InsideIssueThis the News 3 Opinion 9 Classifieds/Survey 11 Student Life 12

Feature 14 Cord Sports 16 Entertainment 21

Brain Candy 26

"The tie that binds since 1926"

VOLUME XXXVII • ISSUE EIGHT • WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 2, 1996 WEEKLY WLU Student Publications

Four sexual assaults by bicycle attacker

Police fear attacker is getting more aggressive and will strike again

the first SARAH PAPPLE occurred in the morning, thing happens every year". True,

WILLIAMS 10 am. women not Cord News three around The assailant should be scared by

Four sexual assaults have occurred approached all three victims while these occurrences, it only proves

STEVE last weeks the his He is that should be taken - in the six near WLU riding bicycle. getting pro- precautions

braver he continues to at times of and U of W campuses. In each case gressively as all day. Jorg emphasized

The that all the assaults occurred in the suspect has been described as attack women. first case which traffic areas". "... Mediterranean or South/Central occurred on August 14th, he did not "low Women should

American descent, s'lo, 150-160 get off his bicycle, in the next two he avoid walking alone in secluded

marked or did. This boldness is at all hours. WLU lbs., dark hair, pock pim- growing very regions security

pled complexion, in the 20 - 25 worrisome. The visibility ofthe ring has free pamphlets available with

road have deterred the other "Street Smarts". years age range, and wearing dark may suspect tips on

These include: clothing. In each case he is riding a in last Saturday's case.

stressed the of bicycle" according to a WLU Jorg significance I)walk with a friend or use FOOT

Security bulletin. the location of the offenses. In all PATROL (888-FOOT)

travel well traffic The most recent occurrence incidents, the women were running 2) in lit, high areas

with when took place Saturday, September or walking alone in fairly secluded 3)team up someone jog-

28th Road the the the laurel Creek at 7:45 am on Ring at areas: first in ging, walking, cycling.

of W Detective Calma of Conservation foot the second It but the U campus. path, may sound repetitive,

the Waterloo Regional Police on the train tracks behind the U of incidents are occurring when

third these released the details of this attack. W optometry building, the on women are not taking steps. Waterloo make this crime easier for The suspect rode past the woman a wooded path between Do not

the on his bicycle and grabbed her coat, Park and U of Wand finally on Ring assailant, practice these street

she screamed, and he took off. Road. Jorg stressed that "All of the smarts.

If have information Detective Jim Doyle of the Waterloo cases occurred off campus". He you any on

that "The this the Regional Police described the sec- further stated nature of man, please contact

ond most recent assault, which the WLU campus is great for securi- Waterloo Regional Police, or our

If occurred on September 19th. In ty reasons. The interconnecting WLU Security. you, or someone

this case the perpetrator "Rode by buildings allow for heightened secu- you know has been sexually

the [the victim] on his bike, grabbed her rity." The high visibility of all parts assaulted, please note following numbers: chest, he stepped off facing her, of the campus also contributes to emergency

slowed her down she tried the of WLU. as to get safety

885-3333 by, grabbed her shoulders, then The case is being handled by the WLUSecurity

grabbed her chest". Waterloo Regional Police, and Sexual Assault 741-8633

In an interview with Peter Jorg, according to Doyle, "Your security K- WCrisis Centre 836-5710

of WLU security, more information knows as much about it as we do. WLUHealthServices ext. 3146

ext. 2338 about the assaults were gained. We have the same composite to go WLU Counselling

Jorg stated the similarities between on". K-W Counselling 743-6391 The third assault took place at the pathway along these tracks in the cases. The attacks have all Doyle stated that "This sort of K- WHelpline 745-1166 Waterloo Park. Police encourage women to be cautious.

vMrw

i Hawks iMr; cttri destroy

Windsor

41-7

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——^—...in. — ————-—» UULM 1 NEWS

WLUSU Board asks for

resignation

MELANIE SEAL votes, Board Chairperson, Julie

CordNews Boyer, called the motion as Med.

Moments later, Boyer went to

and told him she believed she At the Wilfrid Laurier University Lynn had been mistaken. Under the Students' Union Board meeting on

Thursday, September 26, the board Board's conferencing rules, once the chair has called motion, voted in favour of asking member a regard- of Keri Peacock for her resignation. less whether or not it is true, it final Board Stewart Wong, Chair of the must be accepted as by

Constitutional Operations members.

Development committee, told the While the Board debated

board of their responsibilities (as whether a re-vote or re-count must don't members) to be at all meetings, to be done, Peacock, "Why I just

make it for She walked sit on sub-committees, and hold easy you!"

office hours. Wong continued, stat- out ofthe board room.

had asked for assistance in the ing that because Peacock a job Boyer

in Toronto and had indicated she recount. "I'd feel better if someone

count Stewart would never be able to attend would with me."

motion and the motion WLUSU board meetings, a Wong assisted, was

would be made to ask for her resig- returned as passed.

nation. Peacock returned to the Board

and took her During discussion, Peacock said, meeting seat. Boyer

than motion "I'd be more happy to make told her the was passed.

the meetings if they [could be] When the Board requested

moved to 7 pjn. or to weekends." Peacock's resignation, however, she

Alison McMahon, another direc- said, "No."

tor, said, "The meeting time should Pete Savage, Vice President of The fireworks flew at last Thursday's Student Union Board of Director's meeting. Due to pressure be not changed because of one Marketing, reflected after the meet- from other board members Keri Peacock resigned from her position on the Board. director." McMahon also pointed ing, "Well, that could have gone a lit-

out that, according to WLUSU's poli- tle smoother."

absence from ket closes 4.30. If the is cy manual, a board at meetings a director" said Scott Harris, anoth- a director and what not," Lynn On Tuesday, October 1, Boyer

continue director. said. that Peacock had called and meeting because of a job was not an to be held at 5.30,1 cannot er said

excuse. attend." Joel Lynn, WLUSU president, Peacock, crying, asked the Board given her resignation from the

Garcth Cunningham brought up Renee Pelltier, WLUSU director, stated that the Board was setting a if she could be given a few more Board ofDirectors.

Peacock's absence dur- said, director than at to Peacock second member on campus "Being a is niore precedent by voting to determine days work see if she could is the

the due her "How do week and two office whether asked her schedule. "I don't the WLUSU Board has lost since the ing day to job. one meeting a Peacock should be rearrange that Our you explain you are never on hours. hearts and souls should for a resignation. "Year after year, think you can make a decision like beginning of September. (Tara

be into this. Two hours isn't "I earlier in the month campus?" a week there are always questions on what this on two weeks," Peacock said. Barry resigned Peacock "I'm what we're for." replied, sorry, I here it means to be a Board member. To am willing to give this 110%." due to too many commitments.)

can't back but I "This is not social Miss be of it that A closed vote called when Because get [on time]... am a club. a part means you are was of the cost, Wong said that

than to be Peacock the Stewart will not at more happy teleconfer- should decide for herself if here. But you are defining con- Wong moved for closure of a by-election be held this

enced into she make the commitment to texts what - the the meetings. The mar- can be of you accept of what is the discussion. After counting point in time.

Kegs tapped out

Laurier Code ofConduct makes a dimfuturefor keg parties

successful was a party overall", Both fraternities took precau-

Rob of while Lee, president of Pi tionary safety measures staffing

Kappa Alpha said, "people only had extra security to ensure a controlled positive comments" regarding their event

event As well, they both forewarned

Fred Nichols, Dean of Students the Waterloo police oftheir impend- ,

predicts however time is running ing parties.

out on student run off-campus par- Will Stuart, from Sigma Chi stat-

ties, especially in light of further ed his, "fraternity has been running

students face for consequences may by huge parties eight years, there-

the rules and fore breaching regulations we have knowledge the aver-

of the Code of Conduct. age student does not regarding how

concerned Nichols is that stu- to run a safe and successful party."

dents WILLIAMS are unnecessarily, "subjecting Pi Kappa Alpha consulted their themselves risk of to an enormous risk-management committee, on

how to their STEVE liability" by hosting off-campus par- organize event safely. ties. However, despite the success of PICTURE: Prior to the weekend homecom- the Pi Kappa Alpha event, Rob Lee met ing parties, Nichols with both personally would advise any student

fraternities his to express concerns against hosting their own party,

and to "remind them of the implica- "you are just putting yourself at too

The tions were taking on." much of risk for Sigma Chi fraternity house was one of the participants in this weekend's festivities they a liability."

Nichols commented that, it is Dean Nichols is fearful that, "it

for not him to say what they are will take a terrible accident or a KATHERINE HARDING nities each hosted off-campus that the events went reiativeiy doing is "illegal", but he stated, deathbefore things will change". Cord News parties. homecoming Approximate!}' smoothly. "they are risking a lot by providing He also added, "even the best On September 28, Laurier's Pi 400 each people attended Will Stuart, an of the alcohol without while made party. organizer a license, try- plans are subject to unfore- Kappa Alpha and Sigma Chi Crater- Members of both, (ratenities felt Sigma Chi to event reported that, "it ing control a multitude ofpeople." seen problems."

October2,1996 3 (News)-

Oldest alumni returns

to Laurier

LEAH LANGILLE ries of the of our which Fred Waterloo has from heritage university eight, of was a member, changed a quiet Cord News with him. Fred tells of stories writ- the world was rushing towards the country town to a more urban place Fred Aaron at the of87, the age was ing to the Cord in Pennsylvanian Great Depression followed by a war that touches the boundaries of eldest alumni at Wilfrid for Laurier German, a dialect that was readily that killed millions. The class of Kitchener. What has not changed

homecoming. While in Waterloo, at understood in Waterloo the time. twenty eight survived through some about Wilfrid Laurier is the spirit of Fred in Lucinda stayed House, a Fred also talks of assisting news of the worst conflict in the twentieth learning and achievement that

beautiful, restored home staff read the heritage proof Cord, which was century. If these early graduates exists and hopefully always will.

owned by the off started in nineteen six. An face harsh then Wilfrid Laurier be university just twenty could times, so can should proud Fred graduated from alumni like Fred campus. Aaron reminds the we who graduate in the nineteen to have an alumni such as Fred

"Waterloo Lutheran" and then Laurier be of was community to proud nineties, because like them we are Aaron. Fred personifies the best

associated with the of our and look University history to with hope to being equipped with an excellent qualities of the Laurier alumni, fac- Western Ontario. Fred Aaron is a the future. education and the desire to succeed ulty and students.

resident of Hershey, Pennsylvania, the Fred has love of University graduates in nine- in any environment. a learning that WONG and is retired teacher of a teen nineties have fears Wilfrid as a he to many in Laurier university passed on the students he

Journalism. to the futilre. has he articulate JENNY regard High unem- changed since twenty-eight taught, is an person Fred drove from to and lack of when who Pennsylvania ployment job security Fred Aaron graduated. The possesses many admirable

attend at Laurier. As intimidate the master student. itself has and and homecoming even campus expanded qualities, he is a proud gradu- the eldest alumni, he rich PICTURE: brings sto- If you look to the class of twenty holds a larger population of people. ate of our university. Aaron still calls Laurier home.

ANNOUNCEMENT —i "Boy, he |

Triple 'A' Student Painters "TASP" is proud to announce the promotion of William

"Fitzy"Blackburn to a Senior Executive position for 1997. must get Fitzv is a third-year Wilfrid Laurier Business Student and he was TASP Manager of

the Year in Ontario and the Year in 1995. He is Runner-Up International manager of

of the and we confident he will be valuable asset lots!" very deserving promotion, are a to million North American wide Bag our +$20 company.

O'Crime Congratulations from the Ontario Division!

Triple 'A' Student Painters

6200 Dixie Suite 221 Theft Road, Under $5000.00 of th e area and the interior of the

hrs LST 1510 Mon 23 Sept 96 building failed to locate the suspects. Mississauga. Ontario 2EI A WLU staff member reported the 1 -800-547-9335 theft of his credit cards from his Counterfeit (I Established in Ontario in 1981 locker in the mens' change room at 1800 -2100 hrs Thu 26 Sept 96

the Athletic Two Complex. counterfeit ten dollar bills were

discovered among the receipts from Calls school Harassing Telephone a high football game on

03 Sept 96 - 24 Sept 96 Thursday night. The matter is being

Residents of a Bricker Residence investigated,

apartment reported receiving

harassing phone calls for an individ- Mischief Under $5000.00

ual who did not live there. 2110 hrs Sat 28 Sept 96

Investigation continues. Person (s) u/k forcibly removed the

security key pad at the entrance to Theft Under £5000.00 pricker Residence. No suspects at Teacher Wed 1100-1600 hrs 25 Sept 96 present time. pill A WLU student reported the theft of

hub from her vehicle. a cap Suspicious Person 2350 Hrs Sat 28 Sept 96 Education Harassing Phone Calis Two WLU students reported being

0210 hrs Thu 26 Sept 96 followed home from the Turret by a

Another resident of Bricker suspicious male. The matter Is under

Residence reported receiving investigation. 4 harassing phone calls for a former Ontario Sessions

resident. Investigation continues. Fail to Remain MVA Tuesday, October 8: Theatre Auditorium, ll|So hrs Fri 27 Sept 96

12:30 - 2:30 Theft Under $5000.00 A non VVLO affiliated male reported p.m. Brock that his vehicle had been struck by University, Queen's University, University of Ottawa, WLUSU officials the theft of ivk vehicle while reported an parked in lot 13. University of Toronto - Institute of Child Study, University of the condom machine from the Ist Western Ontario

floor mens' washroom in the Student Cause Disturbance

Union Bldg. 2350 hrs Fri 27 Sept 96 Wednesday, October 9: Theatre Auditorium, Two UoW students were issued writ-

12:30 - 2:30 p.m. . - : V'v: ten trespass notices after causing a Lakehead 1545 hrs Thu 26 Sept 96 disturbance at the Turret University, Nipissing University, University of

A non WLU affiliated male was evict- Toronto, University of Windsor, York University ed from campus after a report was Mischief Under $5000.00

received that he was asking people 0240 hrs Sat 28 Sept 96

A for money. written trespass notice A WLU student was seen kicking in ' . International Teacher Education Fair

little Mouse A Wing. The matter is Thursday, October 10: Concourse, Attempted Break & Enter being forwarded to the DAC

12:30 - 2:30 0155 hrs Fri 27 Sept 96 p.m.

