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Surviving Sexual Assault Sexual Assault Surviving Sexual Assault Sexual Assault Survivors of sexual violence have critical needs. Certainly they include a safe place to be, safe people to be with, and clear, accurate information to help them assess the situation and decide what to do about it. Information in this packet, provided by Saving Grace, deals with basic aspects of sexual violence. It is intended to help sexual assault survivors and their friends understand the nature, scope, and direction of the violence. Saving Grace offers a safe refuge and support services for women, men and children who survive domestic and sexual violence. Services are provided to survivors regardless of their gender, race, color, creed, disability, religious beliefs, or sexual orientation. Programs and services include: • 24-hour crisis intervention telephone hotline • Shelter services that include housing, food, clothing, emergency transportation • Individual crisis counseling • Support Groups If you would like more information about sexual violence, or if you want to talk to a trained person about a particular case of sexual assault, please call the Saving Grace hotline at 541-389-7021 or toll free in Oregon 1-866-504-8992. Saving Grace• Hotline 541-389-7021 or Toll Free in Oregon 1-866-504-8992 Page 1 April 2008 Sexual Assault Information and Resources for Survivors and Their Supporters Table of Contents • Defining Sexual Assault.................................................................................................................... page 3 • In the Mind of the Rapist................................................................................................................... page 4 • Is It Rape When It’s Someone I Know or Have a Relationship With? ................................... page 6 • Sexual Assault Drugs......................................................................................................................... page 7 • If Someone You Know is Sexually Assaulted ............................................................................. page 8 • Surviving an Assault .......................................................................................................................... page 9 • Rape Trauma Syndrome.................................................................................................................page 10 • Recovering from Sexual Assault...................................................................................................page 11 • Medical Care for Assault Survivors..............................................................................................page 12 • Sexual Assault and the Justice System .........................................................................................page 13 • Civil Penalties ....................................................................................................................................page 14 • Plan For Safety, Identify Support and Survival Needs .............................................................page 15 • Crime Victim's Compensation.......................................................................................................page 16 • Protection from Stalking..................................................................................................................page 18 • Unique Issues Facing Male Survivors..........................................................................................page 20 • People with Disabilities....................................................................................................................page 21 • Elderly Survivors of Sexual Assault .............................................................................................page 22 • Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Survivors of Sexual Assault................................page 23 • Adults Molested As Children.........................................................................................................page 24 Saving Grace• Hotline 541-389-7021 or Toll Free in Oregon 1-866-504-8992 Page 2 April 2008 Sexual Assault Defining Sexual Assault What is sexual assault? A sexual assault includes any kind of unwanted sexual contact – contact that is physical, verbal, or even gestures – that is done without the willing, able consent of both parties. Sexual assault is a broad term that encompasses everything from unwanted sexual advances (sexual harassment), on one end of the continuum, to sexual touching and includes both attempted and completed rape on the other end of the continuum. For victims of sexual assault there is no kind of sexual violence that is easier to deal with than another. All are shocking, hurtful, and life changing. Whether the victim was attacked by a stranger or manipulated by a trusted family member, or whether what happened to her would be seen as rape or sexual harassment, she suffers pain. We believe sexual assault survivors deserve to be believed, to have their feelings validated, and to know that they are never to blame for another’s actions. The victim is never responsible for the assault. Pinpointing responsibility A pervasive and devastating myth about rape is that the victim is in some way responsible for the crime. We have often heard people say, "What was she doing out alone?" or "She shouldn't have been drinking" or "She shouldn't have been wearing those clothes." The reality is the rapist is responsible for the rape. Rape is not a natural consequence for going out alone, drinking, or wearing certain clothing, no more than banks should be blamed for bank robberies because they intentionally keep a lot of money in their vaults. The myth that most rapists are strangers to their victims keeps most women from recognizing the dangers closer to home. The sad truth is most rape victims (83%) are assaulted by someone they know and believe to be trustworthy. Forty percent of rapes occur in victims' homes where they believed themselves safe. Anyone can be victim, even children, people with disabilities, the elderly or men. Rapists plan the crime in detail and the victim is powerless to change the plan. Saving Grace• Hotline 541-389-7021 or Toll Free in Oregon 1-866-504-8992 Page 3 April 2008 Sexual Assault In the Mind of the Rapist Abusive people, including rapists, typically think they are unique, so different from other people that they don't have to follow the same rules everyone else does. But rather than being unique, abusers and rapists have a lot in common with one another, including their patterns of thinking and behaving. Some of their characteristics are: Excuse making Instead of accepting responsibility for his actions, the rapist tries to justify his behavior. For example: "I was molested as a child" or "I was drunk when I did it" or "When she said no I thought she meant yes." Blaming The rapist shifts responsibility for his actions from himself to others, a shift that allows him to blame the other person for "causing" his behavior. For example: "She was acting provocatively." Redefining In a variation on the tactic of blaming, the abuser redefines the situation so that the problem lies not with him but with the outside world in general. Success fantasies The abuser believes he would be rich, famous, or extremely successful in some other terms if only people weren't holding him back. Their blocking his way makes him feel justified in getting back at them, including through rape. The abuser also puts other people down verbally as a way of building himself up. Lying The abuser uses lies to control the information available and therefore to control the situation. The abuser also may use lying to keep other people, including his victim, off balance psychologically. For example, he tries to appear truthful when he's lying and he tries to look deceitful even when he's telling the truth. Sometimes he reveals himself in an obvious lie. Assuming Abusive people often assume they know what others are thinking or feeling. Their assumption allows them to justify their behavior because they "know" what the other person would think or do in a given situation. For example: "I could tell what she wanted me to do." Above the rules As mentioned earlier, an abuser generally believes he is better than other people and so does not have to follow the rules that ordinary people do. That attitude is typical of convicted criminals, too. Each inmate in a jail typically believes that while all the other inmates are criminals, he himself is not. An abuser shows above-the-rules thinking when he says, for example, "I don't need counseling. Nobody knows as much about my life as I do. I can handle my life without help from anybody." Making fools of others The abuser combines tactics to manipulate others. The tactics include lying, upsetting the other person just to watch his or her reactions, and provoking a fight between or among others. Or, he may try to charm the person he wants to manipulate, pretending a lot of interest or concern for that person in order to get on his or her good side. Saving Grace• Hotline 541-389-7021 or Toll Free in Oregon 1-866-504-8992 Page 4 April 2008 Sexual Assault Fragmentation The abuser usually keeps his abusive behavior separate from the rest of his life, physically and psychologically. An example of physical separation is the abuser's sexually assaulting family members but not people outside the family. An example of psychological separation is the abuser's attending church Sunday morning and sexually assaulting his victim Sunday night. He sees no inconsistency
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