Hunt cover C 5/2/08 2:43 PM Page 1

Want towin a week in paradise? Want tohave some good,crazy fun? Joinus today,May18,at noon downtown for an adventure you’ll never forget. TWPMFor details,turn toPage16.

MAY 18,2008 Magazine Template 4/28/08 12:38 PM Page 1

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May18, 2008CONTENTS

(1) Read the instructions on Page 16. (2) Join us before noon downtown. (3) Solve the Post Hunt Puzzles before anyone else. 10 (4) Spend an expense-paid vacation for four in this little corner of paradise. STORY ON PAGE 16 FIRST THINGS FIRST 2 Editor’s Note 2 Cul de Sac 4 Second Glance 6 Date Lab 8 Then & Again 10 Making 11 Editor’s Query 12 First Person Singular 14 Dilbert

34

DEPARTMENTS 44 Dining Thai Ki and Ping by Charlie Chiang’s 16 BY TOM SIETSEMA COVER STORY After winning the Hunt, 46 The Puzzle you’ll need five nights ‘It’s Not What It Looks Like’ 16 at a resort. BY GO! 47 Significant Others BY , AND BY Join the first-ever Post Hunt, and spend an adventure-filled afternoon that you’ll 48 Below the Beltway Teddy Stole need years of therapy to forget. NEXT WEEK My Panties IN THE MAGAZINE: BY GENE WEINGARTEN FEATURE When a man’s job is elimi- 34 nated, literally over lunch The Wild Man at the Center of the World hour, he becomes an explorer in the freakish world BY TAYLOR 12 of the unexpectedly unem- Washington’s Meridian Hill Park was once a ployed — and discovers what

PHOTOGRAPH COURTESY WESTIN DIPLOMAT RESORT & SPA prime spot for the international meridian. An eccentric all of us may have to look poet made it the prime spot to build his cabin. forward to, after lunch.

On the Cover: IIllustration by Otis Sweat Illustrations: Otis and Barbara Sweat

Send letters to: 20071, Magazine, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071. Send e-mail to: [email protected]. The Magazine is available online at washingtonpost.com/magazine.

EDITORIAL EDITOR: Tom Shroder; DEPUTY EDITOR: Sydney Trent; ARTICLES EDITORS: Sandy M. Fernandez, Lynda Robinson, David Rowell; SENIOR EDITOR: Bill O’Brian; SYSTEMS & SPECIAL PROJECTS EDITOR: Bolden; STAFF WRITERS: Laura Blumenfeld, Liza Mundy, Lonnae O’Neal Parker, Tom Sietsema, Gene Weingarten; COPY EDITORS: Elizabeth Chang, Michelle Gaps; ART DIRECTOR: J Porter; PHOTO EDITOR: Evan Jane Kriss; ASSISTANT PHOTO EDITOR: Jennifer Beeson; CONTRIBUTING WRITERS: Christina Ianzito, Paula Span, Wells Tower; EDITORIAL PRODUCTION MANAGER: Leslie A. Garcia; ADMINISTRATIVE ASSISTANT: Daniele Seiss; GENERAL MANAGER: Jenny Abramson; ADVERTISING PRODUCTION MANAGER: Julie Gunderson; BUSINESS MANAGER: Douglas S. Dykstra; ADVERTISING SALES REPRESENTATIVES: Diane DuBois, Anne Tackabery; ADMINISTRATIVE ASSISTANT: Linda Baquet; ADVERTISING PRODUCTION: Leigh Updike Braun, Jackie Ellis, Kiara Kerwin, Tara Shlimowitz; ADVERTISING GRAPHIC DESIGN: Willie Joyner, Joseph Wadsworth; PHONES EDITORIAL 202/334-7585; MAIN ADVERTISING 202/334-5228, 5224, 5226; SALES 212/445-5050; ADMINISTRATION 202/334-6160; MAGAZINE MARKET 202/334-7031. Copyright 2008 The Washington Post, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071. FIRST THINGSFIRST Editor’s Note: By Tom Shroder

UNT PUZZLE SOLVING 101. Class is loaded with clues, real and decoy. The Map is in session. also shows coordinates for pinpointing Hunt locations. In the You there in the back row. I heard that. And I’ve year of the golf tee Puzzle, the map coordinates consisted of a H heard it before. You took a look at the practice Puzzles number and a letter. on Page 26, and you said, “I’d never fi gure that out.” Bingo! 4-T is a map coordinate. Clearly, the next step is to Wrong. Time and again, I’ve seen people who positive go to that location. It becomes clear that was the right decision they’d get nowhere come up aces, supplying the key insights when you arrive to fi nd a huge leader board for a fi ctional golf that put their team over the top in solving a Puzzle. The secret: tournament, fi lled with the names of fi ctional golfers with their Just take it one step at a time. scores. Consider the golf tee Puzzle on Page 28. Hunt staffers All those numbers! Now you know you’re getting close. Very handed out tees. That’s all you had to go on. So, step one: Ex- often in the Hunt, when you get a list of options, each with a amine the tee. Plain, white … with the word “fore” printed on number, the trick is to fi gure out which of the options is the its stem. That’s obviously important. And since the solutions right one. In this case, fi nd the right golfer, and the number be- to all Hunt Puzzles are a number, fore is interesting because it side his name will be the solution. sounds like “four.” You fi nd no further hints on the leader board, so you still So, now you look at the numbers on a list of possible Hunt have nothing more than fore tee (or 4-T) to guide you. Is there clues, and you see that four is not there, which means that four a way to apply that to the names in front of you? Are there can’t be the answer. But you knew that — a Hunt Puzzle would four names that begin with a T? Maybe you could add all those never be solved that simply. scores together. So, think again. The “fore” isn’t in isolation, it’s on a tee! Put But no. There’s only one: Elliott Tarantino. Which, when it together, and you get fore tee. Another number! Alas, 40 isn’t you look at it for a minute, does appear to have … a lot of T’s. a possible solution either. One, two, three … four T’s to be exact. What else could “fore tee” mean? This is where you need to That click is the sound of the solution falling into place. consider another prime Hunt asset: the Hunt Map in the Mag- azine. The Hunt Map is an actual map of the Hunt area, and it Tom Shroder can be reached at [email protected].

Cul de Sac is online at washingtonpost.com/magazine. CUL DE SAC © 2008 RICHARD THOMPSON / DISTRIBUTED VIA UNIVERSAL PRESS SYNDICATE; OTIS AND BARBARA SWEAT ILLUSTRATIONS: BY OTIS SWEAT ILLUSTRATION

2 The Washington Post Magazine | MAY 18, 2008 Magazine Template 4/9/08 3:44 PM Page 1 Second Glance ETCHED IN STONE By Randy Mays

The Carnegie Library building at Square.

Find the 12 differences between the original photograph, top, and the altered photograph, bottom.

Puzzle answers are online now at washingtonpost.com/magazine and will be in the Magazine’s print issue next week. Degree of diffi culty:

For answers to last week’s Second Glance, see Page 14. [moderate, advanced, extreme] ORIGINAL PHOTOGRAPH BY RANDY MAYS

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Atlanta | Cincinnati | Dallas | Denver | Phoenix | Washington DC wasn’t interested. She said shehadwork stuff. electionreturns, butshe the nextnighttowatch[primary] event Iwashaving cal opinions.Iinvitedhertoa nonpartisan so Iwashappy. I’m subtlewhenitcomestomypoliti- notvery dangerous topicforafi appetizer formyself. Iwashungry! that kindofthing.She wasn’t really interested. So, Iordered an my foodaround thetable.But peoplehave different takeson to share anappetizer. I’m abigcommunaleater. Itendtooffer justbecauseshe’sshe wasconservative anArmybrat. all, butMarisa didn’t know that.Iwouldnever presume that [arranging mymarriage]thathadseriousrepercussions forus atall. as beingconservative moment They hadaconservative a whiteguynamedSteve Jones, andIdon’t thinkofmyparents after we broke up. It wasahugemistake.My sisterismarriedto I foundoutthatmyex-fi Indian. Iagreed toanarrangedmarriage[several years ago]after wanted tosay, “Oh, Iguessitwasn’t myhotbody.” mustbeit.”Ihadtoholdbackalaugh. did, shesaid,“That Then sheaskedmeifIridemotorcycles. When Itoldher think theysetusup?”andmyresponse was,“Ihave noidea.” freckles. Itendtogoforgirlswhohave darker skin. any instantOh, wow! She’s gorgeous.She waslight-skinnedwith when Iarrived. She seemedattractive enough,butIdidn’t feel tional energy, sowhen I’m notworking, I’d rathernotfocuson I paymuchattentionto. My work takesupalotofmyemo- 7:30 P.M., VERMILION,ALEXANDRIA A MAN,WOMAN,TWOMOTORCYCLES — ACCIDENTS HAPPEN Date Lab and Isaidsure, andIgave himoneofmine. to beableeat.Later, heaskedifIwanted abiteofhisfood, things Iwasgoing meat, sothechickendishwasoneoffew really wasn’t interested inanyoftheappetizers. Idon’t eatred interesting. very andheseemed wrong. Andhewasaniceguy;articulate, many different cultures, andfi enough, andI’ve beenaround theworldandhave friendsin icans whohave arrangedmarriages.But I’m open-minded will be?’ did theyputustogether?Are toseehow badthedate theytrying feminist asyou canget,somyinitialreaction was,Whytheheck I’m anex-military, motorcycle-riding female. That’s almostas a classicallyIndian family, andhisfi get thatpositive connectionrightaway. when peoplesay, “He wasn’t mytypeatall!” Very people few 5-foot-6, ifIwaslucky. But thatdoesn’t meananything.Ihate 6 Salil: Marisa: Salil: Marisa: Salil: Marisa: Salil: Marisa: Salil: Marisa: The Washington Post Magazine

We talking aboutpolitics,whichIknow started isa When itcametimetoorder, Iaskedherifshewanted It bothersmethatsheassumedmyfamilyisclassically As soonaswedoyou satdown, sheasked me,“Why Marisa gottotherestaurant fi

I had an art classthatnight.[Politics]I hadanart isn’t something Actually, Ihadlookedatthemenuonline,and Well, Ihatetosayit,butdon’t know manyAmer- I wasn’t sure whywe’d beensetup. He comesfrom I’m intothetall,athleticguynextdoor. He was rst date.She kindofwent offonDubya, ancee married someone a few months ancee marriedsomeoneafew | MAY 18,2008 rst impressions are almostalways rst marriagewasarranged. rst andwasatthebar person. fi the exactoppositeofthat.It toseeifwe could wasentertaining any embellishmentorhyperbole whenshe’s tellingastory. I’m but we hadtohuntforit.She’s straightforward. very There isn’t There was stuffwe hadincommon—we bothliketotravel — ask alotofquestions.Ifeltlikewasdrivingtheconversation. our, interesting. whichseemedvery something thatcausesstress. He didtellmethathedoespark- nd somethingtotalkabout.But I’m aneasilyentertained date Dream to share you’d like Interests Your type D.C. you’re Ways moments Happiest little Brag a Marisa: Salil:

Her reaction ofindifferent. wassort Overall, shedidn’t

He wasbetter atholdingtheconversation thanIwas. Veterinarian MARISA GERTH, 39 you didsaydreambig. out ofmyleague.But athletic, attractive,well Jack from“Lost”:smart, in afemalewhodoes.) who’ll showanyinterest male whodoesn’tride haven’t metanunmarried Tolerates motorcycles.(I Animals, outdoorsandtravel. (as in5-foot-9ormore) Athletic, outdoorsyandtall culture ofthearea. I lovethevarietyand dive trip(Ilovethewater). or floatingunderwaterona beautiful daywithmydogs Hiking inthewoodsona traveled andkindacute. I’m honest,friendly, well playing inthebackground. chunky glassesandVan Halen A sexylibrarian.Completewith she hatesclichesasmuchIdo. would neverattempt.I’dalsohope do thingsthatmostrationalpeople kind ofanadrenalinejunkieand A loveofadventure.Sheshouldbe words, “unlikelyashell.” bizarrely, attractedtome.Inother extroverted, successfulandsomehow, smart andwitty. Livelyconversationalist, Thin, darkhair, skinandeyes.Very weeks agoandmetTerry McAuliffe. and IhaddinnerwithHillaryafew a verytightanddeepnetwork.Oh, with someprettystrongopinionsand above, yetsomehowneverindifferent, I amneitherthisnorthat,andallofthe that Ijustknowcanmakework. hand andanideapercolatingaround something newwithadrinkinmy With ,outdoors,doing as you’llevermeet. I’m asdifferentaperson IT Consultant SALIL MANIKTAHLA, 35

