Winter Semester 2015 thecollegiatelive.com

The Collegiate asks ‘How Do You Live Your Best Life?’ Features

Learning to Love 28 Don’t Take Life for Granted 38 Having the Talk 18 through Loss The story of patient Jeorge Shelden Discussing end-of-life decisions Getting to know 34 Sweetheart, I love you Social Media is Forever 22 Hospice of Michigan The story of patient Robert Booth 41 Dealing with your digital afterlife A Day in the Life 25 of a Hospice Nurse View videos and full coverage at TheCollegiateLive.com/Hospice

02 Less is More 12 Learn a Foreign Language 50 Dealing with Divorce 04 Books & Me 14 Staying Happy 51 Manly Knitting 06 The Fulfillment of Risk 44 The Many Facets of Love 52 Losing the ‘Freshman 15’ 08 Motherhood 45 Healing Hearts with Horses 55 Health & Workout Apps 10 Peace Corps 48 Music is an Art of Expression 56 Just Enjoy the Little Things MY CARE MY WAY IS - experts i can trust - same-day appointments - affordable payment options - supportive & non-judgmental

GRAND RAPIDS & WYOMING: Ride The Rapid! 844.316.4055 We are located on Routes 4 & 16. or ppwnm.org Letter from the Editor

Dear Readers, Your school. Your source. Your story. Some of you may know that, here at The Collegiate, we publish a magazine every semester. As usual, we are confident that this is our best work as a Vol. 3, No. 2 Winter Semester 2015 class. Sean P. Mulhall Jonathan D. Lopez Last semester, I said that issue of the magazine had the best participation yet Editor-in-Chief Photo Editor and I think we surpassed that again this semester. Jacquelyn Zeman Chris Powers Chief Web Editor Layout Editor For the sixth edition of magazine, we thought we would try something new. Kayla Tucker Michael Julien In the past, we just told the staff to write about whatever they wanted and A&E/Features Editor Multimedia Editor it worked out for the most part. The magazine would usually reflect the diversity of the students in the class and on campus in general. Stories about Zachary Watkins Hannah Cluley relationships, stress, sports, traveling, going green, DIY projects and many Sports Editor Advertising Manager other topics usually filled the pages. Jennifer Ackerman-Haywood Collegiate Adviser One thing we never tried was to have every student follow the same theme.

This semester we did just that and the theme was, “How do you live your best On the cover life?” GRCC answers, “What are you grateful for?” We didn’t really expect to find a concrete answer, but used the question more Photo by Jonathan D. Lopez as a guide when thinking of what to write about.

This question was also part of the inspiration for a special project this semes- ter, another first for us.

The Collegiate partnered with Hospice of Michigan on a service learning project, as a part of the Armen Awards competition. Out of this partnership, a special edition magazine was produced along with a video that reduces me to tears every time I watch it. The stories were used in this issue as well and they, along with the video, and whole package can be found at thecollegiate- live.com/hospice.

This project has been the most important and most rewarding work I have The Collegiate Magazine ever been a part of and I am proud of every person who contributed to this is a student publication issue. of Grand Rapids Community College We hope you enjoy it. 143 Bostwick Ave. Grand Rapids, MI 49503 As always, we welcome any feedback on this and all other publications of Room 339, Main The Collegiate. Just send an email to [email protected]. [email protected] Phone: (616) 234-4157 www.TheCollegiateLive.com

GRCC.Collegiate GRCCCollegiate Sean P. Mullhall @GRCC_Collegiate @thecollegiate Editor-in-Chief Less is More by Daniel A. Calix

2 | TheCollegiateLive.com ’ve been living out of my back from dreams of traveling. to be in life I would have given with it and instead of spending backpack since September It was my stuff. After a night you the typical spiel: a big time, our days inside they’ve begun 2014, with everything I own. of serious thought, I’d had nine to five job, the girl-next- to reach out with me. IFour shirts, three pairs of enough. door girlfriend, an amazing I’m leaving for Mackinac pants, two sweaters, four pairs I started with clothes. I took loft. I would have everything Island in a couple of weeks, of Merino wool underwear, six everything in my closet and I wanted. Ask me now and I’ll and they all plan on going up pairs of Merino socks, and one drawers and dumped it into tell you something completely with me for a little while, which pair of shoes. All the clothes I a bag to be dropped of at the different: I just want to be hap- surprised me. Before, they own. It isn’t much, but it’s all Salvation Army. Everything I py. Don’t get me wrong, I would would make a fuss if I wanted the style I need. normally wore was already ly- like to have some of those to go across town and now A couple years ago I felt like ing on the floor of my bedroom, things still, but I don’t strive for they’re willing to go across the I was on top of the world, I had so I had no trouble. I got rid of them. They don’t define who state with me. everything I thought I wanted - all of it until I could fit every- I am. The experiences I have Today I’m ready to go on all the stuff I would need to feel thing I needed into a 40-liter with the people around me do. a moments notice. No more content. I was wrong, but not backpack, and the gifts that I was always so busy searching for the right outfit, in the sense that I didn’t have held sentimental value from my working to afford the things I or scrambling to find things be- enough, I had too much. friends and family went into wanted that I didn’t have time fore needing to be somewhere. There were days I’d question a 2-by-3-by-2-foot tote, stored for my friends. Now I always Everything I could ever need why I had some of the things in away until I’m ready to settle have time for them, so much is always with me, and if I ever my room. Why do I have these down. time they think I don’t have a get invited to go on another tennis rackets? Well maybe My views on life and death job still. They don’t completely adventure, you probably won’t I’d want to play again. I hadn’t have changed. Five years ago if understand why I got rid of know about it until you open played since middle school, but you asked me where I wanted everything, but they’re okay your mailbox. maybe I’d pick it back up. That’s how it went for years. I collected books, clothes, movies, toys that reminded me of my childhood, an insane amount of old school work, just in case a certain topic came up in future classes. In 2013 I was asked to trek the Appalachian Trail - a marked trail from Springer Mountain in Georgia to Mount Katahdin in Maine. I jumped on the invite, of course I wanted to go, I’ve wanted to travel my whole life. But, what would I do with all my things? Being gone for a few days is one thing but the Appalachian Trail is months long. In the end I turned the opportunity down, my reasoning justified by the need to be responsible. It took time but I slowly learned that being responsible wasn’t what was holding me PHOTOS BY JONATHAN D. LOPEZ

TheCollegiateLive.com | 3 BOOKS me &by Warren Sink ooks are sort of like friends, but really they aren’t. Paper from a tree, stamped with ink, isn’t com- Bparable to a relationship with a living, breathing human being. Hell, even a living, breathing cat or dog doesn’t compare. No, books are something less. Yet, they contribute something that people may not feel with others. They don’t reciprocate tangible contact, but what they give the reader is a gift not unlike the touch of a hand or the sound of a voice. Their contact reminds you of you. Their words make you wonder. But most of all, they remind you, you are not alone. I don’t know about you, but the first books I read weren’t by Hemingway. My first stories were “If You Give a Mouse a Cookie” and “Harold and the Purple Crayon” and “Chicka Chicka Boom Boom” among others. They were fun, endearing, and so captivating that when my dad flipped the last page, it was as if my eyes had to readjust from the beautifully depicted world of Harold and his crayon to a more mundane reality. It was a time when I laughed and cried without abandon, because I knew no better and I lived an authentic existence, fit for a child. However, my next progress was a bit forced. I disliked school. I loathed the day-to-day redundancy, going from one class to another feeling my pock-

4 | TheCollegiateLive.com ets to make sure I still had my pencil or pen. could they? descending order. This trickled down to my school work, and For the spring break of my freshman year The pages would make the same sound as I likened the assigned readings from my En- of high school, my aunt and uncle invited my when I shuffled cards, and the smell seemed glish teachers to what happens to prisoners family to spend a week with them at their to jump from the pages, and for a moment, I on food strikes when guards set them up on house, about an hour away from the Phoenix was enveloped in a pleasantness. a dentists chair and force feed them through airport, in a desert suburb. Whenever March On those warm afternoons by the pool, a tube. I spent class with my forehead on the turns to April, Michiganders don’t want I read and eventually finished Ernest desk, the teacher’s voice coming from the much, besides going wherever the air doesn’t Hemingway’s “A Farewell to Arms.” When board, guessing where the hands were on the bite your skin. So the dry air and cloudless my skin got too hot and I felt a burn setting clock, then looking up and seeing class was sky, not discluding the pool and surrounding in, I went inside the house and read in the not even halfway done. vegetation, made the afternoons perfect for living room or where I slept, and after I My bad thinking teachers were out to sitting on the patio, and basking in the seem- finished, I reread passages and chapters get me, but coupled with constantly seeing ingly foreign warmth. over again. Hemingway showed me a world my brothers and sisters with books in their In the days preceding the five hour flight, I I had never been to. The one I was in. It was hands, I began reading outside of class. was given a book titled “A Farewell to Arms,” a eureka sort of realization that manifested Those beginning novels and bestsellers, though I don’t exactly remember who gave as curiosity. No story before had made me which I picked out of the basement library in me it. For all I know, I picked it out of the want so deeply to explore the world I inhabit. my parents’ house, were “Redwall” and “Ju- basement library, but my memory tells me No story had brought such a lasting wonder. rassic Park” and “IT.” From gentle anthropo- that my mother gave it to me a few feet from And after I finally put “A Farewell to Arms” morphic creatures to humans being chased the front door at our house. away, I looked for similar stories to satisfy a by a T. Rex and a small town devil living in Alone, I can almost conjure up the first previously unrecognized desire to find a con- the sewer, it was a fantastical era, benefitting image of that worn, fading cover and recall nection between myself and this existence. from a slightly matured imagination. I now the smell of the frayed pages. Sometimes, The children’s books and the fantasy epics delved into complex worlds, as if they had I would close the book and put my thumb were replaced by “Siddhartha,” “Slaughter- been designed by a sort of grand architect. on the edge of the first page and place my house-Five,” “A Brave New World,” and “East Combined with the children’s books, the nose close to the book’s perfume and flip the of Eden.” The list goes on. stories of fantasy and sci-fi precluded a third pages, like how I used to put my finger on The third era of my life in literature had era of my life in literature. Up until that the highest key of the piano then tap them in begun without much of a warning. The point, books had afforded passion I felt initially has dissi- me only part of their poten- pated to an extent. I no longer tial, but naturally, I didn’t spend my evenings bent over a realize what I didn’t know, book picked out from the so the hunger to continue neighborhood library. I reading after finishing just don’t have enough a book didn’t necessar- time to read them all. ily precipitate a deeper But sometimes when I understanding of who am alone, I bring a book I was since I would to my nose and flip the become side-tracked pages with my thumb. by basketball and It has become like an friends and other old friend, whose life material reality. took him down a sepa- Archetypes and rate path. And when symbols had the smell doesn’t little signif- seem as familiar as icance to I remember, I open junior-high to a random page Warren, and read a para- and how graph or two.

PHOTOS BY JONATHAN D. LOPEZ TheCollegiateLive.com | 5 The Fulfillment of by Corey Tucker Risk

ome of the most making it out to be bigger by friends and family. Because there for people to critique fulfilling times in than it is. Other times, the of this, a lot of us are told that with the possibility of them our lives are prod- risks are very real and they we should try stand-up com- thinking you’re an idiot.” ucts of the risks need to build up their sup- edy. The thing is, it is much I am one of the many that we take. Those ports before they can safely easier to make a group of peo- have been told I should try risks however, are dive in. Those supports can ple, that you are comfortable stand-up, and so I did, and usually partnered with fear. be a hobby, more money in with, laugh than it is to make a I can tell you Patterson is SThe fear of failure or of falling the bank, a coach, deeper con- room full of strangers laugh. correct. When I get on stage, short of your goal. nections with the people they There is a lot of pride that I risk my pride and my con- When waking in the love, or growing their own comes with being told you are fidence. I risk this all for the morning we re-enter a whole ability to tell loving people funny. The only way to really happiness I feel when making new world of risks that fly when they are scared.” get concrete evidence is by a room full of people laugh. under the radar of our most No matter how big or small doing something that takes a Sometimes the risk is worth superficial perception. We the risk, people need to be ton of nerve, something like the reward, other times I risk the chance of injury, car more cognitive about the stand-up comedy. wonder why I put myself in the accidents, theft, sickness, and potential happiness that can Even though the risks that situation. many others without even be obtained by taking a risk come from doing stand-up Unless you’ve experienced thinking about them. instead of focusing on the comedy are not life threaten- performing stand-up comedy There are risks apparent potential failure and humilia- ing, they are pride threaten- yourself, it is hard to under- in everyday life that people tion that could be a product of ing. The deflation of pride and stand the feeling that comes take or think about taking, falling short. confidence is only one of the with making strangers laugh. however, many people neglect risks associated with trying The feeling of creating laugh- to take risks because they fail Standup Comedy stand-up comedy. ter is amazing, the feeling of to recognize help. verybody likes being told Lachlan Patterson, a Venice causing that laughter can be That failure to recognize E that they are funny. Being Beach-based comedian and euphoric. help is one of the key blocks labeled as a consistent creator “Last Comic Standing” final- Happiness from causing professional life coach Anne of that positive emotional ist, thinks one risk is sharing happiness is an inexplicably Hamming works on with her release is one of the best com- personal information. amazing feeling. That is why clients. pliments one can receive. “I think a risk [in stand-up],” so many people, including my- “Often the risk isn’t big,” Over the span of our lives, a Patterson said. “Is hanging self, are willing to risk pride Hamming said. “They are just lot of us are told we are funny your private thoughts out and humiliation.