Meet Officers responded to 202 Regina During this time period 5 warnings with the representatives from international institutions to

after a report of two males & i offence notice were discuss their receiving provincial programs and requirements. attempting to force open the south issued for liquor violations.

door St. A west faring indge search

4 October 2, 1996 theCord —(News) Legal Resources Is this legal?

also deal Holtz pointed out that this involves Landlord and TenantAct is "volunteers with on that is desig- "The year, SARAH DESOUZA is one place campus on both the said Joe disputes between tenants and answering questions in these matters. our area of specialty," repair CordNews natedto help " to various Holtz. These of applying Holtz, Resources Coordinator landlords, explained process The Legal Resource Offices has Legal School from schools, and writing the Law "In this busiest time of the disputes can vary damage this week to once again way, our ever been unsure about opened Have you Admission Test (LSAT). "Students costs due to wear and tear is when move in or are regular sublease assist the students of Laurier. year people a lease or a agree- signing can out exams, and of a house, to faulty sign practice of signing new and subletters." appliances. have already With over six years experi- ment? Perhaps you he said, do not realize that school calendars or books" Resources direct stu- Most students landlord this volunteer organization Legal can had to struggle with your ence, "We also run mock LSAT exams take in houses which are rented out, or free and confidential infor- dents on the paths they can do simple repairs. Or maybe you provides to the houses, are subject to throughout year." with common student legal lodging idea of mation on a of legal matters dealing have an unclear your variety just both Students can visit the Legal inspection standards set out by and issues. tenant or student. There disputes. rights as a floor of Standards and Fire Resources Office on the third These services include reviewing the Property the Students' Union Building. with its Prevention Officer in Waterloo. a lease respect to legality, will be available to this action can be Volunteers and the rights of the tenant as In manner, r questions from the behalf, if nec- answer legal defined in the Landlord and Tenant taken on student's any 5:30 from to mainte- 10:00 am to pm Monday Act essary, ensure that the

to to Thursday and from 10:00 am to house is , it is to be nance oftheir lodging up gam As a student essential , 2:30 Students can Resources on Fridays, to ensure both government codes. Legal pm aware of your rights, advice students in touch with these also call the office for during j personal safety and comfortable liv- can get 884-0170, extension Services, and the these hours at CORE ing conditions. Municipal 3440. to Waterloo Region Community Legal / Volunteers are trained listen So make the most of your rights - to a student's situation and provide Services. Resources ■ sneak preview with The Resources Office can let Legal get you lIImII them with options in dealing Legal the law is ■ Blim Oct. information on the informed by making sure Friday 11,11:15pm their legal problems. also provide ■■ READ THE CORD TO WIN TICKETS! the law schools within Canada. on your side. Throughout the course of twenty

1 i i I I

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Student Publications has a volunteer opportunity for a:

Graphic Solutions Manager

with Publications the successful Brothers. to R: Working staff, candidate will have the The Ist Pike shift ready to fun 300km for Big L Wales. Scott Selle, Marty Dziak, Tom Lennartz, Ron Hutzul, Don to and launch unique opportunity develop "Graphic Solutions," the new

TOM LENNARTZ London Police and escorted through retail and services division of Student Publications. The run continued design graphic CordNews 'Stang land.' Woodstock, Tavistock and On Saturday, September 28 at 2:00 through

Pi other smaller communities before pm, the men of the Kappa Alpha reaching Waterloo where Your Fraternity ran the Homecoming finally mission: Identify potential markets, develop a product line, escort Football into University Stadium; a again they were given a police

hire 48 hours after they left to the Stadium on Saturday, and train a competent staff and provide high quality, value-oriented grueling Windsor. September 28 at 12:00 noon.

the A number of guest runners, design and graphics services to our clients. The Pikes began run on Thursday September 26 shortly notably WLUSU President Joel Lynn,

Dean of Students Fred Nichols and before noon after a gala send-off at WLU Lorna Marsden the University of Windsor Students' President ran For more information about this contact position, the football to Alumni Hall to the Centre. The run took the form of a

cheers ofWLU alumni and students. relay with shifts of five runners run- David Janzen, Vice-President, Student Publications Operations, culminated with ning 30 km. The fundraiser

Vans drove back and forth day the Pikes running the game ball into at (519) 884-0710 ext. 3559 or djanzen@machl .wlu.ca. and night bringing fresh runners to University Stadium, placing the ball Fred designated meeting points and on the tee and Dean Nichols the ceremonial kick-off. bringing the tired and weary run- performing

Applications are available in the Cord offices Student K/W. At first of The members of the fraternities (third floor, Union ners back to some

had some reservations solicited and to the guys sponsors managed Building). Deadline for is October 1996. applications Friday. 4, about running 300 km, but in the raise in excess of $2300. The money

end all thoroughly enjoyed it and will be donated to the Big Brothers of

said they would "love to do it all over KAY

again". The Pikes would like to thank all 2 who donat- The run followed Highway those generous sponsors and in through Chatham and upwards to ed their money resources this success! London. There they were metby the making event such a

theCord October 2,19965 The Electric Cord Tired, Sick, & Sneezey? Join the club

SARAH DESOUZA September, October, and mid-

CordNews November... Late nights in a new

After those first few weeks of party- environment, not eating properly,

ing through the wee hours of the the change in the weather, and aner-

morning and dragging yourself to gics" all contribute to the increased demand. class the next day, It hits you sudden-

ly. At first, it's just a little tickle in Appointments can be made with

your throat or a few innocent snif- an on-call doctor between the hours

fles here and there, But you know of 9:15 and 11:45 am, and 1:15 and

there are no innocent sniffles, and 4:15 pm, Monday to Friday. Regular

before you can say sinus infection, hours of operation are Monday and

youVe caught it - or more appropri- Thursday, 8:30 am to Noon, and

ately, it has caught you. 1,-00 to 7:00 pm. The office is open HENSEL That dreaded and unrelenting Tuesday, Wednesday, and Friday

first cold of the school yean There is from 8:30 am to Noon, and 1.-00 to MARION no denying our worn-down bodies 4:15 pm. These hours are extended the privilege of revolting at any time. during exams to provide an extra

It isn't a phenomenon. In fact, most half hour of care before and after

PICTURE: of can count ourselves lucky if we each exam time period. hear our profs voice over all the With information and pamphlets

WLU Marsden - Prez Lorna and Cord On-line Editor Andrew White perform the ceremonial clicking coughing and wee/ing then again, on everything from Depression to

that is a matter ofopinion. Eating Disorders, Health Services is

It's not easy torid ourselves ofthe prepared to take care ofits students.

JENNIFER CLARKE the summer. goes beyond just publishing our common cold or flu when half the It provides conveniently available

Cord News This content is expected to paper in an electronic format. We student body is circulating their birth control, vaccinations and

Saturday, September 28 marked the include: arts wanted on-line a community calendar, really to expand our germs. Everybody seems to be sub- immunizations, and allergy injec-

of the Cord's web links to local thread- and unveiling page, organizations, community position it as a stituting bottles of beer for swigs of tions. called "Electric Cord". The first dou- ed discussion and for those involved old - groups, links to meeting place Buckley's Cough Medicine With a minimum ofsix people on ble-clicking honours went to Dr. bands mentioned in Entertainment. with Laurier," said White. tastes great, less filling. staff at any given time, including a Lorna Marsden at the Cord's 70th Past editions will be archived WLU Student order of likely Publications In to properly function as number Registered Nurses, celebrations in the Alumni and stored with the birthday off-page, President Laurie Legault had noth- students, it is important to be of urgent first aid is available through-

Lounge. amount of issues available but for and depen- ing praise the web site. "The sound body mind. So where out the week from 8:30 am to 4:15 Electric Cord will be on the same dent on the allotted addition of the Electric Cord is an can when that Whether call for space by you turn nasty bug pm. you an server Laurier's home at Services. as page Computing amazing thing to see considering won't relinquish its hold? Afler call- appointment at 884-0710, extension

httjy/: www.wlu.ca/~wwwcord/ and The extended times often that 70 for there walk lag years ago [the Cord] was a ing mom sympathy, is one 3146, or in for treatment.

should be accessible for users some- associated with web should pages mere pamphlet. I would like to per- place most people go: Health Health Services Is experienced in

time this week. "This is a web trans- not be a for Electric Cord thank Andrew White for is problem sonally Services. Our campus equipped handling more than just the com-

lation of the edition and as users. text printed Facilitated by effective putting us on the web." with a medical clinic to deal with the mon cold.

we develop an on-line edition and colour at the use, no page site For those, such as graphic artists majority of student ailments. If emergency treatmentIs needed

department, we to add com- will exceed hope 30 kilobytes. and programmers, interested in According to Dale Sweeney, outside of standard oflice hours, the interactive pelling content," Translation? Easy and quick load- to the Cord's contributing Electric Health Services employee, the Urgent Care Clinic can be contacted

explained Andrew White, who has even on Laurier s on-line contact "busiest ing, server. department, please times of the year are at 747-2273. been the web developing page since "The goal of the site in general Andrew White: [email protected].

j P5l Sign-Up Week j I g£MI si§nAtCentfe sp°t 11

5 JOSTEN'S | has been [jjj chosen official a 6 Graduation Portrait Photographer E E] for all 1997 Undergrads & ie @ GRAD PHOTOS will be taken at 202 Regina St. |

& Room R226 - 2nd Floor 1

I fgsiH * 1

C V C ° m \ E] MlS»OUt- .. (112/ 1 ' S will be on 1 \ "^O3!^— JOSTEN campus | \— October 21 to November 1, 1996 |

6 October 2,1996 theCord ews) ••Gen X'' is our label?!

JEREMY LLOYD between '67-'77 don't care about be insulted at being called a noth­ CORD NEWS COMMENTARY anything? Let's take a look at a list ing? One word and one letter. Five sylla­ of grievances against people 19-29: Where does that leave us? What bles that make my flesh crawl every We have no religion. advice is there for the "nothing" ·------time I hear them. Gen-er-a-tion-X. We have no morals. people of the nineties? You would think that this media­ We're dirty. Unfortunately, we've been worked loved fad would have passed into We dress disgustingly. into a corner on this one. I ooocurity by now. Instead, it seems We are constantly seeking new Proclaiming yourself a Gen Xer I to have gained new momentum. flesh to pierce. serves no purpose other than pro­ Advertisers and television networks We would rather tattoo our asses moting the concept that you don't JOSH ROBITAILLE poets? Does it matter if they think have been using the term more and than seek employment. matter. So, what can you do about CORD NEWS COMMENTARY we' don't care about anything? more frequently with the onset of We have no heroes. it? How offended are you by the term The Baby Boomers are right the new millennium. "How have job We have no defined culture. Don't do anything. Just live the "Generation X?" Doesn't the appli­ when they say that we won't be as prospects changed for Gen Xers?" We take everything for granted. way you want to live, wear what you cation of such a generalized label afl:luent as our parents. Why won't "Will the attitudes of today's ... in general terms, WE DON'T want to wear, and do what you want make you want to scream? I mean, we be? Because they messed up. youth change by the year 2000?" CARE ABOUT ANYrniNG! to do. if we've learned one positive thing Accepting the fact that our opportu­ "Will Gen Xers find something to But what can you expect from If the Baby Boomers want to from television, it's that over gener­ nities for employment are worse care about in the next century?" people who have labelled us the label you a two dimensionaL incon­ alization is always bad. right? And than our parents' does not mean First, a note to all you moronic "nothing" youth? The term sequential screw-up, let them. That for another thing, we never ... ah, that we give up. The Baby Boomers media-types: the new millennium "Generation X" suggests we have no label, in the greater scheme of who really cares anyway? are wrong when they say we don't doesn't technically anive until 2001 clarity. X is a sociocultural variable things, doesn't matter. Whatever Welcome to Generation X 1hlst care about anything. We try to (sorry, that's been bugging me for a waiting to be defined. In the mean­ you do, don't allow yourself to be me, I'm as disgusted as you are accomplish things in ways that while). Secondly, why do so many time, it (meaning us) is nothing; it's lumped together into one big Gen X about fitting neatly into a media cre­ mean something to us, and hopeful­ people think that those of us born meaningless. How can anyone not melting pot of flannel and hair dye. ation. But we're more like each ly improve life in general. look at other than we are like our parents, the self-indulgent lifestyles of the six­ aren't we? 'fry describing the term ties, seventies, and eighties. As a "grunge" in relation to "neo-gothic" generation, we are different from to anyone over the age of 35 and previous ones. I, for one, am glad you'll see what I mean. So you don't that the older generation doesn't like labelling everything? Applying a consider me a part of their culture. name to our generation is no big Having a generational identity deal There's less shame in being a means we share common ground. Gen X'er than being a Baby Boomer. Aside from petty differences, we The term does have some nega­ share a collection of essential values. tive connotations. The older genera­ If being part of Generation X tion uses it frequently, seemingly as includes open mindedness, accep­ a way to put us down. But who tance of others, and respect for dif­ cares if the older folk utter ferent opinions, as opposed to self­ "Generation X" in the same tone serving goals and ambitions, count with which they refer to vermin? me in. Does it matter if greedy advertisers In short, I don't mind being think we're stupid enough to buy labelled "Generation X" In fact, I'm products pushed by goatee-laden, proud to be an upstanding member. baggy buttonfly-, flannel- wearing, And if your opinion is different, hey, I I cappuccino drinking, apathetic that's great. I just don't care. I \ r ~ I •I l ~

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theCord October 2. 1996 7 HAUSEN presents HAWKTOBERFEST •t6 Friday October 18, 1998 9aturday October 19, 1998 doors open at 8pm Tickets available @ Centre WLU 9tudents $8.00 9pot 1/Y\IY\EDIATELY Guests $10.00

1 Come on out for a Beer Drinkin , 1 1 Mug Collectin , Ger_man 9ingin , j 1 Funny Hat Wearin , Ein Prosit 1 , Brought to you by: Hollarin and TURRET Good - Wl1J'RID lAURIER UNIVERSITY

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Link up with a company whose

future is as bright as yours Q M There is no better place to launch your career in high technology than at IBM Canada. Find out what IBM can offer you by spending a day Je ~ with us on our premises. H you are graduating with a bachelor or post-graduate degree in Computer Science, Math, Electrical/Computer OJ Engineering, Business, Commerce or other disciplines with related skills or interests, come join us. La E1 • Meet with IBM managers and our technical professionals one-on-one • Observe demonstrations of the latest IBM technology Ki • Determine the technologies that suit your interests • Discover the variety of opportunities available AI R< • See the place where we hope you will start your career • Refreshments/Draw for great prizes! Q "fi Where: 3600 Steeles Avenue East, Markham, ON (One block east of Victoria Park Ave.) Register by Oct. 2, CALL 1-800-IBM-4YOU (426-4968) ext. 1522 Or contact us at: www.can.ibm.com/hr Bus service is being provided . Pick-up location: Wilfrid Laurier University - Athletic Complex (departing 12:00 p.m.) Parking is available if you choose to drive (follow visitor parking signs). Submit applications to IBM through your career centre by: Oct. 9, 1996 IBM Canada Ltd. Committed to Workforce Diversity. Solutions for a small planef IBM is a registered trade-mark and Solulions lor a smaltplanet is a lrade-mark ollnternalional Business Machines Corporation and are used under license by IBM Canada ltd. OPINION

Editorial

The GPA War

It is the beginning of yet another October here at Laurier, only this year I am in General Psychology and

Anthropology rather than Honours. Originally, the choice was mine. I decided that eighteen consecutive years

school this and the 000 for little was enough for girl, extra $10 one more year seemed a overwhelming. the Cord After dropping down to General, and even changing till of courses to fit the General requirements, I WEEKLY my for school received my registration form the 1996/97 year, which stated that I was on Academic Probation. I this phoned the Office of the Registrar to find out exactly what meant. A kind lady read to me from a paper which "The tie that binds since 1926" said thatI must withdraw from Honours Psychology and that I could remain in Honours Anthropology on academ- ic probation.

I explained to her that I had already withdrawn from Honours months beforehand, but apparently there is

some sort of lack of communication between the academic departments and the Registrar's Office. She basically

said - that mistake. "Oops was our Well send you a revised copy ofyour registration formin the mail."

it I I was not ready to leave at that however. inquired as to why I had been kicked out of Honours Psychology.

She informed me that since I had missed my minimumrequired average by the huge 0.33 of one GPA (grade point

allowed average), I was forced to withdraw. Hmmm... "Am I not to be on academic probation for a year?" I asked. A WilfridLaurier University Student Publication "Oh no," she said, "The Psychology department is a real stickler about GPAs."

Then do I know in and GPA lot 75 University Avenue West, Waterloo, Ontario, N2L 3C5 why people on probation Psychology, for missing their required by a heck of a

ext More nice I (519) 884-1970 3564 more that 0.33? importantly, why do they not tell you about this rule before they kick you out? sup-

Fax: (519) 884-7723 As pose that would make too much sense. for Anthropology, I was kicked out of Honours even though I reached Advertising: (519) 884-1970 ext. 3566 my required average. Strange how things work.

