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Ursinus College Grizzly Newspaper Newspapers

12-5-1995

The Grizzly, December 5, 1995

Marc Ellman Ursinus College

Mark Leiser Ursinus College

Beatrice May Ursinus College

Kim Ryan Ursinus College

Colin Tucker Ursinus College

See next page for additional authors

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Recommended Citation Ellman, Marc; Leiser, Mark; May, Beatrice; Ryan, Kim; Tucker, Colin; McMahon, Anne-Marie; Rakes, Jared; Price, Andrew; Forbes, Melissa; Schofer, Joel; Weingroff, Charlie; and Dawley, Robert, "The Grizzly, December 5, 1995" (1995). Ursinus College Grizzly Newspaper. 371. https://digitalcommons.ursinus.edu/grizzlynews/371

This Book is brought to you for free and open access by the Newspapers at Digital Commons @ Ursinus College. It has been accepted for inclusion in Ursinus College Grizzly Newspaper by an authorized administrator of Digital Commons @ Ursinus College. For more information, please contact [email protected]. Authors Marc Ellman, Mark Leiser, Beatrice May, Kim Ryan, Colin Tucker, Anne-Marie McMahon, Jared Rakes, Andrew Price, Melissa Forbes, Joel Schofer, Charlie Weingroff, and Robert Dawley

This book is available at Digital Commons @ Ursinus College: https://digitalcommons.ursinus.edu/grizzlynews/371 Exams- When the foolish ask questions that the wise cannot answer. Th~ Grizzly - Oscar Wilde

Volume XVIII Number XI Ursinus College December 5, 1995

Concerns About Commencement Bohanak Injured

into Helfferich Hall. the change of date in the ceremony in Accident II1II "2 nn, 'X )lX With the idea of an outdoor cer- to Saturday, May 18. trance to the church as it sped r Co-Editor in Chief ~ emony agreed upon, members of The shifting ofcommencement to through the lot, striking several the planning committee began look­ early Saturday morning led to the ~5§mti'h§~Co-Editor in Chief people in the process. After the recent controversy over ing into a time for commencement. question of when to hold baccalau­ One ofthose people was Bohanak, the change in date ofthe commence­ Because of spring weather trends, reate. As of now, the baccalaureate Stacey Bohanak, secretary in the who wound up being pinned under­ mentceremony for the Class of 1996, and the likelihood of afternoon service is scheduled for the evening communication arts department and neath the vehicle. Bohanak was representatives of the administra­ showers on warm days, the com- of Friday, May 17. Strassburger, the anthropology and sociology flown to the Hospital of the Univer­ tion and student government met however, is quick to point out that, department, sustained serious inju­ sity of Pennsylvania in Philadel­ with concerned members of the "The time of baccalaureate is not yet ries after an accident in a church phia for treatment of head, chest graduating class. set in stone." parking lot on Sunday, November and leg injuries. Approximately 25 members ofthe Students at the meeting expressed 26. According to Sally Widman, Di­ senior class attended the meeting, their displeasure over baccalaureate According to police, Dorothy rector of College Communications, held on Tuesday, November 28, in and commencement being held on DeCreny, 73, of Perkiomenville, Bohanak is still in the Intensive Pfltaler Auditorium. The goal ofthe two separate days, possibly result­ backed out of a parking space at the Care Unit at University Hospital. meeting was to give the commence­ ing in inconveniences for travel plans Lower Providence Presbyterian As of December 3, Bohanak was in ment planning committee (which for family members. "We looked at Church when she backed into an­ critical but stable condition. consists of President John the big picture," said Strassburger, other vehicle. Police and witnesses Three children were also hurt in Strassburger, Dean Annette Lucas, "and saw that baccalaureate atten­ say DeCreny either blacked-out or the accident. Erin Lobb, 15, and her Dean Debbie Nolan, all senior class dance has decreased dramatically in panicked after the initial accident, sisters Katie, 13, and Stacey, 10, officers, and other interested mem­ the past. Part of our idea was that and accelerated forward into a crowd were treated and released for minor bers of the senior class) a chance to mittee decided a mid-morning cer­ shifting it to the night before would of people. injuries. The three girls are the explain their rationale behind chang­ emony would be best. actually increase parent participa­ The Rev. Robert Schmidt, church children of JeffLobb, Ursinus class ing the schedule ofgraduation week­ Next a decision had to be made in tion," he said. pastor, said, "When she blacked out, of 1977, and the grandchildren of end. It was also a forum for seniors terms of where exactly the cer­ A suggestion was posed to sched­ her leg was locked on the accelera­ Fred Lobb, Ursinus class of 1960. to voice their concerns and ask ques­ emony would take place. While ule baccalaureate at 9:00 a.m. on tor and she took off." Police re­ tions. nothing is defrnite, the popular con­ Saturday, and hold commencement ported that DeCreny's Oldsmobile Portions of this article were com­ President Strassburger began the sensus seems to be the area in the at 10:30 or 11 :00 a.m. Strassburger Cutlass knocked off two wooden piled from The Mercury and The meeting by elaborating on the memo front of the campus between the was quick to point out, however, supports to a roof on the side en- Times Herald he sent to members of the College Berman Museum and Main Street. that "holding baccalaureate at 9:00 community, explaining that, since Because of noise considerations a.m. on the day of commencement many members of the graduating during the ceremony, Main Street would still require many parents to Cards and notes for Stacey Bohanak class expressed a great desire to would have to be closed. "We come the night before." are more than welcome. You may send hold the ceremony outdoors, a wouldn't want to have trucks whiz­ "Most people appreciate the rea­ them to the family's home at: change in plans was inevitable. zing by in the middle ofcommence­ soning for the change in schedules because they do want commence­ "This is the biggest senior class ment," said Strassburger. As 3009 Walker Lane we've had in years," said Strassburger explained in his memo, ment outdoors," said Strassburger. Strassburger, "and if we held the it would be impractical to close He acknowledged that there will al­ Eagleville, PA 19403 ceremony indoors we'd be under Main Street on a Sunday morning ways be some inconvenience and fJJie 'llrsinus community wislies stacey a ju1{ anaspeetfy recovery. serious constraints," adding that all due to increased traffic from area (jet we{[ soon, Stacey! guests of the graduates may not fit church services. This resulted in (Continued on page 2)

SPORTS I

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Jfo(Ufays! Men an~ Women's EATLES Swimming Off to Goo~ StaRt -- Page 6 • -- Page 8 • Dean Search What's Up in Commencement Concerns

