Chicanas: Their Voices, Their Lives. INSTITUTION Michigan State Dept

DOCUMENT RESUME

ED 304 249 RC 016 951

AUTHOR Lockert, Lucia Fox, Ed. TITLE Chicanas: Their Voices, Their Lives. INSTITUTION Michigan State Dept. of Education, Lansing. Bilingual Education Office. SPOYC AGENCY Michigan State Council forthe Arts, Detroit. PUr DATE Sep 88 NOTE 44p.; The illustrations inthis book are reproductions of paintingsby Nora Chapa Mendoza. PUB TYPE Historical Materials (060)

EDRS PRICE MF01/PCO2 Plus Postage. DESCRIPTORS Adults; Fthnic Groups; *Females; *Hispanic American Culture; Interviews; Latin American Culture; *Mexican Americans; Minority Groups; Oral History; *Womens Studies IDENTIFIERS *Chicanas; Mexican American Studies

ABSTRACT This book is an oral history of ten Chicane women ranging in ages from 84 to 24. The collection of interviews reflects how their hard work and determination have significantly changed their lives for the better. The backgrounds of the women vary; some were born in Mexico and moved to the United States. Others were born in the Southwest and later emigrated to the Midwest. They have been witnesses to the great social change that has occurred in the United States over the last 20 years. The different opinions of the women reflect the societies in which they live. These women have undertaken different occupational and professional opportunities. To accurately portray these Chicanas, their own words are reproduced as closely as possible:. The interviews were conducted in Spanish and late:* translated into English. The women express their opinions about their religions, their families, their economic standings and many other issues. (ALL)

Reproductions supplied by EDRS are the best that can be made from the original document. ***: CHICANAS: THEIR VOICES, THEIR LIVES

Lucia Fox Locked 1988 NI rights reserved

S DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION "PERM ION TO REPRODUCE THIS Office of Educational Pr *arch andImprovement MAT HAS BEEN GRANTED BY EDUCATIONAL RESOURCES INFORMATION CENTER (ERIC) ?This document has been reproducedas received from the person or organization originating it Minor changes have been made to improve reproduction duality

Points of view or opinions stated in this dOCu +rent do not necessarily repreaenl official TO THE EDUCATIONAL RESOURCES OERI position or policy INFORMATION CENTER (ERIC)"

Publishers Michigan State Board of Education Department of Education Bilingual / Migrant Education published September 1988 @ Michigan State Board of Education

Barbara Roberts Mason Dorothy Beardmore ?resident Vice President

*on

Cherry Jacobus Dr Gumeondo Salas Secretary Treasurer

Dr Edmund F Vandene Norman Otto Stockmeyer. Sr NASBE Delegate

Annetta Miller note W Hopgood

Ex-Officio Members

416 James J Blanchard Donald L Bemis Governor Superintendent of Public Instruction

3 MICHIGAN STATE BOARD OF EDUCATION STATEMENT OF ASSURANCE OF COMPLIANCE WITH FEDERAL LAW The Michigan State Board of Education complies with all Federal laws and regulations prohibiting discrimination and with all requirements and regulations of the U S Department o' EducationItis the policy of the Michigan State Board of Education that no person on the basis of race color, religionnational origin or ancestryagesexmarital status or handicap shall be discriminated against excluded from participation in denied the benefits of or otherwise be subjected to discrimination in any program or activity for which itis responsible or for which itreceives financial assistance from the U S Department of Education

Titles of the illustrations by Nora Mendoza © 1988 in the order in which they appear. En case I At Home, page xii El descanso I Resting, page 4 Unidad familiar I Family Unity, page 12 Rumbo al Node I Going North, page 16 La pisca del tomato I Picking Tomatoes, page 20 Las "piscas" I Working In the Fields, page 28 Madre e hijo I Mother and Child, page 34

Cover emboss of painting by Nora Mendoza, entitled La pisca del tomato I Picking Tomatoes Published September, 1988 © by The Michigan State Board of Education This publicatior may be copied for non-profit educational purposes only, upon writton request to Migrant Education Programs Michigan Department of Education P.O. Box 30008 Lansing, Michigan 48909 Bilingual/Migrant Education Program Miguel Ruiz, Chief Cecilia Santa Ana, Supervisor Meredith Hines, Proofreader Cathy Hindman, Consultant and Michigan Field Representative for the Upper Great Lakes Multifunctional Resource Center Graphic design of cover, text design, and typography by Steve Light, Graphic Designer, Office of Public Affairs, Michigan Department of Education Special thanks to: Allison Ridley William Mitchel Esperanza Rosario Francisca Mercedes Rosa Juana Ana Eloisa Susan Bill Judy Frank

Michigan State Board of Education

iv 5 FOREWORD

The profiles contained herein are candid poetic expressions of the life experiences of ten Chicana women. The author vividly unmasks the forces which propel them to findtheir place in the world.Their expressions are remarkable examples of the universal human experience. These women strive away from dependency by laboring for greater control of theirenviron- ments.They strive away from isolation by finding roles within community life. It is no minor accomplishment to maintain enthusiasm for life, indeed +o sustain sanity under the social disadvantages of being both a womar anda third world minority in a patriarchal society.These women are a testimony to a bright future for the world, for in their maturity they speak more of obstacles as trials to overcome than of obstaclesas overpowering events.This redeeming resiliency is the hallmark of our shared humanity. We, too, can learn how to achieve greater controlover our lives and at the same time maintain our humanity by pointing to thecommon quality so evident in the lives of these women. That quality is their ability to work out life problems through the use of universal logic, and it's appropriate application, that is, the ability to demystify their condition and act to affirm themselves and the ones they love in the community.

Miguel A. Ruiz, Ph.D. Chief Bilingual and Migrant Programs Michigan Depc: iment of Education PREFACE ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS This book is an oral history of several Chi- The following is some background infor- cana women who have been through some mation about the editor, Lucia Fox Lockert difficult and trying times.The collection of in- and Nora Chapa Mendoza, the artist who terviews reflects how their hard work and de- kindly contribute( the illustrations in this book. termination have significantly changed theirI. lives for the better.Some of the women inter- LuciaFONLocked viewed were born in Mexico and moved to "Her special gift of sensitivity and her the United States cluing the Mexican Revolu- dedication to the Arts have made her a mag- tion.Others were born in the Southwest and netic center for artistic expression in Michi- later emigrated to the Midwest and estab- gan."This was said by a peer of our Diana lished themselves here permanently.They recipient, a woman who has received many have been witnesses to the great social awards for he, contributions to literaturea change that has occurred in the United writer of twenty three books, numerous short States over the last twenty years.It is interest- stories, and several dramas. ing to compare the different opinions of the Her career began at the age of fifteen women with regards to the society in which with her first book of poetry, written and pub- they live.It is also important to note the dif- lishediiiher native country of Peru.She ferent occupational and professional oppor- holds a Ph D. in Spanish from the University of tunities that have been undertaken by these Illinois and has distinguished herself as a lec- women. turer and writer and poet of internationally The only way to accurately portray the recognized stature.More than a decade Chicana is to reproduce, as closely as possi- ago, the Brown University Library began col- ble, her own words about her life.The stere- lecting her manuscripts. otypes that have k,een, and continue to be, She is a piotgssor at Michigan State Uni- propagated by the mass media never allow versity in the Department of Romance and the true 'psyche' of the Chicana to be Classical Languages, and teaches courses in probed. She has inherited Latin American Latin American Culture and People and Latin values, but has also acquired many Anglo American Literature. values through the educational system. This A renowned critic herself, she has been duality at times causes the Chicana to ques- acclaimed critically as well as profession- tion her roots and her true identity.After ally.Sne won the Michigan Endowment for reading each of the short biographies, it is the Aris Creative Writing Grant in 1981 and clear that many of the women had to find thin National Endowment for the Arts Creative their own way in life.Although being moth- Writing Grant in 1982.She received the ers and having extended families are impor- Palmas Magisteriales del Peru in 1984 and tant values in the Chicanas' lives, their frustra- the Michigan StateUniversity Woman tion at the traditional values of a patriarchal Achiever Award in 1985. system are also quite apparent. These In her essays, there is an ardent and dig- women are twice oppressed: they are Mexi- nified appeal for the rights of women. She cans and the, are women. has devoted much of her scholarly research The ages of the women interviewed vary to Chicano issues and Hispanic women, and from 84 to 24, spanning three generations. is a consultant for the local publication, They have expressed their opinions about "Labyris," a feminist arts journal. She has their religions, their families, their economic also written for "Festival" and has contributed standings and many other issues.The inter- numerous articles to "El Renacimiento." A views were conducted in Spanish and were critic wrote, "The varied production of Lucia later translated into English. Foxnot only in poetry but in several plays This study was made possible by a Grant and numerous critical essayshas been from the Michigan Council for the Arts. characterized by an aimost heroic defense of

vii the condition of the woman and her under- El rostro de la patrla en la llteratura privileged status in society." peruana (Buenos Aires: Ediciones contiiiente, As with all of our "Diana" awardees, this 1970). Essays. recipient has given a considerable amount Latinoamdrica en evolucl6n (E. Lansing: of time serving civic, community and profes- Superspace, 1974). Poetry and prose. sional endeavors. Mosalcos (Spanish edition) (E. Lansing: She has been involved in activities di- Argonauta, 1974), Poetry. rected toward increasing the awareness of Monstruous aereos, terrestres y sub- the Hispanic population in the arts and social marinas (E. Lansing: Superspace, 1974). issues that are relevant to our community, Poetry. and is dedicated to the educational status of Assemblage: Lucia Fox In Thansiations Hispanics in Michigan.This dedication is re- (E. Lansing: Superspace, 1977). Poetry. flected in the associations to which she is Constelacion (E. Lansing: Shamballa committed, representing her department at Publications, 1978). Poetry. M.S.U. in CHISPA, the Spanish Club; the Orga- El Perth desnudo E. Lansing: Shamballa nizations of Women fo- International Develop- Publications, 1978). Play. ment and the Latin American Center of Inter- Leyendas de una princesa India (C. Lan- national Programs.She is a member of the sing: Shamballa Publications, 1979). Poetry. Institute for Minority Studies, and has worked Women Novelists In Spain and Spanish with the Task Force on Hispanic American Arts America (Metuchen: The Scarecrow Press, and the Hispanic Media Associati /11 of Lan- 1979). Research. sing.This advocate for women's rights and Un alert° lugar (Lima: C. Salesiano, for the advancement of Hispanics, who has 1980). Short stories. found a way to express her feelings for both Ayer es nunca Jambs (Lima: C. Sale- in her own literature, is a proponent for the siano, 1980). Plays. writings of others, editing a yearly book Formas / Forms (E. Lansing: Shamballa called "Poetry Festival," which is published by Publications, 1985). Poetry. Feminist Centers in the Society of Mid-Western Literature. Lima, Peru (Submitted for consiaeration). She is the recipient of the "1988 Martin Research. Luther King Jr., Ceasar Chavez, Rosa Parks vis- Chicanas:Their Voices, Their Lives iting Professor Program" at Northern Michi- (Lansing: Michigan State Board of Education, gan University. 1988) Poetry and research.