When I received my second registration form, I noticed a comment at the bottom stating that I had not yet met

requirements. This would be due to the fact that I was not admitted into one of the courses I had (frantically) my graduation I chosen because of limited enrollment. Well of course haven't met my graduation requirements; I signed up for "Quick... how do you stop the scanner?" the but didn't let This doesn't make to course you me in. just sense me. There are only about twenty courses -Sarah Hollands offered each it's hard year in Anthropolgy to begin with; enough for those in Anthropology to meet the require-

students Anthro. The is: let those the Editorial Board ments without other taking courses as electives. point who need courses

take them, and then them to other students. But no - since a ton ofpeople for Anthro. courses Editor-in-Chief Melanie Seal open up signed up

to fill their schedule I'm stuck a halfcredit from All of the courses have filled and I'm News Editor Tom Hrubes just up, away graduation. up,

left ifI'll be able to this Associate News Editor Lori Dysievick wondering graduate year.

back to the whole I know of who "were forced to withdraw from Entertainment Editor Aaron Hunter Getting Psychology fiasco, many people Honours" the And had for Assistant Entertainment Editor Robin Whittaker over summer. since they already signed up courses to fit Honours requirements, they

found themselves in water. them of in Sports Editor Greg Chownyk hot Apparently no one had informed the "no probation" rule Psychology either. Now needed to all of their but filled It's like Assistant Sports Editor Jim Donnelly they change courses, once again everything was up. they're

"Thanks for butt off for two but we're to leave in the dust. Features Editor Ann-Marie Smith saying working your years, going you Sorry about your bad but that's Life Editor Ann Huskinson luck, just the way it is."

if better wouldn't be Production Manager Mike Vencel Perhaps students were informed of specific departmental policies, we left behind in the

dust is trying to piece our degree together. There obviously a missing link concerning communication, and it's time Cord Staff that it was fixed.

Production Assistants Sarah Hollands Thebottom line is this: you can'tfire me baby, cause I quit.

Colleen Nicholson

Mike Caesare Editorial by Ann Huskinson, Student Life Editor Tina Tarn The in opinions expressed this editorial are those of the author, and do not necessarily reflect those ofthe CordStaff, the edito- rial board, or Laurier StudentPublications. Classified Coordinator Patricia Lancia Wilfrid University

Copy Editors Christina Mogk Meaghan Atkinson

International Page Editor Katherine Harding

Student Publications Staff larly offensive hairdo deliberately sculpted to look like Photo Manager Marion Hensel in me, unshaven and unshowered, first thing the morn- Photo Technicans Steve Williams ing. To make matters even worse the line-ups at the JoanneSpadafora hair styling boutique are too long. Please take steps to Art Director Jeremy Kerr Letters correct this problem. It is a blight on our pretty school. Administrator John Systems Malkovich is Go Hawks Go. This not a joke. Online Editor Andrew White Ben Harris Advertising Manager Robert Norris

Ad Sales Representives Nolin LeChasseur CFL fan writes back Rebecca ToEditor the Shropshire

Ad Production Manager Dannielle Chartrand Dear Editor Ad Production Assistant Vacant I was very surprised to find an article on the Canadian Atheletic Advertising Manager Pete Robinson Football League within the pages oflast week's Cord. Of

Administration course, the first thing that came to mind was "grand...

another knife in the back of Canadian our truly game... Laurie President Legault Shocked GLOBAL by another voice of ignorance comparing what we've got to VP of Finance Kevin MacDonald what the Americans to have better..." pay These VP of Operations David Janzen Dear Editor have thoughts become part of a natural instinct for us Public Relation Manager Vacant I am extremely pleased and perhaps mildly shocked at CFL fanatics who live day to day dodging bullets thrown Board of Directors Shayne Lidkea the of the column in the Cord. those who biassed appearance Outspoken by only ever represent one side to Beth Costelec Jen Clarke For the two I was under the that the I of had to retract bitter past years impression story. Anyway, course my Christine Gergich Ryan Lock Laurier did not have it another a gay community and the Cord thoughts because was certainly not one of Domenico Magisano didn't have However, I now admit that I "those" articles. I the any guts. may appreciated story Greg told, as sad The Cord will not in print anything that is racist, sexist, or homophobic nature, as deemedby the staff as a voting have been mistaken on both From have but accounts. my previ- as it may been, moreso I appreciated the fact body. The Cord will not print anything in violation ofits Code of Ethics, outlined in The Cord Constitution. Cord subscription rates are $20.00 term foraddresses within Canada. TheCord is CanWeb All ous visits to other universities, I that the CFL made it into per printed by Printing. was always impressed even a paper produced in commentary is strictly the opinion of the writer and does not necessarily reflect those of the Cord staff, the editori- by their progressive attitudes and of the stu- Canada. However, we as Canadians need to a al board, or WLU Publications. acceptance develop

dent as a whole, and a touch with little in have body disappointed more pride what we to offer. Emphasizing Contributors: Sarah Papple, Erin Keating, Hillet, Alexander the conservative at Laurier. I that this the and Craig Houston, atmosphere hope positives starting promoting our great game Mike Tom Peter McKenna, Fuke, Mike Lucas, Sarah Holden, Schmidt, column GLOBAL and the emergence of at Laurier will and great traditions as opposed to continuously Jennifer pump- Lipishan, Dan Kerr, Seal's kickin' Trainspotting poster, Sarah Parker, mark of a new era tolerance and acceptance of the gay ing readers full ofmore negative thoughts already Karen Lomano, Randy Waechter, Sterling Lyncn, Cheryl Spencer, Roxanne sup- community at our school. in abundance from Coppens, Tammy Drover, David Threman, William Chung, Jenn Ferguson, plied Canadian media. We have a La belle dame sans Schmidt, Karen Dearlove fantastic fantastic mercie, Jenny Wong, "lYapper" Ray Freakin' game, talent, and a fantastic country... Entertainment ads, Sean Moore, Caesar Martini, Brian Gottmers, Tim get out and support it... learn the differences between Kingston, Leah Langille, Tom Lennartz, Maggie Simpson, Sarah DeSouza,

our brand offootball and that of and television - Angela Orticello, Matthew Dow, Derek Lajeunesse, Jeremy Lloyd, Josh money Mad about Hair driven known to our own Southern neighbours. 50... Robitaille.Lynne Pauli, Dave Kerth, Douglas Coupland, David Duchovny, Cathy and see article Hagen her son Jim. The Cord is what "la magazine refers to as a great to the CFL in our wonderful student

friendly paper"; therefore - we will not spit in face. DearEditor but to your paper, let us start try to promote all we have to I'm sick and tired of all obnoxious hairstyles at YVLU. offer.

the other I Gareth Why just day, was confronted with a particu- Cunningham

Gatheredby JoJo Spad&fora

"A is sportsman a man who, every now and than, simply has to get Tpft*a cut and kill something. Hot that he's He I cruel. wouldn't hurt a lins iora fly- j It's not big enough." -Stephen Leacock your io-res news source

theCord October 2,1996 9 (Opinion)

AIDS support misdirected

BRIAN GOTTMERS Malaria has killed millions more

CORD OPINION and continues to take more lives on

there As a society, is a certain sense that continent than AIDS. The irony of disease. of all security in "knowing" a it is the western world has a

The of understand majority us it is vaccine for Malaria, there is a cure. Cord Opinion.

HIV infection and then death from Administration of a vaccine for

AIDS. It is so simple - that is believ- Malaria would not be productive for You must have

able. - And anyone can tell you that if the pharmaceutical companies it one.

you want to sound believable then might cut into profits. If it cuts into

your message has to be simple. The profits, then the humanitarian

with "HIV infection researchers have problem equals might less money

is it is that and thenhow AIDS" that not simple. are they going to save

There are many parts to the puzzle the HUMAN RACE from disease

that do fit. These and It not parts we are pestilence? is a good thing ® not told. that have we, as a society, people

So all the about why panic looking out for us and these people ACURA

AIDS? Well, Cancer was the trend can decide on "the lesser evil".

disease of the late 70's and I think we can all that the with early agree Designed puipose.

80s and now it has been replaced media gets their information about Driven by passion. by AIDS. I can still remember all the AIDS from the researchers. What I fund raising events on TV for don't understand is where the Cancer. I remember thinking, with breakdown of communication Your car's home from home. of away the innocence a child, "If we occurs? Is it the media companies could only find "The Cure". The that fail to tell us all the information SERVICE by Factory Trained Technicians hosts of the telethons made it seem about AIDS, or is it the researchers

that if had *Ask about our customer card we enough money, then themselves who withhold informa- appreciation

could find The Cure. It wasn't tion? to what we Contrary we may Genuine ACURA PARTS until there was a realization that think, it is damn hard to contract there wasn't Cancer if individual. a single cure to HIV, you are a healthy FAIRVIEW ACURA that real progress was actually Yes, this is true, and I can site some 2685 Kingsway Drive, Kitchener that this. is not made. cases prove This 519-893-9000 The hope with mistakes is that absolute and there are definitely

the who we learn not to repeat same people are more susceptible to ride to UofW/Laurier available

ones. It seems our early approach contraction of HIV and the eventual to cancer has repeated itself with onset of full-blownAIDS.

— ii our to AIDS. Billions of Famous cases include Rock —i approach i | dollars are spent annually on find- Hudson and his live-in lover Marc

ing the link between HIV and AIDS. Christian. Eventhough Rock Hudson

This approach continues to hinder showed signs of full-blown AIDS

solution. of our progress to finding a (physical symptoms skin lesions

AIDS is a multi-national disease and of Kaposi's Sarcoma, weight loss

HIV infection alone does not cause and low-grade fevers), he had con-

the of full-blown AIDS. tinued sexual relations with YOU onset unsafe have

The missing pieces of the puzzle Marc Christian. After Rock never seem to be exposed to the Hudson's death, Marc Christian public. These holes are really not continued to test negative to HIV, better to do covered and hidden, are even after Rock Hudson's up they years things just never mentioned. I can only death. As well, Magic Johnson upon

guess their anonymity is because of learning his discovery of being HIV

the media married and no interest by (hence, no positive, was his wife with your money ... to at money be made) and also Jane was pregnant the time. Neither and Joe public couldn't be bothered the child, nor his wife have ever to research and tested for HIV. than it actually quesiton positive ... to the give phone company of what the omnipotent press presents These are just some examples to them. I attack the press because the anomalies that exist with the

this is where the majority of us get HIV = AIDS theory. Dr. Root-

our information aboutAIDS. Bernstein, author of "Rethinking

As well, leading researchers do AIDS" and a leading researcher on not want to say that they actually do retroviruses, states in his book that not know all about HIV infection an individual has a better chance of and how AIDS comes to the full- getting hit by lightening than con- blown stage, for fear of losing tracting HIV. The problem is that research We all know there grants. can are unhealthy individuals out these researchers are on the front there, which makes themmore sus- lines of the war on AIDS, and we ceptible to the onset of full-blown can pretend that they are really AIDS. Namely, these individuals do

the human which leads noble in their fight for not practice safe sex,

them to to other race, but we would all be fooling exposure STD's, ourselves. What it all really comes and there is drug abuse involved;

and business. is which include antibiotics and down to is money It can

of research other immune a political game getting suppressing drugs. These grants and if these researchers aspects are all self-inflict- can't show results then risk los- ed, but what about the innocents they /.' \..\i "i 1 i \! C® JI ..! If

''" ■■:■:■■■■■: ■'■■■ B ■■■ ing their grants and possibly their infected by HIV and AIDS. Patients jobs. who have Hemophilia are suscepti- J"""'

AIDS hot in ble because have a : J is a topic, constantly they already J s " " all know about it... immune which the news, we weak system, leaves

from themvulnerable other diseases. But, do we really? Mega-stars to

Hollywood promote it, Elizabeth Instead of rallying together to

billion Taylor is a leading spokesperson for raise $4 annually maybe we about be make it and we all rally it. We rally should rallying together to ©©DoaGDODD the It $4 billion worth. Isn't that great? sure money is wel spent.

till This leaves me confused on how seems so easy, when we band

those funds and we measure human life. AIDS is the together to raise ' : dMkfJMit i WILFRIDLAURIERUNIVERSITY ill llii k trend disease of the 90's, there is no walk away like a good humanitari- Students' i-888-274-7920 acq doubt about it. However, I question an. If this attitude continues to pre- if it should be. AIDS is not one of the vail then we will never have the TJNIONS3 ' ACC TeEnterprises Ltd. need leading killers of the human race, it solutions to HIV or AIDS. We ' make the It is look atthe doesn't even top ten. to bigger picture. I not even a leading killer in Africa.

10 0ct0ber2,1996 theCord lltesiMM/1111

—i r

What do think we What was most embarass-! it. This is a Who initiates sex most often. Who would want to be STD's you your Yup... you guessed poll you

or on a desert need to about these ing sexual moment? a if will you stranded island worry a survey, questionnaire you partner?

have to do is in with? days? i All you fill your

and them at the answers drop off i

designated box in the Centre Spot, i

will sordid When doessex i and we print your "start"?

else do have to For the record, how important is j answers. What you

all, other Do rent videos? If Have ever been tested for size? look forward to? After you pom so. you Hallowe'en do have HIV? than turkey and candy you any favourite !

look what else is there to forward to titles? i

do deal with when in October? How you it i

you haven't had an orgasm and !

male female? has? How are to Are you or your partner willing you experi-1 best line What's the pick up ment?

you've ever heard/used? ]

Are in relation- Do If you single or a you buy pom mags? so, j

ship? what are your favourites? !

Do fake you orgasm? i

What's your favourite thing to

doafter sex? —

the What do you look for in a lover? What's biggest tum-on any-

one has ever given you? J

outside Do you use assistance? Do you use a condom every j

time have intercourse? — you j

deal with How important is fidelity to How do you one night |

you? Howoften doyou masterbate? stands?

What was your biggest turn-off? ]

Do feel responsible for birth con- |

~ — trol, or is it your partner's |

If in a relationship, howoften do What is your fantasy? responsibility? |

have you havesex? Do you any sexually inspir- [ ing food?

Whafs your favourite position? j

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theCord Octobers, 1996 11 STUDENTLIFE

What's in the October stars

Check out what in than homework Spencer sees yourfuture... it's better

CHERYL SPENCER will have a chance to express your 22,23. Unlucky days: 9,10.

CordStudentLife Cancer (June 21-July 20) You have romantic side this month. It's what Pisces: (Feb. 19-March 20) The late Aries: (March 21-April 20) The one had a hard time Give do best 20-Feb. The have been lately. yourself you so don't hold back. Aquarius: (Jan. 18) nights you keeping are

love to - you seems have quite a hold a break the month of October will Oct 16. in Venus is to be a not for Lucky days: 15, Unlucky moon causing you good your body nor your

on Watch You have to you. your step, you may bring you great joy. been days: 1, 2. little frantic this month. Don't worry mental health. You have learn to be in for Luck is little a on a - will breathe little and surprise. your feeling neglected by your your money problems end a more allow for for side lately success of work and have not 23-Nov. You should take time true to out. family; they forgotten about Scorpio: (Oct. 22) You love soon. more your animal side come

school. Remember not to let but in fact about machine! this month because loved will your you, worry you a The moon in Venus is out for you you A one definitely surprise the get in as know it lot want what makes to think about all in need little A this month. with ego way you They only you causing you sex are of a pampering. you Catching up an intimidates and angers someone. happy. Lucky days: Oct 9, 10. the time this month. Slow down and little bit too much partying has an old friend will do wonders for the

The moon in Mars is 23. about work. Be both influencing you Unlucky days: 22, don't forget school or work. effect on your careful. of you. Lucky days: 27, 28.

to think about fixture. This is a 25. your You are very passionate about a pro- Lucky days: 24, Unlucky Unlucky days: 14,15.

idea; make Leo: You this month. will to good however, your (July 21-Aug. 21) have ject You prove days:l2,l3.

reasonable. Oct 1, been lion You must that plans Lucky days: one busy lately! people you are a survivor. Try 2. Unlucky Days: 16,17. stop procrastinating this month or not to be so sensitive about criticism Look to alternate sources to discover what the future holds.

you will not succeed as well as you sometimes. Lucky days: Oct 18, 19.

Taurus: (April 21-May 20) Your had hoped. Your giving nature will Unlucky days: 4, 5.

stubborn side is causing conflicts lead you to humanitarian volunteer

Remember be lately. to a little bit work this month. Stop worrying Sagittarius: (Nov. 23-Dec. 20) You

and to others about love life and more giving open sug- your concentrate are a little rambunctious this month.

