Bourbon for Breakfast Living Outside the Statist Quo Bourbon for Breakfast Living Outside the Statist Quo By Jeffrey Tucker © 2010 by the Ludwig von Mises Institute and published under the Creative Commons Attribution License 3.0. http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/ Ludwig von Mises Institute 518 West Magnolia Avenue Auburn, Alabama 36832 mises.org ISBN: 978-1-933550-89-3 For Murray N. Rothbard 5 Introduction The title of this book is drawn from one of those defining moments in life in which a small phrase* shatters the social-cultural convention and reveals completely new possibilities. I tell the story herein in the essay on morning drinking. A great scholar and Southern gentlemen—a man who has written the ultimate guidebook to the writing of the King James version of the Gos- pels—invited me for an early breakfast, 7:00 a.m. and then offered me coffee. I said, “yes, thank you.” He then added: “would you like bourbon in that coffee?” What is revealed in that sentence and the shock it elicited? We believe, for whatever reason, that drinking hard liquor in the morning is unseemly, contrary to social norms, something to hide, a habit of the lower classes that is dangerous or even evil. But are any of these assumptions true? A new form of prohibitionism has swept the country, imposed on us by our government masters and their cultural backers, even as alcohol consumption rises and rises. Evidently, we live two realities: the one the government imposes on us and the one we adopt in our real lives. What struck me about this man’s phrase was how it presumed that he and I were among the rebels against the prevailing ethos—that together we would reject the government’s edicts and create our own norms and reality. This is a wonderful model for living a full life. This book is about seeing that just because government mandates certain things and forbids others does not mean that we must follow or even tolerate the official roadmap for our lives. The seed of truth to the morning-drinking taboo is that doing this every morning would contribute to a less productive life. But on the weekends or when it is not necessary to be at your sober best, or when you are celebrat- ing some special guest, there is surely nothing wrong here. 7 In any case, there must be some lost aristocratic tradition of adding a splash, else this highly cultivated, highly educated and scholarly Southern gentleman would not have suggested it. In doing so, he was revealing some lost history with a sense of freedom and possibility. To contemplate the sug- gestion is to imagine a world that does not exist, one that breaks from the status quo and plays with the pluses and minuses of adopting a new way of living. Most of the essays in this book do just this. They imagine radical new possibilities of living outside the status quo. Or perhaps we should say “statist” quo because it is the state that is responsible for shaping our world, in brazen ways and also subtle ones that we do not fully realize. Examples from the book include how and why the “hot” water in our homes became lukewarm and what can be done about it, how our toilets stopped working properly because of legislation that reduced toilet-tank size, how traffic-law enforcement became a racket for extracting wealth from the population to feed the overlords, how copyright and patent legislation is depriving us of cultural and technological innovation, and how politicians who we think are protecting us are really just taking away our own rights to protect ourselves. To see the costs of statism is to see what Frederic Bastiat called the “unseen.” It is about imagining the existence of some possibility that the state has forbidden from existing, playing with that possibility in your mind, and then acting on what has previously been an abstraction and making it a reality. Art helps us accomplish this mental feat, which is why many of these essays deal with literature, movies, culture, and the arts. But seeing what is wrong with the world—Chesterton’s phrase—is only the beginning. Finding the solution, the workaround, is the next necessary step. I try not to highlight problems without also offering a solution of sorts, simply because there is nothing productive or enlightening about despair. Hope comes from imaging a better future that does not yet exist. Most of the essays in here deal with what are often considered trivial or light topics. But the trivial is quite often very serious, while what we think is serious is often quite trivial, as I try to show. At the same time, I deal with topics that libertarians of my stripe don’t often write about, like the ghastly reality of jail (yes, the article is autobiographical) and the problems con- nected with intellectual property. I make no apology for the fact that the top- ics are all over the map. Maybe that will make this book more interesting. 