The following is a list of Lucia Fox Lock- ert's books: Nora Chapa Mendoza Preludlos intimos (Lima: Editorial Condor, Nora Chapa Mendoza has given Lucia Fox Lockert permission to reproduce eight of 1945). Poetry. Ensayos hispanoamericanos (Caracas: her paintings that illustrate the life of Migrant Workers. Garcia Hermanos, 1965). Essays. Recognized as an artist and a Imagenes de Caracas (Caracas: Garcia champion of Hispanic Art, she was one of Hermanos, 1965), Poetry. eight Oakland County women named by Paula Blanchard as a recipient of the "Michi- fragaluz (Los Angeles: Ediciones La Fron- tera, 1967). Poetry. gan 150 First Lady Award" in honor of the nodes (Barcelona: Ediciones Carabela, state sesquicentennial. 1968). Poetry. Nora Chapa Mendoza was born in Weslaco, Texas to Mexican-born parents.As Tlempo atonal (E. Lansing: Ghost Dance, a small child she worked in the Texas cotton 1969). Poetry. Multiples (E. Lansing: Ghost Dance, fields with the rest of her family.After she married, her husband came to Detroit for his 1969). Poetry. medical internship and sent for her in 1953. Aceleraci6n multiple (Buenos Aires: Edi- She studied art at the Center for Creative torial Losada, 1969). Poetry. La odisea del Slam (Bilbao: Empresas Studies, Mercy and Madonna Colleges. Now divorced, she said: "My career has Editoras, 1972). Poetry. taken off in the last five or six years.I have

viii S been painting since I was a little kid and fora Hispanics "I noticed the Hispanic kids sat long time I treated it as a hobby.I started to around huddledThey sit up straight when I make a living at it after 1975" She partici- talk about Hispanic Art.There is pride.They pates in workshops for young artists as part of think, 'that's our people!'It gives them a role

Latino Outreach, She also speaks to high model, gives them hope. . school and college groups thatit ;lude

Nora Chapa Mendoza with her work

ix 9 TABLE OF CONTENTS r oreword v Preface vii Acknowledgements vii I. Esperanza 1-4 H. Rosario 5-8 Francisca III. 9-10 Mercedes IV. 13-15 V. Rosa 17-19 Juana VI. 21-22 Ana VII. 23-26 Eloisa VIII. 29-30 Susana IX. 31-32 XI Emma 35-36 iln,,.,..`g,r, ... 1 ESPERANZA

I. They ought to call me live-in maid, I ingHe gave me a white handkerchief, my hdve done everything; washing, cooking girlfriend said it meant that he loved me. I raising 14 kids,I have worked in the fields in married so young. We ran off together and Mexico and the United States.1,1y pop was made nii, home.Later on we were married, a dairy man, a dark man I've worked hard for the family. We had a whole year speak- since I was a childWe were poor but very ing with polite, respectful forms. close. That was Even now when we go to visit relatives the customNone of thar kissing.My mar- in Mexico, in Torreon, after all theseyears, riage might have come from heavenit they give us the only egg they havein the turned our to be very good, as they say; you house They are isolated in the mountains, can't escape Fate (Destiny).But my mother- and we had to walk a longway from the bus in-law was mean to meI lived with her for stop. seven years, crying and crying. God forgive her, she was only human.In those times, the custom was that the man brought his wife to II. I don't really know where these his mother's home so that she could torture memories come from. I never knew my and scold her.I had to make the tortillas, grandmothers,but I knew grandpa feed the animalsbut my mother-in-law still Eugeniohe died when he was 92.He said: Don't give all your money andyour love never used glasses or a cane, but he had to your wife.But, for her part, she liked to go worr down all his teeth.I had many brothers out.She had time to talk to the neighbors, and sisters and we suffered a lot during the but I never went around gossiping. A years of Revolution. Oh, dear Lord! What girlfriend gave me a picture of the Virgin of haven't I seen! Men hanging from the trees, Refuge. I knelt and prayed "Give mepa- and others on the groundthe coyotes ate tience to endure one more blow." One day them. 4henI went for firewoodI saw when my mother-in-law was going to hitme, them. Since we were so pear therewas my husband said, "Mama, don't hit her," so nothing they could steal fromus.But the rev she threw us out.Her sister said we could olutionaries took everything from the rich loot- come to her place in Laredo. My husband ing the stores and the houses.They even asked his mother's perrn!ssion, andshe killed the Chinamenbecause they hada lit- refused.Finally, we wentin 1924.Mexico tle something.In those days, we didn't know was peaceful by then, but beforeI knew why we were suffering. We only knewour women who were commanders: Petra Her- bodies hurt. I pity the innocents that died of rera, Maria Cadena, they were fiesty and hunger, like my little brother Dario, some days spirited, and had their own followers.They there was food, some days nothing knew no fear.Other women were only good for stealing boots from the dear

III. My mother had sixteen children. She died when I was eight, of hard work,hun- IL In Laredo there were lots ofcamp- ger, and need.All of them are dead now. bosses hiring laborers for the tields. We be- Some died as children, some in therevolution, came pickers, working very hard. We had to others of old age. I was raised by my older pick sweet potatoes and weed themon our sister Pablita. One day when I peedblood, I knees. When I got home I made was afraid, but my mama Pablita explained a dough while my daughter peeled potatoes. I that it was from the flowering of my heart. boiled up the beans, andwe ate.There were many Polesvery fine peoplethey

even helped deliver my babies. I ne 'er IV I knew my sweetheart when we were learned English, I take the blame for ft Jt. little, in the same town. We never courted. I My husband was strict, andmy children never had time to be going out.I went to turned out very respectful. None of them wash by the river and he used to bringhis drink too much, I am so proud to know I have donkey the a for water while theywere work- a good family.

1 12 .r

VI. Later my husband got work in a fac- many a+ their death. Once an old woman tory in Detroit.At one time he was out on that lived alone borrowed two boards from strike for 11 months.During W.W.II my oldest me. I laid her out on them. Another old ,,on was in the service while my husband blind lady, too. Once a man was dying of worked in the steel mills.He got sick and colic.I gave him an herbI wonder what he was never strong after that.He used to say: ate to make him sick?Don't ask me who is "The real work isn't in making money, out in more powerful: God or the Devil.Only the keeping it:'If I didn't know him well enough Protestants know those answers.In the old to love him at first, after fifty years of marriLje times, where I was raised, they believed in sor- I really love him. We loved each other as if cery.If you ask me, I would tell you that it's ha was my fathe and I was his mother. We real.There was a witch called Sabel, they never could sleep apart. He was not much said she made people crazy.Her daughter- for dances; I don't know about women in-law, Nisia, was a very pretty girl, she made maybe in his youth.I don't understand why her crazy and sent her bock to her mother. men go wild about a womanwhat one has, My mother-in-law was a good friend of that the others have too. We were very close in witch. My mama Pablita warned her: "The our poverty. day that this one is hurt will be your last day:'

VII.My husband never lost conscious - VIII.My children never missed a day of ness before he died from diabetes. When school even though they had to walk half a -lot to the hospital, he accepted that that mile in the snow. You have to think ahead. it.Where do people go when they Later they continued their studies with schc' ale?Well, wherever God wants them.I only arships or even without them. Most of rr, go to church when It gets warm out, but I be- daughters married, and later some got lieve In God our Father.Of course during the teaching certificates. One of :hem got preg- revolution hiany people burned churches, nant first,wheli she was away on vc.Ja- but they didn't do it because Mey were tion.It was hard on my husband, c:rici one of badit was just a mob, followers of Villa or the smart-aleck sisters told her to put the Zapata. As for us, we just wanted to stay baby up for adoption.I talked to her on the alive, we never followed anybody. But my phone: "You are not the first one or the last to brother Francisco was taken into a troop do this ..iing; you didn't steal, you didn't kill. they followed Pancho Villa.He went to Mex- You don't have to ask our pardon, only ico City, that's where he died.He never sent God's.This child has to come to us, and I letters, but ws knew because a girl who God promise as your mother that I will take care of blessed with the gift of spirits told us.My you both." I thank God thatI have such brother Dario went to see her, he said, "We good, beautiful children.Out of my fourteen want to know about Fronc,iscowhere is children, there are three sons and six daugh- he?" He felt the hand of a n.an and a voice ters left.If all of them had lived, I wok. 'd be that said "My brother, how are you?I am in rich.Whenever I need them, all my children the mansions of our Lord:' "How did you get flock home.I promised God that I would be there?""I was hung.But I'm in the man- the best mother-in-law, and I got such nice sion.Don't disturb me."I never haw./ been sons and daughters-in-law.Praise God, who afrcid of dead people, and have been with taught me how to be a woman.

13 2 %DU% OiON CU/1409 49 k ANSEW/ 1' 4 ...IsepOR', ROSARIO

I. It seems that as a child I always had My grandmother was too strict, and punished very painful experiences. My brother and I him harshly.Sometimes she told him that she were raised without a father, and my mother didn't love him.Often st. a sent him to a dark tried to make sure we would not grow up re- room on the third floor, where the mice were. bellious and undisciplined. The little fellow screamed and screamed. I I remember while we were still living never forgave my grandmother for that.Al- together as a family.I was only four years though I was the darling of the house, and old, but I remember the house clearly, and they never punished me, I have always hated the school, too. any kind of injustice in any situation: between When I was around four or five, I parents and children, or races. We all have found a little branch in the alley.I made a to face adversity, one way or the otherthat's hole and planted it.When we went back how we build character.I am happy that so there, that branch was a big tree.It was a many bad things happened in the first seven beautiful experience. years of my life.Maybe it was hard, but it forced me to see things clearly.I used to be a real tyrant, but I'm changing that nownow II. Detroit was a mixture of many nation- I'm one of Jehovah's Witnesses, and I know I alities then. Now there are more Mexicans have to go on improving my character.While and Puerto Ricans.Mother always talked to I was growing up my riother wouldn't let me

us in Spanish, and so did my father's mother, go out, but my brother had more freedom. I who lived on the second floor with my cous- used to listen to the news on the radio a lot ins.Mother was expecting a child.I remem- about the Korean War.I asked myself how ber two babies that died; one was only two the Koreans could survive that cold winter. So months old. My two cousins had boy- I started to read history about people in other friends.They sat and talked in the living times and places.I also thought about being room, but they could never go out alone. Of a foreigneralthough my brother and I were course they married them later on. My father born in this country. My mother was born in went into the army, and my cousins served in Mexico, and we were raised in a Mexican the Pacific and the Atlantic.I remember that neighborhood. People were different then because they both were wounded. they called us Mexicans, retards, and fools. They used to call us names, "Dumb-ass" even in the school: that was the worst part of it.My III. When I was little,I was deaf.I had poor brother was affected.Poor boy, he lived mastoid infections, and they opened my ears alone with two women trying not to let the en- to drain them, so I could not hear.I could vironment defeat him.From the school days I not hear music, but grandmother had a big knew we came in several colors.After I was old radio with speakers to the floor, and I seven, we lived in a place where there were could feel the vibrations on their cloth. My Italians, Poles, Maltese, and others. Detroit was father finally came home -i remember him a city of immigrants.You saw Moslem women telling my mother that he was going to leave with their baggy pants and Hindu ladies with her, and she cried.I could hear everything saris near Wcvne State University.

clearly then, and Istarted talking then. I never talked baby-talk, but started talking like an adult.Then my mc+her told my father, V. When my mother and father di- "We can't argue in front of her.She can vorced, we went to the heart of the Mexican hear everything now," barrio.First we went to Catholic grade school, and the nuns separated the boys on one side of the room and the girls on the IV. I was four years old, and my brother other side.The nuns kept good discipline, was two. My cousin brought us toys from Ja- fighting was not allowed. Later we went to pan, and we were playing together. My public school. My teacher was a good brother was mischievous, but not a bad boy. woman, but she was as cold as the nuns.