Your love life is will star gestions. looking up on yourself. You be the in a Remember that your laid-back ways

to show circle at these days. Remember of friends a gathering near can cause you trouble at times. Let

Get off that the 10th. your generous side. Lucky days: Oct 11, 12. your romantic and passionate side

Remember be to - couch, you potato. Unlucky days: 26, 27. come out this month you may sur-

honest with haven't yourself; you prise yourself. Your love life is

been that The lunar at doing lately. Virgo: (Aug. 22-Sept. 22) Stop rather confusing; you are a hard the 26th luck eclipse on brings your being so picky, picky, picky! You point in your relationship. Oct way! Lucky days: 4, 5. Unlucky have a chance to show your cre- Remember that in order to be suc-

ative side this month - knock 'em heartand mind Days: 17,18. cessfully happy your dead! You are feeling a little blue must be in accord. Lucky days: Oct

Gemini: 21-June (May 20) It lately. Don't worry, fun is around the 19, 20. Unlucky days: 7, 8. have appears as though you found corner. Remember to give yourself a

a match. This is time to - yourself good new little more study your all Capricorn: (Dec. 21-Jan. 19) You

for the rather flirtatious Gemini - could have drastic results. have been nighters so busy lately! You have

remember that flirtatious Be there for in to to your ways a friend need. Lucky learn manage your time. Your

end School and Oct 15. love this month little may up hurting you. days: 14, Unlucky days: 27, life appears a

life in is down; 28. at but general bogging you confusing times don't worry,

remember to balance extra- the There your you are doing right thing. curricular activities with school. Libra: You (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) Happy is a possibility of meeting "the one"

to all of are a great communicator, so birthday you. You have this month. Remember to show

rememberto little use this skill when you been a worried about your love those you love that you care about

with loved month. have fight a one this life lately. You no need to them. Your ambitious side encour-

Oct 8, 9. - mateloves Lucky days: Unlucky days: worry your you. In fact, ages you to spend a little more time PHOTO 20, 21. this best is your month for love. You organizing your life. Lucky days: Oct FILE

Pasta Broccoli Toss Career Student Budget Menu

LYNN PAULI Corner CordStudentLife

4 cups rotini pasta

3 broccoli florets ROXANNE COPPENS cups to remember that, "You learn a lot

Cord Student of Life skills no matter what degree 2 tbsp. olive oil your Working for Labatt Breweries of is in."

Canada has added didn't more to Penny Penny take any computer 1 sweet yellow or red pepper, Longman's life than just free beer. courses at Laurier, but was an

chopped She has a position as a production employee at Computing Services. If at planning computer analyst you are interested in computers,

1 onion, Labatt's in London, Ontario. chopped Penny suggests finding ways to use After from graduating Laurier in computers in your everyday activi- 4 cloves minced garlic, 1993 with HBSc an in Physical ties. 1 tsp. salt Geography, Penny spent two One of the benefits of following a months as a garden center employ- computer-related career is the

1/2 ee and it was close to a before of creation in the field. tsp. each of pepper and white sugar year diversity job she was able to launch her career. Expanding computer technology is 2 ch« large The traditional image of a com- creating new jobs at a rapid rate.

puter-related job brings to mind a Penny's job didn't even exist before 2 tsp. person who spends endless hours in she was hired for the position, and

- - front of a computer. now she works 40-50 hours a week. v : However, half of Penny's day is Although the starting wages in this

with have the in a ; spent meeting people, training type of job are low, they and new users, gathering the infor- potential to rise quickly.

mation needed advises to develop new com- Penny Laurier students

be to the skills puter systems. to conscious of many

On with IV ook her career choice, Penny they obtain a university degree.

want to into comments, "I didn't work in She finds that many people go

but like what the computers, I really I an interview not realizing skills Stir in reserved liquid, salt pepper, sugar and basil; bring to a boil. what the - do now." showed concern have are exactly job .. Penny they : . ,.;r ; , ...... : for students who restricted Take feel requires. it from a geography

about related who with finding a career to major got a job working

their major. She feels it is important computers, all skills are important!

1 1996 theCor«! 12 October 2, -{Student Life) Helpful and Healthy hints

for a student budget

TAMMY DROVER beef. Mix a one-to-one ratio of oxo flakes are excellent on pizza. Bored bottle of store-bought tomato

and it is white None of these will CordStudentLife water to the meat as cook- with potatoes? Try adding sauce). change

with and salt when taste. 1. Ground beef, ground turkey. ing. Start a teaspoon and pepper garlic you are the

be able to increase if taste buds Want better Do not You won't tell the dif- your require mashing them. a pasta?

beef is it. No will until and ference. Ground a required this not taste exactly like 3. Pasta Master. cook it its mushy don't

for on beef, source of protein anyone a ground but in a burger or Spaghetti is boring and messy. rinse it.

The is that will much the water to budget. problem regu- pasta sauce you not taste Try Rigatoni (tubes). They are Instead, bring a

beef fat, and of difference. for lar ground is high in a more filling and hold your pasta boil, cook 8 minutes, dump

lose 30% of the total 2. is not much better. If want to the in you about Ketchup a spice. sauce you pasta a strainer, and

weight to the cooking process. To Spices bring zest and life to the make a pasta sauce but never then toss with a little oil. The

worth, oil get your money's use blandest of dishes. Where to get know what spices to add, use spicy will keep the pasta from

and beef oxo. This is them: Believe the s the and this ground turkey it or not, best buy italian uisage. Remove casing sticking together, fat half the of for half the and price spices is your local Bi-Way store. of the s, usage, and add to your method also improves the

beef. Beef be lean ground oxo can Bi-Way charges about 1/3 of what ground meat. Break it up with the refrigeration/leftover quality

in the bulk end of until small of purchased most cheaply grocery stores charge for pre-bot- a spatula it is in any pasta.

section of local do with them: add bulk and These few food your grocery tled spices. What to pieces. To nutrition are just a tips

life to store. Bring your white rice by add grated carrot, zucchini, or egg- for making economical cooking a You don't to the lemon How prepare it: Fry adding pepper during the plant to your tomato base (about a little more tasty. Shop, eat, and have to live on would ground turkey as you ground cooking Dried chili 1/2 of either to standard enjoy! process. pepper cup your Macaroni and Cheese!

Alcohol:

hindrance?A help for

DAVID TRUEMAN WILLIAM CHUNG IJi^^FREE LOCAL CALL CordStudentLife CordStudentLife

My roommate recently confronted

me and asked me if I wanted to MacDonald. F. Scott Fitzgerald...

drink before writing this article for What do those eloquent writers and

He it would I^K^6sB-2588 the Cord. said "stimu- orators have in common? They all

< PhoncTech late Corp docs noi scrcen callers and assumes tk> liability when !8+ thought." 1 told him 1 didn't held favourable dispositions toward meeting through this service Aduiis Oniv 658-2588 is a freelocal call. Outside the local calling area long distance charges may apptv. need alcohol any extra stimulus; just being and Scorning inebriated.

at {mirier was stimulus enough for

He to me. continued pressure me, alcoholic beverage at the Last

colloquially referring to the act of Supper. From ale to Zinfandel,

drinking as gelling liquored up.' 1 alcoholic refreshment have been

refused, but he the lubrication behind politely persisted. great literary Tliis scenario need not have had and political minds, inspiring and occured had my roommate, com- creating historical giants.

and monly affectionately known Now to the point My roommate

among fellow frosh as 'Wasted was having difficulty finding inspi-

Will,' boon so fond of ration not becoming while working on his Cord

inebriated on a regular basis. "Does article. Extrapolating from alco-

he have a drinking problem?" you ask. fellow His AA colleagues don't record for coaxing great works out think so. of great individuals, I encouraged

Wasted Will drinks a lot. Or as him the liberal use of some fine

he likes to dark put it, he likes to "relax." rum to "stimulate thought." 1 That's fine with me, as long as ho was quite rudely surprised when he

"relaxes" in moderation. That's refused fine my abruptly this and gen-

motto: "everything in moderation." erous offer of support.

David, do "Hey you even practice 112 should note here that his rejec- moderation in moderation?" I've tion was somewhat understand-

heard this > paradox before. Ha-ha, able, as he was under pressure to

very funny. No, 1 practice modera- write his article for the Cord. But ￿JjtjiJ tion to its fullest extent then I thought: "the pressure he's back the that which Getting to story, my feeling parallels a politi- roommate was pestering me to cian might feel while reciting a s

have a drink of rum. Using my speech, or that a starving writer I stood willpower, fast saying "No might feel while striving to crcate a ™,^ 's what Laurier-relafeci thanks, I've see already brushed my masterpiece."

teeth." This wasn't a can create. Here's lie; I really did Before you offer any liquor to designs you your

brush teeth. to my your roommate stimulate mk palette: a blank white T-shirt. Simply bring your "So what's the moraJ ofall this?" thought, make sure he or she W black & white design to Purple & Gold by Oct. 15th. Our you ask. "What should Ido avoid understands to your motive. Your of will such panel judges select the best three entries. Each of the peer pressure?" Simply do as offer could otherwise lead to occur- I did; brush winners will receive 3 with your teeth. rences of a detrimental nature. And T-shirts, one each of the winning designs! with the detrimental establishment Winners will be notified by phone and will be at & Gold where of the post-modernist, pre-nan- posted Purple winning

of will be and otechnological age, the last type designs displayed garments available for sale

nature we require is one of a McLuhan-e?que status quo. Entry Forms Available At Purple & Gold

thcCord October 2,1996 13 FEATURE

THE AMERICANIZATION OF CANADIAN CULTURE

Canadian Apathy

Canadians deal with anti-Americanism and an identity crisis

SARAH PARKER the of Canada and the United made. the of the and case esting points were From a sustain loss identity the government slash the CBC,

Cord Features States. business Americas the that these Canadian stand for perspective, eco- pride sym- up federalism, and keep

"... I lass the hand that, slaps me the media Lately, has been filled nomic domination over Canada is an bols create. those damn Yankees at bay. Our senseless with of America's news of the wonders of But don't from future as Canadians upcoming example capital- expect protection depends upon

I'm so so defenseless election, litis accepting, presidential may seem ism and thebenefits of globalization. our own government, Canadian pol- it. I Canadian..." am far too like unimportant media filler, but in But beneficial for whom? Certainly itics has turned "American".

the West where Spirit of a country people are more not for those Canadians who work Strong Canadian trademarks

This used to me. I to song annoy quick identify the American for American-ownedmulti-nationals such as Medicare, welfare

that it a bleak and President than the have the dollars sucked thought painted they are only to back and a sense of community

unfair of Canadians. Now I Canadian Prime this is into head image Minister, very American offices. It was are being replaced by the

realize that of the West with the that Spirit sings significant. For one, North reported one out of three American two-tiered health

the truth; we Canadians far too American Trade Canadian are Free Agreement, dollars goes to American system, workfare and

accepting and too defenseless to that our economics are ruled by chain stores, and with most of the extreme individualism. We

powerful hand we call the American our upper companies. And once rest going to either taxes or other are so absorbed by

United States of America. We base are economic is lost, politics industries, how much does that Quebec's threat of sover-

bombarded their media, follow. by caught inevitably Therefore, whoev- leave for Canada? eignty that we are blind in their and their up politics ruled by er rules America, consequently, As well, some of Canada's most to the fact that Canada

economics. With this much rules Canada. valuable institutions the although indirectly, are dying at already exists in a sov-

American control, can we honestly Just this week the Clinton mercy of this so-called globalization. ereignty association call ourselves Administration Canadians or are we publicized the fact The CP rail, Canada's renowned with the United States.

reluctant Americans? that merely they plan to "tear down" what's steel band of unity, is now owned So what are we to

A and sense of left of tariffbarriers and Americans. do to country's identity our on our dairy run by preserve our

is a common and No doubt with needless to Canadianism? unity dependent upon poultry industry. This, say, explains It is cultural and economic background our own government's spinelessness not only the termination of some no longer enough

base and the which the Americans will and but trade symbols repre- succeed routes, also why between to proudly wave these. But when then sent a country is what will we have left? the provinces has diminished. And Canadian flags

dominated by a foreign All last week a the RCMP's deed with Walt superpower, special news seg- publicity every first of Jul}

these and cultural ties dis- ment the Americanization of like to symbols on Disney was signing away or proclaim everlasting loyalty

and are those Canada featured CBC's "The Canada's soul the devil. integrate replaced by was on to How can to The Tragically Hip. of the foreign As a result, National News". focused on two of It to wake T.L Granatstein this power. They important symbols is time up from our explores

whether conscious it or that whether border Canadian of not, or not a actually Canadianism be thrown so careless- apathetic sleep and find whatever identity crisis.

mother becomes country an exten- exists between Canada and the ly into the hands of Americans? No there is left that is distinctly sion of that which superpower, is United States, and manv other inter- monetary figure is large enough to Canadian and fieht for it. Don't let

We are not Americans!

STERLING LYNCH equally valid cultural histo- and that is us". Nations, of symbols, say "yes, a greater community; the age religion. A whole generation of Cord Features and achievements, for us that like individuals, create an American from who ry yet identity identity springs a my peers breast-feed on

It has often been that is somehow not For their actions not because suggested enough. through of mercenary reverence of the individ- American media have bought into

there are no cultural dif- Canadians to be 'Canadian' intrinsic ual at significant we some specific quality. You the expense of the community the conservative agenda of another ferences between Canadians and demand of some sort intrinsic quali- cannot pinpoint exactly where the or even weaker individuals. This dis- culture without distinguishing

Americans. We look the of 'Canadian' of friend but same, we ty to legitimize our- identity your lies, you tinction lies in the emphasis; of per- between the two identities, because

act the and the same we speak selves. The Americans have no can tell if that friend sonal and was behaving community responsibility. they are working with the assump-

same we more of a dear of their in a m

The core issue Lies in our miss-con- A nation's is not deter- self?" with identity out really knowing community and the community to the fact that we all watch Americans

ofwhat is meant 'identi- mined abstract checklist, where that self existed. would individual about ception by by an Why the talking it on TV. Our history,

ty' and what need to rather; its is created out of different of nation? In lan- requirements identity you expect any a no respects is this article an our achievements, our symbolic be filled that to earn allusive title. an intuitive understanding of itself. The differences between attempt to fire up some sort of guage do not point to a people who

It is self-evident that Canadians Nations, like internalize Canadians and Americans illus- individuals, are nationalist fervor, because, thankful- are only interested in helping them-

have a sense of that is dis- a vast of qualities and charac- trated in our the identity array comparative histories, ly, Canadian identity is (Hie that selves. When I look at Canadians

tinct from the American teristics that we under the cultural affairs does not identity gather institutions, foreign rely on dangerous, artificial putting on this ultra-conservative

even if it can be articulated broad title of A nation's and in our taxation constructs like the only by identity. even policies. Nationalism My con- clothing, I get the sense of the "we statement, are not nation, does not exist in The clearest of our cultural cern identity, any example is that, if we continually sug- Emperor's New Clothes and a

American!" The criticism often one to be discov- differences is Canada's Universal that from any place waiting gest we are no different teenager putting on a hand me

made is that because we can ered for the sake of I lealthcare only quantitative program as compared to Americans, we may actually begin down suit. There is a certain awk- define ourselves as "Not analysis, because strictly speaking the American private health indus- to believe it ward falseness about the whole

Americans", we do not have a does not in itself, For gen- identity exist try. example, after a media rush thing.

uine cultural Have ever 'identity' is a useful term In best if I was of identity. you simply my estimation, American conservative thought Canadians are very different

heard an American define used to label behavioral forced if precisely patterns. to point to a particular quality throughout the eighties and early from Americans and if we act as

who are in ten words or less? is a human that stands out above all I they Essentially, identity others, nineties -that was in response to we are not different we walk very

Instead, list cultural construct used to broad would between the conditions they symbols explain a distinguish that are particular to the dangerous ground.

like baseball and apple pie, histori- of behavior. The fact that Canadian and American American culture and range percep- that has very It is my hope that the statement,

cal and national achieve- have a events Canadians thing called an tions of the individual. The Canadian little relevance to our Canadian situ- "Canadians are no different from

ments and then and at all is because col- of the individual is have tried this they point say, identity we can conception some- ation, we on new Americans", will never, ever, actual-

"that's America". Canadians have certain who is conservatism lectively recognize patterns one only one important part brand of like a new- ly be true.