6 | TheCollegiateLive.com Entrepreneurship said. “For myself, it’s about to find a job,” Pountney said. native, is a prime example. he risk of starting your the moment when someone “Then they are stuck having “I knew I wanted to protect T own business takes a lot smiles and sees the fruits of to pay off that debt working a and serve since the seventh of nerve as well. Whether your labor and appreciates minimum wage job. grade when I had the chance young or old, entrepre- what you have to offer as a So why do so many stu- to go on ride-alongs with of- neurship is an intimidating service.” dents put themselves in the ficers here in Grand Rapids,” venture that takes a lot of situation in the first place? Duke said. sacrifice and can be extreme- Student Loans Unfortunately most students As time passed however, ly intimidating. urther up on the risk have no other option than and with a family to think Jayson Demers, founder F scale is a risk faced by to take out loans to get the about, it took more than just and CEO of AudienceBloom, so many people these days: education they need to be a gut feeling for the 24-year a content and social media Student loan debt. With the competitive in their career veteran of the police force to marketing firm out of Seattle, average student debt going field. keep putting his life on the says the seven risks entre- above $30,000 in six states According to Pountney, line. As time progressed, offi- preneurs must face, from according to Forbes. Around happiness that can be ob- cer Duke said he realized that “ideation to ongoing devel- 69 percent of students tained from the risk of loans the gut feeling he had was a opment,” are abandoning the graduating have an average is in the opportunity they divine calling that he felt safe steady paycheck, sacrificing of $28,400 in debt, according provide. answering. personal capital, relying on to the Institute for College “By taking out student “There is no safer place cash flow, estimating popular Access and Success. loans and going to college I than being in the Lord’s will,” interests, trusting a key No one wants the burden am able to meet a bunch of Duke said. employee, betting on a crucial of thousands of dollars in new people, and new opportu- He said the satisfaction deadline and donating of debt when they graduate from nities are always emerging,” obtained from doing a selfless personal time and health. college. The risk of taking out Pountney said. “If not for the job is twofold. One of the risks that De- students loans is so big that loans to go to college I would “The happiness I feel mers touched on concerning counselors at Grand Rapids not have those opportunities.” comes from two things, sacrificing personal capital is Community College suggest knowing that I am doing the a risk that GrandLan co-own- students do their best to not Law Enforcement Lord’s work by keeping citi- er and founder of GrandCon take out student loans at all. he biggest risk someone zens as safe as possible, and comics and gaming conven- “Personally I ask students T can take is putting his the happiness I know a victim tion, Brian Lenz, touched on to really think about not or her own life on the line. feels when they feel justice when talking about starting taking a loan at all,” GRCC Besides the heroic men and has been served.” his annual gaming conven- counselor, Fred Zomer stated. women in the United States The common theme of the tion. “Many students are able armed forces, nobody does risks mentioned is the cre- “Investment is the biggest to pay for their tuition and that more altruistically than ation of happiness, whether risk,” Lenz said. “Injection books with grants. With that the brave men and women it be for yourself or someone of money versus income of case especially I encourage who wear badges every day else. The possibility of the money to balance and grow them to not use loan money.” for local police departments. happiness should be the main the business is the factor that GRCC student Jack Upholding civil order is a focus. causes the most stress.” Pountney, a business major at difficult job that only a select Too many times however, Three years into the GRCC planning on transfer- few have the nerve to do. people tend to set their sights investment however, Lenz ring to Davenport University Everyday men and women are on what might happen if they is happy with the risk that next fall, also weighed in on putting on uniforms, some fail, thus scaring themselves he has taken in starting the the topic. leaving their families behind, away. If you’re the type that convention. “I think the biggest risk is to go out on the streets and focuses on the negative, try “I have felt fulfilled about when graduating from college protect people they don’t even focusing on the negative creating a business that many a lot of students have well know. that is the forever punishing others have enjoyed to be over $20,000 in student loan Grand Rapids Police officer regret you will feel for not part of and patronize,” Lenz debt to pay off, but struggle Mike Duke, a Grand Rapids taking the risk at all.

TheCollegiateLive.com | 7 Motherhood first words were, “Oh my God,” then after the tears exploded, I whispered to my sweet baby Leading by boy, “I love you.” It is hard to find words to express how I felt Example at that moment, on May 12, 2009, but what I can say is that my heart was completely surrendered by Corea Parks to my son. All of a sudden life became so much While setting many goals throughout more than living for me, from that moment my life, some being accomplished and forward I would be living for my son. others not, my most rewarding mo- It is interesting how motherly instinct ment came unplanned. While facing comes so naturally, it did for me at least. I nine months of uncomfortable ex- could smell my sons doody diapers three panding, 17 hours of intense labor rooms away and could change a diaper in a and what seemed like a record split second. time of 20 minutes of pushing, I I knew what to pack, when to pack it came face to face with happiness and I was always prepared to feed. I could in its purest form. carry a car seat, a large diaper bag and After my last push I heard the several accessories all at one time. I mas- doctor say, “You have to tered holding a pacifier in Jayden’s mouth get this on camera, this while driving without taking my eyes off almost never happens!” the road. Yes, it sounds dangerous but Jayden came out it’s a great skill to have. I was all in, full face first with his mother mode, so after six weeks of mater- eyes wide open and nity leave and a shortage in money, it was lips puckered in time for mommy to provide. the form of a kiss, If there was one thing my almost instantly mother taught me, it was to I had 7 pounds, work hard to provide for 5 ounces of un- your family no matter the conditional love situation. With my father lying across my incarcerated and my chest. mother left to scramble The bond on her own with two was so intense, kids, I grew up with a it was as if our clear understanding hearts were that most things don’t beating to the come easy, you must same rhythm. work hard for the He was so alert. things you need and He gazed at me harder for the things like he had been you want. impatiently wait- Growing up, my ing to look into mother often had my eyes and find two jobs, which in meaning. many ways separated I kissed his fore- her physically and head first, his hands emotionally from my and then his toes. My brother and me. The

PHOTO COURTESY COREA PARKS 8 | TheCollegiateLive.com constant work involving long hours and my children and I in the long run. I am the past few years and with parenting never ending babysitters was required grateful that I got out before my boys comes a lack of any form of a social life. by my mother in order to pay the bills. were old enough to grasp the damage Most of my friends were still single with While most households consist of two being done. From here on out I became no kids, still in the party scene. While incomes, ours was being held together my mother, overworked, underpaid and I was at work for 8 hours, 6 days out of by one overworked, underpaid person. barely making it. the week and home taking care of my So with her strength imbedded within I was making between $10-$12 an family for the remaining 16 hours. me, I began doing what I had to do to hour, but paid $700 in rent plus utilities I began picking up magazines and make sure my son and I lived comfort- and $1,200 a month on daycare which reading them front to back. Something ably. Fortunate for me, my newfound left me a hundred dollars for gas and about the stories and the pictures motherhood gave me something I didn’t groceries. I applied and was denied brought me to this magical world where have much of in the past, a strong assisstance because I made just over I was informed and in tune with what relationship with my mother. So she was the required amount to qualify. It got to was going on or what the next hot trend there for me as much as she could be. the point where I felt defeated and all I was. I did the exercises that they sug- However, it was my responsibility to could think about was what I needed to gested, I tried the creams that famous take care of my son and me. I started do for my kids. people swore by, mimicked the fashion working full-time. Full-time work with While writing in my journal one day I styles I saw. This made me feel good an infant is a lot to take on alone, and thought to myself, “What do I have to do about myself - especially articles about after thinking it over and having encour- to make sure that my children have the women I could relate to, even in the agement from my mother, I decided I best future possible.” smallest ways. should try and make things work with At that moment I realized I am their Reading about relationship problems my son’s father so that my son didn’t foundation, everything I do as a parent made me feel less alone. I decided that it have to experience a broken home the will influence them as adults. Just as my was my dream to write for a magazine, way I did growing up. mother’s natural instinct to shift into with my own column, kind of like Carrie This analogy came with good and bad survival mode influenced me as a moth- from “Sex in the City,” but a lot less consequences. A little over a year after er. I began brainstorming the things I promiscuous. Jayden was born I became pregnant wanted for my children growing up. I decided that was what I would do, with his brother. Though this was my I want my boys to have great resourc- I’d become a columnist. Next thing I second time experiencing bringing a es, I want to be able to provide them knew I was at Grand Rapids Communi- child into this world, it wasn’t any less with all the things necessary to be the ty College speaking with an academic empowering. best men they can. Most of all I don’t adviser and planning out my academic I shed just as many tears and experi- want them to ever think twice about calendar. I would enroll in the MACRO enced just as much happiness with the pursuing their dreams. At that moment program set up to transfer to the Grand birth of my second child as I did with I decided there is no better way to influ- Valley State University journalism pro- my first. What made this time a little ence them than by example. gram after two years at GRCC. more special was having Jayden there I had embraced my passion for writ- Being a single parent, I received a with me and seeing his interaction with ing in the years leading up to that mo- grant that takes care of tuition and gives his new born brother. August 24, 2010 ment. Writing served as a release from me a little extra money to help take birthed what was an amazing product the pain that I experienced. From poetry care of living expenses. On top of being of “making things work.” However, very to journal entries, I loved mimicking the a fulltime student I work part time to soon after Braylin’s birth, I would take metaphoric flow of my favorite authors. make ends meet. It is a big struggle at single parenting on full-force. I began to wonder how I could pursue a times but knowing that I am working to- After being in a relationship and career that embraces my full interest, ward something great makes it all worth still being the only provider as well what could I do that would make me it. I am now days away from graduating as dealing with cheating and physical happy and not feel like I am a slave to from GRCC and will be attending Grand abuse I decided to move on. I learned my work. I knew I wanted to write, but Valley this fall to pursue my bachelor’s quickly that staying in a relationship what? degree in journalism thanks to the inspi- that I didn’t belong in would only hurt I then took myself back through ration of my now 4 and 5-year-old boys.

TheCollegiateLive.com | 9 PEACE CORPS Giving back to the world community BY ASHLEY FULLER

PHOTO BY JONATHAN D. LOPEZ 10 | TheCollegiateLive.com very day, all over the world, I am hoping to get into the environmental Peace Corps wants to support and keep families go without the basic program myself. By joining the Peace Corps volunteers safe, having access to trained necessities of survival. Poor not only does it help inspire people to medical professionals and 8 to 12 weeks of school systems, unsanitary better themselves so they can live the best pre-service training. households, and lack of water possible life they can, but more than that Pre-service training involves emerging Eare just a few of the things that people go it inspires the volunteers to do the same participants into new environments by pair- without. thing. When leaving the Peace Corp vol- ing with local families to learn the ups and As I a kid I grew up with everything I unteers have an experience that they can downs of the community. Understanding needed but always wanted more, a new toy carry with them for a lifetime. People need the risks of being overseas, how to avoid or clothes. However, as I grew up and met our help and as John F. Kennedy once said, unwanted attention, and safely using public people from all over the world, I’ve realized “Things do not happen, things are made to transportation are also important. that we grow up living in these cozy little happen”. I want to be apart of that change. Volunteers receive full medical and cocoons. We forget that there are people The Peace Corps looks for volunteers to dental care while in service, this includes suffering and need help. I used to complain fill positions in education, youth develop- everything from prescriptions to hospital when the hot water would run out in the ment, health, community economic devel- visits and will be alerted of dangerous shower but there are people who live with- opment, agriculture, and environment. areas. Sixty-five percent of Peace Corps out running water everyday, or with water Education is the biggest bracket that Volunteers have access to the internet with- that is not safe to drink at all. people volunteer in, with this option out traveling. And 48 paid days of vacation I have been fortunate in everything that attracting 40 percent of applicants. There time are allowed a year giving volunteers I have and feel that we have a responsi- are a variety of programs available in the the chance to travel to different countries bility to help those that can’t directly help education field, like working in after-school or visit home. themselves, so I decided to join the Peace programs and library development, or Housing options depend greatly on the Corps after I graduate. I think that is one of teaching biology or chemistry. area chosen, and range from huts to apart- the greatest parts about the Peace Corps, Health volunteers focus on getting back ments, but all housing arrangements must you get to be a part of something bigger to the basics when it comes to health. They meet Peace Corps standards. The Peace than yourself and learn through the strug- have a Water and Sanitation Extension pro- Corps also provides a monthly allowance to gles of other people. But it’s not just about gram where they tap springs and help with pay for rent and basic necessities. learning through others struggles you get to the development of irrigation systems. The Becoming a volunteer is a 27-month learn about their joys also. goal is to inform people of the knowledge commitment and volunteers must be at The Peace Corps started with Senator they need to stay healthy and strive for a least 18 years old. A bachelor’s degree is John F. Kennedy encouraging students at better life. required and degrees vary for different the University of Michigan to spend two According to amfAR about 1.1 million programs. years of their lives helping others in devel- people in Africa died of AIDS in 2013 and Successful volunteers must be ready to oping countries. Five months later, within these deaths accounted for 73 percent of adapt quickly to changes. Living in a com- weeks of his presidential inauguration, the total AIDS deaths worldwide. Peace munity where the culture can be complete- Kennedy started the Peace Corps on March Corps volunteers help teach HIV/AIDS ly different, it’s important to keep an open 1, 1961. awareness along with information about mind and be flexible. Joining the Peace Corps is a huge other sexually transmitted diseases in The Peace Corps continues be a part of a decision. I’ve been considering it since I hopes to prevent the disease from spread- volunteer’s life even after they return home. graduated from high school but never went ing further. They also provide affordable health care through with it because I knew I wasn’t The third largest category that people that can continue after service. Transi- ready. Now I know it is what I want to volunteer for is the environmental aspect, tioning back home can be tough and the do after I graduate. I’ve lived without cell which includes programs like teaching en- Peace Corps has career centers and other service, immediate internet, or cable and I vironmental education and forestry. Peace offices that can help. Through the Paul loved it, surprisingly. I know the situation Corp volunteers will learn to promote D. Coverdell Fellows Program volunteers I lived in wasn’t anything like the one I’m environmental awareness in the community are offered financial aid, scholarships, and going to experience but I’m willing to do it. they live in. Volunteers help communities stipends. Helping people and being around different create gardens and use natural resources. The Peace Corps has an eight-step appli- cultures is something that I’m very passion- Volunteers go through language, cation process and it is a good idea to apply ate about. The outdoors is my calling, so technical, and cross-cultural training. The six months to a year ahead.

TheCollegiateLive.com | 11 The time to LEARN A FOREIGN LANGUAGE is now by Daniel Arnold IMAGE COURTESY WIKIMEDIA COMMONS COURTESY IMAGE

s a child, I was obsessed with plenty in my life already.” an interest of mine. Still, coming from a expanding my knowledge, even My first attempts of foreign language family with a gift for language-learning, I before I knew it could be bene- study didn’t go well. I gave German a try decided to pursue it. While I find Russian A ficial. My parents often bought when I was about 15, but after about three to be very valuable, West Michigan has me globes, atlases, travel guides, and maps weeks of studying, I found it too difficult very little resources to help. in order to expand my view of the world. and moved on to French. Then after about At first, learning Russian was intimidat- I would ask family members about a month, I gave up on French, too. After a ing because I didn’t know where to start. where they had traveled, and they would slight hiatus in language learning, I decid- Most people learning a foreign language reply with what was their most prominent ed to begin learning Russian a little less feel the same way, so I thought it was nor- instance of culture shock. During get-to- than a year ago. mal and continued on. Instead of thinking gethers, I would watch two cousins speak At that point, I was not feeling very con- about where to start, I simply began taking German to each other. The whole time I fident. I had previously failed at learning random steps towards learning Russian. was hoping to catch something from the two Latin-alphabet languages, and learning I downloaded dozens of apps, software, incomprehensible gibberish. an entirely different alphabet seemed im- podcasts, books, and videos in order to Since then, I have seen both cousins possible. However, I became aware of the learn. The most effective way to do this is excel with their foreign languages. One of many resources available to help me learn to complete each of the resources one-by- them is comfortable speaking six, while another language. one. That way, I don’t feel overwhelmed the other is comfortable speaking three. So, with no knowledge of the Cyrillic with many unfinished segments. After seeing the progress of people close to alphabet, punctuation, grammar, or vocab- Today, I have completed most of these me, I decided to, quite simply, learn anoth- ulary, I began learning on my own. resources. So, where does my Russian er language. The whole time I thought to Since beginning to learn Russian last stand now? Well, I know very little Rus- myself “How hard can it be? I have learned July, I have yet to discover why it has been sian, but I certainly have come a long way

