Issue 1085 | 19 Nov 04

In this fortnight’s edition... * Laid Bare | As students stop writing, is this the end of line for Surrey’s student newspaper. * Rubix ready to host ‘Pudsy Pillow Fight Record Attempt’ * Revealed - The best ever novel according to UniS students * The rise and rise of Surrey Dance Squad | part 2 [email protected] | 19 Nov 04 [email protected] | 19 Nov 04 CONTENTS 1 A message from the editorial team.....

Against all the odds, Barefacts managed to In this edition... make its way off the computers and down the ISDN line to the printers for another week.

2 Laid Bare | Do you just want the bare facts? In general students have more and more commitments that leave them with less and 4 Sewage leak closes Rubix less time to worry about anything but working and earning. But more worryingly, at Surrey, 5 Little Sister | A contestants perspective this is meaning that students are not spouting their mouth off about the stuff that really 6 Letters to Barefacts annoys them, not sharing their opinions on the world, the University or even the Union. Surrey 8 And the greatest novel according to UniS is... students are deathly silent about their lives and 10 how things should be around them and are not Surrey gears up for a record breaking night writing into Barefacts. in aid of Children in Need As time goes on and the winter draws in, the 13 Careers advice from Dr Russ..... holiday period will bring with it a time where everyone can reflect on Semester 1 2005 and 14 The Ents Planner plan for the future. At the moment the future for Barefacts is the most uncertain it has ever been 16 Music Reviews because without people writing what they think 20 - it is just another soul-less freebee blowing Film Reviews in the campus wind, rather than the medium 22 Literature and Theatre Reviews through which students made stuff happen, made people sit up and listen and brought 26 The adventures of Surrey Dance Squad 2 together students from across the University. 28 Alumni Update Over the course of the last 4 weeks, those students who have regularly reviewed or written 30 Sports news & reviews columns have continued to do so and in addition some students interested in communications within USSU have also stoked the fire with some good stuff. People have written letters and the University have continued to write the barefacts team advertisments and stories for inclusion. But in general there has been a decline leaving the paper unable to develop engaging content. Editor: Neil Christie Deputy Editor: Nicole Heel At 4pm on Tuesday, a student came in to the News Editor: Julie Wall communications office up in arms, wanting Sports Editor: Pete Nichols to reply to an article from the previous weeks Music Editors: Jon Allen and Dina Mystris edition, stating - ‘the problem is its not really a Film Editor: Neil Boulton student paper, is it’. Literature Editor: Arvind Virdee GU2 Press Officer: Jay Butcher Yes. Yes it is a student paper. And it honestly could be one of the best student publications in Interim Coordinator : Andy Blair the country - in the same way we recently held the accolaide of Best Student Radio. So pick Many thanks to all those people who contributed to the paper this week and up your quills, get out your typewriters, load also to those people who submitted pictures, articles and contributed to the lay-up in some other way! Although there are too many to mention - you all up your PC’s and write something. Barefacts know who you are. exists to publish your articles so whoever you are - get writing!! The Barefacts Editorial Team [email protected] | 19 Nov 04 2 news Laid Bare | Do you just want the bare facts?

This could well be the last edition of barefacts as you was argued by some that VP Communications should be know it. For those not aware of its history, here’s a quick renamed to “VP barefacts”, because of the focus on one summation. If you want to know what the future holds… specific area. well essentially it’s entirely dependent on what students want. If people want to get involved and contribute This year the change to a to barefacts, then it’ll happen. If not, then a different fortnightly magazine format was publication will be created to meet the change in student supposed to alleviate the demands demand. of design – but unfortunately it’s not had that effect. barefacts is still very demanding in terms of design, and the amount of submissions has dropped. There is still an editorial team, hence why music, film, and sport are religiously put into barefacts, but the content for other areas is dropping.

The Present The demands upon the VP Communications have finally been recognised after Catherine’s resignation a couple of weeks back, and in future there will be a member of staff to assist the VP Communications with their job. Therefore, the VP Communications will be able to assist and coordinate all Unoin Media in the future, regardless of the form that media History takes. However, the idea is that they won’t be responsible barefacts was originally a paper that consisted of campus for designing and writing content for a paper that (perhaps) news, mainly from clubs, societies, sabbaticals, and isn’t in demand. information from the University, as well as information on what’s on in Guildford. It came out weekly and was around Currently, GU2 has around 70-80 regular contributors and 16 pages long, in tabloid newspaper format. can function with or without a VP Communications. That’s the utopian situation to be in for all Union Media, but this barefacts then developed the bare-arts section. This was will only occur for barefacts if there is interest in writing information on theatre (usually from the Guildford and for it and a student team is developed, in the same way GU2 Woking theatres, whom we still have connections with), have a very strong committee structure. film (the Odeon), music, and literature. This bumped the paper up to around 24 pages a week, and it was still weekly. Put simply – if there isn’t interest from students to keep barefacts going, then it’ll have to change. However, with all this information going in someone needed to design the paper. Up until this year, the VP The Future Communications did the majority of it. When the paper If you want to make barefacts happen, then come along was weekly, it took up a huge amount of time, and it to the meeting. If you’re interested in researching news, promoting clubs and societies, or just have a tendency to put pen to paper and voice opinions then you have an opportunity to get involved. You don’t need to be a journalist. All you need is to want to produce a paper for the students. Depending on interest, barefacts would be weekly, fortnightly, monthly – whatever the demand stipulates. All that’s required is material and submissions.

So if this doesn’t happen, what next?

The Union will produce a publication that has the ‘bare [email protected] | 19 Nov 04 news 3 facts’ in it – an Ents planner, AGMs, and any other listings of things occurring in the Union. Essentially it’s the Grapevine (www.ussu.co.uk/grapevine) but in paper format, and probably DANGER - Frozen Pipes won’t carry the barefacts branding. Students living off campus in private sector The idea behind communications is that students get the houses should be aware of certain procedures that information they want. If you want news, music, theatre are necessary if the property is left empty during reviews, and film reviews then come and get involved – or if vacations. The Christmas period is particularly you want to see something else in barefacts and think others vulnerable as water pipes, tanks even heating would want to read it then make those submissions. radiators may freeze when the weather is very cold. Damage caused as a result of this is normally the It’s your Union – it’s up to you what it does. responsibility of the tenant – even though you may So come along if you’re interested – Thursday 25th November not be in the house at the time. at 6pm in the Union Activities Centre (come in through the side door, or into Rubix, then down the stairs by the Computer Houses/Flats with Gas Central Heating: Shop). The heating system should be left switched on If you can’t make the meeting, then email your thoughts to: during the Christmas period if you are away. Set the [email protected] thermostat at a minimum of 55 degrees Fahrenheit (15 degrees centigrade) to come on from 9pm to 6am. This is the very minimum setting and if the temperature stays at or below freezing during Mumps! Be Alert the day as well, this may not be sufficient. The fuel costs involved will be considerably less than Many may be aware of the recent ‘epidemic’ of the the potential cost of repair of damage caused by mumps disease that has broken out across the UK in some freezing pipes and subsequent flooding. Universities. The BBC have claimed, “If the current trend continues, Houses/Flats with Electric Storage Heaters: almost 3,000 students and young people could be infected by the end of the year.” Storage heaters should be left switched on at a low setting to prevent freezing. Mumps, for those that don’t know, is a common disease amongst young babies and many may have had it already. The controversy surrounding the MMR (Measles, Mumps, In addition: Rubella) vaccine has been partly blamed for the amount of parents not getting their children immunised. Before you Leave:

Amongst adolescents, the disease can be more serious. 1. Ensure radiators are left on (gas central Around one in 15000 that contract the disease end up partially or totally deaf in one ear, and in sexually-active heating) males there is a possible link between mumps and infertility 2. Turn off electric immersion/water heaters (due to the swelling of the testicles). 3. Turn OFF mains water at stopcock (usually under kitchen sink or in a downstairs toilet) But – don’t panic. The Health Centre (on campus) are looking at getting the vaccine to prevent the disease coming When you Return: to Surrey. Thus far, Birmingham, Kent, Leeds, Manchester, Nottingham and Oxford Universities are among those that have followed the advice of the HPA to protect their 1. Turn ON mains water at stopcock students. 2. Wait 30 minutes before switching on water/ immersion heaters For the low-down on the disease, check out the NHS 3. Check for leaks. If you find a leak switch off Directs’ fact file on Mumps at http://tinyurl.com/6nu8n. the mains water at stopcock and contact your Note that even if you have been vaccinated it is advised landlord. that a second vaccination is far more beneficial to boost immunity against the disease. Richard Paxton [email protected] | 19 Nov 04 4 news

students were held in a room and competing in 7 tasks to Rubix closes due to Sewage Leak and win £500. After their intoduction on stage with DJ Leroy Wilson, the contestants entered the Little Sister room halts Little Sister competition (Rubix’s dressing room) one by one and began tackling the generously equipped fridge-full of alcoholic beverages. On Wednesday 10th November the Union’s The contestants’ first task was to listen to ten clips of music nightclub Rubix was and give the names of the songs and artists. The contestant prematurely and with the lowest score was the first to be evicted from the unexpectedly closed Little Sister room and that person was Nathanael Roome at 12.30am when a (who is also USSU’s Accommodation Officer). The sewage pipe burst, contestants had just begun their second task, decorating flooding the Helyn Rose Rubix branded t-shirts with make-up, when Leroy broke bar downstairs and the news of Rubix’s closure. rendering the toilets unusable. As it is a legal requirement for Rubix to provide toilet facilities for patrons, the The following day President Hash sent out an email decision was taken to close and evacuate the building. As explaining the leak and apologising for the closure. As compensation, everone leaving was given a ticket which the Union was evacuated, everyone should have received can be used to enter Rubix at any other Citrus or Flirt event a free entry ticket and this ticket is valid every Wednesday this semester. and Friday night untill the end of the year except for Fetish Night, 411 and the Chirstmas end of year party. At the time Rubix was playing host to ‘Little Sister’ – a Little Sister will be rescheduled for next semester and will parody of reality television show Big Brother – where 8 feature the same contestants. Julie Wall

