rubbed his chin with in­ forth." terest. A situation of marvell He Cugel grimaced. How was one applied himself to concentrated to reason with a magician not only thought. Essential to know was droll and irascible, but also be­ whether the creature retained lu­ reft? "Such an immersion might counu's mastery of magic. Cugel well affect me adversely," he said, "Your wisdom astounds me! I pointed out cautiously. ''Far wiser am filled with admiration! Have to allow Firx a period of further you added to your collection of perambulation." thaumaturgical curios?" Iucounu seemed favorably im­ "No, there is ample at hand," pressed by the suggestion, and ex­ declared the creature, speaking pressed his delight by means of an through Iucounu's mouth. "But extremely intricate jig, which he now I feel the need for relaxation. 122 FAKTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION The evolution I performed a mo­ and humiliations he had suffeted ment or so ago has made quietude at lucounu's hands gave him necessary." · pause. Should Iucounu attain ob­ "A simple matter," said Cugel. livion so swiftly, with neither cog­ "The most effective means to this nition nor remorse? By no means! end is to clamp with extreme in­ Cugel pulled the still body out tensity upon the Lobe of Directive into the hall, and sat on a nearby Volition." bench to consider. "Indeed?" inquired tbe crea­ Presently the body stirred, ture. "I will attempt as •ncb; let opened its eyes, made an effort to me see: this is the Lobe of" Anti­ arise, and finding this impossible, thesis and here, the ConYolvement turned to examine Cugel first in of Subliminal Configuration . . . surprise, then outrage. From the 'Szzm'. Much here puzzles me; it mouth came peremptory sounds was never thus on Ache£nar." The which Cugel acknowledged with a creature gave Cugel a sharp look noncommital sign. to see if the slip had been aoticed. Presently he arose to his feet, ex­ But Cugel put on an attitude of amined the bonds and the mouth­ lackadaisical boredom; and the plaster, made all doubly secure, creature continued to sort through then set about a cautious inspec­ the various elements of lucounu's tion of the manse, alert for traps, brain. "Ah yes, here: the Lobe Di­ lures or dead-falls which the rective Volition. Now, a sudden whimsical Iucounu might have es­ vigorous pressure." tablished in order to outwit or be­ lucounu's face became taut, the guile intruders. He was especially muscles sagged, the corpulent vigilant during his inspection of body crumpled to the 8oor. Cugel Iucounu's workroom, probing ev­ leapt forward and in a trice bound erywhere with a long rod, but if Iucounu's arms and legs and af­ Iucounu had set forth snares or be­ fixed an adhesive pad aaoss the guilements, none·were evident. big mouth. Looking along Iucounu's Now Cugel performed a joyful shelves, Cugel found sulfur, aqua­ caper of his own. All was well! lu­ stel, tincture of zyche and herbs counu, his manse, his great collec­ from which he prepared a viscose tion of magical adjuncts were at yellow elixir. He dragged the 8ac­ his disposal! Cugel considered the cid body into the workroom, ad­ helpless hulk and started to drag ministered the potion, called or­ it outside where he might conven­ ders and persuasions and finally, iently strike off the great yellow with lucounu an even more in­ head, but the recollection of the tense yellow from ingested sulfur, numerous indignities, discomforts with aquastel steaming from his THE MANSE OF JUeDUNU 123 ears, with Cngel panting and per­ Cugel seated himself with a spiring from his own exertions, the goblet of Iucounu's best yellow creature from Achemar clawed wine. "I intend to pursue the mat­ free of the heaving body. Cngel ter in this wise: I shall calculate caught it in a great stone mortar, the sum of those hardships I have crushed it to a paste with an iron endured, including such almost pestle, dissolved all with spirits of incommensurable qualities as vitriol, added aromatic memaunce chills, cold draughts, insults, and poured the resultant slime pangs of apprehension, uncertain­ down a drain. ties, bleak despairs, horrors and Iucounu, presently returning to disgusts, and other indescribable consciousness, fixed Cugel with a miseries, not the least of which glare of disturbing intensity. Co­ were the ministrations of the un­ gel administered an exhalation of speakable Firx. From this total I raptogen and the Laughing Magi­ will subtract for my initial indis­ cian returned to a state of apathy. cretion, and possibly one or two Cugel sat back to rest. A prob­ further ameliorations, leaving an lem existed: how best to restrain imposing balance of retribution. lucounu while he made his repre­ Luckily, you are Iucounu the sentations. Finally, after looking Laughing Magician: you