ETA, 1 Features Life After the System 4 I Grew up in the Foster Care System and It Changed How I See Life

Sudden Sniffing Death Spice it up 2 11 Pharming for Syndrome 18 Trouble III 6 CELEBRATING POSITIVE CHOICES

IEMBER 2008

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ETA, 1 Features Life After the System 4 I grew up in the foster care system and it changed how I see life.

Pharming for Trouble 6 Over-the-counter drugs are still drugs. And they're just as dangerous as illegal drugs.

Hot Shots: Tyrney Steinhoff and Hot Shot 8 The teen barrel racer talks about what it's like to compete, balance riding with other interests, and live with a real live Breyer horse model.

Head Shot 12 There's a good reason why helmet (or locker) boxing is not an official sport. Here's why.

Are You a Helpful or Hurtful Friend? Quiz 15 Help them up or kick them when they're down? Find out what kind of friend you are. I'm Just Saying . . . 3 Windermere Blogosphere 16 In which I wonder what the new year will bring. Our new cartoon features a classroom blog. Their assignment: write about a personal experience. Your Good For You 11 assignment: read it. Add a little zing to your life. Spice it up! Sudden Sniffing Death Syndrome 18 It happens faster than you can imagine. One sniff and I'm Listening 14 you could be dead. "I have this friend who has become a real downer. It's gotten to the point that I dread hanging out with her. Any advice?" One for All 20 Teams are all around us. We'll tell you how to be a good What's Up With That? 27 team player. "I sometimes like to smell nail polish remover and Krazy

Glue because I like the feeling, but I've heard it can screw up

Texas Tire Rack Street Survival 22 h,

t my brain—is it true?" The BMW Car Club of America Foundation is trying to Wor t stamp out teen driving deaths with their driving program.

For Spotlight 30 er, Pat Pedraja helps others like himself who have been diag- ing r Junior Firefighting 24 nosed with leukemia. h Sp

t Think firefighters are all big, burly guys? You'd be wrong. More and more teens are becoming firefighters.

Kenne Cool Stuff With Kent and Kyle 31 by to Shakespeare Was Right 28 This month we'll give you our fail-proof formula for making ho

p good impressions and keeping them. r "You shouldn't hang around with Christine anymore," Linda ve

Co said. "No one will talk to you."

2 Listen wwvv.listenmagazine.org /1 I IfYIL1 , I I •-••••Cie oesn't it feel great to be starting a new school year? Think about all the potential. Work hard and you could get fantastic grades. Be friendly and Celeste Perrino-Walker Dyou could make lots of great new friends. Be curious and you could learn a lot of stuff you never knew before. The sky is the limit. Will this be the Bill Kirstein year you try out for the drama team? Get a 4.0 average? Discover your own

Heather Quintana personal style? Take a stand? Learn to paint? Climb a mountain? Start an exer- cise program? Learn to drive? Get perfect attendance? Play a new sport? Write a Richard Tooley book? (Hey, it could happen! Check out wwwnanowrimo.org/) What awesome feat will you accomplish this year? Nick Bejarano Of course, to reach any of these goals you'll need two things. First, you'll need a positive attitude because you aren't going to get EDITORIAL very far without one. You have to believe you CONSULTANTS FreshSlate will accomplish great things. So believe in your arm Di c., potential and set your sights high. Second, you Winston Ferris, M.A. need some goals. If you don't know where Allan Handysides, M.B., B.Ch. Gary Hopkins you're going that's exactly where you're going Peter N. Landless, M.B., B.Ch. to end up. So, think about it. What do you really Stoy Proctor, M.P.H. want to do this year? Dream big! You're only Francis A. Soper, Litt.D. limited by your own dreams. DeWitt Williams, Ph.D. Throughout this year we'll be telling you awesome stories about kids who did dream big. Like the Freedom Writers. (Shh! Don't tell anyone I let the cat out of the bag.) We'll introduce you to kids who had big dreams and followed ETES ZiNsy ICPA them. And we'll give you great ideas for new things to try. Firefighting anyone? DRUGS 0119 So stay tuned. It's gonna be a great ride.

UMW AIM NM Until next time, have fun, be cool, and make good choices, !MTH "7"410110VI 6do,- MADISON

YOUTH TO YOUTH 10313rEEN

c1,4g free TrEnD msnig_ Celeste Perrino- Walker Editor

LISTEN (ISSN 0024-435X) September 2008, Volume 62, Number 1. Published monthly (EXCEPT JUNE, JULY, AND AUGUST) and Member of the copyrighted © 2008 by The Health Connection', 55 West Oak Ridge Dr., Hagerstown, MD 21740. One year $26.95 (U.S.). Outside Partnership U.S. $33.95 (U.S.). PERIODICALS postage paid at Hagerstown, MD. POSTMASTER: Send address changes to LISTEN, P.O. Box 859, 111 for a Drug-Free Hagerstown, MD 21741. U.S.A. and Canada, call toll free 1-877-474-6247. Outside U.S. and Canada, 1-301-393-3280. This publication America is available in microfilm from Xerox University Microfilms, 300 North Zeeb Road, Ann Arbor, MI 48106. 1-313-761-4700. Printed in U.S.A. Unless otherwise credited, all pictures © 2008 Jupiterimages Corporation; spot images from Art Explosion Image Library.

www.listenmagazine.org Listen 3 By LeWanna Hobbs

II lived in a foster home for less than a year, but it seemed like forever. I was about 4 years old when the short, thin, strawberry- blond woman knocked on the door of our apartment, located in a not so enviable part of town, and called for my two siblings and me by our full names. This in itself was scary because no one used your whole name unless they were going to give you a stern talk about something you had done wrong. Sure, we were being supervised by adults, but none of them were our parents. I never really knew my dad, and my mom was doing her best, but obviously it wasn't good enough. The caseworker's name was Ms. Laura; she was as nice as could be. However, once we realized what was going on, she had to pull us from the house yelling and screaming. We were rushed to an awaiting American Airlines flight which left DFW International Airport, and about an hour later we arrived at Chicago O'Hare International Airport. I cried myself to sleep on the plane that night and many more nights after. According to the Department of Children and Family Services (DCFS), about 16,160 children entered the foster care system in the fiscal year ending June 2007. That number is consistently being reduced each year, and considering that 10 years ago

4 Listen www.listemnagazine.org that figure was more than 50,000 the majority of our time in foster ter development. children, a great deal of progress has care, but my brother was not so for- Sensitivity or reactions to situa- been made. Though I am no longer tunate. During the small stint he did, tions are other personality traits in foster care, the experience of he was moved several times, hit by a determined by past happenings. In

being placed in a substitute home car, and experienced mental mistreat- my case, I am extremely sensitive to

m forever changed the way I look at ment by one of the foster mothers the behavior issues of students who lly

ita life. It affected my personality and and her children. Currently, my sister have had to overcome adversity, as I my very essence as a human being. and I are both honor roll students, too have had tall mountains to over- /dig have each served as class president, come before reaching goals. Instead ion Living in a foster home is not neces- t a r sarily a terrible thing. Being taken and are both on the quick path to of acting out in a harmful manner, I o

rp away from a bad environment is a college graduation. My brother, on was inspired to become an educator Co

s good thing and, contrary to popular the other hand, has never partici- in an urban school district. My expe- e belief, not everyone in foster care pated in student government, did not riences volunteering in urban imag

r lives in an abusive home or bounces receive a high school diploma, and is schools over the years have made me

ite from house to house. now in jail. All of this is not to say more aware of the hardships that

