September 4, 2003 The Bottom Line 5 OPINIONS Verge of Frenzy: Love at Columbia By Brandon Peele and want every woman to satisfy sex with us, we’d be a lot less Why work hard when the most have a penis. George Maslovsky their one want and need. If motivated to succeed; we’d beautiful women in the world In absence of looks, creativ- you don’t agree with this, live our lives in a world of are ready to shag you after ity, or God-given talent, we Gentlemen and ladies of stop reading, turn the Lifetime sheer orgasmic ecstasy. Case merely a few kind words and a work. We work because we Columbia Business School network back on and go back in point: Sweden. Northern drink? It’s no wonder Sweden enjoy having toys, playing Class of 2005, let me welcome to the convoluted is a welfare state-- alpha male, and most impor- you to an exciting two years of fantasy you call real- all they do is shag. tantly, because women love fun and learning! Do yourself ity. Seriously, stop Granted I’m over success. This is why we are a favor, forget the whopper reading, because the simplifying and here--this is why we worked you spun on your application, truths explained in the stereotyping, but hard and gained entrance into and enjoy business school, following paragraphs spend 15 minutes in a top tier business school. the great snooze button on will grievously offend a Stockholm bar and Most of us have no raw talent life. Take this opportunity to your sensibilities. I then judge me. or creativity, so we’ve made search your soul and find out don’t want to be hunt- There are men it our mission to transform what you really want, not only ed down and beaten in America who ourselves from $80k-a-year professionally, but person- with my own limbs at also enjoy this very chumps into $150–500k-a- ally. If you think you already the next CWIB meet- life; we call them year player-pimps. Do not lose know, odds are you are prob- ing. “tall and extremely sight of this! ably wrong. Keep your eyes Gentlemen, why good looking” or Gents, so if you buy my open, as many opportunities have we excelled pro- “talented in the arts argument regarding why of which you were previously fessionally? Because or sport.” Take a we are all here, then obvi- unaware will surface. of drive, a need to moment for this to ously it makes sense to STAY That said, let me share my achieve. Where does sink in… ok, good. SINGLE!!! Each day is better opinion about how love and this need come from? We all want to live than the last. We age like wine, marriage relate to the MBA Lack of sex. Not just free and to enjoy increasing in complexity, degree. The following argu- lack of sex, but lack European culture embraces varied and daily distinction and most impor- ment is based on the old adage of different, interesting and promiscuity and encourages biblical intimacy like James tantly value. It’s fine to have and fundamental program- exotic sex with many, frankly, their young women to have Bond. If a life of adventure a girlfriend in b-school, but ming of all humans: Women anonymous partners. Face it, if safe sex with many partners. and promiscuity isn’t your drop her like day-old bread want one man to satisfy all every beautiful woman we saw There are a lot of happy bag, take off your pants, look their wants and needs; men was ready and willing to have down and make sure you still unmotivated men in Sweden. Continued on Page 6 Perseverance Pays An Interview with Art Samberg By Eli Rabinowich Professional History Mr. Samberg often stopped by was a money manager in growth catapulted it to the • Partner and member of the local brokerage office to Southport, Conn. The firm top of the hedge fund world. Welcome to “Profiles in firms management com- watch the ticker. He became started with $3.5 million in Throughout the 90’s Pequot Investing”, brought to you mittee, Weiss, Peck & infatuated with the market and capital and quickly grew to was able to ride the tech wave by The Bottom Line and Greer started his securities career as $24 million by 1987 due to and was an early investor in The Heilbrunn Center for • Analyst: Kidder, Peabody an electronics and aerospace both gains and additions to AOL and Yahoo! However, Graham & Dodd Investing. & Co analyst with Kidder Peabody. the fund. However the Crash towards the end of 1999 Mr. Every week we will profile • MBA Columbia Business Today Mr. Samberg heads up of ’87 hit Pequot hard. In a Samberg became leery of the a leading investor and get an School Pequot Capital Management, matter of months the firm high market multiple for his inside look into their invest- • SB Massachusetts Institute a leading diversified alterna- was down to $5 million in growth stocks and began to ment philosophy. of Technology tive investment firm, and is capital. Mr. Samberg was left unload some of his positions. Up next, Arthur Samberg. While the tribulations of the Vital Statistics Crash of ’87 clearly affected • Chairman, Pequot Capital Mr. Samberg, the lessons of Management Inc. the crash were not lost on • Board of Directors him. In particular, he dramati- of HealtheTech Inc., cally overhauled his view on Historic Hudson shorting securities. “Prior to Valley, the National the crash, I was right around Foundation for Teaching 100% long without careful Entrepreneurship, and PROFILES IN INVESTING thought given to the level of College Summit my shorts or real risk manage- • Campaign Steering • MS Stanford University considered by many to be one with a tough choice – shut ment,” says Mr. Samberg. This Committee for Children’s Art Samberg, CBS ‘67, was of the world’s greatest growth down the fund and return the new approach allowed him to Hospital New York- not always an investor. Like investors. remaining money to inves- take advantage of the market’s Presbyterian many of us, Mr. Samberg was Mr. Samberg’s path to the tors or hunker down and see run-ups while not being overly • Board of Overseers of not interested in the stock top of the investment world if he could rebuild the firm. exposed to the market’s down- Columbia University market as a child. However was anything but easy. In Samberg chose the latter and turns. Over the last five years Graduate School of on his way to and from classes 1986, Pequot, then called for two years closed the fund Pequot’s flagship fund, Pequot Business at Stanford University, where Dawson-Samberg, began as to new investors. Slowly the Partners, has returned 16.0% • Member of