14 0ct0ber2,1996 theCord —(Feature) Baywatch and Firearms

Reasons to love America

and Canadian media that even comes There two to create Canadian movies TV RANDY WEACHTER the gun. When it comes to things are sides every with the likes of there shows that will want to see close to competing CordFeature such as health care, social order story and, regrettably, are people Star TVek, and the U.S. where Canada by putting that towards edu- The Simpsons, Seinfeld, God bless America. plain common sense, many areas just money etc. then I but I doesn't with cation and jobs. It has been shown Melrose, 92010, Friends I would leave it at that, even compare to Canada. doesn't compare our neigh- that individuals with higher levels of might consider changing my point should explain myself to all Case in point: bour to the south. It would simply guess I cultural of view. 1. be and irrelevant for Canada education more those who would be unsatisfied with Drive on a major LA expressway. futile appreciate

such festi- Now, before some secret con- article. As 2. Start off all around to and compete with the United entertainment as operas, a three word you might cutting people try

literature. The more tract is issued for demise, I States, when it comes to these vals, plays and my have guessed, I love the United you. the make it known that I do Canada doesn't educated Canadian citizens are, should States. Why? One word: Baywatch. 3. At the same time as #2 above, issues. For example, less level of believe Canadian culture is create start bother formidable mili- it matters what impor- Where else would someone your stopwatch. amassing a media watch and tant. However, we should stick to 4. record how it force. Why not let the States American we such a mindless and useless pro- Accurately long tary that Canadians are has since become the takes before reveals their about this, since read. This is because Canadians will things we, as gram that someone worry anyone which would include festi- firearm American's God- Canadian have the critical thinking good at, most popular show on the planet? (it is every threatening security developed vals, literature, and in to and would also threaten America? ability to understand and recognize poetry, plays, As the old saying goes: only given right carry a handgun) media is I'm sure the rounds at Canada also shouldn't bother that most of the we see a sports (hockey). you get America. shoots multiple you and rather to with the US when of American than picture. Now, I suppose I shouldn't jump your vehicle. trying compete portrayal On that note I wish to amend - televi- ideals. my it comes to media especially Canadian

I the US statement: God bless sion. We would be much better off So say: bring on media, opening

and if to American Television! taking the money we use trying to you can present me some

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" 1-ofl*l LIVE special or just

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\h two *« ~i 4 j s SMALL t< : £ MEDIUM \ *** Spirit j | PIZZAS | S PIZZAS | Kj With Cheese and 3 Toppinqs Ki With Cheese and 3 Toppinqs | .

+ 10 ! + 20 KAREN LOMANO means to them. When was the last j | Wings | Wings | Cord Features time you saw a Canadian flag hang- 3 Please Mention O A4% | 4Kk O I 9 Please Mention 4H Almost from the of outside house or store like beginning ing a you when JJ X ■ when jj coupon coupon J has been in Canadians do hZJ Canada there an opinion see the States? just ordering. ordering. ™ that held about their J valid + tax J H I we as Canadians have not seem to care country Not with y + tax any Nof va Qny

other offer or towards the whether be the econom- special. Offer other offer or our neighbours to it politics, Limited Time special. Limited Time Offer , south. We feel that Americans are ics or even the weather. However,

of overbearing, arrogant and pushy, the Americans are proud every Meal Deal 112 Party > yet, I feel that the Americans are a part of their country. LARGE fufic7 and have As much like wonderful example to us as we to ignore it, 2 PIZZAS rS,| that need the Americans. pizZA ! many characteristics I person- we They are W,th Cheese and 3 H of Toppings ally find to be commendable. probably our largest consumer , quite cheese 3 j The Americans, unlike exports and with the North 9 ! * Trade t Gar'l?« Wings , Canadians, have a sense of belong- American Free Agreement 2 Bread H \ J*»- to of to +4P ing some larger ideal. The have provided millions jobs ￿ 6 S Pops _ !H °P j Americans have a sense of pride in Canadians by bringing their busi- £L99 Please Mention Kjk I Please Mention their and have the nesses across the border. They take country courage when + tax X when coupon | coupon Jf jj to show it. Look at the of themselves and do what Olympics, charge I ordering. H ordering. A A | there best where Canadians * was no of American they feel is Not valid with S|K J Not valid with + tax shortage any I any other offer other or special. offer or 1 flags or If search the tend to follow whatever the rest of special. fans, you + tax I 0 Limited Time Offer media of you can see just how much the world is doing. An example the that Americans pride themselves on this are the many wars are tak- the the world. If the PIZZAS simple fact that they live where ing place around \ \ 13" ! live. do the Canadians, they They make movies that States in, so With Cheese and + tax go 3 Toppings e PIZZAS *U I % this sense of of instead of our own portray pride, one making up With Cheese and 3 Toppings Limited Time Offer I 5 which is Independence In this minds and doing what we think is B j'i tT 1 ￿ FREE 4 pack of Day. , "

I - Mease Menhon when i _ coupon | ordering movie tOCil COi«l Classic Not the of the USA best. ■B vald with other president any offer or special. makes make it a speech about having pride 1 am not trying to sound in 11 13 99" 1 their and I to be because I A country how it is worth like hate Canadian j i™£" 112 for do fighting and it is this speech love being who I am, however I 1 I" X-LARGE 1 JjiVlSfL +tax which ' inspires the to their the fact that the Americans men beat admire Please OA ■ Limited Mention coupon "t Time Offer

enemies. know 12 X *I 91 1 who and when 6 recognize they are ordering. B« Mention J J®^" coupon when Ofdenng On the other Canadians what stand for. Why can't Not valid With + tax hand, they any other offer tend to be own Limited very passive about who Canada gain their separate time >>1

they are and what their country identity and be proud of it?

theCord October 2, 1996 15 SPORTS

Big weekend puts Hawks in first place

CRAIG TULLETT under par at times. The Marauders The Hawks, who seem to have

CordSports only managed to get into Hawk ter- been plagued by not putting the ball

The Hawks capped off a six point ritory a few times during the first in the net, have managed to rally for

weekend on as defeat- half but made those five in their last two Sunday they good on goals games.

ed the visiting McMaster Marauders chances by delivering some solid "Yesterday we had four goals,"

1-nil. shots on goal. commented head coach Helen

After coming off a four goal per- An inspired Marauder club Stoumbos. "We're creating chances,

formance Windsor the second half The versus on opened with good that's the hardest pan. finishing

Saturday, the Hawks were poised pressure in the Laurier zone. will come."

and ready to unleash some of that Keeper Rachel Zuiderliet, who Stoumbos, while pleased with

offensive fourth recorded her 4th shutoutof die her club's fury on a place sea- accomplishments in

club. McMaster son, stymied McMaster 011 two close recent outings, is especially pleased

there the Hawks with the Although were no goals attempts to keep alive. offensive spark Conboy is

scored in the first half, it was still a laurier overcame the pressure creating. "She's phenomenal," noted

credit to the Laurier club. moments later, whenveteran striker Stoumbos. "She's having a really

at their backs, With the wind the Karen Conboy fancy footed her way great season."

offense In Hawks' controlled the pace into Mac's 18 yard box. an Conboy, when asked about her

of demonstrated the game as they attempt to get by a Marauder role in the Hawks' powerful offense,

ball control and credit impressive accurate defender, the ball rolled loose to co- was quick to pass the to co-

Burkitt. passing to set up several good scor- captain Lorraine Hodds who booted captains Hodds and Celeste dgtgtheessw ing chances. it over the head of the Mac keeper "It's (the offense) working well,"

series and the 30 line. uttered I'm still Despite a of corners a from yard Conboy." having Belise Abwunza looks downfield she unleash free free kick midway through the first The goal inspired the Laurier troubles finding the net, though. Cel as sets up to a

After the Hawks sit alone in first half, the Hawk offense remained defense as they returned to old form and Lorraine are the ones putting kick. a big weekend, now place.

scoreless. to keep McMaster from generating the ball away."

thereafter undefeated 5- the takes it's to that lie ahead. The Laurier defense, usually the any real scoring threats, The Hawks, now offense game a new any challenges

be As face backbone of the club, seemed a little preserving the 1-nil victory. 0-2, appear to unstoppable. level, the team seems ready to Hawks destroy Lancers

Laurier offense shines in 41-7blowout

different receivers, some of which Coach's for the first time." were playing McDonald finished the day 15 for the and Zmich 23 for 177 yards as put Players of

it,"The most important thing is Lbat Game we didn't throwany picks."

It the Hawks appears as though

have their gone away a little from oriented offensive In this Offense: Kevin $!d, LYNCH pass style. quar- to rush for 197 terback game they managed

well that yards as as pass for same tost STERLING amount, something that the coach McDonald enjoyed what was his likes. "I with of the He 15 am pleased our parity." game year. was good on

This of live with four somewhat new philosophy twenty pass attempts With PICTURE: seems to be well for the touchdown no intercep- working passes.

has Hawks. The emergence of Bacon as tions, the Kingston native now an

the best backs in the of Laurier's heads field in destruction of Windsor. one of league equal number toudidown passes Corey Grant up returning a punt Saturday's 41-7 certainly has helped. With the and interceptions (8) and continues

does however have be noted defense all to OUAA in GREG CHOWNYK Stables blocked an Andy Vasily punt It to performing strong year, lead die passing yardage.

Cord Sports that gave the Hawks the ball on the that the Lancers were without All- and now the offense getting it

taken half to Defense: Warren, It may have nearly the 34 yard line. Three plays later, Canadian guard Chris Church, who together, the Hawks look poised lason

to season get the Golden Hawk McDonald found rookie fullback was suspended for the game for vio- hit the second half of the season fly- Linebacker/Safety offense rolling, but now that they Andrew Nowak in the endzone for a lating teamrules. ing high.

versatile athlete was a leader appear to have things together, the 9 yard touchdown strike. It was Windsor continued to turn the This

shouldbeware. Nowak first touchdown. ball the the Hawks defense this opposition s career over, giving Hawks great for on week with his hits. The second Led by quarterback Kevin Laurier continued to put it to the field position throughout the game. Looking big the Hawks scored Tailback McDonald hooked with student from St Thomas had McDonald, early Lancers. Andy Bacon up Anthony year the and often in their 41-7 annihilation field 57 for his Ahmed and run what was the hit of scampered up yards on a 27 yard pass Ahead probably of the Windsor Lancers the fifth touchdown of the for McDonald's third touch- led Lancer before season. play game when a

crowd of 4500 last his second down of the after.. That This week the Hawks travel to receiver near the sideline. Homecoming Bacon enjoyed straight pass game,

at to the in at line- Saturday University Stadium. 100+ rushing game as he finished put the Hawks up 31-0at the half. Varsity Stadium play Originally pencilled lot of "It was key," said head coach the day with 106 yards on 11 car- The second half brought with it University of Toronto Blues. Hie backer, Warren has seen a where he Rick Zmich in reference to how ries. much of the same. With half the Blues were hit hard this year by time in the secondary offen- important it was for his offense to Stables blocked his second punt crowd already out celebrating, the graduation, especially in the has had plenty ofsuccess. all- get in sync. "We have set certain of the game late in the first quarter. Hawks continued to dominate. sive skill positions. Gone are

here in terms of That set 11 touchdown McDonald hit Grant his stars Htienne and Mario Teams: Ai coner- standards offensive up an yard Corey for Francis Special Ruby,

to which the first of sits a- back production. Although we have pro- strike J.P. Small, put touchdown the season. The Sturino. Toronto currently

than most in Hawks closed at duced more offenses up 24-0. Laurier scoring was out by 2 this season after losing Guelph

the weren't The Lancer offense anemic another O'Hara field back Second Waterloo native contin- conference, we totally was goal. this past weekend. Running year

after this best. the The to once pleased." Well, game, at Vasily was most active Lancers finally managed to James Baskin seems to be carrying ues impress on Specials the this rookie last Zmich and his staff have to be feel- lancer as he punted 13 times in the get on the board as quarterback the load offensively. Entering again season. As a

little better. Miller the ball he was the team's Player ing a game. Scott ran in from five game against Guelph, was sec- season, Ruby

Year teams. His Laurier opened the scoring on Heading into the game, Walter yards out. ond in the league in rushing. of the on special tremendous their first possession with a 38 yard Pierce was leading the OUAA in Zmich was also impressed with Defensively, Cameron Lee has four speed and strength are

The Hawks The which and in the manhandling of Scott O'Hara field goal. rushing. Hawk defense were the play of McDonald. "There were interceptions is good for tops helped

to Windsor teams unit struck almost immediately after that able handle the Windsor running some key areas that Kevin played in the league. Game time is the special

standout back without much of a well in. He threw the ball as special teams Harvey problem. to eight 2:oopm.

16 October 2, 1996 theCord -(Sports)

Friday Oct 4 Saturday Oct 5 Saturday Oct 5 # Oct 6 This Varsity Rugby Trent @ Laurier Men's Varsity Soccer Laurier @ Women's Lacrosse Club Guelph Sunday Stadium Baseball Club Waterloo# Mitsubishi Park 3:3opm Brock 1:00pm Laurier University 7:oopm Men's Laurier Beditele Park 12:00pm (2

Oct Week in Friday Oct 4 Saturday Oct 5 > Sunday 6 games) Men's & WornenteWrsity Swimming Women's Varsity Soccer laurier @ Women's Lacrosee Gub Brock & Laurier & Gueiph <§> Waterloo Brock 3:oopm Western @ laurier University rues. Oct 8 Laurier Stadium 10:00am &l:00{Hn Men's Baseball Club laurier @ Saturday Oct 5 Saturday Oct 5 McMaster s:oopm Oct 6 Varsity Football Laurier @ Tbronto Women's Varsity Tennis Launch & Sunday the Golden Sports Varsity Stadium 2:oopm McCtifl® York 10:00am Men's Lacrosse Club Tornto @ Come out and support Laurier University Stadium 3:oopm Hawk athletes in action.

In the How we became the "Golden Hawks"

Spotlight Back in 1961, Athletic Director Bill Haggstrom and head football coach Bob Celari were trying to come up with a both that current name of "Mules" had to Celari is an alumni of the new name for the school. They decided the go.

where he is alumni ofthe University of California Golden Bears, was an All-American quarterback. Haggstrom an

the nickname, the "Golden Therefore it is obvious as to Karen University of Minnesota where they go by Gophers." fairly

where the "Golden" in "Golden Hawks" came from.

the nickname issue when a hawk flew One day, both Haggstrom and Celari were out at the stadium discussing

noticed the bird hawk bird and fit well with the Conboy overhead. The two men and decided that the was a prominent how became to be word "Golden." At that time a new team name was born. And that ladies and gentlemen is we

Hawks." PICTURE known as the "Golden

FILE

like MIKE MCKENNA every game. Teams Western,

Cord Sports Guelph and Mac are more moti-

vated to play against us because of

Name: Karen Conboy our status. Personally, I love the

Sport Soccer fact that other teams want to beat

Position: Striker us because it makes us work hard-

DOB: December 15,1975 er and play better to stay on top.

Hometown: Oakville

Year: 3rd Q: Do you set any personal

Program: Phys-Ed goals for yourself?

Being an OWIAA All-Star again

would Q: What are your thoughts on would be great, but I just

the season so far? like to see the team do as well as

far the has well. I wouldn'tbe So season gone we possibly can. rec-

to for if The team seems be playing bet- ognized my accomplishments

for ter ail the time. We are progress- it weren't my teammates as

with well. ing every game.

