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OCTOBER 1–OCTOBER 28, 2020 DUBUQUE365.com ISSUE #373 16 GARY DOLPHIN, VOICE OF THE HAWKEYES TALKS HAWKEYE FOOTBALL, BASKETBALL, AND THE RETURN OF BIG TEN SPORTS FEATURES SECTIONS 19 TMBR’S PROVING GROUNDS 6 EVENTS RECREATION AREA OPENS 23 NIGHTLIFE 20 SPOOKY FALL ACTIVITIES 26 COLUMNISTS 31 PICTURE YOURSELF IN THE TRI-STATES PRODUCTION STAFF CONTRIBUTING WRITERS BRYCE PARKS GWEN BEATTY PUBLISHER, EVERYTHING ELSE GOOD ADVICE [email protected] [email protected] KRISTINA NESTEBY MATT BOOTH LAYOUT NINJA, DESIGNER MATTITUDE [email protected] [email protected] MIKE IRONSIDE SARA CARPENTER FEATURE WRITER, PHOTOGRAPHER DO IT YOURSELF ADVICE [email protected] [email protected] DANNY FAIRCHILD ADVERTISING STAFF DINING [email protected] LISA STEVENSON [email protected] BOB GELMS 563-580-1691 BOB’S BOOK REVIEWS [email protected] PAM KRESS-DUNN COLUMNIST [email protected] SUNIL MALAPATI DINING [email protected] SPECIAL THANKS STEPHENMOUSE CHRISTY MONK, GINA SIEGERT, NEIL QUESTIONABLE HOROSCOPES STOCKEL, KAY SCHROEDER, RICH [email protected] BELMONT, MARGIE BLAIR, FRAN PARKS, JULIE STEFFEN, RON & JENNIFER TIGGES, JULIE GRIFFIN, MARK DIERKER, BACON, STEVEN SCHLEUNING, TIM BRECHLIN, ROY WHERE’S WANDO? & DEB BUOL, JEFF LENHART, GEN. BOB 365INK MAGAZINE FELDERMAN, DAVE HAAS, LISA OLSON, MIKE WE’VE HIDDEN WANDO 432 BLUFF ST, DUBUQUE, IA 52001 • DUBUQUE365.COM • 563-588-4365 • [email protected] DAMASO, PAUL GILLIGAN, PAUL & SANDY SOMEWHERE IN THIS MEYER, ALL OF OUR 365 FRIENDS AND ISSUE OF 365INK. CAN ALL CONTENTS © 2006–2020, COMMUNITY INCORPORATED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ADVERTISERS... AND YOU FOR READING. YOU FIND HIM? ALL BACON SERVED SEMI-CRISPY. strong likelihood that those late num- possible. Must go with election night.” bers will lean heavily Democratic, is In other words, he actually wanted to critically important. Prepare for it. Know see absentee votes tossed out and only it’s coming and don’t let any person in-person voting counted. Note here or any media outlet try to call it voter that he personally votes absentee. Once fraud or fake news. It’s the true and fair again, there was zero evidence what- political process in action. Slow, delib- soever that any such thing happened, erate, accurate, accountable action… because it did not. But it was a danger- I hope this ends up just being me stating this will be a “red mirage.” This is because but action nonetheless. It might not be ous prognostication of things to come. the obvious and does not get proven advance polls of likely voters show that enough to overcome the strong show- Imagine what he might do in Novem- to be a political column after the fact. 81 to 87 percent of Trump voters plan to ing from conservatives who vote in ber when it is his own political fate I think, when you read it, you’d be vote at polls while only 31 to 47 percent person on election day, but it is not a hanging in the balance and not some hard-pressed to find what part of this of Biden voters plan to vote that way. fake event. No one is stuffing the ballot other people’s elections? Oddly aimed isn’t basic common sense. You might Therefore, Biden’s “blue wave” will not hit box after the fact. It will just take days September tweets are already setting disagree with who’s likely to win the until absentee votes get fully counted. to get to the bottom of the ballot box. the stage to question to validity of a vote election, but math is math. Obviously, Waiting about four days after elec- Strangely, any complaints about that didn’t even happen yet. I also note I lean hard to the left, but the underly- tion day, with 75 percent of absentee Trump winning early and Biden winning here, for the sake of science, that only ing data about how absentee voting votes now counted, the lead would flip late are technically backwards. Since one Presidential candidate in history has works and how it is so different this year to Biden, 280 to 258. And once all bal- absentee ballots must be sent before ever suggested in North Carolina that from every before is critically impor- lots are finally counted, which can take the election, technically those votes are his supporters should attempt to vote tant to the nation. See if you agree? weeks, Biden could have a bigger victory the early ones, and whatever happens more than once “to test the system.” I print this here, weeks before election with 334 electoral votes to Trump’s election day itself will be the late swing The same candidate to call fraud is night, as