Jup My sister and I were lucky that a bad foster home will ruin a many impoverished youngsters must 08 enough to have been placed together child for life, but rather to say that overcome simply to catch up with

C 20 into a home with loving mentors for experiences play a big role in charac- the other students their age. I made teaching in an urban school district my goal; no other type of school district will help me to make the impression on the future If you've been through that I desire. I once had a student who at the tender age of ten was fit- tough times, don't let your ted with an ankle monitor. When I asked why he had to wear it, he replied, "I like to steal cars." When past experiences questioned further the truth came out. "It gets me my food, clothes, keep you down. and shoes." My future is different because of the various situations I experienced, but I want to tell you that if you're in a difficult situation, you too can break through the wall that has held back the generations before you. You might argue that clothes, money, and material things are the foundation of character, but I say hogwash! Past experiences, morality, and choices are the true dictators of the future and personality. Sure, past experiences can affect your sensitivity, judgment, reactions, and expectations; each will help shape who you are. But ultimately life is what you make of it; the way it looks depends on how you view it. If you've been through tough times, don't let your past experiences keep you down. Use them to help you shape a great new life.

www.listenmagazine.org Listen 5 PharmingBy Tina O'Reilly for

tartling reports from the scription at any drug store or if taken in large quantities. Partnership for a Drug-Free supermarket. But if you think that Guaifenesin, yet another active America estimated that one because they're so easy to buy they ingredient, can cause vomiting. sin 10 teens have abused cough and must be safe to abuse, you'd be The rise in use of cough and cold medicines to get high—an wrong. Dead wrong. cold medicines is due to teens average of about 3 million DXM also comes in powder thinking it's safer to get high with between the ages of 12 and 25. form, which can be purchased via OTCs because they're not illegal. What's more surprising is that the the Internet. The selling of the But this couldn't be further from abuse of prescription and over- powder form is illegal, but DXM the truth. the-counter (OTC) medicines has powder is usually purchased by Clare Waismann, founder of the surpassed the use of illegal drugs drug dealers, who put it in cap- Waismann Institute in California, such as crack/cocaine, ecstasy, and sules and sell it on the streets. The believes teens are turning to pre- heroin. Food and Drug Administration scription and OTC medicines Skittles, Triple C, Robo, Dex, (FDA) has reported five teenage because "we live in a generation of Red Devils, Velvet, and Tessin—do deaths possibly associated with the `I want what I want and I want it these names sound familiar to use of the powdered DXM. now' These kids want instant grat- you? They're all slang or code DXM alone is dangerous ification. Teens can walk into any words teens use for getting high enough if taken in high doses, but drugstore and purchase cough and or taking large doses of DXM. it's usually combined with other cold medicines for hardly any cost DXM, short for dextromethor- active ingredients which can be at all:' phan, is a common active ingredi- dangerous in their own right. Teens are also hosting "pharm- ent found in over 140 cough Acetaminophen, for instance, can ing parties," in which they get syrups, cough and cold tablets, cause liver damage when taken in together at parties to "exchange" and gel caps. These medications large doses. Chlorpheniramine can their drugs. These parties are nor- can be purchased over the counter cause increased heart rate, lack of mally hosted when parents are away, and are available without a pre- coordination, seizures, and coma and teens trade pills like they

6 Listen www.listenmagazine.org are trading iPod tunes. Pharming In the first plateau your senses go to different places, are experi- produces deadly combinations of are altered. For instance, your sense enced. miscellaneous drugs with effects no of touch or sight might be off There are long term effects you one can even anticipate, because People's voices or music may seem should worry about, too. Over time, they were never meant to be com- more delightful. You'll feel like DXM can attack your central nerv- bined. You may get high. You may you're in a state of euphoria or ous system, and eventually your get sick. You may die. You may wish peace. brain will stop telling your lungs to you had died. It's impossible to tell. The second plateau will leave you breathe. There's also the possibility So what is considered cough feeling drunk or high. Your vision of kidney and liver damage—and of medicine abuse? Abuse is when you becomes impaired, and closed-eye course death. take higher doses than stated in the hallucinations are possible. You don't have to become one medicine label directions. When The third plateau causes detach- of the statistics listed above. Legal taken as directed, DXM is safe and ment from life and what's happening does not equal safe when it comes only has a few side effects. But around you and with your body. to OTC and prescription medicines. when abused, it can cause serious Hearing, vision, and the ability to Next time your friends invite you to side effects. move become seriously impaired, a "pharming party" or ask you to Short term effects from abusing and hallucinations are possible. take some Red Devils, Triple C, or DXM can indude dizziness, abdomi- Clare Waismann explains that the whatever—tell them no thanks. You nal pain, rapid heart beat, drowsi- hallucinations happen because "the prefer to see life the way it was ness, confusion, and numbness in medication slows oxygen to the intended, through drug-free eyes. If your fingers and toes. What symp- brain." they try to make fun of you, ignore toms occur depend on the frequency The fourth plateau gives you a them. You're the winner. You have and amount taken. feeling of tripping. Lifelike halluci- your life and it'll be a healthy one at Teens who use DXM go through nations, along with feelings of out- that. what's known as "plateaus." of-body experiences in which you wwwlistenmagazine.org Listen 7

By Jessica Burkhart Hat © PhotoDisc

AN YOU IMAGINE EARNING THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS IN HIGH SCHOOL DOING WHAT YOU LOVE?

Fourteen-year-old Tyrney Steinhoff does just that as a barrel racer. Tyrney and her horse, Nate Shilabar (or "Hot Shot") have taken the barrel racing world by storm and are quickly climbing their way to the top. With her eye set on winning several national competitions, this humble Oklahoma girl doesn't like to brag. But her story is anything but ordinary. Tyrney was riding horses before she could walk. "My parents say the day I got home from the hospital, I was on horses," Tyrney says. "I rode with Mom or Dad, or they'd pony me on another horse." Tyrney was in her first riding competition before she was 1 year old and, with her family's support, she hasn't stopped since. Barrel racing is a family activity for the Steinhoffs. The family lives and breathes horses and competition. Tyrney's older sister, seventeen-year-old Tanya, rode Hot Shot before Tyrney and is a nationally ranked champion. The youngest in the family, twelve-year-old Taylor, is following in her big sisters' footsteps—or hoofprints. Tyrney points out that in this business, family is the most important asset a girl can have. She loves having her family with her to watch her compete and come along when she travels out of Photo by Kenneth Springer, state. Barrel racing is big table talk around the Steinhoff household, and Fort Worth, Texas while it's fun for Tyrney, she's all business when it's competition time.

