Queens’ Ents Suspended for Four Weeks Named Second Most Prestigious UK Brand

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FRIDAY JANUARY 15TH 2010 THE INDEPENDENT STUDENT NE SPAPER SINCE 1947 ISSUE NO 709 | VARSITY.CO.UK Cambridge Queens’ Ents suspended for four weeks named second most prestigious UK brand

IONA VICTA

The University of Cambridge has been named one of the most prestigious brands in the UK. by a leading research group. In their fifth annual survey, Decision Technology labelled the University as the second most prestigious brand, behind the car manufacturer Mercedes-Benz. The body reviewed 120 brands using a unique procedure adopted from experimental psychology. The survey measured the 'person- ality' of each brand by asking over 1,400 consumers to make ratings based on 45 differing adjectives, enabling researchers to establish the chief qualities of each brand from statistical models. Design Technology spokesman Richard Lewis said, “People were asked how well adjectives Pun shment for k tchen vandal sm ncludes bann ng of Halfway Hall such as 'luxury', 'prestigious' and 'expensive' were associated with the building but one was affected, University, have also been banned. that Formal Halls will still be open Cambridge University. It was found CAI GATZN with the total cost of the damage Attempts by organisers to move the as usual and assuring students that to have a certain cache along with The fi rst four Queens’ College bops estimated at over £1000. dates into the second half of term regular bookings for sports facilities Mercedes-Benz and other high-end of Lent term have been suspended In an email sent to Queens’ stu- have been rejected. All further and fi lm nights will be unaffected. brands." following a serious case of vandal- dents, Dr Dixon said that “all student requests for permission for But some students are reacting Other brands reviewed include ismCOLLEGE at the end of last term. attempts to identify those respon- non-academic related activities will furiously to the punishment. Charlie tabloid newspaper The Sun, which The Dean of Discipline, Dr Martin sible have drawn a blank”, adding, also be refused. Bell, Queens’ Bar Representative, was described by participants as Dixon, imposed the ban as a form “I have no confi dence that this was Speaking to Varsity, Queens’ told Varsity: “Every student I have both the least prestigious and one of collective punishment, effective an isolated incident and I cannot be JCR President Emil Hewage said: spoken to utterly condemns the van- of the most dishonest companies. on the entire student body until the certain that there will not be fur- “There is widespread doubt as to dalism that took place. The JCR Microsoft and Tesco retained their culprits identify themselves. The ther incidents”. whether any Queens’ JCR members and MCR Committees are working positions as the UK's most "pow- suspension has been described by Consequently, the first four were involved in the acts of van- with the College authorities to fi nd erful" brands, while the Liberal Queens’ students as “disproportion- Queens’ Ents and the MCR charity dalism last December. Those who out who’s responsible, and at the Democrats were deemed the least ate” and “a knee-jerk” reaction. fundraising Ceilidh, a popular grad- have taken the time to contact the moment this is a priority. powerful brand. The vandalism is believed to uate event, will not take place. The JCR Committee have unanimously “However, there is a general have occurred between 6.40am Dean emphasized that the fi re safety expressed their disapproval at what consensus amongst second years and 7.00am on Friday December implications of the incident raised has taken place. that the banning of Halfway Hall, >

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4th, when a ﬁ re extinguisher was serious concerns about the College’s “The scale of the ban is unprece- a major landmark in the Queens’ 0 taken from a staircase in the Cripps responsibility for students’ and visi- dented in nature, and is particularly student experience, is dispropor- Allan 2 0

Building and sprayed into fridges tors’ welfare. Therefore, the banned surprising given that, on the whole, tionate, and I am continuing to work L l e 0 4 and over several kitchens. events are those which involve large the JCR has been making increased with the Dean to ﬁ nd a resolution. 4 France 4

Bottles of pasta sauce, soup and numbers of non-Queens’ students efforts to be a constructive and I have promised the second years 8 5 cornfl akes were also spread across coming into College. supportive member of the college and I will deliver: there will be a and 7 1 the walls and thrown onto fl oors and However, the fi rst-year dinner community.” Halfway Hall this year, in whatever 7 Amerca 7

a student’s shoes were ﬁ lled with and the iconic Halfway Hall, which The Dean has downplayed the form it has to take.” 9 hot chocolate. Every staircase in marks students’ halfway point at the severity of the punishment, stating CONTINUED ON PAGE 3 2 Friday January 15th 2010 News Team Ma hew Symngton, Helen Mackreath and Osama Sddqu NES www varsty co uk news@varsty co uk

Varsity & The Tab to 'King of all Witches' to Germaine Greer slams sponsor teams for RAG stand for Cambridge in University Library On varstycouk ths week Jailbreak general election bollards

COENT This year, RAG Jailbreak will include Magus Lynius Shadee, self-styled Renowned scholar Germaine Meet our new blogg ng team, former Ed tors Patr ck an added twist as teams representing 'King of all Witches’, has announced Greer has criticized the Univer- K ngsley, Hugo Gye, and Rob Peal are o ned by Jam e Varsity and The Tab are set to that he will stand as a parlia- sity Library’s decision to construct Pollock, Laura Freeman, James Counsell and Dan make the 36-hour journey mentary candidate for bronze bollards outside the library H tchens, n br ng ng you Vars ty Comment for the to wherever. TCS has Cambridge in the upcom- entrance, calling it “humiliatingly nternet age yet to announce a team. ing general election. naff”. The bronze sculptures, which Varsity will be repre- Shadee cites the recent were completed last September by sented on Jailbreak abuse of taxpayer’s local sculptor Harry Gray, are built ARTS 2010 by Associate money as his reason in the shape of stacks of books that Introduc ng a new, weekly Arts feature on the web Editor Paul Smith, for pursuing a politi- can be rotated. the Vars ty S lent Auct on Th s week, b d for Dan from Robinson, and cal career, saying: “All Her sentiments have received Strange’s ‘26th October’ (left) All proceeds go to Literary Critic Zeljka MPs need a kick up the little sympathy among students, char ty Marosevic, from St arse.” He continued: “I am one of whom described the bollards Catharine's. hoping to make the points as, "actually quite beautiful at night This year’s competition that people are concerned when they are all lit up." SPORT kicks off at 9am on Friday January about and to create a better political Gray declined to comment on Keep n touch w th Cambr dge’s sport ng news th s 29th from Parker’s Piece. Last year, system and a better society.” Greer’s article, but stated that his term by follow ng up-to-the m nute match reports Jailbreak raised over £16,000 for Policies include taxing alcohol sold aim in creating the sculptures was and other exclus ve onl ne content charity and teams travelled as far in supermarkets and the promotion twofold. They were not only aﬁ eld as Detroit, New York, Athens of life sentences for offences designed to be viewed as a and Budapest. involving sex, drugs, and “serious and interactive piece Paul and Zeljka will keep followers terrorism. Shadee also of art” but also to serve the FASHION updated on their progress through- advocates a rebate on purpose of preventing cars Get your fash on f x several t mes a week by keep ng out the weekend with online updates university fees for students from being parked outside up w th our Fash on Ed tors’ blog from their travels. who ﬁ nished their three-year the library entrance. He Look out for coming issues when courses in two years. welcomed the publicity for the Varsity team’s game plan, review, Shadee hopes to open an his artwork, adding, “If it and tips for future Jailbreakers will 'Occult Centre' in Cambridge didn’t create debate, I’d be featured. this year. be a bit concerned.” House which may have inspired children's classic faces demolition

set up by Magdalene students, activ- been rumoured but never defi ni- ATI OT ists have voiced their outrage and tively confi rmed. Pearce grew up Cambridge students and local urge others to sign the petition. One in Great Shelford, a village south of residents are joining forces in a member posted his objection to the Cambridge, in a grand mill house campaign to stop the demolition of Council in which he said the proposal that has also been cited as an inspira- the house that allegedly inspired would be “a catastrophic cultural loss tion for the story. the 1958 children’s classic Tom’s for Cambridge and Britain”, whilst The house featured in the book Midnight Garden by Philippa another Cambridge resident says also suffered from new housing Pearce. that she is “fed up with historic build- expansion, as described here: "The Number 13 Chesterton Road, ings being bulldozed to make way for house was crowded round with situated opposite the Cam behind characterless boxes”. newer, smaller houses that beat up Magdalene College, has already been The house was heavily damaged by to its very confi nes in a broken sea saved twice before by concerned an arson attack in 2008 and currently of bay-windows and gable-ends and locals. stands in a dilapidated condition. pinnacles. It was the only big house The derelict Victorian house has Overgrown plants and litter are among them: oblong, plain, grave." been the subject of an ongoing feud strewn across the garden and graffi ti Pearce studied English and between the Council, which wants can be seen on the top windows, History at Girton College. Her to knock it down to build 12 modern suggesting the house has been book, regarded as a masterpiece of apartments with car and cycle targeted by vandals or squatters. children’s literature, tells the tale of a parking, and campaigners, who say An engineers’ report on the house lonely boy staying at his aunt’s house that the proposals will destroy a part states that there is “concern with near Ely in ‘Castleford’, a pseudonym of Cambridge’s heritage. regards to the long term stability of for Cambridge, and his adventures Petitions have been successful in the structure” and it is for this reason with a mysterious girl from the past. saving the building in the past but that the Council wants to demolish The book won the prestigious a new application for its demolition the building in spite of protests from Carnegie Medal in the year of its was submitted in November. students and residents living nearby. publication. On the Facebook group entitled The link between the house and A decision will be made on the ‘Save Number 13 Chesterton Road’, Tom’s Midnight Garden has long future of the house on January 21st. “Oblong, pla n, grave” Number 13 Chesterton Road

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Top universities have warned that cuts will “not only have a devastat- Opponents of funding cuts are has prioritized, indeed increased, David Lammy, Britain’s higher they could be “brought to their ing effect on students and staff, but concerned that as the government spending on teaching and put on hold education minister, concurred. He knees” if the government goes ahead will also jeopardize precious research has announced these plans, other expensive capital projects.” admitted “we are minimizing the with its proposal to cut up to £2.5 and resources, which will impact nations are handsomely endowing These views were echoed by effect on the frontline by making billion in funding. both Britain’s national economy and their own institutions. Recent invest- David Zeichner, Labour parliamen- savings on capital budgets”, but The cuts were announced last ability to overcome the recession.” ments in higher education of €11bn tary candidate from Cambridge, who emphasized that the changes “will month by Alistair Darling in his Resistance to Labour’s plans for (£9.8bn) in France, €18bn (£16bn) in discarded the Russell Group’s claim not impact on teaching.” pre-budget report, which unveiled university funding has been partic- Germany, and $21bn (£13bn) in the as a “massive misrepresentation of Lammy went on to state, “we plans to slash £600 million from ularly strong at Cambridge, as United States threaten to jeopar- the facts.” maintain our commitment to the university budgets by 2013. This is exemplified by more Cambridge dize Britain’s current international In a press release last week, importance of higher education in addition to the £398 million in cuts students attending the national status. Zeichner argued that precisely because we know projected for 2010-2011, in the form demonstration against top up fees The Green Party has also echoed the £2.5bn fi gure was how essential its success of “effi ciency savings” and “budget in March 2009 than from any other concerns about long-term competi- “very misleading,” as it is to opportunity and to reductions,” which were announced institution. tiveness. According to Tony Juniper, was based on our successful future by Lord Mandelson last year. CUSU has also spoken out against the party's parliamentary candidate future projec- economic growth.” The government also revealed cuts in funding. In a recent report on from Cambridge, "The Green Party tions and plans to see more degrees completed Funding and Access, CUSU argued is sceptical about making such deep ignored over two years rather than three as that Labour’s intentions “would cuts to university funding at a time both a way of easing the funding crisis damage the University’s commitment when we should be safeguarding our and to broaden education to a wider to seeking the best students regard- skills base for future challenges." range of students. less of background, greatly increase However, George Owers, President The Russell Group, which repre- student debt levels, and represent a of Cambridge University Labour sents 20 leading universities, has retrograde step in Higher Education Club, disagrees that Labour’s plans strongly criticized the government’s provision.” will have such a dramatic impact on intentions. Wendy Piatt, the group’s CUSU also believes that cuts UK universities. He contends that director, and Michael Arthur, its would lower morale, cause diffi culty the Russell Group’s attack “bears chair, said in a joint statement that in retaining staff, and endanger the little resemblance to reality,” “it has taken more than 800 years university’s international competi- stating that the government’s to create one of the world’s greatest tiveness. According to recent plans represent a reshuffl e rather education systems, and it looks like it rankings, Cambridge is second only than dramatic cuts in funding. will take just six months to bring it to Harvard on a global scale. In all, According to Owers, “In order Cambridge Union Bursar's comments Crackdown at Queens' after draw attention to homelessness kitchen vandalism

CONTINUED FROM PAGE 1 meeting last month. to add, "We should be fi nding ways Bell also pointed out the potential with the students’ point of view. O AA IDDII Community members have to help the homeless, rather than knock-on effect of the suspension He added that “identifying those Recent comments made by the expressed dismay at the Bursar's demonizing them. It's not like they on the revenue and reputation responsible would be the quickest Bursar of Cambridge Union, retired comments, with one St. Edmunds are there by choice." of Queens’ Bar. Queens’ Ents, and most sure-fi re way of being able colonel Bill Bailey, about homeless first-year student calling them However, Jonathan Laurence, normally held every Friday, are to resolve this issue.” people lingering outside the historic "unnecessarily harsh." She went on the President of the Union, has hugely popular and frequently sell The Dean has promised that if the Round Church building and the expressed support for the Bursar. out. On these nights, the Bop Bar is vandals come forward, they will not Union building have stirred contro- Laurence emphasized that while he opened in addition to the main bar, be sent down. He explained that the versy and brought attention to a personally has no position on the which greatly helps to increase the likely course of action would involve long-standing issue in Cambridge. issue, he has not distanced himself average daily revenue. excluding the guilty students from The Bursar, who heads the from the Bursar’s views. “While Other students have argued the college bar for a temporary Union’s permanent staff, made the I wouldn’t have used the same that the ban is unfairly punish- period of time. They would also be comments last month in a letter language, ultimately, the Bursar is ing all students due to the actions expected to make an effort to recoup to the Cambridge City Council, in just doing his job, and the Union of a small minority. The College some of the cost of the damages which he expressed support for plans Committee are very grateful for his does not yet have any evidence to incurred. to build a fence around the church. support.” suggest that the perpetrators were He was also keen to emphasise He wrote, “the additional security According to Laurence, the issue from Queens’. that the suspension on college enter- of a fence would allow [the church] of homeless people around the One of the students whose kitchen tainments will be lifted as soon as to look after the grounds inside Round Church building has been a was vandalised told Varsity: “I think the students involved take responsi- the gardens and make them more long-standing one, and the Bursar the Dean’s reaction was a knee-jerk bility for their actions, and says that welcoming to the many tourists, and has regularly had to clear drug one – I can see why he would feel the identity of any student coming to our celebrity guest speakers visit- stashes and excrement from the the need to do something about it forward to him would be kept in the ing the Union.” area. “The Bursar’s aim is only to because of the cost of the damages, strictest confi dence. He continued, “The same would provide a comfortable environment but I don’t think that the whole be true of the people of Cambridge, for Union members and guests.” College should be punished for the who have to put up with sights of The issue has been of concern mistakes of what was probably only vagrants daily contaminating the to Union members for some time. a few people, especially as it’s possi- grounds of the most historic build- One student who frequently attends ble that those people weren't even 52 Trumpington Street ings in our city.” Union events said that “some of the from Queens’.” Cambridge CB2 1RG The fence, which would have cost debates and speaker events end Some of the victims of the vandal- £45,000, was originally proposed quite late at night, and it can be a ism have explained that the incident FREE CHELSEA BUN by Christian Heritage, the organi- bit scary to walk through the area has made them feel unsafe in college. With every purchase over £2.00 in the shop zation responsible for the upkeep at that time.” They feel that having to endure OR of the church. According to the With the issue now receiving punishment on top of this adds insult FREE MORNING proposal, railings would have been greater attention, further action to injury. built on three sides of the church, on it may be possible. Laurence The Senior Tutor refused to COFFEE/TEA (9am-12pm) including one that leads up to the confirmed that the Bursar was comment on students’ anger at the With any cake or pastry in the restaurant entrance of the Union building. The willing to work with local partners, ban, but JCR President Hewage has on presentation of this voucher proposal was rejected by councillors including students, charities, and said that a number of Fellows on and proof of student status at the West and Central Committee Entrance to the Union councils on the issue. the Governing Body sympathised 4 Friday January 15th 2010 News Team: Matthew Symington, Helen Mackreath and Osama Siddiqui NeWS www.varsity.co.uk [email protected] Snow is obstacle as students return to Cambridge Winter weather hampers students’ ability to return in time for exams and the start of term Michael Derringer been difficult as getting the train into have been gritted, with maintenance James wilson Cambridge meant I had to leave my staff working around the clock to & ellen Davis-walker laptop and other work behind.” clear the paths. Emergency plans A large number of students, in a to support staff and students have The recent spate of extreme weather variety of subjects such as English, also been drawn up, in the event that conditions in Cambridge and across Maths and Natural Sciences, have the situation deteriorates as term the whole of the United Kingdom been facing progress tests and pre- progresses. has left students desperate in their liminary examinations this week. Elsewhere in Cambridge, the attempts to return to university. The poor weather has meant that not adverse weather conditions have Many have found it difficult or only have many arrived at the last sparked fears of potential food short- impossible to come back to univer- minute, but some have also been left ages. The Sidney Street, Cambridge, sity in time for the start of term, with unable to allocate sufficient time for branch of Sainsbury’s was forced to some facing problems in arriving in revision. put up signs warning their custom- time for exams. With heavy snowfall In a statement released this week, ers of a shortage in industry-sliced still predicted for some areas of the Ben Whittaker, the National Union bread due to the adverse weather United Kingdom, the situation has of Students Vice-President for Wel- conditions. the potential to worsen as the days fare, said: “Taking exams is always When questioned, a spokesman wear on. a stressful time for students and from the Sidney Street Sainsbury’s Those in the South of England unfortunately it looks as if the winter described how “the weather has led were particularly hard-hit by the icy weather is now going to add to that to a notable fall in the amount of ‘fresh weather conditions. “It was terrible. strain. If you’ve an exam the next lines’ such as vegetables, (in particu- Workmen take a break on an icy King’s Parade I was stuck at home for two days,” day, think carefully about how best lar potatoes and cabbages) that were business had not been “too badly care” should be taken when driving said one first-year student from to travel and allow plenty of extra available for customers to purchase disrupted” and they have urged cus- to university, as “roads look set to Kent. “The snow stopped me from time as you simply won’t want the in store” because the frozen ground tomers not to panic. be dangerous.” Stuart Wartalski, a getting back to Cambridge to do my panic of thinking you’ll be late.” had made it almost impossible for Icy conditions have also been spokesperson for the company, said: work and see my friends.” It is not just Cambridge Univer- many farmers to lift vegetables from causing problems for transport “Students often own older vehicles Others have expressed concerns sity that has been having problems the soil. throughout the city of Cambridge. so it is doubly important to make the about returning for exams and have with potential student absences at However, he went on to highlight Pedestrians and cyclists have com- necessary checks before setting off. had to rely on public transport to the start of this new term. Liver- that, despite the shortages that plained that the heavy snow turned These include checking for cracks in make their way back. “With my pool John Moores University was have been imposed by the weather, pavements and footpaths into dan- the windscreen, tire pressure, and oil progress examinations imminent, compelled to cancel examinations gerous “ice rinks” owing to a lack of and water levels.” I was extremely concerned about for almost 1,000 students on Janu- grit. Fortunately, the worst of the not getting back to Cambridge ary 6th due to “adverse weather”, Police have also issued a warning weather is now predicted to be over. in time,” commented a student of whilst exams at the University of to motorists in Cambridgeshire. This According to a Met Office spokesman, Sidney Sussex. “I was so relieved Bournemouth were delayed from came following 26 crashes on the A14 while the “lion’s share” of Britain that the train services into Cam- Monday through till Saturday. and A11 in a period of just two and a was still covered in snow, most of the bridge weren’t disrupted, otherwise, The picture is different for the Uni- half hours this Sunday morning. country will experience a slow thaw I wouldn’t have got back.” versity of Reading, however, where Endsleigh, the specialist insurer later this week. Until such time, stu- He added, however, “Revision has all the main roads into the university Food shortages at Sainsbury’s for students, has advised that “extra dents are advised to take care. Cambridge Professor knighted in New City centre regeneration Year’s Honours project crumbles

Michael Derringer be adopted by councillors at an envi- gemma oke helen mackreath ronment scrutiny committee, due to be held on January 12th. Five Cambridge academics have Extensive plans to create new shop- Opposition to the plans has come received recognition in the Queen’s ping areas in Cambridge city centre from all quarters. Some residents New Years Honours List, including have been partly abandoned after objected to the infringement upon a knighthood for a Fellow at Corpus pressure from Cambridge colleges, the “haven” that Mill Lane provides Christi College. architects and residents. from other busy retail areas in the Professor Paul Mellars, the Pro- Under the proposed scheme, centre. Others were critical of the fessor of Prehistory and Human unveiled by Cambridge University destruction of the historic centre Evolution at the Department of and the City Council last year, the in the city. Further critics of the Archaeology, received a knighthood Mill Lane area was to undergo an scheme cited the number of empty for his services to scholarship. Speak- ambitious renovation. This was to shops elsewhere in the city and the ing to Varsity, Prof Mellars said: “It include the demolition of the Univer- uncertain economic future as rea- came as a total shock and surprise sity Sports and Social Centre, Mill sons to veto the retail proposals. when I received the slightly omi- Lane lecture theatres and univer- Independent Cambridge, an orga- nous looking brown envelope from sity owned buildings between Silver nization representing businesses the Cabinet Office a couple of months Street and Mill Lane. In their place in the city, have condemned the ago. Professor Paul Mellars, who is to be knighted was planned a 21,000-square-metre number of empty retail spaces in the “I attribute a lot of the work I’ve complex of offices, flats, shops, cafés Centre and advocate a long-term done to the 30 years of stimulating Homo-sapiens. Professor Robert James Mair, Master and a 75-room hotel. development plan for Cambridge contacts with the astonishingly gifted After studying Archaeology of Jesus College and Professor of Cambridge residents had been which is sensitive to both the needs and keen students we have in Cam- at Fitzwilliam College, Prof Mel- Geotechnical Engineering (CBE for critical of the perceived “over-com- of local and county-wide residents bridge - as well as the support of my lars was appointed as a lecturer in services to engineering); Dr Andrew mercialisation” of the Mill Pond and to the existing “magnificence” academic colleagues.” He continued: Archaeology at Sheffield University Herbert, Fellow of Wolfson College area, in particular the 2,500 square of the Colleges’ architecture. “Teaching is a two-way process - you before returning to the Department and managing director of Microsoft metres of retail space, which was In response to the concerns, plan- get out of it what you put into it.” of Archaeology at Cambridge in 1981, Research in Cambridge (OBE for to include the creation of a row of ning officers have agreed that “there Professor Mellars is an expert becoming a Fellow at Corpus in the services to computer science); Dr shops on the façade of the Univer- should be no significant increase on on the evolution and behaviour of same year. He is a Fellow of the Brit- Peter Clarkson, emeritus associate sity Graduate Centre. the existing level of retail floorspace early humans, and has published a ish Academy, and won the Academy’s of the Scott Polar Research Institute The decision to drop plans for on the site.” They have also decided wide variety of research papers and Grahame Clark Medal in 2008. (MBE for services to science); and Mr the new shops was made by the to reduce the amount of office and books on aspects of early human Professor Mellars was among David Duke, principal technician at University and City Council after commercial space from 6,500 square society. His recent research focuses nearly 60 figures from higher educa- the Department of Materials Science discussions with preservation metres to 6,000 square metres, on how Neanderthal populations tion being recognised in the Honors and Metallurgy (MBE for services to groups, colleges and city residents. though there have been calls from were gradually replaced by modern List. Other academics include science). In their place, a revised scheme will colleges to limit this even further. » Chris Lillycrop steps down over Graduate Union difficulties