knickers, a mother who forces men records began,’ whilst Chlamydia upon me (apparently I’ve got a father reached new epidemic proportions SOPHIA BELMONT who does that!) and a job so boring with 62,000 people infected last year that I have to write my d*ck of a boss - nearly half of them our age. alluring emails throughout the day to * diary of a student Cinderella * keep myself amused. Thank god she So I’ve decided, probably to console went with Mark Darcy at the end of myself, that I’m not actually confined Madeleine is engaged! Surrey may be the first one. to that scary ‘shelf’ that people the university of love but apparently talk about - just subconsciously even people who don’t go to our Madeleine getting engaged though, sensible…and maybe also ridiculous university (her fiancé is from Ibiza… and maybe also the amount of Tesco’s to be waiting to have a relationship don’t ask.) have better luck at finding £3.99 Cava that us girls drank to with that chiselled, good-looking man love than me! Even Lawrence and celebrate (Kate said our student loan who just happens to bump into me so Zac on my course who kept profusely wouldn’t cover champagne (maybe that my books fall out of my hands, telling everyone that they weren’t we should write to the government to and he picks them up for me, and blah gay have just recently got it together complain?); Genevieve said she didn’t blah blah. - so I’m now officially going to start care because she just wanted vodka) giving up hope. made me think about whether our On a lighter note, by the way, the university really is made up of that Isle of Man situation is now just I’m in a chosen situation, I might add, loving feeling…or actually just lust. fine - I visited it as arranged, cried for I am no Bridget Jones. A much If it is, and you’re enjoying it like a bit, so Mummy promised that she as I admire our chocolate-addicted- that, it probably isn’t a good time to would persuade Daddy to buy me a heroine (‘stressed’ does indeed spell tell you that, according to the Student penthouse in England for during the ‘desserts’ backwards - and I can’t Mirror, ‘there were 3,500 new cases holidays…who said crying doesn’t wait to see the new film!), I am not of HIV last year - the highest since get you anywhere? adorned with numerous pairs of big [email protected] | 19 Nov 04 features 5

microphones. Three of my fellow dressing room lockers and decided Little Sister contestants were already to wear it… and nothing else. Emz Little Sister from there and pointed me in the direction began repeating to us that she was of the fridge full of drinks in the “so drunk”, and to be honest it was corner. With a large vodka and coke in all going a bit hazy for me too. In a Contestant’s my hand I took a look around. There this state we were presented with were two cameras in the main room our second task - to decorate Rubix and a large mic. The toilet was also t-shirts with make up, the merits of Perspective fitted with a camera and mic, which which would then be judged by the the contestants found rather alarming audience. I can’t say I had any clear I commented to my housemate the and began devising ways to get around plans but my piece of art developed other day that I am currently going the invasion of privacy. into something involving glitter and through a kind of student version of emphasis on mammary glands, but just a mid-life crisis. I’m a final year, but When all the housemates had arrived as we were really starting to furrow I’ve just started getting involved with Leroy’s voice boomed down upon our brows in concentrated effort, Barefacts and GU2, and doing all the us and he welcomed us in his usual Leroy’s voice came over the speakers things now that I should have done friendly manner. We were aware of the telling everyone in the union they had when I was a young care-free fresher. I cameras on us of course, we even tried to leave. suddenly realised I only have a limited ways of manipulating them, but from time left at uni and that I ought to be my point of view it seemed unreal that Tipsy and confused we waited, and making the most of it. Only problem is anyone was actually watching us. were soon told more of the situation. that as a final year, this does somewhat The burst sewage pipe in the HRB conflict with my final year studies (I’m As time went on we were well all meant the union as a whole had to going to start my dissertation any day getting merry on the complementary close and the Little Sister experiment now!). My advice for any first years alcohol and initiated our own drinking had to be abandoned. Our spirits reading: make the most of your time games. Then at last it was time for remained high and we did our best to at uni now, there’s plenty of time for the first task! We were given pens conceal bottles of Bliss in our jeans devoted study later, when it really and a form to fill in and were told we and bags before we left the room. We matters. would hear ten snippets of music. were at the tail end of the mass exodus We then had to identify the artists of students from the union building. In this new frame of mind, on and song name and whoever had the Stinky had managed to sneak out the Wednesday 10th November I was one lowest score at the end would be the (admittedly small) remainder of the of eight contestants to enter into Little first contestant to be evicted from the vodka and in an attempt to salvage Sister, the union’s very own version Little Sister room. I scribbled in a few what was left of the night half of of tv’s Big Brother. Eight contestants answers as best I could and hoped I us ended moving on to a party in would compete in seven tasks, with wouldn’t be the first to go. There were cathedral court. I won’t go into the the winner receiving £500 in cash. in fact three GU2 members in the events of the night after that point, The night promised exposure and Little Sister room – myself, Chris aka partly because my memory of them is humiliation… but what can I say? I Sex Machine, and Phil who normally not terribly clear, but needless to say I needed £500! presents the Wednesday night Late did feel suitably rough the next day. Show – and we wondered if we I arrived at 9pm and for one hour would ever live it down if we were Little Sister 2004 was unfortunately myself and my fellow contestants, evicted after failing a test of music a failure. Through no-one’s fault the four lads and three other girls, waited knowledge. In the end, the results competition ended and no-one won patiently downstairs in the union came in and Nathaneal, who is also the £500, but we have been promised building. We used this time to break USSU’s Accommodation Officer, was the event will be held again next the ice and tell crude jokes before the first to be evicted from the Little semester and all eight contestants will finally, at 10pm, we were called one by Sister room. We did the group hug, be there again. It will be interesting one to appear on stage with Leroy. My we formed an archway, Nath walked to see if there’s any kind of change in turn came and it was all very exciting, out of the room, and then there were atmosphere, any kind of atmosphere although the union was typically seven. built up between the contestants, but I empty at that time. After a quick chat suspect whatever happens you will still with Leroy I made my way through More alcohol was drunk, more time get to see the eight of us getting drunk the dry ice, climbed some steps and passed, and some of the contestants and making idiots of ourselves. finally went through a black curtain, were starting to get rather tipsy. to find myself in Rubix’s dressing Stinky Pete had already at this point Julie Wall room, kitted out with cameras and discovered an apron in one of the [email protected] | 19 Nov 04 6 letters

Dear Barefacts claims to be a professionally managed United Nations and Security Council establishment, then why does it treat resolutions and by the European Court At just after 11 on 11th November its customers differently to other pubs of Human Rights. the alarms were triggered in the BB and bars? Is it because the majority building, triggering an evacuation of are students? Chancellors charges Cyprus is a member of the EU. So the building. If this had been the result prices equivalent to places in town, what we have here is a candidate of a fire alarm (either sensor, or a trigger so all I ask is a reasonable period of for the EU occupying EU soil. Not box being hit) I would not mind, but I time to drink up my pint in the warm! only that, but Turkey does not even asked at the security office and was recognize the Republic of Cyprus as told that it was an “Evacuation Drill”. Regards, a state!. It doesn’t even allow Cypriot Now, maybe I’m the only person who (EU) ships and planes to enter its cares about this sort of thing, but that Beer drinker harbors and airports. sort of drill should NOT be held at that time, on that day! Dear Barefacts

Turkey hopes to start negotiation talks so as to become a full EU member. Turkey states that it has changed a lot and deserves to be part of the European family. Does Turkey really belong in the European Union? Some say it is the only Muslim nation joining this so called “Christian Club” and that its ever so growing population, which Admitedly, not many people in the is about 70 million now, will flock student common room were honouring Europe causing devastating problems. it, but I am disgusted that the two All these are arguable. The situation in minutes silence that I was holding Cyprus cannot be argued or ignored. with myself was interupted for this. December the 17th is a crucial date In the event of a real emergency (or Facts: for Turkey for it will be decided if even a suspected emergency) I would accession talks will start with the not mind, but to actually hold a drill at Until this very day, since 1974, Turkey EU. The Republic of Cyprus has the such a time is just disgusting. is occupying the north of the Republic power to veto Turkey’s bid to start its of Cyprus with a military force of 35, accession talks with the EU. It has P. Milliken 000 troops. It has brought 120,000 yet not decided if it will, but it has the Turkish citizens in order to alter the legal obligation to do so. A country demographic composition of the who does not respect human rights, Dear BareFacts, island. 200,000 Greek Cypriots were suppresses its own citizens and the expelled from their homes at gunpoint Kurdish minority, who occupies and I am writing to ask as to why the doors from the occupied north of Cyprus. does not recognize an EU state, who and windows in Chancellors are opened To this day they are prevented from violates Greek airspace on a daily at 11pm. While I am aware that the returning to and reclaiming their basis and is run by military generals licensing laws permit some discretion homes by the 35,000 Turkish troops has no place in the EU. to the staff of the establishment, it which are enforcing apartheid in is unfortunate that this discretion Europe. Hundreds of Greek Orthodox I hope Turkey changes its policies and is exercised in order to persuade churches have been destroyed in order starts behaving democratically for the drinkers to leave. As drinking up time to eradicate the culture and history of good of its country and mankind. approaches, I would expect a polite the Greek Cypriots who are indigenous reminder from the staff as to when I to the island for thousands of years. Paris Stylianides need to leave, and not to have to drink Turkey has been condemned for its up my pint in the cold! If Chancellors crimes in Cyprus by more than 120 [email protected] | 19 Nov 04 letters 7