ww-w.listenmagazine.org Listen 9 Tyrney belongs to the National Augusta, Georgia; South Carolina; great. When my older sister was rid- Barrel Horse Association (NBHA), a and California." One of her favorite ing him, we collected Breyer horses group that offers state and national things about competing is meeting and played with them. My sister competitions for barrel racers. Barrel people from all over the world. "I've always said it would be so cool if racing is a rodeo-type event in met people from Italy, Canada, she could play with her horse one which riders must cleanly race Mexico, and Panama. It's neat to day. It finally came true, and it's a around three barrels in a cloverleaf meet other competitors I've read great honor." pattern. Riders always enter to the about. Sometimes, they've heard Tyrney's goals for this year are right, circle the barrel, and then race about me and that's amazing. " For sure to bring even more attention to to the barrel directly across from Tyrney, competing isn't only about her star horse. "I want to win NBHA them before heading to the final winning, but she admits she always World, All American, and Team barrel at the top of the triangle. World." Hard work, drive, and The event isn't judged on per- belief in herself give Tyrney the formance, but a rider can't hit confidence to pursue her goals. any barrels and must keep a fast She admits that Hot Shot is get- time. Riders who can handle ting older, but she's not afraid to their horses and compete against start competing on a new horse the clock can do well. It takes a one day. "I'll probably never skilled rider and a willing horse quit." to circle barrels at a dizzying With her goals, list of speed and then gallop over the numerous accomplishments, and fmish line. In the 2007 NBHA pride in her sport, Tyrney always World Championships, Tyrney's stays above negative influences. time was 14.184 seconds, land- "Peer pressure doesn't get to ing her in second place with a me," she says. "Drugs and alco- Texas prize of more than $3,600. hol aren't good for your body, h, This champion rider doesn't t and it's nothing you need to do. Wor t let success go to her head. She r It's never, ever something I'd try. Fo

still has chores—like any normal er, No way." ing teen—and juggles balancing r For teens considering barrel Sp h school, basketball practice, and t racing, Tyrney is quick to riding. "It's hard and easy," encourage. "You might think that Kenne Tyrney says. "I've got my mom,

by barrel racing is really hard, but siblings, and dad. They take care to it's not. Go for it and never give of Hot Shot if I can't, or if I have Pho up. Sure, you might hit a barrel Breyer, the maker of the famed to go to basketball practice. I've model horses . . . created a Breyer and it might come down and skipped riding so I can stay and model horse in his likeness. cost you a championship. We play basketball, because I like it. just keep on going and trying Model of Hot Shot courtesy of Breyer It's my choice and I like both. e for the next year. You've got to And sometimes I miss basketball due rides to win, while loving thank all of those people who to barrel racing." Tyrney's parents the sport at the same time. are there for you and help you. never pressure her to compete, And the love of her life? You've got to have fun." Tyrney something that can be all too com- Her horse. and Hot Shot are moving on mon in many teen sports. Tyrney's family owns Hot Shot, a up, one barrel at a time. Tyrney is able to do what many 21-year-old quarter horse. The buck- Visit the National Barrel Horse teens struggle with—handle school skin gelding is the top-grossing bar- Association at wwwnbha.com and and outside activities, while still rel racer in the last decade, with over check their schedule to see if Tyrney making time with her family and $230,000 earned. and Hot Shot are coming to your friends a priority. She carefully bal- Breyer, the maker of the famed city. ances school and riding, especially model horses, took notice of Hot when she travels out of town. Shot and created a Breyer model "I've gone far from home to bar- horse in his likeness. The model of rel race," Tyrney says. Her barrel rac- Hot Shot leaning in to take a barrel ing competitions take her across the was released in January 2007. "It's country. "Recently, I went to so exciting," Tyrney says. "It's just so

10 Listen vvww.listenmagazine.org Herb or spice? What's the difference, anyway? Herbs come from the leaves of plants. Spices are harvested from the seeds, bark, buds, or fruits of plants. Spices most often come from tropical climates or the Far East.

The search for new herbs and spices has led to some of the world's greatest discoveries, such as Christopher Columbus' discovery of the New World.

Cold and flu season is just over the horizon. Fight back this year by adding some basil, oregano, and rosemary to your diet. Their essential oils help your body fight those nasty bugs.

Rosemary promotes good eye health, reduces your risk of cancer, fights bad breath, and even makes a great hair conditioner.

Sage may help improve your memory. Try a dash a day to keep bad grades Are you tired of away. humdrum lunches? Has Back aching? Joints sore? Research shows an ingredient called curcumin, breakfast become just found in turmeric, can reduce inflammation and joint pain. another meal? Looking to add a little zing to Got a cough? Then it's time for thyme. This spice has been used for years to treat coughs. your life without mess- ing up your health? Oregano is reported to have anti-bacterial and anti-fungal properties. Oregano oil may help eliminate toenail fungus. Then it's time to spice it up! Used in moderation, Cayenne pepper, that hot little spice that adds the "fire" to Mexican food, may help decrease cold symptoms, calm an healthy herbs and upset stomach, and even help prevent ulcers. A pinch of spices can add excite- cayenne in a teaspoon of honey and lemon juice will ment to everyday foods, soothe the sorest throat. while improving your Ginger can help calm an upset stomach. Next time health at the same time. your stomach starts to boil, sip some ginger ale with PhotoDisc the bubbles stirred out. You'll be feeling better in no time. Check out these spicy ideas and delicious Garlic lowers cholesterol and decreases blood pressure. One the world's oldest home remedies, it has been used to fight everything from heart disease to facts: mosquito bites. So, at your next spaghetti dinner don't be afraid to say, "pass the garlic bread, please."

Remember the old saying, "Cinnamon and spice makes everything nice"? Well, it turns out it's true. Cinnamon can help lower cholesterol and blood sugar levels. Sucking on cinnamon sticks can help fight the craving for a cigarette if you're trying to quit smoking.

Spices like cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg, and pepper may help lower blood pressure by bringing heat from your body's core to the skin.

Who says eating has to be boring? Herbs and spices bring out food's natural flavors and have some terrific health benefits of their own. With a little By Richard G. Edison, imagination and a dash of spice, even the simplest food can become a PA-C (Physician Assistant- healthy snack to delight even the dullest palette. So go ahead. Be a little Nationally Certified) daring. Spice it up!