News Team: Matthew Symington, Helen Mackreath and Osama Siddiqui Friday January 15th 2010 5 [email protected] www.varsity.co.uk NeWSS University to issue Ivy League-style bonds Unprecedented step will be taken to raise capital for construction and redevelopment programmes

Yale, who frequently rely on endow- and other capital projects, as well universities have also resorted to University have also benefit- fiona vickerstaff ment investments and the issuing of as refinancing debt. However it dis- increasing their debts in order to ted from independent investment bonds to contribute considerably to closed this week that it is among raise money. However, issuing bonds opportunities. In October 2009, For the first time in its 800 year his- their incomes. In the past, both Cam- several dozen colleges and Univer- is not an entirely new tactic: in 1995, Trinity College increased their land tory, the University of Cambridge bridge and Oxford have introduced sities in America to be under audit Lancaster University issued bonds and property investments after is planning to issue bonds in order American-style internal investment from the Inland Revenue Service; in an attempt to generate a sum of spending £24 million in order to buy to fund two residential and research boards in order to reduce depen- these audits are part of a new effort £35 million and has since declared an the 999-year lease on the O2 arena. development projects. dence on government funding. by the government to better under- £80 million refinancing of the debt, Last year Clare College invested The University intends to revi- Harvard plans to raise $480 mil- stand the tax-exempt community. marking the endeavour as a com- money in stocks and shares which talize its residential and academic lion96713 through Deutsche a bond Bank offering 263x215 to pay 14/1/10With cuts12:40 of £398 Page million 1 in state plete success. they expect to deliver a £36 million facilities through the construction for an expansion of the law school funding expected, other British Individual Colleges within the profit. of a new housing development in the north-west of the city and the improvement of the New Museum and Old Press sites in the city centre. In order to finance the venture, a sum of £200-300 million is expected Exclusive Opportunities available for to be raised from the borrowing. Agile Cambridge University First Year students Cambridge’s investment assets Look beyond the bustle of the world’s busiest intersection and you’ll find a complex are currently valued at approxi- system of supply and demand. Look closer and you’ll see Deutsche Bank’s place in it all. mately £4 billion, yet Andrew Reid, minds the University’s finance director, is To establish your place in the world of global finance you need to know where you are certain that “the value of funding we see going. But how do you know where to start when you are only in your first year of study? anticipate needing, and the term we are looking at of 30 to 40 years, sug- a hub of activity Deutsche Bank’s Spring into Deutsche Bank’s Bursary Program offers gest that a bond issue is likely to be Banking Program offers exclusive substantial annual financial support, the best way forward”. enterprise one-week placement opportunities for mentoring and a guaranteed final round Before deciding to issue bonds, talented students during Spring 2010. interview for the Analyst Internship Program. which should occur within the next variety six to twelve months, financial advi- Deadline: 14 February 2010 Deadline: 12 April 2010 sors for the University claimed that potential alternative methods of generating co-operation capital for the projects were inad- equate. Mr Reid stated that “cash Deutsche Bank “The Deutsche Bank Bursary Program is one of the only opportunities offered to flows from its regular operations students in their first year of study. The non-means tested Bursary allows students will be insufficient for such major more from the top universities to gain financial backing for projects, studies or interests.” expenditure and external financing Harriet Welch, 2009 Cambridge University Deutsche Bank Bursary Recipient will be required”. The University will seek to capi- talize on a recent boom in the bond market. While banks continue to For further information and to apply online, please see more at db.com/careers limit the amount of money loaned following multimillion pound losses during the credit crunch, the market SHIBUYA CROSSING, TOKYO has seen an increase in the issuing of FROM SHIBUYA EXCEL HOTEL TOKYO bonds by well-known companies and those with high credit ratings. It is anticipated that Cambridge will earn the highest possible AAA credit rating. The University will also benefit from the estimated time gap between the issue of bonds and the payment of building contractors upon the projects’ completion, predicted in three years time. This time gap will allow for a two to three year investment of the funds elsewhere. The move follows the trend established by America’s Ivy League universities, such as Harvard and

A Passion to Perform. 6 Friday January 15th 2010 News Team Ma hew Symngton, Helen Mackreath and Osama Sddqu NNES www varsty co uk news@varsty.co.uk

NEWS INTERVIEW Hi! Society Television’s blue sky thinker

The Skinner Society

‘The Skinner Society’. ‘History of Political Thought’. Explana- tion is needed for anyone who has not had the joy of studying these high-brow History, PPSIS or Philosophy papers. For the rest of us, ‘Political Thought’ is almost the philosophy of politics. It means reading Machiavelli and trying to understand him in his context, understand why he thought like he did and who infl uenced him as opposed to simply learning Head of Sky News John Ryley advocates pu ng cameras n courtrooms his theories. The founders of the society, Darragh Connell questons hs ruthless promoton of meda rghts Daniel Isenberg and Zami Majuqwana, are keen to stress t was Lord Northcliffe who since “elections have for a long time trying to understand both sides of the Murdoch-controlled paper, that this is different to any other observed that “News is what focused on party leaders and very the argument.” The Sun, came out in support of academic society bringing in Isomebody, somewhere, wants few of their henchmen.” It is clear that Ryley believes the Conservative Party. “Lord speakers a few times a term. to suppress; everything else is As to the impact of Sky News that the media have been stifl ed by Mandelson is smart enough and Registered as a university advertising.” It is a mantra of which and 24/7 broadcast journalism state regulators in their pursuit of experienced enough to know that society only last summer, the John Ryley, Head of Sky News, on British politics in general, breaking news: “I neither want nor there is no such link [between The launch party at the Union is acutely aware in his efforts to Mr. Ryley is adamant that such need to be subjected to the control- Sun’s editorial decisions and those managed to attract 300 people. ensure that his channel continues to developments have fundamentally ling hand of a regulator armed with of Sky News], but you can see why Impressive, but maybe under- be “fi rst for breaking news.” “changed the way that politicians a set of codes and sanctions,” he it might suit him to create a differ- standable when you learn that Ryley has presided over Sky go about their business.” Specifi - says. Rather, he suggests that “we ent impression.” this launch involved a four- News, the UK’s fi rst 24/7 news cally, Ryley believes that constant should trust journalists to exercise As to the future of journal- person panel debate entitled channel, for nearly 4 years. On fi rst television news “empowers the editorial judgments and we should ism, Ryley is optimistic. He sees ‘Political Thought: The State impressions, he oozes tenacity and voter by putting politicians on their trust viewers to choose the news the new “citizen journalism” of of Play’. ambition, both necessary character- mark.” Specifi cally, he points to an that they want to consume.” bloggers and camera phone users This is where the ‘Skinner’ istics for a man in what is arguably incident in the 2001 general election The obvious counterpoint here as “a tremendous opportunity” comes in. Quentin Skinner is the most infl uential media position campaign where a member of the is that if viewers want partial, and “another example of news one of the most pre-eminent in modern Britain. public, Sharon Storer, confronted politicised news, which they can happening in real time.” Though he scholars in the fi eld of Politi- It was Ryley’s passionate defence Tony Blair, live on television, about acknowledges the need for highly cal Thought. A former Regius of the media’s essential role in a the provision of cancer care at a trained journalists to sift through Professor of Modern History functioning democracy that fi gured Birmingham Hospital. “There remains information and to decide what is here at Cambridge, he helped to prominently in his address to the One story that has featured relevant to be broadcasted. found ‘The Cambridge School’; Cambridge Union on Tuesday. In heavily in the media in the past one branch of After the success of Sky’s an entirely new way of looking a brief history of British journal- week is the death of Rupert campaign for a televised leader’s at Political Thought, which now ism, Ryley spoke of the way in Hamer, a Sunday Mirror reporter, our democratic debate, what is the next hurdle? acts as the framework through which, as he sees it, the media has in Afghanistan. In this foreboding “There remains one more branch which the topic is studied. Oh slowly overcome a succession of context, Ryley underscores his system which of our democratic system which yeah, and he’s the patron of the barriers erected by the political commitment to the principle that broadcasting has broadcasting has still not properly society. elite. Predictably, he described Sky “no story is worth a journalist’s penetrated - the courts. If the In the future, The Skinner News, launched in 1989, as being life.” However, he continues, it still not properly legislature is to be subjected to far Society plans to hold two panel at the vanguard of this “libera- is “essential to send reporters to greater scrutiny then so too must debates per term, having inter- tion of news” for both the public bring the news back. You’ve got penetrated – the the judiciary, so the public can active discussions between and journalists. The advent of to have eye-witness reporting [of fairly judge the balance of responsi- speakers and attendees. No 24/7 news coverage has been, in these events]” and the key is trying courts.” bility between them.” confi rmations yet, but Zami his words, “a force for democratic “to take all precautions necessary Sky News will stridently confesses they would love to have empowerment.” before a reporter sets out and, arguably get from the British campaign to lift the ban on cameras Shami Chakrabarti “because More recently, Sky News landed when the reporter is on the case, to print media, then broadcasters like in courts. When mentioned on she’s always in Cambridge a coup by successfully campaigning take all the precautions that they Sky would have an incentive to Tuesday night, this proposal anyway!” for a highly anticipated televised come to no harm.” provide partisan news coverage. sparked houls of outrage from the Also lined up will be ‘revision debate between the leaders of all Ryley also expressed reserva- Faced with this suggestion, Ryley Union’s audience; a number of them sessions’ in Easter, to help three major parties in advance tions about the use of embedded claimed to doubt the possibility of cited issues of privacy for victims, students along when the reading of the upcoming general election. journalists with military forces, such a development since, in his particularly those of sexual assault. gets too dense. The founders are I ask Ryley the rationale for noting that all reports fi led from view, Sky News was successful The question of whether or not keen to emphasise that The this campaign, and his response the fi eld have been fi ltered through precisely because viewers valued fi lming court trials is in the inter- Skinner Society isn’t just about emphasizes the “disconnect “military censorship.” He agreed its objectivity. ests of “impartial” British justice abstract theories; they want to between elected politicians and the that reporting a confl ict creates Equally, Ryley dismissed any will need careful consideration make things more interesting electorate.” He says that having a unique diffi culties for broadcast suggestion that the BSkyB propri- in the coming months. However, by using modern political issues televised debate will “enable politi- journalism in striving to maintain etor, Rupert Murdoch, infl uenced Ryley claims that such a campaign to explain those theories. And cians to reconnect with the voters.” impartiality, but advances in editorial decisions in Sky News. is “precisely what you’d expect they have a Facebook group; He also rejects criticism that such technology have made it “easier to In doing so, he condemned Lord from a truly independent news join it. LEONIE JAMES a debate will lead to a more “presi- know how different sides are think- Mandelson’s comments to that organisation able to push boundar- dential” style of British politics, ing, what they’re saying [as well as] effect earlier in the year when ies and challenge the status quo.” News Team: Matthew Symington, Helen Mackreath and Osama Siddiqui Friday January 15th 2010 7 [email protected] www.varsity.co.uk NeWSS

varsity profile Cambridge Professor Gillian Evans Spies law, history, blackmail, and 14 years of battles with the University

tom pilston Professor Gillian Evans had an to apply for promotion, leading to a unfortunate start to 2010. A broken “favouritism-type of patronage,” ankle on New Year’s Day has left her which Evans describes as “very housebound “practising on crutches,” dangerous.” Having written to the but it will take a lot more than this vice-chancellor and appealed inter- “slight hitch” to slow down this nally to no avail, she decided to fiery medievalist. Finally appointed apply for judicial review, taking Professor of Medieval Theology and the University of Cambridge to the Intellectual History in 2002 after 14 High Court. Chuckling again, she years of war with the University, says this was “a very rash thing to she has transformed Cambridge’s do.” Following the judge’s ruling, promotions procedure with her the University “sorted itself out,” incessant challenges, proving that creating a transparent promotions Lizo Mzimba: the best rewards really do come to procedure with clear-cut criteria and An Apology those who wait. Evans was given a Professorship. Evans’ career at Cambridge began For her, the next issue was the three decades ago when she became a artificial cap on promotion numbers. In the Cambridge Spies lecturer at Sidney Sussex college. In Evans knew that this cap had to be section of issue 701 of Varsity 1986, she was awarded a prestigious lifted to ensure promotions were (October 9) we stated that British Academy Readership, only based on merit. She achieved this BBC correspondent and former six of which are distributed annually. after “a most entertaining episode of Newsround presenter Lizo “The Academy normally expects good, clean, honest blackmail” with Mzimba was gaffer taped to a people to get a Readership pretty the Treasury, in which the Univer- wall, taunted by students and well straight away after they’ve had sity was unable to sign any cheques locked in a bathroom while visit- one of those. The University should for six months. ing Emmanuel College bar and recognise you.” However, after eight Now that she has retired, Evans that his intention in visiting years of teaching, there was no sign intends to keep on writing. Her book, Cambridge was to seek dirt in of a promotion for Evans. “The University of Cambridge: A order to smear the University At this stage, she says with a New History” has just come out, and its students. We acknowl- chuckle, “I got cross.” She “began to shortly to be followed by companion edge that these allegations are feel a faint sense of injustice” watch- books on the University of Oxford untrue and would like to apolo- ing colleagues of equal experience and a history of all British universi- gise to Lizo. being promoted around her. Evans ties in the last 100 years. believes the College dons who took a As I wish her a speedy recovery, Nip-Slip Blip dislike to her carried their anger into she shoots back a reply typical of the Faculty: “I suspect that every her boundless energy. “I just want Those queuing for this town’s time my name came up for promo- to get back to normal life. When the most popular Moroccan-themed tion, they said ‘We’re not having her’. snow melts, I can get to the Bodleian watering hole this Sunday, That’s maybe how it began.” in about 5 minutes even on crutches.” enjoyed some unplanned enter- At the time, academics were unable claire gatzen tainment. Stumbling down the stairs, one Swap-worn lass decided it but prudent to rid herself of those unwieldy stilettos. A sensible plan UniversityWatch indeed, until in her efforts our protagonist hit the tiles, with her bosom bursting out her brassiere. Sufficient humilia- Durham University Leeds University University of Lynn tion? If only this heroine hadn’t then proceeded to parade both Following Lord Mandelson’s announcement of Thirty students of Leeds University’s cross Twelve students and two members of staff herself and her bare bust down sizeable cuts to university funding last month, in country club and one member of staff enjoyed from the University of Lynn had just arrived the length of the street, bliss- an interview with Education Guardian, the vice- a lengthy New Year’s Eve celebration this on a relief mission in Haiti this Tuesday when fully unaware. Apologies in the chancellor of Durham University, Chris Higgins year, on account of the recent snowfall. On an earthquake struck. The party is yet to extreme for finding pleasure in has caused quite a stir. The contentious element the morning of January 3rd, the group was be confirmed as safe. Fears for the group’s this poor gal’s pain. of Higgins’s statement was his proposition that finally rescued from Tan Hill Inn by a snow safety reached their zenith when the univer- “the important thing to realise is that univer- plough and gritter after two days stranded at sity received communications by text message Penis Lickin’ Good sities are not and should not all be the same.” England’s highest pub, surrounded by seven from one student who was only able to account On an illustrious trip to Here, his proposition was that the universities foot drifts. One student in the party told The for the wellbeing of part of the group. Due Mayrhofen this New Year, one that best fulfill their particular Guardian, “It’s been fun – like back today, their first port of call was Hotel gallant chap truly proved his function (whether that lies in the ultimate lock-in” and the Montana, Port-au-Prince, where they arrived valour during après-ski activi- boosting research or encour- assistant manager of the inn just one hour before the earthquake struck. ties. Invited to perform the aging participation) should be reported: “Everyone’s had Significant damage has been confirmed at the most shocking deed he dared, allocated a greater propor- a good time – people were site of the hotel and communication in the area this supreme knave opted for tion of government funding. peeling carrots and potatoes is severely impaired. At 11am on Wednes- an unprecedented feat. Not He continued: “We will lose and helping to make dinner day, classes at the university were announced the traditional 15-second pint the excellence of the sector on an evening. It was a suspended as a consequence of this disaster. or fist-in-mouth gambol, oh no. This inebriated Queens’ man if we reduce quality to the really nice atmosphere.” avantika chilkoti implored a colleague to bare lowest common denominator. Upbeat statements, despite his genitalia and proceeded to If we spread our resources too the fact that supplies of tongue it with noteable fervour. thinly, we will end up educat- draught beer at the inn had With apology sincere, it begs to ing a lot of people poorly.” depleted leaving only the be questioned whether the cover Inevitably, these state- Yorkshire Ale, “Black Sheep of a dare was simply exploited ments have provoked heated Riggwelter.” for a homosexual affair, a conve- responses including accusa- nient alibi to this manfriend tions of snobbery. ensnare. 8 Friday January 15th 2010 News Team: Matthew Symington, Osama Siddiqui and Helen Mackreath NeWS www.varsity.co.uk [email protected] Churchill College preparing celebrations for fiftieth anniversary year College to mark its golden jubilee with events in Britain and America

GREG STORRAR Cockroft, the first Master, who split Jasmine Baker told Varsity that cathy bueKer the atom, Francis Crick, a founding they chose the theme in order to give Churchill College, founded in 1960, is Fellow, who unravelled ‘the secret of Churchill and Cambridge students a commemorating its fiftieth anniver- life’ in DNA, and postgraduate Roger chance to recognize their College’s sary this year with a series of lectures, Tsien, who developed a revolution- foundation. balls and alumni functions. ary method of tracking molecules in As part of the anniversary celebra- The College was founded by Sir cells. tions, the College is undertaking a Winston Churchill as a monument Perhaps most importantly the drive to construct a New Court, at to his vision of how higher education College was the first in Cambridge to an estimated cost of £8 million, to can benefit society in the modern age; admit men and women. accommodate sixty more students. it is now the national and Common- Fiftieth anniversary celebra- The new building will be architectur- wealth memorial to the former Prime tions will be ongoing throughout the ally similar to the distinctive existing Minister. year and will be held in a number Sheppard-designed courts and is The College was established as a of locations, including Edinburgh, aimed at providing extra accommoda- counterpart to Massachusetts Insti- New York and Toronto. These events tion for postgraduate and fourth year tute of Technology in America, with include a House of Lords Reception, students. It is hoped that construc- the particular aim of educating a new special Garden Party, and special tion work will commence by the end generation of technologists and scien- Valentine’s Event for couples who of 2011. tists; as such, its statutes require met whilst at Churchill. Sir David Wallace, current Master that seventy percent of Churchill’s Several anniversary events also of the College, has described how “the student body studies science and reflect the College’s scientific focus. fiftieth Anniversary of the College technology. One such will be the Thirteenth provides a historic opportunity to The fiftieth anniversary commemo- Stephen Roskill Memorial Lecture, build on our achievements”. rates the approval by the Queen of during which Ken Livingstone, The occasion of its fiftieth anniver- the Royal Charter and Statutes of former Mayor of London, will speak sary this year accentuates Churchill the College, in August 1960. The on the topic ‘Cities of the Future’. College’s position as the seventh- first postgraduate students arrived College students will also be newest college out of thirty-one at in October 1960, and the first under- commemorating the anniversary, Cambridge. Four others – Darwin, graduates a year later. Full College with Churchill’s annual Spring Ball Clare Hall, Lucy Cavendish and status was not received until 1966 and centred around the celebration: ‘A Wolfson – were also founded in the buildings not complete until 1968. Hard Day’s Night’ is themed around same decade. Churchill was only Though the College is relatively the 1960s as a homage to the decade the second College, after Murray new, 24 of its members have won in which the College was created. Edwards, to be founded in the twenti- Nobel Prizes. They include Sir John Ball Presidents Chris Campbell and eth century. Bust of Churchill in Churchill College Buttery Cambridge student banned Cambridge V-C reaffirms partnership with from Israel for five years India on third official visit

in but was now changing her mind,” engineering and science. of Indian students at the University Matthew SyMington he reports. geMMa oKe Speaking at an event organised by is the largest of any Commonwealth Since the ordeal the brothers have the Bengal Chamber of Commerce, country, and outstrips the number of A Chemistry PhD student from been told that they cannot attempt to The University’s Vice-Chancellor is Prof Richard attributed a steady rise French students by nearly one-fifth. Darwin College and his brother have enter Israel again until 2015. When currently on tour in India to promote in the number of Indian students at Despite the visit’s aim to consol- been denied entry into Israel until asked why they were denied entry the development of a Cambridge- Cambridge to greater access to schol- idate the relationship between 2015 after a two-and-a-half month in the first place Mr Zayed claims India partnership. arships and other sources of funding. ordeal beginning with their deten- that the standard response from the Professor Alison Richard is at the She said, “The number of postgrad- tion in Ben Gurion airport, Tel Aviv. Israeli authorities is: “Israel, as a end of a nine day visit to the country, uate students from India has more Jameel Zayed and his brother, sovereign country, reserves the right the third such visit in as many years. than doubled over the last five years. both British citizens from Cornwall, to deny entry of any persons it sees fit The visit, which includes appearances There has also been a rapid increase were held in a waiting room for nine into their borders, and is not obliged in Calcutta, New Delhi, Bangalore, in the number of Indian students hours upon arriving at the airport to provide any justification.” Mumbai and Pune, has been billed studying management courses such in September. Mr Zayed describes The ban has denied Mr Zayed the as an opportunity for “strengthening as MBA from our university. being repeatedly interrogated and chance to continue his current PhD and celebrating important relation- “We have scheduled meetings with strip-searched after which they were studies, which he had planned to ships with leading institutions for the heads of educational institutions, informed that their entry to Israel had conduct with his supervisor in Israel teaching, research and policy”. government and political leaders and been denied for reasons of “national next year. The Vice-Chancellor’s delega- also with the well-placed alumni in security”. The pair were then put on He questions “how entire PhD tion includes Mr Michael O’Sullivan, order to expand our links.” a plane back to Britain. projects, international collaborative Director of the Cambridge and Evidence of the “ever-deepen- Jameel, who has travelled to Israel efforts between top academic institu- Commonwealth Trust which ing and widening Cambridge-India Vice-Chancellor Alison Richard many times before, said that he is tions in the world, and travel fluidity provides financial assistance for partnership” can be seen beyond often detained for up to six hours of scientists internationally, is being overseas students at Cambridge, and the spheres of business, politics and Cambridge and India, the commit- of luggage checks and questioning. dictated by border control police who Professor Dame Sandra Dawson, academia. Statistics collated by the ment of the University to cities in However this was the first time he decide one day to flip and refuse entry Deputy Vice-Chancellor, who chairs University show a steady rise in the the country has been questioned by was refused entry. During his “vitri- to Israel’s borders, seemingly without the Cambridge-India Partnership. number of Indian nationals taking some in the national Indian press. olic” interrogation Mr Zayed claims accountability. Is Israel on the path Other academics participating in the up courses at Cambridge at under- The Telegraph, Calcutta, carried a that his interrogator assumed he towards shutting itself off from the visit are expected to visit important graduate and postgraduate level. news item which raised fears that was of Palestinian origin and grew international academic community research centres, such as the National In 2008-9 a total of 236 students at the University’s interest and involve- suspicious of his study of Chemistry: through such actions?” Centre for Radio Astrophysics in the university were classified as ment in the city is on the wane. The “As soon as I said I was a chemist the Meanwhile the British embassy Pune, and to take part in workshops being from the country, with many Vice-Chancellor commented that interrogator said I was getting more in Israel has been “powerless to do in Bangalore and Madras as part more students choosing to define “this visit explores where there is a interesting by the minute, and that anything about it” according to Mr of a Cambridge-led Indo-European themselves as being of a ‘British fit between Cambridge’s needs and she had been thinking of letting me Zayed. research partnership focused on Indian’ nationality. The proportion India’s priorities”. Comment Ed tor Charlo e Runc e Friday January 15th 2010 9 comment@varsty co uk www varsty co uk COENT