Dear Barefacts, The article’s main point is apparently to ask why people view ‘immigration’ as being a ‘magic solution to all of I would like to make a few comments on the ‘Immigration- this countrys problems’ when there are other solutions the Non-Politically Correct Alternative’, published in available.It is a confusing statement, as it is the author barefacts 5 of November 2004. who suggests there is a problem with immigration, and it is the author who suggest a magical solution (solve the The anonymous writer succeeds at confusing the minimally immigration problem) but gives no alternatives and no alert reader, a strategy common to the propaganda methods examples of problems relating to the problems this country used by political racist bodies such as the British National is facing; like for example huge divisions in social classes, Party. “Naturally”, the author commnents, he will remain underbudget to healthcare and education, overbudget anonymous. Typically, I say, racist commentators prefer to dedicated to the military (war), a failing railway system, etc be anonymous, thus communicating that they are somehow etc. (unless the number of curry restaurants is viewed as a afraid of the consequences of facing the public with their problem to society, like the author suggests). beliefes. I can imagine, if this person holds a position here in the University, that it would be somewhat uncomfortable to defend beliefs such as legitimising, and denying, the As far as I know, it is the BNP who keeps feeding this brutal history of not only the South African aparteid regime, notion of there being an ‘immigration problem’ and refugee but the atrocities committed by the European colonial problem that damages all layers of society and consequently forces, by saying that the land was “actually BOUGHT offers a ‘magical solution’. Implicit in this argument, is from their [referring to the native people of South Africa] the idea that any refugee also would constitute a problem, ancestors”. There is a call to stop all immigrants that have therefore legitimising ideas about treating refugees as if no British ancestry and that do not get married to a British they have less rights than anyone else seeking a better life. person, as there is an alleged problem with immigrants The Anonymous writer him/herself does not seem to realise taking the jobs of people graduating with IT and electronic he/she is the one giving ‘magical solutions’ in the form qualifications. Yet another reason to remain anonymous, of restriciting the laws of immigration and refugees. We as telling anyone in this University that has no British have to recognise that the ‘west’ (ie UK, EU and USA) is a ancestors or is married to a British person to ‘go home’ prime contributor, through for example arms sales, unfair and not taking advantage of the “relaxed citizenship economical trade and instigating and aggravating conflicts requirements”. (eg Afganistan, Iraq, Bosnia, Uganda, most countries in South and Central America, etc) and the innequalities and I wonder what the Anonymous author is willing to say unsustainable societies in the rest of the world. Immigration about the relaxed citizenship requierements in other is a miniscule burden to our societies compared to other countries allowing thousands of British people moving issues such as those mentioned above. abroad (eg Spain and France). If Britain pulls out of EU as this Anonymous student wants, should you call all I could go on, but this is mainly written in a hope to get a these people back to their beloved country that they left balanced view. It is, again, quite telling that someone wishes in such a hurry? Or what about the huge worksectors that to remain anonymous for the views that he/she holds. We immigrant populations actually find themselves occupying, should all, in a democratic society, be able to stand up like cleaning and catering, are they stealing these attractive for what we believe in. Anonimity, in this case, harbours jobs from British nationals? Should the Goverment send negative, simplistic, prejudist, thoughts and ideas that go them all ‘home’ (and their sons and doughters, like yourself unchallenged and grow, until one day we have a clown, [referring to the anonymous author])? I find racist, and a dangerous clown in Parlament propagating for ‘Fish’n’ nationalist persons’ way of reasoning amusing, as if people Ships’ over Curry restaurants and the next thing we know, if fleeing from their countries actually, if given an alternative you’re not white and British, you better pack your bags. to live in decent conditions, would choose to come to Britain. Not all the ideas in this article are as overtly racist Anyways, if this argument of mine seems a bit diffuse though, as is the case with racist propaganda the underlying and disorganised, it is not only due to the impulsiveness ideology is often hidden and disguised as will be shown of my response at this hour of the day, it is also the nature from this article written by a, scared, ‘rebelious’ student of the article I’m responding to. It is so much based on (perhaps rebelious towards his/her father who apparently assumptions and loose arguments that it is hard to get to is an immigrant, otherwise it is hard to see the rebellion in grips with it. voting for BNP). Hannes Lloret Andreasson [email protected] | 19 Nov 04 8 feature Best-Ever Novel According to UniS: Harry Potter Harry Potter takes the top-spot as the best-ever novel among UniS students, according to a recent survey. The results are based on 94 returned questionnaires from a survey circulated on campus in mid-October. The question was, ‘What’s the best novel you’ve ever read?’

But before analysing these results from the high-powered academic environment of University of Surrey, maybe we need to define our terms. According to the Oxford Concise Dictionary, a novel is ‘a fictitious prose story of book length’, which might be seem straightforward enough.

However, I heard a number of comments while handing out the survey, suggesting that the concept of a novel wasn’t a completely straightforward one after all. One student claimed a novel meant a classic, which would exclude most (all?) titles on any current best-seller list for The top-five titles are: fiction. Another student was wondering if biographies were included. And judging by survey replies like McBeth by 1. Harry Potter J.K Rowling Shakespeare, Moses and Monoteism by Sigmund Freud, 2. The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tokien and several titles by Bill Bryson, the concept of a novel 3. Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell might be a bit hazy to some students. 4. Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte. 4. The Hitch-Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Reading Stats Adams. But going back to the survey. Do university students, who That the Harry Potter novels all have been huge best- are often drowning under heaps of course books, really sellers is no secret. But is it only me looking for slight find time to read novels? When answering the question, bias towards more thought-provoking titles on an all-time- ‘Are you reading a novel at the moment?’ 43% of all favourite reading list by university students? (Well done students said yes. There is very little difference here Emily Bronte, sharing the number four slot with Douglas between undergraduates and postgraduates. However, Adams!) It could be that while at university, you’re reading there’s a bit of a gender divide: 52% of female students for leisure and would therefore inevitably lean towards less are currently reading a novel, whereas only 33% of the demanding works of fiction. However, the question was males admitted to doing the same. So, is novel-reading not about current reading; it was about best-ever novels. something of a girls’ thing? With three of Dan Brown’s J.K Rowling has, indeed, quite a following. Or maybe it’s novels still among the top ten at amazon.co.uk’s fiction list, a matter of simply being honest? Let’s admit it. It’s easy I very much doubt it. Maybe it’s simply a matter of women to think of a list of novels we would want others to think students being better at time-management. we’ve read, just to impress them. After all, you do leave a certain impression if your favourite author is Fjodor So what’s on the best-ever novels list for UniS students? Dostojevski. Or Frank Wilczek, just one month after the new Nobel Prize winner in Literature is announced. [email protected] | 19 Nov 04 feature 9

McEwan and Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy, so don’t say Worst-Ever that we avoid more demanding reading the University of Surrey! Now, before we go any further, let’s look at another list: Why do we read novels? A 1. Of Mice an Men by John Steinbeck student from Wales says reading 2. Lord of the Flies by William Golding is ‘a great way to escape’. 3. Animal Farm by George Orwell Another common reason stated in the survey is for relaxation, These are the top-three novels emerging from the survey and Peter, who is doing a question, ‘What’s the worst novel you’ve ever read?’ degree in Civil Engineering I realise it’s not easy to answer this question since we with Computing, goes a step seldom finish novels we seriously dislike. But do I smell further when adding that a bit of annoyance at having to read certain novels for it helps you ‘relax before A-levels courses here? As the three authors listed here sleeping’. Other reasons are a have all won the Nobel Prize in Literature, one can only bit more specific. Gill Niblock, doing an MA conclude that the taste of literary critics is seldom the in Translations, says ‘reading is good for the mind and the same as that of the man or woman in the street. Or on soul’ and Song Chi, doing an MSc in Digtal Broadcasting campus. claims reading ‘changes your character’. UniS Reading Habits Reading Tips

When it comes to reading habits, 13% of UniS students So, are there any reading tips we can glean from the say they never read novels. But what about the students survey? Well, a special mention of George Orwell’s 1984 who do? How many novels do they manage to squeeze is in order. It features both in the best-ever and worst- in in a year? 34% of the student population say they read ever category, as well as in the currently reading section. between 1-4 novels a year and 11% state they read around Nothing boosts book sales more than controversy. one novel a month. A couple of other books that In terms of differences between feature both in the best-ever and men and women, a whopping currently reading lists are Life of 19% of male students say they Pi by Yann Martel and Birdsong never read novels whereas only by Sebastian Faulks. 7% of female students say the same. That 20% of female Two contemporary foreign students manage to read 2-3 language novels in English novels a month is quite an translation mentioned among the achievement, a category where best-ever reads might be worth mentioning as well: The the gentlemen lag behind a full Swedish police thriller The White Lioness by Henning 14%. Mankell and the dense and magical The House of the Sprits by Isabel Allende. Current Favourites But the usual story is that the best novels are those you So what are students reading at the moment? Some stumble across by accident rather than through reading favourites include The Curious Incident of the Dog in a book review or a recommendation. I remember when the Night-Time by Mark Haddon, Angels & Demons by I, just by chance, grabbed John Steinbeck’s East of Eden Dan Brown and Captain Corelli’s Mandolin by Louis in the library days before going to Spain on a holiday. de Bernieres, the first two still featuring among the top I would still say it’s the best novel I’ve ever read. But twenty at the WHSmith paperback chart. However, I very much doubt you’d agree if you read it since it books currently read by students also feature two Camus was I who recommended it. Reading is, after all, a very titles: The Outsider and The Plague, Amsterdam by Ian personal thing. [email protected] | 19 Nov 04 10 Children In Need With the pudsey pyjama party looming, why should you be involved in this years Children In Need?

The Children in Need Appeal is the most important single event in the BBC calendar and the only occasion when the whole of the BBC joins together in support of a single project on TV, radio and online.

The BBC’s first broadcast appeal for children took place in 1927, in the form of a five-minute radio broadcast on Christmas Day. It raised about 1,143 which equates to about 27,150 by today’s standards.