Wellness? (Continuedfrom page 1) length of senior week, activities for Committee Appointed seniors may be planned for Wednes­ nity, and making a recommenda­ and there is no perfect schedule for day, May 15 (the day before the last Fron1 College tion to the president. Students will Mononucleosis everyone, but he added, "This event exam day). According to is so important in a person's life that Strassburger, "Only 11 senior stu. COllll11UllicatiollS be involved in the final part of the selection process. expending a little extra effort is dents have exams scheduled on the something that parents are usually last day of finals, and if definitive A Search Committee has been As chief academic officer of the willing to do." plans are made for activities appointed to recruit candidates for college, the dean will oversee cur­ ~df""'*t~Of The Gnzzl To help accommodate families Wednesday night, we will do our the position of dean of the college riculum development and lead a tal­ who will be traveling long-distance best to make alternative arrange­ and vice president for academic af­ ented, ambitious and energetic fac­ What is mono? to attend the commencement fes­ ments for those 11 students to allow fairs. Chaired by Dr. Patricia ulty. Advertisements for the posi­ In more than 95% of the cases tivities, the College has reserved them to participate." Schroeder, English, the committee tion will run in The Chronicle of among adolescents and adults, mono 160 hotel rooms in the surrounding Strassburger apologized for any consists of Drs. Bernard Lentz, eco­ Higher Education on Dec. 8 and 15, is caused by the Epstein-Barr Virus area. These rooms will be held in and all inconvenience the change in nomics; Paul Stem, politics; Eileen Black Issues in Higher Education (EBV). EBV is usually in the body the College's name until two weeks plansmaycreate. "It'smyfaultand England, psychology; Ronald Hess, on Dec. 14, and in the next issue of 30-50 days before an infected person before commencement. no one else's that we got the an· chemistry, and Kathryn Goddard, The WomenJEs Review of Books. develops symptoms. Early Symp­ With the logistics tentatively nouncement of the date change out biology. Applications will be accepted toms include: feeling run-down, ex­ worked out as to when and where all so late," he said. "But what you The committee was selected from through Jan. 30, 1996, at which periencing loss of appetite, and hav­ ing a slight headache. events of commencement weekend have to realize is that, as much as the a list suggested by faculty and rep­ time the committee will begin the Acute Symptoms include: sore will be held, members ofthe gradu­ seniors think of this as their cer· resents a balance of perspectives screening and interviewing process. throat, fatigue, swollen ating class still raised concerns about emony, it also has to tie into the based on discipline, gender and gen­ An appointment is expected to be glands, fever, muscle aches, the length of time they would have traditions of the College. It's a eration. The committee is charged approved by the Board of Directors skin rash for senior week. celebration that spills over to other with fmding and attracting suitable in early June, with the new dean Clare Zeberkiewicz, president of groups besides seniors." candidates to campus, soliciting arriving on campus July 1. How do I know if I have it? the class of 1996, said, "One of our He did sum up the opinions ofall opinions from the Ursinus commu- Come to the Well ness Center for a biggest concerns is that we don't involved, however, by saying, "We blood test. It is usually nec~ssary to lose any part of senior week, and as want this to be the best commence­ wait until you've been sick for 5-7 it stands now, we're not." To assure mentever." days to be able to tell because it may that this year's class has the same Classifieds take that long for mono antibodies in the blood to reach detectable levels.

MACINTOSH COMPUTER for sale. Complete system including printer Is it contagious? for only $499. Call Chris at 1-800-665-4392 ext. 9493. Mono is spread through saliva, Grizzly hence its nickname -lithe kissing dis­ Th~ ease. II The virus cannot be transmit­ Co-Editors In Chief Roommate Wanted / Collegeville area - Young professional male seeks ted through casual contact. There­ roommate to share modem 3 bedrooom townhouse. 1700 sq. ft., WID , fore, roommates and friends of the Marc Ellman Mark leiser fireplace, 5-10 minutes from Ursinus. 2 rooms avail. $300-350 + utilities. "infected" have no greater chance of Managing Editor Great house aJ,ld great guy. Call Scott: 610-207-5677 getting mono than anyone else on campus. There is no need to quaran­ Alicia Darby tine those who have it. Layout and Design Coordinator SKI & SNOWBOARD - WINTERBREAK & SPRINGBREAK '96 Inter­ How do I cure it? collegiate Ski Weeks, ONLY $219. Includes: 5 DAY LIFT TICKET, 5 Colin Tucker Unfortunately, antibiotics are not NIGHTS LODGING (LUXURY CONDO) / 5 DAYS INTERCOLLE­ an effective form of treatment; how­ Faculty AdvIsor GIATE ACTIVITIES (Drinking Age 18), Sponsors Include Molson & ever, your body should be able to Margot Kelley Labatts. MT. ORFORD, CANADA Gust across the Vennont Border) fight the infection if you take proper Group Leader / Rep. Discounts. Call Ski Travel Unlimited. 1-800-999- care of yourself while sick. Get Page Editors SKI-9. enough rest and take a pain reliever News Michael McCuen such as acetaminophen (found in Beatrice May Tylenol) for your aches and pains. Opinions Arts a Entertainment Colin Tucker How long will I be sick? Features Alicia Darby The length ofthe illness varies from Sports Charlie Welngroff person to person. Some people do not Assistant Sports Joel Schofer need to stay in bed because their cases Photography Jennifer Courtney are so mild. However, even those whose cases are more severe, will be General Staff up and around within two weeks. Business Manager-Mike Fleming; Circulation Manager-Colin Tucker:; "If unshakable fatigue, fever, and a Photographers' VICky WiUcins, Kristen Schumann lDustrator~ DomInIC relentless sore throat have you living Bui; Writers- Todd Brenneman, Amy K. Davenport, Joanna Doyle. from nap to nap, there's a chance you Laurie Falcone, Melissa Forbes, Denelle Godek, Christy Kenny, Rot*I have infectious mononucleosis" - Stop LOiacono, Brandy Mclachlan, Anne-Marie McMahon, Tcxik QaIIm. by the Well ness Center and gettested, Kim Ryan, Kristen Schumann, VICky WHkinI, Lauren w.ams The staff of The Grizzly it's the only way to know for sure. Editorial Polley • ·REMINDER** Flu season is now All letters and articles submitted to The Grizzly must be signed by the author. Howeva". names will be withheld from publication upon request. Opinions that appear in articlct wishes you a happy and upon us. If you haven't gotten your are those of those authors, and not ncccssarily those oftbe student body or IIdnlinisn- flu shot yet, make an appointment tion. The Grizzly reserves the right to edit any submission for grammalical, legal. .. healthy holiday season. today. Call the Wellness Center or spatial purposes. x2412. Don't wait until it's too late! ...... r5.1 ••5