5 :I 5 The nuns were never generous or talkative. ple said things about her, but I knew they Now I guess there's as many discipline prob- weren't true because she came straight lems in the Catholic schools as in the public home from work and she never went around ones. Once I drove a school bus; I had to with men. pick up kids from the Catholic school, and they had good manners but the same atti- tudes as those in the public schools.The VII.My mother was always strict with only difference was that they had learned to me; I could not go out with my friends, or go be hypocrites.I don't know which is worse: to dances.In the first place, we were very to be openly rebellious, or to be hypocriti- poor, and she didn't want me to have impos- cal.There were three black boys; good sible dreams. She said that just because we friends, who always sat together.The Anglo were poor that didn't mean we should go out boys were mean to them and called them with frivolous young people who couldn't ugly names. At the end of the school year take anything seriously.Mother talked to us one of the black boys took o pipe and was about things on the radio, happenings of the going to beat them.I had to take that pipe day, and took us to the library, the museum away from him, and make him sit back and to two aifferent religious services on Sun- down.It took a lot of courage.I didn't think day.Mother liked reading and music, and about them being bigger and stronger than she taught us that way. me, but I was that way when I got riled up. Now I've changed a lot. VIII.When I finished high school I went to Mexico to study at a teacher's college, where VI. There are really more civil rights my uncle was the directormy father's now, but there is also an undercurrent of hos- brother.That way I could live with his sister-in- tility.Everybody thinks, "You're no better than law, but eat with him and his family while I me:'Thisis a very dangerous attitude. It went to school.He was married ro an Otomi leads to resentment instead of love.It's like Indian woman, and had twelve or fourteen saying, "I have rights, whether you like it or children with her.I had been very sheltered, not! Who are you to tell me differently?" and I had to learn many new things. My Living in the Mexican barrio you knew what to mother never encouraged me to make my expect.But there were still things that could decisions, so I had to face school and all be better.Hispanics tend to think the worst of those different people at the same time. I their neighbors.Like in Mexico, everything was especially afraid of the Indian woman, has a hidden meaning. The neighbors were my aunt's sister, with whom Istayed. I always gossiping cbout things they knew couldn't talk to her.Otomi Indians only nothing about.That's why my mother liked to talked to people of their own agenever to keep to herself.She was nevt.,..:. gossip, she young people. My uncle was twenty years had no time or use for it.Sh( (..-ir 't feel su- older than his wife.He was not tyrannical, perior to the others, but she tvx, h, ralue. I just indifferent.His wife had a lot of respect remember when mother war ,r I -. 7 in the for him. The Otomi's are a very proud peo- restaurant, there was a sir , en-yr,s.,;;_i3'- ple. My aunt's sister and I never hitit off. phan boy.He became at;:.-- .. Lt ner Once I got my uncle's permission to go to a although my mother doesn t: ., ;ler feel- party with a family of Jehovah's Witnesses. ings, you know she feels thinj:;eeply.She's When we arrived late, she had locked the not a flatterer, but that young boy felt secure door and wouldn't let me in.She locked the because she was compassionate and cared door at ten every night, and this was between about whether he had enough to eat or ten thirty and eleven at night.I had to sleep not.He wanted to come to live with us, and at the other family's house. We all slept on be like her son.I did too,I wanted a big the floor in one big room. The next day the brother.But she said, "No.People would Jehovah's Witness family went to talk to the never leave us alone, because a woman Otomi woman into letting me back in.I think alone can't take a young man in without my uncle talked to her too.She gave me causing a loi of slanderous talk."Mother ugly looks.The next day I guess I went to welt a good-looking woman then, even school as usual, but I noticed how she treated thoLgh the stroke had twisted her face.Peo- me.

16 6 I had a hard time in school.Al- who cannot work with their heads, use their though I could generally follow what was hands and backs and work like mules."In said, I didn't understand what I read.I didn't this country I have seen women, like my have a big vocabulary.I was studying thir- mother, always working very hard.But that teen subjects, and the other students could was because they have been abandoned by memorize everything.According to that sys- their husbands.But in Mexico all of the tem,I was lacking some high school sub- women from poor areas had to go out to jects.But I couldn't attend high school work, and the children had to help them. classes, and I couldn't work either, h^cause I Now I think that life can be hard, but you can had taken all college-prep classes ,n high be happy even if you are poor, as long as schoolno typing or practical classes.Later you don't have other problems.I was happy on, back in the States, i learned how to type there. My uncles, grandfather's youngest and became a secretary. My dream when I sons, were about the same age as me. We was in high school was to go to GermanyI played and fought like brothers and sister. saw all those boats in the Detroit River from far The youngest one teased me so much that I awayI even studied German in high school threw a brick at him one day.I was lucky by myself, but my parents didn't want me to that it didn't hit him. go there, so they sent me to Mexico.I wrote One time my grandmother left me to my grandparents in Mexico City and told alone with all the merchandise, she had to them I was lonely, and asked them to come go to the bathroom. Somebody came to and see me. My grandfather came and buy an apron,I didn't know the prices, and I said, "Little one, you don't belong in that named a high price. He said, "Do you think house, come home to us."So I told my uncle I have the face of a rich man?"All the other and the minister of Jehovah's Witnesses there, people in the market laughed, they always and I took one suitcase and left the other one enjoyed the things I got myseif into.At first there, so the Otomi woman would not suspect they didn't trust me, because they thought all that I was gone for good.I was a cowai- to the Mexicans who had lived in the States the end. looked down on the people back in Mex- ico.But when they got to know me, they realized that I was just like them.Poor people IX. That's how I got to Mexico City. At first are looked down on all over the world.But my grandparents didn't let me go out unless they gave me a lot of love.They were good someone from the family was with me.But people. when they saw that I was a serious girl, and I There were Jehovah's Witnesses wasn't about to run off with any man, or let there, but they had problems in the Catholic anyone bother me, they let me do their shop- society. Once the Catholics were per3e- ping.I had to go down the hill to the stores cuted in Mexico, but now they have power getting little parts for Grandfather's projects. I again. Anyone who doesn't agree with made friends with the Witnesses in Mexico City, them is persecuted. and my grandfather trusted them. My mother's stepmother was a ped- dler in the street market.At first she was X. After five months in Mexico City, I be- ashamed to have me know that, she thought gan asking myself whether I was really Mexi- it was a low occupation, but I Nanted to go can or American.The people at the border out selling with herI knew they all did what didn't know, either, and made me show nota- they could with the abilities they had. The rized legal papers.It wasn't until I moved to women have always supported us in my Lansing that Ireally learned to live with An- family.I told my grandmother, "If you teach glos.In Texas, Detroit, California, or Mexico I me, I can learn how to work."I learned a always lived with Spanish-speaking people. lot.I never knew how to talk to people be- There were many changes during those fore,I didn't know how to deal with them. seven years in Lans,hg. My brother brought But I learned how to get along with people us here, out of the barrio, and introduced us then.Every n.Jrning she carried three big to the new customs and new way of eating. boxes and took them to different markets in He said, "The barrio is not the only world." I the city.She worked so hard.I saw that thought I had very wide geographical what my mother always said was true: "Those interests before, but as for living with other people, I was very timid.I only knew the dif- not, what could I possibly do about it now?" ference between people who had money When the nurses came in after the operation, and could do anything and the rest of us. I asked, "Do I have a hand or not'?"The My mother raised us with strong values, but nurse said, "Baby, it's all there." that didn't help us much then, because rich people don't recognize spiritual values, and I didn't know how to use my values then. There XIII.Without the Jehovah's Witnesses I wasn't much of a difference between families would have become a militant.Before be- in the barrionobody had any money to coming one of Jehovah's Witnesses I thought speak of, they were all in the same boat. that force was the only way to get justice. Now I was learning a new way of living. I When I was 11 or 12,I remember seeing a couldn't describe it all first, because mother program about the Korean War, and I thought always said that the rich people were all ty- that force was the way to fix everything. I rants that wanted to keep the poor people even thought cf becoming a guerrilla, and down, which Istillbelieve. I didn't know going to Mexico where they had some guer- what to e\pect.Afterwards I came to realize rilla warfare. that not all Anglos were "rich" as I thought At the end of the Vietnam War, the them to be, nor were all tyrants. Chicanos formed the Brown Berets.Before that, the word Chicano was low and vulgar, like a curse.It surprised me when they XI. My father left the barrio many years called the movement by that name.I didn't before, and owned his own little business. join the movementI'm not political, now I He had a new wife and children. A lot of am ruled by spiritual laws. I believe there Mexicans think that poverty comes with life in are other ways to correct injustices. Above the barriomy brother says that to live in the all, I believe that only God can really and barrio is to become poor again, to take a permanently eliminate injustice. I thinkit's step back. We were insecure when we first human greed that causes oppression and left it, but my religion and its people gave ue abuse. The most important change in my life a strong security.To me, living is learning; was finding OUT what love is.Love of God is anyone who doesn't ;earn goes nowhere. universal.Jesus Christ said, "Love your But I'm most interested in spiritual values. neighbor as you love yourself."If we learn to When I was seventeen, I learned about rac- do that, injustice disappears. ism, and started making separations, although unconsciously.But now Ilook at people differently, and I feel better about it. XIV.Now I don't feel alone.I have read your book' and know that there are other women who, like myself, felt frustrated in a so- XII.Once I had a tumor on my hand, ciety that didn't accept them because they and they thought it was cancer when I went are not married, because they didn't want to to the hospital.I thought it was pretty bad, make fools of themselves for the sake of a but I wasn't afraid.The Bible says that dying man.I am the v.y I am, I am independent, I is to sleep.Most people believe that the soul like to work, I like to be able to say what I feel goes somewhere else at death, but accord- without hypocrisy.I began to think about ing to the Scriptures, if we do the best we can other cases that I knew about. When I read according to God's will, then He will reward your book I did more than just read it. us with eternal life.Resurrection will come in

God's due time. I said to God, "IfI have eLucia-Fox-Lockert's Women Novel- done your w;11, I will have a resurrection, but if ists in Spain and Spanish America.

