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Illuminating the Trauma of the Closet Among Sexual Minorities: a Cinematic-Phenomenological Study of Existential Rights Nisha Gupta

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Illuminating the Trauma of the Closet Among Sexual Minorities: a Cinematic-Phenomenological Study of Existential Rights Nisha Gupta Duquesne University Duquesne Scholarship Collection Electronic Theses and Dissertations Summer 8-11-2018 Illuminating the Trauma of the Closet Among Sexual Minorities: A Cinematic-Phenomenological Study of Existential Rights Nisha Gupta Follow this and additional works at: https://dsc.duq.edu/etd Part of the Clinical Psychology Commons, Community Psychology Commons, and the Film and Media Studies Commons Recommended Citation Gupta, N. (2018). Illuminating the Trauma of the Closet Among Sexual Minorities: A Cinematic-Phenomenological Study of Existential Rights (Doctoral dissertation, Duquesne University). Retrieved from https://dsc.duq.edu/etd/1476 This Immediate Access is brought to you for free and open access by Duquesne Scholarship Collection. It has been accepted for inclusion in Electronic Theses and Dissertations by an authorized administrator of Duquesne Scholarship Collection. For more information, please contact [email protected]. ILLUMINATING THE TRAUMA OF THE CLOSET AMONG SEXUAL MINORITIES: A CINEMATIC-PHENOMENOLOGICAL STUDY OF EXISTENTIAL RIGHTS A Dissertation Submitted to the McAnulty College and Graduate School of Liberal Arts Duquesne University In partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of Doctor of Philosophy By Nisha Gupta, M.A. August 2018 Copyright by Nisha Gupta 2018 ILLUMINATING THE TRAUMA OF THE CLOSET AMONG SEXUAL MINORITIES: A CINEMATIC-PHENOMENOLOGICAL STUDY OF EXISTENTIAL RIGHTS By Nisha Gupta Approved March 23, 2018 ________________________________ ________________________________ Dr. Will Adams Dr. Jessie Goicoechea Associate Professor of Psychology Assistant Professor of Psychology (Committee Chair) (Committee Member) ________________________________ Dr. Suzanne Barnard Associate Professor of Psychology (Committee Member) ________________________________ ________________________________ Dr. James Swindal Dr. Leswin Laubscher Dean, McAnulty College and Graduate Chair, Department of Psychology School of Liberal Arts Associate Professor of Psychology Professor of Philosophy iii ABSTRACT ILLUMINATING THE TRAUMA OF THE CLOSET AMONG SEXUAL MINORITIES: A CINEMATIC-PHENOMENOLOGICAL STUDY OF EXISTENTIAL RIGHTS By Nisha Gupta August 2018 Dissertation supervised by Dr. Will Adams This dissertation is a phenomenological research study about the lived experience of being in the closet as a sexual minority. This study’s research findings are represented in two distinct but overlapping ways: a traditional written hermeneutic interpretation, and a short film called “Illuminate” which cinematically brings to life the closeted lifeworld. To produce this film, I developed an innovative research method called “cinematic-phenomenology.” As a researcher, I conducted phenomenological research interviews with five self-identified sexual minorities about their lived experiences of being in the closet. During interviews, I helped participants describe their felt sense of the closet through symbolic imagery, by guiding them to language their feelings using Eugene Gendlin’s body-focused psychotherapy technique Focusing. I also conducted a thematic interpretation of participants’ data using Max Van Manen’s approach to hermeneutic phenomenological interpretation. My research findings led to the following key insight: that the phenomenon of the closet entails a traumatic loss of existential rights—the right to truth, freedom, iv love, hope, and power. Then, as a filmmaker, I collaborated with cinematographers, actors and musicians to produce a phenomenological short film called “Illuminate” which visually illustrates these existential themes of the closet via poetic cinematography. All imagery in the film is directly inspired by research participants’ embodied and metaphoric descriptions of what being in the closet felt like for them personally. The final short film can be viewed at www.illuminatethecloset.com. It seeks to make visible the invisible trauma that the closet inflicts, illuminate how sociopolitical oppression deprives marginalized minorities of their existential rights, and instill empathy, compassion, and hope among viewers. “Illuminate” is the first film to be produced by the Phenomenological Film Collective, a community-engaged filmmaking group I have founded which utilizes my cinematic-phenomenological research method to produce social advocacy films (pfcollective.com) v DEDICATION This dissertation is dedicated to my awesome Dad, whose brilliance continues to shine a light which always helps me find my way. And to my Mom, who, through solidarity, love and friendship, reminds me to stay true to myself no matter what the world says. vi ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS I would like to thank my participants for their generosity in sharing their stories of the closet with me in pursuit of building a more open-hearted society. This project would not be possible without your trust, vulnerability, enthusiasm, courage, and creativity. Our conversations during this process affirmed to me the power of making Vulnerable Art in order to spread truth, compassion, solidarity, love, and hope. I have learned so much from each of you as fellow activists and beautiful human beings. I want to thank my dissertation director, Dr. Will Adams, for his extraordinary mentorship throughout the past six years, supporting me steadfastly to speak my own truth in multiple ways—as a researcher, therapist, artist, student, and human being. My ability to pursue this dissertation would not be possible without your sensitivity, kindness, wisdom, enthusiasm, and faith in me. My future would not look so bright without the gift of your mentorship, and I feel lucky to have worked so harmoniously with you throughout these many years. I would also like to thank my committee readers, Dr. Jessie Goiochochea and Dr. Suzanne Barnard, for your investment in this project’s vision, and your careful feedback to ensure that the final product goes out into the world with utmost ethical sensitivity. I am grateful for my committee’s expertise, honesty, and concern in helping me navigate this emancipatory cinematic-research project in the most just manner possible. I wish to also acknowledge other members of the Duquesne community without whom this dissertation would not be. My many dialogues with Dr. Leswin Laubscher have provided me with sustenance, insight and direction as I attempt to wade through personal and collective trauma. The community work of Dr. Eva Simms, and the risks she takes as a citizen, serve as an example for me as an activist-psychologist. Dr. Susan Goldberg and Dr. Tony Barton have offered heartfelt guidance and encouragement from the beginning. Dr. Elizabeth Fein has been a wonderful support for my career trajectory; thanks for introducing the idea of the “Phenomenological Film Collective!” vii Marilyn Henline and Linda Pasqualino, thank you for keeping me and the department sane for the past six years and beyond, and offering endless hugs of support. And finally, my fellow comrades: Arvin, Rita, Camille, Betsy, Seth, Katie, Alexis, Jayme, Daniel, Rebecca, Monica, Luiggi, Gabriel, Kay, Brian, Sugandh, Jeremy, Dorothy, Jen, Christine, Sadie, Autumn, Lucas (and many others that have touched my heart at Duquesne)—you have related to me with such generosity throughout the years and your friendship is the pinnacle of what community means. I would like to thank Dean Swindal for generously offering a fellowship award to make this dissertation’s vision a reality. This gesture of solidarity from Duquesne is quite meaningful. I would like to thank my colleagues and clients at Persad Center for building such a significant place of refuge and empowerment. You are a breath of fresh air for the Pittsburgh LGBTQ community. Thanks also to my comrades in the trenches of American University, Adam, Ashlee, Abby, and Natalie: I would not have made it through the final homestretch without your loving, funny, loyal presence every day. I wish to thank the folks at The University of West Georgia’s Department of Psychology for supporting not only this cinematic-phenomenological research project, but also many future phenomenological films to come. Thank you for inviting me into your departmental home and welcoming my heart and soul as a psychologist-artist-activist. I wish to thank Aimee Hartstein and Liz Baring for both creating a holding environment, in your own ways, that allowed me to explore the depths of this subject matter therapeutically and artistically. Liz—learning Focusing was like learning Magic. Thank you. I wish to thank my dear sisters Ilana, Grace, Cathleen, Shilpi, Neha, Anisha, Ariele and Hanny. My own experience of being closeted has been greatly assuaged by your love. Much love also goes to Rajiv Uncle and Bobby Auntie for providing a refuge for myself and my story during this last stage of my doctoral work. viii Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, to the amazing cast of “Illuminate”: Orlando Davis, Javier Spivey, Monisha Schwartz, Isaiah Noreiga, Lee Lytle, and Jacob Wasson. YOU ARE ALL BRILLIANT as artists and humans. I am constantly overcome with nostalgia about the hours on set I shared with you. Thank you for believing in me as a novice director, and believing in this project to create social change. To Mary-Beth Grimaldi, Matt Rich, and Hakim Fontaine, you are rockstars on-set and should consider acting as a second career option! To Lesley Flanigan: thank you for letting me use your haunting, beautiful music for this film, and for your positive encouragement throughout its production. My utmost gratitude goes to Joseph Carreno,
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