DATERS ARE GIVEN CAMERAS TO DOCUMENT THEIR DATES When there was a lull, he’d pop a ques- tion. I talk to my clients, but it’s all very science- and medical-oriented. It’s very different when you have to converse with people on a social level. I work with ani- mals, and obviously they can’t talk to you. Salil: The waitress came by and asked if we wanted dessert, and she said yes. I think she had already picked out what she wanted. But I got the feeling that if she wasn’t prone to sharing dinner she defi nitely wasn’t going to be sharing her chocolate cake, so I got the bread pud- ding. And we did have a bite of each other’s. After dinner, I walked with her to her car. I asked if she’d like to get to- gether again — I’m always looking for people to go riding — and she said yes. She was kind of rummaging around in her car, and I couldn’t tell if she was looking for something, so I asked if she had a card on her, and she gave me one. I gave her a hug; she hugged me back, and that was it. DAY EVENT! Marisa: I’d give [the date] a 3.5 [out of 5]. He’s someone I’d easily invite to a group get-together. He’s very personable, stylishly 13 but you either have a connection or you AFFORDABLE. PIECE PACKAGE! don’t, and there wasn’t a connection. $ 99 Salil: She’s a rough-and-tumble kind 999 of girl. There aren’t many girls [who ride OR JUST $ 30 A MONTH!* motorcycles]. If there had been more chemistry, that would have been pretty hot. But overall I was a little bit let down. There wasn’t even a good story in all of this. It was very safe, middle-of-the road. I’d give it a 3. Interviews by Michelle Hainer SOFA AND CHAIR! UPDATE: Though he was peeved at PLUS Marisa’s assessment of his family, Salil hasn’t totally ruled out another rendezvous — in a group setting. FREE “I was thinking about calling her to COCKTAIL TABLE! go riding with my friends,” he says. 2 TABLES! Marisa would be up for it. “It’s not 2 LAMPS! going to faze me at all if he never calls me again,” she says, “but if he DESIGNER RUG! does, I’d be more than happy to go out AND riding.” Bristol Beige -11 5-PC DECOR Accessories include 3 Vases, ACCESSORIES! Tray & Picture Frame! JENNIFER >>WANT DATE LAB TO SET YOU UP? Go to Call 1-800-JENNIFER SOFAS & SOFABEDS washingtonpost.com/datelab for details. *On approved credit. Roomset is valued at $999.99. Financing provided by CitiFinancial Retail Services. $30.00 per month is the approximate amount to be paid for this purchase after a 10% down payment. Purchase accrues finance charges immediately & requires payments each month. Standard APR 23.99%. Default Rate APR 26.99%, minimum monthly finance charge is $1.50. See store for details.Not good on prior sales. Merchandise pickup may not be convenient or available in your area. Delivery & sales tax additional to be paid at time of purchase. Not all products displayed in all showrooms. www.jenniferconvertibles.com MAY 18, 2008 | The Washington Post Magazine 7 Then & Again 2007 THE SANDS OF TIME

Circa 1930s

Ocean City’s boardwalk and beach, looking south from The Ocean City, Md., boardwalk and beach, looking north. the rooftop of the historic Atlantic Hotel. The boardwalk is In 1933, a storm cut an inlet in the sand barrier, creating now nearly three miles long. hosts 8 million visitors access between the bay and ocean, which brought annually, and has 10,000 hotel rooms and 193 restaurants. sportfishing to the sleepy resort and spurred its growth.

HAVE AN OLD PHOTO YOU’D LIKE TO SEE IN THEN & AGAIN? Send an e-mail to: [email protected]. OF CONGRESS PRINTS AND PHOTOGRAPHS DIVISION; CIRCA 1930S PHOTOGRAPH FROM LIBRARY 2007 PHOTOGRAPH BY BENJAMIN C. TANKERSLEY

 !! !   $!  "  !   "   !# $!  $ $  !!!       "!!                           

8 The Washington Post Magazine | MAY 18, 2008 Magazine Template 4/25/08 1:10 PM Page 1

Last Chance to Purchase Stickley at 2007 Pricing! 4QFDJBM4UJDLMFZ4BMF HPJOHPO/08 Making It SISTERS PRESS AHEAD IN BUILDING THEIR FLORAL PRESERVATION BUSINESS By Elizabeth Chang

ARY BETH LOPRESTI AND HER SISTER preserve memories for other families, and in doing so, have strengthened their own. M In late 2004, Mary Beth’s sister, Theresa Hambleton, moved back East from Arizona with her husband and three of her fi ve children. For 18 months, they stayed in Sterling with the Lopres- tis and their three kids. The two sisters, who hadn’t been especially close while growing up in a fam- ily of eight children in New Jersey, found that they co-managed the household smoothly, even agreeing where the plastic wrap should go. One difference stood out: “After about a week she said, ‘There are no plants in your house,’ ” laughs Mary Beth, 44. “And I said, ‘I have fl owers on the fabric.’ ” Theresa, 48, pined for the sun and fl ora of Arizona. Having dried and framed their youngest sister’s wed- ding bouquet a few years earlier, she thought there might be a business in preserving fl owers from life’s special events. Such work would not only let her con- nect with plants year-round, it would take advantage of her training as a botanical fi eld technician and Mary Beth’s past experience in sales and marketing. Mary Beth, whose husband works for the FAA, had been staying home with the kids, and with the young- est about to head off to school, she was intrigued. Their mother offered $5,000 to get them started. “It was her belief in us that was even more valuable than the money,” Mary Beth says. The sisters attended a week-long class on fl ower preservation in and a seminar at the Small Business Development Center of Loudoun County, and set up a Web site. All Seasons Floral Pres- SIBLING PARTNERSHIP: Theresa Hambleton, left, and Mary Beth Lopresti make art ervation was in business by January 2006. from nature as special keepsakes. Theresa now lives in Charlottesville, where her husband is a with a regional airline. The sisters, $4,600 over the same time in 2007, and profi t was up $3,900. however, still share the workload. Mary Beth meets with custom- Mary Beth and Theresa hope to build the business to the point ers in her living room, has converted an extra bedroom into an where each is making $2,000 a month. offi ce and dries and presses the fl owers in her kitchen microwave With the growing demand, the sisters have hired a book- or in archival sleeves between the pages of phone books weighted keeper, and Mary Beth has neighbors on call for when she needs down with bricks. She pulls apart every fl ower, drying and press- help drying. This summer, Theresa will start training their oldest ing each petal individually. She and Theresa meet every other sister, Margaret Conner, 50, who lives in New Jersey, to help with week at a coffee shop in Culpeper, where they trade off: Mary the artwork, and Mary Beth jokes that “no one’s allowed to have Beth gives Theresa folders of dried fl ower petals; Theresa hands hard feelings” if the partnership doesn’t work out. over the fi nished fl oral art, with the fl owers reassembled and “Our company motto is, ‘If it’s working for you and work- arranged on a mat in designs, borders or bouquets. Mary Beth ing for the company, then great,’” Mary Beth says. She and takes the art home and frames it, adding other elements, such as Theresa have already agreed that, “when we’re done, we’ll let a photograph or invitation, if the client wants it. Finished pieces the other one know, fi nish out what we’re doing, and it’s over.” cost from $95 to $795; there also is a $100 pressing free. The “But for now,” she says, “it’s hard to imagine.” sisters say most of their clients are from Northern . In 2006, All Seasons had a profi t of $3,600. In 2007, profi t Are you succeeding with a new and unusual career, invention,

was up to $25,900. For the fi rst quarter of 2008, sales were up business or creative endeavor? E-mail [email protected]. PHOTOGRAPH BY KEITH BARRACLOUGH

10 The Washington Post Magazine | MAY 18, 2008 Editor’s Query TELL US ABOUT A TIME THE NET BROUGHT YOU NOTHING BUT TROUBLE

E’RE ALL GUILTY OF IT. At some point or other, we’ve all used “the ,” as our W current president once called it, to look ourselves up. The fi rst time I did it, I was at work and bored. I was pleasantly surprised to discover that there are a number of Web sites mentioning me. There is even an- other Melissa Heelan, which was totally exciting! I was hooked. Since then, I’ve looked up ex-boyfriends, college friends I’d lost touch with, even my parents. (I found a woman in Australia with my mother’s name who, scarily enough, looks just like her.) But recently, I Googled a good friend and discovered that his license to practice law had been suspended temporarily a few years ago for violating ethical rules of conduct. As I sat reading the court documents I found with Google’s help, I felt incredibly sad. Why had he never told me about this? And because it was his lying that had culminated in his sus- pension, could I trust him again? I’ve never mentioned it to him, but to this day I fi nd myself questioning everything he says. Honestly, I wish I had never typed in his name. Melissa C. Heelan, Washington

>>NEW QUERY: Tell us about a time when you got caught being a blowhard. If you have a 100 percent true story taken from your own experience concerning the above query, send it to [email protected] or The Washington Post Magazine, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071. Include your daytime phone number. Recount your story in 250 words or less. We’ll pay you $50 if we use your tale. ILLUSTRATION BY JAMES SMALLWOOD ILLUSTRATION

MAY 18, 2008 | The Washington Post Magazine 11 First Person Singular SHEILA C. JOHNSON President and managing partner, Washington Mystics

GOT TO UNDERSTAND BASKET- get an average of $37,000 a year. That they BALL AND FOOTBALL through my have to play overseas to make ends meet.” cheerleading years. Before Title IX, We have to market these young women for I that was about all women could re- people to see that they’re extraordinary. So, ally participate in, other than PE classes. I I have to get out there and be the rah-rah have always gone to the games and just loved cheerleader and say, “Come on, support us.” going. Then, one day, called me I’ve been known to be up in the owner’s box and asked me if I would be interested in buy- dancing and cheering for every basket. I’ve ing the Washington Mystics. I have to tell gotten to know a lot of my fan base, and you, I can’t even explain how that felt, to just it’s important that we feel this connection. I out and out buy a sports team. Then you have a core base of about 4,800 people that go back to your advisers, and they’re going: just love these girls. No matter what. And “Are you nuts? Why would you want to own what I have to do is convince another 6,000 a sports team?” And your advisers are men, to 7,000 to come into that stadium. Many and I said to them, “Well, if the opportunity times, I will have the owner’s box fi lled with were brought to you, would you do it?” And 30 and 35 people. And many of them — I they go, “Well, yeah …” would say 50 percent — once they get there, It’s a business, running a team. We are they keep coming back. It’s just getting them constantly fi ghting this uphill battle of trying there. to fi ll seats and get corporate sponsorship so I had no idea it would be this tough. This that we can meet budget. You’d be surprised; is the hardest job I’ve ever done, but it’s also [sponsors] sit there with their jaws open. the most exciting.