the he was pursuing a degree in a division of Dawson-Henry firm began to gain steam and, vs. -1.1% for the S&P 500 Corporation at MIT aeronautics and astronautics, Capital Management, which in 1991, Pequot’s explosive Continued on Page 6 6 The Bottom Line September 4, 2003 OPINIONS Verge of Frenzy Art Samberg Continued from Page 5 welcomed and amazing, life with you.” You won’t be Continued from Page 5 to be investors.” Along these but more importantly it has able to tell we’re lying either lines, he believes that “data when you graduate. It’s a new and -1.5% for the NASDAQ allowed women virtually all because we are experts--been is now a commodity and only ball game fellas. Leverage Composite. the freedoms enjoyed by men. doing it for years trying to get those who can think outside your success and means to Pequot’s success has allowed However, it did nothing to our laid. You’re lying to yourself if the box will be successful.” win more, younger and better it to branch out and offer ven- instincts and primal desires. you think your panties haven’t As our interview drew to looking women. Upgrade your ture capital and private equity We still want every woman to been removed by like-minded a close I asked Mr. Samberg wardrobe; hire a trainer; sum- financing. Pequot Capital fulfill our one want and need. con-men armed with those about the best piece of busi- mer in the Hamptons; buy the now has a unique “Lifecycle” Our genetic code was written very words. ness advice he ever received. beemer. I am surprised I need approach which allows the millions of years before mod- So I guess what I’m saying In his typical candid fashion to say this, but with so many firm to ern civilization, government is that you should look for a he responded seemingly sane and compe- leverage and religion. Although monog- man who has sowed his oats with “An tent men currently buying the its research amy and the nuclear family is and looks as though he has early inves- long bond, I’m nearly driven capabilities crucial to the survival of these nothing left in him. This is a tor of mine to violence. Remember the across a institutions, our operating man who is ready to marry once told logic involved in the decision company’s system still actively supports and can stomach monogamy me the three to buy or lease an asset--you entire life- hunting and philandering. and the dramatically reduced most impor- don’t buy a rapidly depreciat- cycle. The Think of marriage and monog- sexual parameters it implies. tant things in ing asset, you lease it. Buy firm now amy as new bulky features Give him plenty of whisky, business are: a home, lease a car. Get it? invests on Microsoft Office, which the remote control and the Number one, (HINT: your market value is at the ride on an Apple IIe, powered physical act of “love” every- never hire skyrocketing--is hers?) develop- by an 86k chip, and barely day, because without it he will your kids. To the fellas who have ment stage held together by middleware arise from his stupor and begin Number two, already married or gotten (Pequot comprised of intangibles such hunting. (HINT: He can’t hunt focus on what engaged, it’s not too late. Get Ventures), as guilt and responsibility. without bullets.) you do best. out of it. Expansion (HINT: marriage and monog- Perhaps you’d argue I’m Number three, Ladies, I suppose it goes Stage amy conflict with our every thinking about marriage on a never forget without saying that the oppo- (Pequot thought and desire.) very transactional basis. Well, rule number site is true. Read the book, Private However, we men eventu- I am. After the first six months one… None “The Rules.” Lock your man Equity), ally and willingly get married, of marriage, the magic wears An investing guru, Art Samberg of my kids down. Get that ring. Get mar- Small to but not because of love--what- off and it is indeed a relation- are working ried and keep him happy, Mid Cap ever that means, but because it ship based on transactions and here now.” Finally Samberg because you now know what (Pequot Scout), Mid to Large makes sense for us at that junc- continual situation assessment. concluded our interview he’s thinking. You might argue Cap (Pequot Partners, Pequot ture (I’m reminded of a Chris You’ve heard that marriage with these words of advice that love conquers all, blah, Endowment) and Distressed Elliot quote from Something takes a lot of work–it does, for students interested in blah, blah. Well despite our Stage (Pequot Special About Mary. When comple- especially if you have a world- Investment Management respect for the mother of our Opportunities). mented on how well his life beater husband faced daily – “Do this because you love it, children, her sacrifices and In general, Mr. Samberg and marriage seem to be going with the temptation of twenty- not because you think it is the undying devotion to a happy believes that many people Elliot’s character responds, something secretaries from gravy train.” family, for us “love” is a func- “confuse investing with getting “Each day is better than the Jersey. This work is a small Please email comments and tion of timing, not fate. We the facts. You can have trained next.”) After we’ve mostly price to pay when considering suggestions to Erabinowich04 understand that for you, love is monkeys gather the facts – but completed our bachelorhood the alternative of divorce and @gsb.columbia.edu a wonderful miracle, delivered it takes independent thinkers checklist (the rest TBD on being forced to re-enter the to you magically by a destiny “business trips”) and feel the game with much worse cards that binds a man and a woman desire to be a father, we begin than you were originally dealt. together forever. We don’t see looking for a fertile womb In conclusion, I think you’re it that way. For us, the defini- to help us achieve this goal. all wonderful and special, tion of “love” is as follows: The Bottom Line In doing so we will undoubt- which is why I’m bringing to Love is the misconception that edly tell you what you want to your attention that male pro- one woman differs from the hear-- stuff like, “I love you,” gramming, while continually next. Take a moment to let that “You complete me,” and “I repressed by law and society, First Meeting sink in… ok, good. want to spend the rest of my does indeed exist. The sexual revolution was Thurs., 9/4 Don’t Just Read the BL… WRITE 5pm, Uris 330 DRAW EDIT REVIEW MANAGE it.