8 16 FRANCISCA

I. There were three girls in my family; I with Mexicans.There was a time when it was the second.I was born in Texas, near seemed like everyone spoke Spanish. One Corpus Christi.I hardly remember my moth- day I got a note from the school telling me er's death; she had pneumonia that lasted the children should only speak English.After three weeks. When she died, my father 1960 things changed again, and the bilin- thought we would be better off living with my gual program came in. aunt, who had children of her own. At firstI Everything is changing nowwhen never considered what effect this would have the kids are sixteen, if they don't want to go to on my life.Before we had a nice house, and school, they don't go.So the Cristo Rey Cen- my father had a place on a ranch, but after ter was established to help them get jobs. mother died he lost that job.I began to no- People with money problems want their chil- tice the change when I had to work in the dren to get jobs.Other people are on kitchen and do chores I never did before. welfare and they have a hard time getting off My sisters and I lived with my aunt and her it. There isn't enough work, and they don't family for many years.She was very strict Want much education. We gave workshops with us.She let us know that the man was on how people can take control of their own the head of the house, and what he says is lives.The Macho image is more predomi- law.I liked to sing and dance, but that was nant down south than it is here.But there are never allowed because my aunt said it was some men that have never changed. We "immoral." My aunt was a fanatic in her have abortion and birth control, but the Chi- view of the world. We never went out. We canos don't use them, so they have lots of weren't gadabouts, so the community re- children. spected us. When my father went blind,I went to take care of him.I don't know how I found out about the money for blind III. I always wanted to do things that my peoplebut I got him a pension.Later, I got aunt would not allowbut I argued with married and went to live with my husband. her.She called me "the lawyer."I argued He also thought that women were to keep witn my husband a lot too.It was in my nat- house. I went along with whatever he ure to be free, to accomplish things.But he said. My oldest boy was born in Texas, but didn't let me. He believed in the Macho then my husband thought it would be better imagethe man could go out whenever he to live away from family interference, and we wanted, but not the woman.In spite of the came to Michigan. Here my ten other chil- arguments, we never separated.I ran the dren were born. house, and he gave me money.But I didn't like the idea that he spent the money we needed at home.Education was always im- II. My husband got a job with General portant to me, and I wanted my children to Motors; he worked there until he died. I have a good education. My only daughter never worked when my children were small went to a private Catholic school because my husband did not approve of that.So I their education was better.They have more busied myself with the activities in the Church discipline, and demand respect.All my sons of the Resurrection, the Mexican Patriotic went to public school, and then into the serv- Committee, and the celebration of the festi- ice, the university, or to work.Since I started val of the Virgin of Guadalupe. At first I working at Cristo Rey,I have realized how worked as a volunteer in the church;I did much you can learn by working with peo- everything from cooking to singing at mass. ple.In that center there's always something But afterwards a new government project going on and we are counseling young peo- came, and they paid me for that work.From ple, or finding work for them. Now I have to then on, I worked every day until two o'clock deal with the agencies, too, that give grants in the afternoon. Around then a new steel for community programs.I talk to many peo- mill opened up, and a lot of Mexicans came ple, even congressmen.I feel good, partici- to work there.The neighborhood filled up pating in this kind of work.

9 .1 9 I left the Church of the Resurrection Women will always give support, when Cristo Rey was established. We didn't you can depend on them. Those nuns still have to pay the priest then, and the work was live in the community, paying their rent with with poor people.But the Bishop and some the money they earn working at other jobs. other people, who were rich and didn't live Since they don't belong to the diocese, just to near there, wanted to create another Cristo their own community, they can live wherever Rey, and started asking everybody for dona- they want. tions.I was the president of the committee of What we need isunity.If the His- the original Cristo Rey, and I was opposed to panic people are separated, how can we be that idea. They were asking for big pledges, strong? We don't have leaders like the and I told them, "Those people are very poor. blacks do.If we were united like them we They have nothing but the roof over their could get more support.I'm afraid that all heads. How can they pay that much?" Any- the support is ending now.Politics changes how, they built the other church, and we poor everything. That man has already taken folks stayed where we were. There were also away our support. some nuns who wanted to Ilya in the area to I hope the young ones don't all go work with the poor people, but, since the away to other states. Who would have ever Bishop wouldn't give any authorization, our thought things would get so badin committee went and bought a home for them, Michigan? with a lot of resistance from the diocese.

2U 10 Pe. .1

4 Unidad familiar/Family Unity, by Nora Mendoza 12 MERCEDES

I. My father was named Juan.At ico and they put me in school, in fifth eighteen years of age he said to his blind old grade. He said, "You see how God provides father, "Shake my hand.This is goodbye!" for us?" He had no mother to say goodbye to: she had abandoned the family many years before, My aunt was married to an army man, V. In Grand Ledge, Michigan I went to she would take care of her father. When my a school that had eight grades and thirty stu- father took the train to New Laredo, even dents: all in one roomThe teacher liked me though the Revolution was over, his young and put me in all ,he plays.She encour- bride was afraid whenever a soldiercame aged me to learn Eliglish. We came to work into the car. back in Michigan. My father got a job as a night watchman. My parents sacrificed to put me in a private Catholic school.Al- ILIwas born in San Antonio, Texas. though we lived in one room, education was There is only one bridge in Laredo, Texas and very important for my father.He used to tell my parents crossed that bridge to go to me, "You might lose everything else, but no work.But one day the guard at the border one can take away your learning." My fa- asked them for their papers.They didn't ther liked to talk about many things, he liked have any.While they were waiting for the to take the opposite side in any argument to papers to come, my parents put me in a teach me that everyone doesn't think ..'like. boarding school with Mexican nuns.I was My mother was a simple woman, who dia ine afraid they would leave me there. The nuns housework, making sure everything was just were impatient with me, they burnt all my right, and she never argued with Dad. dolls once, because they had breasts. VI. My husband's family came to Michi- III. Finally we could cross the bridge to- gan in 1952; (we came in 1946).He gradu- gether, and so we came to Michigan to work ated when he was twenty years old, and I in the sugar beets. My parents worked to- was nineteen. We glanced at each other at the dances, but until we married we never gether in the fields, but I was sent to school. I was ten years old that June, but Istill didn't did anything. We went to the five o'clock know any English.AlthoughI was in Third show so we could get home early.My father grade with the nuns, they put me in kinder- allowed him to visit me when we got en- garten.It was just a one-room school for gaged.I was ready to graduate from high school when a nun asked me. "What are you children of the farmers. Once a week one of gong to do next year?"I knew we were our mothers had to cook for everybody. My poor, and I had not made any plans, but she mother was the best cook because in Laredo encouraged me to apply for a competitive she had worked for a wealthy Mexican lady, scholarship for a religious college in Chi- and she could cook anything. cago.I took second place, but since the first place winner wanted to be a nurse,I got to IV. My father always wanted to go go to the universi:y. back to Mexico, up to the day he died.Dur- ing the Revolution he and his sister had VII. I really wanted to go into science, helped VillaBoth of them were from Parral but what I studied was accounting and short- where Villa was from.They were very Mexi- hand. When I was at school I thought I was can.His sister wrote, "This is your land, not very intelligent, but everybody was intelligent there."Becauz09 of this, when my father at college.There were girls from Puerto made me read history books, he toldme, Rico, and even the Dominican Republic, most "They talk bad about the Mexicans, they of them were wealthy, very few on scholarship don't like us." One day we returned to Mex- like me. The nuns liked the rich ones best,

1323 the poor ones were diamonds in the rough. house is the family center.Both sides come They all wanted me to be a teacher, but my on Sundays, because I work and we have the heart wasn't in it.I wanted to help my par- means, we can have everyone over more ents, and after one year Ididn't go back. often. When I told my father I was going to work, he When we were married twenty-six asked, "Why? Don't you have everything years ago, we put all of our savings into this you need?" Mother had always worked house. My four children were born here.Al- cleaning houses, and I guess that what Dad though this house is far from the barrio, that didn't like was my being independent. Istill doesn't stop everyone from coming here. took courses at night. One night a man On weekends my four nephews come here. chased me, and I was afraid.I quit going to They go to mass with us, and they don't fight college. We lived far away from the bus like they do at home. My daughter loses pa- line.Many years later,I finished college. I tience with them, "What care they doing here? was already married, with four children.But Don't they have a home?"I answer, "They my husband encouraged me to take some are safe here. They don't have to be out on education courses.Later on I took more the street."My eighty-year-old mother lives courses and got a counseling degree. with us, too.I also take care of my neighbor's girl after school. My neighbor isdi- vorced.I believe in helping people. With VIII.In the seventies there was a great my own children and nephews, we have conflict between the Chicano students and seven in the house; that's a lot.My daughter the school administrators.The Chicanos comes home weekends from medical school went on strike, and I did too.I didn't care in Detroit. When she gets fed up with the con- whether Ilost my job.The students com- fusion, I tell her, "You have to do something for plained that a teacher hit a student, but that them, they are family."This is as important for brought out a lot of other things.In my hus- me as for them.But my daughter is a para- band's office and at home the Chicano stu- dox, I hope that when her turn comes, she will dents gathered.I thought they were better be like me. My daughter is going to be a off there than in the streets.I asked my doctor.She is very ambitious and a good bosses, "What use am I as a counselor, if I abandon the students when they need student.Sne studies in Detroit.She thinks me?" They understood, and did not fire me. she's independent, but Idon't agree. She My husband and I are very active in calls us twice every Sunday.That's how she the Chicano groups, and my dining room is is. My mother says I spoil her, because I take too small for all the people who come over her morning coffee to her bedroom. Why every Sunday. My husband says we should shouldn't we spoil our children?I am my knock down a wall to make it bigger, and I mother's whole world.Isn't that the way it agree. shnuld be?I believe this way: "These children are part of my life.I have to love them."I never had time for myself since my IX. When I got married, my sister's son father died.He used to take the children out came to live with us.Although he was al- on Sundays.He told me, "So you can rest, if ready thirteen years old, my husband loved you wish, so you can think." But I don't know him like a son.Although the policemen said what I would do with an empty house. My he was a "juvenile delinquent;' he was a son husband's family is very dependent on us. to us, even though he took off with the car Ever since we got married I was the one who when v,e slept.My parents raised my sister's knew English from the university, so I took them other two sons.She had twelve children. everywhere and dropped them off.For me, They lived in Texas and had a lot of prob- the family is the most important thing. My lems. The oldest boy that stayed with my husband and I finally took a trip alone to San parents went to college, and turned out to be FranciscoBy the second day I was going very successful.The other one works in a crazy away from my children.I think he feels factory.The youngest, that lived with us, the same way. From what I know of Ameri- hasn't had any major problems for fifteen cans, I don't think they have the same years. Now he works for my husband. My need.For them, the most important thing is