They go: “We had no idea that the girls only — Interview by KK Ottesen PHOTOGRAPH BY KK OTTESEN

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>> Key to Second Glance Answers (May 11)

1. Disappearing act 2. Opened a window 3. Tree trim 4. Black cap 5. Checked in 6. Southern exposure 7. Longer pole 8. Constricted dome 9. Downed spout 10. Sunk 11. Moving ahead of the fl eet 12. Jib-less © 2008 UNITED FEATURES SYNDICATE INC. E-MAIL SCOTT [email protected];CORBIS / UNDERWOOD & UNDERWOOD BY PHOTOGRAPH ORIGINAL

14 The Washington Post Magazine | MAY 18, 2008 Magazine Template 4/25/08 1:13 PM Page 1

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2008 POST HUNT

Everything you need to

MORE HUNT INFORMATION WASHINGTONPOST. COM/MAGAZINE GO! IF YOU’RE READING THIS, chances are you’re com/magazine. Go do it now. We’ll wait right here. considering participating in the Post Hunt today in Q. You won’t talk about me while I’m gone? downtown Washington. you have some ques- A. Of course not! tions. We will answer them now. Q. Okay. A. That person needs a nose-hair trim. Q. Why do men have nipples? A. I’ll say. A. Good question, but at the present time we are an- Q. Okay, I’m back. swering only Post Hunt questions. A. Great! Q. Oh. Okay, what is the Post Hunt? Q. Those riddles were easy! Bizarre, but easy! A. It’s a gigantic, challenging, but fun and family- A. Don’t get cocky. We want everyone to get those friendly contest that will be taking place in the streets right. Things will get much tougher. Your next move is to of Washington today, Sunday, May 18, starting at noon. assemble a team of two to four people. It lasts four hours. Thousands of people will be com- Q. Can’t I do it alone? peting, including , A. Yes, but this gets tricky, and group thinking and . is a big advantage. Your team needs to be Q. Really? around the stage near the intersection of A. No, but we’re expecting a crowd. 10th and H streets NW no later than Q. Sounds weird. noon. (You won’t need a car to participate in A. Yes. But you could the Hunt, so we strongly recommend getting there win big prizes, such as luxury by Metro. The location is convenient to the Gallery vacations for four in South Place-, Metro Center or Mount Vernon Florida. (See Prizes, on Square-Seventh Street-Convention Center stations.) Page 22.) Q. Will there be somewhere to eat? Q. Okay, I’m in. Can you A. Yes. It’s a booming neighborhood loaded tell me anything more about with restaurants. the Hunt? Q. What do I need to bring? A. It was created by Dave Barry, Gene Weingarten A. A cellphone, a pen or pencil, a copy of this and Tom Shroder. Magazine and a highly developed appreciation for Q. So, beer was involved? the absurd. (For anyone who doesn’t want to spring A. Duh. for the price of the Sunday , we’ll have Q. What will I have to do to participate? some free copies of the Magazine at the site.) If it’s A. First, just answer the Opening Questions on Page inclement weather, dress appropriately. The Hunt 19 of the Magazine, or online at www.washingtonpost. goes on or shine, and it all takes place outdoors.

16 TWPM MAY 18, 2008 5_18 ¥Huntw_FIN 5/2/08 3:40 PM Page 17

o know to compete in, and possibly win, the Post Hunt

THE ESSENTIAL INFO: 1. Answer the five Opening Questions on Page 19. We’ll supply port-a-potties and free whiskey. Q. What?! Familiarize yourself with the rest of the Magazine. 2. A. We’ll supply port-a-potties. Dig up some people to hunt with you — family members or friends — and head downtown. Q. Okay. What’s going to happen at noon? 3. Before noon, arrive at the Hunt Stage near 10th A. Dave, Gene and Tom will be onstage. They will and H streets NW (located at coordinates 10-XII on the deliver a clue. Combined with your answers to the Open- Hunt Map on Pages 24 and 25). At noon, we will make ing Questions, this new clue will divulge the location of *an announcement from the stage that, combined with the five main Puzzles — all within easy walking distance the answers to the Opening Questions on Page 19, will of the stage. The Hunt Map on Pages 24 and 25 will be give you the map coordinates for the initial locations of very helpful in finding the location of the Puzzles and is the five Puzzles. essential to solving the Hunt. You can visit the Puzzles in 4. Visit the Puzzle sites in any order you wish. The any order you wish. solution to each will be a number. Each number will Q. How will I know I’m in the right place? correspond to the number of one of the clues on the Clue A. At each location, the Puzzle should be obvious; Pages, 20 and 22. These five clues will be essential to nothing is hidden, and nothing is small. You won’t solving the Hunt. have to go into any buildings to solve any of the Puz- 5. Gather by the Hunt Stage at 3 p.m. The Final Clue zles. Hunt staffers at each site will confirm you’re in will be announced from the stage. Use the Final Clue, the right place. along with the five clues you already have, to figure out Q. How do I solve ’em? what you need to do to win. A. You must get naked and wrestle a giant otter. 6. After the Final Clue is announced, either solve the Q. Hunt, or decide that you can’t solve it and relax around A. No, our insurance the stage area until we present the Hunt winners and all company nixed that the solutions. plan. You won’t have to do anything physically Study the Puzzle until you think you’ve figured out what risky. This is a cerebral the number is. Then go to the numbered list of word and MORE HUNT event. The biggest dan- picture clues on Pages 20 and 22 of the Magazine. If the INFORMATION WASHINGTONPOST. ger is turning your brain number you guess doesn’t match the number of one of COM/MAGAZINE into oatmeal. the clues on that list, your guess is wrong. Q. So how do I solve the Puzzles? Q. What if it does match one of the numbers? A. Each Puzzle has a single answer. THE ANSWER A. You might still be wrong, but probably not; IS ALWAYS A NUMBER. We are shouting in capital the Puzzles are designed so that when you solve one, letters because this point is crucial to solving the Puzzles. it’s an “aha!” moment, and you’ll have a strong

Map (pp.24-25) and artwork by Otis Sweat Illustrations: OTIS AND BARBARA SWEAT

PHOTOGRAPHS FROM BIGSTOCKPHOTO MAY 18, 2008 TWPM 17 5_18 ¥Huntw_FIN 5/2/08 3:41 PM Page 18

2008 POST HUNT

MORE HUNT hang around at the stage. Kick sense that you are right. INFORMATION Q. What do I do after I’ve solved a Puzzle? WASHINGTONPOST. back, enjoy the music, wait for A. Go on to another one, in any order. As we men- COM/MAGAZINE the dramatic moment when tioned, the number solution for each Puzzle will match Dave, Gene and Tom explain one of the numbered clues on the Clue Pages. When the answers and everyone boos. you’ve solved all five Puzzles, you’ll have five clues. (The answers will also be available online at Q. What if I can’t solve a Puzzle? washingtonpost.com/magazine on Monday.) A. Go on to the next one. You have three hours to Q. Is there any way we can bone up for this experi- solve them all, which allows for extra time to double ence, to increase our skills? back and try again. In general, work quickly, but don’t A. Yes. You can read the examples starting on Page 26, run. You’ll be traversing city streets, so maintain ordi- or visit washingtonpost.com/magazine and click on the nary walking-city-streets caution. Post Hunt link to try out some virtual clues, reproduced Q. What about all the other numbers and clues on from prior Hunts. You also can, and the Clue Pages? should, familiarize yourself with all the contents of the A. They’re decoys, put there to confuse you. Magazine. Essential Hunt hints may be hidden in any Q. Like the tax code. part of the Magazine. A. Exactly. Q. Can children participate? Q. Okay, so I’ve solved the five Puzzles. Then what? A. Yes. In fact, children are often the ones to see A. Go back to the stage where it all began. At 3 p.m., something so obvious that their -scientist par- we’ll deliver a Final Clue. Combined with ents missed it. the clues you got from solving the five Puz- Q. Can a team be larger than four people? zles, this Final Clue will in some way reveal A. Yes, but remember that the prizes pay only for what you have to do next to win the Post travel for four. Hunt. We call this part of the Hunt “the Q. Are there any tips for how to win? DAVE Endgame.” It’s sneaky and devious and A. Remember, above all else, that the Post Hunt is mean and diabolical. We could never solve it supposed to be fun. So don’t stress. But also be smart. If ourselves if we hadn’t created it, and even so, you solve a Puzzle, don’t shout out the answer (competi- we keep forgetting what the answer is. For- tors are listening). Periodically keep track of the message tunately, the winners will be way smarter board on the Hunt Stage. If we need to alert you to some- than we are. Not that that’s difficult. This GENE thing, that’s where we will do it. You’ll see many logos Hunt is modeled after a similar event Dave, from our wonderful sponsors around the Hunt, but just Gene and Tom created in Miami, and there to keep people sane, we’ll tell you upfront: No clues are are always winners. hidden in the sponsor logos. If you have any questions Q. What sort of thing do you have to do (other than “what’s the answer?”), knowledgeable and to win, in the Endgame? & TOM courteous Hunt staff members will be around to help you. A. You’ll have to figure it out on your Q. How will we know they are Hunt staffers? own. Whether you figure it out or not, make sure you A. Uh, they will be wearing Post Hunt T-shirts that return to the stage at 3:30. At that point, we will either say “Staff.” Running out of good questions, are we? announce the winners and reveal the solutions to all the Q. Why do people say an alarm goes “off,” instead Puzzles, or, if we think it is necessary, we will announce an of “on”? additional hint. The Hunt continues until we have win- A. Okay, we’re done here. Please read the boring legal ners — the first, second and third teams to figure out the language of the official rules by clicking on the Post Hunt Endgame. If you know you’re hopelessly befuddled, then link on washingtonpost.com/magazine. MORE HUNT INFORMATION WASHINGTONPOST. COM/MAGAZINE

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OPENING

MORE HUNT INFORMATION QUESTIONS WASHINGTONPOST. The answers to these questions, combined with the Opening Clue COM/MAGAZINE delivered at noon from the Hunt Stage near 10th and H streets NW, will give you the map coordinates of the five Hunt Puzzles

THESE ARE THE OPENING QUESTIONS TO THE VIII. Marge’s trip will end suddenly in about 2008 POST HUNT. Find the correct answers before eight feet. noon today, May 18, when the Opening Clue will be read from the Hunt stage near 10th and H streets NW. QUESTION 3 The answers to these questions, combined with the Who is the U.S. secretary of commerce? Opening Clue, will tell you where the five Hunt Puz- A. Harnell A. Grootbingle zles are located on the Hunt Map on Pages 24 and 25. B. Ethel Merman (It may help to know that these questions were XIV. It doesn’t matter. written by Dave Barry.) QUESTION 4 QUESTION 1 Which of is not an actual federal Bob and Steve both manage hedge funds. This government job title? year, Bob’s total compensation will be $78 million, and A. Principal assistant deputy undersecretary Steve’s will be $1.2 billion. How much more — ex- B. Principal deputy deputy assistant secretary pressed as a percentage — does Steve make than Bob? C. Chief of staff to the associate deputy A. 24 percent assistant secretary B. 53 percent D. Chief of staff to the assistant assis- VII. I don’t care; I want them both to die. tant secretary XIV. These are all actual job titles that QUESTION 2 we swear we are not making up. One day, Marge decides to all the way around the Beltway during . If the QUESTION 5 Beltway is 64 miles around, and Marge What has 18 legs and no Johnson? drives at a steady speed of 55 mph, which of A. A centipede the following statements is correct? XII. The Supreme Court A. Marge’s trip will take about 50 minutes. B. Ethel Merman B. Marge’s trip will take about

LAPTOP PHOTOGRAPH FROM BIGSTOCKPHOTO; ETHEL MERMAN 80 minutes. ETHEL MERMAN, SECRETARY OF COMMERCE ?

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MORE HUNT INFORMATION WASHINGTONPOST.CLUES COM/MAGAZINE The five real clues on this page match the numbers you get from solving the five Hunt Puzzles. The rest are decoys.