will cer­ through one or two manuals, he tainly derive a wry impersonal sealed lucounu's mouth with a amusement from the situation." daub of juncturing compound, Cugel turned an inquiring glance secured his vitality with an un­ up at Iucounu, but the returning complicated spell, then pent him gaze was anything but jocular. in a tall glass tube, which he sus­ "A final question," said Cugel. pended from a chaiD in the ves­ "Have you arranged any traps or tibule. lures in which I might be de­ This accomplished, and Iuco­ stroyed or immobilized? One blink nu once more conscious, Cugel will express 'no'; two, 'yes'." stood back with an affable grin. lucounu merely gazed con­ "At last, Iucounu, matters begin to temptuously from the tube. right themselves. Do you recall the Cugel sighed. "I see that I must indignities you visited upon me? conduct myself warily." How gross they were! I vowed that Taking his wine into the great you would regret the circum­ hall, he began to familiarize him­ stance! I now begin to validate the self with the collection of magical vow. Do I make myself clear?" instruments, artifacts, talismans The expression distorting Iuco­ and curios : now, for all practical unu's face was an adequate re­ purposes, his own property. Iuco­ sponse. unu's gaze followed him every- 124 FANTAS·Y AND SCIENCE FICTION where with an anxious hope that into the vestibule. Annoyed by lu­ was by no means reassuring. counu's smirk, Cugel carried the Days went by and Iucousu's tube to the front of the manse, af­ trap, if such existed, remained un­ fixed a pair of brackets upon sprung, and Cugel at last carne to which he hung lamps, which believe that none existed. During thereafter illuminated the area be­ this time he applied himself to Iu­ fore the manse during the hours of eounu's tomes and folios, but night. with disappointing results. Cel.""" A month passed, and Cugel be­ tain of the tomes were written in carne somewhat more confident in archaic tongues, indecipherable his occupancy of the manse. Peas­ script or arcane terminology; oth­ ants of a nearby village brought ers described phenomena beyond him produce, and in return Cugel his comprehension; others exuded performed what small services he a waft of such urgent danger that was able. On one occasion the fa­ Cugel instantly clamped shut the ther of Jince, the maiden who covers. served as arranger of his bed­ One or two of the workbooks he chamber, lost a valuable buckle in found susceptible to his under­ a deep cistern, and implored Cu­ standing. These he studied with gel to bring it forth. Cugcl readily great diligence, cramming syllable agreed, and lowered the tube con­ after wrenching syllable into his taining lucounu into the cistern. mind, where thev roiled and lucounu finally indicated the lo­ pressed and distend~d his temples. catiQn of the buckle, which was Presently he was 3ble to encom­ then recovered with a grapple. pass a few of the most simple and The episode set Cugel to devis­ primitive spells, certain of which ing other uses for Iucounu. At the he tested upon Iucounu: notably Azenornei Fair a 'Contest of Gro­ Lugwiler's Dismal Itch. But by tesques' had been arranged. Cugel and large Cugel was disappointed entered Iucounu in the competi­ by what seemed a lack of innate tion, and while he failed to win competence. Accomplished magi­ the prime award, his grimaces cians could encompass three or were unforgettable and attracted even four of the most powerful ef­ much comment. fectuants; for Cugel, attaining At the fair Cugel encountered even a single spell was a task of Fianosther, the dealer in talismans extraordinary difficulty. One day, and magical adjuncts who had while applying a spatial transposi­ originally sent Cugel to lucounu's tion upon a satin cushion, he in­ manse. Fianosther looked in jocu­ verted certain of the pervulsions lar surprise from Cugel to the tube and was himself hurled backward containing Iucounu, which Cugel THE MANSE OF IUCOUNU 125 was transporting back to the manse gazed over the expanse of hills in a cart. "Co gel! Cugel the Clev~ which rolled away like swells on a er!" exclaimed Fianosther. ''Ru~ sea. For the hundredth time he mor then speaks accurately! You pondered Iucounu's peculiar fail~ are now lord of lucounu's manse, ore of foresight; by no means must and of his great collection of in~ he, Cugel, fall into similar error. struments and curios!" And he looked about with an eye Cugel at first pretended not to to defense. Above rose the spiral recognize Fianosther, then spoke green glass towers; below slanted in the coolest of voices. "Quite the steep ridges and gables which true," he said. "Iucounu has chos~ lucounu had deemed aesthetically en to participate less actively in correct. Only the face of the an~ the affairs of the world, as