“The tale that France told itself after the war was built around a lie.” Comment ALLAN LITTLE COP15 consciences aren’t Snow White

Sav ng the planet s go ng to be expens ve But even f superpowers the world’s most delicate ecosys- AVANTIKA CHILKOTI tems until an outraged letter from want to change, they shouldn’t send develop ng nat ons the b ll NGOs reached their inboxes last summer. How can one arm of the nce upon a time, circa 2001, continues producing emissions of the Green debate is the exploi- so great that the world’s largest UN play referee in ‘Hopenhagen’ Snow White struck a deal unchecked, they will negate reduc- tation of the Kyoto mechanisms. consumer, Unilever, suspended whilst their dubious sibling is off Owith eight dwarves who tions elsewhere. But they are not Rather than simply creating a $32 million contract with an supporting one of the most environ- shared the forename “G”. The troop avoiding responsibility market incentives, the Clean Indonesian supplier last month for mentally unfriendly industries of had been so busy making their altogether: between Development Mecha- unsustainable practices. Yet the modern time? fortune that they had neglected 1997 and 2000, nism is becoming, to EU, promoting the use of biofuels, Then there’s the second obstacle. the little cottage they called home. China reduced the environmental aimed for palm oil to constitute 10% Without Snow White’s total and Robert Stagg But now they promised to tidy up its emissions market, what of fuel sales in the region by 2010. utter belief in the power of her a tad. Poor Snow White, blameless by 17%, and borrowing charges Put simply, the EU are reducing Prince’s kiss to cure her coma, the for the sooty fi replace, the broken every hour on misplaced consumption of fossil fuels and magic won’t work. The human mind off-switch on the radiator and the two wind room keys are to can not fabricate from scratch and overfl ow from the bathtub, did turbines are college Porters conceive of things the eye has not some chores of her own accord. But installed in – a pointless “As the tentacles witnessed, so even if we pronounce could her image as the innocent the nation. money-making climate change an imminent reality, waif survive when she threw a All they want exercise that of the Climate deep down we can’t imagine tantrum, demanding payment and is a sustainable leaves victims our world obliterated by global storming out of dinner when she approach that bitter. Many private Change monster warming. But we, the voters that didn’t get her way? And could they considers their fi rms allegedly clean steer our government, need whole- ask her to work without wages to need to develop. It’s up operations in the devel- touch our lives, hearted fear of global warming. clean up their mess? not destructive self-interest, oping world and claim carbon we’re forced to Over 300,000 deaths in Africa See where I’m going with this? it’s the compromise missing from credits, making a cushy profi t. are attributed to climate change I could place America as “Bully”, COP15 – compensating the clean-up The underlying concept I have believe it exists.” annually. As the tentacles of the Russia as “Gassy” and Britain efforts of the poor with fi nancial no qualms with; in an economic Climate Change monster touch as “Wimpy”, but let’s not get support from the rich. downturn few will act without fi lling the void with an alternative our lives, we’re forced to believe carried away. The moral of forgo- True, the accord agreed requires fi nancial reward. But it is near fuel that destroys our environment it exists. So, even if the £130 ing prosperity for environmental $100 billion of transfers by 2020, impossible to prove that these too, just in its production rather million spent on COP15 bought good still stands. Idealists insist but consider the $153 billion the carbon credits are deserved, and than combustion. Ironic? Nonsensi- only a promise to “take note of” that nations should all go green IMF extended to the industrialized sometimes whether they do even cal? Or the perfect way to meet tired principles, and even if the for the sake of the unborn, but world during the recent economic reduce emissions. international emissions targets? detailed plans promised this month despite reeking of unrealistic crisis and the insuffi ciency of this It’s not just private money- And, despite committing to never materialize, the number and romanticism, the case for united fi gure is obvious. And fi nancial makers. The palm oil industry, “sustainable social and environ- prestige of those present at Copen- action has watertight founda- incentivizing is not just for the synonymous with deforestation and mental practices”, the World Bank hagen clarify one thing: no one’s tions. If the developing world worse-off. A less publicised element waste, faces reputational pressures funded palm oil projects in some of buying what scepticism is selling. Wootton Bassett: no place like home Islam4UK’s march would have been nsens t ve to say the least, those who ‘undermine’ its culture. I’ve lived in Wootton Bassett but don’t let t turn my home town nto a BNP stronghold for twenty years, and seen several BETH STATON repatriations. Many residents do in dignifi ed remembrance. They of Wootton Bassett are dignifi ed, hostility of nationalistic xenopho- not attend, but those that do might slam4UK’s plan to march have been, according to Gordon defi ant and loyal, and most of all bia. The town’s media profi le has do so out of patriotism, in respect, through Wootton Bassett Brown, “loyal and dedicated and they are British. allowed this reaction to happen; or out of curiosity. I, and many of Iwas met with outrage. On patriotic in the way they have So Anjem Choudary’s march ‘apolitical’ Wootton Bassett has my peers, believe that Islam4UK Sunday, rumours of the march’s served this country”, and he has becomes an insult to Britain, and, become a tool wielded by reaction- members have the right to march imminence fi lled the quiet Wiltshire appealed to rid the town of politics for many, a symbol of an unstop- aries as a symbol of the nostalgic regardless of how repulsive their town, now a symbol of British so its population can do what they pable Islamist takeover in which idea of Britain, under attack from ideas are. Preventing them from military commemoration, with do best; stand in dignifi ed silence as white Christian ‘natives’, have doing so does not take politics out activists vowing to defend it. The the coffi ns pass, a “quiet, pragmatic lost all voice and rights. Wootton of the town, but rather recognises march has been cancelled and the people” commemorating our fallen Bassett is an offensive venue not its political symbolism. The town group banned, but campaigners, heroes. just because to march through it has reached the point where it many from the BNP and English To view the commemorations ‘sullies the sacrifi ce’ of the soldiers cannot be removed from politics. Defence League, continue to rally as gestures of the town’s solidar- themselves, but because the town Wootton Bassett is a typical around Wootton Bassett, and have ity with the country is completely has become symbolic of the British English town; my home is a place of adopted a logo bearing the town’s different from seeing them as a people’s respect for their country interesting people, dodgy politics, name. Unfortunately, they haven’t recognition of tragedy, but this is and those who represent it. It’s and tacky high streets, not a benign managed to spell it right. just how the town has been recre- very easy for these kinds of senti- embodiment of little England. We Since they began marking ated in the media, and the fact ments to escalate into vitriol. cannot succumb to this lie; if it repatriations, the people of Wootton that Bassett is a small, semi-rural A march in Bassett would be becomes entrenched in national Bassett have been highly respected market town seals the deal. Accord- crass and attention-seeking, but it Woo on Basse a symbol of the consciousness, it threatens to breed for representing the British people ing to the newspapers, the people doesn’t have to be received with the Brtsh casualtes of war a destructive and sinister hatred. 10 Friday January 15 2010 Comment Editor: Charlotte Runcie CoMMEnt AnD EDitoRiAl www.varsity.co.uk [email protected]

olly watson

Established in 1947 Issue No 708 Old Examination Hall, Free School Lane, Cambridge, CB2 3RF Telephone: 01223 337575 Fax: 01223 760949 The Big (Financial) Freeze It seems regrettable to open the new year with a complaint, but the announcement of huge potential budget cuts to education expenditure can only come as further bad news in the midst of our economic crisis. Lord Mandelson’s suggestion of almost £998 million being slashed from capital spending on education is not only a direct contradiction of what New Labour set out to do, but makes higher education an increasingly less worthwhile experience. Instead of university courses being an exercise in genuinely following a passion for your subject, they are becoming closer to fast-track vocational courses, designed to train us up to leap through the hoops of working life. Unless, of course, you are lucky enough to be able to afford the heavily-inflated tuition fees being suggested by Lord Browne; with them, of course, go any claims to fair access. Either way, the tuition fees that linger over graduated students will only increase if these plans are pushed through. The Russell Group are right to be angry; while David Zeichner about the attack, and this heavy- the rough and tumble of politics, derides their “hysterical and seriously misleading” figures, any Letters to the handed response is doing nothing having had his predecessor’s parlia- cuts at all indicate something of an attack on what can be a brilliant Editor to soothe the atmosphere. mentary wit referred to as ‘like education system. Fewer students with poorer facilities does not Amy Draper being flogged with a warm lettuce’, make for a good prospect, but then neither do overcrowded lecture Queens’ his Treasurer as ‘all tip, and no theatres and overworked staff, though these are two possible iceberg’, and his party as ‘a conga consequences of the plans. s a Queens’ student, I’m I was glad to hear that the plans line full of suck-holes’. Why, Mr We protest against the possibility of the UL becoming a nominal appalled that the college is for Mill Lane renovation have been Howard himself has been labelled advert for Deloittes, but far worse, surely, to have our wonderful Abanning all new ents and abandoned. If complete, the project in Parliament ‘a mangy maggot’ and repository of all tomes big and beautiful slowly deteriorate through would have been an ugly behemoth even ‘a dead carcass, swinging in lack of funding. We can’t let today’s top-up fees become for future that would destroy the historic the breeze’. students what the grants and entitlements of the 70s are for us, character of the area. Plus some of Such name-calling, though unnec- a dream of the not-so-distant past. Saving money is one thing, my favourite pubs would have gone, essary, is amusing, and it would Labour; scrimping on education is another. and there just aren’t enough places have at least added some spice to to get good ale in this town. an otherwise tepid evening. By all bops this term, particularly as Jason Rose means invite foreign dignitaries to the Dean of College has said he is Trinity Cambridge, but demand of them Queens’: a crisis of conscience only concerned for the vandalism’s some critical reflections on the hard The acts of vandalism committed in kitchens at Queens’ are impact on ‘visitors’ rather than Having attended the Union’s choices they made in power rather revolting and reprehensible, and their perpetrators should students. Welfare provision at the hosting of former Australian Prime than lobbing fluffy pillows masquer- certainly be punished. However, at the same time, it is clear that College this year has plummeted, Minister John Howard last term, I ading as hard-hitting questions in the people who committed these acts – whether or not they were with the authorities repeatedly was appalled by the superfluity of their direction and letting them from Queens’ – were a small minority, and it is easy to understand placing the interests of visiting undue respect afforded him by both waffle on about some nebulous why everyone else at the College might feel disappointed at the conference guests above the needs the organisers and the flaccidly topic for an hour (Mr Howard’s was of the students, and selling out the uncritical audience. Some students ‘the challenges of the international suspension of their favourite Entertainments. health and wellbeing of the JCR to even prefaced their questions with community in the 21st century’). The real villains here, if there are any, are the people who make a quick buck. Students are embarrassing ingratiations such as Wishing he’d thrown the shoe, committed the acts of vandalism. Their actions – not just on constantly being made aware of ‘Mr Prime Minister, your presence Jamie Miller the night in question, but also since – have been gross and their position at the very bottom here is historic and generous’ (sic) Jesus irresponsible. However careless and expensive the damage they of the pecking order. This latest and ‘However you look at it, your caused, more damaging to the tissue of the College community and action just alienates the students contribution to history has been the lives of their peers has been the lack of integrity they have further, and imposes double the remarkable’. Email [email protected] for the shown in failing to come forward. Had they come forward to claim punishment onto those students Now, Mr Howard is no endan- chance to win a bottle from the responsibility for their actions, this entire situation could have been whose kitchens were vandalised. gered species in need of tender Cambridge Wine Merchants. Letters avoided. We were all shocked and angry care, but rather well versed in may be edited.

Underrated out the noughties with James as if Gaga sneaked into public itself into a corner. Stars wriggle than anything in pop right now. Blunt’s album as the bestsell- consciousness pretending to be the around poles and sing tired, ‘risqué’ And if Grace Jones did it all before, Week 1: Lady Gaga ing CD. The X-Factor single is a next Bjork. She hasn’t, and while lyrics (see: Katy Perry), or market well - Grace, bless her soul, has paul smith reliable number one. Mediocrity she doesn’t exactly possess musical themselves as squeaky-clean never been this huge. is celebrated, vanilla pop exalted. genius in Radiohead spades, that’s ingénues (Taylor Swift). Gaga is blasting away preconcep- Commercial pop has eaten itself not really the point. Few of our It’s the combination of that tions of how women in mainstream alive and its spat-out Übermensch past pop princesses, hoiked onto out-there image and generic pop pop are marketed and presented, is… the High School Musical crew. a stage from the Disney Channel, that makes Gaga interesting. She and the fact that she makes To say that pop needed a saviour have actually been able to sing, pushes the idea that you don’t ear-pleasing pop is all the more was an understatement. But let alone pen, a tune (though Gaga need to buy into blandly conven- delicious because it’s coming out of nobody would have guessed that it does both – she was admitted into tional sexiness or prettiness to be the mouth of somebody dressed like would take an ex-Catholic school- the prestigious NYU Tisch School successful. In fact, the reverse is a latex Max Clifford nightmare/ girl from New York to remind us of Arts at 17 based on her songs). true – you can wear Kermit the wet dream. She’s the much-needed that pop music can be as weird and Anyway, who cares? Pop music, frog jackets, dance like a Thriller example that musicians – and visual as Bowie promised. by its nature, is meant to be fun, zombie doing the twist, and people female pop musicians in particular Most criticism about Gaga populist, of-the-moment bubble- will lap it up. She could easily - don’t need to cater to the lowest stems from the argument that her gum. Good pop music - music we have scrubbed off the drag queen common denominator of market- steroid-addled Euro-disco stomp- remember - has everything to do make-up and allowed herself to be approved sexiness. And for that, ome say Lady Gaga is far ers can’t keep up with her image. with context and image: Britney marketed as Britney 2.0, but she’s we must thank her. In other words: too overrated, but let’s look “Where will she be in 20 years?” in the schoolgirl skirt. Christina in actively pushed against that; she’s roma, roma-ma, ga ga, ooh la la. Sat it another way: we closed moan the arbiters of good taste, the chaps. But lately, pop’s backed more innovative and challenging zing tsjeng Comment Editor: Charlotte Runcie Friday January 15th 2010 11 [email protected] www.varsity.co.uk CoMMEnt

thE ESSAY Finding America in Paris Not-Sci

michael lovett aris. New Year’s Day brings a flurry of light snow as PI wander nostalgically beneath the windows of the flat I used to live in, in the heart of the Latin Quarter. I love it that the streets round here are named after eighteenth century scientists – Buffon, Linné, Monge, Lacépède. It is a celebration of the greatness of France’s intellectual heritage – its Why do the police commitment to the power of ideas want your hair? and the spirit of rational enquiry. France’s character – shaped by Questioning what the police history – is written into the street intend to do with your personal names of its capital city. On my way information is always a good to work, I used to pass through idea. But while credit card metro stations called Franklin numbers and flirty text Roosevelt and George V and walk messages are personal, nothing up rue Washington, named not is more personal than your for the US Federal Capital but DNA. The most extreme for General George Washington, witness protection-style scourge of the British Empire and, identity overhaul can wipe out in his day, the most famous man your former life completely, alive. I would stroll past a statue of France has always had a difficult relationship with but nothing can separate you Winston Churchill, and a little scale America, says . But their histories are from the DNA in your hair, model of the Statue of Liberty. Allan Little blood and saliva – the things Intriguing, that: that a nation so intertwined - and now France is finally starting to you shed wherever you go. given to anti-Americanism should The DNA database has be so full of symbolic declarations appreciate its friends generated a lot of recent media of friendship. coverage, including ‘grave I lived in France during the concerns’ of the Equality and years of George Bush’s presidency, history seems now to have pivoted, prolifically of the degeneration of guess the Parisians didn’t find out Human Rights Commission, the years of ‘freedom fries’ and only nineteen were French. That’s plant and animal life in America. about it till September, when they MPs who have been arrested ‘cheese-eating surrender monkeys’, 0.4 per cent. They hypothesized that America came back.” without charge, and unsolved of America’s openly expressed Thirty-seven Norwegians and had emerged from the ocean Again – ouch. That caustic crimes. But there is a question disdain for all that France stood one Belgian also died that day. millennia after the old continents; Anglo-Saxon wit stings. yet to be answered. The for. “How many Frenchmen does The rest were all from the English and that that accounted for the It stings because the tale that database only holds a DNA it take to defend Paris?” the joke speaking world: two New Zealand- cultural inferiority of civilisations France told itself after the war was profile, not to be confused with went. “No-one knows. It’s never ers, thirteen Australians, 359 that tried to plant themselves built around a lie. Paris se Libere. a sequence of our genome. been tried.” Canadians, 1,641 Britons and, most there. The words were first spoken by As the National Policing There is a story about a conver- decisively of all, 2,500 Americans. I was living in Paris when de Gaulle himself at the Hôtel de Improvement Agency (NPIA) sation between General de Gaulle, After the disastrous Suez crisis France celebrated the 60th Ville on the evening of August 25th states on its website, “DNA who, as president of the French in 1956, it fell to Harold MacMillan anniversary of its liberation from 1944. Paris had been liberated by profiling targets areas of the Republic, telephoned his American as British Prime Minister to Nazi occupation. I went to the her own people, he declared, with DNA that are known to differ move Britain from the Age of beaches of Normandy on the 60th the help of the armies of France, widely between individuals. Empire to the Age of Europe. anniversary of D-Day and watched with the help and support of the Apart from a gender test, “For an anti- But his attempts to take the veterans assembling one last time: whole of France, that is to say of these areas do not code for any United Kingdom into what was old men, heads held high, march- fighting France, the true France, physical characteristic or allow American nation, then called the Common Market ing past blown up photographs of the eternal France. definitive determination of any fell foul of General de Gaulle’s themselves as young liberators. France knew, in its heart, even medical condition.” France is full of famous vetoes. Twice ‘Monsieur France’s ambivalence – the same in 1944, that that was not true. But Correct, but the original Non’ listened politely to Britain’s neurosis that Harold MacMillan it took until the 1980s for a new samples which can be used declarations of plea, and twice he slammed the spoke of – was evident. generation of historians properly to decipher these character- friendship.” door. De Gaulle saw in British to re-examine the darkest chapter istics are kept in a freezer or membership the Trojan Horse of of France’s twentieth century laboratory. I contacted the American hegemony, and Ameri- “France could history. When I was living in Paris, NPIA to ask first what these counterpart Lyndon B Johnson, can imperialism, in Europe. After it struck me that Sarkozy – not yet stored samples are for, and to inform him that France had Algeria won its independence never forgive president – had the potential to be second, if they are ever used decided to withdraw from the from France in the early sixties, France’s first post-Gaullist leader. for ‘research’, by whom and North Atlantic Treaty Alliance. de Gaulle was fond of saying that the British and His enemies called him “Sarkozy under what criteria? They Since its foundation nearly two he had not granted freedom to one l’Americain” in the hope that this hadn’t answered my questions decades earlier, NATO had had country only to sit by and watch Americans for would make him unelectable. It by the copy deadline for this its headquarters in France. Now France lose its independence to the liberating them.” didn’t work. Last year, he took piece. This information is not NATO would have to move. Americans. his country back into the Atlan- available on their website, the Furthermore, de Gaulle added, it MacMillan, in old age, spoke ticist fold, and rejoined NATO. It Home Office website or any was his intention that all Ameri- ruefully of France’s almost Paris launched a series of events seems to me another step in a long other official public source. can service personnel should be psychotic relationship with its to mark the liberation in August journey, in which France – in its As genetic research is removed from French soil. Anglo-Saxon allies. France, he said, 2004. The city’s mayor had given mature, disputatious, entrenched continuing to learn more about “Does that include,” Johnson is had made peace with Germany, had the celebrations the title Paris Se democracy, the France that loves how our genomes relate to said to have replied, “those buried forgiven Germany for the brutal- Libère! – Paris Liberates Herself! and thrives on and believes in unique characteristics, if this in it?” ity of invasion and the humiliation One of the newspapers published the power of ideas and truth – is intimate information is going Ouch. of four years of occupation, but it a 48 page commemorative issue. growing reconciled to its history, to be stored we must be given But go to the cemeteries of could never – never – forgive the There was no mention of the allies and falling out of love with its a good reason for it. Since Normandy and you see what an British and Americans for liberat- until page 18. An English friend of myths. we may share genes with the Anglo-Saxon business the D-Day ing them. mine, in town that weekend, had convicted, whether or not we landings – and the liberation of French anti-Americanism has remarked how abandoned Paris are related, the treatment of France – really were. The historian these samples affects all of our a long pedigree. The eighteenth felt in August, the month the city Allan Little is a Special Andrew Roberts has calculated century philosophers of the empties out as its residents head Correspondent with the BBC. He has rights and should be transpar- that of the 4,572 allied servicemen European Enlightenment believed for their annual sojourn in the worked as a correspondent in Paris, ently and technically addressed who died on that day on which, the New World to be self-evidently countryside. “I see,” he said, “that Moscow, and Africa, and is currently publicly. SITA DINANAUTH in retrospect, so much of human inferior. They spoke, and wrote, Paris was liberated in August. I reporting from Afghanistan. the mays

he Mays is an anthology of the best new writing and artwork by students from Cambridge and Oxford. TPrevious guest editors include Ted Hughes, Zadie Smith, Nick Cave, Ali Smith, Sebastian Faulks, Seamus Heaney, Jeanette Winterson, Stephen Fry and Patti Smith. The deadline for this year’s submissions is March 31st, 2010 - see our website for more details.

We are looking for students to help us select submissions for the mays xviii. If you would like to be on the prose, poetry or visual arts committees, please apply by January 24th, 2010. Write to us at [email protected] with your contact information, and the position(s) you are interested in, and explain why you want to be involved and any relevant experience you have.