0 — Zero is not a number, so it 40 — This is not the answer. 111 — can’t be an answer. Unless . . . 43 — Take away the trombones, 4 — You solve it with e’s. and replace with piano keys. 9 — First, take a second for your- 44 — This is the answer. self, then go forth and get a 50 — fifth of bourbon. 10 — Abcdefghiklmnopqrstvwxyz. 112 — She’s all over the map. 11 — (All you need to do is remove 119 — We (heart) VPL. eds from the middle, and 120 — You have to know a little the solution is right in front 51 — Q. What’s the difference German. Then you have of you!) between a duck? to get funky with him. 12 — The answer for you begins A. It has one leg alike. 122 — Half the world is mourning! for me. 52 — asdfghjl qertyuiop ; 126 — The first letter is the 17 — Ferdinand was standing, but 56— This was Lawrence 14th letter, and the third then he got tired. Taylor’s number. letter is the 13th letter! 19 — Next, find the face upon What did he do best? 130 — Is that a Twinkie in your which rests a single, 70 — To get inside, you need to pocket, or are you pretty pimple. think inside. unimpressed with me? 73 — Everyone won one for 26 — 139 — four teens. 77— All the cardinals are present ? and accounted for, pontiff. (But which ordinal is missing?) 27 — Don’t read it, say it out loud. 101 — Hemorrhoids “R” in season. 199 — Gosh are hogs mixed up! 28 — Add D, add Y, add NaCl. 102 — “Gullible” isn’t in the dic- What’s laid? Mix well. tionary. But “fangboner” is. 200 — Start at the back and count 29 — Supercalifagilistice- 105 — Ignore this. Move right forward. You’ll know when

pialidocious. along. — Eds to stop. PHOTOGRAPHS FROM BIGSTOCKPHOTO

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2008 POST HUNT

222 — Whining : Singing :: 401 — What is on the right side 779— Forget the first pitch. Flushing the toilet : ? is on the wrong side. Throw out the first which. 244 — Take five away from the 422 — The Eleventh Plague of 780 — Forget the first which. You’re previous correct answer. Egypt: nose whistle. looking for the first watch. 245 — It melted the crone. 455 — Tell us a story, Uncle Rebus. 850 — At the end of it, all you MORE HUNT 246 — , all you 471 — Some things are particularly wind up with is ore. INFORMATION need is love, love is all you valuable, even numbers. 896 —The correct angle to take WASHINGTONPOST. need is BANG. on this is summarized by COM/MAGAZINE 481 — 249 — “Knock knock.” “Hoo’s the sum of the hypotenuse. there?” “Ow!” “Ow! hoo?” 999 — To make an omelet, you “Dot’s the point.” need to break a few x. 301 — It ain’t over until the fat lady 1,989 — What came down at orders a second dessert. ⁄ this time must go up. 348 — 482 — The highest number you That’s how you win. see is the lowest common denominator. Divide, PRIZES: * and conquer. 499 — If you want to solve this thing, put two and 349 — If I have a choice, I’ll take two together. the , thank you. 505 — Son, my advice is to stick it 350 — Ray Adverb: “Shred great where the don’t shine. new engine, motor.” 555 — Seek letters that end with 352 — What do women have that a PS THE WESTIN DIPLOMAT men want? No, the other 630 — It’s fat, but it’s not thing. No, the third thing. overweight. Note: All prizes are for four people. Good. Go there. 641 — What is a door-gon when 370 — Gee, are you ’n’ I okay? it’s not a door-gon? GRAND PRIZE: 371 — I do not fear logic; others 688 — A five-night vacation to the Westin disregard mathematic hyper- Diplomat Resort & Spa in Holly- wood, Fla., including airfare, hotel, linear progressions. golf package and daily. 372 — SECOND PLACE: A four-night vacation to the Westin 689 — If second comes after first, Diplomat Resort & Spa in Holly- what comes after third? wood, Fla., including airfare, hotel 699 — The word you are initially and a catamaran cruise for four. looking for is “rob.” THIRD PLACE: 700 — To turn it into a rhyme, A three-night vacation to the Westin 373 — Hillary : Barack :: you just need to change Diplomat Resort & Spa in Holly- Stimpy : ? one word. wood, Fla., including airfare, hotel

390—Through a lens darkly. 707 — What’s wrong is right. and catamaran cruise for four. PHOTOGRAPH FROM PHOTODISC; SHOES AND GLASSES BIGSTOCKPHOTO; HOTEL COURTESY WESTIN DIPLOMAT RESORT & SPA

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2008 POST HUNT PRACTICE CLUES (HOW HUNT PUZZLES WORK) The Hunt can be tricky, but reading MORE HUNT INFORMATION about how to solve WASHINGTONPOST. COM/MAGAZINE

HERE ARE SOME EXAMPLES OF needed to align their miniature dice so that PUZZLES from past South Florida Hunts the dots on the four visible sides matched those on done for the Miami Herald. The same the giant dice. Then all they needed to do was look warped minds that will bring you the Post on top of the miniature dice, which is, after all, Hunt today in downtown Washington how dice are read. There they saw a 2 and a 1. came up with these little puppies, so take The answer was 3. notes. As you’ll see, the most important thing to know about Hunt Puzzles is that the answer THE ANTIQUE CARS is always a number. Hunt staffers handed out fliers with pictures of antique cars. Four of the cars THE DOMINO GAME were paired with map coordinates, as in At one Puzzle site, Hunt staffers handed out B-2; these four cars were crossed out.The coupons that said, “Always Go for the Dominoes,” as only car not crossed out was a Ford, which had no well as a summary of the rules of the game of domi- map coordinates. Hunters had to find the Ford within noes. Meanwhile, five domino game tiles appeared at the area delineated by the Hunt Map, then figure out various locations on the Hunt Map. If hunters fol- its coordinates, which were E-8. lowed the organizers’ advice and went to those loca- The answer was Ford tions, they were handed an actual domino tile at each E-8, or 48. of the five sites. Alert hunters noticed that the domi- noes they collected were the exact dimensions of the THE SAND printed dominoes on the map, and could align with CASTLE the map dominoes according to domino rules in only Hunters ar- one way. That alignment just happened to form the rived at a Puz- numeral 2 — which was the solution for this Puzzle. zle site to discover three roped-off areas THE DICE PUZZLE of sand. Behind the first rope was a large sand Hunters arrived at a huge field towered over by a sculpture of a fort. Behind the second was a sand- pair of gigantic, 16-foot-tall dice. Hunt staffers handed sculpture house. Behind the third rope was just sand. out miniature dice to the contestants. Because Hunters had to put this all together: Fort, house, sand. hunters couldn’t see the tops of the gigantic dice, they Run those words together fast, and you get “forthouse-

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2008 POST HUNT

and.” Four thousand was the L” sounds just like “Noel.” correct answer to this Puzzle. When is that? December 25. The solution to this Puzzle THE BEAUTY CONTEST was 1225. On the Hunt Stage, a THE GOLF TEES MORE HUNT beauty contest was going on. INFORMATION The obnoxious emcee kept up Hunt staffers in golf attire WASHINGTONPOST. a mildly sexist patter. When handed out golf tees, notable COM/MAGAZINE the eventual winner, Miss only because they had the word Aruba, was onstage, the emcee “Fore!” printed on them. It was was saying, “How hot is she, ladies and gentlemen?” a “fore tee.” Looking on the clue list, Hunters saw When runner-up Miss Malaysia traipsed into view that 40 was not a possible answer. But if they went the emcee said, “I hope there are more chicks like to map coordinates 4-T, they discovered a leader that where she comes from!” And when second run- board for a fictional Hunt golf tournament. ner-up Miss Brazil sashayed across the stage, the The solution to the Puzzle was the score — emcee said: “If she’s making it, I’m taking it, if you 288 — of the only golfer with four Ts in his catch my drift!” name: Eliott Tarantino. Hunters had to notice that, in the Hunt maga- zine section, there was a suspicious travel advertise- THE MANNEQUINS ment involving just those three countries, with “fun At a men’s clothing store, window display facts” about each. For Aruba (“How hot is she?”) featured oddly dressed mannequins. On one side, the ad noted that the average high temperature was there were: a mannequin with toy trains hung around 84. A fun fact for Malaysia (“. . . more chicks like its neck; a man- that!”) informed readers that the Malaysian na- nequin in only tional bird was the mynah. And for Brazil (“If she’s a vest; a man- making it . . .”), it listed tin as the national prod- nequin in only uct. So, guided by the emcee’s comments and the a tie; a man- fun facts in the ad, you had 84 for Aruba, “mynahs” nequin in only for Malaysia and “tin” for Brazil. Put together, that a T-shirt. was “84 mynahs tin,” or 84 minus 10. So 74 was the On the solution to this Puzzle. other side was another cluster THE GIANT LAPTOP of outrageously dressed mannequins. Each had a In a city park, hunters discovered an immense price . Hunters had to realize that the man- model of a laptop computer. On its screen were the nequins on the first side were a coded message: cryptic words, “WHEN IS THE ANSWER.” trains, vest, tie, T-shirt or, running them together — Hunters had to ask themselves, “When what?” trainsvesttieT. Allow a smidge for Hunt wackiness, But if they looked closely, they found that and you got “transvestite.” That could only apply to the giant laptop appeared unremarkable, with the male mannequin in women’s clothes. The price one exception — on the keyboard, there was no on that ensemble, 245, was the answer to this Puzzle. “L.” Annoyingly astute hunters realized that “no CONTINUED ON PAGE 43

28 TWPM MAY 18, 2008 ADVERTISEMENT

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Please support your favorite restaurants Martin’s Tavern principle is that “food needs to taste good” by casting a vote using the ballot 1264 Wisconsin Ave., NW with no hint of pretense. Diners come from inserted in this issue, or by visiting Washington, DC the surrounding area to enjoy simple food, www.ramw.org. 202-333-7370 done well at reasonable prices. www.martins-tavern.com Neighborhood Gathering Hottest BarBar Scene Scene Neighborhood Gathering Established in 1933, PlacePlace of the Year Nominees this Georgetown jew- of the YearYear Nominees Nominees el has served every Ardeo Restaurant president from Harry Brasserie Beck 3311 Connecticut Ave., NW Truman to George W. 1101 K St., NW Washington, DC Bush. The restaurant Washington, DC 202-244-6750 has built a loyal fol- 202-408-1717 lowing among Georgetown residents who www.ardeorestaurant.com www.beckdc.com settle into their favorite booths to enjoy seasonal dishes such as soft shell crabs Located in historic This art deco eatery boasts a dedication and shad roe. Many of the family-owned Park, Ardeo was created as a to Belgian fare and a relaxed, casual din- restaurant’s veteran waiters have worked place where neighborhood ing atmosphere. Serving “brasserie style” there for 15 to 28 years. regulars could drop by for continuously from lunch until late night, a cup of coffee or a glass of the café offers 24 by-the-glass wines, 100 wine and light salad. Diners Hank’s Oyster Bar by the bottle, an assortment of changing come from far beyond the 1624 Q St., NW Belgian draught beers and more than 100 neighborhood, however, to Washington, DC bottled beers. Also, a chic, marble-coun- enjoy Ardeo’s contemporary, art- 202-462-4265 tered coffee bar. fi lled dining room, extensive wine list and www.hanksrestaurants.com innovative menu of modern American cui- Central Michel Richard sine. A rooftop patio serves as a local gath- Nestled right off , Hank’s 1001 Pennsylvania Ave., NW ering spot for outdoor summer dining. Oyster Bar gathers an eclectic crowd from Washington, DC the neighborhood and beyond who come 202-626-0015 for the New England-inspired fare Hank’s Belga Café www.centralmichelrichard.com 514 8th St., SE does best. Customer favorites include fried Washington, DC or freshly shucked oysters and lobster rolls. Original exposed brick walls and mis- Committed to the art of 202-544-0100 fun and jovial gather- www.belgacafe.com matched furniture add to the comfortable, homey fl avor of this intimate eatery. ings, Central’s mix of modern comfort and cutting- Mark & Orlando’s style sets the stage 2020 P St., NW for lively social in- Described as “a little bit of on the Washington, DC teraction in its bar area Hill,” Belga Café is an intimate gathering 202-223-8463 overlooking . Offering place for residents and others www.markandorlandos.com innovative takes on classic and creative seeking respite from the bustling city life. cocktails, an extensive wine list and fi ne Known for their pommes frites (Belgian This cozy Dupont Circle restaurant offers a brews and spirits that change season- fries) and mussels, Belga offers a mix of delicious departure from the typical neigh- ally, Central now offers bar patrons its full Eurofusion and classic Belgian food, as borhood bistro. Dedicated to offering the fi n- dining menu of American cuisine with a well as an extensive list of Belgian beers. est ingredients, the restaurant’s underlying French twist.