8 An underlying apparatus here is my own formation in economic theory, drawn from my many years of work at the Mises Institute in Auburn, Ala- bama, and the way that the friendships I’ve formed in this connection have gradually led me away from the poison of politics as a viable means of social and economic management. A parallel part of my life involves the study and practice of music, with a particular focus on what is called “early music.” Exploring the interaction between culture broadly speaking and political economy is something that happened inadvertantly as I’ve been plugging away on thousands of articles over the years, of which this book represents only a sample. We all need to be part of the project of reimagining freedom—of living outside the statist quo—else we will go the way of many societies and civili- zations before us: host to a massive apparatus of power and imposition that strangles the growth and ingenuity of people, leading to a stasis that hardly anyone notices until it is too late. I would like to offer a special note of thanks to Lew Rockwell, who has encouraged the publication of this kind of econo-cultural analysis, and ran many of them on his website, LewRockwell.com. Doug French suggested, even insisted, on collecting them in a book. Many friends, co-workers at the Mises Institute, associates, and loved ones will notice incidents, ideas, and phrases in here that draw from shared experiences and conversations; indeed, there are many senses in which this book is not my own but the result of a community enterprise. They should all know of my gratitude. 9 Contents Water and Life The Bureaucrat in Your Shower 13 The Turn of the Screw 17 Rain, Rain, Go Away 21 The Relentless Misery of 1 6 Gallons 25 The Great Drain Debacle 29 Crush the Sprinkler Guild 33 The Key to a Happy Life 37 Municipalized Trash: It’s Uncivilized 41 A Lesson in Mortality 45 Commerce Truth in the Coin Shop 49 Does Money Taint Everything? 55 Are We a Self-Hating Commercial Society? 59 The Glories of Change 63 Cooperation: How a Free Market Benefits Everyone 67 How to Handle Getting Fired 73 The Trouble With Child Labor Laws 77 Generation Sloth 83 How Free Is the “Free Market”? 87 The Other Side of the Transaction 91 Lounge Lizards, Weak Wastrels, & Forgetters 95 What Are Just Prices? 99 The Economics of Here to There 103 The Pope and the Cause of Freedom 107 Technology Authors: Beware of Copyright 113 If You Believe in IP, How Do You Teach Others? 117 Is Intellectual Property the Key to Success? 123 Books, Online and Off 127 Mises org in the Context of Publishing History 133 The Myth of the Cell-Phone Addiction 141 Another Central Plan Fails 145 Department of Computer Security? It’s a Joke 149 Crime Society in Jail 149 Victims on Trial: The Everyday Business of Courts 157 Officer Kanapsky, is it? 161 The Creation of the Bureaucrat 165 Stop Signs and Liberty 169 Health and Manners Dress Like the Great Depression 173 Protectionism and My Stuffy Nose 177 Bush’s Fowl Play 181 What Men Want 185 The Shaving Cream Racket 189 How To Dress Like a Man 193 Do People Secretly Think You’re a Pig? 199 Ten People I Would Like To Meet 203 The Gay Adoption Conundrum 209 Madmen and Government Regulations 215 Avoiding Austro-Flamewars 219 How to Improve the Culture 225 Food Dealing with Failure 229 Fortune Cookie Economics 233 Pound for Pound 237 The Work of Human Hands 241 Bring Back the Breakfast Drink 245 Books Dr Jekyll and Mr Government 249 Who Is Garet Garrett? 253 Albert Jay Nock: Forgotten Man of the Old Right 265 Mark Twain’s Radical Liberalism 275 The Awful Strife of Nature 291 The Works of Leonard E Read 295 The Genius of Rube Goldberg 299 A Book that Changes Everything 303 Business Cycles, Not Our Fault 309 Movies Capitalism as Drama 313 The Film Noir Moment 319 Who Was Beowulf? 325 Spidey’s Forgotten World 329 Neither Brown Nor Red 333 Catch the Libertarianism If You Can 339 Time and Justice 343 It’s a Jetsons World 347 Nixon! 351 Index 355 The Bureaucrat in Your Shower 13 WATER & LIFE 1 The Bureaucrat in Your Shower January 10, 2006 he Department of Energy may soon be paying a visit to a certain shower head manufacturer in Arizona.