www.listenmagazine.org Listen 1 1 By Mark N. Lardas Texture © PhotoDisc Helmet boxing combines the illusion of safety With a sport designed to create brain damage. elmet (or locker) boxing is skull, smacking the inside of your the latest high school craze. It gloves, hit it just as hard, and your skull. While the six bones that His not an official sport. If coach hand only stings a little. make up your skull are smooth catches you, you're in big trouble. You can deliver a much more outside, they have rough edges But it seems like a great way to show powerful blow when wearing inside. When your brain strikes everyone how much punishment gloves, especially to the head, than them they can bruise the brain, you can take—and dish out. you otherwise would. break blood vessels, and strain The rules are simple. Two guys According to one medical nerve fibers. The result is a concus- put on eight-ounce boxing gloves expert, a professional boxer can land sion. and hockey or lacrosse helmets. Then a punch that is the equivalent of One concussion is bad, but they hit each other on the helmet being hit by a 13 -pound bowling multiple concussions are a lot until one of the two is knocked out ball going 20 miles per hour. That is worse. The first concussion causes or gives up.You also win if you like getting hit by that bowling ball swelling inside your skull. Your knock off the other guy's helmet. dropped from a second-story win- brain has less "rattle space" in That is why it is often called hel- dow. which to absorb the next blow The met boxing. You are only supposed to Maybe you cannot hit that hard. same amount of force causes more hit your opponent's helmet. It is also Maybe the best you can do is an damage than the first blow. That called locker boxing because fights eight-pound bowling ball on some- increases the swelling. The next are often held—secretly—in gymna- one's head, which is like getting hit blow then causes even more dam- sium locker rooms. by that bowling ball after it falls off a age. Brain cells die. You get stupid. It is as basic as it can get.You and tall bookcase. It is still a lot of force. Or die. the other guy (and maybe a circle of You are wearing a helmet, you This is why coach takes you off admiring friends) duking it out until say. That protects you. the field after a bad shot to the someone gives in. No nosey adults Think again. Hockey and lacrosse head, and keeps you off until you around to mess up the fun. helmets are designed to protect you have healed. It is not worth risking You avoid the telltale bruises, split from a small hard object traveling at a another concussion until the first lips, and black eyes you would get in high speed. Hockey pucks and one heals. a bare-knuckle fistfight, because hits lacrosse balls weigh six ounces or less. Helmet boxing almost guaran- land on protective gear. If something A gloved fist weighs much more, and tees concussions. Helmet boxing is does show, you can generally explain makes contact over a much all about head shots. Every lick to it away as the typical teen injury you larger area. the head risks a concussion. get from horsing around. That force does not magically Without adult supervision it is easy There is one problem. It is hard disappear when it reaches the hel- to get multiple concussions from to image a sport better designed to met. helmet boxing, especially if you create brain injury. It would be tough It goes into your skull. Then your fight more than once a week. to come up with a better combina- skull plays tag with your brain.Your Teenaged guys want to test tion of rules to cloak a truly danger- brain is soft tissue that floats in a their toughness and strength. It is a ous activity with the illusion of safety. jellylike fluid. When you get hit on guy thing. It is what we are. That is The danger comes from the pro- the skull, the skull pushes on the why extreme sports and activities tective gear worn and how it is used. fluid. The fluid sloshes back and like locker boxing offer appeal. Boxing gloves protect a boxer's forth, taking your brain with it. Don't be stupid about proving hands. Hit something solid (such as a The fluid acts like a cushion, yourself, though. Join a supervised brick wall or a human skull) with absorbing shock to keep the brain activity at a youth league or at your your bare knuckles, and you might safe. But, a really hard shock has school. Broken bones usually heal. break your hand. Put on boxing more force than can be absorbed. Brain damage is permanent. Your brain rattles around in your

v n lagazin( Listen 13

By Greg Woodburn

This year we're proud to introduce you to a new columnist, Greg Woodburn. Some of n you might remember Greg as the founder of S.O.S., an organization that donates used running shoes to underprivileged youth, which we featured in our Spotlight column. Greg is a senior at Ventura High School in Southern California, where he runs cross-country and track. He also enjoys studio art and playing with his boxer dog, Murray. Send your questions to Greg at [email protected].

Dear In Over My Head, I also remember feeling overwhelmed when I started my junior Dear Greg, year of high school—advanced classes, more homework, not to men- I'm entering the dreaded "junior year" tion extracurricular commitments. But that doesn't mean school should of high school this year, and after the first eclipse your whole life. What really worked for me was getting a calen- couple weeks I already feel overwhelmed, and my preparation for the SATs hasn't dar planner and writing down all my homework assignments and other even started! My classes are very commitments (sports, band, drama). This allowed me to efficiently demanding, and I'm so busy with home- block out my time. Sometimes it feels like there aren't enough hours in work and projects that I don't have time to the day, but taking a few minutes to set up a game plan for the day or play guitar or hang out with friends. the week will give you a strategy to tackle your homework. Then, you Not only that, but I feel like I put in tons can also set aside some free time to play guitar or relax. Schoolwork of study time and still don't really understand concepts in my math class. might have to take priority during the week, but the weekends can be I know school is important, but good for catching up with friends. shouldn't I have a life, too? As for your math class, I would suggest finding a tutor to help you —In Over My Head stay on top of the material. Especially with subjects like math, in which concepts build on each other, it is crucial to get help before you fall behind and feel even more overwhelmed. High school can feel crazy at times, but believe me—it also goes by fast, so it's important to enjoy it, too! Dear Listening But Not Heard, This does sound like a frustrating situation, but maybe your friend doesn't realize that she is acting this way. I think you should Dear Greg, let her know how you feel. If she's a true friend, she'll put in the I have this friend who has become a real downer. Every time I see her she has extra effort to help you with your problems too. Also, while it is something new to complain about. She says it's important to have friends like you who are great listeners, problems because she feels like she can really talk to me, can't always be talked away. Maybe you can try to help your friend but then if I have a problem I want to talk about, see the positives in her life, rather than focusing on just the she's never there to listen to me. I'm really frus- negative aspects. All good relationships are two-way streets, and trated and it's gotten to the point that I dread hopefully with some communication your one-way friendship will hanging out with her. Any advice? take a U-turn and become a more healthy balance of talking and —Listening But Not Heard listening for the both of you.

Dear Gregster, At the end of last school year, I promised to share a locker this year with It's my best friend, Rosie. But over the summer I started dating this amazing guy Brian, and he asked me if I wanted to share a locker with him. I feel torn and your turn to conflicted. I really like Brian, but I already promised Rosie. Then again, that was a long time ago; will Rosie even remember? What should I do? give advice. —Locker Triangle Should Locker Triangle: Make your opinion heard a. Talk to Rosie about the situation and ask if she could share with at www.listenmagazine.org/imlistening. Brian instead? Then check back next month when b. Share with Brian—Rosie can find a new locker buddy? the results are posted! c. Tell Brian she already promised to share a locker with Rosie?

14 Listen Ap agam Are You or Being a good friend can sometimes leave us conflicted. How much do we say? How much do we try to help? Is it our place to step in when we think something wrong is happening? Take this quiz to find out if you're being helpful or hurtful:

Your friend tells you, in general conversation, that her boyfriend got a D on his latest math test. What do you say? a) "That's too bad; hopefully he'll do better next time." b) "If he had studied instead of hanging out all weekend, he would probably have done better."

9 Your friend is venting to you about how everything in his life seems to be going wrong lately. What do you do? a) I listen to him vent; we all need to let things out sometimes. b) I tell him that if he's not happy, he should make changes instead of complaining.

Your BFF asks you what you think of her decision to put off college for a year of trav- elling. You think it's a bad choice, but what do you say? a) I tell her I wish she would finish college first, but I support her decision. b) I tell her I think she's making a mistake that she's If you answered mostly A's, going to regret, so she should think long and hard you are a helpful friend. You are about it. understanding, compassionate, and nonjudgmental. Saying all that, if you Your brother confides in you about a mistake realize there is potential danger, you are he made. While he's telling his story what not afraid to tell your friend in order to comments are you most likely to make? keep them safe. And since you're such a) "We all make mistakes, at least you can use this as a good friend, your friends will proba- a learning experience." bly pay attention when you're worried b) "Why would you do something like that without about something. thinking first?"