We will be running workshops, readings and masterclasses throughout the year. If you would like to be involved in these in any respect, get in touch with the editors. http://mays.varsity.co.uk

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Varsity Squash Friday January 22nd, 7-9pm The Maypole, Portugal Place

PLUS Bat For Lashes — Live in Cambridge, Food and Drink, Mark Porter interviewed, Excitement FRIDAY JANUARY 15TH 2010

The Varsity Magazine FEATURES, ARTS, FASHION & REVIE S

Hot Chip BEATS, RHYMES AND LIFE IN THE BUBBLE 14 January 15th 2010 Magaz ne Ed tor Paul Sm th MAGAZINE www varsty co uk magazne@varsty co uk Victoria Beale: Self-Help Wee 0 How To Wn Frends nd Alen te People have a few bad habits. For advances, I persevere. Be they shy maintain a friendly amount KATHERINE SPENCE example, because I am often graduate zoologist trying to fi nish of eye contact, open with a Ibusy with Thinking I am loathe work on their laptop, or boy surrep- fi rm handshake and walk away to venture the fi ve chilly minutes titiously tapping out obscene texts, with whomever I’ve just spoken to Sainsbury’s, and as a result am I push forward with my leading to thinking, “Gee whizz, what a well- steadily stealing probably zillions questions: “Would you say I’m the toned, mentally balanced individual.” of pounds worth of milk, shampoo, prettiest girl in the carriage, or the But at the moment I tend to open recent exchange coffee, gold bullion and other daily whole train?”, “Can you read the by staring intently at whichever with Aspiring essentials from my housemates. I article I’m writing?”, “Do you think patch of carpet most captures my being shyer than a lisping toddler, I Lascivious Director. He says, while have an occasional fondness for the I’m cute or just adorable?” attention at the time, hiding 78% of am also a judgmental snob. I have an browsing Facebook, “It’s really back catalogue of Jerry Lee Lewis, Even in more promising social my face behind a fringe cut for the extremely low tolerance for anyone weird, this photo makes you look like and have been known to blast ‘Whole situations, i.e. not in moving vehicles, purpose and snuffl ing incoherently who ticks off even a slightly different a ten.” “So?” “Well, you’re probably Lotta Shakin’ Goin’ On’ from the top I tend to stymie my prospects of whenever someone cracks a joke. Or list of cultural reference points than a six.” “Oh really? Well you look like fl oor when the mood strikes. But by either Winning Friends or Infl uenc- if I do get enthused and caught up in me – so your favourite Hitchcock an emo lion.” “I lied. You’re actually far the worst and most pernicious ing People. Dale Carnegie’s book, the fl ow of talk I fail to understand fi lm is different from mine? I’ll choke a four.” At which point I throw his of my habits is that whenever I’m from which this week’s column takes what’s appropriate – someone will derisively on my mouthful of Ribena eight copies of Hamlet into the seated next to a stranger on a long its title, gives me such level-headed tell me about a bad day they had on a (I like cartons) and blacklist you. fi replace. I’ll be very lucky to fi nd distance bus, train or plane journey advice as ‘Smile’, ‘Listen’ or ‘Talk summer internship, and I’ll respond Basically it’s too late for me – I’m the cruel but cuddly intimacy with I operate under the assumption about their interests.’ Any of these with “Oh, that reminds of me when now too complex a web of foibles which my current friendship group that we will become friends. I still approaches would be an improve- I was seven and I constructed a and wankery to be friends with provides me again. But who needs have the social nous of a dribbling ment on my current openers: “You bamboo cage for myself and sat anyone but those I already know. friends, I say, when you can Make fi ve year old proffering a digestive look a bit like Albert Speer”, “I’m inside it reading The Hobbit and What I have now is a circle who, if Frenemies and Proposition People. biscuit and simpering, “Let’s be a complete slut by the way”, “No, I refusing to come out.” nothing else, are teeth-wrenchingly fwends!” no matter how resistant won’t have a drink thanks, not since Another reason friend winning honest, in the most loving way they More of the Self Help column my companion is to my amicable last summer.” Dale would have me comes hard to me is that, as well as know how. For example, this is a online next Friday.

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SEARCH: i’m+yours+ukulele PAM MATTHEWS 63, CAMBRIDGE

Week 1 Cambrdge Anthems

Vmp re Weeend - ‘Boston’ Small Chinese boy brings The Ivy League indie kids’ homage to “ladies of [the other] Cam- pre-nursery intelligence and bridge”. This’ll get you in the mood for their Corn Exchange show. questionable ukulele skills to Wh ch words do you most What’s not Jason Mraz’s god-awful slice of overuse rump people. L l’ Wne - ‘Ice Crem P nt Job’ laid-back surfer dude pap. Result? Brilli nt or excellent. I lw s Lil’ Weezy opines philosophically: “she gave me good brain like she Massive improvement. use ‘brilli nt’ on the phone to What s Cambr dge to you studied at Cambridge.” Yes girls, this is what you came here to learn. m mum. C mbride is home. I strove to le ve few times but I P n Flod - ‘rntchester Medows’ Where would you most l ke couldn’t. It’s n excellent mix Go to Grantchester, sip tea at the Orchards, and listen to Pink Floyd. Overheard to be r ght now of old nd oun. How civilised. Shrooms optional. Brihton - it’s buzz. “Like, imagine if you Who would play you n the Cmbr de Un vers t - ‘Fceboo’ broke your elbow, like, What’s hot f lm of your l fe Cambridge students pen song about their specialist subject. Well, it’s blue moon, which Merl Streep. trying to lick your me ns this e r’s oin to be Crl Sn ft Stephen Hw n - ‘A lor ous Dwn’ elbow.” ood one. And f nally, dogs or cats Released on Jack White’s inﬁ nitely cool Third Man label, Prof Hawking Oh, dos, definitel! gets down with the kids to lend his vocals to this scientiﬁ c sensation. (11pm, Outs de C nd es) Features Editor: Joe Pitt-Rashid Friday January 15th 2010 15 [email protected] www.varsity.co.uk FEatuREs Chip off the old block Cambridge-educated electro kings Hot Chip tell Paul Smith about One Life Stands, R Kelly wearing Devo hats and why life as an undergrad is not always chipper.

onfined to a London Bridge out there.” the air using strapping, when they recalls how he met his bandmate people to have a dose of real world.” rehearsal studio, Hot Chip Since their time on the cult are taken off their plinths to be as a student: “I used to go to this Things improved, though, in his final Care frantically preparing Moshi Moshi label, the lads have cleaned. Heavy, solid objects being really weird record store along Mill year, when he began to focus on his for their imminent European and maintained a striking aesthetic suspended mid-air was the starting Road, run by a big fat guy who was English degree. “I found a tutor North American tour. Time is vision. Co-frontman Alexis Taylor’s point.” always talking about how he had I enjoyed talking to and I started running out. “We haven’t really sartorial boiler suits and fluorescent A pronounced attention to loads of wicked records at home, but going to the library lots. I enjoyed it played together for over a year,” green specs have become synony- artistic detail also extends to their couldn’t be bothered to bring them much more once I started to get into admits Felix Martin. “We have mous with their live act, and One merchandise. T-shirts featuring R. in in his car.” Overheard asking academic side of it.” a whole new album of songs, and Kelly bearing a Devo helmet are about records, Felix was approached Has there been a conscious endea- old ones to go over. Everyone on sale from their website. “It’s by Alexis in the hope that they had vour to downplay their time here? plays different instruments, we’re “For the first quite strange” laughs Felix. “It’s similar tastes. “We walked down “It’s not conscious at all, touring with a new drummer and something a friend came up with Mill Road together and found we especially given the non-privileged it takes a while to figure out who couple of years quite a long time ago. Maybe that’s enjoyed the same things, and had backgrounds of people in the band. exactly is playing what. It’s fun; I a comment partly on some of our the same attitude towards life in I’m proud I got into Cambridge, just wish we had more time to do I wanted to be influences and our approach towards Cambridge.” got a first and worked hard. I’m not it.” making music,” he suggests. “It’s This attitude, though, is not ashamed of that at all.” He’s keen Such conscientiousness is not like the normal putting two things together that are overly positive. Felix is unlikely to to point out that they are not a surprising. Since their formation a a little incongruous, but we’ve got become a poster boy for Cambridge Cambridge band, despite Goddard decade ago, the Grammy-nominated student, go out, time for both.” Access anytime soon: “I found it and Taylor playing the odd gig as London electro quintet have take drugs and Hot Chip will be “getting around a really difficult,” he confesses. “For Hot Chip in the Portland before recorded four critically-acclaimed bit” in the coming months, including the first couple of years I wanted to he joined. “I do look back fondly,” albums and conquered festivals have a party, a flurry of festival appearances lined be like the normal student, go out, he insists, “But I hope things have across the world, while still finding up for summer. In North America, take drugs and have a party, and I improved since then,” he trails off. time to remix acts as diverse as and I couldn’t they’ll be supported by The xx, couldn’t find anyone that wanted to Individual experience will deter- Amy Winehouse and Kraftwerk. fellow alumni of the Elliott School. do that. I felt there were so many mine whether or not this is the case. Rarely does a night out pass without find anyone that Although Taylor and Joe Goddard’s people who were protected, having We no longer have that peculiar finding yourself doing the robot to time at the creatively-inclined grown up in a bit of a record shop, but we do have One ‘Ready for the Floor’ or dancing wanted to do that.” Putney comprehensive has bubble, and Cambridge Life Stand to blast in our rooms or “like a monkey with a miniature been well documented, it in itself is quite a dance to in Fez. With its humungous symbol” to ‘Over and Over’. Next Life Stand’s sleeve is the latest in comes as a surprise to bubble. It’s a very heart, the warmth of closer ‘Take month they release One Life Stand, a trajectory of visually arresting many that three fifths protective environ- It In’ is possibly Hot Chip’s finest their most assured offering to date. artwork: of the members are ment where you moment to date, the conclusion Once the product of Joe Goddard’s “Owen, our guitar and keyboard Cantabrigians. Martin can act a bit like a to the perfect record to ease you bedroom, they have garnered an player, got interested in images of and Doyle read English child if you want through another term in the bubble. enviable reputation for raucous statues being at Sidney Sussex, while to, and I found that shows. You may remember hearing lifted up Taylor graduated with really frustrating new track ‘Alley Cats’ at their Corn into the same degree from and wanted Exchange show in October 2008: Jesus. Felix “we played that everywhere we went” says Martin, “and it ended up developing and changing, going through dozens of different revisions before we found the version we felt was definitive. With this album it’s been a more collaborative process, we’ve naturally worked together as a band more than before.” Their camaraderie is reflected on ‘Brothers’, surely the soundtrack to a future buddy movie with lyrics like “I will drink my fill with my brothers / And if one of us is ill / Then my brothers / Will watch over Palomares me.” Was One Life Stand as frivo- lous to record as it is to listen to? “It was stressful at times,” he sighs. “We had lots of musicians come and play and it was a big project. In retrospect we had lots of fun sessions but there were times we felt like we were having a nervous breakdown putting it together.” Heightened ambition is at its most evident on ‘I Feel Better’, with its propulsive strings and Caribbean steel pans. It also features Joe’s vocals undergoing some serious technological wizardry. Is this the Hot Chip take on Jay-Z’s controversial ‘Death of the Auto- tune’ debate? “You do hear it so much,” says Martin, “But it wasn’t necessarily made in reference to that. Joe wanted to use his voice in an unusual way, but it’s quite different to the ten million other auto-tuned voices Do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it now, say it, say it, say it, say it, say it , say it , say it now: it’s Hot Chip. 16 Friday January 15th 2010 Fashon Edtors Matlda Bathurst, Argyro Ncolaou and Charlo e Wu Friday January 15th 2010 17 FAS ION www varsty co uk fashon@varsty co uk www varsty co uk FAS ION

et into your winter wardrobe...

Phoebe we rs 1940s dress, cloche h t, bson fur c pe The Old Chemst Shop (Mll Ro d), le ther loves nd clutch stlst’s own, broues O ce, thts F le Alex we rs shrt vnt e Ede & R venscroft, umper, sc rves, overco t, u r fur co t, umbrell The Old Chemst Shop, trousers, broues, belt, model’s own, l sses R -b n Ann we rs 1940s sut cet, be ver fur mu , srt, or nut n fur c pe The Old Chemst Shop M ro we rs reen b ze cet, mount n lon fur l pels, l br dor fur mu The Old Chemst Shop, ocelot- prnt sc rf Topshop, reen necerchef Hermes, l sses (ust seen) R b n, trousers Topm n, boo CS Lews The Whte ueen we rs Pers n c t fur h t, sto t stole, l ce b llown The Old Chemst Shop Assorted monrel furs, tr velln b , h ndb The Old Chemst Shop, sutc se Ar Vnt e, trun B thurst f ml hert e Illustrtor Mtld Bthurst 18 Friday January 15th 2010 Features Ed tor Joe P -Rash d FEATURES wwwvars tycouk features@vars tycouk

he best weekends start 11.30am: You’ll be en route with jumping on your A day in Paris to your apartment, which you’ll Tbicycle after your last have rented for one night from New, Here: Friday lecture and dashing straight to the station to catch the ‘sub-lets and temporary’ section on Paris craigslist. a Eurostar from St Pancras. The thrill of waking up on Don’t pay 30 euros each to stay in a hostel dorm on the edge Saturday morning in Paris and having the whole day of the city (avoid the Peace and Love Hostel in particular). ahead of you is unbeatable. However, Friday after- If you get an apartment you’ll be paying between 20 and 80 Fed up of the F tz Petr f ed noon and evening Eurostars are heinously expensive euros, and you can fi t as many people in it as you like as long and, even if you book quite a long way ahead, you’ll as they hide round the corner while you pick up the keys b punts Tr someth n be paying around £120 for a return ticket (beware, from the propriétaire. disorganised readers: if you book the week before Good things to do on Saturday: get the metro to the Gare d erent th s Lent you’re looking at £500). Also, if you don’t know the city, d’Austerlitz, then hop on a vélib and cycle along the banks arriving in the dark and trying to fi nd your apartment of the Seine all the way to the Eiffel Tower. Your other or hostel is a bit of a galère. So use Friday afternoon destinations are on the way: the Musée d’Orsay, the Musée to get some of your work done so you don’t have it du Quai Branly and the surprisingly interesting sewers of hanging over you, and set your alarm for 5am on Paris. Another fantastic museum is the Musée de Camondo, Saturday morning … and, if you want to watch the haute bourgeoisie ostenta- 5.45am: Train from Cambridge to King’s Cross. tiously strolling around in nice clothes, head to the Parc Hop over the road to St Pancras. Do not buy a crois- Monceau just down the road. In the evening, get the metro sant. Patience. to Parmentier and go to some bars in the area between 7.22am: Eurostar from St Pancras to Paris (£49 Oberkampf and Belleville. Café Charbon is the best. return for under 26s – but you must book at the Sunday: Good places to stroll around include the fi r s t o p p o r t u n i t y ) . Marais; the islands; Saint-Germain-des-Prés (go to the 10.56am: Two and a half hours and a half- Jardin du Luxembourg and buy rose macaroons from fi nished essay later, you have arrived in Paris Ladurée) and the non-touristy Buttes Chaumont. (remember you’re one hour ahead). Get some Finish essay on afternoon Eurostar back home. euros out of the cashpoint at the This is a peak time, too, so if you don’t manage to Gare du Nord, go down into fi n d a cheap ticket consider getting up the metro and buy a carnet of very early on Monday morning. ten tickets from the nice lady. Bon week-end! JO BEAUFOY Ask for a free metro map.

Stravinsky. The Chapel Sessions seeks to avoid the artiﬁ - Jesus Chapel Sessions cial distinction between classical music and other genres that pervades musical culture. he Chapel Sessions are a consciously informal, Go to relax, gaze up at the chapel ceiling and soak up a intimate series of musical events that have been musical atmosphere in semi-darkness. If you’ve been put Tdelighting a small number of those in the know since off going to student concerts by high prices and muso- 2008. Nestle down amongst rugs and cushions or drift in geeks, then Jesus Chapel on Tuesday nights is the best and out of the candle-lit Jesus Chapel as you please whilst place to hear high-quality music-making with no fuss and performers from Cambridge and beyond offer an innova- no charge. tive and diverse range of music. This term’s sessions begin on Tuesday January 19th with Last year saw a variety of different musical genres: a programme of electronic student writing, Polish Music electronic music sampling Ashanti was programmed with from the past century and an experiment in orchestral Brahms; student compositions were performed alongside sound for 52 solo strings by Penderecki. GEORGIA WARD DYER

ar from the madding reach out to the skies. What’s crowd, nestled in a Star-gazing more, the Cambridge Astro- Fhaze of greenery, lies nomical Association’s modern the Institute of Astronomy, a venerable centre for advanced telescopes are set up to project close-up shots of the Moon’s astronomical research. An altar of worship for the hardcore craters or Jupiter’s Moons all accompanied by an expert science types you would think. Surely not a spot that commentary. attracts students out for an evening of fun. And yet come Your wait in line to have a peek at the star-studded sky Wednesday night the place is abuzz with everyone from through the telescopes will actually be fun as Astronomy children to students, all there for an evening of star-gazing! PhD students mingle with the crowds pointing out the The evening kicks off at 7.15pm with a half-hour public various celestrial celebrities of the night. Excitement talk on topics ranging from ‘A multicolour view of our reaches its peak when you put your eye to the telescopes, universe’ to ‘The search for Martian life’ given by profes- shedding all taint of earth to gasp in wonder at the magnifi - sors, researchers or even the principal investigator of cent beauty and poetry of the heavens! NASA’s 2008 Phoenix mission to Mars. Fear not, the talks These public open evenings are a unique not-to-be-missed Ely and Ely Cathedral are accessible to a lay audience and require little prior experience. The crowds are a testimony to the popularity nly a fi fteen-minute journey away by train, there knowledge of astronomy. In case you’ve had your dose of of the event which attracts, on average, well over a hundred really is no excuse to stay away from this lectures for the day, you could easily give the talk a miss people. However, these evenings are only on till the end Opicturesque cathedral city. and just turn up at 7.45pm in time to succumb of March, so check the weather forecast, call your friends, Undoubtedly, the fi rst stop on any visit should to the sheer magic of the universe. The ruby grab your woollens, and hurry on past Churchill College on be the magnifi cent cathedral, known locally as lights on the ground mark out a path to a Madingley road to the Institute of Astronomy this Wednes- the ‘Ship of the Fens’. The present building clearing where the historic 150-year-old day! KRITI SHARMA dates back to 1083, and boasts the beautiful Northumberland and 146-year-old Octagon Lantern Tower in the centre of Thorrowgood telescopes the cathedral’s roof. This work of medieval engineering can be viewed up close during guided tours of the tower everyday. One of the more unusual features of the cathedral is the Lady Chapel, which still bears battle scars from the Reformation, allowing visitors to see the damage done to the original architecture. In addition to the impressive architecture, Ely Cathe- dral is also renowned for its tradition of music: evensong remains a popular draw for many visitors . Ely also boasts the home of sometime tyrant Oliver Cromwell. The building itself now houses the considerably less tyrannical Ely Tourist Centre alongside fully restored rooms. Features Ed tor Joe P -Rash d Friday January 15th 2010 19 features@varsty co uk www varsty co uk FEATURES

till somehow a coveted Despite secret in Cambridge Caius Jazz their Safter almost a year, Caius Jazz has afforded a privi- accolades, the performers have never been leged few intimate soirées with some of the hottest and those to indulge in the noodled, melody- most scintillating British jazz musicians alive on the scene. light, note-frenzy of some contemporary By inviting established and renowned British players to jazz that tends to put-off all but the most appear with a backing-band of top students from esteemed stalwart audiences. A repeal of the London jazz colleges, student Jonny Coffer creates a frisson smoking ban is perhaps the only way of experience-meets-fresh. The audience is wowed with the already electric atmosphere could perhaps the richest form of improvisation, that which arises be improved. when only chord sheets and tune titles are exchanged the So if it’s that good why haven’t more people day before the players meet for the fi rst time. Numbers are been initiated into the cult of Caius jazz? Do Caians reworked and conducted live in front of your eyes, solos fl ow and the Cambridge jazz-musicati guard the nights and interweave and songs go in entertaining and sometimes jealously like some musicopian speak-easy? The surprising directions. answer is simply that it’s a new venture. Jonny and The offer of an intimate gig with young, fresh talent has his team have wisely been treading carefully with the attracted an already formidable list of names. Despite the Gonville & Caius authorities by not advertising widely, relatively tiny wage Jonny is able to offer, BBC and British but that’s not to say the doors aren’t open to all. Up-and- jazz award holders abound. Vocalists Christine Tobin coming events will be anonymous for the rest of the year, in and Ian Shaw have swooned the crowd and scatted their order to sign big acts for diddly-squat while avoiding the hearts out in joyous abandon. Instrumentalists have stood wrath of their managers, but they are bound to be ace. equally proud and gained just as much appreciation from Turning to the refl ection of Ralph Salmins, the funk- the audience. Peter King, the legendary ‘Charlie Parker of addict groovemaster drummer: ‘I got paid peanuts but had the British Isles’, and Alan Skidmore, as enduring a tribute the best time ever’. Reinterpreting for any music fan, you to Coltrane as any American tenor sax player, have both will pay peanuts and have the best time ever. For more appeared and silenced the house with majestic renditions. information, join the Facebook group. HAL MUMBY

will still fi nd plenty to explore in the colder months, such Botanical Gardens as the fantastically designed Winter Garden, south-facing ew Cambridge students might have considered escap- to take the best advantage of sunset rays bouncing off the ing the trials and tribulations of student life for a spell vibrant orange, pink and yellow hues of the barks and leaves. Fin the surprisingly beautiful and tranquil What is most astonishing about the Gardens is not just Botanical Gardens on offer down Hills Road. its sheer size but the diversity of nature on offer here, Free to those who brandish their Univer- in the Limestone Rock Garden overlooking the sity Card, its inconspicuous entrance Lake you will fi nd plants originating from Asia, sits quietly opposite Station Road (or Australasia and South Africa to Europe and you can enter via Trumpington), a North America. However if you’re not one little outside the city centre for to spend hours marvelling at the paral- most but an ambitious stone’s lel evolutionary developments of water throw for Homertonians. storage in the African Euphorbiaceae Acquired by Charles Darwin’s and the American Cactaceae, where the mentor, John Stevens Gardens’ potential lies is really as a Henslow, the Botanical wonderland to enjoy stolen picnics by Gardens fi rst opened to the water pools, play hide and seek in the public in 1846 and boasts eight more secretive gardens, and gener- national collections of plants ally get lost amongst dense woodland as well as one of the most or through 1.5 acres of labyrinthine renowned collections of trees fl ower beds. This year there are also in England. Upon entering, you’ll brand new photography, printing and at fi rst fi nd yourself down a slightly botanical illustration courses available as dubious narrow path, overlooking well as regular guided tours of the garden next door’s construction site, only to fi nd and its history. Simply in itself, you would be that it quickly opens out into a seemingly loathe to miss it, as an experience not only bound to endless paradise of luscious gardens, fl ower-beds and delight minds of a scientifi c or artistic disposition, but shrubbery. also just as an excuse to get out of the bloody city centre for Designed to inspire awe throughout the seasons, you a change. LEONIE TAYLOR