Science: Fact or Fiction? Lower Prices =Lower Quality It was a pleasure to have Philip their explanatory power. So, although Johnson visit the Ursinus campus and atomic theory is not a fact in the strict speak against evolutionary theory and sense of the word, chemists treat it as Zack's, Denise and her crew came Don't get me wrong, I love the its moral implications. Science is more such in their daily work because they to the conclusion that Ursinus is new Zack' s and all the options avail­ than bloodless facts crammed into in­ are 99.99% sure that it is true. If atomic looking toward more healthy eating able on its menu, which are reason­ troductory textbooks, and anyone who theory is fundamentally flawed, then reminds us of that is worth our atten­ much of what chemists do from day to trends. I found this fact very inter­ ably priced. Ijustthink that Ursinus tion. day makes no sense. Could they be that What do WaWa, Subway, Bravo esting considering the crowds who students do not want the best meat Or. Johnson - not to mention the wrong? Perhaps. But I wouldn't put Pizza, andZack's have in common? line up for burgers and fries in the in their subs and sandwiches. I monkey on the cover of last weeks any money on it. They all serve subs, or as those facility. But, it was for that reason think we should be going for taste Grizzly reminded us that evolution is The same holds true for evolutionary native Philadelphians would say, that she decided to incorporate and affordability, not for the.J2m not a fact A fact is "a particular truth theory. If it is utterly wrong, then much "hoagies". Wood's "Subversions" into the new quality. known by actual observation ... a datum ofbiology makes no sense at all. It is the But what dmL1.these area stores Zack's. Low prices in a college snack bar of experience, distinguished from the explanatory power of evolution that have in common? They do not sell "Subversions" is The Wood have always been an issue with me. conclusions that may be based upon it" brought it nearly universal acceptance their sandwiches at the same prices. Company's Signature Sub Sand­ For example, when I was looking at (OED). If evolution did occur, nearly among biologists within 20 years of all of it happened long before any hu­ Darwiin's publication of The Origin. In fact, in most cases, Zack's sells wich Brand. The keys to its service other colleges in my senior year of mans were around to observe it directly. and it has been that way ever since. A their subs at higher prices than the are the use of top quality Dietz and high school, I tended to have lunch No matter how true it might be, it can few biologists reject it, but not many. surrounding competitors! Watson deli meats and Amoroso in their snack bars instead of the never be a fact But here's the great thing about sci­ These prices were not pulled from Rolls to make their sandwiches, restaurants in the surrounding town But if evolution is not a fact, neither ence. You don't have to take my word the air, folks. In fact, while you which she claims make a more because they had the food I wanted is much else that is interesting in sci­ for it. You shouldn't take my word for were catching some summer rays, healthy sandwich. and at a cheaper price. Unfortu­ ence. No one has actually seen a mol­ it. Or Ron Hess's word about water. Or Denise Oldt and the rest ofthe Wood But I wonder: Since when has nately, the new Zack's is unable to ecule of water. The quantum behavior Martha Takat's word about electrons. Food Service Management team lunch meat been healthy? provide this feature in its sand­ of electrons is not only unobservable And you shouldn't be cowed by my went undercover and discovered Okay, this is really nice of the wiches. but utterly counterintuitive. And when assertion that "most biologists think South America split from Africa, the evolution happened." The data are there the secrets of their competitors' food service staff to think of our Well, Denise told me that she is only "actual observers" were dinosaurs. for you to interpret for yourself. Repeat prices. needs, but I can honestly say that open to student's suggestions and Like evolution, atomic structure, quan­ a study if you're skeptical of the data Here is what they found. The sub when I want a sub, I will tend to go ultimately we will dictate how tum mechanics, and plate tectonics are After considering all of the evidence builders in each of these food op­ to WaWa anyway because their Zack's runs in the future. theories, not facts. They are attempts to (and not just the snippets that Philip erations use lower quality meats sandwiches are only $2.99. So, if you want fast food quality provide coherent and consistent expla­ Johnson tossed out), does anything other and cheeses that are filled mostly However, according to The Bul­ sandwiches at affordable prices, start nations for the direct observations that than the common descentoflivingthings with salt and water to make their letin, a bimonthly publication of filling out your green comment cards we can make. make any sense? It's entirely up to you sandwiches. Because of this pro­ The Wood Company, "Subversions now. So are the central dogmas of the to decide. Perhaps you will be part of a cess, WaWa and some of the other isllQ1 a discount hoagie shop, but a Denise is hoping that everyone sciences mere conjecture? By no means. new generation of scientists and citi­ chains are able to charge lower prices high quality, value oriented, quick Theories gain acceptance in science zens who reject evolutionary theory in stays on campus and eats in Zack' s. because they explain past observations favor of one with geater explanatory for their products that are made to service retail food operation." But, in many cases, in order for this and continue to be successful in ex­ power. But if you really look at the order. Therefore, when you add up the to happen, the prices have to be plaining new observations. The theo­ evidence, I doubt you will. So, what's so bad about salt and costs ofthe high quality meats, while lowered on their sandwiches. ries of science that I listed above each water? I always liked the taste of figuring in the the portions of profit Until then, we will have to dig a explain amyriad ofobservations (facts); my store made sandwiches. that go to Ursinus and The Wood little deeper in our pockets or ease they do it well, and we know of no Dr. Robert Dawley Anyway, using results taken from Company, it is easy to account for on down the road to our nearest fast competing theories that come close in Professor of Biology satisfaction surveys from the old the high prices in Zack' s. food joint! Bon apetit!

Welcome one and all to the final down for a long winter's nap. When was running and laughing, and rapture, we wanted to see this at- we all know who changed the pledg- 1995 edition of "The Cave." out by Helfferich there arose such a shouting with glee, "this school is tempt at a capture. With a twink of ing rules. It's getting to be that time of year clatter, the sirens signaled that some- all mine, it belongs all to me!" his eye, and a touch of his nose, Not a soul went down to let Todd 0D&:e again; time to go and sit on the thing was the matter. The little red When whatto our wondering eyes Officer Gary pulled out a big rubber inside, he looked and he looked but fie man's lap, time to brave the Jeep went flying right by, and we all hose. He got out his flashlight, and there was no place to hide. Northern chills and go murder pine knew that something bad was awry. •••••••••••••••••• towards Todd he did run. Waking Gary tackled poor Todd to the trees, time to spin the dreidel (hope We shoved and we pushed; we • • up at 3 a.m. was never this fun. ground, the thud from their fall made couldn't wait to see what the • I call it the • He chased and he yelled, after a terrible sound. We all cheered and IspeUed it right), and time to get • • pill drunk while watching a great wonderful,'frigging spectacle would • "Ursinos Night • Todd Gary ran, then Officer Cindy hooted, some laughed out loud. The bigbaU fall somewhere in New York be. • • pulled up in the Aerostar van. applause, it rang out, very loud, • Before Christmas". • City. Yes, the Holiday season is There from the path, so cold and • • "What's going on here," she an- from the crowd. upon us. so rocky, we looked at the flagpole •••••••••••••••••• grily said. "You should all be in Then Strassburger appeared, he To get everyone in the spirit of and saw Dean Akin'sjockeys. They your rooms ... in bed!" had something to tell us. We knew tile upcoming season, I thought I whipped in the wind, and swirled all should appear, but President "It's Todd, he's gone wacko. We he would say that Todd had been WOUld end this year with something around, and the laughing from the Strassburger, with a bottle of beer. don't know what caused it. It looks jealous. He wanted the office that IIIIpid. I call it the "Ursinus Night students made one hell of a sound. "Haha, you fool...I' ve got you now, like he's flipped, gone loco .. .lost Strassburger held, but now his evil Before Christmas." I felt a tug from my friend Ginny, I'll kick your ass out, I will, and it!" plot had been felled. The freshmen were nestled, all who was jumping and pointing at how!" Todd had some speed, but secu- We all strained to hear what ... in their dorms, while Bio 100 our old p~l, Todd McKinney. He "You'll never catch me," Todd rity had more. They fmally caught Strassburger said ...... "Get the hell IIadents were dissecting worms. was drunk off his ass, our old pal said streaking by, " I've got a con- up with him, pounding at the Pais- in your rooms ... go back to bed!" With Doug in his kerchief and Todd was, and it was clear to us all tract, so kick me out, just try." ley back door. Gina in her cap, they both settled that he had one hell of a buzz. He By now we were all in ridiculous "Let me in you pitiful fools!" But DeceDlller 5,1911 No One Is Going To Starve Religion as a Basis For Morality?