If you answered mostly B's, Your newest pal has met someone on the you're a hurtful friend and your friends Internet who claims she is in love with him. probably won't put up with it for much They're planning to meet in person next longer. No one likes a know-it-all. You week. What do you do? have a bad habit of expressing your a) Tell him that meeting people off the Net is danger- every opinion, even when it's not asked ous and I won't stand back and let him walk into for. You're positive that your way is the this danger without letting his parents know. I care right way. If you want to keep your for him way too much friends, you'll have to learn to be more b) He's always making bad choices; I'll let him learn understanding. the hard way for once! www.listenmagazine.org Listen 15 "This week, it is Anthony's turn to write on our class blog. As you know, the assignment is to blog about a personal experience in the past Written by Dallas Woodburn year that has affected you. Illustration by Jeremy Shires I want everyone to read and then comment on his blog by Monday."

Anthony

I was walking home from school and I saw a couple of guys I know standing around Sean.

16 Listen www.listenmagazine.org Anthony

Mark: et outta the way, Anthony. This is between us and this stupid squirt, Sean."

Anthon "No, I won't get out of the way. em you have with Sean is a problem you have with me, too."

Anthony: o, I want t at yo asketball court. C'mon, let's set this with a game of hoops, whaddaya say? -

"Okay, I guess we could use some practice before the game on Saturday."

"Sean, will ya be on my team? I've seen your killer jumpshot."

Phoebe: Wow, Anthony, that was so brave of you! Sam: Sometimes it just takes one person to stanc up to a bully to make them stop. Sean: I can't thank you enough, Anthony. True or False: The first time

me By James Bryant

18 Listen ‘s•ww.listenmagaz you sniff something could be your last.

The answer is True.

Dr. H. Westley Clark, director of the or delusions, and they act much like Center for Substance Abuse they are intoxicated from drinking Treatment. "Our data also indicates alcohol. Considered "gateway drugs" that there are almost 600,000 because they are often the first prod- teenagers [who] start using inhalants ucts kids use to experiment with get- annually. However, inhalants can ting high, inhalants can be very cause neurological damage," along addictive. Teens who use them can with sudden death from cardiac become psychologically (mentally) ean* was a member of his reactions or lack of oxygen," Clark dependent upon them to feel good, school's UNITE program, said. Although many adolescents die deal with life, or handle stress. It's which was organized to from using inhalants each year, an not uncommon for teens who sur- teach kids about the dangers exact number isn't known." vive inhalant abuse to go on to abus- Sof illegal drug use and discourage So why would anyone play ing illegal drugs or alcohol. them from using. Maybe Sean felt games with something that can kill "Once kids start using inhalants, safe because he was inhaling a you outright? Some may want to be they are more susceptible to using "legal" product, something his par- popular or to fit in with their other drugs such as marijuana, ents probably bought at a drugstore friends. Others want attention from methamphetamines, and cocaine as to clear up athlete's foot. When his their girlfriend or boyfriend, while they age," Clark said. "Inhalants can father walked into the bathroom, he others want to escape reality or elim- produce psychological effects, but found Sean inhaling from the spray inate problems. But inhalants don't because they're readily accessible, can. From there he went directly to eliminate problems; sniffing only they are substitutes for other drugs." his bedroom, lay down on the bed, makes them worse. Inhalants can and started vomiting. His family take over a user's life to the extent Think Before You Sniff rushed him to the hospital, but that nothing else matters, whether it Before you let anyone talk you when he arrived he had no pulse. is food, friends, family, or health. into sniffing anything, think about it. Sean was dead. Some users go to great lengths to get What if you damage something— He was only 11. inhalants, using whatever means nec- your brain for instance—and have to There are more than 1,400 essary. live like that for the rest of your life? household products available in one Long time inhalant users get Is it worth the risk? What if you die? form or another that can be used to headaches and nosebleeds, and may How will all the people you leave get high either by breathing in suffer the loss of hearing and sense behind feel? The police who investi- directly from the original container of smell. Inhalants are the most likely gated Sean's death don't think he was (sniffing or snorting), from a paper of abused substances to cause severe trying to kill himself. He just sniffed or plastic bag (bagging), or by hold- toxic reaction and death. Using something for the fun of it. Appar- ing an inhalant-soaked rag in the inhalants—even one time—can kill ently he didn't know any better. But mouth, (huffing). The chemicals in you. This is called Sudden Sniffing you do. And you're too smart to get inhalants that provide the high aren't Death Syndrome. Those who escape caught in the trap of inhalant abuse. actually drugs, so technically they death may instead suffer brain dam- If you're being pressured to try can't be abused. They're actually age or kidney failure. sniffing, or you're curious because worse. They're poisons. They might friends are doing it, talk to an adult make you giddy, but they can also Warning: in your life and remember three little kill you. Drug Abuse Comes Next words that may save your life: don't Teens high on household aerosol do it. Don't Be Just Another products experience symptoms of One in 1.1 Million lightheadedness, dizziness, loss of *Not his real name. "Our data shows that 1.1 mil- inhibitions, a feeling of excitement lion 12- to 17-year-olds acknowl- followed by drowsiness, slurred edge using inhalants last year," said speech, euphoria, and hallucinations

www.listenmagazine.org Listen 19 Coming together is a beginning, staying together is progress, and working together is success. — Henry Ford ONE FOR ALL The eighth grader finished the How to be a team player race a disappointing tenth. When her mother asked why she hadn't in the classroom and in the game. passed her opponent, Paige replied, "This girl was sobbing and saying she couldn't do it . . . it was too hot. By Amy Hammond Hagberg So I said to her, 'If you weren't good enough to finish this race, you Fourteen-year-old Paige Boyum wouldn't be here. You can do it!"' was thrilled to represent Because of Paige Boyum, the other International Falls High School at athlete was able to finish the race. the 2007 Minnesota State section How's that for teamwork? finals. Importance of the Team At 84 degrees, it was unseason- Teams are all around us: at ably warm. Officials were worried work, in the classroom, and in the about heatstroke. athletic arena. Leaders understand Despite the heat, Paige quickly that increased productivity happens found her running "groove." After when people work together. six laps around the track, she readied Teams allow for multiple per- herself to pass another runner, but spectives which can be helpful in for nearly 300 meters, Paige kept problem solving. Teams minimize pace with the other girl as her coach the weaknesses of individuals, while yelled, "C'mon Paige .. . pass her!" maximizing strengths. Teams take

20 Listen www.listenmagazine.org collective credit for a job well done, Kashia Grosser says this, "I think but always strive for excellence no but they also share the blame for communication makes or breaks a matter what your position. losses. group. Nonverbal communication is Play Nice With Others Here's how to be a great team also really important—an example If you want your team to be player: on an athletics team would be successful, check your attitude at It's Not About You rolling your eyes when your team the door. Talent isn't enough; you I recently attended a high school member misses a shot." need to be able to get along with choir concert. It takes real teamwork Praising others when they do a your teammates. to blend so many voices into one good job, admitting your mistakes, Jackie Wylie, a freshman at St. beautiful piece of vocal harmony. and saying "please" and "thank Thomas University, believes a key There was one tenor, however, who you" rather than barking out orders component of being a team player thought so highly of himself that he will go a long way toward getting is showing compassion. "I know if I found it necessary to sing louder along. had a bad day at speech last year, than everybody else. He stuck out Play Your Role just hearing my teammates remind like a sore thumb. Teamwork isn't about being the me of all the times I did well before In order to be a team player you best player on the team, it's about that, or having them reassure me first need to put the team ahead of doing your best in your position. your own personal agenda or Can you imagine nine girls trying accomplishments. You may be the to be pitchers on the softball team, top scorer or ranked at the top of with no one to catch the ball? your class, but when it comes to a How about everybody playing the team, you are just one piece of the same instrument in the band? puzzle. As NBA legend Kareem Actors are the most visible part of Abdul-Jabbar put it, "One man can a theatrical production, but there be a crucial ingredient on a team, are plenty of people behind the but one man cannot make a team." scenes making them look good. Talk About It Do you like to be in charge or The most vital trait of a solid are you more of a behind-the- team is good two-way communica- scenes-type person? Not every- tion. Recent high school graduate body can be in the starting lineup,