KATHERINE SPENCE

ickets are selling shoes and a stash of Visitors looking to shop can visit the traditional market faster than smack in New theatre Nurofen. I’m predicting the on Thursdays and Saturdays. Ta prison for Idle’s latest promenade theatre piece. latter might be more suitable. Rumours abound, but the In addition, the city also has its own museum in House Party promises to be fast, exciting and interactive, only way to fi nd out is to join the party on the 2nd-6th of the old Bishop’s Gaol housing a varied collection with “music, movement and ferocious visuals”. Cambridge February at www.housepartyplay.co.uk. including dinosaur fossils, prehistoric weapons theatre needs more shows like this, and hats and knickers Also on in the same week is the gala performance of and Roman pottery. The museum provides should come off to the company for trying out something The Relapse at Downing’s brand-spanking new Howard an account of Ely and the surrounding Fens, that is such a far cry away from your standard Shake- Theatre. Dolled up to the nines with kit and boasting 160 beginning with its formation right up the speare production or half-hearted new writing fare. comfy chairs the new kid on the block might just make the present day. One of the more sinister The idea seems a good one too. Everyone’s had the ADC look a little but grimy. What’s more, the big-budget aspects is the preserved cells of the origi- uneasy feeling of turning up to a friend of a friend’s party production of The Relapse or Virtue in nal gaol, where visitors can see the graffi ti and fi nding out that your “friend” didn’t actually know the Danger (a rollocking Restoration comedy by John made by prisoners. host. All you can do is keep calm and get trolleyed. Maybe Vanbrugh) promises to do justice to its grand Aside from the cathedral, Ely boasts you’ll make a new bezzie, or maybe you’ll end up po-faced setting. PASCAL PORCHERON some quintessentially English tea rooms with your tail between your legs long after the party has and pubs. One of the more popular eater- fi zzled out. In fact, getting trolleyed is a lot like the disori- ies is the Cutter Inn, an award-winning entating but exciting feeling of being in a truly interactive riverside restaurant. The restaurant promenade play in a strange location. Sozzled and disori- itself is beautifully decorated and serves entated - that’s a great deal! hearty fare at reasonable prices. House Party is, unsurprisingly, about a party. In a With a population of around twelve house. The website promises “an infamous night of thousand making it accessible for visitors, boorish mayhem”. That’s all Idle are going to tell us. Fuck, the city is perfect for exploring students that’s all I need to know. These tight lipped theatrical on a day trip. If you get the chance to visit enigmas won’t even tell us where it’s going to be. I don’t Ely this year, do. It is one of the jewels in know if I should bring my reading glasses and gin and the crown of Cambridgeshire. tonic, or if I’d be better suited equipped with dancing EMMA J FITZSIMMONS 20 Friday January 15th 2010 Arts Ed tors Al ce Hancock and Lara Prendergast ARTS www.varsity.co.uk arts@vars tycouk Future perfect Where will the rts t e us in the next ten e rs? We consulted our crst l b lls to find out where we’re oin nd wh t ou h ve to loo forw rd to....

estern cinema at present appears trapped in the seasonal ritualism of “Summer mid the publicity salvo surrounding Avatar, the Money-Making Blockbuster” and “Autumnal Adult-Fare” and both solstice genres media sphere is abuzz with the question of whether Wseem predestined to be subject to public amnesia. Part of the problem may be A3D is the future of cinema. In truth, if you’re looking diagnosed as laziness induced by unfettered fi nancing; much of Transformers (2007) was a for the shape of fi lm to come, it’s best to look elsewhere. The fi reworks display of Paramount’s deep pockets. However, a period of economic austerity could technique will remain restricted to costly blockbusters and alter this mainstream purgatory.The war-wearied 1940s and 50s had productions thriving from cinemas are unlikely to invest £80,000 in digital projectors in restrained budgets. American fi lm noir was a movement named so for today’s cash-strapped environment. Indeed, the next decade its lowly lit sets; the gloomy aesthetic of Farewell My Lovely in fi lm will be informed by the straitened circumstances (1944) is resultant from wartime energy cuts. In Britain, of an industry shaken by recession, falling DVD sales and Ealing comedy Hue and Cry (1947) framed criminals competition from other media. Hollywood will keep playing in the rubble of post-Blitz London. Learning the safe by mass-producing sequels; the 2010s will see further benefi ts of thriftiness saved them being studio- instalments of Saw, Spider-Man, Transformers, Pirates mauled into obscurity; with hope this generation of the Caribbean and Indiana Jones, amongst others. The will have the similar sang-froid to produce industry may also exploit the recent success of fi lms with independent and economically unburdened unknown actors, such as District 9 and The cinema of classic calibre. Hangover; if star power is waning, then studios will have less need to yield to A-list actors’ exorbitant demands. Cinema

n their rush to bank upon audiences’ renewed fascination with CGI, forgetting the time and care put into Avatar, fi lmmakers will probably produce many visually interesting but otherwise redundant offerings. IAn opposing trend will be that towards realism in cinema, led by fi lms such as 500 Days of Summer and District 9 which chose, respectively, genuine plotlines and leads over cinematic clichés. The horror genre should improve, with torture porn on its last (sadistically broken) legs and Sam Raimi and Oren Peli’s skilful fi lms this year signalling the end of the genre’s recent self-indulgence. Progressing from what audience involve- ment we’ve seen in cinema, such as fi lm fans scripting some of Snakes on a Plane (including the most quotable line) and the distribution of Peli’s Paranormal Activ- ity being determined by an online demand system, it is sure that in the coming decade cinema will become far more of an interactive experience.

here is more to the theatre than yet another produc- heatre survived. The suspen- tion of A Midsummer Night’s Dream or The Crucible. sion of disbelief is rather welcome TYes, old Bill and modern classics are super. Tmid-recession, and it takes more than But they are performed so regularly a fi nancial apocalypse to topple the that much of England’s theatre musical. The new decade opens heritage is neglected. What of the with Andrew Lloyd Webber’s classic comedies of the Restoration, sequel to Phantom of the Television Jacobean and Victorian periods? What Theatre Opera: Love Never Dies. Surgi- of Congreve, Sheridan, Vanbrugh, Goldsmith? cally enhanced supercomposers, however, n the past few years, the old idiot box has experi- As Guardian Theatre Critic Michael Billington fall. The Stage magazine’s annual poll enced a much-needed injection of credibility with lamented late last year: “the demise of of power named Howard Panter Ithe success of dramas like The Wire and Six Feet classic comedy stagings denies theatres and Rosemary Squire the most Under. Look forward to more thoughtful and complex and audiences a very serious pleasure”. infl uential people in theatre. TV drama in the new decade, but don’t All change please. Pioneer of the Savoy’s wait for any to come from Britain, Sir Nicholas Hytner, Director of the latest smash, Legally which is still stuck churning National Theatre, has acknowledged Blonde, their Ambassador out paint-by-numbers period Billington’s plea. London Assur- Theatre group is the UK’s romps and low-grade skit ance by Dion Boucicault, the Irish largest. It’s the smaller shows. Meanwhile, reality playwright at the time of Dickens, studios who are going to TV will fi nally and mercifully tops the billing for the 2010 struggle. 2012 sees them creep out of our collective season, staring Varsity favourite face another behemoth: consciousness: Big Brother Simon Russell Beale (alumnus together under the is set for its fi nal season in of Gonville and Caius) as Sir Department for Culture, June, and the debut episode Harcourt Courtly and Fiona Media and Sport, the of this year’s Celebrity Big Shaw as Lady Gay Spanker. Olympics and Theatre are Brother was trumped by, wait As the last decade has wended competing for funding. for it... Antiques Roadshow. Talent its disgraceful way, people have been So the Tennies belong to shows like The X Factor, though, will continue exposed to less and less demanding media. survivors: big, familiar names to excite, provoke, and create Facebook groups for Facebook, YouTube, The X Factor. Only which look good in lights. They’ll be aging metalheads and those who love them (or those through performing the classic comedies, with on stage, too. You can resent a public who just really, really hate Simon Cowell). Just don’t full belief in their unvarnished vitality, are we who fl ock to The Misanthrope just to fi nd expect to watch any of it on an actual TV set – online able to celebrate aspects of the human condition out whether Keira Knightley can act, but television will continue to expand, particularly with Hulu that we are in danger of losing in the modern public blood-thirst for the star exposed launching in the UK this year. The perfect news for cash- world. These plays contain – if we will only trust is one Noughties hangover which isn’t strapped, laptop-bound students. them – as abundant and brilliant life as any going to be easily cured. written. Arts Ed tors Al ce Hancock and Lara Prendergast Friday January 15th 2010 21 arts@varsty co uk www varsty co uk ARTS Visual Arts

ccording to Michael Landy (one of the infamous e have all heard of the Renaissance, and each age s we enter 2010, Michael Landy’s project Art Bin YBAs) art in the new decade will go into the bin. is punctuated by a revival of some sort, the spirit begins. The idea is that artists’ works are judged AHis new installation, described by the artist as “a Wof one age is defi ned by the spirit of another: the Aand, if deemed good enough, thrown into the Bin to monument to creative failure”, consists of a 600-cubic- 1870s style of ‘historicism’ is a case in point as its name be destroyed. Landy claims this is “a monument to artistic metre skip which will fi ll most of the South London Gallery suggests. Art is now a fashion in some ways, a need to failure”; yes, to his own failure perhaps, but certainly not early this year. People will be invited to come along and redefi ne itself for fear of becoming unoriginal. It is this to Richard Wright, the recent winner of the Turner Prize’s throw away works of art. The shocking news that Gary fear of the ‘done’ and unoriginal that has forced art into failure. Unusually for a Turner Prize winner, the one thing Hume plans to get rid of his Untitled conjures up night- facing that terrifying and unanswerable question ‘what is everyone who saw Wright’s golden fresco mentioned marish visions of the Queen popping into the SLG to chuck art?’. The question has been asked, answered and battered was its beauty; one critic even wondering if it was away some of her Titians. “My idea was we begin with about for millennia, and now the question is not asked “woven out of sunbeams”. nothing and then the bin fi lls up. But it doesn’t necessarily but actually made. Art can if it wants no longer exist as The choice of Wright as winner has been called work like that.” After six weeks, it will all be destroyed. an object, but become a range of philosophical questions, a “very surprising detour” in the history of Landy has fantasized about building an even a piece of text, an argument and even be the the Turner Prize. Yet it seems to me inevi- bigger skip to chuck his Art Bin into. But artist him/herself. However, the future of table that, with people still reeling from the then there would have to be a skip after art seems to be looking cautiously at economic crisis, it will be beautiful, hopeful that, which would be, he admits, “erm, the past, art about, not originality art, not perplexing or cynical art, that hmmm, ridiculous”. of ideas, but of mediums, and old emerges to replace those works discarded It is reassuring though that mediums at that: the pencil, burin in Landy’s Art Bin. Even Damien Hirst has there are less destructive pieces and brush. A taste of the future acknowledged the need for change, turning on show. The exhibition scene may be in Damien Hirst, epony- his hand to painting and, apparently, actually in London kicks off with Van mous hero of the sale room, who managing to produce a couple of “moments of undeniable Gogh coming into focus for in his recent Blue Paintings has beauty”. But I don’t think a brief spattering of beauty will the fi rst time in Britain in created his famous skulls out of be enough. To survive in this coming decade that promises more than 40 years through paint and not diamonds: memento to bin the brutality and celebrity of the last thirty years of his famous letters. Van Gogh mori of a past no longer dying and art, artists (Hirst included) will need to search for beauty wrote as he painted, with unfashionable but as precious as wherever they can fi nd it because, in Wright’s words, “at exhilarating imagination and the diamonds it has replaced. certain times people decide that beauty is a necessity” and force. At the Royal Academy, it seems to me that this decade will be one of those times. a selection of his manuscripts accompanied by the art works to which they refer will go on display, offering visitors a vivid and often moving insight into the vigorous convictions and tortured passions of one of the world’s best-loved painters. Van Gogh painted to express, not to shock – perhaps this will set the tone for the decade to come. Landy’s Art Bin certainly shocks but how long-lasting is this sentiment of the Noughties? Music

he most substantial change for pop music in the next decade will be how the songs are sold to us. Record- Ting artists will struggle to fi nd markets nostalgic enough to buy physical manifestations of their music. The f ever a decade was going to change the face album, born out of the physical restrictions of of the book, it will be this one. Probably. records, cassettes and then CDs, will IMaybe. Let Amazon, Sony and Apple fi ght it disintegrate into a range of different out. Meanwhile, Britain faces potential Tory sized releases. Free streaming takeover, and new America grapples with and illegal downloading will the consequences of promised change: force groups back onto the the political sphere dictated much of touring circuit in order to the last decade’s writing, and will earn money from a public continue to do so. Climate change desirous for genuine will form the basis for a batch of experience after a big, ambitious novels, and expect decade of anodyne the next fl avour in new writing Cowell karaoke. to be Chinese. Twilight was The biggest earning Harry Potter’s sexier sister; Books acts of the last tweens are holding their breath decade were the rock for what comes next. he book is dead. In its place is its technological dinosaurs of the 1960s. Inevitably, though, technol- counterpart, the e-book Reader. The fi rst e-book, In the next ten years, ogy will affect our reading Tor e-reader, launched by Apple in 1993, allowed nature will weaken habits. We’ll witness liberated users to view and read text easily on its large, yet the groups’ doddering writers self publishing whatever portable, screen. In 2009 the popularity of the e-reader infl uence over the musical they choose and readers exploded and, with the release of 20 new models onto landscape and hopefully give navigating their way the market within the past 12 months, it is probable space to a range of new acts. through the world’s collec- that this new technology will replace the traditional The 90s will become tion of literature. As an book in the next decade. Whilst a novel or textbook in retro, so expect the antidote for bibliophiles, the paper form can be cumbersome to transport, expen- 80s electro regen- book will reclaim its status as sive and can often come with a certain social stigma eration to be swept precious object as readers select when read in public, the e-reader enables users to away by the fi lthy fonts, paper and images to ‘build cheaply download multiple e-books onto the device’s locks of grunge- their own books’. The next liter- extensive hard drive. The instant availability and ease nouveau around 2011 ary decade will be dictated by you, of reading texts will lead to the mass consumption and before neo-Britpop pouts and anything is possible. reinvention of literature and do for the novel what the CHLOE FAWCETT & MARTHA RAWLINSON along around 2014. ZELJKA MAROSEVIC iPod has already done for music. FI VICKERSTAFF 22 Friday January 15th 2010 Arts Ed tors Al ce Hancock and Lara Prendergast FEATURES www varsty co uk arts@varsty co uk

Arts Comment Classics Revisited

T n world v ew – wh publ shers English. It is telling that transla- PAUL MERCHANT tions of classic foreign literature need not fer e n lost n trnslt on can themselves become ‘classics’ – E.V. Rieu’s translation of the Iliad American writers to emerge from of translation ‘dilutes’ the essence and Odyssey being an obvious hen I walk into a the enormous shadow of García of the text and makes it less worth example. The ‘wine-dark sea’ and bookshop on the Conti- Márquez, Vargas Llosa et al. In reading. A translation is different, the ‘rosy-fi ngered dawn’ have a Wnent, several things musical terms, we get the hit for sure. But it’s rather narrow beauty which belongs to the trans- stand out. Leaving aside the singles, but very rarely the rest of to assume that any process of lator as well as to Homer. It’s not Daphne Du Maurier obvious fact that most of the the album. alteration moves the work exactly a question of second- Rebecca (1938) books aren’t in English, the most Britain and North America away from its one true class writing. striking of these is usually the have a rich literary tradition. ‘meaning’. Take Ted The recession “Last night I dreamt I went to pervasive sense of foreignness. Perhaps the people who make Hughes’ translation may not be the Cambridge again.” By that, I don’t mean French the decisions feel this means that of Racine’s Phèdre. time to take risks, Thus edited, the opening of books in a French bookshop. I other literatures can be relegated Hughes takes the but it would be Rebecca encapsulates the bewil- mean Italian, Russian, Swedish, to a couple of shelves on the 3rd line ‘C’est Vénus good if, one day, derment of Freshers returning or Spanish books in translation, fl oor. This may be commercially tout entière à sa publishers and to a suburban Christmas after sitting alongside the latest novel understandable – after all, people proie attachée’, bookshops found a majestic Michaelmas at by Amélie Nothomb. I can’t claim are more likely to buy books by and makes a greater spirit of Manderley, ahem, Cambridge. to have a representative sample, authors they have heard about it ‘Venus has adventure. If the Akin to Rebecca, arresting but in my experience English elsewhere – but it does mean that fastened onto me U.K. can produce alumni – Darwin, Milton, bookshops are somewhat less the reading public ends up with a like a tiger’. The two exciting new Ali G – plague my sozzled multicultural. Translated books rather warped, Anglocentric view lines are similar, but writers, it’s reason- subconscious, willing me to tend to appear after they have of world literature. I suspect that also clearly have their able to assume that put down the brandy and pick known huge success throughout the number of Europeans who own character – and, most other countries are doing it up a book. At dinner, Gran’s the rest of Europe (like Stieg have heard of E.M. Forster, Philip importantly, Hughes’ explicit tiger too. I’ve focused on Europe here, beady eyes narrow. “A lot to Larsson’s Millennium trilogy Roth or Ian McEwan is far greater is no less valuable than Racine’s but it would be even more excit- live up to, isn’t it darling?” she – fi rst published in Swedish), or than that of British people, not implicit monster. ing to dive a bit deeper into the muses; a modern-day Danvers. if they are part of the established to mention Americans, who have Translators are, above all, ‘New World’ – China, India, Latin I scrutinise my Matriculation canon of ‘classics’ (Madame heard of many foreign equivalents. writers. A good knowledge of America. It would be at the very photo. I fi nd my face. Phew. Bovary, War and Peace, etc.). It Maybe we assume that trans- the source language is of course least a fascinating look at cultures Unlike du Maurier’s heroine, I has taken decades, for example, lated work has less artistic value essential, but ultimately the key is in transition. It might even make a shall return. After de Winter for a new generation of Latin than the original; that the process how well the end product reads in good read as well. break, of course.

FOOD & DRINK Aslan’s Feast Recipe of the Week Th s term, Ros e Corner loos t how et n hb ts hve been nfluenced b the rts strt n w th su tbl w ntr Nrn - nsp red d sh

o it’s January – the traditional since 1939, a marmalade roll. A the taste of ordinary food half so time for detoxing and diuret- nostalgia for smells and fl avours much as the memory of bad magic Microwave-friendly Stuffed Apples Sics after seasonal excess pervades Lewis’ writing through- food.’ Poor Edmund, while trying – yet, with snow lying all around out the series: in The Silver Chair to enjoy good, worthy, fi sh in Serves 6 and the ravages of a new term to the dwarves treat Eustace and the Beaver’s dam, feels his mind face, I fi nd myself yearning for a Jill to a panful of sausages: ‘not wander back to the wicked Turkish o, sons of Adm nd duhters of Eve, I now present to ou, wholly different kind of food. wretched sausages half-full of delight he’s just tasted. This senti- Sh hl pltble, es l recretble nd downr ht delectble In The Lion, the Witch and the bread and soya bean either, but ment may refl ect a reaction to the rec pe from Nrn to shre w th fr ends unt l Spr n rolls round Wardrobe, published in post-war real, meaty, spicy ones, fat and infl ux of new eating habits follow- n (fwn nd centur uests opt onl) rationed Britain, the Pevensie piping hot and burst and just the ing armistice: British soldiers children are transported to a world tiniest bit burnt’ which could not be returning from France pining for 6 Bramley apples remaining sugar. Cling fi lm the of magic, adventure and perpetual further from their wartime (or, dare pâtisserie, the American imports 6 tbsp raisins whole plate. winter- but also one containing the of hamburgers and tinned exotic 6 tbsp brown sugar (demerara, richest, most satisfying foods fruits, a growing fondness for muscavado, palm – whatever) 4 Microwave on full power for that a war time child could pasta… heady delights, but to Any little extras: brandy, 8-10 minutes, until the apples are imagine. be approached with caution. chopped dates, a little orange soft but can still hold their shape. In Narnia, a commonplace In books full to brim juice – whatever’s lurking in the necessity such as food takes with Christian teaching, cupboard 5 To make sauce, transfer the on another, more beautiful it is inevitable that when apples to another plate and tip dimension. It is a solidifi er enemies are vanquished 1 Core your apples with a sharp any liquid they have exuded into for new friendships: when and evil is defeated, the knife, and, if you have an apple a saucepan over a low heat. Cook Mr. Tumnus invites Lucy for victors should celebrate peeler and slightly too much time gently as the excess liquid evapo- afternoon tea and serves up a with paradisal food. In the on your hands, have a gay old rates off to leave you with a fruity feast of buttered toast, boiled eggs, I say it, supermarket) equivalent. great feast at Cair Paravel after time carving patterns into the caramel sauce. You can stretch sardines and a sugar-topped cake, Dwarves, the perennial carnivorous the death of the White Witch there skin – I did polka dots and helter- up the sauce by stirring in cream, her sweetness, and the companion- gluttons of literature, apparently is ‘revelry and dancing [where] skelter stripes. butter or yoghurt at this stage, or ship of sharing this meal, convinces lay on quite a feast; ‘great mugs of gold fl ashed and wine fl owed’, and even a bit more booze. the turncoat Tumnus to denounce frothy hot chocolate, roast potatoes, no doubt, a spread fi t for heaven 2 Mix the raisins with 4 tbsp of his evil mistress the White Witch. roast chestnuts […] baked apples itself. But, better than any of the brown sugar and any other 6 Serve your apples drizzled Similarly, Mr. and Mrs. Beaver lay with raisins stuck in where the this, food can mean salvation. In fruit or booze you might have. liberally with sauce, preferably. claim to the children’s friendship cores had been […] and ices just The Magician’s Nephew, Digory around a campfi re in a woodland with a meal of pre-war fantasy to freshen you up after all the hot presents his dying mother with 3 Stuff the cored apples with the setting – or alternatively in a food: creamy milk, yellow butter, things’. an apple that saves her life – what raisin mixture, arrange on a large staircase kitchen, huddled around potatoes, fresh fi sh and, for children But, as Lewis sagely warns more could we ask of the food we dinner plate and sprinkle on the the stove. unlikely to have seen an orange us, ‘there is nothing that spoils eat? Reviews and Listings Editor: David Pegg Friday January 15th 2010 23 [email protected] www.varsity.co.uk Listings

Pick of the Week Listings Transforming Tomorrow: 800th Anniversary Finale saturday jaNuary 16th - MoNday 18th jaNuary , kiNg’s parade, 18:30 - 22:00 One year on from the start of the celebrations, a light show from Senate House to King’s College by world-renowned artist Ross Ashton marks the climax of the Cambridge 800th Anniversary celebrations. Images will explore the University’s hand in cutting-edge research, and probably won’t contain those light effects they use at Gitmo to torture you with nausea. Viva la Cambridge.

