“Dignifying Dysmorphia” Ghurkas in York
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MUSE. 06/12/11 A Beautiful, Invisible Truth What is it like to live with Asperger’s? “Dignifying Dysmorphia” Ghurkas in York Polly Borland How the soldier’s adapt to fish & chips, and Jonny English explains her tastes M2 06/12/11 Muse. M4 M16 M21 Features. Fashion. Film. M4. How do the Ghurkas that serve in York M14. Designer Kathleen Kye talks about M20. James Northcote talks about his adapt to life here? digits, and we shoot the ‘Weasley’s’ in role in the new Wuthering Heights film. Tom Witherow investigates. their Christmas jumpers. Also, we recommend what to watch this Christmas. M6. Polly Borland is a photographer with a dif- Arts. ference. Mia de Graaf finds why. M16. Royal tour artist, Daphne Todd talks Food & Drink. to Sophie Walker. Plus, Durham’s Lumi- M21. Hana Teraie-Wood does The Experi- M8. David Miliband came to York, and Martin ere festival. ment- this month it’s Panettone. And we give you tips for Christmas. Spurr found out his game plan. Music. M18. Electric Six talk about being the Image Credits. M10. Asperger’s is a part of you, not a prob- Cover: Photo Polly Borland reproduced with lem, says Bella Foxwell. Gay Bar band. And a special cat playlist. kind permission Weasley photoshoot: Agatha Torrence Never Say Never Mia de Graaf erhaps B-Rack was just too unambi- YouTube ever, and the most ‘elfed’ person ber efforts were, well, brave, and he is widely What more could he do? Entice older tious with ‘Yes, We Can’. Truth be told, on elf.com. Ever. He has his own fragrance acknowledged as looking like a lesbian (see people? Surely not? P‘yes we can’ is a motivational message, (‘Someday’ – the advert of which depicts a lesbianwholooklikejustinbieber.tumblr.com. Never say never - perfectly demonstrat- but unfortunately it hasn’t come ot fruit in girl about 6 years his senior yearning for the It’s gold). ed by Mariah Yeater – the 20-year-old who every way he said it would. It worked well 17-year-old), probably a clothing line, and I As well as having seen the countless claimed to have mothered his child. The story enough, and maybe he’ll try to sail on that wouldn’t be surprised by some kind of food ‘vlogs’ of toddlers requesting his hand in mar- was flawed from the off, as my mother con- in next year’s elections. However, it has the brand I the near future. Never Say Never. riage, or even to “sleep next to him and have tested at this girl’s claim that he didn’t use a potential to be so much more. Pretty much “Who is this guy?” some remarkably still lots and fun *wink*”, I have born first-hand condom because ‘he really wanted to feel it’: everyone has guffawed at the thought of Jus- oblivious people ask; “what makes him so witness to his hold over the recently-born- “as if Bieber was a virgin.” Yes Mum, that’s tin Beiber being king of the world. But one popular?” I thought I had this in a nutshell woman with my own flesh and blood. At the the spirit. After an excruciating television thing 2011 has shown us, in his own words: - and I do stand partly by this claim. If you pantomime last year with my four-year-old interview, in which the channel comically ‘Never say never’. haven’t seen the latest Twilight film, there’s niece on my lap, we were awaiting Ham- interspersed footage with his song “baby, A week ago today Justin Bieber was quite a disturbing, and fundamentally illegal mersmith’s finest Christmas cheer, which baby, baby ohhh…”, the naïve woman has named the most searched human being of plot twist in which Jacob, “the sexy one” (my involved listening to chart music – the pre- since backed down (apparently due to death 2011 on Bing search engine, usurping last own words…), falls in love with Bella’s baby - drinking equivalent for the very underage. A threats, and a counter-suit from Bieber’s year’s Kim Kardashian. The Bieb takes his it was that, more than the graphic sex scenes, new song starts. As if competing for her life “people” - as explained to me, genuinely, by pride of place at spot number uno on our web that had me wincing uncomfortably into my on Never Mind the Buzzcocks music round, a 50-year-old American male Belieber on the surfing hit list, and the title as the only male pick’n’mix. I couldn’t work out exactly from this doe-eyed girl hears the opening two 44 bus in York. Never say never). in the top ten. whence this idea stemmed – to romanti- notes, and with glee exclaims ‘Justin Bieber!’ In a nutshell, this end to the year, that Some say astonishing, I say foreseeable, cise paedophilia – but my best guess is that before launching into a rendition of his ‘baby’ many conspiracy theorists claimed would but this shuffle means that B-Rack [Obama] they‘re trying to get at what Bieber has done song. Astounded that much of this was even never come, has taught us one valuable thing has fallen from No. 5 to No. 49 in one fell so well: be a sex god for children. It’s a pe- in her vocabulary range was my first hurdle, that no one – not Obama, not the Queen, not swoop. Justin is apparently the most trended culiar trend that has been both accepted and followed swiftly by the grave realisation that the Bible – has ever truly delivered so force- name on Twitter ever, the most viewed on celebrated – despite the fact that his Movem- she too had been hit by Usher’s cupid arrow. fully and miraculously: Never Say Never. 06/12/11 M3 Quirks: Thinking inside Famous Brothers The Miliband brothers had a public political conflict. the box Do these brothers get on? Camilla Apcar oey Essex coming to York being Sorostitute according was to be the highlight of to Dominique, the Standards Jmy TV loving 2k11. And Chair. My role in co-ordinat- the chance to play some sort ing the pages must have made of game with him on stage? me a SoroPimp. I’m dubious The excitement! I could show the Sisters would approve. off all my useless knowledge It gets worse. Any aspiring about the Essex clan in a nice Sisters who have been prom- quiz, I innocently believed. ised that a night out won’t be But no. Instead, a lap dance ‘a late one’, should never make competition performed on well-intentioned plans for the Joey’s friend (because the next day that involve going to Chuckle Brothers: Reem-meister had no idea the British Library to do dis- Great childhood dentist about it and refused…what a sertation research. By 2.30am, gentleman) made me want to if you’ve already stopped melt away amongst the swarm drinking, it’s time to face that of girls all desperate to whip won’t be getting home much their tops off for five minutes before five. Being awake past of quality time with Joey. midnight? In-app-rop-riate. The five American leaders Last week, I had resigned – a President plus Standards, myself to this fact. Having Jonas Brothers: Social, Philanthropy and En- been up since 7.30 the previ- Performing pouts tertainment Chairs – of Chan- ous morning and with T-mi- nel Four’s Sorority Girls would nus 7 hours until I had to be in have been horrified at the the company of a pile of musty whole competition, because books, my desperation led me amongst their favourite terms to perhaps the cardinal sin of and acronyms is ‘inappropri- appropriateness. Dare I relive ate’. And they take being ap- my PLC (Poor Life Choice)…in propriate to the extreme. my plight towards academia, I If I were a pledge (a wan- sprawled across the corner of nabe sorority Sister who goes a table for a power nap in the through hazing while decked restaurant-cum-bar. Warner Bros: out in pearls, pink mono- Trying to snooze while No hierachy here grammed pyjamas and cash- Rolling in the Deep and mere knits), I’d like to think Fight For This Love are blast- that the five leaders would ing out of the stereo system initially find me to be the epit- proved difficult. Even harder ome of appropriate. In clubs, I when you’re awakened by the only ever have one drink in my stench of breaded brie. Not to hand: you really can’t do the mention the establishment’s Smack That or Saturday Night bouncer peering down to ask Fever disco dances to full ef- if you’re ‘alright’. A bleary-eyed fect if you’ve got two things to murmur of “I’m just so sleepy” hold. definitely doesn’t give the best I don’t wear above-the- first impression. So inappro- knee skirts without tights: the priate. North is unbearably cold for Evidently, however hard eight months of the year and I try I’m clearly never going I’m not a fan of pneumonia. I to be appropriate enough. don’t wear false eyelashes: my They’ve all got double stand- one experience with them left ards anyway. Hannah the En- Princes William and Harry: Wright Brothers me looking like an even more tertainment Chair is eternally Plane-building japes dishevelled version of Katie caked in a foundation far from Crush on the sister-in-law? Price.