The first televised appeal took place in 1955 and was called the Children’s Hour Christmas Appeal, with Sooty and Harry Corbett (remember them?!) fronting it. The Christmas Day Appeals continued on TV and radio right up until 1979, with stars such as Terry Hall, Eamonn Andrews, Leslie Crowther and Michael Families, Health, Physical Abuse, Physical and Sensory Aspel. During that time a total of 625,836 was raised. Disability, Poverty, Promoting Achievement and Terry Wogan first appeared during this five-minute Employment, Prostitution, Racism, Recreational Activity, appeal in 1978 and again in 1979. Rural Issues, Special Needs, Teenage Pregnancy, Traveller Children, Victims of Crime. The first time CIN was broadcast as a telethon was back in 1980. This event, hosted by Terry Wogan, Sue Lawley You might be surprised to hear about the breadth of work and Esther Rantzen, captured the public’s imagination backed by BBC Children in Need.... to such an extent that the amount raised increased dramatically to more than 1 million. A large proportion of children and young people helped by the charity have encountered severe social problems. What you may not have know is that Pudsey Bear didn’t These range from homelessness to HIV, to sexual abuse, appear on the scene until 1985. Now he is the BBC domestic violence, as well as problems associated with Children in Need’s mascot and official logo, being one of drug and alcohol abuse. the best known and loved mascots in the UK. A number of the organisations to whom we give money Who does CIN support? aim to change the direction of children or young peoples lives in noticeable, long lasting, and practical ways. Types of childrens charities that CIN supports include: Drug & alcohol abuse, Homelessness, Sexual abuse, For instance, a project backed by Children in Need might Psychological problems, Illess & Injury, Young carers, provide ways for homeless young people to escape the Disability, Lower acheivement amongst ethnic minority streets for good or it might help enable a group children communities, Children at risk of offending, Bullying, from highly deprived areas and splintered family Adoption, Refugees, Children in Care, Counselling, backgrounds to achieve better results at school. Domestic violence, Education, Exclusion/Integration, [email protected] | 19 Nov 04 Children In Need 11

A Children in Need grant might also pay the salary of a vital member of staff such as trained a counsellor to attend to children who have suffered trauma. Or, it might cover the costs of valuable piece of equipment to benefit a group of children with disabilities.

Another little known fact, is that EVERY single penny that is donated to the charity will find its way to an organisation that helps children. None of this money is ever used for other costs such as advertising, paper, postage or salaries. Therefore, if you gave us £5, every single penny of that £5 would find its way to a project supporting children.

Even the smallest donation is vital:

* £260 could pay for one course teaching ‘independence skills’ to children with severe physical disabilities

* £250 could pay for 2 underprivileged children to attend a holiday club while their mother receives treatment for a life threatening medical condition

* £85 could pay for one ‘household starter pack’ for a homeless 16 year old attempting to escape life on the streets. USSU AND UNISPORT GO * £75 could pay for a specialist hospice nurse to look after children with cancer for a day FOR TWO WORLD RECORD ATTEMPTS FOR * £17 could pay for one session of therapy for a sexually CHILDREN IN NEED!!! abused child or teenager UniSPORT and the Student’s Union are hoping to * £15 could pay for one session of counselling for a break 2 (YES 2!) world records in one evening. child affected by violence at home Firstly, workout with Surrey exercise teachers and Surrey Dance Squad to help beat the current record * £5 could pay a Christmas present for a child from a for the largest simultaneous workout. The workout homeless family will be simple and fun, and will begin at 8pm when people all across the country will learn the routine * £4.99 could pay for a set of toy cars for a group of before actually doing the workout to beat the current children infected by HIV or Aids 2004 mark at 8.40pm. (all info taken from www.bbc.co.uk/cin) If that isn’t enough for you, you can then join the Pudsey Pyjama Party featuring an attempt to break So whilst your thinking about which pyjamas you’re the world record for the largest pillow fight. We going to where to Rubix on Friday night, don’t forget need 1200 people to be in the SU by 10pm to make that your money is going towards a good cause! an attempt on the record. Please wear your pyjamas and bring a pillow, trainers and some cash for For more information about getting involved with this donations!! years appeal visit www.bbc.co.uk/cin. Make sure you’re there!!!! Georgina Micklewright

[email protected] | 19 Nov 04 12 features

Money for Old Books Nice little earner

Rent, books, food, drink, mobile phone calls, yet more books, the assault on the wallet is relentless. At this time of year wouldn’t it be good to have a bit of extra cash? Do you have some books languishing in your room? Unloved and untouched?

Permanent and temporary Free service opportunites From December 1st you will be able to sell your used books through Unis Bookshop. The pilot scheme is a Kelly Services are working in partnership with the free service, open to all students on campus. Until now, University of Surrey to supply temporary and only those enterprising souls who made posters to stick permanent staff. up around campus, or took a chance on the internet, were able to sell their books second hand. Why not use We cover a variety of short and long term the bookshop to make some money for yourself? positions including How it works • PA/Secretarial • Administration You decide the price. Any book originally bought • Reception in Unis Bookshop can be resold in our second • Clerical hand section. You continue to own the book until • Catering it is sold. The bookshop provides the shelf space, merchandising, cash handling and security. Every We are based on campus (above penny of the sale proceeds will be returned to the Chancellors) and are open for enquiries student; the bookshop will not charge a fee or commission. Simply bring in the book, we’ll take Tuesday 8.30am – 10.00am your contact details and price it. When the book Thursday 8.30am – 10.00am sells you get the cash. Friday 4.00pm – 5.30pm What’s in the small print? We are available by telephone Monday – Friday 8.30am – 5.30pm on 01483 684321 At the end of term you will need to collect any books or by email on : that have not sold. As you know we don’t have a lot [email protected] of space in the bookshop so if books are not collected they will be donated to the library for the benefit of future students. However, you could always try again next time as we plan to run the second hand book sale at the end of each semester.

Be ahead of the game

So, with a little planning you can declutter your room and make some cash. We are open on Saturdays so come and have a browse while it is quieter and get a bargain on the book you need for the next part of your course. [email protected] | 19 Nov 04 features 13

On the other hand, if you would like to pursue a career in say, chartered accountancy, your employer would sort out your training for you. A postgraduate degree would be Dr. Russ replies ... quite unnecessary. How can I find out whether I need a postgraduate Do you think it’s worth doing a postgraduate degree for my area of work? degree? A simple way to do this is to check the Occupational Profiles I’m going to throw the ball back into your court and ask folders in the Careers Service. This information is also ‘do you think it’s worth it?’ In other words, why has it available on the Prospects website www.prospects.ac.uk. come into your mind in the first place? For example, you Just click on “Explore types of jobs”. Four hundred may be attracted to the prospect of remaining a student. occupations are listed. Each profile will tell you the typical Or maybe you think it would give you a breathing space entry requirements and this should help you to decide before deciding which career to follow. Perhaps you’re whether a postgraduate degree would be essential, desirable thinking it might improve your employment prospects, or, or unnecesary. Armed with this information, your decision that you ought to stay on simply because, after all, doesn’t should be a lot easier. everyone stay on who gets a good degree?! Got any other advice? So where should I start? Just this. A lot of people drift into further degrees without I think a good place to start is to think about the career having a clue what’s at the end of it. Fortunately, most you’d like to follow and then work backwards. For directors of postgraduate courses know what’s happened to example, if you see yourself in a research career, then a their former students. Why not ask them for this information PhD is a tremendous asset since it confirms your ability before you commit yourself? If they are reluctant to tell to carry out effective research. It also means you can you, perhaps it’s because many of their students are still compete more effectively with colleagues when promotion job-hunting. On the other hand, if most are getting jobs opportunities come up. Similarly, you may be considering related to their course, you could be on to a winner. a career which requires more specialised knowledge than your first degree provided. Masters courses are tailor-made to meet these demands with virtually every subject from Russ Clark actuarial work to zoology covered in one course or another. Careers Service

CAREERS EVENTS COMING UP... weeks 12 and 13

EMPLOYER PRESENTATION EMPLOYER PRESENTATION

KBR* DML* WEDNESDAY 24 NOVEMBER WEDNESDAY 1 DECEMBER 6 PM IN LT M LT B

Aimed at all engineering students interested in working DML will be giving 2 presentations to Mechanical in the inshore/offshore oil industry. and Electronics Engineering, and MSc Radiation and Environmental Protection students at 1 pm and 2.30 pm * Please register with Careers if you wish to attend or in LT B email [email protected] * Please register with Careers if you wish to attend or email [email protected] [email protected] | 19 Nov 04 [email protected] | 19 Nov 04 [email protected] | 19 Nov 04 16 music

FABRIC LIVE MACY GRAY BRITNEY SPEARS GREATEST HITS: MY 3 Compilations from the Fabric Live THE VERY BEST OF MACY GRAY series EPIC PREROGATIVE JIVE FABRIC