Dear Griwy: All of the programs are still in­ little further, the whole concept of a God and religions are pretty ef­ I am writing this in response to the creasing. il God may be an adaptive device that fective tools which societies have article written by Jared Rakes entitled The reductions in growth are nec­ ' hSDI hiAdm !!.Ii] r Of The Grizzly was created by humans to help keep adopted to ensure their own contin­ "God and the GOP". essary if we want to have some kind I am a Republican, and I do not ofa future and ifwe wantto keep most society functioning smoothly. ued existence. think that starvation is something to of our pay checks in the future. Recently, Dr. Phillip Johnson "God" is a good adaptation because Of course it all becomes ironic, joke about either. If this country keeps spending the spoke at Ursinus about alternatives in order for moral laws to be effec­ yet tragic, when religion is used as If you would watch Rush more way it has been, the children born in to Darwin's theory of natural selec­ tive, they need to be lodged with the basis for great atrocities and often or listen to the news you would this time period will face about an tion. Dr. Johnson offered an expla­ someone or something that is con- crimes against humanity - because realize that Rush was not joking about 84% tax rate!!! This equals an 84% nation for the reason so many unfortunately, most religions have how citizens of the U.S. will starve loss in freedom and serious problems people believe in Darwinian evo­ the idea that nobody else can be­ for our country since I highly doubt from Republican spending "cuts" lution: it is an escape mechanism "/ t 's a tragedy tliat lieve something different about (which are not cuts, but reductions in that any working person will ever used by people to get away from what God is or what God stands growth -- meaning they are in­ stand for an 84% tax rate. the moral order of the universe as concepts witti sucti great for. The once-adaptive concepts creases). Something has to be done, and the He was pointing out the ridiculous Republicans are doing it. commanded by God. Accepting potentia{for tiuman of religion and God are often used and unfounded accusations made by The Democrats have no plan of the possibility that humans, in all destructively, drawing lines be­ some Democrats in Congress who their own so they resort to such low their complexity, evolved accord­ society sliouU be turned tween who can be loved, and who would like the public to believe that measures of desperation. ing to the process of impersonal against eacti ottier ... " must be changed before they can the Republican proposal will force So Jared, if you want to call some­ natural selection is effectively say­ be accepted. people to resort to eating dog food to one egotistical, you should place that ing that God is not a necessary It's a tragedy that concepts with survive, kicking their grandmother label on Leon Panetta or Dick Gephart prerequisite for humans to exist. such great potential for human and kids out ofthe house and on to the -- two men who are worried more But,in making this claim, Dr. sidered authoritattve and legitimate society should be turned against each streets, trashing the environment, and about saving face than telling the truth Johnson failed to realize that God is beyond question, and that some­ other, used as tools of intolerance cutting education drastically. and doing something our country not the only source of morality. Just thing can only be wholly outside of and discrimination, and as a means Sound ridiculous? Well, that is desparately needs to do. because a person may not acknowl­ human nature - hence come the of perpetuating stereotypes and ha­ what it is-no one is going to starve as a result of the Republican proposal, Angela Lisa edge a God, and the moral laws that Gods, created in different forms by tred. Not all religions and concepts and who would actually support the Class of 1997 go along with that God, this does human societies the world over, over of God have this same bleak COD­ other claims? not mean that those people are prone all of time. clusion, but many of them do. to go on adulterous, murderous, not­ The moral laws of any society Therefore I take serious issue with loving-your-neighbor-as-yourself hold that society together in a shared any viewpoint that insists morality This is ''Breast Cancer Awareness week" rampages through society. Most sense of right and wrong, and the comes from a God, where wanting sponsored by Kappa Delta Kappa people recognize the destructive­ more people are synchronized with to escape from religion is equated ness ofsuch behaviors on their own, those ideas, the less conflict there with wanting to escape from moral­ "Come to Wismer and receive information and a without the help of a God, and this should be. Less conflict means more ity and common decency. Escaping pink ribbon. as the sisters help educate our campus prevents most of them from doing stability, and more of a chance of from religion is like taking a breath about this devastating disease! such things. presenting a unified front against on your own, for the first time. To draw Darwin's ideas out a outside threats to the society.

Letters To The Editors... Fun With The Subjunctive lutely no guts, and remained anony­ the possibility that they may have mous like Captain Jack, whomever some truth in them, but I would To The Editors: [s]he is). certainly not directly state that he I am writing this letter to retract the letter ofNov . 10 of this year. The views The subjunctive allows us to semi­ was a blithering idiot, or anything expressed in that letter were not, in any way, those of Salvatore's Pizza. OK, so I'm a liar. In my last politely avoid this problem of sepa­ of the sort, because I have no em­ Furthermore, I am writing to apologize to the football coach and cheerleading column, I claimed that I would write rating fact from personal opinion, pirical data (sorry, common-sense staff for any grief the letter may have caused them. this time about atheism and moral by using conditional terms. For does not count) to back it up. Be­ relativity. Well, I started to, and instance, if I were to claim that Dr. sides, that might be misconstrued as Carlos Loazza you know what? It was really bor­ Nagy's narrow-minded bigotry was a direct attack, rather than my opin­ ing. a result of his growing up in a hole, ion, if indeed it were my opinion. Dear Sirs: Instead ofwasting your time with I would be whacked with a libel suit So what have I proven here? I've a 1OO-level philosophy style analy­ before I could say "hatemonger". shown that by exploiting language, Your coverage of the Ursinus Tutoring Program was long overdue. Many sis of right and wrong, if there is By the way, he can, of course, ac­ one can say a great number ofhor­ of our best students -- during the ten years I've been at the College - have any, I thought I'd have a little fun cept in advance an apology for any­ rible things. I've also pointed out participated in this service to local kids. this week. This week's article, then: thing here that offends him, and I'm that in saying all of these horrible But I am at a loss to understand why the creator and long-time leader ofthis Fun with the subjunctive. sure he already has. things, one is hardly able to say program, Mr. Charles Fegely, is not mentioned. The credit for the program is entirely his. Despite his years ofloyal and, I believe, voluntary service, he Now, I know what you are think­ On the other hand, if I politely anything else of importance. has never been considered a member of the staff, nor will you find his name ing: fun with the subjunctive? What suggested that maybe he had been My point is this: While I think in the College directory. Indeed, his program went nearly unnoticed until the a dork! - or something equivalent. suffering from repeated bouts of that it's just wonderful that The College decided to move boldly into service as a "new" mission. It was For those of you who did not start mindlessness -- say, perhaps, every Grizzly can serve a forum for rea­ convenient for us to say that we had been doing this service program all along. reading this article with that opin­ time he turned on his word process­ sonable, informed debate, things At some point, the College should officially acknowledge his efforts. Until ion of me, let me tell you why the ing processing program -- that havegoneovenboardrecently.cnve then, you may wish to interview him to get a unique perspective on service subjunctive mood is so important. would be OK, because I would up people! It's a dead. disrespected among Ursinus students. As long as I don't directly attack merely be suggesting the possibil­ horse. The argument on whether or Thank you. someone, or blatantly spread lies, I ity of such phenomena, and only as not we have a choice in our orienta­ Sincerely, have a good deal of freedom con­ a potential explanation for a hypo­ tion has been decided. The answer Dominic: O'Brien, Education Department cerning what I write. However, I'd thetical situation. is: Yes, apparently you can choose better be prepared to back up what I Of course, I would never claim to be ignorant. Editor's Note: Mr. Fegely's name was withheldfrom the article upon his own request. However. we at The Grizzly do appreciate the efforts o/Mr. Fegely. publish. (That is, unless I had abso- any ofthese things. I might explore He is an asset to the College. and his work should not go un-noticed. D~ 5, 1tttt5 A4 ~ ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• •••• • Movie Mania •••••