Q: How is the team adjusting Does being one of the team the coach? leaders and to new proven veteran put

The transition has been added very easy. pressure on you? Helen (Stoumbos) is an excellent In some ways it does, but I enjoy I Can Vour Swim? coach and has similar to in this It elevates "Guys" a style being position.

what Barry (MacLean) had. Being my game and enables me to take

former Laurier Hind control. a player at a

National women's team member,

What have been the she is very understanding of both highlights Learn more about your own "swimmers" and help of career? the game and of what we feel as your soccer infertile couples too. players. Definitely winning the CIAU last / Approximately 40% of infertile couples cannot achieue Q: Do think repeating as but also scoring the goal to 112 \ you year, \ / a pregnancy because the male is subfertile. National is realis- club team from w~yt^T champions a put my Burlington *\r 7 Donor insemination these tic goal for this team? into the under 19 national champi- \ w J giues couples a chance to / haue children. I Yes. After our two wins this week- onships in Halifax in 1994. It's

end we are still undefeated and in something that I will always

remember since first place so it is definitely some- especially we won

thing to shoot for, but it will be that as well. i

tough. If interested in you are being a sperm donor and are between 18 and 35 of years age, Who has influenced you as a call the C.H.R.E. Centre between 9:00 am-12:00 weekdays pm and 1:30-4:00 pm. Q: Being the defending nation- soccer player? fill inquiries are held in the strictest confidence. al is it hard to champions, stay My coaches are always important Successful candidates are guaranteed reimbursement for andtrauel motivated the has out-of-pocket through out sea- especially this year. Helen expenses son? done an excellent job and makes

We whole definitely need to stay focused the thing really enjoyable. C.S.K.E. renlre, 18 Pine Street, Suite 400, Kitchener, ON, N2H SZB, (519) 570-0090

Enjoy a flame-broiled

■.jum ■> ~— •; ■•-' i m. or >«.c :;t fs.t;»:ij?s kjn« cowKWixirn » i«k

theCord October 2,1996 17 (Sports)—

Men's soccer riding high

Wins over McMaster and Windsor vault Hawks into second place

Head coach Frank attempted to punch Hawks' striker collapse into a defensive shell for

the Hawks their about a minute in the Anagnostopoulos reflected on Ken Cartmill, kept twenty period

Baker's effort after the match. "It headand remained composed. second half that was marked by a

brilliant strike Like the match, Laurier fullback line was a by Jeremy; previous days' frantically the ball of their truly premier league style. There Laurier showed fantastic skill and clearing out defen-

that the of mind as moved the sive third to protect the precious one was no way keeper was presence they lead. going to stop that header from going ball around the pitch. goal and But when Mac that in." However, against a quick just thought

Laurier did not could the Hawks Although the Hawks only won by intelligent Mac team they pull even,

much the ball as stuck for when a narrow margin, they did own the have as time on one more Leighton

wished and often a clearance and sent ball for most of the game. With their they were forced picked up poor

the ball. in cracker from 5-3-2 formation, Laurier was able to to play long But, as the a thirty-five yards

the Hawks out in the 44th minute of the second push the ball around the backfield game progressed, quick-

their half to the McMaster. and probe for open space to be ly settled down into game-plan pull plug on

exploited. and soon took control. Injured Hawks striker Joey Wey

Hawks showed McMaster maintained that strike The a tremen- In fact, played right Leighton's

of character and Laurier's hands "The best I have dous amount com- into by allowing was ever seen.

to Dave the amount of posure by building up the play in the mid-field powerhouse Leighton put right weight backfield and delivering the ball remain free, thus permitting him to behind the ball and the keeper had

It to feet. When and win midfield no chance. does with pace players' challenge every absolutely really take talent you're talking tactics and strategy, it ball. to produce a goal like

beautiful match In the 39th minute Baker that, and no one has worked harder was an absolutely of play, his skill thanDave." WONG to watch. sent in a long throw to Sola who on developing However, not everything went then bent the ball around the Laurier has worked hard this

4-1-2 the Laurier's as the and- Mac make the as now on JENNY way physical sprawling keeper to year they go often violent play by the Windsor match 1-nil. season with a total of four shut outs

the Hawks to and only five goals conceded PICTURE: side took its toll on the usually well- However, seemed disciplined Hawks squad. Mark

Mathies, Sola, and Dave Leighton

Action from Lauder's 2-0 over McMaster on huge victory Sunday. were all shown the yellow card for

McMaster entered the contest ranked number in the nation. either dissent one or ungentlemanly 111JflMljli®! conduct. J i rroniKQw ALEXANDER HOUSTON Windsor squad to earn three points Assistant coach Matthew Lauder

Cord Sports in a narrow 1-nil victory. later stated, "Any card for this team

They call themselves "supporters." The Hawks spared little time in is uncharacteristic. However, consid-

More often, we call them "nuts". making an impression on the home ering the physical nature of the

of They are the fans who, through side as they quickly went to work game, and the violent tendencies

be rain, sleet or shine, follow the and produced the winning goal in Windsor, it is sometimes to

Hawks soccer squad wherever they the fifth minute of play. expected. But that doesn't mean

go- In a brilliant series of passes, that receiving a card is acceptable.

This week was no exception. In Laurier brought the ball around the Discipline must always be main-

the wee hours of Saturday morning, backfield beautifully and Ivica Sola tained. That's the way you win

seven hard-core fans gathered out- created havoc by making a skillful games."

side student house towards the bi-line. Just the And the a roughshod to run as discipline was exactly

Windsor fullback line to Laurier in make the tour to Windsor in a beat- began col- way won 2-nil Sunday's LIVE E NTERTAI NMENT W EEkLY A T:

mini-bus. Sola delivered affair McMaster - the up lapse, a perfectly against num-

would ball the box ber the nation. The trip, however, turn placed to the far side of one team in

the out to be well worth it as the Hawks where Jeremy Baker sent in one of Throughout entire match,

when overcame a skillful and physical his patented magical headers. even the McMaster keeper A splash of JUL purple and gold

like what I this TOM FUKE To move up in the rankings is "I really see year. THIS WEEk:

The is the talent is Cord Sports never a guarantee, but the team attitude better,

add its total better I bet we There was no one in the stands for should certainly to point and can turn some PUB" OUAA "LIVE Homecoming *96. Of course it was atthe Championships. heads." annual only eleven in the morning and this The women's team has a strong The second alumni com- THURSDAYS PIGSkIN Sue six former Laurier was the varsity swim team's veteran core returning, including petition saw the Homecoming and not the football Miller, Jenny Parwicki and Jennifer swimmers return for occasion. (OCT. 3)

all ofwhom for the Included were Rob Carter, a former game heldlater in die day. But if the Parsons, qualified

goal of this year's swim squad is to CLAU championships last season. MVP, Carolyn Gilbert, last year's co-

fill those seats, they are certainly New to the mix are distance swim- female athlete of the year, as well as Tom going about it the right mer Danya Patterson mid promising Hett, a 1980 graduate. way. "FIRE IT UP EARLY" The men's team has made sub- rookies Tara Fielder and Ashley Hett remembered a time when

stantial since last their fifth the entire team consisted of improvement year. Wright. Repeating place varsity FRL A FTERNOONS J ACOBMOON $ six swimmers. Now, as coach Fresh from a best ever finish at the OWIAA performance from last sea- only

Dean Boles mentioned afterwards, 1996 OUAA's (Bth place, 97 points), son will not be easy, considering the (OCT. 4) PADDY

close 100% turn out the squad has added a strong foun- team lost ten of last year's swim- "We're getting to

be and a team with dation of rookies. Backstrokers Jon mers. However, the squad should at every practice on

35 that's Pefleck and Rob Guthrie along with just as competitive. more than swimmers,

add hav- excellent." distance freestyler Mike Dineson Coach Boles is a year wiser, "CABARET' swim- the month of in "I'm to to a contingent which has nine ing spent July really pleased see so

All Atlanta alumni here," commented mers returning from last season. coaching one of his club many SATURDAYS fi\ USICIANS NETWORK who also with three should score at OUAA's and swimmers at the Olympic Games. Carter, was impressed

the would join returnees Darrin He hopes he can use what he size of this year's Golden Hawk (Oct. 5) CABARET "It is nice Nikolaus, Jon Campbell and Tom learnedin Atianta to get the most out team. always to come liv: toyou Fuke in that regard. ofhis athletes. back." '"•••' WI>TOD HI*HLMV««Sn-r

U

18 October 2,1996 theCord —(Sports) Other Golden Hawk results

a lose was shown having an RMC play- and possessed strong game. Men's Lacrosse Willemse, Phil Wetherup, Domenico the Western Mustangs. Solid offen- by

half for The backs ran hard and hit the Magisano and Trevor Belkwell sive play by Silvana Yee and Kristen er sent off in the second gaps with Jeff Hoekman showed team survived should be credited with out- Haas contributed to the win. head pace. The Laurier lacrosse an butting.

he is a with a burst of held on win a to The started slow with why winger scare and to standing on a The Hawks hope continue game a late game very muddy and that allowed him to score a and versus field. Rookie goalie, Karl con- their streak this Laurier taking many stupid speed scrappy physical game Lippe early winning started five tinued shine between when three in the first sweet try that passes the University of Toronto Varsity to the pipes weekend they play unnecessary penalties earlier with the forwards. The half. It was off one of these Blues 12-11. Billy Haskins was the making key saves in the fourth games at home against Guelph, penal- of Macintosh contin- ties that the Redmen were handed strong kicking offensive hero with an incredible quartertopreserve another victory Brock and Western. kicked and assist. At times Domenico Sarah Holden their 3 points. The Hawks were ued as he two more penalty seven goals one Magisano Haskins could pressing RMC times but only kicks. it appeared that many

with 8 Overall, the hawks a to come away played good almost score at will. Marty Gillespie Rugby managed for of the Women's Lacrosse because of RMC's tough game, but there is room had his best game year scor- points,

was in the slow a On for the Hawks defense. A beautiful attempt improvement, particular ing three goals and adding helper. a great day rugby, starts that have The Golden Hawk women's lacrosse for scored Dave Beevor, who broke a begun to be com- Rookie Wesley Horlings played an were definitely out to play one by

and his in mon for the team. both ends of the team kicked off their to reason and one reason to win. few tackles powered way inspired game at season a only: for the Brett Macintosh Hie win leaves the Hawks unde- field and finished the day with the great start last Saturday. Strong Winning is exactly what they did as score. feated and alone in first in the the kicked one for 3 points. place first two points of his university play in the second half of the game they soundly thumped previous- penalty Laurier OUAA second division. team of Chris led the Hawks to a 6-5 over RMC Redmen 19-3. In the second half, set- career. The defensive victory ly undefeated dominated the Mike Lucas The Hawks played an extremely tled down and The Hawk forwards tough game against a chippy and Redmen. Fast Efficient Service temperamental RMC squad. This showed aggressive mucking skills

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Australia and from RAYMOND SCHMIDT times, the trail will veer away Canoeing

to the CordSports the river and take you through pic- If you would like explore

woodlots and river is the At first glance, Waterloo doesn't turesque across crystal more intimately, a canoe farm- best This is the best seem like a mecca for outdoor activi- clear brooks or even alongside way to see it.

To this observa- fields. time of the to the river. It is ty. a large degree ers year see

There's ofterrain river with it mean- tion is quite true. However, there a wide range to a tame no rapids;

few around that be ders all the testament Great Britain are a areas can sat- covered. The trails are mostly over place, a needs terms of track and offer interest- to its old It isfy some of your in single some age. moves swiftly fair hiking, biking and canoeing. They ing technical sections for the rider. enough that you can cover a

Grand this the with stretch. are all found along the River. At time of year the rain, Fly to f\j ew Horizons sections various to The leaves are quickly beginning there may be some muddy There are places

and of the but bikes and boots weren't launch There is boat to change, as a result, one as well, a canoe. a

most beautiful natural spectacles of meant tobe kept clean. launch in Conestoga, by the golf

will This On will to well in Waterloo at the year emerge. fall foot you have be a little course, as as I From Ovmcasl there's no better place to spend a more choosy of where go. Kaufmann's Flats. these Study you you there the travel the day thanalong the Grand River. Sometimes are gaps along can to any point along

The Grand is a river in trail where have to travel river. routes include (Continue ot abtoiid! steeped you by Suggested complete yout education history and has recently been given road to the next area. Conestoga to Waterloo, or Waterloo Canadian One could Kitchener. is Heritage river status. It is easily spend two or to It a relaxing way to

in river that - now the same company with the three hours exploring the spend a day pack some grub, stop

is in A famous South Nahanni, Kicking right your backyard. handy for a picnic and enjoy the peaceful Teacher Training - One-Year Programmes to with Trail Horse, Bloodvein and Thelon Rivers. guide have you is the river. Accredited for Ontario, So take some time on the week- Guide. It can be purchased for a It used tobe that the Grand River

Master's Degrees end when the sun is shining and the decent price at Adventure Guide was a repository for various types of

Masters' leaves and in but that is Degrees are psychedelic to explore the near King Columbia waste, slowly changing.

famous river. Waterloo. It has maps of the entire Now that it has Canadian Heritage Professional certifications Biking and Hiking system. Combined with the tradi- status, the effort is being made to

in many disciplines blazes the clean of If you have been pedaling your tional white paint on it up. It is the source water find Reasonable - new bike around town show- will be able to we drink so use own fees airport pick-up in Australia shiny trees, you your every day, your it it is time to test out without ing off, now the way around much of a prob- good judgement when thinking - auaranteed accommodation

v product. For trail riding or hiking, lem. about relieving yourself in there.

there is a great trail system along the The Grand Valley trail extends So if are getting too frustrat- Qoi>\ the hundreds who have aliead>/ enjoyed you this Grand. The Grand Valley Trails nearly the entire length of the river ed with this institution and need cultural and educational excellence! Association has trails that fol- from Lake Erie north of Lake this closest j set up to just some time away, is your

low as possible to the river. Belwood. It winds its bet You don't need loads of ( closely way right money

At times you will look high over the through the Kitchener-Waterloo to enjoy these areas. So grab a

river its blufls. You It is and on some of steep area. unfortunate that many friend, or even just your camera K.O.M. Consultants, P.O. Box 60524, will also spend time along the shore- local people have not even realized explore the natural and beautiful Mountain Plaza Postal Outlet, Hamilton, ON L9C 7N7 line where observe various that there is thatsurrounds Phone. you can such a good system of area you. 905-3 ! 8-8200 • Fax: 905-31 8-KOM4 • E-Mail: [email protected]

birds and other wildlife. Other trails so close to home. Look for our information in Offite your University Careers

theCord October 2.1996 19 (Sports)-

Cord Sports- Golden

Where the big boys come to write. Hawk WUSC International Seminar to Peru 1997 \

1948-1997 jQf WUSC Seminars W /JV Seminaires de fEUMC Athletes of The WLU World University Service of Canada (WUSC) Committee is

accepting applications from students interested in an international

in development experience Peru during summer 1997. the Week Senior students with interest in an development, international politics or Latin

American culture are welcome to for this subsidized apply largely program.