12 | TheCollegiateLive.com on my own. I study daily and have plans to and effort. website. Visit memrise.com for further study Russian at a university, get a tutor, “The proof is in the fact that you learned information or to create an account. and travel abroad. your native tongue,” said Cheikh. “So the So, how does this apply to others? It is key is never giving up, never stopping the HelloTalk completely possible for anyone, any age, to learning process. Keep taking the next level, This is yet another unique and free learn any language. Today’s resources make even if it means you need to switch colleges language-learning application, which is it easier than ever, still quite difficult and or travel abroad. Eventually you will be- available on iOS and Android. HelloTalk slow. Any progress should be praised. come fluent, and how cool is that?” matches users with people from around There are easier languages to learn than Many students equally agree that learning the world who want to learn English, and Russian and you will be most likely to a foreign language is key in worldwide will teach their native language in return. follow through with learning a language if success. GRCC students Khup Thang and Users can either type or speak to others for you are truly passionate about it. No matter Zam Khup can speak English, Burmese and practice. HelloTalk offers a unique service the difficulty, learning a language that is Zomi, which are languages commonly found that allows users to correct the grammar of interesting to you will spark lifelong hobbies in the Southeast Asian country Myanmar, their language partners, so users can learn in culture, and people from that part of the formerly Burma. as accurately as possible. world. “It is important to know the language Learning another language offers oppor- of where you are planning to travel,” Khup Translators tunities that are not available to most of said. If someone decides on learning another America’s monolingual population. Thang believes that, by learning another language, the Google Translate application People often justify not learning another language, “you (can) go to a different coun- can be a fantastic mobile resource. Not language with excuses like, “I’m not tal- try where there are people to converse with” only is Google Translate free and extreme- ented with languages.” If someone has the and learning that language will help them ly fast, but the program can translate 90 drive to learn a language, then the chance “understand you much easier.” different languages. Although the program for success increases especially if they have Both Thang and Khup have an open mind is not trusted to translate text with extreme the right motivation level. when it comes to learning languages. fluency, Google Translate is a tool that Aleta Anderson, professor of German “I am learning Spanish right now,” Thang can decipher words that learners do not and Spanish at Grand Rapids Community said. “I have a friend who speaks Spanish yet know. The app is available on both iOS College, believes anyone can find a language and does not know much English, so I am and Android devices. In addition to the right for them, despite the difficulties of trying to learn Spanish so we can (commu- programs above, other apps like Duolingo learning. nicate.)” and Busuu have also been praised for their “Learning a language can be intimidating GRCC currently offers a range of foreign effectiveness. because your mistakes are visible to every- language courses, including: American Sign Since language-learners often turn to one,” said Anderson. “However, I always Language, Arabic, Chinese, French, German expensive software like Rosetta Stone and tell students that without making mistakes, and Spanish. the Pimsleur Approach, many are missing you won’t make any progress. The most If GRCC does not offer a particular out on websites that educate just as well. important thing is that you speak up and try. language, there are many resources that can You will learn.” aid in foreign language growth. Livemocha Anderson believes interest in a language This is a website owned by Rosetta Stone, does not mean it will be easy to learn, but it Memrise and is currently the largest online language will help. This free language learning app is community. Livemocha dreams of global- “Being interested is certainly key in available on both iOS and Android devices. ization, where people around the world can learning anything,” said Anderson. “If you Memrise has courses for more than 200 lan- be fluent in multiple languages. The website have no interest in it, you will not be as guages, including many minority languages. offers 35 different languages to choose eager to learn, and that motivator is always After learning words and phrases, the app from and people around the world help each helpful in the learning process.” will send a notification that reminds users other by correcting grammatical mistakes Dawn Cheikh, an adjunct instructor to review what they have already learned, in order to reach full comprehension. Visit of French and Arabic, also believes that as well as continue learning. If students do livemocha.com to explore their free online learning a second language can be accom- not own a compatible device, the courses language learning site. plished by anyone willing to put in the time can also be accessed through Memrise’s

TheCollegiateLive.com | 13 Staying Happy Living with Major Depressive Disorder by Brittany Miller

PHOTO BY JONATHAN D. LOPEZ 14 | TheCollegiateLive.com epression sucks, about the idea of sticking head held high. And, I’m not need most, hope. there’s no beating around either. alone, because depression Despite what the commer- around the bush or Then one day I stopped isn’t just an illness I experi- cials, and pamphlets say, I sugar coating the crying, and went to school, ence. Many others do too. don’t have to make depres- DDfacts. Battling depression for after not attending for almost According to the National sion my whole being. I have three years has never been a two weeks. After that day in Institute of Mental Health, learned that I can live a hap- battle I expected to win, but school, I was sitting on the approximately 30 percent py life, but happiness doesn’t it’s not a battle I have given couch with my mom and told of college students reported appear at the snap of a finger. up on. To get out of bed with- her everything, it just poured being so depressed they I have to reach for it, and that out the overwhelming feeling out of me. And because of could not engage in normal means admitting that there of melancholy is difficult. To that night, I decided it was daily activities. The American are going to be bad days, deal with that feeling and sit time to get help. I finished my College Health Association taking my medication and through a three-hour lecture junior year of high school, places that number some- talking about the times that I is a challenge on its own. and was diagnosed with where between 36 and 45. feel low with my therapist or I was a junior in high Major Depressive Disorder in GRCC Psychology Profes- my mom. school, when I started to June 2012. I attended therapy sor, Frank Conner notes that There are many theories feel incredibly crappy about for months, until I was finally most college students do not about the actual ‘cure’ for myself and the world around put on medication. I was seek assistance with their depression, but is there a me. I went from having six starting to feel happy again, I depression. Because of that, single treatment that can friends to only two, I was no was able to smile more, and it’s hard to pinpoint an exact wipe it out? longer in band after making I was able to walk across the number of those who have “Treatment matches the the spontaneous decision to stage in May, 2013 to received been clinically diagnosed. cause,” Conner said. “There leave, and I gained an unfor- my high school diploma. The numbers are high, and are antidepressant drugs tunate amount of weight. It Everything was great, if they do have an impact on an that reduce the symptoms sounds dramatic, but I hated you don’t count my complete individual’s success. of depression. While they my life, I felt lonely, and I lack of friends, and the mo- Depression is more than do a good job of treating was tired of feeling sad. It ments of utter hopelessness. just this feeling, but the symptoms in the short run, was in September 2011 that In the middle of 2014, I exact cause is always under long term success requires I attempted suicide for the was tapered off my medi- question. a reorienting of the person’s first time. It obviously didn’t cation, hopeful for the first “There’s no simple expla- thinking and behavior.” work, because I sit here time that I was going to be nation of cause, since each This type of success is today telling my story. happier than ever, but I was individual may have multiple something that Cognitive The feelings of self-loath- so very wrong. I was involved factors that contribute to Behavior Therapy can do. It ing and utter melancholy in a very unhealthy ‘relation- the disease,” Conner said. reframes a person’s negative never left, and it was after ship’ and when it ended, my “However, it is simply broken and maladaptive thoughts, a trivial argument with my happiness was gone, too. The down into two major causes, creating new ways of under- mom about my attitude, that aftermath of that relationship biological and psychological.” standing the world and the I went into room one day in left me a complete mess, So how do we cope with person’s role in it. November and tried to com- emotionally and mentally, something that is out of our “Drugs may remove the mit suicide again. My attempt and just like a freight train, control? symptoms, but for many the was just that, another failed the depression came back I have learned that coping depressive lifestyle remains,” attempt. I just wanted to full force. I struggled with the with depression isn’t some- Conner said. “Long term be gone, and it didn’t work, idea of being okay after it all, thing you learn overnight. success requires a reshap- which just made me cry even but I was, and life became It is a constant fight. It’s not ing of the person’s lifestyle. more. I took this as a sign normal again. always a storm, sometimes With adequate treatment, that I wasn’t meant to leave I still struggle everyday, I see a speck of light that most people who experience this earth, though it doesn’t but I continue to attend class- shows, and with the right depression can go on to live a mean that I was ecstatic es, work hard and keep my focus, it can grow into what I full and productive life.”

TheCollegiateLive.com | 15 Battling something that Gonzalez said. “I put [music] is the superhero that will take I wouldn’t be able to do this wants to bring you down is on paper so I don’t physically down the villain of depression. alone. I have my family, for- exactly what we need to be or mentally cause trauma or Contrary to popular belief we mer high school teachers, and the motivation that moves harm.” can actually be happy, it’s not a therapist all here to help me us forward. While others can While Mandy Evans, anoth- impossible. Conner shares in my darkest moments. Some- find comfort in music, or art, er student at GRCC, says many this belief, stating that the times it isn’t easy seeking I find comfort tucked into things help her cope with her pursuit of a satisfying life even help, but it is something that the binding of a good book. depression. with all its ups and downs is needs to be done. Rather than drowning myself “What helps me get through a much better approach to If someone you know is in horrible feelings, I drown it is my family, friends and living. struggling, keep in mind that myself in a captivating, page church,” Evans said. “My Living is all about perspec- things are going to change, turning, edge-of-your-seat kind kids made me see that I had tive, without it we don’t see that are out of anyone’s of story. Books have been a to make changes because that first hint of green in the control. constant source of comfort they needed me. I have to be grass after a long winter, or However, this is a crucial for me, as I learned how to healthy so that I can take care the way the clouds sometimes time to be the support system speed read over time, sinking of them. I am a role model look like animals at the zoo. I needed. Be understanding into the adventures of at least 24 hours a day and I want to have lived a life that is defined about the emotions they are three books a day. show them that you can over- by choice. The choice to hide feeling, and encourage them to But the way we deal with come anything. I also write my from the world and cry, or seek help. It will make all the depression varies person to feelings in a journal.” the choice to open my eyes, difference. And to those who person. GRCC Student Chris- One can lose themselves appreciating every day that are struggling with depression, tian Gonzalez offers another in the stroke of a brush, the comes my way. Depression is remember there’s never a rain- way to cope. shutter of a lens, the rhythm a psychological illness, a dis- bow without a little rain, the “I put my emotions into of music, or simply the view order, but it doesn’t define me. storm won’t last forever and music to refrain from explod- through their eyes. Losing I knew that when I was we all deserve to see a better ing or getting really mental,” ourselves in something joyful diagnosed with depression outcome for ourselves.

Need help? Get help. If you or someone you know is seeking support, please consider these resources

Grand Rapids LBGTQ Community Local Resources and Support Groups Community College The Trevor Helpline Network 180 (616) 336-3765 For homosexuality questions or The Listening Post Forest View Psychiatric Hospital GRCC Counseling Office problems: 1-800-850-8078 (616) 942-9610 2nd Floor Student Center Gay & Lesbian National Support Pine Rest (616) 258-7429 Tuesdays 11am-2pm 1-888-THE-GLNH (1-888-843-4564) Arbor Circle (616) 475-8300 NATIONAL HELPLINE (24-Hour) Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance of Greater Grand Rapids 1-800-273-TALK (8255) Contact Jeff Rasche at 616-460-0578

16 | TheCollegiateLive.com “How doyoulive The Collegiateasks PHOTO BY JONATHAN D. LOPEZ your bestlife?”

TheCollegiateLive.com/Hospice coverage at full and videos View live yourbestlife. will inspireyoutoreflect onhowyoucould patient profiles,wehope thisspecialsection to answerthisquestion. staff andHospiceofMichigan,intheeffort of thepartnershipbetweenCollegiate From amovingpersonal storytohospice The followingpages(18-43)aretheresult Learning to love through loss By Suzy Stocking Photos by Jonathan D. Lopez o often I think people be- uncle drove him to the hospital. asleep. lieve the main goal in life is While he was there, a heart attack I used up the cologne within to either avoid or overcome took him away from us. the first few months, and when it problems and seek out hap- I still remember the drive to was gone, I cried for what seemed pinessS in whatever form it takes. the hospital. My aunts and uncles like months. He was gone with that It seems though, that as soon as were crammed into the hospital last drop, and I had nothing left to things come together, new things room with my mom and brother, shield me from that. fall apart, then together, and apart surrounding the bed where my dad The hardest times were when again, like beautifully tragic waves. was laying with his eyes closed. My I would wake up and forget he When things fell apart for me I aunt suggested I give him a hug, but was gone. I would want to tell him could have sworn I was drowning it felt so off. His body was there in something, but remember that I in the high tide. front of me, but I knew he wasn’t couldn’t. Even now, when some- My dad was diagnosed with there anymore. He was gone. thing exciting happens to me, my end-stage kidney failure when I I couldn’t comprehend that I first instinct is to tell my mom. was two years old, meaning that would never be able to speak to Second is to wonder what to love his kidneys were no longer able to him again or sit on his lap or feel my dad would say or think. It’s filter blood at a level needed to live. the natural comfort of being next hard to know that someone who Because of this, he took multiple to him, so I searched desperately would care the most isn’t there to trips a week to dialysis, where for a sign from him. I sifted jacket celebrate with me or support me his blood was filtered through a pockets and desk drawers looking anymore. He didn’t get to see me through machine, doing the work that his for anything he might have left for grow up, and he won’t see me start kidneys could no longer do. He me. I’d never gone so long without a life of my own. would be hooked up to the machine talking to someone I loved, and I dealt with anxiety and for around four hours a day, three surely he wouldn’t leave me here depression after my dad’s death. to four days a week. without a note telling me how It was something that I didn’t see He had been sick for as long as much he loved me or that I was his coming, even though he was sick I could remember. There were bad sweetheart girl and that everything for so long. days, but most of the time our lives would be okay. I kept looking, but He passed the day before hos- seemed very normal. He would there was no note, and there was pice was scheduled to come to our read to me, play with me and let no ever feeling the same. home, but my young age prevented me sit on his lap with him in his re- I took his cologne out of the me from seeing the signs. I never clining chair, where he spent most bathroom and would spray it on thought about what it meant for of his time. He’d cook for us all the my pillow when I missed him most. him to be sick. time and sing and dance around Details about him were fading in As far as I knew, it was normal. the house like the goofy dad that my memory, but when I sprayed I wasn’t prepared for him to leave, he was. that cologne I could remember his so I battled anxiety from the In an instant, everything voice more clearly, remember the thought that my mom could leave at changed. On Feb. 7, 2002, when I scruff of his five o’clock shadow or any time too. was nine, I said goodnight to my the wrinkles by his eyes when he I felt hopeless and weird. I lost parents and went to bed. I awoke laughed. friends because they didn’t know early the following morning to I used the cologne to calm my- how to talk to me. I couldn’t go to my mom urgently telling me to self down when I was overwhelmed sleepovers without having a panic wake up. She didn’t sugar coat it, with grief, and it would work most attack thinking my mom would die but how could she say it in a way of the time. I would close my eyes while I was gone. I couldn’t func- that wouldn’t crush me? “Dad and picture him as best as I could. tion like a normal kid, and it set me passed away. We have to go to the If I could see him in my mind up to feel out of place for the rest of hospital.” and smell that cologne, then it my time in school. He told my mom that night that couldn’t be real. He was there, and I tried so hard to make it seem something didn’t feel right, and my I would tell myself that until I fell like I wasn’t fighting these battles,