advanced proof that there is no 204. Again, this is using current national to the votes to the right. Will Fox News’ the same one to actually also suggest crime afoot and no liberal plot to steal the polling numbers as an example. This is more legitimate newsmen like Chris Wal- attempted fraud. Well intentioned or 2020 election coming in November. This not a liberal pipe-dream. This is actually lace acknowledge the “blue wave” that not, a citizen purposely attempting to election will end differently than any in the most likely scenario that will play is sure to come after election night with vote twice is the very definition of voter recent history, and the reason is perfectly out. Read that again. THIS IS THE MOST absentee votes, whether it is enough fraud. Again... welcome to 2020! normal, plausible, and fully expected by LIKELY SCENARIO. It’s basic math, not to win or not? We can only hope so. It’s In the new reality of COVID-19 and a all involved in the official election process. a left-wing conspiracy. Anyone can do not unfair to ask. We won’t likely see huge uptick in absentee ballots, we must Using current polling numbers as a the same math as I have done here. that kind of level-headed news report- abandon the notion of “Election Night” simple sample vote tally… On election Even if those polling vote numbers ing coming from Trump sycophants and embrace the new normal of “Elec- night, in-person voting plus 15 percent of are not accurate at all. In other words, like Tucker Carlson, who just last week tion Month.” Actually, states have NEVER absentee votes counted by the end of the if Trump is actually destined to win the suffered the embarrassment of having certified winners on election night in night will show Trump leading Electoral election in the end, the basic premise Fox News’ own lawyers argue in court the past either. Only news organizations College votes about 408 to 130 for Biden, that voting numbers will come in heavy that “no reasonable viewer” would take have done that, and only using statisti- appearing to have a landslide victory. But after election night is over, and the him seriously. Outside of Comedy Central, cal projections. So let the states do their has any network ever made such a dubi- work. Bite your nails far longer than you ous assertion of its own “news” staff? hoped to have to, and wait until all the Hopefully the election desk is manned chickens have hatched, the fat lady has by Wallace and even judge Napolitano sung, and Elvis has left the building. who is very conservative but often makes So, vote for who your heart tells correct assertions about things that are you to vote for. If the evidence of your technically legal vs. illegal. But as I just eyes and ears hasn’t swayed you to my used Google to spell check his name, a case by now, it will not. But if you are bunch of news stories from today popped a patriot, you will defend the right to up about his involvement in a very weird vote and the system by which that hap- sex lawsuit. So maybe he won’t be on pens in America with all your might. It’s the dais after all. Welcome to 2020! slow despite what TV news makes you Yeah, we live in 2020, and that also think on election night, but it is real and means people want the answers NOW! trackable data that cannot be undone NOW! NOW! Well, this is not Ameri- by bluster or finger-pointing. Be patient, can Idol, though it could seem like the be accurate, be accountable, and in the continuation of a different reality show end, the truth will win out. I know it’s on most days. The votes don’t tally up in been a while since that’s happened. under an hour. There will be no legitimate Thank you to Fareed Zakaria for most election night victory speeches on either of this simple explanation of the facts. side. There can’t be. They can try, but Last issue I took an unfair jab at Trump both candidates will have to wait it out at the end of an unrelated column when for the real numbers to be tabulated. I was in a bad mood and frustrated with A similar thing happened in the 2018 him (pick a day, any day). It was mean, mid-terms when Democrats took over and I should stay above playing at his vote leads after absentee votes came in name-calling level. I’ll try to be more across California. Trump declared a con- considerate of opposing views in the spiracy was at work. You can look up the future, even as I tear them apart with tweets. There, of course, was not a con- facts. It’s what RBG would want me to do.

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