that I would 'get 'em' next time, always helped a lot." Do your Part Nobody likes a slacker, so be organized, prepared, and ready-to- go for whatever your team is doing. If you are doing a group project, have your part of the assignment done on time, and done well. If you play a sport, be suited up and ready to play before the whistle blows. "Being a team player means picking up your own slack and con- joining other people's ideas to try and work together to figure out a solution to a problem. If there is a group assignment, I don't want anyone to be a 'social loafer' and not do any of the work!" says Rachel Richard, Buffalo High School '07.

www.listenmagazine.org Listen 21 By Jessica Burkhart TR Cllt Photos provided by Bill Wade ST IEET SU VW IL Now, companies are taking more aggressive approaches to keeping young people safe on the road with programs that teach driving tips for real-life situations. One of these programs is Tire Rack Street Survival. In April 2002 the BMW Car Club of America Foundation launched an innovative driving program for teens. The program's premise is "safe driving is learned by doing." The school takes one day to complete and costs $60. Licensed drivers between the ages of 16 and 21 are allowed to enroll and no, you don't have to own a BMW to participate. National Program Manager Bill Wade says, "We are in our fifth year of the program, and in 54 schools we'll run 1,350 students through our one-day program." During a Tire Rack course, teens learn a full range of driving meth- driving, operating a vehicle under ods. "Our school gives teens oppor- o you know the number the influence, and running off the tunities to learn about vehicle one cause of death for road. Passengers also contribute to dynamics, the physics of oversteer teens in the United States? teen deaths, as 59 percent of teen and understeer, threshold braking Drugs? Alcohol? Suicide? passenger deaths happen when and the contact patch of the tire and If you said any of those, your guess another teen is behind the wheel. how to manage that," says Wade. would be wrong. According to the These staggering numbers are caus- "Teens learn about eliminating the National Highway Traffic Safety ing many lawmakers and concerned blind spots on their cars. They also Administration, driving is the lead- parents to look for more ways to learn how to sit in the seat properly ing cause of death for teens ages 16 keep teens safe on the roads. with the correct distances away from to 20. Allstate reports that from 1994 As grim as those numbers sound, the pedals and the steering wheel. to 2003, 57,142 teens were killed on there are options to reducing driving Why you use both hands and where the road. So, what can you do to deaths. In addition to avoiding drugs to put them is also important." avoid becoming another number? and alcohol, one possibility is taking Reid, 17, took the Tire Rack Read on. a driver's education course. Teen Street Survival course last fall. "I took Allstate's Web site lists several driving programs are no longer just the course because I thought it contributing factors to teen driving a couple of hours of watching would improve my driving skill and deaths, including speeding, erratic graphic movies about car crashes. overall safety in my Volvo." Reid says

22 Listen www.listerunagazine.org the course wasn't only educational, but also fun. "Tire Rack Street Survival got me to push my car to the fullest—something you can't do on the actual road. You feel a lot more confident after the day is done." Since completing the course, Reid hasn't had a single accident. Reid's dean driving record helps lower insurance costs, and many get it back. This is all done in the cars insurance com- they drive every day." panies recog- In 2006, 34 schools had a Tire nize Tire Rack Rack Street Survival course. The com- Street Survival pany has since expanded to over 50 and offer an schools in numerous states. To see if insurance dis- Tire Rack is coming to your area, the count to drivers who have par- school's Web site has a complete cal- endar of events, and the option to ticipated. request the school to come to your town. The Web site has pages for both teens and parents, along with that teens learn why several testimonials from teens who a car reacts the way have completed the course. Wade's it does. "Teens are final words of advice—"Buckle up, given opportunities slow down, put the phone away, and in which they lose pay attention. This is not a rehearsal." control of their car For more information on Tire in a very safe envi- Rack Street Survival, visit ronment. They are www.streetsurvival.org.To learn the able to repeat it sev- facts about teen driving, visit the eral times so that National Highway Traffic Safety they know what it Administration at feels like right www.nhtsa.dot.gov. before they lose control, and how to

Wade sees a definite need for programs such as Tire Rack Street Survival. "With many states eliminating the funds that pay for driver's education in high schools, most teens are underprepared to handle emergency situations caused by speeding, not paying attention, or bad road conditions," says Wade. "A lot of times, teens have to make a choice on what to do if their car starts to go out of control. If they have never experienced that before, they don't know what to do. If a teen chooses incorrectly, he or she might not get another chance." Wade adds