WUSC is a federal government supported non-governmental organization with

in development projects many countries. Men: Dave Leighton, soccer Women: Lorraine Hodds, soccer

scored the also led Leighton, a midfielder The team's co-captain this For more information and applications contact David Black, WUSC Seminar on Hawk team an undefeated week- game winner against McMaster to coordinator at WLU and instructor in Communication Studies, at ex. 3868 or the Hawks end beat Windsor and Sunday as defeated the as they too

dblack@mach 1 .xvlu.ca. Deadline for is November 1. McMaster. a at applications Marauders, who were previously Hoods, second year

J ranked number one in the nation. midfielder from Burlington, scored ■ MM i Hißl St. Windsor in 4-1 Hawk The third year student from once against a

also Catharines also played well on victory. She was responsible for

Saturday as the Hawks enjoyed an the game's only goal Sunday against

when she lofted undefeated weekend as they beat McMaster one that red deer Windsor 1-0. the keeper held no chance of saving. W) clothing Alomar crosses

GREAT PRICES the line

and two next AWESOME QUALITY JIM DONNELLY year. However, Robbie

the has Cord Sports Commentary appealed suspension, so it

until "Professional athletes are overpaid." been delayed next season.

athletes it that NO PEER "Professional are cryba- Incredibly, was Hirschbeck

bies." was absent from the next day's

have the due to his How many times you heard game versus Jays, these and other condemning state- wanting to strangle Alomar. Robbie,

ments, in the last few dismiss- however, was there in Ml uniform, •thermal knits -knapsacks •Calvin Klein -flannel shirts years, -polartec and club the ing professional athletes as spoiled went on to winning

if follow to O's into the whiners? Probably, you home run advance the

sports on at least a semi-regular post-season. Roberto basis, more than a few What has happened to

Chances are, though, that you'll Alomar? He used to be a fan WELCOME BACK TO ALL WLU probably be hearing the sports fans favourite in Toronto, a national hero

in life these two Series your hurling type of during the Jays' World

victories. curses even more diligently than Admittedly, he became a

usual, on account of the recent bit of a nuisance when Toronto's

Robbie Alomar/John Hirschbeck record plummeted back to earth

scandal. during the following two seasons,

but that In case you haven't heard, was definitely forgivable

Robbie former Blue his contributions WELCOME TO ALL FROSH!! Alomar, Jay sec- considering over

ondbaseman and current man-you- the years.

love-to-hate, and AL Umpire John What's almost even more crimi-

Hirschbeck became entangled in a, nal about the entire situation is

uhh, hmm... a in Major League Baseball's unbeliev- WE ARE WATERLOO'S #1 CHOICE well, disagreement lax of it. The last Saturday's Jays/Orioles game. ably handling very it's Hirschbeck called Alomar out on league that has been begging FOR GREAT TASTING PIZZA! to clean acts a third strike that was embarrass- players up their finally

chance ingly far out of the strike zone. A gets a to put it's foot down, if shouting match ensued, which and it does virtually nothing. Even had he abruptly ended with the Oriole sec- Alomar's suspension stuck,

WE OFFER FREE an of FAST, DELIVERY TO ond bagger hocking a major loogie wouldn't have missed inning baseball. on the umpire's rosy and perspiring playoff YOOR Alomar should the have HOME, RESIDENCE OR TO face. was tossed from the What league

game. done? Suspend Alomar indefinitely for the WE HAVE 2 THE U™VERSITY. As if this unbelievable lack of for the playoffs and not just GREAT WATERLOO but respect wasn't enough, Alomar then spitting incident which was bad,

ensued to remark to the media that for the emotional abuse he

LOCATIONS NEAR YOU: Hirschbeck had become "a bitter unleashed, which was worse. WE ARE THE HOME TO man" since the death of his young Anyone who would bring up a per- TWOFOOT, to in son to a rare brain disorder three son's deadson as an excuse spit 150 UNIVERSITY AVE W [at Phillip] . Hirschbeck, understand- his face needs a full psychological K5 buckShllA STUFFEDoTl ,rrrn CRUSTnD, IOT AND years ago. mention tor takeout and delivery ' ably, was not amused and proceed- examination, not to a good ed to try and force his into the kick in the ass. ON SEPT MONDAY way Oth, NIGHT ALL of What have made Oriole clubhouse to get a piece could possibly

so His crew eventually Toronto's ex-hero sink so low, 91 university ave e men Alomar. YOU CAN tal- EAT MADNESS IS RACK restrained the enraged umpire, who fast? He used to be an incredibly

(op dine-in [come in fop our seemed ented and likeable role model that ______near tears. ______

Now, BETTER THAN EVER! The league promptly was an asset to the all you can eat specials] suspended game. he's another Alomar for five regular season unfortunately, just

millionaire. games; three in this regular season spoiled

20 October 2,1996 theCord ""'·- Loved by .Millions

KERRY TiiOMPSON Osborne belted out the lyrics of this CORD ENTERTAINMENT anthem with great feeling, illustrat­ Amidst the Star Wars theme and a ing why it has stayed one of their brilliant violet backdrop in the fore­ most.popular songs over the years. ground, 54:40 emerged on stage at To the surprise of some (but not the Lyric Night Oub last Thursday to fans aware of 54:40's innovative night. The near-capacity crowd was live style), the band used their musi­ rocked for over two hours by this cal skill to incorporate a little sur­ west coast band which has made a prise into their final song. After huge name for itself in the Canadian beginning "Nice 2 Love U," the band music industry. made a switch and mixed Prince's For over a decade, 54:40 has "Tonight We're Gonna Party Uke It's been pumping out their own brand 1999" into the middle of this greatly of pop and rock to an audience that appreciated hit. spans many different age groups. While the sound and lights were With a new; seemingly harder­ brilliant, I cannot attest to enjoying ..... edged album under their belt, this this overall concert experience. As band has no lack of enthusiastic someone who is quite disdainful of fans. Despite having been on the moshing and crowd-surling, I want­ road touring and promoting their ed to scream, "Please stop crowd­ album, "Trusted By Millions," all surling, you're blocking my view of summer, there was a great sense of the band!" After all, I did come to energy from the band. A band with staying power, 54:40 rocked the lyric last lllursday night see the band. Entering straight into a very The set content was also slightly powerful version of "Love You All," "Ocean Pearl" were among the The band came on strong and held applause for an encore. The playing disappointing. I was expecting a the audience prepared for what was older hits included in the set, much on to that same energy for the entire of "One Gun" upon the band's set-list more reminiscent of July's to be a great evening. The band to the satisfaction of the audience. evening, making this concert a treat return to the stage was phenome­ Edgefest performance. It seemed unloaded songs from their new Throughout the evening, lead singer for both return visitors and new­ nal, and was felt by many to be the that others in the audience felt the album over the course of the night. Neil Osborne kept the crowd alive comers alike. main event of the evening. same in light of the louder applause including "lies To Me" and ''This Is with his brilliant voice and witty When 54:40 left the stage, the Shrouded in a halo of blue light and for older songs. My Haircut." "" and anecdotes about his new haircut. club was hit With a barrage of seeming very alone on stage,

54:40 happy to be here __,....};'

ROBIN WHITTAKER could put it anywhere. It's a bit Describe the average 54:40 fan ting their scopes caught on the looking right at it, and it's like, "Hey! CORD ENTERTAINMENT experimental, but Steven [Drake, today. . Canadian fishing nets, and then the There it is!"... We don't so much 54:40 is more Canadian than the producer] brought in his pop sensi­ About five-ten. Slightly strange U.S. Coast Guard coming into create it. We find it. We lock into it. Referendum and attacking Spanish bility... and smoothed it out and haircut... It goes all over the place. Canadian waters and seizing these As a band, when that happens, it's fishing Trawlers. They're the hon­ made it listenable. It's pretty easy to It's funny. Now, we'll have kids Ccpladiari boats. Very strange ... magic... Shape is a good word est band that avoids controversy take, but it's not like schlocky pop come to the show with their parents, Do you feel you have this burden of 'cause it doesn't changeyou... and makes good music. In an inter­ stuff. It's just a happy medium... and their parents have been fans patriotism to carry around when How would you compare the view prior to last Thursday's show Do you guys feel that [a music video since they were in college. you're touring? Canadian music scene to those in at the Lyric, guitarist Phil Comparelli is] something you have to do or What's that like: looking out in the Not really. We're kinda closet the U.S. and Europe? cordially discussed the band, their something you Hke to do? audience and seeing a thirty or nationalists, but we don't go spout­ The Canadian music scene is music, their videos, their fans, their It's kinda the necessary evil.. . We forty-year age difference? ing off about that. Its just after you healthier than any other that I've web page, and Canada. just make music. It's up to the lis­ It's kinda rewarding... The ultimate travel around enough you [see] encountered... Canadian bands are tener to have a visual image of ideal is to write music that any age Canada's a great country. But we so much tighter... As far as How has the Canadian music scene what's going on while they're listen­ group can get into. To cross those don't start writing songs about it. England goes, every once in a while changed since you started out? ing to the music. It's like reading... boundaries of gender and age. Do the artists shape music or does there's a band out there that's great, ... The grunge scene has had the How could it be better than what Do you find it tough? music Shape the artist? but the scene over there is gone. It's most impact on the Canadian mar­ you had dreaming in your head? ... It would be impossible. My dad likes Woo. Good one! Wow! ... I've like it's all world-beat dance stuff... ket... NiMlna becoming the biggest This album: it's a bit shaky. Glen Miller... He would not like our talked about this with Neil before How do you like playing Kitchener­ band in the States, knocking out all You're not happy with the video for stuff. But to see parents and kids and he agrees: it's in the air. It's the Watertoo? the previously more straight-for­ '1.ove You Alrr digging it equally: that's cool! That's waves, man, and you can align We get well taken care of... I'm ward pop stuff. It changed the way Yeah, I mean, the guy we did it with close to what I was after. I never yourself with it, like lasers. And you happy. I'm not.gonna complain ... the industry looked at what was was a really good friend of ours - thought that would ever happen. I'd just go, "I need some inspiration." I'm just happy to be here. going to be marketable. That's what Tony Pantageous... We're not film say the majority of our age group is And you line yourself up and you're opened the door for other bands, us guys, so ... we can't say, "Well, you included, to get looked at in need to have lighting like this." Canada... There's way more young, You have a Web Page set up. How good bands ... important do you think that is? How has 54:40's music changed It hasn't shown its impact yet, but I since you started out in '81? think it's a really good idea. That's §~§5~:~ --liilllll It hasn't really changed in a pat­ the way a lot of things are going ... I How will you know when ifs time to tern... When we started... it was haven't really got on and started call it quits? really serious. We weren't the hap­ looking at messages... Once I get When only thirty year-olds are at piest guys to be around. And Neil home around Christmas I'll start our show. Llaughs] No. When it's [Osbourne, vocalist] especially: the dickin' around in there. not fun anymore, we'll stop. We angry young man... Over the years It looks pretty good. said we'd do ten records ... so we've we've mellowed out i lot.. . "Dear Yeah. Everyone had a hand in it. got three more to do, and then we Dear" was pretty commercial... We've all been messin' around on said yve'll sit down and talk about [With] "Smiling Buddha [Cabaret]" 1he internet for a while. it... We might just keep going. I we went completely the otherway... Did you give it off to someone else mean, it's only getting more fun ... Really stream-of-consciousness tosetitup? The band's name. How did that lyrics: Neil basically writing while We had a lot of input there. Us and come about? he's singing. our management. Our publicist. .. Neil and Brad [Merrit, bassist] ... Do you prefer it that way? With knows us really well and he's a real­ had a cool history teacher that they more freedom? ly good writer, and he's got really really dug and I guess ·they remem­ At that time, yeah. It's a bit scary good ideas as far as how to organize bered that "54:40 or Fight!" cam­ 'cause you never know what's going information. We had a brainstorm­ paign slogan... It's come back to happen... I think ["Trusted by ing session. What we'd like to see. around... They've had fishing dis­ Millions"] is in the middle, if you What we'd like to tell ... putes out West: the submarines get-

theCorcl October 2. 1995 21 ffinre~ent~------~------That Thing You Don't Need

PETER SCHMIDT blinking an eye at their fall from CORD ENTERTAINMENT stardom. This overly romanticized That Thing You Do!, written and account of a bygone era will directed by Tom Hanks, tells the tale undoubtedly appeal to both the of the rise and fall of an early sixties baby boom generation and an pop band, The Wonders. It follows American audience which consis­ the group from its meager begin­ tently idealizes the past and seeks a nings in Erie, Pennsylvania, to its return to these so- called "Wonder demise on the West coast music Years". scene after only one successful sin­ The combination of a typical pre­ gle. sentation of mythological themes, Quite simply, this is a very the mindless innocence of a youthful mediocre film. It contains the typi­ pop band, and a bland and unevent­ cal lack of character development ful script results in a disappointing which is common to many movie. One would expect a little Hollywood films. All the main char­ more from one of Hollywood's most acters are quite shallow with the acclaimed actors. Evidently, the exception of Hanks. He portrays the egated to a traditional female role of accompanied by a fihn oozing in six- Remarkably, while the band is film would be more accurately sleazy music industry rep. who signs the not-so- bright girlfriend who ties nostalgia and an unabiding faith exploited to the fullest extent (it titled, That Thing You Didn't Do. the band to his Play-Tone record simply smiles, claps her hands, and in the American Dream, despite the leads to their eventual dismember- For Tom Hanks, this would mean label and manipulates their every doesn't say too much. Her charac­ existence of the obviously corrupt ment). most of the characters main- creating something more than a dull move. ter is little more than a waste of tal­ and parasitic music industry. tain their cheery attitudes, barely and silly movie. It would be refreshing to see ent. Hanks engage in more roles of this Another source of aggravation nature, as he displays a sinister atti­ are the meaningless subplots which tude with subtle quirkiness. In con­ lend nothing to the central story­ Low· cost resume trast to this is the role of model­ line, but contribute to an utterly actress llv 'JYler, a young woman of foolish ending. service by our some potential. However, she is rel- These basic structural flaws are experienced staff. Just stop by: 3rd floor, Students~ Union Building

PROFESSIONAL SERVICE AT A STUDENT PRICE. TEAR YOUR~~ SOUL APART.--

NO COVER BEFORE 9:00 $4.00 ON SUNDAY 220 KING ~. n October 2. 1996 theCord -{Entertainment) Dracula flawed but worthy

Title: Bram Stoker's Dracula tension which teetered the Londonand in the late in There on edge Transylvania her corset. was altogether of farce. Director: Francis Ford nineteenth — with Coppola century London, too much writhing at some points.

Keanu One the best about the its moonlit and One has for Starring: Gary Oldman, of things gaslights, gardens, only a limited tolerance

Reeves, Winona Ryder movie is Gary Oldman's perfor- dank asylums; Transylvania, full of that nonsense. We don't mean to

Time: 140 min. Count which is and that her Running mance as Dracula, gypsies, lusty female nosferati, suggest performance was

R buckets of blood dark and mountain The Rating: (for at once forbiddingly forbidding passes. anywhere near as catastrophic as

and werewolf movie looks The racy sex) intensely alluring. Although simply amazing. Reeves', but you just had to laugh at

turned and Oldman had already in sev- costumes, sets, lighting, props her once in a while. One last note

The of the has eral all lend themselves to of myth vampire per- powerful performances by this the creation on the cast: Anthony Hopkins, fresh meated the consciousness his visual richness and all of most point in career (most notably in luxury. It from his incredible turn in The

in people western culture. When Rosencrantz And Guildenstem Are screams 'expensive,' and the effect Silence Of The Lambs, brings to

Francis Ford took his Dead and Prick Your is The is its Coppola 1992 Up Ears), hypnotic. hypnosis com- Dracula funniest (intentional)

shot at Bram Stoker's famous virtue gothic Dracula earned him the Hollywood plete by of Dracula's original facial expressions and wry lines as a

his effort he deserved which novel, Dracula, was recognition for being score, adds atmosphere and doctor well-versed in the occult.

received with both audience the best element in a without In wildly success- passion being overwhelm- taking on a project of this

and some of crit- ful film. Oldman has since approval measure gone on ing. magnitude, Coppola was bound to

ical doubt. The to approval arose even greater achievements, por- Not even excellent direction err in some respects. His efforts at

from the could the film's magnificent production traying conflicted eccentrics in such erase glaring flaws. capturing great gothic intensity and

and seamless of films The Professional As heroic beau Jonathan design blending as Harker, sensuality were largely successful,

AARON HUNTER sexuality and violence - the critical and Immortal Beloved. Keanu Reeves' is performance spilling over only occasionally into

AND ERIN KEATING arose from some Oldman's doubt questionable Enveloping perfor- wooden at best. His lines come out melodrama. Bram Stoker's

Cord Entertainment and casting decisions moments of mance is Coppola's eerie vision of stilted, and his 'passionate' Dracula, despite its faults, is definite-

made moments are painful by his ly a film worth seeing. Its ability to lack of and complete feeling awk- transport the viewer to a much dif- "AMBITIOUS & STIRRING" "￿￿￿￿ "The closest 1 ward movements and He ferent time and I to perfection of gestures. place (and even s - New York Times 8 T A r • » ill-suited for such value it Austen seems distinctly a system) makes an excellent anyJane screen adaptations. | "the most uplifting American J passionate period piece as this. rental choice for the overworked Winona (as Dracula's soul- student. i movie ofthefall' Ryder mate and love interest), had her

s kristofferson moments KR|S § of unspeakable badness Bram Stoker's Dracula and many

JOHN well. There I SAYLES, I as were a couple of other fine films are available on ~ scenes towards the end of the film video at the Centre GWYNETH P.AIIROW Spot, your con- W". that to be I .. appeared blooper footage venienton-campus store on the first invttes °u to to * y of the 1 Juliet Stevenson |4? actress with some sort of bug floor ofthe Student Union Building i 1 1 I - % **￿!? the scene of the crime, oBgSgtem v- I GretaScacchi | | TON.COLLETTE LONE jjfe |

I - 1 Musically c Speaking «T9:3opm | Man. Oct 7th. 7:oopm *Tues, Oct I

Oct 9h * 7:o m Thur oct 10th * °P * » 7:oopm I Su n Qct. 6th • 9:3opm I t

| GHM& I "It's A Shame

1 I

& BlB^^HHH■■■■is About Ray."

however, that MONITOR COMPANY DAN KERR song is having some Cord Entertainment trouble seeing the light of day...