The title of this Fabric is an extremely popular CD is extremely With Christmas on the way there is and happening club situated in the misleading, to be Barbican region of central London called a ‘Best Of’ always a massive influx of greatest and the ‘FabricLive’ collection aims you would think that to show us what’s on offer. The first the artist would be hits albums, and this time round disc in the compilation is arranged talented enough to by ‘Andy C & DJ Hype’ and aims warrant remembering. However, this Britney is in on the act. You may not admit to liking to recreate the rave scene that Andy album plays like a handbook of how C grew up with. Expect lots of fast not to be a singer. It starts with Macy’s this newlywed, but there is no doubt you’d know the words to most if not electronic beats and the words ‘DJ ‘chart hit’ I Try during which I wished Hype’ to be heard a lot throughout this that the line ‘I tried to say goodbye all of these songs. With hits like Baby One More Time to her new track My disk. If raving is your thing then this is but I choke…’ could have been a little the thing for you as it could probably more literal. The rest of the album Prerogative she proves that she most definitely has had a full career. All keep up with any acid trip that you includes nothing memorable, except may be on. The second disc is the maybe her collaboration with the eyes may be on what her next move is, and while we wait and see we have ‘sleazy house’ offering from Andrew Black Eyed Peas. I said maybe. If this Weatherall. It starts of with the bizarre were my very best I’d be ashamed. * these gems to keep us entertained. **** d.m. I Need A Freak, which sets the scene b.h. for more equally strange tracks, such as Jesper Dahlbäck’s Robot Dance. Entertaining musically, I couldn’t BEE GEES DANIEL BEDINGFIELD really see this disc being much use THE NUMBER ONES Second First Impression in a club. The third and final disc POLYDOR Polydor in this compilation is the electronic offering from The Freestylers. This This would be The cover (and disc has a better feel to it and is less the master works title) of this album restrictive than Andrew Weatherall’s of the brothers should really win mixes and shows why The Freestylers Gibb then… and some sort of award have enjoyed international success. it surprised me for their incredible With old school tracks like Fli Bi to see how many awfulness. Once this disc is definitely the best of the of them I knew past this, though, it lot as it manages to incorporate more (Mostly because is actually rather pleasantly surprising. than one style onto it – as opposed for decades While there are a couple of terrifyingly the rave-based first disc and the just they’ve been covered by Tom, Dick cloying ballads as bonus tracks, the plain bizarre second disc. Overall, and Harry). The disco stuff is brilliant main album is almost entirely addictive ‘FabricLive’ offers a well-rounded (Jive Talkin’, Night Fever etc.), but upbeat pop with a refreshing subtlety dance collection and if you’re into apart from those and a few others and enough variations to keep it non-commercial dance then there (e.g. I Started A Joke) they weren’t the interesting. The lyrics are the one area should be something on here for you. addictive number ones I thought they’d which can be over-earnest, in particular *** o.k.g be. A good compilation for a long the rather icky Sorry, (addressed to his career, too bad it’s a Christmas cash-in sister Natasha), but they are easily – Though it does prove that no matter enough ignored making this a pretty how many times they’ve been covered, fine example of how disposable pop the originals are the best. *** n.b. should be done. *** i.f. Reviews by… Music editors Jon Allen & Dina Mystris and Richard Hartley, Iain Forrester, Matthew Conacher, Neil Boulton, Corin L. Douieb, James Newell, Sam Carney, Christopher Driscoll, Anna Shaw, Ollie Ghaney, Beth Heale [email protected] | 19 Nov 04 music 17

RISING TIMES GWEN STEFANI SNOOP DOGG feat. Pharrell All The Way What You Waiting For Drop It Like It’s Hot Brook Green Publishing Interscope Records Polydor The London based band Rising Times Gwen Stefani debuts her solo career This is ‘the first hit from the new debut single All The Way is a barrage with an energetic, eighties inflicted album: R&G (Rhythm & Gangsta): of pulsating distorted guitar riffs dance track. The single features The Masterpiece’. Hmmm….The culminating in a classic chorus. It Stefani singing about her nervousness chorus, along with most of the rapping, sounds like Black Rebel Motorcycle about launching a solo career against a is ridiculous; the ‘Doggfather’ just Club being fronted by Liam Gallagher; catchy club beat and guitar riffs. Her doesn’t work without Dre. The only this would be unoriginal and boring if unique sound and character shines out redeeming feature is the backing track, it didn’t sound so good. ***** c.d. well proving she can hold her own just produced by the Neptunes. Shizzle ma as well as a solo artist than with No Nizzle, * b.h. EMINEM Doubt. *** a.s. Just Lose It <209> Interscope THE THRILLS Trigger (yawn) The well loved poster boy Not For All The Love In The World Bohemian Records for all things just slightly rebellious Virgin Nu-metal! Remember that? Anyone returns, with a similar song, chorus, As a fan of The Thrills I enjoyed this miss it? Thought not. Even though beat, video, (you get the picture) as his track immensely. If you’re not a fan <209> closer resemble the better of recent releases. We all know frustrated of them you’d probably say it sounds the nu-metal wave, firmly hitting the kids will buy this, but we also know like the first album did but with an Sevendust/Skindread/Machine Head that Em can make fresh music when over produced string section. I’d say vein, don’t expect anything new. he tries, so why this? His strange another beautifully crafted classic Trigger could be a great mosh-pit filler, lyrics on the chorus don’t elicit gasps from The Thrills.*** s.c. if you can get over the overwhelming of shocked awkwardness, rather nods sense of deja-vu. ** r.h. of disappointment. *c.l.d ELVISS Not Enough EP PORTOBELLA REUBEN Plummet/Karma Lion Records Covered In Punk Stuck in my throat Elviss have chosen a military low- Universal Xtra Mile Recordings light-level surveillance system for Portobella’s new single has a very A very impressive single, that’ll go their namesake and of course anything electro-pop feel to, which gets boring down well live. Powerful (though stealth based is cool. Grunge of Vegas quite quickly. It does show potential simple) instruments, combined with or not, they’re into siren-like guitars – unfortunately that’s about it. The the melodic screaming of ‘deep’ emo and stern, mildly vitriolic lyrics. Not chorus is very catchy and surprisingly lyrics make this a stand-out track on Enough, says irreverence. The EPs fun to ‘vogue’ to while under the the new album. Definitely a group to other tracks say, “we toured Japan “herbal” influence, but the verses are look out for when they start touring. with open ears”. Sober especially far too boring for their own good. ** **** j.n. shines. *** m.c. o.k.g

HIDING PLACE U2 RADIO 4 Cruel Kindness Vertigo State of Alert RCA Island SinglesDiscount Everything seemed to be going well Anyone who owns a TV will already Opening up with the most robust then the vocals kicked in. The rather be sub consciously indoctrinated of bass lines and some excellent

nice riff became diluted with whiney by this song from the iPod adverts. percussion, New Yorkers RadioEMINEM 4 singing. Same goes for the B-side and Taken from U2s soon to be released return with their latest manifesto to a their cover of Don’t Fear The Reaper, album “How To Dismantle An Atomic thumping punk-funk backing, bound which was never a fast song, somehow Bomb”, it’s simple, it’s energetic and to get even the most boring of feet became dosed with sedatives (contrary the lyrics are completely meaningless, moving. Looks like business as usual to the previous songs apparent energy). but it sounds like a classic U2 track. then... **** j.a. ** n.b. **** c.d. [email protected] | 19 Nov 04 18 live

WILDFIRE The Consolumentum With all the rock bands around at the moment, it can sometimes be hard to find a band that has an individual sound. A lot of bands fumble around for inspiration in the music they love, saluting their heros but not always managing to pull it off effectively. However, local band Wildfire have somehow managed to create a unique album with a nostalgic rock style but a truly personal sound. The album immediately strikes you as having a reminiscent 70’s rock style and feel good approach, but what makes this band refreshing is their unique sound, characterised by the earthy sincerity of the lead vocalist and complimented by the tight, yet laid back accompaniment of the band, giving a genuine, down to earth performance. One of the obvious influences of this band is Queen and they effectively create a Brain May-esque guitar sound with tracks such as Just to Watch You and Wind of the Moon developing from melodic ballads into an epic roar of classic rock, exploding with feeling and proving the band have an intense passion for music. I’ve also seen this band perform live and the music is only heightened further by the energetic, raw emotion conveyed through their performance. Wildfire perform regularly around Guildford at The Star and other venues and I would readily recommend checking out local pubs such as The Star to experience some authentic, talented local bands. a.s.

Local bands on the RISE! [email protected] | 19 Nov 04 music 19

Local Bands to take note of SINGLES CHART

1. U2 – Vertigo Guildford band Bohica who signed a worldwide record deal 2. Destiny’s Child – Lose My Breath after appearing at this years Guildfest have just released 3. Eminem – Just Lose it their debut album “No Apologies” to rave reviews in the 4. Blue – Curtain Falls print and online press. The promo video for their song 5. Usher – Confessions Part II/My Boo ‘Hide’ has been play listed on Scuzz TV. This sees the band 6. Christina Aguilera ft Missy – Car Wash rubbing shoulders with the likes of Linkin Park, Marilyn Manson, Metallica, and Slipknot!! After spending the past 7. Britney Spears – My Prerogative few years finalising the line up, gigging and writing, the 8. Eric Prydz – Call On Me band upped the ante and aimed to make 2004 the year that 9. Delta Goodrem – Out of the Blue everybody took notice of Bohica. Still chasing that mythic 10. Jamelia – DJ/Stop ‘record deal’ the band decided to create a broadcast quality promo video to get them to the top of the pile of demos that record labels receive. The promo video turned things around and the band were no longer chasing record companies to speak to them, but instead had labels chasing them for their ALBUM CHART signature. One of these labels was Copro Records who very quickly showed their intentions by offering to sign the band to their Casket Music label. “Copro was really enthusiastic 1. Eminem - Encore about our music and the way in which we’d grabbed 2. Britney Spears – My Prerogative everything by the horns to make it really happen for us. They are exactly what we were looking for and they’re a 3. Westlife – Allow Us To Be Frank label that has proven they can really make it work for bands 4. Robbie Williams – Greatest Hits like us.” says guitarist Eng Wei Chua. For the next 3 months 5. Ill Divo – Ill Divo the band spent recording what would be their debut album 6. Shania Twain – Greatest Hits in their own studio, using their skills in producing and 7. Ronan Keating – 10 Years of Hits mixing that they had perfected over the years. The album is now available in stores now. For more 8. Daniel Bedingfield –Second First information visit the bands website Impression http://www.bohica.co.uk 9. Travis - Singles by Eng Wei Chua 10. Scissor Sisters - Scissor Sisters

The band members are: James Burns: Lead Vocals Eng Wei Chua: Guitar Steve Inglis: Guitar Christian Inglis: Bass Nathaniel Renouf: Drums They all attended Guildford Uni except James!