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FINAL RAMMY 2008.indd 4 4/29/08 11:00:14 AM THE WILD MAN

Joaquin Miller, “poet of the Sierras,” [ circa 1875.

AT THE CENTER

Meridian Hill Park, Washington meridian Atlantic ] Ocean ★ D.C.

OF THE WORLD

A glimpse at the WPA’s 1937 travel guide reveals a time when Washington revolved around Meridian Hill Park — and was home to

a poet who thought it revolved around him By DAVID TAYLOR BY LARIS KARKLIS ILLUSTRATION OF CONGRESS PRINTS AND PHOTOGRAPHS DIVISION; RIGHT PHOTOGRAPH BY BENJAMIN C. TANKERSLEY; LEFT PHOTOGRAPH FROM LIBRARY

34 The Washington Post Magazine | MAY 18, 2008 Four obelisks top the stone walls in the upper part of Meridian Hill Park.

MAY 18, 2008 | The Washington Post Magazine 35 Miller would sashay down Pennsylvania Avenue in Indian leggings and a deerskin coat, ignoring the heads that swiveled toward him. ]

ITTING ON A BENCH IN MERIDIAN HILL PARK ON A would light candles,” she says of the early gatherings. “It was BRISK AFTERNOON, I look south over rooftops to where the dusty and kind of dark. We would nail poems to the walls be- ’s needle is poised to pop the blue sky. cause that’s what Joaquin Miller did. The rising breeze brings a whiff of cigar smoke from the guy on “None of us thought he was a great poet,” she adds. “He the terrace below. A young couple pushing a stroller pauses at was a poseur.” One of Miller, in fact, is titled Splen- the Joan of Arc statue. did Poseur. From my book bag, I pull out my copy of Washington: City Born Cincinnatus Hiner Miller in Indiana, Miller grew up and Capital. Thicker than a Bible and heavy as uranium, it’s in Oregon and , where he lived for a while in the one of 74 guidebooks (one for each state, plus the territories, of Mount Shasta. He adopted the first name of Mex- some regions and a few cities) published in the first half of last ican folk hero and bandit Joaquin Murietta, published two century by the Federal Writers’ Project, which was the Works slender volumes of poetry in the , and then left Project Administration’s Depression-relief experiment for for , where his outsize persona and fourth book, Songs scribes. It also has 1,167 pages, plus a map tucked in the back of the Sierras, made him a literary discovery — one in a series — which is crazy for a travel guide. (When the book was - of “noble savages” who visited from the New World, going back lished in 1937, Franklin Roosevelt quipped that it should come at least to the coonskin cap-wearing Ben Franklin. To feed with its own steamer trunk.) But that back-straining abundance his growing legend, Miller wore colorful clothes and scurried yields treasures that the guides’ thinner, newer descendants have long sloughed off. Miller in his later years, circa 1897, after he left Washington to move Flipping to a page halfway through, I find a story new back West, where he built another cabin in Oakland, Calif. to me, even though I grew up in the Washington area and for years lived within a five-minute swalk of Park, as this spot was known then. It’s the curious 19th century tale of Joa- quin Miller, the eccentric “poet of the Sierras” who holed up in a log cabin right here for several years. And it involves the imag- inary line that nearly put his cabin at the center of the world.

MILLER (1839-1913) WAS AT VAR- IOUS TIMES A COAL MINER, lawyer, judge, fruit grower, con- victed horse thief, world traveler and Klondike correspondent for the New York Journal. “He was flamboyant,” says Karren Alenier, who founded the Miller cabin series of poetry readings in the 1970s. She and fellow members of Word Works, a literary group, obtained a per- mit to hold workshops in the cabin, which was moved to

Rock Creek Park in 1912. “We OF CONGRESS PRINTS AND PHOTOGRAPHS DIVISION PHOTOGRAPH FROM LIBRARY

36 The Washington Post Magazine | MAY 18, 2008 0 1000 FEET PARK RD. 16TH ST.

IRVING ST.

RD. HARVARD ST. COLUMBIA

HARVARD ST.

14TH

15TH ST.

ST.

COLUMBIA RD. EUCLID ST. Whitman at a time when the literati dis- Meridian Hill Park missed the poet as obscene. 18TH ST. Miller came to the District in 1883, a NT SCE RE C PL. decade after Songs of the Sierras made his FLA. AVE. fame. He was at a low point in his life. W ST. He had just lost a fortune on a bad in- FLA. AVE. vestment tip from millionaire Jay Gould,

U ST. who advised the poet to buy Vandalia Miller’s cabin on Meridian Hill, circa 1910. Railroad stock and sell Western Union. It now sits in Rock Creek Park. T ST. Western Union stock went through the roof; Vandalia went into receivership; around on the floors of London literary S ST. and Miller lost $22,000 or more. (Mean- salons, grabbing at the ankles of Brit- while, Gould rejected his own advice ish ladies and making them cry out, says N.H. AVE. R ST. and did the opposite, making a killing.) Alenier. “He was quite a character.” After that, in the words of the 17TH ST. 14TH ST. When he later moved to Washington, Q ST. Daily Eagle newspaper, Dupont Miller would sashay down Pennsylvania Circle Miller had “no time for P ST. Avenue in Indian leggings and a deerskin MASS. AVE. parlor posing or pictur- . Logan esque eccentricities.” He coat, ignoring the heads that swiveled Scott R.I. AVE Circle toward him. He told outrageous tales Circle needed to make money. about how he started the West’s first Plus, his second ,

pony express and dispensed justice in M ST. to New York hotel heiress CONN. AVE. 16TH ST. A tile at Oregon as a judge “with one law book Abbie Leland, was falling AVE. Circle and two six-shooters.” And he loved T apart. (Miller was terri- Meridian Hill playing practical jokes, preferably with a L ST. ble at marriage and was Park shows VERMON big audience. Once he shaved his K ST. a deadbeat dad, as well.) compass points. in public just to make a show. He was Washington was a com- immensely popular for a time, and gen- promise for the couple. erations of schoolchildren memorized his H ST. Miller said was suffocating PA. poem “Columbus,” with its scene of the AVE. N.Y. AVE. his Western spirit, and he wanted to go explorer inspiring his crew: back across the country; Abbie refused to Brave Admiral, say but one good word: go any deeper into the wilderness than What shall we do when hope is gone? White Washington. They spent several months The words leapt like a leaping sword: House in a tony place on California Street NW, “Sail on! sail on! sail on! and on!” but Miller’s fame opened no doors here

“His celebrity status as a wild west- 18TH ST. 17TH ST. 15TH ST. 14TH ST. (he was a Democrat during a Republican erner and creator of a fanciful fictive administration), and he wasted his time world outweighs the intrinsic aesthetic lounging with bohemians such as Whit- demerits of his writings,” wrote Benja- man. Abbie took their young daughter min Lawson in the Dictionary of Literary CONSTITUTION AVE. and went back to New York. Miller Biography. Ouch. looked for a house where he could recap- So, Miller was no Walt Whitman. ture his muse. Washington Songs of the Sierras will never be “Song of Monument Housing prices were sky high, and he Myself.” But he wrote several plays that got couldn’t afford any of the places the real produced; his columns appeared in many estate agent showed him. It was also just (including this one); and with before an uncertain presidential election, PHOTOGRAPH FROM LIBRARY OF CONGRESS PRINTS AND PHOTOGRAPHS DIVISION; MAP ILLUSTRATION BY LARIS KARKLIS, SOURCE: WPA GUIDE TO WASHINGTON, D.C.; PHOTOGRAPH BY BENJAMIN C. TANKERSLEY GUIDE TO WASHINGTON, BY LARIS KARKLIS, SOURCE: WPA OF CONGRESS PRINTS AND PHOTOGRAPHS DIVISION; MAP ILLUSTRATION PHOTOGRAPH FROM LIBRARY his international fame, he championed and the boom time that Mark Twain la-

MAY 18, 2008 | The Washington Post Magazine 37 beled the Gilded Age was fading. bear down on us, I follow his gesture and “Despairing,” Miller wrote in a col- see, yes, 16th Street pointing straight as a Be sure to umn, “I climbed the crescent of hills to bowling lane south to the , the northwest” and stopped under a clus- the Washington Monument, the river participate in ter of oaks outside the city limits. After beyond, all aligned. admiring and talking with a Long before, Native Americans regarded The Post Hunt Civil War veteran who had lived in the Meridian Hill as a major intersection, neighborhood for a dozen years, Miller where the east-west fall line of the Appala- bought a few acres, hired some labor- chian Piedmont met a clear sightline down for your chance ers and built a house that he said was an the main branch of the . “On “exact duplicate of the cabin belonging a clear day,” Coleman says, “they could have to win a fabulous to his Shasta country days in Califor- seen the ripples from schools of seven-foot nia,” according to one biographer. It was sturgeon on the river.” trip to Florida! about 12-by-20 feet, situated just north of I step clear of an SUV charging up where 16th Street NW’s pavement ended 16th, but Coleman lingers to consider in a dirt road, miles from any streetcar. how the meridian later became a racial Set back from the road where present-day divider. It became “sort of the Maginot Crescent Place meets 16th, Miller had line of black and white Washington,” he Provided by the cabin built on what he called “a little says. That division, rooted early in of God’s rest.” 20th century, climaxed with the riots VISIT FLORIDA, Washington ended at Boundary Street, that erupted just blocks away, at 14th and now NW, says Steve Cole- U streets NW, after the 1968 assassina- man, executive director of Washington tion of Martin Luther King Jr. the State’s Parks & People, a nonprofit advocacy Throughout the park, Coleman group for the city’s parks. The neighbor- points out details that hint at its position Official Source hood to the north was more suburban. of global significance — obelisks on the After , yellow clay streamed down a wall, spherical iron fence ornaments. At for Travel steep escarpment and turned the road to a spot along the park’s western edge, we mud. The space that is now the park held look across the road to the cabin’s orig- scattered buildings, including several ten- inal site. It is now the location of the Planning. ements and the Wayland Seminary for White-Meyer House on the grounds of black Baptists. (Columbian College, which the Meridian International Center. Cole- during the Civil War had served as the man pauses at a plaque at the edge of the hospital where Whitman volunteered, left park: “The Stone marking the Washing- the hill in the 1870s and eventually became ton Meridian was formerly located 52 feet George Washington University.) Meridian 9 inches west of this tablet.” The spot Hill was where city-dwellers came to es- Miller chose as his bit of the wilderness p cape the summer heat, enjoy concerts and was right on ’s center line. feel the breeze. Throughout the 1800s, time was a work-in-progress. For much of the cen- SOMETIMES WE FORGET THAT WASH- tury, people set their watches to local INGTON IS THE CENTER OF THE solar time, determining noon to be the WORLD. Okay, we never forget, but we moment when the sun was directly over- don’t remember the exact coordinates. head and casting no shadows. In 1850, But the coordinates of the Washing- the Naval Observatory, then in Foggy ton meridian were mapped by Benjamin Bottom, began setting time for ships and There’s nothing stoppingyou.” Banneker and Maj. Andrew Elliott in Navy yards by dropping a very visible 1791, and marked with two-foot-tall “time ball” at noon Washington time, stone obelisks that like the one that drops at midnight in placed on the Ellipse, at the White House Times Square to ring in the new year. and up 16th Street, — on By the late 1860s, the railroads kept the city’s center line — giving Meridian their own time, but you had to know Hill its name. which railroad to know the time: There www.WESTIN.com/DIPLOMAT Coleman likes to show visitors those were more than 80, and each kept time “YourRoad to Renewal.” coordinates while standing astride the according to its headquarter city, regard- yellow lane divider in the middle of four less of where you might catch a particular lanes of traffic. train on its travels. It would be like hav- “Looking down 16th Street, you feel ing to set your departure schedule by the meridian,” he says. As cars begin to whether you were flying Northwest