TheCollegiateLive.com | 19 but it only made me feel worse. If spend time with me. mind instantly went back to the my dad ever did come up in conver- I remember sitting on his lap hours I spent looking for a special sation, I would make a joke or do and being read to. message from him that every- anything to make sure nobody felt I remember Christmas morn- thing would be okay. “Dad loves uncomfortable. ings and how much more excite- you.” Not “Dad loves Suzanne,” a I didn’t want people to stop ment he got from watching my commentary, but “Dad loves you,” hanging out with me because my brother and me open presents than this was meant for me to read. My story was so much different than he got from opening anything of special note. theirs. I was still grieving and had his own. Years had gone by and I’d horrible anxiety. If I put on the I remember the love he had learned to live without my final right face, made enough jokes, peo- for my mom, and how playful and goodbye from him, but then there ple wouldn’t notice how much I was funny they were together. I was sitting cross legged in the hurting or that I wasn’t like them. I remember being happy, but living room with his goodbye in Those years were some of the more importantly, I’m able to be my hands. worst. It wasn’t until my sopho- happy today. I realize now that his message more year of high school that life In one of my favorite books wasn’t a goodbye. It was a remind- started to make sense again. in the bible, Ecclesiastes, it talks er that the love we had means I made new friends who helped about how there is a time for that he will never be gone. He will me feel like I didn’t have to try so everything in life. Ecclesiastes 3:4 always have the most special part hard. They were goofy and weird says there is “a time to weep and a of my heart. like me, and they didn’t hide what time to laugh, a time to mourn and If I discovered this when I was made them different. They were in a time to dance.” There will always nine, it wouldn’t have been enough drama club and quiz bowl, and they be days in my life where I cry be- for me, because it still doesn’t didn’t seem to care what anyone cause he’s not here, but more often bring him back, which was the thought of them. It opened my eyes than that there will be times when only thing I knew how to wish for to a new world. I laugh about a funny memory or at that age. I don’t know if you be- Slowly I let my guard down, and smile because I can see how far lieve in that kind of thing or not. I I made some of my best friends to I’ve come. can’t help but believe now because this day. I laughed with them, cried When I was still in shock and it happened to me. with them and told them every de- denial at nine years old, I wasn’t I’ve carried the photo around tail of my completely abnormal life. ready for a sign from him if there in my wallet for almost 10 years, They loved me because of it, not in was one. its ink nearly faded away so a year spite of it, like I had feared for the I was still convinced it couldn’t ago I had to cover it with tape, but longest time. be true and that one day he to be honest, I don’t need the note Because of them, and the time would pull into the driveway and to be reminded of his love today. that had passed, I was able to everyone would be so relieved that I’m reminded of it every time spend more time healing. There he was home. I wasn’t ready for a memory pops into my head will always be times when I wish a sign, until one day I was. I was that makes me laugh, or when I he was here, but over time, think- 13, and looking through a box of hear the song “Oh Susanna.” I’m ing about him became less painful. photographs, when I saw a small reminded of it when someone tells When a memory of him pops wallet-sized photo of myself from me that I got my sense of humor into my head, I’m more likely to preschool. from him, or even when I’m crying smile than to be sad. The wonder- When I picked it up to put in the because I miss him. ful thing about time is that it lets pile of photos that I had already The pain of losing him makes you see the past from a distance. looked at, I noticed writing on the love I had for him real. I’m I don’t remember the times the back. It was my dad’s chicken a better person because I knew when he was grumpy because he scratch with the words, “Dad loves him, and I love harder because I wasn’t feeling well, and I barely you” written in blue ink. lost him. He will always be a part remember when he was too sick to My heart accelerated and my of me.

20 | TheCollegiateLive.com

1970s 1974 America’s first hospice opens in Branford, Connecticut 1978 Hospice of Southeastern Michigan of Hospice Michigan (HSEM) founded

1979 Hospice of Greater Grand Rapids (HGGR) founded to know to Getting 1980s History providedHistory by Hospice of Michigan 1980 HESM and HGGR accept first patients Photos by Jonathan D. Lopez Profiles by Zachary WatkinsProfiles by Zachary Timeline Powers by Chris

1983 First Congressional bill for the Medicare Hospice Benefit

HSEM is first Michigan hospice licensed by Medicare and Medicaid

1986 HSEM cared for their first AIDS patient

1988 Partnered with the Grand Rapids AIDS Task Force to provide training for their Buddy Program

1989 HGGR established Hospice of Western Michigan and sets up programs in Cadillac, Big Rapids and Fremont

Implemented the Caregiver Connection Committee in Grand Rapids to provide volunteer 24hr in-home care to AIDS patients

1990s

1991 The state’s first residential hospice program, Home of Hope, opens in Grand Rapids

1992 HSEM opens the first dedicated AIDS unit

1993 HGGR becomes the first hospice to open a daytime respite program for dementia patients

1994 Hospice programs all across Michigan merge to form Hospice of Michigan, the first statewide hospice organization

1995 HOM opens an overnight respite program for dementia patients

1997 HOM establishes Pediatric Hospice Program in Grand Rapids

1998 HOM establishes the first hospital in-patient program in West Michigan at Metro Hospital

1999 HOM implements a new unifying logo across the state and “retires” the 10 logos being used from original founding organizations Linda VanPortfliet Susan Glover Social Worker Social Worker 14 years with Hospice 1st year with Hospice Before coming to Hospice of Michigan, Linda VanPort- Hospice care doesn’t end at the fliet worked in oncology at Spectrum Health. When death of the patient. Susan Glover is many of her patients became ready for a different ap- a social worker who is assigned to proach, VanPortfliet realized that she might be suited help with the grieving process. for that kind of work, and she really was. “After the patient passes away, “I’ve always been very impressed with the mission I get a sense from the team how the of hospice,” VanPortfliet said. “It can make a huge family is doing, how the death went, difference in people’s lives, and family’s lives. and what kind of needs they will have,” Glover said. “I’ve done some very rewarding work with a few homeless patients. “Based on their assessment, I try to contact them within Hospice helps people at home, no matter how they define home. Typically, two months. The reason we don’t want to contact them people live at a home with a street address or a nursing home, but we’ve right away, is that they are getting their affairs in order. had a few patients that don’t have any address.” “We can follow the family up to 13 months after the VanPortfliet is one of many employees assigned to a patient at hospice. patient has passed away. They say the anticipation of “Every patient that comes into hospice care, not only is assigned the one year mark is very stressful.” to a nurse, but a home health-aid and a social worker, and a chaplain,” Glover interned at hospice 15 years ago, before mov- VanPortfliet said. “We work on a interdisciplinary team. The role of the ing on to adult social work and adult day care. social worker is to help with any social, emotional, psychological stresses “I am coming from a field where we did deal with or problems related to their hospice care. It involves everything from the death and dying,” Glover said. “I came from a for-profit coping and transition of hospice care, to planning for end of life arrange- company, and moving to a non-profit has been very good ments.” for me. The mission and the values are very different, To VanPortfliet, finding meaningful work is all about finding the right and that’s what I think drove me back to hospice.” connections. Glover’s role becomes even more vital after the “I think it’s assessing for yourself where you make connections,” passing of the patient. VanPortfliet said. “In social work, you make connections with people. But “I just see it more as a continuum of care,” Glover people can make connections with their art, with putting an engine back said. “I think sometimes families are kind of at a loss, together and making it run. It’s making connections with your heart. because there’s been so much care in the home. They “Ask yourself regularly: Is the life I’m living meeting what I want my might feel abandoned in a sense. I think it’s good to intention to be? If it’s a young person, and they’re on the path to prepare have grief support come in and provide that continuity a life for later, but later may never come. It’s about finding joy in where of care for the family.” they’re at right now.” 1970s 1980s 1990s America’s first hospice opens Connecticut in Branford, Hospice of Southeastern Michigan (HSEM) founded Grand Hospice of Greater Rapids (HGGR) founded HESM and HGGR accept first patients bill for the First Congressional Hospice Benefit Medicare HSEM is first Michigan hospice and licensed by Medicare Medicaid for their first HSEM cared AIDS patient HSEM opens the first dedicated AIDS unit HOM establishes Pediatric in Grand Rapids Hospice Program Partnered with the Grand Partnered to Force Rapids AIDS Task training for their provide Buddy Program HGGR established Hospice of Michigan and sets Western in Cadillac, Big up programs Rapids and Fremont Implemented the Caregiver Connection Committee in Grand Rapids to provide volunteer 24hr in-home care to AIDS patients The state’s first residential Home of hospice program, Hope, opens in Grand Rapids HGGR becomes the first hospice to open a program daytime respite for dementia patients all across Hospice programs Michigan merge to form Hospice of Michigan, the first statewide hospice organization HOM opens an overnight program respite for dementia patients HOM establishes the first hospital in West in-patient program Hospital Michigan at Metro HOM implements a new the state unifying logo across the 10 logos and “retires” original being used from founding organizations

1974 1978 1979 1980 1983 1986 1988 1989 1991 1992 1993 1994 1995 1997 1998 1999 a lotofopenness.” Bosnian communitycenterandthemosquethey’reinvolvedin.Itreally brought cial. Myplacetherewastojustsupportthemwiththeirinvolvement withthe background ...formetocomein,asaChristianpastor, itwassomewhatartifi- of lifeprocess. letters andmakephonecalls.” try tomakesomekeyconnections,finalsvisits,afinaltrip,write there isn’t muchleft.There’s somanyconnectionsthatcanbemade.We really married, hadacareer, hadkids,they’vedoneallofthosethings.Theythink times folkscometotheconclusionthatthey’velivedtheirlife.They’vegotten It’s veryimportant.Itrytopressmeaningintotheendoflifeexperience.Many like hope,forgiveness,meaningandrelatedness.We doalotwithlifeclosure. is alotoftraveltimeduetomeetingsandin-homevisits. to Holland,Hastings.Sometimesthepatientisinafacility, othertimesthere like this.I’mgladitcameabout.” that therewouldbeanopportunityhereatHospiceofMichigantofillarole and ImadeaconnectionthroughanendoflifeconferenceatCalvinfound chaplaincy.

2000s “We’re verysensitive,”Kylesaid.“We hadaBosnianfamilywithMuslim Despite beingaformerpastor, Kylehelpsfamiliesofallfaithswiththeend “I seeabout40-50patientsinamonth,”Kylesaid.“We talkaboutthings Kyle usuallyseesbetweenthreeandfivepatientsinaday, fromMontague, “Things shiftedwithmineandmywife’s lives,Iwaspastoringfor14years,

2001 HOM continues to take patients and test a pre-hospice delivery Two years with Hospice with Two years Chaplain Kyle Brian model based on the U of M you’re achurchpastor, youhavealotofcolleaguesdoing medical recordsandchartingthing.Evenwhen different thanbeingapastorinchurch.There’s thewhole have imagineddoingwhathedoestoday. before becomingachaplain.WhenKylewas30,hecouldn’t Hospice ofMichiganChaplainBrianKylewasapastor

research findings “It’s beenaninterestingtransition,”Kylesaid.“It’s very

2002 HOM’s “Caregiver’s Guide for Patients with Advanced Dementia” wins an Excellence in Education Award from the National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization

2008 Hospice of Michigan develops a Hospice and Palliative Care Fellowship in collaboration with Michigan State College of Human Medicine, Spectrum Health, Metro Health and Saint Mary’s Healthcare

2010s work withthemthroughthosethings.” ponent andalsoanemotionalcomponent.We tryto die fromaspiritualcomponent,psychosocialcom- breathing changes,andvitalbuttheyalso tion,” Morrisonsaid.“Ilookforskincolorchanges, process, Ilookforchangesintheirphysicalcondi- manager. manager, beforefillingtheroleofserviceoperations nurse, becameastaffeducatorandcommunity is different.Shebeganworkingathospiceasa people arewhentheendisnear.” cess isprettypredictable.You getasenseofwhere learned there’s arealprocesstohowpeopledie. there’s arealprocesstobabiesbeingborn,andI rience, becausewhenyoudolaboranddelivery, Morrison said.“Itwasreallykindofacoolexpe- care. ing budget,supplies,medicationcostsandpatient “As anurse,medicallylookingatthedying For allofMorrison’s patients,thedyingprocess “Not everyonediesthesameway, butthepro- “I sortofwentbeginninglifetoendlife,”

2010 HOM creates the “New Hospice of Michigan” and implements the Five Diamond Experience of Excellence well asbusinessaspects,includ- oversees theclinicalstaff,as Hospice ofMichigan,Morrison and labordelivery. Nowat a registerednurseinobstetrics hospice employee,sheworkedas Before Morrisonbecamea 15 years with Hospice with 15 years Manager Operations Service Katherine Morrison

2012 Hospice of Michigan goes national with @HOMe Support

2013 First hospice program in the country to launch a mobile application for hospice patients and their families to see updates on care for their loved one – launched in partnership with Compuware and Verizon A Day in the Life of a Hospice Nurse

By Sean P. Mulhall Photos by John Rothwell here is no very fast,” McKay said, while such thing as typing up her final report. “I a typical day came in yesterday and she said, in the life of a ‘You know I’m dying, soon, hospice nurse. right?’ And Thursday, “I said, ‘Yes.’ She was April 2 was no reading a letter that she had Texception for Holly McKay. just received in the mail from a McKay, who has been with friend in Texas (where Jane is Hospice of Michigan for three originally from) … She said, ‘It’s years, started her day arriving really hard to read these cards at the office shortly after 9 a.m. you get in the mail, knowing to prepare her schedule of vis- that this is the “goodbye card.”’ its. The first of which was just She’s really struggled with that down the road from her office and changed quickly after.” in Ada. While Jane may have been Eleanor Simms, 94, lives in Hospice nurse Holly McKay talking to patient Eleanor Simms. ready to go, it’s the people who a retirement community, The loved her, that must deal with Village of Heather Hills and has resembled a regular check up she started having extreme, the loss. been a patient of McKay’s since with a doctor. Sometime be- out-of-control pain … Tuesday “There are some really January. She is legally blind, tween checking heart rate and she was in a much better place. difficult conversations when very hard of hearing and dying blood pressure, McKay’s phone Yesterday she was very peace- promoting end of life care,” of liver cancer. rang. Embarrassed that she ful when I was there. She’s still McKay said. “You know what The visit started with McK- forgot to turn the ringer off, she alert and responding, but hasn’t the end result is going to be … ay asking Simms how she had quickly jumped off the couch been out of bed.” Ultimately, at the end of the day, been feeling for the past week. and silenced the phone. McKay made sure the family our goal is to meet the patients Considering her age and con- “I’ll call them back later,” was notified of Jane’s rapid and the family’s goals and dition, Simms was surprisingly McKay told Simms. decline. Then she remembered setting yourself and your own upbeat. On the way out of the build- Jane’s roommate. beliefs separate, for what their “Today I feel lousy,” Simms ing, McKay returned the phone “Her roommate is probably goal may be.” said. “I’ve had a couple bad call she missed 10 minutes scared to death,” McKay said as McKay is confident that nights, with that (acid) reflux earlier. The facility her next she walked across the parking Jane’s family, which includes a … Other than that, I’m getting patient, Jane, 93, was staying at lot. son who used to volunteer at along fine.” had some bad news. Jane died as McKay entered Hospice of Michigan in the grief They discussed Simms’s “The facility called our care the building. McKay had to stay support department, will be medication and her method center, to let them know she professional and do her job. She able to handle the grieving pro- for taking and distinguishing was spitting up blood,” McKay talked to the director of nurs- cess. The fact that Jane’s health between the pills. McKay said. “So it sounds like she’s get- ing, then went straight to Jane’s declined so quickly is another noticed that Simms may have ting closer. I don’t know what room and pronounced the time reason why. been mixing her Benadryl and we’re going to walk into.” of death, 10:50 a.m. The family “I think it’s easier for the Prilosec. On the ride to Laurels of arrived minutes later and she family,” McKay said. “You don’t “There are a lot of those Kent in Lowell, McKay prepared left them to be alone with Jane, have to see the prolonged Prilosecs left,” McKay said. “I for the worst and called other who was going to be cremated. stages of wondering, waiting, have a feeling you haven’t been staff members associated with This would be the last time they anticipating what is coming, but getting those at all.” the case. Jane had been doing would see her. McKay went out you can never face that final After creating a new system relatively well up until the to a waiting room to close her moment, even though you know for Simms to distinguish beginning of the week. report on yet another patient. it’s coming, until it actually between medications, McKay “She’s kind of been transi- “I think she had a sense that happens. continued the visit, which tioning,” McKay said. “Monday this was coming and coming “I think it gives families

26 | TheCollegiateLive.com peace … because with time, “There’s always something able to do for them and for their days, like the ones when she they will look back and say, I can relate to with somebody, family. loses a patient, but she reminds ‘Thank God it went fast and even if I don’t know them very “I remember at the end of herself that even though a life wasn’t a long drawn out pro- long,” McKay said. “Maybe I the day, they went peacefully has ended, others must go on, cess.’” only met them once. You can and hopefully how they wanted including her own. Every patient leaves an im- still find something about them to and that brings you your “You go home, kiss the kids pression on McKay, some more that you connect with, which own comfort. You realize that goodnight and go to sleep,” than others, but she remembers makes it more emotional for you have been able to make a McKay said. “You wake up the each and every patient, no you, but you just learn to get difference.” next morning and know they matter how long she cared for through it, work through it and In the profession McKay still need you back there … as them. be happy with what you were has chosen, there are difficult strong as you can be.”