Reviews by… Music editors Jon Allen & Dina Mystris and Richard Hartley, Iain Forrester, Matthew Conacher, Neil Boulton, Corin L. Douieb, James Newell, Sam Carney, Christopher Driscoll, Anna Shaw, Ollie Ghaney, Beth [email protected] | 19 Nov 04 20 film

t’s November, so that must mean… Christmas Movies! kids and generally being the worst Santa possible. During the I(Well, one Christmas Movie) The supermarkets may have current scam he meets a rather ‘odd’ kid who lives with his started putting out the Christmas stuff in September, but rather decrepit Grandma, he then promptly moves into their the cinemas have left it a little later; and Bad Santa’s not house under the guise of Santa while running the racket at your standard yuletide fayre. There’s also a review of the the mall… he also meets a barmaid with a ‘thing’ for Santa, recent Peter Sellers biopic The Life & Death of… which but that’s another part of the story. Will it all run smoothly sees Geoffrey Rush don his near-iconic spectacles. You may this Christmas? (Ooooooh…) notice the absence of a review for Bridget Jones’ Diary: The Edge Of Reason. That’s mainly because I haven’t seen it. If The film’s actually a good year old now; (It came out you have and feel like beating me to it and writing a review, last year in the US… US films getting released later hesitate not and e-mail it to me at [email protected] - in the UK, but you can’t release a Christmas film in Actually, it doesn’t matter what film you review. Go nuts. February…) but that shouldn’t hinder it any - despite the fact I don’t like Christmas films (except Scrooge’d, I like Scrooge’d). Thankfully the only time the film broaches upon Bad Santa sentimentality is at the end, which I guess is necessary as the moment a Christmas film has an unhappy ending it’ll (Christmas + Profanity + Midget) – (Toy Tie-ins + Song herald the coming of the apocalypse, and the passage to that from the Movie) sentimentality is a wholly amusing one.

Christmas movies - usually overly happy and dripping with Billy Bob Thornton is great as a drunken abusive Santa, endless sentimentality – every year they come out, and although it’s a role both Murray and Nicholson could’ve every year an exponentially growing batch of cynics (Yes, easily made shine. Bernie Mac and the late John Ritter as that includes me) whines collectively. The main force of the staff of the latest Mall on the pair’s hit list provide the their existence is that the films are meant for kids (Clever best support roles. The laughs may swing a bit towards the movie types know kids don’t tend to go to the cinema on more profane side of things, constant alcohol abuse, frequent their own…). Anyway, the kid demographic is irrelevant references to anal sex… but oddly it makes for a great to Bad Santa, I could go on about rating but these figures seasonal comedy, especially if you’ve seen one too many (if accurate) spell out the agenda: the word “fuck” and its tales along the lines of it’s a wonderful life. The excessive variations are used 147 times while “shit” appears 34 times use of the phrase ‘fuck me Santa’ was a tad unhinging but the amid a total of 243 profanities. joyous sight of seeing Sheriff John Bunnell (World’s Wildest So we’ve established it’s not The Santa Clause. It’s a film Police Videos, no less) shoot a man down made it all better about a alcoholic store robbing Santa and his vertically- in the end. challenged partner in crime, both with filthy mouths. Billy Bob Thornton takes the lead as our Alcoholi-claus, Willie, and Tony Cox as his midget-elf Marcus (Both Bill Murray The Life And Death Of Peter Sellers and Jack Nicholson wanted to play the role of Willie, but couldn’t due to other films). Their rouse every Christmas ((Geoffrey Rush + Make-up) / Peter Sellers) + (Success x is to set themselves up as Store-Santa & Elf and the night Trouble) + (Famous Directors) before Christmas, rob the place. While amazingly effective Biopics can be very hit and miss. They either build someone up to be far greater than they ever were, or they’re honest. The Life And Death of Peter Sellers takes the second route, although I’m only speculating here. I didn’t know Peter Sellers, but after watching it felt like I’d seen an honest portrayal, or an attempt at one. Things begin with Pete Sellers as a sort-of success as one of the stars of the BBC’s famous Goons show then charts his rise to stardom as he moved into cinema. The reason I feel the film is honest as it seems a very ‘warts and all’ account of his film career, including his various personal problems, such as hitting his wife/wives (I remember reading about such problems being neglected from A Beautiful Mind.) and generally not getting on well with others. The film includes the highs as well as the already mentioned lows; such as upstaging David they have a habit of blowing all their ill-gotten gains by next Niven in the Pink Panther (well, Sellers himself thought his Christmas and so the scam perpetuates. However on the job performance was rubbish) and the reception for his multiple Willie is hardly a citizen above suspicion, conducting himself roles in Dr. Strangelove. in a ‘drunken’ manner, shouting and profane babbling at the [email protected] | 19 Nov 04 21

Geoffrey Rush does well as Sellers (and various other people talking about Sellers thanks to large amount of make-up) and Greater Than The Sum Of Their Parts? Charlize Theron does a commendable turn as Britt Ekland ((Christmas + Profanity + Midget) – (Toy Tie-ins + Song but my favourite performance was from John Lithgow as from the Movie)) + (((Geoffrey Rush + Make-up) / Peter long suffering friend/co-worker of Sellers’ the Pink Panther Sellers) + (Success x Trouble) + (Famous Directors)) director Blake Edwards. Hmmm, it may be harder to add these two films together than If you have no interest in Peter Sellers you’ll have trouble I thought… there are no like terms. It could be reasoned that caring about the film and it’s course. Also in places it feels a Toy Tie-ins & Song from the Movie are equal to Trouble. So bit like a TV movie, however the quality of acting raises it up if we removed those, it would make the Success irrelevant. from those murky depth, further more the film also highlights some interesting points in his childhood which shaped his ((Christmas + Profanity + Midget) – (Toy Tie-ins + Song life, most importantly his over-bearing fame hungry mother - from the Movie)) + (((Geoffrey Rush + Make-up) / Peter Leaving Sellers as much a spoilt child in adulthood as he was Sellers) + (Success x Trouble) + (Famous Directors)) as a child and his own insistence on him being an individual without a unique personality of his own, just a hollow shell Doesn’t really improve matters. Like all good scientists, I’ll for other personalities to flit in and out of (There’s a nice fudge the results. So now we have: sequence in the movie where Sellers comes face-to-face with his characters). It’s hard of things to write about really (Christmas + Profanity + Midget) + (Peter Sellers) without giving away the whole plot of the film really and I’d Which effectively leaves us with a Christmas movie starring rather you went saw it (if you can still find it in a cinema) Peter Sellers as an alcoholic Santa with an equally filthy than have me regurgitate his life story onto paper. midget. Also played by Peter Sellers. The films packed with funny (Peter Sellers meeting Stanley I’m sure we can safely call this Experiment a Failure. Kubrik springs to mind) and touching moments – but, as I said earlier, if you’re not interested in Peter Sellers you may Neil Boulton not be as enthralled by this film as I was. I do recommend it though. [email protected] | 19 Nov 04 22 sports

Peace Kills: Americas Fun New things including (predictably) Bill Clinton and any other Democrat leader easily referenced on the Internet, as well Imperialism as a depressingly poor swing at Noble Laureates (Here’s a by P. J. O’Rourke and tip PJ: Don’t punch above your weight class). He rounded it off with a description of American occupied Iraq that seemed After The Empire: The Breakdown Like something out of M*A*S*H and some rather low flying of The American Order emotional strikes. I found it totally devoid of anything worthwhile in a factual sense and pretty much empty in all by Emmanuel Todd others, one star.

When I first decided to attempt to do a comparison of these After The Empire: The Breakdown of The American Order by two books I really had no idea how enormously different Emmanuel Todd they were. While I had already read most of the book by Emmanuel Todd and was aware of its style and an American This one does exactly what it says on the tin; it does indeed election-winning majority of its content, I had no clue as to deliver “a determined and unembarrassed attempt to tell the either O’Rourke’s style or the content of the book; all I had truth.” Granted it does do this in a manner that many of you was a title. Well here goes: may (or may not) be more used to in a university textbook, however it does go through a real process of investigation. Peace Kills: Americas Fun New Imperialism by P. J. The author even goes to the extent of providing helpful O’Rourke tables and demographics. Not exactly a gripping read, but a tremendously educational one. Todd is, incidentally (in This book really hurt my expectations. I was expecting to case you miss the foot high letters on the back) the man who have an enjoyable and humorous read that was at the same predicted the fall of the Soviet union in 1975. An immensely time peppered with interesting facts, with only a reasonable valuable, if slightly high-brow read, three and a bit stars. political slant. I got none of these things. It started off with a tryingly moronic Republican rant at a number of WH [email protected] | 19 Nov 04 theatre 23

given an insight into the life of a Only Fools and Norman supports ‘Sir’ by disappointed man. remembering his lines, dressing him, Horses ? and motivating him to actually act. “The Compleat Angler is not about Sir is ill (some kind of mental illness how to fish but about how to be,” said judging by the symptoms – possibly novelist Thomas McGuane. “Walton schizophrenia), and Norman is the spoke of an amiable mortality and driving force to ensure that the show rightness on the earth that has been must go on. envied by his readers for three hundred years.” Why should I see it? It’s pretty funny in parts, and if Award-winning playwright Louise you’ve ever been the unsung hero in Page has adapted the book for a cast any given situation then you should of two. be able to empathise with various situations in the performance. Haunted (Fri 26 Nov) features a group of friends gathering together For the blokes, your girlfriend / for an evening of ghost watching. potential girlfriend will love it. They begin to recount stories, delving further into the realms of fear, until Where, how much? finally they, and the audience, make a The Yvonne Arnaud – Give the Box truly frightening discovery. Hopefully the title, and the picture Office a ring for tickets (around £15, of Nicholas Lyndhurst, has got you depending on the seats). The play is based on the work of M R James, described as ‘the Conan Doyle reading the Theatre section if you 01483 44 00 00. haven’t done so before. There is a of ghost stories’. His subtle style, link, honest… easing readers into unlikely stories of revenge, sorcery and murder, have Essentially Nicholas Lyndhurst stars Hooked on Horror made him one of the most renowned in ‘The Dresser’. Even if you’re not with fishy tales at the writers of Victorian gothic fiction. bothered about theatre, it’s still worth seeing. With Julian Glover (Sir) as the Mill Studio Dramatised by Christopher Hawes, lead actor, it’s got some very strong Haunted features two actors and is A classic fisherman’s story and produced, along with the Compleat names behind it, and if you’re ever some ghost stories to chill the blood going to see a first performance then Angler, by Cotton Grass Theatre provide an atmospheric double-bill at Company. this should be it. Guildford’s Mill Studio. Whats the plot? Both plays are at The Mill Studio, The Compleat Angler (Thurs 25, Sat Millbrook, Guildford, with Based on the original writer’s 27 Nov) is Izaak Walton’s celebrated experiences, Nicholas Lyndhurst performances at 8pm. Tickets are 10 tale of a fisherman’s fight with his (5 student standby) available from (Norman) plays a dresser for the prey, set during the English Civil lead actor of a small Shakespearean the Mill Studio/Yvonne Arnaud Box War. But while Piscator sets his bait Office on 01483 44 00 00. touring company, set during warn torn and discusses the art of fishing and England in the Second world War. the best Pike recipes, we are also Neil Christie [email protected] | 19 Nov 04 24 comment