www.TROPICALSAILING.com 38 The Washington Post Magazine | MAY 18, 2008 (Minneapolis time) or Delta (Atlanta time). Time was getting complicated. In 1870, a headmaster at a women’s seminary in New York proposed that rail- roads adopt four time zones evenly spaced across the country, the first zone centered on Washington time. Later, as the tele- graph became more common, Washington Mean Noon was telegraphed daily nation- wide. The railroad companies adopted it as a standard for regional time zones, to synchronize train schedules and make business more efficient. In effect, Wash- ington Mean Time carried weight for timekeeping anyplace in America that had a telegraph or kept railroad time. Washington’s meridian also had sway in Behind home plate mapmaking and determined the borders at a Nationals game of several western states, including Colo- The Big Chair rado and the Dakotas. in When Miller moved here, Washing- Face-to-face with Honest Abe ton Mean Time was the standard. Then, in November 1883, time changed. At the urging of the railroads, the Naval Obser- A bar stool at vatory issued a bulletin announcing a new Off the Record Bar standard — a subtraction of 8 minutes and 12.09 seconds, to better align with the Greenwich, England, meridian. It Create your own power trip at washington.org was enough to erase anyone’s margin for with personalized itineraries, insider tips and hotel packages. catching a train — and it caused a stir. A Washington Post reporter went can- vassing local jewelers and watchmakers one evening that month and found deep S H O W E R D O O R C E N T E R divisions on this matter of time. On Sev- enth Street NW, the Schmedtie brothers thought that most of their peers would accept the new standard. A shop owner on Ninth Street said he’d stick to the old time. One jeweler struck an awk- ward middle ground: He’d keep the new standard in his window but the old time on his reference timepiece. The clocks of the Baltimore and Potomac railroad would adopt the new time; the U.S. Post Office, Interior, War and Navy depart- ments would stick to the old. Although the railroad companies’ new standard was “unprecedented,” The Post offered wry reassurance to anyone worried “that this shaking up of time standards may endanger the stability of the universe.” Officials at the Observatory joined in, insisting tongue-in-cheek that the sun, moon and stars would “roll along in their appointed courses in obedience to the law of gravitation, just the same as if no railroads had ever been invented.” The next step in standardizing time D U R A - B I L T, I N C . • Area’s Largest Selection of Shower Enclosures was to establish an international zero • Expert Custom Fabrication & Installation 12288 Wilkins Ave., Rockville, MD • “Frameless” Door Experts 301.770.4577 • 65 Years Experience MAY 18, 2008 | The Washington Post Magazine 39 meridian — an invisible north-to-south the highway,” according to The Post. the end, “I know as little about who will be line from pole to pole — that would The walls were made of simply hewn the Republican nominee . . . as I did in the serve as a global reference point. Within logs with plaster between them. Inside, the beginning.” He made another stab in June, a year, delegates from 25 nations would few furnishings included some heavy chairs this time assessing the Democratic chal- gather in Washington to hash out the lo- and a low pine table overflowing with pa- lengers, and got no closer. His reports never cation. Greenwich and Washington (its pers. Miller’s bed stood in the corner, a mentioned the eventual winner, Grover meridian then determined by the Naval spectacle itself: Its corner posts were made Cleveland. Miller was out of his element, Observatory to be in Foggy Bottom, not of tree trunks still covered in bark and moss. but at the cabin he made the case that it was on Jefferson’s line) each had its backers Miller threw fur robes and animal skins on politicians who were out of touch. to become the globe’s Zero Hour. Most the bed — no mattress or springs for him. of the world’s sailors used the Greenwich In back stood a well and a small (and pre- AS THE INTERNATIONAL MERIDIAN meridian for navigation; surveyors and sumably vacant) servants’ quarters. CONFERENCE PREPARED TO CONVENE astronomers used the Washington merid- The visitor soaked up the view out AT THE STATE DEPARTMENT, news- ian for their maps and charts. front: the lazy Potomac beyond the recently papers proclaimed its importance for The Washington meridian was con- finished Washington Monument; the roof- world commerce. sidered during the 1884 International tops, avenues and statues; “the clear, blue urged a consensus on some meridian, Meridian Conference, notes Geoff Ches- sky and the sunshine.” Miller gave Field a whether Greenwich or another, but pooh- ter, public affairs officer at the Naval copy of his new book as a parting gift. poohed Washington’s claim. While some Observatory, “because we had a better That spring, as the 1884 presidential cam- maps reckoned longitude from Washington, idea of what our meridian was, in terms paign was heating up, Miller felt pulled the Times editorial said, “in practice not one of the physical location.” The observato- from poetry to punditry. More people were man in a thousand would think of the lon- ry’s then-location in Foggy Bottom had visiting the cabin, including congressmen gitude of New York or any other city of the been set using two instruments simulta- coming to see the internationally famous Union in its relation to the national capital.” neously, arguably for greater precision. poet. Some callers came bearing gifts of When the officials convened at noon Greenwich had been measured once. food; others brought jugs of whiskey. Miller on October 1, they took only a day to “Having a meridian in a particu- groused about seekers, but he still declare jointly that a common prime me- lar country was something of a political met them, dressed in his boots and som- ridian was desirable. But before getting football,” Chester says. The French argued for Paris and strongly resisted a world On his hill, Miller papered his cabin walls with clock centered on their rival newspaper clippings and manuscripts. Apparently oblivious to the Britain. Another proposal would have placed the me- meridian melee, he thought, read and tried to write. ridian in the middle of an ] ocean, like the international date line. But though Washington had brero, sometimes with a bearskin slung over more specific, they had to pass resolutions a shot, Greenwich — because of its role his shoulder. It was the very same skin, he on how to arrange their chairs (alphabeti- in navigation — had the edge from the said, that Albert and other nobles cally by country). Then, according to the beginning. had touched during Miller’s tour of Britain. Times, a discussion of which meridian When one caller offered to buy the bear- to adopt immediately brought “an angry ON HIS HILL, MILLER PAPERED HIS skin, Miller managed to part with it. He sold and at times heated debate.” CABIN WALLS WITH NEWSPAPER CLIP- eight other “authentic” bearskin souvenirs of By late October, the conference had PINGS AND MANUSCRIPTS. Apparently his European conquest the same way. resolved that the universal day would oblivious to the meridian melee, he thought, One day that spring, Miller ventured be 24 hours and start “for all the world read and tried to write. He traipsed around down to Capitol Hill to record his im- at the moment of mean midnight of the in a frock coat with a giant tasseled sombrero pressions of the Senate, a “five-minute initial meridian coinciding with the be- over his long blond hair, and kept decidedly photograph in ink” published in The Post. ginning of the civil day and date of that above the political fray. “I sit up here in my He described the Senate Gallery as a “big meridian.” It would take decades for oth- fine cabin,” he reportedly said, “while the corral” that could hold about 200 “fat and ers to decipher that and make it work. President sits down there at the end of the full-grown steers.” He depicted scurrying Even after everyone generally agreed street with his little cabinet,” a play on words pages and a senator on the floor, waving to the Greenwich meridian, implemen- that made Miller’s home sound larger than his fists and vigorously addressing a speech tation was slow. The French balked until Chester Arthur’s entire administration, the to constituents 1,000 miles away, while the the sinking of the Titanic, in 1912. A way “booklet” is a small book. only audience in earshot — other senators French ocean liner had signaled the lo- When the writer Eugene Field visited — either slept or wandered away. Under his cations of ice fields in the Titanic’s path, the poet one brisk March day in 1884, he dateline, “The Cabin,” Miller skewered the using time determined by the Paris me- found himself taking a long, uphill walk House of Representatives the same way. ridian. Any navigator on the Titanic and then a left turn “under a group of In May, he devoted a column to sizing would have known how to convert that, rugged oaks a hundred feet back from up the presidential candidates, confessing at the Naval Observatory’s Chester says, but

40 The Washington Post Magazine | MAY 18, 2008 “it’s a pain” and takes time. Conceding Park and grandly presented it to the nation. vited family and friends, and they showed that, the French accepted the Greenwich Miller died a year later in Oakland. up at the rain location in a church near meridian to prevent further loss of life. On summer evenings, the Miller cabin the park’s edge. They went ahead with draws poets to Rock Creek. Karren Alenier the reading on their own. Alenier eventu- “WHAT I FIND FASCINATING,” SAYS says that when the cabin was condemned ally dropped by and applauded. CHESTER, “is that in this country there years ago, the poets began meeting outside. Sitar finally got her time at the cabin was no definition of standard time One performance involved people dressing last summer, a fine evening when fireflies zones until 1918.” up in Robin Hood-like outfits with stock- glimmered in the grasses. The readings’ Time passed anyway. After Cleve- ings over their heads. The Park Police got organizers like to bill the events as “po- land was elected, Miller offered his name calls about marauders and investigated. etry under the stars,” Sitar says, “but the as ambassador to Japan. His language “They were taken aback by the perfor- readings are usually over before the sun skills were rusty, he admitted, but his po- mance aspect of what we were doing,” says goes down. Otherwise you wouldn’t be etry was popular in Japan. He didn’t get Alenier. The police demanded to see the able to read.” Still, it’s a nice contrast to that post and reportedly turned down poets’ license to use the site. the typical poetry reading in a cramped the job of superintendent of Indian Af- Helen Sitar, 18, discovered the cabin at corner of a bookstore, Sitar says, where fairs. Instead, he returned to his beloved age 11 when her father took her to one of “you’re forced to read the titles of the West, where he built another cabin on the the readings. “It’s not what you expect to books on the shelves, or look at the poet, heights above Oakland, Calif. find in Rock Creek Park,” she says. She or at the other people there.” At the cabin, Miller’s Washington area cabin stood won Word Works’ Young Poets contest you have an airy expanse, the creek and empty. According to Adrienne Coleman, in 2006 and, as part of her prize, was to the woods. A timeless piece of the fron- Park Service superintendent for Rock Creek read her poems at the cabin that August. tier, transplanted from Meridian Hill. Park and Meridian Hill, it was sold to a But weather intervened, in the shape of man named Henry White. By June 1887, a thunderstorm — “flooding,” says Sitar, David Taylor is the author of Ginseng, the Divine Assistant Secretary of State Alvey Adee was “downed branches, that sort of thing” — Root, and is working on a documentary about living there. Then in 1912, the California forcing Alenier to cancel the event. But the Federal Writers’ Project. He can be reached State Association moved it to Rock Creek Sitar never got that e-mail. She had in- at [email protected].