the crime bill only if the president won't ruin it by telling you how it gets my vote (pun intended). Elementary school is over, kids! drops the fossil fuel bill, forcing ends, but it was too dramatic and Rating- 8 (Very Good) would be happy to address any com­ the President to make a difficult fictionalized as compared to the rest Movie quote of the week- This plaint anyone has about this con­ decision. of the movie. week's quote, "Many things in here test, as long as you act like a mature What would happen if the Presi­ The movie does an excellent job do not react well to bullets" was human being. dent of the United States were a showing the difficulties of the identified by co-editor in chiefMarc At any rate, I will admit that my widower, got lonely, and decided to President dating, such as the diffi­ Congratulations to the Ellman. It was said by Captain friends have a slight advantage in start dating while in office? The culty ofgoing about ordering flow­ Ramius in The Hunt for Red Octo­ this contest because they know American President attempts to an­ ers, and how Sydney has a hard Movie quote of the ber. This was the fmal movie quote where I am and how to fmd me. swer this question. time viewing Andrew as not the week contest finalists: of the semester. Congrats to all of Well, that is one of many advan­ President Andrew Shepherd President, but just an ordinary per­ this semester's winners, and to those tages of being a friend of mine! (Michael Douglas) is an extremely son. The acting is top-rate, and Todd Brenneman of you who didn't guess it soon However, everyone on campus has popular, rather liberal chief execu­ Michael Douglas, currently the Marc Ellman enough, keep trying! I sent E-mail a chance. Even if you do not know tive, with an approval rating of a greatest actor in Hollywood, has to all the fmalists regarding the draw­ me, you can pick up a paper soon very high 63 percent. He meets my vote for a Best Actor Oscar. Greg Urban ing. If you didn't get it, please after it is distributed, and if you Sydney Ellen Wade, a firebrand lob­ He fits the role of president very Evan Zoog contact me. Next semester the prize know the quote, fmd a phone or byist for an environmental group well, much better than the real Mark Leiser that will be given away in May is the computer as quickly as you can. (Annette Bening), and the two be­ person currently holding the of­ Dominic Bui Batman trilogy. Both voice mail and E-mail tell me gin dating. Of course the press fice. We also see excellent acting Craig Agule A complaint was addressed to me the time the message was sent. For jumps all over this, and the from Annette Bening and Michael that the movie quote contest is bi­ example, suppose the paper is dis­ President's approval rating plum­ 1. Fox. Fox, who has not been in a John Kerrigan ased. I would have responded to tributed at 4:15, someone leaves a mets. good movie since Doc Hollywood Mike Tucci this complaint personally, but the correct answer on my voice mail at In the meantime, the President is a few years ago, may see his acting Brett Nath individual who made the complaint 4:30, and I talk to someone at dinner fighting for an important crime bill career blossom again after such a had to crank call me at 3:30 in the at 5:00 who knows the quote. Even that would, supposedly, cause his good performance in this movie as morning, shouting all kinds ofexple­ if I do not check my messages until approval rating to rebound. The a young, energetic (think Nevertheless, the movie raises an tives on to my voice mail. I must I 1:00 that night, the person who left President agrees with Bening's Stephanopoulos) presidential ad­ excellent point and was very thought­ admit, considering that we are col­ the message at 4:30 is the winner. group to require a 20 percent reduc­ viser. provoking, rather humorous, and a lege students, thatthe maturity level Both of the editors in chief are fmal­ tioo in fossil fuel emissions. Cer­ Unfortunately, I was disap­ lot of fun to watch. Despite the (or lack thereof) of some people at ists this semester, but keep in mind tain congressmen say they will pass pointed by the movie's ending. I cheesy ending, this movie defmitely this school continues to astound me. that both of them waited until the

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The Hobson COJDDlunity Serriee house thanks

~ 1995 URSINUS DELIVERY SPECIALS ~ you for your generous donation of elothiog for '! 'AfiZ- the needy. Due to the ~ [T~Uv~~ Medium 14" pizza $ 5.99 • unexpeetedly enonnous ~ Acelebtation and explanation of $ 6.99 • Large 16" pizza ftlDount of elotbing we Advent, Hanukkah, and Kwanzaa • 2 Medium pizzas + 2 liter soda $10.99 reeeive~ we are unable 2 Large pizzas + 2 liter soda $12.99 to aeeept any more " " L -. ~_ • elothing. \\"ings In Stuff Come and look, listen, learn, (All wings come with bleu cheese and celery) The clothing will be donated to The (and eatl) around three • 8 Buffalo wings, onion rings, french fries, 4 chicken Sharing, Caring and Restoration centerat fingers, 4 mozzerella sticks, 2 pepperoni sticks + 1 liter 39th and Spring Garden St. in Philadel­ different traditional soda $ 9.50 phia. This organization is a soup kitchen that is affiliated with 24 other agencies. celebrations of the season ... • 16 Buffalo wings + 1 liter soda $4.95 WHEN: Wednesday, December 6, 32 Buffalo wings + 2 liter soda $ 8.75 at 7:00 pm. Deliveries Available WHERE: Unity House Pree Delivery I Mon-Fri 4-9 Minimum Required Sat & Sun 12-9 .. 489-4271 p~~ 11_-1.. n D~ S, 1~~S ••••••••••••••••••••••• Tl~ ~ •••••••••••••••••••••••