made us develop ourselves from get more. Enough !!!! Neanderthals to what we are today. You could say if pens where good enough Maybe its time I set some thresholds. I was reading an article the other than why am I typing this article on a I should know when my needs are day that got me thinking. The article computer and not using the “good old” satisfied but have no idea about centred on how we as a race always pen and paper. how I would go about doing that. want to strive for more. We want to The thing with mankind is when we build bigger buildings, we want to go The reality is that like everyone else in think something is in the way of us faster, go up higher and develop more. the world I want more no mater how I accomplishing our goals we just move The article finalised that we could see derive that I have more. It may be that it out of the way or change it to suit people living to 150 in the next few I want more money or that I want more our needs. I think there is more chance generations. stuff or that I simply want people to of the word enough being taken out pay more attention to me. of the dictionary or its meaning being All this got me thinking. I started to changed to “never accomplishable” wonder at what point would we think The young will say we never will have rather than us realising we have we had enough? enough while the old say that we have enough. it better than in their day almost as if The definition of enough according to it was our fault that they developed But hey, so what. If we knew what the dictionary is “Sufficient to meet the world we live in. I suppose they enough was we would not have what a need or satisfy a desire;” But when think they have enough now but we we have today, but more importantly is that when will we have that? If we think we need more so we drive the we would have very little to look look at how we are here in the west we next generation and then we will say forward to. I say keep going until could say we have enough food and as we lay there at 120 that “those kids you think you have had enough but water. So what do we do we eat more have no idea when I was a child we try to remember at the same time that and get fat. According to the latest used to have to learn things not just everybody wants more so give them financial reports we don’t have enough plug ourselves in and download the enough so they can get there too, its money in our pockets yet there are men information to our heads”. only fair and that is not only money, on earth who have more money than you can give more time, emotion and it is possible to spend in a life time Someone said to me the other day the ideas to those around you. while there are other men on earth who only day you will have enough is the have to watch the ones they love suffer day you die, as you will want no more. This is my little attempt. Now its because they cannot afford to feed That stuck in my head because I though back to getting me just a little more, them. if that’s true I will be battling against honest… myself my whole life. You see I always I suppose its what made sure that want more I am rarely satisfied and mankind survived our need for more spend a lot of time figuring out how to

DUKE OF EDINBURGH’S AWARD SCHEME levels: Bronze, Silver and Gold. The Sections involve: Service (helping the community); Skills (a hobby, skill or interest); The Duke of Edinburgh’s Award, a registered charity, is Physical Recreation (sports, dance, fitness); Expeditions (on a voluntary, non-competitive programme of activities for foot, cycle, horseback, or water); Residential Project - Gold anyone aged 14-25. It offers an individual challenge and only (an enterprise with people not known to the participant). encourages young people to undertake exciting, constructive, Each year, Award Participants provide over one million hours challenging and enjoyable activities in their free time. Just of service to the community whilst, in the expeditions Section, over 7% of those in the UK aged 14-17 participate in the they collectively covered over one million miles. Why not Award, through Award Groups in youth clubs, voluntary check out the website: www.theaward.org organisations, Open Award Centres, schools, colleges, young offender institutes and businesses. Whether you are starting out at Bronze or looking to complete Gold, there is help at hand. The Open Award Centre in It’s immensely well respected by employers, and the Guildford is there to help people gain all of these awards. award programme will enable you to develop both skills They meet every Monday during school term time from 7pm and personal social attributes. Often heralded as ‘the – 9pm at the Pupils Referral Unit, Pewley Hill Centre, Pewley best thing to do at school’, there’s no reason why it can’t Hill, Guildford, GU1 3SQ. become one of the most enjoyable activities at University. If you are interested in coming along please call Don Watts on The Award is a four Section Programme with three progressive 01483 563258. [email protected] | 19 Nov 04 volunteering 25 What a feel-ing ... Volunteer-ing Here’s a selection of 5 of the latest one off volunteering opportunities in and around you! For more info on any of these opportunities (or for more opportunities available) please contact Carol Main (USSU Media Help do lots of fun things like crafts, cooking, Centre) 01483 683254. [email protected] http:// games, and they also run outside trips every term. www.ussu.co.uk/volunteering Remember: we even pay The rewards of seeing the girl’s enjoyment of an travel expenses! evening is fantastic! Get in touch today!! Great experience for people wishing to work in the teaching sector, or other careers with young people. ‘The A Team’ Meeting: Wednesday 24th November. 4.30pm, USSU Committee Room Assistant Cub Scout Leader or Helpers This is all about one off volunteering projects!Please Required for Guildford Cub Scout Pack. come along and suggest ideas or even to just to Either Tuesdays or Thursdays, 6.30pm - 8pm. comment on other ideas. We want to run events that Based in Onslow Village, Guildford. you actually want to do, so please come along!Some ideas to get you thinking .... Christmas Shopping for the Elderly ... Carol singing ... Disco’s… AGMs

CardAid 19 November 2004 | 18:00 - 19:00 - LGBT EGM - GM room Charity Christmas card shop based in St Mary’s Church, SPSS AGM - Library 4th Floor - Monday 22 11am 24 November 2004 | 18:00 - CSSA EGM - GM room Quarry Street (central Guildford). Requires volunteers 24 November 2004 | 18:30 - Jewish Society AGM - GM Room to help in the shop and with promotional activities between now and Christmas. Shop is open now until 22nd Dec (but you don’t have to commit until the end - just until term finishes is fine!) Shop hours are Monday UniS Exchange - Saturday, 9.30am - 5.30pm (6pm Thursdays and Saturdays).Roles available: serving customers, stocking Scheme up cards, keeping the shop tidy, publicity (eg. handing out flyers/ posters, and even organising events if you’re Want to spend some of your 2nd particularly imaginative...!) year in the USA, Australia or Assistant Beaver Scout Leaders Singapore? Required for small group in Wood Street Village, near Guildford. Thursday evenings, 6pm - 7.15pm, term time Come to the Information only. Help organise and run a Beaver Group (5-8 years) Meeting supporting an enthusiastic and experienced leader. It will involve devising crafts, games, singing songs and anything that’s fun! You need to be enthusiastic, On reliable, organised and fun. This opportunity provides Monday 29th November valuable experience for anybody hoping to work with 6.00 p.m. children. Lecture Theatre E Girl Guide Helpers Required Thursday evenings, 7pm - 9pm, term-time Further info: Sue Webb, only (transport available). The group has 27 Guides (11 International Office – 15 years), and a waiting list if enough helpers can be ext 9177, or email - found! s.webb@ surrey.ac.uk [email protected] | 19 Nov 04 26 societies Surrey Dance Squad...... The Adventures Of (part 2) Since our debut at Fresher’s Fayre, back in September, we have blossomed into a rip-roaring, hip and happening society with over 50 members, bags of joy and tonnes of potential. It has been exhausting keeping up with everything we’ve been up to so here’s a run down of the last exciting fortnight!

Our Wednesday afternoons have been extremely fun filled – Wednesday 3rd November we were treated to great salsa session with Laura sexy salsa queen Robinson. Everyone enjoyed the afternoon imagining themselves as Latino lovelies and doing a bit of She Bangs-ing! Thanks Laura! This was followed by an exclusive session on Wednesday had a social outing to Grease Night in Roots. Thanks 10th November, which brought the arrival of the street management people we had a great night! A performance at dance master, Hakeem Onibudo of Xpress Yo’ Self dance Rubix followed, but I think all those hot dogs and burgers company. Professional dancer and choreographer Hakeem sat in our tummies nicely! challenged us all with the latest street dance grooves and I believe we rose to that challenge very well - Top Of The On Friday 5th November, some of the SDS crew burst Pops here we come! into the GU2 office and flattened the presenters with their boundless energy and created an audio masterpiece We have many more exciting sessions planned for the advertising the Surrey Dance Squad…well something like next few weeks, so if you’re an expert, or even if you’ve that anyway! Listen out! Thanks to DJ Jez, Big Al, Sex never danced in your life feel free to pop in and have a go. Machine and Rickie Dickie Lowe for your hard work and It’s not about strictly learning to dance, but experiencing to DJ Leroy for your… er… support! dance for enjoyment, in whatever way or style you choose! Wednesdays 1pm -2.30pm in Rubix. We also had the arrival of a beautiful new pink banner, which you will definitely spot around campus! And…watch It seems a while ago now, but fun was had by everyone this space for the Surrey Dance Squad Calendar!!! on Friday 29th October at Little Laura’s party in Roots, followed by our most scary performance ever at the Flirt We are YOUR dance squad so let us know what Halloween Fancy Dress Party. Annette premiered her YOU want! Email us your requests if there is most skilful piece of work yet – Ghostbusters! anything you would like to see us dance to on Wednesday/Friday nights? Email your suggestions to: [email protected]

Don’t forget if you are having a party or society event, you can hire us in to liven things up!

And finally a huge thanks to all of you who have supported us - our dedicated fans and of course the Union staff and stage crew have been superb, what would we do without you?