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Post Hunt: Practice Clues thing is always true: To win the call the job ‘frogman’ — we say ‘frogper- CONTINUED FROM PAGE 28 Endgame, you have to think fast. At son’; join the 20th century.” By throw- this stage, if you’re still in the game, ing out all the “no” words and keeping you are competing with people like all the “yes” words, you wound up with THE ENDGAME you, by which we mean wildly ambi- a clear instruction as to what you had to “Cottage cheese” is to “bowling tious lunatics. do, namely, “Call frogman, say century.” ball” as “the Post Hunt Puzzles” are to The Endgame always begins with the When phone numbers have been “the Post Hunt Endgame.” By which five clues you have obtained from the part or all of the Endgame, they often we mean, the Endgame is a lot harder. five Puzzles. These clues will make no (but not always) have been disguised as There are no rules for the Endgame; it sense by themselves until the Final Clue seven-letter words or phrases. In this has changed from year to year. The is delivered at 3 p.m. at the Hunt Stage; case, you had to dial f-r-o-g-m-a-n and only common theme is that it is an that last clue is a key that gives meaning deliver the password: “century.” The elaborate second hunt that ultimately to the otherwise indecipherable Puzzle Endgame can get crazy. One year, the delivers one thing: a message that tells clues. five Puzzles and Final Clue led a set of you what you have to do to win the What is the Final Clue? In the past, it finalists to compete in a quiz-show type whole contest. The thing you have to has been things as diverse as a poem read format. They were told that something do has varied dramatically. In some aloud, a parade of oddly dressed charac- would happen onstage and that the years, it was figuring out a coded ters, a spoken series of five numbers, a winner would be the first person to re- phone number, dialing it and deliver- single letter of the alphabet, and an alize what number the action repre- ing a secret password. In others, it was oddly monotonous argument between a sented. A furtive character came on- locating a specific person on the street man and a woman: She keeps saying stage and stole the letter “P” from a and identifying yourself to him. Still “no”; he keeps saying “yes.” The key to large sign that read “Tropic Hunt.” The other times, it was a combination of solving this one was to apply the no’s answer was Number One, since the both. Some years, to identify yourself, and the yes’s, serially, to the nonsensical thief “took a P.” you had to do something odd in full narrative that you got from solving the Hey, we never said the Hunt was dig- view of a crowd of people. But one five Hunt Puzzles: “Danny, we no longer nified. We said it was fun.

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★★ Thai Ki ★ Ping by Charlie Chiang’s 216 E. Dover St., Easton 4060 Campbell Ave., Arlington 410-690-3641. www.thai-ki.com 703-671-4900 Open: lunch Monday through Friday 11:30 www.charliechiangs.com a.m. to 3 p.m.; dinner Monday through Thursday 5 Open: lunch daily 11:30 a.m. to 4 p.m.; dinner Monday to 9:30 p.m., Friday and Saturday 5 p.m. to 1 a.m. through Thursday 4 to 10:30 p.m., Friday and Saturday 4 to Closed Sundays. All major credit cards. No smok- 11 p.m., Sunday 4 to 10 p.m.; Sunday brunch noon to 4 p.m. ing. Street parking. Prices: lunch entrees $8.95 to All major credit cards. No smoking. Street parking. Prices: $10.95, dinner entrees $10.95 to $14.95. lunch entrees $7 to $12, dinner entrees $12 to $24.

SOUND CHECK: 84 SOUND CHECK: 77 (Decibels) (Decibels) Extremely loud Must speak with raised voice

SK ANDREW EVANS about his journeys to Thailand, Unveiled in February, Thai Ki is instantly likable. A smiling, and you’ll hear stories about his eating “like a king polished brass Buddha presides over the open kitchen, which is no for nothing” and encountering family-run restaurants more than a yard or two from the eight tables, and the design is all A whipped up from little more than colorful displays of about colors and materials that soothe. The dining room features seafood and produce, plus a few tables placed in front of a . gold and periwinkle walls and a bar fashioned from recycled teak. The family would disassemble the entire operation at the end There are touches that keep the diner in mind, including keep- of the evening, then reassemble it again the next day. ing the restaurant open until 1 a.m. on Friday and Saturday. The “I was blown away by the food,” says the 42-year-old service, meanwhile, runs helpful and chatty. “Have you been here chef whose overseas sojourns in the mid-1980s and early-to-mid before?” a waiter asks a quartet of us one night late last month. We 1990s took him to all manner of eating spots. Among his discover- shake our heads. “You’re in for a treat!” he responds. ies: In terms of quality, “there isn’t that many degrees between the Treats are often, though not always, the case at one of the few little street cart” and more upscale places in Thailand. sources for Thai food on the Eastern Shore. Memories of those superfresh meals in Southeast Asia — he’s My first taste of the place, an appetizer of The dining room, with been to , too — occasionally made their way onto the squid salad, sets the bar high. Nestled in its bar of recycled menu at the Inn at Easton, the romantic restaurant Evans ran with a bowl of greens, the ivory ringlets of sea- teak, at Thai Ki. his Australian-born wife for 7 1/2 years, until the dining room closed last year after the two announced plans to di- vorce. (The inn continues to serve as a place to sleep.) The sad news came with something to cheer: The chef planned to open a place to show off his favorite (edible) Thai sou- venirs. Like the spots Evans fell in love with overseas, Thai Ki, a RATINGS GUIDE play on the Asian symbol for life ★ Satisfactory ★ ★ Good force or energy, would be small, ★ ★ ★ Excellent intimate and serve a brief menu. ★ ★ ★ ★ Superlative Scouting locations in Easton, Restaurants that earn Evans knew he found the perfect no stars are rated poor. spot when he walked into what Ratings are based primarily had been part of an old gas sta- on food quality but take tion and noticed a peaked ceil- into account service ing. “It looks like a Thai hut!” he and ambience.

remembers thinking. PHOTOGRAPH BY OLIVIA BOINET

44 The Washington Post Magazine MAY 18, 2008 Califbldrs.com 703-533-1211 • 301-299-7725 food are uncommonly tender and tossed results in half a dozen unvarnished opin- Design Center in Potomac, MD with a wicked cast of characters, including ions from servers and cooks alike. As for [email protected] red chilies and ginger that both prick and the “leak” in the kitchen, not to worry; please the tongue. There’s also nothing shy the water trickling down the stainless steel about the hot-and-sour crab soup, which wall behind the enormous wok helps keep tingles with lime juice, gets a little funky equipment, cooks — and nearby diners — with dried shrimp and appears to contain a cool in the small confines. crustacean’s worth of snowy meat. A softer, “Thai Ki is still a baby,” says its owner. and pleasing, jolt of flavor comes by way of Evans and company have some fine-tuning a plate of pickled carrots, cabbage, onions to do, but even now, the chef’s latest project, and mushrooms. “a permanent version” of the Thai stalls he’s 2nd/3rd Story Pop – Top Additions In an attempt to appeal to a broad audi- so fond of, is a bundle of joy. Old Homes RE-built/Renovated Shell Kit Homes – Have RV will ence, and keeping in mind local ingredients, deliver USA – Sun Rooms Free Design Services – Free Color Brochure Evans offers what he calls “benign” — and THE SIGNATURE THEATER does not what I call fabulous — sweet corn fritters. have a lock on drama in Shirlington. In- Thai Ki’s rendition of fish cakes, round and deed, stiff competition is less than a block spongy in most Thai restaurants, also take away, at Ping by Charlie Chiang’s, an the form of fritters. Like the corn version, updated version of the former Charlie Magazine they are uncommonly light and delicious. Chiang’s. Like the relocated theater, the The chef’s steamed pork dumplings also revamped restaurant involves a handsome Market distinguish themselves from the pack. In- new set for its performances. More than stead of thin wonton skins, the wrappers are $1.5 million was poured into the location Floor Coverings made with a yeast dough made fresh each last year, and it was money well spent. Pa- morning. The result: fluffy, snow-white trons of the restaurant now find them- pillows hiding centers of soft ground pork. selves looking at wraparound glass walls, They are immensely satisfying on their an ocean of red, see-through metal slats to own, better after a dunk in a clear lime-and- carve up the large space and a smart bar ginger sauce. that features a couple of sushi chefs at one The kitchen’s pad Thai, however, is end. On a block packed with places to eat, no better or worse than what you could Ping stands out for its good looks. Furniture find in dozens of Washington area restau- It does not, alas, distinguish itself with its rants. Nor is the stir-fried pork — with slip- cooking, much of which resembles the food If you like Crate and Barrel, Ethan Allen, Pottery Barn, & PA House Furniture, pery flat noodles and showered with black you’d find at a run-of-the-mill Asian carry- You will love our local showroom at pepper — anything to gas up the car for. out. The long menu, with its pages of “small 30% - 70% off! Unlike at the Inn at Easton, Evans is not plates,” Asian headliners and steamed “revo- Warehouseshowrooms.com (703) 256-2497 a full-time face here, which might explain lution diet” selections, seeks to embrace every 5641 -K GeneralWashington Dr., Alexandria,VA some of the lesser dishes I’ve encountered. possible whim. But the kitchen is no match Open SUN 12 -4,MON-THURS 11-8,FRI 11-6,SAT 10-6 But I like Thai Ki’s chicken satay, which for the dozens of dishes. What’s not greasy Home Improvement swaps thigh meat for the usual, and less (shredded pork with broccoli, chow fun noo- flavorful, breast meat. The nubby morsels dles) is dry (roasted chicken dusted with garlic are marinated in turmeric, cumin and other “crunchies”) or saddled with a problem (the enhancers before being threaded on a skew- cloying sauce for otherwise decent dump- Carpet- Flooring- Bathroom Remodeling-Green Products er and cooked over a small, charcoal-fueled lings suggests a melted peanut butter cookie). Interior Decorating stove of the type Evans saw in Thailand. As for the sushi, the fish is cut too large, and LATEX FOAM MATTRESSES PILLOWS FOUNDATIONS CUSHIONS Any Size or Shape, custom covers. 703-241-7400 “Spicy” turmeric beef nicely offsets heat the rice tastes as if it’s never encountered rice American Foam Center, 2801B Merrilee Dr., Fairfax, VA. 22031 with sweet and underscores the Thai talent wine vinegar — or any other seasoning. Cosmetic Dermatology for balancing flavors so that no single ac- There are a few encouraging moments. BOTOX $199 RESTYLANE $350 THREADS $525 Guaranteed Results. SPECIAL OFFER EXPIRES SOON. cent dominates. Perhaps my favorite entree Wonton soup finds light, meat-filled dump- Laser Hair Removal $45 Upper Lip/Chin Vita Surgical Group 703.533.1025 vitasurgical.com is the green curry fish: soft bites of fresh pol- lings in a clear, scallion-laced broth, and 202.452.1332 301.738.6766 410-730-7226 lock and tender carrots draped with a lightly fried “lemongrass” shrimp remain juicy be- creamy and fragrant coconut milk gravy. neath their batter — although the lemon- If you’re alone but don’t want to feel grass is applied with too light of a hand. CAMPS&SCHOOLS that way, or if you simply want to be enter- Ping is a Chinese word denoting good tained, aim for a stool at the counter that taste. It’s also an ingredient that’s missing from extends like a peninsula from the kitchen. too much of the menu at this beautiful but     There are only eight perches, but they pro- underwhelming stage set of a restaurant.                   vide some delightful visuals and eavesdrop-         ping opportunities. Each dish is cooked to Ask Tom will return.    order right before your eyes, and a casual To chat with Tom Sietsema online, go to     inquiry about where else to eat in Easton washingtonpost.com on Wednesdays at 11 a.m.