www.listenmagazine.org Listen 23

TNIOR

Heads Up, Hands On,

By Susan Bush Photos provided by Mike Barnett

he expectations are high, and the exerted effort must be 100 percent, but for hundreds of irAmerican youth, junior firefighting is worth every potentially life-changing moment. "We have responsibili- thing I've done for my community. ties, and I like that people depend on us to As juniors, we can provide a lot of fulfill our responsibilities," said Zack help to the senior firefighters." Rinaldi, a 14-year-old Bennington Village Junior firefighters assist adult Volunteer Fire Department junior firefighter. counterparts during specific emer- "I'm a third-generation firefighter. I joined gencies, such as active structure fires. juniors when I figured out that my heart "The duties are anything but snooz- was really into firefighting. Some of my ers," Zack said. friends kind of thought the whole thing Bennington Village junior fire- was a joke, but then one day there was a fire fighter training includes hands-on across the road from where I live. It was my fire scene support. That means wear- friend's house and then it wasn't a joke any ing heavy protective clothing known more. Firefighting is the most meaningful nout gear and working quickly Listen vvww.listenmagazineA Lip as a team to organize a firefighter functional units. The duo must work Zack said the BVFD junior pro- staging arena. Establishing an arena quickly and confidently. Firefighters gram's academic requirements are means pulling necessary tools from must not enter burning buildings enforced— he must maintain a min- fire trucks and quickly arranging the without a full air supply anchored imum C-average in each academic equipment for firefighters to grab at correctly and securely to their backs. class for continued participation. A a moment's notice. "An ability to "You can surprise yourself by strict substance-free policy, and a move swiftly and follow rapid-fire what you learn and how much good conduct code that prohibits criminal verbal commands from senior offi- you do," Sabrina said. "And one behaviors are vital. "All senses must cers is essential," Zack emphasized. thing I really like is that being a girl be at peak levels when lives are at "When we set up a staging, we save and a junior proves that firefighting stake," he noted. TIN • and in Action time for the senior firefighters," he said. "Every second saved has value during a fire." Sabrina Packard, 15, and Kylie Dumas, 14, belong to a Pownal Valley Volunteer Fire Department junior contin- gent. Trained to handle the portable air packs that allow firefighters to rush into Zack's burning buildings, battle peers agreed. flames, and conduct search "I like efforts while navigating doing this a rolling coils of thick, acrid lot," said BVFD smoke, the young women junior Austin may assist firefighters with Hollister, 15. donning the equipment. "There is a Sabrina and Kylie may be need for this, called upon to pull emptied so it's easy for tanks from firefighter packs me to hold up and replace them with full, the expectations. It's worth it." "It's not that hard to earn C's," said isn't just for the guys." Cody Bowen, 14, a Shaftsbury, "I started learning valuable Vermont junior firefighter. "The lessons right away," said Kylie. community service we do and the "The first time I ever came to solid camaraderie makes it worth a juniors meeting we had a it." water drill focused on hoses A call to develop additional jun- and the right connections." i programs was publicized last year when the Greenbelt, Maryland- Bringing teen-aged youth program. The funds target outreach based National Volunteer Fire together with adults efforts, and revenue distribution Council (NVFC) initiated a National includes some scholarship awards, Junior Firefighter program. Bringing serving as volunteer according to Shafer. teen-aged youth together with firefighters or other A strong desire to serve the com- adults serving as volunteer firefight- emergency responders munity is important for successful ers or other emergency responders junior firefighters. In addition to has two primary goals: promoting has two primary goals: strict behavior and academic regula- strong youth leadership, while at the promoting strong youth tions, juniors are often required to same time preparing young people leadership, while at the attend working drills that test and to provide vital community volun- improve existing physical abilities, as teer services. NVFC Executive same time preparing well as challenge mental acuity. Director Heather Schafer noted that young people to provide Certain states permit juniors to earn there are approximately 19,000 vol- vital community volunteer specific firefighting credentials that unteer fire departments nationwide. may be recognized when a junior is "Junior firefighter programs are services. old enough to become a senior fire- recruitment tools for fighter. the future," she said. All existing vol- During the 2007 unteer fire depart- Pownal Valley ment junior fire- Volunteer Fire fighter programs Department officer established strict elections, 18-year- regulations that old senior firefighter prohibit any junior Jeffrey Miller was from entering a voted a fire company burning structure. lieutenant. At that Most junior pro- moment Miller grams elect officers became among the and are guided by youngest volunteers an adult advisor. All ever elected as an require signed officer of that parental or department. guardian consent "It felt good forms. Fire depart- knowing the fire- ments may have fighters were behind varying rules, but me," Miller said dur- usually juniors ing a December interview "I credit must be 14 to 17 years old. Some most of that to the two years I spent departments allow younger mem- as a junior firefighter." bers under certain circumstances. The Shaftsbury junior program Shaftsbury junior Christopher A detailed seven-step guide to began in 1975, according to a pro- Loomis. "I've learned about ropes forming junior firefighter groups is gram history. Since then, three jun- and tying knots, and I've learned available at a www.nvfc.org Web site ior firefighter alums have been about the tools used to fight brush (To link directly to the information, elected as a fire department chief. fires. I think of being a junior fire- go to: http://nvfc.org/index. Two Shaftsbury junior firefighters fighter as preparation for becoming php?id=1028) . pursued additional firefighter educa- a full-fledged senior firefighter later tion and found employment as paid on." municipal firefighters. The NVFC junior initiative has "I've learned about most of the captured corporate support. During tools and about extrication equip- mid-2007 the corporation that owns ment [tools such as the "Jaws of Dunkin' Donuts, Dunkin' Brands, Life," used mostly during vehicle announced a $389,000 crash rescues] ," said 14-year-old contribution to the NVFC junior

listenmagazi I sometimes like to smell nail polish remover and Krazy Glue because I like the feeling, but I've heard it can screw up my brain—is it true? IIP P4,* — Janelle, age 13 Sniffing or "huffing" these products can be incredibly dangerous to your brain, Janelle. Almost 20 percent of all eighth graders have huffed things like correction fluid, spray paint, Almost 20 percent of all aerosol hair spray, and deodorant to get high. eighth graders There are two serious dangers. First, if you have huffed. huff repeatedly over several hours, you are otk at high risk of "sudden sniffing death," a sit- tee uation in which your heart races and doesn't beat regularly, which leads to heart failure. In addition, most inhalants are very toxic, causing permanent damage to your brain's WITH nerve fibers, as well as causing liver, lung, heart, and kidney damage. Huffing is even more dangerous than cigarettes, marijuana, or alcohol, so take care of your brain and stop immediately.

I have lots of friends who use marijuana and don't seem to get into trouble. Is pot really that big of a deal? —Jay, age 16 There are definitely a lot of teens who use marijuana, Jay—about 27 percent of tenth graders and 34 percent of twelfth graders have used marijuana in the last year. While it's not as dangerous as, say, heroin, it's far from safe. For example, although a person can't overdose on weed, they can certainly become addicted and, if they use it regularly, can start having the same heart and lung problems as cigarette smokers. But probably the biggest reasons for avoiding marijuana are the problems that often go along with its regular use, such as hanging out with friends who get into trouble, not graduating from high school, having unsafe sex with multiple partners, and having problems with alcohol and cigarettes. I know that drinking alcohol can really mess you up, so I don't do it, but my best friend sometimes likes to party. I'd never let her drive if she was drunk, but is it safe to ride with her if she's only had a couple of drinks? —Emma, age 17 Unfortunately, Emma, each year about 20 percent of all 16- to 20- year-olds say they drive a vehicle while under the influence of either alcohol or drugs, often with devastating results. Almost 500,000 teens get injured, and 6,000 are killed every year. That's an average of one Rachel Bishop teen death every hour of every weekend of the year. Although most Curt VanderWaal drivers think they are safe after just a few drinks, a recent study using a driving simulator shows otherwise. After only one drink, drivers were slightly impaired, but actually drove a little slower because they were aware that the alcohol might be affecting them. But after the second drink, they drove faster, left their driving lanes more often, and were involved in more simulated crashes. So, even if she's only had one drink, take your friend's keys and do the driving yourself.

/ ou shouldn't hang around with Christine anymore," Linda said, peering at me shrewdly, green eyes serious under her long eyelashes. "If you do, no one will talk 4(.1/ j to you anymore." Puzzled, I stared at Linda, wondering why she was concerned with whom I hung around with. I didn't have a lot of close friends in high What I didn't realize school, and Christine was someone I had known since first grade. Why should I stop hanging around with her? "Give her the heave-ho and you can ride to school with us," coaxed Linda, feeding me a nibble of what I way that attitude delefmim had been praying to have happen for months. She tossed her shiny hair and examined her manicured fingernails while I stood there, weighing my options and feeling ill popularity. at ease. "We're all going out on Friday night—you can come with us! But not if you stick with Christine," she added. As a teenager I was self-conscious, shy, and slightly overweight—the proverbial wallflower. I was the one who was never asked to dance at school dances . . . the one who could not converse intelligently with a boy if her life depended on it . . . the one who believed with all her heart that being part of the "cool" crowd was the ultimate success. It wasn't that I was unattractive; it was