you see. cient keep offered .an easy method Nonetheless, the manse is a warren of access to the manse. Along the of traps and dead~falls; several slanting outer abubnents Cugel ar~ famished beasts stalk the grounds ranged sheets of soapstone in such by night, and I have established a a manner that anyone climbing to spell of intense violence to guard the parapets must step on these each entrance." and slide to his doom. Had loco~ Fianosther seemed not to notice uno taken a similar precaution­ Cugel's distant manner. Rubbing so Cugel reflected-instead of ar~ his plump hands, he inquired: ranging the over~subtle crystal "Since you now control a vast col~ maze, he would not now be look~ lection of curios, wiD you sell cer~ ing forth from the tall glass tube. tain of the less choice items'?" Other defenses must also be "I have neither need nor incli~ perfected : namely those tesources nation to do so," said Cugel. "Iu~ to be derived from lucounu's counu's coffers contain gold to last shelves. till the sun goes dark." And both Returning to the great hall, he men, after the habit of the time, consumed the repast set forth by looked up to gauge the color of the Jince and Skivvee, his two comely moribund star. stewardesses, then immediately Fianosther made a gracious applied himself to his studies. To­ sign. "In this case, I wish you a night they concerned themselves good day, and you as weD." The with the Spell of Forlorn Encyst­ last was addressed to Iucounu, ment, a reprisal perhaps more fa­ who returned only a surly glare. vored in earlier aeons than the Returning to the manse, Cugel present, and the Agency of Far brought Iucounu into the vesti~ Despatch, by which Iucounu had bole; then making his way to the transported him to the northern roof, leaned on a parapet and wastes. Both spells were of no 126 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION small power; both required a bold mand you: depart, and never re­ and absolutely precise control, turn! I undefstand your purpose which Cugel at first feared he and I warn that you will find me a would never be able to supply. less indulgent enemy than was Iu­ Nevertheless he persisted, and at counu! So now, be off! Or I inflict last felt able to encompass either upon you the Spell of the Macroid the one or the other, at need. Toe, whereupon the signalized Two days later it was as Cugel member swells to the proportions had expected: a rap at the front of a house." door which, when Cugel flung ''Thus and so," cried Fianosther wide the portal, indicated the un­ in a fury. "The mask is torn aside! welcome presence of Fianosther. Cugel the Clever stands revealed "Good day," said Cugel cheer­ as an ingrate! Ask yourself: who lessly. "I am indisposed, and must urged you to pillage the manse of request that you instantly depart." lucounu? It is I, who, by every Fianosther made a bland ges­ standard of honest conduct, ture. "A report of your distressing should be entitled to a share of Iu­ illness reached me, and such was counu's wealth!" my concern that I hastened here Cugel snatched forth his blade. with an opiate. Allow me to step "I have heard enough; now I act." within-" so saying he thrust his "Hold!" And Fianosther raised portly figure past Cugel "-and I high the black flask. "I need only will decant the specific dose." hurl this bottle to the floor to un­ "I suffer from a spiritual ma­ loose a purulence, to which I am laise," said Cugel meaningfully, immune. Stand back then!" "which manifests itself in out­ But Cugel, infuriated, lunged, bursts of vicious rage. I implore k> thrust his blade through the up­ you to depart, lest, in an uncon­ raised arm. Fianosther called out trollable spasm, I cut you in three in woe, flung the black bottle into pieces with my sword, or worse, in­ the air. Cugelleapt to catch it with voke magic." great dexterity; but meanwhile, Fianosther winced uneasily, but Fianosther, jumping forward, continued in a voice of unquench­ struck him a blow, so that Cugel able optimism. "I likewise carry a staggered back and collided with potion against this disorder." He the glass tube containing Iucounu. brought forth a black flask. "Take a It toppled to the stone, shattered; single swallow and your anxieties lucounu crept painfully away will be no more." from the fragments. Cugel grasped the pommel of "Ha hal" laughed Fianosther. his sword. "It seems that I must "Matters now move in a different speak without ambiguity. I com- direction!" THE MANSE OF llJCOUNU 127 "By no means!" called Cugel, sions, thereby reversing the quality bringing forth a tube of blue con­ of the spell. Indeed, even as he un­ centrate which he had found derstood the mistake, to all sides among Iucounu's instruments. there were small sounds, and pre­ Iucounu strove with a sliver of vious victims