Dear Dan: "Whatever CONSULTANT POSITIONS happened Methinks there are legal complica- to the Lemonheads?" Thanks, J.D. tions. Mr. Dando is, however, ready Well the J.D., answer to this to get back to work as a musician.

Available for Wilfrid Laurier is a little so let me has been Highly Qualified University question cloudy, He recently quoted as say-

Undergraduate Students for All Academic Disciplines see what I can do. Since the release ing something to the effect of,

of "Come On Feel The "Hopefully, no one remembers the Lemonheads" in the fall of 1993 Lemonheadsanymore." Monitor Company is a leading international strategy consulting firm based in the in and following tour 93-94, the A comment such as this would Cambridge, Massachusetts, with offices in Amsterdam, Frankfurt, Hong Kong. been and band has up down on a lead one to believe that the band is Johannesburg, London, Los Angeles, NewYork, Paris, Seoul, Tokyo and Toronto. We roller-coaster ride. Bass player Nic done, but... The band has released

are seeking candidates with outstanding academic records, strong interpersonal skills, the Dalton quit band in September a new single entitled "IfI Could Talk and in demonstrated achievement extra-curricular activities. Monitor's of '94 to return to his native I'd Tell You," a quirky pop song high-energy environment provides an exceptional opportunity for continual learning Australia and former band Godstar about relationships. The members

and (not to be confused with Keanu remain challenge. We use leading-edge strategy concepts and a team-based, ofthe band a mystery, but I

Reeves' band Drummer collaborative approach to help Fortune 500 companies and their international Dogstar). will try to uncover this one.

David Ryan is, for all intents and There is also the matter of the equivalents formulate and implement business strategy. purposes, M.I.A. At last report, law suit against the Lemonheads.

the An Murph, on-again-off-again American candy company who AN INFORMATION SESSION IS TO BE HELD drummer of Dinosaur Jr., was makes a tasty treat called THURSDAY, OCTOBER 3RD, 5:30-7:00 behind the drum kit for the "Lemonheads" doesn't appreciate Lemonheads. The band has been Evan and his band using their PAUL MARTIN CENTRE around for about ten years now, name. Let's be honest here, how

and their has been a virtual line-up many of us know the candy, and of and due Applications consisting a covering letter, resume transcript are at the door with the how revolving only con- many of us know the band? Career Services Office October 9, 1996, for interviews October 24th. by on stant Evan Dando, who has being "Give it up, candyman."

tried to himself I keep relatively busy hope that this answers your For Job and more information, our Company Description will be available at the of late. He has with played the likes inquiry. Any further inquiries can information session, at the Career Services Office, or by contacting Matt MacLellan of Courtney Love and Mike Watt in be addressed to Dan at:

at Monitor The Monitor 100 Simcoe Street, sth floor, Toronto. the Company, Building, past two years or so. thecord@machl .wlu.ca Ontario MSH 3G2. Matt also be contacted Earlier may by phone at (416) 408-4800. this year, Evan served as

a roadie for Oasis, just helping out -"Musically Speaking" is a weekly with their tour and generally keep- column which discusses music in all

ing himself There have its I occupied. splendour. invite your com- been reports that Evan and Noel ments, questions, and criticisms.

recorded Gallagher a song together;

theCord October 2,1996 23 (Entertainment)— Last Man Stands strong

CAESAR MARTINI similar to Fistful's. a but Briefly: name- times, that might be because I people, appear withered and sun- across as creepier and scarier than

CordEntertainment less man (Willis) drifts into a small, knew how already the story ended. soaked. The film has very little usual. DIRECTOR: Walter Hill lawless town where two are However, there should be humour to lacks the What gangs enough offer and typi- really surprised me was STARRING: Bruce Willis, competing for Willis's to supremacy. shooting keep action fans happy. cal cheesy lines found in most big- the music by Ry Cooder. It suited Christopher Walken, Bruce Dem character decides to make some Though not terribly realistic, the budget action films, which I found the movie quite well, and varied

for both sides, action well doneand well rather money by working scenes are refreshing. appropriately from scene to scene. 1 What most of know about information and you selling services to directed. I don't know what kind of The acting in the film, for the especially liked the heavy, ominous Last Man is that it's both Standing a without either one bullets Willis gangs, was using, but they most part, was well done. Willis guitars in the opening scene.

shoot-em-up movie set in a His other remote, knowing. only problems, propelled people a good 10 feet in decently portrayed both greed and In general, I'd recommend this 1930's town. What fewer of than you staying alive, are his con- the air I that film to (personally, thought selfishness, while also displaying a people who want a bit of a know is that it's a re-make of an old science and of honour, sense which, was really cool). hidden, quiet morality. Bruce Dern, break from the huge explosions and Japanese samurai movie entitled in the end, landhim in trouble The mood of the film more will proba- who played the corrupt sheriff, did a grandiose stunts of big-budget also Yojimbo. Yojimbo inspired A than does his greed. not bly appeal to most action-picture believable job, though his character action pictures. It's gritty, depress- Fistful of Dollars, dint a Eastwood All this adds to a fans. It's shot up quasi-action in depressing oranges lacked depth at times. Christopher ing, and bloody, but well done and film from the 70s. flick with bit of and and a plot character browns which make every Walken's character's gravely voice certainly worth seeing. Last Consequently, Man's plot is It seemed slow at development. object in the town, including the and chilling appearance came

Down to earth with Weeping Tile 22

JENNIFER LIPISHAN to the more ballads. fSHOES slower, magical Cord Entertainment "In the Road" and "Handkerchiefs I Here I the with Kaißß am, sitting on floor and Napkins" provided an incredi- jje 4;rWft(> Tile, "" Weeping comparing the butt ble medium for Harmer to project #' Headquarters For: prints that our respective backsides her mystical voice onto the music. %

have made on the dusty tile floor. Everyone was drawn to sit back and

This casual, matter-of-fact mentality float on the mesmerizing sound-

exudes from both the members of scapes. Down-playing this mood W Weber St. N. s I,: the band also. The lyrics of Sarah was imminent however, as the 2^ j Harmer touch did (lead singer) on band's vitality well to snap the everything from suicide to UFOs to crowd out ofhypnosis. 1 the disaster. Favourites such as 11 Westray mining "Cold-Snap"

Although the subjects are continual- and "Poked" contributed to the two

' Sarah them hour set. ly complex, approaches Both were really well Thousands of Pairs in Stock! with a simple yet poetic style. The done, but sadly missed the har-

music reflects a Canadian monies of has typically Mary. Sticky an incredible atmosphere. Nothing flashy: just voice, but being an

good, catchy, honest music. unmistakable alto, she could not

that the band line- Considering replace Mary's angelic soprano.

has been shuffled this up once again. Despite minor flaw in WT's per-

Weeping Tile has adapted remark- formance, they were awesome as

well. ably Replacing former bassist always. They closed out the set with

Mary Harmer is the girl known as "The Room with the Sir John A

to "Sticky." Sticky comes WT from View" and"The Grin." Joined on-

the band "Shit" (catchy, short, to the stage by Gordy Tough, the guitarist low point?!?). Perhaps, this former of openner Joe's Funeral, Weeping

self-esteem brushed off Tile name on the ingrained their sound into

she and bassist as was a shy hesi- everyone's memories.

tant towards the of the After this doubt beginning night, I have no

set. Nonetheless, following Weeping that with a little more experience,

Tile's "The - tentative opening song, Weeping Tile will have the opportu- n the band High Way," began to open nity to enter a realm of Canadian

feed music up and off the crowd's energy. that few bands care tojoin. A RU ''Have You Ever Had It Done Greek fwriMrt* [HJ the fact that their realm of talent Style?'' Despite high ener- honesty, and the per-

Canadian gy songs were increasingly catchy, fection of music with a fs n n 0 BMM LJ_I «_•

one would not be of sound heart down toearth feel. Hours. Mon._ \A/ed. 11 a.m.* 10 p.m. ■"■■ C'n<

to Hang

Thursday October 3 Pig skin at wars

I MotherEarth with Stabbing Westward at the Lyric Saturday October 5 Musician's Network Cabaret atWilfs. Doors open at 9;oopm, admission $2.00 for non-members, free for members,

Kim Stockwood plays at Mrs. Robinson's

Friday October 25

Tammy Wynette plays Lulu's Saturday October 26 and Sunday October 27

The GoldenTriangle Cat Fancies present a CFA cat show at the Granite

Club, 69 Agnes St in Kitchener. More than 200 purebred cats expected. Admission 54.00 for adults.

24 October 2, 1996 theCord » — _4 r- (Entertainment)

-1 Ear Candy

few and songs over over while occasionally

CANADA'S LARGEST & to is FINEST saying yourself, "Huh, why this on the

album?" chain Women's Fitness of only Centres Conor McCreery FREE 30 DAY

The Crow - Gty of Angels (Soundtrack) AllInclusive - No FITNESS MEMBERSHIP Obligation" Various Artists

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As the movie returns, so does the soundtrack.

Gty of Angels was panned by critics, but it

garnered the largest labour Day weekend Les Claypool and the Holy Mackerel

debut ever. And the soundtrack? The sound- "Highball with the Devil"

track has spent five weeks on the billboard Interscope/Prawn Song

charts, three of those in the ten. Do Oh no! being top Here we go again! Another talented have we another case of an over-hyped prod- musician has set out on an egotistical trip to uct somehow show (critically speaking, anyway) the world that he's so talented he can

fooling poor, defenseless consumers? Well, make a record by himself that will impress Aerobic Conditioning Circuit Sort of. It's not Training yes. that the soundtrack to and astonish all. Les Claypool, better known of is — well the Gty Angels bad, it's just not that as high-pitched, squealing frontman of

— *Primus* and good. *Sausage*, is a genuine talent Before think I'm you dumping on this when it comes to playing bass. Some of the

album, wait a second. There are some noises I've heard pretty him create on a bass are

excellent tracks that make an appearance on almost incomprehensible, but does he

this disc. them is Hole's of deserve Among version to make an album bragging about his "Gold Fleetwood Mac's Dust Woman." Also, own musical prowess? White Zombie throws the in very cool "I'm Well, the answer here is, "Yes, he does!"

Man," while PJ NY your Boogie Harvey, And he pulls it off well on the newly released

Loose, and Above the Law (featuring Frost) "Highball with the Devil." j Whirlpool Dry Sauna contribute also good, solid tracks. On this album, Claypool experiments with For is the sounds every strong song, there a noisy you're accustomed to, but he also ft ~<88&«sr

XXW- excuse for or alterno-rock to be found includes such grunge songs as the surf-guitar

(further proof that the genre is in its death inspired "Hendershot" and the surreal, hillbil-

throes) by bands such as Seven Mary Three, ly jam "Rancor." the Kom, Deftones, and kjgy Pop (oh well, Be warned: this album isn't exactly for

was in the movie — the Iggy busy acting give everyone. But if you enjoyed the sonic experi-

guy a break). mentation of Claypool's previous collabora-

So should it? Well, I think out and this you buy yes, tions, go pick up release.

you should. Just be prepared to listen to a Sean Moore Wf^-Respiratoryßtness Hard Cord

ROBIN WHITTAKER

1. Balaclava.

evil Why such ail name for such a warm fuzzy accessory? 2. Genuine Draft commercials.

"And... cut! All right Now... chug!" 3. Alumni schmoozing in the SUB. too-i | There Just weren't enough former Laurier Cord Assistant Entertainment Editors there to make it fun any at all. 4. Peeling apart the McCain's Cheese Snacks. You may [ 112 Responsible for oh so tales afterrecess. ' many pre-pubescent to recieve qualify 5. Pontoons.

Like |J,. | cartoons... only pon-like ... and not as funnv. 6. Theatre dasses in PlOl7,

Sensors detect alien intruders Permission captain. to arm phasers. Fabulous Florida jfcjßj 7. Bacon-flavoured crackers. No. Accomodations for Two lajpl / jJIis||i|§| 8. Timbuktu. who Anyone goes there has gone like, really far, right?

- 6-Days 5-nights 9. The Grateful Dead: A Photofilm.

The little of "nine McCartney's way saying minutes goes by way too fast, let's use that

Beatles' magic to stop such a travesty ofjustice."

10. Free tapes and stickers at the Cord Offices.

don't They bite ... Really they dont... You could teach them if to do tricks only you put the effort into it.

Kitchener Cambridge Waterloo Women's

385 Frederick St. 600 Hespeler Rd. 75 King St. S. (Frederick St. Mall) (Winner's Plaza) (Waterloo Town Square)

742-7220 622-7220 886-7546

Must be 18 • First years or older time users only • Tannins not included

theCord October 2, 1996 25 brain candy

White off his Teri pissing ex-wife; he made pig

So and date had a noises at her. In fact, you your fantas- for nine years tic time together this week! Besides when his wife walked by his home Diner Chat the spaghetti that came out of your to pick up their daughters from hard at school, he would oink nose when you laughed too obnoxiously. he the Italian restaurant, you figure Sometimes, would even break

into rendition "Old The Relationship Saviour that this relationship is definitely a of MacDonald seri- had farm." heading towards something a Eventually, a lawsuit

filed which ous. was in Barzyk defended

Problem? At the end of the night himself by saying that he was

decide that to ask music for the you you're going singing children, how-

not the two of your datewhether or ever the judge didn'tbuy it, and he

should "hook sentenced to Random Graphical Infusion you up" together. was 30 days in jail.

While in the middle of Randy Waechter you're (Some men really are pigs.)

explaining in detail how this new

relationship would be just like a Hydromemory

for California to human anatomy study group A woman is able mem-

daterolls their looks orize while two, your eyes, poetry swimming laps

to in at their watch and says "I'll have a pool. She tapes a poem inside a

tomorrow!" and go. I'll see ya Ziploc baggie glances at it

the next when few She this However, day you every laps. does every

lover at the time she 2-4 times see your potential exercises, a

Laurier football game, stupidity week. (I wonder if this is what

in don'tknow what to made sinks and you Shakespeare such a big hit!)

say.

Once again, Diner Chat: The Laßrewto Sue

Relationship Saviour is here. Read Labatt's Brewing Co., is suing it's

find how to below to out get yo rival, Molson Breweries, for trying

mouth the words confuse movin', groovin' to consumers with a new

and to make start beer label. The your honey company claims

droolin'. of that Molson's of it's (All over you course). labeling Carling Original Draft brand is "confusingly

Old MacDonald had a wife?! similar" to that of Labatt's Genuine

Robert Barzyk of Penbroook, Draft. (Who actually looks at the

had of label Pennsylvania, a unique way anyway?)

-v AA^^^AAav^"n^W

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October 2 1996 iheCord 26 feel free to participate... Ud Columbia St., W„ 725-2640

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presents

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When receive: you buy an Apple Computer*

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An Apple "Dream Package" including-:

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