McKay calls Hospice of Michigan to make notification that a patient has died

TheCollegiateLive.com | 27 Don’t take LIFE for granted By Sean P. Mulhall Photos by Jonathan D. Lopez LIFE

eorge Shelden wakes up every day to see his children off to school and waits until they get home. The J weekends are spent together, as a family, drawing and watching television, but Jeorge is not your typical family man. He can’t get out of bed and hasn’t for over a year and a half. At the age of 32, Jeorge has been in and out of hospice care for nearly three years. Before the diagnosis giving him four years to live, in 1998, Jeorge used to be, in his words, a “bad guy.” Jeorge used to do and sell drugs. He was buying cigarettes and alcohol in his early teens and didn’t finish high school, because he never lasted at one long enough to get a diploma. “I think the only thing that saved my life was getting hurt,” Jeorge said. “I would’ve been shot, or (in) prison or worse. It’s kind of bad, but it’s the truth.” Not long after meeting Naomi, his wife of 17 years, Jeorge, then 14, sustained a life-changing injury. While living in Stanton, Michigan, an angry man stopped Jeorge when he was walking home after a night of partying. The man towered over Jeorge and had a bone to pick. His daughter claimed Jeorge made an unwelcomed advance toward her. “(I was) coming home from a party … drunk,” Jeorge said, recalling the night he was con- fronted by the middle-aged man. “I tried fighting him face-to-face. He told me he didn’t want to fight … When I turned around he tackled me and crushed my hip into the cement. I was maybe 125 (pounds) at the time.” Although Jeorge does not remember how he got home, he does remember waking up the next day on his front porch, as well as the unexpected tackle the night before, that shattered his left hip and led to a physical decline that would continue over the course of the next two decades. “My dad didn’t take me to the hospital (right away),” Jeorge said. “I laid in bed for three days Jeorge and his youngest daughter unable to walk … I (developed) Taiya cuddling together. a limp … They called it juvenile arthritis.”

30 | TheCollegiateLive.com Jeorge’s condition continued to worsen and he ended up seeing many neurologists and specialists across the state of Michigan. They all said the same thing, but none of them could give Jeorge a clear answer. “They basically just told me I was going to have a short life, that I wasn’t going to live that long.”

Young Love eorge met Naomi, then 16, J around that time. She as- sumed he was the same age, not two years younger, because his friends were older. They started dating shortly thereafter. One year after they started dating, Naomi gave birth to their oldest daughter, Callie, now 16. Top: Shelden family on a They married later that year. Saturday Jeorge wore all white and Nao- mi found a black velvet dress. Bottom:Callie (l.) and Naomi Jeorge’s mom asked Naomi if (r.) expressing what they are she was going to her wedding or grateful for. a funeral. Jeorge’s dad answered for Naomi. “She’s marrying into this family,” he said. “So yeah, she’s going to her funeral.” While it’s been tough having a husband who’s health has been in decline throughout their marriage, the reason why they make it work is simple. “We probably wouldn’t be together today if it wasn’t for family,” Naomi said. “Jeorge was raised rough, but if someone was in trouble they would be there to help … In my family, we were brought up (to) help people. It’s good karma.” “We were always a close-knit family anyway. Our family looks out for each other.”

TheCollegiateLive.com | 31 Dealing with the Pain at the time, so I got into pills never did as a child,” Jeorge damage or provide a clear eorge may have surpassed pretty bad.” said. “I got to jump off the top reason why he can no longer J the doctors life expectancy After abusing the drugs he of quarries, swim in under use his legs. by this point, but there have needed to get through each water caves. Basically I got to “I got to the point where been setbacks, including day, for years, Jeorge was sent enjoy the outdoors for the first I couldn’t walk anymore, developing an addiction to the to a rehabilitation center in the time. my knees would shake and I medication that helps him deal Upper Peninsula. He cred- “I grew up fast.” would just fall down,” Jeorge with the pain. its the Marquette Guidance said. “The doctors told me the “I didn’t get bad into Center as the place where he Loss of Mobility pain would get so bad that the (prescription pills) until about corralled his addiction, be- t the age of 22 Jeorge was pain alone could kill me. They eight weeks after I got hurt,” cause he still believes that he Adiagnosed with a list of had to have me on high, high Jeorge said. “When I was 15, is addicted to pain medication, illnesses, including muscular doses of medication. I learned about Vicodin and but he no longer abuses it. dystrophy, scoliosis, chronic “Basically my body is eating OxyContin. The only way I This was also the place waste syndrome and multiple itself away. I’m down to 57 could work, because I quit where Jeorge learned to enjoy sclerosis. Doctors have not pounds now.” school, was to take painkill- life. been able to pinpoint the The last time Jeorge remem- ers. I had to support my child “I got to do a lot of things I exact illness causing the most bers walking was September

Jeorge and Naomi have remained together for 17 years of marriage despite many obstacles.

32 | TheCollegiateLive.com 18, 2004, the day his legs “gave they do have a house before I out.” He used a wheelchair pass away, or at least some- up until about 18 months ago, thing nice. but the pain in his spine has “It’s the only worry I have made even getting in and out left in my life.” of a wheelchair too difficult. He can still feel his legs and Living – not dying – “every single part of his body,” in hospice care but has not left his bed in a any people don’t under- year and a half. M stand what hospice is, “(Taiya) has never seen and, in the beginning, Jeorge Jeorge walk,” Naomi said, didn’t either. Now after years about their youngest daughter. in the program he understands “She used to climb up in the that it is an organization meant wheelchair and ride with him to help people. instead of being in a stroller … “If it weren’t for hospice I’d She remembers him being out be dead already,” Jeorge said. of bed, but I think she would “They helped me with therapy rather have him in bed, so she Jeorge’s son Shaun holds up a sign showing what he’s grateful for. … They bought our kids can cuddle more.” Christmas presents because we couldn’t afford them. They What really matters wife and kids first thing in the for us.” have big hearts.” hile some people might morning,” Jeorge said. “That’s Though she is able to man- The hospice provided pastor W see this as a death the first thing I do. I get up age the difficulty of living with who visits each week brings sentence, Jeorge’s eyes have with them and enjoy the little a dying father, who might not flowers for Naomi and fried been opened to what is really time I can and wait for them to get to see her graduate next chicken for Jeorge. important in life, family. get home … I got friends but year, Callie is still a teenager. “She knows what I like, “I’ve done a lot of bad stuff friends come and go. Family is “Sometimes I just want to knows my soft spot,” Jeorge in my life but I have three forever.” walk out, but I love him too said. “They’re really good beautiful children,” Jeorge said. Jeorge’s children know much to do that,” Callie said. people.” “I’ve made it right and I figured what’s happening with their “My family, we’re a bunch of Another thing Jeorge wants karma was going to catch up father, but keep a positive weirdos, but if you get to know to do is help people headed with me and karma did. I don’t outlook and have lofty goals. us, you’ll learn to love us.” down the wrong path, by bitch or complain, because I’ve Callie wants to go to art school telling his story, having them seen younger kids die … They and visit the Louvre, Shaun has Bucket List learn from his mistakes. He took it (in) stride and so can I. aspirations of joining the U.S. eorge and his family live wants people to stop and look “We all have to die, that’s Marines and developing video J in what he describes as a around, be aware of their just the way I look at it. I try to games to help train soldiers “tuna can” or “claustrophobic surroundings and realize what make my days go as good as and Taiya says she will be a hellhole.” The family of five really matters. they can.” princess forever. is crammed into a 3-bedroom “If I could (talk to) some- Now bedridden because of “It will be pretty hard,” Callie trailer in Orleans, Michigan body in my shoes, I’d tell them his condition, Jeorge spends said about life without her and the only thing that Jeorge to enjoy every day like it’s your most of his time with his father. “Especially for Taiya (6) wants is to find a better home last,” Jeorge said. “Stop and children. He might take a nap and Shaun (11), losing a father for his wife and kids. think about life. There aren’t or play a few video games while at such a young age. For me, I “My main concern before I any second chances. Once they’re at school, but the day will always have those memo- die (is to) make sure they have you’re gone, you’re gone. doesn’t really continue until the ries of having a father (during) a nice place to live,” Jeorge “That’s what I do. Every day kids come home. my childhood and I know that said. “They all have checks I wake up, I enjoy it to the full- “I look forward to seeing my he will always be looking out coming. I want to make sure est. It’s the only way to live.”

TheCollegiateLive.com | 33 Sweetheart, I love you

By Kayla Tucker Photos by Jonathan D. Lopez hen visitors arrive Bernadette smiled and you.” job easy,” Gauthier said. “He W on a Friday morning, recalled that it was actually Leaning into her hus- looked forward to you com- Robert “Bob” and Bernadette “the way he (talked) so band, Bernadette affirmed ing, he listened, he wanted Booth hold their rosaries and nice.” that marriage is forever. input.” pray together in their little The Booths got married “Don’t think about, ‘Well, Bob was born on Nov. 16, room at an assisted living on Feb. 14, 1953 and raised I don’t like him anymore, I 1928 and raised Catholic. center in Grand Rapids. seven kids, four boys and want to get rid of him, get a He worked at Old Kent Bank Married 62 years, the three girls. new one.’ You don’t do that,” for about 30 years, and Booths have been struggling “It was hectic, but we Bernadette said. “That’s the other odd jobs as well. He for the last few to manage made it,” Bernadette said way it is. Because you love took up hobbies including Bob’s condition and Berna- with a laugh. each other.” hunting, fishing, archery, dette’s increasing dementia. She also said that getting Once visitors left, the and singing. In 2014, Bob began married on Valentine’s Day Booths resumed their Val Haugen, the Booth’s receiving care from Hospice was not the plan, and they prayers. youngest daughter, used to of Michigan to ease the dis- didn’t realize the signifi- go hunting with her dad, comfort of his achalasia and cance of the date until later A Final Transition who once held a national pulmonary fibrosis. on. ess than two weeks af- archery championship title. Bob, 86, explained his Bob registered with Hos- L ter Bob was discussing “The first time I ever went condition for about 15 min- pice of Michigan in May of love and religion, his health hunting, my dad brought utes before becoming too 2014 and later he and Berna- declined and he slipped into me,” Val said. “He helped winded to continue. dette moved into Heartland his final days of life. build a hunting blind to sit Bob needed a break, so Health Care Center. Bob died the morning in, just him and I.” attention shifted to Berna- When asked what keeps of April 1 with family and Hunting wasn’t the only dette, 83. him going, Bob didn’t caregivers by his side. Jodi skill Bob passed along to hesitate to say, “thoughts of Gauthier, Bob’s hospice his youngest daughter. Lasting Love Jesus, and her.” nurse, said that it was “In fifth grade I was the hen asked how they “I can’t pray very long, so peaceful. Bob was comfort- only one who knew what W met, Bernadette my wife graciously prays ed by his faith and sur- opera was,” Val said. “He began talking about their the prayer for me,” Bob said, rounded by those who care taught me how beautiful op- relationship and its history, holding the rosary in his about him. Gauthier said era music was, and singing, Bob perked up almost im- shaking hands. “I pray them they were praying when he and classical music.” mediately at the mention of with her, silently.” took his last breath. What most don’t know the love they share. Bob and Bernadette said Bob suffered from about Bob, though, was that The Booths met at a high their marriage and love has achalasia his whole life, a he had a passion for singing. school dance. Bernadette grown significantly since disease of the esophagus, “He had a beautiful went along with her sister they first met. making it almost impossible tenor voice,” Val said. “He and said she was immedi- “Love each other, be to swallow food. In 1951, was loud, and he was the ately fond of Bob when he truthful to each other,” Bob Bob was honorably dis- one that you could hear in asked her to dance. advised young couples. charged from the military church the best because it “When I left that place “Real love is giving yourself because his medical condi- was just so strong. He was that night I said to myself, to each other, and we love tion made it hard for him to in several choirs…He didn’t ‘I’m going to marry that each other very much. We keep up during boot camp. tell people he was a good girl,’” Bob said. love each more now than we Bob was later diagnosed singer because that just Just a few months later, ever did.” with pulmonary fibrosis. wasn’t my dad.” he did. Bob’s advice to people in For Gauthier, being Bob’s Val said that hospice Bob joked that it was his relationships is to go home nurse was a gift. made the last few months “Indian nose” that caught and tell their husband, or “Bob was one of those easier for her and her fam- her eye. wife, “Sweetheart, I love (patients) that made your ily, with the consideration

TheCollegiateLive.com | 35 In Memoriam Robert H. Booth Nov. 16, 1928 – April 1, 2015

Bob and Bernadette’s rosaries are always nearby. Prayer is a constant in their lives. and communication they kept up. and make a vacation of the trip. Nurses who helped Bob, when he “One time we went camping was still at home, visited him when there just for the weekend, no tour- he moved into Heartland. This was naments or anything, and it started comforting for Val. pouring rain and we just had a “They’ve been wonderful...Even tent,” Carrie said. “It was raining though my mom was not in hos- so hard that we couldn’t stay in the pice, they still really looked after tent and they had a lodge there with her as well,” Val said. “They didn’t a huge fireplace and my dad lit it have to do that, but they did.” and we all laid there in front of the Gauthier said she has learned fireplace and spent the night. That a lot from the Booths, and from was really fun.” being a hospice nurse. Carrie recalled holidays at “One of the big things I’ve home, and how her parents always learned is how important it is to seemed to make it work. forgive,” Gauthier said. “With my “He loved Christmas too,” Carrie family, I’ve learned to tell them said. “Dad was like a little kid at every day, ‘I love you, I miss you,’ Christmas. He always made us put (and) how important they are to up the Christmas tree and decorate me…You never know when you it, while he took pictures. There can’t tell them again.” was a time where they didn’t have Val said that her father’s death much money, so they ended up couldn’t have gone any other way. going to the dollar store…(He) just The Eucharistic ministers were in bought a bunch of dollar store toys From Feb. 14, 1953, the Booths were side by side through the room along with Bob, Berna- for his kids so we had something the ups and downs of marriage. dette and one of their sons. under the Christmas tree. But we “My mom received communion were happy with it, it didn’t matter and she grabbed my dad’s hand to us, you know, we got each other, to pray again and that’s when he we had our gifts, it didn’t matter.” started to go,” Val said. “That’s Grandchildren gathered to rem- when his breathing just kind of inisce about their grandpa and his left, as they were praying. character. “That is something that would “Him and my dad are the loudest have been really important to hunters I’ve ever been around,” Eric him.” Booth, a grandson, laughed. “They always bring out candy. I don’t Remembering Bob know how they ever got a deer.” visitation was held on April 6 Brad Haugen, 22, said that when A for Bob. Family and friends he was 8 years old, Bob spent three gathered and shared memories of days with his grandkids building a their father, grandfather and friend. lifelong memory in the snow over a “He loved his sweets, especially winter break. his cookies,” said Carrie Haugen, “We had two or three days off one of the Booth’s daughters. “My from school, so…me and two of my mom was always baking for him.” cousins went over to my grandpar- Carrie began to tear up as she ent’s house and we built an igloo,” recalled the memories of her dad. Brad said. “It was four or five feet She said that for every archery tour- high and a few feet in diameter…It nament, the family would camp out ended up lasting into April.”