across the aeons were glass to cut the seal on his lips. Co­ now erupted from a depth of forty­ gel projected a waft of blue con­ five miles, and discharged upon centrate and Iucounu gave a great the surface. Here they lay, blink­ tight-lipped moan of distress. ing in glazed astonishment; "Drop the glass!" ordered Cugel. though a few lay rigid, too slug­ "Turn about to the wall." He gish to react. Their garments had threatened Fianosther. "You as fallen to dust, though the more re­ well!" cently encysted still wore a rag or With great care he bound the two. Presently all but the most arms of his enemies, then stepping dazed and rigid made tentative into the great hall possessed him­ motions, feeling the air, groping at self of the workbook which he had the sky, marveling at the sun. been studying. Cugel uttered a harsh laugh. "I "And now-both outside!" he seem to have performed incorrect­ ordered. "Move with alacrity! ly. But no matter. I shall not do so Events will now proceed to a defi­ a second time. Iucounu, your pen­ nite condition!" alty shall be commensurate with He forced the two tD walk to a your offense, no more, no less! You flat ~rea behind the manse, and flung me willy-nilly to the north­ stood them somewhat apart. "Fia­ ern wastes, to a land where the sun nosther, your doom is well-merit­ slants low across the south. I shall ed. For your deceit, avarice and do the same for you. You inflicted odious mannerisms I. now visit up­ me with Firx; I will inflict you on you the Spell of Forlorn Encyst­ with Fianosther. Together yon may ment!" plod the tundras, penetrate the Fianosther wailed piteously, Great Erm, win past the Moun­ and collapsed to his knees. Cugel tains of Magnatz. Do not plead; took no heed. Consulting the work­ put forward no excuses: in th.is book he encompassed the spell, case I am obdurate. Stand quietly then pointing and naming Fianos­ unless you wish a further inflic­ ther, spoke the dreadful syllables. tion of blue ruin!" But Fianosther, rather than So now Cugel applied himself sinking into the earth, crouched as to the Agency of Far Despatch, before. Cugel hastily consulted the and established the activating workbook and saw that in error he sounds carefully within his mind. had transposed a pair of pervul- "Prepare yourselves," he called. 128 FANTAST AND SCIENCE FICTION With that he sang forth the ried off to the north, betrayed a spell, hesitating at only one per· second time by a misplaced per· vulsion where uncertainty over· vulsion. • came him. For a day and a night the demon But all was well. From on high flew, grumbling and moaning. came a thud and a guttural outcry, Somewhat after dawn Cugel was as a coursing demon was halted in cast down on a beach and the de­ mid-flight. mon thundered off through the "Appear, appear!" called Co­ sky. gel. "The destination is as before: There was silence. To right and to the shore of the northern sea, left spread the gray beach. Behind where the cargo must be delivered rose the foreshore with a few alive and secure! Appear! Seize clumps of salt-grass and spinifex. the designated persons and carry A few yards up the beach lay the them in accordance with the com­ splintered cage in which once be­ mand!" fore Cugel had been delivered to A great flapping buffeted the this same spot. With head bowed air; a black shape with a hideous and arms clasped around his visage peered down. It lowered a knees, Cugel sat looking out across talon; Cugel was lifted and car- the sea.

COMING NEXT MONTH Murray Douglas is an actor. He has also been an alcoholie. His £areer has been ruined, and his health is only slowly mending. But for mysterious reasons, Manual Delgado, the brilliant Argentine playwright, has asked him to join his company for a new London production. This is a chance for a new career-the chance Murray has been looking for. But why has Delgado cast his new production entirely with misfits, has-beens, and never-will-be's? And, more important to Murray Douglas, why is Delgado trying to get him to return to drinking? There are rumors ... rumors that Delgado's last production, in Paris, resulted in the suicide of its star, and insanity for one of its actresses. Who is this brilliant demon, Delgado? And why is he tampering with the already unstable minds of his company? Can he wish to drive them all to the brink of insanity? Or-has Murray Douglas already passed over the threshhold of paranoia in his attempts to unravel Del­ gado's secret? In THE PRODUCTIONS OF TIME, John Brunner, author of the highly accJairned THE WHOLE MAN and THE SQUARES OF THE CITY, presents a chillingly different two-part novel-with a conclusion that wiU stand your hair on end. £********************** .. t MARKET PLACE ~ • * !***********************:

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