/o , 4 14 competition.I don't see how Iwill ever be depending on anyone, not making us tired alone, and Idon't thinkI need that.I am with caring for him.After he died,I didn't used to cooking. Sometimes I ask for help, speak about him for a year.But Icouldn't but not usually. laugh either.I remember the first time I laughed my husband and Iwere running downhill after a retreat at a church in De- X. My grandfather was a miner in Mex- Witt.My father had a great impact on my ico.He was blinded by an explosion, and life.Maybe my mother loved him more, but afterwards he played accordion in the streets he could talk to me. to earn a living.They were very poor, so my father didn't go to school. He taught himself how to read and write.He said that, as a child, his greatest treasure was a little broken XL. I haven't told you that before my pencil stub.He learned a lot from his jobs. marriage I spent my vacations with my Towards the end he spoke a lot about mother at her family home in Saltillo. We death. "Why should I be afraid of death? went by bus to my grandfather's house.It It's not the end of the world."Religion was a thatched adobehe had five hundred doesn't mean going to church. The most im- goats.After milking them, we took them to portant thing is that we see Christ in each the hills.I never went back to Mexico after I other.For him, that was religion.He never got married. Our only contact with Mexico went to churchI went alone ever since was my father's sister, who would telephone childhood. He talked a lot about preju- us.Although she was very old, she was dar- ing. dices. He had suffered that himself.He also She hitched rides on motorcycles. My loved philosophy. He used to tell me, "Learn cousin was like his mother.He died in a car to look at the sunset, give yourself time to accident in Paris.He went there on a trip he think about yourself and about God:'I knew won as a prize for selling so much insur- my father wanted to die in Mexico. When he ance. So he went there and died.The family was like that. retired, he bought a car on a Saturday.He planned to leave for Mexico on Monday. That Sunday, he had a heart attack and he died in my husband's arms while I called an XII.About women's liberation,I believe ambulance. When I saw that he was dead, I in equal pay for equal work.But I wouldn't said, "Say hi to Christ for me, dad." For me, want liberty instead of a husband.It's hard his death took the clouds away; I see now to say what each person should do. My de- that everything he told me was true. When cisions were slow.Everyone has their own re- he was young, he had worked in hospitals. I ality. Ididn't start my career untilI was feel that he knew he was going to die, and middle-aged.I am happy with my life, be- he preferred to go quickly, in his prime, not cause I learned slowly but well.

15 N

NG illbk____ .t_

Rumbo al Norte/ Going North, painting by Nora Mendoza

PG 16 ROSA

I. My father was born in El Paso, Texas, public school in El Paso, forI knew that my the youngest of nineteen children, My father was the first Mexican who graduated mother was born in Mexico; she came when from there.Even though it was difficult for she was 9 years old in 1917. My parents had me to get there I did ii for tradition's sake.In an interesting life but nct without problems, high school I remember the sponsor of the En- that's why they always taught us that you glish Club; she was a very good leacher and have to live your life fully.Either problems helped me a lot.In high school one third of ruin you, or you come out stronger as a result the students were Mexicans, there was much of them. My rr,_.3r emphasized that the racism in Texas in those days.For instance, family motto was "Win or die:' the Mexican girls could be elected to be prin- cesses, 'gut r' '. E3r queens. Many Mexican boys were good in sports, but could never II. My mother talked often about the dream of going to college like now. My par- Mexican Revolution, of all the atrocities that ents were bilingual, My father was edu- took place there and how they escaped. cated and could be accepted in some cir- My father talked about his family lifein cles, but I remember that my best friend's Texas.But as a childI did not understand father could not apply to a club because he that there were two countries. When I was a was a Jew. child, they sent me to a private school in Juarez, at the other side of the bridge.In El Paso they still speak Spanish though itis on IV. My father's life was never easy.He American border town. We happen to have attended the College of Mines inEl Paso, families on the two sides of the bridge. then he went to work in Detroi:, but he didn't When the United States and Mexico were not like the cold weather so he got another job. on friendly terms, the bridge was closed. He married my mother, got a job with an There was an amusing story in my family: on American company and werl to work in the precisely the day that my father was going to mines of Sonora, Mexico.After eight years ask my mother's family for her hand the he got sick, very sick, and he couldn't go bridge got closed and he couldn't do it. I down into the mines any more.It was then also remember that the day the States en- that my parents with my two brothers returned tered the Second World War, the bridgewas to El Paso. My mother went back to live with ,Dosed.Still, Mexicans could work in one her mother so her children would be super- place and live in the other. vised while she was working as a sales- woman in a store.This was essential, since my father decided to go back to college to III. My parents were good Catholics, study a new career. He went to Southern Illi- and they wanted to give me an education nois College to study Optometry. My parents according to their ideas.So I went to a nun's suffered a greL. deal during those years, but school in Juares, Mexico for years. Though by the time I was born, my mother was not my parents had gone through many rard- working arli more, and my father was well es ships when my older brothers grew up, when I tablished in his profession. was born they were enjoying financial stabil ity.During the Korean War, my two older brothers were in the army, so they qualified V. It was my mother's idea that I should for the G.I. bill, and they became optometrists not gu to college in El Paso, 'ut in Chicago, like my father.I had a very close relationship where she had sisters. We both went to Chi- with my father, especially when he took me cago, and there she found me a college: Ro- for walks and talked to me about the sky and sary College. Now I understand why she did the constellations, and also cbout world and I give her credit.My father had a events. Now I wonder, what he got in return domineering personality, so by taking me from his little girl.Still, thanks to his talksI away to Chicago, my mother made it possi- studied sociology.I wanted to go to the ble for me to develop my own views.I be-

17 x0 ,"4' ( came a social worker, though my father ex- lished. My new job was with the Man Power pected me to become a teacher.I was 22 Training.Our first class had one hundred when I was graduded, and for the first tirru in and fifty men; mechanics and welding my lifeI had to go alone to some Chicago classes were offered.My job was to make areas that were segregated racially from the certain that the wives at home would not take rest.During those years I lived in a very nice time from their husbands' studies. I found area, but my work was in the Mexican and myself driving women to the hospital and also Black neighborhoods.I was not afraid since doing even more menial tasks. Among our I always felt a great sense of identity with students were many Latin American men, other Mexicans and minorities.Actually my they came well prepared and learned fast. real problem was how to manage my salary, I also observed that the Mexicans' lack of since I was always tempted to go out to the preparation was the result of discrimination. stores and buy pretty clothing. At that time there were jobs in factories, and our students got skilled jobs. VI. They gave me two assignments; adoption and child custody cases. There VIII.When I was in Chicago I acted like a was a black market of babies, and the posi- professional woman. Rut when I went back tion of our country war to make certain that home on vacations, I was a child again. My adoption would not be manipulated by law- father was in charge of all decisions. My fa- yers.Also, there were many cases in which ther did not want my mother to work since he the family wished to adopt the child born out was financially well off.But my mother al- 'f wedlock to a dat .hterThat way the ways found an outlet for her energy. She child was legally provic. xl with all the neces- created a Nativity scene at Christmas which sary papers. The child custody cases were was so extraordinary that Life magazine pub- the worst.There were many ugly situations. lished photographs. People from the whole I am still surprised at my intensity and the ded- region came to see it.She also got first ication to do the right thing. My function was prizes for her roses, she had a beautiful gar- to investigate each case and give a report to den.But the most important thing she did the judge.Usually the judge followed my was to collect donations for 90 children in the recommendation.It was a rewarding expe- orphanage ward. She excelled within the rience when the right couple adopted the limits my father drew for her. baby. They would send me a picture of the baby; my desk was full of little babies' pictures.I remember the hard decisions when IX. i married in 1968; I had known my a baby was sent to a foster home because husband for three years in Chicago. He his home situation was very damaging. Istill went to Harvard to get his Master's degree, believe that one does the best one can, and I and I went with him to work as a social guessI was just a very determined social worker. I got my Master's degree twelve worker.I remember that I was in charge of a years later.In Boston,I worked with the column in"El Informador," a Spanish lan- Puerto Rican population. We moved to Ohio guage paper. My column was called "Servi- where my husband did his practice, and I cio Social."I answered letters, but more of- worked for the Employment Security Office. ten phone calls from people who wanted to Migrant workers ended their trips in Ohio, and know about eligibility in social programs. very offen they remained there for the winter.They were not made welcome because people said they only came to get welfare. I VII.During those years, poor people helped them relocate and helped them with usually remained in their side of the city. their families.It was then that I realized how Very often I found myself thinking that ifI had deeply impaired they were by the Texan been born there I could never have crossed racism. that Invisible wall.The only cases in which minorities were able to cross that wall was by marrying Ang los.But something took place X. In my family my aunts and grand- in the 70's, offices of Economic Progress and mother were diabetics. By the time I was thir Wars Against Poverty Committees were estab- teen I observed that I was one also.I read

18 P8 my father's medical books and asked to have organized all my work so I can do it without my a check-up. The doctor gave me a diet that eyes.Fortunately, my husband works nearby, was hard to keep because my mother was a and he drives me every day.I am legally real good cook, and in my house there were blind, so I took a course in mobility training, many tasty things.It was when I went away and now I can find my way helped by a white to college that I started taking insulin.In the cane.I have learned a lot from my parents, last few years I started losing my sight.What and I don't feel defeated for my impairment. happens is that the diabetes affects the cells On the contrary, I often think that life goes on in some parts of the body.In my case, it was and on, but it is we who must get stronger with the eyes.Here in my office in Lansing I have the unsuspected trials we face.

P 9 19 La plsca del tomate/Picking Tomatoes, by Nora Mendoza

20 30 JUANA

On my father's side we are from San April 21, 1924, after three day's travel, we ar- Luis Potosi, and on my mother's from Guada- rived in San Antonio. They told my father lajara, although both parents were born in that they needed workers up north, so he Mexico City. My father's people were all ed- signed on with a farm labor crew that was ucated; his father taught school. On my going to Michigan on a truck.He could mother's side they were miners in Hidalgo. have paid his own way, but he went with the My grandmother's brothers didn't want to other workers. share their inheritance with her, so they sent her to live as a serving girl.She worked as a cook for a lady.My grandmother died when Me We will never forget the day we my mother was only one. Grandfather was a came to Michigan. The snow fell like feath- gambler.After his mourning, he kept on ers from the clouds; it was completely new to gambling. One day my uncle Celso came us. We were cult rating sugar fields, which and took all the deads from the box "To keep are like a kind of beet.They put us in some them safe until your daughter grows up" he dormitory housing, my mother and I slept on said. My grandfather also had many one side, and my father and brothers went on women.In the end he lived with a mixed- the other side.That was a big change for blood woman, very industrious, who taught usnow we were farmers, and we all worked my mother how to work.They had to support together in the fields.They paid us $12.00 the household. One day my grandfather per acre and when the weeding started the and my mother went to uncle Celso's funeral. Mexican men gave me some good advice; It was in a big house with a big orchard. "Stoop right down and only look at what's in Some old white ladies with blue eyes came front of you."It went much faster that way. out to meet them. They were suspicious that My father knew nothing about farm work, he my mother would ask for her inheritance. wanted to work in a factory.He bought a They didn't give her the deeds. She didn't car for fifty dollars and we went to Detroit, want money anyway, but she would have where he worked as a mechanic.By that liked to have some education. time I was used to open spaces, and I didn't like the city. We lived in an area where there were a lot of Poles, Germans, and Italians. II. My mother met my father at a My father didn't care where he lived; his dance. After he married her, he took her to house was his kingdom. He used to say, "This live with my grandparents. Those were the house has everything you needyou only days of the Revolution; my parents became have to ask." We started to school in an merchants.They went to Michoacan, where "Americanization" room where there were the Zapatistas were, and they bought sugar, Chinese, Italians, Hungarians and Poles. I beans, and canned milk.They brought it all learned to read in three months, and they put to Mexico City by train. One day an Ameri- me in a regular class.At home, even if we can asked my father, "Do you speak En- had problems, we never yelled. We shared glish?" My father said yes. So the American all our worries.If somebody needed some- told him, "Get back on the train and leave thing like shoes, we all talked it over to de- right now, because the troops are coming to cide how tc spend what little money there killall the merchantsthey think they are was. My father was fair with all of us. spies."So my parents took the children on the train and left.Afterwards we found out that it was true; the American was a reporter, IV. The Second World War affected all a friend of Zapata, and he saved our lives. of the women in town.I took work in a fac- The Mexican Revolution was already ov3r. tory, where they paid me twenty-three cents Things were calmer, but the prices were very an hour.After the war there was more free- high.Because of this, my parents with their dom and recognition for women. Before four children decided to go to San Antonio, that, all the women lived with their families. Texas, where my father's cousin lived. On Afterwards they got more independent; espe-