Music Talks Film & Nightlife Theatre Arts & Events

The Road Friday January 15th Ongoing Exhibitions Friday January 15th arts piCturehouse,daily 13.30, 16.00, 18.30, 21.00 The Fiver Modern Times: Responding Risk: Trying To Quantify (eXCept sat 13.00, 15.30, 18.45, 21.15) the juNCtioN, 18:30-22:30 (£5) to Chaos Our Uncertainty The ultimate post- Six up-and-coming acts showcase Pick kettle’s yard, 16th jaN - 14th MarCh (Free) lady MitChell hall, 17:30 of the apocalyptic hell. their youthful approach to indie- The first in a series of exhibi- Want to predict the future? David week Comes complete with pop and their dedication to the tions at Kettle’s Yard this year, in Spiegalhalter discusses the impact Film cannibals. malnourished look. Satellite to Modern Times the German artist of risk and uncertainty on our Nowhere headline. and impresario Lutz Becker brings understanding of the yet-to-be. forward various modern artworks Gilad Atzmon + Strings Beginners Dance Classes the juNCtioN, 20:00 (£15 adv) which light up the topical contro- st ColuMba’s hall, dowNiNg plaCe, 7.30pM-9pM Gilad Atzmon, accompanied by versies of today. Expect Pollock, (£15 to joiN, £3 per Class) Klee and de Kooning to name a few. Indispensable introductory classes the Sigamos String Quartet, pays Theatre A Midsummer tribute to his hero Charlie Parker. Hidden Depths: Sargent, for those still packing the Christ- Expect impassioned jazz and the Night’s Dream mas turkey pounds. No dancing occasional political rant. adC theatre, Fri-sat 19.45 (£6/9) Sickert & Spencer partners necessary, self-esteem It’s been to Amster- FitzwilliaM MuseuM , 8th deCeMber – 5th april Pick (Free) disadvantageous, friendless misan- Saturday January 16th of the dam. It’s been to Paris. Not just three dead painters whose thropes welcome. CUMS: Britten’s War week It’s been to Cloppen- names alliterate; so much deeper. Requiem burg. Catch it now you Monday January 18th Daybreakers Theatre So deep you might fall down it, so kiNg’s College Chapel, 20:00 (£5/17/27/32) can, because it looks hidden you may never be found. Gravitational Lensing vue CiNeMas, daily 11.50, 14.10, 16.30, 18.50, 21.20, Fri/ Part of the Great special. And because that’s the wolFsoN leCture theatre, ChurChill leCture, sat/wed 23.30 A truly impenetrable showcase of 19:30 Pick best poster of 2010 yet. Daybreakers (above) - cashing in of the Conductor 19th and 20th century watercolour, A must-attend how-to lecture on the Twilight-inspired vampire week series, paintings and drawings. for those seeking to locate Dark David Hill Lock, Stock and trend? Surely not? Music Improv Matter. The fabric of space/time waves Courtyard Installation: does not get any more exclusive or Nowhere Boy frantically at the adC theatre, Fri-sat 23.00 (£4/6) ‘100 Questions’ chic. arts piCturehouse, daily 12.00, 19.00 (sat oNly choirs of Christ’s, Improv is a dish FitzwilliaM MuseuM, uNtil NoveMber 29th 12.00, eXCept tues 11.30) Clare, Gonville & (Free) Will Aaron Johnson (previous best served with a Wednesday January 20th Caius, Jesus and A series of pertinent questions tweenie heartthrob) be able to get suit, a bullet and a Open Evening at the Selwyn. Tickets written by Nobel Laureates relat- to grips with the legacy of Lennon? whole load of self- ing to the Earth’s sustainability. Institute of Astronomy from the Corn reference. Like The iNstitute oF astroNoMy, MadiNgley road, A girl can dream. 19:00-21:00 Exchange box office. Godfather, only funny. Art Speak An introductory session for those Avatar FitzwilliaM MuseuM (Free) Sunday January 17th interested in scouring the stars. vue CiNeMas, daily 12.10, 15.50, 19.30, Fri/sat/wed Clockwork Resident artist at the Cambridge 23.10 Oasis @ Fez Expect an observation session if adC larkuM studio, Fri-sat 19.00 (£5/6) School of Art, Anji Jackson Main’s The most expensive film ever made Fez, 22.00 – 03:00 (£4) Dark fantasy adapted from Phillip skies are clear. but with such witty details as Unlike the band, still going strong. paintings explore the dynamic Pullman, the J. K. Rowling of possibilities that arise from the use calling a rare fuel ‘unobtainium’ it Everyone’s favourite place to be on serious academics. Set in a studio can’t possibly fail. On a course to a Sunday night... go on, you know of the body in making marks on so intimate that an actor might canvas. sink Titanic as the highest-gross- you’ll be there. accidentally mount you. ing film ever. Sunday January 17th Life Drawing for All Cheese Badger buChaN street Neighbourhood CeNtre, Welcome Promenade Concert adC theatre, tue 23.00 (£5/7) MoNdays 9.30-12.15pM; Fridays 7.00-9.30pM (£15) arts piCturehouse, daily 14.30, 19.00 (sat oNly FitzwilliaM MuseuM, 13:15 – 14:00 (Free) Is it a cheese? Is it a badger? No. A sequel to last year’s exhibition, 19.00) Paul Ryder, Andrew Lawrie and It’s Sir Henry Cheese-Badger, who 17-year-old Kurdish boy embarks focusing on Roger Hilton’s contri- Alex Reid play Brahms and Berke- probably didn’t have the easiest on a training program so that he bution to 1960s Abstract Art, this ley in Gallery 3. time at school. can swim the English channel and latest instalment examines Hilton’s reach his girlfriend. Coming on too Monday January 18th late works in poster paints, a Dick Whittington and His material appropriated from his son, strong? Live Irish Music Cat the white swaN, 20:30 (Free) and goaches as well as his letters CaMbridge arts theatre, Fri-sat 19.00, suN 18.00, written to his wife, Rose, in his Nine Fiddles and foot-stomps on Mill Fri-suN Mat 14.00 (£10/£12.50) arts piCturehouse, daily 14.00, 16.30, 21.10 Road. Expect a boozy evening of tragic final years. (eXCept sat 16.20, tues oNly 16.30, 21.10) The Ali Baba of January. Written, Daniel Day-Lewis heads up an Irish polkas and jigs belted-out the created and devised by Brad Fitt, Hermione the Mummy old fashioned way. Thursday January 21st all-star cast in this remake of who also stars. As if you needed girtoN College, every thursday 2-4pM (Free) any more reason to go. 14th CAMRA Winter Ale Fellini’s classic about a lothario Wednesday January 20th An archeological Festival with writer’s block. Pick mystery, some say that Laura Veirs and the Hall of Shakespeare 4 Kidz of the uNiversity soCial Club, Mill laNe, 17:00 (£2.50) Girton’s Hermione CorN eXChaNge, tue 10:30, 13:30 (£16.50) week USC, CURA and CAMRA It’s Complicated Flames holds the embalmed the juNCtioN, 20:00 (£12 adv) Check out that trendy Z! Check Arts members get in free. Over 100 vue CiNeMas, daily 12.30, 15.10, 17.50, 20.30, sat/suN remains of an ancient 10.00, Fri/sat/wed 23.20 Laura Veirs marks the release of out that trendy 4! Shakespeare beers and ciders, with session What do you do with your her seventh album by bringing her would have approved. Bound to PhD student who, many centuries beers to boot. Stella-drinking ex-husband? Have an affair with round-the-campfire sound to The be popular with English students, ago, made a research trip there and pussies need not attend. him, of course. Junction. Macbeth is slaughtered by song, never came back. dance, and modern language.

to have soMethiNg listed oN these pages, e-Mail david pegg at [email protected] by No later thaN MoNday oN the week oF publiCatioN. 24 Friday January 15th 2010 Reviews Editor: David Pegg REVIEWS www varsty co uk [email protected]

MUSIC Boxed In Deep, thoughtful musician, 29, seeks Vampire Weekend allergy-free soulmate for long CONTRA walks in rapeseed fields. 

Week 1: Heroes If you have never watched Heroes, now may not be the best time to start. The show or a quartet of Columbia- follows a group of ordinary educated indie-kid people who discover they Fwhite-boys, the Vampire possess superhuman powers, Weekend debut sounded really and it’s as silly and as cheesy African. “Primitive drums”? as it sounds. Despite this, Synthesizers that “sound like the fi rst season managed the sun”? Bubbling with “joyous to garner a healthy and harmonies”? And I quote from dedicated audience by being some of the most read and truly entertaining and respected reviewers on the Inter- boasting some stunning net. It was a sad, sad time for cinematography. African popular music. Unfortunately, Season Two, F fe me to the moon Postcolonialist throwbacks like many shows which never aside, it was clear – even before the planned to be around for long spread of ‘A-Punk’ through grotty (I’m looking at you, Lost), clubs worldwide – that Vampire suffered from a soporifi c and the best the album has to offer, the most mind-blowing of nursery Weekend was a pretty lovely collec- lumbering storyline which Fyfe Dangerfield opening with a ‘Billie Jean’ rhymes. And whilst it obviously tion of songs. It assumed a position never properly matured. FLY YELLOW MOON drumbeat that gives way to a won’t bother many, it’s worth somewhere between the annual Season Three continued  fantastic string-laden chorus, noting that, without exception, all reminder of fake D.I.Y pop past, the merry decline; react- sounding halfway between the best the songs sound like they could be and the OC generation’s preppily ing badly to universally ccording to the promotional of Robbie Williams’ most upbeat Guillemots tracks. There’s absolutely updated American Dream. Sure- negative reviews, the writers spiel, Fly Yellow Moon was blathering and an amalgamation of nothing to markedly differentiate to-be single ‘Holiday’ pops out as a contracted a prolonged bout A‘written over a 12-month every Christmas No. 1 you’ve ever them from anything that Fyfe’s solid piece of buttoned-up pop, with of plot diarrhoea. The show period in snatched moments after heard. ‘Livewire’ also deserves cohort have given us before, except jutting guitars, rim-clicks and an became confusing and each sound checks and before nights praise. Both laid- and stripped- perhaps that the worst culprits, all elegantly dead-pan vocal delivery, character so diluted that they out’. Much as I feel bad for saying back, it sounds akin to the best mentioned above, are too boring for whilst ‘White Sky’ is a synthed- all became totally unlikable. it, this does explain a lot. Opening of Death Cab and best captures the rest of the Guillemots to tolerate up ‘M79’, complete with civilised Heroes’ fourth season, track ‘When You Walk in the Dangerfi eld’s easy and authentic having to play. chamber-ensemble sensibility. tentatively titled ‘Redemp- Room’ conveniently captures both sentimentality. Ultimately, these are ten songs Predictably, things sometimes go tion’, promises to be a return everything that’s good about this But considering the artist’s that glimmer with promise and awry. ‘California English’ sounds to form. Many characters album as well as everything that’s pedigree, many of the songs are never deliver. Most of them sound like a hyperactive 13-year-old let have been returned to where not. The instrumentation is strik- let-downs. Second track ‘So Brand like Guillemots B-Sides, replete loose on a vocoder. There’s proba- they started at the beginning ing; the subsequent jangling piano New’ is, quite frankly, fucking with the Dangerfi eld’s unswerv- bly something clever going on, but of Season One, presum- chords joyful; Dangerfi eld’s vocals turgid and sounds dispiritingly ingly positive poetry, but devoid quite what it is remains a mystery. ably with the hope that the tinged with the ecstatic confi dence similar to the equally morose of the spark that gave life to epics ‘Giving up the Gun’, meanwhile, is audience will warm to them of a natural and expressive singer ‘High on the Tide’. ‘Firebird’ is like ‘Trains to Brazil’. What’s a fi lthy fl op. Chugging electro riffs again, and best of all, the desperate to convey pent-up happi- the most interesting track, with worse is that Fly Yellow Moon is weigh down Koenig’s suddenly pontifi cating Mohinder Suresh ness. And then, inexplicably, the Dylan-esque chords becoming the not actually all that bad – it may witless whine, and even the is completely absent. The song just goes nowhere. At all. vehicle for a brooding and melodic even be good - and that the stroppy vaguely uplifting refrain can’t plot focuses on a mysterious Instead, it procrastinates for three take on the nursery rhyme ‘Daisy, tone of this review is mostly down make good the bad. Though tighter, travelling carnival whilst the lifeless minutes, endlessly repeat- Daisy’. It’s a unique, solitary gem to the sheer disappointment of punchier, and boasting a startlingly old cast try to return to some ing the same riffs, decent though on an album otherwise adrift upon the reviewer. But, really, we were beautiful closing track, all the semblance of normality. The they are. a sea of its own mediocrity, but – expecting better from the man ingredients that made VW 2008’s show’s new selling point and First single ‘She Needs Me’ is let’s face it – ‘Daisy, Daisy’ wasn’t behind Guillemots. DAVID PEGG buzz-band are still here. JOE SNAPE bad guy is Robert Knepper, who was the brilliant T-Bag in Prison Break. Capable of Winston is at his best when at King’s guitar hints at familiarity inspiring fear with the most Charlie Winston his most derivative. The Nina Japandroids with shoegaze, and their songs innocent of acts, Knepper HOBO Simone-esque bridge on ‘In Your POST NOTHING seem shot through with the under- dominated the screen with his  Hands’ is the highlight of the  standing that the teenage freedom ghoulish charisma. record, and Ben Edwards’ blues- they describe must end. To wit: the Realistically, however, infused harmonica line on ‘Like a girls-obsessed lyrics and propul- Heroes’ glory days are over. Hobo’ gives the single the rootsy sive stomp of highlight ‘Wet Hair’ This season is unlikely to edge it needs, whilst collaborative camoufl age just how melancholy rectify the problems which vocal lines on ‘Soundtrack to Love’ the song’s guitar part becomes, have plagued the show from make for a gorgeously sentimental while ‘Sovereignty’’s urgent croons the beginning, and already ending. Sadly, rather than defi ning are at once both exhilarating in there are rumours of cancel- the collection, these moments are their open-highway optimism lation. You may be better happy blips in a boring hour, with and unabashedly yearning; King off just purchasing Season simplistic production and endless croons “it’s raining in Vancouver One on DVD and stopping repetition of clichéd chorus after / but I don’t give a fuck / because there or, better still, give the clichéd chorus. Winston has a I’m far from home tonight”. But it’s little-known The 4400 a try. e’s topped the charts versatile voice with potential, t last, the British release not all so intense, as the sublimely Developed by sci-fi legend across the Channel, but and I’m desperate for him to belt of Canadian guitar/drums ridiculous ‘Heart Sweats’ drops Robert Hewitt Wolfe, it bears Hfor Cornwall-born folkster out a heart-wrenching verse in a Aduo’s excellent debut. Japan- non-sequitur put-downs over a a similar premise but handles Charlie Winston, stardom at home moment of passion, but it never droids play no-frills garage-rock, cocky instrumental strut. it in a much more intelligent, remains elusive. Perhaps his happens. Perfectly charming and replete with fi st-pumping riffs and Post-Nothing, then, is an album interesting and compelling problem is the same as that which easy to listen to, but nothing much joyously shouted vocals, that turns that rocks hard but never harsh, manner. DEAN REILLY haunts his album, Hobo. Flashes of of any substance, and too dainty out to be deceptively complex. and is simple but never simplistic. brilliance, but overall very dull. for its own good. DAN GRABINER The colossal texture of Brian SCOTT WHITTAKER Reviews Editor: David Pegg Friday January 15th 2010 25 [email protected] www.varsity.co.uk REviEws

fiLM Art & Literature

Road to Nowhere Lumière: Lithographs by Odilon Redon Fitzwilliam museum him out dancing. Indeed Julia is self-contained, crisp-voweled Aunt  Nowhere Boy depicted as John’s first love – he Mimi isn’t much of a stretch for the arts PictureHouse flirts arrogantly and artfully with queen of cut-glass repression, her  girls his age, but the only ‘roman- performance is nonetheless excel- he only thing to be regret- tic’ scenes are with Julia, when she lent, and her solo scenes nervously ted about the female nudes, type this review through a tells him to ‘Kiss Me Quick’ as they waiting at home for an absent John Tshrieking demons and cloud of desire – not my usual run down a Blackpool pier, or they are brutally affecting. Thomas religious irony in Odilon Redon’s Ilow-level lust, but passionate, lie on a sofa together listening to Sangster (scrawny lovelorn Liam work is that they make it diffi- Beatlesmania-style yearning for Screamin’ Jay Hawkins’ ‘I Put A Neeson-spawn in Love Actually), cult simply to discuss these Aaron Johnson. It is as if he was Spell On You.’ puts in an incredibly weak and extraordinary lithographs; you cast not for his resemblance to Adoration aside, Johnson puts irritating performance as Paul almost have to defend them. Yet Lennon, but rather his ability to in an excellent turn as Lennon, McCartney. In scenes of high by defending them one also runs induce the kind of giggling swoon capturing his wit, his repertoire of emotion, Sangster cannot begin the risk of making them out to that Elvis could in the fifties. We impressions, as well as his ability to match Johnson’s acting abili- be less harrowing, less engross- see John Junior realising the possi- for cutting cruelty. The film is ties. Apart from minor criticisms, ing than they truly are. Indeed, bilities of being The Guy in the prettily shot, especially the Julia this more than competent film as the Fitzwilliam’s dazzling Band in an early scene in a cinema scenes, which are sped up into examines an interesting, gener- current exhibition makes clear, full of screaming teenage Liver- dizzying fast-motion or slowed ally unexplored period in Lennon’s this French Symbolist made pudlians, watching black and white down, reflecting their transient, life, and treats its subject with a stylistic principle out of his footage of a thrusting Presley. dreamlike quality. I have an just enough irreverence that we ability to shock. His renderings However, Johnson is a fully enduring love for Kristin Scott- see him as a human rather than an of death and trauma are both too realised rock and roll star merely Thomas, so even if playing the icon. victoria beale alive with pathos and too well by virtue of his cheekbones, rather crafted to feel gratuitous. la mort: “rien n’est aussi bon que than a drop-out kid with glasses deep, thoughtful musician, 19, seeks Most recognised for his use la maigreur” who has yet to pick up a guitar. older woman for sudden marriage and of pastels and oil, the marginal The film follows the teenage spurious pregnancy. status of Redon’s drawing is celebrated by the small, wood panelled Lennon seeking out his estranged room in which they are now displayed. Here, set curiously off from the Mother, who for various reasons permanent collection, are fewer than thirty examples of Redon’s artis- gave him up when he was four, tic vision and virtuosity. But in Lumière this economy of selection is leaving him to live with his loving not frustrating, because Redon is so visually rewarding; with virtually but puritanical Aunt Mimi. When every lithograph there is simply an overwhelming amount to perceive he does find her, Julia almost too on the paper. conveniently represents the lure of This is indicated by the abstract, somewhat disorientating, titles rock and roll, clicking on a jukebox Redon gave to each artwork: ‘Death: my irony surpasses all’ or ‘And and twirling John round to hits like the eyes without heads were floating like molluscs’. Although such ‘Shake, Rattle and Roll’. Review- statements may sound flatly undrawable, it’s great to see Redon’s, often ers have already commented on successful, attempts at sketching them. When sketching Redon fixated the Freudian relationship between upon the potential of light over and against darkness, working exclu- John and Julia – at times she treats sively with black and white materials, with “a combination of luminous him more like a toyboy than a son, black lithograph ink and glowing paper” as the Fitz’s handlist puts it. In kissing him effusively and taking the especially striking ‘Isis’, for instance, a naked mother cradles a child, her bright features partly obscured by a wave of blank ink, darkening as it swirls from the picture plane. An intense gesture which points us outside of the work itself, Redon is always striving towards - before Avatar valuable fuel ‘unobtainium’ that to explore the real essence of the slipping past - shockingly luminous moments like this one, where his vue turns him from hostile foreigner story: the fascinating culture of mind’s eye and those of the viewer are beautifully united. eliot d’silva  into full-blown native sounds the Na’vi. gratingly similar to other moralis- Each intricate part of the planet The Forward Book of here’s a layer of hype so ing narratives. You’ve heard of the and its inhabitants has been thick surrounding Avatar it kind I mean: they cast Westerners painstakingly thought-out to not Poetry 2010 Faber & Faber Tlooks like you might have to as the pinnacle of evil and greed, only rapturous visual but also  wade through it. Make the effort hell-bent on destroying the natural emotional effect. I cared far more and you’ll find a believable, intelli- heritage of another ‘savage’ about these tall, blue people than n Meirion Jordan’s poem ‘Cry Wolf’, we learn that ‘long ago/ gent and, as might be expected for culture. And whilst there are I was prepared for (even indulg- there were no poems only wolves’. But now such ferocious, tough the multi-million dollar price tag, a those stereotypes floating around ing in, I am ashamed to admit, Ipoetry has disappeared and the poet-hunter instead delivers poor visually spellbinding film. Avatar, Colonel Quaritch who fleeting moments of attraction). substitutes of ‘black dog skin, badly dyed.’ The irony, of course, is that Superficially, the story of Jake heads up the American invading This intense attention to detail Jordan’s poetry is nothing of the sort. His second poem in this anthol- Sully’s voyage onto alien planet force being a prime example, they from the fantastical monsters that ogy, ‘Calculus’, ebbs in and out like the ‘rhythms of the sea’ and reveals Pandora to extract the very are just used as convenient devices dominate the woods to the way the his stubborn determination to master the poetic craft, ‘Tonight/ I will hair braids of the Na’vi link with be out late, then very late.’ Indeed, The Forward Book of Poetry 2010 the creatures they fly around on triumphs for compiling a collection which is serious about poetry, and makes the world feel believable. the poetic voices of the moment. The growing relationship between The year’s shortlisted poems are printed first, but the book is gener- Jake Sully and the Na’vi princess, ous in the room it affords the judges’ ‘Highly Commended Poems’, which Neytiri, also plays out convinc- are in themselves testament to the sheer expanse of the poetry terrain ingly despite one cringe Hollywood today. Some of this is insipid and makes modern poetry embarrassing speech where to look upon. ‘You were a bird before we met’ begins Katharine Kilalea’s he declares his undying love for poem ‘You were a bird’. After the exhausting metaphor of two drunk her (of course). It’s definitely worth lovers (drunk on love, we get it!), the last thing we want to do is hear seeing in 3D as well, since James about the birds again, yet there they are: ‘Now the letterbox is a bird/ Cameron doesn’t feel the need to and the telephone is made of birds...’ fire rocks in your face to show you The poems in the shortlists are better. In Sharon Olds’ ‘Self Exam’, a what technology he’s using but woman examines her breasts, ‘sweeping/ For mines’. The description aims for a more subtle approach. of this sensitive undertaking has an exactness which marks out all the Granted, there is the odd slip-up finest poetry. When her hand feels ‘streambed gravel under walking but these are eminently forgiv- feet’, we hear language and experience clicking into place. Winner of able in the light of quite how epic Best Collection, Don Paterson’s ‘The Lie’ unravels too calmly, too slowly, Avatar is: both in terms of techni- like all the best horror stories; the child’s voice whispering ‘Why do you cal breakthrough and narrative call me The Lie?’ is terrifying. These poets have been out hunting, and journey. katie anderson they’ve brought back some wolves. zelJka marosevic meet Jake sully’s alter-ego: hunky blue cat-person ‘Jake sully’. 26 Friday January 15th 2010 Theatre Ed tor Ab ga l Dean TEATRE www varsty co uk theatre@varsty co uk