The Beatles Anthology

inside job. Paul McCartney, George Britain and established The Beatles as the Presley who, as Ringo reluctantly in­ disintegration ofthe group. Contrary to Harrison, and Ringo Starr appeared to next best thing since tea and crumpets. It formed us, tried to get the CIA to ban what we have read, the "white album" ~=ji"l~q~ci to the GrizZl have been interviewed on several oc­ took another two singles and an album them from returning to the USA Their era seemed rather pleasant, while the casions for this documentary, while before The Beatles received any airplay visit to Japan and the Philippines (where Let It Be recording sessions became Anybody who tuned into Channel 6 older material that has been previ­ on radio stations broadcasting from the they snubbed Imelda Marcos and were unpleasant. There is very little is men­ prior to Sunday November 19th, would ously released featured John Lennon. other side of the big pond. Paul remem­ almost killed) seemed to take prece­ tion of Abbey Road, which, technically have thought that AB( eatles)C was hop­ Only George Martin, their record pro­ bers telling Epstein that they would itot go dence over a discussion on their most speaking, is their best work. ing that an audience of73 million view­ ducer, along with Neil Aspinall and to America unless they had a number one creative period (1966) from which came Anthology seems to finish too quickly; ers would watch the first part of the Derek Taylor of Apple Corps., were hit. I Wanna Hold Your Hand did it for the albums Rubber Soul and Revolver. it's as though they ran out of time to­ Beatles' Anthology, the same number given the chance to recount their them, and was a breath of fresh air after After their last stadium concert at wards the end. The four plus hours that saw the Fab Four's American tele­ memories.Folks who did not know Kennedy's funeral. The Beatles' first US Candlestick Park in August 1966, The shown on ABC did not do justice to The vision debut on the Ed Sullivan show much about how The Beatles came to visit (February 1964) is better seen on the Beatles retreated to the studio, experi­ Beatles' story. Too many crucial as­ back in 1964. Talk about hype! As it be may have been inter- mented with new record­ pects were omitted. We await a full ten turned out, an estimated 27 million ested to hear about former ing techniques, and with hours worth to be released on video next people in this country decided to see members ofthe group like LSD. In I 967 they released year. However, their coup de grace is what all the fuss was about, and watched Pete Best, the drummer Strawberry Fields Forever Free As A Bird. The video for this the first part of The Beatles Anthology before Ringo appeared, THE and Penny Lane, together "new" song is simply superb. Over 80 two weeks ago. So you missed it, then? and Stuart Sutcliffe, the with two very avant-garde references to Beatles' songs have been Anybody with the slightest interest in bass player who couldn't music videos that where thrown in at some point. If you know rock music should have been glued to We were treated to early not, unfortunately, shown what they all are, please call me! Jeff the box. Lennon-McCartney­ in their entirety. An ani­ Lynne, lead singer and the force behind But why all this Beatlemania revis­ Hartison recordings ofIn mated recreation of the al­ the Electric Light Orchestra (ELO) was ited all of a sudden? It's been over 25 Spite OfAll The Danger, BEATLES bum cover for Sgt. once criticized for producing singles years since the most successful rock You 'll Be Mine, and The Pepper's Lonely Hearts that sounded too much like The Beatles. group of all time decided to call it quits, One After 909, dating Club Band showed all the Free As A Bird, sounds too much like and almost 15 years since John Lennon from 1958-60. These characters swaying their ELO to me, but that's no surprise since was killed. There has been so much songs appear on the double CD set video documentary of the same name. heads from side-to-side in time to the it was Lynne who helped Paul, George, trash (277 Beatle-related books in the Anthology 1, along with their new The Anthology seemed to skim over the song of the same name. Well, I just had and Ringo turn John's home-made tape Library ofCongress ) written about John, single: Free As A Bird. The story then anticipation, excitement, and unexplained to laugh, I saw the photograph. Film into a finished product. After John's Paul, George, and Ringo, that The Fab follows the Beatles' slow success from craziness of young people at the time. clips from the recording session of A ethereal vocal: "Free as a bird, it's the Four (now Three) decided to set the Hamburg to The Cavern Club (now When asked what he thought of America, Day In The Life featured all members of next best thing to be .. ", Paul and George record straight and tell their own story. demolished) in Liverpool to their first John replied: "It's like Britain, only with the orchestra wearing clown noses, reply with: "Whatever happened to the And why shouldn't they? audition for Decca Records (January buttons". The remainder ofpart one shows Beatle wigs, and other paraphernalia. I life that we once knew, can we really Part one of Anthology began with 1962) in London, secured for them by them back in England filming A Hard think that more footage from the re­ live without each other? Where did we aerial shots of Liverpool, followed by their new manager Brian Epstein. Day's Night, an almost true picture of a cording studio, showing how they pieced lose the touch .... it always made me feel short film clips and photos ofeach Beatle Decca turned them down, claiming day in the life ofThe Beatles back in 1964. together this masterpiece, would have so free as a bird". I think the remaining along with some of their pals. John that "guitar groups are on the way Their appearance at Shea Stadium in been better than flowering hyacinths three Beatles have conte to terms with Lennon's song In My Life provided a out"! George Martin of EM! records, August 1965 was the first big-time rock and rotating figurines. the fact that you can never really turn touching complement. Childhood remi­ is interviewed throughout the Anthol­ concert, attracting 55,600 screaming teens. The last part of Anthology focused back the clock, but AnthQlogy, the An­ niscences followed; surprisingly, no one ogy and recounts the tale of deciding The heart-beat-fllm-clip beginning was on their embarrassing Magical Mystery thologyICDs,andFreeAsABirdareas who knew them as kids was interviewed. to give them a chance and the record­ quite effective while the close-up footage Tour movie, the death ofBrian Epstein, close as they'll come to whispering Even the Japanese performance artist, ing their first single Love Me Do. ofJohn playing the piano with his elbows and their quest for inner peace, or what­ their words of wisdom. Let it be. whose name we don't mention very Although this first single was only a was amusing. All four Beatles talk about ever, in India. Neither Paul, George or often, was not invited to contribute her modest success, their next single meeting Bob Dylan, where they smoked Ringo seemed to be uncomfortable when thoughts about John. It was strictly an Please Please Me hit number one in marijuana for the first time, and Elvis talking about the reasons for the slow

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Ursinus College Choir director l r9'2 W I np' '''r ,., John French summed up the feel­ _ Of The Gnzzl_ _ ings of all by saying "This group is one of the best I have had in "For unto us a child is born." So years. The performance was won­ go the timeless words that have re­ derful." Many thanks go out to all minded Ursinus students for 58 years who supported the choir. The Ursinus Men's Basketball team will be holding a basketball clinic that the holiday season has begun. Holder of the William F. These words are the lyrics to Heefuer Chair ofMusic at Ursinus, for children ages 8-14 on Saturday. December 9th and Sunday. De­ Handel's Messiah The Ursinus French holds a bachelor of music cember 10 from 9:00 am to 3:00 p.m. in Helfferich Hall. The Clinic will College choir performed the Mes­ degree in conducting from the siah on Saturday, Dec. 2 to a sold Philadelphia College of the Per­ cost $40.00 per person. which includes T-shirts and other giveaway out audience in Bomberger Audito­ forming Arts and a master of mu­ items. For more information and application material. please call rium. sic degree in choral conducting (610) 409-3606 (ext. 2350) The choir put in a great deal of from Westminster Choir College hard work for last Saturday's per­ in Princeton, N.J. He recently formance, rehearsing for the pro­ received his doctor ofmusical arts AHention: If anyone is interested in videotaping home and away gram since October. The Messiah degree in choral conducting from lasted for two and a half hours and the College Conservatory ofMu­ Ursinus Men's Basketball games. please call extension 2350 or con­ was thoroughly enjoyed by all who sic at the University ofCincinnatti. tact Coach White in Helfferich Hall. This is a paid position. attended. 1••• 1I1f 5.1115 15 k.];iLi

r.~ Mens's i'~jI------Basketball _ Bears Surprise NYU Bears Open Conference Start Season Strong Play With Two W ins