21 3 1 clally the Germans and the Pules.In the fac- VI. When my health failed, I prayed to tory they called me "Spanish Joanne," be- Godnot to the saints.Ever since I was in cause there were four other Joannes of differ- Mexico, I haven't trusted religion. Now I'm a ent nationalities. We women talker; about Jehovah's Witness.Although there is a His- our lives.Of course, all of them wonted to panic congregation, I went to the English one get married, although they wanted to keep because they preach to everyone; not just working too.They didn't want to have chil- Hispanic people. My ex-husband never dren too soonthey wanted to save for a went to churchlike the other Mexicans who house and furniture.But the husbands go only three times in their lifewhen they are would just drink up their money.Life was not baptized, when they marry, and when they easy.I didn't want to get married. The cii3- die.Even before my divorce I went to differ- presslon started in '31; I got my check cashed ent churches.But in the work of the Jeho- Just before the banks closed up. My mother vah's Witnesses I found what Ineeded. died during that time.The government paid When we became members they all took the hospital bills.I paid the $300.00 for the interest in me and my children.They even burial.Two of my brothers have gone back helped my son with his reading problems. to Mexico. My oldest brother had just died, Although he went to school and he was ten so I was left alone. years old, he didn't understand what he read.After they helped him, he turned out to be an excellent student.There are many V. I had only known one man all my people that don't believe in the Devil, or in life; my husband.That's why when I divorced God either.They kill somebody, and they him, I said I would never marry anyone else. think they're right.Now I believe what I read I don't want anybody beating my children. I in the Scriptures.For instance, that God put have seen too many men becting women Adam in the Garden of Eden so he would and children. work and not be lazy. And also that Eve was I met my husband just before my of Adam's flesh. That's why he should love her, mother died. He took me to visit her. I and no+ despise her.In this service, there is a thought we were friends, although we were close friendship. The people in the congre- very different. We had two children. When gation help each other more than if we were he wanted a divorce I had to face the facts one family.For us there is no color, no na- that it would be better +o separate.I under- tionality.It's not like that in the other stand that older men are attracted to youn- churches in Mexico that are always criticizing ger women. She was a divorcee with two each other. children. She told my sister-in-law once, Since 1954 I have been reading "He's very dark, but he's a good provider."In about all kinds of philosophy and world reli- Mexico the woman belongs in the house, and gions; Hindu, Rosacrucians, all of them. the man in the street.But here it's different; I There was one group that said you could always worked.I saved some money niy ex- control another person with just your breath- husband sent me for rent.But I earned the ing.I have never wanted to control any- rest myself.This way I could educate my body.I have always believed we are all children in my own way, w'thout the in-laws equal and different at the same time, like the interfering.Now Ibelieve love can unite fingers of one hand. people only if they share the same ideas.

22 32 ANA

I. My father died when I was six altogether. My brother had his own place months old. He received a purple heart for and the rest of the family lived in the two bed- fighting in the Korean War. He left us a nice room home that my real father left us. My house. We had nice furniture, and my brother recommended that I go to college, mother gave me nice toys.So my first vision but I never listened to him.Since the times in of life was nice. My father had gone to col- which I wrote poetry in 7th grade and he told lege for two years previously to joining the me that it wasn't any good, I didn't listen to Army, but at his death my mother married a him anymore. man who was a laborer and uneducated. I At that time I only cared about my don't know how she can justify this going grandmother. She treated me special.She down the ladder in society. One thing about would cook for me and slept with me. She my mother, although she herself never lived with my grandfather far away.Unfortu- worked during those years, she always made nately, I only visited her in the summer. sure that we all had a lot to eat. On the other hand, she was not prompt about paying bills and taxes.Although my stepfather III. My mother has nine children; my only made $60.00 weakly, my mother never brother and I from the first marriage, and af- talked about being poor. My stepfather was terwards she had seven more children with not self-assured, and I never have accepted my stepfather. She sometimes used contra- him as my father.Of course he didn't com- ceptives.I guess she did it because she municate with me, so I treated him as if he knew we were very poor, and she could not was someone who lived in the same house. afford any more children.Yet she always He had a drinking problem and a violent seemed to enjoy having a large family. temper. He threatened to kill my mother al- Ten years ago Mexican women had most every week.I sent a younger brother or large families, but today the new Mexican sister to call the police from a neighbor's women would rather have three children if phone when he looked like he might be wild possible.I think that women are more aware enough to do it.I never understood why my of their economic limitations.Also, nowa- mother stayed with him all these years. Was days it is more common for Hispanic women it because of her religious beliefs or because to get a divorce, and when they can't afford she loved him? to support their children, they turn to welfare. I grew up thinking that women were just housewives. My mother didn't work, yet I ii. I have a brother a couple of years still took care of my brother and sister from the older.Because he was the oldest son, ne second marriage. When Ifinished high could eat what my stepfather ate; steak, let- school, I was a good secretary, and I started tuce, french fries.Because I was a woman, I working in order to contribute to the house- only ate what the small children ate; beans, hold.I made $110.00 monthly, and my tortillas and sopas (arroz, fideo, papas with mother took half.(This was when I attended bitesize pieces of meat or hamburger). Also Nixon Clay Business College in Austin, Texas. it was clear I couldn't be late in the street, but I got the $110.00 from the government be- my brother could.I never grew up too close cause my father died in the war.)So with to him. H, used to hit me also. One day, he $55.00 I had to buy clothes, pay my busfare ordered me to wash the dishes; I was read- and personal expenses.All during those ing, and I didn't obey him. He hit me and hit years, my mother had been using also $40.00 me, but I didn't move.Finally he cried and that corresponded to me from my father's told me he was sorry.I also resented the fact pension. On top of that I had to give her half that my mother built my oldest brother a of the money I was e..., ning. The day I told home in the back yard to save him from wit- her I was going to get married, she asked for nessing the violence. He was going to col- $500.00 from the money that was waiting for lege. I shared a room with my younger me after I turned eighteen years old, my fa- brothers and sisters. We were nine children ther's pension money.I guess she thought

23 -1 that since I was not going to contribute to the I never had enough money to go household anymore I should give that much out like other working girls, nor was I allowed to the family.For a long time I have thought to have visitors because my mother was that my mother didn't care about me.I did ashamed of the house. So I stayed home not resent giving her the $500.00, but it was and kept myself busy doing some creative my way of ending the first part of my life. things. I often experimented with different makeups and mixed up colors, or else, I did lots of daydreaming.In any case, my com- IV. I started very young in the Catholic munication was within myself. church.I attended catechism classes reli- giously each week.ButI went to a public school through the ninth grade.I remember V. I had an interesting boyfriend in the that in the 6th grade I got As.I was in plays; I 4th grade.I met the one who was going to knew I could do anything I wanted.I had so- be my husband in my senior year in high cial support a' school, but not at home.I re- school.Antonio never visited me at home, member that in junior high I was very popular, and my stepfather was never anxious to meet

I was selected secretary of the class.In the him. Antonio was more religious than I 8th grade we moved to Galveston; it was very was. He was a very demonstrative Catholic, hard.I became aware of racism, I was one he prayed the rosary kneeling. He was a of two brown faces in the class.I never saw Mexican immigrant, a greencard holder. black races. They went to segregated We went together for three years before I put schools. it to him that either we were going to get mar- Since I was very unhappy in Galves- ried or go oul own separate ways.In loyalty ton, I had an outlet.I thought I could only and fidelity his behavior was not consistent socialize with the rejects; the fat and ugly, the with his Catholic beliefs. When I found out handicapoed. When we moved back to that he had been dating thirteen months af- Austin, Taxers the next year, I told my mother ter we got married I was shocked. When it that I wanted to go to a Catholic school. So came to finding out things I was a great in- finally she agreed. She used to go to the vestigator.I knew what he was doing when bank to get my fathers Social Security check he didn't come home. He never took me for my sotaol and books.So I completed my out, and I thought I would never survive that education in a Catholic school. period of my life. During that time I started talking to a priest.At that point I was very uncomforta- b:e with people.However, I was made Presi- VI. We went to an advisor, a marriage dent of the Legion of Mary, and then I began counselor.I was really trying to hold on to to develop leadership. We visited hospitals, the marriage.I told the counselor I wasn't and the priest loaned me his car. He was a going to bother anymore if he was not break- Spanish speaking Anglo priest working for the ing off with his girlfriend. He was very hypo- Hispanic neighborhood.In those yearsI critical.At first I was very nicl, I tried to be liked to read biographies.I admired Joan sympathetic.That was my s yle,I really was D'Arc because she was such a great in love.I really didn't want to leave him, but I leader,I also liked Saint Teresa because of had to because he wasn't going to stop her will power and her great love for God. cheating on me. The last thingI tried (al- Very often in my childhood I wondered how though Ididn't believe init) was seeing a my life would have been if my father would "curandera" (witch).It was against my not have died.There were no pictures of my moral principles.She was more of a cult father in the house because my stepfather type of person, she asked me to say a prayer, was jealous of him,I imagined my father the and it was supposed to be full of anger to the way I wanted.I have heard that he was a Restless Spirit.I asked her, "Who is he?" very humorous and warm man, so I had some She told me "He owes some good things so idea of his character.I missed my father's he has to go on doing good things:'I de- presence.StillI was proud of him because cided that I didn't want to say that prayer with he died in the war and nobody could tell me anger. Itold her "Soy it on my behalf." that I was a Mexican and not an American There were very strangl things, she told me citizen. that there was Black Mag.c and White Magic