TheCollegiateLive.com | 37 Having the Talk (No, not that talk...the other talk) By Jacquelyn Zeman

The most important conversation we need to have with loved ones is the one we’re not having. We have many important conversations throughout our lives, but often we do not discuss what we want to happen at the end of our life.

PHOTO BY JONATHAN D. LOPEZ n her Oct. 2, 2014 TEDx started The Conversation Proj- thread was knowing what your the situation. Talk, Pulitzer Prize winning ect to make it easier for you, and loved ones would want in ad- “He knows the prognosis,” journalist Ellen Goodman your families…our mission is to vance of a crisis,” Ferguson said. Szost said. “I think it is helpful Iexplains the talk is “about have people’s wishes expressed “I had not had the conversation when we say no matter what dying, or more to the point, it is and respected.” with my parents… My Mom was happens I am here for you and about how we want to live at the Goodman states that 70 per- diagnosed with a brain tumor, you are not alone and I am going end of our lives.” cent of Americans say they want which thank goodness she to be with you and support you Goodman, along with many to die at home, when in reality recovered from, but it just really through this all the way.” individuals and organizations, is 70 percent of Americans end up hit home and that I had no idea From her experience in work- trying to start getting people to dying in institutions. Roughly 90 what she would want…so that’s ing as a PA, she tells people to talk about what they would want percent of Americans say they really the turning point for me.” ask many open-ended questions to happen in the event that they think it is important to have Through her own experi- when trying to figure out what a are no longer able to make medi- these conversations, but only 30 ences with having the talk with loved one wants for end of life cal decisions for themselves. percent have actually had the several family members, as well care, in order to be as open and “It is about the care we want, end of life conversation. as countless patients, Tamara direct as possible. and the care we don’t want, Through her organization, Szost, physician’s assistant and “Older people say ‘I don’t and who is going to decide,” Goodman is trying to change professor of health sciences at want to be a burden to my fam- Goodman said, during her TEDx these numbers, according to Grand Rapids Community Col- ily,’ or ‘if I am a vegetable don’t Talk. “Will it be you deciding for Mandy Ferguson, Project Co- lege feels that end of life conver- keep me alive,’ ask them what yourself, and for the people you ordinator of The Conversation sations are important because of they mean by this,” Szost said. love?” Project. how they have impacted her life. “Does this mean they don’t want According to Goodman, in the “(Goodman) always says that “I always tell my patients, us to care for them at home… last 100 years, we have added 30 she and her mom could talk family and friends if you have let them know how far you want years to the average American about anything, sex, love, boys, the pleasure and gift of being to go to care for them because lifespan. drugs, but the one thing she able to walk that journey with some of them don’t know which “The bad news is we are all could not talk about was how someone as they get through family members, or who would still mortal…with wonderful she wanted to live at the end of their final days…that is the be willing to do what.” technology, death is no longer her life,” Ferguson said. “When greatest gift ever,” Szost said. She said her father-in-law who what we used to think of it as, (her mother) did die, she died “So don’t be afraid of it, don’t had Lou Gehrig’s disease was as natural. Many of the people from Alzheimer’s, and she had a run away from it, make sure that scared for his family members to we love are not dying in the long, steady period of slow de- you assure them and you show see him while he was declining way that they would choose, cline. (Ellen) said that she could them love every single day, and in health. and many survivors are left not decide what she wanted try to make their life as fulfilling She said that while on her depressed, guilty, and uncertain for lunch, let alone health care. as possible.” maternity leave with one of her whether they have done the So that left Ellen kind of blind Szost has recently had end children, she spent a significant right thing.” sighted, and unprepared to make of life conversations with many amount of time with her father- Goodman insists that every- the kind of decisions that she family members due to health in-law to care for him before he one needs to have a conversa- was facing with the death of her complications, including her died. She was happy to be able tion, a sit down with the people mother.” husband, who has a rare form of to spend time with him during they love, to talk about wishes After Goodman’s mother leukemia. the last months of his life. for end of life care. Due to passed away, she came together “With my husband…it’s as “Down the road, (as) things her own experiences with the with colleagues and friends and simple as saying while I can’t do get worse it helps to create passing of her mother, Goodman began to realize that everyone cure you, there is still a lot of more of a connection with those founded a nonprofit organiza- had a story of their own to things (I) can do for you,” Szost family members as that person tion, The Conversation Project, tell, whether it was about a said. is actively going through the to get these talks started in particularly hard death, or one Although she knows her dying process,” Szost said. “It homes across the country. that went well because of the husband is down on himself at also helps to reduce isolation, “It is always too soon, until it conversation. times, Szost said she does her because many times when some- is too late,” Goodman said. “We “It seemed like this common best to keep him upbeat given one is dying they don’t want

TheCollegiateLive.com | 39 The Conversation Project Launched in August of 2012, they developed a starter kit with the Institute their family to think that they are giving up.” for Healthcare Improvement, a nonprofit in Cambridge, Massachusetts. Szost said to make sure the family is part of the com- The starter kit is available on theconversationproject.org/starter-kit/ to munication as much as possible. This way everyone is on download for free. It has starter versions for adults and children with terminal the same page. illnesses. It is also available in Spanish, French and Mandarin. “Some family members can accept it, whereas others They advise people to fill out an advanced directive or a health care proxy might be not so accepting of that person’s decline,” Szost form after you have the conversation. said. The fill-in-the-blank style questionnaires ask the individual questions to prepare them for having the conversation with loved ones, and then go into more In a clinical setting, Szost said professionals can see specifics of end of life care. Questions include what matters most to them at the when someone will need to have that conversation, end of their life, how much they would like to know about their health condition although “too many people think (the conversation) is the as the patient, and where they would like to die. job of the physician.” “We always have to take into consideration the Aging with Dignity emotional and spiritual (aspect) on top of the physi- In addition to their advanced directive for adults, My Five Wishes, many asked cal,” Szost said. “Too many times we just focus on the the organization Aging with Dignity to create a document which can serve as a physical. When we transition them to hospice type care, conversation guide for children with terminal illnesses to fill out. that is when they are going to get more of that holistic Voicing My Choices has been available for two years and is based on the My approach.” Five Wishes document for adults. It was developed with help from the National Deka Bradshaw, 36, of Grand Rapids and an employee Institute of Health in Washington D.C. of Hospice of Michigan and the Veteran’s Home, recently My Five Wishes document is for adults, meeting legal requirements. The Voic- had the talk with her parents, when they became ill. ing My Choices document for minors is meant to be a conversation guide to put “It was sad, and calm at the same time,” Bradshaw wishes in writing. A parent or legal guardian would still make any legal decisions said. “There were some things that I did not know. With for the individual. Booklets for My Five Wishes and Voicing My Choices can be found on aging- my Mom, she was facing basically end of life. I asked withdignity.com for $5 each, or 25 or more for $1 each. The booklets are available her what kinds of things would you want done, and she in 27 languages, and are legal advanced directives in 42 states, including Michi- said keep her fingernails polished. That was something I gan. would of never known she wanted.” Voicing My Choices allows for minors to express how they can be comforted, Bradshaw is really happy she had this discussion with and if they want company while they are ill. The document asks when the patient her parents, and said she plans to have the talk with her wants treatment, how often they want to be cleaned, and what they would like husband and children soon for her own end of life wishes. visitors to do if they start getting emotional during a visit. “It is treating your loved ones with dignity and their wishes, and (to) not have to guess,” Bradshaw said. Michigan.org “That’s when we see a lot of families feuding over small Advanced directive documents are available at Michigan.org for Michigan stuff that you think your loved one would want…and you residents. The document allows changes to be made and saved as the individual would know straight from your loved one what they want, would like to make them. or even for yourself.” Bradshaw used (the) document My Five Wishes from How to start the conversation Dying with Dignity and Hospice of Michigan staff to direct Tips from President of Aging with Dignity Paul Malley her conversation with her parents. “The mistake that a lot of people make is that they go to their family members Szost said no matter how old or how young you are, and they put them in the hot seat,” Malley said. everyone should have an advanced directive if they are 18 In order to smoothly transition into the talk, and avoid having your family mem- or older, and to make their wishes all very clear to their ber feel uncomfortable, here are some tips to bring up end of life conversations. power of attorney. It is easy to change end of life plans Put some of your own wishes first, tell a family member you want to talk • after they are made if the individual chooses to do so, but about your own end of life plans • Fill out My Five Wishes or The Conversation Project guiding documents nothing can be done if they were never arranged to begin • Bring up the conversation with a family member in a comfortable location, with. the dining room table, the living room “Everyone in our culture is living day by day, and we • After you tell your loved one your wishes, see if they bring up wishes for are not talking about this,” Szost said. “I just think this is themselves good to speak of and actually investigate, communicate, • Have the conversation now, rather than when a health crisis arises discuss and educate.” “It makes it a little bit harder for them to back away from that conversation at first because you are not putting them in the hot seat,” Malley said. S O C I A L M E D I A I S forever By Chris Powers

hat happens to social media accounts after someone dies? Different social networks deal with this question in differ- W ent ways, but unless loved ones delete or deactivate the account, they will live in cyberspace forever. Most users go about their lives posting to Facebook, tweeting to followers on Twitter, and sharing pictures on Instagram, but few realize just how permanent these actions are. That night of binge drinking will be there until Mark Zuckerberg flips the switch on the servers at Facebook. Analysis from the Internet Monitor predicts that if Facebook usage continues to increase at its current rate, the number of dead people will outnumber living people by the year 2130. If usage stagnates or declines, the crossover could happen as early as 2065.

TheCollegiateLive.com | 41 Preparing your Facebook account for your digital afterlife

acebook allows users pictures or alter previous F to have memorialized posts. They are allowed accounts. This requires a to change the account’s little bit of prep work, but profile and cover photo, it ensures users’ wishes respond to new friend get honored for the digital requests and pin posts to afterlife. the account’s timeline. Facebook users can Of course, Facebook add a “legacy contact” to also gives the option to their account. This is the have the account deleted Facebook friend entrust- instead of memorialized. ed with telling Facebook Just click on this option about the deceased and when setting up a legacy managing the memorial- contact. ized account. After the primary user Managing the account dies, the legacy user must doesn’t mean the legacy fill out a memorialization contact has full access request and submit proof to it. A legacy contact of death, such as an obit- can’t log into the account, uary or other documen- read messages, remove tation.

Can social media cause depression? 5 ways to have a healthy social media life

A 2013 University of Michigan study shows that 1. Trim down friends lists. Studies have shown that humans can the overuse of Facebook and other social media only maintain actual relationships with roughly 150 people. can make people depressed. Facebook does not provide an accurate 2. ‘Like’ positive things. Put the Facebook algorithm to work by picture of its users’ lives. It’s the heavily curated, liking positive messages and hiding negative or triggering edited and braggadocious version they want the posts. world to see. 3. Join groups. If interested in something, try to join a Facebook People also tend to use Facebook and other group with like-minded individuals. social media out of “fear of missing out.” Who 4. Remember it’s a snapshot. Similar to how photo albums knows what’s happening on social media when aren’t filled with sad memories, social media is typically only we’re not looking? It could be the best thing ever. the best of what a friend is doing. Who wants to be the only person who doesn’t know about “the dress” and whether it’s blue and black 5. Log off once in awhile. Disconnecting from social media or white and gold? can occasionally be healthy.

42 | TheCollegiateLive.com Leonard Nimoy A social media case study

Chief, Barack Obama. These retweets have since been replaced by a message from Dani Schwartz, Nimoy’s granddaughter reading, “Hi all, as you all know, my Grandpa passed away this morning at 8:40 from end-stage chronic obstructive pulmonary disease. He was an extraordinary man, husband, grandfather, brother, actor, author-the list goes on- and friend. Thank you for the warm condolences. May you all LLAP.” Before his death, Nimoy always signed his tweets with “LLAP,” an initialism for his character Mr. Spock’s signature phrase, “Live long and prosper.” From his hospital bed in his last days, he planned on tweeting his poetry, but only managed to post two poems. His last official tweet was, “A life is like a garden. Perfect moments can be had, but not preserved, except in memory. LLAP.”

@TheRealNimoy/Twitter William Shatner, who played Captain hen a person dies, social media can Kirk alongside Spock on-and-off for 30 years, W be a way for friends, colleagues and, was unable to make it to his friend’s funeral in the case of celebrities, fans to reach out due to a Red Cross event he had committed and grieve together. In the case of Leonard to months earlier. Instead, Shatner hosted a Nimoy, his Twitter account remained active Twitter funeral for him. for a day or two after his deaath. Shatner encouraged fans to ask Although the tweets have been removed questions about his late co-star and even now, someone close to the Star Trek actor answered some questions about missing the was retweeting commiserations from his real-world funeral. He spent nearly five hours family, colleagues including Patrick Stewart on March 2 engaging his Twitter followers in and Zachary Quinto and even the Nerd-in- a conversation about Nimoy. Nimoy tweeted this image of one of his poems prior to his death.