The men's basketball team host Ursinus to a 67-55 non- points twice in the second half. Megan Larkin scored a career- Maryland, 82-72, in the confer- best 27 points, and host Ursinus has opened the season with a 4- conference win over Wesley. Fred Luck added 10 points for ence opener for both teams. (2-0,3-1) took advantage of some Larkin, who also added seven 3 record, but none of the four Rogers scored 18 of his points the Bears. cold Gettysburg shooting in the rebounds, six steals and five as- wins was more impressive than in the first half and staked the Luck was named to the all- second half, as the Bears defeated sists, had six points to key a 19-2 the Bears upset at New York Bears to a 35-25 lead at the tournament team at the Phil a- the Bullets, 79-54, in a Centennial Ursinus run, which broke open a University on Nov. 24. Ursinus intermission. He was named delphia Pharmacy tip-off tour- Conference game. 49-48 game and gave the Bears a held a 34-31 lead at the inter- Centennial Conference Player nament. He scored 17 points in Gettysburg held a 33-32 lead at 68-50 advantage with 7 :30 remain- mission, and went on to upset ofthe Week for his performance both games as Ursinus lost to the intermission, but the Bullets ing. Jen Mahoney and Jamie N.Y.U., a pre-season Division in those three games. Cabrini, 86-62, and defeated did not score for the first 6:25 of Eissler both added four points III Top-20 selection, 73-69. Buyse added 15 points and a Delaware Valley, 74-49. the second half. Ursinus enjoyed during the decisive four-minute Bernie Rogers led Ursinus with game-high eight rebounds for On Dec. 2, Ursinus fell to an 11-0 run until Patty Katsaros stretch. The Bears had led 36-30 hit a pair offree throws with 13:35 26 points, while Chris the Bears against Wesley, while Western, 85-73. The Bears at the intermission. to play. Gettysburg connected on Steph Casperson added 18 Cervellero added 10. Pat Buyse Costello excited the crowd with opened the game with a cold just four of28 shots from the floor points and a team-high eight re- and Ryan Costello both added 10 points, including four on hand and shot just 31 percent in the second half, and allowed bounds, Laura Coulter contrib- nine points, with Costello grab- first-half dunks. from the floor. That was all Ursin us to run away. uted 16 points and five rebounds. bing a game-high eight re- The Bears opened Centen- Western Maryland needed to Larkin scored 17 ofher 27 points Mahoney ended with six points bounds. nial Conference play on Nov. take a 33-23 lead at the inter- in the second half. She also and six rebounds, while Eissler The next night, Ursinus fell 29 with an 83-65 win over mission. Ursinus got no closer grabbed a game-best 12 rebounds, had nine points, five rebounds and to host Columbia, 77-35. Co- Dickinson. than nine points in the second dished out four assists, blocked a a blocked shot. lumbia left little doubt as to the Rogers scored 23 points, half. shot, and had three steals. Laura The Bears opened the season at outcome when it cruised to a Costello added a career-best Rogers led the Bears with 18 Coulter added 12 points and three the Mobil Shoot Out hosted by blocks for the Bears, while Dede 41-11 halftime lead. PatBuyse, 19. Ursinus ended the first half points and six assists. Luck Trenton State. Ursinus defeated Boies had a career-best six assists. Misericodia, 62-53, in the opener, who scored 14 points, was the with a nine-point run to break scored 14, while Buyse and On Nov. 19, Larkin scored 19 but fell to Trenton, 71-53, in the only bright spot for Ursinus. open a tight game. The Bears Costello both added 10 points and led a second-half rally championship game. Larkin and On Nov. 20, Rogers scored a led 44-32 at the intermission, which broke open a close game, Coulter were named to the all- season-best 29 points to lead and were up by as many as 18 as Ursinus defeated host Western tournament team. A JERSEY FAN

ball players from our organization. there could be a hidden benefit in In other words, the Sixers will now This would at least give them a Tim Perry and my favorite player, such a fiasco. sport a starting lineup consisting of servicable starting lineup with ~!IlM!",i§__Assistant ~ - ~ditor ~__ Greg Graham, are no longer Sixers, three power forwards and two shoot- Malone, Dumas, Grant, Alston, but are now New Jersey Nets. The There also has been much interest ing guards. This equates to much of Walters, Higgins and Williams com- I am now a New Jersey Nets fan, as scream I uttered when learning of in the Sixers new lineup and what the same, alot of turnovers and a lot ing off of the bench. The Sixers you can tell by the new title of my this news shall hereby be known as coach John Lucas plans on doing of losses. would then need to get a center and column, and it's not because I ad- "The Orgasm Heard 'Round the with it. My guess, be it a total crapshoot, is shooting guard at the end of the mire the play of Sean Bradley or World." The Sixers now have Derrick that Lucas will be forced to deal season. (I don't really care for will miss his presence in the Sixers There is one small problem that I Coleman, who assuredly must start, Clarence Weatherspoon. Coleman Maxwell too much. Why? Check lineup. It's simply because their have with this trade, though, and it's Clarence Weatherspoon, who also will start at power forward and this the shooting percentage. 35.7 per- general manager, Willis Reed has one that should concern any Sixers must start, Sharone Wright, and would force Weatherspoon back to cent. Is that sufficient for a starting spared me a lot of anguish and mis- fan. Scott Williams, who are all natural the small forward spot he occupied or even third string shooting guard? ery that would have been experi- The Sixers could, in theory, start a power forwards. At small forward, last season, the small forward spot Nope.) eneed watching the Great White lineup consisting of Derrick they have Richard Dumas, Derrick that he was too slow to play. Until the end of the season arrives, Stiff plod up and down the basket- Coleman, Richard Dumas, Vernon Alston, and Sean Higgins. Atshoot- Weatherspoon for a starting point we Sixers fans must endure some baIl court, averaging three points Maxwell, Scott Williams, and Jerry ing guard stands Stackhouse, Rex guard would give the Sixers what ugly basketball, filled with errant IIld two rebounds per game while Stackhouse. This lineup would un- Walters, Jeff Malone, and our resi- they need, ball handling! It would passes and turnover after turnover. baving a greater chance ofscoring a doubtedly prompt a police raid, for dent shooting guard masquerading allow them to move Maxwell to his We can only hope that the New basket with one of his passes than Coleman is likely to commit assault as a point guard (with two bad natural position at two guard and Jersey Nets get their hands on with one of his shots. at the drop ofa hat and Vernon takes ankles), Vernon Maxwell. At the move Stackhouse to small forward, Shaquille O'Neal and Michael Jor- Not only have the tremendous or- swings at anyone who ever played point, fresh from the CBA, is Greg giving them a starting lineup of the dan. A Wright for Shaq and Max- pnization known as the New Jer- for the Houston Rockets organiza- Grant (all five foot two of him), and new point guard, Coleman at power well for Jordan swap would not, sey Nets scooped up our below av- tion. at center is about seven foot of 80 forward, Stackhouse at small for- based on recent occurences, be out mae c:entcr, but they also took two This would leave Stackhouse and percent nitrogen and 20 percent ward, Wright at center, and Max- of the question. additional completely inept basket- Williams on the court alone, but oxygen. well at shooting guard. SPORTS December 5.11.