MAY 18, 2008 The Washington Post Magazine 4 5 by Merl Reagle THE PUZZLE www.sundaycrosswords.com ‘It’s Not What It Looks Like’

ACROSS 102 It’s not a type of ore 123456 789101112131415161718 104 Behind bars 1 Innovative comic of 106 Accomplishments 19 20 21 22 1950s TV 107 Royal in a sari 7 “Do you mind?” 108 Wile E. Coyote 23 24 25 26 11 Big Ben sound purchase 27 28 29 30 15 Beehive, e.g. 109 Battery terminal 19 “Sister Ree,” really 111 Pounce, bird-style 31 32 33 34 35 20 Red river? 114 Coastal cataclysm 21 Hawaiian cookout 117 It’s not French for 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 22 Side with fried “husband-to-be” catfish, maybe 122 Honolulu’s home 46 47 48 49 50 23 2001 Oscars host 123 It’s not a fraction of 24 It’s not a giant reptile a penny 51 52 53 54 55 56 26 Worms, sometimes 125 Radiator protector 57 58 59 60 61 27 It’s not German for 126 Icicle former “long-playing 127 Bondsman’s offering 62 63 64 65 66 67 records” 128 Hanky-waver’s 29 Naive goodbye 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 30 Primeval void 129 Virgil’s hero 31 Author Segal 130 “Famous” cookie 76 77 78 79 80 81 33 Is full of man 34 They might stick out 131 “I’m in” indicator 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 36 Actor Homolka 132 Calif. campus 16 mi. 91 92 93 94 95 40 Shipping inquiry N of Tijuana 42 It’s not an obsession 133 Mystical Arizona 96 97 98 99 100 101 with police stun guns town 46 He’s not “the father 102 103 104 105 106 of electricity” DOWN 48 Stallone role 107 108 109 110 50 Alcatraz, for one 1 The ___ Sutra 51 “And while ___ it ...” 2 Unwritten, as a 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 contract 52 Pretty good 122 123 124 125 54 Sighed line, maybe 3 Win, place, or show, 56 “... baked in ___” e.g. 126 127 128 129 57 Casual wear 4 Aleutian island 59 Aurora’s counterpart 5 Foolish fancy 130 131 132 133 60 It’s not some guy’s 6 Less likely to lose it name 7 Jet level: abbr. 62 “” 8 “Serves you right!” 42 “L’chaim” 86 John who played 121 Desert flattop composer 9 “... ___ after" 43 Table linen Gomez on TV 123 Wall St. degree 64 Sighed line, maybe 10 Newspaper-info box 44 Cast ___ (hard to 88 Lake S of Detroit 124 Sorority letter 66 Bonnie’s portrayer 11 B.B. King’s genre change) 89 Like some beef 67 Spoil 12 Communally owned 45 Carol starter 90 A smaller amount 68 Clad like a grad 13 Mid-Atlantic state? 47 Research sch. 93 Gets in touch with 71 It doesn’t mean “fish 14 The Theatre Cat in 49 Scrooge’s word 94 Actor Flynn Solution to last week’s puzzle of the day” “” 53 Male pig 97 Piece of cake STARES ACOW MSG SAP 74 The Duke, in filmdom 15 Atkins diet fave 55 1836 battle site 99 Spirit, in Islamic ERRAT I C WAVE NAME HUR 76 “Where am ___ go?” 16 “No problemo” 58 Art class subject myth E Y EWA S F RAMED ARUM ORE 77 Greek H’s 17 Name or flower 60 Street vendors 101 To ___ (somewhat) AWE S COY ER S T I R A J A X AGES AWL I NTHEFAM I LY 79 Computes columns 18 Trans ___ 61 Colorful 103 “Ecce Homo” painter CANTO ODE TORA SR I 80 Decides 25 Word after fire or amphibians 105 Sullies R I O CAPS JUNG REF I 82 It doesn’t mean snooze 63 ___ in point 108 Veil material ENT I T L E OHO ONE “subtracted” 28 Part of 108 Across 65 Dr.-related 110 “Le Viol” painter DEERD I ARY GNUWORLD 85 Mauna ___ 30 Parts of shirts or 68 Dishwasher, at times 111 Teetotaler’s order H I LTS ROT I SHED I M I N 87 Bone-related sofas 69 Lawrence portrayer 112 Toasty PAGES E I THEROAR ELENA I NNS ALFS FOUL AF I RE 91 Passable 32 Minotaur’s home 70 Dwarf-tree art 113 Kent State’s state KNOTAB I T SEWSIMPLE 92 -algia or -ology intro 35 “To repeat ...” 72 Take for granted 115 Narrow opening EAR LEO MEDEA BEAR I SH 93 Ceremonial burner 36 Exiled Roman poet 73 “The Heat ___” 116 Samoa studier HEMP TRAP GAT T PHU 95 Hankering 37 Vague amount 75 Perceptive Margaret AHS OMAR ARS SCRAM 96 Go by 38 The Kennedys, e.g. 78 Find on the dial 118 Melon leftover EMBRACEABLEEWE HOME 98 Significant 39 Duds 81 Perspiration point 119 Spread’s old name DALY RAMA T I RES JAPE 83 ABBA et al. 120 The Good Earth SPA CAVE LYEONTHESOFA 100 They’re not doggie 41 Friend’s apartment, ELMOWEDUPINRESTSUP snacks perhaps 84 Reliever’s stat heroine LEE PLS GEOG STEELE

46 TWPM MAY 18, 2008 SIGNIFICANT OTHERS by Jeanne Marie Laskas Home Invasion You never really know someone until you see where

F YOU’RE A FULL HOUR EARLY, you have to decide. Do I am speechless. He doesn’t know I’m a slob? How could he you knock and risk being rude, or do you sit in the car and not know this? How could he? I look around. listen to the radio and reprogram the buttons for an hour, “So, what do you do with all your stacks of junk?” I ask. “I I then go in. It depends on how well you know the person, have piles of stuff from 2004 I can’t figure out what to do with. I suppose. He’s a colleague, someone I’ve worked with for years A lot of the earlier stuff is in piles in the basement.” and years, practically a brother. “Wow,” he says. I stomp confidently up the front steps. The door is red, same We look at each other. We are old friends, like brother and as my front door. The siding is a greenish tan, same as my siding, sister, and yet somehow we are only just now getting to know and the wood trim is crisp white, same as mine. I can’t believe each other. This is what can happen when you visit someone’s that, all these years, we’ve had the same color houses. house for the first time. We’ve never seen each other, or talked to each other, out of a His wife comes home, carrying shopping bags. work setting. This is weird. “I’m early,” I say, apologetically. I’ve met her a few times but I pull out my cellphone and call him. always at work. Now, I have to get to know “? I’m standing at your front door her all over again, too. She’s more intense an hour early,” I say. “I can, um, wait.” than I remember, challenging. She pulls out He hangs up, and I hear the thump of one of those bottled Frappuccinos, footsteps, and then the door opens. “Come flashes it at him, and his eyes light up. I say on in!” he says. “How are you? Sorry, I was no thanks, while he gets two glasses, fills running. Sorry.” them with ice. She pours. We sit, they sip. I don’t know why he’s apologizing for “You guys share a Frappuccino?” I say. running, or what he even means — like “My God, my husband and I put back three on an exercise machine or something? He of them each.” doesn’t look out of breath. He’s in sweats, The girls run in, run outside. We watch a T-shirt. I can’t quite make eye contact. This is so strangely them dig for bugs and admire the differences: one in frills, awkward. Normally, like so many co-workers these days, we deal dancing; one intense and cerebral. with each other on the phone. Voices. If we see each other at all, They have colorful bug houses to put the bugs in. My girls use it’s if I’m in the city for a work function. Co-workers. old shoe boxes that I stabbed holes in with a knife. I should get He leads me immediately to his children, two beautiful them real bug houses. I should pick up more. I should throw out doe-eyed girls playing paper dolls while a basketball game airs every stack of junk dated before 2004, then move forward to 2005 silently on the TV. He fusses over them, tries to engage them and 2006. This is another thing that can happen when you visit a in conversation about me and my girls, compares ages, heights. friend’s house for the first time; suddenly you want to redo yours. His girls politely wear the look: Who is this lady? He hangs up “I can’t believe this house,” I say. “You guys live in a Pottery a jacket, throws out a newspaper, moves books from the coffee Barn catalogue.” They look at me. “It’s a compliment,” I say. It table to the bookshelf. absolutely is. I love the life I see here. It’s everything my life was “You’re picking up?” I say. “I didn’t peg you for a picker- supposed to be, back when I was trying to get it right. Then I gave upper — ” up and more or less started enjoying the turmoil. More or less. “I don’t like mess,” he says. “How do you get it like this?” I say. “How do you get your This is startling information. This completely throws me. life like this?” They wear puzzled expressions. This man, with whom I’ve worked for a decade, is in the space “You’re the one with the perfect life,” he says. “You’re the one of 10 minutes turning into someone new. with everything all together.” “We have the same color house,” I tell him. “Exactly the same.” That cracks me up. “You are never invited to my house,” I say. “That’s weird,” he says. “I wouldn’t judge,” he says. “You probably wouldn’t want to go in mine, though,” I say. “You would have a hard time integrating the information,” I say. “It’s not neat like this.” How strangely and scarily intimate, a home. “You make it sound like you’re messy,” he says. “I don’t

ILLUSTRATION BY KATHY OSBORN BY KATHY ILLUSTRATION believe that for a second.” Jeanne Marie Laskas’s e-mail address is [email protected].

MAY 18, 2008 The Washington Post Magazine 47

5_18_08jml.indd5 18 08jml.indd 31 5/2/08 2:09:57 PM BELOW THE BELTWAY by Gene Weingarten Teddy Stole My Panties And other hot news tips from The Post’s ‘in’ basket

HEN I WAS A REPORTER at the Detroit Free Press distress and who was convinced, despite all reason, that it was caused in the late 1970s, I got a call from an agitated by a frog in his stomach. Eventually, the came up with a plan: man who claimed that his drinking water was He gave the man a powerful emetic, and as the patient was vomiting, W being poisoned by Ali. Not wanting the doctor slipped a frog into the bowl. The sufferer was elated; he to be rude (and also not wanting to hang up too quickly on declared his symptoms gone! But the next day, he returned with a potentially great story), I probed further. Mr. Ali, the caller terrible news: The doctor had been just a little too late. A dozen baby said, had discovered his disloyalty — apparently, he was once a frogs had hatched in his stomach and were hopping around. fan but had ceased to be — and, to retaliate, the heavyweight And so, we simply take the complaints and let people talk. Most champ had been dripping chlorinated hydrocarbons into the “tips” come as phone calls, some as e-mails, and some walk in the man’s water line through a door. Here are a few received “secret shunt.” These chemicals at The Post, as reported by my were affecting the man’s brain, colleagues: he said, causing him to act in ■ “The postal inspector put weird and unpredictable ways. sperm in my coffee.” I asked him if he had any ■ “Agents of the government money in the bank. He said he keep breaking into my home had. “It all makes sense, then,” while I am sleeping and are I said, “and you must act with leaving stacks of quarters all caution. Ali’s scheme is obvious. over my bedroom.” He is trying to make you act so What’s so bad about that? weird and unpredictable that you’ll “They are also slowly poi- call the newspapers and claim he is soning me.” poisoning you, and then he can (This was a walk-in. Says the sue you for slander and take all copy aide in the Fairfax bureau your money.” After fi ve seconds who handled it: “I didn’t know of silence, the man hung up and what to do with this woman, but never called back. He may still be I knew that the Fairfax Metro thinking about it. news desk wasn’t the place for The news media get these her to get the help she needed. calls all the time, though we So I sent her downtown to the seldom talk about them except National desk.”) among ourselves. That’s because ■ “There’s an ocelot in my they inhabit that disturbing attic.” intersection of madness, fear, ■ “Watch out for milk creativity, pain and humor. It’s also because, ultimately, they cartons. They have an electromagnetic fi eld that can get you create an impossible dilemma for us: These callers don’t want tracked. Also, only talk to dogs, because the other animals are not and won’t accept the help they really need — what they demand really very trustworthy.” are Watergate-scope investigations of the fact that little men ■ “Do you know Russell Simmons, the music mogul? the size of cigarette butts keep invading their homes by rolling He stole my identity and took over two clothing lines that I in through the cracks under . And, yes, that is a real founded, and I’m going to get them back once I get out of this complaint, fi elded by a Post copy aide. , where I am living with my father due to current Just a few weeks ago, a caller to The Post said that he knew fi nancial problems. Also, my father sold my toy car collection for an absolute, positive fact that each of the three presidential without my consent.” candidates is a killer. Furthermore, he knew that The Post ■ “Teddy Kennedy stole my panties.” was aware of this, too, and would see to it that we all go to prison Actually, I suppose, that one might be true. for obstruction of justice just as soon as he became president. In such cases, reasoning is useless. These callers are like the patient Gene Weingarten can be reached at [email protected].

in medical literature who came to his doctor complaining of gastric Chat with him online Tuesdays at noon at www.washingtonpost.com. BY ERIC SHANSBY ILLUSTRATION

48 The Washington Post Magazine MAY 18, 2008 Magazine Ad Template 5/2/08 4:19 PM Page 1

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