TheCollegiateLive.com | 43 love you.” It’s imperative I say make good substitutes for face-to- “I this to my family every time I face contact, if used in moderation. walk out the door. It’s not the words These people provide my mother themselves that are important. The with a sense of happiness and ex- The Many feeling behind the words connect citement nothing else can give her. I me to my family and I’ve used love even found her best friend from New as a shield against tragedy and pain York, who she hasn’t seen in over 33 throughout my life. Through my years. Facets of greatest challenges as a teenage par- ent, wife, and caregiving daughter, I Sternberg’s Triangular have embraced it, been captured by Theory of Love it, left it, and lost it. omantic love is not the only type I have lost many friends and fami- Rof love out there. In his 2010 ly members, including my mother in presentation titled “The Psychology a sense. While she is still alive, she of Love,” Frank Conner, Psychology was diagnosed with dementia at the department head at GRCC, talked L VE age of 65. I have been her caregiver about the essence of why we seek for five years. She has lost, com- love in all relationships. He used By Jennifer Lugo munication skills, and her indepen- Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of dence after being the strongest, most Love to explain the different rela- sincere, artistic, articulate woman I tionship dynamics. know. I am currently struggling with The elements of this triangle are the hardest challenge I’ve faced as a passion, intimacy, and commitment. daughter, placing her in an assisted What do you mean when you say living facility. “I love you?” When you say it to a I lost a cousin when I was 14, significant other, it feels different my first love four months later, the than to a parent, child, pet, or object. father of two of my children in 2010, This is where the elements of the followed less than a month later by triangle combine to form different my husband’s father. Not to mention relationship types. countless meaningful patients in 11 Some definitions are not rooted years as a caregiver. in biological family, but in people Loss can turn to pain, depression, who are there for you through life’s or anxiety very quickly if this shield challenges. Jonathan Delevega, 24, a of emotions isn’t up. I have endured student at GRCC, explained his lack these moments of doubt and fear, of family and how he formed his own fighting depression and anxiety. definition of love. They are easier to get through when “To me the definition of love has you let love guide you. always been, patience, kindness, and responsibility for yourself and The Role of Social Media just trying to be there for others,” used to feel like social media Delevega said. Ihelped contribute to a decline of The idea of love doesn’t have lim- friendship due to lack of face-to-face its or boundaries. Find love in your- contact. But recent personal experi- self and then express it outwardly. ences on Facebook have expanded The feeling is not only instinctual, it my family connections. I connected is euphoric, addicting, and motivat- with my mother’s German family ing. Love can be used as a coping COURTESY PHOTO that she and I haven’t seen since mechanism or her finding patience, The Lugo family. 1988. Picture exchanges and Skype self-confidence, and understanding.

44 | TheCollegiateLive.com Different types of love

Infatuation Friendships the element of commitment, these relation- “You can have love that’s entirely based Good friends are people that can be ships are based more on sexual arousal. on passion,” Conner said. “This is that counted on to talk to, that you can tell any- People want a sexual relationship, with no innate physical attraction to somebody.” thing to. Friends can be just as meaningful strings attached. These relationships sometimes include one as family. True Love night stands, love at first sight, or summer Parent-child relationships are also includ- Consummate love is the ultimate love be- romances. Initially, it feels like this person ed here. There’s an unbreakable bond there cause it contains all three elements. It is the is the one, but it is short-lived. People in this that contains forgiveness, endurance, and all-encompassing love humans search for. category don’t look to marriage because it patience. means commitment. Object of Affection Companions It is the love for “something” that drives Loyalty Companionate love means intimacy and people to choose what they want to do with Family is an example of commitment commitment. An example of this is the pet/ their life. Whether it be a paintbrush that and loyalty. You love your family and want owner relationship. Animals share our need just can’t be put down, or the song that to take care of them because of a feeling for love. Animals behave differently than is played over and over again, people can of commitment. Intimacy and passion lack we do and can’t express it through language become attached to an object or idea. It is in these cases. I take care of my mother, like we can, but the wag of a tail, or a lick on not an uncommon thought, for people to feel because I feel a certain level of commitment the hand is a way to show their affection. they don’t need someone else in their life. to her for raising me the right way. I feel Romance The thought of coming home and hearing committed to taking care of her no matter Passion and intimacy together, are con- that song or picking up that paintbrush can what. sidered romantic love. Because it’s missing be as pleasurable and have the same impact.

What is your definition of “love”?

“Acceptance.” –Audra Cronk, 19, anything. There’s a love that a mother my opinion. Or just more of a feeling, GRCC student. has for a child. I mean it’s not like and so not just saying, but just really romantic, but it’s another way of putting the other person before you.” “My idea of love would be to a de- unconditional love.” –Lillian White, 21, –Cody Veaa, 24, GRCC student gree, an amount of respect; whether GRCC student it be respect for two people individ- “Love to me is something that is felt, ually, or for a group of people, things “Love is a risk. What if we lose that but at the same time even though it or ideas. It would be to a degree, item? What if we fail at that activity? is felt within, it is expressed outwardly. respect.” –Zachary Gross, 20, GRCC What if he leaves me? Love is putting So a part of love, and being a part of student your trust in what if. Love is putting a loving situation is your selflessness; your trust in success. Love is complex because it’s important to lose your- “Love is being happy. Love is caring and difficult. Love is love.” –Autumn self when you decide to love. I think for someone. The best way I can say Scott, 21, GRCC student that’s a big part of it, giving up a part is love is unconditional. If it’s uncon- of you for the sake of it.” –Leslie Neal, ditional love it’s pure love; no matter “Love is self-sacrificing. I think it’s a communications teacher, from the what, you love this person through more of an action, types of actions, in Language Department at GRCC

TheCollegiateLive.com | 45 Healing Hearts with Horses by Mary Rienks

PHOTO BY JONATHAN D. LOPEZ 46 | TheCollegiateLive.com o a lot people tion,” said Kelly Alcock own- “hands” (the end of the pinky horses are just er of the Equest Center. “Our to the tip of the thumb) animals, but goals are based off of what and many measure 14 to 16 to me they are we get from the doctors and hands, or 56 to 64 inches. more import- what news we receive from They can weigh anywhere ant than that. the parents. The farm has from 840 to 1,210 pounds. From having a bad day at developed from 7 acres to 35 For kids and adults, being Tschool, to losing a family acres and from 16 riders a on top of this big creature member, horses have been week to 150 riders a week.” is an adventure in itself. there for me. They have a Brooke Jenkins, 21, has The horse brings a sense of calming effect on many Spina-bifida and, she started peace to the riders’ lives. people. When I had bad days at the center when she was They also bring a sense of in high school I would grab only 6 years old. hope and knowledge that a brush to groom them or “When I am up on top of nothing is impossible. watch them graze and run a horse I feel free and that I Many equine-assisted ac- around. There are so many can … move without the aid tivities enhance the physical, areas within the equine field of crutches,” Jenkins Said. emotional, social, behavioral that intrigue me. “Since I started riding I feel and educational skills for One intriguing area is like I am able to accomplish people with disabilities. therapeutic riding for the so much instead of being Horses can play a thera- disabled. told no.” peutic role for many other People with disabilities Jenkins’ Aunt Linda disabilities like stroke, mul- and their families often Godlewski 58, brought her tiple sclerosis, autism, post find it hard to cope and niece to the center and now traumatic stress disorder, horses can help. A lot of also takes lessons herself cerebral palsy, and spina-bi- patients enjoy horseback as therapy for multiple scle- fida. riding, because it gets them rosis. Godlewski likes how Make a Wish Foundation, out of the house or out of a the center staff encourages Hospice of Michigan, and wheelchair. There are many independence like leaning Gilda’s Club are just some types of therapy that help on the horse for groom- organizations that work with people with disabilities. One ing. Since every rider and the Equest center for thera- of these is Equest Center volunteer work together to peutic riding. for Therapeutic Riding in achieve goals for each other. Horses are very under- Rockford. Godlewski is able to test the standing animals, in tough The farm has a beautiful, waters to see how much she times they are very good with a big barn that can be can do without overexerting listeners and to all of these seen from the road through herself. people who ride for therapy the trees. The Equest Center “Sitting in a wheelchair they are even more help- staff works with people of all the time and looking up ful. Godlewski loves an all ages and they do not take at everyone, I feel underesti- Arabian proverb that seems Pictured: no for an answer. mated,” Godlewski said. to sum up the peace riders Grand Anastasia, a “We have gained so much Riding on horseback experience when they ride: showhorse from Grand during the 25 years we have empowers her. “Heaven is the wind between Arabian Farms in been a non-profit organiza- Horses are measured by a horse’s ears.” Grand Rapids.

TheCollegiateLive.com | 47 Music, an Art of Expression by Kalah Amash

usic has made a in terms of life lessons,” said Jacob pumped up when the situation calls substantial footprint Zelasko, 20, of Grand Rapids. for it.” in history. It comes in “I can attribute my discipline and From her studies in New York various forms, and is a work ethic to all the time I’ve put City, to performing and composing Muniversal component that everyone into striving to achieve excellence music, and teaching students, Robin can understand and adapt to, in one in music and I’ve met a lot of friends Connell, an adjunct music theory way or another. The power of music through my experiences as well.” and jazz professor at Grand Rapids has prevailed all around the world. Zelasko is a part of a competitive Community College knows just how Whether you sing, dance, play an indoor drumline at Grand Valley music has impacted her life. instrument or blast your favorite State University, playing the tenor Hearing jazz being performed for tunes whenever and wherever you drums. the first time in downtown Grand want, music is an art that allows one “It allows me to express myself Rapids in her teens, Connell was to express themselves. not only through notes, but through hooked. There are no right or wrong an- movement as well,” Zelasko said. “A handful of classical and jazz swers when it comes to music except “As far as what effect music has on recordings move me emotionally having the ability to feel. When you me, I feel that music as a whole can and spiritually,” Connell said. “Music digest music, it should move and invoke a wide array of emotions in can be therapeutic for me, especially shape you. people, and therefore can help peo- listening to a great performance. “Music, for me, has given me a lot ple when they’re down or get people “The jazz pieces that move me

48 | TheCollegiateLive.com the most are usually also orchestrated, 2011 and music still plays a role in the Music and Me such as Gil Evans, Bob Brookmeyer, mother-daughter relationship. rom lyrics to rhythms and and Maria Schneider’s compositions. I “Music basically keeps my mom’s melodies to harmonies, am definitely a junkie for harmony and memory alive and helps me deal with music conveys thoughts color. I rarely listen to vocal music. I the fact that she is gone.” F and ideas for the audience think it is because of the lack of color. There are no limitations with music to relate to. Music is my friend, my I just crave all those different timbres on when it can impact someone. It support, my comfort. It’s like a drug, that happen with instruments.” doesn’t discriminate or shun. It wel- addicting and relieving. It’s there Working with harmonies and voic- comes and embraces all. for me everyday. It wakes me up and ings, Connell can spend hours on the Yordanos Tekeste, 29, of Grand helps me fall asleep. piano. This is therapeutic for her as she Rapids took an interest in music at a The power of music has defined crafts her own performances. Music young age. who I am today. I’ve cried to love has proved to help her through difficult “Music has been my best friend for songs by Leona Lewis, put my hands situations. as long as I can remember,” Tekeste up to Beyonce’s “7/11,” drowned in “At age 18, my boyfriend died in a car said. “In fourth grade I got a boom box thoughts to singer-songwriter Ron wreck,” Connell said. “He was a sing- as a prize for selling chocolate. I never Pope and have put all of my strength er-songwriter. During the months after turned that thing off. Music is always in trying to keep up with an Eminem his death I wrote my first songs and my shoulder to cry on, my smile on a rap. poured my heart into every one of them. bad day, and my sanity in this thing we I jam out to countless songs by Fifteen years later, going through a call life.” artists ranging from pop, rock, folk, divorce, I found that whenever I tried to Music is a versatile therapy that can R&B, rap, country, hip-hop, soul, practice jazz, or improvise, I would start affect everyone in their own unique way. blues and indie. I’ve expanded my crying. So I went through a few months, “Music gives words to the feelings linguistics and have learned songs in with a teacher, studying and practicing that I have trouble expressing,” Tekeste Arabic and Spanish that I can recite classical pieces.” said. “There is so much good music by heart. For Connell, seeing her students that doesn’t get the exposure that it de- Singing is the avenue that allows perform onstage is a treat. serves. I love finding new artists that no me to feel like I matter, to feel im- “Nothing gets me more choked up one has ever heard. I love anyone who portant. I feel confident when I sing. than seeing my current or former dares to be different and stays true to It invigorates me and enraptures my students perform,” Connell said. “When themselves. The thing I like most about soul. I even get goose bumps, not I am in front of a student ensemble in music is that it helps us connect with only from my own voice but from the performance, I am thrilled to watch others through a shared passion. That’s musical composition of the songs I them try hard to do their best after a beautiful thing.” sing and the lyrics they radiate. In all the hard work in rehearsals we did From highs to lows, life takes the future I hope to continue writing together. The passion for the music is everyone through a different journey. my own original songs, and hopefully what bonds them together and, at times, Everyone defaults to some activity or start a YouTube channel. I am so can create a sense of friendship even hobby that they enjoy despite what may thankful for music and couldn’t stand with the director.” be occurring in their life. Music is one of to be without it. Music helps me live Music lives through people, and peo- those things available to be consumed my best life. ple live through music. It is an anchor at all times. Being so passionate about some- for many throughout life. Through memory, repetition, and thing is a bit scary. Singing takes me “When my mom was in Hospice pass- creativity music is the breadth of a to another world. I close my eyes and ing away of lung cancer, I would sing to life in color. It’s the string that weaves let the music move my body. I am her,” said MacKenzie Vandermei, 20, of together experiences of love, happiness, free. I am vulnerable. I strive to be Grand Rapids, a psychology student at sorrow, grief, excitement and pain. You better and improve my musical capa- GRCC. “She would tell me not to stop.” don’t have to do anything but be when bilities, so that I too can be a part of Vandermei’s mother died in March of in this art. how music impacts others.

TheCollegiateLive.com | 49 very other Sunday, my 10-year- States is the highest in the world,” Eold sister packs some of her be- said Kathleen Corcoran, Ph.D. of longings in a duffle bag and throws Mediation and Conflict Resolu- her backpack over her shoulder tion, and a working Practitioner in preparation to leave home for Member of the Academy of Family the week. She is off to spend her Mediators, spent most of her life allowed time with my father, and dealing with couples going through my mom or myself barely see her divorce. for the next seven days. “Over 50 percent of marriages Dealing Divorce is a difficult, confusing, end in divorce,” Corcoran said. and sometimes spiteful process for “Welcome to the majority.” those involved. With exceptions, I can easily name off friends, some families are able to separate family, and other acquaintances with and live life as though everything that are children of divorce. Stud- was the same as before. ies have shown that children of Marriage is full of sinful possi- divorced parents are more likely to bilities that can lead to turmoil. end up divorced later on. Divorce Arguing, lying, cheating, and It’s important to remember that struggling for money are just a in certain situations divorce is an few of the many things that lead to option. We have to be understand- by Alexandria Rogers separation among couples. Divorce ing of the situation marriage has is no longer as taboo as it used forced people to come to. to be. Divorce is one way couples Being a child of separated par- solve problems within marriage, or ents, I have found it is important an escape route. to spend time with each parent, I have found myself searching and have steady relationships for ways to cope for years, and I with both individuals. Though you am not sure how long it will take may not agree with them and their for me to completely get over my decision to separate, a majority parents’ divorce. It feels as though of the time it is for the better, and there has been a death in the they may end up much happier. I family. recently regained a relationship Divorce initially resulted in with my dad for the better of the me not speaking to my dad or his both of us. Having a connection entire side of the family for years. with him and my mom has lead to a I’m sure there are many people that healthier me. have the same emotions as myself Although it is tough to deal with when dealing with divorce. at times, I like to view my parents’ When I turned 18 and entered divorce as though it was a privilege my senior year of high school, for me to go through. I was forced my parents made the decision to to mature, and learn an important separate, and I was very confused, lesson about life that I hope I may as well as lost. I wondered what pass onto others. Since divorc- the next step was with my parents ing, my mom has become more separating after so many years of involved in new hobbies and my happiness. Seeing my parents bick- dad purchased a new sports car. er and not speak to one another The hope is that most are capable was hard, but I understood why it of finding new outlets post-divorce needed to happen. that lead to a new, successful, and “The divorce rate in the United happy life.