24 14 and that my husband was freauenting a VIII.No man has ever bought me any- Black Magic person.I was desperate when I thing.At that time I was afraid that my hus- tried this "curandera."Before I would have band would try to take the children away. never tired to go to see one although there During that time, because of the commotion I was one in my area. When I decided to get didn't have my menstrual period, and I was a divorce, my moral dilemma was leaving afraid also.Fortunately he was not inter- the church of staying in a rotten marriage. I ested in the children.He had the woman he came to the conclusion that I had tried many married afterwards, and that's all he wanted. times to sta" in the church, and I had con- Now I was a divorcee in Michigan.I worked sulted several priests about my problems. for a year in the Biology Department of a col- Since they had not solved my problems, They lege.It was a low paying job.I was on had to understand my decision. So I opted food stamps, and I was getting child sup- for the divorce. I had to ask myself a ques- port. I didn't like my standard of living. I tion, "Where do I go?"I had lived in Texas all had begun learning about the political my life.I was born in Galveston, but I grew movement of Hispanic minorities.I had be- up in Austin, Texas. I also lived in Laredo, come involved in the Civil Rights movement Texas (on the border) during the last three of the early 70's.If there was rebelliousness years of my marriage.I had taken secretar- in me it showed itself at that time.I would ial courses. My idea of going into the secre- rather say; ifI really care about something, tarial field was: if my husband was going to why don'tI do something about it?In the die or be disabled, I would be prepared to early 70's when I got in the Raza 1)nida, there earn my living.My marriage was going to were a lot of confrontations arid hatred of be forever, but it did not work that way.Dur- whites.I began to work at some practical ing my marriage years I worked, but it was things.I produced a community newsletter not a supplementary income,it was sup- for Hispanics. We helped S' ;anish farmers. I posed to be extra, but it turned out to be nec- took the role of confronting the system. essary. That wasn't what I had intended. I I approarl-oo the college for a had worked for six years as a secretary while I schoiarbi lip, uutnpletely free.In my fresh- was married and I knew I couldn't support my man year I did pretty well.I remember that family alone, not without going on welfare, when I was in high school a nun had said we and not without being poor My husband should consider college if we had more than moved out of the house we rented and a B grade.I had a B average, I could have moved in with the woman he was dating. even gotten a scholarship right after high I went to my brother in San Anto- school since my father was a dead veteran. nio.He owns some drugstores, and he is Unfortunately, at that time college was not wealthy; he got his college free because of one of my aspirations.I thought from what my father's Social Security allowance and be- the nun had said that I might not be ac- came a pharmacist.He was my only imme- cepted, I found out many years later that was diate relative I had left in Texas.So I went to not true. his house with my three small children.He told me, "I hope you don't plan to stay long because I can't stand crying children." So I IX. I was recruited to write at a Hispanic left San Antonio. newspaper, I worked there for a year and a half.I was paid $9,000 in 1972, and that was

really good, but it was a frustrating job. I VII.My mother, stepfather, half brothers didn't have any creative authority to decide and half sisters were migrant farm workers for what was going in the paperI began to fol- four years.They moved to Michigan with the low the politics of the town where I was living $500.00 I gave them five years before.At to get an internship on the big paper.Finally, the time I considered moving to Michigan. I was interviewed, and I was all prepared. I My stepfather was working for Davis andmy had brought along all my clippings, and artic- mother for Hunt pickles. When I called them lesI had published.Fortunately, one of the from Laredo they offered to come to get editors who interviewed me had taught a me. They he'ped me to move my furniture. course I had taken. He knew who I could do. I say "my furniture" because I bought it with I had also worked on the political side of issues my ,'k money. and so I got the job.

25 R5 For three months I was working at She is a cosmetologist, but she became one, tt 1 minimum wage twenty hours a week. only many years after she was married.At

That was my internship, I did lots of rewrites. I the beginning she had a very oppressive did 3 front page stories, after thatI was marriage, but her husband suffered a major hired.I was involved in one of the biggest accident, and he became 1.,ore consider- stories of the year, an award winning story: ate.Recently she told me, "I cull be a "The Big Robbery of the Local Church." They manager of a beauty shop because Ire- had stolen food stamps from there, and ally...""Nonsense," I said, and I encouraged raped an employee.I happened to have her to become one. gone there, and I called the pcper, and they I also see lots of women thrt have sent me more reporters and photogra- the same American dream as the Anglos. phers.I was the only person who could These women realize that if they don't have a speak Spanish. That was basically how I be- man they have to provide for themselves. I gan.In the training program I had to figure grew up thinking a place of work was not a out what to do, how to put the information in place to enjoy.I thought the purpose was to an article.I was writing as fast as I could, as provide for your family needs.I also thought much as I could. you had to work well because otherwise it I was hired as a permanent member was dishonest to collect a salary.But I realize of the staff three months later. Now I am the that now work can also be a personal satis- chief education reporter.I cover the K-12 faction. Now I am self-supporting without school system. There islots of news, I like child support.Actualiy, I raised the kids on what I am doing.I choose most of the topics my pay.I only received child support for five for my stories.I have to compete with the TV years, and despite my efforts, child support news, so I do my best to give a good story. was not enforced by the courts in my case. I feel I have accomplished a lot in the area of politics.I am in the Women's X. I have a half sister I really admire.it Commission, and I am also President of an is true that when we were growing up she re- Hispanic Women's Organization.I have seen sented me and was jealous because I had the effects of the Organization on people. I better clothes.If you think about it, I only organized the Latin Art Festival, and I really had 5 ouffits, but I really took good care of want to add a touch of quality to the activities my clothes.Also she was heavier set and I I organize. was thin.But now we get along very well.

6 26 Aims, 11111111.1111gailla lilf

4-3

Las "piscas"IWorking in the Fields, by Nora Mendoza

28 ELOISA

I. The first thingI remember from was at the bottom. They were rich Anglos, grade school is that Iliked drawing.I was and I knew we didn't have any money. ambitious.I gave lessons to my classmates Maybe my mother thought I would get a bet- for a penny or , nickel.I have five older ter education, but I would have given any- brothers and five younger brothers. When thing to get out of that school. Perhaps my people needed boys for Mexican dances, mother wanted to bring me up as an An- they came to my home and took one of my glo. My mother had to scrape.I am not brothers so I went along.By the time I was 8 sure how she did it.The confrontation was or 9 I was taking dancing lessons myself. I great.Possibly it was a learning experience, never felt intimidated by being the only girl in but I was frustrated.After four years I started a household full of boys, somehow I always participating in dramatic activities, but still felt in control.I was never scared to fight the school was segregates; boys in one with my brothers, especially the ones nearest building, and girls in the other.I was put in my own age.I wasn't sure ifI was going to the college track after they tested me, so I win when we had to have physical fights, but knew somehow that I would go to college. at home I was never made to feel scared. My parents did not know enough to get financial assistance and they paid everything. I. In grammar school I got a lot of attention as far as achievement goes.At that IV. I took courses at the community col- time there were more Anglos in the "area." I lege. There I met my husband.I pursued a was a leader, and the principal of the school degree in psychology because at that time I put me in charge of many school activities. never thought I would make money with my It was a fantastic experience. My mother dancing. He joined the service, so we then was not like she is now, she was not my moved to San Diego. We lived there for two role model then.She was not working when I years. They were very happy years;I got went to school.It was the girls who were at pregnant,I took more dancing classes. I the top of the class, Patty and Sally, that I bloomed. My husband is an Anglo with En- warted to copy.By my junior year my glish and Irish background. Now he speaks mother became active in many things. It Spanish, plays the guitar and gives me all the was then that she influenced me the most, I encouragement I need in my dancing am thankful to her because, since I was a school.He has a college degree in (anthro- child, she did not treat me any differently pology, so he is sensitive to people from other from the way she treated the boys. What cultures.I also have a more open mind and was good for them was good for me. As a attitude now; my philosophy is to treat people matter of fact, I got a car before my brothers with the same respect regardless of their so- did.I was 17, and I had mobility to go from cial class.People in church were so hypo- one meeting to another meeting, as long as I critical, they taught me so many things that called home and told my mother where I were not right.Being raised a Catholic in a was. Protestant country I had to change.In that I was aware of the traditional role of respect the change has helped me tc grow. the Mexican women.It was a pet peeve with me that men could do what women couldn't.So I"dn't go out with guys that did V. Then I came back from San DiegoI not treat me as an equal.If I didn't take it at wonder why? I hate cold winters, but some- home,'why should I take it outside? how I knew that ifI had to make a mark I'd have to make it here.I consider myself a professional dancer, and children in my III. When I was 14, my mother put me in school pay for their lessons.Nowadays His- a Catholic high school.it was a matter of panics have a double consciousnessthey social standing.In my other school I was at are both Hispanics and Anglos. They want to the top of my society, but in that high school I learn more about their origins, dancing and langJages. My dream is to have a center I could reach that goal,I could understand for the arts with all the crafts and drama and numan life.Now I have some freedom to tra- everything. I still realize that Hispanic chil- vel. IfI have to go my husband and mother dren have cultural problems, especially if take care of my son.He is 11 so he knows they don't speak English, but it is important to how to take care of many things.My father keep them off the streets.It takes time to was a number-one Machoman, so I had to overcome differences and to adapt. Mean- assert myself sometimes just to make a while, anything that occupies them and gives point.I did that with my brothers and with them hope is helpful.Art does this!Every females too.I try to treat people as people, experience, every new job, every new person not like men and women.I have a reputa- that you meet, opens your mind to a new world. One person may come just to learn tion for being egotistical, snobbish.But all I how to dance and he gets more confi- want to do is grow. I realize that whatever dence. The more confident they are the bet- you do, you do within the limits of society.So ter off they are.I won a grant so now I can if you drink a lot, or don't take baths, you're go to Mexico and participate in the Ballet breaking some basic rules.But the more things you experience in life, the better able Folklorico and take more lessons myself. I told my mother that my dream was to have a you are to handle different situations. 25-year-old body with a 50-year-old mind. If SUSANA