28 Listen wwwlistenmagazine.org just that my self-esteem was lower than low, and it showed. Those awkward teenage years were enough of a struggle without having to come to terms with changing hormones, volatile emotions, and the opposite sex. Most of my friends were like me: quiet, studious, and . . . wallflowers. We outsiders stuck together. How I envied the confident, pretty girls with their entourage of friends. With their perky personalities and trendy wardrobes, no wonder they never lacked for male company. They bummed cigarettes from each other, smoking, gossiping, and vying to be the center of attention while shivering outside on the coldest of days. In hindsight this crowd was not exactly a positive influence on impressionable teenagers. I had never even been on a date or to a real party—so I naturally felt I was missing out by being the underdog. Wallowing in self-pity made my life miserable. What I didn't realize was that attitude determines popularity. The boys who had cars were highly coveted as friends. One of those boys took to driving around my neighborhood in the mornings before school. He offered rides to the popular girls, but I was never included. I wondered if these boys would still be as popular if they didn't have cars. Christine, Linda, and I were normal 15-year-olds, who used to walk to school together. Linda was outgoing and attractive and, much to our envy, the elite group recruited her, and our trio became a duo. This new status went to her head, and she recklessly renounced her old friends, attaching herself to the new ones. After all, she was part of the "in" crowd now, and couldn't be both- ered with us anymore. And now, here was Miss Popularity herself, ostracizing me for being Christine's friend. Linda had been getting rides to school for several weeks with one particular boy, and I often saw them with other cool kids, seemingly having a good time. My dream was on the verge of happening, but only if I abandoned Christine. In an odd way it was flattering to be so close to what I wanted, but was it worth losing a friendship over, not to mention my self- respect? Could I be part of a clique that revered such shal- lowness? Not under those conditions, whispered my heart. We had been studying Shakespeare's "Hamlet" in English class, and there was a line I liked. "This above all: to thine own self be true." But it was the second part of the verse that really spoke to my heart. 110 "And it must follow, as the night the day, thou can not then be false to any 6J71111. own Hlf man." Or woman, I thought. It became clear to me that the very thing I yearned for was not what I wanted at all. Shame engulfed me when I realized how close I had come to he Crue. selling my soul in exchange for a ticket to popularity. That was a price I did not want to pay. In the end I marched to the beat of my own drummer, its cadence defining a leader instead of a follower. Changing my attitude was a sweet victory indeed, for the truth not only set me free, it allowed me to follow my heart, and yes, be true to myself. True friendship has no labels or restrictions. Knowing yourself means defining who you are, not letting someone else define you. If we cannot be true to ourselves first, how can we be true to others?

Nyww.listenmagazine.org Listen 29 Listen: You are a true inspiration help that I hope I can bring interna- with your indomitable strength tional awareness of the need for and spirit. What lessons have you marrow donors. I wrote a children's learned through your experiences? book called "Where's Your Hair?" because of the way I was treated PAT: Before I got sick, I think I was when I was bald (some kids stared a bit selfish and thought of only and laughed at me). I hope to teach myself and what I wanted too young kids that being bald or having a disability is just what makes each By Mary Rahn much. I have learned that I can— of us different and special. I hope to Photos provided by the author and need to—help others. I am very lucky and I have a responsibility to fmd a publisher to publish my book. I also hope to have a TV show one INTERVIEW WITH help those who are not. I also learned that one person CAN make a day about people who are changing difference. the world. Pat Pedraja Listen: Tell us a bit about Driving Listen: Do you have any advice for for Donors. How did your nation- other young people reaching for wide tour go? their dreams—especially for those PAT: It was really hard work but a who want to get involved in bet- lot of fun, too. We got to meet tering the world? amazing people around the country PAT: Don't let anyone tell you that and hear their stories. Some of them you can't do something. Just follow were really sad about people they your dreams by taking them one loved who had died when they step at a time. Everyone has the couldn't find a donor, but some power to make a difference, just were people who were still alive never give up and always believe. I because a donor helped them! hope I can show everyone that you are never too young to change the Listen: What is your favorite part world! about volunteering to help others? PAT: I feel good knowing that I have Listen: What can we do to help? helped someone and made a differ- PAT: Encourage your parents and at. Pedraja, a 12-year-old from ence. Maybe without me and my older friends to join the marrow Palm Harbor, Florida, was efforts that person wouldn't have registry. You can also help us fund- pdiagnosed with leukemia (can- another chance. Sometimes young raise by getting in touch with us to cer of the blood or bone marrow) in people don't get involved enough hold a fund-raiser where you live. March 2006. Two days after his diag- because we think the problems don't Or you can go to vv-vvw.marrow.org nosis, Pat said to his mom, "I'm affect us, or we can't do anything to find a donor center near you that glad that I got leukemia, because about them. I want everyone to will help you hold a marrow donor this is going to teach me a lesson, know that I never thought this could drive for people ages 18 to 60 to and it is going to change my life for happen to me either, but it could sign up in your community. the better." He now believes that his happen to anyone. We need to lesson is to help others, like he does appreciate the life we have because it through his organization "Driving can change so quickly. Make every for Donors." After hearing about the day count and if you can accomplish critical shortage of minority donors even one small thing to help, you on the National Marrow Donor have made a difference. Program (NMDP) Registry, Pat and his family embarked on a 30-city Listen: What are your goals and U.S. tour to spread awareness about dreams for the future? the critical need for bone marrow PAT: I need to start trying to raise donors. He has already signed up money for this year's drive, which I over 6,500 donors to the registry hope to make an international drive. and found a matching donor to help We receive so many e-mails from save someone's life! people around the world who need

30 Listen www.listenmagazine.org It's All About Others here are a lot of theories If you're thinking, "Well, that the person was my neighbor Co about how to make a good what's in it for me?" then you and he knew the egg came flying T impression and keep it. might want to consider what Zig from my house. Even though I However, from all the research Ziglar, one of the most successful didn't throw it, I feel embarrassed. ca we've done, we can summarize the sales trainers in the world, discov- What should I do? fail-proof formula in four words: ered. He said: it's all about others. This is possibly K&K: The worst thing you can a) do is nothing. Talk to your neigh- z the most valuable concept of all. "The key to getting what you Q. Unless you want to be a hermit and want in life is to help enough bor and explain the situation. live in the woods entirely by your- people get what they want." Easier said than done, but the self, it's worthwhile to learn how rewards will be there. People have to create great friendships and last- It is amazing what happens more respect for those who do cD ing relationships. when you focus your energy and what's right instead of doing what's We love a quote from J.R. attention on others. You feel better easy. Then we recommend you have ca Parrish. He said, "The way to make about yourself, you build self- a talk with your friends about the CU a good first impression is to show confidence, and you create friend- way you feel in regard to their other people that you are impressed ships that last a lifetime. Sounds behavior. If they don't respect your with them:' Bull's-eye! When you pretty good to us! Here's the bot- feelings, then they aren't the right focus your positive energy toward tom line: people to be hanging out with. others (rather than on you, you, you), you'll find things start going When you make other people your way. feel appreciated, they will appreci- Check us out If you were meeting someone ate you. online at: for the first time, wouldn't you get a good impression of them if they Q&A: MAKE A LASTING If you have any gave you the best seat, asked for your (GOOD) IMPRESSION questions about this opinion, let you borrow a pen, or month's topic, contact Hunter, 14: even complimented you? Of course The other day I was us at: KentandKyle@ you would. Focus on others and let hanging out with my friends at my coolstuffmedia.com them go first. Shine the spotlight on house and one of them thought it them and let them know that they would be funny to throw an egg at are important to y ou. a person walking by. It turned out

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