PHOTO BY JONATHAN D. LOPEZ If I had one piece of advice to give to every man it would be to start knitting. The art of making things such as hats and scarves out of yarn can be fun. Don’t you just love getting that blanket your grandma Manly gave you or the hat your mom made? Well, what if I told you guys can knit too and that it’s just not for your grandma or mom. According to Mary Colucci, executive director of the Craft Yarn Council, only “4 to 5 Knitting percent of men knit”. I believe this number should grow expo- by Michael Julien nentially in the coming years. I knit because I find it to be a great stress reliever. When I am sitting down knitting away at whatever proj- ect I’m working on I feel like there is nothing to it and all of my worries just fade away. According to a survey by the Craft Yarn Council “Almost 90 percent of knitters and crocheters responded that the craft improves their mood.” When I was in high school I was involved with the TV Studio program. One day at the beginning of class my teacher, Kris Deyoung, announced that he would be starting a knitting club called the Sit ‘n Knit club. It took me a while to get into the idea of knitting but ever since I’ve loved. “People enjoy coming together with others to knit,” Colucci said. Deyoung, 35, of Rockford agrees. He has been knitting for two years and learned how from his coworker, Jason Springer, 37, of Belding. Deyoung knits and crochets blankets. One of those blankets was for his daughter. “I made a big dada blanket for my daughter for her birthday,” Deyoung. Springer has been knitting for four years and said he’s not concerned with what others think about his knitting. “I don’t care as long as I’m happy,” Springer said. I will try to knit as often as I can. Usually I will knit right before I go to bed. I am currently knitting a scarf for my mom. It is blue and going to be about 7 feet long. Being a man and knitting feels a little bit weird at first. However, it is very addicting and now I cannot stop knitting and enjoy working on projects while watching hockey games on TV.

PHOTO BY JONATHAN D. LOPEZ TheCollegiateLive.com | 51 Making a Comeback from the ‘Freshman 15’

by Amelia Eck upperware con- said Cross. “I was involved all “I believe that exercise (or Most often, just exercise is tainers littered the year long. When I started my simply moving) is an essential not enough. Running three miles counter as Regan first year of college at GRCC, part of our daily lives that posi- a day and eating a cheeseburger Cross prepped I found myself gaining weight tively impacts our overall health for dinner every night will not ground beef, chick- very quickly due to the fact that and wellness,” said McLaughlin. give someone the results they Ten breast, spinach, and brown I wasn’t in a sport…(I had) a full Exercise plays a vital role in desire. Healthy living incorpo- rice and divided the food into year of unhealthy eating habits our health, yet a considerable rates both daily exercise and a mini meals. Consumed by the and minimal gym exposure.” amount of people cannot seem healthy diet. task at hand, she completely Cross found that she was to find the time to do so. As a McLaughlin believes that forgot my presence at times. about 20 pounds heavier than student with work and a social regular exercise and eating well Cross is a sophomore at she was in high school. After a life, finding time to exercise are a dynamic duo and has an Grand Rapids Community Col- harsh realization that she did might not be the first thing on analogy that she uses to explain lege and a good friend of mine. not like the new her, she was your mind. how the two correspond. She became one of countless determined to get herself back Cross makes time in her “Your body is a bicycle,” college students who fell into in shape. Of course, like most schedule to workout, either McLaughlin said. “Without move- the trap of gaining the dreaded major life changes, it came with before her day begins or at ment for months, it is going to “freshman 15” after starting struggles. night after school and work. be squeaky and a bit rusty. But, college and I have witnessed her “It’s hard to be on the go all Adults have different responsi- with consistent movement and fitness comeback. the time and have healthy meals bilities. Work becomes a career adequate fuel (nutritious food), The perils of a college available, that’s why I portion and maintaining a social life you’ll have the power to be mov- student include early morning them and leave them in to-go becomes challenging when kids ing in the forward direction with classes, late night study sessions, containers,” said Cross. “It’s also are thrown into the mix. Due a nice, smooth pedal stroke.” an almost empty bank account, really hard to eat healthy when to the craziness of the week, The word “diet” sounds and for some, gaining extra friends and I go out to eat.” weekends are spent regenerating intimidating because it is a com- pounds along the way. Numerous From the time she was 5 un- and resting. plete change in how a person students deal with the shameful til her senior year of high school, “Every single day and every lives. Living a healthier lifestyle weight gains that creep up on sports were a passion for Cross single moment, we could be means making subtle changes in many freshmen. and she was always part of a spending our time doing some- your life until it becomes habit. College is filled with tempt- team. This kept her in shape and thing else, right?” McLaughlin It could mean drinking water ing, but unhealthy, foods, drinks also allowed her to familiarize said. “If living a healthy lifestyle instead of a Coke or eating an and activities. Most of all, the herself with the school’s weight is a goal for you, then spending apple instead of a McGriddle freedom to make your own deci- room, learning new exercises time on yourself, your mind, and for breakfast. The key is not to sions about these things begins. to improve her athletic per- your body needs to be a priority.” completely cut out all foods at Cross knows about the struggle formance. Since changing her McLaughlin believes that one time because “stopping cold that comes with making the eating habits, Cross has also physical activity has the ability turkey” rarely works. transition from a senior in high reconnected with the gym. to help you prep your mind and Cross admits that the ben- school to a freshman in college “A regular workout for me body to be even more successful efits of both healthy eating and and what it can do to the body. includes a five minute treadmill to take on the rest of your to exercise are addicting. “This past fall, I had a wake warm-up, then I train an isolated do list. Kids, work, and school “After eating healthily and up call,” said Cross. “I needed to muscle group with weights, and should not be excuses to bow feeling absolutely amazing, get my butt into shape.” I finish with 20 minutes on the out of physical activity in your I have so much energy,” said This lifestyle change for stair master,” said Cross. day. She has some helpful tips Cross. “I would not go back Cross included cutting out foods Lee McLaughlin, a wellness on ways to include exercise into to eating like I did before. I’m like simple carbs and sugars, professor at GRCC and Grand your busy schedule. Study at looking forward to seeing more meal prepping everyday, and Valley State University, is an ad- the track, and every 15 minutes, and more results.” going to the gym six days a vocate for healthy living and has walk or run a lap. Take the kids Bottom line, exercise pro- week, engaging in challenging taught different wellness courses on a walk with you, and at every motes healthy living, along with workouts. and exercise classes. She offered stop sign, do 10 squats. She many other benefits. It keeps “Ever since I can remember, up advice to those considering a encourages people to have fun your body healthy, boosts your I have had a passion for sports,” healthier lifestyle. with movement. energy, and it’s fun!

PHOTO COURTESY REGAN CROSS COURTESY PHOTO TheCollegiateLive.com | 53 Fitness Tips 1. Why exercise? To lose weight, duh.

One very obvious benefit is that when you exercise, you can lose weight. Exercising does not have to be cross-training or five mile runs every morning. It could be as simple as taking the stairs instead of the eleva- tor, or walking to get lunch. 2. Cheerios Aren’t the Only Thing That Lowers Cholesterol…

Along with weight control, exercise can also be the cure to many health conditions. It is well known that fat surrounding your organs can compromise one’s health. Daily exercise can reduce high blood pres- sure, cholesterol, some cancers, arthritis and meta- bolic changes. 3. Forget Energy Drinks!

Another plus to regular exercise is an abundance of new energy. It improves your muscle strength and en- durance. It also causes certain organs to work more efficiently, like the heart and lungs, improving cardio- vascular health and getting oxygen and nutrients to tissues. 4. Put Down the Stress Ball and Put on Your Tennis Shoes

Exercise can also help relieve stress. After taking the dog for a run or swimming a couple laps at the pool, you might notice that what was irritating you is now in the back of your mind. Because you are focused on the single task at hand, it’s easy to shed your daily tensions and have a more open and clear mind. 5. Turn That Frown Upside-Down

Being physically active causes an increase of endor- phins in the brain, the “feel good” neurotransmitters in the brain. Often times, athletes describe getting a feeling of euphoria or a “high” after working out because the endorphins work with opiate receptors in the brain to reduce how we perceive pain. They act similarly to well-known drugs, like codeine and morphine. The feeling that comes from exercising is addicting, in the best way. PHOTO BY JONATHAN D. LOPEZ Health & Workout Apps By Alec Codman

or some, reminiscing about their high “I can’t speak for anyone specifically of them to avoid constantly doing the same Fschool days will bring back pleasant but I think they are a great approach to routine every time. “10 Daily Exercises” memories of being physically fit, which helping people build more activity into also allows you to set your own difficulty to most people can credit to time on the their day and keep exercise fun,” Kennett the exercises. So if you are already in good courts, fields, ice rinks, or local pools. said. shape and need more than the “easy” level, A majority of people played sports The “7-Minute Workout” app is as you can bump it up, or if you are gradually because they loved playing them and the simple as the title makes it out to be. The progressing and want to challenge yourself competitive nature sports bring. Whatever only necessity needed to complete the more, you can utilize that tool. “10 Daily Ex- the case may be, the two biggest impacts workout is a chair and a wall. The goal is to ercises” also allows you look at a calendar sports had were that they caused partic- complete the twelve body weight exercises: to show you when you last worked out. ipants to stay in shape and, as a result, jumping jacks, wall sits, push-ups, abdom- “My students have recommended ‘My made them happier people. inal crunch, step-ups, squats, triceps dip, Fitness Pal’ many times,” Kennett said. “Exercise can affect hormones and neu- planks, high knees, lunges, push-ups, and “My Fitness Pal” is different because its rotransmitters that impact mood and (a) side planks. not just for exercising. There is also a cal- sense of well-being,” said Laura Kennett, a Thirty seconds is spent on each exer- orie counter, and over 350 exercises. Each Grand Rapids Community College wellness cise, with a 10 second window between one tells you how many calories you’ve professor. each set to rest and prepare for the next burned. You can also log in what you eat As much as everyone wishes they could set. All that is required is a basic under- throughout the day to see what you need to still be on former sports teams, the reality standing of proper form and technique for cut out of your diet to stay healthy. is that most people simply don’t have the the exercises. One of the most important While these apps are great if you can time. Everyone is busy with his or her lives, aspects of this app is that it is absolutely spare 30 minutes of your time to get outside so it is easy to see why finding time to free. and be active it can pay off quite a bit. workout can be such a hassle. Another app is “10 Daily Exercises.” It is “This can be done with something as There are ways to work out and not similar to the “7-Minute Workout,” with sim- simple as a 10-minute walk,” Kennett said. consume a lot of time in the process. There ple and concise exercises. Regular crunch- “If you can couple your exercise with some- are many workout apps out there available es, jumping jacks, and lunges will be found, thing social like playing basketball with a for Android and iOS. but in this app you can randomize the order friend it’s even better for mental health.”

7-Minute Workout 10 Daily Exercises My Fitness Pal

Free Free Free

IMAGES COURTESY GOOGLE PLAY TheCollegiateLive.com | 55 Just enjoy the little things by Max De Leeuw

I’m sure students can relate come Saturday. Stand there The list goes on and on. exist right here and now who when I say that I’m afraid of and feel the sun mix with the Relax with a good book or go are taking aim on scales both the future. I welcome it and breeze. Listen to the birds. We to the movies with friends. small and large, at all of these what it may bring as an excit- too often take these things for Enjoy a meal whether it took issues. If I’m not a leader, ing challenge, but I’d be lying granted. You don’t really have time, dedication, and culinary then I can at least follow and if I said that it didn’t scare me. to do anything. Just enjoy it, prowess or it just came out contribute to the solution. This fall, I’m planning on and take a few minutes to of the microwave. Ramen I think our lives were meant transferring to Grand Valley relax. noodles anyone? We don’t to be the most influential and State University for my Junior Let’s not forget about our usually remember what we’re meaningful in our own, small, year but I don’t know exactly family and friends. We’re often thankful for until it’s gone. It’s circles. We should help when what classes to take or what too busy trying to organize a good idea, from time to time, and where we can. We should career to pursue. Meanwhile, our crazy lives that we fail to to remind ourselves of what not turn a blind eye to the I’m bogged down with school, see the value of a conversa- really matters and things that suffering of other people both homework, and a part-time tion with a sibling, parent, or are simply enjoyable. within and outside of our own job. Needless to say, my stress close friend. We’re not guar- That’s not to say that life’s national borders. For the short level can be pretty high at anteed any specific amount of easy, because it’s not. What’s time we’re here on Earth, we times. time with these people. Enjoy so frustrating for me in life should invest in the lives of In life, it’s easy to get each others’ company while is that a lot of things are out those close to us. bogged down with our respon- you still have it. of my control. I want to get a I’m not going to make a sibilities. We worry and work My dad and I really enjoy good job. I want to end up get- huge chunk of cash next year in search for fulfillment: a job, golfing together. We go to a ting married and I don’t want and I’ll probably end up owing a spouse, happiness. Don’t local, inexpensive golf course to miss my chance at finding a lot due to student loans. I get me wrong, without hard and just spend time together the right girl. The world is will probably only have made work, we wouldn’t advance as in the sun. It doesn’t matter huge and I’m supposed to find one or two small steps in the people. Perhaps part of that how many times we’ve gone. one girl? No pressure. direction of where I hope to fulfillment can be found when We always still tell each other Then there’s all the issues be, and that’s ok. Wherever we slow down and look at how beautiful the course is. In that we have going on in the I end up, whatever I end up what is around us. Life would a small plot of land, bordering world. I can’t help feed every- doing, whoever I end up influ- seem a lot more manageable one of the busiest streets in one that goes hungry. I can’t encing, I can’t let the daunting and enjoyable if we took time town, we feel like we’re in our stop the needless, thoughtless future keep me from living in to appreciate the little things. own little world. We forget killings by ISIS members. I the here and now. I will pause In nature we are offered a about our stresses. The only can’t stop AIDS. I can’t help and appreciate what I have. A lot to be thankful for. Warmer thing that bothers us is that everyone, especially when delicious meal is only a room weather is here, hopefully to we hit the ball five feet when I’m struggling myself. I’m just or a phone call away. I can stay. The next time it’s sunny, the flagstick is 50 yards away. a sophomore in college born read and write. I can watch step outside for a second. We talk and soak it all in. We and raised in Grand Rapids. movies and listen to music. Feel the sun and the slight get enveloped in green, lost in There are men and women, I can run and play sports. I breeze. Just stand there for a the course, happy despite the however, who are born to can laugh. I can live. I can few minutes and try to forget frustration that yet another shape the world for the better, not let “life” get in the way of the assignment due tomor- one of our golf balls has to see the injustices and rally experiencing it the way it was row. Try to forget about the become actually lost in the people to make things right. meant to be experienced: one double shift that’s waiting course. After all, men and women moment at a time.

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