I. There were eleven children in our woman now, why don't you get marred?" I family.I was in the middle, and I had to work felt trapped, because what Ireally wanted hard to get my parents' attention, Whenmy was a good job.I said to myself, "I've got oldest sisters goi married I became the oldest everything going for me" My fiance wanted one left at home.I took care of my brothers to get married though, before he went to so mother could work for an American Vietnam with the Marines;it was 1966. I woman. My father worked in the fields. gave in.But now my mother didn't want me At home we spoke Spanish because to get married. So we eloped. When he left my grandmother and my cousins lived with for Vietnam, I came back home. (Two years us.But at school in Weslaco, Texas they told later we had a church wedding when he us, "You are in the United Statesyou have to came home.) That summer, I went with my learn English."I had problems at school, parents to work in the fields again.Halfway and at home I got punished when Ididn't up north, I told them, "I'm going to find some speak Spanish.I never got good grades un- other job." My sister and brother-in-law til the sixth grade.I had a teacher who en- helped me to find a job cleaning houses for couraged meshe was beautiful and unclo7- American women.It was a new experience, standing. She took time with me.All the entering a new world. studonts in the school were Mexicans, and all When my husband returned from the teachers were Anglos except for two:Mr. Vietnam, we went to San Clemente, Califor- R. and Miss L.He was my father's cousin. nia.He still had two more years to serve with He made fun of me in front of everybody; he the Marines.I worked as a motel maid. told me, "Don't put on airs.I know where you They gave us a free room, and I cleaned come from."Miss L. was the traditional spin- twenty rooms. One day the cashier ran off ster; she used to tell me, "You will never with all ihe money. The owner of the hotel amount ts.) anything."I asked her why."Be- called me from another town, and asked me cause you use makeup, and you're only to be the new manager. She still didn't pay eleven,"I have always tried to prove that me any salary, but I got a bigger apart- they were wrong.I always needed to test my ment.I was very happy.I always worked strength.I wanted to go on to high school, very hard, that never bothered meI wanted but my parents said, "Look at your sisters; to to have responsibility. become a mother you don't need a diploma." When I was founeen, I already had a fiance, and I was afraid I would do exactly Ill. My husband didn't want to change what my sisters did.I insisted that I wanted to his way of life; his parents had been migrant finish school. My mother is a very strong and workers, too. When he gar out of the service, domineering woman; I respect her and fear we went back to our home town, and to our her. When she realized that I really wanted old ways.I got pregnant then.I tried to tell to 'improve myself through education, she myself, "I have my husband, my child, my gave me her support.I learned a lot from home, a carI guess I should be happy." her, carpentry, gardeningshe's always go- We were there two more years, but I was go-go.Each year we left school in May to never satisfied.There was a federal project join the migrant stream.I was ashamed of for job training, and Itook an accounting that.I told my classmates that we were go- class.I was second in my class, even though ing on vacation to visit my sister in Chicago. the others had experience.I got a job in a Of course they knew the truth.It was a small bank.Ii was a different kind of job.I never town.But we tried to "cover up" anyway. I had to get my hands dirty.Now my husband have always wanted to move up. was jealous.I was mixing with all the "higher-ups." I got mad, and Isaid, "Why don't you take advantage of your veteran's II. I graduated when I was eighteen. I benefits and finish high school?"It took a lot told my parents, "Now I can work at a better of doing, and everyone said I was pushing job."But everybody told me, "You're a him. My in-laws did not accept the

31 40 change. When he got his diploma, he be- ents raised me with so many rules; "Don't came a patrolman on the police force; I was skate because you'll break your leg, Don't very proud. But it didn't last.There was a po- go swimming, you might drown."I knew they lice strike, and he struck too.All of them were just excuses because we couldn't afford wce fired.No more job.He began driving to do these things.But itstill made me ttuoks.He worked nights. Ifelt like an out- afraid. I kept repeating to myself, "Keep cast, and blamed myself for all our prob- your job, keep your "hildren, keep your confi- lems.I got pregnant again, and we went to dence up." Fortune.. :4 at work they were Corpus Christi to live.I got a job as a tele- very understanding.Lupita, for instance, phone operator.I was very happy i could would come over and say,"I ove yourself dress well, and be with people again. womanI'm here so you can scream, you can act crazy, but always love yourself." IV. We came to Lansing for a wedding.Everyone said my husband could get VI. I realized thatI was having prob- a factory job, but it wasn't that easy.In the lems with the children, because from the be- meantime, my third child was born here, so ginning my husband had been the authority here we stayed. My husband joined the Na- figure.The children weren't used to obeying tional Guard, and I got a part-tirry, !ob with c me, so I had to start there.They also wait Spanish newspaper. The cashier disap- through a crisis: Stage 1: The misery, the suf- peared with the money again, and I became fering of seeing their parents constantly quar- generc.il managgr.In 1978 there was a grant reling.Stage 2: The shock, no more fight- available from the Jniversity for a project to ing.The accusation: "V don't love Daddy help migrant workers.I began working with anymore, so you don't love us:'(I looked for that office, and I also took courses at the Uni- support groups of WOMen wins had similar versity.By now, my husband had a good job, and he insisted that istay home, al- problems.) Stage 3: The crisis is over. Now though our children were at school all day. we can communicate again. We had a two-story house, so when I wouldn't But I realized that i would have to obey him, he moved downstairs, and I lived raise my children alone.I felt happy that at upstairs with the children. He was good at least i could raise them with my own values. keeping up appearances. So when his par- For instance: my husband always said, ents came from Texas to visit us, he pre- "When the children are 18, it's out to work tended we were still on good termsThis ar- they gc ."I don't think that way.I want them rangement was easy because he worked to get an education; I began work in a fac- rtihts, and I worked days; we never saw tory so I could double my salary and provide each other anyway. But we still fought on for my children. I learr ed that job quickly. weekends, and talked about getting a di- Three months later, wl%el I could join the un- vorce.I told him, "You can keep the house, ion, I went to the foreman and asked, "How but I'll keep the children:' He said, "You're do I move up the ladder'?" He was surprised; going to fail, and you will bed me to take you "Huh?"But I took the training and got a pro- back when you need me." motion, now I always say, "Look at me as a workernot as a Chicana, not as a woman. Just as a worker." V. I was afraid to fail.i had never made any major decisions before. My par-

32 41 .t-

Madre e Njo/Mother and Child, by Nora Mendoza EMMA

I. My first memory is our home in Crys- about what was best for our education', for tal City, Texas. My father was a foreman example, he moved to another house so we there.I also remember my mother wetting could go to better public schools.At that down the patio and all the children sliding on time I thought of going to college and taking it.At that time,I had three.'der brothers it from there.I never thought I would be do- and I was the only girl.Now I am the oldest ing what I am doing now.

sister of four girls ard have eight brothers. I don't remember our trip to Michigon, but I remember my grandfather and oldest brother III. When I started at MSU I moved to working with my uncle and cousins in the mi- the dormitories; I got a scholarship and I also grant camps. got loans.I have paid all my loans now. It was a pretty tough change. My mother thougt.t she was losing me because I, the old- II. In Lansing we were put in a Catholic est girl, was leaving home. Even though the private school. We were the only Mexicans university is not too far from my home...only there. We didn't know any English, c J it five miles.StillI had to go home on week- was very difficult for us to learn it o: .:lur ends, for a while.I realized that for the first

own. The nuns were good to me, but they time I was independent and all by myself. I did not like my brothers and punished them also had a boyfriend, R., an Anglo.I had quite frequently; not because they acted up, met him while I was shopping. He didn't in- but I think out of frustration and not knowing terfere with my studies because he worked how to deal with someone who only spoke days as a salesman; however, I lost communi- Spanish. The nuns didn't know how to com- cation with my roommates because I spent municate with them. At home I helped raise lots of time with him outside of the University. my brothers and sisters. There was a Chicano Club at the University We changed schools in Junior where I met lots of Mexicans, but I was al- High.I liked my new school a lot. There was ready in love with R.At that time he had two social life. Istill have friends from those monkeys in his house and I loved to help him days. One of them works for me. I also in the chores of cleaning the cages and liked the school because the teachers cared feeaing the monkeys. We became very about us, even though the classes were close like a family.Although - ny mother tried large. My home was very far from the to share with me her point of view, she redly school, so we had to take school buses.As didn't approve of my boyfriend; however, no for our social lite after school hours, we alone got in my way. ways managed to get a ride.I had very good girl friends, both Mexican and An-

glos. I felt closer to the Mexicans. Maybe IV. I went two years to college then I at that time I realized that I had to fight ifI stopped and got a job.I realized that my wanted to survive, as they did toc. parents had sacrificed a great deal so that One thing thatI thought was very all of us could go to school. My loans were strange at that time was to hear the way An- getting bigger and bigger, and I thought I glo kids talked about their parents. They could not pay them ifI continued studying. didn't have any respect. Also they got into My quitting school was a disappointment for drugs and sex, which was not familiar to my parents.But I got a good job at the me.I never thought I wanted to do those Credit Union and there I learned some bank- things; it wasn't for me. ing skills.I became well qualified for clerical We went to the Cristo Rey Church. jobs.I started working for my boyfriend at The first one was on Main St., the second one nights making phone calls for his business. on Ballard, and the third one is on Washing- Later on I went to vork for him.I moved inio ton St.I was glad that our parents took us to my own apartment, and R. had his. We a Spanish church, that way we could mix with never moved into the same house in the other Mexicans. My father always thought eleven years we had been going together. It

35 43 would make me uncomfortable with my par- years old.I can live completely alone, with- ents, or maybe I had never really cared out relatives, and it would not bother me. about living with anyone in those condi- After all, everyone I know is nearby in town. tions. We have talked about marriage, It is true that I was raised with many brothers maybe some years ago I wanted to marry and sisters, but somehow I am not anxious to him, but now things have changed for us. It have children or live with an extended fam- is true that we have good times, but we also ily. I've taken many dance classes; modern, have bad times.I don't think things would folk ballet, c-jazz sinceI was a child. I change if we got married. also like tolift weights, and I have close friends from my high school years that I enjoy spending time with.I always thought of be- V. The relationship with my boyfriend coming a professional dancer, but that put me through several changes.It made changed when I decided to buy my me strong because I didn't want to be de- business. pendent on him.R. bought the business in 1975, and I have been working for him for the last five years. Now I am going to buy the VI. Nobody in my family had Interfered business from him, and he will be working for in my lifestyle.They are understanding, even me in what he likes best; selling.He doesn't with my sister who had lived with a boyfriend want the responsibility of the whole busi- for seven years.Since we were children my ness.But now I am well prepared to take tattler made us know what is good and what care of all the details.It is difficult to mix love is bad. He never got on us because we with business and there are many pres- made a mistake. My mother is very passive; sures.I think that this is one reason why we she is still my best friend.I also have two very live apart.I come here and get away. Now cic:,a brothers in my family. Still there were there are ten people working in the business times when my life wasn't going too well. of water treatment systems. Poop le in the cit- Then I did not want them to see me in an ies don't think it is important, but rural people emotional state, so I stayed away. really need them. There arc many chemical I am still a shy girl; my boyfriend is dumps that get in the water supply and lots of very strong and determined. H9 was a foot- people get sick.The water treatment system ball player and a weight lifter, so, somehow I takes the impurities from the water. Now I am always wanted to compete with him. I think I tapping into a number of new people that could do it twice as well as he does it.StillI are interested in ecological matters.i hc'e love him very much. Probably that's what learned a lot about people in my business. makes it hard for me to break it off. When I get do most of my work over the phone, and I sentimental I want him to come back.I don't have to check credit ratings on future cus- like the double standard at all.And that is tomers. ThenI make appoir 'ments and something I cannot put up with,But when I get send the salesman to meet the c :lents and in- jealous, then I think "I am not married to the staller to install the systems.I also have an guy, I don't have any rights on his personal accountant. She is my brother P's girlfriend life:'I now realize that he likes all the qualities now, and they both live with me in my of my personality and my culture.I am very .)use.At the timeI bought the house I loyal and he has been my only boyfriend. I thought I could move the business into the was really in love with him and didn't care basement, however, realized we had a water about anybody else. I really wantea him problem in the basement. At that point it badly, but now I think I would like to meet some- was out of the question.Besides, the present one else.Still, I have sot met any man yet that location of the business is better. Now I am I want to be with that could make up for what I living with my brother, his girlfriend, and my would lose not being with him. dog, she goes wherever I go. She is seven

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