Remember that you can check out all of these things and get more information on our fantastical website (thanks to Allen ‘Chan’) www.surreydancesquad.co.uk

If you can’t beat us, you might as well join us! xxx

Words: Jade Johnson. There were lots of cheesy smiles and snazzy costumes Photo’s: Allen Tan. to be spotted on Wednesday 3rd November, when SDS [email protected] | 19 Nov 04 alumni 27

saying: outside Battersea court the night after SURREY ALUMNI “I have followed developments in the graduating. University with interest…….through We are now into the fourth and the Surrey Graduate magazine. What did you learn from your time final week of the Alumni Society’s Everything I hear about the University as a student ? Time Management & Telephone Campaign. confirms its enormous success, Hard-core drinking especially in remaining at the top of the Sunday Times tops for jobs list.” What was the most valuable skill He continued with: you took with you ? Working with a “The student has proved an effective large variety of personalities ambassador for the University” Where did you go on placement / what was it like ? Disney World, The importance of the student callers Florida. It was a fantastic experience, speaking to our alumni has been with great company, climate, people phenomenal. All our callers have and especially the`big-foot’ pizzas. conducted themselves in a dignified and courteous manner. A big thank How was it finding a job after A team of 42 current students were you to all the callers for their time graduating ? Fortunately I did recruited to contact our Alumni to tell and effort during the campaign – we not find it very difficult. I had 2 them about the University today and hope that they all find satisfaction interviews & 2 offers from House of to encourage them to contribute to the in successfully raising funds for the Fraser & Arcadia. I accepted Arcadia. Annual Fund, which is predominantly Annual Fund, and also have gained designed to offer student hardship from speaking to alumni who have Where have you worked since support and improve campus facilities. shared many life stories with them. leaving Surrey ? We have called almost 3000 alumni Arcadia (5 years), Timberland during weekday evenings and at The Alumni & Development Office (4 Years) & currently Monsoon weekends in the last few weeks. will report back to Barefacts on the Accessorize (8 months so far) final outcome of the campaign once The money pledged for the Annual calling comes to an end this Sunday. What are you doing now ? Fund continues to increase. In addition My title is `Merchandising Analyst’. to this, the Alumni & Development In summary I work with Heads Office is delighted to find that many Alumni Update of departments, review working of the alumni who have been called are practices, developing business willing to increase their involvement requirements into working solutions, with the University in other important recommending changes as appropriate. areas. As a direct result of these I implement initiatives ensuring that calls, several alumni are considering projects are in line with changing recognising the University of Surrey business needs & priorities. in their wills. Do you still stay in touch with other Alumni have also been able to share MARK LAWRENCE alumni ? Unfortunately not many. their experiences with the callers and Where are you all? What course did you study ? frequently offered career advice to the Retail Management BSc Hons students. The Alumni & Development If you would like to ask Office have learnt the true value of -What year did you graduate ? these calls in the last week, as we 1995 Mark more about a career have been contacted by alumni, asking in retail then e-mail your when they are going to be contacted What were your best / worst questions to the Alumni Office by the student caller – as they are keen memories from Uni ? : [email protected] to hear more about the University and Best = Industrial Year placement spent keen to speak to a current student. at Disney World, Florida

One alumnus wrote to the University Worst = waking up on the grass [email protected] | 19 Nov 04 28 sports Q&A With The Surrey MBC Whatsports do you do? but to get a decent ride in at this time of year its pretty much This may come as a surprise to some, but we go mountain essential. Exact times change though, so get yourself on the biking. This involves three key elements: Yourself, a bike, mailing list. and er… a mountain. As there aren’t many mountains How do I get on the mailing list? around the South East of England it’s possible that the By emailing Gav at [email protected]. If he doesn’t whole club is just a violation of the trade descriptions act, reply, try again. but there are some pretty steep hills and “Hill Biking Club” sounds a bit naff. I’m a bit lacking on the technical side of things, if I fall off will people point and laugh? We have a website that has lots of information on it and Yes. But don’t worry, we point and laugh at everything. despite the information being at least a year old, it’s still pretty relevant. Check out www.surreymbc.co.uk Do I have to wear a helmet? No, that’s your choice. However it’s my club policy to point I don’t have a bike, can I stop reading now? and laugh at everything. That includes your pieces of brain. No. The club owns two bikes which fit anyone from dwarfs (Neil’s ridden the 17”, after all) to giants (6’4”). Therefore, Do I have to wear lycra? there’s no excuse. Read on. No, in fact to be honest, we’d prefer it if you didn’t. At least hide it under something. I’m unfit, will I get left behind? No. Lack of fitness is a common theme in our club. That, How much does each ride cost? and everyone waits for everyone else because the woods are 50p up to a maximum of £1 per week. We spend this money a prime spot for evil and safety in numbers is a good idea. on bike stuff like tubes and patches, which the whole club benefits from. However fitness is something you will get if you keep coming along. You may find it a bit of a shock at first but How do I clean my bike? it’s certainly extremely good for the legs, abdominals, and Come along to a ride and find out. aerobic capacity. I’ve got a question that you didn’t think about, what do When do you meet to go riding? I do? Every Wednesday at about 2pm and every Sunday at about Firstly, you win a prize. Secondly you could try emailing it 10:30am. We wouldn’t normally start so early on Sundays, to [email protected] National League Squash Victory Ace Start For Tennis UniSPORT Guildford pulled off an excellent victory in their Last Wednesday (8th Nov) saw the men’s and women’s first home match of the season on Tuesdayth 7 November Tennis teams playing at home together for the first time against a strong side from Team Solent, winning 3-2. A sell this season. The men’s matches got underway first with all out crowd looked on as Guildford won 3 of the first four five players performing to a high standard. The women also matches securing a comfortable victory for the UniSPORT managed to get off to a good start, finishing their doubles at side. The highlights of the match included some top comedy a tie. Then in some close singles matches they managed to moments in the Stephen Meads vs. Lee Drew match where hold their own and by the time poor light ended play, enough the players used all their imagination to question some of had been done to secure a victory. With the men having won the referees’ decisions, and Alison Waters coming back from all three of their ties and the girls taking their first match of 2-1 down and 8-1 down in the 4th game to win her match 3- the season, both teams now have a 100% track record. Let’s 2 against the vastly experienced Vicky Botwright. The next hope that with a re-established Surrey Tennis club, both UniSPORT Guildford home match is on Tuesday February teams manage to continue their success. Congratulations to 15th 2005 at the Varsity Centre against Oberthur Strings all involved! (Tewksbury) and promises to be another great spectacle. The Tennis club meets on Wednesday 2-4pm and Sunday 1- Fixtures & Results 3pm at the Varsity. All standards welcome. www.ussu.co.uk/main/sports/fixtures Words: Gemma Moret [email protected] | 19 Nov 04 sports 29 Head of the River On Saturday the rowing club travelled up to the tideway in the river. The men finished an impressive 22nd out of 55 crews London to take part in one of the biggest races in the country. in their division and 242nd out of 517 crews overall. The Head of the River Race is a massive event with over five hundred crews entered and over 2000 rowers taking The women have suffered some recent bad luck with their part. The race is the same course stroke, Julia Mitchell, suffering from from Mortlake to Putney as the a severe bout of tonsillitis and their Oxford/Cambridge Boat race, but cox not being able to make the race. it is rowed in reverse providing a Julia decided to do the race any way tiring 25 minutes or so, rowing. and a replacement cox was found, Surrey sent out a men’s and a unfortunately he weighed in at 87kg women’ coxed four. (well over the usual 60kg!). Despite this the women put in a brave effort The men went off hard and as Alice Lydall, Lucy Darke and Ella worked together to maintain the Willott remained tough competitors aggressive rating set by stroke right up to the line, clashing with Alex Deacon. Two and three men another crew and really giving it Nick Woolger and Jimmy Ancell made sure that all their hard everything they had. The women came 29th out of 43 crews in work and training paid off and pushed the crew down the their division and came 475 overall. course. George Tulett sat at bow keeping the rhythm lively and setting the crew up to row an extremely impressive It was a good day providing positive results all round. race. Their cox, Callum Walker, steered an excellent course USBC would like to thank Coaches Phil Costen and Simon keeping them in the stream despite the number of crews on Granshaw for putting in a lot of time effort with the crews over recent weeks. Men’s Squash Beat the Netball Off To A Flying Start Pain Barrier The University of Surrey netball 2nd’s started the season Surrey Men’s Squash team had an away match playing with three impressive victories. The first match took place Royal Holloway on Wednesday 8th November. against Imperial College, despite the rain we managed Jonny gave a heroic performance with his freshly waxed to pull it out of the bag, and seal a 29-15 victory. Our legs against his short tempered opponent. It was 1-1 when following match against Sussex was played at home and Jonny unfortunately managed to twist his ankle half way we were closely defeated with a final score of 31-36. St through the third game. Off the court for 5 minutes after Georges needn’t have turned up as we dominated the match ice was laid on his ankle to limit the swelling. Nothing was and humiliated them with their 5 goals to our 61! going to stop him as he hammered the 3rd game to make it 2- 1! However, the pain did get too much and was after being Portsmouth were last weeks challenge. Aware that unsuccessful in the 4th game he had to retire. Portsmouth in previous matches had overwhelmed us with Jason played very well and dominated his match to win 3- tough opposition and had a tendency to beat us on regular 1 quite comfortably. Terrence had a difficult match but his occasions, we were pretty apprehensive. Portsmouth greeted opponent was too good and he lost in straight sets. James us with a team that could have been made up of ex-convicts thought his opponent would get tired quickly because to say the least. We went home with a 45-25 victory. he was larger than average but unfortunately looks were For all those interested, the netball club is planning to put deceiving and James too lost in straight sets. together a 3rd team. Training is on Sunday 7.30-8.30pm, Chris ended up with a bye because his opponent couldn’t and Monday 6.15-8.00pm, both at the sports centre. Anyone make it at the last minute. We ended up losing 3-2 but don’t interested in a place on the team, or those who would just worry lads, we’ll thrash them when they come to us! like to come to training, feel free to come along. Words: Chris Reed

Words: Annike Spiller