a child’s defi ance means death and View from the A Midsummer the Mechanicals are prisoners permitted day release. Theseus Groundlings Night’s Dream (Simon Haines) forces his chained ADC MAINSHOW Hippolyta (Antonia Ukland) into  wedlock, bringing new potency to the line ‘I wooed thee with my sword’. nter into an industrial, But the opening’s interpretative monochrome forest formed element was mild compared with Eon the outskirts of a city what followed: the canopy-magic under authoritarian rule. The of fairy thicket became a steely invitation is salivative; you dribble underworld; strobe lighting forced at the prospect of the gritty thrill the reading of fairies as drug ahead; a clash to some of the recent addicts. These madcap scarefair- grey mainshows that the ADC ies laughed maniacally, and swung has churned out. After sponging sinisterly about, but the effect was Cambridge Theatre the viscid smear from your lapel, overdone. The production’s failings you might be shocked to discover stem from amongst other indulgent that this is extracted from the eggings of the ‘dark’ interpreta- ook out of your window. Facebook event description of A tion: the ocular dewing does not There is slush. There is Midsummer’s Night Dream, the require accompanying substance Lgrey. There is desperate ADC’s latest big event. fi ts to make it malevolent and it is need for Suspension of Disbe- The expectation is dichoto- not necessary to couple Helena’s lief, and thanks to fairies and mized into thrill and confusion; request “spurn me, strike me” Cheese Badgers and teenage Cambridge’s bastion auditorium with masochistic arse-gesturing. pregnancy, you can get it. has the plums to foist a seemingly What was once subtle became There are two evenings left to incongruous (dark) reading upon blatant, and the same applied to catch the show calling itself one of our Will’s most seemingly REBECCA PITT ‘THE BEST SHOW OF THE harmless comedies? DECADE SO FAR’, which This is what makes director Max “Strobe lighting caricatured rendition, and Ellie be said for the leotard fairywear, is far grander than a night Barton’s rendering such a chin- Kendrick as Hermia, who was which looked as if designers had of iPlayer and Sainsbury’s stroking watch, despite its faults. forced the blissfully naturalistic, especially plundered a skip brimming with basics, let me tell you. It’s Most student productions succumb in the hilarious – and intricately the discarded garbs of Labyrinth a big claim, but the cast of to formula, playing out an innocent reading of staged – slapstick fugue. Haines, - another signature of the overtly ETG’s A Midsummer Night’s amatory farce. For those who however, proved comparatively conceptualised aesthetic. Dream have bonded over don’t know the story: a quartet of fairies as drug bland as Oberon; his tinman strut The problems were not with the Jacuzzi baths and many, many Athenian youths abandon metropo- – fi ne when playing staid dictator – outstanding technical features, hours aboard coaches passing lis for a mixed up romp in a forest addicts.” was disjunctive against the forest’s but a tail-wagging enthusiasm for through anonymous European while simultaneously a band of eye-watering gymnastics. This gait staging over script; this occluded landscapes. Some people still amateur actors (‘Mechanicals’) the Mechanicals: their membership undermined his fairy-status and some of the verse’s qualities, talk about that Hamlet in delve wood-deep for a rehearsal. mentally impaired, a clever conceit gave Oberon the walk of Robocop especially between Oberon and hushed tones of awe and envy, Both groups are subjected to grew tired in repetition. with haemorrhoids. Titania. In taking the challenging so go see if the controversy the japes of the resident fairies, The acting was, however, consis- The set was astonishing, all giant angle to something ‘safe’, Barton of drug-ladened fairies in and chaos ensues. In this take, tent, but for the nice exceptions of monkey bars and detritus. The overdid himself, rejoining that leotards appeals to your Bard the characters escape from a Joey Batey’s Bottom, who fruit- costuming of the Athenian state split expectation which was once so sensibilities. HOME RUN. ruthless totalitarian state where fully reigned back on the time-old was well-tailored; the same cannot spittle-inducing. EDWARD HERRING Come Tuesday, isn’t it time to fi nd out where Kettle’s Yard actually is? Dr. Faustus is rankly, the witnessed Pasqual hat can and yet the place’s looking terrifying and spectac- idea of getting Lock, Stock and the Teacup’s you get Camino Real sor row never ular, and it’s set in St. Peter’s up on stage attempt to blow up away with MUMFORD THEATRE really prevailed: F Improv W  Church, the kettle’s spout. As with only the compli- ADC LATESHOW Santa with a deadly in a dream play? from music to bold in, a church. You can probably ance of a late-show  cake bomb whilst As its writer, quite costume, subtleties get some God points while you crowd, and your own smuggling illegal a bit. Tennessee were swallowed by watch. See Incoming to get quick wit for comfort marshmallows into Williams populated his strange, garish fervour. the jist, our nifty new column makes me quake in my boots. With the country, hampered by the efforts dusty dream town of Camino The nightmarish quality of offering some insight into an that in mind, I concede that what of the Pope and a man impregnated Real with a plethora of literary Williams’ vision did make it through upcoming play. And that is this show lacks in fl uency and by Zeus. See, told you. characters snatched from centuries the hysteria, nicely elicited by the why we call it Incoming. organisation, it certainly makes up The thing is, while I was impressed past; he recast them as pitiful and actors out of the spotlight: they Wolfson have pulled in a big for with guts. by the pluckiness of the cast, there desperate people; he provoked clustered at the side-lines on fi lthy bed name for your fi rst Howler of It turns out that I, ultimate are irritations. If you’re going to ask Walter Kerr to condemn the play linen and hung over the action with the term. Chris Addison is audience participation scrooge, was the audience for that many answers, as ‘the worst yet written by the vague interest. Abdullah, Gutman’s the dork in In the Loop whose to be forced off my feet immediately. then you’re going to forget them, best playwright of [his] generation’. sycophant, was a constant loathsome excuse for an affair with a Luckily I was not alone: the bouncy and while this initially adds to the Devoid of linearity and any obvious presence, cackling amidst angst and White House junior is the yet cynical narrator had us comedic value, increasingly it protagonist, it isn’t the easiest contorting in glee. David Lynch-like prevention of confl ict in the demonstrating reactions to appears clumsy. Further- script to stage. And the director fi gures cluttered the stage’s extrem- Middle East. Chris Addison circumstances ranging more, relentless cheap gags of the dream play can’t get away ities, eerie enough without their is almost as funny as the from witnessing a friend don’t demonstrate impro- with quite so much as its writer – painted faces and erratic costumes. guy who plays Malcolm. His being shot to being visation skills (I don’t ever they’ve got an audience demanding There’s rarely need for the donning national stand-up tour kicks lobbed with a melon. want to hear a man say the coherence. of one Converse, and there was no off next month, so be all smug Not a classic start, but a words “slipped,” “into” So coherence would have been nice. need to camp up the terror. The most and see him in the hood before fi ne ice-breaker. Trying and “my stocking” to Amidst garbled Spanish accents – excruciating scene saw Marguerite he starts writing autobi- to describe the ensuing Father Christmas again), raised, far too often, to shrieks – it (poached from Dumas’ The Lady of ographies and advertising ‘storyline’ will sound and after awhile are just wasn’t such an easy fi sh to catch. Add the Camellias) missing the single supermarkets. If brutal politi- like a surreal night- cringeworthy. This cast in a guitar, perpetually strummed plane out of the place, her panic ever cal comedy doesn’t melt your mare: cheerful narrator is potentially hilarious at the corner of the stage (how very more profound as “lost” documents heart, then Be My be my little gets the audience to and with the laughter Mexicana), and lines slipped away, saw the single chance for freedom Baby. I’ll make you so proud shout out words and of tonight’s audience taking the audience’s attention with fl y away. That’s how dreams convert of me... And all that swinging phrases to form some ringing in their ears they them. Williams’ Camino Real is themselves to theatre best: in turns 60s jazz. Next week’s ADC kind of plot. Due to the can only get better, but a prison-like limbo, presided over helpless, confused and tender, they late show is like the vintage beauty of improvisa- improvisation fi nesse by smug hotel manager Gutman. are fascinating not only for their Juno: pregnant teenage angst tion, this will vary was a little lacking. Passports are stolen and occupants surrealism, but for their psychology. with twee indie soundtrack every night: I JEMIMA MIDDLETON forced to confront their failures, ABIGAIL DEAN PAUL SMITH discarded for 60s legends. Weep and groove. Welcome to GUIDE TO STAR RATINGS:  Snow White molested by the Seven Dwarves  Hobgoblin nightmare  Comedown Lent. ABIGAIL DEAN  Puck-A  Blinding Theatre Ed tor Ab ga l Dean Friday January 15th 2010 27 theatre@varsty co uk www varsty co uk TEATRE

bell-tower, and an audience has well to assemble a talented cast and to present an agitated sociopath Clockwork gathered to witness it, entertained crew from an apparently diverse suffering from extreme deadline Incoming ADC LARKUM STUDIO in the meantime by a storyteller’s theatrical background. One actor anxiety.  eerie yarns. This cosy scene is soon was even summoned from a bookshop The decision to design the produc- interrupted by the arrival of the on a remote Greek island to join the tion around the ‘steampunk’ genre elcome to Glockenheim, sinister Dr. Kalmeneius, and the already rehearsing cast, a decision added an interesting Jules Verne a town that runs by story can begin in earnest. that clearly paid off, with Eleanor edge to the performance, with old Wclockwork. It’s the kind Pullman’s novel is essentially a Buchan’s performance as Gretl, the clocks reassembled to provide an of place you’d expect to fi nd in a study in the uncanny, something innkeeper’s daughter, proving to be array of bizarre mechanical devices. Philip Pullman novel, its epony- captured effectively by Holly the most dynamic of the show. She Designers Gillian Bates and Laura mous bell-tower casting a dark Race’s new adaptation. She weaves gives an enchanting, playful rendi- Barkes use a diffi cult space well, gothic shadow over the simple together the various narrative tion of Pullman’s innocent heroine, whilst Alex Beckett’s lighting townfolk, and forcing them stands skilfully and convincingly, whilst her Princess Mariposa and back-projections reinforce to huddle together around the whilst maintaining the gothic, fairy- provides an entertaining study into the oppressive presence that the generous warmth of the tale vibe that permeates this aristocratic haughtiness. clocktower comes to symbol- Dr. Faustus i n n k e e p e r ’ s fi r e . story. There are moments Matt Jamie’s threatening ize, with cogs and giant clock This is where you, the in which the action seems reserve as Dr. Kalmenius also faces presiding over the action. heatre is a visual art audience, come in to fi nd to have been transferred stands out. He is, as demands, Time is one commodity that form, and many have the Larkum Studio trans- perhaps too literally from a well-primed mechanism, this production, faithful to its Texplored the borderlands formed into a good ol’ German book to stage, with certain requiring only the slight- theme, won’t let you forget. it shares with other visual Inn. The grog is flowing, episodes lacking the immer- est provocation to swing Though this produc- forms: dance, performance art, regulars prop up the bar, and sive realism achieved by into violent action. tion does suffer from even sculpture. The common the innkeeper provides the performance as a The tension his its limitations, it’s an ground between painting and suitably garrulous whole. These, however, presence on stage interesting project drama, however, is less well- conversation. Once this are mercifully few, creates is palpa- from an ambitious trodden, because it’s harder to story is wound up, the and seem to have ble, especially in young company and fi nd. So as we put together a programme warns, then more to do with his exchanges showcases some real play to form part of an exhibi- there’s no stopping it, and the practicali- with the young talent. You could do tion, we had few precedents the cogs certainly seem to ties of staging Karl, ably played worse on a winter’s to plagiarise. Luckily, the have been turned long before a complicated by Tom Crellen, night than to join the paintings we’re working with the audience arrives. narrative piece in who draws on citizens of Glockenheim are intelligent, complex and, It is the night before Karl, the a space as compact as his experience for an evening of eerie best of all, dramatic. For his clock-maker’s apprentice, is to the Larkum Studio. as a current entertainment. exhibition, Tom de Freston reveal his “clockwork” for the Race has done undergraduate DAVID SHONE has focussed on the religious iconography that has always infl uenced him. In one series, might have duo Rod and Carin month communality, of its the supported bodies of been better La Mélodie de Gilfry’s (Georg and before The Waste Land keenness to empha- Deposition painting become off trundling Liesl von Trapp) performing WILTON’S MUSIC HALL, sise that the waste free-falling – or fl oating – I Bonheur A LONDON along to The Californian twangs The Waste Land land space of the fi gures, a stripping of context THEATRE DU CHATELET , PARIS Sound of Music into the mix, and at Wilton’s Music  poem is also a space that performs our loss of in the West End.  the von Trapp Hall, Fiona Shaw between people. continuity with religious and Nobody can deny family begins had a rehearsal inside an MRI Packing an impressive mixture of artistic tradition, inducing a that the Théâtre du Chatêlet looks to sound very strange indeed. scanner. This process wouldn’t song, dialect, dialogue and physical similar vertigo. good, but the odd moments of this Sylvia Schwartz was a joyful and be used to identify a tumour, but gesture into just 45 minutes, Warner With such paintings in mind, production’s brilliance didn’t do carefree Maria, but most fellow cast to see whether the actor’s brain and Shaw seemed intent upon bridg- the choice of play was almost that stage justice: this was not a members failed to live up to her behaved abnormally when she ing that space. obvious: through Marlowe’s satisfying production for either energetic example: only the quality read dramatically; to identify the Although there were moments Dr. Faustus we could confront French or English-speaking of the musical numbers sustained distinctions from such drama to religion in our own art form. audience members. anticipation. the clinical counting of a series of Marlowe was probably an Daniel Bianco should be given The linguistic barrier was numbers. The results of Shaw’s atheist, at a time when to be so special credit for an outstanding breached with prominent subtitle scan were instructive, revealing was to be outside the support- set design; a grand country-house screens, yet a glance around that when voicing The Waste Land ing framework that gave in which walls were painted with the auditorium showed several part of the brain worked overtime meaning to life, and to death. mountain motifs and the carpet was perplexed faces. Even with my to remember her lines and to visua- His Faustus is a powerful a hill of bright green turf. Kevin poor linguistic skills, I could see lise the roles she was performing. exploration of religious despair. Farrell’s clever direction was also that some song lyrics had to be It’s an intriguing phenomenon, Our Faustus is a Victorian commendable, notably when actors butchered in order to form coher- and one with much relevance to anatomist, looking for spiri- dressed as Nazi guards appeared in ent sense for a foreign audience T.S. Eliot’s poetry, a poetry which tual answers, like Tom’s art, the midst of the audience, render- – correct me if I’m wrong, but I plays on human psychology and its in the material of the human ing us collaborators witnessing the don’t think ‘doe’ quite translates rattling neurosis. body. The text does not decide singing spectacle before Captain into ‘a female deer’ in French. You Having fi rst appeared there in whether Faustus really sees von Trapp’s arrest. Yet there were know a script’s light-hearted verbal 1997, Deborah Warner’s bold and and learns all that Mephistoph- clunks; even the most stellar songs play is lost when left tittering alone well-travelled production repro- eles promises him, or whether were undermined by insipid scenes. at jokes in the midst of deathly duces that neurosis to dazzling the devil is a fl amboyant stage MARILYN KINGWILL The various European nationali- silence. The standing ovation, when effect. Brought back to Wilton’s manager, borrowing Marlowe’s ties of the cast gave the production it came, seemed fi tting for the Music Hall for the venue’s 150th when the texture of Eliot’s writing ornate language and the some nice international fl avour, experience, but not for the quality, anniversary, this Warner/Shaw went astray, what was lost in paraphernalia of the theatre but unintelligible lines was a high which was more deserving of show should be grouped with Sopho- matters of rhyme was recovered to trap his victim in a series of price to pay. Add father-daughter lukewarm applause. LYDIA ONYETT cles’ Electra (2002) and Beckett’s in how skillfully Shaw acted her fl attering images, like a court Happy Days (2008) as a literary way around this most fragmentary painter dressing his dwarf- piece of performance art, typifying modern poem. With the assistance ish monarch in imperial robes. the pair’s exciting blend of bookish of Jean Kalman’s jittery light- We’ve embraced the latter, experimentalism. To advertise it ing, which pulses suggestively to fi nd an irony in Marlowe’s as an occasion when ‘Fiona Shaw at particular turning points, she play which chimes with both reads The Waste Land’ is, there- captures the relationships between the humour and the gravity of fore, a little misleading. Warner’s the poem’s various differenti- Tom’s painting: that although eye-catching direction means ated, voices. Comedic, soulful and Mephistopheles brings Faustus the audience receives something frighteningly empty, at its best this to be lost to Heaven, in doing so more limitless than ventriloquism: production made The Waste Land’s he saves him from a despair that something original and human. most renowned and enigmatic acknowledges neither Heaven Emerging out of pitch darkness lines new. Contorting her body as nor Hell – the knowledge that as the evening begun, Shaw cut though facing her own crucifi xion, what actually happens after a decidedly unassuming fi gure, Shaw forced St. Augustine’s words you die is nothing. RORY ATWOOD. wearing a sweater, scarf and jeans “O Lord Thou pluckest me out / RORY IS PART OF THE MOVEMENT not unlike those sported by many burning” from her lips, providing a THEATRE COMPANY: DR. FAUSTUS in her audience. Her outfi t would clever allusion of theatrical power. IS SHOWING AT ST PETER’S CHURCH, prove indicative of the production’s ELIOT D’SILVA KETTLE’S YARD, FROM TUES SAT SEE VARSITY WEEK.

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Varsity Crossword no. 517 Sudoku Kakuro

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 20 Enormous quantity - hardly a The object is to insert the numbers in the boxes to Fill the grid so that each run of squares adds up to the satisfy only one condition: each row, column and 3x3 total in the box above or to the left. Use only numbers jewel, on reflection (7) box must contain the digits 1 through 9 exactly once. 1-9, and never use a number more than once per run (a 23 11 7a sounds softly! (5) number may reoccur in the same row in a separate run). 24 At closing, sadly reminiscent (9) Moral correctness? Destroyed it, 9 10 26 4 1 9 6 7 8 5 2 you would say (9) 3 17 19 3 4 27 11 7a left in imposter (5) 5 9 1 11 13 28 Generally established to yield confirmation (3) 11 12 4 8 9 Rockers’ partners follow trick 29 24 junction for manipulators (11) 2 4 1 9 12 7 5 6 6

13 14 15 Down Moor E h 9 Moor E h 8 3 7 5 ET ET 1 11 7a - head of Catholic-controlled 6 4 8 16 17 church, that is (8) 6 6 6 2 As one academic institution said ... (8) 9 7 5 18 19 20 3 ... A dance is not a great start in 15 5 assembly (5)

5 4 7 1 8 3 9 6 G Ar BY MADE / www.puzzlemix.com G Ar BY MADE / www.puzzlemix.com 21 22 4 Casual partner’s aging boy? Un- known (3, 4) 23 24 25 5 Ingredients of tiramisu spectacu- larly doubtful (7) The Varsity Scribblepad 6 Sprawling throw bringing in an Hitori expression of pain (9) Shade in the squares so that no number occurs more 26 27 7 11 7a as reward (6) than once per row or column. Shaded squares may not 8 Pot of credit saving energy (6) be horizontally or vertically adjacent. Unshaded squares 14 Narcissus, perhaps: “Come again?” must form a single area. (9)

28 29 16 Type of party Nathan is to go off (8) 17 11 7a pants, heading off south 5 1 7 3 7 4 7 instead (8) 11 7a, going up 9p, including gross 1 2 4 6 3 3 5 stripped of hers (9) 19 Across underinflation at first (7) Signal in which it comes back as a In such places one tries to uphold 12 Turning up, regrets Sam, is a 1 type of pie? (5) 20 7 5 3 1 2 2 6 the law (11) potential source of comfort (7) Literary language of Germany, Stick to ban (3) 13 Circuitous nonsense worthily cast- 7 condensed into one month (7) 21 Last issue’s solutions 1 7 3 4 6 5 3 9 Coming together out of one noun (5) ing out contents of shop (6) Moor E h 15 11 7a of which Jonathan Ross ET 10 Wanton assortment of duets and 22 Dickens’s Bill audibly freaks peo- 3 5 6 5 1 7 4 8 7 4 1 9 6 2 3 5 might mention a box? (4) 14 21 14 14 7 5 2 6 2 1 2 11 17 3 2 5 8 6 7 4 soli (9) ple out (6) 8 3 9 8 7 2 3 5 1 6 4 9 1 18 Circumstance goes with this back- 7 8 2 6 5 7 3 4 1 8 9 11 Sweet schoolteacher scandalously 25 Not initially just bad (5) 6 1 19 2 6 7 6 3 4 2 3 1 3 8 9 5 2 1 7 4 6 15 3 5 1 6 6 8 9 3 2 4 2 7 2 4 2 7 handed afternoon operation (4) Crossword set by Hisashi. 24 8 4 3 5 7 1 3 4 3 6 18 6 5 1 4 7 3 8 9 2 12 7 9 2 16 1 3 6 5 6 7 1 Answers to last issue’s crossword (no. 516): 16 17 5 3 6 8 4 2 9 1 7 7 Beget, 8 Reputedly, 10 Accord, 11 Tea party, 12 Estimate, 13 Ions, 15 Cellist, 17 Symbols, 20 Horn, 22 Indolent, 25 Virginal, 26 Uneven, 27 Economise, 28 Viola. 1 Percussed, 2 Memorial, 3 7 9 8 9 2 2 7 3 6 4 5 7 9 2 3 1 5 4 6 8 Across: Down: 13 12

Feather, 4 Audacity, 5 Detain, 6 Flute, 9 Idea, 14 Slenderly, 16 Synonyms, 18 Balletic, 19 Aimless, 21 Organs, 23 Drum, 24 Disco. 5 8 5 7 6 1 6 2 6 5 5 1 4 8 9 6 7 5 2 3 6 5 2 5 7 1 4 G Ar BY MADE / www.puzzlemix.com Sport Ed tors V nce Benn c and Ed Thornton Friday January 15th 2010 29 [email protected] www.varsity.co.uk SPORT