Teams Begin Season With Wins Ortman Starts The Ursinus men's swimming Dickinson, 118-69, in the Will­ Donohue placed first in the 1,000 Season With A Bang team won its fITst meet in more iam B. Elliott Pool on Dec. 2. freestyle with a time of 11 :28.94. than two years when it defeated Dave Chrzanowski won the Jen Schmidt won the 200 I.M. in Senior Mike Ortman, who is bid­ sion over topped-seeded Brent host Albright, 109-92, on Nov. 1,000 freestyle in 10:49.38. He 2:28.71, and Cristin Veit took ding to become the first Ursinus Paulus, of Mount Union (Ohio), in 20. Dan Jones led the way with also took the 500 freestyle in the 100 freestyle in 57.69. wrestler in history to qualify for the the championship match. two individual first place fin­ 5:18.19. Sean McCoy won the The Women defeated Albrigbt, NCAA championships three times, Also enjoying strong outings for ishes. He won the 50 freestyle in 200 freestyle with a time of 109-86, on Nov. 20. Veit was a opened the season in impressive the Bears were: 118 pounder Darren 23:69, and the 100 freestyle in I :56.00, while Kukla won the double winner. She won the 50 fashion by winning the I58-pound Torsone, who placed fourth; 142- 52.66. Russ Whelan won the 200 200 back stroke in 2: 13.56. and 100 freestyles. Mandy title at the prestigious Jerry Petrofes pounder Kirk Holt, who placed sev­ freestyle in 1 :55.64, and Stu Geoffrey Mills placed frrst in the Fingerlin won the 1,000 enth; ISO-pounder Casey Invitational hosted by Lebanon Val­ Kukla took the 100 back stroke 200 individual medley with a freestyle, while Donohue own ley College Dec. 2. Ortman's win O'Donnell, who placed third; and in 59.66. time of2: 13.44. the 100 back stroke, and Allyson was awe-inspiring. The second seed, 167-pounder Donny Asper, who The Bears proved the win was The Ursinus women fell to Flynn placed first in the 500 he was never really tested in the placed fourth. tournament and posted a 10-1 deci- no fluke when they topped Dickinson 109-90. Kelly freestyle. CHUCK'S WAGON

pound BYU barrell, Tim Perry, and He wins. He scores. He rebounds. Bradley, and the 8'2" fluent yet vis­ even close. Their starters may not of course, the formidible, yet slith­ He wins. I could not care less what cous Yinka Oare. Yes, viscous. It's be the best, but when you look at ery Greg Graham. This is big for the a player does off the court. He has just his style. The Nets have a low depth and quality depth, the Dol· Sicksers. all these problems, and he still aver­ post coach and a strength coach and phins have the best personnel. Good lord. Good lord in heaven. Ever since the Nets 2 guard at the ages 20 and 10. That's average. God that can make Bradley a player. Let's say the Phins in 3 games Even now, nearly a full week after it time, Drazen Petrovic, passed away That means there are many games Oh God, this really hurts. The Doc­ score 30, 40 and 800 points. They'D has happened, I still am absolutely while driving on the Autobahn, the that are better than that. Derrick tor of Damage Willis Reed said, give up 40, 50, and 8000 poim. baffled and confused. Nets have plumetted to new depths. Coleman is one of the greatest tal­ "This was not a trade to get rid of They are just brutal, and I can' You know, when you're a god aw­ They went out and drafted Kenny ents I've seen in my abbreviated Derrick Coleman. It was a trade to explain it. No one can. Theyarenot ful professional sports team look­ Anderson after that occurrence, and life. improve a basketball team." Oh, a good football team. They are 8 ing for things to get better, you need that's where it all started. Ifthey had Shawn Bradley is not. I'm on rubbery legs. Wait. Yep. I'm bad football team. That took mea breaks to go your way. You need taken Billy Owens, they would still Temple Terror Tim Perry, Gra­ down. while to figure out. the ball to bounce on your side of have MookieBlay!ock, a better Billy ham, Walters, and Higgins were all Willis Reed should be GM of the Coaching? I'm not qualified tollY the court. You need the grass to be Owens, and a happy Derrick menial parts of this trade. Perry is year. No other GM has made the that it's coaching because I'veDGWa' green .on your side of the pasture. Coleman because he would get to especially menial. His uncle came impact that he has made in his won­ played real football or seen a iI8l You need the puck to hit the post be playing wit hiz boy from Syra­ for physical therapy where I worked derful tenure. He has amassed a coaching staff, but I would not be every now and then. You need Jose cuse. over the summer, and he said Tim team of now 2 good players: Kenny sad if owner Wayne Huizenga said Offerman to make an error in the That leads me to Derrick Coleman. just needed a chance, and he would Anderson, who should never have to Don Shula, "Don't let the dOCl'liI 8th inning to let you go ahead. My name is D-Nice, but, yo, you be an all-star. I then clocked him been drafted, and PF Jayson Will­ your ass on the way out." Ifdle Look at the Magic. I think they can call me Derrick. That's from an with a bar of soap, and asked him to iams. name plate on the Dolphin iliad won under 30 games the year before old BDP song by D-Nice. DC, as I forward it to Tim so he can rid Anyone who thinks Derrick coach's office read "JiDUDY they won the lottery for Shaq. Then have said before, is the best player himself of that awful stench he pro­ Coleman, even a below average Johnson," that would make JIIC they won the lottery for Webber in the NBA. I base this on the vides on the court. Derrick Coleman, is not a major happy too. I like guarantees. with the least possible chance. They criteria that he could, not is, but This trade is just sickening. We all superstar as a player in the NBA is Last week Nate Smiley knewflGdi go from stiffs to the most devestating could, without question, be an all­ know what Shawn Bradley is ca­ very foolish. Anyone who thinks ofJake "The Snake" Roberts' .... force on the planet. There's no star at any position on the court. He pable of. He is capable of corrupt­ Bradley has redeeming qualities is names and why he had to get .... better example of things going your ~asses like a point man, floats like ing a team single handedly. He very foolish. Willis Reed. Really one. Many people got DamieDJDII way. The Magic, in a way, have a butterfly, stings like a bee, shoots hurts you ... very much. He rips into makes you wanna hold your hat. Lucifer as the names, but not,"­ robbed the NBA. like a 2 guard, runs, flies, rebounds, people's intestines and grinds them Turning to another disgusting turn Earthquake earthquaked Damifia Between the hours of 10 and 11 at scores, blocks shots, like a top notch in his hands. He misses 2 foot lay­ of events, I wish to speak of the his little green bag, thus killin night on Thursday evening, the post player, like me. He must be the ups. Usually, as an armchair quar­ Mighty Miami Dolphins. Seriously, and prompting Jake The S Sixers commiteed a crime, as did greatest. I must be the greatest. terback, one usually will admit that how bad are the Dolphins? But, bring in. Lucifer . For . the next.. the New Jersey Nets. The Sixers Say what you will about DC. He the pro can do better. No chance, I wait, no, seriously though, how bad robbed the Nets in a trade. It's a beats up 17 year old party people in am better than Bradley. I have bet­ are the Dolphins? Awful. Horrible. tion ofthe Week: What 1 Sa nauseating turn of events. It's sick. the house at NYC clubs. He beats ter skills. Hor-ren-dous. Sickening. morning scrubs made it big It's so sick, it's disgusting. It's up cops in Detroit because he won't Here's the inside track on Nets GM Bradleyesque. These are all rela­ Young Stallions? That's aU horrible. In acquring Derrick move his Cyclone pick up out of a Dr. Willis Reed's plan. They plan to tive words though. semester, and maybe I omore Coleman, Rex Walters, and the fi­ no parking zone. He won't wear a play twin-towers like the Knicks in Ok, the Dolphins have the best the pleaure will be all yours. ery Sean Higgins for the 7'6", 86 suit. But you know what DC does. 85. They have 7'6" of sludge in players in the league. No one is