RUGBY Oxford make it a day to forget for the U21s Sport in An om nous start to the day as the U21s were ba ered by Oxford Brief characteristic Varsity Match big ultimately tactical adjustments just were leading by twenty points. Men’s Football CAMBRIDGE U21 17 hits Cambridge failed to organise weren’t enough to reverse the fl ow A defeat like this will not go themselves in defence and after a few of play. Oxford dominated all the way unnoticed by CURUFC and it will Unlike most football sides in phases of play they always struggled to the fi nal whistle and whilst their be interesting to see what they can England, Michael Johnson’s OXFORD U21 to set up a solid line of tacklers. captain Ed Boyes unimaginatively do in the year ahead to turn their Blues squad have been unaf- 53 Oxford noticed this defi ciency and commented “I was pleased with luck around. This year was a huge fected by the recent weather, each time a hole opened up there our performance today” he also disappointment for the Cambridge mainly because they spent last was a dark blue blur fl ying through managed to praise his team for what U21s but it will make next year’s week in La Manga. ED THORNTON it – no wonder Oxford managed four they did best: their persistency encounter all the more heated. The tour, which allows the tries in each half. from whistle to whistle and their Watch this space for some intense players to use professional With quick hands and fl owing rugby There is no doubt that Cambridge continued pressure even when they clashes in the future. quality sporting facilities, is the Oxford U21s outplayed their put together a few sporadic sections TIM JOHNS an annual trip which acts as an opposition and exploited the Light of impressive attacking rugby, ideal opportunity to prepare for Blues’ defensive inadequacies to which resulted in three tries, but the Varsity match at the end fi nd their way over the line. And it was hard to get excited about of term. As well as daily train- this was all before Tom Stanton, the given the speed and consistency ing sessions, the Blues played Cambridge captain, was red carded at which Oxford were racking up a local side, Iberos, winning and his team were forced to play for points. For this reason it must have 5-0, strikers Gotch and Stock 70 minutes with only 14 men. been a strange day for Cambridge picking up a brace each, while Right from the start Cambridge winger Rob Stevens; he scored two winger Wolke added a fi fth. were struggling and after only a impressive tries at Twickenham few minutes of play it was obvious but his team took an undeniable that it was going to be a one-sided pounding. affair. It is all too easy to blame the Coach Jim ‘Ashpit’ Ashworth made Rowing early sending off for everything a host of substitutions throughout and in reality Oxford were the the match trying out both the Jesus stronger team all over the park (for halfback partnership of Cross and Two Cambridge boats took to an in-depth look at the incident with Childs and the John’s confi guration of the Thames this December for comments from Stanton’s coach and Wilson and Thomas. It occasionally the annual Trial Eights. It is the teammates visit varsity.co.uk). happens that a few sets of fresh legs only chance the squad will get to The Dark Blue scrum constantly on the pitch manage to outperform row the Boat Race course before trundled forward and their team- the starting line-up but this wasn’t the big day and it is always an mates out wide were relentless one of those days. The substitutes important test for those push- when it came to attacking hard, fast just drifted anonymously into a team ing to be included in the fi nal and with support. Despite some that was always on the back foot and eight. Interestingly, the two Cambridge boats, which fi nished within seconds of each other at SKIING Fairbairns, were lengths apart as the Boat containing CUBC president Deaglan McEachern Varsity Ski outperformed their team-mates. The Oxford crew had an event- ful time for a different reason as The L ght Blues h t the slopes for a Vars ty match n the snow their on-board pump failed causing their boat to fi ll with water. slopes leading down to le Lac, even Blues. Cambridge enjoyed victories spectators when an Oxford com- The crew eventually had to give BETH STATON if the smattering of rocks provided a in the men’s fi rsts and thirds, with petitor overshot the barrel tap and up near Hammersmith becom- little too much adrenaline for some. the women’s fi rsts losing out despite charged into the crowd. ing the fi rst crew not to fi nish After two great years in Val Tho- Cambridge’s competitive teams a strong performance from Pelton, For those who weren’t racing, their trial in over thirty years. rens, the 87th Varsity Ski Trip put on a good performance, with 23 a win no small thanks to Oxford’s midweek favourite Melting Pot moved to Espace Killy resort of super keen Cambridge racers, and international racer Anouk Dey, who provided an abundance of alterna- Tignes this year. For the 2,500 stu- at least twice as many pairs of skis, easily matched the top men’s scores. tive entertainment including sets dents who descended upon the town undergoing three days of intensive The freestyle competition saw Cam- from Kissy Sell Out, Urban Knights, Local Sport the trip was a week that couldn’t fail race training before the Varsity bridge’s Larissa Normanton ride to Chase & Status and Pendulum. The Cambridge United have just to be fantastic. competition. After a raving night victory with a huge 360, whilst Vlad fun was marred only by a few organ- made a brilliant catch in sign- The Espace Killy ski area proved of ski-tuning with head torches the Paraoan’s relaxed style secured a isational disasters; whilst cloakroom ing 23 year old Aiden Palmer large enough to keep the most teams, captained by Ed ‘Rupert’ win for the men’s snow- space and tap water ran out with on a free transfer from Leyton adventurous skiers entertained all Gardner and Catherine Pelton, boarding. With an alarming rapidity, the crowd appar- Orient. Palmer is now set to week, with an abundance of smooth, looked promising for the big day. excellent crowd and ently forced Kissy Sell Out to make help out our local side until the open runs, although a lack of snow- Returning Blues Pete ‘God’ Calvert party atmosphere, MGMT’s ‘Kids’ every seventh track end of the season. This should fall on the lower slopes meant runs and Jim Poxon joined Ed ‘Basil’ the competi- of his set. be a fresh start for Palmer too, to Val d’Isere were often marred Smith, Jamie Pleydell-Bourverie tion’s highlights A heavy night didn’t rob the slopes who is just coming off the back with ice and mud. Thick snowfalls and Jeremy Hulse in celebrating the included a near- of their appeal for most, although the of a seven month jail sentence in the middle of the week, though, disappearance of Oxford nemesis deathexperience late nights did force some to an early for violent disorder. paved the way for days of perfect Freddie Clough, whilst returning for five retirement. After a great week the If nothing else, this signing blue skies and powder, with fresh racers Katie Salter, Clair Brunner or six coach home was a welcome excuse will give the team and its fans tracks for those keen enough to ven- and Amy Till, along with fresh talent for 24 hours of rest, perhaps the one something to talk about given ture off the beaten track. Highlights in the form of Ruth Blackshaw and thing completely lacking from the that the weather has been dis- included perfect pistes on the Tignes Anna Harrisson, ensured a solid per- week in the snow. rupting play. The FA Trophy tie glacier and some outstanding hidden formance against the women’s Dark against Eastbourne has been CHRIS BELLAMY postponed twice due to a frozen pitch. Just to make things The Contenders worse the pipes have frozen up Varsity SuperSports 7 Sports 5 Teams 1 SuperSport in the stadium leading to there The sports brave enough to being no operational toilets or accept the Varsity SuperSports tea making facilities. hich University sport is the toughest, most demanding, most challenging of them all? Well, this term Var- challenge are: sity, and VarsiTV, thought we would try and fi nd out. We’re going to pit representatives from seven of Wthe Uni’s biggest sports against each other in a series of events designed to test key sporting attributes. Rugby, Football, Hockey, Will a Blues footballer be able to outrun a rower? Will the rower have better stamina than a rugby player? And Lacrosse, Rowing, Boxing, and what about strength, fl exibility, or power, which sport possesses the greatest skills set? Modern Pentathlon. Head to varsity.co.uk for more sport, including Ed Thornton commenting on Every week this term we’ll put a male and female athlete from each discipline to the test, and post their results the Catz rugby debacle.. here, so watch this space.

League Division 2: Homerton 1-3 Gonville & Caius Darwin 2-4 Churchill Long Road 2-1 Queens’ King’s 1-4 Selwyn 30 Friday January 15th 2010 Sport Editors: Vince Bennici and Ed Thornton SporT www.varsity.co.uk [email protected] Football Division 1 The Season So Far

set to be the clash of the titans: Trinity and on the right end of a seven goal thriller away and Girton, Girton skipper Andy Stone Jesus. As it turned out the home side ran to Christ’s, while Girton narrowly defeated acknowledging that they were lucky to finish FIXTURE 1 out comfortable winners, their fluent pass- a well organised Pembroke side. Despite the game as winners, his counterpart from ing style dissecting a below-par Jesus side playing the last twenty minutes with only ten Pembroke, Moji Neshat, concurring, disap- The opening week of this year’s top division and Max Little and Dan Gammall finding the men, Downing came back from 3-1 down to pointed that an unlucky own goal denied them turned out to be full of tight matches, the win- decisive goals. There were also narrow victo- end the game 4-3 winners, a classy hat-trick at least a point in a very competitive match. ners able to build from a strong platform in ries for two sides who would go on to stake a from Dan Sellan turning the game. It was an Elsewhere, newly promoted Emma started succeeding weeks. The tie of the week looked claim for the league title: Downing came out equally tense encounter between Pembroke the season with a win away to John’s, swift counter-attacking football punishing John’s. Emily matthEws FIXTURE 2 COLLEGE P W D L GF GA GD Pts Downing 5 5 0 0 12 5 7 15 Downing and Girton managed to maintain their 100% records in week two, Girton show- Trinity 5 4 0 1 12 5 7 12 ing they have goals in their team, notching up 4 to defeat a resilient St Catz, three of Girton 4 3 0 1 8 6 2 9 those coming from Benjamin ‘Titus’ Lacey. In difficult conditions Downing managed to Jesus 4 2 0 2 9 6 3 6 out-muscle Trinity, two errors from the usually reliable Lars Boyde gifting Downing the Fitzwilliam 4 2 0 2 9 6 3 6 three points. A second consecutive narrow Emmanuel 5 2 0 3 10 11 -1 6 defeat was disheartening for Pembroke, victims of a resurgent Jesus. After a promis- St John’s 5 2 0 3 12 14 -2 6 ing start to the season Emma succumbed to Christs at home, a result Emma would later Christ’s 3 1 0 2 6 7 -1 6 correct in a thrashing in Cuppers. Fitz’s first game of the season sent out a warning sign to Pembroke 5 1 0 4 9 14 -5 3 the other teams, thumping John’s 6-1, 5 of the goals coming from Blues pair Kerrigan and St Catharine’s 4 0 0 4 6 19 -13 0 Wolke.

Fitz, super-sub Kerrigan restoring the goal lead Fitz had lost earlier in the game. John’s FIXTURE 5 FIXTURE 3 captain Alex Rutt was left dejected once FIXTURE 4 again as his side was narrowly defeated by Trinity eventually recovered from the previ- Girton. Rutt reflected that this was a game The fourth round of fixtures saw two games At the mid-way point in the season some ous week’s defeat to run out comfortable they deserved more from, but “unfortunately cancelled, the rest battling against tumul- crucial games were scheduled, in particular winners against Pembroke, thanks mainly to going behind early in games has become a tuous conditions. The howling rain made the top of the table clash between Down- a spectacular penalty save from Lars Boyde recurring theme”. Girton’s third victory by football difficult between league leaders ing and Girton. Both sides possessed 100% in the first half and two excellent solo goals a small margin doesn’t concern any of their Downing and early title challengers Fitz, a records and in a classic six-pointer the game by Dany Gammall. Jesus continued their squad, nine points from nine speaks for itself. rebounded shot cannoning in off Downing was tense, the two teams proving they were recovery by annihilating Catz 7-1, Aki Laakso Plucky Emma were unable to halt the unstop- captain Tom Marsh separating the two sides. equally matched for most of the game. At the star performer. An edgy game between pable Downing, a penalty fifteen minutes In the two other games of the week Trinity the final whistle Girton were left bemoaning Fitz and Christ’s eventually went the way of from time swinging the game Downing’s way. made it three wins on the trot with goals from squandered chances as Dowining edged a Dany Gammall, Matt Smith, Richard Falder, 2-1 victory to extend their lead at the top of and Ozzie Akushie; while a struggling Catz the table, owing much to a fine display from Downing Trinity side were hammered 6-2 at the hands of a veteran keeper Brett Griffiths. Elsewhere, pumped-up Pembroke side. Despite being John’s continued their recovery by demolish- Captain: Tom Marsh Captain: Richard Falder 2-1 down at half-time, Pembroke struck 5 in ing Pembroke 6-2, and Fitz’s title aspirations a second half that summed up why Catz are were all but destroyed by an away defeat to Top Scorer: Dan Sellman Top Scorer: O. Akushie/D.Gammall not finding this season easy. The John’s-Jesus Emma. Trinity maintained their consistent Player of the season: Tom Nutt Player of the season: Rick Totten fixture was rescheduled and John’s subse- trailing of Downing with a 2-0 victory over quently managed to cause an upset, taking the league’s worst defensive side, Catz. Form Guide: W, W, W, W, W Form Guide: L, W, W, W, W the opportunity to defeat Jesus 2-0.

Girton Jesus Fitzwilliam Emmanuel

Captain: Andy Stone Captain: Michael Canavan Captain: James Gillingham Captain: Tom Rodriguez-Perez Top Scorer: Benjamin Lacey Top Scorer: Aki Laakso Top Scorer: Danny Kerrigan Top Scorer: James Douglas Player of the season: Robbie Myerson Player of the season: Andy Caines Player of the season: Tom Johnson Player of the season: Dec Clancy Form Guide: W, W, W, PP, L Form Guide: L, W, W, PP, L Form Guide: PP, W, W, L, L Form Guide: W, L, L, L, W

St John’s Christ’s Pembroke St Catharine’s

Captain: Alex Rutt Captain: Dom St George Captain: Moji Neshat Captain: Max Perkis Top Scorer: Jack Hambelton Top Scorer: Top Scorer: Alexander Estorick Top Scorer: Matt Stock Player of the season: Chris Tolley Player of the season: Player of the season: Matt Leggett Player of the season: George Hill Form Guide: L, L, W, L, W Form Guide: L, W, L, PP, PP Form Guide: L, L, L, W, L Form Guide: PP, L, L, L, L Sport Editors: Vince Bennici and Ed Thornton Friday January 15th 2010 31 [email protected] www.varsity.co.uk SporT

Lent term decides the Division 1 Football and Rugby champions. Before a ball is Rugby The Season So Far kicked, we take a look back at the season’s Division 1 major fixtures

and Jesus were going to be no pushover. Both opposition. Jesus scored first with a penalty WEEK 1 sides recorded impressive wins, with Down- but couldn’t find anything after that as the ing thumping Catz 43-5, and Jesus scoring WEEK 2 John’s dominant pack helped its team to 36 The main question at the start of the new 52 points over Girton’s single converted try. points. Girton pushed Downing to the edge season was whether anyone could stop John’s. After week one it looked like it was panning On October 20th the second round of matches but still walked away with a loss as Downing The answer was alluded to in the first week, out to be a league of two halves with John’s, kicked off and the game to watch was took the match 10 points to 7. Trinity proved John’s starting their season with a comfort- Jesus and Downing in the running for the title undoubtedly going to be John’s vs Jesus. that they were not going to wallow in the rel- able 48-0 victory over Trinity. The real story and Trinity, Catz and Girton scrabbling to Unfortunately for Jesus fans it wasn’t the egation zone for long with an important 39-5 of the week however, was that both Downing avoid relegation. giant killing affair they had hoped for as win over an already struggling Catz side. John’s showed their cool against a though COLLEGE P W D L F A D Pts Emily matthEws St John’s 6 6 0 0 270 18 252 24 WEEK 3 The third week of fixtures saw one of the Downing 6 4 0 2 100 63 37 18 highest scores of the season when Jesus put 70 points past bottom of the table Catz. Jesus 5 4 0 1 193 60 133 17 However the other two games of this week were far more important when it comes to Trinity 6 3 0 3 109 100 9 15 the league. Trinity continued their climb up the table, playing away and beating Girton 27 Girton 6 1 0 5 92 181 -89 9 points to 10. Downing followed in Jesus’ foot- steps when they failed to topple the top of the St Catharine’s 7 0 0 7 22 318 -296 6 league favourites as John’s continued their winning streak. The final score was 22-5. WEEK 4 WEEK 5 After Jesus and Downing had near identi- Trinity’s winning streak came to an end as WEEK 6 cal starts to the season their mid-term clash Downing beat them 15-10 in front of a home was set to be a showdown to become second crowd. Nobody could stop John’s momentum One tight match, one high scoring and one place favourites. Unfortunately the game though as the two ends of the table met in an called off – week 6 had a bit of everything. was postponed and we are still waiting to ugly affair. John’s beat Catz by nearly ninety Downing played their best rugby of the term find out the score. Catz still couldn’t manage points – no wonder they now have a positive and almost forced John’s to their first loss in a win and gave Trinity their third victory on points difference of over two hundred and recent memory. In a tense battle, in which the the trot, winning 26 points to 5. Girton, on the fifty. The long trip out to Girton obviously second half was completely scoreless, John’s other hand, travelled to John’s pitches and tired Jesus out as they were nearly beaten by just managed to clinch it 12-10. Girton, not left humiliated but probably not too shocked the home side. In the end Jesus held on for a happy with the previous week’s close loss, when they let in 63 points without managing a 22-17 win. took no chances as they scored a half century, single score. beating Catz 51-7. A second match cancelled for Jesus, this time against Trinity, which WEEK 7 left them one game behind at the end of the season. Fixtures to watch out for The term was starting to wind down and the weather was getting cold but that didn’t stop this term Jesus ending the term on a high. They faced Catz at home and claimed an impressive 46-0 St John’s Downing win. Downing finished well too with a solid Rugby 17-7 win over Trinity, whose early season Captain: Andrew Barrett Captain: Matt Halford momentum had just about trickled out. As 19/1 Trinity vs Girton was becoming tradition another match was Top Scorer: Aaron Sonenfeld Top Scorer: Rhemayo Brooks 19/1 St Catz vs Downing postponed and now we will have to wait until Player of the season: Chris Hall Player of the season: Keith Hagyard later this term to see if Girton’s home advan- 19/1 Jesus vs St Johns tage will make any difference against John’s. Form Guide: W, W, W, W, W, W, PP Form Guide: W, W, L, PP, W, L, W TBC Jesus vs Downing TBC Girton vs St Johns Jesus Trinity 2/2 Cuppers 1st Round WEEK 8 4/2 Cuppers 1st Round The horrendous weather in the week eight- Captain: Miles Daly Captain: Matt Libling played havoc with the fixture list, with every game cancelled. No doubt the upcoming Var- Top Scorer: Robert Stevens Top Scorer: James Burrows Football sity matches made selection tricky too. This Player of the season: Robert Stevens Player of the season: Rick Totten only means that even more comes down to this 23/1 Trinity vs Fitz term so keep your eyes on Varsity, and Var- Form Guide: W, L, W, PP, W, PP, W Form Guide: L, W, W, W, L, L, PP, L 23/1 Jesus vs Downing sity Online, to see how the league pans out. 6/2 Christ’s vs St Catz Girton St Catharine’s 6/2 Fitz vs Girton Special Catz Update 20/2 Girton vs Trinity After an incident in a Cambridge pub, the Captain: Freddie Strachan Captain: James Thorpe 20/2 St Catz vs Downing St Catharine’s dean has forced their College team to disband for the rest of the season. Top Scorer: A. Badcock, A. Russell Top Scorer: Nige Parkes 6/3 Downing vs St Johns Player of the season: Sam Hunt Player of the season: Andrew Clegg 6/3 Emma vs St Catz For a closer look at the incident, with comments from Catz captain James Thorpe, Form Guide: L, L, L, L, L, W, PP Form Guide: L, L, L, L, L, L, L visit varsity.co.uk/sport 32 Friday January 15th 2010 Sport Ed tors V nce Benn c and Ed Thornton Sport www varsty co uk sport@varsty co uk

Cambr dge The Season So U21s crushed Far a round-up by Oxford of last term’s am d red College Sport card fury Rugbyp29 SPORT Round-upp30 RUGBY Cambridge clinch Varsity Match

In a nail-biting encounter, the Blues win the most exciting Varsity match of recent history

MICHAEL DERRINGER CAMBRIDGE 31 OXFORD 27

D TONTON n a tight yet high scoring fi xture Cambridge triumphed I31-27 over their historic rivals in the 2009 Nomura Varsity match on December 10th. The match was undoubtedly one of the most exciting in recent history and challenged the common knowledge about the two sides. Cambridge’s strongest asset all season has been the strength of their pack, especially in set plays, yet it was in the scrum that the Light Blues struggled most. Meanwhile, Oxford’s fast paced back line has been securing most of their tries but on the day they were shut out by a well-drilled Cambridge defence. This is the nature of the event and the annual Varsity match is just one of those occasions where the teams are so pumped up with anticipation that anything can happen when they take the fi eld. If anyone doubted the prestige or importance of this duel, they need only ask victorious captain Dan Vickerman, victorious Cambridge captain, raises the trophy after the match Dan Vickerman, with 54 Australian caps, about the experience. He After 30 minutes both teams park to break away up the fi eld, breakdown. After Cambridge’s fi rst a ruck and produced a stunning solo beamed: “That was great to see seemed to wake up and notice and if his pass had gone to a winger seven points of the second half the run to increase the Cambridge lead how much it means to the guys, and they were on the hallowed turf of instead of second row Will Jones teams took it in turn to put together to eleven points. It took Oxford it means so much to me. To get up Twickenham, playing in front of Sky there could have been a try. As well worked tries and coupled with until the eightieth minute to fi nd there and be holding the trophy is cameras, with the scoreboard empty. if to make amends Richards soon some intelligent place kicking from their fi nal try and they were never a pretty special experience. Games The tempo was upped and Oxford found space on the other side of the Oxford fl y half Ross Swanson the going to have enough time to claw like this show the enjoyment of took the initiative fi rst. Camped out fi eld and this time made sure his score line was always close. For a back the match. playing rugby.” on the Cambridge line, the Dark miss-pass went to Dave Riley who moment it looked like we might have Despite the pressure the With so much at stake it’s no Blues staged a relentless ten minute offl oaded to fellow winger James our fi rst draw since 2003. There Blues overcame their nerves and wonder that the nerves started attack. First, they opted to maul Greenwood, who in turn opened were impressive tries from Will produced a quality performance to show in the fi rst half hour as the ball from a lineout and pushed Cambridge’s scoring. The conver- Jones, who stood out of a lineout to that makes the rest of the season, neither side managed to gain a to within inches of the paint. After sion went wide and the teams went take a crash ball through the Oxford and even the disastrous U21 foothold in the game. Every play three scrums in quick succession, in in for half time with the score at 7-5 backline and under the posts and Varsity match, retreat into the back ended with a knock-on as both the which Oxford’s forward dominance in Oxford’s favour. Richards, who skipped through of the mind. Whilst Oxford Captain Light and Dark Blues struggled to showed as they kept trundling After the break the crowd were the opposition tackles and fought Dan Rosen could only describe retain possession for more than a inches closer to the line, Oxford treated to more professional style hard to ground the ball. It was this his feeling as “gutted” Vickerman couple of phases. Not even the big were fi nally awarded a penalty try. of play. No doubt the team talks individual try along with his fi rst half uttered the words only a victor can names like Cambridge captain Dan Unhappy and trailing by seven had centred on being more clinical running lines and measured kicking say: “Rugby is about winning, no Vickerman and Oxford wonderboy points, the Light Blues came back as the knock-ons and turnovers from full back that earned Richards matter what or where you play, and Tim Catling were visible amongst with venom and a clear intent to that plagued the fi rst half disap- the man of the match award. for me winning out there is unfor- the melee as the crowd of over even it up before the half time peared and the match opened up. A gap between the teams only gettable.” This was the big one and 30,000 were given an eyeful of whistle. Jimmy Richards found Both teams found the confi dence to really emerged when Jamie Hood Cambridge rose to the occasion for scrappy, uneasy rugby. some space in the middle of the attack out wide as well as around the picked the ball up from the back of an historic win.